Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - How to be Successful when you have ADD - Marianne from HGTV Obsessed | Clutterbug Podcast # 106

Episode Date: June 22, 2021

Today's episode I am chatting with Marianne Canada from HGTV Obsessed and HGTV Homemade. This highly successful producer shares her tips for being successful while struggling with ADD.  Be sure to listen and follow Marianne's podcast HGTV Obsessed today!       You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, Clutterbugs. Welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. I'm so excited today. I have a guest. I almost never have guests, so this is very exciting because it's also Mary Ann from HGTV Obsessed Podcast, which I'm obsessed with. I love your podcast. So hello and welcome. Hello, thank you. I love your podcast. I feel like this whole episode could just be us telling each other how great, how great we think the other is. I really do think you're great. We were actually, Wendell and I were on your podcast, and that was my first time hearing about it, and I've gone back, and I'm just, I'm obsessed with HGTV obsessed there. I'm going to say it. So if you're listening, you have to absolutely check it out. But we're going to talk about something that really, maybe has almost nothing to do with HGTV. It does, but it doesn't. And that is the struggle when you're dealing with ADHD or ADD like I am. And Marianne, also admitted that she is, which I love, there's this stigma. There's sort of, there's this idea that you're never going to really achieve real success, that you're always going to struggle with executive function, that you're going to struggle to get things done. And you have proven that that is not true. So please, just like, I guess introduce yourself and tell us about your story.

Yeah, so hi. I'm so excited to be here. As you said, I'm Mary in Canada. I'm an executive producer for Discovery Digital Studios. More specifically, I work on a lot of the HGTV digital content. So YouTube, Facebook, Instagram. We're out there creating video content. And in addition to that, I'm also the host and executive producer of the HGTV podcast, HGTV Obsessed. And yet, this really, you know, when I was, it was when I was doing the research, for your podcast episode. I have been a fan of your work for so long. I, you know, subscribe to your YouTube channel. I listened to the podcast. But I had never watched your TED Talk. And when I watched that, I was like, I don't know.

It just really, I, like, tear it up a little bit. I was like, oh, my gosh, this was me. Like, as a kid, I had ADD. this I'm I'm old I'm probably older than you and at the time when well you're shaking your cast is shaking her head I think I'm probably older than you but at the time there were not a lot of resources for kids struggling with us you know it was the 80s right and it did it became such a self-esteem thing for me because I just was like what's wrong with me why can I never, why is my backpack always just bursting with papers? Why can I never get assignments

turned in? Why do I never have a sharp pencil? Like literally, I never had a pencil when I needed one. Where did they go? Where did all the pencils go? And it was. It was something for a long time. And then the story you tell yourself, the narrative you build for yourself is like, Well, I'm just bad at this. I'm bad at school. I'm probably dumb. Like, I just can't get it together. And like, spoiler, I wasn't dumb. I did get it together. I'm feeling emotional hearing you talk about that because, yeah, that's exactly how I felt. I spent the entire year of grade six in the hallway. The teacher had moved my desk into the hallway because I couldn't calm down. I was always talking and interrupting. And so, I was always talking. And so. spazzy. And so not only did I feel stupid my entire life, but I felt bad. And it wasn't a bad kid. I just, I couldn't get it together. I struggled. So, man, I just can so relate to that. Yeah. It's, it's so, that's just so crazy to me too, thinking about taking a 12 year old.

I mean, I have a sixth grader right now, taking a 12 year old who is already going through so much. Like you're just, you're not, you're not, you can't regulate your body, your emotions. Everything is hard. And, and then putting them in a hallway and separating from the class, making you feel just that more, that much more different and that much more like, like, there's just something really wrong with me, you know, if I have to be signaled, you know, set aside and, and signaled out like this. So I, yeah, it's just why. And it really took me, it took me until I actually completed school. I mean, it took me until I got out of college and had some time not in that pressured educational

environment to realize, oh, I actually do have gifts and skills. And, and I mean, I'm very fortunate that I was able to complete my college education. I did well. I did fine in college. Once I got to a place where I could choose my studies and I could choose what was interested in me. And I wasn't having to take these classes that were just requirements that didn't really speak to me. I learned that that is when I struggle the most is when I'm dealing with something I'm not super interested in. And then it is really hard to make myself just do it.

But it came with maturity and adulthood. It's not to say, I mean, I still have my paper is still my number one. Like that is still the number one thing I struggle with the most. It's funny, that has never changed. I have a stack of like male and kid artwork and, you know, like just on my kitchen counter. I don't have a plan for it. But yeah, with adulthood and maturity, I think. I learned to play to my strengths.

Yeah, I still don't feel like it at all, but I found like structure for me is not the answer. And I, anytime I'm put in a really structured environment, that's when I'm failing. It's when I have more freedom for creativity, for flow, for spontaneity. That's when I find that I'm really succeeding. And at first, I took that to the extreme. I didn't understand that structure and routine were two very different things.

Yes. So I need routine, but I need flexible routine. I can't have concrete, hard structure in my life. But I have to have some sort of organization. But for me, that was macro orc. That was like this big picture, big category. So I struggled with paper two. And now I have a basket for 2021 bills and a huge basket for kids' artwork.

And that's okay. And I was putting so much pressure on myself to try to fit in. And it wasn't until I was like, wait a minute, I don't have to. I can make my own path, not only in life and an organization, but just what it means to be a grown-up to. And man, it was pretty life-changing. I'm still a hot mess sandwich. I really am. But I love, I mean, you are insanely successful.

you are juggling so much. You have so many things, so many to do, so many tasks on your plate. So do you have tips and tricks of how you sort of manage that with ADD? Well, thank you. That's kind of you to say I'm successful. You know, there's still that little kid inside me with like low self-esteem. But that also is part of why I do think I have become like a high achiever. As far as tips and tricks. It is interesting you were talking about like needing that flexibility. I feel weird saying this because it's been such a hard time in so many ways this past, you know, 16 months. Obviously, that's the understatement of the year. But in some ways, I have thrived under it.

I have thrived with everything being kind of turned upside down and, you know, the challenge of figuring it out. You know, it's just a new problem to solve. And I am at my core a problem solver. That's really what I consider being an executive producer to be. You're taking a challenge, whether it's we need to make Halloween videos or we need to, you know, produce a podcast. we've never done that before and you break it into these manageable tasks. So I do try to not get

overwhelmed by the big picture. So that would be my number one tip is try to break it down to what do I need to do today. Don't worry about three months from now. Don't worry about a year from now. What do I need to do today? Today I need to send these emails. Today I need to approve these videos. You know, I mean, I get really granular and it keeps me from getting overwhelmed by the scope of my work. Because, yes, like myself and my team, we're responsible for a massive amount of content. And when you really look, like when I look back at like what we did in 2020, I'm like, oh, that sounds like a lot of work. I don't know how they got that done, but by God, we did it. So yeah, so I really just break it down to what do I need to do,

today and I try not to get too overwhelmed by the big picture. And then the other thing is really, if you are able, surround yourself with people who fill in some of the blanks for you and who you do the same for. I have strengths that people on my team don't have. They have strengths that I don't have. And so when we come together, you know, there's really not like a knocking of heads. There's not everyone just fits. Like everyone is clear on what their role is. Everyone knows what they're good at and why they're there.

And that's just crucial. Just give yourself some support, you know, whether it's, it could be everything from a babysitter to someone to help you clean your house or do the yard work. You know, it doesn't even just have to, be on a professional level. It's just know your strengths, but also know your weaknesses and try to cut yourself some slack. Fill in those gaps. Bring in some support if you're able. I love that you said that so much because that is so true. I tried to fill my own gaps for so many years and I was so focused on all the things that I was bad at and lacking and trying to

train myself to be good in those areas and failing over and over again, it's liberating to say, I suck at that and that's okay because I'm great at this. And I do. I have people in my life who take care of the accounting for me, who take care of the numbers, who take care of the stuff that you, I have ADHD. I'm not going to sit and enter things into a computer. That sounds like a nightmare. So why would I try to force myself to do that, which takes. away the time I could be putting towards my gift, which is creatively coming up with new content ideas. Yeah, exactly. I mean, just cut yourself some slack. You literally can't do it all. And that's how people get burned out. I mean, you know, any successful person with a high output,

there's something that they're not, you know, that they're not doing. I, I've said it on our podcast several times. I always say, you can, you can, you can drop some balls. Just don't drop the eggs. Yeah. You know, balls bounce, but know what your eggs are. Know what the things you can't drop are. And then occasionally you're just, you know, you're not going to be able to volunteer for all

the stuff at your kids' school or like, I just know I'm not the mom volunteering to do the end of your pizza party. And it's okay. That's okay. That's okay. I know I really give myself permission, too, to do some things badly, like to just be okay with mediocrity in some areas of my life, because if I give something my everything, I have nothing left for everything else. And I think this is a trap that a lot of people fall into. It's that perfectionism. They wanted, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right. And so they're scrubbing their floors on their hands and knees. And they're taking forever to, like, color coordinate their clothing. And then they turn around and there's a week's worth of laundry piled. Right? So it's all about like what's really going to push the needle forward. What's the egg in this situation and devote the time to that and let the other stuff sort of sort of fall lower on your

importance meter. Sometimes I mop the floor with a wet sock. You know, I spread the floor. Oh, the kid spilled something. I'm going to use my sock to click. And that's okay. Do you know what I mean? It's fine. It's fine. Like let go of these crazy high expectations. because in my experience, every time I meet somebody who's really successful, like you and other people, they're freely admitting, I don't do it all. And there is this perception that we have to. And I think there's such freedom in letting go of those expectations. Yeah, it's so true. And if I can preach one thing, it's that. It's that I'm not doing it all. I mean, I work for HGTV. Part of, of my job is creating this aspirational content, right? It's it's it's creating this beautiful idea of what your

life can be. But it's also an illusion. You know, I might be there creating this incredible, you know, mail sorting system for all of your things and, you know, for the kids' homework and this and that. And the reality is the pile of paper. on my counter, you know? It's taken all with a grain of salt. I mean, the internet is a wonderful and dangerous place. It definitely is. And I fall into the same trap, though.

I look at Instagram and people's, you know, social media. And I think, oh, I find my, it's like grade six all over again. What's wrong with me? Why can't I get that, do that, be? that have that. And they don't have everything. They're just showing the best of themselves. And that's something we really have to remind ourselves. I mean, when we were doing the show, we did these incredible beautiful makeovers, but we're tucking everything in the corner in the back, right? That happens. That's a real life. And you have papers and kids' artwork and backpacks and

shoes. And your home cannot be magazine worthy 24-7 and feeling that pressure to have it that way. It just, I don't ever want to be the person that's contributing to somebody else feeling bad about their home. Because at the end of the day, it's about function. Is it like, it's about giving less on your plate, not more? How can your home support you in a way that it's taking things off your to-do list, not putting them on? So if you're endlessly cleaning and working and scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees, you're doing it wrong. that's so bad to say but but the truth is um yeah it's it's it's how can we take shortcuts so we can get to a place where it's good enough that we feel good about ourselves and we can have time for the

things that are really important yeah I agree I have never scrubbed my floor on my hands and knees ever in my life just want to put that out there um actually my husband does the he if he could hear me he'd be like yeah you don't scrub the floor period he He does a lot of the cleaning. Again, behind every highly productive person is probably a partner who's picking up a lot of the slack. The slack, yeah. My poor husband, he's back in Canada raising our children and taking it. He's calling me every day.

He's like, oh my gosh, there's so many dishes. I'm like, yeah, we're a team. So when one of that team is gone, it's like, whoa. You almost don't realize how much the other partner is doing until they're gone. But people message me a lot of the times and they're saying, how often do you watch? your walls, you know. I've never in my life wash. Is this a thing? Are people washing their walls? I mean, let's talk, people. Let's talk about why you feel like your walls are that dirty, maybe. Dustin, just a quick dust and you're done. Moving on. We don't need to wash them.

I will get my 12-year-old again, like her, one of her, maybe once a month, she'll go with our little stick vacuum and do like the baseboards. you know, baseballs get dirty. They get dusty, but washing the walls, I feel like my grandmother would have washed the walls. Yeah. I mean, my mom still washes her windows, multiple, multiple times a year, takes them out, scrubs the screens with scrubbed brushes. I'm like, what? I mean, I bet they look amazing, but I'm just like more power to you.

There is more important things to do. And she's often, I grew up with a mom who was frantic all the time and missed out an opportunity. opportunities to get together with friends and family and have hobbies for herself because there was always something to do. And so it is, it comes back to this embracing the good enough, knowing your strengths and allowing other people to fill in those gaps for you, just lowering those expectations. Like put the bar on the floor and that's okay for the things that don't matter. For the things that don't energize you, for the things that don't fill you up. And for me, it was decluttering, letting go of the stuff in my home that wasn't, I wasn't using and loving,

but I felt I had to hold on to because it was expensive or it was a gift. When I let all of that go, I stopped having to constantly tidy. It was just less in my life to manage and less stuff equaled less work. And it really freed up my space. It freed up my home, but it freed up like my mind too. I no longer had these silent endless to-do lists. all around me. And so when people always say, how do I get this, like, I feel like I'm always cleaning and you say, just let it go, but I don't want to live in a pig's day. I'm not suggesting

that you just, like, throw up your hands and say, I'm never doing dishes in laundry again. I'm saying, what can you do to lighten your load? What can you do to take some of the work off so you can do the things that are important? And in your home, the eggs are laundry dishes, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you have to have clean clothes. You need to have clean utensils and plates, you know, to eat with and cook with. Those are non-negotiable. Exactly. But washing your walls maybe, maybe it's not necessary.

Not necessary. I feel like someone's going to come for me. But I have never washed a wall. I never have either in my life. I have cleaned, I have cleaned a wall before I've painted it. Yes. You know. Yes.

That makes sense. I've dusted a wall with a swiffer duster very, very rarely, but I have. But I've never soapy bucket water washed walls. And I think when people talk about spring cleaning or that's the, that's this sort of expectation they have in their mind. So they put it off. And not even with our home. I feel like all areas of your life, starting a podcast, starting a blog, starting a YouTube

channel, writing a book. There's these. It feels like a mountain that's so big that you can't possibly climb it. But it really is just, what can I do today? What small thing can I do today that puts me one step closer? And that melts away those expectations and the pressure and the overwhelm that comes from looking at that mountain. And you just look down at your feet. You stop looking up and you just look at your feet.

It's so true. I hear from a lot of content creators or people who want to. to get into this space. And they do. They're so like, well, I want to, I'm going to, I really want to start a YouTube channel, like, in a few months. But I just, I feel like I need this and I need this and I need to figure out this. And they ask me, you know, what are your tips for starting something? And I'm like, you have to start it. You have to just make the thing. And yeah, it's not going to be perfect. It's like the first. It's going to be bad. It's the first pancake. Right. It's the first pancake. It's the first pancake. It's going to be like weird and, you know, nobody wants to eat it and you just throw it away

and pretend it didn't happen. But you just have to start because you can't move forward if you never take that first stuff. Yeah. And it's the, it is. It's this fear of failure that I think is stopping people. So they think they have to get their brand sorted out and their logo and maybe I need a domain. Do I need a website? Do I have to? And they research and they research and they research and they research. But they never take that step. And the truth is, I mean, this is, this is, this is a domain. This is, is said all the time, success is built on a pile of failures. You're supposed to fail because that's how you learn and that's how you learn the best and how you adapt and how you grow. And so this fear of failure is stopping you from ever succeeding. I want you to fail. I want you to do things badly

because then you learn to do it better. Yeah. Also, I mean, I can't think of anything more boring than just like constantly being like so perfect and good at everything. Even that eventually would start to to lose its lester, I feel like. Because then you don't really have any, you don't have any story. If you've never struggled, if you've never, you know, failed and overcome it, then you just, there's really not a lot of there there. I mean, it's the struggles that make you important and that give you those layers, I should say. And I think that's something I'm seeing a lot more in social media is people are finally putting down their guard and being real and more relatable.

Right. They're taking pictures with their stretch marks and they're, you know, showing the mess behind the scenes. And that's the people I want to follow. I want to follow somebody who is like me. And I'm just like, if you can do it, I can do it too. And so I think if you are wanting to start, it's okay to be vulnerable and it's okay to just be honest with others. If you are struggling, that's really admirable and relatable. Yeah, I agree.

I couldn't agree more. I feel like I've made a concerted effort in the past couple of years to. It's hard, right? I use social media for my work. It's not just personal. It's not just, you know, me scrolling. around on Instagram. I follow people. I want to keep an eye on their work. You know, I want to think about how we could work together. But I have really made a concerted effort to just, to just not follow

people who don't make me feel great, who don't, you know, who, I'm just not interested. If I start playing that, that comparison game, then I'm just like, this isn't serving me. I don't have time to introduce this into my life. You know, I don't have time. to spend on the internet on things that don't bring me joy. It's just move along. And it's not a negative reflection on them and their work. It's just how it makes me feel. So yeah, I just have learned to like walk away from a lot.

I love that. Okay, before I let you go, I wanted to talk for a second about children with ADHD or ADD because this, I mean, I think this is really a probably, something that's dear to your heart too. But I have two of my three kids, definitely. I mean, they haven't been diagnosed, but it's pretty obvious that they have ADHD. And I want to, I'm approaching it differently because I truly believe that my ADHD is a superpower. Yes. I can hyper-focus on things I love. And yes, I suck at math. And I'm terrible at so many things. But I'm really great at other things. And so as a parent, it's hard for me because I see my children struggling in certain areas of

school, like sitting still at a desk all day and not talking, or doing structured things every day. They're really struggling, but I see them succeeding in other things like art and music and creative writing. And so I'm really trying to take some pressure off of them and support them and build them up for the areas where they're succeeding. And I just want to know, I guess, you're opinion of this and how you feel about approaching kids, your own children, maybe, or other people's children with ADD. Yeah, like you, it's just, I think especially when you know what it looks like for you, it's a lot easier to see it in your kids or in other kids. And it's hard, right? Because you can't just not learn math. I mean, this is a conversation I had to have with my sixth grader this

year when she was like, but I just don't like this. And I was like, I know, but you're 12. And you have to learn math. Like you just. Exactly. You just can't be like, nope. I know. I declined. I would like to not do this. I was like, you will get to a point in your life where you do not have to do math, you know, but you have to, you have to learn up until that point. You just have to. It's non-negotiable. So I think, again, going back to breaking things down into tasks, I think children in particular, the world seems so big to them, because it is. It's big to all of us. It's big. And it's very easy when you're small and you don't feel like you have autonomy and you don't feel like you have any say in your life. It is very easy to get overwhelmed.

And that's when I see my kids break down is when they're just like, I can't do all this. Like it's so much. And, you know, my daughter got behind on some assignments. And to her, those five pieces of work that she had to get done that day, they were each about eight minutes. I mean, this was not. But that was just so much to her. Right. It was so insurmountable.

And so I was like, okay. we're just going to start with the first one. We're not worried that we have four more to do. We're just going to get this one done. And it is. It's just like we do for ourselves. It's breaking things down into what needs to be done first. Don't get bogged down by the big picture.

What needs to be done first. And then I think it is a lot of just the world, I think, needs to adjust a little bit. For children in general, kids aren't meant to sit at desks all day. My kids are very fortunate to go to a school that really prioritizes. They call them brain breaks where they get up and they move and they never are at their desk for more than about, you know, 30 to 40 minutes. They get up and they move around. But not all kids have that. Not all schools can accommodate that.

And I think that's something that really needs to be tackled by the grownups. I think we need to manage our expectations of what kids. can do and what they should and what they should be expected to do. I just, I think it's not all on the kids to adjust and, you know, become who we want them to be. I think we need to adjust our expectations a little bit as well. Yeah, I totally agree. And for me, I just wish when I, I mean, I wish I had YouTube as a kid because that's the one thing that I did for the first time of my life. I'm like, I like this and I'm good at this and this feels good. Going from someone who felt stupid and there was something wrong with me to identifying a talent

was so, like as soon as I started feeling more confident in myself, I started being better at everything in my life. I stopped thinking there's something wrong with me. So for my kids, it's what's the thing that's your fire? They're not always great at it. But I tell them they are, you know, because I want them to feel that passion. for something so they don't feel so bad about the things they're struggling with because they know yes I'm not great at this but I'm really good at this yeah it's so much it's so much about

confidence and you're so right I mean I would I have not always been a super high achieving person in my career but something clicked with me when I started working in digital in particular and I and I was I was like oh I I know I not only love this I am good at this and and I understand it like I don't feel stupid yes and from there truly it was just like a steep acceleration because I was like oh like I can do this so yeah I think that's so it's so important to find that find what what lights their fire and foster it well thank you so much for joining me today please let us know where people can find you to follow you because I just think you're incredible. Oh, thank you. Well, I would love it if everyone would check out HGTV Obsessed. You can find it anywhere you listen to podcast. If you want an episode to start with, highly recommend our organizing episode with Cass.

We also have some other. We have Wendell from your show and some other organizing experts. It's a really great episode. You can also see me if you want to watch me make crafts and sometimes fail at it on HGTV Handmade. That's on YouTube, Instagram, and Facebook at HGTV Handmade. And then if you want to follow along personally, I'm at Mary in Canada across all social media platforms. And you can watch me do everything from cook to garden to, you know, it's a lot of pictures of my dog. and my kids. You know, it's, we have a good time.

We have a good time around here. I love it. Well, thank you again so much. This was fantastic. And I just really appreciate your time. Thank you for having me. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time.

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