Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - How to get control of your home when you feel overwhelmed with Allie Casazza | Clutterbug Podcast # 109

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

I'm so excited to be interviewing the incredible Allie Casazza for this podcast. We talk about how to get control of your home when you feel really overwhelmed and just don't know where to start.  Check out Allie's new book, Declutter like a Mother here: https://amzn.to/3gb1CoE       You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey Clutterbugs, welcome back to the Clutterbud podcast. I'm so excited because you guys know I don't do interviews very often, but I am fan-girling right now because we have Ali Kassaza here from The Purpose Show, which is, I'm going to say it is my favorite podcast and the one that I consistently listen to. So I know you've probably heard of her if you're listening to me, but if you haven't, you are in for a treat. So hi, Ali. Please introduce yourself. Yeah, that makes me so happy. The Purpose Show is your favorite. I love podcasting so much. I love getting my message out there. It's my favorite thing. So thank you for listening.

And yeah, I'm Ali. My work is all about women, especially mothers. I love helping them really just the framework that I've developed over the years is for everything. Like we start at home and it flows into your calendar and your well-being and your relationships and everything is affected when we start decluttering. And that decluttering is sometimes literal and sometimes metaphorical. But my programs and my business that I've built is all about serving mothers who just don't want to feel so heavy anymore. And kind of come in and lighten that load for them. I've been married for about 14 years and I have four kids. And I just moved from San Diego to Greenville, South Carolina.

Carolina. Like I'm literally in an Airbnb and got here like a week ago. So that's exciting. That's awesome. So have you moved into the house? Obviously the house is coming, right? Yeah, we bought it last year and kind of didn't know what we're going to do with it. Like I want to my dream is to be a real estate investor. Like I want to have Airbnbs and beautiful spaces that I can like flex my decorating muscle and have people like, I feel like you rent spaces when you're having a really big moment. That's important to you. And I want my spaces to like be a part of people's memories like that and provide them with a beautiful backdrop for, you know, their work events or whatever they're celebrating. And so we bought it here because we knew this was a great area to invest in. It was kind of like

a little secret. We found a few years ago because my CFO lives here. And then we were like, let's just move into it and we're going to renovate it. So it's getting painted right now. Our stuff hasn't gotten here yet from California. So I don't know what the next step is. is or how long we'll be here but we're here now. I love that and I mean I've I've seen a different like I've seen you grow throughout your podcast just listening to it you have an empire I mean which I was so inspired by because I started out a lot like you just an overwhelmed mom and then decluttering and just and I resist structure and you resist structure which I love so much too because it really does show that even if you are a B type personality you are not

an A type personality, you can still harness success. And I just look at you as such an inspiration for me and my own business. And I think everyone listening, whether they're starting a business or not or with their home, you're just, you're just really inspiring. And yeah, I just think everyone needs to run to your podcast and check it out. Something that I found that makes me so happy. Thank you. I love, I love listening to your podcast so much. I'm always, always, always motivated and inspired no matter what you talk about. Yay. I wanted to talk you sent me there's a list here of different things that you wanted to talk about and one jumped out at me because if you're feeling really overwhelmed which probably everyone listening to is whether it's their home or some area

in their life but specifically we we help people with decluttering. I always get asked and I know you do too where do you start where do you start when you're really overwhelmed and I always say start in the bedroom start in the bedroom but I've had people say that that's it's hard for them. So I read that you said start where you poop. I laughed out loud. I think it's genius. I would love you to tell us a little bit about that. Yeah, I feel like when I was recording the audio book for the book, I realized like I have one girl, but I have three boys. And I realized like I was raised around a bunch of boys. I was always the only girl. And now I have mostly boys. And I was realizing like, wow, I am really unladylike. And, like, and, like,

like such a boy mom and it shows. I think it's awesome. I think it's I think it's really brilliant actually because yeah, man, it could be stressful if you add some comedy to decluttering. And also it's like a memorable thing, right? Like I don't know where to start. I should start where I poop. Okay. So tell me. Tell me about the philosophy behind that. Okay. So this this is part of the framework because it is so overwhelming to start. And it's ironic. Isn't it? because you come to something like this, you come into simplicity because you're overwhelmed. And then the process of getting simplified is so overwhelming. So I love having people start in the bathroom because it's typically not a place where

you store like a bunch of sentimental things or things that are really, my gosh, like, what do I do with this? Wait, let me. Like you're new to this. And so you don't, you haven't flexed that muscle of I know exactly when to get rid of something. Like I'm sure by now you and I are the same where it's like, I just know the gut thing. I don't have to ask the key questions. I just know.

But at that point, you don't know. So having somewhere where it's really just like old hair tools that are broken, old makeup that definitely needs to be thrown out, it's like an easy yes, no area. It just kind of like my goal is to bring ease into the lives of moms. And it's not easy to start decluttering your entire house and like start somewhere with a bunch of sentimental items or clothes, which are very emotional and tied to a lot of complicated.

energy for women. So starting in the bathroom is just easier. Makeup, hair tools, gross hair tied around old floss, like easy. Empty shampoo bottles. That's my thing. Like, why don't I throw them out? Why? Why do I have so many? Yeah. Yeah, I love that. You're right. It isn't as emotional for sure, but also it can have a huge impact on your day. That's where you get ready every morning. And this is the thing that was so inspiring. Like, it just, it was insane to me when I first started decluttering, yes, it took time. It was an investment in my time. But then the next day I saw the savings and the day after that and the day after that it was easier to get ready. It was easier to put things away. My house stayed tidier. And so starting in the bathroom means every morning of your

life is easier. Yeah, exactly. Instantly. And I think too, like one of the things that I kind of like to weave kind of like I'm secretly weaving into the beginning. Like the decluttering your home is the first step in the framework that I built. So at that point, I've got like a new mom, not a new mom with babies, but like she's new to me. And I like to weave in this like worthiness messaging into the first part of the framework because after we finish your home and we start to get into your rhythms and your calendar and all the things, you're going to have to face if you believe you're worthy. If you believe you're worthy of ease, if you believe you're worthy of joy, if you believe

that you don't need to do anything to earn your worth, which is in typical mom culture, you have to earn your worth or just decide that it just is what it is and it's such a mess all the time and just whatever. But I like to sneak that in because you are worthy of waking up in the morning and getting ready for the day, whether you work or stay home or married or single, you work three jobs or your stay at home, whatever, you're worthy of getting ready for that day, for that work you're doing in a space that is supporting you. And I think what's beautiful about decluttering is as you're removing things and it's very therapeutic,

but you're also starting to treat yourself better through the way your space is supporting you instead of working against you. I can't tell you how many clients that I've had who have said, oh, I'm a mess, but that's part of motherhood. Oh, I know, I don't have time for me, but that's part of motherhood. And it's sort of like they've taken this thing that they feel bad about, but they've made it part of their identity. Yeah, your house is a disaster. or everything is a horrible. You don't have time for yourself when you're a mother. And I love that you're spreading that message that that's not true. It doesn't have to be true. You can still have joy. You can still

have time for yourself. You can still have a space that feels manageable and be a mom. Absolutely. And that I mean, that's when we talk about limiting beliefs is kind of like a buzzword now, but that's what that is. It's something that you believe unconsciously about the way that life works or the way that you work. That is not helping you be your best self. So believing that, well, that's just motherhood. Like, that's the message out there. It's like every mom in the universe has just decided that this is, it just is what it is. And it just kind of sucks and it's really hard and it's all servitude, but also car pay all the deums because it goes really fast. Like it's just this mixed message of despair and trying to find joy. Yeah. Like be a martyr. That's what you're supposed to do.

be a martyr. That's the, the best mom is suffering the most. Yeah. Yeah. And at the same time, find joy in all the small moments. You know,

it's just, it's BS and it's not helping anyone. So really just question that programming, guys. Like, question the structures in your mind and ask, are they really helping you or are they hurting you? Because if they're hurting you,

you can break them down and unsubscribe and resubscribe. And resubscribe to something that's going to support you. And it is absolutely possible to bring more ease into motherhood. Even if you have a special needs child, even if you have 11 kids, there's literally a mom in my program that has 11 kids. And she's amazing. I think she's also a military wife, which is just like crazy. Like it doesn't matter. Yes, life will be hard or not harder in different seasons and harder for other people than, you know, others.

But it's it's about bringing more ease into your life as it is relative to you. And if we can do something, if we can have some ownership over that and decide what that looks like, then you're taking your power back instead of giving it up to while I just like, in all the movies and TV shows and like at the park with the other moms, this is just what motherhood is. I've seen it. So I'm going to choose to buy into that. You're just giving your power away. That's so, yeah, it's so true.

And I mean, when I started, you probably hear this all the time. I was so resentful for a long time of my husband, of my children, of motherhood because it felt like, this, I was a hamster on a wheel just running all day, serving everyone else and not getting anything. And I thought the way to get out of this trap was to work harder. And I must not be doing good enough and I must not be working hard enough. And I have to do more in order to feel less stressed. And that was like the opposite. And that was so eye opening for me. It was when I let go of expectations and let go and found easy little tricks and routines, shortcuts, I guess, in life and stopped thinking of it as I'm doing, I'm cleaning up after my family, but like,

what do I need to do for me to make me feel happy in my home? It was that mindset shift that changed everything. It really did. I just stopped looking out at them and started looking in at me and things started falling into place. I love that. And that's how it goes. That's how it always goes. And it's like we are really just, we're resentful. We're projecting what's going on inside of us onto our spouses, onto our kids, but really, like, we're unhappy with our own selves that we've gotten ourselves in this position. And I think in stereotypical mom culture, there's this thing where the mom is taking everything on herself. She's the one that's orchestrating the calendar, keeping the house clean, making sure everyone's doing their stuff, and really, like, what if we just

brought some teamwork into this? What if we brought a different way of doing things and you put your boundaries up and had a conversation with your partner and you shifted the way it's going? there's it just doesn't need to be the way it is and everything that tells you like well you're the mom you're supposed to be doing all of this well that's a feminine thing to do question all of it it can be whatever you want it to be and you get to decide that yeah and i mean i also i had conversations with with my husband and i was it was more screaming and yelling and nagging when i got to my breaking point and then i would explode at him and he would receive that as being defensive and shut down And then we were in this constant vicious cycle.

And it wasn't until I was just like, let it all go and let go of the resentment and say, just be honest with what I needed. And if he didn't do those things in that moment, realize it wasn't about me. It wasn't disrespect to me. That's his own shit that he needs to work on. And I can work on my shit and we'll come together at the end of the day. Or we won't that day and we'll come together tomorrow. So, man, when I stopped looking at it as him versus me and just me versus me and what can I do for myself today, it was crazy pants.

It was just, it was absolutely. That was a game changer. And there's nothing to be resentful for anymore because he's allowed to be his own person and so are you. Yeah. And the same with my kids. I have teenagers now. I don't know if you have teenagers yet. But holy.

Yeah. Almost. It's a thing. It's a, it's a whole. knew they say this but anyways I just realized like that's their stuff and it isn't a reflection of me and so when your kids are having a meltdown or having like some sort of mental health crisis or something going on it's really hard as a as a parent to say well what did I do to cause that and so it's really again just looking at like what do I have control over but yeah I also want to talk about

you you mentioned here overcoming decision fatigue there is so many decisions to make on a day-to-day basis, especially if you're in a place where you're struggling with clutter and a home that's out of control, maybe finances that are out of control. I felt like when my home was out of control, my finances, my relationships, it's like your house is the foundation for your life. And when it isn't stable, so many other things are toppling over too. So when you're dealing with a lot of decisions, how do you deal with decision fatigue. Yeah. Well, I think really like, it makes sense that moms would struggle with that so much. I mean, the kids are always asking us stuff. There's constant like mail and paperwork coming in.

It's all decisions. Clutter is just unmade decisions. So most of us are surrounded by it. You haven't done that work yet. And so you're literally just over and undated with decisions to be made on a constant basis. And then it makes sense. We'd want to zone out, watch TV, just forget it. The last thing you want to do is to clutter and actually move some of that out because it's more decisions. So it's okay. It's okay if you feel that way because even now, I'm not living in that life anymore and I still get decision fatigue because there's running a business and there's people living in my house. I get a lot.

So what I do is this kind of sounds overly simplistic, but to really do it is completely life changing. When I feel like I'm getting decision fatigue and I'm just super done and I can't even deal with anything, but I kind of have to because things need to move forward and that power is in my hands. Like, I got to be the one. Because if you can't, if you can delegate it, do it. I delegate to my husband all the time and he delegates to me when it's his turn and he needs help. Like, we can share that. But if I can't delegate it, get aware. I'm aware of how I'm feeling. And I'll even, like, mine is always like chest or stomach. I'll like, where is this in my body? Because when

you get overwhelmed like that, it goes, your body is just mirroring what's going on. So it goes somewhere. I'll notice like, okay, my stomach is tight. I've got fists. Like, I'm just really uptight. And so get, I put my feet on the ground and I just get really grounded. And I just tell myself, none of this needs to happen right this second. Here in this moment, I am fully in control.

I am always in control. Everything can wait and everything will wait for a second. And I just take a deep breath. And what's the next thing? One next right step. Emily Freeman says the next right thing. What can I do? And I just make one decision.

Maybe it's my decision is I'm putting all of this off till tomorrow and I'm going to go take a bath. Like maybe it's, I'm going to go ahead and bust through three of these things and just stop overcomplicating this email in my head and just respond to it and get it off my plate. But you know, whatever it is, you can feel it. But I feel like when we disconnect from our bodies and we disconnect and we make it all this big thing and there's just so much. much to do when we build it up like that, we just are disconnecting and making it worse. So reconnect, get aware, get grounded, notice how you're feeling, breathe, and just do one next step. That next step will come to you when you get grounded back where you belong instead of getting all heady and making it way bigger than it actually is, you know? Yeah, I mean, I work with clients

in their homes helping them declutter. And there was a time where I stopped doing that, but now for the show I'm I'm back in people's homes helping them declutter and they'll they're physically in the I mean we're in piles up to the ceiling of people's stuff and they'll pick something up and they'll him and hon I say you don't need that and it isn't that I know they don't need that their face has already told me their body language has already told me as soon as I see someone pick something up their body has made a decision that they don't even know yeah because their brain is like but what if it but what if and I'm like you've already made it. the decision that you don't need that your your body language your first gut instinct has told you

you need to trust that and so that's what we do that's what i do with clients is i help them recognize their first instinct on something and everything in their home it's their brain making overcomplicating the decision whether something needs to stay and go but their body and their intuition has already made that decision. And so if something isn't a hard yes, it's a hard no. If you pick something up and you're immediately like, yes, I need to keep this. You keep that. That's what you, you've made that decision with intuition, with your heart, with, you know, all of the things that are subconscious, it's fear and anxiety and all of the pressure that you're putting on yourself that is making you second guess that. You're so right. You're right. You can see them kind of like,

like have no reaction. They don't care. And then when they start to spiral, they'll start to kind of like lean forward and like they're making themselves feel like they have to have it or there's anxiety about letting it go. And we really psych ourselves out a lot and really just need to always come back to that grounded awareness. And everything, that's not just clutter. That's running a business and raising kids and life. Yeah, it really is. I definitely need to work on it with like the business thing. As soon as my business went from, this is a hobby where everything felt fun and free and and, you know, natural and too like, oh, no, I support my family. And, and I have, you know, it became hard. It was the same as before. Yeah. The same exact business, only my mindset shifted.

Right. Don't you think too? It's like for for you and I, it's the commitment thing also. Yeah. Like now I'm stuck. Now I have to so now I don't yeah oh totally oh totally yeah yeah I was like I should really be putting three videos at a week To YouTube to keep up with the algorithm and the watch time and I should be doing this and I need to do reels and I should be doing TikTok videos because everyone and I'm like now I hate my business I want to blow it up and go serve coffee like I I have I have had those thoughts of just letting it all go but I don't have to do anything No, let it be easy. What feels good and do that. Yes. Right. And if this week, nothing feels like I want to, then I don't have to. And that's the thing that I really need to tell myself is if it doesn't feel good, then I should just take a break and step back and remind myself the only person putting pressure on myself is me, whether it is your home, whether it is your business, whether it's like anything. It's just me putting pressure on myself. It always comes back to me.

Absolutely. I want to talk really quickly before we go about your new book. I am so excited for this. It comes out in September. Declutter like a mother. I've already preordered it. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm excited for you. I know you're going to help so many people. And so yeah, tell me a little bit about the book and where people can pre-order it. Thank you. It can pre-order anywhere that you buy. your books. It is on Amazon. I think Amazon is the cheapest right now. Um, so if you care about that, that's there and they won't charge you until it's delivered. And if you're pre-ordering, there's so many amazing things that I put together for that. I like always watch people doing pre-orders for their book and see what the incentives are. And because I'm an eight on the

enneagram and competitive, I was like, well, I'm going to like blow this up and make it way better than everyone else's. So I like actually made a new course that you get for free when you pre-order the book and it's brand new. I just made it last month. Like, it's nowhere else. It's really good. I'm super proud of that. I didn't know that. So now I get to just use my pre- okay. I'm there. I'm getting. Yes. Exciting. It's a crash course and it's really, really, really good. Like, I put so much into it. So that's just there for free. And it's awesome. And then there's like a bunch of other things that you get to. But that's my favorite thing. And yeah, I would just love for you guys to order. I would love to help you and support you and get like a fresh perspective on

this and really like understanding the science and the why behind this can give you that motivational drive that you need to do the thing. And we do get super practical in it, of course, too, but there's a lot else in there too. It's not just like, here's how to do this room, because that's boring and I'm not boring. You definitely are not boring at all. And if you're listening again, the purpose show is the name of Allie's podcast. You can listen to it anywhere and everywhere and um you have to check it out i always feel really inspired and whether you're talking like lately you're talking sometimes about business and growth and i love that you're doing what's natural to you right it really does feel like i'm just coming along with you with your life journey

and i'm growing along with you when i listen um which i yeah i i mean i love that and so i you can start listening to it now you can go back to our earlier podcasts and grow along with Allie too so check that out the purpose show thank you so much for being on the podcast today i keep my podcast really short because i have ADHD i have attention deficit so i'm like i cannot listen to a very long podcast so um thank you for being on i just really appreciate your time so much and anyone if you listen to me and you like me, still listen to me after you listen to Ali because you're going to be like, whoa, she's so much better. Come back to me.

No. I think it's amazing, like, I think it's amazing that you and I have so much in common, it seems, just from this little conversation, I'm like, how are we not friends? How are we not friends? We should be friends. Oh, I love that. But like, so similar, but so different. And that's the thing.

That's why I don't listen to many podcasts either, maybe like two or three. And they're all really similar. But the hosts are different and I connect with them in different ways. So babe support babes. Like we just need to keep swapping and sharing each other and grow together. I love that. All right. Well, thank you everybody so much for listening.

Head over to Allie's podcast, The Purpose Show. And make sure you pre-order her book, Declutter like a mother. You won't regret it. That's for sure. Thank you, friends. So thanks so much. Hopefully we can do this again soon.