Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - How to Overcome Anxiety and Live a More Joyful Life | Clutterbug Podcast # 231

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

The amazing Amanda Gore joins me as we dive into fear, anxiety and how to start living a more joyful life!  If you want to learn more about Amanda and discover The Power of Joy, visit her website at: https://amandagore.com/     You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast       Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's get real about overcoming fear, burnout, and anxiety through finding real joy. And I'm joined today by an incredible guest, Amanda Gore. Amanda is an Australian author, a USA Hall of Fame speaker, a businesswoman, and the CEO of The Joy Project. She's won a ton of awards as an incredible keynote speaker, but her real passion is eradicating the three core fears that she said. everyone has so that they can live a more joyful life. Hello, Amanda.

Thank you so much for being on the Clutterbug podcast. How are you? I am very well and thank you very much, Cass, for having me. I'm thrilled to be here, especially with the Canadian. And you're obviously Australian. I love your accent so much. I introduced you, but I would love you to tell the listeners just a little bit about yourself and how you fell into this whole.

spreading joy. This is really what you do. You spread joy and you teach people to find joy. That's the theory. And it's really interesting, Cass, that you said fell into because I literally fell into it. Well, actually, not falling over. However, I was a physical therapist. I didn't even know you could be a speaker. And I was doing a lot of training and teaching and someone, I had to co-authored a book. Someone asked me to speak at a conference. And my memory of the conference is that it was about 20 people, but it must have been more because they had an MC. And the MC was an American who was living in Australia, but a professional speaker. And still, to this day, the best speaker I've ever seen. And he said to me afterwards,

you should be a speaker. And I said, what's a speaker? And like, I had no clue. Didn't know, you can make a career out of it. So he mentored me into the business. And, you know, I started. I started, started off because I was passionate about teaching people how to stay well. And I was into wellness back in the days when people would say, well, what? Hmm? What's that? Sounds like a wank to me. I started off in wellness and stress, because stress was big at the time.

And then all the things that cause stress and things you could do to bust it and to avoid burnout. And that kind of morphed into joy. And honestly, I was one of the most joyless people I know. you. And as Lao Tzu says, you know, we teach best what we most need to learn. I watch some of your speeches. You are an incredible speaker. You're so engaging. And I loved how I loved a lot of things that you talked about, but I loved how you talked about the stress. You said your mom, your stepfather had just passed and there was stuff going on. And she was in this state of depression and stress. And you said usually when you feel this way, it's like 18 months to two years later that you'll

see illness start to manifest because the stress, like the incident of stress is like planting seeds that slowly grow. And I thought about this and the people that I love in my life and how true this is. When you're going through this very stressful situation in your life or something has happened, it does seem to be a delayed effect before you're seeing physical manifestations of that stress. Yeah. There's a book called the German New Medicine, and I forget the guy's name, Dr. Harmer, I think, and he was the one that actually did some research to prove it. So his story is that he was on a yacht, as you are in the Mediterranean, and he was standing next to his son who was shot to death in front of him because there was a Saudi prince on another yacht and the shot was

meant for him but they, I don't know, made a mistake. And what he discovered was that at the instant of trauma, there's like a bull's eye pattern that appears in the brain. And wherever the body corresponding part is to that part of the brain, because every part of the brain corresponds to a part of the body, that's where the illness or the cancer or or something else is likely to occur. So it's fascinating. That is, that's fascinating. Which is why it's so important for people to acknowledge

and deal with the stress at the time it's happening. What do you feel about avoiding the situation? I feel like I do this, but I also see this with, you know, my loved ones. I have a loved one. It's my mom. My mom's mother just recently passed away, and she immediately busied herself. she immediately, instead of mourning and grieving, turned into this huge big project to kind of distract

herself. And I thought the cards are going to fall, Mom. I think distraction, for a short time, a strategy. If we can turn that around to when we're grieving, because really if you look at grieving, and I don't want to avoid offending people, but if you really peel away all the layers of grief, what you're grieving for is you and your loss. Not grieving for them. We're grieving and the grief is in part fear. How am I going to live?

What am I going to do? I haven't had life without him or her for a long time. I don't know how I'm going to do it. So it's interesting because fear is like an operating program of a computer. It sits in the background and it runs. everything. And so that fear kind of sits there all the time running the program, but the problem is we're completely unconscious of it. And so instead of going to the operating system of the heart, which is wisdom and knowing, we do thinking, which is always affiliated, almost always affiliated

with fear. When I'm working with clients and helping them declutter their home, my number one goal is to turn off their brain, which I know sounds very silly, but I'm I don't want you to think. I don't want you to tell a story. I don't want you to start, oh, do I need this? Or what would I use this for? What could I turn this into? Because it's all of that thought is coming from anxiety about making a mistake or fear of making a mistake, doing it wrong, having regret. But when they can shut their brain off and just trust their first instinct, that is always the right one. And this is where Marie Kondo with like, does this spark joy, that's really what she meant by that. It's called intuitive decluttering, which is letting go

based solely on your gut instinct. People don't trust themselves, though. And again, that's some fear, too, of what if I do it wrong? What if I have regret? What if it comes back to haunt me? And fear of failure, really. It takes over people's lives in more than just their home in every area of their life and it's paralyzing. Well, let me share with you the three core fears. These are embedded, by the way, by the time we're seven. That first one, I'm not worth loving or I'm not good enough. It's a double whammy. And I told myself I was worthless because as a toddler, I don't have the capacity to understand everybody's perspective. You know, if mommy or daddy haven't slept for three weeks, because I haven't slept for three weeks, and mommy or daddy raises their voice in any way,

the toddler can go, they don't love me. The toddler doesn't say, oh, I know they love me. I know they're exhausted because I haven't slept for three weeks. Oh, it's all right, mommy, it's all right, daddy. I love you. I know you love me. You know, that doesn't happen. And so, depending on how to it is, the kid goes, bam, and it's like, whammo, there we are. So I expanded mine. I'm a high achiever. I didn't say I was just not good enough. I told myself I was worthless. So the second core fear is I'm unsafe in some way, which is very common if you've got an alcoholic parent or a mentally unwell parent. And then the third core fear is separation or I don't belong, I don't fit in. And those three core fears become the malware that corrupts the astonishing heart operating system being that a human is.

I think having the self-awareness of these underlying deep fears is really important. So I'm going to share a story with you. I'm seeing a therapist, which I'm a big component of therapy because it's all about self-awareness, right? The more you talk, the more you learn about yourself. And I always knew I had this, you know, underlying you're not good enough, which makes me try too hard to always, you know, do cool things. But then what my therapist said to me is, did you realize that when you are around people who you don't feel are a lot smarter than you, you feel unsafe? So I forget what he called it. But I didn't know this about myself.

So I get very angry and upset when I'm in situations where there isn't somebody in the room who can take control, who I can trust that is knows more than me, is smarter than me, is more capable of me because I do not trust myself and I cannot be the leader. So I feel unsafe when people around me aren't much, much, much smarter than I am. So I would suggest you reframe that in a way because I can relate totally, absolutely 100%. In fact, the mentor that I was telling you about, I know exactly how you feel. Because as soon as I'm around him, I feel safe because he is a polymath. I feel no matter what happened, I would be safe. and it's been interesting because I've moved and I've had to get to a place where I can't rely

on others and I'm having to address what's really at the root of it and the root of it is you're not good enough yes but also your self-worth that's what it was for me it was that worthlessness and despite the fact you know Cass if you look at your life and how much you've achieved and how successful you've been, it's very hard for you to realistically say, well, I'm not smart or I'm not smart enough. And I have found, I'd come up with a first year myself, and David taught me the third piece.

But with these three core fears, I'm not good enough, you might have expanded into worthless or not. I'm not worth loving. I'm unsafe in some way. And I found out about maybe about eight months ago, I had never really felt safe a day in my life, especially if I was around other people. And then the third is a fear of separation, don't belong, don't fit in. So if you can work out what story it is that you're telling yourself, and it's really a story.

And then if you can work out roughly when it started. And when I ask people that question, almost immediately something comes up. You all know when it started. And you can picture something or you remember something. and it's either one person or a moment or a few experiences, but you know roughly when it started. But if you understand where it's coming from, it's the little toddler. And, you know, Katz, here I am talking about all this stuff,

and I can't tell you how many years I said to people, not the childhood stuff again. Do we have to deal with this? Like everything in life isn't about your childhood. Wow. Yeah, it is. I know, it is, isn't it? Yeah, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD, so I really struggled in school. I was very hyperactive, but also I struggled to, like, I thought I was smart maybe, but I also was like the proof was that I was very stupid in that I couldn't memorize and that I couldn't do math and I couldn't. Right, so I grew up feeling always like the dumbest person in the room, always very, very stupid. But then as I got,

Just told me for a minute. Yes. You didn't feel like that. You told yourself that. Yes. And society told me that. I was told by teachers in the grade, not in the words, but in the grades I received. Right?

This is the thing when you're struggling in school, you are told this is, you're not, someone's not like you're stupid. But we're smart enough to know if we got C's and D's, we're being told that we aren't as good. as everyone else. And also with undiagnosed ADHD, I made a lot of silly mistakes. I did, like I was always, even older, losing my phone, losing my keys, forgetting where things were. So I couldn't trust myself to be capable in any situation because the proof was how incapable I was. So what I was doing was always trying to overcompensate for this and learn to be better, learn to be smarter, learning new things, practicing. finding coping skills so that I was more capable. But my brain didn't catch up to this. My brain is telling me,

you are incapable, you cannot trust yourself, you need to be around smart people, and yet here I am growing knowledge and growing skills and growing capability. So this very weird thing happened where I actually started becoming more capable than those around me, knowing more things than those around me. And that was bad. That was bad, though, because my baby brain, my little toddler, who's scared is like, wait a minute, you cannot be in charge. You cannot know more than other people. So it's like very odd when you're trying and working very hard to be skilled, but also being terrified of being... You.

Yes. So this is what I'm working on right now is. finding that balance between trying to be a leader but also terrified to lead. So if you go back to that, and some of the issues I think that we encounter when we're trying to resolve these things is that we get very technical and we get labels like ADHD and I'm not saying you don't have it and all that sort of, but they're labels. So these labels get put on us when really, it's really simple. Imagine me holding me as a little girl, comforting her,

and telling her her job now is to play, that I'm a grown-up, that I've got this, that I'm competent, I'm smart, and I'm really on top of things, and she can just rest. To really clear this up, instead of thinking our way, through it, constantly be aware of how you're feeling. And when you're not feeling comfortable, look at it and go, ah, which fear am I telling myself right now? And then go to the little girl or the little boy, if you're a boy, and comfort them and say, I've got this, I'm smarter. I'm way

smarter now and you are safe because I'm the smart one that's here taking care of you and your job is to go out there and play and have fun and be a little girl. And you are beautiful and wise and loving and I love you and I've got you. Most people when we think about joy, it's this, wow, everything's wonderful, yay. And sometimes it's like that. But the vast majority of the time, it's in a peace. which is what I was going to ask you the real difference between happiness and joy because I've been doing a lot of research and listening to a lot of podcasts and books on happiness and how to create like a happier life and it really comes down to what I've learned is contentment so it isn't like happiness is like I'm always happy it's contentment in that I'm yeah I feel like I have enough I feel enough. I feel like my life is enough.

And I'm not constantly looking for to fill this void to what's next kind of thing. Is joy the same? Because my thought of joy was always like you said, like that zest, that excitement for life. Again, we're coming back to labels, isn't it? The most important thing in life, without exception, most important thing in life is how you feel about yourself.

It underpins everything. And that's why the fears are so important. Because those fears stop you feeling good about yourself, which then stops you living your best life, which I know is part of the theme of your podcast and your business, digging in for those fears and finding them because they're the joy killers. And they destroy the peace.

And they destroy your ability to laugh and have a great time. And they destroy your ability to feel good about yourself. which then allows you to feel safe, which then allows you to be you, and if wherever you are, and the other journey I'm on is learning to be present. So, you know, there are times when I just moved into a new house a month ago, and at the back of my house, there's a river. So I sit on the back deck, and I've never really been good at just sitting, and I'm learning how to sit, and I sit on the back deck, and I look around,

and I'm just so grateful, and I can absorb the peace of the river and nature around me. And it's little things like that that make a difference. And if you can focus on gratitude, every time you feel fear, like grief, flip it to gratitude. I have a lot of anxiety, and my mother had a lot of anxiety, her mother had a lot of anxiety, and I see it in my children. And the thing about anxiety is, I think if it is like a little bit, monster that sits on your shoulder that is like, this is scary, you shouldn't do it. And the more you give in to, yeah, you're right, that is scary. I'm going to avoid it. You feed it, this monster,

and it grows and it grows. And so when I talk to my children who have extreme anxiety, two of them have a lot of social anxiety. And when they avoid uncomfortable situations, what I tell them is you're just feeding your monster. And the best thing to do is acknowledge, that it's okay to be afraid, but the definition of bravery is being afraid and doing it anyways. And that's how you punch that monster in the face and make him a little bit smaller. So every time my children or myself are like, I don't really want to go to this party or I really don't want to go out and I don't really want to talk to these strangers and I don't really want to stand on front of stage and talk. I'm scared, acknowledging that it's okay to be scared, but we're going to push through the fear and do it anyways. And this is what happens when you start decluttering, anything that causes anxiety.

It's so scary to donate something. But every time you do it, it gets a little easier the next time because you're taming that little monster. Right? We're pushing through the fear and things that we're not going to run into a dark alley and embrace somebody with a knife. But in situations where our life is not in jeopardy, and we can rationalize that we are safe, when we can push through the fear and kind of beat that guy down, we slowly are shrinking it down.

Seeing it as a little monster, I wonder if there's a way of reframing that into it's a little opportunity being or a mirror. I hear what you're saying. So this doesn't have to be a monster. What if this is the scared little girl that you're then just reassuring? You know, you're like, it's okay. You know, you got this instead of like, yeah, you're right. You should be terrified.

When you talk about anxiety and social anxiety, is there a faux-what fear under that? I talk about faux-what, which is fear of what others think. So it's either that or an element of that because that's bred into us and especially with kids these days in social media, social media is like finely tuned to create that sort of anxiety in kids. So some of it's that and some of it's I'm going to look, make a fool of myself, i.e., look stupid, i.e., not good enough. I'm not really worth loving, so nobody's going to like me.

I'm just unsafe. I don't feel safe. and so I don't know what's going to happen or I don't belong and I don't fit in so I'm going to go to this group and somebody will look at me and and they won't like me. Yeah. Oh man, just hearing you talk, I think of all the people I'm coaching with decluttering and how not being able to let go of things is really coming from a place of fear. So identifying that underlying why and I think for the majority of people, It is two things.

It's I don't trust myself. I'm afraid that I'm not capable of making these decisions and I'll regret it. I'll do something wrong and I'll have to rebuy something or I'll make somebody upset or I, yeah, it's the I'm not good enough fear. But then there's also this other fear of I don't deserve this. So if they do get their home under control and they do. do start living like this, this amazing life, right? Because that's what happens when we get our home under control, then our finances are easier, our relationships are easier, we're proud of ourselves.

We don't have this kind of like excuse on our back, like our house is a disaster. That's why I'm such a wreck. My life is a mess. When we eliminate that, it is scary for people, the thought. And so many people have said this to me, I'm afraid. of succeeding. They say they're afraid of succeeding. But if you go under, I'm afraid of success, it's really, I'm not good enough. And I'm afraid if I'm successful and I'm seeing more, or I get something, or I get the promotion, or I have a happier relationship, they're going to find out I'm not good enough. They're going to find out I'm not worth loving. They're going to find out, I don't belong, I don't fit in. Become an observer of your thinking because that's a key.

Okay, okay, I don't feel good. What's the fear? Okay, go to the little girl, little boy. Tell them, you've got this, tell them you're the smart one or whatever for you, the words are, I am the smartest here. I am really capable. I have got this. I've done it before. Even if I haven't done it before, I know how to do it. You are okay. And then carry on. I have to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Cozy Earth. I switched to Cozy Earth a few years ago, and I love these luxury bedding. I'm actually using the Cozy Earth towels in my bathroom as well. I love them. They are bamboo, super soft, temperature regulating, and they're good quality. My oldest sheet set is five years. I wash them over and over again and they still look absolutely brand new.

All the cozy earth bedding and bath products come with a 100 night sleep trial and a 10 year warranty, which is amazing. So this summer, give yourself a little luxury in the bedroom and go with some cozy earth bedding. And right now, just for my listeners, you can get 30% off at cozy earth.com slash clutterbug. Again, that's cozyearth.com slash clutterbug so you can get 30% off sitewide. I'm going to share an observation that I've made of, I've helped hundreds and hundreds of people declutter their very messy homes. And when I go into someone's home and I declutter with them and then I kick them out and I reorganize and I surprise them and I make it super beautiful and they back in. Their initial reaction is, wow, this is amazing. But what follows that nine times out of

10 is grief. And it's sadness. It's like this sort of depression. And when we dig deeper with my clients of where this is coming from, it comes from, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to live this way, which means the accumulation of clutter and all the mess around them actually makes them feel like, well, I deserve this. This, I know I hate this, but this is what I deserve. I'm not good enough for more. So when you give them this beautiful space, you like strip away all of that, they're left feeling very raw and vulnerable and upset with themselves because they don't feel like they deserve a beautiful home. And so this is why it's so important for me when I'm, making videos or doing podcasts that I'm constantly saying to someone, do your dishes because you deserve

it. Because what we're really seeing this underlying is there's an excuse of I don't really want to or, you know, that's hard work and I'm avoiding. But deeper than that is they truly feel like they don't, they're not worthy of a home that's clean and beautiful. It's like a self-sabotage thing. You would probably be horrified to see my house. So I must look at it myself. I am in the process of cleaning it up, though, having just moved in. I wonder if the clutter and the messiness matches what they think about themselves. Absolutely.

It's rather than talking about deserving, because when you've got those core fears, I know I've tried this too in the past going, I deserve this. I can say the words. I can strategize it, but do I feel it or did I feel it back then? No, it didn't really, but when I realized I didn't think I was lovable. For me, it was the lovable, worthless thing. As I've been working on my worth, I know more of what I want, not being influenced by what should be or having clutter so that I don't have to look at what's

really behind it because other people perceive me as, well, that's just her. It's just messy or him. It is. It's like they call it cognitive dissonance. So when you take someone and you clean up their life for them and you give them in this beautiful home, it feels very uncomfortable because inside they feel like a chaotic mess. And so they can't possibly have things in order on the outside because they are not feeling in order on the inside and actually having the dirty dishes and the piles of clutter and the mess everywhere makes them feel like, oh, this is me.

Like it actually makes them feel safe. But here's what's really fascinating. So going in and doing it for someone almost never lasts. But when I'm coaching someone and they're doing the work themselves, And every week they're chipping away and they're growing confidence in their ability. And they're seeing like, this actually feels good. And I am capable and I am proud and look what I am doing. What always happens is it not only does that space that I'm working with them stay like that, but then they continue on with the rest of their home and the rest of their lives because they are

changing their inside through the process, not the outside. And now the outside is just a reflection of that change. So I no longer want to be a person who goes into someone's home and does it for them because it's not helpful. It's not giving them the long-term benefits that they get when they do it themselves because it all comes down to how they see themselves, how they respect themselves. And that's act of self-love of, I deserve a beautiful home. That's a reflection of me. I deserve a space that I'm proud of and I deserve to wake up in the morning, look around and think, ah, this is gorgeous. Everyone should have that.

And they're denying themselves that because of this inner self-loathing. If you're telling yourself a story that you're not good enough and you're not lovable and you're not worth loving and you're worthless, then you don't allow yourself. to have what it is that you want. And I know one of the most difficult challenges is working out what I want. I actually don't know what I want because I've never considered myself and never allowed myself to be. I just was on a treadmill, I guess. Yeah. Does that? Yeah, I think a lot of people are on a treadmill. Listen, we, we graduate school. I didn't go to school in my high school dropout, but you know, you graduate, then it's the job, then it's the married, then it's the kids,

then it's the house, then it's the vacation, maybe it's a boat and it's a trailer. And we're always looking to like, what's next, what's next, what's next, what's next? And then we get this sort of like existential crisis, right? So working on contentment, working on finding happiness in the everyday little things, being just proud of yourself for who you are today. I'm good enough today is hard. One of the big differences between happiness and joy is that happiness is often, when I have X, I'll be happy. When I achieve, I'll be happy.

And it's a goal. You know, we can have joy in a minute. If you're feeling crappy, choose to remember things in your life where you were joyful. And the sad part is, even though I wrote the book, on joy, but I'm pretty sure that's why I wrote the book on joy and why I could be some kind of knowledgeable person around joy and fears is because I had so little joy and so many fears. It's even sitting out the back and looking at my river and watching the ducks waddle by, and I'm choosing to register those as moments that bring me peace and comfort and joy and

contentment. And I'm going to say, I'm going to challenge you, Amanda, too, because you just moved in. Listen, there is power in making a joyful nest, a joyful home. Because I try to create a home where everywhere I look, I see something that reminds me of happiness. I try to eliminate the clutter because that reminds me of my, I am not worthy and I have so much work to do and I should probably tackle this. And instead, I, I I worked hard to cultivate a home that I look at pictures. Oh, I remember when we went to Paris. Look at where we went there. I just got this little ceramic fire truck that I set on the shelf. And every time my eyes breeze past it, I think, you're doing, I'm proud of you. I wake up in the morning and I hung bright curtains.

And the first thing I see is a bedroom that is tidy and there isn't work to do. And I look at these curtains and I think, I love this bedroom. I love this bedroom. I think that thought every day. And when I lived my life with a very chaotic, messy, dirty cluttered home, the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was, oh, you're worthless. Look at this place. You've got to get this under control.

And that's the first thought I had when I woke up and the last thought I had before I went to bed looking at the mess or avoiding my home, avoiding looking at it. But the majority of us spend 90% of our time. time indoors. And so it should be a reflection of the us we want to be. And it should be a reminder of our happiest moments. And you're so right with that because I have a, I couldn't bring too much from Australia, you know,

I decluttered before I left. But I have photo albums that have, you know, lots of little things inside. So I have one with my brother and my mom and I have just a few precious things around and I have crystals which bring me joy because they're so beautiful and this is in the unpacking phase I'm so glad we have this conversation because as I go out and I get rid of boxes and things I will remember you Cass and I will be putting as much as I can find that reminds me of joyful moments or brings me peace and joy because I've never been someone who

decorates. I'm a super practical. And this is it. People say this all the time. Oh, I'm not big at decorating. But I don't see it as decorating. I see it as creating visual reminders of the things that make you happy and putting your joy on display so that when you walk through your home, your home makes you happy.

Your home is a reminder of your happiness as opposed to your home contributing to your sadness, which is what a lot of people do. And maybe this is a reframe that we can have about our home because I know it's an issue for myself that I struggled with. It affected my self-esteem. And when I could change my environment, I could change inside. When I work to change this and have this be a reflection of happy, I became happier. Well, you know, go to a quantum physics level, Cass for a minute, because to reinforce what you're saying, I've studied quantum physics since I was 17, so it's like billions of years. And when you change the field around you, so every photo you had, everything that's brought you joy at the time you bought it or had the experience,

they carry the field of that. They carry the frequency of joy. And so it's reinforcing what you're saying that if you surround yourself with things that are of the high frequency of joy, then you stop the, and I know exactly what you're saying as well, because my office has taken me three weeks to try and sort out because I'm doing other stuff and then coming in here, and every time I look and it and it's like, ah, it's like a bomb blew up in it. And you're right, it makes me think, oh, I got so much to do.

I got so much to do. And if I've just put it all in a pile and shove it in a drawer, I feel better. I still know I've got it all in the drawer, but I feel better. And take it a step further. You should have a wall in your office with like pictures of you on stage and awards that you've won. And you should be reminded of your greatness in your home. You should have curtains that are your favorite color that you walk in and you think,

because your space should energize you. Your space should be this mirror of your best self reflected back at you. And it doesn't take decorating skills or anything like that. It takes intention of looking at it differently as a reflection of your happiness and your joy. And I truly, truly believe this because I've seen it with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people. When they manifest their space, even though they don't feel it on the inside, when they work to create that, they change their inside too. and then even those days that you are having a bad day, you just have to open your eyes and look around. Yeah.

And be reminded of all the things that bring you happiness. Well, you've really inspired me. You're the only person because I have a very good friend in Australia who's an interior designer. And she used to just shake her head at my place because I'll be like, look, I don't care. Not much stuff and practical. And I got my mother's furniture that didn't match the house. But you know, here's my mom's furniture. Why would I pay a lot of money to go get more furniture?

And so I had lots of excuses for this sort of stuff. And I would look at her place, which looked gorgeous. But I felt like I at times was living in a Bell magazine, you know. Because that's not you. None of that brings you joy. So of course you're not going to feel joyful feelings from that. It looked gorgeous. But I love what you're saying.

And you've actually changed what I'm going to do, Cass. very much because I will, I'm never going to be someone who puts awards and things up on a wall. However, I will put different curtains up and, because I bought this place furnished. And I will, I'll make more of an effort and have an intention to create a place that I walk in and I love. I do it at a frequency level. So I have devices that put in, you know, the right frequency. So it's, it has a wonderful feel.

but it doesn't look beautiful. It's even inspired me, Kess. I'm so glad, and I hope I inspired you listening at home because it does have a powerful effect when you are just walking through a space and your eyes are subconsciously glancing at things. If those are things that trigger happy memories, happy thoughts, warm feelings,

you will be happier. And so eliminate all those distractions that I call them toxic things that are like, you should do this, you should do this, you should be sorting, you should be organizing, you should, we eliminate those and we just fill our home with with joy. I think that's wonderful. Thank you. And thank you for being on this podcast today and inspiring all of our listeners to confront their fear and yeah, nurture their little inner self because that is a key part that I think we didn't realize we need to do. And can I just say, instead of confront your fear, become aware of your fear.

Listen, observe, observe the stories you're telling yourself. And when you catch yourself telling yourself, the story that's not true, because there'll be a lot of people cast her, saying, but it is true. I'm not good enough. Why would anybody love me? that's because we haven't gone back and actually had like a conversation with the little girl or the little boy hugged them or explained to them and said, you rest, I've got this, I'm the grown-up now.

And I use the language with you cast. I'm smart now. I'm very, very smart. I'm very, very capable. I'm very, very courageous. And I've got us. And I know what to do if there's an emergency. you can just rest and play wherever you want to hug her, wherever you see her.

It's acknowledging and observing the fears that I think rather than confronting, because then I feel like people, you bring in that kind of fighting energy and fighting is probably not what the little one needs. You're right, you're right. It's all about the reframe of the words. I love that. I'm going to stop punching my fear in the fear. in the face and instead nurture and love it. Okay. Please let my listeners know how they can find you

and like just get more greatness from you. Oh, that's sweetly. Thanks, Cass. My website's Amanda Gore.com, but my YouTube channel is Amanda Gore TV. So there's quite a lot of videos on that. I'm just thrilled. You can sign up for my newsletter, which I'm going to write much more frequently once I've settled into the house. and Cassie fired it. I'm going to cassify my house. She's going to get curtains today. Go to Wayfair. Yeah, Wayfair.

Wayfair has beautiful curtains. I want you to look at something that, like, you look at it and you think, oh, that's gorgeous. Okay. I will. It's gorgeous. I will hang up and I will go to Wayfair because I bought some things from Wayfair and have a look at curtains. because I just didn't care about curtains before. You deserve beautiful curtains.

Yeah. I'm choosing, actually, to have beautiful curtains because I want to create a space that I move about in. That brings me joy. So maybe that's an interesting reframe cast, too, rather than the deserve, because I find it, just for me anyway, I find it hard to hear that. But if I hear I'm choosing, it's a whole different kind of framework around it for me.

Whereas, you know what? Yeah, I would like to have a place that reminds me of joy everywhere I look or makes me feel good every time I look at it. So yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm... So thank you, Cass. I'm thrilled and I cannot wait. I feel like six months from now,

you're going to look around this place and feel like home, joyful home. How about we have part two? And I'll tell you about the changes. I can't wait. Well, thank you again. And thank you to all my listeners. And I'll see you guys next time. Yeah. Thanks, Cassie, for having me on.