Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - She Kept These Boots for 15 Years (then one move changed everything) | Clutterbug Episode #347

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Struggling to declutter things that make you feel guilty, ashamed or bad about yourself? Hey Clutterbugs! Today we’re talking about emotional clutter and how to finally let go of the “bully” items in your home: the shoes that hurt, the clothes that don’t fit, the expensive stuff you never use and the gifts you feel guilty getting rid of. A few weeks ago, someone called into Talk to Cas about a pair of high-heel boots she loved, and then broke both ankles before she got to wear them again. Fifteen years later, every time she saw those boots she felt guilt, shame and sadness. She called them her bully boots. And you guys… we ALL have bully boots. I’m sharing my own bullies (hello, little red sweaters and stupid, stupid sourdough stencils 😩), how to spot the stuff in your house that’s quietly making you feel terrible, and how to stand up to it . . . even if you’re a total people pleaser like me. Want to get organized? Learn 6-Step The Clutterbug Method: https://clutterbug.thinkific.com/courses/Clutterbug-Method You can find more Clutterbug content here: Main YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/@Clutterbug Website: http://www.clutterbug.me TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/ #clutterbug #podcast #declutter #decluttering #emotionalclutter #declutteringtips #letgo #organizing #adhd #bullies Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A few weeks ago, someone called into the podcast for a talk-to-cast segment, and they shared a story about how they had bought these amazing boots, like high-heel boots that they loved. And before they even got a chance to wear them, they had a freak accident where they broke both of their ankles, both ankles. And even though they healed, you know, when you're older and you have injuries, there's like lingering effects. And 15 years later, they still could never wear those. boots. And she said that every time she saw the boots, she felt like guilt and shame, but also

probably felt kind of sad that she never got to wear them. But she finally decluttered them. She called them a bully. They were like bully boots. But she let them go and she felt amazing. And this is what I want for you too. Together, we're going to identify some bullies in our home. Let's think of them as like, do you have boots that are bullying you? Maybe not boots. It's a metaphor. Okay, we're going to find things that are making you feel bad or shame or regret. Even though you think you should keep this item, what's it really doing to you on the inside? That's what we're going to talk about today and so much more. So buckle up because it's going to get emotional, but you're going to make such a difference in your home.

I think this is going to sound ridiculous, but I'm just going to be so for real with you. I am a dormant for a lot of people in my life. Like people yell at me or if people treat me badly. Like people will bump into me. Maybe this is a Canadian thing. And I will apologize to them. I have a really hard time standing up for myself. I just do.

I feel uncomfortable. I hate confrontation. I would chew off my arm to avoid nasty confrontation. but I'm not happy about it. I wish I wasn't such a people-pleaser. I'm working on standing up for myself. But what's crazy is, why am I people-pleasing objects that don't even have feelings? That's what's nuts. Like, if you also can relate to this and you are a person who you need some more self-love and self-respect, do you want to stop people-pleasing? Let's start by stopping people-pleasing the junk from Walmart. Let's start by standing up for ourselves to the things that can't talk back, that can't

make us feel bad. They can't make us, you know, lay in bed at night and think, I can't believe I said that to that person. Oh my gosh. I can't believe I did that. Like you're proud of yourself, but it still feels so uncomfortable. You throw up in your mouth a little bit. Guess what? Still feels a little uncomfortable to do it to an object, but it's a good place to start. Right. So many of us are door mats. Why? We got to practice. We have to practice standing up and taking back our power and being like, you're not in charge. I'm in charge. You don't have the right to talk to me like that. You don't have the right to call me names, except we don't have to say that to our terrible neighbor or whoever else is being a bully. We can say it to the stuff first. We can start there because

just like that nasty person, the bully who is making you feel small, who's an actual human, your things, your clutter, those bully boots are doing the same thing. Except it's doing it in your mind and in your soul and in your whole being. So come on, let's get tough together. Let's stand up for ourselves. And it starts with tossing something in the trash. I've been decluttering my house now for 17 years. still come across like these little bullies. And sometimes it's totally hard to identify if something's

bullying you or not, probably because we just see it all the time. And we don't, we have a really hard time identifying the emotions that an object is making us feel. But I do remember the first bully I ever decluttered. I didn't even really know it was a bully until it was gone. But I'm going to share the quick story with you, which I've probably shared before. But bear with me, okay. When my daughters were younger, Joey's grandma used to knit. She was like obsessed with knitting and she was really good at it. And she knitted us so many beautiful things, blankets and clothes and little adorable beanie for my girls' heads and socks like every occasion. We got a lot of knitted things. And there was these two little red sweaters that she had knitted for Christmas

that were, I think wool. They were scratchy, okay? And they were, bulky and they were giant and my children never wore them. Both my girls have like sensory issues when it comes to clothes. I probably should have got them tested. Not the point. The point is the little red sweaters were just something that was sitting in their closet. And as I decluttered, every time I saw them, I would feel like, oh my gosh, she probably, Joey's grandma spent hours knitting these. I should treasure them. Maybe I should put them in their memory bin, these things they had never worn. I didn't know what to do with them because it felt disrespectful to declutter them. But it also felt disrespectful to waste them in the closet.

Every glance at them gave me this pain of shame and guilt. And one day, I made the decision that they were just leaving. And I'm going to tell you the truth, it felt terrible. I felt like the absolute worst person ever. But I realized putting them in my kid's memory bin was just passing that burden on to my girls. We had lots of beautiful things that she had knitted that we kept forever. So why was I feeling all this guilt and shame about the sweater? That's one example.

But the more I decluttered, the more I realized there were so many things making me feel bad about myself. The protein powder I bought when I told myself I was going to get buff and now it's expired. But it's $50. Like why is protein powder so expensive? The workout gear. The clothes, the clothes, especially because my weight was always out of control up and down like a yo-yo. And I would spend money on things that just didn't fit right, that made me feel like crap about myself. There were times where I would go to my closet and 90% of it wouldn't even fit, or at least I wouldn't feel confident leaving the house.

But I would tell myself, someday I'd lose the weight or I'd work out or I'd get in shape. Like someday I'd be able to wear them. But every day until that magical day, my closet was calling me fat and lazy and ugly. And I just started my day kind of hating myself. How absurd is that that I would let inanimate objects make me feel like absolute garbage. But we all do it. Whether it's the gift you got from your mother-in-law that you feel like really bad because you don't like it. What that is actually doing is reminding you that,

First of all, she doesn't really know you that well. And second of all, that you're a terrible person for not appreciating the gift, but the thought of letting it go can feel like wasteful. Or you're like acknowledging how much your mother-in-law sucks. I'm always throwing the mother-in-law's under the bus. I genuinely love my mother-in-law. Okay, listen, some of them are amazing. And mine is like 10 out of 10 would recommend.

But the point is we have these inanimate objects that are just reflecting back to us, kind of toxic. They're toxic, okay? Let's just, let's just call them what they are. And for this podcast, I want you to think of them as those bully boots. Speaking of boots, high heels are another bully of mine that I finally had to let go of. The way I really identified that something was a bully was after it was gone, I felt an immediate sense of relief. And then the next time I would go into that space and that object was gone, I also felt less crappy. You know what I mean? Like I felt like, oh, especially the clothing. This was such a huge example. When I got rid of all the clothes that were too small or didn't fit or highlighted my

muffin top or my flabby arms, I suddenly found that my mornings were happier. Like that's how you know when you let go of a bully, this sense of a woman. weight coming off your shoulders, this sense of pure relief that it's gone. And the only way you can feel that is to literally put that item in a trash bag or in a donation box and then experience what it's like to live without it. So today, let's tackle our bully boots. Just like always, I don't want you to just sit and watch or listen. I want you to take action on your life. I want you to be proud that you moved forward because little by little adds up to a lot. And sometimes it absolutely sucks to do this alone.

Decluttering anything, cleaning all of it, the mundane, the drudgery of it all. So let's do it together. Use, borrow, steal some of my motivation to have some of your own. Like get up and make a real difference. And I think the perfect place to start to celebrate the talk to Cass, segment about the bully boots is in your shoe closet. Do you have high heel shoes that maybe you were like, I looked amazing in my 20s at the club, but now I have a bunion and there's no way I'm wearing those or you still wear them, but then you take them off immediately and just go barefoot like a crazy person because your feet hurt so bad? Those are bullies. Bullies put expectations on you and then disappoint you immediately and make you feel like crap.

It could be physically. Your feet are killing you. It could be emotionally. You're tugging at them all day. You're closed because you just feel insecure. Let's start with shoes. Maybe you bought one of those ones with the red bottoms, Louis Vuitton. I don't know what they're called.

Ain't no way anyone's comfortable in those shoes. I don't care if they were $10,000. They're nasty, expensive bullies. This is the stuff I'm talking about. Look in your closet for your shoes. Let's start with shoes. The running shoes that you bought, those like acer, you know, they're crazy expensive because you were going to run a marathon and yet you've never ran to the mailbox. And now every time you look at them, you're reminded how you're a lazy person who should be in shape. Bye. You're perfect just the way you are. Screw the running shoes. Put them in a bag. Let them go. Seriously, if you have some like this. Like just look at your shoes now. Get up. Seriously. Get up. Go to where your shoes are and look. Take a moment to see what you're feeling about yourself when you look at your footwear. The reality is as you are looking for bullies, it's going to be a lot harder than it is to look for trash. Because this stuff isn't trash. This is actually useful things, things that

maybe you still even use all the time. That's what's so tricky about the bullies in your home, the toxic things. It could be stuff you wear. It could be things you could actually be wearing those shoes that give you blisters, but you're still wearing them all the time. That doesn't mean that they are not toxic bullies. And so it's harder. I'm not going to even sugarcoat this. This is going to be hard. But this is also a really important exercise because we, We need to kind of like become a tuning fork for our physical things and see how by looking at them, by touching them, how are they making us feel? What are the thoughts going through our head?

Let's pause and be really conscious of this because so many times we have things in our home that we don't even realize are suffocating us emotionally, that are damaging us emotionally. without us even realizing it. So yeah, this is going to be hard today, but you can do hard things. And the amazing thing is this today isn't about you getting rid of garbage bags and garbage bags of stuff. This is about you finding that one thing that makes you feel bad. Even if you let go of a tiny thing, that is a step that is monumental in your life. Because all these little little toxic bullies when they're gone, your home might not even look any different. That's the reality. But you will be different. You will feel different. That's what we're striving for today.

While you're going through your home and you're looking, if you already looked at your footwear, move on to your closet or move on to just literally walk around your house and look at all your items and feel how they make you feel. And while you do that, we're going to talk about kind of the different anatomy of toxic bully clutter. They kind of have different categories. And we're going to start with comparison clutter. These are the items that you bought because you saw them on Instagram or your best friend was wearing it and you were like, that looks so good on you. Or, you know, for me, it's all the sourdough stuff because I saw all the host homesteaders making beautiful. Like, why does their bread look like a butterfly or have elaborate designs on it?

I bought the stencils. I bought the tools. I actually enjoy making bread. But every time I look at the elaborate extra things I should be doing all those supplies, I'm reminded that I'm not as good as Lisa from Farmhouse on Boone. It's comparison clutter. And this could be the throw pillow that you saw that you were like, this is going to make my living room look amazing, except now when you look at it, you think,

man, he looked way better in her living room than it does in mine. It could be the thing that you tried to copy or emulate from someone that you were like, look what they are doing great. But now when you look at it, it's just reminding you of how you're not as good or you're not measuring up. That is a bully. Even if it's useful, even if it was expensive, it does not matter. If it makes you feel less it needs to go. It's not contributing to your life at all. It's taking from you. You are the most important object in your entire home. You, not your spouse, not even your children. Because if you are feeling bad, you can't be your best for others. So let's treat this today as it really is. This is like therapy, okay? This is an exercise in you standing.

up for yourself, having boundaries, having self-love and self-respect. And we need to look critically at all of the items in your home and really ask yourself, how is this making me feel about myself today? And if it isn't good, it's leaving. So comparison clutter. Do you have some in your own home? I have tons of things. Immediately when I'm done this, I'm going to go get rid of all those stupid, stupid sourdough stencils I got by. Okay. Let's talk about unfinished project clutter. This is like a tricky one because it starts out when we start a project, whether it's a craft project or even we're starting to decorate. I used to be a person who wanted to chalk paint all the furniture. Remember when that was a thing? And then you run out of steam and you're left with

something that you started and you were excited about and you were like proud that you were going to do it. But now it's just sitting there reminding you of how much you suck, of how much like, get your crap together and finish the thing. But here, here's the truth. If you actually wanted to finish that thing and we're excited about it, you would have. You, it isn't, you don't like it. Or it just isn't lighting you up. It isn't, it isn't what you expected. And there is nothing wrong with that. But having these unfinished projects laying around reminding you of, the thing you should be doing or yeah just making you feel lazy what the heck man who cares throw out that half finish wreath it's ugly anyways bye you don't even have to donate it just let it go

if there is a part of you that when you look at it you still feel joy at the thought of finishing it keep it but if when you look at it you are feeling shame and guilt Like, yeah, it's hard, okay? This is not you admitting failure. This is you standing a bit taller and saying, I'm more important. My happiness is more important. My time is more important. And as soon as that is gone, you are no longer going to be reminded of the fact that you didn't finish what you started. It's just poof, gone forever. And if that makes you feel good, that's what you know you need to do. And last but not least, let's talk about the proof of failure items in your home. These are things that you told yourself you were going to do, like you were going to run every day. So you bought the running

shoes or you were going to lift weights or do the exercise bands. So you bought the tools for it or the protein powder or whatever it is for the thing, the new you, the new version of you. It's a lot easier to buy the supplies than it is to actually, like, show up and make the change. And the reality is the stuff just reminds us that we're not good enough today, that we failed to become this magical person. For me, a lot of this is like the face cream. I've talked about this before, but I'm like, I'm going to fix. I'm going to look 20 again. And I'm going to spend way too much money on ridiculous beauty products. And they didn't work. And every time I look at them, I'm not like, man, that company's a sham.

I think, man, you old. You know, like they're reminding me that not only the thing failed, but that I failed. That's ridiculous. What are we doing here? We're letting it go because, again, it's toxic. It's making us feel less. And we need our things to make us feel more. And like I said, the goal today is not to fill your entire trunk or get rid of truckloads of things.

The goal today is to listen and to feel. So as you're walking through, I just want you to track. If there is an object that's giving you this little pain feeling, it's giving you this ping of like, oh, it feels like bad. Acknowledge that. Like even if you can let go of one item that means. makes you feel bad, you are further ahead. But I have to say that this will be hard. So let's talk about something else you can do right now that isn't as drastic as just putting everything in a trash bag or a donation. What if we put the bullies in prison? What if we pack up some of these

bullies? We use the pack-up method, which means we put them in a box or a bin and we just stash them somewhere that isn't in our view. We put them under the bed or in the garage or in the bottom of a closet and we literally write on the box or the bin, bully jail and just see, like, prove to yourself what it's like to live with them gone from your vision for a while. See, is your life actually better? Do you feel better about yourself? Do you miss those things? Because if you do, just go of the bully box and pull them out again, you know, and have them back in your life. But, but sometimes we don't know until they're gone. We don't actually know if something is toxic until it's gone from our life. And the best way to do that is to test it. This way,

there's no failure. There's no mistake. There's no regret. There's only data. There's only you proving to yourself one way or the other. Do you feel better with this thing gone? This is something you can do right now. It's easy. It's simple. And again, you are not going to think, oh, Cass, maybe throw out my favorite running shoes. And now I feel energized and I want to start running and I have to go rebuy them. You can just go get them out of jail.

You know what I'm saying? Give this a try. Test it and prove to yourself. I think the really important thing to focus on today, again, I've said this, but is your physical and your emotional feeling as, you're noticing these items. Some of the telltale signs are, you'll kind of outrely sigh, like a, you know, you'll make an audible sound. Your shoulders will slump. You'll, you'll, you'll physically make your body smaller. That's what we do when we're around bullies. When we are around something that is making us feel bad, instinctually, we make ourselves

smaller. You might feel a physical pain. You might feel like a twinge in your heart. heart or in your stomach that feels like a sharp stab. It's also important to know the difference between like these toxic bully things and sentimental clutter. Maybe you've lost a loved one or a pet. And when you look at something that reminds you of them, you feel like this little bit of sadness. You feel, you feel loss. You feel you grieve. But that's very different than toxic clutter. Sometimes it can be the same. But most of the time, that's different. Let's be, let's tune in. Let's be really aware of the difference and how our items are making us feel. This takes practice. And that's what you're doing today. You are practicing. You are looking. Hopefully you don't find anything toxic in your home. But you have to do the work to see because it makes a difference. It does. You deserve better than being in a home with physical. objects that are being nasty to you. And sometimes we don't even know they're nasty. Here are some strategies if you're feeling like you've identified something and you want to let it go, but it's

hard. It's going to be hard. Let's talk about real strategies. And the first is acknowledging the story that this item is telling you. And the best way to understand the story is to read it, which means you got to write it down. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write down all the thoughts and the emotions and even the physical things you're feeling when you see that item, whether it is the protein powder or the bully boots, whatever it is, write down the story and then reread it. Sometimes this can really help us identify the truth behind an item. And these bully items aren't this quick. It's not like we're letting go. the empty shampoo bottles in the shower. We're doing real work here. So it's going to require effort.

One minute to write down the story can make a huge difference because it can open your eyes to something that you didn't even realize the thoughts and the feelings and the physical pain that you're feeling. You've got to read your story. And first, that means you got to write it down. What this does is help you see the difference between reality and the kind of reality you've been selling yourself. That isn't the truth. It makes you confront all of your emotions. You've put it on paper. You've made it real. And maybe as you're writing this down, there's some things that are actually positive about this item. Great. That's also part of the exercise. Maybe you've written the story and it turns out it's not a bully. And that's okay too. But we have to put in the work. We have to really identify what this thing is telling us to know the difference. Another strategy to letting go or eliminating a bully is to share it, not with somebody who you know it's going to bully unless you really don't like that person. No, that's terrible. I'm joking. Sharing an item with somebody else that you know it won't bully them.

So sharing those running shoes with your sister who has the same size feet and actually, runs marathons or sharing the protein powder, not if it's expired, no, just toss that in the trash. But if it isn't expired, with somebody who actually is like a beefcake who's like working out all the time, sharing it can feel like giving a gift. It can turn something negative and toxic into a beautiful, positive thing. And there'll always be somebody that you know who this item won't be a bully for. I could give all my high heel shoes to my daughters who are literally at the age where they could wear anything. They could strap like tent poles to their feet and be able to walk without pain.

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but it's just to acknowledge the grief, acknowledge that this is going to be hard and sad. Because sometimes the reason why things bully us is because it's a reminder that we didn't actually follow through. Or it's a reminder that we're no longer the person we used to be. Or it's a reminder that for whatever reason, we failed. And it's okay. Like, think about the boots. It's okay to feel sad. It's not just getting rid of boots. It's feeling the emotion of like, my ankles will never be the same. I had a horrible thing happened to me and it sucked. Letting go of the boots is acknowledging that pain, and it's saying, but I'm ready to move on. I'm ready to move forward without constantly being reminded of how things were better in the past or what things could be.

I'm being real with how things are today, and they're not that bad, right? We can feel the grief, though. Grief is bigger than boots, and it's okay to have strong emotions. about these things. It's okay to feel those emotions. It's okay to cry like a baby while you put those things in a donation box or a trash bag. That doesn't mean you're making a mistake. It means you're pushing through. It means you're leveling up. It means you're making real change. And sometimes change is hard. At the end of the day, you are getting the toxic, terrorist out of your home, which means every day after that is going to feel lighter and happier.

You're going to be more optimistic because the toxic stuff is leaving. It's hard work, okay? I'm acknowledging this is hard work, but man, is it worth it? This isn't a race, certainly not a marathon. It is a tiptoe to the life that you deserve. Identifying like the toxic bullies was probably like near the end of my decluttering real journey. I mean, I'm always decluttering. It's something that you do constantly. But at first, it was so hard to even throw out a receipt. You know what I'm saying? I started with trash.

I would him and on second guess expired things. Like, I was ridiculous. It took a while to get to a point where I started building that decluttering muscle. And coming across the little red sweaters was very late in the game. Seriously. My girls were older. And I mean, It took years to get there. But I'm so glad I did because now I'm not like a fine-tuned tuning fork, but I'm certainly no longer tone-diff. I can now kind of hear the things that my items are saying. And I'm able to easily, more easily identify when the stuff they're saying is mean and nasty.

Before, it all just felt like the same noise. but now I hear the difference. And this is what I want for you too. It's not going to happen overnight. And this is why you're practicing today. I don't know if items in our home take on like personalities, but I do feel we treat them almost as if they have feelings. Maybe it's the Toy Story movies. You remember those movies? They really screwed us over because suddenly our stuff comes to life and has feelings and is sad when we don't use it anymore, you know? Like, oh my gosh. Buzz Light Year and what that movie. Disney really did us a disservice with that. Because not only do we think stuffed animals have feelings, but sometimes we treat every object as if it is like it has

consciousness or something. And that letting it go, we don't want to waste it. We don't want it to, you know, we should be using it. We don't want it to just, why are we ringing? I'm literally even talking of this? Like, I'm physically wringing my hands over the thought of hurting something's feelings. It's insane, but we all do it. I still do this to even some degree. And for me, like, lately, a big thing is I feel like I'm damaging the earth, which I guess is fair, right? That's not even I'm thinking like I'm hurting this object's feeling. There's a part of me that's like I'm hurting the earth if I just let go of it. Like I'm somehow, I'm killing polar bears and koala bears when I'm disposing of this thing. Sometimes I'm imagining like just going into a, into the ocean and

getting trapped on a sea turtle's face. So insane. My imagination runs a little wild, but it feels like, well, I better just keep it in my house then, which is bonkers because one day, a hundred years from now, I'm not even going to live another 100 years, but one day, when I'm dust in the wind, those items are going to end up in the trash or in the donation center anyways. I'm just delaying the inevitable. And so keeping it in my home when it isn't serving me is not saving a penguin, you know? But somewhere in my brain, I told myself this story. I'm keeping toxic negative things.

I'm keeping things that obviously need to go because of this, this like, ugh, this stupid made-up story I have in my head. But here's the reality. I'm just like a normal, I'm just like a regular old person sitting in my basement right now. It's not that people who do this all the time are somehow superheroes who have some kind of power that you don't have. It's not like if I can do it, then, like, of course I can do it because I am an expert, but it's for you because you're not. What are you talking about? An expert at what? I've just like thrown out a little bit more stuff than you. Like it just comes with practice. I don't have some ability or special powers that other people don't have. I am just a regular nobody just like everybody

else. We're all just people trying our best. And sometimes I think you see someone on the internet or you season one on television and our brain immediately goes to like we put them on some sort of pedestal. Like they have something that we don't. We are all just trying to get through the day. We're all just regular, boring average people. We all wipe our butts, okay? I hope today, at the end of this, I hope you acknowledged one thing in your home that was making you feel kind of bad about yourself. And even if you didn't declutter it, I hope you put it under the bed. I hope you put it in jail or in a bully box somewhere. That's it. That's all I want from you today. It isn't some magical transformation. It's one tiny step closer to having the self-respect and the self-love

and the boundaries that you need and that you deserve. And this is not a magical thing that's going to happen overnight where you're just going to wake up and be like, da-da-da-da-da, my life is perfect. It's a tiptoe, man. It's a teeny tiny tiptoe. So I hope today you're a little bit closer. I hope you're practicing kind of being that tuning fork and seeing and feeling what your physical objects and acknowledging how they're making you feel physically, emotionally, all of it. Okay, that's it.

It's a weird one today because it's not like you got rid of trash bag. but maybe you got rid of a bully.