Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - The 6 Reasons why DECLUTTERING is EXTRA Hard for some People | Clutterbug Podcast # 130

Episode Date: June 20, 2022

Do you struggle with decluttering? I talk about the six reasons why decluttering is so hard for some people.  I'm going to encourage you to push through your fears and tackle your clutter!     �� You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we're talking about the six most common reasons why it's really hard for people to declutter. So these are the most common things that I hear from my clients of why decluttering feels so impossible. Hey, clutter bugs. Welcome back to the clutter bug podcast. Today we're talking about the six most common reasons why people struggle to declutter. And I feel like decluttering is hard for everyone. It definitely, I mean, let's be honest, it feels good to acquire. It feels good. It feels. It feels good to buy things, who doesn't love a little shopping or getting gifts. And because that, because it feels so good to acquire things, it can feel really unnatural almost to let things go. It can feel like it's not something we should do. Even if it's things that we don't use in love, it can still be hard.

We can think, what if, or maybe I'll use this, or it was expensive, or who's the perfect person I could give this to one day? And that is completely natural and common. But for a few, people, I would say 30% of the people that I've worked with of all the hundreds and hundreds of clients have almost a debilitating fear of letting go. They can still let go, but they're really fighting against themselves and their anxiety in a much more difficult way than the average person. And everybody sort of has a different reason why they're struggling. And I'm going to talk about the six most common things that I hear. Maybe you can relate to. to one of these things that we're going to talk about today.

But even more importantly than that, I hope you can identify in your friends, family, spouse, or children why they could be struggling. Because if you yourself are trying to get your home under control and you feel like you're dragging your family long behind you and they are not open and they just do not want to let go of their stuff, it's really hard to get your entire home under control if your spouse and children are not on board because you're still going to have their things.

And so if nothing else, I hope you find this podcast eye-opening. Maybe you'll gain some self-awareness about yourself and maybe you can relate to one of these six things. Or maybe you'll have a little more empathy and understanding for your family and your loved ones. So let's start with the very first thing that I hear and I see the most often when dealing with clients. and that is scarcity mindset. Scarcity mindset is fear of going without or fear of not being able to buy something again. This really comes from financial instability, either in the past or currently struggling financially or fear of struggling financially in the future. And the thing I find the most fascinating is the more stuff you have, the deeper you fall into scarcity mindset, even if you don't

struggle financially or haven't struggled financially, if you're surrounded by you've stockpiles of food, maybe you're a prepper and you have lots of food in the basement, it's almost reinforcing to you that we could have a food shortage in the future. When you hear people talk about this worldwide food shortage that's coming, the people who are the most stressed about this, that are feeling the most anxiety and the need to collect the most food, have the most food already stored in their home. And having an abundance reinforces the need to have an abundance. So you look around at all of your things and you're justifying it in your head that this is for safety. This is for protection. And therefore, you're feeling like you have to feel unsafe and need protection

from something. And it's this really bizarre. I mean, I'm not claiming to be some sort of social worker or mental health expert. And not saying people who are prepared for emergencies have obviously a mental health issue, but having an excess of things makes you feel like you need an excess of things. It's reinforcing this in your brain. I don't know what it is. I've read lots and lots and lots of real experts talking about this and how fascinating this is that the more you have, the more you feel you need. And so how do we overcome scarcity? mindset because it's not just about having lots of things. It's great to be prepared. It's great to have lots of things that you would need in an emergency. But very often, there's this snowball cycle that

happens. So the more you're collecting, the more you feel you need to collect, which is reinforcing that something bad is going to happen or you're not going to have enough tomorrow. It's a good thing I'm prepared. It's a good thing I have. You're buying more in bulk, more on sale, more safety, more security, which is making you feel the fear, which is causing you to buy more. And you can very quickly get into a point where you're wasting money instead of saving money, you're wasting space, and your home is becoming unmanageable. And you have way too much inventory that you can handle. And how do you overcome this? Because it's so hard. You're sort of caught up in this, I need this for safety and security. So letting go of these things feels like you're,

you're making yourself unsafe. When you're decluttering things that you've been telling yourself for a while that are, you're doing this for safety for like, this is a good thing, this is to protect me, this is because I might not have anything in the future. Letting it go can feel like the opposite. It can feel like you're putting yourself at risk, that you're feeling vulnerable. What if I can't afford to buy this again? What if something happens and there's a worldwide food shortage and I won't be able to get

flower or bottles of water or formula for my baby and we have this deep-seated fear that's causing us to overspend and fill our homes. But the fascinating thing is when you push through that fear and you really look logically and you say, well, I can donate all the expired food. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. And the more you let go, even though it's scary, even though it's terrifying, the less the scarcity mindset feels fright. the less you feel you need, the more content you are with what you have. And you stop living in a state of always having to prepare for the worst and start being really grateful for what you have right now. And this is what everybody is saying time and time again, decluttering makes you more appreciative

of what you have and it lets go and it lessens that fear and anxiety that comes with scarcity mindset. So, I mean, it's something just to think about. This might not be you, but I'm just throwing it out there. The next really common thing that I see with people who struggle to let go is a shopping addiction. And this can be shopping brand new. This can be shopping thrift. This can even be dumpster diving, finding things on the side of the road, right? Maybe it's furniture that you're going to fix up or something that you're going to resell.

And so it's definitely two groups of people, but it's an underlying the same. fear and that is people love the thrill of the hunt the thrill of the either finding something on sale or finding something great at the store it feels good to acquire it feels good to buy and so we are doing it more than we should we're doing it way more than we should for some people this is an addiction and unfortunately when they fill up their home and it comes time that they have to let go of some of the things that they've purchased or collected to fill this void to get this sort of hit, this addiction, this high, then they have to face up to the fact that they have an addiction in the first place. And that's scary and it's terrifying and it feels horrible and people want to

avoid that feeling at all cost. It's so much nicer to live in denial. And so I've had a ton of clients who really don't want to declutter anything at all. They have an obvious shopping addiction or they're telling themselves that they want to sell things on eBay or they want to have a poshmark account, right, where they're reselling their clothing or it's for their business. They want to fix these things up and sell them. But what I'm seeing is, and not in every case, but quite often there's a lot less going out than there is coming in. And the coming in, the stuff coming in, they're justifying it with the fact that they're going to sell it and it's for a business. But the truth is it's really just part of an addiction.

And the thought of letting it go means they have to deal with the truth and feel all of those uncomfortable feelings of shame and remorse and guilt. And nobody wants to feel these things. And so they're avoiding decluttering. The third thing that I see quite often, the third fear really,

is the fear of the unknown. And so this comes from living with a lot of stuff and not wanting to be wasteful and let go as an ingrained belief from childhood. So growing up in a home where your parents really prided themselves on the fact that they're really resourceful and they use everything. They don't let anything go to waste. They certainly don't declutter. More is better than less.

Having a lot of stuff is good. Not having enough is bad. And these are core beliefs that are just built into you from a very very very very. very young age and changing those core beliefs, even though society has changed, even though as people, we no longer are living in this like depression era where we have to worry and collect and mend our clothing and sew the holes in our socks. I mean, we can order things from Amazon Prime and we do order things from Amazon Prime. So society and we as people have really shifted into this more buying things type of people, and yet we still have this hold on to everything

mentality that our parents had. But the truth is our parents weren't collecting and buying at the same rate that we are now, and that's just facts. And so it's very easy to fill a home, and yet it feels very unnatural to declutter when you have this ingrained core belief. It's really the fear of the unknown, the fear of the fear of, of, going against something that feels like completely natural to you. Right. And so it's something just to think about. It's something to realize what's going on and realize that you are not your parents. You are not living in the same time as your parents. And therefore, you can't have that same core belief as your parents. The fourth reason why it's so extra hard for people to let go is

it's items that are what I call identity clutter. So identity clutter is items that are part of something about your personality that you really like. Something about yourself that you look at and you're proud of. Maybe you are a book lover or you're well read and therefore books are identity clutter. Maybe you are a crafter and you love being crafty. You love making things. You pride yourself on that. Craft supplies are then identity clutter.

Maybe you're a great chef or you love to bake. And that's part of something that when you describe yourself, that's one of the ways that you describe yourself. Any tools that use for this type of stuff? Identity clutter. And I don't know what your identity is. It could be even your college textbooks, right? You identify yourself. Maybe you're a lawyer and all of those textbooks part of your identity.

It's really hard when we have identity clutter to work. realize that it doesn't have to be all or nothing, and you are not what you own. Decluttering things that I consider identity clutter can feel like you're losing a part of yourself or you're losing that part of yourself that you love the most. I can't possibly let go of my books. I'm a book lover. This is part of me. This is part of the one thing about myself that I am the most proud of. And letting that go feels like you're sort of giving a up that. When we know, we say it out loud, we realize that we don't have to keep every book we've ever read to be a book lover. We don't have to keep every kitchen gadget to still be a

great chef. We don't have to keep every craft supply, even though we're not going to use it, to still be a crafter. And the truth is, having all of this excess clutter is making, enjoying the parts of that identity harder because we can't easily access it. It's too much to maintain. We're sort of spending more time managing the mess than we are engaging in these hobbies and these things that make us so proud of ourselves because we have too much. But it doesn't have to be all or nothing. We don't have to let go of everything to still have this and be part of our identity. We can just let go of the ones, the books we know we're not going to read again. We can share them with other book lovers. We can just let go of some of the kitchen gadgets we don't use

all the time or some of the craft supplies we can donate to other crafters so we have more space and time to focus on the crafts we actually love. Which leads me to number five, which is very similar to identity clutter. And that's fantasy clutter. Fantasy clutter and identity clutter are very close. But fantasy clutter is the items that go with the person that we want to be, that we aspire to be, not the person that we have been or we are now. Fantasy clutter is like buying a bunch of workout equipment that's now collecting dust because you want to be a person who exercises all the time, but you're just not. Or buying a bunch of protein powder or a keto diet food or having clothes that are too small in your closet or buying skis

or I don't know, sporting equipment or whatever it is, musical instruments, thinking that we're going to one day be this amazing person. I for myself, I bought myself a lot of empty jars to make my own like bathroom products, bath bombs and face lotions and all these spray bottles. I was going to make like, you know, toner, skin toner. I was going to have this makeup line or something, not makeup, but skincare line. I bought all these essential oils. and all this coconut oils. Ridiculous. I have so many supplies. I was going to start a candle making company and I was going to make tutus and I was going to make hair bows and I bought all these supplies for businesses that I was going to have one day and I kept all of the supplies but never got around

to starting these little businesses or even hobbies. Fantasy clutter. And the worst part about fantasy clutter is it unlike identity clutter, which we look at that and we're like, yeah, I am a book lover. I feel good, which could also be a bad thing because it makes identity clutter hard to let go of. Fantasy clutter is a bully because we look at that stuff and we think, oh, I wish I was that person. Why am I not using that? Why am I not doing this? And you look at it and you feel guilt and shame, not only because you bought it, not only because you have too much, but because you're not, you know, engaging in that. You're not being that person that you think you want to be.

It's toxic and it's bullies and it has to leave your house. And fantasy clutter is so hard because it can feel like letting that stuff go is giving up on yourself. You're basically saying to yourself, oh, I'll never be that person and that can feel defeating. But I think we have to change our mindset and say, I'm not that person and that's okay. And I'm going to love myself for the person that I am and the things that I do and focus on the good that you're doing now instead of all the ways that you're not living up to the person that you want to be or your whatever potential you think you should have. Because all the should have and would haves and could haves are really making you feel like crap about yourself of them being completely honest. They are toxic bullies and they shouldn't be in your home. They're taking away space, but more importantly, they really are saying nasty things to you

every time you look at these items. I'd like to thank KiwiCo for sponsoring today's podcast. Every single month, KiwiCo delivers science and art projects that are so fun, so creative. They really get kids to learn while playing at the same time, whether it's creating giant bubbles or experimenting with ice cream. It's a way for kids to explore STEM, science, technology, engineering, art, and math in a seriously fun way. This month, my kids are making their own wind-up flashlights to play within the backyard, and my husband's so excited about it because as an engineer, this is right up his alley.

As a parent, it can be really hard to find creative ways to keep your kids busy and challenged, even in the summer, but Kiwi-Co makes it easy. Make your summer more awesome with Kiwi-Co. 30% off your first month plus free shipping on any crate line with the code clutter at kiwiCo.com. That's 30% off your first month at k-I-W-I-C-O.com promo code clutter. The last reason that people have a really hard time letting go is perfectionism. And I saved this for last because I think this is the most common thing that I see. Perfectionism.

Fear of making. a mistake. Fear of regretting it, fear of doing something wrong. And so the idea of letting go is so crippling because what if you need that next week or two weeks from now? What if you do have to buy that again? What if you let go of something that you should have kept? You've made this horrible mistake. And perfectionism is so, it can be a great thing. It can be amazing. It can make you more detail-oriented and, you know, not make as many mistakes as other people who like me, who are not a perfectionist, make. But it can also be crippling and debilitating and really cause people to procrastinate doing things because they don't want to make a choice. They don't want to

make the wrong decision. So they make no decision at all. And they're living this life of a limbo. And they're living in a home that's so full and so messy. And they're not. organizing because they don't want to make a mistake and they're not decluttering because they don't want to make a mistake and they're not doing anything that they want to really do because they don't want to do it wrong and they want to have this plan and they tend to over research and over make lists and overthink and overanalyze and it's exhausting and they are putting so much mental effort into the thinking that they are physically exhausted and doing nothing they are taking no steps forward but still exhausted as if they've been working their butt off and this is

unfortunately this isn't something that just lasts a month or years we have decades we have people who are living a life that they they could have so much more they are capable of big amazing beautiful things and they're missing out because they're afraid to make a mistake and they're making the biggest mistake of all, which is not taking action on their lives, not taking those steps forward to do the things that they know they really want to do because they're terrified. They might do it wrong. And every time I talk to a perfectionist, whether they're a coaching client of mine or a client that I'm talking to when I'm decluttering their home, when we take a step back when we zoom out, because they're so focused on the details. When we zoom out and we say, look at how you're living now. Look at the mess. This is the mistake you're making. This is the real result of you being afraid to make a mistake. What's the worst thing that could happen if you declutter that item? Is it worse than living in clutter in a home that you hate? And the answer is always no.

having to replace a $20 item, having to borrow something from a friend, having to go and even re-buy something, pales in comparison to how they feel living in a chaotic home that's out of control, that's full, they're constantly having to tidy, and that let's be honest, they hate. And we don't just have to talk about a home here. We can talk about all aspects of perfectionist life. they're so wanting change so badly, but terrified to do it wrong, but miserable because they're not doing anything at all. And even doing it wrong would feel better than not doing it at all. But this takes time. And so all of these six things that I talked to today, they all come down to one thing. And that is fear. It's fear and anxiety.

And here's my advice. If you related to any of these things, I have one thing, you're going to be scared and you're going to do it anyways. You're going to trust yourself and you're going to push through the fear and do it anyways. I have this keychain that I've been carrying with me for the last decade. It's been like my, I don't know, like life's motto or whatever. And I'm going to swear. So I'm just, I'm just saying this right now. I'm giving you a little, a little like this This is my warning. Scared, shitless, and doing it anyways. Because anytime something in our life feels terrifying, I feel like it's the universe.

I don't know. Is it something? It's something saying, you got to do this anyways. You got to push through because that's the thing that feels the best. On the other side of fear is the life that you're craving. And you are brave if you're scared and doing it anyways. Every time you push through that anxiety, the next time you're going to feel a little less afraid. And it's going to be a little easier.

But every time that you give in to that anxiety and avoid a situation that feels scary, the next time you go to do it, it's going to feel even scarier. You've trained your brain to avoid, to procrastinate, to be fearful of things that aren't really scary because you haven't pushed yourself through. It's like riding a roller coaster. It seems absolutely like, oh my gosh, this is the worst thing. It's absolutely so scary. And you get off and you're like, oh, that wasn't so bad. And maybe I don't want to go back on, but I'm really proud of myself for doing it.

Okay, I don't know. Is that advice? This is just, I really wanted to share these six things with you today. Because again, maybe you can relate to these, or maybe you can see these in friends, families, and loved ones and have some empathy. and there isn't a way to just wave a magic wand. I don't have a trick or a tip to not feel these things anymore, but I'm here to tell you that it's natural to feel these things, but I want you to push through the fear and do it anyways. They call it exposure therapy. You're scared, shitless, and you're doing it anyways.

Thank you guys so much for listening, and I'll see you next time.