Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - The Challenges of a WAHM (Work at Home Mom) | Clutterbug Podcast # 23

Episode Date: August 4, 2017

AS a WAHM, I have many challenges. The biggest one? Other people's expectations of me.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, you guys, so thanks for tuning back into the Clutterbug podcast. Today I want to talk about being a stay-at-home mom or a work-at-home mom and the expectations that come along with that. And some of those expectations we put on ourselves, but I think there's also expectations from society and, you know, our loved ones, friends and family, all of that. So as a stay-at-home parent or a work-at-home parent, it's hard to really have a lot of tangible results. So if you're going to work outside of the home, you know, you can sort of show people with whatever type of work you're producing what you've actually accomplished. But when you're home and you have small children, it's so much harder to show, you know, what you've accomplished in a day because it takes so much longer to do everything.

And if you are a stay-at-home parent, I know you feel me. And if you're a work-at-home parent, I think this is even magnified and, you know, made worse. So I've always called myself a stay-at-home parent, and it's sort of a touchy subject for me because the truth is there's never been a moment where I have not worked full-time. As a stay-at-home parent, I wanted to stay home with my kids, but I still needed to earn a full income. So I ran a daycare for six years, and I started blogging probably three years. into that daycare. And when I started earning enough money after three or four years, I started

earning enough money that it made as much as the daycare, then I could finally quit doing the daycare and switched to blogging full-time. But there was a time where I was not only home with my own kids, running a full-time daycare, taking care of the house and everything that entailed and blogging all at the same time. And I wasn't doing any of it particularly well, to be completely honest, but I was busy. I was crazy busy. And then when I switched to just blogging and being a stay-at-home parent, my life definitely got a little bit easier for sure. But I'm still doing both jobs. So I still feel like, I feel, I guess, that I still have the expectations of what a stay-at-home parent should do. So playing with the kids, teaching them, educating them,

making sure that they're, you know, really engaged in having a great time, making sure the house is clean that the housework is done and then on the other hand making sure that my job isn't suffering so making sure that i'm still earning money from my job and and doing all the things i should do as a professional blogger or YouTuber and now i'm writing as well so i have a book that i'm writing so you're throwing author on top of that and uh it's overwhelming and it and crap gets crazy and and and the outs to the outside world, I think you're still seen as, you know, that you're just sitting home all day on the couch watching television or whatever it is that people think when you're not a stay-at-home parent, that stay-at-home parents do. And even my own husband still, I feel like he comes home from

working all day. I mean, he's worked outside of the house all day and he's coming home. There's got to be some resentment there that I do get to stay home. I know there's some resentment. We've talked about that before. And so on his hard days, on the days where he has really not enjoyed being outside of the home, working outside of the home, I feel like he will sort of, you know, be like, oh, it must be nice to be home all day. Or, oh, it must be nice to do whatever it is that you want during the day. And I can't help but be defensive about that because it is great and I do love my job, but it also isn't a vacation. It's also a job. Not only as being a stay-at-home parent a job, but working full time while being also a full, like a full-time stay-at-home parent has its host of challenges.

So I mean, I'm making this. I don't even know why I'm talking about mostly to rant with you guys because it's not just my husband that I feel this sort of judging from, it's everyone. I have family members who just this week have asked me, you know, to come visit them. They live just over an hour away. They want me to come visit them for the day, have lunch, maybe do some shopping. And I said, no, like, I can't take a day off work to just, it's a really busy time for me. I can't take a day off work to come and go shopping and go out for lunch. And they got upset and they got offended because I work from home.

And I'm my own boss. So, of course, I can take time off. But the thing I think what a lot of people don't understand is that if I take a day off work, I don't get paid for that time or I'm behind on the schedule of things. Just like a person works at an office. If you're a work at, if you work from home, you still have to have those same expectations, the things that you still need to accomplish. And you are your own boss. You need to make sure that you're hitting all of your goals and your deadline so you're still earning an income. It isn't a vacation. You can't just, you know, get your nails done and get a manicure and and eat bonbons on the couch all day like Peggy Bundy and expect to still earn a full-time income.

I mean, obviously, right? I mean, they must be working because they're earning money. But it's because you can't see it, because it's not measurable, like a regular job, people just don't understand. And I feel like I'm constantly trying to defend myself, I guess. I feel like I'm like, but listen, suckers, I am really working. So if you are a stay-at-home parent and you feel like your loved one, your spouse, or your significant other, or your mom, or whoever, isn't, um, is, sort of downplaying your contribution or is as pretending like or or commenting that you don't really do much in a day and you're feeling bad about it. I do have a suggestion for you. And this is something I did before for my husband to show him and it was helpful not only for him but for me and my own

self-confidence because I think I sometimes also feel like I could be doing more or that I'm not getting as much done in a day as other people or what my expectations were in the first place. So here's something that I did that really helped. I wrote down all the different things that as a stand-home parent I have to do in a day. So the laundry. I scheduled 15 minutes for that. And making dinner, I put a half an hour for that grocery shopping. There's another hour, you know, of my day. All the little tiny things that I do throughout the day and throughout the week, I ended up writing it down, even if it was just scoop the cat litter and it was five minutes. I typed it out and I wrote how much time I spend on it and I didn't over exaggerate. I was really, really

realistic in just the household bare minimum tasks that I did and how much time that took in a week. And I'm going to tell you when I added up all of those minutes and all of those hours, it added up to 30 hours a week. So just the housework, cooking, you know, basic. mom duties, I guess, as a stay-at-home mom, were 30 hours a week. That wasn't including the job that I did. That wasn't including the playing time, you know, on the floor that I did with the kids and all the other stuff that comes with being a parent, the education time, the just engaging time that you spend with them. That was just the bare bones working part. The working and not even the

job, like my actual, you know, job, just the housework, um, cutting the grass. taking with the garbage, changing the cat litter, doing the laundry, cleaning up the kitchen after dinner, making the meals, grocery shopping, all of that stuff 30 hours a week. Now, you may not spend that much time, you may spend more. But the exercise of writing it out and adding up the hours was so eye-opening for me. And it was also really eye-opening for my husband because he had something in front of him. He had a tangible piece of paper where he could see where the hours of my day are going. and it was written out and it was black and white and he was he could not dispute it because he i mean

i wasn't exaggerating this was the actual time that was put in throughout the week and and and that changed things in my relationship i feel like that gave me more respect and it gave me the ability to have more self-confidence in myself that you know what this is what it this is a job and this is what i'm accomplishing so i really recommend if you are a stay-at-home parent that you do this exercise, that you take the time to write it out. Even make sure you're adding things like, you know, shopping for your kids' friends' birthday gifts or, you know, taking them to the doctor's office because that is part of our job. That's part of the work part that our spouse as not a stay-at-home parent, as a work

outside the house parent, he doesn't have to do. You know, and he doesn't see that. So, yeah, give it a try today. my friends and if you have a friend or yourself or a family member that's a work at home parent I want you to understand that they're you know having that and then some so they're having all of those same hours that need to be dedicated to taking care of a family plus on top of that they have the workload of running their own business from home whatever it is whether they're selling Sensi or you know they're a blogger they're an author and

whatever it is that they're doing, their workloads on top of that. So they're doing double duty. And so give them a freaking break there. I hope my husband's listening to this because, or by mother or whoever, because it is hard to see. It is hard to see somebody who works from home and realize what they accomplish in a day. If you were the person going outside of the home, it sure does feel like you're doing way more than them. But in reality, if you really stop and take a look of what they're accomplishing and where they're spending their time. You might be surprised. So anyways, thanks for this quick podcast. I just wanted to rant to you guys. Make sure that you tune in for more. Usually I'll stick with organizing, decorating, and DIY

tips. Not so much this type of stuff, but I appreciate you listening. We'll see you next time.