Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - The Meaning Behind The Mess - Decluttering Roadblocks - The Declutter Challenge Part 2 | Clutterbug Podcast # 123

Episode Date: March 7, 2022

In this podcast, we cover more from my book The Declutter Challenge. We break down the meaning behind most mess and WHY decluttering is so hard. There are five common decluttering roadblocks, which one can you relate most to?      You can find more Clutterbug content here: Website: http://www.clutterbug.me YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@clutterbug TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@clutterbug_me Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/clutterbug_me/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Clutterbug.Me/   #clutterbug #podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're going to talk about the meaning behind your mess. We're going to talk about roadblocks to decluttering and some really emotional reasons of why people keep things or why people struggle to let go. And maybe you can discover your reason behind your mess. Hey, Clutterbugs. Welcome back to the Clutterbug podcast. So when I help clients declutter, it always gets really emotional. And to help people overcome a lot of the emotional struggle that comes with decluttering, letting go, I wrote a guided journal called The Declutter Challenge.

And this is the second podcast where we're really working through parts of that book. And I want to challenge you while listening to this podcast to look deep inside yourself and discover your hidden why behind your clutter. Decluttering is so hard, but it isn't. physically hard. It's emotionally hard. And the easiest way to make it easier is to discover your personal roadblock. So I'm going to talk about the five different most common challenges when it comes to decluttering. And hopefully you can relate. Hopefully you can really identify what your challenge is. And I'm going to talk about some common ways to overcome those challenges.

before we jump in let's talk about the pain that comes with letting go i think the pain that comes from decluttering the emotional pain is really a positive when we feel shame guilt remorse all of those uncomfortable feelings that come with letting go it's actually a blessing because it's a lesson the pain that comes from letting go makes us more aware of what we buy and of what we bring into our house. It really helps us maintain a home that has a reasonable amount of stuff. It makes us think twice before we say yes to things coming into our home, which means we're never going to get to a place again in the future where we're feeling burdened and overwhelmed by the amount of things that we have in our home. So yeah, it's uncomfortable to let go, but I want it to be a little bit uncomfortable

because that's how we grow and that's how we really learn to be more mindful about the things in our home and that things we're bringing into our home. So let's dive right in and talk about the most common reason of why we have too much stuff and why it's so hard to let go. By far the most common decluttering challenge is fear of making a mistake or fear of regret and I see this a lot with perfectionists, I would say 75% of people I've met who struggle with a lot of stuff, who struggle with a home that's out of control, who really have a challenge letting go are perfectionists. And this seems bizarre. When we think of perfectionism, we think of people who are living these perfect lives, people

who do everything perfectly. But the truth is wanting to do everything perfectly or having real anxiety about doing things imperfectly can cause a lot of procrastination and a lot of fear and a lot of anxiety, especially when it comes to our home and when it comes to letting go of the things we no longer use in love. Perfectionists tend to be really detail-oriented people and when you are focused on the details, when you're an overthinker, when you are an over-planter, you have a fear of making the wrong decision, so you make no decision at all. And instead, you just shove the stuff back into the drawer, or you put it in the basement, or you put it in the attic, or you tell

yourself you're going to deal with it later. And it doesn't take long for all of this indecision on your belongings to fill your home. And to have a home that's very hard to manage, that is very cluttered. And it just takes you way too long to get it under control. If you're constantly tidying up your mess just for it to feel messy again the next day, you have too much stuff. You have to let things go. But if you are really struggling with the fear of making a mistake, that can be so hard. But I really want to challenge you right now to see the big picture. So this is what I do. This is what we talk about when I'm working with clients who are struggling. with perfectionism and that fear of making a mistake especially when it comes to decluttering and letting go.

I want you to zoom out and see the big picture and see the fact that you are making a mistake by not letting anything go. You're making a mistake by not decluttering. And that mistake is having a home that feels overwhelming, that has so much stuff in it that you can never get on top of things that you can never get back in control of your home. Your home is out of control and your stuff is controlling you because you're so scared to regret making a mistake. The truth is, I would rather you live with some regret than live in clutter. And I know this is easier said than done. It's easy to say, okay, I promise you, you're not going to have regret and you need to look at the big picture and you just need to rip off the band-aid and let things go. So how? How do we overcome this

fear of making a mistake? And the best way to do that is walk that fear all the way down the line. What that means is really walk through in your mind the worst case scenario. You're thinking right now, well, the worst thing is I would regret that or the worst thing is I would have to buy that again, but really walk it through. Okay, you have the shirt right now. And it doesn't fit you. And you end up letting it go. And a year from now, you lose 30 pounds and that shirt would have fit. So what's the worst thing that could happen?

You buy yourself a new shirt. And maybe you're thinking, well, I don't have money to buy a new shirt. Well, maybe you go to the thrift store and you find one for $5. So were you really living in a cluttered home because of a fear of spending $5? a year from now to replace this shirt saying what's the worst that could happen and what's the worst thing about that and what's the worst thing about that at the end of that line what you're going to discover is that your worst fear isn't really that bad at all because usually it's replacing something for under $20 or borrowing something from somebody else or using something else in your home

as an alternative to the thing that you're going to let go. So that initial fear, when you break it down into its real parts, when you walk that fear all the way down the line and just keep asking yourself, what's the worst thing that could actually happen? When you get to the end, you realize that the worst thing is not really that bad at all. And it pales in comparison to living in clutter, to living a life right now with a home that's out of control that makes you feel bad about yourself, that impacts your life in such a negative way, because we know that clutter costs you time, it costs you money, and more importantly, it costs you your self-esteem. And there is nothing in your home, nothing in your home

that you would regret getting rid of more than you're going to regret living one more day in a home that makes you feel bad. The second most common decluttering roadblock is financial instability. So the fear that you're going to have to pay to replace something, or just that scarcity mindset, when you look around and everything you see, you see for the dollar amount that you spent to buy it, or you see the dollar amount that it would cost to replace that. And the unfortunate thing about living in scarcity mindset, that constant

fear of not having enough money is what it causes us to do is overspend. And I want you to hear me out. Living in scarcity mindset is something that I was doing for a really long time. I struggled with money for a big part of my adult life. I was a homeless teen. And then when I finally started getting my own apartment, I didn't have anything at all. I had no furniture. I was working three jobs just to get by. Anytime I had an extra $20 in my pocket and if something was on sale for $20, I would buy it because maybe tomorrow I wouldn't have that $20. And I better hurry up and spend it and have the thing now just in case. And I also found myself finding and acquiring things that were free that I didn't even need

because maybe that extra chair was worth $30. And somehow in my mind I was $30 richer for having it. And I felt safe the more that I acquired. I felt financially safer the more that I acquired. Ultimately, what ended up happening is the more I filled my home and the more I bought things on sale, the more I was really spending money that I didn't have on things that I didn't need out of this fear of not having money tomorrow. And I remember coming home all the time saying, oh my gosh, I saved us so much money today, Joe. Look at these toys I found at the thrift store that are worth $100, but I only spent $15.

$15, I saved us $85. And my husband who didn't have scarcity mindset used to always say to me, no, Cass. You just wasted $15 on something we didn't need. And I just thought he was crazy. And he didn't see things the same way that I saw things. And he didn't realize how much money I was saving our family every time I bought things in bulk, every time I bought things on sale, every time I found an amazing deal. I truly thought that I was making our family money by spending money.

And it wasn't until I went through the really difficult process of letting go. And I felt all of that uncomfortable feeling of seeing all the money that I had wasted, that something in my brain switched. And instead of seeing all the money I was saving by a couple of, acquiring things on sale or getting things for free or getting things on a deal, I started realizing how much money I could save by not spending any money at all. And I started buying less and I started having more money in the bank and I started having less clutter in my home because they went through the pain of decluttering. When we buy something, that money is already gone. And we are not any

richer for having more things in our home and we are not any poorer for decluttering. The only way we are poorer is by spending money that we shouldn't have thinking we are saving money because we're getting it on a deal. The next most common decuttering roadblock is definitely guilt and shame. And guilty clutter is what I call anything in our house that we don't actually want, but we feel really bad letting it go. Sometimes this is sentimental things. Maybe it's things that our children created artwork or clothes that they wore as a baby or its gift from friends and family or it's items that our family has passed on to us. Whatever it is, if we don't love it and we don't really want it in our house, but we're only holding on to it because we're people-pleasers and

we're people pleasing our stuff or we're people pleasing our family or or friends by holding on to things. It's bananas. And we have to make the decision that we will no longer keep guilty clutter in our home because the only thing that does is not only make us feel bad about our home and about the amount of stuff we have in our home, but being a people pleaser is something we unfortunately are passing down with each generation. If you are holding on to your grandmother's China for 30 years even though you don't love it, and gosh forbid something happens to you or you get older and now you're passing that burden onto your children, they are also going to feel like they need to keep it into their home even though they don't want it and they don't need it. And the best thing you can

do is put boundaries on your home and your stuff and stuff and say no. I am going to stand up for myself. And I was such a people pleaser. I was people pleasing my junk, even if it wasn't necessarily sentimental things. Not only was it the ugly sweater that my mother-in-law bought me, she wouldn't even know if I donated it, right? She wouldn't know. Maybe I was still in my closet. She would have no idea. But I was even people pleasing the junk I bought from Walmart. like, ooh, I feel bad letting this go. I probably shouldn't bought it in the first place. And in the movie Toy Story, oh my gosh, it made it so hard to let go of toys. Like somehow our stuff has feelings. And what that really added up to was a very cluttered home that was making me miserable.

And so I made a decision. I don't keep guilty clutter in my home. And I don't want you keeping guilty clutter either. Let's talk about identity clutter. This is another form of clutter that's a real roadblock for people that can add up to too much stuff. Identity clutter is anything that we identify, a physical thing that we identify as part of ourselves. A really good example is book lovers, people who love to read and who pride themselves on being book lovers or being very well read have an excess of books. and struggle to let go of any book, whether they like the book or not. Being a book lover is part of their identity, and therefore they don't want to let go of any books at all.

Maybe you have a very handy, you're a handy person, you have a lot of tools, you pride yourself on being able to fix anything. And so therefore, any type of tool or anything you would use to fix things, whether you're using it or not or like it or not, maybe you've got an entire new screwdriver set, but you're holding on to your old screwdrivers because you feel like that's part of your identity. Crafters feel this. If somebody feels like they're a crafter or a scrapbooker, they will keep any kind of supply related to that because it's identity clutter. This goes with textbooks from college or university, part of identity, part of your identity. And so it's identity clutter

and so hard to let go of. The way to overcome this is really to realize it doesn't have to be all or nothing. I can still be a book lover and let go of the crappy books that I don't like. I know I'm never going to read again. I can still be a really handy person who can fix anything and still let go of the screwdrivers I know I'm never going to use. I can still be a crafty person and not hold on to every craft supply. And I would even challenge you that are you really a book lover if you're not sharing your love of reading in your passion for books with other people by sharing the ones you're never going to read again. We should be sharing our passions. All of those tools and supplies that we know we're not going to use that go with our passions, with other people who are

passionate about it, but less fortunate than us and maybe can't afford to buy those supplies. So that's a really great way to help overcome identity clutter is just to share. the mindset with sharing your passion and also to realize that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. We can let go of some of the identity clutter without letting go of our identity. I want to take a second to thank Funjet Vacations for sponsoring today's podcast. Funjet Vacations is a one-stop shop for all of your vacation needs, including flights, hotels, transfers, and excursions. I want a vacation that can make fun happen, and for me, the best part of vacations are the ones that

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or call your local travel advisor, restrictions apply. There are two real roadblocks left when it comes to letting go when it comes to clutter, the sort of meaning of why we have an excess. And the second last one is childhood connection. So this could be two things, really. One, you grew up in a household where your parents did not have their home and clutter in control. So this is a real learned behavior or an unlearned behavior. If you were never taught how to declutter, if you were never taught how to manage a home to do the dishes every day,

if you were never taught how to keep up on laundry or how to just do housework, and taught how to let go of things that you don't use in love, if your parents always piled things in corners or in the basement and kept everything, and told you how, you know, everything has value and it's important, we never let things go. Of course, this is going to be a mindset that is ingrained in you. And of course, you're not going to have the tools as an adult yourself to know how to manage your home. This doesn't mean we can't learn.

And that's what you're doing by listening to this podcast. Our parents tried their best. And if they didn't have the tools, of course they couldn't teach us the tools and techniques. but you can learn now. And we forgive our parents for past mistakes just like we realize that we're not perfect. But every day we can parent ourselves and we can learn how to be a better person and have new tools for our toolbox that we can now pass down to our children. But there's another unexpected way that your childhood could be impacting you and that's if your parents sort of took cleaning overboard. My mom was an absolute clean freak and she was really militant and obsessed honestly with keeping her house extremely tidy

and i saw this as kind of sad if i'm being honest i thought that this was a waste of her free time and it was such a negative thing the the constant nagging and the constant obsession with the house i swore that i was never going to be like my mother and i definitely rebelled against the thought of cleaning and taking care of my home. I was like, I don't want to end up like my mother. I don't want to be a clean freak. And I saw any type of household chores as being like my mother. And so I did nothing at all. And my house became a complete disaster. And I struggled for years and years and years with clutter and mess and dishes and laundry. And I just, yeah, it was, it was bizarre way of me sort of trying to take a different path in life, which ended up

me taking a path of, you know, being very miserable and overwhelmed with my home. Now I realize that I don't have to be a clean freak and be obsessed with cleaning and decluttering and organizing to have a home that is just effortless to maintain. I can find shortcuts. I can find ways to do it good enough. I can embrace just doing a little bit every day and it isn't perfect and that's okay. And I don't have to be my mom to still have a clean house. So whatever your childhood connection is, sometimes just being aware of it, just realizing why it's hard and realizing that our parents try their very best and we are not our parents and we can learn new tools and techniques as adults to have a better life, just that knowledge can help us overcome that childhood connection. And the last reason why people

sometimes struggle to let go and have a lot of clutter is trauma. I've seen quite a few of my clients who build literal and metaphorical walls around themselves because they've been hurt. They've had trauma in their past and it's protection, it's security, it's so many things. PTSD trauma does so many things that can really translate into our environment and an out of control environment because we feel so out of control on the inside. The thing that I would recommend is if you've made this connection that you're struggling to let go or that you're surrounding yourself with things or that you're just not able to manage your home because of trauma is that you reach out to someone and you talk to someone and you consider therapy or even talking to friends and family talking about it is such

an amazing way to overcome it, just making those connections, realizing where this is coming from so you can stop beating yourself up so you can stop blaming yourself and punishing yourself and start making real steps towards unburying and letting go and living the life and having the home that you deserve. So thank you guys so much for listening. I hope you're really seeing a connection with yourself or your loved ones and anyone that you have in your life that's maybe struggling to let go, maybe seeing it in a new light and realizing some steps that can be taken to make a real change. Thanks so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you guys next time.