Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Your Clutter is Lying to You (Here’s How to Stop Listening) | Clutterbug Podcast #329

Starting point is 00:00:00 Your clutter isn't a moral failing. It's a story that you keep rehearsing and it keeps talking to you, telling you the same old thing over and over again. A few months ago, I was helping Jessica McCabe. At first, I went to her home and helped her declutter and organize. And then she was so inspired. She wanted to continue on with the rest of the house. And she had one room in particular called the Doom Room that was absolutely so chaotic. She needed a little bit of help so I was. on a coaching call with her. And during that coaching call, I cut her off mid-sentence in maybe perhaps a harsh way and just told her no stories. And there was a short clip, like 20-second clip of this situation that completely went viral. I'm talking like millions of views. And the comments were kind of like not always so nice. There were people who thought I was rude. There were people who said, oh my gosh, I could never talk to someone like that. Or they said, I would cry if you ever said this to me. This is a whiteboard. I got this whiteboard specifically. No stories. I don't care. Listen. No. Pick it up again. Is it health and wellness related? It is not. Is it simple.

Starting point is 00:01:15 This is really helpful because we've already done almost the rest of the house. So if it doesn't belong in the rest of the house, which it clearly didn't. Exactly. And it's belong in health and wellness, then it doesn't go here. Exactly. Because your stuff in the house. this room is health and wellness. You have rules for what stays in this room. The most important thing that we have to do in this room is set ground rules. And every room, it's really important to identify the purpose and the things that you do. But when you have a multi-purpose room like this, it's even more important. That means nothing that doesn't belong in those categories can go into this space. We're really clear on what belongs. And that boundary means that it will stay

Starting point is 00:01:56 tidy long term. So part of me wanted to defend myself, but also I'm really excited that this message is getting out because I've helped literally hundreds and hundreds of people declutter. And what I've seen are these patterns, these patterns that keep creeping up over and over again. And one of the most prominent patterns is our natural instinct to talk us into why we should keep something. And we do this through stories. So what you didn't see in that quick 20 second clip was beforehand I had given Jessica rules of let's not tell a story about every object and try to stop yourself from talking yourself into why you have it, why you bought it, or why you should keep it. And she had ADHD, and so do I. So there's no judgment here. But she had forgotten a few times. So it was just like,

Starting point is 00:02:51 no stories to keep her on track. I also think telling a story about an object instantly gives it more value. You know in your gut if you love something, if you use it, even if you want to keep it. But our brain does this thing that's totally anxiety and fear where what if, maybe. Oh, but, and we end up justifying why we have this object. We have. end up finding all these excuses, and next thing you know, it feels super important and we can't let it go. So I really like to have this intuitive decluttering experience where people trust their gut and ignore their brain because their brain is usually a big fat liar. Clutter isn't just stuff. It's a narrative. And if you change the story, you can change the clutter. I used to tell

Starting point is 00:03:44 myself a lot of stories, and they mostly sounded like guilt, if I'm being honest. But let's bring back an oldie. We'll talk about the little red sweaters. When I first started my decluttering journey, I'm sure this so many times, but if you're new to my channel, maybe you haven't heard this. Joe's grandmother loved to knit. She knitted baby blankets and she would knit us tea towels and sweaters and just everything. And my children had a lot of beautiful things that she had made. I know that it's expensive, yarn is expensive and it takes like all freaking day, sometimes days, sometimes weeks, to knit something. So this is like, this is not only as the object you're given, like it's a gift, so you feel obligated to keep it, but there's so much behind that. It's Joe's

Starting point is 00:04:30 grandmother, but also she put her blood, sweat, and tears and hardened money to these objects, except we had like 50,000 different objects from her. Her full-time job and her part-time job and her hobby was to knit. And so she had gifted my children these little red sweaters. They were matching at Christmas. They were huge. They were bulky. They were itchy. My kids did not want to wear them. In fact, they had never worn them, but I stuck them in their closet for years. And when I was decluttering and I came across these little red sweaters, my gut was like, heck no, these got to go. My first instinct is, we don't wear them. We don't like them. We have so many other cherished things from Joey's grandmother, and then came the story. But she sat and lovingly knitted

Starting point is 00:05:20 this. She probably spent weeks, and it probably was so expensive, and we didn't even get a picture of them in it. I should probably put them in the memory bin because what if she passes away? And then I feel this regret of giving away this. And I'm like building this, like, I'm hyping these sweaters up, you know, in my brain. Sweeters that, again, then my children have never worn. They're super scratchy and we don't want them at all. And that's when I had to stop myself and change the narrative that if I keep everything from her, then nothing's truly special. And the baby blankets that my kids fell asleep with every single night and that wrapped them up when they were cold and that we took to, you know, everywhere with us, we took those baby blankets. That's special. That's the story.

Starting point is 00:06:13 that we're going to remember, we don't also need the little red sweaters. And in fact, the little red sweaters take away from the baby blankets. I guess the actual narrative from those sweaters is that I'm not a loving person if I get rid of them. I'm not sentimental enough for not wanting to keep them. I don't respect handmade things. I am not respecting my husband's family. There's all this emotional baggage and these stories that came around that, quite frankly, all of which were toxic. Basically, these little red sweaters were bullying me and calling me names every time I looked at them. So let's talk about the narrative or the story that these little red sweaters were actually telling me. And it was kind of two things. One, holding on to them, they were saying, you're a good mother. You keep

Starting point is 00:07:07 everything for your children and you're a good granddaughter and you're a good wife and your respect Joe's grandmother and you are respecting homemade things. Like by keeping these all, this is kind of all the narrative that I'm being told. But also, there's this other whispery darker story coming from these things, which is you don't even like them or want them. You're keeping them out of guilt. Every time I looked at those little red sweaters, there was a whisper of, I wish Joey's grandma would stop making me so much stuff. I'm starting to feel resentful about the clutter coming in. So I'm telling myself this one story or the clutter's telling me of why I should keep it, but there's this underlying story that's also making me feel kind of bad about those items.

Starting point is 00:07:57 And all around, it was time to change the narrative. Today, let's do hard things. Together, I'm here with you. Usually I will give you a decluttering or cleaning challenge while you listen because you are not allowed to just watch or listen to this podcast. I want you to take action. I want you to get up and do something that makes you proud while listening. But what if today we go a little further? We dig a little deeper and we try to deal with something that is telling us a story from the past. And my first instinct is like a season that you are no longer in. So if you have small children that have now grown, why don't we tackle some of the baby items? Why don't we tackle some of the children's toys and clothes that they have outgrown? Maybe you used to play a sport all the time or have a hobby that you engaged in all the time, but it's just not your thing anymore. Are you still holding on to those items? And what story are they telling you? Like I literally want you to really listen. So go to a place in your home where you have maybe stacks of board games that you never play or puzzles that you're never going to actually do or craft supplies or old sporting equipment or your children's old clothes and toys and listen. Just look and listen for a minute. What is the story they're telling you? What is the narrative? And can you flip the switch? Can you change it so that you have the courage to a

Starting point is 00:09:37 eliminate the things you're not using and loving and make room for tomorrow's you. And by working through some of these stories, hopefully letting go is going to be a lot easier by the end of this podcast. The first thing we're going to do today is really separate the story from the facts when it comes to our stuff in our clutter. Here's an example. You have 42 coffee mugs. You know what I'm saying? That's a fact. That is undisputable. You have a lot. You have four people. You have four and your family. So you can all have 10 different cups of coffee a day and still have two extra for guests. That's a lot. Fact. Story is, it's so wasteful to get rid of something that's perfectly useful. Or these are all like memories. Every mug has a story attached to it. It came

Starting point is 00:10:29 from a different person or it has a different meaning or it has a different use. Or I like having a lot of different coffee mugs. I'm a coffee lover. And therefore, all of these represent part of my identity. These are stories versus facts, and it's really important that we can separate the two. The only real fact is that you have 42 coffee mugs. Another fact, you don't have enough room on your kitchen counters for all of your stuff, and you have a cabinet filled with 42 coffee mugs. So now that we've separated a fact from a story, let's talk about some really common stories that we tell ourselves about our belongings. And it really can break down into three very common ones. We have shame, we have identity, and scarcity. So a shame story

Starting point is 00:11:22 that our stuff can be telling us is, you're lazy, especially if you have the piles in the mess, right? It's basically screaming at you. You're lazy. You're not good at this. You're not good at organizing. just you're not a good mother, you're not a good wife, ah, you're not a good person. Oh, it can get dark and deep. But it can also be shame like you aren't a good granddaughter because you're not using your grandmother's china or you're not a good friend because you're not respecting the gift that your best friend got you. It's just shoved in a corner somewhere. When we talk about identity, this is a big one because when we look at the fact that we have books everywhere, We're not seeing clutter. We're seeing, I'm a book lover. We are seeing, oh, man, there's also

Starting point is 00:12:08 books that I should be reading and why do I keep buying new ones when I'm not reading the ones that I bought last week? And it's also, I'm well read. And there's so many stories that are coming from our stuff. And last but not least, scarcity. And this is something that I see all the time. And I really struggled with myself, we look at our belongings and the story that they're telling us, the narrative is in a pinch, at least we have the stuff. We could sell it or we can use it. This is safety. This is going to catch us in dark times. We might need this one day when everything goes bad or we lose our job or we can't afford things. At least we have the stuff. In a scarcity mindset and a scarcity cycle, the story our stuff is telling us is, I got you just in case you are protected.

Starting point is 00:13:02 I think I love so much about this podcast is what I've learned over the years is the most successful people who take back control of their home, who become masters of their domain, they build that muscle because they do it themselves. And I'm here with you, like in your ear, but I'm not actually physically there with you. And that's actually a good thing. Because when I go into a client's home and I declutter and I organize for them, we don't see the same long-lasting result that we do when you do it yourself. And I'm not saying like it all goes back bad and that's not at all. Like people maintain their spaces and they look beautiful. But when I work virtually with a client or I hear stories from you listening to this podcast, you go and tackle other spaces. You literally

Starting point is 00:13:55 become an organized, tidy person because you built the staircase yourself. I didn't give you an elevator ride to the top. Yeah, it's great. You can enjoy the view from up there. It's real nice and everything. And life is better. I'm not saying it isn't. But when you build the staircase, my friend, you can keep building more steps and go higher than if somebody did it for you. And so when you're listening to this podcast, know that you're building muscles. You're building muscles. You're You're doing this. We're body doubling together. But this is you gaining skills and knowledge and tools to build, to literally build a better home and a better life. So I want to make sure that you are equipped with all the tools that you need for success. And recognizing the story that your stuff

Starting point is 00:14:47 is telling you is a tool. It is an important skill. When I am with people and with clients in their home, I can identify the kind of narrative that they're saying and I call them out usually because I'm not always nice. And I'll say like, I'll hold a mirror to them and I'll reflect it back. Like, you are saying this, but what I'm actually hearing is this. But I can't do that with you. So I'm going to teach you how to do this for yourself. The first tool is your story spotting tool. You have to be able to identify to like spot the story that you're telling yourself right in the beginning before you actually launch into your big long narrative. Because by that point, you're convincing yourself why this is crazy special and it makes the story a lot harder to spot.

Starting point is 00:15:35 So three words that I hear when a client starts talking about something that like make my ears prickle is might want and should. I might want this one day. I might use this. I might, right? Or I want to finish this puzzle. I want to make this craft. I want to turn all these old t-shirts into a quilt one day. And I should. I should be using my grandmother's china. I should be reading all of these books. We're shouldn't all over ourselves. So those three things really stand out to me, but also whenever you're bringing in somebody else. So if you're start talking about, well, my kids really love, my husband, my mother-in-law, my sister, my neighbor, when we are bringing in other people into the narrative, it just creates more emotional

Starting point is 00:16:33 weight. And we're really talking about shame and guilt here. You've probably heard the whole, like, woulda, coulda, shoulda, before. We talk a lot about this with, like, things we're supposed to be doing, our to-do list that I could, I would, I should. But it relates to clutter, too. I would use this if I had more time. I could use this if there was ever an emergency. I should be using this. If I ever got my act together, then I would actually be doing the thing. All of this is so much pressure, but it's also scarcity mindset. It's also just fear, isn't it? Fear of letting ourselves down. Fear of not becoming the person we want to be. Fear of disappointing someone. fear of making a mistake. Another tool we need is the ability to spot the space that the stories are taking up, right? Because maybe you have a spare bedroom that is a doom room because the story is it's going to be my craft room. I should be clearing this out. It's the identity, all of it piled in there, but it's taking up an entire room in your home. Or it's a storage locker that you're renting,

Starting point is 00:17:48 or it's a basement, or it's the garage, or it's that pile on your kitchen counter, or it's the pile in the floor in the corner of your kid's bedroom. Where is the space that these stories are taking from you? I want to talk about a story that Joe used to tell himself all the time. Joe was always like a really engineery kid. He would take apart the toaster and put it back together just to see how toasters work. And I don't know how his parents felt about that, but he would also booby trap the whole house.

Starting point is 00:18:20 Like he would gather little supplies and he would booby trap the doors. So when someone opened it, it would like shoot elastic bands. He did this as a small child. He has an engineering brain. And then he became an electrical engineer. And when we moved in together, he had totes and totes and boxes and boxes filled with parts. He had circuit boards and wires and old toasters that had. had been taken apart. He had all of this. Like, it was like crazy pants. And it was semi-organized,

Starting point is 00:18:55 but also we had no room in our garage for a lawnmower because Joe had filled it with identity. And the story is he can use this to build and to fix. And the story that all of this was saying is, you're resourceful. You are clever. You are a builder and a maker. You are an engineer. here. So everything, every piece, every wire, every scrap piece of everything felt super important to him. Because again, it was like this extension of his identity, the thing that he was so proud of, the part of himself that he loved the most. But the space this story was taking was our living space. We didn't have a place for a rake. Okay. It was crazy. We bought our home and had no place for anything to go. So we moved a bunch of it into the basement, but now, again, we don't have a

Starting point is 00:19:50 spot for the Christmas tree to go because we have boxes and boxes and boxes of broken circuit boards. And what's really beautiful is that Joe realized that he is still an engineer and a builder and a fixer. He realized that when he actually needed a part, it was easier to just go and spend $2 at Home Depot than it was to root through the boxes and boxes of stuff. And he really realized that the space it was taking and the story it was telling, he didn't need the stuff to tell him this story. And he needed the space more. So it was really crazy. Like he decluttered all of those little gadgets and gizmos a plenty and still has the exact same story about him in place. But now we have a place to park the lawnmower. Joe did this like after I started my

Starting point is 00:20:42 own decluttering journey. I was doing this for myself and he was seeing the benefits, I think. He did not want to let go. I don't want to say he was a hoarder, but he definitely thought that it would be wasteful to go and re-buy. But I think me just like quietly repeating this message about my own stuff over and over again, he kind of absorbed it and he saw how important this space was, right? Because we couldn't walk in some of the rooms in our home and how life-changing was it. We gained back our time and our space and our energy and our happiness. And he saw that. And he started to see, instead of the story this stuff was telling us, the potential we could have for future us in this space. And I think he started getting excited about the potential of his workshop and his garage space. And he started to like,

Starting point is 00:21:29 maybe he could be not just a tinkerer, but a woodworker. Maybe he could get woodworking tools. Maybe he could have a new hobby. Maybe he could get hockey equipment and have a place to store that. He started seeing how the story and the stuff was actually taking from him instead of giving. And I'm telling you this. And Joe had the benefit of having me being really excited about decluttering and organizing for years. Like he absorbed it because I was there and he got to see firsthand the benefits without him having to experience the stress of decluttering himself. and you may not have that. I mean, you can totally trust me, and you should, that letting it all go

Starting point is 00:22:11 will change your life and it will be amazing. Or you can prove it to yourself in another way. What if we stop looking at the clutter and focusing on the potential of the clutter, right? So this is what we do. We open this very messy room or we look at this pile or, yeah, we look at the basement, and we start looking at all the individual stuff saying, oh, that could be a wreath. and that could be a book I'm going to read. And that could be something that I give to my grandchildren one day. What if we stop looking at the potential of the stuff and we start looking at the potential of the space it's taking? Could this be a library? Could this be a reading nook? Could this be a clear space that you don't have to stuff shuffle that always looks amazing and clean? Could this be a little yoga studio for you? Could it be a playroom?

Starting point is 00:23:05 in your home for your grandchildren to come and actually enjoy, maybe even spend the night, instead of it being about the stuff and the potential the stuff could be. Because that's a lot of pressure and that's a lot of work. And every individual item then needs you to fulfill its purpose. It's a lot easier to fulfill the space's purpose. This past week, I was in New York helping Chloe and her family with her apartment. You've got to tune into this. It's going to be an amazing makeover with the great Gretchen Rubin.

Starting point is 00:23:38 But I also think that this was such a beautiful example of a story being told in their apartment. In New York apartment, it wasn't crazy small, but it certainly wasn't large. There wasn't a lot of places to put things. And Chloe has two small children. And the story was, I'm a good mother. The story was, I put my kids first. The story, when you're looking around at this apartment that every, Everywhere you look, it's filled with kids' craft supplies and toys and little artwork that they had made that was taped all over the wall with just like painters tape and creations they had made out of clay.

Starting point is 00:24:17 Everywhere you look, it was kid overload. And the story is, this is the way it's supposed to be when you're a parent. This is what good parents do. But then when I actually talked to Chloe, she said that both of her kids didn't want to be in the space. They would actually take a toy and move it to the one tiny part of the apartment that was clear, which was the carpet in front of the TV. Even when the TV wasn't on, even when the parents weren't in the space, the kids were not enjoying being in this cluttered, overwhelming space, even though the story is, this is for my space. children to enjoy their home. The reality was no one was enjoying the home because it had so much. And so when we started talking about the potential of this space, it being clear at the end of

Starting point is 00:25:13 the night, you can have grown-up time. And the kids will have less toys to be overstimulated so they'll be more creative, they'll be more excited to play with what they do have. We could do toy rotation so it always feels like Christmas morning. The space, We could open it up if we got rid of some of the clutter and the kids could have friends over. You could have a dinner party and have a spot for the kids to eat and the grownups. When we started looking at the potential and we changed the story, instead of it being all the stuff, it was the space and the invitingness and the potential of that. Chloe got excited to let go.

Starting point is 00:25:49 And the end result was her children are happier. She and her husband are happier because we took the focus off the stuff. put it where it really mattered on the home and its potential. My favorite part about doing any kind of reveal, especially if there's children, is like the child-like play and wonder that comes when someone feels like the potential of a space or the open of a space or they're just enjoying the beauty of a space. And Peter Walsh actually said this in a few of his books and he's not wrong. Anytime you declutter a space and like the child comes back. in, they immediately dance and spin. Immediately. Like, we all have this childlike wonder and joy

Starting point is 00:26:36 inside of us. It doesn't go away just because we're adults. Because when Chloe and her husband came back in, no, they didn't spin and start dancing, but their faces lit up with absolute joy. Their eyes got so big and like kind of shiny and glossy at like the love that they felt for their space. And immediately, whenever I do this after we declutter a space and organize and we bring the family back in, they immediately start saying, I can't wait to do a puzzle. I can't wait to play chess with my son. I can't wait to work on crafts now at the table. I can't wait to have people over. That's the first thing Chloe said. I cannot wait to invite all my friends over. That is the real story we need to focus on. That is what all the little narrative is. What all the little

Starting point is 00:27:27 narratives and our clutter are taking from us is that joy and that that like pure excitement at the potential of every day. I have never ever had a reveal where I brought a homeowner in after we decluttered and organized and had them say, where is my stuff ever? And sometimes it looks empty up in there. Sometimes it goes from like, oh my gosh, you can't see anything. You can't see the floor, everything's covered with everything, to like, wow, am I a minimalist now? Like, it's shocking. It is. It's shocking. And yet, no one has ever questioned where their things are. The first and only thing they talk about is what they're going to do now. What's next for them? What they're excited about in the space. Suddenly, they actually want to do all the things that they

Starting point is 00:28:21 woulda, coulda, coulda, shoulda, all over themselves because the stuff is gone. When you clear out all of that, you are literally just left with hope and potential. You are left with no more friction in the way of you and the life you're really craving and the life you actually deserve. And we get confused. We have this thing in our brain where we think it's the stuff that's going to get us there when in fact it is the space. Sometimes we look at our stuff and we feel potential. Like we tell ourselves it's potential. We're going to do this or we're going to use it for that or someday we'll blah, blah, blah. But it feels heavy. That type of potential feels heavy. It feels like pressure. It feels like guilt. It feels like shame. Real potential feels light. It feels freeing.

Starting point is 00:29:15 Our stuff isn't telling us the story of potential. It's literally shaming, gilting, putting expectations and pressure on us. It's suffocating us. Clearing it is the freedom we're craving. Everybody says this. I want you to think about the most cluttered space in your home. I want you to think about the messiest space in your home. What are some words you use to describe that space? Suffocating? I feel like I'm drowning. I feel like I'm being crushed. These are the words that people use to describe. It's this pushing us down, holding us down, making us feel small. That's what our stuff makes us feel, our clutter. And when you clear the space and you ask, okay, well, how do you feel now? They're like, I'm excited. I feel relaxed.

Starting point is 00:30:08 I also feel optimistic. You feel big. The clutter makes us feel small. And the space makes us feel endlessly big. I'm going to use Chloe, my latest makeover, again, as another example of a story that our stuff tells us, especially when it relates to our organizing style. So walking into Chloe's apartment, I immediately knew that she was super detailed. I was like, are you visual or are you not?

Starting point is 00:30:34 Because there was a lot of clutter, okay? So that part was confusing. But when I did Snoop, I saw that anything that she had done, had done perfectly. She sorted the markers all by color. She had folded all the little tea towels, and yet everything was everywhere. Because the story her stuff was telling her was, I've got to do it all at once. It isn't worth just spending, you know, five minutes or ten minutes. That's not going to make a difference. If I'm going to do it, it's going to be perfect. And if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it all at once. And in talking to her, she just kept saying, I don't have the time. I don't have the time. I

Starting point is 00:31:14 don't have time to declutter. I don't have time to organize. Because in her mind, this was like a two week solid type thing. So instead of taking any steps forward, she just listened to the story, which was, you can't do this now. You have to wait till later. And I see this all the time as the story your clutter is telling you if you're a perfectionist. It's this all or nothing mindset. Even right now, if you are a cricket or a bee, you better not be pulling things out and sorting into a million little piles on your floor. Stop it. We don't do this. You're just finding things to leave and leave forever. We're not restacking. We're not reorganizing. We're not tidying. We're not sorting. We are finding things to leave that are telling you a story you don't have to listen to anymore.

Starting point is 00:32:07 It's time to write a new book. So we stop ourselves from overindulging in our anxiety-ridden brain by doing things the way we've always done it. Has it been working? The answer is no. Let's flip the page and start a new chapter, which is you are just looking for things to leave. I have to do it perfectly.

Starting point is 00:32:30 It's going to take all day. The I have to dedicate hours to this. That is a story your stuff is telling you for a long time and it's a lie. We're rewriting the story. You can move mountains in five minutes at a time. Set a timer. Do it small. Do it shitty.

Starting point is 00:32:51 Do little bits at a time. That's how you have real success. And let's talk about a butterfly. If you're a butterfly listening, the story you're probably telling yourself, your stuff is telling you, is you thrive in chaos. Your stuff is telling you you are creative when you can see all of your things. And the truth is you are a visual person. And a lot of the time it is out of sight, out of mind. But that doesn't mean that you need chaos. You can have a beautiful visual home for things that has order, that has purpose, that has function. You do not need to sprawl and be crazy in order to be a beautiful, creative, you know, free spirit. That's a lie that your stuff has been telling you. So it starts with getting stuff out. Getting the things out that are just potential. I'm using air quotes if you're listening to this because it's not potential. It's a potential landmine. The space is the real potential.

Starting point is 00:33:55 Clear spaces is the real potential for you. Now, if you're a ladybug, you might be telling yourself, oh, my house looks okay. Everything looks pretty tidy. But everything. Every time you have to look for and hunt for things in a drawer or a cabinet or a closet, it's also telling you, you're a liar and a fraud, and you're not actually good at maintaining your home. So what have we just flipped that narrative and said, I just have too much stuff in the closets and in the hidden spaces? No one. Martha Stewart herself couldn't manage this. And we get rid of the real issue, which is not that you're not good at this. You just have too much. stuff. So no matter what your organizing style is, listen to the story that your stuff is telling you. You know, it would be fun, actually. Let's do some like rapid fire story. I'm going to say a story and then tell you a flip of that story or a solution. And I really want you to listen and see if any of these

Starting point is 00:34:53 stories resonate with you and your stuff. The first one is, if I put it away, I'll forget I even own it. I'll forget all about it. And this is like a true thing. If you are, a visual organizer, except this doesn't count for everything. You are not going to forget to put on underwear if you can't see your underwear. That's a lie. You don't need to see the things that are habit for you. You're not going to forget to brush your teeth. You're not going to forget to blow your nose if you can't see the Kleenex. And also, if everything is visual, nothing is visual. It's all just chaotic and you can't actually see the thing that you want to be triggered to remember. So what if instead the narrative is, I'm only going to give homes to the things

Starting point is 00:35:40 that are really important and that I use every day that are visual. And the rest I can tuck away and label, because labels will still cue to my brain to remember where things are. Here's another story. Getting rid of this item means I'm admitting that this season is over. This is especially hard, and I see this with moms and dads who have younger kids. So letting go of the children's toys or the baby clothes feels like mourning your children's youth. And it feels like closure. And it feels like almost like a death of a beautiful time in your life.

Starting point is 00:36:21 But the reality is when you're holding on to all the past, it's really hard to celebrate the season you're in now. Maybe you have teenagers. Maybe your kids have grown and you're an empty nester. Maybe there are parts about your children that you could celebrate right in this moment. And also, what about making room for the next phase? Maybe you're going to be a grandparent or a great-grandparent. Or maybe you and your husband, this is my story.

Starting point is 00:36:50 When my children move out, we are going to travel the world together. Because our kids don't need us anymore. We don't need to hold on to the physical items of the past. to still cherish those memories. But we do need to realize that holding onto all of the past season us doesn't make room for the season we're in now and the season that's coming tomorrow. Another story you might be hearing is I'm really bad at organizing. I suck at maintaining my house.

Starting point is 00:37:20 I'm just not good at housework, right? This is a story that our stuff, especially our clutter and our mess tells us. And it can, it's kind of like learned helplessness. It's kind of like, well, you throw up your hands. Like, if, if this is it, then there's nothing I could do that could ever help anyways. So why bother? What if we change the story to the systems you've been using in the past just aren't made for your brain? Or you just have way too much to manage. It's not that you're bad at this. There's just too much. no one could manage this amount of excess. When we flip the narrative to empowerment, then we start to see, again, the potential. We start to feel like motivated. We start to feel excited about what we can do

Starting point is 00:38:09 because we're no longer being held back by the narrative and the lie that our clutter is telling us. Can you think of an item or multiple items, a category of things in your home right now that is telling you a story that isn't positive, that might even be toxic, that is holding you back because of what it's saying to you every single day. And can we go a step further? And I want you to imagine your home and your life without that there. Like what does that look like? If I just waved a magic wand and it was gone, how does that make you feel? What is it? What is it? is that now saying? What is that clear, empty space saying to you instead? When I look around my house, first of all, let's rewind 15 years. When I looked around at my house, the story that it was telling me

Starting point is 00:39:04 was I was a bad mother, a bad wife, a bad person, I was messy, I was just organized, I was immature and irresponsible, and that I couldn't really be trusted to be in charge of anything. That's the story that my house told me. Now, when I look around my house, my house and I'm just going to say it and it's going to maybe sound egotistical, but I look around my house and my first thought, like I'm just imagining my bedroom and waking up is, oh, girl, you got your life together. That's literally, stop. Listen, I'm sleep deprived and I get emotional. When I came home from New York and I walked in the door, my first thought was, oh my God, I am so lucky. Like literally I was like, damn, I'm so lucky. Oh, my house feels so beautiful. And it smelled like

Starting point is 00:39:58 vanilla. And it has all my Easter throat pillows out right now, even though Easter's over. And it's pink and there's like tulips on the table. And then I look out the back because I can actually see out the windows and there's just like trees. And I'm just like, oh, I can't wait to garden. And oh, man, I'm just so freaking. lucky. I'm so lucky. And I'm, I'm lucky, not because of the stuff I have. I'm lucky because I get to come home to a house that isn't work. I get to come home to a house and literally relax. I don't have to pick up anything. I don't have to clean anything. I don't have to do anything. I just get to be. And that's, ugh, that's what I want for you. It really is. This is why I do this. This is why I do this. this is why I show up every week, because, man, I've been there. And it sucked so hard.

Starting point is 00:40:54 Because what we don't realize until we're on the other side is how a messy house really truly is soul-sucking. It's potential sucking. It is happiness-sucking. And it is the biggest bully we will ever encounter. If you wake up and you look around and you look at clutter, and mess, I don't care who you are, you can even you beautiful butterflies who say you thrive in chaos, the story is that you're not good enough. The story is you're not doing enough. And when you can finally fight back and ignore the stories the crap is telling you, instead think of the potential story your space can tell you. It's like, I can't even describe it. It's light. It's happiness, it's absolute joy.

Starting point is 00:41:50 That is the truth. That's what happens when you're brave enough to let go of the clutter. And stories are powerful, too. So a messy house and the story that it's telling you, ugh. That pile of stuff you should, could, would use. The things that your loved ones who have passed have gifted you that you're just looking at and you're like, ugh, all of those stories, all of those toxic stories are holding you back. They're suffocating you.

Starting point is 00:42:25 Today, I want you to just take a stand and change the narrative. Pick one space, do one space, and clear it, declutter it, get rid of things, and then ask yourself the story that that potential is now going to tell you. Every time you look at that spot on the counter that's cleared off, what is it saying to you. And if the noise from the background is, you're not done yet. Zip it, house. I'm focusing on this story. This story right here says, you can do it. I have to take a second to thank today's podcast sponsor, Cozy Earth. I switched to Cozy Earth betting a few years ago, and now I'm kind of a betting snob. I find their sheets to be so soft. Every time I wash them, I swear they get softer,

Starting point is 00:43:15 and they're temperature regulating, so I never feel too hot. They're just, ugh, it's absolute luxury. And I do think that this is such a kind gift to share with your mother or your mother-in-law or your grandmother. Cozy Earth has sheets and bedding and towel and beautiful pajama sets. And right now, you can go to CozyEarth.com and use my coupon code, Clutterbug, to save up to 20% off. Again, that's cozyearth.com and use the code clutterbug to save 20% off. Now it's time for my favorite part of the podcast, Talk to Cass. And we're going to start with Eva.

Starting point is 00:43:54 So I just wanted to say, I've actually been watching your videos for quite a few years now. And you literally changed my life. I don't know if you've ever come across a unicorn like me. I'm a cricket and I have ADHD. And if that sounds like an oxymoron, it kind of is. And then oxymour lived in my brain and it didn't let me do a thing. I've actually heard you say before that, the perfectionist homes are the messiest and I'm living proof of that.

Starting point is 00:44:26 Yeah, so yeah, and I was thought, you know, if I could just be more perfected and follow all my detailed lists and schedules and stuff, then I'd finally, you know, my life would finally turn my life around and knocked. But yeah, then I came across your YouTube channel and you had that done is better than perfect and all your videos and how to do everything the lazy, easy way. And I was like, it just clicked. So I was actually diagnosed with ADHD until like two years ago. Yeah, I'm not the cool fun ADHD. I'm the space style living in my head steering at the blank walls, ADHD.

Starting point is 00:45:02 But yeah, no, I've learned to embrace actually the ADHD part. And that actually turned my life real. Like I let myself just be and not like follow the the cricket in my head. That makes me do things in the right order and prioritize and and you know and finish before you move on to the next thing. And I couldn't finish and I just couldn't make my brain focus enough to finish. So then I just go and and start doom scrolling. Yeah, but you literally like all in my house like looks like a clutterbug success story now. So actually, yeah, I am a cricket, but I actually took your ladybug method is what I call it.

Starting point is 00:45:44 I started just putting things macro and just, you know, it's more like the done is better than perfect for me. You know, first have everything in one place where I can find it and then we'll worry about crickifying my house. Yeah, so yeah, I don't fold my kids' laundries. I just put them all in drawers and they're put away and we know where it is. And, you know, so yeah, you really given me so many just a different way to look at life and organization and getting my life together. So thank you so much for that. And if you have any ideas for, or if you've ever come across someone like me, you know, someone with ADHD, but also with that. cricket mindset and way of doing things.

Starting point is 00:46:39 I'd love to hear any advice. I could so use it, believe me. So yeah, thank you. Thank you for all your videos. We always love watching them. They, yeah. So thank you, Cass, and sign off. I love this, Eva.

Starting point is 00:46:56 Yeah, I've actually met a lot of crickets who also have ADHD. I don't think it's like ADHD is always like, oh, funny fun times and you're so crazy. Sometimes I think the hyperactivity looks more like anxiety and it's internalized. And I also think you can have ADD, right, which doesn't have the hyperactivity component. And what is really fascinating to me is my daughter was diagnosed with OCD years ago and her doctor said that ADHD and OCD are actually sisters. And oftentimes it overlaps. So it's the anxiety. that can sometimes come out in the way of control. So wanting to do things perfect and wanting to follow strict rules

Starting point is 00:47:43 and having these obsessive thoughts and staring off into space. It's all two sides of the same coin, my friend. So I'm just really glad that you're getting to know yourself better. I think this is the most important thing is not only knowing what works for you organizational-wise, sounds like ladybug is like awesome, but also knowing how your brain works. and just continuing every day to learn a little bit more about yourself. That's where true and lasting change comes from.

Starting point is 00:48:12 Now we have a question from Jess. Hi, Cass. My name is Jess. I'm 23. And I've been listening to your videos for about three years. I watch your podcast every Monday on YouTube. And I just want to start by saying that I absolutely love your content. It has changed my life. But I do have a side question. I know you play Fortnite a lot.

Starting point is 00:48:40 And I wanted to ask if it would be possible to join your server one day. If you have like a public discord or something, that'd be cool. Jess, I'm not cool enough for that. I don't have that. But I think I can totally do that. I have played in like a private server with my, brother. So he set one up and we like go there and and just like do nerd stuff together. I don't know anything about Discord. But I'm going to look into this because I actually just added someone else

Starting point is 00:49:17 who was a clutterbug follower as my friend now on Fortnite and I see them when they're on and sometimes I'm on. We've yet to play together. But it's cool. It's fun. I mean like I feel like Fortniteers unite. It's a super fun game. And I'm going to look into that. Thank you. I don't know anything about Discord. But like, could I be a gamer? If I could become a full time, if this could be my job, I'd really miss the organizing and decluttering. But I could have a third job. I could be firefighter slash pro gamer slash professional organizer because life is short and why not do it all? I am horrible at Fortnite. Like, I am the worst ever at Fortnite. And I play in squads, either with my kids, my husband, my brothers.

Starting point is 00:50:09 I play with my sister-in-law. And the whole time I'm just like, help, help, save me. I'm dead. Revive me. Or like if I'm super dead, I'm just like, res me, bro. Res me, bro. And last but not least, let's hear from Sarah. Sarah, I live and I've been speaking to your podcast for about a month.

Starting point is 00:50:31 In January of this year, I decided that I was going to start declutter. because I was tired of living and trying to clean around all of my things. It was so challenging. And I took on this challenge that I saw on Instagram, and it was one item per the date in January, which adds up to the total of 496. And I knew that was going to be a speed-speed challenge, but I knew it would also be worth it if I could do it.

Starting point is 00:51:05 And there were so many people whenever I was explaining what I was doing were questioning, you know, do you have that much stuff? And honestly, I didn't know, but I was like, yeah, probably. And let me tell you I do. And I started listening to this week's episode, and you started off with you don't have to count. However, I think for some of us, it's actually really helpful. So, for example, I didn't make my January goal, but I did clear out 500 items by the end of February. And this month, March, I have cleared out over 130 more items. And while my house is still not where I would like it to be, I just decluttered so much and it's so much easier to clean.

Starting point is 00:52:01 and I'm just really grateful that I started that. And do you help me? Once I hit my goal of the 500 or 496, I hit a plateau and I was like, okay, now what? But each week I plug you in and I get to listen to you as I take something else to work on and work on in my Twitter. And you can be going. Thank you so much. Bye. Sarah, this is actually very helpful because you're right. Some people do find counting extremely helpful. And I know,

Starting point is 00:52:38 even for myself, I love the 21 item toss because it was finding that set number that pushed me and motivated me. And the challenge that you did is so brilliant. So my listeners, if you've never heard of this, the first of the month, you get rid of one thing. The second day, you get rid of two. The third day, you get rid of three. And it's a way of gamifying it, but also it's building your muscle. You're slowly getting rid of more and more each day. And it could be a gum wrapper. It could be a piece of trash or it could be one of the things could be something more substantial. The point is you have free control, like you have full control and you are free to declutter whatever you want. It's just you have to stick to the number. Super ridiculously helpful. Sarah, thank you for reminding me. Yeah,

Starting point is 00:53:24 a lot of people, it's the counting that truly gives that push, that dopamine hit that they need. So how did you do today? Did you get rid of something? I hope so. But even if you didn't, what is one new story that your home and your stuff can tell you? A positive story. Have you identified some of those? Have you identified a space and the potential and what it could be? How have you changed the narrative today, even in some of you? small way. Let me know in the comments below.

Clutterbug - Real-Life Hacks and Tips to Declutter, Organize and Clean your Home Fast - Your Clutter is Lying to You (Here’s How to Stop Listening) | Clutterbug Podcast #329

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.