Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 131: Holiday Talk, Job Judgment, and Holding On To Things

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

With the holiday season just around the corner, Lindsie and Kail want to talk about some holiday related topics. Food is a big part of any holiday celebration, but not every family eats the sane things. Kail and Lindsie both want to know what foods their family ate and didn't eat during their celebrations. And having an unconventional job can result in judgment from other people. Lindsie and Kail both have their own experiences telling people about their careers, and the thoughts some people have about them. Plus is nostalgia getting in the way of Lindsie being able to let go of old things? Kail has some advice for how Lindsie can start making some changes. All this, plus find out about Kail's unwanted bedmate, on this week's episode of Coffee Convos! This episode was sponsored by: Skillshare, BetterHelp, Homer, & Embr Have a question you want answered? Want to give Kail and Lindsie a call? Leave them a message at ?(609)-316-0060?. Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License.

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Coffee Combo's podcast. Hey Kale, good morning. Good morning, I'm glad we figured this shit out. I think it's so funny you get a whole office and then you go there and it's quiet but then you don't have proper internet. I'm so annoyed because I really did this so that I don't have to hear my kids in the background and now the internet doesn't work so something's got to give here, you know? Something has to give.

Are you kidding me? I would be so mad. No, I'm not kidding you. Can I tell you a really- Did you get your coffee? I did and you know what? I told you I was going to dunk in but I lied. Where'd you go? Where do you think I went?

Wah-wah. Yes, I did. I sure did. I got my hazelnut coffee from Wah-wah. You cheated on Starbucks this morning. You know what, see, I thought it was going to work out this time but then I realized I was paying 5.20 something for a fucking coffee and most of the time I don't finish it or I pretty much shit myself so I decided to go to Wah-wah for a $1.70 coffee.

It's literally so unrealistic, the price of coffee, that sometimes I will legitimately wait until it's like happy hour at Dunkin' so it's like $2. I'm sorry, what? Did you lie to me or you just wanted to- I was unsure of what you said. I was not aware that they had a happy hour. Yeah, so they have, I don't know if it's technically called a happy hour but I'm just going to call it that, it's basically where I think from like 2 to 4 you can go and get

a medium iced or hot latte for $2. What? That's amazing. The only thing is, is like I struggle with Dunkin' we've had this conversation a hundred times, Dunkin' always makes my coffee so sweet no matter what, like I feel like their medium they said I think is either 2 pumps of sugar, 2 pumps of cream or whatever or 3 I can't remember and I said okay cut it in half and it's still too sweet so is their brew itself just really sweet or like what does that mean, like what does that look like?

I'm not sure, maybe we have somebody that works for Dunkin' that listens to us and they can tell us but it's funny that you say that because I actually get 4 pumps of caramel in mine because I like it like sweet, like not a heart attack sweet because that doesn't make sense but you know what I'm saying, like I like a really, really, really sweet coffee but that's probably why now thinking of it, why I really prefer Dunkin' donuts and I love their sour cream donut. Their sour cream donut is A1, it's really unmatched to be honest. I thought you said it's a 1 but you said it's A1 and I was going to be pissed that you said

it was 1 and not 10, no a 10 out of 10 recommend, 10 out of 10 recommend, okay I need to tell you something, what is it very important, this is so fucking disturbing, yes it's very important, okay so I don't know if you guys, do you know what a stink bug is? A stink bug, yeah we have them. You know what that is? Okay because I don't remember having stink bugs in Pennsylvania, I only remember having them here in Delaware so I had a lot of stink bugs like outside and but in the winter time they like go away or whatever but last night I like woke up for no fucking reason and I

kept smelling a stink bug and I thought that they only smell when you kill them so I never kill them I just like flush them or like put them back outside but I so I wake up in the middle of the night and I keep smelling this fucking stink bug and I'll have you know there was a fucking stink bug in my fucking bed, what I didn't even know they smelled I thought it was a myth, no I have a very distinct like a nasty distinct smell and I smelled it and I was like oh my god it's somewhere in this bed you know I took all my clothes off because I was terrified of it like crawling on me and then I'm like that feeling of like oh my god what if it's in my hair and I was like trying to like feel in my hair but I was like

scared to feel it in my hair it wasn't in my hair but I was like oh my god like I fucking smell this thing so I go downstairs this morning and I was telling Isaac the story and he's like um if you were smelling that that means it's in your bed and I was like what like how do you know that it was disgusting. So first of all I have a couple of things to say about this I honest and truly thought stink bugs smelling was a myth, secondly that's a real you said it's a distinct smell but what I was going to say was oh my god yeah it was actually probably you farting no I literally still don't know where you got the farting in the closet thing because it wasn't me and

just to the contrary of your mythical thoughts or whatever stink bugs have a very distinct smell and if anyone's listening to this and is familiar with stink bugs you guys know exactly what I'm talking about there is you cannot deny like you know if you smell a stink bug you know it's a stink bug but did they just smell for like full time or do they fart like what is making this happen. So I think it's like an octopus where they like ink if they're nervous or like feel threatened. I'm pretty sure it's the same thing goodbye so you just have like a stink bug farting

in your bed like all night yes I am disgusted I'm just so disgusted who put it there I don't know I think it just like came I don't know it came must have come in from outside. I feel like your kids did this. Oh probably oh my god Lux will pick up any kind of bug and like throw it at you he does not care. Oh my god I'm seriously terrified of insects and really anything that like moves with four legs including humans. Yeah sounds about right sounds legitimate wait Lincoln's birthday was yesterday tell

me everything Lincoln's birthday was yes so we didn't do anything big we did I like filled up his room with balloons and of course Lux thought it was his birthday and I didn't have a party obviously with everything going on and it was a Monday and so we just had I picked up cupcakes we did tacos because that's Isaac and Lincoln's like favorite and then his kindergarten teacher actually became he's not in kindergarten anymore but became one of my good friends so I she came over with her kids for cupcakes and then my friend Natalie obviously and Caden were there so we just did cupcakes they played and then and that was it and he obviously was so freaking pumped about his Xbox I did not get him the new Xbox because I didn't even

know there was a new one coming out but I did get him his own game system which he's never had his own game system before he's only ever played like on his dad's or on Isaac's so I know he was he was really pumped about about all that so oh my gosh I saw his little poster from football oh yeah it was so cute and it's just so funny to me because I can just like imagine everything that you've told me about Lincoln I can just like imagine him thinking he's a professional with that poster oh yeah for sure and then like I sensey warmers have like the NFL collection or whatever and they didn't have Panthers that like matched it but they had Jaguars and you know he's colorblind so he doesn't give it and he's

like that's this is the closest thing to Panthers I want this one so I got that one and put it with this little Xbox setup and it was so cute but I'm like it's so crazy to like think about the changes or not the changes the like what is the word I'm looking for the difference in like what makes them happy as they get older you know like for sure little things now I find they're they're definitely less and little things but they're also more expensive actually it's so funny that you say this because I distinctly remember because with my siblings there's a pretty big age gap so like seven years between me and then the first from the second marriage so that's to me that's a pretty big gap and

I would say so I remember distinctly my parents having a conversation with us that like as you get older the younger ones will have more gifts under the tree because your gifts cost more money right so there's less yeah and I just remember them having that conversation with us and I don't really know why maybe just because they didn't want us to feel like oh you got two presents but they got like 100 but it's like little Fisher price things that probably cost like $5 you know and then it's like oh well you've got an iPhone under the tree so obviously whatever but yeah I just wonder people with you'll deal with that gap too with like Isaac and Luxe yeah you're definitely right you're definitely right about

that what do you plan on doing like since you're canceling holidays like out of your life what do you plan on doing as far as like gift exchanges for your kids and like what does that look like I'm not we're not doing anything like I'm just not gonna have them so they don't have to like get each other stuff yeah but I can ask I might now that you brought that up that's a good point I might ask them do they want to get each other anything for Christmas and if they say yes then I would just obviously facilitate that but I just don't have like they're gonna be with their dads I'm pretty sure for until like the end of Christmas day so I feel like maybe by then it would be over but then also I don't know

it might be kind of nice for them to give each other something so maybe we'll see I'll see how if if their dads have them so you don't do like gifts at your house if their dads have them on Christmas we did we did but I just this year I just I don't think last year we did it at all what was last year I don't even know that is like the wildest thing for me to wrap my head around I don't think we did anything last year at all like I don't even think that we even know as a matter of fact I know nothing happened last year on Christmas I know that because I was by myself almost the entire day so yeah we didn't do anything and then once I got the kids back I got the kids back and we just

went on about our lives I mean for whatever works for you I'm down but also I feel like I would be devastated I know it is kind of sad and I get that I definitely get that I just feel like it's a lot and the amount of money that I was spending on like Christmas gifts and then I was only getting them for half the day and then it was I had to share I don't get to go to my family because my family Joe's family and Javi's family are all in different areas and then when we added Chris to the mix it was like there was just so much going on that I was never going to be have three happy like dad situations and then it was stressing me out to like have one back by four o'clock one back by seven

o'clock and like even though the custody order say the same thing it was almost like okay that's like a default so we tried to agree on like other things that would work and I just like couldn't make it work to that to the point that everyone was like actually happy about it and so for me it's just like I see my family like twice maybe three times a year and so it just didn't make sense for me to like do this and I and then they have families like my family has their you know significant others families or whatever so to me I'd rather just set up two times in the summertime or or something else with my family and then go from there like Christmas is just I don't I just can't you're like Christmas

is canceled it's just so canceled I'm super excited for Thanksgiving though because I'm going to Texas to see my best friend and her kids and my kids are super pumped so we're going to be there for the week and that I'm very excited about but not even because of the holiday like I'm just excited to see my friend I love it well wait actually a lot of people wrote to my DMs the podcast DMs I don't know if you got some too but I had maybe not because I posted it on my personal page but I asked if people liked ham or turkey on Thanksgiving and so many people wrote back and said they do ham on Christmas and turkey on Thanksgiving and I hadn't like that was mind blowing to me because I was like wow

that totally makes so much sense to do that but like I've never thought about doing that and then people were saying oh well the meat doesn't really matter because it's all about the sides and it like truly really is all about all of the sides on Thanksgiving and honestly I can't wait to cook next week and I'm going to be posting it on stories so make sure you guys are watching the sweet potato souffle recipe that I use is literally to die for and I can taste it right now when I'm talking about it I don't like sweet potatoes I hate them so that does not sound good to me but to your point you would like these well I you know maybe next year I'll come to your house for Thanksgiving yes you can

so my new house yes mine too but I'm not having Thanksgiving at mine growing up we always had ham and turkey on Thanksgiving at my great grandmother's house until she passed away we always had both and then for Christmas we always had ham and then we also had ham on Easter growing up yeah so we always did ham on Easter too always ham on Christmas but I never thought about like okay doing like one or the other meat on Thanksgiving because it was always just we've done both I guess so I don't know and then I was also reading I was like down this rabbit hole about like what meats like are proper to cook with like certain dishes and whatever and then I saw where one of the most common causes of house

fires every year is turkey frying turkeys on Thanksgiving okay but isn't frying turkeys like a semi new thing I don't know I mean I've been hearing about it since college so maybe it's like relatively new I'm not really sure but I hate turkey in the oven like I hate it I've never had the driest wait what did you just say blandest I said I hate turkey in the oven like how do you make it highest blandest like a fried turkey or no that's that's a new thing I don't believe you because I've never heard of a fried turkey until like the last couple years kill wait you can't tell me that you don't believe me about fried turkey you grew up eating fried turkey oh no no no I didn't grow up like that I'm saying

if it's like up to me then it's gonna be a fried turkey because it's not sure I grew up within the oven right that's what I'm saying but I never ate it growing up because it's disgusting I don't so I'm cooked it doesn't matter because I put so much gravy on all my food I put gravy on my corn mashed potatoes turkey I put it on everything mac and cheese are you one of those people I'll mix it all up like a kfc bowl by that's literally the most tragic thing I've ever heard that sounds like something that will would do and it really just like gets my gears turning I just I like all my food to be separate and even though I know it's going to the same place will and I've had these conversations so many times

he's like why do you actually look like you have a divided plate and he's like it's all going to the same place but if you've ever been to like a community Thanksgiving thing like a church or like a big family Thanksgiving thing I guarantee you that Kale is one of those people that like puts all her food on her plate and then goes for the gravy last and puts gravy like on everything oh a hundred percent a hundred percent I love it what kind of gravy is this it's like it goes on it like I don't know what kind it is but it's like brown it's like brown gravy yeah okay yeah but I don't know like a thing for me I don't eat gravy cream what yeah like I don't do gravy at all okay well you're on crack

so I don't know where what where the hell we're raised but obviously a crime so I'm not sure what's wrong with you leave me alone I just that's really that's really really me that's really wild Lindsay I'm I just am shocked right now I feel like even if I knew this before and I forgot I'm shocked again you're re-shocked I'm re-shocked I'm re-shocked hey you know another thing that my family has never done that is so common in other families what is green bean casserole like we just do green beans yeah say okay well my family growing up never did green beans at all on Thanksgiving and also I never grew up with mac and cheese on Thanksgiving so that's new to me but since I've been an adult

and like doing my own thing I've actually not done green bean casserole like I haven't been to one I like green bean casserole but I have not been to a Thanksgiving that has green bean casserole I've literally never one time in my life ever had green bean casserole ever oh I love ever I love well I love all things green beans I don't know it's just like I feel like that's not something that should be like mixed in something you know what I mean I mean I feel like it just should be plain we've established we've we have established so wait can we discuss what you were talking about in text yesterday with your friend and this is like on a completely different note but I wanted to make sure that we had enough

time to talk about it I kind of covered it a little bit last week but then you had some other points so let's do it so I'm gonna read what I posted so that way you guys can okay let me go back to my friend hold on it's my DMs my I posted something on my Instagram story and it says people ask what you do for a living so they can calculate the level of respect to give you so I had to read that twice and I realized that anytime someone has asked me like what do I do because they don't know who I am and that's perfectly fine I without even knowing them already am very hesitant to tell them you know I have a podcast because they're like oh what do you do like they don't understand like podcasting

or maybe they do and they think it's like something I do for free or for fun or I don't really know and then I don't even tell them I'm on a TV show because that makes me so uncomfortable and I just look like they don't have respect for me they don't it's almost like looked at as not real jobs right like I have a degree and I don't use it in a traditional way but then at the same time it's like how many people go get degree degrees that are not on TV and they don't use their degrees either but there maybe they work at like one of my friends works at Verizon and he make he he is does very well there but we went to school for the same thing but how come he doesn't get looked at differently because

he's not using her to his degree or is he you know what I mean like it's just like one of those things where or my friend messaged me she replied to the story and she was like I have a degree and people she either gets wow you're a stay-at-home mom that's awesome or oh you're a stay-at-home mom like why why are people like this nobody I don't know any single person that uses their degree in a traditional and like in the way that they're supposed to and then they treat people differently based on their job like that is so mind blowing to me I have so many things to say about this so before I get like tangled in my thoughts I'm gonna go back to last week talking about how yes I just feel completely disrespected

wills family they all have college degrees and all have used them relatively traditionally whether directly what they got their degree for or not they've still use them in a traditional way and so I agree to your point because I would I can be sitting in a hot tub in Florida with people and then be like oh so what do you do and it's like you don't really know what to say you know I'm saying maybe we should start saying we're in we're in entertainment should we just be like I'm an entrepreneur like I don't know like what say that I don't feel like that's a valid answer either because I feel like they're looking for a specific whatever but I also had that same struggle with ever explaining what I do to wills family

like if I went to a family function that there was more than just like his immediate family and somebody randomly asked me like so what do you do for work or a living or whatever right it's like how do you say I podcast or whatever and then I feel like people think that it's hobby projects that's what they think it's a fucking hobby and I'm like my dude I bring home real money like I pay my bills with real money I have to do work around the pot like we have to schedule the podcast we have to do certain things to make the podcast happen we have to you know there are things that we do behind the scenes it's not just talking on a mic and then uploading the files like there's other things that go on and I'm

just like literally I don't give a fuck if someone strips on a pole get that money sis and pay your bills like I don't care I don't give a shit like I don't it's just weird to me like it's just like one of those things where I'm not going to judge someone for what they do for a living if they stay at home good for them I wish that I didn't have to work at all and I had someone that brought home the money or whatever that looks like and I could stay home with the kids and just focus on that because even just doing this it's hard like it's all the jobs are hard whether you stay at home or not so I just don't understand like the the judgment and I couldn't believe how many people messaged

me like agreeing with that statement yet nothing changes well right and then another point is that I have known people who literally have masters degrees who stayed home and was like stay at home mom for like five years or however many years to get their children you know school age and then go back to work so it's like obviously you having a degree and having a master's or an undergraduate whatever it is that's fine but that doesn't like take you being a stay at home mom doesn't yeah I mean it it's so crazy to me and then also another thing that really grinds my gears as well is that you saying that you work I'm just going to use this one as an example like because it's where I wanted to work before

I ever did TV but somebody's saying they work for Coke it's like that's good and great and I'm so happy for you that you do but don't disrespect me for what I do or act like what I do isn't important or like you think you make more money than me right because that bothers me as well yeah I hear you and I say that to Kristen all the time like we stayed at the Ritz Carlton and Philly and I look like a bum most of the time so that's part partially my fault but people will be like side eyeing me giving me dirty looks and it's like don't sit here in the Ritz Carlton and act like I'm staying here and don't probably make I do make equal money as you so just stop like I don't understand it really is so frustrating

to deal with that level of disrespect and I think that it causes a lot of like resentment over time and especially if you have people in your life that do it they're like actually in your life that makes it even like a whole different level because a rank stranger I'm just like you know what whatever like you do you I don't really care what you're doing but if it's somebody that you actually know that's doing that and projecting that onto you and then it makes me feel like okay well are they just acting that way because it's a jealousy thing is it a misunderstood thing is it a disrespect thing like I really don't know yeah I think it's people really think that they're better than others like even

if they don't do it intentionally it's a subconscious thing right like they subconsciously do it maybe and then but at the end of the day we're all human we're not going to the grave with any of the shit we have and you know while we're alive so why are you sitting here judging me based on what I do and it doesn't really matter because we're bringing home the same money well exactly and what I choose to do in my life is my business just like what you choose to do in your life is your business what somebody else chooses for their career path and you know when they jack off and whatever is their business not really my business nor do I really care but I just think everybody should just stay in their lane and just you

know give respect to each other and just keep the shit moving not that that's going to happen but I think it sounds like a good idea yeah yeah for sure but I just wanted to touch on that today I saw something else on Instagram while we're talking about this and I didn't post it in my story mainly because I wanted to talk about it on here but it said if you don't address your childhood traumas your romantic relationships will and I was like preach preach because that is so true I remember getting into an argument with Dr. Drew about this and I just before could not understand how my childhood was affecting my adult life and I just couldn't connect the dots this is one that I still struggle with because

I don't while I do agree to some degree I do agree to some degree I don't know how like I am still trying to figure out how my childhood traumas is that what you said that your childhood traumas or your childhood yes your childhood traumas and your relationship I want he did I 1000% agree with that statement because I think that okay I think I was talking about this the other day and I can't remember if it was with Will or somebody else but okay as a child you grow up and you learn how to do things and whether those things are like doing things the right way or acting the right way or whatever it's something that is like a learned behavior right so I feel like when you do get into relationships with people

those learned behaviors you bring into those relationships so then in turn if those things that you were learning and doing as a child because you saw it from somebody else can negatively impact a relationship let's use communication for example the way you communicate is yelling at somebody getting a point across no but I have a huge struggle with that I feel like the louder I yell the more I'm heard and I've had to learn that somebody's not hearing me more because I'm yelling actually they're just tuning me out yeah that's something I definitely learned later in life like I would just yelling is not solving any issues but I never like I didn't yell and scream with my mom like that wasn't ever a thing

so I don't know why I ever thought that that would work in a relationship like I I'm having a hard time connecting the dots between like the relationship I have or lack thereof with my parents that you know to my romantic relationships and furthermore none of my romantic relationships have ever been the same and I almost feel like my previous romantic relationship affects my next romantic relationship more than my childhood relationship with my mom or my traumas or anything like that because I don't wait you just made a very good point though okay your last relationships because you actually had a relationship maybe it's the lack of having relationships with your parents that cause you to act in the way that you do you

said that you didn't yell growing up but maybe that was a defense mechanism of how once you did get in a relationship how somebody made you feel that you needed to feel like you needed to elevate your voice okay that's fair because I remember like yelling like well I can't think of like yelling I've never really yelled I've always just like been like loud but not yelling I don't know let me not wow I can't even speak today let me not say yelling or loud like I think in arguments I've been louder than I normally am but like I think the only really like explosive fight was you know the one on teen mom or whatever and I don't even think I was yelling and like no I didn't make sense and I never saw that growing

up like I didn't see my mom wasn't abusive my mom didn't get abusive you know with her partners that I ever saw so that's something that I don't know but yeah I guess you go you have a good point like maybe because I internalized a lot so then it comes out in different ways as an adult yeah I guess I could see that but I personally feel like neglect is abuse okay yeah I definitely think that's an adult yeah is neglecting a child in any way whether it be emotionally or however to me that is abuse yeah I can agree with that because I mean you just don't fulfill their their that's like a necessity yes actually I learned so in therapy last year last year in therapy last week I learned that because

I was saying you know I was very nervous about like Creed because he doesn't sleep and like bonding has been a lot different this time around just because he's so difficult and so I just get super frustrated and I was saying how like I wanted to figure out ways to kind of manage the stress and so that I bond better with him when he's you know when he's happy and stuff like that I can work on it and she was saying that right now up until around six months like give or take every baby is different but around six months they only the Creed only knows me as like the main source of life he doesn't associate me as like a human being right so she said after about six I think I want to say she said between

six and eight months but don't quote me on that exact age she said that that's when babies start internalizing they can start internalizing things where if you're not nurturing them the way that they need or you're not caring for them the way they need they can start internalizing it that early wow yeah I was shocked well that shows you like how soon they can start be become damaged humans yes yes 100% so I just wanted to say that that is so crazy I did want to tell you something that I've been reading every single day over the past week and it's been super helpful it was something I also found on Instagram I feel like Instagram can be such a positive place but also such a negative yeah but I

found this and it said I knew I was healing when I started responding rather than reacting I enjoyed alone time I saw my parents as people with their own unresolved trauma I set boundaries and when people didn't respect them I knew they were clearing space for those who did and I was okay with being misunderstood oh okay that's been like life changing to me over the past week isn't it interesting how like something so little like that that you find online can just like really change your mindset or at least you can apply it to certain things because I found that like when I go on the explore page or something and I'm not I guess like not looking at something like browsing and then it just hits you like wow

like that is so true and then you're able to like apply it isn't that weird yes yes and I'm like oh wow and when when I go look on my explore page I also have become very comfortable with being able to ignore negativity and I also read something else from somebody else's Instagram that said it was basically like this guide to how to navigate social media and for people who are constantly posting negativity or things that don't serve you you're not required to be following those people and so to me it it made me go through my list of what I was following which I don't really follow that much anyway it's like 300 people it made me go through my list and really like start clicking on profiles and be like okay

is this person posting something that I can have like a positive takeaway if not they have to go and I think that just like clearing space in all areas of your life whether it be like what you're connecting to on social media who you're talking to on a daily basis or a weekly basis or whatever and just maintaining a positive space because life is just truly too short for all of the negativity and I just don't like getting on social media specifically because that is something that you're choosing to do like during spare time or whatever and if if you're doing something during your spare time it should be something that is positively impacting you so when I go on my explorer page obviously that's things that I don't

follow but I just have been clicking on positive things that I've been seeing instead of like getting in the weeds of like negative stuff you know what I mean right 100% it's so I think the saying mind over matter really has I've resonated with it more lately because it's just like the things that you surround yourself with is what you have in your mind and your mind controls everything like when you think you can't get through something and then the right thing pops up or you don't even realize how many negative things you're seeing on your timeline you know what I mean so I totally hear you I I feel really bad when I want to like unfollow certain people that are just like not contributing anything

positive you know what I mean but I need to kind of get over that because I and not even not contributing anything positive but just like things that I'm just not interested in anymore or like I don't talk to this person anymore and I know that's like rude to some people but like I just don't it's just like clutter in my head you know or like clutter on my timeline that like ultimately makes its way to my head when I actually want to see people that actually there's a reason that I'm looking at their stuff you know it's like or I don't just want to have like random people on there that it's just like okay well that person's not really you know what I mean I don't know how to really say it I don't

want to sound rude no I don't it's not like a personal thing no I don't think you sound rude at all I really don't I just I don't know I just don't have time for the negativity so I'm like like I don't even move on I have following almost 700 people or 700 accounts and I don't even think I know that many people in real life yeah it's like what were we ever doing following that you know right I I can't well Instagram is just a very weird space and everybody's complaining over the update and I haven't that in itself is giving me anxiety because I haven't I'm so horrible do you have your apps on like an auto update some of them I don't have any of mine on there so literally my updates are like okay right now there's

33 things that need to be updated oh why am I like that I don't know that's not okay because that to me is like notifications on my phone and I just can't it doesn't sit well with me I know I know how you are and my phone drives you nuts I will say in my defense that a couple I think it was sometime like in the last 12 months that I did one of the I think it was common it was like one of the iOS updates I think you and I talked about this that everything like got deleted um I want to say we did talk about this but I don't remember so refresh my memory yeah so I did I again I don't have my stuff on an automatic update but I for whatever reason whenever I got a new phone I had I guess it was maybe a factory setting or something that it

would update when it was plugged into a power source between like the hours of like let's say 12 a.m. and 2 a.m. or something yeah and I woke up the next morning had overslept because the phone I guess had like updated itself but then when I went to when I went to wake up and like clicked on the phone screen it was like to that hello and then all the different languages that you can do and the damn thing when I clicked it to go to English when it started you know doing the little scroll across like it was loading when it went into my phone everything was gone oh everything no no and then I read reports off whatever that iOS was because you know you can google whatever and there was all these reports of it happening to other people as well so I don't know what

happened but literally I was devastated because there was things on my phone that you can't get back like once in a lifetime yeah no I hear you and I am not like I don't have cloud or like whatever that is so I guess everybody has iCloud on their phone but mine always pops up and says like yeah it always says like your your iCloud or like finished setting up your iPhone or something like that and I've literally had this thing for like over a year it tells me to finish setting it up and it and if you go into settings it'll say like finish setting up your iPhone or whatever well some of my damn videos that I had on there I can never get back like I have no idea where they are um luckily some of the videos that I had on my phone I had sent to will so I was able to

retrieve those because there's like videos of Jackson yeah so I was able to retrieve that way but literally that's devastating and I'm like think about how reliant we are on our phones yeah no I say that all the time and I literally so that's why I have been trying my hardest to like print pictures out from my phone because I go through phones like I change my underwear like I literally just dropped my phone in the shower the other day I think it was on Saturday I dropped my phone in the shower my case is broken um so I I got a new phone and speaking of phones I'm changing my phone number this week and getting a new phone plan I well I already did that and I'm gonna switch over but I'm terrified of switching over everything because or even like uploading my stuff to the

computer like I don't know like I'm super weird about it and just like you said I don't use iCloud so I'm super weird about uploading my stuff to iCloud so I want to try to do like um either like mix tiles or like chat books those things where you can like add your your pictures from your phone into the things like that but it's like the videos you can't where are you gonna put videos I know I was devastated I bet I mean and I mean obviously you know we've had conversations about how I literally up until last year still had Jackson's high chair in my basement so it's like obviously those types of things like really mean something to me so right definitely videos I'm like where I'm never gonna be able to view those again so I just think it's so crazy that we're

so reliant on technology and it made me think of like the parents back in like the 90s that would have had camcorders and then um they would go like on a VHS or whatever yeah and then I remember I remember specifically Will's dad I guess he was like a super camcorder dad and so he converted all of the camcorder stuff onto DVDs and no telling how long that took and now kind of DVD is outdated right yeah I mean I mean do people still use DVDs yeah I don't know I don't even think we have a DVD player if we do I don't know about it um maybe maybe in the basement Jackson and Will are watching like our old old DVDs that we have like Christmas movies and just like random shit down there okay you guys it's time to take a quick break really fast and I want

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Innovation and Aging Award live on Good Morning America so that's pretty awesome and I just think that you guys should get one because I have one and they're so good so right now our coffee combos listeners are getting $50 off when you go to emberwave.com slash combos that's embrwave.com speaking of my basement I have one room that it's organized but it has like all of my just like shit in there I need to hire somebody to come and just like assist me purging things that like I have emotionally attached myself to I use the neat method they are the ones that help me with all my organization all my purging like she basically was like so when she did my kitchen her name is Kate she does Philadelphia neat um it's kind of like the home edit but I don't have

experience with the home edit and I prefer the neat method um anyhow um she will like I had I don't know like 12 vases from like when bear passed away and everyone sent me flowers and like I would save them and she was like kale pick one or two that you want to keep and then you don't need to have the rest you know what I mean so like that mentality you have to be okay with like getting rid of shit in order to organize it and so I definitely recommend reaching out to um the neat method like they probably have a branch near you like um it's like um like a franchise kind of um they'll help you out but do I wait until I move and like yes so your best bet because they their whole method is to take everything out of the space so your best bet would be

basically when you build your house I'm sending my floor plans to Kate and so she's gonna know exactly how big my spaces are to like put things and I'm gonna use whatever I already have and then we'll be able to go from there but um they'll be able to come up with something that works for you but also is functional so I'm not gonna do something if I'm not gonna put my mugs you know above the sink if my Keurig is over on a coffee station you know what I mean so they're gonna do something that makes sense for you and then it's so crazy because I've always been I'm not a dirty person but I'm a messy person and I feel like with the way that you describe your closet is the same way as I am um they come up with a method that like works for you and honestly

I'm not even joking it is so easy to keep up with once it's already done you just can't be the one that does it someone else has to start it and then it's so easy yeah my kids my kids when I tell you their closets since Kate did them have never been fucked up I'm not even kidding like it's even easy for kids to do it listen I get so overwhelmed with just like looking at my messiness that I'm like I can't even like I don't even know where to begin so then because of my overwhelmedness I just neglected and then it's like oh wow but my house is super everything in my house is super neat and organized other than my closet and other than my my like storage room in my basement is neat and organized but it's like organized chaos you know what I mean it's like things that I should have

gotten rid of like I have every school paper that Jackson has ever done from preschool like why we don't need every school paper I need to go through and like pick and choose but how do you pick and choose like I'm not a good person and then I'm afraid to throw away that stuff um I also struggled with and when she did my basement um we got obviously I have more kids than you but we got these like almost like those big rubber made totes but not that kind and their memory boxes essentially and we would just like go through and like put things in the memory box so now now everything kind of like what you said it's not organized chaos it's just organized so like you might have one that is Jackson's preschool Jackson's first grade kindergarten kindergarten

first grade um second grade um and she'll make it organized for you so that it's not it doesn't seem so overwhelming and then like you could obviously go through them if you want but if you wanted to keep all of them there's a way to organize it okay well I am going to they have Instagram so reach out actively be working on this because I just the thoughts of bringing clutter in to my next house is just not I can't do that I need to start going getting rid of stuff and it's like why would I need a Britex car seat that's expired you know I don't need that like why do I not at all and wills like we should just take this to Goodwill like somebody could use it and I'm like well I understand somebody could use it but also I remember carrying my baby in that and he's like I get it but like

you're not carrying him in this anymore so like why do you need this he's almost eight years old I don't know why I am like that and I am attached to my clothes too is it like a mental something well I'm not yes that's something that you need to work out in therapy because yes I get rid of everything I I used to be that way and now I am to the point where like I don't want to keep anything and I was I was so irritated like trying to clean out my house the other day I'm like going through a bunch of shit I'm like this stuff that's for donation better not end up back in its place because someone put it back they thought it wasn't donation like I donate more than I should probably listen I have Goodwill trips like every week one time like when Goodwill was closed because of

coronavirus it was devastating because it's like I don't want to this is the other thing too I don't like taking stuff to Goodwill that's not like good you know so it's like if I'm dropping it off I want it to be like a usable thing I'm not using them as like a trash dispenser or something it's like no I'm actually taking something that somebody could legitimately use but then I will send Will with like random stuff it's like one day I'll wake up and I'll be like okay I can get rid of the high chair today that's definitely something I need to work out in therapy you're so right I'm sorry I don't mean to throw you put you on the spot like that no but you're right it's like me having an attachment to a Rolling Stones shirt but I didn't go to a Rolling Stones

concert is not legitimate you know yeah yeah you're probably right yeah so anyway moving on from that I did want to give an update on the situation at school because so many moms wrote in giving their opinions about the little altercation at Jackson school and every single person said that no that never have they ever been called from the school and been given the other person's information and that there's some kind of like federal and state law that protects it and that basically it's is that all states I don't know you'll have to look in you'll have to look it up for your state but it every person wrote and said that there were federal and state laws and even like educators and messages saying that it federal and state law don't allow for

why that why and I'm like well the child put their hands on my kid so I feel like I should know that but multiple people said it's for retaliation purposes so obviously like I'm not going to come up to the school and like retaliate against this first grader but maybe they just think that like you'll look at the child differently or something I have no idea it's like obviously my kid's going to come home and tell me the kid's name you know I didn't know that that was maybe I don't know and is this like some new state what I said is this like some new state and federal law that protects this because I distinctly remember people getting in trouble I never got into the office but I distinctly remember people getting in trouble when I was like in elementary school

and it was always like both people that got in trouble went to the office and then their parents came too so it's like everybody knew who everybody was that's what I'm saying and I could have sworn that they told me like when Isaac had an incident in third grade I'm pretty fucking sure they told me well maybe they thought that you weren't going to retaliate I mean I was never going to retaliate I just I know the office with people that I had issues with so I don't understand you said I don't understand wait kale did you ever go to the office in school oh my god I was in the office all the fucking time I got expelled from one of my my very first high school that I went to wait but what were you doing in the office well like in the office as a

kid I think I wasn't getting in trouble I've only been in trouble a couple times but um in high school did Susie show up for these times you know and now that I'm I'm thinking about it Susie showed up one time when the when the principal though in the school district was like they have to go she has to go um and my mom was like yep but the one incident that I had in high school they actually now that I'm thinking about it was in ninth grade the same incident that I got in trouble for um that I got kicked out for they did not have us in the office at the same time but like when I was younger I feel like they were always like trying to work it out or maybe they work it out in the guidance counselor oh yeah it's a guidance counselor maybe yeah I feel like

that's true I don't know this is coming from a person that has never been in trouble oh you've so I don't really know what that looks like yeah I'm not sure yeah I mean obviously like stupid stuff like you might get called the office like why were you at home room late five days in a row or something like that but that's not really that serious you know like whatever right right right but not like I don't know not for behavior purposes or anything like that like I've never been called to the office I want to know how many people who are listening are people that were called to the office in school or if you weren't are you a kale are you a lindsay we need to know are you a kale or are you a lindsay because kale is always in the office

kill I mean what can I say did when you went to the office did they make you get like the suspension that you have to do in school I had os I had in school suspension all the time in my freshman year of high school freshman year of high school is by far my worst year of school ever um and I had os s my freshman year as well what were you doing I fought people like I would fight anyone who talked shit to me anyone who looked wrong at me I would oh wow I was very I was a very angry ninth grader wow so you were just like always getting an altercations yes and that's why I ultimately got kicked out and then um but I also was going through a lot like my mom went to rehab um and I my mom signed over temporary custody to my neighbor um who I just it was a lot like I was

it was a lot for me could you imagine now that you are a mother like signing over temporary custody to your neighbor that was spying on you last week no like I literally when I think about the shit that my mom did and like nobody intervened I'm like what the actual fuck was going through her head like um I'm not angry about it anymore I'm just like trying to understand like the thought process but then like I think about how you know my most recent relationship was so toxic and so it was very much an addiction like I literally picture like how I was feeling in that addiction to like what my mom goes through and like nobody wants to be in that place right like these addictions like nobody wants to be there so I right putting myself there and like my mom was

she was really trying to make the best decisions she just like couldn't you know so I'm like I can't imagine like signing over like temporary custody of like Isaac to go live with somebody it's like okay no because if something happens and it still falls back on me like I'm still I want to raise my kids to be good humans you know well exactly and then I guess in your specific situation I am just so shocked that the state like didn't intervene and take custody of you they tried um I actually my family like my the family that I always grew up doing Thanksgiving with my great-grandmother and them um my cousins they're much older than me they're my mom's first cousins they kind of all got together and they were like talking to my mom like basically like

an intervention like one of us will take Kale will Kailin um and you know we'll raise her as as ours and you know you can have access to her you know whenever you need if you you know to stay in touch but like basically work on yourself get sober do what you want to do and we'll do the rest and they refused so my mom refused so um but the state never got involved which is so crazy to me like nobody intervened enough to like have me taken away but I feel like in today's society well let me let me not even say that because I don't know like I don't know I've seen some pretty fucked up situations and and nobody really does anything so I mean I don't know I could see it happening today too it's so crazy that see I feel like because things are just I don't want to

say that old times was like ignorant but just the access that we have to so many different resources these days I feel like times are just so different I agree I mean I definitely agree I just can't imagine I feel like in your situation just from what I know I feel like the state would absolutely in this day and time have taken you but but I know of a situation right now like in my life where well actually a couple situations and even the other day when I had sent something to my lawyer he was like no I understand where you're coming from but unfortunately the government can't save like everybody from that situation and so I was like but what the fuck like you're not they're not going to try like they're they're just I think they're over

there's so many cases and they're overworked and they're overbooked I guess and there's just not enough like help and resources to get some of the kids out of situations and so and I think like based on where I'm from everyone knew my family like my family was very my family was very well known and wealthy and so it was one of those things where like even when I was a an infant the judge was like you know you can keep her full custody you just have to go to a complete X amount of days in rehab um and so my family facilitated that and made it happen for my mom where like if my mom didn't know the judge or didn't know whoever like they would have just been like no you lost temporary custody and you have to fight for her back you know what I mean so

I think it's um right right that plays a huge role too it's like so many things get kind of like what is the brush under the rug kind of like um Gabriel Hernandez on Netflix right oh absolutely I feel like every aspect of life there's corruption to a degree within everything you know like whether it be the court system or the school system or you know like whatever like there is um unfortunately advantages and disadvantages to everything but that's just that's just so wild to me I just am so interested in hearing about your growing up it's so interesting to me really um yeah yeah just because I didn't like have the same experiences I guess so it's like since it's it's kind of like watching a movie right like you it's just like unknown to you so that's how I

feel about yours like I when you tell me things I'm like oh wow like wow maybe that's why this podcast works yeah I mean and I don't ever like I don't ever feel like you're judging me when you ask me about no and I don't feel I hope you don't feel like I'm judging you like it's just so interesting but I don't ever like it's just interesting I don't ever feel like one way or another you know like I'm legitimately interested okay so okay we feel the same then I just I guess I never thought mine was like interesting you know like I just thought it was like kind of fucked up but yeah yeah so well this has been fun this has been fun sorry about all my technical difficulties today I hope nobody can hear them and we can just push through them at least at least everybody can hear

me today yeah everyone so that hopefully they can hear me too that's a major benefit okay so I am going out the door I have so many errands to run okay but I love you I love you talk to you next week if you guys are not subscribed to us make sure you do that from the purple podcast app on itunes type in coffee combos click subscribe and click the fifth star and leave us a written review hope you guys have a fantastic week and we'll talk to you soon see you