131: Holiday Talk, Job Judgment, and Holding On To Things
00:00Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Coffee Combo's podcast.Hey Kale, good morning.Good morning, I'm glad we figured this shit out.I think it's so funny you get a whole office and then you go there and it's quiet but thenyou don't have proper internet.I'm so annoyed because I really did this so that I don't have to hear my kids in thebackground and now the internet doesn't work so something's got to give here, you know?Something has to give.
00:40Are you kidding me?I would be so mad.No, I'm not kidding you.Can I tell you a really- Did you get your coffee?I did and you know what?I told you I was going to dunk in but I lied.Where'd you go?Where do you think I went?
00:52Wah-wah.Yes, I did.I sure did.I got my hazelnut coffee from Wah-wah.You cheated on Starbucks this morning.You know what, see, I thought it was going to work out this time but then I realizedI was paying 5.20 something for a fucking coffee and most of the time I don't finishit or I pretty much shit myself so I decided to go to Wah-wah for a $1.70 coffee.
01:20It's literally so unrealistic, the price of coffee, that sometimes I will legitimatelywait until it's like happy hour at Dunkin' so it's like $2.I'm sorry, what?Did you lie to me or you just wanted to-I was unsure of what you said.I was not aware that they had a happy hour.Yeah, so they have, I don't know if it's technically called a happy hour but I'm justgoing to call it that, it's basically where I think from like 2 to 4 you can go and get
01:56a medium iced or hot latte for $2.What?That's amazing.The only thing is, is like I struggle with Dunkin' we've had this conversation a hundredtimes, Dunkin' always makes my coffee so sweet no matter what, like I feel like their mediumthey said I think is either 2 pumps of sugar, 2 pumps of cream or whatever or 3 I can'tremember and I said okay cut it in half and it's still too sweet so is their brew itselfjust really sweet or like what does that mean, like what does that look like?
02:35I'm not sure, maybe we have somebody that works for Dunkin' that listens to us and theycan tell us but it's funny that you say that because I actually get 4 pumps of caramelin mine because I like it like sweet, like not a heart attack sweet because that doesn'tmake sense but you know what I'm saying, like I like a really, really, really sweet coffeebut that's probably why now thinking of it, why I really prefer Dunkin' donuts and I lovetheir sour cream donut.Their sour cream donut is A1, it's really unmatched to be honest.I thought you said it's a 1 but you said it's A1 and I was going to be pissed that you said
03:21it was 1 and not 10, no a 10 out of 10 recommend, 10 out of 10 recommend, okay I need to tellyou something, what is it very important, this is so fucking disturbing, yes it's veryimportant, okay so I don't know if you guys, do you know what a stink bug is?A stink bug, yeah we have them.You know what that is?Okay because I don't remember having stink bugs in Pennsylvania, I only remember havingthem here in Delaware so I had a lot of stink bugs like outside and but in the winter timethey like go away or whatever but last night I like woke up for no fucking reason and I
03:59kept smelling a stink bug and I thought that they only smell when you kill them so I neverkill them I just like flush them or like put them back outside but I so I wake up in themiddle of the night and I keep smelling this fucking stink bug and I'll have you know therewas a fucking stink bug in my fucking bed, what I didn't even know they smelled I thoughtit was a myth, no I have a very distinct like a nasty distinct smell and I smelled it andI was like oh my god it's somewhere in this bed you know I took all my clothes off becauseI was terrified of it like crawling on me and then I'm like that feeling of like ohmy god what if it's in my hair and I was like trying to like feel in my hair but I was like
04:40scared to feel it in my hair it wasn't in my hair but I was like oh my god like I fuckingsmell this thing so I go downstairs this morning and I was telling Isaac the story and he'slike um if you were smelling that that means it's in your bed and I was like what likehow do you know that it was disgusting.So first of all I have a couple of things to say about this I honest and truly thoughtstink bugs smelling was a myth, secondly that's a real you said it's a distinct smell but whatI was going to say was oh my god yeah it was actually probably you farting no I literallystill don't know where you got the farting in the closet thing because it wasn't me and
05:27just to the contrary of your mythical thoughts or whatever stink bugs have a very distinctsmell and if anyone's listening to this and is familiar with stink bugs you guys knowexactly what I'm talking about there is you cannot deny like you know if you smell a stinkbug you know it's a stink bug but did they just smell for like full time or do they fartlike what is making this happen.So I think it's like an octopus where they like ink if they're nervous or like feelthreatened.I'm pretty sure it's the same thing goodbye so you just have like a stink bug farting
06:10in your bed like all night yes I am disgusted I'm just so disgusted who put it there I don'tknow I think it just like came I don't know it came must have come in from outside.I feel like your kids did this.Oh probably oh my god Lux will pick up any kind of bug and like throw it at you he doesnot care.Oh my god I'm seriously terrified of insects and really anything that like moves with fourlegs including humans.Yeah sounds about right sounds legitimate wait Lincoln's birthday was yesterday tell
06:51me everything Lincoln's birthday was yes so we didn't do anything big we did I like filledup his room with balloons and of course Lux thought it was his birthday and I didn't havea party obviously with everything going on and it was a Monday and so we just had I pickedup cupcakes we did tacos because that's Isaac and Lincoln's like favorite and then his kindergartenteacher actually became he's not in kindergarten anymore but became one of my good friends soI she came over with her kids for cupcakes and then my friend Natalie obviously and Cadenwere there so we just did cupcakes they played and then and that was it and he obviously wasso freaking pumped about his Xbox I did not get him the new Xbox because I didn't even
07:37know there was a new one coming out but I did get him his own game system which he'snever had his own game system before he's only ever played like on his dad's or on Isaac'sso I know he was he was really pumped about about all that so oh my gosh I saw his littleposter from football oh yeah it was so cute and it's just so funny to me because I canjust like imagine everything that you've told me about Lincoln I can just like imagine himthinking he's a professional with that poster oh yeah for sure and then like I sensey warmershave like the NFL collection or whatever and they didn't have Panthers that like matchedit but they had Jaguars and you know he's colorblind so he doesn't give it and he's
08:22like that's this is the closest thing to Panthers I want this one so I got that oneand put it with this little Xbox setup and it was so cute but I'm like it's so crazyto like think about the changes or not the changes the like what is the word I'm lookingfor the difference in like what makes them happy as they get older you know like forsure little things now I find they're they're definitely less and little things but they'realso more expensive actually it's so funny that you say this because I distinctly rememberbecause with my siblings there's a pretty big age gap so like seven years between meand then the first from the second marriage so that's to me that's a pretty big gap and
09:12I would say so I remember distinctly my parents having a conversation with us that like asyou get older the younger ones will have more gifts under the tree because your gifts costmore money right so there's less yeah and I just remember them having that conversationwith us and I don't really know why maybe just because they didn't want us to feel likeoh you got two presents but they got like 100 but it's like little Fisher price thingsthat probably cost like $5 you know and then it's like oh well you've got an iPhone underthe tree so obviously whatever but yeah I just wonder people with you'll deal with thatgap too with like Isaac and Luxe yeah you're definitely right you're definitely right about
10:14that what do you plan on doing like since you're canceling holidays like out of yourlife what do you plan on doing as far as like gift exchanges for your kids and like whatdoes that look like I'm not we're not doing anything like I'm just not gonna have themso they don't have to like get each other stuff yeah but I can ask I might now thatyou brought that up that's a good point I might ask them do they want to get each other anythingfor Christmas and if they say yes then I would just obviously facilitate that but I justdon't have like they're gonna be with their dads I'm pretty sure for until like the endof Christmas day so I feel like maybe by then it would be over but then also I don't know
11:02it might be kind of nice for them to give each other something so maybe we'll see I'llsee how if if their dads have them so you don't do like gifts at your house if theirdads have them on Christmas we did we did but I just this year I just I don't thinklast year we did it at all what was last year I don't even know that is like the wildestthing for me to wrap my head around I don't think we did anything last year at all likeI don't even think that we even know as a matter of fact I know nothing happened lastyear on Christmas I know that because I was by myself almost the entire day so yeah wedidn't do anything and then once I got the kids back I got the kids back and we just
11:48went on about our lives I mean for whatever works for you I'm down but also I feel likeI would be devastated I know it is kind of sad and I get that I definitely get that Ijust feel like it's a lot and the amount of money that I was spending on like Christmasgifts and then I was only getting them for half the day and then it was I had to shareI don't get to go to my family because my family Joe's family and Javi's family areall in different areas and then when we added Chris to the mix it was like there was justso much going on that I was never going to be have three happy like dad situations andthen it was stressing me out to like have one back by four o'clock one back by seven
12:35o'clock and like even though the custody order say the same thing it was almost like okaythat's like a default so we tried to agree on like other things that would work and Ijust like couldn't make it work to that to the point that everyone was like actuallyhappy about it and so for me it's just like I see my family like twice maybe three timesa year and so it just didn't make sense for me to like do this and I and then they havefamilies like my family has their you know significant others families or whatever soto me I'd rather just set up two times in the summertime or or something else with myfamily and then go from there like Christmas is just I don't I just can't you're like Christmas
13:21is canceled it's just so canceled I'm super excited for Thanksgiving though because I'mgoing to Texas to see my best friend and her kids and my kids are super pumped so we'regoing to be there for the week and that I'm very excited about but not even because ofthe holiday like I'm just excited to see my friend I love it well wait actually a lotof people wrote to my DMs the podcast DMs I don't know if you got some too but I hadmaybe not because I posted it on my personal page but I asked if people liked ham or turkeyon Thanksgiving and so many people wrote back and said they do ham on Christmas and turkeyon Thanksgiving and I hadn't like that was mind blowing to me because I was like wow
14:04that totally makes so much sense to do that but like I've never thought about doing thatand then people were saying oh well the meat doesn't really matter because it's all aboutthe sides and it like truly really is all about all of the sides on Thanksgiving andhonestly I can't wait to cook next week and I'm going to be posting it on stories so makesure you guys are watching the sweet potato souffle recipe that I use is literally todie for and I can taste it right now when I'm talking about it I don't like sweet potatoesI hate them so that does not sound good to me but to your point you would like thesewell I you know maybe next year I'll come to your house for Thanksgiving yes you can
14:46so my new house yes mine too but I'm not having Thanksgiving at mine growing up we alwayshad ham and turkey on Thanksgiving at my great grandmother's house until she passed awaywe always had both and then for Christmas we always had ham and then we also had ham onEaster growing up yeah so we always did ham on Easter too always ham on Christmas butI never thought about like okay doing like one or the other meat on Thanksgiving becauseit was always just we've done both I guess so I don't know and then I was also readingI was like down this rabbit hole about like what meats like are proper to cook with likecertain dishes and whatever and then I saw where one of the most common causes of house
15:42fires every year is turkey frying turkeys on Thanksgiving okay but isn't frying turkeyslike a semi new thing I don't know I mean I've been hearing about it since college somaybe it's like relatively new I'm not really sure but I hate turkey in the oven like Ihate it I've never had the driest wait what did you just say blandest I said I hate turkeyin the oven like how do you make it highest blandest like a fried turkey or no that'sthat's a new thing I don't believe you because I've never heard of a fried turkey until likethe last couple years kill wait you can't tell me that you don't believe me about friedturkey you grew up eating fried turkey oh no no no I didn't grow up like that I'm saying
16:36if it's like up to me then it's gonna be a fried turkey because it's not sure I grewup within the oven right that's what I'm saying but I never ate it growing up because it'sdisgusting I don't so I'm cooked it doesn't matter because I put so much gravy on allmy food I put gravy on my corn mashed potatoes turkey I put it on everything mac and cheeseare you one of those people I'll mix it all up like a kfc bowl by that's literally themost tragic thing I've ever heard that sounds like something that will would do and it reallyjust like gets my gears turning I just I like all my food to be separate and even thoughI know it's going to the same place will and I've had these conversations so many times
17:25he's like why do you actually look like you have a divided plate and he's like it's allgoing to the same place but if you've ever been to like a community Thanksgiving thinglike a church or like a big family Thanksgiving thing I guarantee you that Kale is one ofthose people that like puts all her food on her plate and then goes for the gravy lastand puts gravy like on everything oh a hundred percent a hundred percent I love it what kindof gravy is this it's like it goes on it like I don't know what kind it is but it'slike brown it's like brown gravy yeah okay yeah but I don't know like a thing for meI don't eat gravy cream what yeah like I don't do gravy at all okay well you're on crack
18:09so I don't know where what where the hell we're raised but obviously a crime so I'mnot sure what's wrong with you leave me alone I just that's really that's reallyreally me that's really wild Lindsay I'm I just am shocked right now I feel like evenif I knew this before and I forgot I'm shocked again you're re-shocked I'm re-shocked I'mre-shocked hey you know another thing that my family has never done that is so commonin other families what is green bean casserole like we just do green beans yeah say okay wellmy family growing up never did green beans at all on Thanksgiving and also I never grewup with mac and cheese on Thanksgiving so that's new to me but since I've been an adult
18:59and like doing my own thing I've actually not done green bean casserole like I haven'tbeen to one I like green bean casserole but I have not been to a Thanksgiving that hasgreen bean casserole I've literally never one time in my life ever had green bean casseroleever oh I love ever I love well I love all things green beans I don't know it's justlike I feel like that's not something that should be like mixed in something you knowwhat I mean I mean I feel like it just should be plain we've established we've we have establishedso wait can we discuss what you were talking about in text yesterday with your friend andthis is like on a completely different note but I wanted to make sure that we had enough
19:45time to talk about it I kind of covered it a little bit last week but then you had someother points so let's do it so I'm gonna read what I posted so that wayyou guys can okay let me go back to my friend hold on it's my DMs my I posted something onmy Instagram story and it says people ask what you do for a living so they can calculatethe level of respect to give you so I had to read that twice and I realized that anytimesomeone has asked me like what do I do because they don't know who I am and that's perfectlyfine I without even knowing them already am very hesitant to tell them you know I havea podcast because they're like oh what do you do like they don't understand like podcasting
20:39or maybe they do and they think it's like something I do for free or for fun or I don'treally know and then I don't even tell them I'm on a TV show because that makes me souncomfortable and I just look like they don't have respect for me they don't it's almostlike looked at as not real jobs right like I have a degree and I don't use it in a traditionalway but then at the same time it's like how many people go get degree degrees that arenot on TV and they don't use their degrees either but there maybe they work at like oneof my friends works at Verizon and he make he he is does very well there but we wentto school for the same thing but how come he doesn't get looked at differently because
21:21he's not using her to his degree or is he you know what I mean like it's just like oneof those things where or my friend messaged me she replied to the story and she was likeI have a degree and people she either gets wow you're a stay-at-home mom that's awesomeor oh you're a stay-at-home mom like why why are people like this nobody I don't know anysingle person that uses their degree in a traditional and like in the way that they'resupposed to and then they treat people differently based on their job like that is so mind blowingto me I have so many things to say about this so before I get like tangled in my thoughtsI'm gonna go back to last week talking about how yes I just feel completely disrespected
22:03wills family they all have college degrees and all have used them relatively traditionallywhether directly what they got their degree for or not they've still use them in a traditionalway and so I agree to your point because I would I can be sitting in a hot tub in Floridawith people and then be like oh so what do you do and it's like you don't really knowwhat to say you know I'm saying maybe we should start saying we're in we're in entertainmentshould we just be like I'm an entrepreneur like I don't know like what say that I don'tfeel like that's a valid answer either because I feel like they're looking for a specificwhatever but I also had that same struggle with ever explaining what I do to wills family
22:57like if I went to a family function that there was more than just like his immediate familyand somebody randomly asked me like so what do you do for work or a living or whateverright it's like how do you say I podcast or whatever and then I feel like people thinkthat it's hobby projects that's what they think it's a fucking hobby and I'm like mydude I bring home real money like I pay my bills with real money I have to do work aroundthe pot like we have to schedule the podcast we have to do certain things to make the podcasthappen we have to you know there are things that we do behind the scenes it's not justtalking on a mic and then uploading the files like there's other things that go on and I'm
23:42just like literally I don't give a fuck if someone strips on a pole get that money sisand pay your bills like I don't care I don't give a shit like I don't it's just weird tome like it's just like one of those things where I'm not going to judge someone for whatthey do for a living if they stay at home good for them I wish that I didn't have towork at all and I had someone that brought home the money or whatever that looks likeand I could stay home with the kids and just focus on that because even just doing thisit's hard like it's all the jobs are hard whether you stay at home or not so I justdon't understand like the the judgment and I couldn't believe how many people messaged
24:18me like agreeing with that statement yet nothing changes well right and then anotherpoint is that I have known people who literally have masters degrees who stayed home and waslike stay at home mom for like five years or however many years to get their childrenyou know school age and then go back to work so it's like obviously you having a degreeand having a master's or an undergraduate whatever it is that's fine but that doesn'tlike take you being a stay at home mom doesn't yeah I mean it it's so crazy to me and thenalso another thing that really grinds my gears as well is that you saying that you work I'mjust going to use this one as an example like because it's where I wanted to work before
25:12I ever did TV but somebody's saying they work for Coke it's like that's good and greatand I'm so happy for you that you do but don't disrespect me for what I do or act like whatI do isn't important or like you think you make more money than me right because thatbothers me as well yeah I hear you and I say that to Kristen all the time like we stayedat the Ritz Carlton and Philly and I look like a bum most of the time so that's partpartially my fault but people will be like side eyeing me giving me dirty looks and it'slike don't sit here in the Ritz Carlton and act like I'm staying here and don't probablymake I do make equal money as you so just stop like I don't understand it really is so frustrating
26:00to deal with that level of disrespect and I think that it causes a lot of like resentmentover time and especially if you have people in your life that do it they're like actuallyin your life that makes it even like a whole different level because a rank stranger I'mjust like you know what whatever like you do you I don't really care what you're doingbut if it's somebody that you actually know that's doing that and projecting that ontoyou and then it makes me feel like okay well are they just acting that way because it'sa jealousy thing is it a misunderstood thing is it a disrespect thing like I really don'tknow yeah I think it's people really think that they're better than others like even
26:54if they don't do it intentionally it's a subconscious thing right like they subconsciously do itmaybe and then but at the end of the day we're all human we're not going to the grave withany of the shit we have and you know while we're alive so why are you sitting here judgingme based on what I do and it doesn't really matter because we're bringing home the samemoney well exactly and what I choose to do in my life is my business just like what youchoose to do in your life is your business what somebody else chooses for their careerpath and you know when they jack off and whatever is their business not really my business nordo I really care but I just think everybody should just stay in their lane and just you
27:36know give respect to each other and just keep the shit moving not that that's going to happenbut I think it sounds like a good idea yeah yeah for sure but I just wanted to touch onthat today I saw something else on Instagram while we're talking about this and I didn'tpost it in my story mainly because I wanted to talk about it on here but it said if youdon't address your childhood traumas your romantic relationships will and I was like preachpreach because that is so true I remember getting into an argument with Dr. Drew aboutthis and I just before could not understand how my childhood was affecting my adult lifeand I just couldn't connect the dots this is one that I still struggle with because
28:37I don't while I do agree to some degree I do agree to some degree I don't know how likeI am still trying to figure out how my childhood traumas is that what you said that your childhoodtraumas or your childhood yes your childhood traumas and your relationship I want he didI 1000% agree with that statement because I think that okay I think I was talking aboutthis the other day and I can't remember if it was with Will or somebody else but okayas a child you grow up and you learn how to do things and whether those things are likedoing things the right way or acting the right way or whatever it's something that is likea learned behavior right so I feel like when you do get into relationships with people
29:31those learned behaviors you bring into those relationships so then in turn if those thingsthat you were learning and doing as a child because you saw it from somebody else cannegatively impact a relationship let's use communication for example the way you communicateis yelling at somebody getting a point across no but I have a huge struggle with that I feellike the louder I yell the more I'm heard and I've had to learn that somebody's nothearing me more because I'm yelling actually they're just tuning me out yeah that's somethingI definitely learned later in life like I would just yelling is not solving any issuesbut I never like I didn't yell and scream with my mom like that wasn't ever a thing
30:21so I don't know why I ever thought that that would work in a relationship like I I'm havinga hard time connecting the dots between like the relationship I have or lack thereof withmy parents that you know to my romantic relationships and furthermore none of my romantic relationshipshave ever been the same and I almost feel like my previous romantic relationship affectsmy next romantic relationship more than my childhood relationship with my mom or my traumasor anything like that because I don't wait you just made a very good point though okayyour last relationships because you actually had a relationship maybe it's the lack ofhaving relationships with your parents that cause you to act in the way that you do you
31:07said that you didn't yell growing up but maybe that was a defense mechanism of how once youdid get in a relationship how somebody made you feel that you needed to feel like youneeded to elevate your voice okay that's fair because I remember like yelling like wellI can't think of like yelling I've never really yelled I've always just like been like loudbut not yelling I don't know let me not wow I can't even speak today let me not say yellingor loud like I think in arguments I've been louder than I normally am but like I thinkthe only really like explosive fight was you know the one on teen mom or whatever and Idon't even think I was yelling and like no I didn't make sense and I never saw that growing
31:54up like I didn't see my mom wasn't abusive my mom didn't get abusive you know with herpartners that I ever saw so that's something that I don't know but yeah I guess you goyou have a good point like maybe because I internalized a lot so then it comes out indifferent ways as an adult yeah I guess I could see that but I personally feel likeneglect is abuse okay yeah I definitely think that's an adult yeah is neglecting a childin any way whether it be emotionally or however to me that is abuse yeah I can agree withthat because I mean you just don't fulfill their their that's like a necessity yes actuallyI learned so in therapy last year last year in therapy last week I learned that because
32:44I was saying you know I was very nervous about like Creed because he doesn't sleep and likebonding has been a lot different this time around just because he's so difficult andso I just get super frustrated and I was saying how like I wanted to figure out ways to kindof manage the stress and so that I bond better with him when he's you know when he's happyand stuff like that I can work on it and she was saying that right now up until aroundsix months like give or take every baby is different but around six months they onlythe Creed only knows me as like the main source of life he doesn't associate me as like ahuman being right so she said after about six I think I want to say she said between
33:28six and eight months but don't quote me on that exact age she said that that's when babiesstart internalizing they can start internalizing things where if you're not nurturing themthe way that they need or you're not caring for them the way they need they can startinternalizing it that early wow yeah I was shocked well that shows you like how soonthey can start be become damaged humans yes yes 100% so I just wanted to say that thatis so crazy I did want to tell you something that I've been reading every single day overthe past week and it's been super helpful it was something I also found on InstagramI feel like Instagram can be such a positive place but also such a negative yeah but I
34:23found this and it said I knew I was healing when I started responding rather than reactingI enjoyed alone time I saw my parents as people with their own unresolved trauma I set boundariesand when people didn't respect them I knew they were clearing space for those who didand I was okay with being misunderstood oh okay that's been like life changing to meover the past week isn't it interesting how like something so little like that that youfind online can just like really change your mindset or at least you can apply it to certainthings because I found that like when I go on the explore page or something and I'm notI guess like not looking at something like browsing and then it just hits you like wow
35:10like that is so true and then you're able to like apply it isn't that weird yes yesand I'm like oh wow and when when I go look on my explore page I also have become verycomfortable with being able to ignore negativity and I also read something else from somebodyelse's Instagram that said it was basically like this guide to how to navigate socialmedia and for people who are constantly posting negativity or things that don't serve youyou're not required to be following those people and so to me it it made me go through my listof what I was following which I don't really follow that much anyway it's like 300 peopleit made me go through my list and really like start clicking on profiles and be like okay
36:09is this person posting something that I can have like a positive takeaway if not theyhave to go and I think that just like clearing space in all areas of your life whether itbe like what you're connecting to on social media who you're talking to on a daily basisor a weekly basis or whatever and just maintaining a positive space because life is just trulytoo short for all of the negativity and I just don't like getting on social media specificallybecause that is something that you're choosing to do like during spare time or whatever andif if you're doing something during your spare time it should be something that is positivelyimpacting you so when I go on my explorer page obviously that's things that I don't
37:01follow but I just have been clicking on positive things that I've been seeing instead of likegetting in the weeds of like negative stuff you know what I mean right 100% it's so Ithink the saying mind over matter really has I've resonated with it more lately becauseit's just like the things that you surround yourself with is what you have in your mindand your mind controls everything like when you think you can't get through somethingand then the right thing pops up or you don't even realize how many negative things you'reseeing on your timeline you know what I mean so I totally hear you I I feel really badwhen I want to like unfollow certain people that are just like not contributing anything
37:44positive you know what I mean but I need to kind of get over that because I and not evennot contributing anything positive but just like things that I'm just not interested inanymore or like I don't talk to this person anymore and I know that's like rude to somepeople but like I just don't it's just like clutter in my head you know or like clutteron my timeline that like ultimately makes its way to my head when I actually want tosee people that actually there's a reason that I'm looking at their stuff you know it'slike or I don't just want to have like random people on there that it's just like okay wellthat person's not really you know what I mean I don't know how to really say it I don't
38:28want to sound rude no I don't it's not like a personal thing no I don't think you soundrude at all I really don't I just I don't know I just don't have time for the negativityso I'm like like I don't even move on I have following almost 700 people or 700 accountsand I don't even think I know that many people in real life yeah it's like what were we everdoing following that you know right I I can't well Instagram is just a very weird space andeverybody's complaining over the update and I haven't that in itself is giving me anxietybecause I haven't I'm so horrible do you have your apps on like an auto update some of themI don't have any of mine on there so literally my updates are like okay right now there's
39:2133 things that need to be updated oh why am I like that I don't know that's not okay becausethat to me is like notifications on my phone and I just can't it doesn't sit well with meI know I know how you are and my phone drives you nuts I will say in my defense that a coupleI think it was sometime like in the last 12 months that I did one of the I think it wascommon it was like one of the iOS updates I think you and I talked about this that everythinglike got deleted um I want to say we did talk about this but I don't remember so refresh my memoryyeah so I did I again I don't have my stuff on an automatic update but I for whatever reasonwhenever I got a new phone I had I guess it was maybe a factory setting or something that it
40:15would update when it was plugged into a power source between like the hours of like let's say12 a.m. and 2 a.m. or something yeah and I woke up the next morning had overslept because the phoneI guess had like updated itself but then when I went to when I went to wake up and like clickedon the phone screen it was like to that hello and then all the different languages that you can doand the damn thing when I clicked it to go to English when it started you know doing the littlescroll across like it was loading when it went into my phone everything was gone oh everything no noand then I read reports off whatever that iOS was because you know you can google whateverand there was all these reports of it happening to other people as well so I don't know what
41:10happened but literally I was devastated because there was things on my phone that you can't get backlike once in a lifetime yeah no I hear you and I am not like I don't have cloud or like whateverthat is so I guess everybody has iCloud on their phone but mine always pops up and says like yeahit always says like your your iCloud or like finished setting up your iPhone or somethinglike that and I've literally had this thing for like over a year it tells me to finish settingit up and it and if you go into settings it'll say like finish setting up your iPhone or whateverwell some of my damn videos that I had on there I can never get back like I have no idea wherethey are um luckily some of the videos that I had on my phone I had sent to will so I was able to
42:03retrieve those because there's like videos of Jackson yeah so I was able to retrieve that waybut literally that's devastating and I'm like think about how reliant we are on our phonesyeah no I say that all the time and I literally so that's why I have been trying my hardest to likeprint pictures out from my phone because I go through phones like I change my underwear like Iliterally just dropped my phone in the shower the other day I think it was on Saturday I dropped myphone in the shower my case is broken um so I I got a new phone and speaking of phones I'm changingmy phone number this week and getting a new phone plan I well I already did that and I'm gonna switchover but I'm terrified of switching over everything because or even like uploading my stuff to the
42:49computer like I don't know like I'm super weird about it and just like you said I don't use iCloudso I'm super weird about uploading my stuff to iCloud so I want to try to do like um eitherlike mix tiles or like chat books those things where you can like add your your pictures fromyour phone into the things like that but it's like the videos you can't where are you gonna putvideos I know I was devastated I bet I mean and I mean obviously you know we've had conversationsabout how I literally up until last year still had Jackson's high chair in my basement so it's likeobviously those types of things like really mean something to me so right definitely videos I'mlike where I'm never gonna be able to view those again so I just think it's so crazy that we're
43:38so reliant on technology and it made me think of like the parents back in like the 90s that wouldhave had camcorders and then um they would go like on a VHS or whatever yeah and then I rememberI remember specifically Will's dad I guess he was like a super camcorder dad and sohe converted all of the camcorder stuff onto DVDs and no telling how long that took and now kindof DVD is outdated right yeah I mean I mean do people still use DVDs yeah I don't know I don'teven think we have a DVD player if we do I don't know about it um maybe maybe in the basementJackson and Will are watching like our old old DVDs that we have like Christmas movies and justlike random shit down there okay you guys it's time to take a quick break really fast and I want
44:44to tell you about Ember Wave which is perfect for this time of year especially um Ember Lab'smission is to bring thermal wellness to the world so they're super passionate about using temperatureto help everyone feel better and physically and emotionally um this is literally perfect if youare always cold or you're always warm um you can adjust this with the press of a buttonyou know if you're like on the subway if you're in a car with other people in the office andyou're just like freezing it's so good most public places heat or cool spaces aiming for atemperature that's comfortable to about 80 percent of the population so it leaves a lot of peoplejust like unthermally underserved um so if you're not feeling comfortable and you you know lose
45:29productivity and you have increased stress levels that can be super exhausting um so this kind ofhelps with that um and it's Ember Wave is there when you need the most relief so all you do is pressum a button to activate Ember Wave to create a cool or warm sensation in your wrist and thenthe sensation works with your body and mind to take to make you feel more comfortable in a matterof just a few minutes like I said Ember Wave provides comfort in unpredictable climatesrelief from stress and support for sleep at the end of a long day Ember Wave has a fall asleep modethat can help you maintain a comfort a comfortable temperature as you drift off to sleep so thisis amazing um it was invented by three MIT scientists and it won the pitch for AARP's
46:11Innovation and Aging Award live on Good Morning America so that's pretty awesome and I just thinkthat you guys should get one because I have one and they're so good so right now our coffeecombos listeners are getting $50 off when you go to emberwave.com slash combos that's embrwave.comspeaking of my basement I have one room that it's organized but it has like all of my just likeshit in there I need to hire somebody to come and just like assist me purging things that likeI have emotionally attached myself to I use the neat method they are the ones that help me withall my organization all my purging like she basically was like so when she did my kitchenher name is Kate she does Philadelphia neat um it's kind of like the home edit but I don't have
47:16experience with the home edit and I prefer the neat method um anyhow um she will like I had Idon't know like 12 vases from like when bear passed away and everyone sent me flowers and like Iwould save them and she was like kale pick one or two that you want to keep and then you don't needto have the rest you know what I mean so like that mentality you have to be okay with likegetting rid of shit in order to organize it and so I definitely recommend reaching out toum the neat method like they probably have a branch near you like um it's like um like afranchise kind of um they'll help you out but do I wait until I move and like yes so your best betbecause they their whole method is to take everything out of the space so your best bet would be
48:04basically when you build your house I'm sending my floor plans to Kate and so she's gonna knowexactly how big my spaces are to like put things and I'm gonna use whatever I already have and thenwe'll be able to go from there but um they'll be able to come up with something that works for youbut also is functional so I'm not gonna do something if I'm not gonna put my mugs you knowabove the sink if my Keurig is over on a coffee station you know what I mean so they're gonna dosomething that makes sense for you and then it's so crazy because I've always been I'm not a dirtyperson but I'm a messy person and I feel like with the way that you describe your closetis the same way as I am um they come up with a method that like works for you and honestly
48:48I'm not even joking it is so easy to keep up with once it's already done you just can't be the onethat does it someone else has to start it and then it's so easy yeah my kids my kids when I tell youtheir closets since Kate did them have never been fucked up I'm not even kidding like it's even easyfor kids to do it listen I get so overwhelmed with just like looking at my messiness that I'm likeI can't even like I don't even know where to begin so then because of my overwhelmedness I justneglected and then it's like oh wow but my house is super everything in my house is super neat andorganized other than my closet and other than my my like storage room in my basement is neat andorganized but it's like organized chaos you know what I mean it's like things that I should have
49:43gotten rid of like I have every school paper that Jackson has ever done from preschool like why wedon't need every school paper I need to go through and like pick and choose but how do you pick andchoose like I'm not a good person and then I'm afraid to throw away that stuff um I also struggledwith and when she did my basement um we got obviously I have more kids than you but we gotthese like almost like those big rubber made totes but not that kind and their memory boxesessentially and we would just like go through and like put things in the memory box so nownow everything kind of like what you said it's not organized chaos it's just organized so likeyou might have one that is Jackson's preschool Jackson's first grade kindergarten kindergarten
50:32first grade um second grade um and she'll make it organized for you so that it's not it doesn't seemso overwhelming and then like you could obviously go through them if you want but if you wanted tokeep all of them there's a way to organize it okay well I am going to they have Instagram so reachout actively be working on this because I just the thoughts of bringing clutter in to my next houseis just not I can't do that I need to start going getting rid of stuff and it's like why would I needa Britex car seat that's expired you know I don't need that like why do I not at all and wills likewe should just take this to Goodwill like somebody could use it and I'm like well I understand somebodycould use it but also I remember carrying my baby in that and he's like I get it but like
51:28you're not carrying him in this anymore so like why do you need this he's almost eight years oldI don't know why I am like that and I am attached to my clothes too is it like a mental somethingwell I'm not yes that's something that you need to work out in therapy because yes I get rid ofeverything I I used to be that way and now I am to the point where like I don't want to keepanything and I was I was so irritated like trying to clean out my house the other day I'm like goingthrough a bunch of shit I'm like this stuff that's for donation better not end up back in its placebecause someone put it back they thought it wasn't donation like I donate more than I should probablylisten I have Goodwill trips like every week one time like when Goodwill was closed because of
52:19coronavirus it was devastating because it's like I don't want to this is the other thing too I don'tlike taking stuff to Goodwill that's not like good you know so it's like if I'm dropping it off Iwant it to be like a usable thing I'm not using them as like a trash dispenser or something it'slike no I'm actually taking something that somebody could legitimately use but thenI will send Will with like random stuff it's like one day I'll wake up and I'll be like okay I canget rid of the high chair today that's definitely something I need to work out in therapy you'reso right I'm sorry I don't mean to throw you put you on the spot like that no but you're rightit's like me having an attachment to a Rolling Stones shirt but I didn't go to a Rolling Stones
53:03concert is not legitimate you know yeah yeah you're probably right yeah so anyway moving on fromthat I did want to give an update on the situation at school because so many moms wrote in givingtheir opinions about the little altercation at Jackson school and every single person said thatno that never have they ever been called from the school and been given the other person's informationand that there's some kind of like federal and state law that protects itand that basically it's is that all states I don't know you'll have to look in you'll have tolook it up for your state but it every person wrote and said that there were federal and statelaws and even like educators and messages saying that it federal and state law don't allow for
54:01why that why and I'm like well the child put their hands on my kid so I feel like I should know thatbut multiple people said it's for retaliation purposes so obviously like I'm not going to comeup to the school and like retaliate against this first grader but maybe they just think that likeyou'll look at the child differently or something I have no idea it's like obviously my kid's goingto come home and tell me the kid's name you know I didn't know that that was maybe I don't knowand is this like some new state what I said is this like some new state and federal law thatprotects this because I distinctly remember people getting in trouble I never got into the officebut I distinctly remember people getting in trouble when I was like in elementary school
54:51and it was always like both people that got in trouble went to the office and then their parentscame too so it's like everybody knew who everybody was that's what I'm saying and I could have swornthat they told me like when Isaac had an incident in third grade I'm pretty fucking sure they toldme well maybe they thought that you weren't going to retaliate I mean I was never going to retaliateI just I know the office with people that I had issues with so I don't understandyou said I don't understand wait kale did you ever go to the office in schooloh my god I was in the office all the fucking time I got expelled from one of my my very firsthigh school that I went to wait but what were you doing in the office well like in the office as a
55:43kid I think I wasn't getting in trouble I've only been in trouble a couple times but umin high school did Susie show up for these times you know and now that I'm I'm thinking about itSusie showed up one time when the when the principal though in the school district was likethey have to go she has to go um and my mom was like yep but the one incident that I had in highschool they actually now that I'm thinking about it was in ninth grade the same incident that I gotin trouble for um that I got kicked out for they did not have us in the office at the same timebut like when I was younger I feel like they were always like trying to work it out or maybe theywork it out in the guidance counselor oh yeah it's a guidance counselor maybe yeah I feel like
56:25that's true I don't know this is coming from a person that has never been in trouble oh you'veso I don't really know what that looks like yeah I'm not sure yeah I mean obviously likestupid stuff like you might get called the office like why were you at home room late five days ina row or something like that but that's not really that serious you know like whatever right rightright but not like I don't know not for behavior purposes or anything like that like I've neverbeen called to the office I want to know how many people who are listening are people that werecalled to the office in school or if you weren't are you a kale are you a lindsay we need to knoware you a kale or are you a lindsay because kale is always in the office
57:15kill I mean what can I say did when you went to the office did they make you get like thesuspension that you have to do in school I had os I had in school suspension all the time in myfreshman year of high school freshman year of high school is by far my worst year of school everum and I had os s my freshman year as well what were you doing I fought people like I would fightanyone who talked shit to me anyone who looked wrong at me I would oh wow I was very I was a veryangry ninth grader wow so you were just like always getting an altercations yes and that's whyI ultimately got kicked out and then um but I also was going through a lot like my mom went to rehabum and I my mom signed over temporary custody to my neighbor um who I just it was a lot like I was
58:18it was a lot for me could you imagine now that you are a mother like signing over temporary custodyto your neighbor that was spying on you last week no like I literally when I think aboutthe shit that my mom did and like nobody intervened I'm like what the actual fuck was going throughher head like um I'm not angry about it anymore I'm just like trying to understand like thethought process but then like I think about how you know my most recent relationship was so toxicand so it was very much an addiction like I literally picture like how I was feeling in thataddiction to like what my mom goes through and like nobody wants to be in that place right likethese addictions like nobody wants to be there so I right putting myself there and like my mom was
59:08she was really trying to make the best decisions she just like couldn't you know so I'm like Ican't imagine like signing over like temporary custody of like Isaac to go live with somebodyit's like okay no because if something happens and it still falls back on me like I'm stillI want to raise my kids to be good humans you know well exactly and then I guess in your specificsituation I am just so shocked that the state like didn't intervene and take custody of youthey tried um I actually my family like my the family that I always grew up doing Thanksgivingwith my great-grandmother and them um my cousins they're much older than me they're my mom's firstcousins they kind of all got together and they were like talking to my mom like basically like
59:57an intervention like one of us will take Kale will Kailin um and you know we'll raise her as as oursand you know you can have access to her you know whenever you need if you you know to stay in touchbut like basically work on yourself get sober do what you want to do and we'll do the restand they refused so my mom refused so um but the state never got involved which is so crazy to melike nobody intervened enough to like have me taken away but I feel like in today's societywell let me let me not even say that because I don't know like I don't know I've seen somepretty fucked up situations and and nobody really does anything so I mean I don't know I could seeit happening today too it's so crazy that see I feel like because things are just I don't want to
01:00:47say that old times was like ignorant but just the access that we have to so many differentresources these days I feel like times are just so different I agree I mean I definitely agreeI just can't imagine I feel like in your situation just from what I know I feel like the state wouldabsolutely in this day and time have taken you but but I know of a situation right nowlike in my life where well actually a couple situations and even the other day when I hadsent something to my lawyer he was like no I understand where you're coming from but unfortunatelythe government can't save like everybody from that situation and so I was like but what thefuck like you're not they're not going to try like they're they're just I think they're over
01:01:46there's so many cases and they're overworked and they're overbooked I guess and there's just notenough like help and resources to get some of the kids out of situations and so and I think likebased on where I'm from everyone knew my family like my family was very my family was very wellknown and wealthy and so it was one of those things where like even when I was a an infantthe judge was like you know you can keep her full custody you just have to go to a completeX amount of days in rehab um and so my family facilitated that and made it happen for my momwhere like if my mom didn't know the judge or didn't know whoever like they would have justbeen like no you lost temporary custody and you have to fight for her back you know what I mean so
01:02:29I think it's um right right that plays a huge role too it's like so many things get kind of likewhat is the brush under the rug kind of like um Gabriel Hernandez on Netflix right oh absolutelyI feel like every aspect of life there's corruption to a degree within everything you know likewhether it be the court system or the school system or you know like whatever like there is umunfortunately advantages and disadvantages to everything but that's just that's just so wildto me I just am so interested in hearing about your growing up it's so interesting to me really umyeah yeah just because I didn't like have the same experiences I guess so it's like since it'sit's kind of like watching a movie right like you it's just like unknown to you so that's how I
01:03:30feel about yours like I when you tell me things I'm like oh wow like wow maybe that's why this podcastworks yeah I mean and I don't ever like I don't ever feel like you're judging me when you ask meabout no and I don't feel I hope you don't feel like I'm judging you like it's just so interestingbut I don't ever like it's just interesting I don't ever feel like one way or another you knowlike I'm legitimately interested okay so okay we feel the same then I just I guess I never thoughtmine was like interesting you know like I just thought it was like kind of fucked up but yeahyeah so well this has been fun this has been fun sorry about all my technical difficulties todayI hope nobody can hear them and we can just push through them at least at least everybody can hear
01:04:16me today yeah everyone so that hopefully they can hear me too that's a major benefit okay so I amgoing out the door I have so many errands to run okay but I love you I love you talk to you next weekif you guys are not subscribed to us make sure you do that from the purple podcast app on itunestype in coffee combos click subscribe and click the fifth star and leave us a written review hopeyou guys have a fantastic week and we'll talk to you soon see you
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