Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 156: The Nail Story, A Wild News Story, and Confessions

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

If you listened to April's bonus episode, you'll know Kail has a story to tell about her nails. She is finally giving the conclusion to the cliff hanger! Then Lindsie tells Kail about a wild news story she recently read involving fraternal twins conceived 3 weeks apart. And Kail and Lindsie dive into some listener submitted confessions. How many chances should someone get before you conclude that the sex with them is bad? What happens when friendships turn toxic and possessive? And why are so many people on TikTok thirsting after married men with children?  This episode was sponsored by: Public Goods, Skylight Frames, Chime, & Jenni Kayne Have a question you want answered? Want to give Kail and Lindsie a call? Leave them a message at ?(609)-316-0060?. Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License.

Alright, you guys, we're back Thursday episode coffee combos podcast kill. Yeah. We have to talk about the Jamaican tonial. I feel like it's a cliffhanger. Okay, well, yeah, it's definitely I thought I thought I told this story. Okay, so I'm I'm actually very reluctant to tell the story because I don't want anyone to think that I was dirty because I was not dirty. It was the nail salon that could have potentially been dirty. So basically what had happened was I was getting ready to go on vacation to Jamaica and I went to go get my nails and feet done. And this is somewhere that I had consistently gone for my nails, like I always went to the same place. Well, because I just thought that they were like

clean and like never had an issue before. I didn't really think anything of it when they were doing my pedicure and I didn't really look at my toenails like when they were like done taking off like the old polish or whatever. But it happened to catch my eye. Now I'm I'm very I'm embarrassed. I'm very embarrassed. And I happened to like catch it out of the corner of my eye that there was like a lot of fungus there, like on my toenail. Wait, this is when you're getting it done like you they took all my polish off. And then you saw the fungus when the polish came off. And this is the first time I've ever experienced fungus. So I don't I mean, it must have it couldn't have just like I must have not seen it the

last time because I mean, it was I literally looked at it now and Lindsay, I shit you not that these this person doing my toenails was trying to cover it up ASAP. Like I promise that yes, I promise on every fucking thing that I love. He was trying to like polish over it quickly before I saw it. Like I know I just got that feeling and that's what I felt. So I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I was like, Oh my gosh, what is that? And then explain what it looks like. Like, it's just like blotchy, like dark greenish black like spot on your on your nail. Yeah, it's absolutely disgusting. And I've never had it before. So I it was very new to me. And it just was like, Oh my God, like this

is not okay. So I'm like, no, no, like don't put anything on it. Like I'm going to go to the doctor. I need to go check with the pharmacy. Like how do I get rid of this so I can get my nails done before I go on vacation. So I then have they do my nail. I start soaking my nail polish off like my fingernails. And I realized it was on my fingernails too. So I know for a fact that it came from obviously getting my nails done and I I'm not saying that they're not clean, but I also think that there had to be some type of bacteria there because think about it like when they do your nails and they soak and then they do what they do and then they put the nail polish back on like your nails are probably and this

is just my guess. I'm not a professional. I'm not a doctor. I'm not any of that. So this is just my guess like they're probably still moist. And so it's like dark moist and you cover it with nail polish. So it's probably dark under there on top of like the moisture and then like whatever little bacteria is there. So fast forward to I pay for them basically removing my nail polish and like the pedicure part but not the color. So and my fingers too. So I go to the CVS or Walgreens pharmacy and I'm like, Hey, like what do I do? Like I've never had this. Like I don't know if I was making a big deal out of it or not. But I was literally leaving the next day. So I was pretty upset. And she basically was

like the best thing that you could do is just leave your nails go like don't put anything on them. Let them like the heat and the sun and everything like let it clear up. Let it like the sun, the heat and then like time like basically just letting them grow out. But if you continue to color like paint over it, it's just going to keep it dark and moist and whatever all of those things like it's not going to get any like vitamin D. I don't know. But I was so fucking upset. So I had to go to Jamaica with no nail polish, no like real pedicure, no toenail. And like I've had my nails done my toenails done since I could pay for my own pedicures. Like I know it sounds like I'm overreacting, but you guys don't

understand. Like I've never I never experienced fungus before that. No, y'all if kill is anything, she is very particular about her nails and like her feet. And so to me, this is super shocking that you would have ever gotten a fungus. But I just honestly wonder how common that is and how many places are just like disgusting and like they don't clean their tools. Honestly, it's something that I've thought of before, which is why I specifically go to the same nail tech or whatever every single time. Because I'm very weird about that. Like I won't have my nails done, if I'm like out of town or anything like that, because I like going to the same person because I know she's so

clean. And she wouldn't use like a tool that had been on someone else. But I mean, can you get like diseases and stuff like from that? So it says online, it says that it's cosmetic. So the main symptoms are the appearance of the nail. It can sometimes depending on the condition cause pain or slightly foul odor, which I didn't experience any of those. And then you can use oral antifungal, like medication, medicated nail polish or cream or nail removal. And that was what scared me was like if you have like chronic nail fungus and stuff, I'm pretty sure it can change like the shape of your nail. And then also like just have them like they're not regular, you know what I

mean? Like they, they are like, and so it can be, it can last for years or be lifelong. So that's what it says online. Luckily for me, like I did what the doc, like what the pharmacist said, like I, I did not paint my nails again until it completely grew out. Kale, I'm so sorry that that happened to you because of all things to happen to you for you to get a fungus on your toenail is like really a real stretch for you. I feel like yeah. So that was when we went, that was like 2018. So thankfully it's been a long time, but um, yeah, I just had to tell that story about my Jamaican toenails. So

y'all, Kale and I always are talking about hygiene stuff, like with our kids and really us and to have kids that have like long nails or like toenails or anything like that. I hate it so much and I can't stand like, okay, this is another weird thing that I do. I mean, I obviously know I'm weird, but like if Jackson goes outside and plays and he's been outside playing for a while, there's like a distinct smell that like smells like outside. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes. But it's like not a good smell and will always tells me that's the smell of fresh air that

I need to get out and get some. And I'm like, no, like I know what fresh air smells like and the smell that I smell that like gets trapped on clothes after kids have been playing outside for a while. It's just not a smell that I like. So when he finally comes in, I'm like, okay, you have to take those clothes off and like shower and put on new clothes because I hate the smell of what that smells like on clothes. Is that weird? No, I might, when my kids are outside for a long time and they come in, I'll be like, you guys smell like outside. Yeah, it's a, it's a real smell, right? Thank God.

It's definitely a real smell. Thank God. I hope everybody else that's listening to this also thinks it and I hope they write it all in the comments and just confirm my suspicions that there is a legitimate outside smell. Yes, there definitely is. This episode is brought to you by public goods, the one stop shop for sustainable, high quality, everyday essentials made from clean ingredients at an affordable price. Everything from coffee to toilet paper and shampoo to pet food, public goods is your new everything store thoughtfully

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you went like with Duncan or like the meeting was at Duncan? Unfortunately, I cannot say that my meeting was with Duncan. I wish I could say that, but it wasn't. It was just a meeting at Duncan that I plan on hiring to assist me with like social media stuff so that my page can be more of like a resource, you know, like, you know, we talk about stuff and you and I have had this conversation about follow through with stuff and like we'll talk about stuff on the podcast and then have great intentions to follow through with it. But then we get busy doing something else and it's like, okay, but I really need to do that. I need someone to like help me do that part of it. Like I can think of the ideas, but

me possibly typing out a recipe between multiple things that I have going on is just not really realistic at this point in my life. So she's going to be a great asset so that people can have all of this stuff. And so we were meeting at Duncan, but I didn't actually get Duncan. And so I thought that was a little weird. So basically I'm a user of Duncan's lobby. And I was not a customer today, but then I kind of didn't feel bad because I'm pretty much a customer every day. But I will tell you after I left Duncan, I then went to McDonald's and got a large Coke and two extra crispy hash browns. And it really set the tone for this episode for me. And I'm just really excited. But then in that meeting, I was talking about

things that I wanted to do just like across the board with my page and like with the podcast page. And so I think that I'm going to start doing where I send Venmos to people. So like on one day of the week, it's going to be Venmos for large Cokes. And then on Thursdays, I'm going to send Venmos to people for Dunkin' Coffee. So that's cute. That's really cute. I think that's fun to just kind of like go along with the podcast. Yeah, I just kind of feel like I'm getting my life in order. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, I think that's really cute. I love that. And then I'm tell you something else I did. So I went to the phone store. I love how I call it the phone store. When I say that to people, they're

like, what store though? Like you're like getting a landline. Yeah, pretty much. I actually wish. Honestly, I think that would be easier if I had a landline instead of having a cell phone. So like when I was at home, if somebody needed me, they'd have to call me. Right. But if it's not that urgent, probably not going to call. So less time on the phone. How many times would you call me if I had a landline? Oh, well, see, that's the thing. I'd probably call you for every minor inconvenience and you'd have to turn off the ringer and disconnect the phone. So I would be, yeah. I'd be like, it's just kale again. So it's not urgent. It's not urgent. So I get, I get a new phone. And can we please talk about

how annoying it is to get a new phone? Like, I think we don't realize how much we rely on our phones. Yeah. Yeah. And like it traps everything. Like I take baseball videos, all of my photos are on there. Obviously you've seen my screen before, how many missed calls, text messages, whatever. So I came up with this idea while I was there. Well, I was there for like three days basically, a total of six hours dealing with the phone store just to give you guys a reference. And probably other people can relate to this, but I decided I wasn't going to port everything over for my old phone because I'm like, that's just creating like a still problem. Like I need to get rid of other stuff that was on my phone

that I didn't need. But then when it came time to going through stuff to like try to delete stuff out, it was just so overwhelming that I just didn't do it at all. So I've just bought more storage, which is ridiculous. And now I've said that I have set a rule that within the next week, if people don't text me that I'm just not going to save their number and then I'll just like never answer them again. No, I, it's so funny that you say that because I did this in December, remember like, and I had, I had bought the new phone and got like a new number, but I was very, I wanted to make the switch. I wanted to get the new phone number, but I had my other phone number

for over 10 years. So like I was, I know you didn't switch your phone number, but you switched everything else. And I, I was very reluctant to do it. And, and then I did. And even to this day, like I can't tell that that part alone, where I did not transfer contacts was the best thing that I could have done because I know now who I talked to on a regular basis and everything else is background noise. And I don't even need their numbers at all. Like I don't need. Yes. And I almost was annoyed because there were, there's like two people that I can think of

like right off the top of my head that were like messaging me on other apps. Like, Oh, did you change your number? And it's like, yeah, and I haven't talked to you in like almost a year. So what do you need? Like just talk to me on here. You know what I mean? Like I don't talk to you consistently enough for you to know my new number. Like just talk to me on my apps, like Instagram or Facebook or whatever. And I, I just was like, I feel so much better. It feels so good. Like just a fresh start. Now there are some numbers that I feel like I'll save just in case certain people text me. Yeah, it came up that there's like a few

particular things in my life that if that came up, then I would not have to be like, Hey, who is this? Or like wonder? Yeah. But then pretty much I'm not going to save anything else in there. And it feels so good, like a fresh, clean start. And it's just a phone. Like it's not even, it's not like I've like restarted my life. It's literally just an iPhone 12. Like it's not that big of a deal. It's just an iPhone 12. And then I set a new rule. So I ordered a, what do they call like an analog or like digital clock, whatever, like a alarm clock or whatever that like goes by your bed.

An alarm clock? Yeah. Like, instead of using your phone as like your alarm, like an alarm clock, you know, Yeah, like an alarm clock, like an old school one, you know, when he doesn't look old school, but like I've never, okay. So I'm going to tell you the story. I had this alarm clock that was like a wind up alarm clock back whenever I was like in high school that I used every single day and it literally sounded like the sound on save by the bell where it's like like that.

What are you talking about? Do you know I'm talking about everyone who's listening is going to know and you're the only one not knowing or I'm going to pretend like that. So I don't feel stupid, but like it's one of those ones where you wind up on the back to like set the time and then it'll just be like when it goes off, it'll scare you to death. So like you have to get up or you probably have a heart attack. It's like and it's like shaking all over your dresser. Haven't you seen one of those before? No.

Okay. I'm going to send you a video of what it's like. Okay. So it was like an old timey one, but I'm pretty sure it came from pottery barn. So like obviously it was like not an old timey one, but it was like an old timey one. But this one is like one that is just you just like set the time digitally and then it just goes off. Well, now I've decided that I'm going to plug my phone up in my bathroom starting at 10 o'clock and then not have it and just have that alarm clock. But does that make me old? Um, I know, I think it's just like a little bit of like nostalgia, you know, is it boundary setting? Like what is it?

Um, I'm unsure. Me too. Like I don't know what's going on in my life. I'm like, okay, now I feel like I'm literally a grandmother. Like I have an alarm clock and my phone's going to be plugged up in my bathroom. Like when I brush my teeth at 10 p.m., my phone will be in my bathroom. So if anybody's listening to this that's friends with me after 10 p.m. until 7 a.m., you won't be able to get me. So if I'm your emergency contact, I should not be your emergency contact. Um, I should never be someone's emergency contact for this. Like I love you and I care about you. I'm sure. But like, I'm not going to answer like if I don't recognize the number,

I'm most likely like, I know a couple of people have used me as like references people, you know, that are updating their resume or whatever. And they have me as a reference and they have to tell me like, Hey, I did this. You might get a call from a number you don't recognize. Can you please answer? Like I need the heads up. Let me tell you what happened to me yesterday. So I'm just a, and I'm really bad about this where I'll have my ringer turned off and it's just silent. Well, yesterday I get to the ball field and I just get this new phone, right? And I didn't have time to do anything. Just like go straight from the phone store to the ball field. Well, my phone's laying there and I look down and there's a local

number that's called me and I'm like, Hmm, wonder who that is, but like, they didn't leave a message. So then stupid me calls it back and it's like Atlanta medical center and I'm like, okay, did someone like pass away or something that is trying to call me because they didn't leave a message or anything. And it's literally the switchboard to the hospital. And so I was freaked out about it for like hours, but then I guess I just forgot about it and then just remembered it now. So obviously it wasn't that big of a deal. I literally have the most like forgetful memory. So I would probably do the same thing. Oh, absolutely. Speaking of forgetful memory, we need to talk about how we're going to cover

the Menendez brothers and why we didn't cover it on a regular episode and why we covered Lacey Peterson first. Okay, so Lindsay and I were going back and forth last night in text messages because we know like we do, I promise you we read the messages, we read the reviews, but like sometimes we go off on tangent, sometimes other things happen. And so we do kind of sometimes we forget we're human. And sometimes like we forget that we said that we would cover something else first. So if you guys listen to one of our first bonus episodes where we covered OJ, I think at the end of that we I mentioned Lacey Peterson, but I forgot that I had said that. And then I brought up Menendez brothers. So then I

it was just a lot. So we are going to get to it at some point. But Lindsay also hasn't watched like the documentary or anything yet, which is fine. So it gives us some more time. So if you guys haven't already done it, we'll get to it. But we did need to cover the Lacey Peterson first because that's what we had said on the other episode. So we're just we're working on the follow through but just know it's coming. And then I was going to say, okay, ideally I would like to do Menendez brothers for next month. And then maybe just do 30 minutes out of a normal episode to do part two of Lacey Peterson, okay, like cover catch up that way we can go ahead and get to the Menendez brothers

for like May's bonus. Yeah, because I don't know that we need a full hour to do the part two of Lacey Peterson that we want to cover. So I think that that's how we rectify that issue. But the amount of people that wrote into me personally and on the podcast about Lacey Peterson, obviously, so many people definitely feel very convicted about that case. And that was one of the reasons why I was so excited to be able to cover it on a bonus episode because I know how much I was invested and the entire world was invested. So I think that the messages were so cool to see people come through. But weirdly enough, I did see a handful of messages. Yes, I know what you're about to say. And I was kind of

blown away by how many people I mean, it wasn't, you're going to say how many people said that they didn't believe he did it. Yes. And there were also some people because I when we cover like the part two, whether it's a half episode or a full episode, regardless, like, I have a change in a kind of a change of opinion. I was shocked by the amount of people who studies innocent. And I was also surprised that other people had the same opinion as I did as far in summer really, too, that there was no concrete evidence, even though we think that he did it or we thought that he did it. There wasn't actually concrete evidence to convict him. So that was a popular opinion, too, that I saw a couple of times.

And then the other one was what I brought up on the on the episode about him doing it by hiring someone else to do the actual work. Yeah, so I want to cover actually that part and those thoughts that have come to me since we did the episode on the part two, because I think that it's a little lengthy for me to go into the details on how I think potentially if he didn't, how it could have been hired. But with that being said, I also am going this week to get Amber's Amber fries book, because I received several very detailed messages of people telling me that exactly what I was saying on that bonus episode, I would feel even more convicted after reading her book. So also, I think that there's been

multiple people. I don't know if it was her parents or his parents or I'm unclear on that on other people who wrote books regarding that case. But I kind of want to dive bulge into like to get into that a little bit. Who wrote books where they stand and all of that to cover in part two. So yeah, I'm just like very summer said she texts me and she was like, Okay, so I've built zero hours today because I am trying to figure out the dimensions of the warehouse. So I'm like, Okay, so summer is basically not making any money right now. She's billing no attorney hours. And she's trying to figure out the dimensions of Scott Peterson's warehouse. So okay, I just have so many things that I need to like, we all

definitely need to have summer back for that episode because I just have so many. There's just so much, you know, it's so much to just pick apart. Like I just literally could do could you see yourself being an investigator as like, in another life, because I could see another life, I would I could do it in this life, like I feel like this is my calling. I know, I feel like that too. I'm like, Okay, I just need to like, y'all remember that movie that Mary Kate and Ashley did where it's like they were in the trench coats. Yes. That's us with the magnifying glass, like, I'm Mary Kate and you're Ashley. That's totally, totally us. Hey, PS, on a completely different note, I got this one article sent to my DMs. That

was so strange. And I've never heard of this. And it makes me question like, is it even physically possible? But it was reported on CNN. It said surprise conception woman conceived second child while carrying first. Did you see this? No. Okay, so it says that at first baby Noah was all alone, growing beautifully in his mother's womb. And then Noah's first closeups taken by ultrasound at seven and 10 weeks into the pregnancy show 39 year old mom, Rebecca Roberts and 43 year old dad, rise weaver. The baby had tried, they had tried for a baby for more than a year to conceive. And then three months into the pregnancy, Noah suddenly had company and ultrasound taken at 12 weeks showed that Noah had an unexpected

little sister fraternal twin. And the mom quoted and said, I got pregnant while I was already pregnant, which was absolutely crazy because that's not supposed to happen. So it says that baby Noah was joined in in utero by fraternal twin three weeks after Noah's conception. They called it, they called it a super, but super fatation getting pregnant while already carrying a baby is so rare that one 2008 study found fewer than 10 recorded cases like in the world. Okay, so run, run the timeline back to me. So she got pregnant. She had an ultrasound at seven weeks and then at 10 weeks. And then an ultrasound taken at 12 weeks showed the little sister fraternal twin. So the, the fraternal twin was, was

it technically younger? Yeah, it said that doctors. So she technically conceived the twin at a later time pregnant. Yeah. It said that the doctors told the couple that the babies were actually conceived about three weeks apart. Oh, wow. So not even because I know, um, you can like sperm can live for X amount of days and sometimes like your egg drops, but like you can get pregnant. Like there's like that three day, four day window. You know what I mean? Like whatever that looks like for each individual person, but to ovulate three weeks apart, like insane. Yeah. So it says first woman typically ovulate only once per cycle releasing one or more eggs simultaneously. If fertilization by the man sperm is successful,

the egg or the eggs then implant to the uterus and the pregnancy begins and no further ovulation occurs. If a woman has twins, two eggs are released at the same time and the unusual and the unusual case of triplets, those eggs are all released with one ovulation. Identical twins happen if freshly fertilized eggs split. In Rebecca's case, the egg was fertilized and implanted during the first ovulation. And then somehow she ovulated again during that same cycle and another egg was also fertilized, became another embryo and at different times both embryos implanted in the uterus. That's so crazy. That is so crazy. Could you imagine? Fascinating. Um, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, because think about it. When you go for that first initial ultrasound, I feel like you find out right off the bat. Usually, um, you know, is it one? Is it two? Is it more? You know what I mean? And so like usually that first and second ultrasound, you're confirming there's only one baby. So you go to your first, your second confirming one baby and it's not until the third ultrasound and it's like, Oh, just kidding. You got a second one in there. I think I'd shit myself. Um, I would absolutely pass away. If that happened to me, I would be like, okay, that's not part of the plan. Like I had already started planning the nursery and all of that. And

I need another crib, like what? No, like, but only 10 reported cases of that in the world. That's crazy. That is so crazy. And I'm like, it's kind of like a miracle kind of. Oh yeah, for sure. Because I just, that's so, that's kind of really cool, but also terrifying at the same time. You guys know that I love to use our sponsors as gifts as well as using them myself just because I love them. I want to share them with people. This is literally the perfect Mother's Day gift. You can get it for an aunt, a friend, a grandmother, your mom, anybody who is a mom in your life, the skylight frame, they're super, super cute, but they're also

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is super cute. It's such a good idea. And now for the special holiday offer Mother's Day is coming up. You can get $10 off your purchase of a skylight frame. When you guys go to skylightframe.com, enter the code coffee to get $10 off your purchase of skylight frame. Just go to skylightframe.com and enter coffee. That's S K Y L I G H T F R A M E dot com and use the code coffee. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partners, Chime. I know that I introduced them to you guys a couple of weeks ago, but for those of you who missed it, you need to know your bank account should work with you and not

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my personal Instagram I saw and there was some that I wanted to read on the podcast because I was just like, okay, we need to talk about this like more than we just like responding a quick response. So one of them was I have been married for years and still think about how much better the sex was with my ex and that came in multiple, multiple, multiple times. Um, well, that's I've experienced that not not not not no, no, no, no, let me rephrase that because I don't need headlines saying that I was thinking about my ex while I was married because that's not the case. Um, I had been in a relationship where I only like

the relationship was great, but the sex had been better elsewhere. I've been in a situation like that. Okay. So, but the sex that was better elsewhere was the relationship also good or was it just the sex was good, but the relationship was better where you were. It was a combo. Okay. So I actually have multiple people in my real life that have told me this. So how do you, that's something that I, you know, struggle with moving forward, right? Like I, I don't want to put me in that situation again. So like how, how do people and I'm,

I feel I never expected to talk about this on the podcast. Like I just never expected for this to come up ever. Um, so here I am putting like my real personal business out there, but like how do people get through things like that? Because I, I actually have never like said that to anyone I don't feel like, and I don't feel like I've ever really talked about it publicly. So like how do other people get through things like that? Well, and it also makes me wonder, um, I feel like sex is a huge part of a relationship. So how did you get to the point, if, if you remember what sex was like with your ex and you compare everything to that, how did you get to the point of choosing marriage with

this person? If they weren't as fulfilling as your ex in that regard, I just wonder like how that mentally transpires or yeah, I mean, that's kind of what, yeah, that's exactly what I'm asking is like how, how do you decide to pursue, continue to pursue your current relationship? If that's the case? Yeah. I mean, I think sometimes sex can be good in a relationship, but everything else is toxic. And I think that I just know personally that I've heard that from multiple friends in my real life. And so they choose the better relationship because it's healthier, but the sex isn't as good. So I just wonder if that's also like,

But okay, so I'm a firm believer in the, let me re say that I'm a firm believer in that I don't believe that there, you're ever going to find a 10 out of 10, like in some way, you're going to pick, you're choosing the person that you're with, right? Like for example, this relationship that I was having a great romantic sexual situation with, but the rest of the relationship was a little bit tumultuous, a little bit volatile. You know, there were things that I was, it was never, it was never going to be a 10 out of 10. But then if I'm in a healthy relationship and the sex isn't there, again, it's not a 10 out of 10. And I think that there's always going to be something lacking somewhere. And that's the part where

you're choosing to love this person and you're choosing to be with this person all the time, right? Like I feel like that is, and same for me, like someone choosing to be with me, there are things that I'm not going to, I'm just not going to be that 10 out of 10. I might be, you know, a seven out of 10 or an eight out of 10, but like you're choosing to be with me kind of thing. So how do you choose like what, because I, I think in the end, like the sex is such an important part. So it's like, how do you choose a healthy relationship over the sex? And the sex is such a huge role. Like it plays such a big factor.

Well, I say it plays such a big factor and people who are very sexual beings. So some people might not require as much in that regard as other people and they might require more of an emotional connection and stability versus having the great sex. I think it boils down to do you is sex like the main priority in the relationship? Like is that the deal breaker for you or is the emotional stability and the healthy relationship? Because I think that you're a hundred percent right. There is no 10 out of 10 relationship. If you're looking for that, then you're setting yourself up for failure, right? Yeah, I just, I mean, I think, I think we're going to get a lot of backlash on that statement. I think people

are going to say, Oh, well, I married my 10 out of 10 and you know, maybe, maybe a few and far between there are 10 out of 10s, but that have the healthy relationship and the amazing sex life. But in my personal experience, I haven't had that. I just, I wonder even for the people who are not necessarily super sexual beings or maybe their sexual, their sexuality and their drive varies by person. But that being said, like if I was in a relationship where I'm having a really good sex life and then I, and then I go to a healthier relationship and I'm not having sex, like it can't be, like that's probably not a great deal breaker. Yeah. Yeah. Like I guess, but then at the same time, like cause I've had this battle

in my head for a long time actually. Um, like how do you, when they check off every single box, but the sex and the sex cannot be worked on than what? Because I know that there are there, you know, there are certain things that you can work on and there are certain things you can do and there, you know, some people, you have to be willing to do those things. But when you've kind of tried certain things and they're not working and, and you know, the follow up isn't there, then what? I think when it comes to sex, it's either there or not. And you probably know very early on, like my one friend said, um, this was years ago, probably maybe like four or five years ago. She was like, I've, I've never

had like hookups with people. I'm not really with, um, but she was like, I, you know, you have to give them about five chances because, you know, the first, the first and second time is probably nerves. And then, you know, you're still getting into the rhythm of things. But by time five, if you're not, if you're not, you know, with it, you know, you just kind of have to move on. And I feel like that's kind of accurate because it's like, okay, the first, first time, second time nerves, you know, but we're all adults here, right? So like if you're going to be, you're going to be doing it, like by the fifth time, you should kind of have like a, a thing going. Yeah. That's what, yeah. I'm thinking five

might be too many. I thought so too. I was like, maybe, maybe by three or four. Yeah. Two, you know, I'm like, uh, yeah, just maybe not the thing. Um, okay. The next one is I'm like very, I have a very convicted opinion about this. Okay. I was my husband's side piece for 10 years before we married. You'll, you'll lose them. How you get them? Yeah. I'm like, no, like for 10 years, what took him 10 years to realize that he was going to be with you? No, at that. No, I mean, no. And like, what was the, I need more information on this. I feel like I hope this person's listening to this because I feel like I need a lot more information. Like what was the reason behind, we don't need more information.

You waited 10 years for a married man and you did what you did for that entire 10 years. You were the second option. Like, and I'm not judging that. Don't take that as just like cause I've, I was there and I didn't even know. And then once I did know, I didn't leave. So I'm not judging. I'm just saying like, I don't think we need any more information. I see. I feel like I need to know the circumstances. Like I need to know why this is going on. Like why were they so committed? Why was she so committed to being a side piece for 10 years? Why was he committed to allowing that for 10 years? Who was the wife? What was the scenario? Like were there children involved? I need way more info. Like I feel like I can't

give. I mean, even though my opinion is not going to change, I'm just kind of nosy that I just like want to know, you know, That's so interesting. I think 10 years. Yeah. I mean, I did it for five years and I didn't know for the first year. So I, I mean, and once I knew, I stayed and I looking back, like I just don't know like how I was okay with that, but I also had really low self-esteem. I wanted him to choose me. Like I just wanted to make things better. I wanted to make things right. I wanted to be the reason why he got

a shit together. You know what I mean? So like I understand that, but for, I hit my breaking point, right? Like 10 years is a long time. That's an extreme five years is a long time, but like 10 years, no freaking way. Okay. That's one. I feel like you're going to have a big opinion about this. Oh my God. I'm scared. I slept with my former friends, baby dad to get back at her for not staying friends with me. What the fuck? What the actual fuck? Um, okay. So was she in love with the friend because at this point it's like, that's what I'm thinking.

Um, why are like, for not be like, how old are we? Why do people go to extremes when it comes to, okay. So when we talked about friendships on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, that was such a big topic that people had tons of opinions on and like how quirky different friendships can be. And, um, actually I was talking about it with someone last night of how some friends become very possessive in it, friendship relationships. And is it because that one person like falls in love with the other person? Like certain things with friendships, like just don't make sense. Like I would never do an action like this. Like that just does not make sense to me. Like that is not logical

to me. That is, that's not logical to me in any way, shape or form. Psychotic. Yeah. I mean, that's just like not, that's like next level. I don't, that doesn't make sense to me, but to answer your question about like the possessiveness and like falling in love with your friends, like I don't necessarily think that it's like falling in love in a romantic way, but I do think that you, like you fall in love with your friends, you fall in love with your kids. Like they're all different forms of falling in love. So I could see, I've experienced possessive friends before, but even in my like most like middle school,

high school, like I'm jealous that my best friend has a new friend and I'm not like the best friend anymore. Like I've gone through that, but I don't, I don't feel like I've ever been the possessive friend. So I don't, I don't know. Like that's just like, I could see like the falling in love with your friend because you love them and they're like family falling in love, but like, I don't know. I had a possessive friend way back when you probably know who I'm referencing that ended up befriending when I no longer would be her friend, ended up befriending a sibling of mine and then it became very toxic and then I made world news. So at this point in my life,

I'm just kind of like, I'm good. Like on the possessive friend front, like I don't deal with relationships like that. I like to have healthy friendships. I literally have like five friends and that's way more than like I even need. And literally every single one of my five friends is like fits a different aspect of my life. Like my relationship with Kale is very different than my relationship with another friend and very different than a relationship from another friend, you know? So, but I also just like don't deal with the immature, catty, petty relationships. I feel like when you approach your thirties or you're in your thirties that that's just not a thing that you do anymore.

Yeah, I definitely feel like my my friendships have changed over the years, even ones that I still have now, but I definitely call a lot. I think I said this before, like I call a lot less people friends and more acquaintances, but even still like because I get a lot of shit. I've said this before, like I get a lot of shit from like viewers who are like, okay, I can never keep a friend and it's like, well, no, I mean, I still have most of them in my life, but I either moved away or the relationship dynamic has changed. And so, and that's okay. That doesn't mean that we've had a falling out. That doesn't mean we're not friends. It just the relationship part of it has changed or it went back to an acquaintance

or you know, like you said, as I approach my thirties, I don't want to have the same types of relationships. I want to have even if it's with the same people, we just have better dynamics, if anything. Yeah. And I think that you just get smarter and wiser over time or hopefully like that's the goal, right? And so you kind of know what your requirements are at this point in your life or, or should be approaching knowledge of what the requirements are. And then, you know, people who do actively seek therapy, I know you do and I do. I think the mindset just changes through that over time. And you just realize like what you require in your

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known for a few years now and I I love him as a friend like completely as a friend. There was a small period where like we maybe thought we were going to take it somewhere. Um, and we didn't. And I got in a relationship, he got in a relationship and then we were like more of acquaintances, which is fine. Um, and then we both broke up with our significant others and then he had reached out and was like, um, like last minute, like, what are you doing tonight? Like, let's hang out. And I was like, no, like I require notice. I require you asking me, you know, to go do something specific. I require, you know, if you just thought about me last minute and want to go hang out knowing I have four kids like, no,

it doesn't really work like that. So once I said like, thank you, but no, thank you. I actually haven't heard from him. Actually, I love that you brought this up because I think that that plays into that comes into play not just with a man, but like with girl friendships, girl friends too. Like, and I don't know if you felt this way or not, but out of my, what I would say, like my closest friends, um, that a lot of them, I would say have moved to acquaintances or like, I don't even talk to them anymore. But once I became a mom, I was like the first one in the group to kind of do that. And my life just totally changed and, um, your requirements in life just change and you're doing different things.

And they might be going out to a party on Thursday and I might be going to take my kid to mother's morning out by like 8am the next day. So like those things just don't work. But to your point of making plans, I don't, as I've gotten older, I've become a little bit better with being a little bit more flexible with my schedule and not so hell bent on, okay, well, it's, you know, not happening because I didn't write it in my daytime planner. I've become a little bit more flexible with that. But at the same time, not hugely flexible with that. Like you can't just text me two hours before you want to do something and just think that I'm going to drop everything that I'm doing to make arrangements to make

that work because I just don't think that's fair and I don't think that's courteous of other people's time. Well, that's what I, that's the thing. It was like, and, and it wasn't even on like any type of like relationship or like romantics level. It was just like, what are you doing? Like later today, like you don't have time later today for me. And it was just kind of like, no, it's 12 o'clock on a Saturday. No, I, I don't have time to, and nor do I want to make time for you when you clearly thought of this as like a last minute, um, situation and like, I don't know. Like if it's someone I talked to all the time and someone that,

you know, I am with or around all the time and they did it, it would be a little bit different because they'd be like, Oh, you know, I'm going to be in my sweats, but feel free to come over kind of thing. That's a little bit different. Um, but this particular situation, especially because I guess I had so much respect for him in my head that I was just like, mm, no, no, that's not going to work. That's not going to work for me. I love that you brought that up because I'm sure a ton of people are going to be like, yes, I have that one friend that always does that to me and I absolutely hate it. I trust me. It's, it's definitely, that's one thing that I want to teach my kids early

on because I don't think that I just don't want my kids to have to wait till they get to their thirties or close to their thirties to, to, you know, be respectful of other people's time and be respectful of your own time. Like don't drop everything that you're doing for people because I promise you they won't do it for you. Yeah. And I think that that honestly took a lot of time to realize that you can't be everything for everyone else and nothing for yourself and they're going to do nothing for you. Um, and truly back to what you're saying, was it in your situation, was it just like feeling, filling a gap because they had extra time in their day and it wasn't really that

important. It was just like something for them to do again, goes back to having meaningful solid relationships, like intentional. Yes. Yes. Okay. Moving on from this, this is a little deeper. I want to seek help for postpartum depression, but I don't know where to start your OBGYN. They will know the right direction to point you in and they may even have like actual names for providers. Um, you can also call your insurance company and see, um, you know, where, what that looks like. Um, but I know at least all the OBGYN offices that I've been in, there's literal posters and like things on the wall and pamphlets and stuff that talk about postpartum depression and where you can seek help and letting your

doctor know that if you have, um, if you think you have, or you're experiencing any of the following, like you can call for postpartum or ask for help. So I definitely think starting with your OBGYN to get at least resources of nothing else. And then, um, from there, your insurance, I think would be best. I 100% agree with absolutely all of that. Um, the next thing is, um, I actually have a really strong opinion about this. I stopped my birth control and haven't told my man because I want a baby when he doesn't. Okay. That's called trapping. That is trapping. And I don't believe in trapping. And actually, um, when it came to Will and I having conversations about having a second child, which is an ever ongoing conversation

or has had been an ever ongoing conversation, um, always in a different place at a different time, I think, and I am, am, and was so convicted that I never wanted to have a baby with someone who didn't want to have a baby and feel the exact same way on the exact same page as I was on. Um, because I don't think that's fair to the child in the long run. I think that that sets up, um, some avenues for hurt later down the road. And with Jackson, that was a planned thing. It was a, we were trying, we both wanted it. And then with a second, it always seemed to feel like when he really wanted it, I was hesitant. And when I really wanted it, he was hesitant. Um, and finding that being on the same page, I think is super

important. And I don't believe in trapping because the outcome of that situation will, I would venture to say nine times out of 10 is the outcomes not going to be great. Well, it bill, it, it, I feel like we've talked about before, like there's always some amount of resentment, especially for like the mom, there's going to be a little bit of resentment when, um, even if you plan for a baby, um, the mother, a lot of times does most of the things, especially early on. So there's already that resentment, even when it's planned. And I think when you, um, get, get pregnant and you know, you tell your man that you're on birth control and you're not, you come off of it, you get pregnant. He's not really happy.

Um, and there, and that may change. Obviously, like you, you might, he might get excited. Like he, he comes to terms that you guys are having a baby, but later on there could be some resentment, more resentment than there would have been had you guys plan this and done it and been on the same page at the same time. Um, I know I can speak on that. And I also, I've been through unplanned pregnancy before and I just feel like it just, it is a recipe for more issues. So I feel like you, you're never going to regret having your child obviously, but at the same time, like you, I think why wouldn't you want to wait until you're on, you both want a baby at the same time.

And I think also to your point of the unplanned pregnancy, I think unplanned pregnancy and then straight trapping is very different. Yes. And you're going to end up disappointed because you quote unquote trapped them and now they're forced to do it where it's like, okay, if you, if it's completely unexpected and unplanned by both of you, you're kind of going through some of the same things at the same time. Um, and maybe one of you comes around earlier like sooner than the other, but when you're trapping someone, you're going to be disappointed by one, probably their reaction. Um, to you could be disappointed by their actions and how much they're helping or the lack there of help. Um, and, and just

resentment later on when he has these obligations and ties to you where he wasn't necessarily ready or wanting them now, if ever. Um, so I just think maybe reevaluate that a little bit and I know you're going to end up doing what you want to do, but I just, I just don't know that you are going to get the outcome that you really want. I mean, even if you get the baby, you're not going to necessarily have maybe him in the way that you want in the end, in the long run, I think it's kind of like a toxic mindset, right? Yeah. Yeah. You are not taking birth control. He thinks you're on birth control. You shouldn't have to trap him to get him to have a baby with you. Yes. I think that's where you make the

decision. Okay. If he doesn't want to have a baby with me and you want a baby, then at that point, that's the time to reevaluate your life and your relationship and not put yourself in a situation. Cause guaranteed there's a man out there that does want to have a baby with you and would willfully do that. Why put yourself in a situation, not to know the outcome on the reaction to me. That's just like setting yourself up for failure. Um, the last one is kind of crazy too. I'm 24 single and never been in a steady relationship. I really like this guy, but I think he's married. Okay. Well, if you think he's married, maybe find out for sure. And if he is, get the fuck out of there. Yeah. Get the hell out of there.

I see all these, um, things on TikTok lately and I don't know if it's like a trend or what it is, but it's kind of concerning. Honestly, I saw, I know exactly what you're talking about. And it's, it's like a trend where they like them married with kids or something like that. Yes. What is the deal with that? It's all over. I don't know. Like I, I don't, I have never willingly gotten a relationship with someone I knew that was even in a relationship, not a wife, but like even a girlfriend. Like if I knew, and it was confirmed in front of my face, like I have not, and I'm going back to like spin my rack, my brain really quickly. I have, I just could never, I'm just wondering mentally what it is because it's obviously

something that has become a trend on, that's not why a very big platform, you know, like it's all over TikTok. So I'm like, what, and these girls making, making these videos, it's kind of a little, um, well, not just a little bit like very concerning to me, but is it the commitment that they're attracted to? Like seeing the commitment because one, that's a little crazy because if they would even look at you, then they're not committed, right? So you lose them how you get them. If they are leaving their family and cheating on their family that they're married to and having kids with, and they end up with you, it may be one year, it may be five, it may be 10, but they're going to do the same thing to

you. It's not going to change. They'll find it younger in their mind better, but probably not version of you because they already did it once, right? I think the problem is that we, and I've said this probably when we started the podcast, like we live in a society where we are constantly looking for the next best thing. Nobody wants to work on their current relationship and work through things and like choose to love someone. They're looking for instant gratification. So, you know, if their wife is at home with their kids and taking care of the kids and they have the ability, the temptation is there and they're able to act on those, those impulses, I feel like people just do it. Like they,

they do. And if their marriage isn't working, it's like, Oh quick, let's get a divorce. I'm guilty of it, right? Like I never thought like now when I look back, obviously like whatever hobby does in the future, like I'm happy for him, you know, whatever relationship he works on. I hope that Lauren and I can get on the same page, whatever that looks like. But when I think back to it, it was like, I was so quick to get out of it and work on something else and do something else because it's like, I don't know. Like I just, I don't, and I don't understand this mentality of like being with someone who's already in a committed relationship, like let people be happy, let them live their lives. Don't

be the problem or the reason why someone leaves somebody. Like it's just not a good feeling in the end. Well, my therapist says it's easier to run than repair. And that is so true. It's to have to work through problems of a relationship that you've had for years is a lot harder emotionally than just shutting it off and moving on to something that instantly makes you happy. And so I think to what you were saying, that that is very, very true. And I think it's just the society that we live in. It's become so easy to get married and get divorced and move on to the next, you know, next best thing. But I just don't understand

that TikTok trend. I'm just like, what is it? I would never see, honestly, in my mind, if I went to a park and I'm a single woman and I saw a dad with his kids, that would not cause me to run to him. That would cause me to run away from him, right? And maybe that's crazy. Like, no, I don't think that's crazy. Like I see if I saw a man, I'm trying to put myself in a situation as a single woman and I see a man and he's just like playing with his kids at the park. That is not going to draw my eye. I'm going to keep on moving. So I just, I don't know if anyone's listening to this and you fall within those guidelines of being attracted to a married man with children. I just want to know the thought process behind

that. Or if everyone that's listening to this also feels the same as us. Yeah, I need answers on this. I need opinions. I want feedback. Let us know. Kill. I need to know before we end this, if you would run to a man with children, would that, would that attract you at this point in your life already having four of your own? No, no, like I've definitely like, I've definitely said, Oh, wow, that like, that's a DILF. Like, but I wouldn't ever act on it. Like, Oh, wow, that's a good looking dad. And he's like involved with his kids. Like cool. He's good looking, but I would never act on that because you're in a relationship and no, like that's not, I would never, I would never, I would never like even, I mean,

I've been pretty open about like Chris, like I didn't know that he had other relationships at the same time that I was with him. Like I didn't, I had no idea. So no, like there's one, there's one dad that I'm thinking of and I'm like, wow, he's so hot. Like his wife is so lucky. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, she's lucky. And like, I'm happy for y'all. I would never act on that. I would never want to be the other person. Like I would never, you know what I mean? Like, why would I want to put myself there? You know, I'm, I'm through that. Yes. Like not something that I would ever be interested in getting involved in. But if

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you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.