Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 166: Saying No To Plans, Separation Anxiety, and Meant To Be

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

On this week's episode Kail and Lindsie have so much to catch up on! Lots of house updates, future plans, and more bat drama! Has this ever happened to you? You are invited to do something, but then the day rolls around and you just don't what to go, so you make up a fake excuse? What if we were just honest with people instead of stressing and lying. And as parents there can be so much anxiety about being away from your kids, even if they are just at school. Lindsie talks about her struggles with fearing that something could happen to her son, and Kail talks about always being on guard. Plus sometimes things just feel right! Lindsie talks about her long journey to finding her next home, and how everything fell into place. This episode was sponsored by: The Pill Club, Pura Vida, Recovery Centers of America, & Stamps.com Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License.

Welcome to coffee combos podcast. Hello, Katelyn. Not not the full government government. I love calling you by your government. That's so funny. I don't I know that you didn't get a chance to see it but last night was a new episode of Team Mom 2 and it was when we were in Philly with Kristin and Alexa and we filmed the episode about my diagnosis and stuff and I've gotten a lot of really good feedback. So I just wanted to say that. Wait, tell me, tell me like about it because it's so weird whenever you film something for reality TV. I feel like you never know what the final cut is going to look like. Like, you know what happened? Yeah, but even when I know what happens, I feel like I never know how it's actually going to be edited. Yes, TV. So even if give me the give me the

info. Okay, so they showed us at our little recording spot that we went to and like me telling you about PCOS and you know that the listeners of our podcast were really the ones that got me encouraged me to go to the doctor about my period. And then it went really well on the episode, I would say. And I'm trying to think I got emotional about like the weight gain aspect of it. And I gave like a little update on my Instagram talking about like where I'm at now, which is still kind of in that same place like it's which is weird because I feel like I've had I've been diagnosed for about three months now and I just feel like I'm still kind of in that overwhelmed state of mind like I'm still in that place where like I can't get a grip on changing my diet because I

don't have an everyday like routine. And so I it's not predictable like on every single day for me looks different. So it's not like I can like meal prep and things like that if I don't know where I'm going to be if I'm leaving like I'm leaving for Dominican Republic into in two weeks for two weeks. And so I'm struggling there. Actually, it's funny that you say that because what dropped on the Southern T this week was about routines and like how hard it is for even though we are so blessed and like fortunate for being able to have flexibility in our schedule, I almost am jealous of people who do have corporate jobs for the pure fact that they have a schedule that they can't really deviate from that much. And for situations like this, it really comes in handy

because yes, it's very predictable. But also and and I think in our situations, we sometimes like the unpredictability. But then you also kind of crave the schedule. Yeah, it's like this. I don't want to say my life isn't structured because I do have like certain things that I don't really deviate from. But I can't say that the timing is always the same. And so you almost crave like the structure and stability. I think those are not really the right words for the situation that we're trying to describe. But yes, totally. And in your situation, specifically with the diet thing, like being able to find things, not only are you like training your mind, but you're also training like your entire taste palette, like you're, you're changing everything. And also trying

to manage getting kids all these different places, and then having businesses and other things going on. And I mean, I know everybody has busy schedules, like we all have the same 24 hours in a day. And I always try to think whenever I'm overwhelmed, like, everybody else also only has 24 hours in their day. And so it's really about like prioritizing those things. But sometimes it's really hard to prioritize your schedule when everything seems to be a priority. Yes, literally that. And that's kind of where I'm at. And I don't, people were asking for an update, because I did like a Q&A or whatever on my story. And I am struggling, I would be lying if I sat here and said I got the diagnosis and started right away exactly on what I needed to do, because I do know what I need to do. It's not a

lack of knowing what I need to do. And, and to that point, I got a bunch of emails last night, which I hate email as it is. Me too. And I, I know that people are trying to be supportive and helpful, but I got one specific email and it was like a long novel basically telling me that weight gain is not like a side effect of PCOS, it's a contributing factor to PCOS. And then she, I will literally read it to you because I was a little bit irritated because it's like, yes, I'm opening, you know, the conversation and I'm explaining what I'm going through and things like that. But that doesn't mean that I'm asking for unsolicited advice. And so I was very bothered that yesterday I got an email saying, let me actually pull it up so that I don't, I'm not a liar, but it did

piss me off. And I took a screenshot of it because I just feel like while you're trying to be helpful, you're irritating me because I already have the tools and might the tools that work for me and I know will work for me are not what is in this email. So she says PCOS does not cause weight gain. Weight gain is a contributing factor to PCOS. Go to Mayo Clinic or any well known teaching hospital and get the correct information on PCOS. Go to their website as Mayo Clinic has lifestyle change recommendations for people for problems like PCOS. Mayo Clinic, Mayo Clinic, Mayo Clinic, whatever is my go to for natural remedies. PCOS is very manageable and fixable. Start eating organic foods and you'll notice yourself not getting hungry as much. Then limit

your carbohydrates as this is important to do for PCOS. Then lower or remove your sugar, salt and dairy intake to lose weight without working out. If you're working out, add carbohydrates. Remember, you can find carbohydrates, sugar and salt and natural foods like fruits, nuts and vegetables. Caffeine is important to keep your energy up. So having coffee before noon is important for energy in the first at first when you start your diet. If you're getting dizzy, add carbohydrates. Start with transitioning to organic food first and then work into the other steps. The hardest thing about diet is habit. Start eating correctly first and then go from there. I'm not a doctor or a trainer. This is something that works for me. Thank you for sharing that, but you're not

helping actually. You're making it worse for me because this is not the advice that I got from the last episode that we did with a sister and her mister. I think that when you open, this goes for anything, whether it be a diagnosis, a life struggle that you're dealing with, when you open the floor for conversation, people are all going to have opinions just like we all have assholes. But that doesn't mean that your opinion should be shared if it's not helpful. I've had to learn that your opinion in situations that don't involve you aren't always necessary. And if you're trying to sympathize with someone, you can say, I sympathize with you. I don't understand where you are, but I am here for you and I sympathize with you and let me know how I can be

of assistance and a support system. Not tell you what fruits and vegetables that you need to eat. I'm pretty sure your doctors can handle that. Well, so whenever we were in slow for the last episode and we went out to eat to that one restaurant and we were looking at the menu and you know that my diet isn't super great and I don't have like, I didn't grow up eating a lot of like great foods. And so I think that is part of the problem that I struggle with today is like, even when I do have my eating under control, it's probably still not as good as it could be. And so like it was helpful when you were like, Hey, do you have anything gluten free? Like what are your gluten free options? Right? Like that was helpful to me, not unsolicited advice. You know

what I mean? Because you know that I should like what Tallene was saying on on one of our episodes was like, take it meal by meal, not even day by day. Like if you could do one gluten free meal a day, like that's a start. So like that for me was helpful. I think that sometimes people don't want to ask questions. And I think that's kind of where a place that you've been, that you don't want to ask questions like you feel like you need to have all of the answers for yourself. But I think that maybe that did show you that it's okay to go into a restaurant and ask, you know, you're not burdening them by asking, like, do you have gluten free options on your menu? And I think that's just where you start. And once you become comfortable with doing that,

then you'll kind of learn what foods you can and can't have just by right by doing that. So yeah, I'm glad that was helpful. Thanks, ma'am. Are you guys we're gonna take a quick break to talk about the pill club? I know I introduced them to you guys a couple of weeks ago. But for those of you who missed it and you're on birth control, remembering to take your pill is already enough work. Forget going to the doctor in person to get your prescription and picking it up from the pharmacy. The pill club wants to help take the work out of taking care of yourself. The pill club is a birth control subscription prescribed by a medical professional and delivered straight to your door for free. The pill club carries over 120 FDA approved brands. Most brands of birth

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women in need of affordable birth control. Remember the pillclub.com slash combos. You must use the link to make a donation. So what else is going on? Anything new? Um, yes and no. Um, I'm not sure that that sounded good. Um, no, I really don't have any, I'm trying to think like good. I mean, Isaac's in tennis, uh, piano. We had piano on Monday. We have tennis on Thursday. Well, tomorrow today, if you're listening. Um, and I'm just trying to think like what else is, is going on. I feel like a lot of good things, but like not enough to like, I don't know, I'm just having a good day. I'm having a pretty good week. I mean, it's been a little bit draining. There's been a couple of things that were just like, hmm, that's iffy, but like not letting it ruin my day kind

of thing. You know what I mean? Yes. Well, I feel like you sound better than you did from last week. So that's a positive. Um, you need to know that for whatever reason, I feel like I was possessed last night by something. Oh God, why? I could, I don't think there was a single hour in last night sleeping time that I didn't wake up like not one. Oh, and I woke up and my sheet was like all off the bed, like the quilter, like comforter thing was like all off hanging off the bed. And I don't really sleep like that. Like I'm not normally like a crazy mover whenever I sleep. So I think something was possessing me. Like I was possessed by something or something was in this room. Like I can't describe it. Um, that's actually terrifying. That's like really terrifying. And I kept like

waking up like thinking that I saw light like outside the bedroom door, but there was no light. Do you ever do that? Like, or like you feel like you heard your phone go off, but like it didn't? No. Okay. So yeah, something was in my room. That's not funny, but it's just like you're like that's definitely the confirmation that I needed to know that I was being possessed. Yes. Yeah. Yes. So anyway, so I woke up this morning, actually for the past three mornings, I have felt like such a sense of, I don't know, like I've been like in this weird like phase of life that just maybe unmotivated would be the word like obviously still like working and doing, but just kind of like unmotivated to do it more like feeling like it's an obligation and not like something

that I want to do. Right. And for the past three days, I have woken up and just like had a sense of relief and like just ready to go like spry as a spring chicken at 6am and like ready to go and do the day and I wake up and I'm like, Jackson, let's do the damn thing. Did you just say the spring chicken? Yeah, like spry as a spring chicken. Sprite as a spring chicken. Something my grandmother used to say. So yeah, just like ready for ready to take on the day and I'm just like, wake up. Jackson's there obviously at summertime and I'm like, let's let's do the damn thing. You said you're up as a yep. Mm hmm. Yep, that's me. So is that not you? I'm not that. No, absolutely not. I will say that I tried to wake up today with like, I'm going to do my own hair

and makeup. I'm going to get my day going because normally I will just like wake up, get ready and not do my hair and makeup. I just throw it up and just like tackle the day. But this morning, I was like, I'm going to use my Dyson air wrap. I haven't used it a whole lot and I've had it for like six months or probably longer and I just like never use it. So I'm going to use it today and truly my hair looked atrocious and I texted my hairstylist and I was like, Taylor, what the fuck? And she's like, well, it looks better than last time. And I was like, no, like, no, it doesn't. Wait, can I borrow it to see if I want to invest? Yes, and you can borrow it and I bet somehow, some way you're going to make it work and it's not going to work for me and it'll I'll just

give it to you because at that point I don't kill be pouting. This will happen on a trip. Okay, I'll be pouting. It'll be great. It'll be something that I don't want to deal with. She'll be like, why does yours look like that and mine looks like this? Actually, you know, I just can't get it down. What we should do is we should do like a little reel of me doing it and you doing it and like our end results. I'm down with that. I think that would be really funny. Actually, wasn't it like a quarantine trend to get the Dyson air app? I think so. That's when I that's when I first heard about it. And I ended up getting it because Altos points are really great. And I ended up getting the amount of points back in what I spent on the Dyson air app.

I just yeah, I don't I watched a couple tutorials. So I thought I was I thought I was I'm dead. I'm always watching or not always these days, but like used to be always watching tutorials on stuff. And think, okay, after watching this tutorial, literally, I'm a pro. Yeah. And you're like, wait a minute, you try it and you're like, never mind. Mine looks nothing like this, like not even remotely close. Like what color I thought this eyeshadow was is not this color. Oh, at all. Like ever. Why do I look like this? Also, like if have you ever done like gone to the nail salon or something and you like yes for something and then they give you something completely different and it's like

on one hand, it's like, okay, like if that was me and someone brought something to me and was like, hey, can you do this? I would probably also like completely fuck it up. But then at the same time, we're just like, what the fuck is going on? Wait, can you post a picture of your latest nails, like the ones like yeah, you took in the picture you took in and then the end result because that was so good. Honestly, like I didn't hate your nails actually, I thought they kind of like looked cool and abstract. But I just don't think it was what you were going for. No, it absolutely wasn't. And you still wore them and rocked them. And I love that. I'm gonna go get them. I'm gonna get them changed probably tomorrow. But no, I was not super thrilled, mainly because the execution

could have been there. And I just feel like he was he didn't want to. He didn't want to execute like that's all like he could have definitely done it, but he didn't want to. He wasn't feeling it at all. He was just like, you know what, we're only going to do two colors, three colors, we're not even going to do what exactly you asked for. Okay, so that's funny that you say that. We're getting into a rant about nail talks, but sometimes I will see nails that I'm like every color nail is a different color and it's like something that I want to do. And then I go to the nail salon and feel like I'm going to piss my lady off. And I'm not trying to piss her off. So then I just settle on one color. This has been going on for like a year.

Well, so I was getting just like plain neutral colored nails literally for months and months and months, I would say on like six months, and I would get like color on my toes only, but like a very natural neutral look on my fingernails. And this one was like a combo was like a little pop of color with the neutral and it just like didn't go as planned. So gotta change it up sometimes. Actually, funny that you say that because I met one of my friends for Mexican last night and she saw my nails, I had just got them done and they're pretty much like fuchsia pink. And she was like, wow, is this a new you? Like I like, I like this you. Like who is this? Who's this like something so little and you're like, we've got to change it

up. We've got to live a little and it's like pink on your nails. Yes. And I'm like, wait, am I really that much of a bore that you feel like I'm a new me because of my fuchsia nails? I put blue royal blue on my on my toenails and I actually really love it. I went through that phase as well. You'll outgrow it, but it's fun for for, you know, one pedicure for for one pedicure moving, moving on. Can we get any house updates? Like what's going on? Wait, did you tell your last like run in with the bats? Did you tell that story on either of your podcasts? I didn't know. Why? Because you're so mad. It just hasn't come up. And honestly, like I did leave a mean voicemail on the bat person's voicemail.

I will you recreate it for us? Like if you were pretend like you are leaving the voicemail. Okay. It said, please leave your message for beep. I'm not going to say the name after the tone and said, hi, Kevin. This is Kale and I'm calling for her. No way. You can't laugh. Mute yourself. Okay. Hi, Kevin. This is Kale and I just want to say that I'm really not happy about finding another bat. It is 11pm on a Saturday and I thought we had this problem taking care of several times now. So now I'm paying for a service that is not actually being done. So I really expect to call back by the end of the weekend. I think I said by the end of the weekend or I don't know what I'll do. And then I hung up. I was so mad. You said or I don't know what I'll do.

So then I said, well, then I called his cell phone because I remembered, which this is probably illegal, but whatever. He texted me a picture of where the bats got in at. And so I had a cell phone number. So I called it at 11 o'clock on a Saturday night and I said, is this the bat guy? I said, this is Kevin. And I said, Kevin, I'm pissed. I left a mean voice. I already, I had to tell him that I left a mean voicemail because then once he answered and he was willing to come help me, I was like, oh, I, I left a mean voice. I didn't curse or anything though. Like I was just really upset. So in mouse moment. Yeah, I was like, my kids are traumatized. They're screaming. The bat is flying around. We actually don't know where it is at this point. And we just know it's upstairs.

And he ended up coming. And he got the bat out and they tested this one. So the first bat that we caught in the house, we released it outside. It was alive. It was fine. And we just let it go. This time I called the public health department and they advised that they were going to test the rat. They were going to test the bat for rabies. And then if it tested positive for rabies, they would have suggested that me and all the kids go get a rabies shot, which I've heard nightmares and horror stories about. And I was just like terrified or whatever. But actually, last week, I think it was on Thursday or Friday, they called me and said that the bat did not have rabies. It tested negative. What causes a bat to be rabid? I do not know. I did not ask that

question. What I do know is that the bat fucking landed on the wall in the hallway upstairs. And I thought it was in the boys room. So Kevin had said to put to close the bedroom door, which they weren't in there, which is we were all downstairs when this happened. Close the bedroom door because that's where we thought it went and put a towel under the door because they only need one fourth of an inch to get through. That's one fourth of an inch. So I am racking my brain. And so I did exactly what he said. Go up and down the hallway, pay no mind. I'll wait till you find out like where the bat was. Okay. So I did that. And when Kevin gets there, I welcome upstairs and I show him how we cover the bottom of the door with a towel. And that I think that the bat is in there.

And then I go in my room and close the door. And my friend who was there helping me was like, Oh my God. And like, at that point, I knew something was wrong. So the kids are in the guest room downstairs with the door closed, watching TV. And I said, What can I come out of my room? And he was like, No. And the bat had been on the hallway. Like I have a barn door for my for the boy's bathroom. Yeah. And it was sitting there on the frame in the hallway the whole time. And I was just walking up and down the hallway. And I like walked right by it. And I had the door closed and the towel underneath of it. And I thought that it was an I literally almost shit myself, Lindsay, like I almost shit myself. What if it would have flown at you? If it would have literally I have,

okay, well, so then yesterday, I noticed that there was a little bit of dirt outside of my fiddle fig, the planner upstairs next to Creed's room. And I was like, Oh my God, what if a bat got in there and like scraped up all that dirt, but it was it ended up I found out it was Creed Creed like Doug in the plant. I was gonna say literally that was Creed. Well, I thought it was a bat and I was not feeling okay about it. I cannot like, for okay, I need to know where did the bat come from? I don't know. Because if you guys remember on the last time we talked about the bats in my house, I had my handy person, which is my friend's dad, he came and put like mesh wiring underneath all the like, you know, the vents in your ceiling. Yes. He took those off and put mesh wiring and

then put the vent cover back on over every single one in the upstairs. So I don't know where it came through. And Kevin said that like, if I'm opening and closing the back door, like the sliding glass door for the dogs or I open and close the garage door, the bats can literally swoop in and you don't ever see them. No. Honestly, I feel like we need to Google what does what does bats always coming to your house mean? Like, is it like a bad omen? Like, is it like, well, positive? Like, it's a positive. I looked it up already. And it means that it's a sign of like things coming to an end and new beginnings. Oh, really? Yes. That's funny. That's amazing that actually that speaks true to your life. I feel like it does. Currently. So, wow.

Well, I don't really hate the bats at this point, if that's what it means. I know, I kind of want to get a tattoo one. I mean, I don't want to play with one or like touch one or like have one get caught in my hair, but I definitely want a tattoo of one. Me either. Do you remember like, feels like it's been years ago that I talked about the bat story about the kid that got bit by a bat. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It had rabies and then the dad like didn't take the kid to the doctor and then the poor child ended up passing away because the dad didn't know that the bat had rabies and then it killed him. So that was what we talked to the the Department of Public Health and when I was doing like quote unquote research on rabies. I mean, once the symptoms start showing, there's

pretty much no coming back from it. Like there's no way to once you start showing symptoms of it. Yes. Like there's no fixing it once they start kind of thing, but it said that it can take a long time for the symptoms to show up. Yes. That's what it said in this article about this little boy too. So, oh my gosh, that's so scary. Well, I'm glad that things are coming to an end because that again really does speak true to your life and also mine. So that's amazing. I wanted to tell, I know that I already told you this, but I wanted to talk about it on here about the search for my new house because like I really haven't gone into a ton of detail about like the whole process behind that and remember me telling you that like I felt like a sense of peace like when I went into that

neighborhood, but like we never talked about it. Yes. Okay. So as you guys know, I talked about following this neighborhood for before it was ever even in development and just had my heart set that you know, that was going to be the next place that I lived and just like aesthetically, it's so beautiful and just like peaceful and just like mine. I felt like it was like my next step in life. I can't explain it any better than that. And so after a long time deliberating and you guys know that I had been working on a land deal and then that ended up falling through, permits weren't able to be established or whatever you call it. And I say everything happens for a reason, right? Like things fall apart so something better can fall together. And I fully 100%

believe that. So at that point, I went back to this neighborhood and found the cutest little house that had already started being built. And I was like, okay, well, maybe this is my next house. And so I put an offer on it. And they accepted the offer within like less than 48 hours. And then for whatever reason, like, just emotionally, I feel a little bit crazy in this whole process because I've gone back and forth so many different times that it just makes me feel insane. But now looking back on it, looking back at the emotions, I feel like it was just like the process, right? Like, just something that I had to go through to reach the point that I'm at now. And ended up not going with that lot in that house and then ended up putting an offer on another lot in that

neighborhood that had not even broken ground yet. And then things fell apart with that. And then I had gone back to another lot in that neighborhood that actually had three previous offers on it. And for whatever reason, that house, like the offers and deals just like kept falling through. And it was, it's right next door to the first house that I looked at in there. And the agent called me and was like, this house was meant to be yours because everything like was lining up for other people. And then like, it just, it wasn't happening. And it was a house that I had, I have been in time and time again. And it's actually the house that I have an offer on and I'm scheduled to close on at the end of July. And it just feels so good. And like, I guess like the best word to

describe it is like, close to settle, like feeling settled, I guess, like, right? Like you feel kind of like peace of mind settled, like kind of in it, you feel good about your decision. Yes. Yes, I understand that. And I didn't feel great about the other decisions that I had made, you know, like I kept like pulling out for whatever reason, and then not sticking with it. But now it just feels so secure. And like, that's where I'm supposed to be. And I'm just like, now I'm at the point of of just like being excited to, you know, go in and measure to see, you know, like what furniture that I'm going to put in there. And I'm kind of starting over from scratch pretty much. So I think there's something to be said for that too, like new beginnings and

like buying even new towels and like all of that kind of stuff. But like, I think people don't realize or maybe people do realize that maybe I'm the only idiot that didn't realize. But like, there's a lot that goes into like having a house and like things. Oh, I mean, everyone warned me on social media about make sure you're prepared to spend more money than what you're even thinking like your highest cap would be because just to have like cable and internet transferred and dining room, like dining room where not dining room where but like dishes and towels and shower curtains, like little shit like that. I remember when I bought my Middletown house and I tripled the size of my home, I didn't even think about little things like bathroom stuff, the shower

curtains, the top like the mats on the floor, more towels for more bathrooms, more dishes for more cabinet, like all of that is stuff that I you just don't think of and it adds up so much. Yes. And I mean, I started making like a running list of stuff and like, obviously, I'll have the next probably like six weeks, I guess, to go through the house that I'm at now and just kind of like purge a bunch of stuff that, you know, I don't want and then know like the things that I want to take with me and what I need. But you just don't think about that kind of stuff until like you need it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And like, where do you accumulate all the stuff that is in your house is the question? Like, I don't know where the stuff

that I have at this house, like where it really came from, like when it got it, when it got accumulated, like where we got it. None of that. I also don't know like when you're looking in your home and you're just like eyeballing the inventory of all the stuff, it doesn't really feel like it doesn't really feel like you have a whole lot, right? And then once you like start moving, you're like, Oh, wait a minute, this is a lot more than I ever anticipated. Yes. Like where does it come from? It like literally is like never ending. It's like little shit that you don't think of. And I refuse to have that in my new house. Oh my gosh. I'm like, okay, where did I accumulate like 60? I mean, that's probably an exaggeration,

but not like a hugely over exaggeration. Where did I accumulate that many couch blankets? Like why literally, literally, why do I need those? Like, and I just don't want to take like a bunch of clutter. So I think that, you know, like like just new beginnings, it just feels, I feel like in a place that I just want to kind of like start fresh and not, you know, like there's obviously pieces from my house that I will want to take with me. Like my glider that was like in my, in Jackson's nursery, for example, that was something that I saved money for to get. And it was like a nice piece of furniture that I decided to get with, you know, like, what do they call it? Like that little footstool thing

that like goes in front of it. There's certain things. Oh, like an ottoman. Yeah, like an ottoman, like there's certain things like that that I will of course take with me because it has sentimental value to it to me. But then, you know, like you've told me all of the papers that belong to Jackson that he's ever written on probably don't need all of that. And so the next six weeks for me is like a life purge. And I just, I've started doing that actually over the past couple of days. And it, it just feels good to like get rid of things that you don't need and like that you're holding on to for whatever reason. Yeah, no, 100%. I feel you on all of that. All right, we're taking a break really quick to talk about Purevita. I've talked about this on

other podcast episodes and I just wanted to say I love this company. It's perfect for a summer. It was started by California surfers who went to Costa Rica and fell in love with the art and laid back lifestyle. I also went to Costa Rica and absolutely love the same things about it. And Purevita is like their life motto over there. It's like their, their thing. They say it when you say bye to someone like it's the cutest. I love it so much. So this company has colorful graphic teas, crop teas and hoodies. And they also have one of a kind tie-dyes that are fun to wear. Obviously I love tie-dye. You guys know I love tie-dye. They have over 200 styles in the summer catalog. They have buttery soft. I know you guys love that term buttery soft. 100% cotton apparel

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network with insurance providers. Don't wait, go to rcahelp.com slash coffee combos for help. I want to tell you somebody messaged me the other day and was like, hey, I just want to let you know that like you living in Atlanta is unsafe. What? And you're like, thank you. This becomes full circle too. We didn't ask for your unsolicited advice. Thank you. Would you like me just to where where should I go? Like, where do you start to unpack? That's that statement. Yes, that statement. I'm not sure. So then I start googling, like, is Atlanta unsafe? Okay, well, you find heinous things, of course, you know, it's like, okay, that's not even like where I live. And, you know,

not to say that like things couldn't happen, because literally, there was an officer in my county that just what do they call it? He just did a routine traffic stop or whatever. And when he did, I don't know what happened with I don't know like what the altercation was, but got drug to death. Like last week, drugged to death. No, like drug, like, like behind the call, somehow like, oh, oh, oh, why I my mind immediately went to like, they like drugged him. Yeah, like, no, like physically, like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, oh, wow. I mean, stuff still happens in the suburbs too. I'm not going to say that. But where I used to live, whenever I was in college, that area has just the crime rate has just like completely, I would say I would venture to say

skyrocketed. And I was on, there's like these Atlanta pages that I don't follow them on Instagram, but like I frequently check them out to see what's going on. And there was an incident. And I'm thinking that it coincides with maybe this, this woman saw this incident and then like sent me this message but didn't give me any context on like why she was sending me this message. But it said two 15 year olds charged in Lenox Square mall shooting that critically injured security guard. It says two 15 year olds have been charged in the shooting at a popular Buckhead shopping area on Sunday evening that left a security guard with critical injuries. Authorities confirmed that the officers were called to the Lenox Square mall and reports of shots were

fired around 8.30pm upon arrival. Officers found the victim security guard in his early 40s had been shot in the torso and they were able to provide aid to the guard before he was taken to the hospital. After the police, after the shooting police searched the area and had help from witness statements and eventually found the two suspects outside a nearby Weston Buckhead Atlanta hotel. I've literally like taken photos at this hotel. While they believe there may be more suspects, the two caught appeared to have been directly connected to the incident. It says the two suspects who were detained near the scene, a boy and a girl were arrested or charged with criminal attempt to commit murder, armed robbery, aggravated assault, tampering with evidence, possession of

a firearm by a person under the age of 18 and possession of a firearm during a commission of a felony. What the actual fuck? Yes, I was watching the video of it and I'll have to, I'm writing it down right now to post the video just so that you guys can see what was going on. But honestly, and I don't know if it's just, I don't know what has like changed in the world, but I just don't remember stuff like this. Like I'm sure it probably did happen. I just don't remember stuff like this happening whenever I was a kid. I mean, I don't remember like, yeah, no, I don't remember. No, there's nothing, there's no case that I can think of or like news that I remember hearing about something like,

like things like this. I am very aware of like hearing, I remember even when I was a kid seeing like John Bonnet Ramsey, Lacey Peterson, Casey Anthony, I was pretty young. I was still, I want to say I was in, when I was in my first apartment for the Casey Anthony stuff, I think. So I feel like something like that for like 15 year old or like teenagers, I would have remembered. Yeah, I mean, I just don't, I don't remember stuff like that happening. And I just feel like there's so much crime. And I don't know if it's like social media. Now that people have cell phones, they allow their kids maybe to like go further than what people used to allow their kids, because you just think like back whenever we were kids, our parents might have let us go a

little bit further than what they did if we would have had cell phones, maybe. But like now maybe parents think that they can get in contact with their kids. So it's not as important for them to stay like maybe in a specific area. Like where would these kids have obtained these firearms at that age? I don't know. It just, it's terrifying. And I talked about it with Katie on the other podcast that I have such an anxiety of school shootings and like my child leaving my child leaving my site that it's debilitating sometimes and I struggle with it so frequently. And when I see stuff like this, it just like flares it up. And this is exactly why after I had Jackson, I don't know if you remember me telling you this, but I deleted like all forms of social

media because there would be so many different things that would come up like on articles that would be like in my newsfeed that would give me anxiety. And it was stuff like this that gave me that type of anxiety. I mean, I don't blame you. This shit gives me anxiety. And I literally, I think I've said it before on this podcast, like feel the need to like look over my shoulder and like make sure all my kids are right next to me when we're in public and things like that for this, for these reasons. Yeah, I just, I hate it so much. And I don't know, like the level of anxiety that I get literally when I tell you, my chest will feel like I'm having a heart attack because it will be tight. Like just nervous and anxious or what? Yeah. Yeah, like I can't, I can't shake

like the thoughts because every time you see something that comes up in the news, it's almost like, Oh, well, that like wasn't expected or like wasn't, you would have never thought that would have happened like there or whatever. And it just makes me think like, what if we were a part of like that unexpected whatever. Right. Well, it's kind of like the Kristen smart murder, right? Like that small town close knit community. We were there, we saw how like close knit it was. And it kind of like everyone knew everyone there and nobody had heard of murder in a long time. You know what I mean? So it's kind of like that. Like you just don't ever like what if we are the one the unexpected, you know what I mean? Or we're near or we're around it, things like that. So no,

I hear you. Speaking of Kristen smart, I can't wait to record that episode tomorrow because I am deep down rabbit holes. And the amount of notes that I've taken for that true crime episode is I think I have a callus on my finger from the amount of notes. Yeah, I have taken a couple notes, but I'm curious to see what your thoughts are on it. You better be prepared. I'm all I'm ready. I'm ready. If anyone listening to this episode is still going to the post office and still paying full price for postage, I want to tell you that stamps.com will put an end to that for you. You don't have to do that anymore. You can mail and ship anytime right from your computer, send letters, ship packages,

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example, if you're in a relationship with someone married, whatever, how do people split their finances and what do people feel are norm these days? I guess like societal norms and do you fall into specific stereotypes like the man is head of household or you know, like whatever. I'm just interested to know like what people's mindsets are. So I wrote down the question and then some of the things you said. So you said, how do people pay for stuff? First, let me just tell you where my mind went on this. First, it was like 100%. I agree because I have like cool jobs that I get paid and I'm able to like make money from. But like people who are truly like, I can't imagine like making all my finances work if I worked a nine to five. Like that's where it went first and foremost.

So I was like, I ask myself the same question all the time. Like what will I do when the second thing when you were like, no, not like how do they pay for stuff? My second thing was like, oh, like do you use Apple pay Venmo cash out? Like I didn't know where you were going to going with. I splitting finances. So I will, I do not do like the traditional situation where like the man is head of household. I haven't done that since I guess I was married to hobby and he covered the mortgage and I covered everything else. So like he covered mortgage and utilities and then I was in charge of groceries. And if we ever had like, say we go to like Dix or if we go on vacation or anything like that, like I would cover that stuff. But since I've been with him, you know, I would

never, I don't, I feel uncomfortable when people would pay for me. So I don't think that I would, I don't know that I would allow someone to pay for me. Like that's, that's like weird. I'm just interested to know what the listeners say. And if it's like a 50 50 split where people think, okay, well, like the man takes care of the household, this, that, the third, and then you do whatever, or it's like 50 50, I know some people that keep their finances like completely separate and pay for, you know, these bills, and then this person pays for these bills, but their money never is commingled or ever touches each other's. There are some people that do join accounts and everything from both, you know, his and hers, whatever, his and his, hers and hers

go into one account, and then they just like pay for everything out of that. I'm just, I would be interested to know. I can say in my situation that I probably in the future would know, I've already said like would never get married again. Yeah. And would never would never split finances for anything again. Yeah, I don't, I don't like that. I have, I'm not going to say that I'm there were like friends, but I have a male friend that I'm thinking of who him and his girlfriend were talking about what it looks like to split finances. Like we had this conversation and he said that it will always be 50 50, like you will, they will split everything down the middle rent, utilities, gas, insurance, like whatever that looks like, they will split it down

the middle. And I said, well, what happens if you make 100,000 and she makes 50,000? And he said he would still split it down the middle. It doesn't matter. Well, because then you get into the argument of the lifestyle should be scaled to the person with the low lower income, maybe. I don't know. Like that's a, that's a big argument to me because I'm like, okay, well, then it's almost unfair for the person that makes less because then I'm trying to think of how to say it because then they're, they're having to give up half of what would be, I don't even know how to say it. Like does that make, do you know what I'm trying to say?

Well, and then it came up because they were arguing about the apartment that they liked and yes. Okay. That's where I'm going with it. Like how do you, so your apartment has to be something that the lower income can afford and is fair and he wasn't having it. He wanted the nice apartment and her to pay half and she was getting upset that this was literally in front of my face. Like this happened in front of you. Yeah. And so I literally was like, I don't agree with you. Like I 100% don't agree with you. If that's how you feel, which is fine. Like your, your feelings are not wrong, but you have to do the apartment that fits her budget. You can't expect her to pay half of something that's in your budget or, or you can get the apartment that you like, but you don't,

you can't require her to pay more than what she can afford. Yeah. So I feel like if you want to pay the difference for having a nicer apartment, then that's fine. I would still, I personally would still consider that as 50 50 because you're considering her income and you're both paying a portion of it, but maybe she pays a third of the rent on that and not half. And then she covers the utilities and stuff on the other stuff. So that's exactly where I was going with that was trying to figure out like a life situation that would make sense to explain that. But I think in that situation, you cater to the person with a lower income because it's not fair to expect for you to have this expectation for what you can afford, expect them to pay half of that, but they can't

afford that. Then you have to scale it based off of what they can afford. They pay that portion and then the other person pays, you know, whatever is fair for their portion, right? It's all relative to the income, right? But I, if I was to like be in a situation where I move in together with somebody, I would, I don't know what the financial, like the financial structure would look like because I have this mindset now where like what's mine is mine and I just don't know, like obviously this, if this is all hypothetical, but hypothetical, hypothetical, hypothetical, hypothetical, whatever. If I was to move in with someone, say I am building my house and when it's done, I get into a relationship and they move in and mind you, I've already paid the

mortgage up to this point. I put the down payment, et cetera, et cetera. I don't want them to feel like anything that is mine is also theirs. Like from a relationship standpoint, like this is my home for me and my children, but if you live here, I would expect, I guess, some type of financial contribute, contribution, but I don't know that it would be like half because it's mine and it's already been mine. Does that make sense? Yeah. So I'm thinking it's more of like, okay, that person can live there, but it's kind of like paying rent for as long as they're there. Yeah. And I'm not, and I don't, I'm not, I'm absolutely 100, 1000, 2000% not the person that's going to throw things in your face. Like I have never been like, well, I did, I paid

for X, Y and Z. Like that's not who I am. So I guess it would never be like, but then they might feel some type of way. Like why am I going to pay for something that's not mine? Like, and that's fine too. Like then you don't have to live here. Right. I think that's, you know, it goes back to the boundaries, right? Like what are you, what are the boundaries that you have established and, you know, establish those draw a line in the sand and, you know, if they don't, if they don't like it, then they don't live with it. Right. Like we all make decisions. I want to, can we talk about the quote that you sent me yesterday? Or I don't know if it's a quote, but it was like a statement. Um, so I was texting Lindsay about something and she texted me back and I felt like it was so

profound. I don't know if it will resonate with anyone else, but for me, it hit so hard. She said, my life circumstances may have changed, but my boundaries did not. And I felt that to the heart, the highest power. Like I felt it in my heart so deep. Like all this stuff, I feel like over the last several weeks that have come like to light between like losing friendships that are going, trying to like destroy me for whatever reason, I'm not really understanding. Um, you know, all of the stuff that Brianna was trying to spread about me and things like that. And it's like, going, looking back, it's like, yeah, I have, I have lost a lot of people. Yeah. I have a lot of circumstances in my life that are, I feel like never, they're never the same. Like they're, oh, my,

my scenery is constantly changing or people or just like different phases of life. And, but my boundaries should always be the same. Like Lindsay said to me yesterday, um, like when, basically when you start, when you set these boundaries and you're not wavering from them, people are less likely to fuck with you because you've stayed solid and consistent this whole time. And so that really hit home too. I just feel like I have been such a people pleaser for so long that I, I never was able to like set boundaries, keep them and stick to them because I always had such a hard time telling people no, or like I want it, you know what I mean? So like those things never really hit home for me until now that I've been in therapy working on it. It's like literally

happening in front of my face. And it's like, okay, now I have to apply what I've been working on and what I've been like basically retraining my brain to set boundaries and to think differently. You can work on things and therapy. And I think that's where people, um, I'm, I'm in no position to talk about anybody else because I'm just as damaged as any other person. But I think that's where people do go wrong in therapy. As you can sit and listen and, you know, do your therapy weekly or monthly or, you know, however often that you do it, but until you're willing to apply what you're working on in therapy, it really isn't, isn't useful. It's just an outlet to maybe have a conversation to make you feel better for that period of time. But if you're not willing

to do the application part of therapy, then it's, to me, it's just not effective. But I feel like I am finally able to apply the things that I'm learning, you know what I mean? Like at first, I mean, like I said, it's been probably longer than 18 months now, but in the beginning I wasn't necessarily applying because I was still learning. I mean, it's taken me 18 months to finally apply what I'm learning in therapy to my actual life and real life situations. So, and the boundaries thing is one of them. Like I'm, I'll be honest, I have, have you ever like made plans with somebody and then like either you forget about them or you didn't really want to do them. And then if you finally like that day comes and you'd feel bad for canceling, so you'll like

make up an excuse or like we'll reschedule or something like that. Yes. Yes. So that happened to me a couple of weeks ago and I didn't really talk about it because it like wasn't a big deal. And I was like, I was with my other friend because like it was, it kind of like all happened at one. So it wasn't like I had plans already scheduled, but it was like on the same day, one person asked me to do something and then the other person asked me to do something. And I was like, well, fuck, like I don't want to, I don't want to lie because I want to be able, I don't want to lie about why I'm not going with you. And now I'm going with, you know, so-and-so. So I am going back and forth and it was so hard for me because I had the message typed up, but I wasn't, I didn't

want to send it because I felt bad, but I was like, I am 29 years old. I do not owe anyone a fucking explanation and I don't have to lie about why I'm not going somewhere or doing something. So I literally said, Hey, I'm doing this instead. This just popped up and we're going to go do this instead. And I never said like, I never made up a lie. I never, like I, because at the end of the day, even if the person's feelings are hurt, they're going to get over it. But doesn't that feel so good to know that you can not have to, and those are what I consider like white lies, right? Like it's, it's a lie. There's no like malicious intent behind it. It's to avoid conflict and to not hurt. Because I'm a people pleaser. Yes. And I end up, but in the

end it always ends up backfiring anyway. So why not just say, I'm not going to go do this with you because I'm doing something else that fits my, fits me better. Like, you know what I mean? Yes. And I, I think that you just get to a place in your life and I've said a million times and I'll say it again. I don't know if it's age, if it's experience, if it's life circumstance, whatever it may be that you just kind of get to a point where it's okay to, to feel the way that you feel and to have boundaries and to enforce those boundaries and to live your life as you see fit and not for everybody else that is around you, because who is, who is meant to be around you will stay around you. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing was like,

when I'm thinking back to this specific, I don't want to call it an incident because I don't feel like this like experience, I guess, when I just like told the truth one, I felt way better because I was like, I don't have to keep up with a lie. I can post whatever I want on social media and not have to worry about someone's feelings. Her and like me and the friend that I was going to hang out with originally, I was like, we can get together later this week or whatever. And we did like it was fine. And she was like, no worries, like no problem. And that felt good too, because it was, I'm always worried about offending somebody else. Like I don't want to hurt your feelings. Like if I have a change in plans, or if I want to go do this instead, or whatever,

like I don't want to hurt, it was, I never, I don't want to be truthful and like be like abrasive when I do it. I just want it to be like, okay, that doesn't really work for me. I'm actually going to go do this instead. Like it's not, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings. You know what I mean? But I think sometimes whenever you walk that line of not wanting to hurt people's feelings and people pleasing and saying things to appease people versus living truthfully, honestly, with boundaries. When you are living a life of even though those little white lies like don't really matter, they don't feel good. And it can be very exhausting to live like that. It's so exhausting. It's so, so exhausting. And I learned that. I mean,

I would watch you like flat out tell people what's what and not in a not in like an offensive way, but like have boundaries. And that's been something that I have told you for a long time. Like I wish I had that quality in me. And now finally 18 months later, 18 months later, I can say that I'm starting to work on that. But yeah, no, I mean, it's definitely exhausting to live without boundaries and to live as a people pleaser. It's more, I think, I don't know, I think it's harder to live like that than it is with boundaries. And you know, someone Oh, actually have another a perfect, perfect example. So I'm writing a new book, a novel, not a, not a memoir. And the novel is based on a true story. So I had asked my friend to write something for me, you know, her experience

and being friends with me and like things that she's seen and etc, etc. And she said yes, and she committed to it. And then like weeks and weeks and weeks went by and nothing happened, like she never submitted it. And I asked her for it again. And she said flat out, I don't have time for this. And I was pissed because I was like, you committed to it. I didn't bother you. Like I gave you several weeks. Like I just wanted like your perspective on things. So like when I write, I can like include that or whatever. I didn't say any of this to her. Like I had my head, I was just like, wow. And but that was a boundary for her. And so months ago, I was still pissed off. Like, wow, like she really did me like that after committing to something. But at the end of the day,

it didn't align with what she wanted to do and how she was living her life. And maybe she didn't want to be in that headspace anymore. Like, that's okay. And we actually talked to the first time this week. And she was like, I miss you. And I was like, I miss you too. Like I just needed some time because like that for me, I just needed time because that was a boundary. But like we never had like a falling out, like we never had a disagreement. It was just like, she didn't have time for it. And then I never responded because I was pissed off. But we worked it out, we're fine. And just is what it is. I think you also learn to just because sometimes I think people and I'm guilty, I used to do this where I would commit to something knowing that I couldn't do it because I wanted

to please whoever I was committing to. But then back out last minute. That in itself is a stressful way of living. So I think learning to boundary set with knowing that it's okay to say no from the jump is also important. See, that's something one that I know we're running out of time, but that's something that I was having a problem with. And I know that my friends were noticing that I was doing that. Like Kay, I will say she's going to be there, but she's not actually going to show up. Yeah. And then that's not a good feeling because you don't want to be the flake. No, no, no. And I don't want to be the one that only shows up at like super important things. You know what I mean? Like I want to show up along your process. I want to be there to support you

on your journey. Like it shouldn't just be like showing up to congratulate you on something like that. Once my friend, like once I understood that that was something that my friends brought to my attention, I was like, okay, like I could do better. I'll do better. I'll do better and I'll be better. Yeah. I love that. I'm working on it. Love this for you. Love it so much. We're all working on ourselves. And I hope everybody who is listening is also working on theirself. And I also hope that you have subscribed to Coffee Convos podcast. And if you have not followed us on our Instagram page, make sure you follow us over there. There's going to be some fun news in the coming weeks. So make sure you're following us at Coffee Convos podcast and you could subscribe to us

by searching the purple podcast app, type Coffee Convos, click subscribe, click the fifth star and leave us a written review. We're also on Spotify and any other podcast app that you choose. So we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.