Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 171: Uninvited Vacation Guests, Parent/Child Relationships, and How Kids Change Things

Episode Date: July 22, 2021

On this week's episode Kail gives Lindsie the rundown on her last week on vacation, and the creepy crawly house guests she dealt with. Unfortunately Kail and her group needed to move to a new location, and she tells Lindsie all about the aftermath from that. Not to mention how difficult it can be to travel with a baby! Thankfully Kail says her fellow vacationers are more than willing to lend a hand! And each parent/child relationship is different. Lindsie and Kail talk about their relationships with their own children and what makes them special. Plus having kids can completely change the dynamic of the parents relationship. Lindise talks about how her marriage changed when she had Jackson, and wants to know if others feel the same. This episode was sponsored by: Vincero, Stamps.com, KiwiCo, & Chime Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License. 

Good morning, Coffee Convos Podcast. Good morning, One Dominican Republic. All right, Lindsay. Hello, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Coffee Convos Podcast from the Dominican Republic. The second episode of Coffee Convos Podcast from the Dominican Republic. Final, final episode and I have to update you on my move to a resort. And I'm very, very scared to talk about it because I just don't want to get shit for it. Tell me anyway.

I'm very afraid. Okay, so we're at the Airbnb. Mind you, I am not even kidding. I paid an arm and a leg for this place, like an arm and a fucking leg. Like even this resort doesn't cost as much as that Airbnb. Not only was that Airbnb 45 minutes away from everything, my friend got in. So I flew in on Sunday. My friend flew in on Monday. And then another friend of mine flew in on Tuesday.

My Sterling said that she killed. I'm scared to talk about this. She said she got upstairs to her room and like I only went up there to like look. I didn't even like go in them. I just literally opened the door and like walked in, not walked in peaked in. And she came downstairs and she's like, I just killed three roaches. And I was like, nah, like I've never seen a roach in my life. Like I've never like seen one.

Okay. So like she was like, it's whatever. Like I'm from, you know, New Mexico and I live in town in Texas. So it doesn't matter. I see them like the whatever. And she's the cleanest person I know, but she's seen them in her life. So she knows what they are. I've never seen one.

So I didn't really, not that I didn't believe her, but I didn't think anything of it because I didn't see it with my own eyes. I didn't even go look at them. I feel like they're common in like hot climates. Anyone who's listening, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like they're more common there. I've never seen one in 29 years of my life. Okay. So we've been in this Airbnb.

Um, I think we decided to move on what day is today, today is Monday. So we moved on what Friday or Saturday, maybe, um, I want to say it was Friday. Yeah. I think it was Friday. Okay. That makes sense. So we got day passes to come to this resort because we were like, we can't take another

day at the house. We're literally driving 45 minutes there, 45 minutes back. A lot of the times like we'll do the excursion and go right back to the house because of the baby. So one of the nights, I don't know if it was Friday or Saturday. I think you might be right. It might have been Friday. Um, there's Lux is in one of the bathrooms downstairs.

So not upstairs where Sterling was. It was outside. Um, like you walk out of the main house and then you go into the bathroom and it was, um, like a bathroom with a door and everything like that. And he's screaming bloody murder and I was like, Oh my God. We thought like something happened to the baby because the baby was sound asleep. So we were like, Oh my God, like what happened here? Like not again.

What else could be wrong? I was like, we can, we can not take another emergency room visit. I go in there and he, cause I guess he went to go pee. So he's holding on to the toilet seat, like, like hugging it and his feet are up behind him. Like I'll just picture that. Like my three year old and he was like, it's brown and it has things on its head. Like he was freaking the fuck out.

Oh my God. I felt so bad. Um, and, but I didn't see it at that point. It was, it was gone. So again, not really putting two and two together thinking roaches. Okay. So now the next day we see roaches crawling around in the kitchen. Eww.

Like Lindsey was big. They were so big. I don't know. They were so I, they were literally, I'm not exaggerating. I have pictures. Like they were as big as the palm of my hand. What? I have never seen a roach in my life.

Mind you, Leah and I stayed in an Airbnb in Costa Rica and never once did I see a roach and I've stayed at me and Leah also stayed at Airbnb's in Hawaii. We've stayed at three Airbnb's in Hawaii, three different Airbnb's and I've never seen it. The owner of the Airbnb or the manager for like the property, whoever it was, she was like, well, first she says, I will literally read the messages because that's, it's infuriating. Um, first she says, well, it's a tropical house, so it should be expected for me to see roaches.

That's what she said. Then she says, this is an isolated incident. This has never happened before. So which one is it? An isolated incident. This is an isolated incident, but if it's a tropical house and I should expect it, it's fine. Like, and then so they sprayed for roaches or whatever.

When I texted her back, I said, you know, I understand that you sprayed for roaches after the fact. I said, but my family and I discussed it because I do consider Kaden and Natalie, my family and at this point, my friend, Adrian's there. My friend, Sterling is there. Like, I said, you know, we discussed it and we're going to move. Like we don't, we don't feel comfortable with this on top of none of the doors on the property outside of the front door locked, like they, the back doors don't lock.

So we all had, um, um, opening doors for our rooms and they go right into the pool area. That is a safety hazard. Now once you get in the pool, they had this, like, I know I have, I've had multiple pools in my lifetime. So I know this is not normal, but there was like this big, like, um, hole, like for a pipe in the pool that like did a lot of the suction and it was literally the size of the palm of my hand and it sucks so hard. It took Sterling's nail right off.

It took her nail off. Yes. So we took her acrylic. Yes. Oh, and Adrian was like, that shit almost took my hand off. So we put a rock there because the kids hair, like all the kids hair, it was just, and then though, any, I'll send pictures cause there, there definitely is pictures of like the wooden shutters in the house.

And like, again, this is me. This is not me complaining cause like I let the wooden, the wooden shutters go the windows that had wooden shutters, they didn't have glass or screening or anything. So you're promoting the bugs to come inside. And maybe that's, maybe that's, that's, that's how I don't know why I'm stuttering so much. Maybe that's how they, they build their houses around here. Like maybe that's normal, but it's not normal for us. And if you're having tourists come to stay in your home, I feel like some of those safety

precautions should be taken. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I was going to say that like maybe that's customary and their country and they're just used to it. Right. But with that being said, when you do have tourists that wouldn't be used to that and that would be something if you're coming from the United States that you just don't

have roaches crawling all over your house or there is like a problem, then maybe there should have been a disclaimer like, Hey, there are these types of bugs and I just want to make you aware so that you weren't really shocked by it. And then it gave you an opportunity to make a choice, but it's just weird because like if you went to a resort or something like that, they're not going to have that kind of stuff there. Like in a room, I've never, I mean, I've never personally seen a roach.

Like I don't know what that, I didn't know what that was like until now. But first of all, I understand why my three year old was so disgusted because I saw one and I have pictures. I'll post them if y'all want them. I will post them on Instagram thing. Okay. Um, but she's, I did request, so we left before the second week started. So, um, we're here for two weeks and, um, like Lindsay said, we either left the Airbnb

on Friday or Saturday. The second week didn't start until Sunday, but we were already packed up and gone. I did request my money back for the second week because we didn't stay there yet, but I did not request my money back for the first week because I just felt like that was the most fair way that I could have done it. Like I didn't, I wasn't asking for all of my money back. You know what I mean? Right.

Well, because you use the place for the, you know, first week regardless. Right. And I told her, I said, I really didn't want to be problematic. So I didn't, I didn't make a big deal about the doors. I didn't make a big deal about the pool situation. I didn't make a big deal about the windows. But once we saw the roaches, now that was the straw that broke the camel's back because Sterling told me, and I, this is the first thing, this is the first time I've ever heard

this roaches, um, they multiply like crazy and you, it's really hard to get rid of them. And so like they'll literally attach them their eggs to anything and you'll take them home in your suitcases. Ew. That's disgusting. And I didn't know that. Yes. And so then I told the owner, the property manager, I was like, you know, I would really

like to have, she doesn't want to give me my money back for, for this week at all. She doesn't want to give it back to me at all. Oh wow. Well, so then what do you do? Um, when I filed the claim on Airbnb, it said that if, if it's basically a problem, you can choose to like, um, include Airbnb itself in the situation, I just don't, I haven't gotten there yet. It was going to give her a couple of days.

She wants me to go back to the house tonight or tomorrow and like do a walkthrough. And I'm like, you already sprayed for the roaches after we saw them. So no, I'm not coming. No. Absolutely not. And I've already like moved all of my stuff and we're already settled at this other place. Like, right. Not wasting a day to move all of my stuff back.

Yeah. And then Leah missed her flight yesterday. Oh my God. I was going to, she's flying in today. Are you guys, we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our newest partners, Vin Chiro. We are super excited about this partnership. We know that typically finding accessories that are stylish, bold and built to last can

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So what exactly happened with Leah? I saw that on Instagram. Yeah. She texted me and she said that she thought that the time, she told me she was leaving yesterday at five AM, but come to find out that was the takeoff time, not the boarding time. Okay, I have a couple of questions. So how do you guys always miss flights?

Because I'm pretty sure I've never missed a flight. I don't know. I missed my first flight probably in 2012 when I was going to Vegas to see my friend Tony and I was panicking because I didn't have any money to like switch it or whatever, but the airline was like really, really, really nice about it. And they just put me on a different flight. I didn't have to pay, but I always, I literally, I miss flights at least once a month. I know you do.

And it's literally the most frustrating thing that I've ever dealt with in my life. And I don't know why I'm like this. Yeah, I just, and you know what, I get the feeling when I know it's going to happen and I don't know if it's like I'm manifesting it, but whenever we went to slow, I knew, well, I didn't know there was no parking and I know we talked about this, but I didn't know there was no parking. And so it was like, once I realized there was no parking and I was going to have to figure it out right now on the fly by myself.

I knew I was going to miss the flight. I always think to myself, um, when we're traveling together to go to the same location that Kale's not going to be there at least until 12 hours after she was like supposed to be there. Like I always account for that 12 hours late. I'm just, you know, I don't know any flight that you've ever made. Honestly. Yeah, I, I need to, you said, yeah, I need to be more responsible when it comes to flights.

That's for damn sure. And then Leah, like missing her flight thinking it was five eight. She was supposed to leave her house at five a.m. I think she thought that was the boarding time, but it was actually takeoff time, which meant that she needed to be at the airport like two hours prior. Oh my gosh, actually, I have literally made a flight by the skin of my teeth, but they wouldn't let me on it because I didn't check my bag 45 minutes prior. Oh yeah, that, that happens to people all the time.

Don't you know the rules? Now I do. I'm so cautious. Like I'm the most cautious person. I'm like, okay, I'm checking all of my like, um, toiletries to make sure that they're all the right size and nothing's going to get confiscated and just doing the most with my ziplock bags and making sure I'm there. I have enough time to get a snack prior to boarding.

Like I'm really out there doing the most and you're doing the least always. I am doing the least. That is for sure. And also, um, they did take my brand new tea tree body scrub because I had it on my carry on and I was so disappointed because it was brand new and I just got it from Ulta and it was one of my faves and, um, I'll post a picture of what that is or like a link or whatever. But I really love it and I was disappointed because it was brand new. Kale, did, did you know the size that was supposed to, yes, but I forgot that I put

it on the carry on and I don't know why I didn't check it. My, see Kale and I should never travel together to somewhere or luxury because it wouldn't be luxurious because Kale would make it so stressful that I would be like, this vacation seems like daycare like that's literally what we're doing right now. I literally was like, I texted, um, Nat and I was like, Hey, is everybody up cause I'm about to podcast and then, um, Natalie was like, well, I'll, I'll be, she's with the baby and then Sterling was like, I'll come get the kids and take them to eat or whatever. And I'm like, thank you so much.

This is daycare. Well, I podcast and then I'll go meet them down wherever they're at, but, um, I cannot remember that one time that you went to Mexico and you were like, so excited, you were taking your kids and you were like, we're going to this resort. It's all inclusive. Everything's going to be great and you get there and it's also the worst. Oh, well that was MTV's fault. They made me go to a hotel that they could film at and that was by far the nastiest.

No, no, no, no, there was one in Panama and I physically just left Panama. I didn't even find another resort. I just left. I went back home. Wait, wait, wait. And like MTV was filming and you just left Panama. Okay. No.

So the Mexico one, I was going to Mexico with my family, with my kids, just me and the kids, no help, nobody. So they were like, well, we're filming this and they wanted to film at a resort. So the resort that you guys saw on Teen Mom two was not my planning, my doing, my nothing. Like I wanted nothing to do with that place, but it was the only place that would allow filming. So we ended up staying at Moon Palace, which was your recommendation and I wouldn't even stay the night in that hotel that MTV wanted me to stay at because it was so disgusting.

Like I literally was not doing it and we ended up not shooting because it was so unsanitary. It was disgusting. Like I would never go back there and we ended up moving to Moon Palace and we didn't film, but I wish they would have filmed us at Moon Palace, but they didn't allow filming. Well, I, a lot of people actually sent me messages and asked if I had recommendations since I love Mexico so much, if I had recommendations for all inclusive. And I always stay at the Grand at Palace Resorts and Cancun and absolutely love it. Never have had an issue there.

It's super clean. The staff is super nice. Literally never had an issue there and it's so kid friendly, but I have heard horror stories from people who have gone to all-inclusives and other areas that just didn't have the same experience. So I would actually love for people to write in and tell me your horror stories of all-inclusives because it's been, it's been like a lot of people sending me messages. I will say that this resort that we're at right now is nice.

It's a nice location. It's right on the beach and the pools are very nice and they're very clean. I'm not a huge fan of the rooms and I'm also not a huge fan of the food at all. But I would say like, I think online it's rated four and a half or five stars, but I personally would give it like a three. Is it true that nothing can be rated like five stars or is that a scam that somebody told me to make me like pick somewhere? I'm not going to call the personnel that told me this.

I heard that if you read the three star reviews, they're the most accurate ones. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yep. That's good to know. Thanks for that tip, Kale. You're welcome.

You're on it. So have you guys been doing any fun activities? Like what's been? Honestly, no, because they've been, it just has not been my favorite trip. I will say that. I'm thankful that I'm here with my kids. I'm thankful to experience a new country. We met a really, really nice driver yesterday.

We have a van, but it's a five speed and it's a 15 passenger van. So we went to go grab food yesterday for everybody and the driver was really nice. And he's actually, we're going to do a helicopter tour with Isaac really wants to do it. So I'm going to let him do it. But overall, I would say no, the activities have not been great. I think it's because we would have to split up and do like half the group goes while I stay with the baby and then they stay with the baby and then the other half of the group goes.

I think that's kind of why. But we went on an excursion to Saona Island, which is without the one, I don't know why I'm stuttering so much. I don't know if I have brain fog or what the hell is going on. I was the most excited about this because it's like a little island off the coast of Dominican Republic and it was really, really clean and pretty and it was just so nice. But on the way back, we did not know that we were going on a speedboat that was packed to the brim full of people and they put us in the back in the kids were all screaming

and crying. And I'm not even going to lie to you that I was also crying. Wait, because it's going so fast. It was absolutely terrifying. And Natalie is holding on to Creed for dear life and I'm holding Luxe's hand and Lincoln's hand and Lincoln is like, I have to hold on and he's crying and he's trying to wrap his arm around like the metal pole on the side. It was honestly terrifying.

And some guy was like, listen, I listen, I've never experienced a vacation like this. Like I've never experienced this is, this is, I don't even think of vacation as the word. This sounds like trauma, literally want to go home and write a book about like the thoughts that the mother anxiety that I was having in the Airbnb about like the door is not locking and things like that. And then, oh, and I forgot to tell you at the Airbnb before we moved, they had a golf cart, right?

And the golf cart, I didn't realize that it needed to be plugged in. Nobody plugged it in when we were like, when we got there, it wasn't plugged in. So it was like, Hey, like, can we use it or whatever? And she's like, yeah, absolutely. So we get on it. The kids are all excited. We get, we get down the street a little bit and it dies right in the middle of the street. It wasn't charged before we got there.

Listen, listen, I have never even Mexico when I had no help was better than than this. It's just so funny because when I hear your travel stories, I'm like, okay, none of these things would ever happen to me. Right. And I don't know if it's because our personalities are so different. If I'm not putting myself in these types of situations for them to happen or, or why this kind of stuff would never happen to me, do you ever like wonder, like, okay, that would happen to that person or like, yes, this, honestly, I believe through and through that

I caused this myself because I was, I did not do a whole lot of research. I did not look into, I guess, the location of the Airbnb and things like that. And then I also just, I call our family Kale in the chaos. And so all these people were like commenting on one of my pictures and they were like, you're putting chaos into the universe. So you're going to manifest chaos for yourself. So I was like, oh, wow, that's a, but, but now it's like, all my branding is already Kale in the chaos and like people, that's what people call me.

So it's like, I don't know. What am I going to call us? Kale in the calm. I mean, I would not be an accurate depiction, so it's like, you would be a scam. So no, that's not what we're going to call you. I'm not sure. Maybe you just shouldn't say it as much like, you know, it's like, you already know your life is so chaotic.

So maybe you shouldn't like manifest more chaos. Right. Right. Right. That's fair. Okay. That's fair. That's fair.

Because I would truthfully never take a child as small as creed to another country. Like that would just never happen because I know I would be strapped to the room. So if I'm going to be strapped to like scheduling everything around nap times and making sure I have all the crap that I need, I might as well just like do that at home or in the U.S. somewhere. Yeah. So I brought, I brought Lux to Jamaica when he was like, I want to say like nine months old or 10 months old and he did amazing.

Like it was great and we had a great time and we were able to do all the excursions and it was, I don't, it just wasn't chaos. Like it really wasn't. And we had a great time. This time creed is one, he's going to be one this month. And for some reason, actually it's not even him. I wouldn't say it's him. I will say it's, it's harder because we have to split up for excursions, but it's not.

I don't know. Like I don't know that it's him, but it's all the things that you have to bring with an infant that are not fun. And I wouldn't, I promise you, I will not bring him anywhere, not even in the U.S. for another two years. Like when you're, when he's three, catch me again with him, but future vacations until then I'm calling his father. You know what?

You can go with your dad for a week and I'll take the other kids somewhere because I don't, the other thing is like, it's a catch 22 because I don't want my other kids to miss out because of the baby, but I also don't want to leave him out. You know what I mean? It's so hard for people that have multiples like that. It's so hard. We want to go to Jackson Hole, Wyoming next month. And I, I think I'm going to leave the baby because it's not fair to the other kids that

I don't get to, you know, enjoy things with them because I have to be with the baby and like the baby's never going to remember it. So I just, it's one of those things where, you know, we, we tried it. We brought him here into Dominican Republic and I think the next trip that we are going to visit friends that are essentially our family, we, I'm not going to bring him because it's just, it's a lot. I would love to hear from moms that do have multiples and how they kind of like plan their days whenever they go on vacations.

And do you just plan for the chaos or are you super scheduled? For me, whenever we started taking Jackson on vacation, I just kind of planned the trip knowing that he was going to have to go back and take a nap and it was going to be a little chaotic. So we did things that were friendly to like him, but to your point, when you have kids that are 11, how old's Isaac? 11? 12?

Yeah. Yeah. Like you have kids that are 11 years old and all the way down to one years old. It's really hard to like plan because if you're accommodating one, you're not accommodating another. Right. And that's the thing. I don't want the other kids missing out on things that they should get to do on vacation

because of the one year old. So that's why when people are like, Oh, you never have your kid, like Natalie's always helping you. It's like, well, Natalie also understands and she, I, she, her Adrian and Kayden yesterday, they went and did like an ATV tour for half the day. And it's like, you know, we just take turns. It takes a fucking village to raise children, especially when you have multiples. And so when people are saying like, I see all the trolls are like Natalie's his mom or

whatever. And she just is, I'm thankful that she helps me and I'm able to do things with the other kids. So actually yesterday, Sterling and I, it was just me and her and we had all six kids and we went to the little water park that they have on the resort and with Creed and all of them did so amazing. And it was so wild to like me and Sterling looked at each other like, is this real life? Like they're being on their best behavior.

Nobody pulled us in 12 directions. Like everyone was listening. Everyone ate when they, when we went to go eat lunch, it was so great. And then literally as soon as we got out of the pool, the baby napped for two hours in the stroller. Like it was literally a perfect day on the resort. And you know, when you have days like that, you're like, okay, the chaos is worth it. You know, but yeah, I think it's really hard to accommodate the other kids, especially

because like my three year old will do the same things that Isaac wants to do. So it's not like I have to even accommodate them differently. I will say Lincoln is the most cautious one, which is surprising to a lot of people. And no, I think, I think you're right. I would love to know what people do because maybe I could learn something. All right. So this summer is welcoming signs of a more normal life ahead. And finally you can get back to enjoying life's little pleasures, like smiling at your neighbor,

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or cancel at any time and like I said with KiwiCo there is something for every kid or every kid at heart every month get your first month free on select crates at kiwico.com slash coffee that's kiwico.com slash coffee. Also on this point it's kind of annoying sometimes whenever I look at your comments and stuff and people are like oh well Kale has a favorite child or she has this or she has that and it's just so I also want to know how other people handle people saying stuff like that because I feel like that would just be hard as a mother to hear that like oh this child's your favorite or that one's your favorite.

I genuinely think that you love all of your children differently right like you love them the same but different and you have some things in common with some kids that you don't with the other but then you have something else in common with that child that you wouldn't with the other and I just don't see you really having a favorite kid like I don't I used to think that just I used to like kid with you and be like oh Lux is the favorite just because he was the baby but like right right and that's what people don't understand it's like Lux was the baby and so my Isaac hates taking pictures he hates it and Lincoln will do it only on his own terms so it's very hit or miss right and then Lux is just like people

also forget that when when I had Lux for two and a half years by myself and he really wasn't going to his dad's like it was me and him you know when Isaac and Lincoln went to their dad's every other week Lux was just like yeah yeah so there my relationship with Lux is very different he's I don't have a favorite and then now that Creed is a baby like obviously I take pictures with him and like I always want to have him on my story and he's always doing cute and fun new things like there's no favorite they're all very very different um but to that point there was something that I thought about last night and I'm so glad that you brought that up because I feel like it fits hand in hand um people always will

say that like I forget about Lincoln but really I feel like I do the most right now for Lincoln because of his dedication to football um and then Lux everyone says that Lux is the favorite which they're my two middle children right so people don't realize the amount of time and energy and money I put into Lincoln for football um and I he because I know that his relationship with hobby like if if if we gave him a chance he would choose to live with hobby and I know that um and I talk to my therapist all the time and like how I would deal with that and things like that but um I that's so hard to feel so hard but I also sat down last night and I was talking in that and I was like you know what I really think

that my relationship with Lincoln and Lux is so different than Isaac and Creed because I co-slept with Lincoln and Lux oh that's interesting that's really interesting and I also actually have wondered because I am not advocating for this I'm just saying what I did um I co-slept with Jackson for a very long time and then I have someone who's very close to me who put the baby in the crib like almost immediately and the relationship that I see her having with her son like hands on is very different than the relationship that I have with Jackson and I just wonder if there is something behind the co-sleeping that causes you to have that different connection with the child I want I mean I see it in my I it was literally like

a light bulb went off last night because Lux sorry Isaac and Creed they want nothing to do with if they can't sleep if someone's in the bed with them like putting Creed in the bed with me fucking forget about it and none of us are sleeping same with Isaac Isaac doesn't like when anyone's with him if they even make a noise like very very Isaac slept in his cribs since day one so um and I I do believe that that has a lot to do with their differences in our relationship I think it also has to do with the way that the kids are like yes I think they're very different emotionally they're very different like Jackson for example if he is not sleeping with me which obviously he doesn't sleep with me but on occasion now

because of you know school and just fact that he's eight years old and needs to be in his own bed but if given the choice he would still choose to sleep with me and when he goes to Will's parents he sleeps with one of them so like with Will's mom or with Will's dad and it's just weird like he likes that connection I guess like I don't know he doesn't like to sleep by himself and he's like it's so lonely and it's so sad and I hate hearing him talk about it because I'm just like did I set him up for failure like obviously he has to sleep by himself I literally love sleeping with like when Isaac when Lincoln or Lux wants to sleep with me I love it I don't like I don't like anyone in my bed I'm very much like Isaac

I don't want to sleep next to a partner I don't want to sleep next to a lover like go sleep on the couch we'll you know wait are you the type of person okay everybody's gonna know what I'm talking about whenever I get it out and like get it fully explained but like everybody knows a couple in their life that sleeps like in different beds but like they're married and things seem to be like pretty normal in their life other than the fact that like they don't sleep together and I knew a couple a long time ago actually that I babysat for and they were like this dream couple that like I idolized basically and I was like when I grow up like I'm gonna be just like them like they have it all together

they have a perfect little family their kids are so good and cute and like everything but the one thing that was so weird was that they did not sleep together and so I just wonder like is it they just like sleeping by themselves is it something going on and like the marriage it like how do they have sex like I am I had I've done both one of my relationships I literally we would intertwine our bodies like I loved sleeping with him and having him in my bed and like when he practically lived with me like loved it that was my person right but also it was really unhealthy toxic relationship and then when I whenever Javi and I had Lincoln I breastfed so much like I would be you know moving or whatever I would nurse on demand

all night long so for I want to say like nine months he slept on the couch what yeah oh and did that cause like problems do you feel like yes I do not necessarily him sleeping on the couch but I think the lack of intimacy and then also just the stress of having a new baby but it was different from Isaac because I breastfed for a year so it would you know what I mean so it was just like a lot of like new things and we were so young I mean we were only 20 and 21 so I think a lot of it had to do with you know some issues but I don't know it's weird I don't now I don't I don't I cannot sleep well with somebody in my bed I would not want to have someone in my bed I sleep better with by myself or

with Lincoln or Lux that's so funny so wait in an ideal world you get married or have like a life partner we'll call them they're not sleeping with you no I would say like maybe once a week or twice a week we could stop how do you explain that to someone excuse me ma'am or sir but like you are not sleeping with me but these two days of the week like how do you what I don't know how to I don't know why I'm like this maybe maybe it's because I am still recovering from a super top toxic relationship like I think that's part of it yeah maybe it's like once I'm ready to be I don't know yeah I hope this gets over I hope this yeah passes yeah yeah I definitely think that that has something to do with it wait

okay so I tried to watch this show yesterday and I talked about getting recommended to watch the show on the southern tea last episode but then I didn't talk about it because I was like oh this is like too raunchy of content for the southern tea so like is it sex life yes yep I started it too I started I only got through the first episode so far okay same so I okay so what do you think anybody listening this is obviously you're listening if you're hearing this but it is sex life on Netflix so actually V was the one that recommended this to me and I watched it the first episode before we left for this trip and already I understood nothing else because I've never really like hooked up with like

random like I've never just like met someone and hooked them hooked up with them that's never happen yeah you know so like that's been a little that was a little off for me but um we're not gonna you know focus on semantics did I use that word in the right word when she said that she felt like she she had everything she wanted in her husband and her children and the family in the home but she felt like a part of her was missing I think it you would be lying if you said that you disagreed with that no I definitely think that any per any woman who is watching that show would have to relate to it on some level like there's no way it's like the most relatable thing ever I will say just as far as like a level

of raunchy it was like a bit much for me like I think that it was a bit much for me as well um so I'm with you on that I feel like the same things could have been relayed without it being so just like I mean soft porn like I mean yeah yeah there was a lot going on so I would definitely say if you are going to watch this this is probably a watch that you watch alone like I don't even know that I would watch it with someone um and it was weird because I did watch it the first episode with someone and I was like okay this is uncomfortable but I don't think I would be as uncomfortable if I was by myself yeah like I I watched the first episode by myself and I was like okay I could never watch this with someone but

I'm gonna gonna watch it so I was thinking about watching the second episode to see if I could get over the level of raunchiness and just have the takeaways you know like we took away um that basically this woman had this picture perfect man is that what you would call him like he's a picture perfect man he's got it all together like this nice body very attractive great job um but it just seems like life is very robotic is that what you would say yes like very much going through the motions yes and I think any person who is listening to this that is married and has been married for a while that has children can relate to that on so many different levels I think things do become more complicated with

relationships and marriages when you're married you have children you have careers and it seems like everything comes first before your relationship so I definitely related to that in a lot of ways um and I will say that my marriage definitely I don't know that if I've ever talked about this I might have talked about it with you personally but maybe not like on the podcast that after I had Jackson um immediately something changed in me and I think that that's probably very common in women who have children um my mindset totally changed will was my everything before I had Jackson and I put everything into him you know I poured every ounce of anything that I had into my relationship with him and then I had Jackson and it's like the

tides turned and it was very hard for Will to really understand and respect it and I think he felt very slighted and I don't want to say that he was jealous of Jackson because I think that that would be like a false depiction of what was taking place but I think that he felt in a sense like okay I'm losing my wife because now she's a mother that's relatable and I know that when I talk to my therapist about that with the baby's dad um he also felt that way or claimed he felt that way um it's very common and even even mothers sometimes feel that way so I definitely that's I know a ton of people can relate I don't know that it's jealousy but it's definitely like the realization that this new human comes first um is really hard

for a lot of people and we struggled with that for a long time that um I had a really hard time and I'll say a lot of it was my my issue I've talked a lot about my postpartum anxiety on the southern T but a lot of my issues were um being fearful that like something could happen to Jackson and like I was this primary caregiver for him and that I needed to be basically an everything to him so I didn't have everything to be for Will and it's like just over a period of time things fell off like um the things that I was interested in doing for Will before having a baby I was no longer interested in doing and I'll take full responsibility you know for that it's just very hard I think to navigate when you are one dealing with postpartum anxiety

this is your first child you don't have any help um there were some different things that were going on that maybe some people don't experience Jackson was the first child that will ever held so he had never really been around a baby so he didn't know what to do so a lot of it too was um I was frustrated you know that I had been around kids because I had siblings that were way younger than me like my youngest brother was born whenever I was 17 years old so I was used to being around babies from the time that I was basically born I had a brother 15 months later and then a sibling seven months later and then six months or six years later seven years later and then at 17 so like I had been around kids my whole life and and he hadn't so I think that a

lot of it came with me having some experience and then him not and so I was just so frustrated because I was like okay wow like you really like don't know what to do and I'm doing all of the things I don't know if you've ever experienced this but sometimes it's just this could be with kids or with like anything in life sometimes it's just easier to do it on your own than have to like explain how to do something to someone else it's just easier faster and less frustrating like you're just like even when you ask for help you're like hey can you do and then you're like never mind I'll just do it myself yes I just need to do it myself yes I 100 understand that and then I couldn't um I think that that's probably initially what deterred will from like

wanting a second at first because how I was with Jackson was so extreme and his in his mind and I'll look back on things and be like okay yeah that was you know pretty extreme um but I think that that was like a deterrent for him like okay well wow I lost this much of her this time I'm gonna lose that much more of her next time so that was just really hard to navigate and I think that a lot of people can probably relate to it on some level um and marriage and having kids or being in a long-term relationship and having kids is not the easiest of things to like take on like I don't I think having relationships unless you're actually talking about this with a girl from the other day like you shouldn't be putting yourself in a situation to be in a relationship

if you don't have the cup to like fill it up right like I think some people get into relationships and they're not in a place to be in a relationship but like they want to be and they don't have the tools to like make that relationship work and then sit around and have more kids yeah yeah I'm guilty of that I'm definitely guilty of that I'm definitely guilty of that and I now I know like unfortunately it took me four kids and three relationships later for me to get there but like no 100 if you're a relationship but also like they say like no relationship is a good time however I'm with you like don't add more more cups and you only have half you know yes your your cup is only half full so why are you going to add more cups to be poured

into all right so let's talk about financials and bank accounts um your bank account should work with you not against you chime is an award-winning app and debit card with no hidden fees or monthly minimums after all you've earned your money so you deserve to keep it fee free overdraft on up to 200 on debit purchases with spot me it's like overdraft protection but better get your paycheck benefit stimulus check and tax return up to two days earlier with direct deposit they have over 6,000 fee free atms at locations like Walgreens 711 cbs and more and that's more than the top three national banks combined so just saying you should check this out turn on your alerts to let you know when your card is used and instantly block your card if something

seems fishy which is an amazing feature I know it's happened to me a hundred times join the millions on chime sign up it takes two minutes it doesn't affect your credit score at all apply now at chime.com slash combos that's chime.com slash combos chime is a financial technology company banking services provided by the bank or bank or stride bank na members fdic eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply overdraft only applies to debit card purchases limit starts at $20 and may be increased up to $200 by chime early direct deposit depends on the payer out of network cash withdraw fees do apply third-party and cash deposit fees may apply go to chime.com slash combos for details it's just such a hard thing to navigate and I think that maybe that

mindset has come from a little bit of experience and just like watching things unfold for me and knowing you know what works and what hasn't worked I just know unless you can fully be like full pretty full I don't know if we're ever like all full but unless you have what it takes to be able to pour into that it's really causing more issues in your life than what the relationship is giving you and benefit I agree I agree with you on that and even have anything to add because that you I can't say it better myself and also I wonder people who have multiple children if they've gone through that with their partner like their partner feeling like they lost them a little bit more with each child or if you've been like able to figure it out because I do think that

some people do marriage and relationships way better than other people like yeah and I don't know what it is I'm like okay well maybe that's just you know they've like really figured it out and they've dialed it in and they know what to do and then some people like me I'm just like okay I don't know one day from the next like I don't know I will say that like mine's kind of the opposite I figured it out with my kids like somehow some way I will make sure that I'm there for all of my kids you know but that being said I do not have it in me to be in a romantic relationship where things are required of me that I don't have the energy for so I'm not gonna pour my cup I'm not gonna pour into a relationship cup right now do you know what I'm saying because I know that my

hands are full in that in with my kids so but I think some people though I think some people want their relationship so bad that they aren't willing to pour into the cup but they still want their relationship and that's where like toxic stuff comes in I actually know someone like that and it's um I don't say anything because what am I what do I say what am I supposed to say you know what I mean so it's not my business it's not my place but like from the outside it's like I I can't agree I don't agree I there was a time in my life where I had children and I was still wanting their relationship because I needed to do so much work on myself that I wasn't understanding that a relationship was not important and now for kids later I don't even if I was to be in a

relationship I wouldn't I wouldn't be able to like give as much right now I mean maybe when Creed gets a little bit older and they're all in school I would be able to like really really be able to give my all but like right now it's so hard like you're only getting a little piece of me you know well yeah and then it's like okay well you're doing a disservice to yourself to the person to now your children who are involved because now they're watching this so you just have to be so so mindful and I think that um just looking at my own life I know how much kids watch and see things that you don't even think that they see here or pick up on that when when you are an adult and you're making these adult decisions like whether it be in your marriage or in a long-term

relationship short-term relationship whatever it may be that you have to be so mindful of not only yourself but the children that are being affected by this and I think that that is a huge stress for me in my life that sometimes things that I know would be a good decision for me might not be a great decision for Jackson so then I'm ultimately always going with what is the better decision for him yeah it's hard to navigate because you can't be selfish when you have children right right but sometimes we just don't and then and then you fight the battle like the internal conflict of if you're not happy as an individual as a person you will never be happy and making good sound decisions for your kids do you get what I mean yes if you're not taking time for yourself to truly

be a person outside of being a mom you're not going to be a good mom either but also now that I'm thinking about that I um I know several people who just like literally don't have the the ability or the resources to be able to take a moment for themselves so then what do you do in that situation actually I would love to hear from from people that feel that way you know that they feel they don't have the resources that they're kind of just like their wheels are spinning all the time and they're just getting from day to day how is that navigated because you know we can sit and talk about all of these problems but there are moms or dads out here that are dealing with that and I sympathize with them because I couldn't I couldn't imagine being in a situation

like I I thank God all the time for being able to just be like okay I get to go and get my nails done and I'm gonna I'm gonna go and like spend two hours by myself to have my nails done and kind of have like a mental reset but a lot of people don't have the luxury to be able to do that and I just wonder what they do do to get away and take time for themselves we should do like um maybe like a um like a pick a random follower that we have and do like a nail gift certificate like 50 bucks or 60 bucks to go get a pedicure or their nails done or something because I would love to do that maybe they could maybe they could maybe they are maybe they do have a family member that could watch their kids or something but they don't have the extra money you know so maybe we

could just help out a little bit and then I think about I love that idea I think about single parents all the time and single parents specifically that do not have people to help them so they're really doing it like all on their own and finances are a huge issue and they not only are they doing it on their own and they don't have help but they also kind of can't get away from it so I would love to help someone like that too that yes like how can we help like do we need to but that's the thing it's like how do we find help for someone to like watch like if they don't know like paying a maybe a friend to like babysit while we go get their nails done I don't know like I just don't let us know how we can help or even if it's like okay can we uber each you

a meal so that like you don't oh yeah true you know cook or um that you don't have to pay for it for yourself because there are a lot of people out here that don't have people in their lives that are single parents that um are doing everything on their own no one's helping them whatsoever so I couldn't imagine the feeling of not only feeling like underappreciated but not loved um and like nobody wants to do something for you that would be a horrible horrible horrible feeling and I know that there's people out there that feel that way I love that uber eats a meal even if it's like then plus their kids because I mean as I've been a single mom before and I've been there where you're just like I don't want to cook and I also don't have the funds to go out and get like my kids a meal

so um I love that idea and you guys let us know if we should do um like a Manny Petty giveaway or maybe an uber eats like we can uber eats you guys a meal um let us know we'll definitely take some time to to figure this out and help you all and Kristen is now on our Instagram and kind of help I wouldn't say kind of but like helping us be a little bit more organized than what we are because I will say I'm very type a kill is I don't know what type she is she's different def she's like different types on different days um it depends on the day of the week wait that's literally some days I am type a yeah believe it or not some days I am literally folding things like I don't mess up the couch and the pillows like don't fuck my shit up and other days I'm like

yeah that's fine just motion to tell all over the couch yeah that's you you're I mean you're different types on different days but I feel like um it's really hard with the podcast would be a mom's with doing all the other things that's going on in life to stay organized and it's it's hard I think it would be um I don't know if it would be easier or like less chaotic if it was just like one of us but trying to wrangle both of us into doing something or like trying to figure something out is a really hard task so I just want to give a shout out to Kristen and hell yeah like be like wow you're really doing it like you really know how to control us lady she's gonna be on top of it she is she's so on top of everything in her life and I'm just like okay at some point in my life I

will be like her but until then then we have her right yes absolutely so what's on the agenda for the day anything um so some of my so Adrienne Sterling the kids they're all leaving tomorrow so we're gonna have like a chill day and maybe go on this like little tube um boat ride situation the kids want to go on it um so we're gonna do that today and then probably just like chill and hang out actually no we have a horseback ride at 430 kill your vacations like I I can't like why do you think that that's a good idea now that everything else has gone on now you're gonna get on the back of a large animal well that's what Sterling was like we're me and my kids are done with excursions like I've lost all trusted faith she's like we're done I was like okay like

that's fine um I already paid for the horseback ride so I unfortunately I do still have to do that and it's 24 hour cancellation notice so um I'm gonna do that at 430 I'm so dead and it's weird because I'm the type of person if that much chaos had gone on I wouldn't have cared if I paid for that thing or not I would have just been like we are not we are absolutely under no circumstances doing that like not happening everything else has gone wrong um but you know what this might be this might be like the excursion that really makes the trip you know lux really wants to want a horse he's never been on a horse so I really just feel like I owe it to him to at least try you can ride off into the sunset and have a fabulous rest of your vacation I am really don't

know what I'm doing honestly between packing and trying to do things at the new house I had my walkthrough which anybody who has built a house and like having to walk through and put blue tape on stuff that someone has messed up with someone like with the do I get to do that yes and with the builder like right there standing there and you're taping off things like okay this is where you guys messed up this is where you guys messed up and there's like a million blue tapes all over the place that in itself is stressful because I don't like to upset someone or make them feel like they did something wrong or whatever but at the same time I also don't want to live in my house knowing that they messed up on stuff so I didn't know we I didn't know I get to do that

yeah so I did that on Friday and they have like a week and a half to fix it before closing and then I close and I start moving all of the things in and it's just been so stressful going through my stuff and trying to determine I just get like in the weeds kale like trying to determine like do I need this because I will sit there and look at something for like 10 minutes no lie and be like okay like I can probably part with this but like I don't really want to and what if I need that and like 12 halloween's from now like you're like Jackson's off to college and you're like I might need that for one of his costume and I still yeah he's already away for college he doesn't want it yeah or like I have like training underwear like when he potty train and it's like okay probably

never gonna use those again but like someone that I know might use them and I don't know if I should get rid of them I mean it's just it's psychotic like honestly it's psychotic so that's the process that I have been going through and it's caused major amounts of stress so I'll be glad when I just like get rid of the the clutter and I've been saying this for quite some time but like it's actually happening now and it feels good but also a sense of like stress whenever the stuff pulls away I'm like oh I put that one thing in there that I probably need that happened to me actually when I was moving from my Middletown house to back to Smyrna there was a bag like a big industrial garbage bag full of like Lux's favorite toys I think I talked about it and I took them away

and they actually threw them away in trash oh you did talk about that I do recall that devastating yes I understand different similar but very similar yeah but but yours is probably mine's like oh that outfit that Jackson wore that one time that has the crab on it that somebody else might could use it's like yeah someone's gonna be able to use it at Goodwill like you don't need it at the house so have will drop it off that's his favorite place that's he actually is probably up there buying the stuff that I've gotten rid of thinking it's a good deal right right that's actually really funny I'll check in I'll check in on him actually and um find out if he's been doing any Goodwill trips or anything like that and give you guys please also get um come back

with a quote next week from him a quote I'll have to text him about that be like uh can you give us a quote for coffee combos and also an update on any Goodwill trips that you have been on um that would be wonderful okay so if you guys have not followed us on Instagram make sure you follow us over there coffee combos podcast um and I believe that we're gonna be bringing the newsletter back shortly so you guys can um what is it called Kale like subscribe to our mailing list on our website which is coffee combos podcast dot com and if you guys have not subscribed to us then you're basically what are you doing like I don't know what you're doing do that on the purple podcast app you can just type in coffee combos click subscribe click the fifth star leave us a written

review you can also find us on Spotify or any other podcast app of your choice we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon see ya