Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 173: Moving Forward, New Normals, and Hopeful Horizons

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

This week Kail and Lindsie sit down to talk about Lindsie's recent announcement about her divorce. She talks about the emotions she has been feeling and the things she has been doing for herself. Kail and Lindsie also talk about learning what the new normal is when you end a relationship, and how it can be hard to make compromises even when you both want the best for everyone involved. Plus Lindsie talks about the hope she has been feeling, and the support she has experienced in the last week and how it has affected her. This episode was sponsored by: Pura Vida, Upstart, and Upward Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License. 

Good morning Lindsay. Good morning. How are you? I am out of the house today so I'm feeling very very good and I was literally counting down the days until I could freaking leave. It's today's the 11th day since I've been back from Dominican Republic. So why does it feel like you haven't been back that long or like times just flying by because I don't feel like it's been 11 days? Me neither. It literally flew by and I think also we didn't really talk because I was sick in bed and you had a ton of stuff going on so I think between those two things it just doesn't feel like it's been you know almost two weeks, two full weeks. So what's going on in your life? What is happening? A lot of nothing right now between you know being sick for the for the

days and now you know I'm finally out of the my quarantining time and well actually looks as birthdays tomorrow. I can't believe that you had both of the boys so close together like yes six days yeah six days that's so insane and then Javi's two kids right like yep one day apart that is so weird to me. I don't know if like our bodies are just like instinctually like horny around the same time or like how does that happen? I'm dead. I don't know because I know this one person that has three kids granted two of them are twins so that like kind of doesn't count but they're all born on the same day. Okay no see that's crazy. I had a friend in high school one of my best friends in high school all of her and her two brothers there's three of them

um they were all born in February. I don't think that I am horny on the same day like to be able to conceive like that I don't think that's a thing. Yeah I don't um I'm in a drought right now so I don't really I can't speak on that. Actually I want to know for anyone who's listening if you also have kids like around the same time of the year. Yeah I know I have a friend who has two daughters that were born on the exact same day. That's insane you sound so stuffed up. I am that's the only lingering um symptom that I have is congestion. Everything else is completely gone and um I obviously talked to like the COVID protocol department for MTV who like told me what was what and like when did my

symptom start and things like that and had to go through the whole chabeal. Is it called a chaville? Chaville. Shpille. Shpille. Went through that whole thing so the only the only thing I have left is congestion. The back pain honestly it's crazy how identical my symptoms were the first time I had COVID and the second time every single thing was the same a down to losing my taste in my smell. That's so insane wait before I say something about that remember when we used to call like when coronavirus first came around and we used to call MTV's like people coronavirus task force. That's what it's yes that's right that's right that's right. Actually people are online like talking shit saying that I'm like a super spreader and things like that but no um my entire family

came home with. I didn't give my whole family corona um we were all in the same places at the exact same time um and then I told the story on baby mamas but I'm not a super spreader I as soon as I found out I had COVID I quarantined immediately so for those of you guys listening um obviously had I known that I had COVID before I like I tested negative twice so had I known that before I would not have been out um but I saw a bunch of comments being just complete assholes because I'm not I would never purposely go spread coronavirus or like go out in public if I knew I had corona. Oh my gosh wait so I didn't even know how you got it or where you think you got it. I definitely got it into Dominican Republic a hundred percent. You did? Yes but for whatever

reason I tested negative when we were there and then negative on the Monday we came home but then later in the week tested positive so. Which shows you how scary um it is it is because the exposure like you're exposed it's in your system and then you're still testing negative up until you start having symptoms which is so scary. But I know even that I was testing negative when I had that I lost my my taste and my smell and I was still testing negative. It's so insane because remember when I was sick like a couple months ago and I was like I I'm I think I have COVID and I need to go get tested but I didn't like leave my house or anything um went to CVS to get tested and the nurse practitioner that was there told me that I definitely had all the symptoms of COVID

but the type of tests that they were giving through CVS um didn't detect all the strains of coronavirus only the most common ones and so I think that's also reckless because there's not a test it sounds like to me that's testing for every strain and maybe they just it's impossible to I don't know. Well I think it's like strep throat when sometimes you have strep throat and you know you have strep throat and then there's like a couple different kind I don't know if it's a couple they have a few different kinds of strep throat and sometimes the rapid test that the doctor won't say that you have strep throat but you know damn fucking well you have strep throat. It's so funny because I also well it's not really funny I also think that certain

people are more susceptible to getting strep throat and certain people's kids are more susceptible to getting strep throat than others um I've only had it one time and I had it in sixth grade and I remember being out of school for like an extended period of time for it. It's the worst. And that's the only time I've ever had it knock on wood Jackson's never had it but I feel like you always have it and it seems like your kids have had it. I my kids actually never I don't mean maybe Lincoln Lincoln or Isaac has had it once um but I always I get it every year sometimes multiple times a year I always have it I always have even when I was a kid um I should have had my tonsils out I'm pretty sure we've had this conversation but my mom didn't have health insurance and for me and I she couldn't

take me to get them out. I should get them out as an adult but also thinking of three more weeks of downtime and having to be in my room by myself like not being able to do anything because I heard as an adult getting your tonsils out is 10 times worse than as a child um thinking about that and really makes me like my head itch um thinking about having to just like be in a room by myself for an extended period of time makes everything on me itch so here we are yeah um but anyway yeah I have been I know I've been like out of touch um I have been moving and trying to do all the things and have not had any help with doing so and so it's been very stressful but also um I actually was talking to Kristen about this it was either yesterday or the day before at this

point my days are running together that um it's kind of a good feeling whenever you do things on your own because no one can ever take that away from you right like yeah it's something that you did on your own without the assistance of anyone else and like I'm very proud of that yeah no it is it is um it's a bittersweet feeling I think I would call it because I mean obviously it's not ideal like that's not what you would want and I I do think that there's like some level of like people love to glamorize or not glamorize like they like to um yeah like glorify struggle like oh I work you know 12 hours and I do this by myself and that by myself but on the other hand it is liberating to know that you are capable and you are able to do the things by yourself so as much

as it sucks and you also don't want to like glorify it you it feels good so I and I completely understand that feeling but be careful because Lindsay it will be addicting and you will not want to ask anybody for help ever and then you literally will fall in love with being by yourself because that's me I know well you've told me that for so long but I also feel like there's so much growth like I feel like I have grown so much just over the past couple of weeks and months of things that I've been going through silently um doing it by myself that I don't know that I've grown like this much in my whole life like in 31 years I feel like I've grown more obviously I grew a lot after I had Jackson because you just grow in a different way when you become a mother but right I'm talking

about just like life in general doing things on my own because for those of you who are listening who don't know I basically left home and then immediately was with Will and moved in with him shortly after um I had a condo for a brief period of time but that was very short lived and then Will and I moved in together so it's been a very long time really ever since I've done things on my own and it is a good feeling and I could see where that could become addicting um but I wrote something that I wanted to read because I feel like um I don't want anything to be misconstrued okay and sometimes and I know that you feel this way too that if you say things without typing them out and having a plan before saying them sometimes things come across in a way that it wasn't intended

so I want to preface that when I'm reading this this has been um something that I have written out erased modified multiple times as I have gone through and processed my feelings over the past probably like seven days so um just keep that in mind whenever you're listening to this but as you all know I shared that I was going through a divorce and this has been something that has weighed heavily on me and my emotional state for some time now and um it has been very very freeing to be able to share that and we all know that social media is so scary and it can make hard situations in life so much harder and along with processing sharing something that is so personal with the world it was brought to my attention that there was a post made by my dad

on instagram um I am blocked so there is no way for me to see that so I just want to also preface that um and I have many feelings about this but um part of my growth process is those feel I need to process those feelings before speaking on them because as we have talked about on here before part of my homework and therapy for some time now has been disengagement and I truly was shocked when I saw something so personal shared as we do um have each other's numbers and even though we are not in contact with each other we do have each other's personal phone numbers and our attorneys are in contact with each other so I have reached out privately and I feel certain that our legal teams will be in communication with each other over the coming weeks um the next thing that

I would like to address is a false TMZ story by one of my younger brother's friends um as much as I could sit here and protect my name the video speaks for itself um words that I would use to describe it is calculated premeditated and also an entire day later if I were my brother I probably would seek other friendship one that wouldn't out me for encouraging to file a police report that was mind-blowingly false um I appreciate the extended olive branch that was extended to me by chase on my dad's podcast last week however it has been very hard for me to process this as it has been a pattern of repeated behavior from 2019 um in august of 2019 I was intentionally cropped out of a family photo on chase's instagram and when people like yourselves questioned that action

there a buttle was I only have one sister and that was in comments which later that week when speaking to people magazine the statement was conflicting um that he didn't understand why I was doing what I was doing to my family and that he loved me regarding this I have contacted my dad privately to rectify and handle in a private meeting in good faith before I move forward with the documents that I have that will not only clear my name of any false allegations against me but will provide the true narrative and attempted smear campaign against me I'm giving myself until the end of the week before acting on this as it's fair for everyone to be able to face each other however there has been no response thus far and for all of you who are listening and do listen

weekly and have supported me and all of my projects through the hard times and the good ones I am forever grateful grateful for this community that kail and I have jointly created we have said that so many times and I am just glad that this is a safe place for us and hopefully for all of you who are listening to okay you guys I'm gonna take a really quick break from the conversation and talk to you guys about piravita and I love this brand I actually heard about this lifestyle when I went to Costa Rica with Leah in 2019 and I absolutely love it so the piravita brand is an apparel brand that's all about comfort fun and living life to the fullest which is literally everything that I aspire to do and you can shop now and give back with piravita it's one of the coolest apparel and

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piravita bracelets dot com slash terms text coffee to 38817 I mean I I'm proud of you for writing that I'm proud of you for putting all of your thoughts down and I think that that was a really calm and collected way to handle the situation and I hope that I have as much grace as you do in handling something like that so it has been um very very hard and the situation has been hard enough as it is um for those of you who don't know this has been a 12 year relationship that will was my first love and we have been with each other for like half of our lives so right to be able to process all of this has been been very hard I don't feel that I needed added emotion or commentary um from anyone and especially anyone that I just am not you know currently in

contact with so right it's been very hard to process but um I have tried to put all of my efforts into trying to make the situation a not normal situation the most normal for Jackson because he is my priority and I know um to the bottom of my heart that he is also Will's priority we are working very hard to establish a co-parenting relationship that no matter what goes on behind the scenes with he and I we can you know not agree and um I think that each other is insane about certain things but when it comes to Jackson we are both really really really trying to make an effort to show him that this can be normal um and this you know will be our new normal and and all of this has been thought out for quite some time now um Will and I are gonna live like a

mile from each other and I know that you you know live close to Javi and Joe and I know that that probably makes the situation sometimes harder in certain situations and sometimes easier in others but I'm not thinking of myself when making these decisions I have to just think about what is in the best interest of Jackson getting him to and from places if he needed Will um when it wasn't Will's time I want to be able to be close enough to where he can just be like you know right down the road um and those are all the things that I thought about when making the decision um but I have been working over the past week to make my new house a home and I have to remember that a home is where you are in the memories that you create and not

four walls or you know the structure of your house yeah definitely I definitely think that's well said um it's hard it's no matter what how old you are when you split from your you know your child's other parent it's it's hard and and the emotions come in waves and that was something that I remember telling you um you know not too long ago that you know even when everything is said and done you'll still wonder if you made the best decision and then you know you'll go through waves where it is and you'll go through waves where it isn't or you you think that the grass is greener but it's all part of it and um you know I think you and Will doing the best that you can is all you can do and um I'm I'm confident that you guys are always going to do what's best

for Jackson so I never had a doubt in my mind I mean I will say anyone else who has gone through this um or is going through this the best advice that I can give being in the situation currently is to just lead with kindness because being bitter um being angry projecting um your anger onto the situation that's already hard doesn't help the situation at all and I'm just trying to create healthy habits for myself um Kale I know that you don't read the Bible or anything like that but I know that you respect me for because I do and I've just tried to be in my devotional um I've been going to bed earlier um getting up earlier trying to get to the gym and create a new schedule for myself um so that I can get through it because it's it's not an easy situation and I know that

you went through it you know with splitting time with with Joe and even though you guys weren't married you still had to learn to figure out how to share time with a child and it's almost an unnatural it is an unnatural thing to to be able to to share your child and to to swallow your pride and say okay well you know what this child isn't a possession he doesn't belong to me um he he is mine and he is my son and I gave birth to him um however he's also part of will and I've that that's been something really really hard um for me to accept yeah yeah I mean and I commend you for even saying that because I think a lot of people it's hard it's hard to say that out loud and to say like you know not that we do all the work but we birthed them right like they came out of our

bodies and so it does sometimes feel like they're more ours than the than the dads that's just how that's just what it is and if anyone wants to comment and crucify me for that that's fine but that's how it feels sometimes so when we're having to do something that is as unnatural as sharing you know it is just like you said you are speaking so perfectly um it feels like it's unnatural because they're mostly ours because they came out of our bodies but when you look at the bigger picture obviously we know like spending time with their dads is important and um it's it's hard no matter what stage of life you're at no matter how old you are no matter how many kids you have it's fucking hard and I think also and and you can speak on this as well um being a mom

of a boy the relationship that I want to help foster with with will he has a great relationship with his dad and I never want that to change because that is so important to have those relationships and not that it's not important for a girl to have a relationship with her dad that's not what I'm saying but I think boys and their dads are just so different um and I want to see them thrive and I want to see them um be able to be as normal as possible with the fact that we are going to be splitting time and it's just I've had a really hard time looking at a calendar and being letting a calendar dictate when I'm gonna have time with my son and when will's gonna have time with his son that is just so

unnatural to me yeah yeah when you put it like that I mean I think that's what I've been trying to say for years and people I cannot stand when people comment and they're like just you know that's his son too these are his there you know I have four kids and those are their kids too I understand that but it doesn't change how much how hard it is I'm always gonna try to facilitate the relationship even when I don't like it but that's that's the reality is that we don't like to share time it's not something that we want to do we know it's necessary but that doesn't mean that it it's easy I had to step back um and obviously you you've known what's been going on for quite some time and this is new to everyone else but less new to me and kind of less new to you um

I've had to step back and look at the calendar pray about it and be like this calendar doesn't dictate my relationship does it dictate time to a degree yes but it doesn't dictate my relationship and um I'm just going to be very intentional um and I know that you've said this before being very intentional with the time that you do have with your kids and making it healthy and um the time we're using the time worthwhile to spend that time um we'll probably do things that we didn't do before because I think that when you are married um and you have you have your child full time I guess is what you would say you maybe aren't as mindful about spinning those intentional moments because you have all of the moments mm-hmm yeah that's a good point um and then just knowing like I've

said it before too like I try not to travel or do things away from my kids when I have them because I only have them every other week you know most of the time um I've had them for a month at this point because of everything but um yeah I mean I try not to go away when I have my kids because I can go away when I don't have them you know what I mean so the same goes for you if you if you if you have the choice like if you're able to choose you're not going to go away when you have your son it just doesn't make sense that way are you guys we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partner's up star I know that we have talked about them before but if you dread looking at your credit card statements know that you are not alone we know that debt can feel crippling

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not on my time that doesn't mean I can't I can't access Jackson by going to have school lunch with him you know when it's not my day or you know I will be able to see him through through the week through other things and so as much as it seems like such a shock to the heart because it will be so different and I do feel like I'm losing time I think that's where the co-parenting relationship comes in and as long as that's healthy I don't feel like it's going to be a loss yeah no that's a good point that's a really good point and I have been seeing that you and Javi have been doing a really really good job as of late so that makes me really proud of you thank you I hope it stays like this I um I think no matter no matter what the relationships look

like for either of us whether I get into a new relationship or or he's in a relationship I just I want to and whether that be Lauren or somebody else like I really just want to I want to respect the relationship but because it's been so good I just I'll do anything to keep that you know what I mean even if he's in a relationship like great let's all sit down together and talk about how this is going to be what it is you know what I mean like I'm I'm so thankful for where we're at I hope that it stays that way just I feel like nothing in my life ever stays very long so I won't um I it almost feels like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop too so it's like a weird a weird feeling like it's too good to be true you know well and I think just natural instinct as

human beings if something has been yours before it's hard to relinquish that even though like you might not want it or they might not want you um I think it's hard it's a hard pill to swallow it's pride it's ego to be able to be like okay you know they belong to this relationship now and it didn't work for us and this is the reality and and Will and I actually had a conversation about that the other day that you know I'm sure we're going to go through many hard times um I trust that he is going to do the right thing when it comes to Jackson because he's never done the wrong thing and he trusts me that I'm going to do the right thing when it comes to Jackson because I've never done the wrong thing and there's there's a lot of um just like love and respect

there in that regard and so I don't feel that it is in my best interest for my mental health or for his for us to be involved in each other's life outside of just trying to establish a new kind of friendship with each other for the sake of co-parenting Jackson and not being involved with each other when it comes to relationships um as long as those relationships don't have an impact on my child in a negative way right okay so that I mean I think that's mature of you guys I think I think it's definitely been hard for for me in that regard I don't I don't know why um I don't know why it's so messy I think I don't I'm not going to blame this show but I think it just has it's been really really messy in a rocky road when it comes to relationships and I

think we have a hard time separating like you don't have to call me when there's a mess and I don't have to call you when I don't know when I call but you get what I'm saying like I think I we just there's so many blurred lines I think most of the time but I want to get to a place that you're describing where it's like maybe we don't need to be friends outside of the kids you know like maybe that's all it just needs to remain and as long as you know we're able to go to school functions together and to be a united front and I don't want it to be a front though that's the thing um I don't want any fakeness just you know if there's an issue address that issue but address that issue in a way that can be constructive and not destructive because at the point that

things become destructive it's not in the best interest of of Jackson and and I will say and I will say to there's a lot of things that surround your situation that's a little different than mine um there's a lot of noise that surrounds your situation and I have been very very mindful um and I don't want to use the word calculated because that's not the correct word but I have navigated this um in a way that I will say I'm proud of because I haven't listened to the noise okay that makes sense that makes a lot of sense you know and um just not involving I think we're we're divorces and um custody and all that kind of stuff becomes very messy is when you involve noise around it um when when you allow that noise to impact your decision making ultimately

it took two people to get into a marriage takes two people to get out of one um and other people's opinions just really shouldn't shouldn't matter because they're not in it and it doesn't affect their daily life right yeah I mean I know that now I think in the beginning it it was hard because we just wanted you know to feel validated we wanted to be right in our side and we wanted to in our side we wanted to be right we wanted people to see you know not just the people around us but the people that are watching the show you know so now it's like I could give a fuck less but it's it's we can't take back all the things that have already happened so moving forward I hope that I handle things the way that you're handling them now and there is um a lot of growth in the messiness

too you know and so I know that you've grown a lot and you know all of the messes and not to say that I haven't had my own messes and I'm not being a mess half the time because I do feel just like an emotional basket case I have one good cry a day at this point and then get up shower it off and get on with my day because I know that this is the reality and I think that's the hardest part for a lot of people is not wanting wanting to stay in something that you know is not in the best interest for you or for the other person um it knowing that it it's not a healthy place to be but also just wanting to stay in it for for whatever reason because you don't want you don't want it to be your story right you're trying to for me for the longest time I tried to

control my story that just wasn't my story does that make sense yes yes I never wanted to say I was a divorced person right I mean yeah I mean nobody does I mean maybe that's pride or ego or you know I I've said I'm never gonna be like my parents I'm never gonna be divorced and I'm never gonna do this and I'm gonna do and it's just funny it's so easy to say never never never until it happens right yeah or I mean you just life happens and so you you don't have sometimes some things you just don't have control over and sometimes I mean I don't think that it changes you as a person because you've been you know you're going through a divorce I just don't think that that you're not you're not damaged goods and I think that's that for the longest time at least for me it was like

oh I'm damaged goods like no one's gonna want me because I'm you know I'm not whole anymore not that I ever was but you get what I'm saying these are the things that I was going through in my head and so I can imagine that some of that is kind of how you feel and you have to look at the I do feel that way actually but you have to look at the big picture and realize that we're all human beings and we're all damaged just in different ways and so my damage isn't worse or or better than anyone else's damage it's just different right exactly exactly and I think the older we get it's easier to kind of think that like to understand that part of it I don't think I would have navigated a situation like this um in my 20s the way that I'm doing it today right yeah no I mean I

I think that's probably true for a lot of people like we just wouldn't by the time we're 30 we've been through so much that you just you handle things differently and um but then again would you if you had waited to get married you know what I mean like you could say that about anything I have something that I want to share with you guys and this is the number one Christian dating app if you're single and you haven't met your person yet and you don't really get down get upward upward is the free app where Christian singles connect and make a meaningful faith first relationship look upward for your partner download upward today open to all denominations but um perfect for that under 35 Christian data upward is on tiktok famous just kidding if you're

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something else because I just wasn't versed and being able to pick out you know appliances and um he asked me if anything was going to be removed and I said I said no it's not and he said I see the sadness in your eyes he said it's a situation isn't it and I said yes I said yes sir it is um and he said it's okay I got one of those too so um it's just funny the people that you meet along the way through the sadness that will put a bright spot in your day like the the guy at lowes um wow he was like the bright spot of my day I was like wow this is gonna be this is gonna be okay this little old man is helping me um but I'm just looking for the small wins you know and trying to put together my house and make it a home and that's been something that's very hard for me

too because Will is staying in our marital home and so that's normal for Jackson and so that's been a hard give for me not to want to say oh well you have to sell it you know and right and you have to move somewhere else because it's not fair um but along the way I've learned that life just isn't fair and um there's it's just not something that I I want to fight I want to fight about um but I will say I've grown a lot I learned how to buy appliances so that was good um um big speaking of lots of trips to target right no but that's the fun part that's like the part that'll keep your mind off of you know the sadness and you're like okay now I get to create this place that's mine that's you know ours yours and and Jackson so that's like the fun

part exactly what were you gonna say about appliances I because you texted me I guess it was yesterday or the day before whenever you texted me about your appliances I went back and checked my email because I was like wait a minute I also haven't heard about my appliances that I ordered in April um and I still don't have any update on yeah so I don't even I they have not even sent an update saying like you know we haven't forgot about you but like your stuff is coming and um so my my interior designer is gonna have to tell me what to do because I don't really know like I don't know the process this is the first time I've ever ordered appliances well the angel at Lowe's is what I'll call him um he told me that any appliance that has parts that

come from China is the hold up because you're not able to get the parts um and then it's an issue with the shipping crates and all those types of things so if you're looking for for appliances you're probably gonna have better luck with something that is American made um and that's just the fact so like Whirlpool GE those brands versus like a Samsung um those types of brands okay that makes sense I think um I need the stove and the range whatever they call it I guess the range that has to be in to get the certificate of the certificate of occupancy um I believe so if anything I guess I could just like get like a cheaper one and like yeah until my stuff comes in just because I do want to sell my house while the market is hot I know and that's been

another hard thing for me too I am big on instant gratification I think that's just part of being an American and who we are and part of this Amazon culture that we get it fast um but that's been also hard for me one with all of the shipping delays with COVID or canceled orders because you know they had it in stock now they don't have it in stock it's been very very challenging um however I did find another angel in my life that is helping me put my house together on Monday so pretty much everything will be functional when it's my time to take Jackson to my house um for the first week so that'll be that'll be really nice but like we've talked about before just buying like the towels and the plates and I have attachment to things and I emotionally attach myself to things so

um because I was saying on the podcast so many times about how I wasn't taking things to my new house that was from from my current house it's because I have an emotional attachment to things so things remind me of people and so I just didn't feel like taking certain items like I'll like those socks for example didn't I talk about my rainbow socks that I gave birth in with the little grips on them yes yeah like yep I talked about that before and how I couldn't get rid of them because I gave birth in them and it just doesn't make any sense so the healthiest thing for me to do not not financially healthy but the healthiest thing for me to do for my mental state was to just get new things so that there's not an association um and that has just been weird in itself

can we talk about um you just said something about like the plates and the towels I was thinking about that all yesterday and today like I have like a budget that I have for like furniture and things like that and I just and like curtain rods and things that you just don't you forget about that expense of moving and I'm I'm a little bit scared I'm like I don't know if I put enough in my budget for like the little things that add up so quickly okay well um I'm three times over my budget oh three times yeah no oh my god please don't because I literally have a specific budget and I forgot and I'm like okay when you move like cable and internet you don't think about the things you don't you absolutely do not and I have been thinking about it because I don't want Kristen

to like go through my account and be like Kale what the fuck because neither one of us thought about it you know what I mean yeah um I will say that it's hard to make a list and go directly off of the list unless you are just like a genius mover um there's things that are going to pop up and it's probably going to be expensive things like you were saying like the curtain rods and the rings and like all that kind of stuff it adds up um if you're trying to just like space stuff out I would suggest maybe ordering like a few things a week and then just storing them so that whenever you do go to move that it's not just like all at once because sometimes it feels like it's less when you're spacing out and budgeting versus buying everything all at once and seeing that one big number

yeah I think I think that's a good point like I don't necessarily need curtains the week I move in you know what I mean like maybe I can can wait a little while for the curtains or because those are the things that you just don't think about oh I know trust um trust me I I know my bank also knows so your bank is like um Lindsay excuse me ma'am let's take it easy like wow this has been quite the expense but I also had to get out of that state too like work I mean it's easier said than done um and and luckily I'm in a position that that I can do that but and I'm so thankful to god um that he has blessed me in that way because that would have just been even another added stress but I just had to stop thinking about okay um wow I had to spend that here and I had to

spend this here and I had to do this and I just want it to be all done and I'll make it back right like you win and you lose and you win and you lose and it's just the cycle of life like it's not it's never gonna always be a win right oh man life is so heavy like people when you really sit back and you think about life and like all the choices that we've made that have led us to the point we're at right now you're just like if you had done one thing differently things could just be so different you know what I mean and oh yeah bad right like good or bad you just it's just a wild ride like it's such a wild ride when you sit back and you just reflect and you're like oh my gosh like so much has happened in such a short time well yeah and if you think about um

um really just your life decisions over probably like the last 10 to 12 years for us um at our age think about all the decisions that have been made like whether they've been good or bad some of those decisions had they been made differently your life would be so different yeah like could could be completely completely different and then I was saying to will like even though that we've been together for 12 years and since we were 19 years old we'll look back on this years and years from now and it'll look like a blur which has been really hard to process too because you know I'm trying to compartmentalize things and put things in proper perspective and let myself heal and go through what I need to go through to get to

the point of where I need to be emotionally but I think about it and I and I think about people who have done this and and gone this path before me and I'm like I'm sure and and they've told me they look back on their life and it seemed like so long ago right right yeah I mean my divorce was was maybe six years ago at this point um 2021 we got no like like five years ago and even that it feels like a lifetime ago like it literally feels so long ago see so I'm like there is there is hope um and I've gotten so many messages that have given me so much hope and just encouragement and it's just been it's been really nice and people have been super supportive um even people that I haven't talked to since I was in high school or like a friend's mom from high school or

it's just crazy um and I feel the prayers from people and it it has been really nice but that leads me to a question that I wanted to ask um and this is very I guess the word would be like subjective like it's anyone's opinion there's like no right answer or wrong answer but what does this healthy family look like to you to me yeah like and and this anybody who's listening I want to know what people think like what does a healthy family look like to you I personally the first thing that comes to mind just given the circumstances of everything I I don't necessarily think that parents that are married for a family is always healthy right like I would say my co-parenting right now with hobby is very healthy for Lincoln and you know we're getting along I would say the

same for Isaac and Joe and V right like we're for me from my perspective like Joe and V are their family over there and you know we share Isaac and we really rarely fight about certain you know about about Isaac so I feel like we get along and try to do the best we can for Isaac and that's healthy so um yeah I think it varies by situation yeah I don't think for the longest time I was in this bubble and in this mindset that a healthy family meant what you would see like on ABC or something you know like um yep or Disney Channel Disney Channel like the Disney family where the parents are married and they have kids and they stay married and they're there's no problems that's that's the healthy family um but now I look at it very differently that a marriage

and a union between people that involve the government which we know that I hate um that doesn't to me that doesn't make a healthy family me I agree being in an unhealthy marriage or anybody who's listening being in an unhealthy marriage to me is not healthier than someone realizing that it's not a healthy relationship getting out of that relationship and forming a different type of relationship that if there's a child involved that is a co-parenting relationship that was a lot of co-parenting relationship but yes no I agree with you and I think so many people are like well we'll get divorced when the kids are older we're gonna get we'll we'll split when the kids are and it's like no what are you teaching your kids to stay together

you know what I mean yes I've actually thought about this I've thought about this a lot the kids who who has it worse and and I want people to answer this um and again this is a opinion base so there's no right or wrong answer if you know that you should get out of a marriage but you stay in it for the sake of your children do you consider that healthy you know and is it harder on children for you to divorce let's say they're like six or seven years old or wait until after they're out of high school knowing that you have had these problems all along to me I look at my situation and my parents and I've said it before as toxic as that co-parenting relationship was because it was I wouldn't even call it co-parenting because there was no co anything um

um I would say they made the healthier decision by divorcing and getting away from each other um because had they had they stayed in it we would have one had to see the dysfunction firsthand in the same home and never been able to get away from it right but you still even though it's dysfunctional I think it shows kids that that is okay for it to be dysfunctional and not healthy but they still see their parents together and have that expectation that they're they're going to be together so I feel like it makes it harder whenever they're older because they've seen them together for so much longer I just I mean think about I think about my divorce for example like it just wasn't it was a very very messy divorce but I would rather I would rather

my kids say okay well they know that they're not good for each other right now so they need to separate then for us to be in a home where the dysfunction is happening and they're seeing it all the time and then they think that that's normal where we have more of a chance of showing them it's not healthy and it is okay to separate and we're going to work towards you know having a better relationship as far as like raising you know Lincoln for example um separately then for us to try to force something in the same house and then they think that that you know what I mean yes and I yeah 100% agree with that but I think it's very hard and and also I'm speaking from from experience from experience on this that it's very hard to get to that place to make that decision yeah it is

it is um I know somebody who literally is not she won't she doesn't want to leave until her kids are grown and um I it's hard because I don't understand it and um I'm not judging it's just I don't understand it I would rather just like leave and try to be work it out but I know that there's a lot of there's a lot of other reasons that people have to kind of stay together until the kids are older and I know one of them is financial reasons and um you know I try not to judge but it is hard because I've been through it and I'm like it doesn't I don't I would do it all again if I had to you know what I'm saying just because I would I mean I would have done it a lot cleaner I would have not been super public about it but um it's always easier when there's

two incomes um right right that's just the facts it's always easier however um I don't believe that that's a reason to stay I don't think that that's that's valid um because I think that you should do what makes you happy because ultimately that's going to be the healthiest thing for your child if there's if there's kids involved um right you know some people go through divorce and there's no kids involved and wow you're lucky like anybody who is listening to this who has been divorced and did not have kids involved the lord blessed you my friend like you were you were very blessed to not have kids involved because I think that divorce would not be I don't think it would be that hard if there's not kids at least in my situation I don't think it would be that hard

as hard right um but yeah um anyway I need to tell you about this one thing completely completely off topic but I have to talk about it because I got so many DMs about it and I don't you might know whenever I start talking about it but this stabbing that happened in Atlanta with this 40 year old woman what did you hear about this no okay so I had been checking my DMs more frequently lately and um there was a bunch of people sending me screenshots of how this possible serial killer was loose in Atlanta and I was like okay this is like the last thing for my mental state at this point that I probably need to be hearing about because now like I'm going to be in a house just by myself and I'm scared so people kept sending me the same stuff and it was um it went viral like

on social media and so I was like okay there's got to be some validity to this so this article says fbi helping apd investigate stabbing death of a woman and dog and piedmont park um I'm just going to read just so that you guys can get the full story the fbi is assisting the Atlanta police department with a gruesome murder of a woman and her dog inside piedmont park um this happened around 1 a.m she was 40 years old um they were found stabbed to death in the park and the killer is still unaccounted for and police have not released any information about a potential um suspect apd on friday also wouldn't provide any specifics about the fbi's involvement with the investigation nor would the fbi um this is a quote there is a monster on the loose in the city of

Atlanta um that was said at this woman's vigil and um it says that there is evidence that the dog died protecting the woman um but there was potential dna evidence left behind on the dog um and when this person was referencing a conversation with an apd detective so there is hopes out there that the person could be captured um it says that a former fbi agent turned private investigator living in the metro atlanta area said that the fbi could be assisting a homicide investigation for several reasons including added pressure um it may cause people to loosen up and provide more information um and obviously would like the dna evidence blah blah blah so all the serial killer stuff was going around on line right like that's what's been going around so then yesterday i saw

on 11 alive that the piedmont piedmont park stabbing that there was some true things and some false things that was you know being spread social media has been buzzing with claims that a serial killer may be on the loose in Atlanta after recent crimes in the metro area however confirmed police information doesn't support those allegations um first Atlanta police responded to the piedmont park um killing and then there was um a guanette county police responded to the scene where another woman's body was found she was identified as an 18 year old woman however she was found with a gun shot wound um and then there was another woman that was found in a city called norcross um in a wooded area and it says a viral social media post shared thousands of times across several social

media platforms attempts to tie all of the above together to imply that a serial killer could be on the run um and that's just not true but the post that we're going around was like gruesome it was talking about how all of these women were found with their eyelids cut off their boobs cut off and like gruesomely stabbed to death and dismembered why i have no idea who made this up like it was up like it was well the person who made it up is just as sick as the person who's killing these women but i didn't get serial killer vibes from any of them because none of them have the same m o it looks like like none of them have the same gunshot wound a stabbed victim and then what was the third one yeah the third one was just they didn't i don't even think it was a woman okay so i

just that doesn't give me serial killer yeah it said the body was not it said the body was not a female and was not mutilated or dismembered in any way that was like oh okay or okay i thought you said it was mutilated or or dismembered no that's the rumors that i don't people would be really dumb someone would be really dumb to be in my opinion like a serial killer in 2021 like our technological advances are way too beyond you know what i'm saying yeah really quickly before we go there was um in baltimore i'll have to post the article so you guys can read it but an aunt of two children was found in baltimore with her niece and nephew in the trunk of her car and they had been in there for like months what and no one reported that they were missing

no and i guess one of the other family members like tried to report it to um cps to say that like the kids were missing or whatever and um nobody like nobody followed up so wow that article yeah wow yeah see i i just can't with all this stuff i can't imagine doing a crime in 2021 thinking i was going to get away with it right because even if you run a red light there's cameras you know what i'm saying yeah if your kid steals candy from walmart you're getting your child is getting caught and going to a detention center like it's happening but then also on top of just the fact that there's so much technology social media is so scary at this point because this narrative was completely changed tied three murders together as if there was a serial killer on the loose and then

you've got all of these women going nuts in Atlanta thinking there's some type of serial killer out there it's just like there's no chill it sucks there's no chill um no i think social media could be it could be really really good and i know that social media has done good for like crimes and things like that but also there are trolls who really fill in their own blanks and they wholeheartedly spread things that they think that they've come up with on their own that are just completely false you know what i mean yes and they believe it and there's so many of them and then it spreads like wildfire and you're like wait a minute none of this this is not like good theory but like also no so probably don't spread that you know what i mean for sure yeah no oh my

gosh so also um before we go really quick will you just talk about your collab that you did oh yeah um so i this week was the launch of my sparkle band that i did with sparkle bands um and the proceeds go to blessings in a backpack which lindsay and i have worked with before and i was really excited to be able to work with them and proceeds go to them which is for food and securities on the weekend for kids and i want to say it's a little like 130 dollars um will literally feed a child on the weekend for an entire school year and so that was super important to me i don't i don't not make any money off of this collab this is strictly for um blessings in a backpack so if you guys want to go check it out you can go to sparklebands.com and um you can use code

kailyn for 10 off awesome i love your band i love the box that i got i had to search high and low for it because obviously there's boxes everywhere in the moving process but i did find it and it is so cute and um are they doing the wallet are they selling that yes the little um change purse um yeah i'm obsessed with that yeah i love that so much um well i'm so proud of you and so happy that you're partnering with blessings in a backpack again because that's just amazing but anyway if you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on instagram make sure you follow us over there and if you are listening but have not subscribed to our show you can do that by searching the purple podcast app type in coffee combos click subscribe click the fifth star

and leave us a written review you can also find us on spotify or any other podcast app that you choose to listen to your favorite podcast from we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon see you