Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 174: Unexpected Changes, Coping Mechanisms, and Learning From Others

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

No matter how much you plan your daily life, something always seems to come up to derail things. Lindsie and Kail are starting to wonder what the point of planning anything at al is! With all the unexpected changes to plans it might just be easier to go with the flow and see what life brings day to day. Then Kail and Lindsie talk about trauma responses from their pasts, and what sort of tendencies they have now when reacting to stressors. And leaning on those in your life who have gone through similar experiences can make tough times a little easier. Lindsie and Kail discuss who they have learned from and the value they have found in being friends with a variety of different types of people. This episode was sponsored by: Upward & Vincero Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License. 

Good morning, Lindsay. I'm recording. Good morning. How are you? I am feeling free. I'm feeling productive. It's Monday and I just honestly, wait, what? Yeah, I know. It's crazy, right? I have like a list of tasks I need to do. Isaac went to his piano lesson. I came to the office. Lincoln's with me. We're going to do some like online looking for things for school because we go back to school next month and um, replying to emails, getting things just like cleaned up. Like I just feel good today. Oh, wow. Well, that is very productive and I'm so proud of you. Like go kill, go kill. I don't know how long, how many days this will last, but I'm going to just try to get as much done today as possible. Do

you sometimes wake up and you're just like, okay, today is going to be that day. I'm going to be that bitch. And then yes, some days you wake up and you're like, okay, I am this bitch and this is not the life that I signed up for. Actually, that's funny that you say that because yesterday, I think it was yesterday. Snooki tweeted something along those same lines, but she used the word bipolar and so she's on fire right now. Um, and people were saying like, that's not the right word. Like that's not a joke, whatever. And I knew what she meant. Like she was like, some days I get so much shit done and some days I'm lazy on the couch and she did use the wrong word. And so, you know, people were really upset,

but I knew what she meant and I didn't feel alone in that. Um, some days I just have really, really good productive days and I'm a Pinterest mom and I do all the things and then some days I just can't hang and I'm hoping tomorrow is another productive day for me because I sent, I'm doing like a whole shooting content day tomorrow for like things that I need to get done and I sent Emily like my list of things that I need to do. I'm like, I don't know, I feel good about it because I, I'm hoping that my energy from today will carry over into tomorrow, especially because I already sent the list. I already sent the creatives. I already sent everything I needed to do. So, um, I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like

it's going to be a productive week. Uh, you know, we are finally free of COVID and I just want to catch up on all the things. Oh my gosh. It's funny that you say Pinterest mom because some days, and I know every mom that's listening to this can relate. Some days you are cutting cheese and sandwiches and stars and then some days you're doing good if you're going by the drive-thru and hoping that McDonald's put everything in the happy meal. Yeah. 100 percent. 100 percent. Oh my gosh. No, I definitely did not have, um, the greatest morning. So I'm glad 50% of us is here and well. And then the other 50% of us, um, went to my new house and realized that my back door had been open for, I'm not sure how long, um, like unlocked

or like the door open. No, like a jar and, um, dead flies in a lot of places, um, dust everywhere after I cleaned for days. Um, not sure what actually is going on over there, but my furniture is getting in. So I cleaned this morning that was not on my to-do list. Does anyone ever feel like, okay, you have a to-do list and you want to go off that list, but then, um, you see something else that needs to be done. So you're like, okay, well, I actually need to do this first before I even like get to the to-do list. Yes. Okay. Because that was, that was my morning. Um, so I did that and let the people who are installing like my furniture and everything, and I know people are going to be like installing your

furniture. Well, because I don't have help. So I had to hire people to help me, like be able to get the furniture in and all of that. So that'll be nice because I mean, if I was putting together a bed, um, it would probably be like the scene on stepbrothers, like where the bunk beds like crash down. Collapse. Yeah. That would be the situation. So, um, yeah. And you know, all the joys of home ownership, I took a shower and my shower for the first time and then realized that it wasn't draining. And so, um, yeah, lots of service calls today for me. Um, and I'm going to try to make it to the gym if I'm lucky, but luckily, um, Jackson won't come to my house for a few days. So everything will hopefully be like in a

little bit better of an order. Right. Right. Right. Good. I'm glad. I'm sorry about the dead flies though. That's, um, I counted them. They were eight dead flies around and I was like, wait, how did, how did they die? Like, did they die before the door became a jar or I have no idea what was going on over there, but I need to install cameras, evidently. So there's that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I spent $300 at Target this morning already. No. Yeah. You know how we were talking about last week, things costing a certain amount of money and like budgeting expected. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Well, let me just tell you the $300 that I spent at Target. I literally have nothing to show for it. Like I guess

I do, but like I basically don't. Um, it's pillow protectors, mattress pad covers. Um, nothing fun, nothing, nothing fun to look at. I did, um, buy one of those little husband things since I don't have a husband anymore. Um, like the ones that you sit on and like what? You know what they're like the old timey things that people used to have a long time ago and they've made a comeback and it's called like a husband or a boyfriend. Haven't you seen these? No, I've never, no. Okay. Well, you need to look it up. Um, it has like two little sides on it and it's something that you can like lay with like on your couch and it has two sides and then a back. So it kind of, I'm going to assume it's kind of like

a pillow. So it kind of like hugs you. So maybe that's why it's called a husband or a boyfriend. Um, but I figured I needed one since, um, since I don't have a husband anymore. So I bought one of those. That was funny in the way that you said that. So I'm trying. It was $18 and then I'll send you guys the link. And then I also bought space jam underwear because any mom who was also listening knows that any time that a movie is made that is for children, they make every pair of draws that the companies can make and your kids want the underwear that have all the characters on it. So I looked at three different types of targets and two different wallmarks to be able to find a pack size eight space jam

underwear and honey, I found them. I still have not gotten a chance to sit down with the kids and watch the new space jam movie and I need to. Okay. Well, um, you're not going to be impressed. First of all, I've heard no one chew me out for this, please. But like, I just don't feel like it was that great. Um, and honestly, it made me start thinking about like all of the things from the nineties and how much better life was then. And I feel like growing up in the nineties was so much better than what kids grow up with today. I'm, I'm frustrated by, um, like when I think of shows that we used to watch in the nineties,

like, um, remember Tim, the tool man Taylor. Yeah, duh. Oh my God. I think it was called home improvement. Yeah. That freaking show. And then same for like boy meets world and like our like the shows that we watched, they were just like, Lizzie McGuire was a classic. Um, and the shows that I see now on like Disney and stuff, I'm just like, no, like stop. I'm not a fan. You know, I thought I was like so not mainstream when I would watch that. So Raven like back in the nineties. Cause it was in the nineties or early 2000 or maybe it was like early 2000s. I don't know, but I thought I was so cool whenever I was watching that because it just like was kind of like taboo, you know, like she's psychic. I was

like, yeah, it wasn't taboo for me, but I could see why it was taboo for you. I just, yeah, no, I get it. And like fresh prince, the nanny, the nanny was one of my favorite show. Oh Fran fine. Absolutely. What about Clarissa? Clarissa explains it all. Yeah. And all that. Oh my God. Kenan and kill. Yes. Orange soda at, um, when I went to Dominican Republic, we stayed at the Nickelodeon resort and one of the guys there who I'm friends with now, like I have them on Instagram and stuff. I literally pulled up a picture of Kel and I was like, you are his twin. And it's funny because he works at the Nickelodeon resort and Kenan and Kel was on Nickelodeon. I was like, are you like the doppelganger?

Like are you the stunt double? Was he kill? And he just didn't tell you, but I was like, you could play Kel if you really wanted to. You could be Kel and Kel. Well, Leah calls me Kel. So it would be Kel and Kel. Kel and Kel. Okay. Well, I love that she calls you Kel. Yeah, it's so funny. Leah, if you're listening, stop right now. She'll try to correct herself sometimes. And it's so funny because so like, I don't know if it's like just the Southern twang with a lot of people that are from like the Southern States will just say Kel. Kel or like even my best friend, Sterling, she's from New Mexico, but she lives in Texas now and she's her and her eight, eight, nine year old daughter now. Call me Kel. Do you

feel offended since that's not your name? No, I just know that it's, you know, it's an accent. Yes. Yeah, I love it. I think it's funny and I just laugh about it. That's so funny. I, I cannot, you know what? Life's so funny sometimes. Let's talk about dating really quickly. If you're looking to find love, but in, but searching for love based in faith, you're in luck, get up upward, the new, fun, fresh and free dating app for Christian singles, just like yourself. If you're single Christian and looking to date and you kind of don't know where to start, check out upward, the app that is free and it's super easy to use. Just download it and you can make a profile in minutes and you're

able to chat with other faith first singles near you. Upward is the number one Christian dating app. It is open to all denominations and it's perfect for that under 35 Christian daters. So whether you're Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, non-denominational or anywhere else in between upward has Christians just like you who are looking for a godly relationship. So give it a try for free. Download upward today. That's upward U P W A R D upward. I just am sitting and laughing about like literally for the whole weekend. I've just been cracking up at just how life is so unexpected and why do we ever plan anything? I don't know. I don't, I honestly don't know. Do you feel like that? Do you feel like nothing ever

goes as the plans? In my life, things rarely ever go as planned and that's me not being funny or trying to be chaotic. Like that literally is my life. If I try to plan something, it's just not, it's probably just not going to happen unless it's so far in advance. And you know, like the boys birthday party, like that's not even funny, but that would happen to you 100%. That would have, yeah. And I'm, I almost literally when I was changing the date and I was coordinating with the party planner and the caterer, I was like, in my head, I said, why should I even bother doing this? Because something tells me that if I do this, it's going to fall through. And then, and then we're just not going to have a party.

So like, do I need to go through with this or just take, like cut my losses because I already paid the party planner in full. And then, and then I paid a deposit. It was like a $500 deposit for catering. And they were making the cakes as gifts or whatever because I had spent so much because we had so many people coming. And I'm like, do I just cut my losses now? Or what do I do? I hate when things don't go as planned, but also I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. So like, there's a reason why it didn't go as the plan. And I think if you have that mindset, then maybe you just like, don't get as upset. But also I think life

experience will make you kind of be like I am now. Like if it doesn't go as planned, I mean, I think about just one example would be like used to when we first started podcasting, like I felt like everything had to be so planned out. And now I'm not like that anymore at all. And it doesn't bother me at all. You know what? I want to give you a compliment on that because I definitely don't take this the wrong way. I definitely feel like things were a little bit more uptight, but like over time you have loosened up at least for podcasting. And it's been really nice. Like it's been, I don't feel like on edge as much, you know what I mean? Yeah, like I don't want, I never

wanted to mess up anything like, and I am so chaotic and fly by the seat of my pants. I never wanted that to like make you upset or something because that's like, I can work on, you know, trying to be more responsible, but I didn't ever want something I was doing to like upset you. And so like now it's been kind of nice because I feel like I do try to be more responsible, but you've also equally loosened up as much as I've been more responsible. So it's been like a nice balance. Yeah, I just feel like things are so much smoother and I never know what's happening in life anymore. So that's not funny, but it's funny. So I think that maybe just the fact that I never know what's going on has contributed

to my laxness. But I am really excited actually about getting all of my stuff set up in my office at my new house because I have had so many plans that you guys know I've wanted to build for so long. And I've had so many plans for like a cute office space and like organization and like doing all of that stuff. And I just haven't, and I feel like I'll feel so much more settled when everything has its own place. And right, maybe I just won't feel so chaotic, but I do you have told me one time before actually you've told me a lot of times before, but specifically one time that I remember that you told me that sometimes you crave the chaos. And part of me thinks that that has been an issue in my life. Like

I think I like a little bit of chaos, but I also like control. Yes, I'm the same. That's the same as me. I just don't, I really don't talk about the control like, yeah, 100%. And so how do you balance those two out? Because you can't be controlled chaos or can you? I think, yes, I think to some degree, I think my problem is so I thrive in the chaos, but when things settle down to the point where it's like, okay, now I feel like I've gotten everything done. I will like ask christen, I will get like these wild hairs and be like, okay, we need to do this, this and this. Like I now I need to control all the things that like I missed along the way. Like, yes, I'm trying to think of an example. Like, not that

I caused the chaos, but say I have like two or three days of down like downtime where like all my, all my tasks, tasks are done for the week. I will those three days. I don't just sit still like I want to, but I don't. And then I'll start texting christen all these crazy things. And I'm like, okay, we need to do this, this and this. And I need them done right now. You do do that. Actually, I panic. I can tell I can tell whenever Kale's like in a state of mania, because is that what you would call it? It's definitely manic for sure. Um, Kale just start firing off all of these ideas and texts. And I'm like, okay, the kids are at their dads. Or like, you're like, um, Kale has a little bit too much time

on her hands today today. Yeah. So now she's coming up with all of these ideas. And then christen is always saying like, we need to consolidate our ideas and put them like in one place and decide what is important and what is not important and what was just like a idea that was a good thought, but like maybe not an actual good idea. Um, I don't know. I think that also just has to do with being like a creative spirit, you know, and just always thinking and the wheels never stopped turning. That's part of it. Um, but I do talk to my therapist about like the other part of it. It's like when the countertops are super cluttered and I have feel the need to like clean them off. Oh my gosh. Everything

needs to go. It's literally like the entrepreneur mind of that. So I do think some of it is like an entrepreneur type of thing, but I like a creative like you said, but part of it is like my need for control and chaos and trying to find a balance in both. Like I don't know. It's weird. I have therapy every Thursday and so I it's on my list to talk about this Thursday and, um, I'm also kind of concerned and christen brought it to my attention to my therapist and christen have both brought it to my attention. Like great. Yeah, I know it's terrifying. Um, my memory loss, like I just don't have and I don't really, I think that's a thing. It's crazy that you say that because I'm not going to say who said this

to me, but someone in my life told me that they think that I have whatever it's called like dementia. No, I literally think I have that. Like I'm terrified. Yeah. And that I need to start doing puzzles and like word searches. And so now I'm like, okay, well, I guess like whenever I'm just by myself, I'll just sit around and do puzzles and word searches to like make my brain go, but part of me, and again, I'm not a therapist, but I think I also need to talk about this in therapy that when you go through traumatic experiences that maybe your brain like shuts off for a period of time and goes into some type of like survival mode.

So then you forget certain stuff. But I don't have anything traumatic happening right now. And I, my, my memory is so like my, I don't even know what it is, but like someone will tell me something and I will not like, I remember things from like a long time ago, but I don't remember like short term memory is not there. If it's not written down on my calendar, I literally won't even remember that I made the appointment. So it's not even like a, Oh, I forgot about that appointment. It's like, no, I never booked that appointment. Okay. So there are a couple of very serious situations from my childhood that I can remember

like even the way the air smelled during that time. But then there are other experiences of things that I should have remembered was old enough to remember that my brother claims he can remember and he was younger than me. And I don't remember those things. That I would say is definitely trauma response. Like you're protecting, I think it's called repressed memory. And there's different theories on that. Some, some studies show that it's like not a real thing and people will remember things that never happened. And then some people prove that like you go to the right through the right therapy or a certain memory will, will trigger and like unlock those repressed memories. I think a good example of that is

the keepers are Netflix. It's really, we talked about it a long, long, long time ago and people were, were saying that they didn't really know if those girls were actually remembering, excuse me, um, actual memories or remembering things that did not happen. And so there's like conflicting theories on that. I personally think based on my own experience that I don't remember things that actually occurred. You know what I mean? Like I think they did actually occur and I don't remember until someone will tell me. And even then I've, I don't maybe necessarily remember all the way, but it's like, okay, I could see that definitely happening. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like, I can remember this was probably like when I was

between six and seven years old, um, a couple of very distinct things, um, in my life of times and all of the times were times that I was like very scared. And I can remember the way the air smelled. I can remember like what I was doing that if my hair was in a ponytail, like I can remember all of those, those like details, details, but my parents entire divorce, um, or them ever being together, like I don't have a single memory of my parents ever being together. Really? When, when did they divorce? Like how old were you? I think I was six or seven years old and I can't remember. I, I do not remember a single memory of my parents ever

being married ever or being together. But you remember other things around that age, around that age for you? Yes. And like I said, the other things that I remember are only things that it was like moments of time that I was scared. That's so crazy. Have you ever talked to your therapist about it? No. Or do you not want to, that's another thing is like certain things I, I don't want to unlock it.

Me neither. And I, I have a friend, like one of my really good friends, she wants to, she doesn't want to scratch the surface. She wants to dig all the way deep into all of the things. And I personally don't want to, like I would, I want to work on me now, but I don't necessarily believe that I need to know the, the why or the remember, or remember the, the reason I just want to fix it now. And I know some people will argue, well, if you don't know the root of the problem, then you can't fix it. But for me, I feel like I can, I feel like there, there's a way for me to understand these things happen to me as a child. I don't need to dig into them because I am not eight, nine, 10 years old anymore. I'm 29 and I need

to focus on now. I don't want to focus on the things that I don't remember that happened. Like I just don't want to. So are we both in the same mind frame that what you don't remember doesn't hurt you? That's how I feel. That's how I feel. Yeah. So what we don't know doesn't hurt us. Yeah. And I feel like why, I already deal with enough stuff going on that I don't need to unlock some other stuff that like might be harmful, you know, yeah, I agree with that. Oh my gosh. Well, let us know what your therapist says about your situations. And then also the thing about cleaning off the counters. I am two polar opposites of

the spectrum on that. And I need to know who else is listening that is also that way. I am a counter clutter, but also like when I get sick of seeing it, I have to clean it all off. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yep. It's not even when I feel when I get sick of seeing it. It's like whenever, when I don't have control other over other things in my life, the counters, my first go to clean the counters right now. Like if I say, for example, I'm not fighting with hobby, I'm not, but if I was, say I'm fighting with hobby or Joe or probably not Chris, cause that's just not been good for a long time. But if things are going smoothly

with Joe and hobby and all of a sudden I'm fighting with both of them and I can't, I feel like it's like out of my control, I know that I'm going to go home and clean the counters. Like I already know it's like a subconscious thing. And in the beginning I never linked the two. Like I just didn't understand why I was doing it. And then my therapist was like, well, this is actually connected. And I was like, no way. Like there's no way, but she's right. So wait, will you think about cleaning the counters? Like for example, say me and Joe are arguing, which again, we're not just so that the headlines

don't come come for me. Say Joe and I are arguing. I know that whatever we're disagreeing about, I already feel it in my soul. Like, Oh my God, the clutter in my house is piling up. Like I'll start thinking about the clutter at my house. And the second I go home, I'm like, clean the counters now. Like everyone helped clean the counters right now. Wait, I didn't know that that was a response to, yes, it's because tendencies in coping. Okay, that's very interesting. I actually want to ask my therapist about that because whenever I get super, super stressed, I'll just get out my cleaning caddy and just like go to town. Like I'll be in the bathrooms, cleaning everything, cleaning sheets, like

a lunatic. Yes, I'm the same way. And it's not just counters. I just always use that as an example because it's like right there. But I'm the same way. It's like strip the beds, clean them. I don't care if they were done three days ago, like strip the bed, still do it, put your shoes away. Like I don't care. Like, yeah, I'm the same way. And so my therapist said OCD tendencies in coping. So definitely check that out. Yeah. Are you guys, we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partners, Vin Chiro. I am so excited to be able to partner with them again. I know that we introduced

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This is a buy that you guys will not regret. We promise. Wait, while we're on the topic of all of this, have you been following any of the Britney Spears stuff? Yes, and I have. And you know what? I'm very bothered because my friend, Vince sent me a screenshot this morning that Jamie Lynn Spears posted a video with like, it was like a black video and it had like text over it of her crying to her daughter. Her crying about what? About I didn't want to play it because I had like second hand embarrassment. So I just didn't want to listen to it. But in the like in the article, it's on like Hollywood Unlocked. It's supposedly again, because I didn't listen to it. Her crying, I guess,

about the conflict between her and Britney and she's crying to her three year old about it. And she says in the video, like she puts on the video, put the sound on. Oh, wow. I'll post it. Wow. Okay. Yeah, please do. I did see that her dad was trying to have her put on a 50 51 or something psychiatric hold. Did you hear that? Her or him? No, Britney's conservator pushes back after dad claims Brit needs a 51 50 hold. What? Why? Through all of this? Like why? She's, she can speak to the judge. She's proven to me in my opinion that she doesn't, she even said she doesn't care to end the conservatorship. She just wants her dad off. Like, why are they doing this? I don't understand. And Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears claiming she's never had received a dime,

but then she's supposedly living in the condo that Britney paid for in, you know, like the vacation condo, like all of this stuff. I just don't understand. Like just let it go. And then she posted about how her landscaping in her home, like outside of her home, or no, that's what I said. She was claiming that she needed to do some yard work and I'm scrolling through the pictures and I'm like, wow, all this money that she makes in this beautiful mansion and all the money that these people are making and nobody's taking care of her landscaping. I mean, her landscaping was overgrown over her windows, her house, everything. Yeah. I mean, it's just, um, do you remember when we talked, talked about like Stockholm syndrome before?

It's almost like, and this is just my perspective on it, that she has been kept for so long that the way that she goes about things might appear to the general public as insane. If that's the word that you would want to use for it or just like unhinged or like something's wrong, but you really have to think about if someone has that much control of you over your life and your whereabouts, has you watched your every move, you have access to no money. Um, but yet you know that you have all of this money. I could imagine probably reacting similarly. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Like you just, your, your mind has to come up with other ways to keep you occupied and like engaged or to seem normal, but like, and I use the word normal loosely,

but, um, yeah. I mean, think about basically being a prisoner in your own home and you just have to figure out how to like, yeah, I see what you're saying. I don't know how to describe it in situations. Like there should be law that protects people that are in situations that, um, um, there is financial gain involved by having a family member be a conservator over your life as an adult. Like I feel like if she needed that, I'm not opposed to her having help if they deemed that that was appropriate. However, I don't feel that it is in her best interest for someone in her family to have that type of control because there is, um, you know, the saying, yeah, there's, there's a conflict of interest. And I mean, money talks, bullshit walks,

right? Like I think that he saw the dollar signs and got wrapped up in it. And maybe that wasn't the intention from the beginning. Nobody can really say, or maybe it was, but it's just sick to see how it's all so out of control. And I, I always think about her headshaving experience and thinking that that had to have been like a manic moment for her. And maybe, um, you know, how we were just talking about the, the cleaning and making you feel like you have control. Maybe it was her version of that. And it was on a big, a larger scale because she has been in the public eye for her pretty much her whole life. You know what I mean? And under such scrutiny, and I think when you live under a microscope, I've, I've had moments where

I'm like, I just want to go like, I just want to be away from the public eye. Like I've had moments and imagine that on Britney Spears' level. I can't even imagine. Of course she had. I don't, I, I still to this day don't think, and again, I obviously don't know her, but I don't feel like like that breakdown was a sign that she needed a conservatorship. I didn't think either. I mean, at the time we were all like mind blown because we didn't understand what was going on. But like now with all, I don't know. I feel like people are more understanding of like privacy and like our part in consuming that type of like gossip stuff. Like we contributed to that. And I think people are now more aware of what the effects are. If that makes sense. Like same thing for Amanda

Bynes, like and Lindsay Lohan, like they've all reached their breaking point living under the microscope for so long that I think that now we understand it. I don't think that that's like that moment was should not have been like, oh, she needs help under a conservatorship. Yes, she might need help. But I also think the conservatorship with her, with her parents, her mom, her dad, her sister, whatever their roles are, I feel like they should be more of like the voice of reason, more of like a helping Brittany make better decisions, but not necessarily in control of everything. Like it just doesn't make sense. I agree. I mean, I think the family should be there for like emotional support and not have control over the financial part.

But that's just a conflict of interest. That's just my opinion. Anyway, moving on from that. What have you been doing like since you've come out of quarantine? Do you feel free? Yes. The first day I was out of quarantine, I came to the office to get some stuff done. And then when the kids all came out of quarantine, we went immediately to football practice. So my gosh, we were cleared per the CDC and a COVID task prevention force. And so and I know people don't really know what that is, but that's like someone for where we work and the type of work that we do. We have a contact person who has the ability to make those decisions too. And I don't know if he's like in contact with the public health department, but I've also had conversations with

them. And so we were all cleared. And I wanted to say one thing. The first day that we found out that we had COVID was not the first day we had COVID. And so some people were are confused by the timeline. And when I'm posting that I'm out in public now, they think that I still have COVID, but I don't have COVID the day that we all found out. And the day that I, first of all, the day that I found out is a separate day than the day that I publicly announced it. And then those both days are not the first day that I had COVID, if that makes sense to you guys. Yes, that does make sense. So I think even Chris was confused and thinking, Oh, the day that you test positive is the first day. That's not how it works. Usually, you know, what's so crazy is I feel like there's

so much around COVID that we just don't know. And, um, you know, everyone has a level of fear, which is so understandable. Like I'm so scared. But at the same time, I think that you just have to trust that and hope that people are doing the right things. Like I know that I would never, if I knowingly had COVID, I would never go out and expose anyone to anything that I knowingly had. And so, um, and I know that you feel that exact same way. So yes. Well, that's why I wanted to clear it up because I didn't want anyone to think that I was like, um, I didn't want anyone to think that I was like out with COVID because I just wouldn't do that. The second I found out, I had it. I was like, let me stay in the kids are staying in. We're not going anywhere. We cancel

appointments and I understand it sucks. It really does both having it and having to like cancel everything in your life for those, for those days, those weeks. And my heart goes out to all the families that have been affected by it because it's, it's, it's really horrible to see and to know. But yeah, to your point, I would never continue going out. Once I found out I had COVID, it was, we stayed in for our quarry for our isolation period. That's a wrap. Oh my gosh. Okay. So you're talking about football actually made me think about a situation in co-parenting and extracurricular. And it's something that I wanted to talk to you about because I know that you navigate it differently with all of your kids. Um, how do people decide? Because a couple of my

girlfriends have very different custody orders when it comes to extracurricular. And I'm just interested to know how yours is and how you guys decide what sports are going to be played, who's going to be responsible. Um, is it a discussion that has had prior knowing that's going to affect everyone's schedules? Like, what does that look like? In my orders, we are required to, um, so for example, say Isaac's piano, that's something that he wanted to do. Joe and I agreed on it. We talked about it prior. I was able to find somewhere, signed him up, told Joe the schedule, and then Joe is required on his weeks to take Isaac to his piano lesson. Um, if he can't, he will usually, he'll tell me and then I'll go get him and take him. Um, same for Javi. Javi and I

have always been whatever Lincoln wants to play is fine with us. And we know that it, and I've said, I actually filmed a scene on that. Um, this season for team mom about football was like, I told Javi, I said, I'm okay with you signing him up for another league for football. That's fine. But if I need help, I'm going to need you to either like you or your sister, your grandparents, like whoever to help, you know, because I do have a one year old. So on board with that, I have, um, um, some struggles with Chris on that. He does not want me to attend anything regarding boxing for Lux, even on my weeks, he does not want me to be there. Um, in my personal opinion, I think it's, um, for personal reasons, I don't think it's because he doesn't want me to see Lux. Um, and so for that,

it's, I don't know honestly how to navigate it. That's so hard. Um, he like refused it. I'm like, I'm like, well, I want to, I want to see my son. I'm so glad you brought this up because I, part of me knows that it's a pride thing. Um, as far as like my parenting, I don't ever want my kids to look for me and I'm not there. You know what I mean? So I, even on my off weeks, I'm at Lincoln's football. And even on my off weeks, I will take Isaac to piano. And most of the time Joe's schedule doesn't really allow him to like kind of leave in the middle of the day to take him. So I usually am the one to take him. I don't want to miss things for Lux. Like I don't, I get, I put that time in for my other kids. Why would I want to miss something for Lux? And so, um, part of it is like a pride

thing for me as a mom. Like I just don't want them to ever look for me and not see me. And then the other part of me is like, I deserve, I do deserve to be there. So why can't I, but Chris does absolutely not want me to be at boxing. And so you can't be there if it's on his time. No, he doesn't want me there on my weeks either. Oh, okay. See, okay, so I have a couple of thoughts on this. One, I think it's definitely a pride thing. Um, and that's something that I have internally struggled with before even making a decision to get a divorce. Um, all of the things that would be affected that would come along with divorcing. Um, and like I've

said, this was well thought out for a very long period of time. So it wasn't, you know, a quick decision that was made by any means. Um, but I have one girlfriend who told me that they divide it by the seasons. So the dad has decision making like two seasons of the year and then the mom has decision making the other two seasons of the year, but they are required like on their weeks to to contribute to whatever it, you know, that child is signed up for. Um, I believe mine states that he can't, he's not required to do anything other than one extracurricular activity per season. Um, for the sake for, for time purposes sake, unless we agreed on that. Um, Okay. So like, for example, if he is already in baseball for one season, you,

you, unless you guys agree, he can do a second one, then he will just have baseball. Right. Right. Okay. Makes sense. Makes sense. Yeah. Just because school is so important to me and you know, spending time with family and with it being such a big change and all of that, I have one friend, actually she was on the podcast, um, one time, Brittany Price. Yes. Um, remember when she told us that they took a year off of everything and just spent time with a family and it's something that I've craved to do for a really long period of time, but I also have guilt and knowing like, Oh, well, if he misses, then, you know, his friends will like get ahead and then he won't be able to do it. So I'm struggling a little bit

with that too. Um, Jackson is going to play flag football and, um, for fall and then the winter he'll play basketball and then and spring, he won't play baseball again until spring. So that's nice, but I do agree with you on, um, the pride thing and I don't know, even though it's going to be Will's time to have him and I know that he'll take him to, you know, practices or whatever. Um, I just wonder if over time that I'll become more comfortable with it. If I'm not there, like at every moment or if it's something I'm going to struggle with forever. That's, I'm also wondering the same. And I think now I would be more okay to let Javi kind of take the reins on football. Um, however he is the coach and I'm now the team mom. So, and for football,

you know what I mean? So it's like one of those things where for his situation, like I, I think I would feel more comfortable. I just, and I see other parents divide and conquer all the time. Like it's okay for you not to show up to a soccer practice if dad is there. Like there's no reason that both of you have to be there at every single one. I don't know why I struggle with it the way I do. I just, I feel so guilty that I wanted to. Yeah. It's like a guilt thing. So I don't know if pride is the right word, but it's like, if I can be there and I'm not doing anything, why am I not there? And then for Lux, it's like boxing aside from like his little soccer situation, T-ball was like a joke. He wasn't even, don't get me started on that. Like supposedly he was on the team, but

like really he wasn't and his attention span did not last two hours. Anyway, um, the boxing thing for me is like, that's his first real commitment. The soccer was just like once a week. It was like an introduction to the sport. And so it was like 45 minutes for six, six or eight weeks. Um, so I don't feel like it was like a committed thing. It was just like a little trial. Right. Boxing is the first thing one that I noticed that Lux is really good at and he listens and he follows instruction and it's, um, you know, 20 or 30 minutes and it's, it's a real commitment. And so for that, it's like he's four. So I want to be a part of all of this. I don't feel like I, I'm required to miss it because his dad coaches other kids. Like that's just not the way that I see it

and I want to be there every step of the way. I just, I don't know if it's a pride thing or if it's, I don't know what it is. And I so hard, I think, I feel, sorry, go ahead, finish. I was going to say, I think that I could compromise in that. Okay. I won't show up on your weeks, but I deserve to be there on my weeks. Like I deserve that much. I think that's a good compromise because if it's, if, if you're going to take him there or it's going to take time away from your week, then I feel like that, that is fair. And then maybe you just don't go on his weeks. Well, I also suggested if, you know, if we're not going to, if I'm not going to be able to be there at every single one, which my kids also want to be there, they want to see Lux do it because

all the kids really try to support each other. I said, well, you can take Lux to your gym on your weeks and I'll put him in a boxing gym because a boxing gym is very different. It's like a different type of environment or whatever. Exactly. So I'm not driving an hour to Wilmington for him to go to boxing at your gym on your, on my week, and I'm not allowed to be there. So why don't you take him to your gym where you teach on your weeks and I'll take him to the boxing gym down here on my weeks. And then he has kind of like the, that foot in the door at both gyms at the top of the state and at the bottom of the state. You know what I mean? Like I'm willing to compromise here, but don't shut me out of his sport completely. For sure. And then I think a

lot of it too, the point that I was going to make is that obviously co-parenting is not ideal period. It's just reality for a lot of people. And unfortunately there's obstacles that come along with co-parenting, but I think a big thing is feeling like your child's having experiences that you're being left out of. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And that's hard, you know, like knowing I know that my future holds that Jackson's going to have vacation experiences that I'm not part of and that's so sad to me, but also I know that it's in the best interest of him. And why shouldn't he have those experiences just because, you know, we couldn't figure it out. Doesn't mean that he shouldn't have those. I will say that I love that you kind of recognize that so early on,

like right now, because in the beginning when Javi and I were getting divorced, that was really hard for us and our personal feelings were still involved. But now if I text Javi tomorrow and I'm like, Oh my God, Lincoln has this huge opportunity here from this date to this date. Javi, even if it's on his week, Javi would say yes, because we are at a place where we want Lincoln to experience anything and everything that he has an opportunity to experience. So the one thing I had said was I wanted to take Isaac to Egypt for that's something that Isaac and I share an interest in. And I said, I would really like Lincoln to come to Lincoln's not interested, but Javi was like, no, he should absolutely go experience that. And that's, I'm so thankful to be in that place with

him. And that would be so fun to take the older boys to do something because I know a lot of people that have kids that are kind of like spread out in ages, how yours are. Yeah, that they do kind of divide and conquer like that where they'll take the olders to do something and then the younger to do something. So the each, each group doesn't feel like they're getting slighted in any way. And the experience that you'll have with the older boys going on that trip without the younger ones, you'll miss your other kids, but the experience will be so different because the requirements are so different. Right. And I think it's so important to spend like individual time. And I know Isaac misses Lincoln a lot because ever since Lincoln has football, their interests are very different.

Isaac's more art, science, music and Lincoln's very sports oriented. So finding a little bit of a common ground and having that time one on one without the littles interrupting or me having to like go do nap time or whatever that changing diapers and things like that. Like, I think it's so important for the parents or caregivers. And it's also important for like the children. Well, and I mean, I think the one on one time and like you said, in a situation where you have one child that's like super athletic and then not that Lincoln's not smart because I'm sure he's very smart, but Isaac is more of like the intellect when they do get involved in other things, then they do start missing the time. So to find something that y'all can go and do like a trip to Egypt

where you can find some type of common ground and just take them to be able to spend time together would be so much fun. Yes. So that's on our our list for 2022. I hope, you know, given if you can travel, right, if we can travel, if all like if everything falls into line, and if we can't get to Egypt, maybe we can do like, I don't know, something else where it's, you know, close, close, but not really Egypt, like maybe museums or something. I don't know. I've been thinking so much about co-parenting and just the way life has unfolded for me. And I'm sure other people have had this thought before too, but I just am so amazed at how life kind of unfolds. And then when you're in the thick of it, when you have some moments to yourself,

which are very rare, but when you have some moments to just like think about everything that's going on and try to process those things, I can't help but think the people that have been placed in my life just by like happenstance that I've learned so much from that has been so beneficial in this journey of my life. Yes, it's like eye-opening, but also you're thankful and there's just a lot of emotions that go into it for sure. Yeah, like us becoming friends might not make a lot of sense to a lot of people. We are definitely opposites, that's for sure. Yeah, but also I think about it and I'm like, wow, maybe that was God's plan all along. Maybe I was supposed to see some of the struggles that Kale had to learn because you can't learn all the lessons. You've got to

experience some stuff on your own, but I am a good watcher and listener and I've seen certain situations that you've been in and I have stopped and thought about very specific friends in my life that have been through it and thought, wow, well, I remember this specific situation that Kale was in or that Carly was in and this is why I'm going to make this decision this way because I know what the outcome was for them that way and it's not that you are like praying on pain for people, they're in your life, but it is kind of nice to feel like you're not alone in it. Right. Well, I think I'm a firm believer that the more diverse your friend group is, the better person you're going to be because you have been around so many situations, walked through pain

with your friend or just like different, like some of my best friends are 10 plus years older than me and they've already been through. Natalie is one of my best and closest friends and she's over 10 years older than me, but she's been through a lot of the things that I've already been through. And so she just learning from her, I might not make the same choices as her, but I can still learn from her and I love that. And I think she can learn from me in a different way, you know, and same for like, Tony's older than me and she lives in a different state and she's been married and she's been through, you know, infidelities and things like that. And I can learn from that, you know, there's just so many ways to learn from people who go through and

experience different things than you. I know. I'm like, just in awe at, I pray every single night and I think to myself like, wow, like I've been really blessed with some really great people in my life and some really great people who have been through a lot of things that I can learn from them in my life. And it's just amazing how if I sit back and look at my life right now and see just like the goodness that God has placed his hand over my life and I just see it so much through all of the decisions that I'm currently making, it almost seems like everything is lining up in a way that I could have never even imagined. It's insane. Right. Yeah. And you're thankful. I'm sure. I love it. I'm so thankful. I can't wait to send you pictures later of my house. I'm

actually about to- I've been waiting for them. I was trying not to be like rude or like pushy or like pride, but like I've been hoping that you're going to send me pictures because I just want like I'm excited for you. And I know it's not ideal, like you said, but you got to make the best of it. And I'm so excited to see what your house looks like and how it's coming together. And I'm excited. So whenever you're ready, I'm willing. I'm excited. Well, I'm gonna send you some pictures tonight. I'm probably not going to share for a couple of weeks until everything has settled down and stuff on Instagram for a couple of reasons. I'm not going to and I'll be able to share those at a later date. But I'll send you some tonight, but I'm so excited and I

can't wait for you to tell me you better be honest and tell me like what you think. I will. Of course I will. What if you're like, Lindsay, your house is heinous. I'm sure it's not heinous. I'm positive of that. Oh my gosh. Okay. Well, I am actually gonna head over there because I have my car loaded down with target mattress protectors and sheet covers and all the things. But if you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us over there. And if you have not subscribed to our show, you can find us on Apple podcast or the purple podcast app for iTunes on any Apple device. Just type in coffee combos, click subscribe, click the fifth star and leave us a written review. You can also find us on Spotify or pretty

much any other podcast app that you choose to listen from. And we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.