Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 176: Task Jumping, Establishing A Good Foundation, and Miscarriages

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

On this week's episode Kail and Lindsie chat about feeling scatterbrained when it comes to tasks. Kail's therapist has a new theory about what is going on with her bad memory, but she is not entirely convinced. Does anyone else feel like they can never finish a task before moving on to the next? And as Lindsie continues to navigate co-parenting and the new boundaries that come with it, she and Kail discuss the importance of establishing a good foundation in the relationship. The future is unknown, but having a solid foundation can help support any changes that may come. And Lindsie opens up about her miscarriage a few years ago. Kail and Lindsie both discuss how having a miscarriage affected them, and how sometimes you need to believe that everything happens for a reason. This episode was sponsored by: Pura Vida, ZocDoc, Upward & Upstart Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License. 

Group. Recording recording. Here we are. Good morning, everyone. Coffee combos, podcast everybody. Um, Kail, do you know how shit? My phone. This is how the day is actually going.

So honestly, though, my gosh, Do you know how many people wrote in saying that it was Missy Elliott? So many people and I know that some people were upset because They were saying that they wrote into it first But it was just the first one that you saw and the first one that I saw and I know so many people wrote in But I do want to say that we will definitely do more of these In the future. So don't feel like you're completely asked out It was just those are the first two that we saw so I apologize to anyone who sent it even sooner

But I think like DMs and things like that. They actually don't come in order. I was good. I was about to say that like Time stamp wise. I think that you have to categorize it or something for it to be in Time order if that makes sense. Okay, so that yes, that does make sense Mine doesn't come like that the first one that I saw was like the first one that showed up for me Okay, I I did find one other one that was like before that one but I actually paid that girl $50 the one that you had sent me even though The one that I found first Was before that so I just paid them both because I was like, I don't want anyone to feel like slighted

Yeah, I slighted anyone and I know that some people were disappointed and it's meant to be fun It's not meant to cause like problems or anything like that. So that's why I'm saying I'm definitely willing to do more. Um, I definitely definitely Want to do more cuz so just be patient Actually, wait, okay, so remember I Told you guys about Isaac and tennis camp. Yes, I Am sitting at my desk at the office and I got I got an email from the tennis camp She said good morning. I just finished listening to coffee combos podcast, and I wish I knew sooner

um, I Literally like I don't I don't remember what I said, but I feel bad because now I I don't want them to think that like I don't feel like you were talking about them Okay, she was really nice. She even like followed up to like email me and see if the kids were still coming or whatever Um, no, the only thing you said was just that you had to pay regardless like if they went or if he didn't Yeah, so I don't I don't I think when I filled it out or whatever. They didn't offer refunds. So That's actually really funny that she hi Krista. Thank you so much for emailing me and also thank you for listening to coffee combos Oh my gosh, that's so funny. I give so many messages from

personal friends a week being like hey I just heard you talking about this on coffee combos and I relate so hard and it's just like I love it so much But it's also weird that I forget that like people listen to this. Yes. Yes Lindsay sometimes because sometimes this is like therapy for me like once I get it off my chest I don't remember even saying it So then I like I'm like, oh my god, like other parents are listening to this And then I'm like fuck like what did I say? So like I get embarrassed and then Yesterday my friend who's also a teacher. She emailed me this. I guess it's like a fundraiser for the Pop Warner football

And they're looking for sponsorships or whatever. So I was like, oh, like I would love to do this for coffee combos So I emailed And I don't remember where I was going with this story Oh Well, you'll figure it out Shit What what was happening? I have no idea like why I brought that up that is this part of the

Early onset dementia That's what I'm wondering why so I told my therapy. Did I tell you that I told my therapist about it? No, you didn't Okay, so I the last two weeks that I've done therapy have been so emotional like I'm talking Kim K ugly cry Oh So like that's both good and bad right because obviously I have a lot weighing on me But they're like good problems to have that I'm overwhelmed with does that make sense? Yes. It's not like Trauma related or anything like happy overwhelmed. Yes, like overwhelmed Yes, exactly a lot on my plate, but like good things

But like overwhelmed too because I have to deal with like personal things in order to be able to like make the best of like the Good things that I have going on um Again forgot my train of thought. Why did I bring up therapy? You're bringing up therapy because we were talking about the early onset dementia. Oh, right, right, right, right? Okay, so I was like telling her I said you're gonna think I'm crazy I said, but I'm pretty sure that I have like I Couldn't even say it like with a straight face, but like I'm dead serious like I I honestly believe that and And she was like, no, she was like, I don't think like that would be so rare for you to have like you're not even 30

Like it would be so so rare. Uh-huh, but then I'm like Mmm. Yeah, I hear you but like my grandmother had it before she turned 60 and like I don't know with like all the chemicals And just like things that we're putting into our bodies and like whatever and like the environment I just I don't know it just whatever She thinks I'm long story short. She thinks I'm disassociating Interesting So I need to like do some research and like tap into that because I vaguely know what disassociating is and it's like I Don't know because the things that I have going on are not trauma related. They are stress related, which I guess

She was describing to me sometimes like your body or your mind doesn't know like it Reacts the same way to stress as it was to would to trauma because it can't differentiate like the difference all the time, right, right? So I'm gonna tap more into that But it's scary because just like two things that have already happened and we've only been podcasting for six minutes Like had you not told me what I was telling my therapist I would not have room. I still don't remember the first thing that I was supposed to tell you. Oh My gosh, Kale. I'm starting to get a little bit concerned. I feel like I have it a little bit too But a lot of people wrote me and said that it is a symptom of

ADHD and adults or something Kristen keeps telling me that she's like, I really think you have ADHD and I told my therapist that too But she also doesn't think it's that she said it's really hard to diagnose that especially in adults and adult women Interesting. Well, I feel like that's probably what it is for me because I My mind is always running a hundred miles a minute And I'm always trying to think about like the next thing I can't complete one task and before I'm thinking about the next task. Oh literally yesterday I

Went on like I had so much coffee and I was trying to prepare my kids to come to come home because they They had been with their dads for the week and then the babies were with their dad for two weeks like two full fucking weeks And so I was like we got to go through the fridge and like get rid of everything and like clean up and like make sure everything Is good and like throw shit away and like whatever and I was cleaning off the counters and like opening packages and stuff And then like all the sudden I'm lighting candles and I never finished the last thing that I did So like I'm in the middle of lighting a candle and I'm like wait a minute I didn't I don't even I think the water's still on like I don't even know

For the dishes like I don't even know what I'm doing. Oh my gosh, that sounds literally just like me like right before you called me I was in the bathroom washing makeup sponges and then I hear my Washer go off and then I'm trying to move clothes into the dryer and then I'm trying to plug up podcast equipment I'm trying to rinse out a bowl in the sink like this is literally How I am every day Yeah, no, I I 100% get it trust me I do and I don't understand people who can like Do one task until completion and not move on from that and like be distracted by something else in the process of that I don't I don't get it

I wish I could do that, but I also like and I get frustrated with myself when I don't do that Same and then I have anxiety from it because I know that I didn't finish X Y or Z you get what I mean. Yes, and you know what really frustrated me actually this morning was that I had set my alarm for 730 and Jackson had FaceTime to me this morning before school at like seven o'clock and I was telling him how handsome he was and you know like all the things and he was like dad look at mom

She looks sleepy, and I'm like, oh my gosh Like why do I need to be on this camera right now? but Then since I talked to him like almost until 730 I turned my alarm off So then I just dozed back off, and then it was like okay now It's 8 a.m. And I'm like oh crap like I need to go to the gym I need to you know do this laundry before I podcast and I need to do all of these other things I have several calls that I have to take like I

Cannot stand at this point now that I have been doing like a new routine for a couple of weeks now To like it makes me feel really all out of sorts not to be doing the exact same thing every day Yeah, like the routine is is really nice like it's nice that you know exactly What time you have what time you don't have like it probably feels good to be into a routine But then also the downside is like if you're thrown off your schedule You're like shit. Well, then what ends up happening is that's where like the late nights come in It's like after dark after dark with LC because I have not Completed my day, and then it's like okay 11 o'clock rolls around and I'm still dicking around with laundry, so

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Bass case and I know that you told me that the emotions would come in waves and that is Could like honestly couldn't be more true Some days. I'm like, okay. I am doing so well and then other days. I'm like, wow, am I making the right decision? Is is this right for us? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this God's path? Like I find myself being emotional like half the time and then half the time I'm okay, and I hope that that is Somewhat normal through the process. I definitely think it is and also This is not it doesn't have to be a permanent permanent decision if you don't want it to be, you know what? I mean, this is not something that you

Can't change your mind on this is something that you can take time apart and see if this is what you want And if it's not what you want, then you guys can still get back to you get what I'm saying Like if that is what you wanted and you felt like you made the wrong choice like Thankfully, it's not a permanent decision. It doesn't have to be and I think that that I think that knowing that life is unpredictable and accepting the fact that the things that you do and the way life moves is not expected and a lot of things can just

Calm like very unpredictably and I think just me accepting that and not being so Regimented and even though I feel like I definitely thrive in a schedule I think that there's something to be said for like allowing life to happen Like in your personal life for example like allowing that to happen on its own time and nothing forced That's been something that I've had to learn Well, it's hard when you know You you want things to happen a certain way you want things to work out and And you'll do not you specifically but just anyone will do whatever it takes to make that happen

And then but by doing so you're not really allowing things to fall where they would naturally or are on a slower Timeline well, and I truly do feel like the universe in life Definitely has a way of taking care of things on its own time and so no matter how much you try to defy, you know, whatever What's meant to happen Will happen But last night I was laying in the bed and I was already so emotional I saw Jackson for a couple of minutes yesterday and He had stopped by because he had something at my house that he seems to find a reason to stop by

Every day that he's not here Oh, I forgot my robot and my mom's house. I forgot my basketball I forgot that like it's it's always something and I also love it because I get to give him kisses whenever he comes but Last night I got an email from the real estate agent who has my old house listed and Actually, it was shown all weekend and an offer came through and so I think trying to navigate that and there's like a A part of me that feels so sad about that even though I'm not living there

Once it's sold and it's gone. It's like that chapter is closed and so That's really hard and sad and Then we'll we'll live in a home that I never lived in you know and likewise like I live in my house and he Will have never lived here and so That's just a lot of change. I feel like in a short period of time and we didn't expect for you know The house to sell that quickly and for him to be

Making that move that quickly and then I thought Like the last time that you gave an update for some reason and maybe it was just me, but I thought That maybe you guys decided not to sell it that will would just stay there Yeah, so that was actually the determination that was made and the house was listed and then pulled off the market and then Relisted so It was listed for only a couple of days before this offer came through so It's just been a little hard because I feel like the emotions are like a roller coaster It's like, you know, why it was gonna be one thing and now it's something else and so just trying to process all of that and then also

um Parents who are listening that are co-parenting. I feel like Everything is so new for us right now and trying to navigate all of these things that We don't have experience with but trying to do so With grace and with love and compassion for every person that is involved That's heavy in itself to be able to navigate that way Um, but also With the house that I'm in now that I just moved to

Jackson wasn't a part of that moving process I did all of this on my own and so It's very important for me for him not to be a part of the moving process out of the home that he knows and so I don't want him saying like all of his stuff going and like where is it going and um then trying to navigate, you know, just a a hiccup that came up last night and like I said, I want to be fully transparent on here because Me not being transparent hasn't served me well in the past but something that I'm just trying to navigate is the shared parenting time

and Will closing on That house and then a new house and then it being Um during a time that he might have Jackson that would cause a disruption in his schedule um Or potentially him closing on the house that he's in now and then having a weak gap that would be his parenting time between when he

moves out of that house and into the new house and so He was like well Jackson would think it would be really cool if we went to a hotel and stayed for a week and I was like, yeah but like that's just Not realistic. There's already so much change already happening that that would just be confusing to him like one week He's gonna go and he's gonna be at our old house and then he's gonna come and he's gonna be at my house and then He's gonna go back to you for a couple of days and then he's gonna be at a hotel and then he's gonna come back to me

for like 11 days and then He's gonna like be at a new house like that's a lot going on for an eight-year-old to try To comprehend I feel like Yeah, that is So so what's the alternative though? Um Well, his parents live like an hour and a half from us So that's not an alternative either for him to like stay there and take Jackson there for him to you know be at school

So that's not the alternative. So I said, um that basically What he could do is I would forego some of my weekends For a couple of weeks For him to have him on that time or for me just to keep him on the school days Because that's just like too much change Yeah, no, I think that's fair and again like doesn't have to be permanent like if it's just for a small time like

I feel like you guys are doing such a good job like dividing and conquering even if it I mean, obviously it's not ideal for you to give up all your weekends because that's time that you guys can go do stuff That you can't do during the school week But you knowing that that would be in the best interest of Jackson is good on you and if will can agree to that then I think that makes the most sense. I think you guys are doing a really good job with that and I think You know, it's hard too because when you have two people that um

You know, you're not always going to agree on everything But being able to come to a conversation and show up to that conversation with compassion and being like hey like I understand that this is probably how you feel about this But hear me out like this is how I feel and this is what I believe is in the best interest. Let's have a conversation about this and Figure out like what works best not for us, but for him And I think that's what's important It is important. You I I don't even think I think you

Don't even second guess like what you're doing. You're do you guys are fine and will and Jackson I think Jackson is going to go off of you your energy and will's energy and as long as you guys kind of keep where you're at I think Jackson's going to be great either no matter what you guys decide Are you guys we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partners Zock doc just like many of you I avoided going to the doctor during the pandemic. I skipped my physical and dental cleaning And I was not able to go to the eye doctor, but now that everything is opening up It's time to catch up on our regular health care just download the free Zock doc app the easiest way to find a great doctor and Instantly book on a plan

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And book a time to sign up for free Zock doc com slash convos and download the Zock doc app and sign up for free and book a top rated doctor many are available As soon as today that's ZOC doc com slash convos Another point on this too is a lot of people and I know that you've had experience with this but A lot of people have Messaged me and said that We're doing things really well right now, but where the hiccup will come in is when

There are other people involved in the situation like a step parent or whatever Yes, and I answered this on my Instagram story But for those of you who don't follow me on there or watch my stories regularly. I just wanted to address it here that um I have no Issues whatsoever and I mean this in the most respectful way possible I have no issues sending somebody back to a lane where they belong and out of mine. So Let's see

Oh my god, that's not even and and I say that as Gracefully as I possibly can that that's just the reality um That it took two of us to make him and it's gonna take us to to raise and parent him If a bonus comes along then Good and great, but it's not their job to step into the situation to parent my child and so

As long as everybody And I feel confident that that will be the situation that will remain because I don't have a problem speaking my mind and saying how I feel and advocating for my child and what is best for him. So Will knows me well enough to know that That would be a huge mistake An error for anyone to try to step onto the scene to think that they were going to have a role in Parenting my child

It definitely it takes a village and there is going to come a time where you and or will will be with somebody else and I think as long as And I'm speaking from experience boundaries and in all aspects, right? Like relationship wise and parenting wise as long as they're established from the beginning There's going to be no problems. I think that you know In the beginning with joe and me and and vee. I did feel like someone was coming in and trying to take my role That's what I thought was happening. And then, you know, we were able to work it out and figure out a relationship and establish

What's what I think with hobby and his other baby mama was that she came in and is trying to actively parent my child You get what I'm saying and I'm I'm in the shadow of her at my son's football games It's a very different Situation now because I'm the team mom and I'm doing what I feel is though. I should have been doing all along But couldn't because someone came in and overstepped boundaries That being said, we also crossed Boundaries, I guess that should have been set for You know between hobby and I so

um And I think that's the key that was that's the key right there He said that he texted me yesterday because I had posted a reel He came to see the new house like weeks ago or whatever and I posted a reel about of him coming to the house Um to see it or whatever and our co-parenting is going so smooth so smoothly He texted me and he was like the problem is what happened. He literally texted this me what happens when one of us gets into Like what happens and it's like well for me I'm explaining what it is off the rip like do not even try to come between me and hobby because this is what it is

And this is what it will always be. I will probably complain about him from time to time because That's when that's just what it is But like I am friends with hobby first and in my co-parenting relationship comes first and I'm not sleeping with him But in the event that You know, I you know hobby invites me to his house to go be with Lincoln. I'm gonna do it um, but obviously that would I don't know like I feel like Some some people would be okay with it and some people wouldn't you know what I mean

I think that um Everybody situation is different like every divorce situation is different every co-parenting situation is different every relationship is different and I think just knowing exactly where Your relationship is with the other person in our case and co-parenting situation Having that solid foundation and sticking to you

Nothing's gonna come in between that, you know No matter who you're dating No matter who you possibly marry. Um, and his case. I won't be marrying anybody else, but So he won't really have to deal with that but With that being said, I think just knowing where you stand with the other person and knowing that The relationship was there first and that you created a little human or little humans and That should be priority before anything

um And if that's set in place and done the right way, I think that everything will be okay, but frankly um I really haven't let my mind go there yet because It's just I haven't needed to yeah. Yeah. I will say for me it's hard because Javi has been wish washi in the past so it's You know, we might say okay

Our co-parenting comes first and then one of us is in a relationship and you know, those things start to change Which I do think some things would change But to completely flip-flop like to just the total opposite that has been where it's hard because now I'm resentful Now I feel some type of way about this person because they have you believing Something that goes against everything that you and I have worked towards and that doesn't just go for Javi, but just in general um I think that there has to be accountability on both sides though whenever you do invite someone else into the situation that You know, we can sit here until we're blue in the face all day long and say, you know

this is my intentions and this is your intentions, but Ultimately, do the other people have the same intentions and are their intentions in line with yours because What they allow might not be What you feel like you discussed with that other person does that make sense right right right? No, totally that totally makes sense. And so I think also um, especially when Another woman comes in to the picture and I'm sure this this is probably true with men too that um Women like to

mark their territory and feel like they're number one, but unfortunately um In my situation, I've been with will for 12 years, which is almost half of our lifetime, which is insane And no matter what like no matter who he's with no matter who I'm with You can't replace those 12 years and that bond can't be broken. And so it's just not something that I'm hugely concerned over that's That's kind of how I feel too. Um

Because I I talked to my therapist too about like where why my loyalty is the way it is with Javi and I don't I don't know like is it because we were married like is it because Unlike anyone else I've ever been with we were married like is that what it is is that You know, I'm And I will be honest there was a point in time where I thought about I thought that when whenever he was with Lauren It was like, okay, like good luck. You can have them. But like I was first. I was with I was married to him first first Right. Yes. I mean, I'm not I don't have that same mentality now But in the beginning I definitely thought that way like good luck like I had him first. Yeah

Gave him gave him away. Have fun. Oh my god. Oh my god. Wait speaking of that. I saw the craziest TikTok yesterday and um I I I wanted to get your thoughts on it. So the gist of it was that and we can post it Let me remind myself to post it. Um or give it to Kristen too It was a woman saying That women don't leave good men Okay, I disagree with that. Okay, you agree with that um In my life I do

Okay, um The reason but but the reason why is because you're a different person in every relationship So that being said Joe was not a good man to me He may be a good man to V. Does that make sense? Mm-hmm. Yes. He was not a good man to me So same for hobby. He was not really great to me while we were married But maybe he could be good to somebody else your different person with every person that you're with so for you Had like what is your take on it? um, I feel like that

I could be a good mate or I could be a good woman and will could be a good man But that doesn't mean that just because He's a good man or I'm a good woman that that's gonna work for each other, you know, like there could be other Factors that play into that that just people don't Don't jive anymore for whatever reason, you know, like is it is it I want this out of life and I want that out of life But we don't want the same things out of life anymore. Um, maybe I want more children. He doesn't want more children That doesn't make him a bad person to like want different things than me or not want more children And I want more children. Does that make sense?

Right, but then are you leaving him? You're not leaving him. That's an amicable split Yeah, but I feel like you're still leaving, right? Yeah, but I guess I mean more in my how I took it would have been Like a woman leaving and the man still wants to be in the relationship. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Well in that case Yes, but in the way that I listened and I'll send you the video. Yeah. Yeah, I'll send it and I'll post it so we can get some takes on it and we can like re Evaluate. Yes. I would love to see this video

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Just like you who are looking for a godly relationship. Give it a try for free download upward today. That's up So anything else going on with the house like is it Moving along Um, yes and no I went to part two of my electrician meeting to figure out like the rest of the outlets and and recess lighting and I had My friend who's doing the security like the cameras and stuff He came to that meeting to figure out where he's placing his stuff And then I have

Site like bat. What is it called bored and batten? Bored and batten and siding pieces they were mailed to me and I got them yesterday so i'm gonna go to the house later today and try to fit pick what color because um, we My builder has like a like a relationship with certain companies But I think the the lead time is like 20 weeks, but we need it in five weeks And so trying to find a color similar to what I want for a company that we don't that he doesn't typically work with is Has been interesting. Um, I did two

I drove by like two houses that have similar colors, but like they were not what I was looking for at all. So, um We're gonna try to like get siding and batten bored and batten from a company that he's never worked with because of the lead times Oh my gosh, just such I mean, there's so many obstacles Yeah, yeah, and um It sucks because like now that my vision is so different from where I started I wish that I would have done all black windows like with the black framing instead of the white Framing

I know it's so i'm like shit now. I gotta make that now I don't it's a lot. It's a lot Well, I guess you'll know better for next time, right? Or like you said if you do a remodel then you can get the black windows, right? Right, maybe like years and years from now so that there's no covid pricing either Also with that being said I feel such a sense of peace since I've moved into my new house that It's just like small things like that Don't bother me anymore. It's like it's okay like

I'm I'm safe where I'm at. I you're happy where you're at Yeah, and it's just like the little things like not having black windows is okay Yeah, no, it's okay. I'm still I just I still feel good because I'm thankful like it's whatever like I was like, oh shit Like now I wish I had black windows, but like it's cool. Like I have fucking windows. I'm thankful. You know, yes Yes, um, oh by the way, I was doing an instagram q&a last night and People have messaged me so many times asking me to share

My miscarriage story and I know that you also have experienced that so I feel I said I would either talk about it On coffee combos or the southern tea, but I feel since we both have experienced that it would be a better fit to talk about it on here um And for the longest time I didn't really want to talk about it because it felt like a failure in my life for whatever reason um Or like I did something wrong um But in July of 2018 is when I had my miscarriage

um, and Honestly, I wanted to do like a surprise for will because um when we got pregnant with Jackson It was during a tough time of my life. My granddaddy was in the hospital and fighting for his life and um Also, we just didn't have a lot of money. We were living In a small little apartment and will was working retail. I was finishing up school And so we didn't have that experience of having Like the surprise, you know, like where someone does for example the bun in the oven or Any of that and I really so desperately wanted to be able

to do that and to have that experience and so um, my mom was actually coming into town And I had gone to buy pregnancy test and at the time I was driving a Volkswagen Jetta and put Took the test inside the obviously like in my bathroom when will was gone and then Took the positive tests back to my car and like put them in my glove compartment Because I was trying to hide them and I didn't want him to be able to see them and like throw the wrappers away and everything and so

He didn't know anything was really going on and then I was putting tampons that like weren't even Like ones that I was using I was like flushing the tampon but making it look like in the trash can, you know that I was using them So I had like this whole Thing planned out Jackson was going to go and spend a couple of nights with my mom and my mom's parents And then I was going to you know, tell will just like on our own And so I had woke up in the morning

showered was feeling a little sick and I was like, okay Well, this seems to be like a little early for morning sickness But but maybe and it was like the throw up kind of sick that I was feeling which I didn't experience With Jackson. I was nauseous for like 18 weeks with him But I never I never got throw up sick And so it was a little bit new and in my mind. I was like, oh, maybe it's a girl like because It's so different. Yeah, it's so different and so

I had text my mom to let her know that I was going to shower and get Jackson ready and take him to meet My grandparents because my mom was coming through town It was going to be late and my rule is Jackson's not allowed to be in the car like after dark And so and especially like on the highway And so I met my grandparents and around like lunchtime and on my way there I was just feeling so sick and I know that when you're feeling like super sick, you should probably eat something even though that that sounds like the worst thing to do At the time that you're sick is like eat

But I didn't eat anything and my mom told me um, I should probably grab something to eat But everything just sounded disgusting. So I met my did she know. Yeah, she knew Okay, and so I get to Zaxby's where I meet my grandparents and my grandmother was like Maybe just like try to eat a piece of chicken. It's salty. You know, like maybe it'll make you feel a little bit better So they get on their way take Jackson and my mom's, you know coming through town Whatever and by the time I get Headed back home. I had to pull over in a mows southwest grill parking lot and literally just like projectile vomiting like awful

By the time I got home, this was like probably 45 minutes from my house um, I threw up like viciously for probably a good 30 minutes And then got back on the road to head home and by the time I got back home. I was like already bleeding and I didn't know like what was going on because anything I've ever heard is like, you know, if you have any type of bleeding that could be dangerous or You know, like not a good sign

Um, but then you hear all of this stuff about implementation bleeding and I'm like, well, it couldn't it shouldn't be that because like I already have a positive test So, you know, it shouldn't be well. I mean it was it was awful and um My mom had Jackson for three days and I was just in the bed for three days. I threw up Blood I remember texting my obi and she told me that she could call me in a medication but based off of my symptoms it seemed like It would have been too late to do that And so what would have the medication done? Like what would that have helped with?

Um, I think it was a medic. It was a type of medication that helps like protect The pregnancy and I um, I forget what the name of it is called. I'll have to look it up What she was going to call me in But once I told her what my symptoms were She was like that's not going to do any good. It sounds like You know, you're miscarrying and at this point I was like six or seven weeks pregnant Um, so I didn't have to go through the process of a DNC or anything like that. Um, but it was

It was horrible and then for a long period of time I convinced myself that like maybe I wasn't supposed to have another child, um Or maybe like I wasn't worthy and that was like the way of god being like, okay. No, like I'm not going to give it to you. Um And so I also had those feelings after my first miscarriage. I felt like I didn't want anymore. I didn't want to try anymore I didn't want to have any more kids at all. Like I basically like I should be happy with the two healthy kids that I already had like I yes

and I a lot of um The like backlash that I got from like the show and stuff from the miscarriage. Um, they were like, well, we I got pregnant with lux, you know, but that was after two miscarriages and people were like, I thought you didn't want anymore You told hobby you didn't want anymore. Then you go get pregnant by someone else and it's like Well, I went through I did go through that period too. Like I don't think that I'm supposed to have anymore You know, like I mean maybe I my doctor was right Like I should be very happy and thankful with the two happy healthy kids that I have and And I'm okay with that, you know, so that is something that I don't think that people that's like one aspect of miscarriage

That I don't think people talk about and I think too um Those feelings Can can change after a period of time too, you know, it's like, okay. Well Yes, I went through this and those were the feelings that I was experiencing through that process and Then you kind of with any type of trauma that you go through Um, your mind can change after a period of time and it took it took me up until probably

A year ago to say, okay, like I think I think I would be okay to to try again and and have another baby But like I shared will and I were never on the same Page it's like whenever I felt like when he wanted it I was hesitant and when I wanted it he was hesitant and um I say like god has a plan for everything whether you believe in god or whether you believe in the universe like there's a plan for everything and a reason why things don't happen

and I just have to put my Faith in that but I often times wonder like would it have been a girl or would it have been a boy and would it have looked like jackson and and now that part of my life has Past and I won't have any more kids with will so that's something that That I have struggled with is not having Um full blood siblings like if I have another child ultimately it will be with another man and um

They you know, I won't get to experience like If I had another child with will would it look you know more like me or would it look more like him or Or We're gonna take a quick break to talk about one of our partners up star I know that I have talked about them with you guys before but so many americans experience financial hardship in the last year And upstart can help you regain your footing and get things back on track Upstar is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online So whether it's paying off credit cards consolidating high interest debt or funding personal expenses

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Go to upstart.com slash combos I have never related to anything for the past how many years have I known you five years now? I've never related harder to something that you've said because I literally I'm gonna cry now too. Um so My miscarriage with hobby was very similar to what you're describing with will where like you wanted to surprise him I even had and I see that you tag them now sly fox threads Hannah owns sly fox threads and she was going to make me custom shirts that said

Um, like I don't I want to say it was like father mom times three father times three something like that along those lines I like went to lunch with my photographer and I was going to surprise hobby with it and I was so So excited and to your point about the full siblings thing like I was married and I was planning a second child like with hobby and I He wanted another baby. I wanted another baby and it was going to be a full sibling for Lincoln like it was going to be A full sibling and yeah to me. I was so excited because it felt like No disrespect to like Isaac and Lincoln their full in my eyes. They're full siblings. It doesn't matter, but um

Like I like my relationship whatever. Um Harvey actually knew that I was miscarrying before I was miscarrying Wait, how did he know? So I get up in the middle of the night to pee all the time and I'm like a zombie in the night Like I just don't sleep well and I never flushed the toilet in the night because I don't want to wake him up uh-huh And he wakes up he would wake up at four or five in the morning to go to work And when he went into the bathroom, there was blood everywhere

Oh Oh my gosh So he was traumatized because at this point He had already guessed that I was pregnant before I could do like the shirts and everything Um, I was like, I have a surprise like we're gonna go do this like whatever Um, and this was right before I started bleeding and I was like, we're gonna go do like this little photo shoot or whatever Um on this day and he's like why and I was like, I just have a surprise and then he knew I was pregnant So obviously we're excited and that was in November 2015. I found out and then um, I actually miscarried on veterans day

So I'll like never forget, but I wanted a full sibling for Lincoln so bad Yeah, and I feel like that's just a loss that you'll probably mourn for a very long time and Something that I know that I'll mourn forever like um I think a lot of people are very insensitive to the fact of you know, oh, well you just miscarried at six or seven weeks so that doesn't mean anything and um

I think it's way more than that. It's mourning the loss of multiple things like at that point in my life I wanted another baby with will and um What would my life look like today if if that baby would have been born and um Would it have been Would it have ended the same? I don't know. Um

Maybe maybe not I also don't believe that kids fix marriages either um and so I don't want to say that that child would have fixed any problems that you know We had that ultimately led to us getting divorced years later But I definitely hobby and I definitely thought that we were the baby would save us like not I think a lot of people do

I don't think we ever said that but I think it was like Because it was planned and it was such a happy like we found out like okay now We're so happy that everything all the other problems go away right? I think subconsciously like I said we never I don't want to get backlash on that. Um, just want to clarify like Subconsciously, I think that we thought right that it would make things better because you get so excited. It's a new thing. It's like Now all of our problems are gone when really it's like you're come more problems But also like we would have made the best of it and hope for the best But yeah, I agree with you and I think a lot of times people

do have children to Try to fix problems that can't be fixed by having another child and And I think they get caught up in the fact of Um, okay, this is going to be something new and this is going to be a new experience for us And it's going to take the heat off of all of the the issues But then all of those come back to the surface at some point and that that's not having a child with someone isn't going to fix other problems that existed before bringing that child into the world and so um

That child would have been such a blessing and Part of me Says I'm glad that only one child is having to Experience what we're going through now um But then part of me also feels a huge loss for Jackson that

When he does have a sibling it won't be a sibling from the same parents and that's something hard that I'm gonna have that I'm I'm still grieving and um, also ultimately something that is just like a very confusing thing for A child to process I think um Just this weekend alone Jackson was like dad. Why do you why do you still give mom hugs?

And he's like well, I was married to her for nine years and I've known her for 12. So it's just kind of like a natural Thing, you know, like whenever you leave it's kind of like that saying um that people say always Tell the people that you love that you love them because it could be the last time that you see them and That's so true. But then Jackson followed that question up with but why don't you kiss anymore? You know, and so we're still navigating so many different things that um are just new Stuff and I can't even imagine like getting to the point of

Being with someone else having another child and navigating that but I also don't want to Live in my future. I want to live In my present. Yeah, and and take care of these feelings where I'm at now, but I I just wanted to say about miscarriage also everyone's story is so different and um What's for one might not be for all and everybody doesn't have the same feelings but That was that was my story and and at the time I did feel very alone

And that because I had not even told will so it was almost like I was mourning something that he didn't even know about. Yeah, right, right Why have you blamed me for mine? It was like the jujitsu and like that whole part played out on TV and my second miscarriage was Equally but very differently traumatic for me as it didn't um I didn't miscarry like all the way right away. It took over a month and I did not do a dnc Um, so it was like my numbers were rising like the hcg was rising but not doubling and then it never It wasn't expelling

So I had to go to the hospital and get like shots in my hips Like I think they were like similar to chemo shots in order to help the baby not the baby the fetus I guess Um, like expel out of my body. It was very uh traumatic and then I did that by myself. Um I it's there's a lot and then Sorry, I'm motorcycle went by um It's a lot and just like you said there's so there's so many different stories and so many different feelings and then There's so much guilt that goes into it. Like I feel like you feel guilty for different things like different. Um, I don't know how to say it like

um, mine Was it a blessing in disguise? Because maybe it was the universe telling me that Javi and I were not supposed to have this child But am I am I should I feel guilty for feeling that way? Because the way I look at it now was like it wouldn't have fixed us. It probably would have made things even Just prolonged it, you know what I mean and to your point adding another child into the chaos like But then I'm feel guilty for saying that because I still like every veterans day like I texted Javi last Veterans Day and and brought it up and he said something really nasty to me, but um

Just things like that where I'm like I still mourn that loss But also was it a blessing in disguise? Like I don't know and then um to your point about like the half siblings thing Lux He wants to go to he wants to go with Lincoln lux loves Lincoln. So well, why can't I go to hobbies? Can I go to hobbies with Lincoln? Can I sleep over at hop and it's just like no like Javi has his own family and Javi does like their own thing They go to church in the mornings on Sundays like they do their own thing. So No, and like trying to explain that to him and he's only four is like

He to him that's his whole brother. It doesn't just because he has a different dad. He to him. It's not half You know what I mean? Yeah, and I I mean in in your situation I know You have two exes that have two other children and I'm sure that you went through an emotional process Processing all of that and and those other children becoming your children's siblings But I feel like you guys navigate that So well, um, and I think it's so cool that

Lux views Lincoln as his brother as if They were from the same cut from the same flaw Yeah, and would feel comfortable enough to Go to hobbies. I feel like that speaks volumes And V said VV loves coming to my house and then every time I drop Lincoln off Eli He's like, where's the baby? He always asks where Creed is. Where's the baby? And I'm like, you're the cutest

I just want to pinch your little cheeks. You're so cute. But um That's one thing that I do love about like all the situations is like We've done a good job with the kids like no matter how much we hate each other at times like the adults Like the kids all love each other And I just love that so much and I hope that in our future Um, that that's the case will says that he's not gonna have any more children. And so Um, but again, I think that we all say things out of hurt or, um

You know, it's easy to say stuff until it happens, right? Like, right? Yeah, that's true I've been through it. So maybe that, you know, maybe he won't and and maybe he will I can tell you now that if he Ever did that would be a devastation For me that I can't even describe Um But I'm sure on the same foot that If I did that would also be a devastation for him as well. And so absolutely

You know when you We were texting earlier today and I sent him this video of Jackson I said my best buddy in my whole heart Um, and he said Mine too and thanked me for giving him the best gift of his life. And I mean, oh my god, I don't make me cry I'm just like He I mean, he literally is the best Gift that we could have ever given each other, you know, no matter how much hurt that has been there between us

Like That gift is irreplaceable like Yeah And he was made in love and Is just like the happiest little boy and he loves both of us so much and I just feel very proud of The way we're handling our situation and that it's not all

Rainbows and butterflies every single day, but I know that there's a reason to wake up for the next day Because I know that we're going to be able to tackle it together and it'll be okay I'm so proud of you I'm glad we didn't record this episode because I actually have tears coming out of my eyeballs But I'm you should be proud because a lot of people can't do what you're doing and you should be very proud of yourself Well, now that I am Literally a psychotic emotional basket case you're a human being stop it I am gonna go unfold some laundry and maybe clean out my oatmeal bowl and then

Call will to discuss this offer Try to sneak to see Jackson on my off day Um, but I hope that you have a good rest of the day Um, and we'll catch up here same time same place next week And if you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on instagram Make sure you follow us over there and make sure you are subscribed to our show on the purple podcast app for iTunes Any apple device you can search us coffee combos click subscribe click the fifth star leave a written review

You can also find us on Spotify or any other podcast app of your choice. We hope you guys have a great week And we'll talk to you soon. See you