Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 186: Time Exchanging Troubles, B-List Friends, and Reality Show Scripts

Episode Date: October 21, 2021

This week on Coffee Convos Lindsie and Kail are talking about the trouble with exchanging time in co-parenting. When life gets in the way, exchanging time can get messy, and when the kids are stuck in the middle it's a bad situation all around. Lindsie talks about her first experience dealing with plans changing without a discussion, and how it made her feel. Plus Kail talks about her own experiences over the years, and says what she has learned. Does anyone ever feel like a "B-List Friend"? When you always feel like a second choice it can be hard not to take it personally. And having both been on reality shows Kail and Lindsie discuss how things are "scripted" and how they are not. Every show is different, and some are more scripted than others. This episode was sponsored by: The Pill Club & Wondery Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License.

I am on the air I'm recording right now you're recording right now yes man that's funny because so am I it's copy combos podcast y'all happy Monday happy Thursday well for them but for us you know for us it's Monday and it's definitely Monday I need to do you just on life things yeah just really quick I just want to recap actually I don't really have anything to recap I didn't do much this weekend we did football I saw that although we did record the bonus episode yesterday yes we did and did you have any fun other than sweat at the football game any fun um well we won we're 7-0 now and then we went to one

of our little players on the team we went to their house for a little birthday celebration after and it was so cute and I just want to say that like I'm very anti-social and I don't really like people and I know it seems like I do but I don't and are we the same person literally so but and I complained in the beginning of the season because Javi vol untold me that I was gonna be the team parent like the team mom vol untold yeah I did not volunteer for this position he was like hey there's a team mom meeting at the on Tuesday at 6 p.m. here you go and I was like I'm not really ready for this I don't want to do it

and it's a lot of work and I have four fucking kids and I just don't think I can do it and now I love it like now I you thrive in this position yes and the yes and I perform well under pressure and I love I love it because the VP of the league is also like her son is on our team so it's just like good teamwork you know I love that for you so I just ordered the kids chat books and I'm putting every single book is different though and I think when I was working with someone on these she was like oh like 30 or 15 of the same books and I was like no no no I want everyone's book to be different because I want everyone's

book to highlight themselves you know what I mean like I didn't there's only 30 pages in each and I was like I don't want only two pictures of each player you know what I mean oh yeah that's kind of weird yeah so I was working on that all day yesterday after we podcasted and I'm telling you it took me like four hours but it felt good to get it done well it's not done okay great well but anyway that's my update I know nobody really cares about that but I love it I just wanted to say I love being a team parent and well I'm glad that you have joined the team parent club we will see if you feel the same after a couple of seasons

have those under your belt and and we'll see how you feel but I also feel like the kids that you talk about that play football with Lincoln I feel like y'all are so close and like y'all do so much together outside of football that that might be why your experience has been a little bit different than mine okay yeah I could see that I could totally see it well um Lydia which is Javi's sister her son is on the team and I still say I still call him my nephew even though Javi and I are not married anymore and then Lux's cousins are on the team on Lincoln's team when I call them my nephews too so I think that has something

to do with it and then like the kids really do love each other so I'm like I just yeah I would say because we're yeah we do other things or whatever yeah maybe that is I think that's why you love it because it's just kind of like extended family yeah I do feel some kind of way that next year we won't have the same team because some people move up and some people don't just based on their so hard when that happens I'm not okay like I'm I told I told the VP I was like I want my same kids and she was like yeah well that's not happening not gonna happen um well I cleaned pretty much all weekend but it felt good yes like be in

my space and it all be clean and fresh to start the week like it was a really good feeling and I just need to know anyone who's listening if you feel so much better if you sleep in clean sheets but not only clean sheets like your bed is crisply made oh 1,000% actually put brand new Brooklyn and sheets on my bed last night and because I got a new order and you just sleep better I slept so hard okay and then that brings me to the next question are you the type of person that buys sheets or like blankets or towels and like don't wash them before you use them first or do you like put them on straight out of the package

I prefer to wash them first but sometimes like if there's an emergency like if one of it like probably luck speed the bed or something which he hasn't done in a long time knock on wood or like maybe I don't know I don't know if there was an emergency I would put them right directly on my bed but typically like to wash them first yeah well my sheets feel so crisp and I'm just like I'm thriving thriving in the moment yes I love that for you I love that for you so anything else nothing else fun nothing else to catch up on that I can think of did you finish watching made I so okay don't kill me but I got a song now I'm

on episode seven so I know I know I tried I tried really hard to get through all the episodes but I only made it to seven just because I had like just pure chaos but I am at the point so you lied to me you said that Regina did not come home while the guy was there and here I am in my head I thought that they had sex Alex and what was his name again that that guy that was there from like the dating app yes they didn't have sex did they no no I thought they were going to I don't know and she kicks him out before Regina sees him yeah but you said she didn't come home when she was there oh I thought you meant like did she catch

them oh okay okay okay okay that's the way I read the situation so I'm like no like yeah she comes home but like she doesn't catch them like they're in the clear it's really hard for me not to dislike Regina like I understand like so on Thanksgiving when she comes home and she starts eating the pie and she like is unloading and like just telling Alex all the things first of all Alex is still wearing Regina's clothes and two at first I was like oh wow like she's human like she's treating Alex like a human being and she is you know gonna come around and then when Alex starts helping her build the crib and stuff like

that it was like Regina just turns into like a different person again and like it's really hard for me to like her so I had a lot of thoughts actually on this specific part of the show and Regina just as a character I did like her because I feel like her traumas like really came out and were displayed and they were displayed and it's almost like she she wanted to open up and then she like caught herself doing it and then she had to like reel it back in because she couldn't be too she couldn't be too human right and then she had to pull it all back in and I really felt that when the whole crib thing was going on she I

truly feel like maybe felt a sense of like she doesn't really know how to do domestic things like she can be successful and other facets of her life but when it comes to getting ready to be a mom and cleaning a house and cooking food and doing all that maybe like putting a crib together those are all things that I don't think that she had experience doing so maybe she felt a sense of defeat and then also you have to remember too that she had tried to get pregnant on her own and the internal battle that she probably dealt with trying for that to happen and just knowing like this is not happening and

then knowing what it did to her marriage and then the fact that he left that just I feel like this show covered so many different aspects of just different people's lives that like I personally know I'm like wow I I feel like that is such and such a situation or like I see myself in this situation do you feel like that well I was gonna say that next so Alex is me Alex's mom is my mother like to a T minus the art well kind of cuz my mom's a hairstylist but Regina is me in the aspect that a lot of the viewers of the show see like a very hard exterior or kind of unrelatable but when I when I do finally release things it is

emotional you can understand why I'm so defensive you can understand why I'm so seems like I'm unapproachable or I have no feelings so in that regard but now that you say that and you like talk about her problems like it's like okay that's me like on TV what people see on TV of me and being kind of hard to like is probably how I feel about Regina but then Alex is really what I'm going through and you just like I went through everything that Alex has gone through so I get it yeah you're right you're right but I also feel like when you're watching it you're kind of like okay Regina just like give a little like

I just want you to like take that human and be human for a second it's like she has the world at her fingertips right what probably everyone that's listening including myself talking in you too you're like okay wow she has a great career and she's got a beautiful home and she's got a nice car and like seemingly like this picture perfect life on the outside but like on the inside it's really that's all just like a facade everything can look one way but be something totally different totally totally so what else like what that's the last part that you got to was where no I got to her getting she got like the

little apartment she was doing exchange for barter because she was gonna do the landscaping I thought that was gonna go really well for her her daughter got into the little preschool that was so cute but then she gets kicked out because Shawn comes back and breaks into the house and then they kick her out which rightfully so also could relate to that and then she goes to stay with what is his name Nate and I love Nate for her like I just want her to love him back because I feel like he is such a good guy and like doesn't judge her for her situation and he knows that she is you know getting assistance and like on

welfare and all of that and he doesn't judge her he sees her for who she truly is and not what her struggles are and I just I'm sad because I know that they're not gonna end up together but like he's so welcoming and like I think it goes back to what I said before that from the outside looking in we're watching this all unfold right and these are characters on a series but it's so relatable and we feel like oh these are like real people and real life situations because it is so real in so many ways and you're like okay we look at Alex like she's our friend right and we're like oh Alex you need to pick Nate because these are

the reasons like why he's so good for you and then you keep going back to like save Shawn or to be with Shawn because it's like a comfortability level there or something like well it's like she doesn't want to be with him but she still keeps saving him and that's literally like me with one of my baby daddies is like I keep going back to save like clean up the shit storm you know what I mean correct um I want to say something really quick because I think there there are a lot of people that don't know this there's a part in made where Alex is homeless and her mom also is homeless so they both go stay

with Nate that literally was me and my mother one day I came home from high school and we were evicted from our apartment and my mom's boyfriend had turned off all of our cell phones and never he hadn't paid rent I guess like my mom and her boyfriend's agreement was that he was supposed to pay the rent and like my mom had everything else or I don't really know exactly like what the agreement was but he hadn't paid it an X amount of time and we were evicted and we had nowhere to go and my mom came with me to live with Joe wow I had no idea that your mom ever lived with Joe it was very short-lived I was I wouldn't

say she lived there she just stayed there for a week or two and I know that that was just like I felt like out like I don't want to say I think embarrassed yeah I was a little embarrassed it was a hard time because I was you know 16 17 years old pregnant and now I'm living with my boyfriend and his parents and now my mom is coming to stay with us because she doesn't have her shit together you know so it was very weird but like when I tell you I relate to made on all levels I I am not kidding also I just wanted to say the relationship with Alex and Sean I feel like even if you're not in a relationship that has the

domestic violence factors it's still so relatable because I've also found myself since I moved out just like I would do anything for Will you know and I don't know if it's because we have a child together or because we've been together so long I don't think it's because y'all have a child together in my personal opinion because I would not do anything for Joe or Chris you wouldn't no if they broke down on the side of the road I would not be there okay see that's like absolutely no like if that happened I would be like the first person there no and I would not actually I've literally passed Chris on the side of the

road and all kill and also like hope that he felt comfortable enough to call me yeah speaking of Will though since we are being fully transparent about everything I don't want to leave parts out and just tell people about how great we're doing with co-parenting and then like not telling other facets of that we reached a road bump this past week and it was really hard and I was sad for like a solid 24 hours like couldn't get it together for myself because I just felt so like defeated almost yes like frustrated like frustrated defeated disrespected anyone who follows professional baseball you know that

the Braves are in the playoffs they won their last two games against the Dodgers and we were chopping last night and so on Monday of last week I on Monday of last week I call Will and I'm like hey I just want to discuss something with you I know that it's your time with Jackson however Braves are either going to play the Dodgers depending on the Dodgers Giants game they'll play the Dodgers in Atlanta on Saturday and Sunday if they play the Giants then they'll play the first game in San Francisco irrelevant to us but I just wanted to have the conversation now because depending on that outcome of that game potentially I

would like to take Jackson to a Saturday or Sunday game and he was like yeah that sounds fine and I said if you don't want me to take him by myself and you want to go because we'll love baseball I was like I'll get you you a ticket to and Will was like yeah okay so literally hear nothing else of it Dodgers win their game against the Giants on Thursday night so we know that the Dodgers and Braves are playing on the weekend so then Friday rolls around and Will had told me that I could take Jackson to the pumpkin patch on Friday pick him up from school really not my time right I take Jackson to get a snack after school look down at

my phone and Will has text me and said hey just wanted to let you know that I have a ticket for me and a ticket for Jackson to the playoff game and a parking pass and basically you're not going like he didn't say that but it was just like I have a ticket for me obviously yeah right and not that I would expect that I would be included in anything that he was doing but I was just it was abrupt and I was just kind of like oh wow this was not what we talked about right so then I text back to get more information and I'm just like who who are you going with to this game so he tells me that it's his brother's company's tickets and that

he's going with his brother his dad and Jackson and I said that's literally not what you guys talked about at all at all and it's one thing to say oh well it's will's time in the first place and I understand that but y'all already talked about it and you were gonna he was allowing you to take him and you included him in the invite if he didn't want to go with you and he wanted to then go with his brother and his brother's company then that's on him but that was never even like a thing at that time like it was never even mentioned like it was never mentioned that like there was a potential of going to one of those games

will kind of was like playing around saying oh I already got tickets and I was like wait you couldn't have tickets to a game that like we don't even know when it is you know like they wouldn't be for sale and then he was like yeah like it's fine if you know want to get tickets or whatever then we'll go let's talk about health care really quick health care for women is unnecessarily complicated and life is stressful enough and access to health care should not be as stressful as life so luckily getting birth control is one less thing that you have to worry about you can get the pill club and you'll

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so I'm kind of like okay and then this also upset me because I've also had the discussion with will that he always does stuff with his family with Jackson but it's never like individual with him and Jackson going to do something so it's they're always involved and Jackson keeps bringing up the fact that he feels like will is trying to replace me with his parents and so I'm like okay I'm like okay obviously like this is an issue that we need to discuss so I text him back and I was like hey I just don't want to have this conversation over text you can call me so a little bit later he calls me and I tell him you know it's

just like really disrespectful the way he went about it and had he text me and said hey I don't know if you're still working on tickets or if you don't have tickets yet if you're really not interested in going and just want Jackson to go I do have an offer from my brother that we have you know access to two company tickets in a parking pass that I can take him that would have played out totally different to me than the way that it played out and 100% and frankly telling me on a Friday knowing that the game was on Sunday and this was like Friday before he knew that I had plans with Jackson to take him to the pumpkin

patch and I told will I was like so upset and I said okay I'm just not gonna bring him to you then like I'm just not and will was like well it's my time and blah blah blah so then we got into the whole argument of like who's time blah you know how it goes and I told Jackson I was like you know what it actually is your dad's time so since he wanted to pull this I'm gonna take you to get a couple things that I needed to get Jackson for the week I'm gonna gather all of your things and I'm gonna take you to your dad's and you and I will go to the pumpkin patch when I see you on Wednesday and your dad can choose to do

whatever he chooses to do regarding the Braves game and the way he went about this was completely crappy and I think that we just shouldn't have any further discussions about this and also I think that we should not be willing to exchange time anymore because he also was like well if he's not at my house by such and such time like I could call the police or whatever and I'm like call them I'm at home like my garage is up but tell him to get here I said tell him to get here before 5 30 because I've got errands to run so first of all that's where it gets it does get tricky right like I've been there too three times

over is like okay if I if we do agree to exchange time regardless of if the game fell through or not that is the tricky situation because some people would say okay you guys extra agreed to exchange time so now it's your time but some people will say well if those plans fall through then it defaults back to dad's time so I really think that varies by situation I also have completely stopped exchanging time we don't exchange time now it's and I don't know if this is helpful to you or not but like for example I'll use Joe as an example if if I wanted Isaac for something I would say hey can I have

this time with Isaac and then he'll say yes or no if he says yes and then he needs it in the future like he wants something I will most likely say yes but it's not like oh hey I'll exchange this date for this date because things just keep popping up but I do try not to even do that at all like I just it's not worth it it's not worth the fight it's not worth the argument and then the kids do get confused because it's like okay am I with mom am I with dad whose day is it and it's frustrating for it to it's it's hard for it not to come through to the kids because it's obviously a heated situation short notice

all of the things whether you keep it from them or not they can feel it you know what I mean well yeah and I know that Jackson was feeling it and probably felt stressed out about it like oh my gosh and then Jackson's you know calling will and he's like if you call the cops on my mom and I'm like okay this has gotten way too far this has gotten freaking weird I'm not comfortable with this this isn't even funny at this point will obviously your delusional because you don't see anything from anyone else's perspective I always try to put myself in his shoes before I go off on something always I'm like you

know what maybe he was thinking this so maybe I should just like curb that choose my argument and that's not something I want to argue over but this no I was going guns blazing on this and then he sent me a picture of Jackson at the game last night and I was like so petty I responded and I was like he looks so precious thanks for robbing me of the experience with my son let's see I'm laughing I promise you this is like you just said it's a bump in the road and things will get easier it will get better and as time goes on you guys will find your groove whether that is exchanging time or not it's kind of

funny like laughing looking back at it and I think I have a question though in Georgia do they did the cops come I have no idea I was waiting on them I told him to call them like shut up and they never in Delaware in Delaware cops do not get involved in anything child custody related so you cannot call the cops if your child is not back even if you have a custody order the only thing that you can do is file something like a contempt or something in family court oh my gosh I was so heated I was like in my garage trying to get stuff out of my car and I was like listen not listening to you not doing this monkey business going back

and forth to you I don't really care what you do you want to call the cops call the cops I'm gonna be here until 530 tell them to go ahead and show up errands to run garage is open front door is unlocked just alert me before you call them so I can at least be outside so Jackson doesn't have to witness your shenanigans but when they do get here just be prepared that I'm going to tell them that you are obviously a crazy person because you've called the cops because you told me that I could take Jackson to the pumpkin patch and then you like bamboozled me about the Braves games like okay listen I'm sure they'll

love this like this will be this will be great and this is also on the heels of the fact that we had talked about will's parents had made these beach plans prior to knowing that will and I were filing for divorce I allowed will to take Jackson to the beach last weekend and agreed to let him miss school on Friday so that they could get on the road all of that to accommodate his family beach trip then he pulls that stuff on Monday and then acts like I'm gonna care because he's gonna be a cop caller I'm like you know what call the cops literally I'm gonna put all my business out there I have gone through the same shit like Harvey is

notorious for shit like this like in this specific situation this is hobby hobby made me go through a little period of time where I was only allowed to email him okay and I wish I would our drop-off is Sundays at 5 p.m. and but it does allow for a 15-minute grace period and I saw an email after the fact like way after the fact I think I got there at like 510 and I checked my email and it's like you it is 506 I expect Lincoln here no I'm not even kidding I'm gonna post the email just because Javi and I are fine right now post it while we're good and he's gonna kill me he listens to our podcast so he's gonna kill me when

all this comes out but hey Javi he was like it is 506 and I'm like what are you gonna do call the police like I didn't even respond to the email because I'm like it's not you get to a point where you don't he literally emailed me and was like do you have Lincoln's Jaguars hoodie I'm sorry but I'm not responding to that pardon I'm not responding to that I'm not responding to that so yeah you you'll get to a point where you just don't even react to certain things at all because when you react you get they it's almost like a reward regardless it's like a child

throwing a temper tantrum kind of thing and like I realized that I was engaging for up until like recently you know what I mean and like I was like giving them any type of reaction even if you're defending yourself or like disagreeing with them or like trying to get them to see your perspective like it's still a reaction and it's not even you'll get there until I was blue in the face about the situation he wasn't going to he wasn't gonna budge no and I'm like wait I just don't even care about you budging at this moment I just want you to acknowledge the fact that you're in a state of psychosis obviously like

not psychosis is happening but also I am going to post the text message that I sent about the the robbery that happened to me and just the fact that I feel like my time was so robbed it's just a truly I do think it was shitty though it it was a it was a shitty thing and I think we'll also listen so hello will hey well I'm sorry I think that was a I I'm not sorry that was a shitty thing that was a shitty thing to do and you know I also don't know if you do this or not or if you guys ever did this but we used to do well I say like we've been doing this for a long time but we haven't at the beginning we were going to do a

midweek like pick up from school and then yes have dinner you did say that mm-hmm okay so we've actually changed that now because it made it so complicated that and then it just like calls will and I have to see each other all the time because right I felt like I was always seeing him like I was it still married to him or something so we decided that we were gonna do a midweek overnight so all of the exchanges are through the school so I really don't see will ever yeah that's Joe and I were doing that for a long time too we haven't this year I don't know why I prefer it that way instead of

exchanging on Sundays to exchange on Mondays because then we don't have to see each other at all yeah see Jackson we exchange on Fridays okay so you exchange after your your week starts on a Monday like your time starts on a Monday no my time my time starts on a Sunday on a Sunday okay so y'all exchange at Lincoln Lux and Creed all get dropped off at 5 p.m. on Sundays and Isaac gets dropped off at 6 p.m. on Sundays and then we'd exchange again the following Sunday but one the one year we did Mondays because I don't think we were in a good place could you imagine like just being like petty patty and

being like I just want to let you know that it is 5 11 I remember a time when I was bitter like I don't know if bitter is the right word but like I don't think it was bitter like I wasn't bitter that the relationships didn't work and I think I get so annoyed when people call me a bitter baby mom because that's never what it what it was ever about it was more like I was just like miserable in general like overall and so like every little thing was like annoying or like every little thing was a problem I'm not that way anymore like I just I'm not responding to your email like I could have emailed back and been

like oh you know whatever whatever there's a 15 minute grace period like I'm not I'm not it is what it is I'm not arguing with you I'm not save your email yes unless I'm gonna be 30 minutes late I'm not emailing you oh my gosh I had read a quote that I saw must have been like on Instagram or something but it said never let your storm get your kids wet and I'm like I have worked so hard on trying to do everything the right way stay cool calm and collected all the way up until Friday and I think that I just lost it like and then I'm sure other people relate to this you're like why did I let that get that

reaction out of me yes like why did that trigger me so bad yes 1,000% 1,000 but just because you fuck up sometimes does not mean that you're not making progress just because you fuck up sometimes does not mean that you're not doing a good job it just means that you're fucking human so try not to beat yourself up over this because now the next time it comes up you'll know kind of how to deal with it better like don't there won't be a next time because there won't be a conversation for a next time because I'm not exchanging time anytime anymore like you took advantage of me and that's just it you showed me

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podcast or you can listen ad-free and early right now by subscribing to Wondery Plus kids and Apple podcast or Wondery Plus and the Wondery app speaking of that what learning how to just like forgive yourself this was a listener topic I feel like this kind of fits into like all of that is like forgiving yourself for mistakes like obviously you it got a little bit out of hand and it affected Jackson in a way that he was like oh well shit you know like now he's like I don't want the cops to come you know for my mom or whatever yeah like now you know though like you forgive yourself you move on

hopefully will hear this and be like okay that was shitty and then also does hear this too I'm not afraid of the cops so Lindsay the cops are not coming they're not getting involved in custody matters and I mean let's just face it if they do come which they're not but if they did and I had to explain to them that I was taking my son to the pumpkin patch and like the level of annoyed that I would have had to have been by explaining this to an officer that would have escalated my tone so bad with will that like I don't even I don't even know he should be in another country he's going to Mexico like I don't I don't

even know but yes I do think that you have to learn to forgive yourself and give yourself grace when you're going through hard things it's really easy we're our own worst critics right like yeah pick apart all of the things like I'm the worst at doing that I pick apart everything that I do and I'm like okay look at all the bad but then I don't really look at all the good all the time and be like wow like I really did good here here here and here but I like did bad right here and now I need to like beat myself up over that I I feel like I'm actually doing a better job forgiving myself for like life mistakes I don't

feel like I have as hard as of a time with that anymore especially like things that I mushing hobby in 2012 like the general public holds on to things like that for me way more than I do like I feel like hobby and I have moved on we forgiven each other things like that where I do have trouble not forgiving myself for mistakes that I made the first thing that comes to mind is at the gym when I'm boxing my coach if I fuck up the flow instead of just like continuing to flow through I cannot move past the fact that I just fucked up even though I did it 12 times in a row you know what I mean that's where I'm

struggling now is like being harder myself on things that don't actually matter yeah in the grand scheme of things you messing up the flow boxing doesn't really have an effect on your daily life right like it doesn't control anything I don't know why but I have such a like I get so but hurt and mad and like it just like I don't know what it is and he's like you it's okay like he I don't know what it is wait you had written also this other topic and like we have to talk about it experience being a belist friend and never being a first choice what like what is this about who did this that was actually a

listener topic as well oh it was yeah people were talking about that and I just feel like have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you're the belist friend no because I just don't be friends with enough people to for that to happen you know okay so I don't care anymore like right now in my life I'm almost 30 I don't give a fuck if I'm your friend or if I'm not your friend I don't care if I'm your acquaintance or I'm your bestie or like I don't give a shit like if I'm not in your top eight I'm not crying about it however you remember that my space yeah of course there was a time where we first started

team mom and I came in late I've talked about this before but like I came in late and so I was not supposed to be on team mom too I was well I was supposed to be on team mom too but I was not supposed to be on 16 and pregnant season 2 I was supposed to be on 16 and pregnant season 3 so I was a last-minute exchange to move to 16 and pregnant season 2 everyone had already known each other and Chelsea and Leo were like like besties on the show and I just felt like I was always second choice you know what I mean like for them like I was always second best that's like friends were like established and then you were just like

coming into the fold yeah like I was always an afterthought like not only was I was I an afterthought for the actual show but I was also an afterthought for like the friendships and I was always like that's what it felt like at the time because obviously when you're young and you're clicky and this is a show and they already knew each other and they have you know what I mean like it was just very different that's like the most recent time that I can think of being like a be list friend like I was always like the second option oh like if Chelsea and Leo are busy oh last kale oh yeah okay well okay I don't know if I've

been in a situation like that just because I don't really care and that's okay like some people care way more than others but also I feel like I have such unique friendships with each of my friends like my friendship with one person is not the same as my friendship with someone else they like feel a different part of me I guess yeah yep and so I don't value the people I am friends with it's not like I'm valuing one or the other you know like right because everybody brings something different to the table but maybe this is more applicable I could think of this like in high school because I went to a

new school when I was a sophomore and I also felt like friend groups were established and stuff and I was just like going into the fold and that's where I would probably apply this but like in my grown adult life this doesn't apply to me it doesn't apply to me either I as you said like all my friendships fulfill different parts of like it's it's just a different situation like none of them are if for example if I need a workout partner I know I'm gonna call bone like that's just like our friendship and we have like other like things that we do things that we talk about things that we you know have in common and then if I'm

gonna I'm trying to think like other like entrepreneurial stuff like I have friends that are also entrepreneurs that I would call that I could talk about that we would you know do certain things and then like just all my friendships are very different they're just so different that I don't feel like I have ABCD like it just doesn't work that way I may be a be list friend for somebody else but I don't give a shit like I don't care right like that's not that's not your focus on the day right love this circling back a little bit to divorce and or just if you're co-parenting there's a couple of things that I have

read through parenting classes or like listen to parenting stuff trying to figure out how to navigate certain aspects of living on my own and you know raising us on on my own and like what am I supposed to be doing and making sure that I want to do everything the right way and we had talked about a while ago whenever I moved out like taking pictures off the walls and like how that was like super sad for me and I don't think we ever covered me getting pictures for my new house which is something that I just recently did and I've got a bunch of canvases of Jackson and I at like favorite from favorite

trips that we've been on which are basically all beach trips super pretty photos but then I was thinking about how in this parenting class which it was a seminar that I had to take through the judicial system in order to be awarded divorce the divorce because they want to ward it if there's a minor child without you taking this so in that it was talking about how you should have pictures if you're co-parenting you should have pictures of the other parent like in the home somewhere for the child to be able to see but I'm also like that wouldn't I feel two ways about this I'm like okay if I hung like a family photo

of us on the wall I also kind of feel like that's sending Jackson the wrong message to maybe like hold out hope or something right wait I've never heard of this in my life yes I'll have to find my notes maybe I have up here I'll look but it was talking about you know to to really I guess the point was to to show that you know you guys are a team and like you're still a family and even though you know he would be at my house his family still his dad too and so to do these pictures somewhere in the house for him to be able to see them and I'm like okay well logically if I did that it would be like his bedroom right because

it applies to him that's his family but then also I have a little problem with it because now there are certain things that I feel like I would be doing that he wouldn't be doing and I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick I mean I get I get the I I get the idea behind that and I guess I could understand maybe if you did like a foot like a collage situation and you did like pictures of Jackson and will but maybe not like you Jackson and will oh yeah where it's like okay you and Jackson you are you and Jackson and then Jackson and will and then like Della and like family members but I don't know I don't know

that I would put like you Jackson and well oh well you know what I'm sitting here lying to you because it was really important to me for Lincoln to have a picture in his football photo album of me Javi and him okay yeah and I just remembered that so that was important to me because it's like despite all of the bullshit that your dad and I have been through like we both made this entire football season work together for you right like this is a joint collective effort even through periods yes even through periods of email only yes I have actually a lot of notes from this parenting divorce parenting class that I

want to post because I think it's you know just like a really great resource it you know talks about all the stages of grief and just statistics you know like that I had no idea of but basically this topic came up when they were talking about how your child is a part of mom and dad and how they should be able to look you know in their home and feel like even though that person's not there it's still like a supported relationship I guess and so I'm like okay I would do that at my house and have no problem doing that but also is will doing that at his house because if he's not then that's where you get into

situations tricky yeah where it's like okay I'm still probably gonna choose to take the high road because it's like what's in the best interest of my child but I can't expect that the other person's also gonna take the high road all the time but that's where I feel like is it frustrating yeah is it annoying because they're not you know keeping the same standards over there it's one of those things where it's like my I know that my child will grow up and appreciate what I did what I tried and I know that I did my best I know that I included pictures here of Javi or I know that I included pictures here of Joe and V or

you know whatever that looks like I actually posted a picture of the dads with my kids on their Instagrams last night and so it's very I don't know if it's like a coincidence or if it was meant to come up on today's podcast but you know I don't I don't have a good relationship with Chris at all we don't communicate whatsoever I think the last like five or six text messages that I sent obviously about the kids have not been respond to just read and it was still important to me so that when Lincoln or when Lux looks back it's like okay my mom didn't only include herself and my brothers on my mom's side on my

Instagram you know right at some point I'm gonna hand it over to him and he's gonna have those pictures on there and he's gonna be able to look back and be like oh my mom posted you know my mom might not like my dad but my dad was posted on my Instagram you know well for sure and going back to where you said you know texts weren't answered I feel like you also have to remember when you get out of a relationship or if it's a divorce situation there's a lot of things that I feel like I have kind of expected through co-parenting that we're also issues in our marriage so I it's really like a false expectation right

it's like okay well you didn't communicate when we were married which was an issue so why would I just randomly assume that you're gonna be like a better communicator right I don't know yeah right it's wishful thinking I think or like you think okay well if I get divorced the problem will go away but that's not always the case that's not always the case and it's really really hard when someone doesn't communicate or doesn't communicate effectively and then your child is telling you something and being a messenger of something like the child should never be the messenger right your child should always be kept

out of the middle of conflict and never feel like they're having to tell you something it's like just you tell me like just tell me whatever I need to know and I don't care if it comes via email via text phone conversation pigeon however just just tell me I agree I agree wholeheartedly with that actually it says that 70% chance within three years of your divorce being final most families get along fine like most family years yeah after three years they like you know in that amount of time they figure it out and do it pretty I probably wouldn't say seamlessly but okay that I mean I think that would be that's good

for like the average but like mmm I like just like Joe more now than I ever did and then Javi and I still like he just goes through I would say he has like harder periods than I do now where I've like completely mellowed out I just don't react the same anymore and then Chris and I just don't communicate at all you have a lot of different communication styles going on non-communication styles going on yeah someone actually sent me a message the other day and I'm like I don't understand this at all because I feel like I talk about my kids dad's pretty equally at this point wait tell me what the message said do

you agree with that yes or no that you talk about your kids dad's pretty equally yeah like at this point I pretty much talk about them in passing like I don't make full episodes about them things like that would you agree with that because that's kind of how I feel like I only really talk about them if it applies to something that you and I are talking about correct and even like in our personal life outside of podcasting the last time we've talked about my baby daddies literally I mean this this woman said that that it's so hard to defend me at this point because I keep talking about one of my baby

daddies and that I post this child more than any other child because I'm trying that because I'm bitter towards this one father and I'm like it's really fucking crazy to try to understand how people perceive me like I know it's none of my it's not actually any of my business what someone else thinks of me but like how differently we perceive other people and their lives and what they do like I was trying I was struggling to understand how this woman got to this conclusion and it was an email sent to me just like it's so hard to defend you like you don't stop you know and I'm just like I don't like are you watching shit from like

2017 or like I don't really know like what I don't know how you write like I don't know how you got to that conclusion I don't know how that's you know two plus two equals four and I'm not sure how you got 14 we also have to remember too that people who have multiple children will understand this that two of your boys are getting to the age they probably don't love having their picture taken all the time oh Isaac hates it that's why he has the least amount of like he's on social media the least amount because he just doesn't care and then Lincoln's entire thing is football and then Lux is just fucking

funny so he's just always you know what I mean he's always doing videos and like being funny and silly but that's just his age too and then Creed won't sit still like I don't even think I have like one picture of me and him cuz he won't either sit still or look at the camera long enough you know like it was just this age I remember people saying that Lincoln was my favorite because Lincoln was always on I used to say that and stuff yeah yeah you did used to say that yes yeah yeah whenever we first like became friends I used to all the time be like Kale has a favorite child and it's Lincoln and I think it was

just because he was the baby and because he required more attention at the time and they're doing like all the first and it's cute and those moments only happen for a short period of time and then they're gone you know so you do relish in those times but speaking of we just need to really cover this last topic before we go reality TV I've wanted to cover this for a really long time actually so I was excited that listeners wanted to know about it reality TV and how scripted verse reality that they are and the first thing that I want to say is that there's networks behind every reality TV show and even though

people think that reality TV isn't a job it is a business it's 1000% a business and there are I'm trying to tread lightly there are networks that have say and the editing process and what storylines that you know they they approve for the show and what you know they don't approve for the show because it's not the narrative that they're wanting to press that season or it's just they think that it might not be perceived well you know whatever it may be and you also have to remember that a lot of reality shows if it's not a docu-series are given a start date and an end date to complete a season yes ma'am

some I will say some reality shows I've been on multiple some are more produced than others so no matter what you're looking at there is a storyline no matter what show we're talking about here how real the storyline is will vary by show will it will vary by by show so it's hard to say like oh this is real this is fake this is real this is fake unless you're in it and you're on it but yes either way regardless of how much producing is going on it is a job it is a business and it creates very real money for both the people on the show and the people behind the scenes you know the camera operators the the field

producers all of them those are all real jobs and so to sit there and say that the person on screen doesn't have a real job is comical to me it's also comical to me and I also want to state they also aren't running cameras 24-7 so what they're capturing a lot of people would say oh well that's scripted then if they're cat capturing it within X amount of time and X amount of time and you know when you're showing up somewhere and where you're going there is a level of scriptedness for the business to be able to work and run because there's so many people that are involved right they're like there would right be no

possible way for they're not to be an agenda but also I will just say from my experience that there were so many conversations behind the scenes before new seasons began and I think that producers took those conversations and decided where they fit in the show and when you're showing up I can just speak for myself not anyone else outside of myself but when I'm showing up I kind of know what's gonna happen and it's something that probably actually happened in my real life yes like a lot of times it's like a real scenario or a real situation a real topic of conversation but it wouldn't necessarily have happened

the same way if the cameras were not there right absolutely so like for example the PCOS podcast that we did we would have had that podcast anyway but we scheduled it for that time specifically because we were filming correct yes so we were gonna do it anyway so we might as well okay let's you know throw it in the show and add it since I have a shoot going on anyway let's do this episode pot this podcast episode during that time so things like that but again it varies by show but also that was not scripted in any way like that episode was really just us talking as we normally would have been

there was just cameras there and a little bit more pre-planning in advance that's it that's exactly that pre-planning I think that there's a there's a big difference between being scripted because a lot of people ask me all the time do they tell you what to talk about not necessarily at least not in my experience I haven't necessarily been told what to talk about but it would be something that I'm actually going through would just be instead of like calling up my friend on a whim it's like okay Lindsay I'm gonna call you at this time to tell you about this happening right because if Kale's

calling me who knows what I might be doing I might be you know at picking your nose driving down yeah I mean cops might be here I don't know you know what could be happening you might be at the pumpkin patch the cops are coming to pick you up yeah so I don't know what could be happening so in that way there is I would say a significant amount of pre-planning that is involved yes and then also I will say there's something called pickup scenes so they capture what they need for the show and then get it back to post where they're editing and whatever and then if they're missing something because the way that it was

cut then there might be a scene that you have to redo or an addition to for the message to be relayed in the right way so that was my experience I also want to say that unless you're an executive producer you don't have control over the editing process or what gets in or what gets out so that was something that I never had a say on like I showed up to film and whatever footage they got is what they got and what they use is what they chose to use you know right a hundred percent you said all of it correctly also I will say if we ever did another reality TV show that I would not request but demand to have

executive producer credit so I did have a little bit more control yes I agree I 1000% agree so on that we've pretty much ran out of time and I am going to send pictures of all of these notes from that parenting class just because I feel like other people need to to read about this stuff and then we can get it posted sometime on coffee convos podcast Instagram if you guys have not subscribed to us you can do that by searching the purple podcast app Spotify or any other podcast app of your choice we hope that you guys enjoyed the bonus episode and also have enjoyed this episode and hope that you guys have a great week see ya