Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 191: Gift Giving Pressure, Relating To Music, and Knowing When To Cut Someone Off

Episode Date: November 18, 2021

With the holiday season quickly approaching Kail and Lindsie are talking about the more stressful side of the holidays, gift giving. There can be so much pressure to give certain types of gifts, and there are no rules to follow! And there can be even more pressure when you receive for gifts you didn't want or ask for. And so many artists are dropping new music right now, and Lindsie has been relating HARD to some of it. Kail and Lindsie discuss the new Adele album and the special that premiered this last week. And listeners have been wanting to know how Kail and Lindsie decide to cut off toxic people. What are the signs they need to be out of your life, and how do you go about it? This episode was sponsored by: Olive and June, Ana Luisa, Prose, MamaZen Music by Nathaniel Wyvern. Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License.

Good morning. We are live on Coffee Convos podcast on this wonderful Monday morning for us Thursday morning for you guys. Yes, today is definitely Monday. I'm feeling it feels like Monday. I look like Monday. Oh my gosh. It's fine. Everything's fine. Let me tell you. So this weekend I really worked on trying to get everything in my house organized because I've had a lot of boxes coming through here because I'm changing out fixtures and stuff. And so, you know how like wrappers like everywhere, dust everywhere, they're coming to Styrofoam pieces. Yes, the worst. It's the worst. Jinx, you owe me a Coke. Then my bathroom finally, my shower is getting replaced supposedly tomorrow. The last thing on my bookshelves will be complete

tomorrow and then I'm going to start putting up Christmas stuff. Wait, wait, wait. Time out. What do you mean you your shower? Are you redoing your shower? Well, I told you and all of you guys that I had a flood in my bathroom on the first night. Remember that? No, I don't. I do not recall that. Okay, well, I had a flood in my bathroom on the first night, the shower, the inspector, I guess, like missed the fact that there was a cap on the drain. And I'm just busy shaving my legs, minding my business. And I have a what do they call that like an open and clothe? It doesn't have a door on it. It's just like open like a case opening case. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just minding my business shaving my

legs at that time shaving my cat and look and realize that I didn't know if I was in a bath or a shower at that point. So I was like, Oh, okay. So literally floods all into my bedroom, all into my closet, all into is there carpet in there in your closet? Thank goodness. No, but that would have been absolutely horrible kill. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even have like a broom over here. So I had a not a I had a broom. I didn't have a dustpan. And so I was like, how am I going? I'm butt naked. All of my towels are now soaking wet. I have nothing to dry myself off with because I've used everything in the floor. I'm trying to sweep the water back in literally horrible. So then the wall, then like they

come and fix it, everything seems to be doing okay. And I realized like as I'm cleaning the shower floor that it looks dirty and I'm like, what in the world compared to the wall? And so I'm like, I keep cleaning and cleaning and nothing keeps coming up. So they send someone out there and they're like, yeah, you could keep cleaning this for the rest of your life. And it's never going to match because the people who installed this used a different grout on the floor than they did on the shower. And it was just like a hair off. But the grout on the shower floor was like a creamier color. And then on the wall was like white white, which is where how it was supposed to be. The floor was supposed

to be the same. Yes. So now they're coming to rip out the shower floor tomorrow. So I'm sure that'll be a lovely experience. But it'll hopefully all be done and ready for the holiday, which I am super excited about. And I can't believe that I'm even saying this that I am putting a tree out before Thanksgiving. Wait, so time out time out because I'm concerned about your shower. Do you have to pay for this because I'm afraid and I'm my house supposed to be done in three weeks. And I promise you it won't be done until probably January or February at this point. Do you have to pay for this or do they have to pay for this? Before I answer that question, I might be as excited about your new house as you are.

Like I'm not excited anymore. I'm very not excited. I cannot wait for you to get in it. I think you'll be excited like once it's done and you're there. I am. I also had that same feeling that you're having right now when it started getting time for me to like make the move because I knew all of the things that were going to come along with once I got to the house. Does that make sense? I am very not excited. Like I am so far over my budget over my loan amount. Like my out of pocket expense at this point is I'm afraid. So that's fun. And the email that I got today about countertops and cabinets when I'm supposed to be moving in in three weeks is just like very unsettling. So wait, are you gonna answer

my question? Do you have to pay for that or do they like if that's like a you would not have known if there was a cap on the drain, right? Right? What is that? I guess they cap it off for whatever reason. Like underneath the actual drain, they cap the pipe. And I don't know why they do that. If anyone's listening that works in construction, then tell us. But supposedly it's like standard protocol for them to do it. And typically it's the builder either removes it or it's found in the inspection. It was not found in my inspection, which makes me very uneasy because I'm like, okay, well, what else was not found in the inspection? But they are replacing the shower floor. It's not going to cost me anything because

everything is under warranty. But I will say if you are building a new construction home, the warranties are absolute shit. And you have to fight like I've had to have my assistant deal with the entire thing because I couldn't it felt like I was hitting a brick wall when I was trying to talk to them and they use every excuse in the book like not to come out. And now they have the excuse of, you know, the building supplies, they can't get them. And I'm like, at this point, I don't even care if you replace the same shower floor, like whatever you have that is comparable to this, let me see it and just get it replaced because it just looks awful. So that's my life.

I'm very nervous. I am very nervous. Are you well? No, I'm not well. Actually, my interior designer is at my house right now, the new house. Just to double check on some things, they delivered tile to the house, I think last week or the week before, but they were actually missing an entire palette. Great. So we were just waiting on that and the grout and all of the all of the grout colors that were picked were on that palette that was missing. Oh my God, but they needed to start the tile and stuff like that. I mean, it was, it's like an easy fix, but my builder was like, no, I need the grout today in order to start. So he then went and got all the grout and stuff because he didn't want to

wait for it because he needed to get started. It's just weird, like little things that you don't think of that would put you back. And another thing that I would like to mention is that one good indication that men are out here coming up with these plans in the laundry room, the shelves are so high in my house. I'm like, okay, obviously whoever measured this was six foot. You're like no normal average person of normal average height would be able to reach. Correct. I'm on my tip toes. So that's a whole nother issue in itself. I can't wait for you to tell me about your weekend. And I mean, I might be more excited for Lincoln than I am for like real Super Bowl champs. Listen, the game on Saturday, first of all,

Lux had a bi week, which was perfect because I needed to focus all the energy on Lincoln's game. We went up against the Saints who we were not expecting to play in our little Super Bowl. We were expecting to go against the Cowboys. And it was just a really good game. The kids were psyched, but you know, COVID actually that same week, two of our players were like, oh, we tested positive for COVID. We can't play. So it was like a huge devastation and we couldn't push the game back because nobody else was exposed. Everyone tested negative like just to clarify that same week, like all the players tested at that point because we were just nervous. We didn't want to like spread it and all of that. So I think they

caught it at not from football. Just wanted to clarify. So we all test negative and I'm like, okay, but should we still push the game back because, you know, our two of our players are out, like right, what can we do? And the director was like, you actually can't because there's only two weeks left in the season. And we have a holiday Bowl next Saturday, which is like a fun game. And then the all star game, which Lincoln's playing in, which is like, you have to sign up for it. And it's like the best players from all the teams play. So there was no room to push the Super Bowl back at all. So not only were we going up against the team that we didn't expect to play, but also COVID hit our team. So we're

like, what the hell? But the kids had so much fun and Javi got them little Super Bowl rings and they were so pumped. You should have seen Javi would do that. Yeah, I was like, did you get me one? Cause I'm the team mom or whatever. And he was like, no, he's like, no, I didn't even get myself one. So then I ordered, I customized the little chatbooks that I post about on my Insta story. I, I individualized every single person's because they have 30 pages, but we have 15 players. So that would only be like two pages per kid. So I was like, if I'm going to do this, I got to do it right. I got to go all out. So I individualized every single player's little book and I'm just super, I'm just super

excited. I, I, the boys really deserved it. Some of these kids, Lindsay, I'm not even kidding you. They could not do a ladder on the first day of practice, like those athletic ladders. Yeah. And they're out here winning Super Bowls. I looked at Javi and I was like, I don't know if we're going to like how well we're going to do because Lincoln's first year of tackle, we law, we only won one game and Lincoln still was like getting the gist of it all. Are those not the worst freaking seasons though? Like when you only win one game, it's like, you know, when you're going like, okay, this is going to be a loss and this is just going

to be like a shitty day. Yeah. You just know. And I, I, I understand that so hard. Um, but they worked so fucking hard. These kids, like some of these kids that I met on the very first day of practice, I remember saying to Javi, this is going to be a tough season. Like I'm, I'm very worried. Some of these kids have never played before, but these kids in one short season, 10 weeks literally turned the fuck around and like not only did everyone want to play and want to be there, but like their growth just showed through and through. I was so proud of them. Um, and then we went to Luna's and we ate dinner and, um, Luna's is like an Italian restaurant

by us and we absolutely love it there. And all the kids had so much fun. Lincoln's birthday is tomorrow. Um, so I'm going to, I got him Eagles tickets. Um, and I'm letting him bring a friend or whatever. And, uh, it's going to be just like, it's just like a good weekend. It's going to be a good week for his birthday. It's just going to be great. Do you feel like Jackson and Lincoln's age right now is your favorite? Like I love it. I do love it. I will, I don't know. Yes. I will say it's my favorite when they're involved in things that I can participate in because Isaac plays piano and I can't really, like I can't participate. So it's like, I have FOMO.

Yes. Well, I have FOMO. I saw you guys at the Italian restaurant, like on your Instagram and I had FOMO. Yeah. Like I, I wanted to be at the Super Bowl, the fake Super Bowl, but like at Lincoln Super Bowl. I, yeah, I, it was just a good, it was a good time. All right, you guys, we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partners, Olive in June. If you have listened to our show for a while, you know that I love Olive in June. And if you're looking for an answer to creating salon perfect nails at home, your Mani system is everything you need for beautiful salon perfect nails at home. And

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J U N E.com slash combos code combos for 20% off your first Mani system Olive in June.com slash combos code combos. I wanted to talk about this because it's something that I thought about yesterday and then I rethought about it again when I was in the shower this morning and it's interesting that listeners wanted to know. Pressures of gift giving at the holidays and how to handle being gifted things that you don't need. I like that yesterday I went and got some stuff for Jackson from various places like I'll take pictures of things if we're out shopping and then go back and get them if he's with me so that it's truly a surprise. Will on the other hand, he took Jackson shopping yesterday and everything

that Jackson said that he liked will bought and then he said, but you're not getting it today. You'll get it at Christmas and I'm like, great surprise will. Um, but when I was standing in the shower this morning, I was like, I truly am so grateful for my life for where I'm at just on all different levels. Not I'm not talking financially. I'm talking just like where I'm at in life and the pressures of feeling like, okay, I need to buy X, Y and Z for someone else who I feel like is in an equal life spot as me or, um, just like I kind of think it takes away from the fun of the season. Like I really enjoy doing like a white elephant or like a secret Santa or something like that where you are getting

one person and then they give you a wish list and you're not having to feel like, okay, I need to make sure I buy, um, toenail clippers for this person and a candle for this person and like I hate doing that and I feel like my mind can't focus when I have so many people to buy for. So I prefer to do like the secret Santa and in our family, we always do, um, everybody buys for the kids. So we started doing years ago. It's like literally only the kids. I would love to know what other people do. And I think it makes my holiday shopping for the season so much more enjoyable because I truly enjoy buying for the one person. That I get on the list, you know, it's like I can really focus on that person.

Well, I also like as I got older and I started making my own money and I had my own kid and I had my own apartment and then house and things like that. I started to realize like I'm not wasting my money on junk. I'm not going to buy junk for you. I'm not going to buy junk for your child. You know what I mean? Yes. So like when I do gift giving and it's been like this for several years, I really try to do things that are very practical and things that will get used. And that goes for the kids as well. Like I'm not, I'm not buying the toys that make all the sounds and like do all of that. And same for like the adult. If I don't know exactly what to get you, I need a wish list so that I can get something

that I know that you're going to appreciate and love. Like I think I told this story probably for the past like five years on coffee combos, but one year when I was married, I had wanted Justin Bieber tickets. I know you remember the story. I don't feel like I remember the story about Justin Bieber. And that's all I wanted was Justin Bieber tickets. I had never gone to a Justin Bieber concert. It was like, I don't remember what album it was. It was a good one. And I did not get Justin Bieber tickets. I got a $5,000 tennis bracelet diamond tennis bracelet. Do I look like you did? You did tell us about the tennis bracelet. Do I look like someone who wears diamond tennis bracelet?

I mean, was this hobby? No. Fuck no. You could see this hobby that did this. Yes. Jose. The look on my face in front of everyone. And I did not mean to show like, but I wear my heart on my sleeve in all aspects. So you just know I was not stopped. Like I was not only was it so expensive, like I $100 Bieber tickets would have done it, you know, and like the experience, not the things. And so it was very upset. Like I would not, I don't want to do that to somebody. I don't want someone to walk away and be like, what the fuck am I going to do this with this or like re-gift it? Or you know what I mean? I am so frickin dead. Okay. Well, then that, that poses a very good question. Are you the

type of person that enjoys getting a gift that is an experience or do you like an actual like gift, gift? It depends. It really does depend because I'm going to pick experience every day. Really? Okay. So I think for example, like if I, so like I'm moving into the new house soon, right? And I know that I might need like, there's a brand new like mixer that has like studs on it that matches the kitchen that I'm doing. Like I would want that, you know, but also any, like if it's not, like if I say I'm not moving into a new house, then I would want the experience. Do you know what I mean? Yes, like timing in my life, I guess. Okay. If I was with someone, which I'm not, but if I was, I guess if

they came to me and was like, Hey, Lynn's pack your bags, we're going to Cabo for three days and that's how we're going to celebrate Christmas. I would be absolutely thrilled. I love that. Um, actually speaking of that, um, I was checking my kids' school calendar and, um, they have two, almost two full weeks off for Christmas this year. And then our, our spring break is in April this year. And I was just like two weeks off for Christmas. What in the hell? Yeah. Two, two weeks off. Don't they normally get that? I feel like they normally get that here. I don't really. Okay. Well, then maybe I don't know where I've been sleeping under a rock. Probably kill. Are you okay? Are you? Oh, never. Are

you well? Probably not. So, um, speaking of, and then I kind of want to go back to the gift thing really quick. Um, I am almost finished planning my Disney world vacation. When is that? Um, I am going the 19th through the 23rd. So like we're bumping right up to Christmas. So that's why I'm putting out my tree early because by the time we come back, I'm celebrating Thanksgiving with Jackson this weekend, which is another story in itself. Um, and then we'll be, we'll be gone all the way up until like Christmas Eve. So I need everything done, like all presents wrapped everything before we ever leave, but it is kind of nice that I have something on my calendar that is so planned that kind of forces me

to get everything else done. And I'm not waiting until last minute. Yeah. But I wanted to say anyone who is planning trips to Disney, um, I would never do it another way than the way that I planned it this time. Um, I found this company through one of my girlfriends who was on the show, big brother. Um, it's called like small world vacations, I think. And she used them to book her trips and they go to Disney all the time and she raved about it. And so I've never used a travel agent for like anything ever. I've always booked my own stuff. But when I tell you, they do like an entire itinerary for you for each park, like for each day. Oh, and what's the fee like you just have to pay a fee or what? So I believe

how travel agents work is that the fees are kind of built in to like you don't, you don't pay them anything. They get paid from like booking your stuff because there's built in fees on the fees of like rooms, tickets, whatever. So it's kind of like the best I can describe it is kind of like having representation for a house as a buyer. The seller is going to pay your commission on that. So you always should want to have representation. I always thought, oh, wow, travel agents would be like such a, this big added fee and just like unnecessary, whatever. Okay, well, my eyes have been opened. I will never book another trip without using one. And I have itineraries for every day of our trip. They helped me book all of the dining like absolutely everything.

I need to look into this, but like not for Disney. Yes, like for other trips, it would be, I will still do it for other trips outside of Disney. But like for this, I also would love to know people who are frequent Disney people or you like know a lot about Disney. Do you prefer doing the park hopper where you go to multiple parks in a day or just one park a day? Because I have a very strong opinion about this. I do not like to hop parks in a day. I like to go and do one park and then go back to the resort and like use the pool, you know, maybe do a nice dinner, whatever and not go from like park to park to park. I don't like Disney. So I don't have an opinion. Hill, you would have to have an opinion. Like I'm so upset that you don't like Disney and you're

going to like none of my Disney pictures. I'm upset about it. No, I will absolutely love your vacation pictures. Like that will 100 don't even worry about that because I love Disney for you. I love Disney for you. You just you just don't love Disney. I just don't love Disney. Kale, I have already started buying like outfits and planet like everything. Not lazy. Kristen's going to kill me when I say this. Oh my god. She's going to listen to it before it airs on Thursday. You know, I always do like a spring break trip or whatever. So I actually reached out to travel besties that travel to start looking into a trip for spring break. And last year, I said I would never bring Creed until he turns like

five. But yeah, I can't leave him behind. Like I can't like, what am I going to do? Leave him but like, no, no, that can't. Kale, it's like Creed, Creed had the the fall and then wasn't that the spring break trip? He had the fall and then you guys had all of the travel issues and then you were like, I'm never like he's never going on another trip until he's like five years old. Yeah, that was obviously. Oh, wow. You're ready to retraumatize yourself. I love it. Yeah, for sure. Ready. All right, guys, we're going to take a quick break to talk about one of our partners, Ana Luisa. If you guys have listened to our show for a while, you know that I absolutely love Ana Luisa. If you haven't, Ana Luisa was founded to bring clarity to the jewelry industry.

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but also I want to be thoughtful of like clutter in your house, money out of my pocket. How do you handle being gifted things you don't need? I think we should normalize saying we don't need or want this because that gives one, it's honesty and two, you give the, maybe you can give it back and they can get their money back. That is also why I think that I just like hate gift giving to everyone, like instead of just having like the one person, because you don't know everyone that well to be able to purchase for them. Like I would need to start, if I was going to do that, I would need to start Christmas shopping in September, I swear, to be intentional about gift giving. Like I don't want to give someone a gift card, you know, whatever, but I would prefer

to get a gift card over maybe like bath bombs or something like I'm probably not going to use. Well, so I saw this TikTok that I thought was kind of cool. I don't really do Christmas except for I will buy like my little cousins and stuff gifts. On this TikTok, she says that she keeps like big Tupperware bins in her basement for all the people that she does gifts for. And throughout the year, she, as she sees things like in the store or whatever that reminds them reminds her of that person or would be a good gift for that person, whether it be a birthday or a anniversary Christmas, whatever, she puts it in the bin. See, I think that's a really great idea in theory. But typically my process of shopping is like I'm going in the store for something specific

and then leaving. So I'm not like a browser. I feel like that applies to like browser type shoppers, right? Right. But like me, I am going to target because I need five things on my list. And most of the time I'm pretty good about going and getting those five things and then leaving. But that is a good idea for people who, because I, I'm also not like really a shopper. Yeah. Surprisingly, like I don't love going shopping. Like I, right, I do. Like if I feel like I'm going to get a deal on something, like I went to the outlets whenever I was in Palm Springs and had had a really good time with the outlets, but that's only because I felt like I was getting a deal, you know? Yeah, it always feels good when you're getting a deal. And then you're like, okay,

well, am I buying this for the pure sake of being able to say that I got a deal on this? Or am I buying this because I really want this? Or I definitely don't need it. Definitely don't need it, but it feels good to get a deal when you can. Yes. Hey, Kale, I text you last night. Yeah. And I was asleep and I woke up in the middle of the night to text back. Kale, it was not the middle of the night. It literally was 1030 when you text back. That's the middle of the night for me. It was literally like 1030. The Adele special was still on. I, I need to know every single person that is listening to this. If you watched the Adele special on CBS, it was called One Night Only with Oprah. I don't know if you can still get it. It was

absolutely phenomenal, never related to something more. And I am really sad that you missed it because I'm not even interested. Like that did not interest, that does not interest me whatsoever. I feel like I attacked right now. Yes. I feel very attacked by you. And the other day you texted me and you said that you had your music on blast. Like you were like having a concert to Adele and I'm just like not, I'm not even remotely interested. But why? I listened to the one song, like the single that came out before the album, I think it was called like easy on me. And I just like didn't, it did not resonate with me at all. Okay. Well, it, I, I relate so hard to literally when I was watching it, I was texting somebody that I can't tell you guys

about who I was texting. And they were like, this is literally you. It's almost like we, Adele and I had had this conversation prior to her doing this interview with Oprah. And she was saying all the exact things that I have said about my situation. She talked about being obsessed and this is so me and has always been me being obsessed with having a nuclear family and just wanting to have like when she finally did get married that she just had this desire to have this united family and how she was just so disappointed in the fact that her marriage was over and that she truly just had such a desire to break the cycle and for her to be the one to do that. And I have never related to something more. I think I would have been

willing to stay in a marriage for the sake of saying I didn't divorce. I think I was really hung up on that for such a long period of time that it became so not healthy because I was so committed to having a nuclear family. And I understand that. I do understand that. And then she was talking about something and these are conversations that that I have had with Will and I think is so relatable about sitting with your feelings and it's something that I've gone through with my therapist as well. And really starting to sit with your feelings because then that's how you're going to get to know yourself instead of trying to make your mind busy. Like we all find things to try to make our mind busy to keep our mind off of things

that like bother us if we're going through a hard time or we're trying it's like an avoidance, right? But really sitting with your feelings and being like, okay, it's okay for me to be sad today. That's how I have navigated my divorce and not going to lie. Like I had a really hard time on Saturday. Anyone who watches my Instagram knows that. Taylor Swift's 10 minute version of All Too Well was released and also never related more. So I'm just like all in my feels and I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. It took me a long time to be able to sit in my feelings and like be okay with being uncomfortable. And that was something that I've never, it took me to really,

really, really toxic divorce and then break up to be okay with it. And now I find myself, I get so frustrated with some of my friends who like, you know how like that feeling, well, I don't know if you've had it with Will, but like that feeling of I need to text them, I need to talk to them and then like you say you're not going to and then you do it and then it's like it didn't solve anything. It didn't do anything for them. It didn't do anything for you and just like feeling dumb and then looking dumb afterwards. Do you know what I'm talking about? Is that every week of my life? That is the worst feeling ever. And I got to a point in all of like my toxic messiness divorce and then split and then all of that, that like I, it's almost like I

went too far with my healing because I will literally never text a person ever again, no matter how bad I want to. Really? Like I'm so okay with like sitting in my uncomfortable, uncomfortable. I think that they're, that that is a really good place to be, but also, like you said, like, is that too far? I think so. We don't know the answer to that. And then Adele was talking about how she wanted to live and not just survive. And I feel like even if you're not an Adele fan, I think everyone needs to find this interview with Oprah and watch it because there's so many relatable things here because I also felt like that towards the end of my marriage that I felt a desire to feel alive like I hadn't in a really long time. And I knew the only way to do

that was to break patterns that I had been in for a really long time. And I think a lot of us get into a mode of survival that's not really living. It's like you're just going from day to day, doing what you have to do to get by to the next day. And that type of life is exhausting. Oh, 1000%. It's exhausting 1000%. And I know that you've been there. And it feels good. I was telling my therapist that probably about six or so weeks ago, I had my first like really good night's sleep in my house. And I woke up feeling so refreshed and like, wow, I made it. Not not in a way of like, I made it financially, I made it like, no, like, I made it emotionally, like, I'm okay. And I'm going to be okay. And that felt so good.

And I go ahead. No, say it. No, I was just going to say like, I'm proud of you that it felt good. Something else that I wrote down that I wanted to tell you was about how Adele said that her therapist said that she needed to sit with her seven year old self. And that really resonated with me. Because I think some of the traumas that you have had in your childhood, it's because you and my therapist has told me this before, sometimes you identify and you create an identity around your trauma. And you, you don't know how to exist without that trauma being there. Like, it's scared. So it's scary sometimes to let it go. And I think when we're trying to heal, a lot of times we're sitting with our, for me, 32 year old self, and you're not sitting with

yourself when the trauma happened. And looking from a lens of like, what was that like for seven year old me? It's almost like a stunt. Yeah, a stunt in the growth or the maturity in that specific thing in that specific type of like healing or reaction or do you get what I'm saying? Yes. Yes. If you guys are looking for great hair care, that's not one size fits all. I promise you, you're going to love pros. So pros makes custom hair care that's effective because it's personal and using natural ingredients with proven results. Pros customizes every product in your routine from shampoo to supplements. So first pro starts by asking you as a person in depth questions as a consultation. And I could not believe like how thorough they were because

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And are you doing the right thing and making the right decision? But she said it's as loving for leaving for the kids as it is to stay because they're going to get a different version of their mother than the one that was in the marriage that was unhappy. And how it's hard to cope with as a mother, you know that you're dismantling your child's life by choosing yourself. But also, is that dismantling your child's life? Like, yes, is their life changing? And does their daily, does their daily life look different because of this? Yes. But are they getting a healthier you also? Yes. Okay, that makes sense. So I would love to know when you divorced from Harvey, did you go through any of the emotions of like, okay, well, you already had Isaac and you

guys were a family, you all were a family of four, you all had Lincoln together and then Isaac was brought into the marriage. Did you ever feel like I should stay so that the boys have us together even if we're not happy? 1000%. 1000%. And even when I had filed for divorce, actually executing and going through with the divorce, it was a constant, am I doing the right thing? Am I doing this for selfish reasons? Am I doing this because of somebody else? Am I doing this? You know, all the things. And so that was really hard because ultimately, you don't know. And then even once it was done, I was like, Oh, wait a minute. Did I make the right decision? Did I? Yes. And I think that Harvey and I have gone back and forth so many times.

But there still hasn't been enough. Like, that's like one of the things that people just get back together already. And it's like, no, how do you and I do really, really well as just friends? Like, that's the bottom line. We do really well as just friends. I don't think that there has been enough growth personally for either of us to ever really be able to make it work the same way that we can make our friendship work. We just wouldn't be able to do it. And that's the truth. That's what it is. I don't think that there's anybody, well, anyone who gets divorced, I think questions it at least once. Oh, I question it literally a couple times a day. So I'm sure that everyone that gets divorced is at least questioned at once. I would go out on a limb to say that.

Um, and to your point of you and Harvey doing better being friends and like you guys have that figured out versus being together, I think when people have seen you together publicly, it's really hard for them to see you in a different light being able to make it work on different terms than being in that relationship. And so maybe that's why people root for you and Harvey because they see, okay, you know, they can do all this stuff together. Why can't they make it work in a marriage? And it's like, okay, but the foundation's very different. Oh, yeah. Um, there's, I mean, outside of the fact that I don't date men with kids, um, I would not, there's just not,

Harvey and I should have always been friends. Like I don't think that there should have ever been a romantic Kailin Harvey. I think y'all would have been like best life friends. Yeah. I mean, thankfully we got Lincoln out of it and we, we've had some good, you know, we had some good times, but I think overall like, I don't, yeah, I don't know that there should have ever been a romantic Kailin Harvey. I think it should have always been just like a friendship. Yeah. Um, switching gears just a little bit. Um, I just needed to bring this up. Britney Spears, tell me everything that you know. She's fucking free. She's free, bitch. I was waiting on that version of you.

I'm like, I can't even believe that. I mean, they just like tossed it or what? Like, I don't even know. I sent it to you and I was like, Oh my God, she's free. Like she's fucking free. I don't know. I thought you knew more about it. I was like, I don't know anything about it outside of the fact that she is fucking free. That is it. I mean, really, that's all that matters in the grand scheme of things is that there is no longer a conservatorship. Um, I really hope for the best for Britney. I hope that she really shows the world that, um, there was not a need for the conservatorship. And I really hope that she just lives her best authentic life, whatever that looks like, and that she is happy and thriving and swiping her card. Um, I hope that she does that also. Like,

I really just hope that she's just happy, whether that means going back to work and performing or not. Like if she just wants to like be happy and like spend time with her kids and her boyfriend, like more power to her, she deserves it. For sure. Um, another listener question that had come through this week was when did we start realizing the importance of cutting off toxic and negative people and how do you handle that? Um, one, I don't know. Um, this is like a very, I call it a leggy question because like there's so many, a leggy like thing octopus. It's an octopus. Yeah. Like there's so many avenues here. Um, I think for me, I didn't really start doing that until I really had a vision of what I wanted my life to look like and until I required peace.

And that has been through therapy. I don't know when I learned how to cut toxic people off and I I, I feel like in friendships, like my hand is always forced. Like I don't ever feel like I'm like, Oh, this friend is toxic. I'm done. Um, like usually with a friend, there's like usually, um, when there's no like life changes or like when I move or things like that. I'm not talking about those times and talking about like actual like falling out. Um, because sometimes, you know, life, I have kids, most of my friends don't or I moved or, you know, somebody gets a new job. Like I'm not talking about that. Um, as far as like, I don't really cut toxic. Like I don't know if people just think because I don't talk to my mom, like they think that I cut people off,

but I do, I cut people off. I mean, just my mom, I think, I think your mom, but I do think that that your, if you don't like a situation or like something that someone's done or agree with what someone has done, um, I mean, you and I have had disagreements, but we always like chat about them. Yeah. Cause it's not like toxic or negative, I guess. Like I don't know if I'm the right person. Cause it's not like I just like cut off. Like I don't know. Yeah. I mean, I am the queen of cut offs. So I think we're just two totally opposite people like that. Um, if someone shows me, what would, what would have you decide to cut somebody off? Like for example, um, I can't even use any examples without them being twisted by trolls

and then like sent. Yeah. So I can't, I have to like tread lightly here. Um, um, I think like if you and a friend had a falling out, would you like cut them off? Um, I don't know necessarily that I would cut them off. I think they would actually end up cutting themselves off because I'm going to tell them about themselves and then, you know, if they can't handle it, then they just like cut themselves off and then that kind of handles the situation for itself. Um, I love being able to have open and honest communication. And sometimes I've talked about this in therapy. I've talked about this with family members. I've talked about this with Will. Like I think I've even said it to you. My delivery on things

is atrocious. When I say something, like there's no question about what I meant by something. And sometimes I need to deliver messages a little bit easier maybe. Um, but I don't know. I just like cut to the chase and I'm like, okay, well, you know, I don't freaking like you because XYZ. Um, and I don't want to have a relationship with you because XYZ. Like I'm very specific about stuff like that. Um, and if someone does something intentionally that I feel like is harmful to me and the intent was wrong, like for example, the misfire text. Um, I'm going to cut someone off that I think is too faced very quickly. Um, and I don't like people who do nothing but talk about other people and it's just like negative all the time. So those are the type of people I'm

going to cut off. And when I say cut off, it's not like a falling out what most people would like maybe think. It's just like I'm distancing myself from that, you know, right? Um, and I don't really care to talk about other people because I'll just like tell a person about themselves. How you've really feel. Yeah. So I would never like go and have a conversation with what say my friend, Carly, like I'm not going to go and have a conversation with her about something that I can address with you. If that makes sense. Right. I mean, sometimes you have that one friend that you talk to about everything, but as far as like conniving talking shit, no, no, we're not going to do that. No, it's, I'm not a fan. Um, so I don't know that Kail and I really are the best

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Can you read another waxing story? Another waxing story. Do we have do we have responses? Oh, well, you had like so many people wrote in but okay, no, it's okay. Next time we'll have another waxing story. So many people wrote in about it. Wait, what did they say? Why didn't I read it yet? Oh, there was one that said that. Wait, on the comments, you mean? I did read some of those. I actually did read some of them. Let's find a funny one. There was really nasty ones like one pooped. Ew. I swear. I swear. Hill? I promise you did not. Someone did say that she went to go and get waxed and that she made sure that she was very clean after her gym this morning because she don't want to be that person. So I'm like, okay, well, I'm glad that we are providing insight to

our listenership who do who does get waxed and all these wax texts should be messaging coffee combos podcast and being like, thank you for saving our lives. Oh, honestly, literally honestly. I did see that some people were like, wait, what's a dingleberry? Oh, someone literally personally messaged me that and I said, I will not repeat what that is. And I need you to Google it. Like I cannot give you a definition because I will vomit. Why didn't you just be like it is a small piece of shit hanging from your asshole? No, I literally want to vomit right now. Why didn't you just tell them that? No, I can't. I can't. I literally can't. Like I can't. I need you to respond to them and be like it is a small piece of shit dangling from no is the word like dangle and

like dangle. I feel like we should have like I'm gonna hang up on you. I'm literally I'm no I'm hanging up on you. I feel like we should have merch that's like dangle and dangle. You know, like best friends like, you know, like, have you seen like those heart necklaces from like back in the day where like one said like best and one said friend. It's like we need sweatshirts that one says dangle and one says dingle. Literally, no, literally, no. Immediately, no, I've seen what I needed to see. Literally, it's happening. Okay, this is a nasty, nasty, not safe story on our comments on Instagram. Let's hear it. She's an esthetician. Okay. And she said, I also had a lady once who is coming from a dick

appointment. When she did knees to chest, the dude's secret sauce started to drip out of her. I'm going to throw my phone. I'm going to fucking throw my phone. What is wrong? If you knew that you had a wax appointment after your dick appointment, which is already a little questionable and sketchy. Yeah. Why would you let him do that inside of you before you go to this appointment? Please explain that to me. Everyone explain that not one single listener that is listening to this. We need an explanation from every single one of you on the Instagram page or you're canceled out. Like I need to know. I'm done. I need to know if people think that this is normal. It's not acceptable. It's not acceptable.

Like could you freaking imagine going to a waxing appointment and you are doing knees to chest? And no, no, like that's never, that's literally never happening. I ever, I am not even kidding. I am questioning if I'm going to take my recorder with me on my December waxing appointment. You're like, hold on, let me go, um, ma'am, can you tell a story on here, please? Can you please? I'm going to record, I need a five minute story and I'm going to record this and I'm going to pretend when I go out there, when they ask why my appointment was so long that I was just having a hairy cat that time. You needed a shave and a wax. It took extra pulls. Um,

this was so funny, but, um, moving on from our waxed cats. Wait, did you decide before we actually move on, did you decide if you were going to do the sugaring or you just like not doing it? No, I'm going to do it. I just need to find a place and then I need to find a time where I can spend the entire first half of my day going. Oh, perfect. Um, because I can't, there's not any really good places in Dover, Delaware, so I'd have to go either an hour north or an hour south. Does anyone know if people do like waxing or sugaring appointments, like house calls? Oh, that would be comfortable. And is that like weird? Like, Hey, I'm here to sugar your cat. Like what? Could you imagine like, um, no, thank you. Could you imagine it's like on the,

on the ring camera or like zoom, like whatever. They're like, Hey, I'm here to sugar your cat. Uh, like, ma'am, please get back in the car with your sugar. Get back in the car. Um, okay. So I really just wanted to chat really quickly about some struggles that I have been feeling of living my life so publicly. And I feel like I talk about everything. I talk about everything on here. Um, don't really feel like anything is off limits. I do that on the Southern T. Nothing is off limits. Um, I try to just like tell everybody about really what's going on with my life because I do feel a sense of like, okay, if I'm going to do these two podcasts and I'm going to, you know, be on Instagram and I'm going to be chatting with these people all the time.

There is a level of like, I feel obligated to tell people about things, but I also have certain boundaries that I have set, but I feel like I am the only person in my life outside of you that lives like this publicly open life. And so sometimes people that are around me, I feel like don't understand, um, specifically like in my marriage that was like really hard because I was doing something different than what everyone else was doing. And everyone knew everything that was going on in my life, but everyone else, it felt like they could live a secret. And that's like something that I very much struggle with an envy. Yes. Yeah. Do you feel that way ever? Yeah, I have like everything in my for the past 12 years has been so public public.

Um, and over time I've learned how to, and we've kind of talked about it before, like I've, if I don't talk about it, nobody can know about it. And so if I don't talk about it, I couldn't film about it. And if I don't film about it, again, it's like a secret, but then it's like, what about things that we want to share with our close friends or our close family, but we still can't even share with them because there's leaks everywhere. Yes. And that's what I struggle with right now is like, I don't even want to tell my close friends and family things because it'll just get leaked. And then it's like this defeats the whole purpose of, you know,

wanting to stay like small and private now. Like there are certain things I'm happy to share with everybody, but there are certain things that I don't want out. Um, and so I completely understand what you're saying. And sometimes I have felt judged for things that I have been honest about that I know other people have worse things going on in their life that they don't share publicly because they're not, they're, they don't have a public platform. So it's like, if they were sharing, it would be, they would look a lot worse than situations that I've been in. You know what I mean? Right. But it's like, there's this level of judgment and I feel like people feel entitled to judge you, um, because you do live this public life, but it's like, if other people were also

doing that, their life wouldn't look like a gravy train either. Right. But it's easier to judge somebody else. It's easier to project onto somebody else's and it makes people feel better when they watch my trainwreck versus their own trainwreck, you know? Well, exactly. And I'm like, it's just so frustrating. I get, I get so frustrated. I'm just like, man, if people only knew like the real, the real deal sometimes, um, well, I am getting ready to go have a Thanksgiving feast at Jackson school. I'm not quite sure what kind of feast it's going to be because it's literally for 34 minutes. Um, so I'm going to go and do that and I will catch up with all of you guys next week. Um, and make sure that if you did not listen to our bonus episode

that dropped on Casey Anthony, if you guys are interested in that case, make sure you catch up on that. Um, and if you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, follow us there and subscribe to us on, um, the purple podcast app for any Apple users, Spotify, or any other podcast app of your choice. We hope you'll have a fantastic week and we'll chat soon. See ya.