Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 2: Marriage, Divorce, & Fighting For Your Family

Episode Date: November 30, 2018

Kail & Lindsie brought you another bonus episode! Kail talks about filming w/ MTV & reconnecting w/ her sister. Lindsie talks about how Will & Jackson are always fighting. They discuss struggles as parents & worrying about their kids. Kail talks about what her kids have been exposed to. They discuss divorces from a child's view, the parents perspective, & the importance of being truthful. Lindsie answers divorce questions about why she decided to work on her marriage. Kail talks about explaining drugs to Isaac, his experience w/ ghosts & Lindsie talks about Jackson's imaginary friend. Kail answers questions about her relationship w/ Lauren. 

Hey guys, welcome to Coffee Combos. This is an extra surprise bonus episode since we got a huge, I guess, good response from our last bonus episode, so we decided to release another one. So exciting. I kind of like this, like two a week. Yeah, I think this could, we could get used to this, but we won't make any promises until we know for sure. What have you been doing?

Okay, so I, you know what, I was in a little bit of a funk yesterday. It was raining. I just had a ton of stuff going on. MTV's been trying to film with me yesterday and today because of my launch party on Friday and my sister's flying up from Dallas. I think that I told you guys before she's having a baby and just like reconnecting and just trying to get closer is like really important to me. But also like, they obviously want to follow that for teen mom.

So it's just been really stressful because I leave on Thursday for New York and I'm trying to fit all my appointments in before that. And then I have to schedule podcasting, which takes a big chunk of our time during the day. So just running around like a chicken with its head cut off is all, well, okay. So yesterday Jackson like was such a good child yesterday and it's days like that that I'm like, okay, I could definitely do another one just cause he was so good. And then when Will got home, it's like Will's personality and Jackson's personality. I've talked about it before.

They like sometimes just don't mesh and I don't know if any of our listeners are like about the signs or whatnot, but Jackson is a Capricorn and Will is a tourist. So that's just like not a thing and Will comes home and he immediately is like, Jackson, you're hitting. We have a hitting room in the basement and that's where Jackson like practices his swings in the wintertime when it's too cold to go outside. So Jackson is like, no, I don't want to hit it's constant battle every single day. So I'm cooking dinner upstairs and Jackson starts running up the stairs and he slips

on the stairs and gets like his ankle bruised or something who knows. And so he's downstairs trying to like bargain with Will. He's like, I really can't hit today. My ankle is bruised. And I'm like, this is just so dramatic and I'm just so sick of listening to like these two fight. So I will be happy for them to get a break from each other on Saturday when Will goes to his parents.

Oh, I bet. Yeah. That's sometimes I feel like that about my boys, like as much as I never want to give them up and they go their separate ways. I'm like, they kind of need this break to go to their dads because they argue so much. But they also love each other just as much. So I'm like, you guys need this break and then you guys are so excited when you come back.

I feel like Will and Jackson are probably the same. Yeah. I mean, it's just like two kids, like a really grown kid and then like a toddler. So speaking of, we actually had a question for you that somebody had asked tips on how to adjust with missing your kids when sharing time. So you were kind of just talking about them getting a break from each other when they go to their dads. Like, how do you feel?

Like was it an adjustment period when you started sharing time or like, was it just so long ago? You can't remember. Well, so for Isaac, since Joe and I split, they, I've always had to give up time. It was hard because it's like, at first you, you're not really sure what to do with yourself. You're like, wait a minute, okay, they're gone for three nights. Like what do you do? But I was also so young and I was working two jobs, I was going to school.

Like I kind of, I feel like my mind, yeah, I was like, what the hell do I do? But at the same time, like I knew I still had to go to work, I could pick up extra shifts, like I could study. So that wasn't too crazy. With Lincoln, the state of Delaware does 50-50 pretty much all around. So when Javi got home from the deployment, we had already agreed we're going to do 50-50 and I kind of was like, okay, this, this is going to be hard because I just went from having Lincoln for six months and I didn't have to share him at all to now I'm not going

to see him for a week at a time. So that, that definitely took some time to adjust. But I also, at that time, because I was also going through the divorce and there was just so much going on, I had a really good support system and my friends and stuff. So they would come spend time with me and Isaac because I still at that time didn't have Lincoln, but I still had Isaac. So that was really hard. Just really keep yourself busy.

I mean, if that's just like folding laundry or it's like getting errands done, I try to get, keep all my stuff for when my kids are with their dads because not only does it keep me busy, but it keeps my mind off of, you know, the fact that they're gone. So and then same for Lux, like I hate that. When I first started giving Chris Lux more, I cried so hard because I'm like, okay, Chris and I went through hell, like we went through hell and back. So I really had him, it was kind of more of like a situation with like Lincoln. Like I had him pretty much all to myself.

I didn't have to share him. And then, you know, Chris and I ended up working things out and I was giving him two or more. So I was like, well, shit. Now what the fuck do I do? I mean, even now I'm like, okay, I have to keep myself busy, which is good. But I really think that's the only thing that I could suggest is, and you can always call them unless you have an asshole baby dad who won't let you talk to them. I mean, call them and keep yourself busy.

Those are the two tips from me. Okay. I want to change the subject really quick because here's a situation that I found myself in the other week. I was traveling and I was just planning a little party for when I got home. And I just wanted something simple with friends, food, fun games, you know, I do game nights all the time with the kids. So of course pizza isn't always an easy option to get delivered to your house and it's super

easy to just like order it last minute. So it's never a problem. But I decided to try something a little different for the drinks because you guys know I'm not a huge drinker and it's not like me to have like a ton of alcohol in the house. So I went with something different this time and I used a cool alcohol delivery service called Saucy. I downloaded the app and it only took a couple minutes to set up and it made my delivery order super easy and like simple for my party.

So I loved it because I didn't have to go to the store. I've got three kids and even if they're not here, like I don't want to make that extra stop honestly. And I'm always a fan of making things faster, easier and more efficient. So that sounds like something I could really get on board with. I think everyone at some point has wished they could just have a beer, wine or liquor delivered to their home. I'm going to be stocking up for the holiday season.

So I think it's a great option. It's like having a fully stocked bar on your phone. Now someone finally decided to do something about it. Oh, absolutely. And now our listeners can try it too. For a limited time, you can get $15 off when you download the Saucy app and enter promo code coffee. That's the Saucy app spelled S-A-U-C-E-Y and enter promo code copy for $15 off.

Anyway, where were we? I was seeing on Instagram another one of my friends that actually has her daughter a cell phone so that she, she's so young, but she has her cell phone so that she can communicate with her kind of whenever she wants to versus having to go through the other parent. And so I was just thinking about like having to share time and what that would be like and like all of the obstacles around it. And I think so many parents have to do it and it is actually more common than my situation with having both parents at the same house.

So I think the divorce rate is like 53% in the U.S. so it's more than half. So I think it's crazy. It's hard because like I don't want to get, Isaac's about to be nine. I don't want to get him a cell phone. I don't think he's ready for a cell phone, but I did get him the gizmo gadget through Verizon so he can call me, he can call Joe and truthfully like I don't fuck with Joe right now. So I don't want to talk to him.

I don't want to text him. I don't want to FaceTime him to get to Isaac. So he has his watch and I'm able to communicate with him through that like text. He can send me voice memos and he can call me if he needs me. But two of my closest friends in Delaware, they're both moms. They both have boys that my kids are friends with and they're both married. So and it's so hard because my friend Kathy texts me today and she's like, Hey, like do you want to get with me and Jen so that the kids, you know, we can do like baking and

the kids can decorate cookies and stuff. And I was like, yeah, like, absolutely. So then she was like, well, don't you have the kids next weekend? And I'm like, well, yeah, but that's my podcast Christmas party. Like it's hard because like they don't have to really schedule around their weekends. Like it's not like they are divorced also and have to share time with their kids. They have their kids all the time. So I was like, I, you know, I don't have that.

I only get every other weekend with them, you know, with my week. So it's, it's hard. And I think you're right. I think the divorce rate is definitely higher than parents being together. It's just, I don't know, the whole thing is weird. It's just hard. And it's obviously like not the ideal situation, even though it is so common. And actually Will and I were talking about this kind of going down the road, going to

Thanksgiving for Thanksgiving meal, talking about what's the point of really getting married in today's society, because basically it's become so normal to do everything that married people do not being married, that what's really the point other than the legal last name to be married other than just stress and drama and heartache in the event that you do divorce. I just don't think that today and myself included, because I mean, I divorced also. I don't think that they value through thick and thin and choosing. I think we've talked about this before, like I truly don't think that people like our generation

is valuing, you know, working things out and staying and not cheating because people are always looking for the next best thing. So like in our generation, I see it all the time, like they're looking at what's what's next, what's best, what's better, what's instant, what's quick. And then or the other side of it, I've seen girls are okay. They just think that in their head, okay, I, you know, I'm the main girlfriend. So it's okay that he has side girls because he's coming back to me every night. They're okay with that.

They've settled for that. They think that that's normal. And to me, that's just not normal. I'm not the side chick. I'm not the main chick. I am the only chick. That's it. I don't think that people don't see it that way.

I know like this world is so warped in thinking and I don't even know like where the thought process started and comes from in regards to stuff like that because in my mind, that's not really normal. And if anybody is listening and that is your situation in no way is that a judgment towards you. So just don't understand it. So if you are doing that, then please leave a comment on our Instagram and let us know the justification of why you're okay with it. Just because I would be interested to see another perspective because you and I both

have the same perspective on that. Yeah. I have a friend who got married recently and has a child with the dad and she basically like went through hell and back with like cheating and getting breaking up, getting back together, breaking up, getting back together. Suddenly they got married, they are on, they're about to have their second baby and she basically told me, you know, he's going to cheat and everyone else is going to cheat. So why would I break up with him or not marry him and just to be with someone else who's

going to cheat? You know, it's like, y'all are so fucked up. I'm not settling for that mentality. Do I think cheating happens? Yes. Do I think it's right and condone it? Absolutely not. However, I don't think that you should just settle for cheating and be okay with it.

I don't think that you should settle for being a main woman in someone's life. Like I just, I'm not, I would never be okay with that. I'm telling you, like, and then seeing just from like the differences between when we grew up and then kids today growing up is so different that it just makes me really worry about our kids future and I struggle with that on a daily basis. As a mom of thinking what my child is going to face like in this world that's going to be so different than what I faced and not that I won't be alive to face some of those same things, but not really just because the age plays a factor.

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12 weeks from now you'll thank yourself for starting now that's body boss.com slash coffee. You know what I thought and this is not a dig at hobby so I hope no one takes this the wrong way but like so Isaac's been through some shit because obviously Joe and I had him so young but I will say that like I do the best I can for my household and yeah I've had other failed relationships and whatnot but he also he sees like a healthy constant relationship in Joe and B and I acknowledge that and you know I'm I'm happy for him in that aspect and then I look at Lincoln and I'm like okay so he comes to my house and I've got three kids and three baby dads and I can't get my relationships together and

then he goes over to his dad's house and you know his dad did you know introduce Lincoln to several people and then got Lauren pregnant and now Lauren and him are not married and he has a brother like not saying they won't make it not saying they will but like what does that teach Lincoln you know what I mean so like both of us are just fucked up. I mean unfortunately it teaches him that that is the norm so that's what he kind of probably will expect because that's what he sees right and so like that that's been on my mind heavy lately like super heavy because his situation is different from Isaac's and is different from Lux like Chris and I have always been just like on and off and like I said we went

through I probably went through more hell with Chris than anyone else but Lux also sees okay he goes to dad's house and dad's not introducing him to other women that I know of lately and he comes here and I'm not introducing him to anybody else so it's like he's gonna see okay dad single mom single Chris and I both I think are gonna try to keep any future relationships away from Lux for a long time and I think that that'll be more normal than what Lincoln sees and Lincoln's Lincoln is the only one that had married parents. And it's so sad because you and I were having the conversation about what it's like to go through childhood with parents that are divorced because I can speak on it because I did.

Your situation is a little bit different because you didn't meet your dad until he was 17 years old and there's two arguments there. You can argue that you have dad issues because he wasn't there or you could argue if he was present and then was like a terrible person and now then there's an argument there too. My parents situation was just a bad co-parenting situation all the way around. I think that my dad says that he did what he felt was best like in our best interest to keep us from hurt like he would lie about a lot of stuff that maybe you would have heard our feelings if we knew the truth and I feel like for kids they really should get the honest

truth because they're gonna find out eventually anyway and that's on both sides you know that would be like for my mom or my dad they're gonna find out the truth about whatever it is anyway so why lie well let them live a lot yeah yeah because yeah I see what you're saying they think you know your parents think that they're protecting you from you know whatever it is but really you're doing more damage because at the end of the day I mean your children are gonna grow up and the world is shitty I mean life is not fair and that's just what it is so like not shelter them prepare them but then also you want to keep them young and innocent too so it's like that's that's a battle that you face every day I mean I

can say the same like there are things that I'm not proud of that I don't want to tell my kids but when the time comes I have to be honest because at the end of the day they're gonna find out the truth and I don't want them to feel like I was lying to them for about anything and see you can speak on it from a parent that has been through divorce and isn't a co-parenting situation I can speak on it from a perspective of a child who had parents that did not have a good co-parenting situation and I just know the hurt that is involved there when the parents don't have good co-parenting and when there's lies that are involved that ultimately you're gonna find out the truth and then you kind of feel

like oh wow did I live a lie my whole life and like not know the real deal right I just feel like sometimes that the truth is the best policy and that way the truth is out there and even though it might not sit right with your kids at least they know the truth and there are certain things that are like age appropriate that I understand that like you can't tell them certain things but then there's also certain things that I feel like you shouldn't cover that's what I told Isaac so I mean not Isaac specifically but I wrote that in my last book because I want my kids Isaac struggles with like if he thinks he's gonna get in trouble he might like tell a fib or maybe not tell the whole truth and I tell

them I tell Isaac and Lincoln all the time like if you're honest no matter how much trouble you think you're gonna get into or how much you think you're gonna hurt somebody's feelings I said honesty is the best policy because at the end of the day if you're honest nobody can question your character or who like what you're saying because you've always been honest and I'm guilty of that too like you know and some of my friends didn't necessarily agree with me dating Chris like I would lie about being with him like I wouldn't tell them I'd say I was somewhere else and at the at the end of it was just like wow like they feel betrayed and I just thought I was hurting them but at the end of the day like I'm not

laying my head with them so why not just tell them the truth right so I don't really you don't really owe them an answer either way really but yeah the truth is just always the best thing did you guys know that it has been reported that Americans are overpaying on car insurance by over $21 billion but searching for a better deal can take hours and typically results in a barrage of unwanted spam calls until now thanks to the zebra dot com the zebra dot com is the nation's leading car insurance comparison site because it's the only place you can compare hundreds of policies from all the top carriers and choose the best for you plus they will never sell your information to the spammers so you won't get all those

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I loved will for nine years and that I could go and find somebody else but the problems might not be any better actually could be worse or the problems might not be the same but just different problems so I felt like I owed it to him I felt like I owed it to my son to try to work it out and the differences weren't too bad of differences to walk away from a situation I think it's just become so easy to walk away that and normalized that you just think that that's the option and the harder thing is is to fight for your family and I can honestly tell you as a child who had parents that got divorced I felt lost you know my dad got remarried had other children my mom got remarried had other kids and you

kind of feel like in that situation that you are a misplaced person because they've moved on and you're kind of left there to sort out your feelings and you don't really know what your feelings are because you're kind of too young to understand it but you semi know what's going on you know it's not normal and I don't know it's just like a bad situation all around whatever way you look at it and somebody's gonna lose in the situation but I always think the kids suffer worse because the parents move on and find they're happy and the kids are just a product of a broken marriage that's I mean Joe and I were never married but I see that I see I worry for that in Isaac because even though Javi and I were married I don't

see that Lincoln and sister a different kid and I think he not that he's more resilient or that he handles things better but things were just they're just different and they're two different people but I worry about that for Isaac like you know Isaac comes here and it's three on you know three kids on one parent and then he goes to his dad's and he's got you know V, Joe and Vivi are essentially like a family you know what I mean like their Vivi has both parents and so like I worry for Isaac in that aspect just because I kind of I see so much of myself as a kid in Isaac and I just even though I didn't know my dad I felt so lost and just like misplaced and I don't ever want my kids to feel like that especially

Isaac because he's the oldest and he already I feel like has more pressure on him as the oldest did you feel like that do we ever talk about this no I've actually never talked about it really at all and really not even to my parents really at all until probably the last year of my life I've always been kind of quiet about it don't express your feelings if you don't express it it's not real which long term that's probably the worst thing to do because it feels like it just crashes down like all of a sudden and it's not that I ever miss my parents being together because a hundred percent honest I don't remember my parents being together I think it is just the dysfunction that was surrounded with the

situation and was it can I ask if it was at all kind of what I just described about Isaac siblings like Isaac sees V Jo and VVB like a family and then he goes and he knows that like at Javi's dad like I do think that Javi was such a dad a father figure to Isaac and now he sees like linking goes over there and it's super happy and you know there's so much going on is it ever like a sibling rivalry or like envy at all because those parents are together or no I don't feel like there's anything negative towards the other kids per say I think it's more to the situation it's like you know okay you've moved on and not just my dad just because you know he's in the public does not mean that it's just against

him like my mom too she moved on she had other kids so I think parents that go through divorce they're just in a damned if you do damned if you don't situation because no matter which way they turn it's gonna be wrong all I would say is a child coming from the situation to try to co-parent as best as you can and try to get along as best as you can because there are things that your kids are dealing with that they might not even voice to you but it's the way that they feel and yes I guarantee you Isaac feels like when he comes to your house you have you know Lux and Lincoln and that kind of keeps his mind probably off things because he's got playmates and then he goes to his dad's house and his dad has a wife

and a baby and he knows that they're always together and then he comes into the situation every other week and then right same for Lincoln he's going to Harvey's and now Harvey has basically a new family and he's kind of seeing the same thing just not a married situation I could just see that Lincoln handles it so differently like Lincoln is just so like sees the best in everything like where Isaac is more like aware I don't know I really think that the divorce was super yes and just like the divorce was so hard on him and for Lincoln he was so young you know so it's a little different okay switching gears I wanted to tell you this story really quick that happened over the weekend and I don't remember the

context of the conversation I'm thinking that Isaac might have been eavesdropping a little bit because he's good for that like literally he could be upstairs and he'll be like what did you say about me and it's like nobody was ever talking about you I mean we were but like not in a bad way something came up about drugs and Isaac looked at me and said what's drugs and I'm like okay I have two thoughts on this one I obviously don't want to expose my kids to things that they shouldn't be exposed to especially so young on this on the other hand I feel like where the fuck is the dare program because I was learning about drugs at Isaac's age at I would say fourth grade was when I they started doing the dare program they teach

you not to smoke cigarettes they teach you not to do drugs you know you learn these words and I didn't want to say too much because I truly didn't know how to explain it to him in a way that he would understand but like we talked about on a previous podcast like I feel like when you're knowledgeable and you are not necessarily exposed to like doing them but like exposed in the way that you know what they are you're not as curious about them later on I didn't really know how to explain them to him I said they're you know they're things that you do that you're not supposed to do like I truly didn't know how to navigate that and I like I said I don't know what the context of the conversation

was I think it was something on a show I don't know I don't know what it was so what age are you guys having the conversation with your kids about drugs and cigarettes and all of this because I remember the dare program well it's like drugs cigarettes let's just cut to the chase like sex conversations like what age does all of this happen because not looking forward to it not at all well I he hadn't even heard that word before drugs like I curse like a sailor never questioned me what a cuss word was but he's asking what are drugs so I'm like well fuck because now I don't know a loss for words speaking of drugs wills a total dumb ass and oh my god I thought you were gonna say a druggy no god

he's never touched anything in his life no no no he was like putting on a sweatshirt or something this weekend and he said like drug rug or something like that's what he called it like a drug rug and so speaking of eavesdropping Jackson must have been like listening in when he said that so it came time for Jackson to put on something else to go somewhere and he was talking about how he was gonna put on his drug rug and I was like oh my god thanks a lot will yeah like do men have any common sense when it comes to like talking about stuff and like filtering themselves I don't either apparently so it's fine I just don't get it like I'm so good and filtered like around kids I can like turn

it on and turn it off but I just don't get it I'm like why will would you have ever said that within earshot for him to be talking about he was gonna put on a drug rug and then we were on the way to church and he had on like a sweatshirt or jacket or something and we were seeing the McDonald's parking lot and will was going in to get drinks and I turned around and Jackson was like hey you like my drug rug and I was like okay that's enough like enough that's enough I'm gonna send you pictures of my drug rug later when I get dressed so if you've been a long time listener you know that I have an obsession for cute gym wear especially when it's a affordable and be high quality also not sure about you

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I posted on Instagram some topics that people would like to hear about on our podcast and people a lot of them were stuff that we talked about on the last episode so I was um you know I felt like we were accomplished I felt like we definitely are giving the people what they want um but the newest things that people are wanting to hear about um one is if any of our kids have had night terrors and the other one that popped out to me was getting ghosted by someone you're dating so where do you want to start okay well um we'll start with the night terrors um okay so yeah Jackson actually has had like it once or twice and it's like waking up screaming or crying and then he doesn't even realize what's going

on and then he kind of knows that I'm there I guess subconsciously or something and then I can make him go back to sleep really quick but as far as like very severe no not at all oh Isaac had them so bad actually I've had a couple like ghosty like things happen with Isaac and I know it might not sound freaky to you but it was so scary so okay Isaac doesn't sleep with me he just never does he's had his own room since day one he never slept in a bassinet he never slept in my room like even next to me it was always his own room so when Javi went to basic training for the air force I had asked Isaac to come sleep with me because I was like I don't know I just wanted him to sleep with me he opened

his eyeballs sat straight up looked in the air and pointed and said she's going home mom what and I said yeah he was like she's going home mom and I was like what are you talking about and I was freaked out and he literally laid back down and rolled over and closed his eyes I said oh fuck no baby what the fuck is going on right so I'm freaking out okay so I didn't know what to do I had my friend come like throw holy water all over the house and I'm like I don't even believe in this shit like I don't know what I'm doing like this is scary fast forward a couple weeks later broad daylight Isaac's awake is again in my room in this home and he looks in the mirror he would always look in the mirror and

he'd be like there's cats in the closet and I'm like Isaac we don't have cats we don't have cats there's no cats in the closet and at the time the closet that I had it didn't have like doors or anything and you could when you look in the mirror that I had on my dresser you could like when you look in it you see the closet through the reflection and he said it maybe two or three times he'd be like mom there's cats in the closet and then he would look in the mirror and you could see him looking at them in the mirror to the closet and he like see right there there's cats in the closet and I'm like no there's no cats in the fucking closet and then we moved to Delaware and he never had an experience

like that ever again like do you think that it was something in your house like a spirit or something or what I don't know because like I truly never really I like talk about ghosts and spirits and stuff like that but like I've never had like my own experience with it besides in the shower this morning like I saw steam out of the corner of my eye and I was like oh my god there's a ghost but then I realized nope that's just steam so like I've never I've never really had a real experience with it so like until that happens I don't know how I feel about it so fast forward to last weekend I had a reading by a psychic medium and he told me that at a certain age you stop seeing spirits and

souls and I was like okay he also got like certain things spot on that nobody would know but then he also got things so far off that I was like okay I don't even really know what to believe because some things were so right and only I would know them right I'm like I don't know how I I don't know how I feel about that either so I I don't know but anyway I don't even know why I started telling the story but it made me think of something else that I need to tell you just going off on a fucking tangent no you started telling the story because somebody asked about the night terrors oh yeah but they're like separate Isaac had night terrors where he would like open his eyes and like cry and scream but then

like sometimes they'd be closed and sometimes they'd be open and he would have night terrors and I would try to wake him up and then I took him to the doctor for it because he was having so many and then they told me not to wake him up so I didn't but I would get frustrated because he'd be crying for like 45 minutes and I'm like there's literally nothing I can do because he's not even responding to me but then he grew out of them too like he stopped having seeing cats in the closet he stopped seeing the girl that was going home and then he stopped having night terrors pretty much by the time we moved to Delaware he was he was cured of the ghost honestly okay so let me tell you this other thing Becky texted

me this morning and she was like why do you have to live so far from me like Lottie da and I'm like I don't know like she goes I blame Harvey and I'm like but why and then she was like cuz he made you move there and I was like well no I made him join the military so really we would have it's my fault but did I ever tell you that we were supposed to go to Kansas first did I ever tell you that oh boy so when Harvey joined the military and got his very first orders he had moved he had orders to Kansas and we were gonna go to McConnell Air Force Base in Kansas and I had a friend living there at the time and she we would FaceTime and she would like go look at the houses for us like to so that

we could live off base because we had a Rottweiler and like the the bait Isaac at the time and then the baby was coming so she like we picked out a house it was actually a really cute house it had like a fenced in yard it was so cute and um Harvey was gonna go and I was working at the dentist office and I was like huge pregnant like big big pregnant maybe like 30 weeks and um he kept calling my phone while I was at work and I'm like I can't freaking talk right now so he shows up and he's crying basically in the lobby at the dentist office thank god we didn't have any patients at the time and he's like we're not going to Kansas we're not going to Kansas and I'm like what the hell are you talking about he's like we're

going to Dover and I was like where the fuck is that like where where's Dover like what does that mean and he's like we're only moving two hours from home so that's how we ended up in Delaware oh my gosh yeah so I never really knew how that played out because it didn't play out on the show like that I don't think no not at all they didn't say any of that so I guess I think when you join the Air Force or like other military branches I'm not sure about you can do like a dream sheet and I think it's like okay if they have openings for your specific job at these places which is not guaranteed they'll try to get those first if not they kind of just put you where they need you and so originally we were

going to go to Kansas and because Javi had put on his dream sheet the closest places to home just for the simple fact that we had Isaac with Joe and stuff like that he put Maryland New Jersey and Delaware because we knew that Delaware was somewhat close we didn't know anything about it and then sure as shit like I want to say it was like two or three days before we were supposed to leave like it was they were coming with the big truck to pack up our house to move to Kansas and two or three days before we were supposed before Javi was supposed to leave because I hadn't gone to court yet they told us or they told Javi that they diverted his orders to Delaware. Oh my gosh well thank goodness that you did

not move to Kansas. Could you imagine me out in the cornfields with like a cowboy hat on like kind of the horses and shit. No. No. All right guys do you ever get the perfect holiday card from someone else and wish you had the time and creativity to do that too. This holiday season you can with minted.com. I just made my holiday cards in the process was super easy and I actually just got them in the mail and I can't wait to send them out to family and friends. I chose the simple like more minimalistic and traditional holiday cards but there's so many options. So sending out the perfect holiday card is an art with minted.com you can create a unique design made with exquisite materials and be sure

it's one of a kind. So I actually just did our family photos last weekend and I'm super excited because there's a ton of different options for the cards. We just haven't picked them yet. Minted.com is the only place to get a truly unique holiday card by simply texting them a picture from your phone. This is not off the shelf one size fits all template holiday cards. All the designs are created by independent artist and voted on by thousands of tastemakers giving you the very best in independent design. Text a photo to cards 22737 and minted stylist will text you back with five hand selected designs showing your photo for you to choose from for free. So you get free custom envelopes and free recipient

addressing and a variety of matching designs and hand styled fonts. Text photo to cards 22737 and new customers will get 20% off and free shipping but only through the end of the month. Text your photo to 22737 before the end of the month and get 20% off your first purchase and free shipping. Get started right now. Text your picture to 22737. Okay so you're talking about Isaac seeing ghosts. I have this weird story about Jackson and it freaked me out. Let's hear it. Okay so I never had like an imaginary friend growing up did you? Not an imaginary friend like I would talk to myself and be like hang like whatever but not like a friend. I didn't have a name or anything like that. Okay so when

we started going to church at our church that we're at now Jackson would go like into the baby class while we were in service and I would be like that psycho mom they have like windows where you can kind of look through from the other side but like the kids can't see out but you can see in and just kind of like watch him at first because I just was paranoid like I didn't want to leave him whatever and so he ended up being fine and everything was fine so few weeks in I asked him like every time I pick him up after we go to service I'm like how was how was church and he's like good and he kept saying this boy JJ and he was like I played with JJ and so we would always forget to like ask the teacher who

was JJ and then so one week he we were like picking up his papers because they would like line his papers like all the kids papers up outside of the class and you would like pick him up it had their name on him whatever and was picking up the papers and I asked the teacher I was like oh can you show me who JJ is and she was like JJ and I said yeah that's how Jackson keeps saying his name like maybe it's like a nickname or something like JJ and Jackson had like the most mysterious like grin on his face whenever I asked the lady and we kept asking him because he would like say that he was like playing with JJ at home and like he was talking to JJ and literally one day we were just driving down the road

and I was like Jackson JJ is not real and he was like yes he is and he would always like smile and laugh so like obviously he knew he wasn't real um but yeah an imaginary friend and it freaked me out because I thought he was like seeing things I is it normal or common for imaginary I would say yeah right yeah I think a lot of kids have imaginary friends like my father-in-law said he had one whenever he was a kid and I forget what he said he was I played with like dolls and stuffed animals and stuff for so long that like they like were I guess friends but like I didn't have like a constant one that was like oh this is my friend so-and-so or like I'm playing with so-and-so it was always just like I'm

playing teacher with my 12 stuffed animals that I probably had for six years like I don't know no like this wasn't a stuffed animal this wasn't like anybody this was literally something in his mind that he named and it was a person and he named it JJ and he just stopped talking about him one day yeah and like that's who he played with and I was really interested of who JJ was like I wanted to see who he was playing with at church like what does JJ look like yeah should we set up a play date like what does this mean yeah like perfect play date because he does not even exist oh well okay well leave us a comment on the podcast Instagram if you guys have children who have imaginary friends because

I would love to hear y'all's experiences with that yeah or if you had kids or if you had imaginary friends like as a kid because I certainly didn't I feel like Will's kind of like a weird person that would have like Will's very imaginative you know what I mean and like Jackson is too like what's his sign um he's a tourist a tourist what's his birthday May April April okay but yeah Will's very very like imaginative and Jackson is very much like that too and I don't know like I just wish I knew what JJ looked like in his mind and like all this weird stuff I don't know um switching gears though a little bit we had another question that came through that was talking about you supporting your kids

and their relationships with their stepmothers um and me specifically or just people in general yeah I know like do you like foster that relationship with yeah I mean how does that make me look for me to sit here and be like oh you know bitter or like nasty about I mean yeah V and I had our our shit back in the day like I mean eight years ago seven years ago but I mean that's Isaac's stepmom and you know she's been around for six or seven eight years now so who would I how would I look to Isaac Isaac would look back and be like what the hell like my mom's like BITCH yeah like so why would I do that and like I for everybody asking about my relationship with Lauren I do not have a relationship with her I don't need

a relationship with her I don't want a relationship with her when we are on the soccer field together we don't say two words to each other like I have no desire or anything for that to happen why is it like that like but that being said I'll ask Lincoln when he comes home like who did you play with at dad's house did you have fun if he mentions Lauren's name there's no bad blood like I'm like oh that's cool like did she cook for you did y'all play like I'm nice about it I'm not nasty I don't talk bad about her in front of him none of that I just do not want anything to do with her so but for Lincoln like if he's getting along with her and she's good to him then absolutely I mean he did say over the weekend he said

that Lauren was his stepmom and I did correct him on that and I said no I said she's not your stepmom that's daddy's girlfriend only because I don't want him to think that and then you know I mean I don't know how serious they are I don't know I mean yeah they just had a baby but I don't know it just made me uncomfortable as far as that goes I said until daddy marries her I said that's just daddy's girlfriend but when he marries her then maybe she would be your stepmom and then for Isaac I'm like you know V is your stepmom right yeah I think just like I'm not nasty about it like putting things into proper perspective of what the situation is but that kind of goes back to like what I was saying about like

not omitting from the truth and like telling the whole truth and just giving your kids like the real deal of like this is what it is I think helps so much because you know he's gonna take something from that conversation like he will respect that because you were 100% honest and yes like they live together and they have a baby together but they are not married right and that's what I just told Lincoln I said not yet I mean maybe one day but we don't know I said so until then that's just daddy's girlfriend I said you can love her and she can love you but that's I mean that's it right now so I said but she is Eli's mom like that's your brother's mom but just because mom just because daddy and

Lauren had a baby together and I think that was the confusion for him it was like well my dad and her have a baby together so that's my stepmom well no because that would mean that Chris is your stepdad which he's not so no he's definitely that's not like you could look up to Lauren as a stepmother figure you could look up to Chris as someone you know along those lines too like but there's a difference and I just want him to know but I don't have any bad blood and obviously if they as long as the step parent is treating my kids or you know properly then I don't really have room to say anything right um somebody keeps asking this and I don't know if it's the same person or if it's just like

I keep seeing it all the time but people keep asking if I feel any type of uncertainty in my marriage since like everything went down from the time that I filed from divorce you know on Chris Lee knows best and all that was shown until now and I feel like anybody can relate because in any type of relationship I feel like there's always going to be even if you're like very secure there's always that what if and I think that I always not like every day but I think sometimes like okay well what would my life have been like had we followed through with the divorce like would he be with somebody else would I be with somebody else like how would that have what does that look like like what does that

look like but as far as like uncertainty like in their relationship itself no not really I feel like when you go through hard times with somebody even like friendships or like any type of relationship really when you go through hard times it either breaks you or makes you stronger and I really truly believe that and I think that we're like the best that we have been so I don't really feel like any type of uncertainty if there was uncertainty there then I feel like we need to be coming up with like an exit strategy another plan yeah yeah I could see that oh I I'm glad that you guys worked it out because just coming from someone who's divorced and has kids you know with different people it's it's hard

and then you it's like I guess in the moment you're not really thinking about how it affects the kids but I think I was you know on and off with Chris for so long and so many times that when I was alone I really thought oh my god like how is this gonna affect my kids and especially now that they're getting older like what does this look like for their future and what they give and get out of their future relationships like I do not want them to have relationships like I have and I hope moving forward I've learned so much about relationships that I hope that when I'm having a relationship with that with someone in front of them that it's a healthy and positive example like I won't ever and I don't ever want to be in

a relationship in front of them again until I know for sure that we're in a good place and even then it's like if my kids don't like you this isn't gonna work anyway so um that's so crazy how like to think about how times have changed and like relationships and but I do agree with you about make or break like especially too because y'all have been through hell I'm sure and back because that's just how marriage and you know filing for divorce can be um I feel like once you see how the other person handles the bad times like that that'll say a lot to you like if they are bitter and spiteful they do nasty things like you know how they handle it and if you guys can get through how they how you handle the bad

times then you know exactly what you're in for right and good or bad I definitely agree with that like you kind of know what somebody's made of and like what angles they're gonna maneuver um when you go through a bad time with somebody and I will say that I was more surprised with how Will handled himself I think that there was just like a lot of sadness there um but it was like you know in waves so it'd be like sadness but then bitter but then like okay with it but then five minutes later not okay with it you know so it was like so many emotions and so much stuff going on but there was just we could never really a hundred percent pinpoint the things that would be like okay yeah this is definitely

a reason to file for divorce right it was always like very trivial things and that like built up yeah I mean just like just trivial stuff like you know I'm I'm working from home I've got the baby at home you're out on a job you're having you know adult interaction every day I feel like you know I'm doing a job at home plus a job being a wife plus a job being a mother and I just felt like you know he kind of put in his eight hours at work and then came home and I was still responsible for dinner and still you know by the time he would get home Jackson would be bathed and you know shortly later it would be time to put him to bed I just felt like the relationship was a little unevenly yoked

like as far as responsibilities were concerned and I know that a lot of people struggle with that feel that way yes yeah and I mean that's just the reality of being in a marriage and somebody is going to do like a little bit more and I just kind of felt a little bit overwhelmed and wanted help but also I was my own worst enemy because even if I would have had the help anyway I probably still wouldn't have wanted to help it was like an inner battle with myself that's always hard like the stay at home mom thing because it's like I I can relate a hundred percent and I think a lot of people can too it's like the mother's job goes on but it's almost like the dad you know they work their eight hours they come home

and you're still you're not relieved of what you all your responsibilities and I think that that I always say that if you can make it for through the first two years of a child's life like you guys can get through anything because those first two years where like you kind of just don't know what to expect the diapers that you're up all night you never like if the baby's colicky or there's medical issues or there's this and one's working when does the mom go back to work is the dad going to be stay at home and there's just so many things and I I see it a lot on like young and pregnant or 16 and pregnant where it was like okay the baby needs a diaper change will you do it no you do it no you do I don't want

to do it and then you resent the other one because they're not helping or picking up the slack and it's like it's very like the tit for tat you know like yeah well because I did it last time you do it my problem more so was like anxiety of feeling to do it right yeah like I felt like I wanted help but I was my own worst enemy because I wouldn't allow him to help and that was a hard realization for myself to know that you're doing this to yourself essentially you know even though he's at work and he you know you feel like he's just working the eight hours and then coming home and you know eating dinner and playing you know peek-a-boo for 30 minutes and then the baby going to bed I should have

been more accepting of the time that he did have instead of focusing on the time that he didn't and I needed to be more appreciative of what he was doing outside of the house because just because I was working at home doesn't mean that he wasn't really doing the majority of the financials so I don't know I just think that looking back on everything I blame myself for a lot of stuff but I grew a lot and the struggle I hear you I definitely hear you not to like completely change the subject but I was just like looking at stuff on the news and came across this article about this girl that hit kids at a bus stop did you see that I think she hit twins and then a third child or something like that yeah she

was a 24 year old girl and this happened in Indiana and I did see this she was in Indiana and she was driving a pickup truck and this was like before dawn and there was four kids that were crossing and two of them were six year old twin boys a nine year old little girl and then an 11 year old boy and the six year old and the nine year old were siblings and they all died I thought they were I thought it was the twins and the nine year old were all siblings right is that what you said yeah the okay yeah and they all passed away they all passed away and then the 11 year old was severely injured and she had told the police that she didn't realize that she was approaching like a stop school bus and even though that

the arm was activated and the lights were flashing so I would be interested to know because it didn't say in the article like what the driving conditions were at that time and like if it was foggy or whatever but even when it's foggy like I feel like you still see a red light I mean a whole yellow bus and a flashing stop sign I mean surely the sun was already up too so whether it was foggy or not you're gonna see that well yeah and then I mean you've got you've got a big like how can you miss a school bus that's sad because obviously she didn't do it on purpose and I mean that's horrible like she truly has to live with the rest of her life she has to live with that for the rest of her life whether she gets

whether she goes to jail or not or she gets charges or not she has to live with the fact that she killed three children for the rest of her life that is a huge well you feel sadness for like both sides of it because she's 24 years old like her life is over like she's killed three kids and severely injured another child and right her life is over however you also feel for the kids and the family because they just lost three children well yeah and that's that's exactly what I was thinking like you send your kids out into this world and you know a lot of people work hours where they might be gone before the bus runs or whatever you know they might have left for work already and they know that their kids

are going to the bus stop and they're getting on the bus and that's just it and I couldn't imagine being that parent not that it would make it any better than only one of your kids but like all three of your kids that's horrible horrible I mean that's your whole life and I just I couldn't 11 year old siblings too no I don't believe the 11 year old was a sibling I think it was another okay another boy it didn't say but I wish the article had had like the report of you know like the police to report if the weather conditions were like icy or if it was raining or you know foggy or whatever the conditions were and I will be interested to to know if after they obtain her phone records if she was on her phone

yeah because you know remember me telling you about the situation when Jackson I wear that concert and that girl hit those people those evacuee people yeah so they like it took them forever to like follow the charges or whatever it was and they did determine that she was on her phone at the time so I just feel like with technology and everything they always find everything out so yeah I do believe that she pled not guilty though but how if they found if you were on your phone you were guilty but they don't know I don't think like that'll all come out in court you know like if they have determined that she was on her phone I'm sure by this point she has an attorney and you know the attorney

has rights to to work on her behalf so right you know I'm sure law enforcement has the rights to obtain the phone records but they just haven't released that information but just going back to the story that happened where I live it took a year before it ever came out that the girl was on her phone so it'll be interesting to follow this story to see what actually was was going on because they will get to the bottom of it yeah for sure I was just for sure when I saw that I was like oh my gosh well kale looks like that we are out of time for this week so we will have to catch up with all of our other stuff next week thank you guys so much for listening to our shenanigans and if you guys have not

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