Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 31: Javi & Girlfriend Expecting, Future of Coffee Convos, & Infertility

Episode Date: June 7, 2018

Kail & Lindsie talk about Kail going on a dating show! Lindsie thought Kail was undercover dating her friend, tune in to hear more! They discuss the new episode of Teen Mom 2 & Javi & his girlfriend expecting! Lindsie talks about a nail experience & how she wants to open a salon. They discuss the future of Coffee Convos. Plus, Kail & Lindsie welcome guest Megan Smalley to talk about infertility. Tune in to hear this amazing story! If you want to follow Megan's podcast to hear more about infertility tune in to Give Grace Podcast. 

Hey guys, welcome to coffee combos. Hi, Lindy. Hey, how are you? Um, I'm slightly stressed. You know that I went to do that dating show over the weekend and I'm just like super jet lagged and kind of over it, you know, kill. First off, I have so many questions about that. Okay, the first, the first question is who thought it was a good idea for you to go on the dating show? That's the first question. Number one, MTV asked me to do it. I did not apply for this. This is something that came my way. So let's clarify that. Okay. And number two, who were these people that you were dating? Um, I have no idea. I have no idea who they were. Oh my God. Well, were they weird? Was it somebody that you would like normally like? I mean,

I, they were all very good energy and like fun. However, I don't think that I would date any of them in real life. Okay. But it was, it wasn't quite the experience. I'll say that. Okay. Well, so I watched your thing and I honestly thought I was like watching all of your snapshots and I honestly thought it was like a ploy and like you did not tell me the truth. And I thought, oh my gosh, she's going on a dating show and like her and Becky are dating. That would actually be clever. I think people, most people thought that Becky and I are dating because Becky just like tells people whatever they want to hear, like joking around. So like when people, when people ask on her Instagram and stuff, she's like, yeah, we're dating. Meanwhile, she has a whole girlfriend.

Like that's just how she is. Like we're not dating. We've never hooked up. She's one of my best friends and like literally she's like just the sweetest, most fun person ever. Well, she seems to be so fun. I really wanted to meet her when I was in New York, but I didn't get a chance to. So. Well, next time we do something, when we meet up for the podcast, she'll have to come and maybe she can do an episode. Yes. But in other news, the episode of Teen Mom was on and I'm pretty sure the text that you got in the car was probably for me. And I think it was. And you're like, I'm just not answering. Like I'm just not going to say. Don't know what to say. Yeah. Don't know what to say. Well, because when I first met Dom, like I just knew there was like something going

on, but like we didn't know each other like that well to like come out and straight up ask. But I felt like I knew you well enough to be like, Hey, are you dating somebody? First of all, yeah, did you see her Twitter over the weekend? I did Dom's Twitter was lit. I never want to talk to her ever again. Like I never want to see her. I never want to hear from her like wish her the best, but stay the fuck away from me because her Twitter over the weekend literally reminded me of Javi and our friends when me and Javi divorced. So that's some energy that I'm going to stay away from. Well, I never really like understood and I know there's like stuff that'll play out on Teen Mom too. So I never really understood like

how it fizzled out or even if you want to get into it or whatever, but what do they say? Like let old dogs lie or whatever, like just like let it rest. I mean, if there is nothing good to come of it, like there's no need to talk about it. So I don't know. I was married to someone for five years and never dogged him out or exposed him for a lot of the things that he did. So when he did that to me and then she tried to do that to me, I don't care how hurt you are. I've been there. Listen, I've been there when I was 18 years old and like me and Joe would fight back and forth on Twitter, but like I'm 26 now. I'm not going to do that anymore. Like I'm over the Twitter wars. I'm over it. Like literally after all the Teen Mom two drama that's been

happening this whole year, like I'm just done. Like don't fight with me on Twitter because I'm not going to get into it with you. Well, and I always like never really understand like the fighting on Twitter and stuff like sub tweets, like okay, whatever, but just like the going back and forth. It's like, Hey, you have a cellular device for that, like pick it up and use it because not everybody needs to be involved and what's going on between two people. I don't know. I just think she was doing some ignorant shit. So, um, so there's that and right moving on. Moving on to the next thing. Um, I was hoping that Lincoln would not shy out and come on the podcast tonight, but I get it. He's waiting for Isaac. So, um, I was going to ask him,

how does he feel about having another baby? So I'm going to let him tell you when I don't, Isaac doesn't know. So I'll have to tell Isaac before the next podcast. Um, but from what I understand, he's excited. He says that he thinks it's going to be a girl because he was right about baby Lux being a boy. So he thinks that he's going to have a little sister. Okay. So do you think that they already know and already told him or, um, from what Javi told me, um, he is doing a gender reveal. So can I just get into that really fast because if one, if one more media outlet asks me for my comments on their baby, I'm literally just going to turn my phone off. Um, so over the weekend, it was my weekend with the kids, but I had, I was going away for the dating show, right?

So Javi had been asking me, please can I have Lincoln, whatever, whatever I'm going away. And he wanted Lincoln to be able to see his cousins. So I, you know, I was a little apprehensive because Javi only agrees to do certain things when it benefits him. And so like, if I were to do that, he wouldn't always agree to like let me have him. There are times when he does, but anyway, so he's like, I agreed. I said, you know what, despite Lauren going, because we did have this six month rule where we're not introducing anybody to our kids for six months, you know, I put that aside because his cousins were going to be there. Like the distraction of his cousins would probably take away, you know, like Lauren wouldn't be too invested in Lincoln.

Right. So then, um, I went to go pick up Lincoln on Monday and I said, when I got back and I said, I asked Javi, Javi was like, oh, I'll be there when you pick him up, blah, blah, blah. And I said, is Lauren pregnant? I said, is Lauren pregnant? And he's like, no. I said, are y'all getting married? And he said, no. And then I let it go. And then hours later, I called him and I'm like, is Lauren pregnant? And he steps out, he's like, let me step outside. So he steps outside and he's like, yes, Lauren is pregnant. Um, Lincoln saw a picture of the ultrasound and I told him that, you know, Lauren has a baby in her belly. So I'm like, okay, he's just finding out, like, whatever, it's, I think it's a little too soon to tell Lincoln. I didn't really know the whole thing. So I'm like,

kind of like letting it all soak in, right? Right. So then today I get online and he did the announcement, right? So I'm confused. I saw the announcement with Lincoln in the front. Right. And like, so my biggest thing is I have, truthfully, Lindsay, I have no feelings towards them being pregnant. Like, I'm not mad. I'm not sad. I'm not happy. Like, I literally wish them the best. And like, that's it. Like, I don't have, I don't have any feelings one way or the other, you know, what, what does bother me is that I feel like how they used Lincoln and the cousins as a way to get Lincoln there to do the pregnancy photos instead of just being honest with me about it. Hey, Kale, you know, because he, he did an article today that I read. I read it and it says, oh,

I was nervous to tell Kale, but I had already told Lincoln, I didn't want Lincoln to spill the beans. No, you literally told me the day before because you didn't want me to leak it or you didn't want, you know, something Lincoln to tell me the day before you're about to announce it, you know what I'm saying? So I feel like he used the cousins being in town as a way to get Lincoln there for the family photos for the pregnancy announcement. I would have respected it more had he came to me and said, you know, hey Kale, Lauren is pregnant. And can I please have Lincoln for the photos? And I would have said yes, because I'm going out of town anyway. I just feel like when you go around it and then you tell me, oh, Lincoln saw the photo. So I told him that Lauren's having a baby. No,

Lincoln held the photos for the pictures that y'all took. I don't know that whole like dishonesty thing really, that's what bothered me. Well, and I think just like, as part of like, as part of like, co-parenting to that, it's just like a line that you don't blur that when you start going down a path of being dishonest, then it causes questions for like other things, right? So there's just no need. If you are grown enough to get somebody pregnant, then you're grown enough to tell somebody else that you had previously gotten pregnant and married to like, Hey, this is what's going on. And like, obviously, it's not the ideal situation or whatever. But, you know, this is the situation. And I would like to do an announcement. And, you know, can we discuss about

Lincoln being involved in it? Because, you know, that is going to be his sibling, just like Lachlan Isaac or his siblings, that's going to be his sibling, you know, so right. Okay, so let's stop for a second. So I can tell you guys about these Brooklyn and bedsheets. There's nothing better than sleep. You guys know that anytime you are stressed or you know, the kids are driving you nuts, just take a nap, you know, but these sheets are game changer because it's like luxury bedsheets in my own room. Founded in April of 2014 by husband and wife team Vicki and Rich Fulop, their philosophy, the most beautiful, comfortable home essentials, no crazy prices, no unnecessary markups or fees, most betting is marked up as much as 300%. Like that's seriously

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much clarified, but also people wanted to know the timeline. And I think, oh, I know, you know what? I see I that's one thing that I'm not going to get into because is I literally am mind fucked with the timeline because I know what the timeline is and the shit's a little messy. Well, and a lot of people were saying on there too that I mean, I saw the picture and I thought she looked like a cute pregnant girl. Oh yeah, she the pictures were cute. I'm not I'll give them I'll give them that they did very I know the photographer, John Lloyd, he he's a decent guy. I mean, he's lived in Dover as long as I've been here probably longer. The pictures were cute. They looked super cute and super happy. So like, you know, happy for

them. But she just looked way more pregnant than what I expect, you know, like, I wasn't expecting the picture. But if I did see an announcement, I thought that she would have been like, smaller. So she looks like she's probably four months pregnant is what it looks like to me. But some people were saying she looked like she was like five or six months pregnant. I don't think she's five or six. I think it I'm just speculating here. And this is all speculation. I want to say between three and four months. Okay, well, you and I both know never mind. I'm just not even gonna get into the timeline. Like I said, pictures are cute. I wish them the best. Obviously, Lincoln's excited. I want to be excited for him when Lincoln came home. You know, I asked him,

you're going to be a big brother again. He said, yeah, like he's excited. We're keeping, you know, that energy for Lincoln because he doesn't he doesn't need to know all the drama on the. Well, I mean, that's only fair, you know, like let him be excited and let him be happy. Right. And any of the drama can I don't even think there's going to be any drama because it's not even like that anymore. No, I don't I don't feel like that either. You know, it's like a blast from the past like for sure, you know, awesome, like you're you're having a baby. So that's kind of funny, though, because Isaac has a little sister, you have like the three boys and then Isaac has another sibling and then will Lauren live with Harvey or do they already live together or what's

the I think she I mean, how he's probably gonna kill me for even saying this, but I think she's going to move here. Okay, well, that would only make sense. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I mean, you have a kid together, you kind of live together or something. I don't know something like along those lines. I wanted to tell you like this quick story and then we have a guest. But I went and had my nails done like rushing around to do it and get there. And I don't know why I have like these weird nail experiences or why people think that like I just want to talk to them because when I go to the nail place, like, I don't mean to sound rude, but I go for quiet time like away from will talking my ear off and then Jackson talking about other ear off. So I'm just like,

I just want to sit here and relax and like chill. Yeah. And every single time these people always talk to me and it's always like random people that I've never seen before. And I go and sit down and one lady on one side of me starts talking. And then she gets up and leaves and I'm like, who awesome she left. And then I look over to the left and they're sitting somebody else there and I'm like, Oh my God, this looks like a chatty Kathy like she's going to start. So then she started talking and literally she never shut up like from the time she sat down until the time she got up. And she was telling like the nail tech about like all this weird stuff that was just completely uncomfortable with like, wait, so she's talking to the nail person or she's talking to you.

So it's like a three way conversation she's trying to have here. And I'm just like, okay, this is just getting a little too much for me. And then she started talking about like this infection that she got in her eye. And then she had some type of like infection that was like inside her body. And then the next thing I know she's talking about her vagina. And I'm just like, you know what? Fuck no, baby. You're at the nail place. And why are we having this conversation? I will never know. That would just make me never want to go get sit in that same pedicure bowl because she probably has infection in the water. Yeah. And I'm just like, you know what, I think I just need to open a nail place. Like I really right with like extra sanitary procedures. Yes.

And I was like, you know what, when I get home, I'm gonna get out my podcast equipment. I'm gonna talk to Kayle about this business venture because I think it's something that we really need to do. We need to open a place. Oh yeah, for sure. I don't know. Maybe people can send us like ideas. If we did open a nail place, what would we call it? Would it be like tips and toes or is that too basic? Tippy toes. Tips and toes is cute. It's kind of cute. Let's take a minute to talk about one of our all time favorites, bio clarity. You guys know that I can't get enough of this stuff. For me, bio clarity is just something that I enjoy using on a daily basis just to keep my skin clean and fresh. I use the essentials routine. Just my skin is more normal. And right now,

with it being summer, it's getting a little bit more on the dry side. So the skin smoothie is something that I'm really addicted to right now. I probably put it on my face like three times a day. Whether you are looking for a clear skin regimen or just healthy skin care routine, bio clarity has y'all covered in just three easy steps. They now offer two skin care routines. The clear skin routine, which is the one that Kayle uses proven to fight acne, soothe skin, reduced pore size, and minimize redness and the essentials routine, which is what I use for normal dry or dehydrated skin. Both of these routines contain nourishing plant extracts, chamomile, green tea, cucumber, and licorice root. So like Lindsay said, I'm using the clear skin routine. And I love the way that

it reduces my pore size. I don't know why, but they're so big. I feel like one of the girls on Mean Girls, bio clarity products. Did you ever see that scene when she's like, my pores suck? Like that's me. So of course. Bio clarity products are loaded with soothing ingredients and fluorolux. Fluorolux is a clever form of chlorophyll, which is proven for soothing away blemishes. Fluorolux has antioxidant healing and anti inflammatory properties that feed your skin from the outside in. It's like green juice for your face. So get started on healthier habits with your skin care by going to bio clarity.com. And our listeners will get their first month for 50% off a routine plus free shipping. And it comes with a 100% risk free money back guarantee, but you have to enter

our code coffee. That's bio clarity.com and enter our code coffee. While we're going down the path of business ventures, the most common question that we have received just from all platforms like Instagram, Twitter, whatever is about us doing multiple episodes a week. And I think that you guys will be excited. We have ideas and the works and things that we can't like talk about because we don't really know where the podcast is going or what our next step is with the podcast. But I don't know that it's going to be the route of two podcasts per week. We're discussing live options maybe. Oh, that's gonna be so fun. So just hang tight. We're giving you like what we can give you as of right now, but there is more to come. And we're talking about merchandising and

doing other things that you guys have requested. So if you'll just be patient, it will be here when the time is right. Fuck yeah. Lindsay hates when I curse. It's fine. Yeah, explicit. Thanks. Okay, so a lot of questions that we received over mother like between Mother's Day, leading up to Mother's Day and Mother's Day weekend was the talks about infertility. And neither of us really have had that issue. And I know that there's a lot of people out there that can't relate to our stories on some levels because, you know, anytime Kill wants to blink and get pregnant, she does. I did have issues before Luxe. Like I really did. I had multiple miscarriages, but we never really found like what that cause was.

Right. So my doctor was like, be thankful you have two boys and, you know, whatever happens happens. And we never really did further testing. But, you know, we just did like the basic testing and everything was fine. So I don't know. You didn't you've never had like infertility issues, right? No, I, you know, luckily knock on wood. No. But, you know, I know that it's way more common than what I thought people think about. Yeah, for sure. And honestly, when I was trying to conceive one of my friends had gotten pregnant before me and had just had a baby. It was like November. She was literally a year older than Jackson, but she had just been born and I was trying to conceive and I got pregnant on the second month. But after the first month that I didn't get pregnant, I don't

know. I just like, I hear all of these stories about people, you know, having these hookups or whatever, and then just getting pregnant and it being what they call an accident or whatever. I felt like I tried for the first month. It was like actively trying to conceive and then nothing happened. So then I started getting worried because you know, my personality and I was like, oh my gosh, what if I'm going to be, you know, a person that has fertility issues? Like what will I do? Like I don't know if I can mentally handle that. So yeah, I got pregnant luckily the next month. So you know, everything was fine. But I do know a lot of people who are listening that are women that are trying to conceive or have had fertility issues would like to hear from somebody who

has struggled with infertility. And my friend Megan has decided to come on the podcast and she also has a podcast that I would like to be able to send you guys to so that you can listen to stories about her journey because she won't be able to tell it all tonight, but it will be an outlet for moms to be able to go to or future mothers to be able to go to to be able to relate. Okay, so we're going to bring Megan on the podcast and let her tell her story and talk about her podcast as well. So Megan, Megan. Yeah. Hi, Megan. Hi, y'all. Sorry. Ricky over here. Ricky move. Well, you do podcast. So I should be more natural at this, but you know, you win some, you lose some. But yeah, I'm so excited to be here. I am Megan Smalley and I live in the huge city of Auburn,

Alabama with my husband who is a coach. So the coach's wife life is no joke. I do a lot of the year by myself, but it's a good life. And so just kind of a little backstory on us, but you know, we've been married for six and a half years now and never really anticipated having trouble getting pregnant. It's just, I guess it's just not something I ever really thought of. I'm one of four siblings. My parents had no issues getting pregnant, popped babies out like it was their job. And so I just kind of assumed it would be easy for us. I think a lot of women that have trouble oftentimes anticipated because they're symptoms ahead of time, whether or not they're like regular with their periods or, you know, they're just some sort of symptom they might have

endometriosis symptoms. But that wasn't the case for me. So I just didn't see this coming. And so we started trying, and I just expected it to be easy, and it wasn't. And six months went by, and we just decided to move forward with testing. And we met with our fertility specialist, and he well, we started the preliminary testing with our OB and that, you know, just showed signs that we needed to see a specialist. So we ended up sitting down with our fertility specialist, and he told us that IVF was going to be our only option to get pregnant. And that was just a total shot to the gut. I mean, I was shocked. And I just remember sitting there, I was 27 at the time thinking, how is this my life? Like, is this a joke? Like, please wake me up from this dream. This cannot

be real. Like I said, I'm a coach's wife, my husband's teacher, and we don't have the kind of money for IVF and much less multiple rounds and not to interrupt you, Megan, but was this before you started your business or like in the midst of it all? So this was like right in the middle of, well, I had started scarling gold on the side, I was in full time pharmaceutical sales at the time. And this was actually right in the middle of the transition period between when I had gotten laid off from my pharmaceutical job and then was really ramping up scarling gold and deciding to do that full time. So that was just kind of a whole season of uncertainty. But yeah, it was right around that time. So I just remember sitting there thinking, how is this my life? I never would

have guessed this, but we decided to move forward with it. And if you've never walked through infertility issues or know somebody that has, IVF is super expensive. And just hard on your body. Yeah. So not only draining physically and emotionally, but it's also financially draining. Like the first round costs us $15,000. And you're not guaranteed to even have a baby from that. Yeah. And so it's hard to really explain why it's so hard to somebody who doesn't get it, but you're putting all your eggs in that basket. You're putting it all out there financially, emotionally, physically. And when it doesn't work, it's just devastating. The most devastating thing in the entire world. We thought this was our one shot. And I mean, we don't have $15,000 to

just throw it this multiple times. And so all that to say, we did it. We took the money out of our savings account. I'll never forget that check. And it's just one of those moments that's like, this is supposed to be free. Like it's not supposed to cost people $15,000 to have a baby. And it's not, it's not only supposed to be free. It's supposed to be fun. Like people talk about, you know, just their honeymoon baby or, you know, whatever. And it's like, that's not at all what it looks like for me. This was just, we had sex last Wednesday and had the baby. Yes. Like, not, I'm like, wait, what? I can't relate at all. There was no sort of romance whatsoever, the conception of my children, but. Okay. So let's take a quick break,

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get quip.com slash coffee right now you'll get your first refill pack for free with a quip electric toothbrush. So that's your first refill pack for free at get quip.com slash coffee spelled G E T Q U I P dot com slash coffee. Let's get back to the show. So like we we decided to move forward and we actually went to a clinic in Georgia and and it was a terrible experience. I'll spare y'all the details. You can listen to my full story on our give grace podcast, but it was it was a nightmare. They overdosed me on the medicine. I ended up not needing as much as they gave me. And so it basically fried my eggs and what? Yeah, it was terrible. And so like we got three embryos, which for those of you who don't know

the IVF lingo, that's like when they take the sperm and the egg and make the embryo and they were all really weak because they told me I had bad eggs. And so we transferred all three of them and in the same call that the doctor called to tell me I wasn't pregnant. He told me that I needed donor eggs. And so it was just a devastating summer of like epic proportions. I so donor eggs means it would be your husband biologically, but not yours. But not mine. Correct. Yes, which ended up not being the case at all. Like we my eggs were fine, which is a whole other side story. But note, if you're walking through infertility, I am a big proponent of a second opinion. I wish like the first time around with IVF, I kind of went in blind and had the mentality

of like, I'm just going to trust my doctor and, you know, ignorance is bliss. And I have a lot of regrets about that because I don't think that you're the only not to cut you off, but I don't think that you're the only one that would feel that way, though. I mean, how many of us put our trust and faith into our doctors and don't feel like we would need a second opinion, you know what I mean? So I don't think that you're alone in that. And it's like, I've just learned through the process that I can, I just, I've realized like, no matter what the issue is medically, you can go to 10 different doctors and get 10 different opinions. And I've also learned like you have to be your own advocate. So all that to say, get a second opinion. I wish I would have

the first time around it would have saved us a lot of money and a lot of heartache. And we ended up going just to make the story short. Two years later, through my business, my staff did a fundraising campaign. It's called the Give Grace campaign to raise the money for us to do IVF again. And we ended up going to a clinic in Colorado. It's called CCRM and seeing Dr. Schoolcroft, who is a world renowned fertility specialist. And we now have our twin boys who are total miracles. Oh, wow. And I just am so overwhelmed with gratefulness every time I look at them because we were told it wasn't going to happen. And, and yes, they are biologically mine and my husband's. I did not need donor eggs. And how old are they? They are nine,

I guess almost 10 months old. So. Oh, wow. So when is, when is their birthday? August 8th. Okay, my, my youngest is August 5th. Oh, so fun. Congratulations. That's, I mean, it's so crazy to think about just like the whole journey and like what you've been through because I feel like to your point earlier in your story and your journey was, you know, I don't, I've had multiple miscarriages and I don't think that from my first son, Isaac, eight years ago, when I was carrying him, when I found out I was pregnant, I never miscarriage never crossed my mind. Right. You know, and then same for Lincoln, like miscarriage never crossed my mind, even when I found out I was pregnant. So after Lincoln, when I had a miscarriage for the first time, I was like,

oh my, like I never, I didn't expect it. It's not what I thought would happen. It's not how I thought it would happen. You know what I mean? So I think that, and it does happen so many, so much more frequently than we would ever think. Yeah. And I think the hard part is like, we all envision our life a certain way and when it turns out differently than that, it's just like a shot to the gut. Like wait, this was not my plan. This was not, like I say all the time, you know, I'm part of this infertility club that I never would have chosen to be a part of and I don't wish anybody else to be a part of it, but it's become part of who I am. It's a part of my story and I don't, I don't, looking back, I'm thankful for it because I feel like, and I don't know if

you would say the same, but I'm a different mom and I'm a different wife and I'm just a different person overall because of what I've walked through. I feel like I have a new level of empathy for what people are walking through because of my journey. So, but yeah, it's not something you ever expect. I have several friends that have gone through IVF, you being one of them, but several and sometimes when Jackson gives me a hard time on days and I'm just like, oh my gosh, your dad can't get home from work like soon enough, I think about you guys and think about, wow, you know, like that could have been me, you know, and it's so sad and to like not know how to communicate with moms that have been through it because I don't have the same story, so I don't know like what's

socially appropriate to, you know, like ask or how to even talk to somebody who's been through something like that. Yeah, and I think that's the hard thing is like, I just learned through our journey is that people don't know what to say and so they get awkward and don't say anything at all and that's kind of become my platform is like educating women on how to love people in the struggle because I get it, like I was that person not that long ago, like I'm sure I said all the wrong things, did all the wrong things because I just didn't know and I think the biggest thing is just to say something and to say like to be honest and say honest, like I don't know what to say, I don't know how to love you through this, I don't know how to support you in this, so how can I

encourage you, how can I be there for you, what can I do and recognizing too that you can't take the pain away, I don't know about y'all but I'm a fixture by nature and I think, you know, I can always fix the problem, I look at everything like a problem that needs to be solved and when someone suffering and then pain and has a lot of heartache, my natural tendency is just to want to fix it and to take that pain away but recognizing that you can't, like nothing I can say or do is going to fix this, so that takes the pressure off a little bit, like I cannot be the savior, I am not going to be able to change what's going on, my job is to come alongside this person and just love on them and encourage them, I think that kind of eases the burden of feeling like you have to

say the right thing and just saying like, I think acknowledging it like hey, I know you're walking through this and it sucks, like just acknowledge the fact that it sucks, I just so many people want to put a positive spin on things and that's great but some things just have no positive spin, like walking through infertility, having a miscarriage, losing a baby, losing a child, like if flat out sucks, there's no other way around it and it's horrible, so say that, like I'm so sorry you're walking through this, that sucks and I'm just, I hate it for you, how can I support you in this, how can I love you, how can I encourage you, what do you need from me, things like that, I mean just simply asking I think is helpful, but that's very normal to feel

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framebridge.com promo code coffee. Coming from somebody who didn't have you know infertility issues or whatever I feel like you almost I guess for me I almost feel like selfish for like asking questions because obviously like maybe you don't want to answer them or maybe you think well why is she asking because you know she doesn't have those problems so like why does she care and stuff like that you know it's like I genuinely do care and I have three friends that have gone through you know full IVF and all have successfully had children you know through IVF. Yeah and I love I love that we're having this conversation this dialogue because it's cool to see and hear both sides of the story like for me I will say this everyone

handles it differently and everyone needs something differently in the midst of it but for me when people ask questions it showed me that they cared and I agree I think the biggest thing to always go back to is saying something is so much better than saying nothing even nothing at all the wrong thing like people said the wrong things all all the time to me but I knew that they cared like right it came it came from like a you know a place of caring not necessarily to be ignorant or anything they just yeah they wanted to help and didn't know how. So I think like just knowing in your heart of hearts that your friend is going to know that you care and asking questions I'm a question asker ask her I'd come by it honest my mom she like can't do awkward silence so she just

comes up with questions all the time it's bad but anyways um so I that's kind of how I love on people is I try to to meet them where they are and there's like I yes I've walked through infertility but there's so many struggles that I know nothing about and I think that's how you can gain empathy for what people are walking through is by asking questions and I just preface it by saying if you don't want to answer it's fine like it's not going to hurt my feelings um if you tell me I don't want to talk about it. One time I was sitting at um I believe it was Chick-fil-A and there was this you know at playgrounds and stuff women all start talking and there was this lady there that was going through the process of IVF but also had another child with her so I don't know if that

child was you know conceived via IVF or not but this other woman was I could just hear her like asking all the wrong questions and I would I don't know if I took it as she was like being nosy but maybe it was like coming from a place of care she didn't know this woman from Adam but she was asking well when you guys did the testing did you find out who was the problem? Oh gosh and I feel like that would be the hardest thing for me if I had to go through fertility treatments like feeling like if I was you know the so-called problem I would feel so much guilt. Right yeah I think that's relatable too. Yeah I mean that it's a it's a heavy burden and that number one if you don't know the person at all you shouldn't ask the question like rule number one but because it is

coming from a place of nosiness and I will say if people ask me all the time like do twins run in your family and I'm like no they're fertility twins like that's what you're asking right right but if you don't know the person don't ask the question but I feel like playing the blame game unlike a lot of struggles in life fertility has the tendency to separate marriages and couples because of this like because I can't tell you how many people ask like well whose fault is it and like no matter how hard Blake and I tried to never walk down that road of playing the blame game people make it so easy and like suck you into this trap because they ask that all the time and it's like well it's nobody's fault like nobody would choose this for their life nobody did anything

to deserve this like we live in a fallen world and it's just part of the world that we live in and that's just horrible I mean I hate that people even ask that question but it's so true and I think it just compounds the entire situation that you're in. Of course I was the mom that was like not having a conversation with either of these ladies I was just like supervising Jackson and like he's dropping on the conversation and when I heard that I feel like my eyes were like as big as salsa. Because I was just like who asked that at a playground you know like you don't even know this lady like this was your best friend and you were having on like a full on conversation first off I hope it wouldn't be at a playground but if it was that's just not a question

that I feel like should have been asked so that was one experience that I just kind of overheard. And I think that goes for everything in general like I've learned in motherhood that people just come up to you and give completely unwarranted advice. 100% yes. It's like that in infertility too I mean people just need to learn how to shut their mouths and it's it's really unfortunate and sad especially when somebody's walking through a struggle because you know I have a good friend who's walking through it now and I mean it's just constant like when are y'all are next like anytime she's holding a baby like oh my gosh like when is it going to happen for y'all you're next I'm just waiting for the announcement because people don't know what she's walking through

and she's on and on and on and I mean she just feels like when she's in public she's dying inside because she's having to put on this brave face because nobody knows and people are just throwing these comments at her and it's just like a constant dagger to the chest like over and over again and I think people the lesson of the day is just that people need to be more mindful about what they say you just never know what somebody might be walking through. Okay so here's the problem with father's day the man in in your life isn't going to tell you what to get him and the truth is he might not even know what he wants so I know that the baby's dad probably won't even say that he wants anything but we're going to get him a man crate probably the knife making kit. I am going to

actually order Will the Salami Bouquet. I knew it because I actually want to try it and I always like get in on the gifts that I give him and I just I really want to just like take a picture of the Salami Bouquet to say I actually bought one. Buying a cool gift for your guy can feel impossible you can search for ever for something he either doesn't want or already has but all that's about to change. This father's day give him a gift he is guaranteed to love with man crates handpicked and packaged gifts for every type of dad like the knife making kit that kill legs for the hands on dad or the whiskey appreciation crate for fathers who like the finer things. With man crates you're giving dad more than a gift you're giving him a gift experience unlike any other plus every man

crate comes with 100% satisfaction guarantee. Get your special Father's Day discount today at mancreates.com slash combos. This is a limited time offer only for Father's Day so go today that's mancreates.com slash combos mancreates.com slash combos. I had um so when I found out I was pregnant with Isaac I you know I was really young and obviously it wasn't planned and I have a cousin who um she had been married for years and was like actively trying and had just found out that she was pregnant you know through IVF um and when I went to tell her that I was pregnant she broke down and cried like you know you didn't even plan this and you know here you are pregnant and I've been trying for years and it was just like one of those things where like at the time I was like

this isn't like I can't control that either you know what I mean right it was one of those things so then later on it wasn't until I miscarried multiple times for me to really understand where she was coming from because um my one of my best friends and I actually were pregnant at the same time um and she carried to term and I ended up losing mine and so when I saw her for the first time you know she was big pregnant and I I was going through the miscarriage so I was like why like I didn't understand how she was you know she got to keep hers and I didn't keep get to keep mine and then it flashed me back to when I found out I was pregnant with Isaac and my cousin had had such a hard time and I think you're right I think you know people don't know what to say people don't

know how to handle it and then there's you know whose fault is it you know the whole nine it's just the whole situation the whole infertility thing it's just so hard to like people tiptoe around it you know yeah and I think too like number one so many people walk through it in silence like they don't tell anybody right right I didn't know my cousin yeah I had no idea that my cousin was struggling I had no idea until she broke down yeah and so there's like this expectation put on you that is unrealistic and then two like there's just this stigma of like like in that situation it's easy to feel like well you're just not happy for me because you're jealous like you want what I have or you know people said that to me a lot well you you're just jealous like you want what

she has and it's like no it's really not like it right it's not about jealousy yeah I shouldn't have to defend how I feel but it's just a reminder of the loss like whether you've actually lost a baby or not like it's still this loss that you feel and right it's a reminder of your brokenness and it's not coming from a place of jealousy it's just it's a reminder of what should be like it should be fun it should be easy and it should be free and it's not for me and I have to mourn those things and I should feel the freedom especially with my close friends to mourn and it's it's like a bittersweet feeling every time I had a friend that told me they were pregnant I cried 90% of the time and I tried to communicate to them like I'm not crying because you're pregnant

I promise like I'm so happy for you it's just a bittersweet feeling like I'm so happy for you but I'm it's a reminder of where I'm at but I will say like being on your end like that's hard to if you've never experienced these emotions or known anybody that has it's so hard to know how to handle that like if I hadn't walked this road and I was pregnant and some one of my friends was walking through this and I told them I was pregnant and they cried I would be like what yeah what's your problem yeah and so it's just I think y'all having me on to talk about this like this is how change happens it's just talking about it and normalizing these things and being open about it because the more people talk about it the more people will know and understand

how to handle these things so well I think just like having other people who have experienced you know loss or infertility too is you know a lot of times people walk through it alone like you said and we're not you know people aren't talking about it and so you know when you don't feel alone and you feel like there's someone that can relate to you you're maybe you know that can help you through through the journey yeah for sure I mean it's so easy to feel like I'm the only one especially when you look around and see all of your friends that are pregnant and you just feel so alone but knowing that you're not alone and that there are other people out there walking this road it just makes it a little bit easier and the burden feel a little lighter well and we

received the question so many times over direct message I mean I would venture to say hundreds of messages in regards to it and you know how long did it take us to conceive and just questions like that and then did we have any fertility issues and can we talk about miscarriage and loss and whatever and you know I personally thank god I can't but I thought of you when I started getting those messages and I was like we've got to have her on the podcast because then you created a podcast to be able to talk to other moms and to be able to you know relate for people going along the journey too so that's just not something that you know it's not really our platform but right I would like to help people be able to get to to somebody that that is their platform

yeah and I mean like I said this is not a club I would have chosen to be a part of or a story that I would have ever wished upon myself but I'm thankful to be here and I just have such a heart for people walking this road because of my story so we did start the Give Grace podcast you can find it on iTunes but it's a place for to encourage people to find joy and community and life's hardest season so it's not just specifically about infertility it's about all struggles that women walk through in life but I hope that it's a place that encourages people and that also shines a light on on these hard things and talks people through how to love somebody like if you know somebody who's walking through this we talk about things like addiction and

chronic health issues secondary infertility eating disorders so how do you love somebody going through that um so yeah I'm I'm thankful for my you guys talk about marriage too right yeah yeah and how I mean all these things can affect marriage so Lord I'm gonna tune into that one marriage is no joke I told Kayle this morning that I swear tonight's gonna be the night that I shave Will's head while he's sleeping well when she when she texted me that I thought she meant like she was like he asked her to shave his head and she said no in his sleep I said okay send pics more like a video please right like please I need to see this he's for real tested every ounce of patience and nerve that I have over the last four days this joker decided that it was a

good idea to take a Friday off going into a holiday weekend so I got the joy of hanging out with him from Friday through Tuesday morning that sounds like my life I tell everyone we go from like zero to sixty because six months out of the year Blake works all the time like he leaves the house at six thirty and gets home at nine o'clock and then six months of the year he's home a lot and so it's it's an adjustment period I remember my in-laws like my my father-in-law works from home and when you were engaged I was at her house and they were my mother-in-law here come here comes my father-in-law at the stairs he works from home in the basement and he heard her come in so he comes upstairs and she's like oh my gosh like here he comes again and oh that's so sad like she doesn't want to eat

lunch with him and now I get it I'm like I'm never in the house alone ever oh man I'm like yeah I get it I get it now just like it alone I'm just like will go somewhere and now he's taken a new job to where he has like this work from home option that he's exercised quite frequently lately oh good and I'm just like hey will I'm gonna need you to figure it out like you need to get an office and be stationary somewhere because I don't and he's like well this isn't just your house and I'm like will but it is Monday through Friday nine to five it is you can't relate can't relate trust me sometimes do you Megan do you ever think about like what would life be like if you were like 28 years old and not married and kidless like what would you be doing I think about it all the time

like what the fuck would I do I think about like I mean it's only been 10 months I'm like what what did I what did you do right yes it's like that with when I had Lux even like I was already a mom when I had him but I'm like what the hell did I even he's only about to be 10 months as well and like what the hell did I do before him yeah what did I do I think a whole lot of nothing no today I enjoyed it today I woke up and I was just thinking you know like this is just gonna be like a calm relaxing summer day like it's supposed to be like a really rainy day so I'm just gonna do a few things around the house and like probably basically do nothing to be honest and Jackson had this grand idea that you know he wanted to have a play date and I'm like okay so

we'll try to schedule a play date so we schedule a play day and we end up going to Chick-fil-A which is like my second home away from home and we play there for like over an hour so then his friends that we're playing with he's like I want to go home with him for an hour so I'm like okay fine he plays with him all the time fine so then I go and pick him up then we come home then the sunshine and miraculously after all day it has not it's not shown at all he goes well the sunshine and the pools right there so we must go I'm like okay awesome so I'm gonna go home let the dog out and take him up to the pool so then we go to the pool and I'm just like it's never ending like when did I have time to do like anything other than be a mom I don't know what my life was like

no you forget it's so and it's so crazy because your baby could be like two weeks old and you're like what did I do before my baby was born yeah and I think the other thing is you forget like I've already forgotten sort of how hard those early days are and like how sick I was it's like I think you forget so that you will do it again or everyone or everyone would be an only child like Jackson I remember there's a reason why Lindsay had one and done oh I don't blame you I mean I was so nauseous at the first part of my pregnancy never like throw up sick but just physically so nauseous and I thought I would just faint and I was like oh my god this is just terrible Gatorade saved my life um well they should sponsor our podcast then they should

because I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Gatorade and I survived off Gatorade I swear for like three months and then I was I was fine but those first three months I was like whatever you are boy or girl you are testing me yes I have PTSD from the first trimester because I you know two times the hormones and then with IVF I had to take additional medicine and shots through 10 weeks of pregnancy I had to do these progesterone shots and they're literally the needle is huge it's horrible I did them so long oh my god did the one in your butt yes it's yeah I did them for so the needle is so scary I was like you're gonna put what where like no thank you I think it makes you sicker and well I would break out my skin would break out

from them yes same I think I'm sick from just hearing y'all talk about it thinking about it yeah and I didn't even do it yeah it's bad you get these like oil bubbles underneath the skin because it's progesterone and oil and it's bad horrible memories but I threw out for 14 weeks I'm like oh no no that just that just sounds like a roller coaster that I don't want to ride I know you know I'm in the sleepless nights oh my gosh please please let me have some sleep Jackson's going to Will's parents tomorrow for two two three days two nights and I haven't had a break since it's probably been like nine weeks since he's been anywhere and done anything without me so I'm kind of like tomorrow Jackson you are going to your poppin' bobos and mommy's gonna

work but just not be like you have some like peace and quiet yeah like I'm gonna work quietly is basically what I'm saying and of course I got all of my like cleaning and stuff done before he goes so maybe I can do something like semi remotely fun but the weird thing is is whenever he goes somewhere then I just like sit I don't know what to do with my time so then I just like sit and wait for him to come back I know it's crazy like kind of sad but so true I'm just like wow well thank you so much for coming on we appreciate it yeah thank you Megan for having me I do also have some resources for any women going through infertility on my website so if anybody wants to check them out like I have a resource on how to share pregnancy news with

somebody walking through infertility so that's Megan Smalley dot com if you want to check it out perfect well thank you so much for coming on and I'll talk to you Sam okay all right bye bye well guys I'm so glad that we were able to talk to Megan and get her on the podcast and I hope that she can help um you know with you guys and if anyone's going through infertility or loss check out her page check out her podcast and Lindsay I'm so glad that you were able to get in touch with her me too well it was so good to talk to you and I know that we have a lot of stuff to catch up on that we weren't able to catch up on for this episode but we'll save it for next week um I want to hear about a lot of things I have questions about so um we'll we'll just carry on

that conversation later because we're out of time so thank you guys for tuning in we appreciate it make sure that you guys follow us on coffee combos podcast instagram we're gonna start hosting more giveaways we have one that's active um it by the time this episode air so it probably won't be active anymore but um we just did a giveaway with simp bird and we are planning on doing more giveaways so just stay tuned on the podcast instagram hope you guys have a good week bye this podcast is brought to you by wave podcast network check out all of our shows including the brain can you podcast I don't get it babes and babies coffee convos and let's talk about it