Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 48: Dating, PTSD, & Sexual Harassment

Episode Date: October 4, 2018

Kail & Lindsie catch up w/ Kail's friend Danielle. She talks about being the most requested guest. They talk about being able to put your phone down while on vacation. Danielle fills us in on her dating life. Kail talks about having PTSD from past relationships. They discuss why communication is so important in relationships & what their love language is. Lindsie talks about how nice she thinks it is to use Mr. & Mrs. Danielle talks about how its refreshing that Kail & Lindsie hangout w/ "normal" people & not just tv people. They talk about why some people are silent about harassment & why it's not okay. 

Hey guys, welcome to coffee combos. I'm super excited today because my friend Danielle is here again. According to Danielle, she is the most requested coffee combos guest. So Danielle, welcome back. Hi guys, I'm black by popular demand. I mean back. Definitely on Twitter, we have gotten so many demands to have you back. It's probably between me and Javi because people always want to just hear his story. I don't care. Yeah, and I don't think people care to hear from him anymore. Well, I has been right. Nobody cares to have Javi anymore. So welcome back. What's been new? I feel like the last time we talked was I already in Atlanta already in Atlanta. Yeah, and I was staying here. You had just I still yeah. And I still have the same job. Unfortunately,

it's such a change of pace because last last time I was so excited about my new job. Right. And now I'm like, now I need another new job. Right. So it's been a little hectic and crazy. But I'm alive. Right. And well, and well, I'm up. Yeah. And Danielle might be my assistant. Oh, so you're gonna. So you're gonna work for Lindsay. Well, yeah, Lindsay work with work with my preferred. Okay, that's nice. That's really nice of you. Yeah, I just I feel like I'm good at having creative ideas. Honestly, it's kind of part of my major as a public relations and advertising major to do stuff like that. So we'll see what happens when I was at the beach. I just feel like I don't know. Everybody, you're always busy whenever you're doing something, you know what I mean? It's like,

I feel like I can handle everything up until the point of I go somewhere. And then I want to be on vacation. And I don't want to be at my phone. But then I get home and I have like 150 emails. That's the hardest part is like putting your phone down and not working on vacation. Yes, I find even if I like go out to dinner, I'm on my phone doing stuff for work. And it's crazy because like, for example, will he has a corporate job. So, you know, he also has a work from home option. So I did notice that he checked his email a little more frequently just because he probably didn't want to be slammed when he got back to work. But it wasn't required for him to do that. As an entrepreneur and somebody who works unconventionally, it's very hard not to answer those kind of things

because it's like, okay, that's money, right? You know, that's business as a marketing director, though, I find myself checking my phone a lot to even when you're not working, like even when I'm not working. And I, I don't want to say I don't get paid for that. But like, who who's clocking my hours when I'm constantly in my emails, like responding to things or answering my phone, because everyone has my cell phone number, like, I don't, I don't, I don't get reimbursed for that, which kind of bothers me because I'm like, you're working, I could spend 20 hours a week in my emails and on my phone and not getting paid. I'm not getting, I'm not getting paid for it. So I do have a work from home option as well. But like, I have to sit down and I have to track it and I

have to do all that. So the most hours I get is when I'm in the store and I clock in and I'm just sitting on my laptop or I'm helping with. So basically, what it boils down to is that you need a new job. You want a new job. I would or a job addition to. Yeah. And I do right now I'm working through jobs, which is crazy to say. I do work with the Braves now. That's so fun. There's it is so fun. I love it. So I'm going to see if I can do something with them as well. But the thing is, like, I'm just ready to expand and put my feelers out to see what else I can do. Like, this is a city of opportunity and I don't want to just limit yourself, essentially. So since we last talked to you on the podcast, you were dating, right? So do you have any funny dating stories lately?

Because that's really what I was looking forward to hearing. I would not be Dan, the man. Dan, not the man. Oh my gosh, Lindsay, I'm you. Dan, not the man. She's me. I would not be Dan, not the man if I didn't have a story for you guys. And it's crazy. At the beginning of the year, this guy texts me and he's like, Hey, so and so. And I'm like, but wait, backup. How did he find you? I'm going to tell you. Okay. He's like, Hey, it's so and so. And I'm like, Well, who's so and so? He's like, Remember, you got my number in December, when you were out. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I remember you. He had given me his number while we were out at the bar. So I'm like, Oh, okay, like, you just disappeared. Like, it was like, New Year, new you, and you just deleted me from your life. Oh, I was going through a lot. Like, we

should really hang out. I have more, more free time. So we went out. And I'm like, Did you have a girlfriend? Is that was that the issue? And he's like, Oh, like, I was trying to move and I had to deal with this and I got a new job and blah, blah, blah. So I'm like, whatever. Okay, I'm buying your story. So we go out and buy what you're selling, honey. Right. And he was so nice and so sweet. And I took him to this place he had never been to before. You took him somewhere. Like I pointed out the place. Okay, let's go get drinks at this little dive bar. It's called Doc's. And I'm like, they have like $3 margaritas on a certain night. Let's go. And he's like, Okay, cool. So we just had a couple drinks and we talked and he was really cool and down to earth and he was funny. And my aunt's friend was there at the bar. And he

came over, he came, he came over and said hi to us and spoke and everything like that. Fast forward to the next week. I text the guy, I'm like, Do you want to go out this week? And he's like, Oh, not tonight. I have something to do. Like I'm going to be playing 2k or something. Something done. He's gonna be playing. All right. Yeah. So I'm like, Okay, okay, cool. Like that's fine. We'll just catch up like another weekend or something. So literally the next day, my aunt's friend was like, Oh, I saw your friend out at the same bar you guys were at. And he was with another girl. He took someone else to the bar that I took him to. And so I texted him. I'm like, Oh, I would have gone out there busy this this week. And he's like, I was I'm like, But you went to Doc's last night. He was like, Why were you there? And

I was like, I should have said, Yeah, like I was there and I saw you. But I was just like, No, like, somebody I know saw you. And he blocked my number. Literally blocked it right after that. All right, guys, let's take a break and talk about actually taking a break and talking to somebody that you can trust. Talkspace is an online therapy company that lets you message licensed therapists from anywhere at any time. All you need is a computer with internet connection or the Talkspace mobile app. That means that you can improve your mental health, even if you have had trouble making time for it in the past. And I know that I have when I went through, you know, marriage struggles. I felt like it was so hard to find a therapist in person that could meet my time restrictions and my husband's time

restrictions with a child. And I actually looked for somebody to be able to talk to over the phone that we could just, you know, kind of maybe he could do it on his lunch break and I could do it from home while my child was at school. So it was much more accommodating to be able to do over the phone. So with Talkspace therapy is as easy as sending your therapist a message, get something off your chest whenever you need to and talk about everyday challenges at work or at home. Just to chat about life. There are no extra commutes, no leaving the office, no judgments. Just like I said, like the commuting thing was a deal breaker for me, but I know that we needed to talk to a professional. So I wish I knew about this then. Remember that therapy isn't just about venting your innermost

thoughts or digging into childhood memories. It's also about practical everyday strategies for stress management and living a happier life. So the Talkspace platform has over 2,000 licensed therapists who are experienced in addressing life challenges we all face to match with the perfect therapist for a fraction of the price of traditional therapy. You can go to talkspace.com slash coffee and use code coffee to get $45 off your first month and show your support for this show. That's coffeeandtalkspace.com slash coffee. Let's get back to it. I don't want to ever date ever again. That's why it's horrible. Honestly, it didn't hurt my feelings that bad because I'm just like, because you, it doesn't sound like you guys were right. Like you weren't invested in him

because you were like, are you busy this week? Like it's not like are you busy tonight? You know what I mean? Yeah. And so like that's a good thing, but that's horrible. I just felt like so did she text you when she saw him there? He was a guy. Yeah. So my aunt saw her friend the next day and she was like, Oh yeah, like I like my friend told me that the great guy was there. It's fine. He blocked you. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Fuck you, Derek. But whatever he's a has been as well. So currently though, I am dating someone. Okay. So tell us the story. What's his name? His name is Justin. And I was out with my friend. And his friend was like trying to like holla. And my friend's like, no, no, like it's okay. And

and he's like, what do I have to do? And she's like, buy us drinks. And the guy was literally like, I'm not about to buy your friend a drink. I have someone around here that will take care of her. And I'm like, dang, now I got to be the wingman of this, you know, if this goes somewhere. And I turn around into this guy and he was so handsome, like handsome, great, smile, tall, and I'm like, does he have a job? He does have a car. Yes, he has a car. Does he have a home? He does have a home. Okay. Well, okay. So he's already passed round one. Yes, he has no kids. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That's great. Yeah. Or no kids that he knows about. Right. No, he has no kids. How old is he? He's 25. Okay. Or I'm 23.

And so how long have y'all been dating? So we met in March, right before my birthday. March. He might be 26. Actually, his birthday just passed. And honestly, I don't remember. I'm sorry. So we met in March and we've just been getting to know each other and hanging out and all that stuff. And so are you exclusively dating him? Yes. And he's exclusively dating you? Yes. Because it has to be both ways. Yeah. Okay. Because sometimes water is a little murky. It's like, no, it's pretty. Yeah, it's pretty clear. And like, he's a great guy. Like he doesn't like when I don't have gas in my car because he doesn't want me to pump gas at night by myself. Oh my gosh, that's a dream boat. Yeah. And he doesn't let us pump gas.

He asks about my mental health, which is really important to me only because I get overwhelmed sometimes. And like, he's always like bringing me back. He's your piece. Yeah. And he literally tells me what I'm doing too much. Like, they'll be like, yo, you need to calm down. Don't you're talking too loud. You're like, you're doing too much. And I appreciate that. So he keeps you grounded. You know, that's awesome. So when do I get to meet him? You're leaving tomorrow. So I don't know when you come back. You can meet him whenever. Okay, so y'all okay. I'm gonna meet him next time I come. She said, when are you coming back? That means it's serious. Right. Or are you gonna bring him home at all? Like to see my mom. I mean, eventually, I have met his mom. You have.

How did that go? Did she like you? Do you like her? I mean, she's like, she's like to meet the parents. That's a big deal. It is a big deal. We met in passing at first. And then like, I have sat down, but it hasn't been like a one on one thing with his mom. His family's nice. What do you look like? Let me see a picture of him. Where's your father? He's just like this chocolate ball of handsome. Chocolate ball of handsome. Oh my gosh, she's gonna hear this and be like, when you used to talk about Jamaica, that's how you would talk about him. I have a screenshot of us on FaceTime, because we don't really take a picture of him. How do people feel about screenshots on FaceTime? Oh, I don't care. I feel like I don't like it.

Well, see, it bothers me if they're like, like one of my friends. I don't mind the drawing. I just texted you. Wow. We are so cute. I don't mind the screenshots on FaceTime. I do feel like it's like, okay, smile. I'm about to take a screenshot, but don't do it randomly, because then you're being shady. Right. And then my double chin. Yeah. It's like, you look all busted and you haven't showered yet and you're like, okay, but you have on a full face of makeup. I wish that they did like filters like Snapchat on FaceTime so that we could mask our ugly and be cute. Cause usually people FaceTime me when I'm not ready. Like I'm like, I will literally leave my FaceTime pointed to the ceiling and like talk because I look like trash. Like my skin breaks

out. You were definitely like that. Yeah. But I also don't like when people randomly FaceTime me, like you need an appointment. You need to text me. We need to set this up. Agreed. Agreed. Like don't just randomly FaceTime me. I'm actually not gonna lie. I love when people randomly FaceTime me cause I feel like they're, they're thinking of you. It's more than a text. Like they're literally like, okay. Yeah. If it's your boyfriend or your girlfriend, but if it's just like a person, guys, a random FaceTime is not a thing. Like that's an appointment set up that you are in my daytime planner. Not your boyfriend though. Your boyfriend can FaceTime at any time. Like Will could FaceTime you at any time, although he doesn't have an iPhone. So maybe not. Will has Android today.

He doesn't even know what FaceTime probably is. But like if I'm dating someone or no, they still can't. They can FaceTime me at any time. Cause I don't need to look good. Like I don't care what I look like to my boyfriend or girlfriend, but that's when you should care the most. I feel like really? Yeah. If you can't accept me at my ugly, like my man or my girl, like they can't accept any of me, but like friends are like, if I was to be dating, which I'm not. No. Cause don't you just like want to look so good and then be like, Oh damn, like I've really got a good. Don't you want to take that? I don't know. No funny dating stories. Like, you know, no, I was in Virginia. I went and saw, I did a road trip. So I drove to Jersey to see my mom.

And then I doubled back. I stopped in Delaware. I stopped in DC. And I stopped in Virginia. Yeah, that was the time the day before it looks as birthday. And some guy gave me his number in the liquor store. And I'm like, why is it always drinking involved where you're going? See, I don't, I could never meet somebody at the bar because I feel like that's what kind of person they are. Yeah, I grew up. I'd like to go to the bar sometimes. That's true. I don't like it's not like an ongoing thing. Like, but if my friends are here and they're like, let's do something, we're going to go to the bar. But I grew up being told if you find them in a bar, you'll leave them in a bar. I also, that's kind of like what I was thinking. I grew up being told that

that if you buy a man a pair of shoes, we'll use them to walk out of your life. And that's what happens to me. That has, yep, every time. Oh, wait, what? If you buy a man a pair of shoes, he will use them to walk out of your life. Oh, wow. Let's take a quick break to tell you guys about our new sponsor Robin Hood. Robin Hood is an investing app that lets you buy and sell socks, ETFs, options and cryptos all commission free. They strive to make financial services work for everyone, not just the wealthy. This is a very non intimidating way for stock market newcomers to invest for the first time without, you know, the insecurity. So, you know, you can join with confidence. I have always been afraid to do anything with stocks and investing because I

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That's coffee.robinhood.com. Okay, let's get back to the show. One time when I was just senior in high school, my cousin's friend who lived in Virginia and like we were talking and like we liked each other, but he was in Virginia. I was in Jersey and we were both graduating high school at the same time. And he's like, Hey, like we should really exchange gifts. Like if we're gonna graduate, like let's do it. And he's like, we'll keep it under a hundred. And like it'll just be simple. So like I picked out this cute Tiffany bracelet that was on sale. And he picked out a pair of sneakers and my little dumb ass was like, Okay, I'll have them shipped to your house. Guys, I never even got my bracelet. I never even talked to the boy after that. And he's married

now. He didn't give you a bracelet. No, and you shipped him to his house. I shipped the shoes to his house. He got those shoes. First of all, why wouldn't y'all have exchange in person? Because he lived all the way in Virginia. Oh, but you got okay. And I was dumb when I was 17, 18. Yeah, I was. So he ghosted you after you got the shoes. He didn't really ghost me. Like we talked a little bit and then like he kind of ghosted and then like literally, did you ask where your bracelet was a year and a half, maybe two years later, like he showed up again and like message me on Twitter and he's like, Hey, like, how have you been? I'm like, Are you just going to try to come back in my life? You didn't even give me my bracelet. And he's like, I didn't

mean like something dumb. He was going and no, thank you. And now he's married. Okay, well, leave him married. She'll probably leave him at some point because that's that's especially after she hears this. I don't know if she ever will. She doesn't know who it is. Okay, well, so she doesn't know who you are. No, I don't even like know what if she doesn't, you don't know that she knows who you are. I don't feel like he would be like, Yeah, one time I didn't buy this girl a bracelet when she sent me these sneakers that I wear all the time. He said that he still wore the sneakers and he would tell people that someone really special for him got them. And I was just like, that would have been your cue to be like, Where's my bracelet though? Yeah, but that's not,

I was like, that's not comforting to me that you're right. Like you tell somebody that I'm special, but that's it. No, no, thank you. Have a nice day. No. So wait. So you're dating this guy because I don't even know what dating looks like. I think dating looks like you meet somebody at a bar on Tinder and then you cheat on each other. Wow. And then someone doesn't pay for your chicken wings and then they walk out of your life. That's essentially what it looks like. Honestly, okay, so like Danielle got lucky because because it's trial and error. A lot of dating is trial and error. No matter where you go, you can be out at the grocery store. People have never met at a grocery store. People have given me their number at the grocery store. I have a completely

different. She said Walmart is like a club in Atlanta. It's like the club like people are there praying on people. Take you to the club. No, but it's a lot of trial and error. And like some people look at dating or you date a lot of people as a bad thing, but you dating doesn't mean that. See, I look at it like that. No, I look at it like that. But you also don't have to go public with every person you date. And I've made that mistake because then you feel dumb when I feel so dumb. Right. Like even last year, two people in one year, I wasn't necessarily dating them, but I went public as like talking to them and I'm like now I feel fucking stupid. So I feel like just because you date them doesn't mean you're fucking them. And even if you are, it's nobody's

business, but you also don't have to make it public. Like it is kind of trial and error in that sense. Yeah. And it's just like we're learning. And like as a young adult, I have learned that my relationship now is going to be way different than the relationship I had in college. Like I can't see him every day. And I can't, you know, we're not going to spend every night together because we're both adults. We both work regular jobs. Like, and so that's very mature, Danielle. I'm very okay with that. Like especially because he is very calm and like very chill and like is always like, you know, just relax. It's, but you're not afraid that maybe this is just my PTSD, but you're not like afraid he's cheating. I think that is PTSD because I feel like,

okay, if you're not with somebody seven days out of the week and you're worried about them cheating on you because they were with you six and not with you one, then there are deeper issues than the cheating. But even if I was to like, I think if I was to be with someone like new, which I don't want to, but if I was to, I think I would just automatically assume that even if they never gave me the reason. It's because of bad experience from the past. Like you're bringing bad stuff into a new relationship. Like I'm concerned. I'm always, I would say, aware that it is a possibility, but he has never given me any indication or any reason to not trust him. Right. Okay. And so he's the same way with me. Like he's like, you know, you have never

given me a reason not to trust you. So I don't have those concerns with you. But I feel like if they go out and do that, then they're doing you a favor in the long run. Like why would you try to keep them from doing that to you if that's who they are as a person? Right. Like show me your true colors. Yeah. Show me your colors. I think he's like a hurt thing. Like you didn't ever see it coming. And so it's like a hurt thing. And now it's like, well, and so now I wouldn't say that I would try to prevent it from happening because you can't they're going to do what they're going to do no matter what. But I just am, I guess want to be prepared for the hurt that's coming. I don't know. Right. That's the problem. Like you expect hurt to come. Right. And that's the issue because

I like then you're always like expecting it. And like the thing is, we have spent a lot of time getting to know each other. So like we, we work on that and we talk a lot. Like we talk about everything. So. Sure. Communication is key. Like you have to know somebody and how they tick. Because not everybody is the same. Like if you were with somebody, their habits are not going to necessarily be the same as your habits. It's like the five love languages. I think we talked about it before. What are your two? Mine's acts of service. And I forget the other one. It's been so long since I took it. Is acts of service the same as like giving gifts? No, they're two different things. So giving gifts is like, okay, well, I was thinking of you while I was out. So

I got this for you. Okay. Acts of service is I filled your gas tank went and washed your car for you while you were taking it out. Okay. So you wouldn't have to do it before work. I've never, I never took the test, but I feel like mine are words of affirmation and quality time. Yeah. Because like, I don't even have to do anything with him. I literally can just sit around and be happy like around. Is touch one? Yes. Okay. Like physical touch and quality time would be mine. I know for me, how I give love is different than how I receive it. So like for me, if Chris was to have filled up my gas tank, I'm going to appreciate that. But how I show it is I'm getting a gift. And I think that part stems from like my childhood. So in my during my childhood,

I would got it. My mom would buy love. And so I think in that aspect, that's where that came from. But I don't necessarily need a gift for you to show me you love me. Right. Okay. Okay. So we must stop and reiterate the new fall Fab Fit Fun box that's here. I can't stop raving about it because I love all the products. They're full size. Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box for busy women to discover new full size brands and products for a life well lived in fashion, beauty, home, fitness and wellness delivered four times a year for just $49.99 a box. I'm obsessed. I also love the service. It's just so great. You guys in every box, you get a glam glow bubble sheet mask, which I've talked about before on the podcast. I did try mine. I love them. I tried one

and I never used them before. And I was obsessed because it like bubbles over the three minutes that you keep it on your face. I love it so much. It's just like so clean feeling. Yeah, afterwards take it off. I love Fab Fit Fun because I never know what I'm going to get in my box. And I feel like every season I say it's the best box and then the next season the box comes and I say that's the best box. So I feel like it gets better every time. So for those of you who have not tried it, it's definitely a go to subscription service that you guys should try. I loved it because I told you guys last time that it started raining all week and I got the umbrella in the box. I got the pink floral one. I love that umbrella. So we love it. I feel like it's items that

are useful. Like they're like practical, practical items, but it's not something that you would think to go to store. Like it allows you to be able to try things that you might not necessarily put in your cart on a regular day. Right. And so like, but it's nice because you get to try the full size too. Exactly. So sign up for Fab Fit Fun today to get your fall box. Use our code COFFEE to get $10 off your first box. Go to fabfitfun.com to start getting the box for a life well lived. Use promo code COFFEE to get $10 off your first box. That's over $200 for only $39.99. Go to fabfitfun.com and use our code COFFEE to get $10 off your first Fab Fit Fun box. I think I like to show someone like over time that I'm loyal to that person, you know, like

I am going to be loyal to you. I love you, you know, but I might not necessarily say it, but it's by like things that I do. So accept service. Yeah. Okay. So I am very like mushy. Like I can't even say like it's sometimes it's like all the time. Like I can't sometimes I can't even go like two days without saying how much I just appreciate you. And you know, he's the opposite of that, but like it's like it doesn't bother him that you're like super mushy. Yeah. I'm super, super, super mushy when I'm like super in love. But see, I'm not at all. When I was with Holly, it was like, don't touch me. Don't try to have sex with me. Don't come near me. Just stay away from me actually. I'm a distant human though. Yes. Yeah. I get that vibe from you for sure.

But that that's in all aspects of my life other than Jackson. Right. That's with everybody. I was kind of raised like really family oriented and like they love me and like it's kind of like I love to love people. Right. So I'm just a fucked up individual. So I think you just have we all, I think you just have fucked up thoughts. Oh good. Okay. I'm just saying like any better. You're not a fucked up person. You just like the thoughts you think in your head are like, like how you expect someone to like do bad to you is like that's so worked. You know what I mean? Like I see what you're saying. Yeah, but I don't know how to not be a distant person. Right. You don't know any different. Like I don't like people. Okay. When I first like started podcasting with

Kale, I feel like you would when you would come somewhere, like you would try to give me a hug and like I side hug because you don't know how I don't know how to be like, Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Uh huh. Yeah. Hey. Yeah. And she's like, Hey. And I'm the opposite of that. Like I don't even know like bring it in. Give me a hug. Yeah. Like I'm like a ball of like just like how do you do that? It's just how I was raised. I don't know. It's like nature versus nature. Nature versus nurture. I think I don't know. I'm just I'm very affectionate with certain people and then other people. I'm just like, don't touch you. I love you, but don't touch me. It's very strange. I don't know. It's it really depends on the relationship I have. But now I'll go in for the hug. Like if if Kale

comes, I'll go around longer. Not her and like you're comfortable. But if you've been like a person that is, um, I don't want to say, no, where am I looking for sheltered? Like not to say you were sheltered, but like if you grew up like that, not getting that affection and stuff like that, you're definitely not going to grow up and be like, Oh yeah, let me just hug everybody on the street. It's not going to come to you. Yeah. Like my biological mom is not, um, very affectionate. You know what I mean? Like she, no, I feel like she's sensitive, but not affectionate. So that's actually how my mom is. If I saw her, she might not necessarily like hug me and I might not have seen her in like months or something and she might not necessarily hug me, but then she might cry.

Yeah, I feel like that. Yeah. Okay. But see, I'm kind of that way too. Yeah. But then my dad is, Is he a hugger? Yeah. If I ever met him, would I call him Todd or Mr. Chrisley? Oh God. Okay. So yeah, I think he prefers Mr. Chrisley. Honestly, he's kind of formal in some senses. I'm not formal. I don't think he would like me. I'm not formal either because I like calling people by their first names. My mom hates that. Like my mom has literally since I've been growing up, like I always call people by their first names. Same. I always did. And she's like that. Like they're older than you. Like you need to show respect. And I'm like, but they gave me the okay.

I always like as a kid would call like my friend's parents, like their first names, because that's just what we did. And my friend's called my mom by her first name. But I've noticed that like, and I don't add miss in front. Yes. So like my kids friends will call me Miss Kale. And like I have my kids call them, you know, Miss Jen, Miss Lindsay. Right. Okay. But I don't people don't do the last name thing anymore. I don't think know, like a teacher or something. Even a teacher sometimes they'll go by their if they're a young teacher, they'll go by like their first name. It'll be like Miss Ashley. Yeah. Huh. Which is kind of weird. Like Lincoln's teachers at preschool go by Miss and

then their first name. And then Isaac's teacher at school, they go by Mrs. Or Miss, Mr. Whatever last name. Last name. Got it. I don't care if my kids call if my kids friends call me Kale or Miss Kale, it doesn't bother me. See, it bothers me. You want them to call you Miss Lindsay? Yeah. But I was raised in the south. Right. It's a little different. But a lot of northern people find that to be offensive if you add the like miss when you're older. Yeah. Like my one friend, I actually my the woman that I stayed with a long time when my mom went to rehab, I always called her Robin. That was her name. But she would get mad when people called her Mrs. Hopwood or Miss Robin. Like they didn't like it. Yeah, she didn't like it. When like there's

a boy who works at Chick-fil-A with me and he calls me Miss Danielle. And I'm just like, you don't have to call me that, you know that, right? But you are in the south. Like that is customary. Even when he texts me, he says, Hey, Miss Danielle. And I'm just like, what? I think that's so sweet and nice. I mean, it doesn't. I don't care. Yeah, it doesn't really bother me when I hear kids do that. I'm like, they were raised, right? Like they were raised to be respectful. Be respectful. Sure. I can see that. I see it as a form of respect. So going back to Danielle, um, has Justin paid for your chicken wings or? Um, yes. Okay. Like when we go like, so the first time we went out together, he took me to the movies where you can have dinner and eat

in them. Oh yeah. Yeah. So we like, you know, I had a glass of wine and like eat and everything. And then we went to the bar, we went to the bar that's in the movie theaters. And I was like, Oh, I'll get this round of drinks. And he's like, honestly, that's so nice. Like I don't, I'm not normally around women who want to contribute, you know, yeah, like pay it forward kind of. So from the beginning, I've been standing out. And, um, yeah, I believe in sometimes I'm going to pay for things. And that's just because I want to. And it's not, it doesn't even have to be 50 50, but like if we go out to dinner and like you keep paying and paying and paying, what money are you going to pay your bills with? Right. Right. So I'm okay with like,

Oh, like I'm suggesting we go to this place. So I'll pay. I'll pay tonight. And like some guys will be like, no, you don't have to. And I'm still going to pay. But you know, see, I did that in college, like when Will and I were dating, you know, because you know, he was playing baseball and he got a scholarship check or whatever, but it probably wasn't a lot. I don't even know how much it was for. I never asked. But, you know, of course he had his parents credit card too. Um, okay. So, you know, there was that I'm sure he was balling on his dad, like for sure. Um, but then when he stopped playing baseball and then turned his credit card into his dad, whenever we like started living together, um, we would kind of like not really split things. I

would call it turns maybe. Yeah. Kind of like, and I would, I guess like I'm, I was like such a gift giver, like back then for him, you know, I would like, like to go to Dick's sporting goods and buy him stuff and whatever, like for him to come home from baseball and like have stuff. So basically I bought all of his clothes. Um, but then he would always like pay for meals and stuff, even if it wasn't a date. Right. And I don't even know like, how does that work? Because when Will and I were dating, I never felt like we were really dating because we hit it off so well from the jump that I feel like we were just doing life versus dating because we would go out to eat and he would always pay for it, but I never really considered it like a date unless we designated it

as we are going on a date. But we've got to eat together all the time. It wasn't considered a date. You know what I mean? Like, you know, I thought about that too. Actually, like I've been like out to eat with somebody that I'm with, but you don't mean Christmas to go out to eat all the time. But like, yeah, like you designated, okay, let's get dressed up and go on a date. Yeah. But like they're less frequent. Yeah, they're less frequent because you're just living life. I'd probably get dressed or like do your hair makeup, which I never really, I guess I've never like did that before you're already in a relationship. And I've said that a million times, but like I've never like got dressed up and gone out to eat on a date before we're already dating.

So yeah, it's like doing life life. You're going out to eat, but you're not necessarily on a date. Is it a date or is it not a date? I don't know. You can see those things on Twitter where it's like the guy and the girl in the car and it's like Popeyes and they're like, is this a date? Oh yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like is it a date? Like going to grab food? You can consider it a date if you want to. I feel like it's all up to you. Like some people are like, I don't consider that a date. That's cheap food. I can get it myself like, uh, duh. Yeah, of course you can get it yourself. I can get it by myself too. If you're enjoying the other person. Is it a date? Okay, but this is like an example. Okay, we live together in college and it's like some mornings

we would have breakfast at home, but some mornings we would be driving to class and like jump in the Chick-fil-A drive through. Like that's just doing life. That's not a date. That's like a requirement meal. Right. And so like that's what I'm saying. Like it's doing life. Yeah. Right. So yeah, I've never gone through like the dating process because I was just doing life. Because you guys are going your way to somewhere. It's not like you're sitting down and enjoying each other. Right. But even if you go and get Chick-fil-A and you're sitting down at the house and you're having a conversation and stuff like that, that could technically be considered a date. Okay. Okay. So guys, how have you all been sleeping? Because Lindsay and I sleep great. Ever since that we discovered Brooklinon

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that doesn't matter. Yeah, I will. That to me. And see, I don't, you know, I'm just not that way. It's like, I've got stuff to do. I'm busy. Like we're either dating or we're not or we're doing life or we're not. Yeah, doing life or we're not. So it's all in with Lindsay, if anybody was wondering. Actually, I'm like that too. Yeah, there's no medium. I don't want to do the middle stuff. Yeah, like the halfway, like half ass in, half ass out. No. That's a no. Yeah. I want the whole ass or none. Honestly, I do want to comment. I think I'm the most requested guest only because I'm not saying that like we're, I'm not the same as you guys, but I'm different than you. How are you different from me? I feel like I'm like literally an average person.

So am I. How am I not average? Okay, but you've been on TV. But what am I? You have been on TV, like you guys are moms. And then it's literally just me like I'm. But we relate on a lot of levels. Wait, I'm not saying we don't relate, but I'm saying like. But you're saying you're different. Your fans are probably like, oh, we're not relatable. No, they're probably like, oh my god, I love her because she is normal. Normal. So am I. But do you feel like we're more like the only one that's not normal here? She's the only one. Why is she not wrong? Because she's like super, don't take this the wrong way. Super bougie. She's like, she likes things a certain way. She likes to do things in order and just very different. And I feel like I'm very laid back and I'm kind

of ratchet. Yeah, I'm not saying that we're not alike in those senses, but I'm saying like the fact that you guys are like our moms and our can you would be in the famous bracket to people. I'm not gonna lie. Don't don't front like people will literally go to war for you guys. That doesn't happen to me. I don't like I'll go to war for you. And I think that it's it's refreshing to them to know that you guys do hang out with someone who's normal because it's not like a normal person, like not just like a TV person. Exactly. You guys aren't always surrounded by you're my only friend, like friend that's on TV besides my own cast, I would say. Yeah. I mean, I have like monies. Oh, yeah, not that I take that back. I do. I love monies and I love Bobby,

who I met at marriage bootcamp and Amina and Peter, but like I don't hang out with them regularly. Right. Yeah, like I see monies only a couple times a year because she lives so far. But I don't even like people, to be honest, you know, like I'm just not a people person. Like I'm very, you know, but my family, my work, my life, goodbye. I do want to like when we were in the airport that time and we missed our flight and the lady took a picture with you the one with the glasses and the braids you remember her? No. Anyway, I think the picture is still on my phone, but she referred to me as your assistant only because I'm a normal person. Like, you know, you, it's not like you're going to see me. That's so rude. It's so rude. That is so rude. I mean, I wasn't offended. I don't

really care. Like, you know, I had the baby. So it was kind of like, that's how people see it. Like, that's crazy. And you know what? That's funny that you say that. Yes. Now that you're saying that, it makes sense. Yeah, it makes sense because that's happened to me a few times with friends that are not on TV. It's like you're almost looked at as the help or if like somebody, right? Like an assistant or the nanny or the entourage, which I don't have. But like kind of, that's crazy. Yeah. Wow. I'm sorry that they thought that. No, I'm not offended. And she had said it to one of her friends. Like when I was walking with her, she was like, oh, yeah, Kale and her assistant. And I have no issues with that only because like nobody knows where I

am. Like it's not like I'm like plastered or like I was on TV too. And then they just forgot who I was. Like that'd be more embarrassing. Right. But um, but that's how people see you guys. Like if somebody normal was with you, who they don't know, they're always going to assume that like the help. Exactly. So I think it's refreshing to your, you know, your listeners that you have a normal friend. I am your friends. Like, yeah, friend. Sorry. You are our friend. Yeah. And I'm just, yeah. So back to the, back to the eating thing because this bothers me really bad. Okay. What? Obviously a lot of things bother me. I bother my own self. I know I get on my own nerves. Going to a restaurant and you see a couple sitting on the same side of the bench. Okay.

Can y'all not touch anywhere else besides like the Chick-fil-A booth? Like why do you need to be, do you do that? Don't you? I don't do that. I have done it. But why? You can't even have a comfortable conversation that way. No. Okay. So one time, like I wanted to sit on the same side of the booth as me because the TV was in front of them and the game was one. So we sat next to each other. Okay. That's different. Okay. Fine. That's fair. But I haven't like, I haven't initially like been like, oh, let's sit on the same side so we can like cuddle because that's annoying kind of like, I'm not cuddling at a restaurant. Like we could do that at home. I'm not cuddling maybe at all. How did you even get pregnant? Because

the ice cream. Yeah. I am, I am Elsa. Oh, you should be her for Halloween. I can see that. I am the ice queen. Is that Elsa or Anna? That's Elsa. The ice queen. Yeah. Elsa. I'm that. Honestly, if somebody else touched me, I would be offended. And remember when you were talking about like people touching you in the club, like, is that like, oh my gosh, let's talk about it. Life is so stressful. No. So since the, the Me Too movement came out, I literally have like thought back on my life about all the times that I have been sexually harassed. And honestly, it's been a, it's been a pretty great number. And I feel like other girls relate to that because like you can go out and get groped on your breast or on your butt, or you can get, like somebody

says something nasty to you. And we just accept it and keep it moving. Exactly. And we act like it's normal and it's really not. And the one time. No, nobody acts like that's normal. Yeah. Yeah, people, I definitely, people have definitely grabbed my ass and I don't even acknowledge it. I just keep walking. Yeah. Or people have whistled at me and said shit to me and I don't, and you don't say anything. No, like, what do you say? Well, I mean, if somebody did that to me, don't tread on me. That's what you're supposed to say. No, I would say excuse you. That body part belongs to me and not you. And who the fuck do you think you are? But if you're at a club, you don't know who it is. You don't even know who did it. But guys get very nasty. Like this is one of my biggest fears that

I'm out. I mean, I went to a club when I was like 21. Right. One of my biggest fears though was that I'm out and I turn a guy down or something. And then they do something to retaliate. Follow me to my car or do something like that. And a lot of people ask me like, Oh, when you go out, like, that's so terrifying. You talk to a lot of people and I'm just like, because I don't want them to kill me. Like honestly and truly, like this is the world we live in that people get offended and they retaliate against you and try to hurt you or do whatever they're going to do. And in college, I had an incident where a guy came to my room and my roommate wasn't there. But he was more so friends with her. And he was telling me about how he was pretty high. And I was like, Okay, and I just

actually had a t-shirt when I took a nap. So like I had a t-shirt but like boy shorts on. And he like touched my leg and he was like, you know, kind of getting handsy and flirty. And I was just like, Can you not? And he like got aggressive and like pushed me up against my dresser. And I was so terrified. And I, I, I got out of it and I ran into the hall and I screamed. So like everyone came out and he was so embarrassed. Like this had my freshman year. So he didn't look at me for the rest of college. Good. Good. He shouldn't have. Like, and I was just like, this is so crazy because because we would have that have gone if you wouldn't have screamed. Exactly. Where what would, what would he have done? And I have been out at the club like not recently. It was a while ago

that I was out at a bar and a guy kept groping me and he was with another group of guys. And I was like, can you stop? Like, can you stop? Can you stop? And like, none of his friends were checking him or anything like that. And it's just like, hold your, hold your, hold your friends, hold your friends accountable. I don't care if they were drunk. And I told him, I'm like, alcohol is not an excuse for you to touch me. And this guy literally said, then what's the point of drinking? He said, you should take it as a compliment that I'm even like doing this. And I was just like, what is wrong with you? What is wrong with guys who think like that? I turned down a guy in middle school. I wasn't either, I can't remember if it was the seventh grade or the eighth grade.

Turn him down. I said something like, fuck your, fuck yourself or something like that. Like, don't come near me. This man, this child in middle school brought a 10 and a half inch butcher knife to school, brought it into the bathroom. And luckily two other boys were in that bathroom. And he described to them how he was going to kill me. And they went to the principal. This went to court. This was a, this is a real thing. Yeah. And it happens. We had to go to court. But do you feel like certain types of girls get preyed on more than others? Because I feel like I am almost not like non approachable, but kind of, you know, like, I feel like some guy would not try that with me because I feel like they could look at my face and know that like, no,

I don't know, because I don't know, because I feel like anywhere you go, any kind, it could be any kind of people that you meet and you never know what anyone is thinking. I don't think that I'm approachable. I mean, I'm a big bitch. Like I'm a big girl. So like I feel like naturally, why would you like a lot of people assume that I'm mean or not approachable. And I feel like that it still happens to me. Like I've still had people grab my butt before. It's just like, you never know, like you could, somebody could approach you and then you'll be like, no, please get the fuck out of my face and they'll literally be like, well, I don't want to talk to you anyway, ugly bitch. And I'm just like, I don't care if I say that. I'm like, but you literally just stopped me to talk to me.

So you did want, you did want to talk to me. Don't try to lie now because I turned you down. And I don't, it makes me uncomfortable because it happens to a lot of women and we just don't say anything. Yeah, because the reaction that we get is not good. Not that I care if people call me a big bitch or ugly bitch or whatever they want to say, but it makes me nervous that somebody could follow me or attack me or like you. Oh, I don't know. Like when I was growing up, I used to hear a lot of stories about people with acid, people getting acid thrown in their face. Oh yeah. I can't, I can't do it. Like, didn't you say that there's something in the bathroom? It's about human trafficking in the bathroom in the hotel. Yeah. And that's what made me think about it.

Like I went to the, it's like right as you go out the door and it basically just has some instructions if you think somebody is following you. Yeah. Or if you see someone who you think is being held against their will, like what to do and who you can call and how it's confidential. Human trafficking, I feel like is becoming more of a thing lately. Like people are more aware of it and people are. What would you do if you got trafficked? Like what would you do? I think they drug you. It's like they kidnap you. Like in the movie Taken, they drug those girls. Send you wherever they need to go for money and then you're in the cycle. Like it could probably happen really fast. And all those viral Twitter pictures that are going like so and so has been

missing. It's all those young girls trafficking. This just happened. My one of my old dance teachers who's really near and dear to my heart. She's like a second mom. She tweeted something about her friend's daughter who literally was out having a good time with her friends. She didn't drink a lot and the next thing she knew, she was waking up in the back of somebody's car. Oh, and she had no idea who this person was, where she was going and how she got there. Did you get out? She, yeah. And like she, they drugged her and what happened was they stopped at a red light and she stumbled out of the car and like somebody saw her and like it was an Uber driver actually and he drove her like two hours to her house like to make sure she was okay. That's crazy. Yeah. And she's

like, if I, if I didn't get out, what would happen to me? This happened in Florida. So I feel like you almost can't live life anymore because of the way that the world is and how sick some people are. I just prefer to stay at home. Yeah. Honestly, like I just don't go places unless it's like a designated event, like event that I'm doing or being a part of, then I just don't go places. Yeah. I'm not, I've never really been a clubber. I've been a couple of times when I was younger, but I've never really been a drinker or anything. So I feel like that helps me at least be a little more aware of like what's going on around me. But it's still, you just never know, especially because I feel like women are preyed on, you know, we could be walking down the street

at night and not necessarily aware that someone's following you or, you know, clocking every, every move. Yeah. No, I just, I don't know. I think it's so scary to think about girls going out and drinking and having, um, oh, maybe lapse of judgment on some things and then ending up in the totally wrong situation. And yeah, like, why would a guy in this day and time even take a girl home from a bar? Because if they're intoxicated, they can't really consent. So it's like you're putting yourself at risk, at risk already, just taking someone home from a bar. So why would you, why would that even be like a thought that crosses your mind? Because guys don't think like that. Like they're not considering like, oh, this could really backfire me. They just know like she's

super flirty. Well, and they might be drunk too. Yeah. So it's just, it's a lot of blurred lines, but I just know a lot of boundaries have been crossed in my life. And I know I'm not the only person that things like this happen to just like, I'm not the only person who has funny dating stories, but sometimes it's just like some people don't, they don't get it. No, they don't. Like my friend tweeted the other day that she works with a girl who has to be escorted to her car when they leave work because a guy who got fired from there has been coming to the job to stalk her. Oh, hell. And that's in DC. Like, and that's one of my good friends too. And it's like, who does that? Who takes that much time? Like you would have to be already corrupt. Yeah. Like,

who takes that much time? Like, oh, yeah, I know this girl's going to get off work at this time. So I'm going to go and ruin their life, make them scared to death. Like who gets off on, I'm going to scare this girl to death. You just don't know how to handle issues like that. Like rejection or my story. Like I told you to go fuck yourself and you're going to kill me now. Like what? Yep. That's scary. I don't even, this is the scary thing too, because I literally live life with blinders on that will has told me so many times, you need to open your eyes and realize like what's going on around life. Like don't be so naive. Don't be so naive. I mean, I will go into a store and have a agenda, you know, like I have a list of things I'm getting.

Never even notice a single other person in the store other than myself going up and down the owls. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like kind of like have tunnel vision. Yeah, I have tunnel vision. I've had that before. But I had that in life. Like that's not just like going into the grocery store. That's everywhere, everywhere. I just have tunnel vision and I don't think about the things that I see like, like you don't see anything coming. No. We're going to work on that which is terrifying. Now that I live, now that I live in Georgia, like I've tried to improve on that only because like when I was in Delaware or when I was in Jersey, I knew my surroundings so well. Yeah. But now that I'm here, I'm like these people will kidnap me. People have told me to do

Uber like, Oh, you need extra money. Just being a driver. Because I literally have seen on the news that a lady got a new car. She went to do Uber, two girls beat her up, stole her car and then crashed it. And the insurance wouldn't cover it because she was doing Uber. And like she was in the hospital. I'm like, they ain't gonna get me. No, no, no, no, no, no, actually funny. Kayla and I Ubered from an event last night. And the lady that was in the Uber was so insightful. I loved her. Oh my God. Her name was Phyllis Phyllis. She was great. And I loved her so much. And I was like, can I have your number? And she's like, yeah. And then I texted her and I was like, thank you so much for like, it was like therapy in the car. And she was like, no, there's a reason

why you got in my car. Like, no, you're worth like blah, blah, blah. And I was like, I freaking love Phyllis from Uber. Yeah, me too. And I'm like, and to be honest, whenever I saw the Uber pull up, I was like, Oh, I don't know. Like, I don't know about this. Like maybe we shouldn't be in the car. And Phyllis was literally the nicest person. And so like life smart. Yeah. That I was just like, wow, I just, I loved her so much. Uber drivers give the best advice only because they're super non bias. Yeah, that she that's what she said. She's like, you needed to get in my car today because you needed to hear this from someone who doesn't know you. Yeah. And she didn't know idea who the hell I was. And you're just like, they're like, girl, you're dumb or keep doing what

you're doing. Yeah. It was a little bit of both. But she kept it real. She did. She did. She was great. We love you fellas. Maybe we should have left her a coffee combos business card. We should have. Damn it. Do you still have her number? Yeah, she still has her number. She's already texting her. Yeah, like using her for therapy. I'm in a situation where yeah, she was great. Guys, we're going to keep you updated on Danielle working with me. Yes. And also her relationship status because we love Justin already. So I'll be the judge next time I come. You're going to meet him in person next time. Yeah, we can do that. And I'll probably meet Justin before you. And I'll also pay for my own chicken wings. Okay. So we can all

know. Same kumbaya. Anyways, like, wait, what? If you guys ordered Kale's book. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Danielle. You're so welcome. Please look out for a few sticky notes. I'm, I might sneak them into a few books. So if you want my autograph, it will be in a select few books and Lindsay might put some in there too. So check your books. Check your books. It's kind of like the golden tickets that there's no prize. Yeah, there's no prize, but you can tweet us and we'll probably retweet. Yeah, we'll retweet. And I, I love, you know, I love surprising people. Am I famous? I'm like a D-Lister right now. I mean, you might be after the signing the golden tickets. Yeah. And I'm a D-List. So I don't know like where you would be.

Um, I'm D-List subcategory B, right? Not, not the first one. It's fine. Anyways, don't forget to go over to coffee combos podcast Instagram and follow us and give us a five star review on iTunes. All right, guys, we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. This podcast is brought to you by wave podcast network. Check out all of our shows, including the brain candy podcast. I don't get it. Babes and babies, coffee convos, and let's talk about it.