Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 76: Relationships, Secret Apps, & Keeping It Fresh w/ Kati Morton

Episode Date: April 25, 2019

Kail & Lindsie talk about a parenting fear & why Jackson slept with Lindsie for days. They chat w/ licensed therapist & Youtube creator, Kati Morton about why Kail is single & talks about her relationship issues. They discuss friend support, "once a cheater, always a cheater," apps cheaters use . They chat about being a mom & how hard it is to have sex after a long day. They discuss divorce being the norm. Lindsie talks about her journey with wanting baby number two!

Hey guys, welcome to coffee combos. Hi, Lindsay. How are you? I'm good. Um, how are you? I'm doing well. I have been so busy and I wanted to talk to you about something that I think all moms are fearing right now and going through and it is MoMo. I knew it. I knew it. And I have the craziest story because Jackson had kind of been on restriction. You know, I like restrict him from his tablet and stuff. And so he had been on restriction, but he had been so good that I was like, you know what, I have a lot of stuff to do. And it's kind of like one of those things where, yeah, I kind of used it to occupy him. I'm going to admit it. But at the same time, he had been good and like earned it and will had taken

YouTube kids off of his tablet, but there's also a way that you can go to like the internet and search and he knows how to like press the microphone and ask for it. Yeah. So it can still search the YouTube videos he's asking for just through like Safari or, you know, whatever. Right. So he had been in the basement because you know, like that's where his playroom is and just playing and whatever in his tablet had been down there, but I don't even know if he had been on it. And so I saw this come up on the news about MoMo and I was like, what the hell is this? And the creature kind of looked scary. It looked like something that you would see like in a scary movie. You know, like the eyes were all weird and the mouth like the mouth and the head was like

all odd shaped and like the black hair always freaks me out. And I was freaking out when I heard this because it said on the news that it was telling kids like how to commit suicide and um, like other like weird stuff and like telling it to like telling kids to lie and stuff like that. And so I was like, Oh my God, like what is this thing? So I literally went into panic mode and I was like, Oh my God, Jackson's had his tablet. Like what if this is like something like if he's seen it? Like would he tell me because apparently this thing's like manipulating kids and whatever. And so I yelled down to the basement. I'm like, Jackson, can you come up here and you know, he comes up there and I'm like, bring your tablet. And of course he is thinking, Oh God,

like I'm in trouble, but he's going to get it taken away. Yeah. And so I'm like, you haven't done anything wrong. I just have a question to ask you. And I'm like, have you seen like something on your tablet that you shouldn't be seeing? And he's like, well, like what? And I'm like, well, because he knows scary. Yeah. I mean, but he knows that like there's certain like cartoons that don't let him watch like SpongeBob SquarePen. I hate SpongeBob. Oh my God. I don't allow him to, to watch like certain things. So small little things like that might make him think that he's going to get his tablet taken if he even like saw an ad, you know, because he's just like in that kid mode of, Oh my gosh, I like even just saw it for a second. So I was watching it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I keep trying to explain him like what this Momo thing is without telling him like what it is Momo and like without telling him. So I'm thinking I saw the picture of it on the news, but I didn't think it was like super scary. I just thought it was kind of like freakishly like ugly looking, you know? And so I'm like, okay. Um, Jackson, let's just get to the bottom of this. I pull it up on my phone and I'm like, have you seen like this person? He starts screaming and like I'm trying to get like in the kid's mind, you know, because I'm like, okay, if I was six years old and I saw this, would I be scared? And so he's literally screaming and crying and carrying on and I'm like, have you seen it? And he's like, no, I haven't seen that. And I said, have you seen

on YouTube anything like trying to tell you to do something bad or talking about like your feelings and you shouldn't have been watching it. Maybe it's like an adult thing and you shouldn't be watching it, something that might be like PG 13. And he's like, no, I haven't seen that. So then I saw a bunch of reports saying it was like a hoax, but then I saw the weird Kim Kardashian had put on her Instagram, like reaching out to YouTube. And then YouTube released an official statement after Kim Kardashian had done that saying that they were like trying to fix the problem because it was, you know, some type of like bug that had got into YouTube kids. So it wasn't a hoax. So it wasn't a hoax. It's real. But apparently it was a virus been like around before, like it had

been around like two years ago or something like that. And then I told my mother-in-law about it because I was like, you know, sometimes he'll go to their house and they'll let him use their iPhone. So I'm like, what if they've got like YouTube kids on their iPhone and they're letting him use it? He could also see it there. So I'm like explaining to her what this is. And she's like, oh, you know what that reminds me of? That reminds me of Slender Man. Oh, shit. There was, people were killing their friends because of that, like real life. I didn't even know about Slender Man. Little nine and 10 year olds, there was like a whole thing, like they were killing each other. So that's just not fine. That was like a virus or what was that? I don't know what Slender Man

was, but I just know that my mother-in-law said that that was something that she had like known about years ago and that it was basically like convincing kids to like murder their friends. They did. And they did. Whatever and they did. So it just made me think like as a mom, when you think something safe, it's not necessarily safe. Yeah, YouTube kids, you would think would be fine. Yeah, because it's like a kid geared app. My kids asked me about it, but they didn't see it. But they didn't see it. But how did they hear about it? At school, because I think one of the kids in the class had seen it. Oh, wow. But my kids aren't really on YouTube like that. They're more like like Roblox and like Minecraft. Right, yeah. So they're not really on YouTube a whole lot. And

if they are, they go on it on our smart TV. So I see it also. You see it. Yeah. Okay, so then it made me think of, you know, Jackson's talking about how kids have Xboxes and stuff at school. And I'm like, okay, well, we talked about that shooting on the podcast before about like the thing where people go, they're really good at playing these video games and they do these like conventions and go and then that boy like had that mass shooting, you know, where they kill the people. And I just think like nothing safe anymore. And at what point is it going to take for people to like really realize that the world is not a safe place? Because I live in a complete state of I'll admit it. Like I live in a complete state of like, I don't know what's going on outside

of world. I live in a bubble. And it's terrifying. Yeah. No, sounds about right. So if you guys are listening, if you have had any experience with Momo, if you know of anybody who's had an experience about it, please just send us a direct message and let us know what your experience was if your kid was terrified because mine slept with me for three days. I was home alone when I heard about it. Like I was home by myself and I was like, I'm a little freaked out. So you were freaked out. But then my kids, when I got them back from their dads and they brought it up to me, I was like, oh, like they're working on it. Wow. I didn't know that YouTube was doing that. That's good though. Wow. So switching gears, tell me about this show that you've been obsessed with.

Oh, okay. So I got to LA and my friend Mark came with me. We were like, what's a good Netflix show? Like what can we watch? And he actually picked it out. It's called Working Moms. And it's so funny because it's so freaking relatable. And I'm like, the fact that Mark, who has no kids, him and his girlfriend don't have any kids and he's laughing about it. I'm like, this is real life. Like be prepared when you want to want to have kids. Like this is what it's going to be like. Exactly. It's so funny. So many people have told me about it and I just haven't had a chance to watch it. I've probably haven't watched TV in like two months. No, I never watched TV. But it's because we were here and we were bored and they're only 30 minutes at 30 minute episodes,

but it's so funny. It's so funny. Well, I can't wait to watch it. Also, if you guys are listening and you watch, is it working moms working, working moms, send us a message and let us know if you like it. Okay, let's take a minute to talk about looking cute and feeling comfortable. I think people assume that if you're going to look professional and chic, then it's going to be uncomfortable and you don't want to wear it, but beta brand disagrees. Beta brand has the most amazing pants called dress pant yoga pants that look like sophisticated work pants, but feel like you're wearing yoga pants and I don't know how they do it, but they're magic. I always pack these in my suitcase because I feel like it's my go to. I can dress them up, dress them down and

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a little bit uncomfortable to talk about a lot of like parenting things. What else do we get requests to talk about? Relationship advice, divorce, sex, like all different kind of things that are sometimes like hard for us to talk about and also understand like our own feelings. So we decided that it would be a good idea to get an expert. So we are bringing on Katie Morton who is a licensed therapist and YouTube creator to kind of ask us questions and talk us through certain things that we don't even know about ourselves. So welcome to coffee combos. Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah, of course. Happy to talk you through all awkward things. Oh, yeah. I'm just curious to know why I'm single, but you know, I think he's like, do not ask her why you're

still single. Yeah, that's what we were talking about. There's layers. It's like an onion. So tell us like everything. Where do you want me to start wherever you're ready to start? Yeah, YouTube or which came first for you YouTube creating or the license therapy? License therapy. Okay. So the way that I got on YouTube, I was actually not licensed at the time when I started. Thank God for my supervisor. She was like, you can totally do this. YouTube's so cool. I had no idea. This is like way back in 2011. Yeah. But I was gaining my hours towards my licensure in the state of California. You have to gain 3000 of those. Sure. And those are hours with patients. So it takes a while. It took me five years. Oh, wow. And I think during that time, I was working

at even sort of treatment center. I was working at a hospital. Therapists hold a lot of different jobs to make enough money and gain enough hours at that stage. And my then boyfriend now husband, he's in film production. He's like, you should put this online. You should educate people. You know, you always complain. People don't understand eating disorders. They don't understand self injury. Let's talk about it. Yeah. And I was like, Oh, no, like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't want to be on camera. That's weird. And then after a while, I was like, okay, we'll try it out. Yeah. And then here we are seven and a half years later. Does he edit your videos for YouTube? Yes. Yeah. I have no patience. I have a YouTube channel too. And I don't,

I don't even get my content up regularly because I don't know how to edit. So I send it out to be edited. So that's kind of like nice to have a built in editor. Oh, 100%. Yeah, absolutely. I could not imagine like what it would be like trying to edit something like that. Like I'm not really technologically savvy. Me neither. So to try to do something like that would be so frustrated. So like what is on your YouTube channel? Like what types of videos did you end up doing like the eating disorder and self harm stuff? Yeah, that's like essentially the first 30 videos maybe we're all eating sort of based don't watch those. Those are also really awkward when I'm like really uncomfortable

being on camera. And now I talk about everything from like what is consent if we're talking about like sex or like what's depression? How do we diagnose it? How do we treat it? What's a panic attack? How does that feel? You know, my boyfriend cheated. How do I get over that? Is that something we can move on from? I just filmed a video today about emotional affairs and what those are and how those can be hard to I feel like those can sometimes almost be harder than like physical cheating. I think so because it's an affair of the heart which is like erodes the whole you know foundation of your relationship. Yeah, because I feel like the physical part if it's like I mean not saying that's like right or wrong. I'm not saying like one's better than the other

like it's both bad but if a guy or girl's at a bar and they get drunk and like take somebody home it's like one and done one and done and it maybe was just to like have sex. Yeah, it could just be sex, you know. And not that it's good. No, I'm not condoning that but if you're saying like. But that in a whole emotional affair over the course of time and you're knowing this person that's completely different. You're like building a relationship versus like oh I accidentally made out with this person. I had sex one time. I don't remember. I was so drunk I don't remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, yeah. Oh, wow. Well, so you still want to know why you're single? Because okay, well, I just got out of a relationship that was that it was he always cheated like there was

always but it was emotional and it was physical. So I feel like well, why did I put up with it for so long? Because it's like a cat and mouse. Well, yeah, and I think I mean there's a lot of reasons we put up with bad things and relationships because the thing that I think people on the outside forget is like how we feel about them. Like the actual love that's there. I think people assume how could you still you know do this and they're doing this to you and you're like but you don't know like nobody knows what it's like for you with him in your own relationship right like how you feel how I would get almost more like I don't know if bashed is the good is the right word but like I feel like I was more attacked for staying than he was for cheating. Oh, but it was like

I don't know why I keep going back. I don't even know why. Well, there's usually like a not to say this is like abuse but it's emotional abuse in some way right and there's like a cycle of it. So there's like the thing that happens like he cheats and you find out then there's like this honeymoon period where I'm sure he's like I'll never do it again. I love you so much right and maybe it's like nonstop sex and yeah making up yeah and then it's like all good and then we feel like it's all good again and we've repaired but then there's like this next phase where you go into like is he doing it? I don't know because I don't know if I can trust him it's like this tension building phase until we find it happens again and we go round and round and I think people don't realize

that that's the cycle that it is and when you love someone and they tell you they're so sorry and some people like they'll even threaten like I'll kill myself if you leave me and I'm not saying that's your situation but that holds people bound even more or if you have a history and like if you have children or like there's all these factors that people don't think about and it's easy looking in from the outside and being like you should leave them because we don't like on the outside we don't have that emotional connection right right and the one thing if anybody's listening and you're doing this and you have a friend that's going through this do not judge the person person who stays oh I lost a friend for that please listen and just be there in support because

that's really what we need as long as it can be you'll eventually hit your wall where you're like I'm gonna leave I lost a really really good friend of mine from it and she was like if you're gonna be with him I'm can't be your friend and I was like oh wow like we spent every day together best friends like you watch my son like but um we made jokes earlier today because um I started talking to somebody who just like treats me so well and is just so good to me and she's like you're probably gonna fuck it up because they have their life together yeah well it's uncomfortable it's so weird it's so different and I feel like she's so used to like the dysfunctional and I'm not saying like I'm this person perfect person because obviously like I have my own situations but I can

just you know see it because I know her and it's like it's too good you know yeah it's like almost too perfect well we can get addicted the thing it's interesting about the brain so like we'll nerd out for just a second no we need it we like this when so when you have those highs and lows those like peaks and valleys are like I hate him so much I gotta leave him this is terrible I'm crying I'll never get over this then like oh my god we're making up the sex is amazing he's so wonderful and then we start to like slip back down it's like when we get to those highs our brain releases a lot of dopamine which is that like this is like drug it's like a drug it's like your reward center of your brain is firing but I don't have an addictive personality in any other aspect of my

life but we all have our little weak spots and I was telling Lindsay like I messed up a really good thing with somebody because I would go to this person whenever me and Chris we all know I'm talking about Chris was you know when we would go through long periods of not talking and then I would go be with her and then I would come back to Chris when I thought things would be good and that was such a good thing and I fucked it all up but it's because we're used to that like roller coaster but I essentially was doing to her what he was doing to me oh of course why why did I do that I hated it yeah of course and we it's very normal first of all just to so you know well no I feel have regrets of course you do but I'm just saying that like know that that's

very common okay and it doesn't make you a bad person your actions weren't great right no they weren't we it's because we're so beholden to that other person and that we almost don't see anybody else we're like in a fog we don't care about anybody else and no matter how good somebody can be she'll always just go back to him yeah and it's something like to be truthful the best thing you can do is just like cold turkey cut it oh yeah I mean it's been about a month there was a situation that happened and it's been I would say a little over a month since I talked to him just cold turkey and the last time I did this we went eight months without speaking I had to just cold turkey cut him off and then you know pretty recently the same thing happened and I had to just cut it off

completely yeah and if you hold on to that keep doing that because the thing that you'll have to do is you'll have to learn how to be in a healthy relationship oh yeah no which is like you know when you have a way you always part your hair and then you try to comb it the other way and you're like oh that feels weird yeah but like it doesn't look bad but it feels weird I don't like how it feels yeah you're not gonna like how a healthy relationship feels when the the person that you're with is like super honest and open and like makes time for you and never stand on it seems like a lie right and like something's wrong I'm like well is this too good to be true you're looking at am I gonna self sabotage which I mean you have to be aware of your own stuff that's where

you have to like like working with a therapist is super helpful because they can help you spot your patterns like I remember my therapist I wrote about this in my book was like I she called me a puffer fish because I'd been cheated on really bad and I went back to him we had this whole terrible tumultuous relationship in high school and then in college I was cold turkey was like cut off you don't know me anymore like fuck you get out you know um that was the best thing I ever did I have a kid with him though well and that's the thing is there's those complications but there's certain ways you can interact to make it okay so it's still distance so you're boundaryed but like because I've been so hurt if anybody get too close and I think that they could be good I'd like

stick my spines out and be like oh I don't want to be with you no I'd like do something to make it bad and then run away yeah it's almost like so I was talking to my cousin about it I was like what is the difference between like flaws and then like deal breakers right so like what am I looking at because now I feel like I'm almost trying to turn this person's flaws into deal breakers of course well it feels scary to be close to anybody right now probably yes so you have to figure out honestly it's more work on yourself first before engaging in another relationship so I'm sorry you have to be single for just a little bit longer it's fine while we figure out like what's good for you what is it that you really want because right now you probably just don't know which is totally fair

like you've been in a shitty relationship off and on for years yeah so like we need to like cleanse the palette figure out what's important build up your own confidence because like cheating really erodes it like our sense of self and like ability to feel loved right and so we need to like talk nicer to ourselves you know self love yeah that's so weird okay let's take a second to talk about a very relatable topic and that is credit card debt it's no fun to talk about or to deal with but it's a fact of life and lending club is a great option if you're struggling with credit card debt lending club is a leading platform that you can use to consolidate your credit cards and pay dead off with one fixed monthly payment it's super simple just go to lendingclub.com tell them about

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who probably have either cheated or being cheated on they ask is want to cheater always a cheater like is that true do you feel like that's the case or not always or is it like case by case basis can i answer can i just say something before you answer this in my experience i don't think want to cheater always a cheater for life i think that it becomes easier to cheat on that one person so like when chris was cheating on me he's going to continue but maybe his next relationship he might not do you get what i'm saying like it's almost normalized like oh i've done this before and it'll be fine like another thing it's kind of telling their limits so like right like okay i did it once i got away maybe next time i'll just have to work a little bit harder to cover it up or like

work a little harder to get her back or whatever the case may be but i feel like the person that i hurt in all of this had had we gotten back together i wouldn't have done i wouldn't have fucked with her you know what i mean like i would have been committed because i realized what i have yeah what that would be and how much damage that could do right yeah you like it's more precious yeah you realize that yeah right yeah and i mean i agree like partially totally of what you're saying but i think like it's not it's never once a cheater always a cheater if they don't want to like that's the big caveat is like you have to both want to work on it and get better so in relationships you can totally move past cheating you can stay together but there has

to be there has has to be a lot of ways yeah and they're the thing that's really hard for people is you first have to be open to talking about it like in a real way like i'm gonna ask you questions and i want you to answer like did you on how did you meet them did you know you're gonna cheat on me right away did you ever tell them you love them whatever questions you have they have to be open to having the conversation and then there's gonna need to be complete transparency meaning if i want to see your phone you have to show it to me if i want to look at through your text i can you got what's app got that if i have to shake your phone to open that secret app that people that cheat have what i'm gonna find that oh yeah you didn't know them what is it oh there's like apps you can hide on

your phone that like they only show up if you shake it a certain way and they'll pop up and then you can access like photos chats all sorts of what yeah like i had a friend like this is specifically four cheaters yeah i think pretty much yes or kids want to hide stuff from their parents maybe you want to hide um keep shaking all my kids phones so tell us about this so and your friend oh so i had this friend um who was it was cheating on her husband and ended up getting divorced or whatever but she hid things in this like secret app and i was like what like i had no idea same as you i was like what are you serious um and it was where she held all of their like whatsapp conversations or text messages all the photos they took together it was all held in this app and the only way you can

see it is if you shake the phone and then it pops up like at the end of all your apps like you're swiping through the pages it comes up all of a sudden isn't that crazy that's literally terrifying also yeah but that's the thing is like there has to be complete transparency because and that's it for a period of time not forever right and that's kind of how i feel it's like when chris and i were gonna work it out i was like i'm not gonna go through your phone for forever no just until i don't feel the urge to do it anymore until that urge goes away i feel like there's a reason why i have to i feel like i should look through it but this new person i'm talking to that you met doesn't hide anything like folk hands me the phone doesn't care if i go through

it like there's complete transparency most people wouldn't care let's be honest like if you even if one of you wanted to look through my phone right now i'd be like yeah sure i mean what do i have in there like what's going to be exciting to you like think about it that way like yeah they were like let me know when you find something exactly like okay well there's certain things that like i might say to kill that might be in like a friendship way that i wouldn't want like my husband to know of course because we all talk to our girlfriends in a very different way like yeah like oh he's doing that but it's not like but he would never find something from like another man or like yeah but i would i might not want him to look at her text because also she might tell me something

totally that's your relationship but he's not looking for stuff that i'm we're talking about he's gonna look for stuff that's yeah just like whatever you know just like go through it just to be going through it or you know whatever i i don't know like for my situation i feel like it's hard because we've been together for so long and we've gone through so many life phases together you know what i mean so we've like changed a lot and evolved a lot of course in different ways because we've been with each other since we were 19 now we're coming up on 30 you know so it's like we did college together and you know you see all these like new relationships that you like try to like compare yourself to social media doesn't help and i feel like at some point you

miss like the newness of a relationship right like those new that new butterflies in your feeling like or butterflies in your stomach feeling when you're getting ready to go out or see them or like all that stuff is not there anymore so you kind of have to find new ways to have those feelings yeah like something that my husband and i do because we've been together for like 11 years so i totally get that um and i'm 35 so i met him when i was 24 totally different life stage i was still in graduate school i you know i had no idea what i was doing i was like going out a lot like you know we change we grow um is like we like to tell each other stories of past things that were fun like remember that time when we got in the car really last minute we went up to mamma for that

weekend and i told your newhood i'm out and bike but i totally didn't and almost killed myself and like it just like yeah it sounds silly but that can get it like bring the newness back and then creating new adventures so if that's kind of what does it for you if there's certain things that you look back you're like oh i remember that like oh that was exciting yeah i couldn't wait to get my hands on him and it was so wonderful yeah i think like you can tell stories and then you create new ones and that's really how you keep it new right but i think like cheating is definitely difficult but you can overcome it and i don't think once a cheater always a cheater um and definitely new relationships can have a whole new life of their own i think people often hope

that their next relationship will be just as shitty and then they're like ha ha you know but unfortunately that's not always what it's like um i almost feel though like because i was in such a shitty relationship i feel like i'm excited to be in a healthy relationship yeah it's about times right you're like sick of the drama probably yeah like i just want to like keep it private and just be happy so that when i'm off teen mom and like the show and stuff like i can still enjoy like a private relationship that's healthy and happy and figuring it out yeah and not everybody's weighing in on it because i assume that's hard for like it definitely takes a toll on our relationship i definitely think so well because people have such like terrible opinion people are such assholes

online oh yeah like that's keyboard cowboys you know i mean they're just like going at it because i know you're never gonna meet them you know i've never heard that keyboard cowboys you're never gonna meet them and even if they like talk shit to you online and you have they could even be your neighbor and you wouldn't even know you know it's like yes totally they just like get off on making our lives hell yeah which is really sad for them that they feel so bad that they have to like tell other people bad things you know and they make stuff up or like they fill in that they don't they're not sure so they fill in the blanks and then like make it a thing um because you have your own youtube channel have you found that there are twitter troll or not twitter trolls but like

trolls on your youtube stuff or are they mainly positive i mean my community is is like 99 positive oh good like fine but when i do collaborations with other creators like i did a huge collaboration with Shane Dawson who's like a big youtube creator oh i love him yeah he's wonderful and i love him too but like because it's such a larger audience for like a week or two we had an influx of like trolls oh and but then they've just moved on yeah when you don't like fuel them i just didn't say anything i just like you just kind of like but sometimes you get those it's like a random wednesday and you get just somebody that says something really bad and you just want to like beat the living shit out of them and you're just like i'm just gonna reply sometimes i know you type it out a

little bit and then you're like oh it's not really worth it like but you typed it out so you feel better and then you know i send it oh i have i do but yeah i send it and if they catch it a week moment you'll totally also i'm like yeah say that to my face yeah i know yeah and they never will you know they never will i know a lot of our listeners have kids so i want to recommend furniture that can stand up to the chaos of family life and still look gorgeous and that's joy bird so joy bird believes that you should never settle when it comes to home furnishings and they empower their customers to create a space that brings joy but kids are not everybody will love joy bird joy bird turns your ideas into reality with hundreds of styles and options to choose from

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and responsibly sourced materials to fit your exact specifications see how joy bird is revolutionizing online furniture shopping and create the furniture that brings you joy today go to joy bird com slash coffee and receive an exclusive offer for 25 off your first order by using our code coffee that's 25 off your first order at joy bird com slash coffee with our code coffee um we did it like a q and a thing um on our instagram just for our listeners to be able to ask questions you know wonderful um one of the questions was how are moms finding intimate time with your men and i feel like that is probably one of the hardest things that i struggle with within my marriage because i feel like okay for so long i was what you would say like i've never been like just a stay-at-home

mom but i was like a stay-at-home mom filming reality tv which a lot of people think that's like not a job you know so i can only imagine you know a stay-at-home mom or just like a mom in general whether you're staying at home or not it's like you've got up you've taken care of your kid all day long done back and forth from school done sports come home make meals go to the gym yeah all those things and then it's like your husband i hope that if you have a husband he's working um wife or wife yeah whatever it is um person in your life yeah significant other um whoever that is i hope that they're on a job and you know they've gone out had adult interaction all day and you've kind of just been with the kid all day and when they get home it's like

they want to jump your bones and it's like don't want to be touched i don't really know if that's the thing that's the move tonight you know i'm like i kind of just want to get in the bath and do a facial scrub and get in the bed and not talk to anybody because i've had conversations with you know a six-year-old at the park with his friends for you know three hours just like overstimulated yeah i just feel like so overstimulated that sometimes it's like the last thing that you want to do but also you feel a sense of guilt because you're like okay but this is like what i should be doing and when you do do it you want to be doing it but it's like i don't know i can agree with that sometimes yes sometimes i'm just like literally when i was married it was like i'm

doing i'm gonna roll over and do my wifely duty and be done you do feel like it's a life thing to do today pun intended yeah yeah yeah but you do feel like that and you don't it's so hard because then you also feel like when you're going through like that mental state like you know your husband's building resentment you know because it's like okay i've gone to work and i know that like i've gone to work and had all this adult interaction and i just want to like have sex with my wife then they all you almost feel like are you making them feel guilty for wanting to have sex you know so it's going through like all of those things and i think so many people go through it yeah i think that's a great question and i think i mean i know even from my friends i'm personally like a

lot of women and men i'm sure have this whole like guilt around like i should what i should be doing and i always like talk about on my channel like you don't should on yourself like you know right yeah it's not going to make anything better but i think the thing that can help is talking about it mm-hmm because i mean correct me if i'm wrong but i think a lot of it has to do at least speaking personally it's all about it's mental for me it's like if i've already decided like let's say my husband left a mess these shaves like his face in his head like hair everywhere sometimes like sometimes same if i'm annoyed and irritable i'll be like nope like he has no idea this has happened i go into the bathroom in the morning and i see that there's a fucking mess there

and i'm like you think you're getting late mm-hmm i'm like see i don't know if it was that for me as much as it was you know what i woke up i've done a lot today i'm overstimulated i'm just not doing it yeah i'm tired but i'm just not it goes back to what you said it's already committed to the fact that you're like i would i remember literally thinking like shit how he's gonna try to have sex with me tonight like well how am i gonna get out of this like it's not a game now i'm glad to know i wasn't the only one no you're not down no i think a lot of people have this issue and i'm sure men have the same thing too as they get older too or if they're busy like if they had a really long stressful day had a huge presentation see i feel like that's when they

maybe want the sex the most maybe it depends on the guy right mm-hmm it could be like i want to blow off some steam or they'd be like i'm so fucking tired i just don't want to do it i want to like zone out and watch i don't know hockey or football right yeah but i think it's like a mental thing so we have to decide like do i want to show my husband love or my partner love is it something that i want to do today what could i do today to get myself in the mood because sometimes i'll decide first thing i'm like i'm gonna have sex tonight okay so that's amazing i'm gonna have sex tonight i'm gonna make sure i shower later because then i'll feel better about myself that's a major thing for me like yeah i'm not it's not that i don't like um like spontaneous i like i

don't like spontaneous sex it's just the fact of okay i've been like at the ballpark or you know wherever i just want to be clean i just want to be like attractive you know you just want to smell good yeah yeah exactly and i mean i don't think men always care that much no i don't think they do care and like that's part of the mentality so that we can at least enjoy it too because if you're having sex and you're listening out there you should be enjoying it right yeah for the love of god then that's another problem well yeah and i think like talking to your partner about it and if if you're feeling bored with it like experimenting like maybe we get like a different toy or we get a different wedge thing pillow if you have trouble having an orgasm on the bottom maybe we try this

position or you know like you know what to your point though i'm thinking a lot of people are having orgasm with sex wait women are not having orgasms and so and i'm gonna be honest i wasn't so it was like one of those things where it's like i don't even want to have sex because i'm not having orgasms so why the hell am i doing this like i would literally roll over do what i had to do and then be done because it was a task it was a chore like uh this is for you not for me like what yeah are you done yet people i don't think they know yeah i gotta catch some z's yeah you're like i got shit to do yeah just like get this over so that was actually one of the questions that was asked do you get off every time that you have sex yeah i mean i do i don't i do

i take too long it takes me a long time but that's okay they should be patient i mean i don't but i also don't have casual sex so i'm in a committed relationship before i'm yeah well because it's a mental thing too like it's a connection so i think like first of all test drive your own equipment like figure out what gets you off i know that a lot of women especially are afraid to masturbate you should try that out you should get comfortable with your body you know what works for you what like me if you don't like now i do yeah yeah you've got to you have to if you can't figure your own body out nobody else will be able to know and like and then well he did oh that's true so hey kudos to him good job will ten extra points for will ten points no but like test drive your

own equipment figuring out what you like and then being able to communicate that with your partner is very important and that's why like people are so immature though i know and casual sex i mean it can be great for women but by and large i don't really think it is for me no um yeah i think it actually does more damage than it does good i couldn't do it yeah i'm not even comfortable enough to like that would never be a thing you know like i have to be comfortable even if i wasn't with will since i was 19 years old and not even legal to get into a bar i'm just talking like hypotheticals here oh yeah if i was 21 years old and doing the bar scene i would never be the type of person that would be like yep i'm going home with him tonight no i've never been that person

never which is crazy people think that i am that person because i have three baby daddies but you're not yeah but you've had three serious for loving relationships well two out of three were serious and loving yes a cheater yes but i'm just saying like yeah yeah and i'm not that person either like right but i think some people are some people maybe they just and that can help you experiment and figure out what you like and don't like because who cares if maybe they're really into science i don't know them right i don't know them but also they might they might know me so see i just first of all like i don't really want to smell like a stranger's breath so that would be like the first like i'm just so awkward it could never happen that's just not a thing let's take

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remember we talked about marriage like not really being a thing for this generation how it's popular well because side chicks and that's like that's what you said it was no i'm serious like that's a real thing yeah i mean i think i don't value because it's easier to be like this isn't working for me so i'm gonna get divorced or they just aren't ready to commit in the in a real way into marriage and all of that but it's like to me it's like why am i gonna get married again if we're gonna end a divorce right people are so easy to walk away right well i think that's the thing is how we talk about commitment and what commitment is because marriage isn't always commitment like commitment can be different you can just be like oh i guess we've been together long enough we

should get married but it's easy for me to walk out of it you know yeah i just feel like it's so easy though to get divorced i mean i think i thought it took me a freaking year to get divorced i've felt for divorce twice so that wasn't really that hard of a process to be perfectly honest so if it's become so normal to do it and that's kind of become the answer like okay well if you guys aren't getting along then just get divorced like there's no reason to like really try to work it out because there's so many options that are out there that's probably why people aren't getting married anymore because it's just like why would i do that if it's basically just like a relationship because if you can just break up essentially yeah what's the point of marriage yeah and i think

i think it's the way we talk about also i think social media definitely plays this huge role in like the comparison the life comparison like oh their marriage looks so perfect or they have the best relationship we used to be that way before we got married that's just time and it's like people don't it's like a facade yeah people want like the quick fix versus thinking hey every relationship i get into romantic or not takes work it takes effort it takes me putting in time i have to spend time with my friends and check in on them you know like we all have to put in the work and the time and like we're talking about the sex thing i'm gonna have to work on my own mindset i'm gonna have to communicate with my partner what i like and don't like and why and like stick

with me wait it's gonna take a while but i want to get there like i need to be able to say that and i think instead of trying to work on that and make it better people are like nope next yeah like it's almost it becomes so easy to look for the next best thing yeah right like instead of working on what we have it's like it's well that girl she's already cute she already does this i don't have to work on it here it's like i have to work for that you know right right little do you know when you get in the other relationship you're gonna have something else right yeah the grass isn't always greener on the other side yeah yeah i mean people are just like don't want to work at things we don't talk about the effort it takes to make things happen as much like i think people

need to peek behind like what it takes to create this beautiful instagram feed or like what my life is really like in a lot of reality tv is is not like doesn't like some of the bad stuff no not reality yeah no it's like no firsthand yeah it's like partial reality right like that's where i go with this story yeah yeah i mean i will be the first to say that i am really like anal about my instagram feed like i like it to look like a certain way and i want it to be perfect because i'm a perfection striver like i love things to be perfect but yes i did it's a new phrase but i do feel like that um in real life i've become so much more relaxed and just kind of like going with things because i know that ultimately like whatever's gonna happen it's gonna happen you know so it's it's fine like

everything's fine and i don't know i just feel like sometimes in relationships so many people struggle with just being like in that rut and not like knowing where to go and i see all of this perfection and for the people who listen because of me i'm probably like one of the people that they're like why is that bitch feed so perfect you know yeah like your life looks so perfect i'm feeding into that you know but it's like my life is nowhere near perfect but instagram for everybody is there the highlights it's always the peaks it's never the lows like i would never post a picture of me and javi or me and chris arguing or whatever you know what i mean like what it's like your phone now taking pictures during that that's awesome yeah you know a whole

other fight right yeah i mean i just i don't know i see so many things like on instagram where i'm just like oh wow like their life looks so great they're traveling to borah borah i know i'm sitting here in damn can't georgia like what am i doing georgia you know what i mean like always because it does seem like all the i call like instagram models that's just the best way yeah i'm like why are they always on fucking vacation they're always while i'm here sitting in my little apartment in santa monica like filming like five videos today like what what where'd i go wrong right right right yeah that's so funny and somehow they can afford like thousand dollar shoes i apparently made the wrong career choice for sure that's so funny so the next question which we also get a lot is do

you think there's a good time in a marriage or relationship to start trying to have kids and like when do you know when it's that time because i think a lot of people struggle like like i'm not ready i'm not ready i'm not ready i'm not ready maybe in five years maybe in ten years and it's like you're never gonna be ready somebody told me that one time they said if you're waiting on the perfect plan and waiting like in a life situation to where it's like okay we're ready to have kids you will never have a child because it's like okay i want to get the car paid off then it's you know i want we want this perfect house with room to grow right we need to have this i need to be secure in my career so i can take a break i needed a little yeah somebody said that to me

was it today i don't know yes i asked the makeup artist today i was like oh you know do you and your wife want to have kids and she said yeah and then she was saying how she they wanted to be somewhere in their career first and i'm like right yeah well i think the first question is do you want to have kids because i think a lot of people just kind of like we're talking about the guilt and pressure just to have sex with our spouse i think a lot of people feel like well we got married or we're in a committed relationship they think that's what they should do yes versus like is it something that we want and take time to talk with your partner about that and for a while yeah and it's okay to like talk about how you would parent very important money management very important um and

so just having conversations until you feel stable and you feel like you've talked it out then whenever you want like hop to it when you know yeah um but i think there's a lot of conversations that need to be had just before you just like go jump in the gun and like and i know people would argue against us but there's no like financial goal like i need to have 20 000 say before i have a kid i have to have this kind of house kids don't it's fine they will be fine right yeah it will all work out right you it's really more about your relationship with your partner being on the same page both wanting kids and talking that out and then have as many kids as you want okay if you guys follow my instagram you've probably seen i've been working out and

getting stronger but sometimes going to the gym is not an option so whether i'm home or traveling with the kids open fit is convenient and comes in and save the day we've mentioned open fit before but if you aren't familiar it's basically the netflix of workout videos they have something for everyone and you can watch them from your computer web enabled tv tablet smartphone or roku open fit classes are led by some of the most effective and engaging trainers in the world who know how to get you the results that you want open fit gets that everybody is different so they have custom tailored original content so lindsay and i have been in a lay all week and we've been doing the bar classes and there's also some 30 minute ones that kind of fit with our schedules absolutely because

going to the gym is just not an option with recording open fit has changed the way i work out and with our code coffee you can join us on a fitness journey personalized just for you again use our code coffee and start using open fit for your journey to a healthier life right now during the open fit 30 day challenge our listeners will get a special extended 30 day free trial membership to open fit where you can lose up to 15 pounds in 30 days when you text coffee to 30 30 30 you will get full access to open fit all the workout and nutrition information totally for free again just text coffee to 30 30 30 well so i kind of have like a current situation where i have one and he's six and it's like life's it's never easy to like parent a kid no matter what age they

are of course but life has become a bit easier in the sense of he's pretty much self-sufficient like he can you know he's going to shower yeah yeah and so it's like you know i struggle with the fact of jackson has gotten to the point where he used to not want a sibling when we would talk about it because my husband would say stuff to him like well if mommy had a baby then that would take a lot of her time you know and it's almost like okay well you're mentally like messing with him because it's probably because you don't want another one and you're trying to convince him not to want a sibling and so then it's going to be like two people against one and so many people have told me that i've said that too is don't allow like a child's opinion to affect yeah like

an adult situation and so jackson's kind of got to the point where he asked about having a sibling and now i'm kind of it's like a stalemate because i could definitely see myself having another child and i'm not a lazy person you know so i could definitely like do it all over again and be fine but at the same time i also see myself where it's like okay well now things are kind of easy jackson can go to the grandparents and we can like travel and go on a week vacation and we wouldn't be like too terribly worried because we're not worried about like formula and diapers and like all of those things but at the same time i kind of wonder if i'm making excuses to not have another one because i know that will has his mindset that he doesn't want another one you know what i mean like it's

like do i say oh we could travel and we can do this well how does that work like what do you do when you're not on the same page divorce because that was a huge deal breaker for me and chris too besides the cheating was like i want more kids like i do 100 and he's like maybe in five years and i was like not waiting that long because my oldest will be you know 14 15 i'm not starting over i don't want that huge gap you know what i'm saying you already have a gap and i want you know lux is 18 months so like i wouldn't have wanted to wait both my kids are four years apart so it's like between the first second and then the second and third so i wouldn't want to wait another four years because i'm already working with diapers and stuff so like how does that work for

them like one wants a child or one doesn't i think you have to talk it out and if you can't resolve it i mean it is a it could be a deal breaker because i even just got this question from my own audience just this like a few weeks ago sure and because she's been in this relationship for 11 years and always thought i have the chills because that's hard yeah and he's never want to get married she's like i'm fine with not getting married but then just the other day he said he didn't want kids oh they were already trying and she they had some like fertility issues and you know so she was like i don't know if i'm willing to give that up and i was like well you have to do some soul searching on your end i have the chills because if it's something you want like

everybody has the right to if you want eight kids have eight kids if you want to have one you have one if you want to have three but you have to be on the same page right because there can be resentment that builds on either side so if your husband doesn't want it and he's like adamant and you push it anyway oh he's like i could go and get a vasectomy tomorrow and be fine oh yeah but see to me it's like you would never regret having a child yeah but you may regret not having a child everybody tells me that same thing i i've heard that too and because i don't have children myself i don't want to like and write to it you know but i think that you have one healthy baby if you want to have another talk to your husband hopefully he'll get on the same page if that's what you want like but

think about it yourself first like make sure that's what you want and then talk to him about it and find out what his issues are and be like if you're worried about you know money there's this if you worried about me being able to do it i feel like i can if you're worried about physically for me i feel great you know like whatever you need to talk through because who knows what his problems are yeah what do you know what his yes issues are well i think i think it's um because when we were dating of course it's like you just say stuff i think yeah of course like you're just dating so you just say super shit he he wanted like yes seven kids or something you know yeah and it's maybe it was like four i don't know seven four whatever we were young we were young we were like

nineteen like we were kids ourselves so we were just lying basically but he didn't know we did yeah we just didn't know but then when we had jackson i feel like because it changed our life so much and you're also so anal yeah and i am so you know like i want everything again to be perfect but not really you know i just i like things done like in a specific way and i don't i'm probably my worst enemy because i don't want people to help but then if i don't have any help then i'll bitch about it but then at the same time it's because somebody didn't offer to help like i would probably take the help of somebody offered it you know but like if i've got to go and like seek help then fuck you yeah yes yes just just to interject because i have a quick question i'm curious

because i have a friend that's very similar similar to you and they had one child and her husband was like never again and she's like why i want more babies and he's like you don't know how crazy you got right you were so anal it made it really difficult and i'm just afraid that we're going to go back there i can't like i can't survive that with you i think it's definitely a situation like that but i think also my whole life from 19 to 22 was traveling around watching him play ball and he was the center of my life and then it's like jackson came along and then the center of my life changed yeah and then it was you know will was a starting d1 pitcher for a baseball like for college ball and then he went into the real world and got like a real job

and then that's when reality tv started for me so then i was just you know like a sorority girl and college student and will was kind of like the star of the relationship and then it completely everything changed but like we had a lot of life things that changed very quickly it's like we got married we bought our first house we had a baby like all in a year happened instead of i don't i quote unquote normal it would be like you guys have milestones at different parts of the life to keep different parts of your life to kind of keep it new and exciting and all these things happening over time where everything happened for you guys in a short period of time so now it's like okay your son's here you bought a house and now what you we have our podcast you did reality tv

that's coming on whatever you want to do and now it's like okay now i could do another baby yeah and he's like we'll know because we've already done all these things and i'm tired yeah yeah yeah essentially which is fair i mean on his side too like you both have your own perspective exactly and that's why it's like you have to figure out if that's a deal breaker for you like if that's what you really want and then you have to talk to your husband and if it is then you have to let him know that's how you feel and then you have to figure it out because it is a big switch when you have a child that doesn't require all your care all the time anymore and then you go back to having it's hard i cried yeah and some of my friends and like when when they get pregnant really quick like oops

i we just have one that's six months and we're pregnant again like they're like well it's kind of good because i never got used to sleeping or not doing diapers and that's kind of where i'm at that's kind of where i'm at now but when i was pregnant with my second one and i did want a third i just like when it all hit me you know when you're sitting there and you're like i wanted this but also i literally could throw all my stuff in a duffel bag and be gone with both my kids for the weekend and i'm not worried about diapers and formula and nap time and breastfeeding and strollers and car seats schedule schedule schedule now all of a sudden i'm having a third and i have to start all over again so that's kind of like where i was at with like i might as well continue

if i want to have more babies do it now while i'm already used to it yeah instead of waiting four or five years having another you know what i mean exactly also just your body like right i want to be able to like just do this wait and be done and then i can yeah then i can like my girlfriends will say they're like i just want my body to be mine again like i don't want anybody touching me i don't even want anything else calling this home right now like i just want to be and i feel like it's so relatable because it's it's like you have a baby like climbing all over you or breastfeeding or like whatever it is and then your husband gets home and then he's touching you and i'm like there is no fucking way that i could be that hot for somebody to be wanting

to be all over me all the time like there's no way it's because he loves you you're hot to him and i mean that's great and everything but some days i just don't want to be hot but then there's other days that i just want to be like the hottest thing walking yeah yeah the name of your memoir some days i just don't want to be hot kale i want to talk to you about something that we know that everyone loves which is beautiful skin and the world of social media and non-stop pictures it's especially important to feel confident it's so frustrating to feel self-conscious and that's why we love bio clarity it's a three-step program that cleans your skin and can help you clear your skin it's super soothing and non-abrasive so i used to use the clear skin routine but now that i'm

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checkout so go to bio clarity dot com and get 40 off skincare routines plus an additional 15 off of everything on their website when you use our code coffee at checkout so a lot of people also ask which i think this is like a good segue um how to get your sex drive back after you have a baby and i feel like first off i didn't want to be touched for the first six weeks like just didn't but i've heard opposite things where it's like they want to have sex you know like immediately um and i've experienced both since i only have one of only experience that i didn't want to be touched but after the six weeks i was good but it was more so for just like medical purposes i wanted my body to like heal you know you know all back together well they say you can't

you're not supposed to for six weeks but she did but that's more for like fertility because you're so fertile somebody somebody sent us a thing and said that that is not true that's what my doctor told me doctor said that that was not true but i don't know if they're medical they're probably all having conflicted of course every conflicting advice like i just went to the doctor while i was here and they said something completely opposite of what my doctor back home said well if you had a vaginal birth you had tearing then you have to wait for that to heal that's what i know like with my my friends and stuff but other than that i don't know but i do know something with your hormones is interesting that like a lot of people told me that they think they're like partner stinks

they're like oh that's like a hormonal thing but it's part of your body being like we can't have another baby yet shit's still bad like we're just in this yeah and so it's like protecting you from yourself yeah it's so funny like you're completely like turned off yeah you're like ew no you guys i have a story to tell you that will and i look back on and laugh now but it wasn't funny then what is it it's like one of those you know yeah i was breastfeeding i was so hell bent you know i'm like i'm gonna breastfeed and he's gonna suck like he will like it will work it will work we will do this which is such a thing to like women have guilt and if you don't produce enough milk there's always like expectation that's a whole other yeah but yeah but yeah so jackson was just a lazy feeder

like he it was like he didn't really care to get up there to like feed like get full he just wanted to pacifier yeah you know and like he would get up there and just literally suck for two seconds and then fall asleep and so i would get so irritated and you know i was obviously like will doesn't have boobs boobs that that produce milk so he can't do that job you know so it's like you know he was working and gone back to his normal life and i was at home feeling like i looked ugly and you know having a baby trying to feed off of me every 30 minutes when i would put him down he would cry putting back up to the boob hoping that he would suck thinking it's going to be successful gets up there falls asleep and i'm just you know worn down at this point and i'm like okay something's

got to give so take him to the doctor and my physician tells us that you know what he was six weeks early you have survived breastfeeding successfully for six weeks there's really no benefit at this point that formula cannot provide him with the way that formula is made now and i think that's the better alternative for you so as much as i didn't want to do that i was like you know what maybe that is the better alternative because i'm not even sleeping at this point well it makes your life yeah that's the thing like it makes your life hell you know like my girlfriend said sometimes you just cannot be the 24 7 breast draw anymore like yeah it's not working so that's okay that's why formula exists yeah that's kind of like how i felt so i'm like okay well you know what maybe i'd

like talk myself into it yeah you have to have like a mental like okay this is what we're doing because i went through the same thing with luxe big you know it's huge especially i the same thing happened to me i came off of a year of breastfeeding lincoln an entire year and i was like i'm in my head i was breastfeeding luxe yeah you're like this is what we do it worked out we can do it again yeah every time is different and our bodies did you put jackson on will's boob is that what you're about to say will sniffles aren't big enough for that but um no so i'm like okay you know i'm talking myself into this and i'm like having like literal conversations with myself talking out loud like okay this is okay like i can do this you know simulac shout out to you because you made my life

so much better um i put jackson on formula and i was like this is going to make everything better will can like maybe like take a night feeding you know and this would you know definitely like allow me to sleep so will so used to the past six weeks of me doing you know all of that his life being normal and his life being normal because he would get in the bed and just go to sleep and i would look over at him and be so resentful because i'm so mad and i'm like you know what bastards like no they're sleeping and i'm like suffering over here i scored you know i scored hobby in the in the face with my breast milk when he did that one time i was so angry i looked over at him and i squirted him and he went like this i was pissed okay so obviously we have similar

stories i didn't do that but okay so i tell will first first time i'm like okay you can go downstairs and do the bottle warmer because i heard and read all of these things because i'm a reading mom um i read all of these things that if you put formula in the microwave it takes out all of the nutrients i didn't hear that so i'm using this freaking bottle warmer that takes forever like in the middle of a night feeding time out this is so funny because i you were the reason why i got that same bottle warmer remember when we talked about it yes okay anyway okay so i'd sit well downstairs i'm like all the bottles are pre-made like and the refrigerator in the warmer all you have to do is put it in the warmer turn the warmer on it'll it'll take like three

minutes to warm come back upstairs feed him changes diaper put him to bed yeah it's been like is you know when you're like in and out of sleep and you're like and i've got him in the bed with me and i'm i know he's like getting restless and like trying to wake up and i'm like he's gonna want that bottle like really soon so i'm like oh god it feels like it's been like ages did he fall asleep downstairs no he fell asleep on the couch and the bottle was scorched i was just gonna say did he ruin oh my god so i went downstairs i was so i would have lost it i would go because you're so sleep deprived you're like you are and you just want to like scream i went downstairs and i saw that bottle scorched and i saw him sleeping on the couch i passed the couch and i was like i'm

probably saying like the most god awful stuff i'm sure yeah rightfully so he comes through the kitchen acting like he's really doing something i'm like is this what you want me to feed my baby and i literally took the lid off of it and slung it on him yep slung it on him sometimes they just get it and you gotta squirt them yeah well in this case you gotta soak them you gotta soak them that's it you know it's just and i feel like get it together are there any other moms one job other there any other moms that are listening to this that have experienced the same thing like if you're a nipple squirter a bottle thrower like whatever you are like just tell us so that we can feel maybe a poopy diaper you know i'm like i just and you feel so ashamed too it's like you do those things

and then you feel so ashamed and like there's so much guilt that like follows you and it's like why did i have to be mean or like why did i have to do that because i'm such a self-sabotager you know it's like i just do like stupid stuff i don't think it's so sabotage i think it's just like basic needs aren't getting met yeah you're probably hungry you're also angry you're lonely because you're at home all day and you're really fucking tired like we have in therapy we call that like halt like don't do anything hungry angry lonely tired that means like you have no you can't do anything right can't function like no you can't function you can't think straight you're only like seen red you can't you're not your best self right and we all know that the tiredness was the one

thing i would say about motherhood and just in general like i don't function well with little sleep i don't i don't i need solid sleep or i'm going to be a cunt because you can't help me i need a good eight i need a good solid eight hours i need a solid eight agreed i don't book me a flight before eight am oh hell no like i'm not waking up at five to get to the airport by six i'm not doing it no and then you know same i know other men are doing this and it's not only will he's just getting the bad rap because it's will you know i'm like i'm part i'm half of coffee convo so it's like he's getting a bad rap sorry will sorry hobby sorry anybody else that's been involved in this shit fashion oh my gosh this reminds me of a story but i just feel like

sometimes it's on the weekends and i'm like i have mom's literally my wife's mom i like that all week you know and it's like if you have to get up on a saturday i know that you've worked all week like i know that you have but it's a different type of work it's a different type of work because it's not it's not constant all the time like i live in nanny and emotional it's like exhausting you know like it's not really emotional that will didn't get a sale yeah you know at work it's or i mean maybe it is but like person on the phone for a little while about the new product it's not the same as like having to engage with the child and feed a child and change a child and like it's emotional tiring like it really is be with a stay at home dad but like that could be a real thing

so i've like thought about it i'm like okay what would be better will being a stay at home dad and me having to be subjected to him sometimes more or him going to work and me just occasion not even occasionally bitching a lot of time bitching full time bitching full time bitching you have two full time jobs now yeah i have two full time jobs one creates a paycheck and one creates problems that i need to give to a therapist that's why she's here exactly but i'm just like what would be better but obviously he needs to work and he needs to continue to advance in his career and i don't want to like set him back like i feel like moms and women just in general are so overlooked and like the things that they do in life that even if you're not a mom like if you're

a wife like you're probably doing laundry and making sure the refrigerator stock their lunch is packed yeah all of these things are done and i just feel like it's so overlooked and then like i mean it brings home a paycheck and it's like you should kiss their feet mm-hmm i should wax his ass tonight because he you know he really did a big one right you know right right 100 percent and it's like why do i feel so underappreciated yes and like why is it our duty to take care of the home yeah 2019 who said that we why everybody we just like take it on okay but tell me if you've experienced this if either of you have experienced this from a woman's standpoint will we'll use okay if i say like i don't want to go out late at night because i'm a woman and like i don't want

to be like in a dark parking lot like go on to fricking kroger publics you know whatever will be like lindsay it's 2019 what i'm like okay but then in different situations he'll use like being a woman and another you know like in the opposite way to make it work for him either way yeah go there because yeah he makes it work for him either way mm-hmm but i'm like wait a minute no we're the ones that get to use it right the way we want right yeah let's get this right but have you experienced this um i'm not in a relationship currently so no i mean but hobbie probably definitely did that i could definitely see hobbie doing that my husband doesn't do that i think it's like i put expectations on myself to like do all this stuff and then i get resentful about

the fact that i have done all this stuff but it's like an expectation that you had and i do that too yeah and like the thing that i'm trying to do is try to express to him the expectations that i have and what i'm like not gonna take and like okay i always do all the grocery shopping and like i don't go to target anymore i always order everything online just have a shift in my house because that's just easier but i'll be like you're in charge of that this week or whatever and like dishing things off to him and just being like i'm not the only person that can make appointments bring things to the house clean things right and and he's pretty good with it but like sometimes i swear to god like if i left if something happened to me i don't know if he would

know where the toilet paper is or like that's concerning or like where that cleaning supply or like you need another toothbrush where do we keep those i don't know if he knows well i definitely feel the exact same way and sometimes i feel so underappreciated when it's like okay he can come home from work and like the whole house is clean and like everything's fine and it's almost like when he cleans his standard of cleaning a mine are two totally different things right i'm anal but he wants his feet kissed when he cleans yeah and it took him 30 minutes to clean four bathrooms and the entire house he's what he claims that he's wiped off and now he's done everything and he holds the house together yeah my husband will chlorox wipe the bathroom and be

like i've done i'd be like no one else is cleaning this bathroom and i'm like really really how do you think that toilet bowl gets cleaned right the shower that chlorox wipes aren't really cleaning yeah yep i experience that every week of my life yeah and i'm like okay why did you act like you really like did a good one when you cleaned for 30 minutes in this house and i've literally busted my ass for eight hours he's like well i don't know what to tell you you need to learn to speed up or something what because you don't like clean fast enough or something but you're not really cleaning like you're spot cleaning you know what i mean like you've literally taken a pile of shit and like put it somewhere else that's me and close it in the closet versus like putting it away where it needs

to be yeah my husband does that too i call it scrolling away i'm like i had this pile of stuff i needed to figure out what to do with where'd you hide it like where can i locate that but you said that's you oh yeah i'm spot cleaning for sure well every there's different people in each relationship right but i think my next relationship they that person needs to be better at laundry than me yeah you need a cleaner person but i think part of it like i talked to my husband because i was being resent i was so resentful and i was like we need to get a housekeeper like this is bullshit i can't be the only person that cleans this house right and he's wonderful and i was like so i need you to either a find room in our budget for a housekeeper to come twice a month

or and also kind of and i need you to recognize when i do things and i need you to tell me that you're grateful otherwise i'm gonna stop doing them because i've gone on like i go on hiatus where i'm just like i'm in a sabbatical from cleaning anything so like let's see how long it takes him to realize how gross this place can get but see part of me is like which is like passive aggressive so like i'm i live by myself obviously with the kids when i was in a relationship i felt as though i didn't need a i didn't need praise for what i was supposed to do and i didn't i don't feel like he needs to be praised for what he was supposed to do maybe that's not we i need words of affirmation that's like part of my love languages do you guys yeah yeah of course yeah like

i need i need him to recognize otherwise i feel like all the work i'm doing is just a notice but that's like stuff that you would have to do even if you weren't in a relationship so why don't you praise for it for it because we share a space because we share a space and because i feel like if i'm doing it if he was single he would have to be doing it yeah okay okay so he can't just like ride on the coattails of the fact that i'm super anal and can't live in a dirty place that's like me saying to will like when i get angry it's like well you're technically not really spending anything extra for me to be here because you would still be paying the same bills if i wasn't here like i really technically shouldn't be saying that but i do say it because i'm like okay well

he's not going to live on the streets you know so he's going to be paying a mortgage whether i'm with him or not you know it's like you can't i don't know yeah but i definitely went wrong there because i'm like why do you need to be you see we always say that i was not appreciative uh-huh and i would just be like this is the shit you're supposed to do like in order to run a household these are things that you need to do whether i'm here or not so to sit here and be like i'm unappreciative it's like no i'm gonna do them if you're not here do you get what i'm saying i totally get what you're saying and i think part of it is just coming to the understanding and agreement that you're in it together as a team and there's no there's no team leader there's no like captain

of the ship like you're dividing i think i'm happier with my husband when there's a clear division of responsibility and i know he's taking out the trash i know he's sweeping the floors or he's making dinner my husband almost always makes me dinner and i do not feel bad about it yeah but he knows that i do you know like there has to be this division right and so i think as long as we understand and appreciate both so like i appreciate you yes i know you do it anyways but i'm just glad you do it so i didn't have to that was nice i like that and then you you know it goes both ways i think okay but you might not need appreciation under no no it's not even that though it's more like so in that relationship it was like i i pay my mortgage i pay my car payment i pay obviously

all my bills in that house he might have come over and do some of the housework sometimes so to me it's like what i i guess i didn't appreciate it because i was doing everything else or i would do it without him yeah well and that might have just been the division too we're like i do all i didn't feel appreciated for the things that i was doing either so it goes both ways so then it's like it's like otherwise you're like yeah he resented me because he didn't feel like i appreciated him and i didn't feel like what i everything i was doing was being appreciated either right so then you're both and i think that's probably why it came out because i think you both needed to be appreciated because everybody needs to feel seen and appreciated see that's where

we get in the most of our arguments because it's like he'll be like you want me to appreciate you but you don't appreciate like me going to work or you don't appreciate like you know me picking up the basement where i dropped dust all the way down there you know or like and i'm like that's not yeah yeah you know like that's not really like doing it for me you know and it's like acts of service is one of my big because i'm like you have to tell me you love me you don't have to touch me but if you fill up my gas tank i love you right like that little thing that you know i'm going to be running late because i have to stop and get gas and you got gas for me already beautiful yeah i went away for a girls weekend once my husband cleaned the whole house like deep clean

like got rid of everything and i got home i was like i've never been so turned on in my right like i can fuck you on the counter now it's fine it's all cleaned right that's me okay this this is like another weird question so if you have a significant other that wants to have sex like all over the house but you only want to like have sex like in the bed in the bed how do you really deal with that because i don't really have sex everywhere but i don't really feel like you know like having sex on my kitchen counter where i might be cutting chicken well you should probably chlorox it after the chicken and then it's fine and then again this is coming from someone who has had sex all over the house that's one thing in the relationship that never was a problem so yeah i

think it's compromised because it can't be one way or the other maybe because you wouldn't be cutting chicken on the dining room table maybe instead of the counter you can sit down your or the kitchen floor after you've mopped it or something yeah i guess pick a place i guess my thoughts are like the bed was probably like created for sleep and sex you know and i'm like which is true the kitchen counter is created for drinks food random kitchen shit the car was meant for driving but two out of three of my kids were conceived there right so see that's my whole point you know like oh nice okay keep it classy yeah and and see i just i don't know like there's just certain things and i'm just like you know that's gotta be slightly spontaneous shower

we try to be spontaneous and i had sex on the back of wilsh truck the key got broken and then we almost couldn't drive off well okay so that's just one example but i think part of it goes to like the like ocd what about the panel part of you could you try the couch maybe yeah because that's like really feel like just hanging out okay so i totally get it but i think it's like again back to the mental game so i think letting him like if you even because it sounds like spontaneity is not your strong suit that's totally fine so like in the morning you're like i'm gonna have sex with my husband on this kitchen table later because i know he wants to yeah so i'm gonna clean it and i'm gonna prepare i'm gonna move it the way that i want it to be moved i'm gonna make sure it

can handle it i'm gonna shower and i'm gonna fuck him on the table and we're gonna get yeah exactly period okay but let's just i'll throw it i'll throw it out there i have had sex in my kitchen and on my couch also but it wasn't like your ideal scenario it wasn't like my ideal thing i kind of felt like i was in the wrong place you know do you ever like know the wrong place at the wrong time because that's how i felt in those moments i'm like okay i'm looking at my refrigerator so i'm kind of confused if i should be fixing a snack or close your eyes you could literally fix a snack in have sex in the kitchen at the same time yeah like that i don't know what kind of sex you're having they could like bend you over right bend over and spread some cheese on the

crackers you got like if that's what if that's it's kind of like you're right i just need to maybe like watch this happen because i don't think i would need you to take a shot maybe that will loosen you up but i don't feel like you should have to like drink to do that right and that's like another maybe that's like an alcoholic i get it i mean to loosen up totally fine like it's not like loosened up all day every day or anything but i think it's i think for you it's just because you like things the way you like them be very specific which is fine but if your husband's wanting a little more spontaneity we can have planned spontaneity that's true but make it work for you and make it work for him yeah let's say 60 to 70 percent of the time it's in the bed

but then we prepare a few nights a month the kitchen table the couch if you have a big ottoman the car i don't know i mean you can prepare i believe in you and if you get distracted because you're looking at the fridge close your eyes for you remember when i told you i went to go and see what was that movie the mule yeah oh yeah yeah you could have watched it and then had sex in the car on the way before you went but i i did do something in the car it wasn't sex but it was something else i would do something in the car okay that's good that's great 10 points for you i get i get points right you get points because i did something that i normally wouldn't do that's and did you hate it or was it cool no i was like fine with it but i feel like he says

that he wants to do more stuff that he's also uncomfortable with that's great but i was like more comfortable in the situation than i felt like he was then that's great though you probably are more close together on this than you think yeah but that's why like a little plan spontaneity on your end might kind of like don't just put me on the counter like on top of the bills and like try to have sex with me because i'm like that's like then i've got to mail those off you know so maybe move them what if i lose them yeah so just like that's why planned i think maybe you just like send him a dirty text message while he's at work and tell him what you want to do to him but what if he gets a boner that's fine he'll take it in he's been dealing with that since he was

like 12 years old he can tell me he will chuck it in and he will do what he's got to do but like that will like maybe like it's like a fantasy type thing it might not happen because he's going to come home from work you're already going to be home you're not going to go out to the car just have sex right but then he's going to say like i'm a liar no because he's going to expect me to do it yes well okay so if you're going to do that you're going to send a text i think we have to be prepared to put out whatever that is so maybe like your plan spontaneity right and he might just get excited just at the thought it doesn't have to even happen he might obviously might have sex but it could be in the bed even though you're like i don't know we'll have sex on

that on the kitchen counter yes but maybe you do don't on the kitchen counter and it's in the bed yeah so it's just like i think for probably a lot of men it's probably just like the thought of it it and not really the action of it because it's like whenever that happened at the movies in the parking lot it's like will was more concerned about somebody seeing it you know and i'm not concerned and will is like oh that's breaking the wall and i'm like well what wall is this breaking yeah sex and public oh public decency probably like public indecency inside a car that you own and a parking lot that's how lux was conceived so we probably would have got arrested it's in a mall parking lot are you kidding me no in a BMW x5 oh backseat yeah he's like what should i do i'm

like oh i don't know don't get it on the seat boom baby okay boom kid yep but i think you might later but i think you're right that it could just be the thought even for women too like often we have these like fantasies of like romance and what it could be but we know real life doesn't usually turn out that way but just the thought that it could happen is sexy it's like you watch like these romantic movies and stuff or like chick flicks what they call them yes and you think like oh wow i wish that was my life i wish he was sweeping me off of my feet and bringing me home flowers and like writing me letters 365 days yeah like the notebook like i think about like the notebook i really think about the notebook all the time and i'm like is that going to be like

alia noa like i think that's a huge problem today too is like people romanticize these relationships in their head and then the reality of it is so disappointing almost i told 100% because i think the those are obviously scripted edited the makeup is perfect the outfits are perfect and it's all for viewers exactly and they know what we want and it definitely pulls at our heart strings but we can bring a little bit of that into our relationship so we're like you know i want a little more spontaneous sex with you that's what your husband's saying like he wants to keep it a little exciting and so you can plan that because you're not that type of person um or if we you know want him to write us letters like i always tell my husband i'm like i don't want you to buy

me any gifts i want you to write me a card because i like written stuff better um and he does that i just had to ask for it because i can't read our minds right you know we wish like well we don't really wish they could but like sometimes we do right well but they can't part of like me not wanting to be spontaneous because i feel like i was like whenever i was younger but i didn't have the thoughts of like what if my kid like walks in you know totally i feel like that plays a huge factor in it too because just because i tell my son that's like bedtime when he goes to bed doesn't mean that he might not like walk out of his room to go to the bathroom or like need water or you know like whatever could you put a little alarm on his door so go to or just lock your door and tell him

to knock okay but then that goes back like what if we're trying to do it in the kitchen shit my kids don't ever get out of bed so i don't know and i don't if they did i'd be like well guess you know we need to figure this out i mean didn't we all walk in on our parents having sex is something i absolutely did i didn't like more than once i would be more notified if that happened oh yeah i mean i'm a little bit scarred but also like i don't even remember in my life i don't really care like what was it just like my mom was having sex i always saw this yeah yeah i've walked in and what did you think i asked her a question and i walked out but did you know what sex was no i had no idea i didn't know what the fuck they were doing i just asked the question and

they left yeah i had no questions i don't even think we discussed it afterwards i don't think my mom was probably more mortified than me yeah for sure what's going on as a kid and you don't even like you don't understand like now as an adult i'm like wow that's what that was yeah but i think it's just kind of normal and i don't think i'm scarred in any way i was just confused and i'm like oh why are you wrestling yeah with no clothes on yeah but looking back i'm like i'm glad my parents were having sex right having sex right good for them good for them but i hope i never see that again right you know i mean i wouldn't want to walk in on my mom now so if anybody's listening if you have ever walked in on your parents having sex please send us a story to our dm because we're

nosy and we want to know also are you scarred now right because i don't think i don't think we are it's totally natural and like did your parents address this yeah that's what i want to know my mom didn't talk about it afterwards it was never discussed again because i feel like knowing me and myself as a person if that ever happened and jackson walked in i would feel like i would have to talk about that i mean i don't think it's wrong the thing about kids is that people worry about what they're going to say to them like oh my god they're not going to understand i don't want to scar them and like fuck them up for life they are so malleable they don't have judgment like us adults do so like they just probably have questions they have questions and you could be like oh mommy and daddy

we're just having sex is something we do with those that we love period and they'll probably be like well why and you're like because we love each other why that's how we show it oh well do do you have sex with other people no only mommy and daddy you know or whatever right and that's it it's like kids are not adults so they don't they don't have all the things that we think they're going to have right they really don't understand and if we tell them this real story don't like make up any weird words or like try to explain it my kids asked me where um they asked me why i couldn't have a baby right now this was like two weeks ago on the show and i was like um you know people have to do certain things they were like you can just have a girl mom and i was like no like you know people have to do

certain things to have a baby and they're like really like what oh i said we're gonna turn the music up now we'll talk about this later and then you never talked about it because i didn't know how to answer it because it wasn't like the time or the place you know yeah totally and on the show i mean it's a conversation how old like i feel like kids nowadays probably are so much more exposed to things than like we were as kids yes so probably when we were having like their reproductive talks when we were what in like fifth sixth grade yeah at school you know like they do they actually get deodorant yeah palms of pads and stuff they tell you about yeah so like when did they do that now and like when is it an appropriate time to start talking to your kids about having sex

because yeah i think i mean to be honest there's no like perfect age but definitely before puberty so they understand what's going on in their bodies but that's like a whole different discussion right like i think the sex conversation as soon as as soon as they start asking questions about it or you think they've come into contact with it i honestly think not the sooner the better like not when they're little but let's say like seven eight like they start to they have friends things can happen i'd rather my child knows like someone touching me there isn't okay and this is what it is and you should tell it to someone you know like oh i have an adult well even the pediatrician will tell my tell the kids when they go in for their checkups like

we only only i do this if your mom says it's okay and for their exam yeah good right so but like the sex talk my son my oldest son's nine i wouldn't i don't think i'd have the sex talk with him yet unless he asks questions yeah like where he's not there yet and i know he's not there yet but as soon as he is there my mom never had a sex talk with me oh really no so i feel like i definitely want to have it with my kids but i just hadn't not just yet yeah when he starts asking questions i feel like or if i feel like maybe he like you said has come into contact with a situation or whatever i would definitely definitely well my parents definitely did talk about it my dad like pulled up center of disease control and like talked about it but then almost i feel like i was

traumatized yeah like scared to have sex you know it was like a well first off i didn't have sex until will so that was just like not a thing for me i didn't want to do you know it was i don't know just wasn't a thing i didn't want to have like a history you know whatever but also like more afraid of what could come of it you know like stds and yeah all sorts of stuff yeah all sorts of stuff which is good in a way but in a limit like of i think it's understanding versus scaring like i'm never a fan of scaring kids right i agree because they should just understand what it means and what it is um and they should feel comfortable talking to you about it and i know all teenagers are like oh they're like rolling their eyes because like no teenager is going to tell their parents

like i decide to have sex with my girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever but i think they should feel free to ask questions so that they understand and then you know letting them know of resources like i know that sounds bad and a lot of parents probably be like i would never do this but like if you're worried that your child is sexually active like you should let them know about condoms and tell them if you know if they're too nervous to tell you they can go to plan parenthood or give them money or tell them i'll make you an appointment like just have that they're gonna do it they need to do it safely yes and they need to know how and i think kids get pressured things happen um everybody's doing it i mean i don't know because because i'm so much older i'm

like i don't know what it's like now with social media and just everything no that's i feel like here if i had sex because i felt like i was i don't want to say peer pressured but i definitely felt like all my friends were like yeah hanging it on yeah kind of like oh well we did this yeah yeah because i used to hear about it like in high school you know it's like you know girls would be like oh well you know i went to so-and-so's house and like this was going on and like they were hooking up and you're like hooking up what does that mean and i was like making out or is that actual like like an arm yeah like hooking up like oh i like that yeah you know like i totally get that yeah like what's going on my one friend was like uh huh yeah i just hooked up with amy and i was like

hooked up that means you had sex with her and she's like no we just hung out like they were just friends and i was like you can't say hooking up if you're hanging out with someone yeah yeah like that's a sexual term don't use it yeah i was so upset oh my gosh just like being having a conversation with your kids yeah it'll come whether we want it to or not they're gonna get there they're gonna have questions and just hope that you're the one they ask those questions of so that's why i think it's like better to start it a little like at 11 or 12 or 13 boys are going to be different than girls too girls like my mom i started asking my mom at like 10 or 11 like when did you get your period and what did this happen and like that's a great time to start a conversation see and i

never had that so i got my period in the sixth grade and i didn't know what it was i didn't know what was happening to me oh yeah and i was so confused and that's scary and i know yeah i'm probably like did i cut myself why well you know i thought something completely different i won't even tell the story but i was like oh my god like what is this and nobody even told me that this was gonna happen to me and then it's not red it's more brown like right i was so confused that's exactly what happened yeah it was like what is happening to me yeah and she's like oh we'll just go get you something like you should have told me that this could happen it's kind of like mortifying you know you go and sit down on the toilet and it's like oh my gosh yeah totally and i think

so i think that's why the conversations just need to be had and i think parents often think it has to be all at once even like mental health conversations people like i have to tell them everything at once no no just start the conversation just opening so the dialogue exactly so with your younger children it's more like only you know nobody touches you here and if someone does you tell me like that's the first start of it oh i definitely have had that conversation yeah never nobody said anything to me no i've had that conversation with jackson oh i've had that conversation with my kids but nobody had that with me i don't think my parents did either but my parents didn't either yeah so that was never a thought or yeah it was never a thing again i don't

know but i think it's good if that's where you start and then you just continue every three years and then they'll see a pattern to like oh i can talk to my mom about anything or my parent whoever yeah because i don't i never would want jackson to be like afraid of me because i feel like i did have a sense of like fear which there's always a good um balance i feel like you know like fearing things that you're gonna get in trouble because i feel like it keeps you accountable but at the same time like you don't want to be so fearful that you can't be honest because in that point yeah that's a whole different situation and i feel like i was so fearful not because my parents made me scared but i think it was like my own head like oh gosh

like if i do this then it's gonna be oh god i'm gonna get like major trouble i don't even know what'll happen you said you want to be perfect so yeah probably like no i don't want to do that i don't want to cause any trouble this perfect complex you know like but i've always told jackson like it's gonna be so much better if you just tell me the truth because if i find out that you're lying and i've given you the option to tell the truth then that's a whole another you know issue so it's like honesty is the best policy i would rather be the parent where it's like okay if there's gonna be drinking going on not that i'm condoning it but i would rather be going on under my roof than you going out sneaking around doing it getting in a car and driving hurting yourself or

someone else you know like agreed and i think it's like respecting your parents not fearing them i think our parents both came out of generations that were fear was like the only thing they knew but i think there's a there can be this like you know equal respect and i know that's hard for parents too because you're like well they're my kids and they have to do what i say but i think it needs to be mutual in some ways so that you can have a real conversation and real relationship and then then we're less likely to keep secrets right like i was so afraid of my mom like she is funny my dad was a softy and my mom was like the hard ass and i think i would i still like now we're close friends but as a kid i was like terrified to tell her anything so yeah first time

drinking first i'm having i never told her shit i just like took care of myself you know yeah because i'm so afraid yeah okay so katie you said earlier that you wrote a book so can you tell us and our listeners what your book is about yeah it came out in december so it's new yeah um i feel like it's like my baby yeah in any way compared to but um but it's called are you okay a guide to caring for your mental health and it's kind of like you're where to start guide like a lot of people don't know what they don't know so we don't even know what questions to ask if that makes sense so i talk about like what the difference between mental health and mental illnesses when do you need to get help what does help look like what's the difference between a therapist psychiatrist counselor there's

so many words what does that mean um and then at the end i get into like toxic relationships communication strategies for those of us in relationships um and just hopefully it helps people better understand and you know better their lives what can a person do if they know that someone in their life is super depressed and needs help and they're just not really willing to take it check in on them listen don't judge and just be patient i know it sucks it's terrible to be on the outside seeing someone who's hurting but we can't make anybody else get better like it's the work like you just know that person needs help and they're not i know and it's hard to like sit on her hands but they have to make the choice you can offer to help like oh yeah i've sent um

like i called their insurance and got the list of providers for health um for sorry um psychologists and for therapists and the email got deleted so it's just like i'm trying to help you and you are not reciprocate you're not ready they're not receiving yes the the help that i'm trying to give you but it's like you have issues that i want to help you with and i know it's hard you have to just listen and just check in on them be like i'm just worried about you i care about you i'm here if you want to talk um but it's just like anything we can't try to help too much because we'll push them away which is the opposite of what we want to do right but also it's like how much can that person take of that person like yeah if you were lindsay if you were the one that needed help and

you're so not open to me helping you it's like how long can i sit here and you had i need to help you like do you know what i'm saying totally and i don't think anyone ever talks about the other side of it no and a lot a lot of people don't but i think it's really important to like you have to know your limits too because we all have limits so if we're sitting back and we're checking in and we're trying to be there to support there's gonna be a point where we're like i can't do this anymore then then you can just tell them like hey i'm trying to work on myself and you can distance a little bit and i know it sucks and like when people are hurting we hate to leave them and it's not just like leaving them and ghosting them but just distance a little bit so you're okay right

because we don't want this to harm both of you but it's just really i know it sucks it's hard but we we can't unfortunately make anybody get better trust me my job will be a hell of a lot easier right if i can be like don't you see and they'd be like yes right well this has been so fun thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of your knowledge knowledge with us yes of course it was really fun thanks for having me so can you tell us where our listeners can find you on youtube what they type in um if you have instagram or whatever and we would love to be able to have you back on to pick more yeah part two yeah part two i love it yeah they can find me my name is katie mortin kat i m o r t o n um that's just my socials all across the board other than instagram's

katie mortin one but they'll be able to find that but they'll be able to find me so that's perfect well thank you so much we appreciate it yeah all right thank you all right guys i think that's all we have time for today if you guys have not subscribed to us you can do that by searching the purple podcast app on your iphone type in coffee combos you click subscribe click the fifth star and you can also leave us a written review we have had so much fun and we hope you guys have a great week we'll talk to you soon see you this podcast is brought to you by weave podcast network check out all of our shows including the brain candy podcast i don't get it coffee combos and let's talk about it