Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 77: Married & Divorced, Stretched too Thin, & Rapid Fire w/ Special Guest Rico Hundo

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

Kail & Lindsie chat about what it was like for Kail when she was married & why her relationship with Javi is still love/hate! Lindsie talks about dating & what it looks like to teach men better life habits. Kail talks about why she thinks it would be difficult to live with someone again. They talk about their dogs & why they remind Kail of her ex-husband. They welcome Rico on to play a quick game of rapid fire from a man's perspective.

Hey guys, welcome to Coffee Combo's. Hi Lindsay. Hey Kale. What are you doing? Nothing. I'm just going over some emails, getting some pot head stuff done. Just chilling? Yeah.

How's things going with Hobbs? Jose. Good ol' Jose. We're up and down. We fight every other day. It's a real love-hate relationship. Well that's good. Parent ship.

I'm glad that there's some love in there mixed in with the hate, you know? Very little. We sprinkled it on top of the hate, you know, to the seasoning. It's the seasoning. Oh my gosh. Well, I just want to know, like, what it was like whenever you were a married person. Because I didn't really, like, know you then. Yeah.

So, like, what was that like? Because I feel like in a lot of ways, when we talk about stuff, you're like, can't relate. You know, when I talk about Will, but it's probably because it was so long ago that you were doing that with Javi that you've been just kind of, like, on your own. It's really weird. Like, I've been legally divorced for three years now. That's crazy to me. Like, to think about the timing, because I filed for divorce four years ago, and it didn't

get approved. Like, I didn't get legally divorced for a whole year. Wow. So, three years ago, and you know what, I do remember a lot of the aspects about marriage and so I remember some of the things that annoyed me, and so I'm sure things that I annoyed him. There are things that I can relate to, but I won't say it because people are like, well, you're divorced now.

Like, you can't say that. Right. You know what I mean? So I'm like, whatever. Because you're not living that life right now. Right. So people are saying you can't. But I can relate to some degree.

Yeah. Because, you know, being married is a whole different ballgame. It is. I mean, I really felt like, how do you just live so different than me? And I feel like, even if I was to get into another relationship, like, they're so different. Yeah. You know, they just like, dirty up the place. They don't care where they put their dirty laundry, you know?

I, mostly, even since like, I started dating Will, and when we moved in together, I feel like I didn't really realize how men were, like, before that, because I'd never lived with one. Right. You know? So I'm like, okay, is this the thing that men do? Right. Because I don't know, like, if I'm ever going to be married.

Because I don't like these habits. Because, you know, I am such a clean freak and just want everything to be so-so. And part of it was just, like, schedule, and there not being, like, a ton of time to, like, tidy up and, you know, whatever, but a lot of it, I think was just, I mean, I'm sure he was taught better, but maybe it's just because, before me, he didn't have a girl looking at his stuff. Right. So it was like, I don't really care if there's, like, mildew on my shower curtain, because

it doesn't really matter. Like no one's there to tell me to change it? Correct. You know what's weird, though? But I was, can be so disgusted by, like, somebody in a marriage, like, right, Hobby had completely different habits than me. And now that I've been married and divorced, like, now, I don't know that I could ever live with somebody in that way.

What do you mean? I don't know that I would be able to live with someone again. Like, I've gotten so used to being by myself. Oh, because you're so used to being alone. Yeah. Yeah. Like, even, I don't know that I want to get used to someone's nasty habits. Like, I have my own habits, let me keep mine to myself, and you keep yours to yourself.

But do you have, like, nasty habits? Probably. I mean, I left my laundry in the washer for, like, four days, and now those jeans are ruined. So if they want their laundry smelling like mildew, I'm your girl, Kale's your girl. But I put vinegar in the one load that I did that to, and it, it, like, helped. Did you Google that? No. Someone told me.

Oh, wow. But I won't do that to the jeans. I'm gonna throw them out because those are really nasty. Yeah. I mean, they're just very, very stinky. I smelled them myself. So they were expensive. Just not a, not a good look or smell.

You know what I mean? I hated when I was married and Javi would leave his shit in the middle of the floor when he walked in. Like, as soon as he walked in the door, it's like he dropped what he had right there. I don't want to trip and die. I feel like Will has really weird habits. Like Will is some ways like me in the sense of he gets in like these modes where he wants to like clean and like pick up and like do all these things.

But then also he gets in a mode of where, I don't know if he's trying to convince himself the house is clean because he doesn't want to do anything or if he just really thinks it's clean. And I'm like, but the place isn't clean. I was married for five years, four years with Javi for five and I never remember him ever cleaning. Like I don't remember him ever picking up a Clorox wipe. So now I've been alone for so long that I don't know that I want to pick up anyone's

habits or like deal with someone else's habits. I could see where that would be really annoying because I can relate to that in the sense of when Will goes to his parents sometimes for the weekend and I'd clean the whole house and I feel like everything's like in place and perfect. I could see where it would be very tempting to be like, okay, I could just like go to work, come home, my shit looks so nice. And yeah, because I know that I'm messy in my own way. I know I have habits that are not really great for somebody else, but like, I don't have

to worry about anything because it's my house, like I can do whatever I want, you know what I mean? So to like have someone come in and like want to change my habits and then me pick up on someone like, no. But you've said that Javi like never cleaned in five years. I can't remember a time. That is so strange. But then when I was with Chris, he was clean.

Like I remember him cleaning and I remember like him cleaning up after me. Right. So then you were the messy one. And I was the messy one. Yeah. And then when I was with Dom, like we were equally messy and cleaned up after each other sometimes. Right.

Okay. But what would you say would be like your worst habits? I'll tell you mine. Laundry. I'm not good with laundry. I leave it everywhere. If I wash it, it's probably getting left in a pile somewhere. I literally just can't keep up.

Anything else I'll do. Okay. So like, are your bathrooms always clean? My bathrooms are always clean. Like they're clean. They might be a little bit messy. You know what I mean? Like there might be stuff places, but like my toilet bowls are always scrubbed.

My shower and my sinks are always clean. Okay. Always. Yeah. That's definitely always a thing for me. Like I clean my bathrooms every week. Like my bathrooms are not going to be dirty. I cannot deal with like a dirty bathroom.

Like that's where I clean myself, you know? Yeah. Yeah. It's just like they're already dirty enough. Let's keep them. Yeah. Our listeners know how we feel about oral health and thanks to Quiptooth brushes, we are taking good care of our pearly whites.

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for free. That's your first refill pack for free at G E T Q U I P dot com slash coffee. But something that, well, I'll tell you my habit. So I'm really bad about like leaving clothes on the floor. My closet's really messy. Same. I'll try on something and then not rehang it same. And as far as laundry, I will say, I feel like I taught Will good habits on like how

to do things. So he does know how to like wash whites with whites and darks with darks and colored with colors and jeans and work pants. Like I know how to do all of that, but that's from like training and coaching him, you know, how to do that stuff. And I will say he like thinks a bit more like when Will does laundry, because he'll do laundry. Sometimes I'll do laundry sometimes, but when he does it, it's like he's a lot quicker at it than me, right?

Because he stays on it. Whereas I'm, I try to like multitask more. So if he's going to do laundry, it'll be like he's strictly like only doing laundry because he wants to like focus on that and just get that done. I feel like that's a guy thing. It is. That's a very guy thing. It is.

So like me, I will put on a load of laundry before I take Jackson to school and go clean a bathroom, go clean a bathroom, go to the gym, come back, put the laundry in the dryer, go clean another bathroom. Yep. Or the kitchen, do five phone calls, put on dinner. Yep. And I'm like, Oh, I only got one load of laundry done because I was doing all this other stuff. Right.

You know, so I will say as far as like that, he's better than me at that. Um, as far as like cleaning baseboards and like the deep cleaning stuff, he's not going to do, you know, which I'm not either, like that's not even a thing for him. And now if I said, Hey, like, we all need to come together and like clean this house. He's going to help, but it's going to be like he might mop, but he's not getting on his hands and he's into a baseboards. I don't think I've ever cleaned the baseboards in my house in almost four years. I'm concerned.

Well, I would get a deep cleaner. I don't have the time. Time. Yeah. And my dog shed like crazy. And see that would drive me nuts. And it drives me fucking insane because you don't realize it when you get, I got a Rottweiler. Like I didn't think that he was going to shake like shed the way that he does.

I swear to you, because I do get deep cleanings. So they come on a Thursday morning, right? And do they do all of that stuff? They will. Yeah. Okay. So on a Thursday, even if we don't have company all weekend, so there's not a lot of in and out, they need to be cleaned again by the next week because of my dogs.

Right. Because you have shedding dogs. It's so frustrating because I'm like, I literally feel like this house just got cleaned. Right. Okay. So while we're on that topic, anybody who's listening, do you allow your animals on your furniture? Because I feel like I have a lot of friends that do allow their animals on their furniture.

I allow Della on my furniture, but I have now started training her to a bed and she actually is a lot smarter than what I thought she was. And she's very sneaky. I found out. Yeah. Because I've gotten to where I've changed the whole schedule. I know we've talked about Della on the podcast before and her going to daycare and she was completely non-social at daycare.

So I kind of was like, well, what's really the point? So now I've kind of changed my schedule and deal with her more on my own. Let her out in the morning and feed her and kind of let her do breakfast and everything with Jackson. And so it's kind of like I'm doing like both at the same time. And she's so sneaky. Like if I go upstairs and I'll be getting ready and I let her out, she gets on the couch. But if she hears me coming, I hear her jump off the couch and get in her bed.

Like she's sneaky. What? Yeah. She is so sneaky and she was on the toilet the other day. The toilet? So she gets up on the toilet and sits on the toilet. What? And then she can't get down.

Oh, poor Della. But the whole point being is, do you allow your dogs on the couch? So I got new furniture last summer and I was like, I'm not letting the dogs on the furniture. And then I did. And my couches were so disgusting, Lindsay. Like they looked like I had them for years. So I recently had Stanley Steamer come clean them. Really?

Like maybe last week. I want to, maybe it couldn't have been two weeks ago. No, it was last week. I had them come clean them. I'm not, they're in the kennel because I'm traveling. When I get home, they're not going on the couch. It cost way too much money to have those couches steam cleaned and everything else for me to allow them on the furniture.

Well, and your dogs, I feel like are so big. Like one of them. One of them. Yeah. But they're also like, think about it. They're kind of dirty. Like I love my dogs. Don't get me wrong.

Yeah. But they do go outside and they walk around in dirt and mud and probably have stepped in their own poop at one point and then they come in and they jump up on the couch. Like this is a no. Like you remind me of my ex-husband. And that's why you don't have it. I'm just kidding. I am dead.

So I just don't really understand men, to be perfectly honest, like men or animals. Like they're both a lost cause for me. Yeah. I just don't. First off, I wish I could just get in my dog's head and like figure out like what she's thinking and why she manipulates me. That's kind of how I feel about significant others. Yeah.

I don't really understand my dog or will sometimes. I feel like they manipulate me sometimes. Yeah, both. They're probably all in the, they're on the same page. They are. And that's probably why like Will and Dela get along so well because you're like coming up with a master plan on how to manipulate me. Okay.

So you said like your weirdest habits. I've said my weird habits. So like another one of my habits too. Did I say that? Like I leave my clothes just like laying around in the bathroom floor. Me too. Like after I take them off. Yeah.

Me too. And my shoes too. But I also complain if I see Will do it. Same. So much same. But then like my clothes will be in the same pile as his. But I'm complaining about them. I'm complaining about his clothes.

I'm like, wow, I'm gonna put in these in the hamper. But like really it's taking me no more effort because I'm putting mine that I left in the bathroom floor for two days. Yep. No, I can relate to that for sure. I'm just like, why? Like why? And I can't stand like this is so disgusting, but I know somebody's gonna relate to this

whenever I say it. If you go to the bathroom and you've taken a dump and there are skid marks in the toilet. Clean them. Don't stain my porcelain. Like there is such thing as called bathroom cleaner. First of all. I've been told me when I complain about this all the time. I'm like, nobody wants to see your skid marks in toilet.

Nobody because I don't need someone thinking it was me. Yeah. It wasn't me. It's not me. If somebody comes over to my house and sees like a skid mark in there, I'm gonna think automatically they're gonna be like, Lindsay just came in here and took a dump. I came. Don't you think that?

Yes. Yes. So I'm like, don't do that. So my whole thing was like, okay, fine. I'm gonna give up that argument and I'm just gonna be like, don't take dumps on the main floor because then that's like where the guests would go to the bathroom if they came. Right? I was like, if you're gonna do this and leave skid marks, go upstairs and skid all over

the place. I don't care. It's fine. It's not fine. If you are listening, do not shit on the main floor. Don't do it. Women, if you are listening, don't shit on the main floor. Thank you.

I can't. And so Will told me, I mean, so seriously, he was like, every time, as many times as I take a shit, I'm not going to get a toilet scrubber and scrub my shit off. It will just flake off. He's like, when the water gets on it and sits there long enough, then you just go do a second like flush. It's like a courtesy flush, you know, like, you know, like Will told me sometimes that he would hold his shits until he went to like his work bathroom and then he would just take

all of his dumps at work so that he would have to clean skid marks and I was like, that's not normal. And how do men, like do a lot of men shit at work because I feel like if I was like at a nine to five, like corporate place, you're not going to poop in public. I'm not shitting there because my co-worker's going to know I dumped, you know, I don't know. I'm not going to poop. I mean, except for me.

You should have outbacked. Only when I have bubbleguts. Yeah. So it like doesn't happen for me. Okay. And then the next thing. Oh my God. This is all in Rico's episode.

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That's thirdlove.com slash coffee for 15% off today. The next thing that I have a question about is people who deal with men, do you feel like they never plan ahead? No, they don't know how to plan ahead. They don't know what that means. They don't know what that is. But like, have you experienced that with all of your relationships or just your marriage? Where did you notice it most?

Will is just a completely non-communicator. I would go ahead and say that it's not all relationships. I would say it's not. So it's mostly in your marriage? Yes. Okay. Will, I don't know if it's because we've been together so long that he just feels like so comfortable that he doesn't feel the need to have to communicate because he knows that

no matter what, I'm going to be there. So I don't know if that's wrong or if it's right. I feel like it's wrong because I'm like, hey, you can't do some of the stuff that you do. You know, like I've told you before, him going to Texas and like not telling me until eight hours before, just this past week, he randomly had a work dinner pop up and didn't get home until like nine o'clock. And it's like, okay, that's perfectly fine if you have work dinners. Like I don't care.

But let me know so I can plan accordingly. Right. Because I was literally planning as normal that he would be home for dinner, for dinner. You know, we would be doing our normal nightly routine that Jackson would be going to the yard and practicing baseball and he would be home at 5.30. So it's like when you text me at four o'clock, that's not really advanced notice. I don't know what I mean. Like you're texting me at four o'clock because your boss made five o'clock dinner reservations.

Like if he was prepared enough to make five o'clock dinner reservations, why weren't you prepared enough to tell me like this morning, like even if it was in the morning, you know, do you ever go to work dinners with no, I would not want to do that. Okay. I don't know if that's a thing. That's never been a thing. But a lot of people have actually asked me that, like when Will goes to work dinners, like, do you not want to go to the work dinners?

Like are there are the wives or the I don't think so, but then again, I don't really have help throughout the week, like even if I was invited to go, I couldn't go because I wouldn't have help with Jackson. You know, it's not like I have like a nanny or babysitter. Yeah, I don't have a nanny or babysitter. I literally try to plan everything around like when you don't have your kids. When I don't have my kids. Yeah.

So the planning ahead like really bothers me and I don't know if anybody who is listening has that same issue with their spouse, significant other, whatever you want to call them. But that's just something that is kind of like to a point where I'm like, okay, if you can't figure out how to communicate, then we're going to have to like really figure out a plan because it drives me insane, insane. Also what it's just kind of like, I don't know if all guys do it, but yeah, but like don't want to do it too. I think sometimes girls are more gross than men.

Why do you say that? I don't know because sometimes I feel like I'm the most embarrassed person. It's expected for men to be gross, but then when you really put a group of girls, like we have more gross or think more gross or wow, I'm so uneducated, uneducated, like think about it. We get periods. So we already right there have grosser stories and grosser things happen to us. I remember some farts, but we are right there.

And then like boys think that girls don't poop. So then it's even worse when we talk about it or like when something embarrassing happens. Okay. When I poop, I won't tell anyone except for when you find out I have diarrhea. Yeah. And then I tell everyone. But whenever I poop, I literally will like disappear and I will close every door in the path of where I'm going, you know what I mean?

So like if I'm going upstairs to go to the bathroom, like the bedroom and then the bathroom door, you know, because like my bathroom has two doors. So I'm like, okay, that's three doors closed. I'm hoping that if they go through the first door and they realize that the second bathroom doors closed, that they're not going to come in. But do you ever feel like as a woman, you have less privacy as a man because Jackson always will find me when I'm going poop. My kids do not give one single fuck, whether I'm showering or shitting, they're walking

in and give no fucks mom and I'm like, or like, I hear them call me six times and I'm like, I'm in the shower. Y'all know I'm in the shower. Like, why are you aggravating me right now? Like it's my only quiet time that only followed me all the way in the bathroom. And he stands at probably the bathroom door and yeah, like, let me in, let me in. Just pooping. Yeah.

And Jackson will be like, hey mom, can you read what this coloring page says? And I'm like, no, give me five. I am just trying to take a private poop. You know, I just, I don't get it. Like I don't get the ball scratching. I don't get any of it. Any of it. Like why do they scratch their balls?

I ask Willow all the time. I think he gets sweaty down there. He says itches. But why? Like, well, my vagina doesn't itch. I would hope not. That would be a huge problem. Like, do they have to like move their, yeah, they probably have to move it around.

You know what I mean? Like their junk gets in the way. But in the way of what? Their legs. Probably uncomfortable. No. Okay. I'm just like, if you're scratching your balls and your balls itch, they shouldn't itch.

That would mean like a vagina should itch. But it doesn't. Or it shouldn't. Like it shouldn't. And if it does and you're listening. You need some monestat. Kale! I cannot.

And then another thing that like men do that actually Jackson tells me everything. So anything that Will does. He tells you? He'll come and tell me. Because he's like, dad did this or like dad did that. I have this big thing on movie ratings. So I'm like, Jackson's not allowed to watch anything that is past PG unless I've seen it before.

Right. So it's like, I need to see what's in it before he views it. Yeah. Because I wanted to pick up anything that could be like inappropriate, you know, or whatever. So he and Will on the weekends go to the man cave and Will be watching God knows what. God knows what. And Jackson will come running upstairs or will be sitting at dinner just like random times and he'll be like, well, dad watch this on TV and it said blah, blah, blah.

And that was a PG 13. And I'm like, yeah, it's probably R, you know, and Will will be like, well, Jackson wanted to watch such and such and that's R. And Jackson's like, no, no, no, no, I didn't want to watch that. Well, I don't like cuss words or I don't, you know, whatever, and I'm like, oh, I really just like snitching on each other. They always snitch on each other to me. And I'm like, to be perfectly honest, get it together.

You need to get it together. Will you're more immature than Jackson. And if you're watching inappropriate things like talking about God knows what, why do you think that that's fine for Jackson to watch? Like I can't even think of like some of the stuff. Some of Jackson's favorite shows, the freaking office. That's really funny. And I'm like, why does Jackson think the office is so funny?

Let's Lincoln watch it. Yeah. And see, like that's scary to me. That's scary to me. So I can't even imagine what my five year old watching it. No, no. He's like, well, I did when I was a kid and I'm like, well, you're not my kid. So.

Well, exactly. Oh, so how does that work with like co-parenting? I hate it. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't care. But then you have to be fine with it. Right. I don't know about it.

I don't like it. But. See, I would, I would yell it will so bad. I feel like if that was a situation that it would make him not even want to watch it right. Let's take a minute to talk about something a lot of women have to think about. And that is birth control. Anyone that's needed a birth control prescription knows what a hassle it is to go to the doctors. You have to make a doctor's appointment.

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See website for full details. Another question that I feel like is so old school, but when you were married to Harvey, did he ever buy you flowers or like do like any like sweet gestures to go like out of the way to be like, I love you? Not usually in the beginning, like when we were very first together, he did. But like over time, no, not really. Not really. But do you feel like you like those things or you don't?

I think now that I'm older, I'm 27 and I've kind of been in and out of relationships, I do feel like I would appreciate them more now than I have in the past. As I think when I was younger, I either expected them or like they maybe weren't a part of a relationship. But like now at 27, I feel like I understand that as relationships progress and as time goes on in a relationship, like those things are kind of important to like maybe spark things back up. Right.

You know what I mean? Yeah. So I was with somebody who did really, really cute things for me and I definitely ruined that relationship. But even that being said, I still appreciated those things that she did for me. They were cute and moving forward in my life and hopefully to a relationship that I can respect and not ruin. I hope that those surprises are part of that.

Like flowers, I'm a sucker for flowers. Okay. See, Will sometimes sends me flowers, but I kind of went through this phase where I was like, okay, maybe he's sending me flowers because he's being lazy because he knows like oh, flowers are like a nice thing to do, but I don't really have to do any work other than give my credit card. Right. You know, so that kind of like bothered me to an extent because it was like a lazy gesture.

Gesture. Yeah. But I think I read too much into it. If that makes sense. Yeah. You know, like he really didn't intend for it to be lazy. It was like he went, he probably viewed it as I'm going out of my way to do something nice for her.

Yeah. Where as I'm viewing it as oh, he like messed up, so he's gonna send me flowers, but he's gonna be lazy about it because he's not going to the store to like get his own flowers. Like I would probably appreciate if he went and picked them up. Okay. Yeah. Versus like somebody delivering them to me. And I don't know if that's just like petty or it's a little petty, but I mean, I also

understand it, especially like if you know he has the time or he's already going to the store, like just pick them up and bring them to me. Yeah. Or like if I'm big on acts of service. So like if he went to go pick something up from the grocery store for you, like just grab the flowers. Yeah, so maybe I am about acts of service as well. That's definitely one of my big ones.

Yeah. I feel like a lot of times whenever you explain stuff to men, they just like don't listen to stuff like just going back to the flower thing. Like you try to like explain that and I try to explain like my reasoning, but then he would still send like flowers another time. Right. But that's, that's just an example of like men not listening, you know, it's like I don't know if it's just all men or if it's just like the one that I'm with.

I think a lot of it is many men, to be honest, but also it kind of goes to like the communication thing too. Like in the listening, because a lot of times I will say stuff to will and he'll say that I never said it, but he'll say that he says stuff to me, but he really never said it. Oh, I'm, I feel like you're that way. No, I just sometimes like I have a really bad memory. So like I will start to tell a story and then like maybe get sidetracked or something and then I expect them to know the rest of what I'm saying.

Right. Or like I start to tell you a to-do list and then I drop off the face of the earth and then it's like, what the fuck? Right, right, okay, so I want to ask you a few questions. What makes a great man in your eyes or woman, it doesn't have to be just a man? I would say to be considerate, considerate of each other's time, right? So like kind of like what you said, like if you, if we make plans or we're, you know, I'm planning to go about my regular night and you kind of change that a little bit.

Let me know. You've got to communicate to me, you know, that we're, we're changing it up. So I've, you know, a huge thing for me and Chris was like, we'd have plans and then he would just not follow through the plans and it's like, I thought that this is what we were doing and he never communicated. You know what I mean? And I would love to see someone who has goals almost like so you don't have to necessarily move up in your job, but like have goals for your life.

Like I'm never content with what I'm doing. I always want more. I'm always looking to do what's the next project I can start. I don't like people who are complacent in their life. I'm not that word content bothers me. So like if you're content just where you're at and you don't want to strive for more, that's not me. Yeah.

That's not me at all. That's not going to cut it. Yeah. Okay. Three things just from having relationships, what three things can men or women do? Do you feel like that could make their partners happier? I think talking about things is big. You know, like even if it's an issue or you don't really feel like arguing, sometimes

you have to talk when you don't want to. Unfortunately, like that's just the way it is. It's a big problem in my relationship, a lot of relationships, not just yours. Like I think it's across the boards. So communication, and I think just being transparent. So if you're not transparent about certain things, they're never going to get resolved. They're always going to get swapped under the rug and they're always going to come back later on.

And I think the third one, probably being mindful of each other's time, right, respecting each other's time. So yeah, we're in a relationship. Yeah, we're forming a family, but at the same time, we are individuals too. So I have a life outside this marriage. I have a life outside of this relationship. So many people struggle with that. Right.

And I have to respect that I do want to put some degree of focus into my career, and that needs to be my time for my career. Or I like to say someone likes to paint or someone wants to play, you know, I don't know what it is, but they have that time that they have to themselves, like you need to respect that. Right. And I think everybody can relate to that to a certain degree because you do get so invested, you know, like in your identity being in your relationship.

And as a mom, and as a mom, like as a mother, and you feel like, oh, wow, you know, there's more parts of me other than just being Will's wife, in my case, and Jackson's mom. Right. And I think for some period of time, you might only want to do that. Those might be the only things that you are focusing on. But for me, there was a point after I had Lincoln, especially actually I had it with Isaac too, where it was like, okay, I've done this mom thing. I've put my all into these past six months with Isaac, I'm ready to go back to work.

I want to go back to work and interact with adults. I'm going to do it. I want to do it. And you need to respect that. Right. And that's just the way what same thing with hubby. It was like, okay, we're married, we've had this child, you know, I had breastfed for a year, I'm ready to go back to school.

I need to do this for me and you need to respect that. And so I kind of feel like for you, like maybe the podcast is that for you or whatever you're working on. I get fulfilled in a different way that I can't be fulfilled by being a mom and by being a wife. Yeah. And you can't pour yourself into other people if your glass is in full. Right.

A hundred percent. We hear a lot of people talking about self-care these days, but what does that mean to you? To me, it's about being the best version of yourself so that you can be a good mom, wife, and friend. And that's why I like programs like Noom, who are about teaching you how to live your best life. Anyone that's been on a crash diet knows that you might hit your goal, but it doesn't usually last because no one taught you how to maintain that last goal.

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Again, that's noom.com slash coffee. Start losing weight for good. Yeah, I guess so. Speaking of relationships, our friend Rico just got here. Your friend Rico. Rico, Rico Hondo. And actually, we have always been getting questions about what men think from a men's perspective about us because we're always talking about a woman's perspective.

So we want to get Rico on and maybe we can just ask him some quick questions about what men think. I've got 10 questions for him. Solid relationship questions. Frickin' Rico Hondo. Oh, look. Here he comes. What?

What did you call him? He's never dated him. Here he comes. Causing trouble. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's going on.

He's going on. He's going on. Yeah, that's me. That's me. How you doing, Cam? I'm good, Rico. We can't let him see our questions, though. I love a good ex-boyfriend.

Wait. Wow. Hold on. Who said I'm an ex? Okay, so we have 10 rapid-fire questions. We need quick, precise answers that our viewers are going to understand. So this is all relationship stuff from a men's perspective. Okay.

Man's perspective. Mm-hmm. All right, so question one, what's the most important thing in a relationship? Honesty. Okay. Wait, what? No, you don't think so? Yeah.

I guess. That's important. Were you not expecting that? I didn't expect the answer from you. Which one would you say, sex? Yeah. I expected that from you. All right, well, that's second.

Okay. But, like, looks or personality? Personality. Because at the end of the day, like, I could get tired. Because that doesn't attract you. Like, a personality doesn't attract you. No, but you know what? Like, looks get boring after a while.

Okay. Fair enough. Right? So we're both okay. First thing you look for in a woman? Teeth. Oh. Okay.

When I was in college, I wanted to be a dentist. Yeah, me too. You did. But you have nice teeth. Remember, I asked you if they were fake? Oh, yes, you did. Do you have fake teeth? No.

Are those dentures? That's the same question. Okay, go. Would you rather be the breadwinner or have a businesswoman as a partner? Businesswoman. 100%. I grew up with a single parent. So my mom is everything.

And she did it. So I look up to women that are like that. Okay. But are you like going to work or you're not going to work? Of course, of course. Does it bother you if your partner makes more than you? No. I feel like, I feel like if it bothers a guy that has to do insecurities, my thing is

this, I like competition. So if my girl is making more than me, I'm just going to try to do better. Work harder. Yeah. Fair enough. I'd rather have a girl that's doing more than me. It makes me want to do better than a girl's doing less than me. It makes me feel like I'm taking care of somebody.

Right. You know? Yeah. Okay. That's just my personal aspect. I honestly was not expecting this from Rico. Neither. Like I was going to be de-bagged extraordinaire.

This is why she picked me. She picked Jaylin. Yeah. I love Jaylin, by the way. Oh my gosh. We talked crap about you, actually. Yeah, we did. On another podcast.

I'm going to be Samo. You are? Yep. Okay. So perfect girl. You have the perfect girl. She looks great. They do the right thing.

Like from what I've seen so far me. Can I get ready with the girl or the boy? No way. Never. Were I seen them? They don't even know me in real life. I knew him. Just because you are a girl.

It's not just like I'm just one of them. I'm like, yeah. Los Vegas. We're going down to Grand Canyon. When you've had a happy time with us together in Mexico. had no personality or I got had pretty women who got born after a while because they had no growth so it's like when you go through that you kind of learn what you want. I smell pot head. Yeah. I can smell it. Yeah it's my droids. Would you

rather have money and be like know what was a question? Great relationship with no money or like a trophy wife that does nothing and have millions. Damn that's tough. You're shallow or you're gonna pick a good answer. Wait so no I'm never I'm not going broke again I'm sorry. That's out. I would rather yep yep the second one. Trophy wife with no substance. Yo I'm not. You're shallow. No I'm not struggling. I don't want to struggle. I honestly would pick that too. Yeah I would too. I'm just giving him a hard time. You know what I would have a love a relationship so any answer he gives I'm like no even you're like he's right but okay so how

do you think other males fail in a relationship? They get complacent and they don't they don't like put the next like alright so like when you go see my thing is this right you got set the right expectations so if I tell you and show you what I am from the get go that's what you're gonna get for the entire relationship. A lot of men sell dreams and then once they get the girl to the point that they want them those dreams die out and they're not that guy. That is so true. That's 100% true. I tell my best friend stop doing that all the time as he gets me aggravated. But like he still doesn't. Yeah because you know

why it works but at the end of the day it doesn't work in a long run. Because like long-term you're not gonna be happy. Yeah he's more frustrated than she is. Because he has to be something he's not you know. Oh my gosh. Take advice guys I'm trying to help you right now. Love lessons with Rico. You know. Hondo. Okay so marriage or you're okay with just a long-term commitment with no certificate. No certificate. Honestly you know what. You're not down for marriage. I'm okay with a long-term commitment with no certificate. I don't ask you know what I knew he was gonna say that. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that I'm

married though. That's how I feel. Yeah I see a lot of I feel like a lot of people try to get that certificate for validation and then it just gets all screwed up. Like I feel like marriage when you get that certificate I don't know how anybody else feels but whenever I got married and I just felt like a sense of pressure behind that piece of paper. You know it's like everything was perfectly fine until then and then it was like oh god like I'm legally like bound to this. Yeah. Yeah and I think the newness of marriage wears off really quickly too. So you're like oh my god you're planning this wedding and it's so

exciting and it's so fun and then it's done and you're like oh fuck what did I just do. Yeah. So that's why I am like no. Okay so you're just not gonna get married. You can keep it. I mean what my thing is this right I always had this in my mind. Right me and the girl that I decided to get married to right quote and I put that in quotes right I would propose you know and I would figure it out a way like basically to make it feel like that same traditional marriage but I wouldn't want to get the legal legality aspect. I think I would be good with like a lifetime engagement. Yeah you know like I just want the ring maybe. I feel like a

lot of business people that are smart would like go that route because like you don't have to really like legally combine finances and like all that stuff you don't really get into that world. We've talked about that before. Common law is still a thing I think. Wait do you know the history of marriage. No it's like property right. Yeah but like what. So basically the history of marriage is basically supposed to be like all right you had a great family that or a family had great amount of property I had a family had great amount of property your daughter my son get them married we're gonna combine our properties it was

actually like 85 to 90% business had nothing to do with love it actually didn't realize love and romance didn't come into about the 1800s. Why do you know that. I do a lot of studies. Because he's dated so many girls he's tried to convince them that they shouldn't want to get married and so that's the way that he used it. If I want to marry you it's because it's like for a business reason not for a love reason that's probably what you sold them. No because I myself you know I think it's like you know I tell you the honest to God truth this is what I learned you know if you find something

different you know you learn that at your one semester at DSU. He went to my college and you never saw him. Never. Are y'all the same age. No. That's why you didn't see each other. How old are you. I'm 26. I'm 27. That's why y'all didn't see each other. And honestly like. And he was only there for one semester. And I wasn't even there. Yeah exactly. I was about to say that. Yeah. Well that was dumb. He was there like the first day. No you know what it was like I realized that I made a mistake so I was like I don't want it like I would never do something I don't want to do. So then I was like you know what I'm not going to do this. So then I transferred and I went back to Jersey. So do you have any questions for us from a female. Okay. Wait we forgot to ask him this ideal celebrity date. Oh go ahead. Kale. I already got my ideal celebrity date. Mm hmm. Oh I'm sorry. It's fine. Any questions Rico. Yeah you know I have some questions but you know I'm not going to ask him right here because. Why. Way more personal questions. Okay go for it. My questions are not like your questions. Well and ask your questions. Okay. See if we answer. As you know what I start off I start off light and then we'll go deep. Okay. Well marriage counseling or relationship counseling with Rico Hondo. Well this one's preference right. How would you feel if your husband didn't wear his wedding ring. Is it an obligation or is it an option. I don't care. Yeah. Don't really care. Don't care. So he never wears it. Where is it. It's okay. Mm hmm. Yeah. Would you wear it. So. No. So why not. I'm just saying if he's not that I'm not. But what is his choice. Have to do with your choice. Because his action caused a reaction. Okay. So he's not wearing it for I guess it depends on the reason.

Yeah. Would be just doesn't like he just says I don't like ring. But what if you're just in a fight. No no no. Like I don't want to say like I don't want to put like a negative connotation. I have to be honest. I never wore mine when I was married. I never wore it. Okay. And he hated it drove him crazy but I was like I don't want to wear it. But a lot of times. Yeah. A lot of times like as a mom though to I feel like. Okay when I first got my ring I was like oh I don't want to like get it damaged or something and then I had a little one and then it would scratch him so then I would like take it off and then it would be like three weeks later and be like oh fuck I'm forgot. I'm also just like not a jewelry person ever. See I wear this one necklace and yeah. I'm not like same. Is my J backwards. But maybe I would. Yeah. Got my kid around my neck. So I was just trying to put those two together. Jill. This is Isaac Lincoln Lux. But yeah I'm not a jewelry person but I think with the right person I would wear the ring. But yeah I guess I wouldn't care if he didn't wear his. I guess I'm like tip for cat and that's immature. Yeah but I was going to say that that's spite. Yeah but I'm spiteful. I'm spiteful bitch. When's your birthday. So it's a Virgo. Oh my God. No I'm not even having this conversation. What are you. I'm an Aquarius. But I dated a Virgo and it was February. Yeah. That was my due date with Isaac. You see I was meant to be. Oh good God. So what was wrong with Virgos. Slow down. But like I did. My first serious relationship was with a Virgo. Yeah she was. She said the bar hot. She was a good girl. She was a great girlfriend. But I was like Lindsay. She was like very like like she had a lot of insecurities. And like at this point I wasn't doing like I wasn't the Virgo. At this point. Yeah. So you became. Yeah like you know what happened after that relationship. I was like. While out. Do whatever you want. And then. Yeah. But during that relationship she was great. Like I could counter her. She was there. She was loyal.

She was to herself. Sounds like all Virgos. You know like I don't like that. But you know what I didn't like with the sensitivity level because I joke around a lot. And I'm sometimes like and I'm an asshole. Right. We know. Yeah. But like see like it wasn't like good for her. You know nothing. All Virgos are like that. But like my thing is if something makes a Virgo sensitive it makes them extremely sensitive. Yeah. That's true. So like that's like all Virgos. And I am like I mean I'm not a sensitive person so it just didn't work. No that's why you don't care when I talk shit about you. No I laugh. It's funny. Okay next question. Yeah we're ready. Rapid fire. Oh my god. The next question I'm going to ask you is going to be a very personal question. Okay go. First and foremost are you dating. No. I'm married. So you don't count. Kale. No you don't count. You kill. All right. So I'm going to tell you why I'm asking this question. Okay. Because I got asked this question. We're not dating. Whatever. I got asked this question and this question like made me sweat. So I'm going to make you sweat. Yeah. Because like we're like live. So I'm like. So Kale. When was the last time you had an intimate partner. Scratch that. When was the last time you and that partner got intimate. Whoa. Months ago. It's been months. You know what maybe I'm just I just ain't shit. Why it's been a year. For me that I got intimate with somebody. It's been a week. It's been a month.

A year. Because I don't have I don't have casual sex. So the last time I had sex was going to be fair now. I feel like the question and do what it did to me. I wanted to do it to you. Well I'm not going to sweat other than but but the difference is is if she doesn't have casual sex and you do that's that's the main difference. But you know I haven't seen anybody. But is that a girl or a guy thing or I think it's I've seen girls that have casual sex. I just don't. Makes me wonder like if you're listening. And you're a female. Do you have casual sex. I think because girls get shamed more. So they don't admit it or they don't. It's like more acceptable for guys. Right. So you think girls don't do it because of the judgment that comes behind it. Not because you want. Right. Okay. Definitely because girls can't just like add bodies and not be judged. Is that fair. No. No. Why. I don't know that I'm not. Right. I'm not. If you're not judge for it then a woman shouldn't be judge for it. But they are. But they are. But and I agree. But why are they. Why are women judge for it. I don't know because we have a gynus.

What. Am I wrong. I mean that can't be the reason. It just is. It's just a double standard. It just is. I feel like women are held to a certain standard that we're supposed to do certain things like goes like way back. You're supposed to keep a house. Put me on the table. When you need to and then put out to your husband. Men. I think it's been acceptable for a long period of time that they go and do their job. They might be doing another woman and come home. Might want to do their wife and it's accepted. It's accepted. It's fine. All right. I mean I'm out of questions now. You know you kind of just you know shut it down. Questions. Yeah. I mean I. Wow you're horrible at being an interviewer. What. You could never have a podcast. You could never have a podcast. You want me to ask some more questions. Yeah. All right. Cool. What's your three favorite things about me. I don't like anything. I hate you. All right. Why did you pick me. I don't know. And that's what I think I have the hardest time with. I can't pinpoint why I chose you in my life. I know why she picked you. Why.

Because you have dreads. Because you have nice teeth because kill always looks at people's teeth. And because you're probably like a good guy but also bad. Probably accurate. So you need balance. I need balance. See. Yeah. You're not the balance. What. Kill likes a challenge. She likes a challenge but also doesn't want to be challenged in the same way. Like she wants to know that she's secure but she also wants to fight with somebody. And I think that she knew that she wasn't going to fight with Jalen because he's smart. Right. You mean he wasn't going to fight with me. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Why does that make him smart. Well because he has a shit together. Yeah. You back with somebody. You would argue back with someone. Yeah. Like you would give that you would give that fire to her. Like you would just give it to her. So we spark. I can't even look at him. I can't stand it. She loves Rico. No. Say it. Say it for me. Just one time. No. Her coffee convo is listeners. One in clonely. Forever and ever. Forever and ever. I don't love Rico. Rico loves Kale. And so. Wait. OK. I do have a question. I do have a question.

If you had to pick like just your type like whatever your type would be. Would Kale fit in your type. My thing is this. Or do you have one. Latinas. Oh well. OK. Hold on. Because Jalen also likes Latinas. I like Latinas too. Well my thing is this. Like for example my the girl that was a Virgo. She was white. What. Yes. I cannot. But what would she like. My mom. She was quiet. She was exactly opposite. What did she look like physically. Petite. No. No. She was like. I don't know. She was probably like five five. So no. She was just a fat ass. You know. Like that. So she was like thick. She wasn't thick but she wasn't skinny. You know what I'm saying. She was like middle. She's like medium. Yes. She's like medium. But then as we dated she gave some more weight. I'm not happy with. Yeah. You know. So. But then that was so cool. But then you ruined her. Yeah. I didn't. First of all. Why did you break up with her. You want to know the truth. Yes. She broke up with me. Why. Because you were cheating. I didn't cheat. You turned into a dog. No I didn't turn to a dog after. Right. So what happened. You won't find Sarah and other women. Who's Sarah. The girl. My what girl. What's her name. Her name is Amber. Oh I was close.

Sarah. But but she. She was like that was like five girls ago. Right. He's like that was the last girl. No actually I never dated Sarah. Maybe you need to go find one now. No I don't want to. But right. So Amber was cool. But what happened was it was a whole insecurity thing because like at first I was out of state first for college because it was from my senior year to my sophomore year college. So I was out of state. I didn't do anything. And then I came back home. I saw her every weekend. So mind you I was driving back home like two hours every single weekend just to be aware. And then that didn't work out because he was still insecure. She's like I still feel like you know there's something that could possibly be going on and because I take 18 college credits and I play college football. So there's like no time. You know. So yeah I would think that too. Yeah same. But like I really didn't do anything like. But at the end of the day. So you know what happened. She told me one day. She's like I feel like you're doing something. Now I'm going to cause 30 minutes from her house. She can drive to come see me if she wants to. And I said you know what. I'm going to prove you right. So you did exactly what she thought you were doing. No. Well she said you know what then it's over. So she broke up with me and then I did whatever I did. And then me and her never got back together. OK. So this is a thing. That was my rebellious side. Speaking on that point though. Do you feel like if you're going if someone's going to accuse you of something.

If I'm going to be accused of something. You might as well do. Yeah I might as well be doing it. My thing is this. You can accuse me once twice three times. And I get it especially like like not so much back then but now especially the way like like what I publicize. I can understand you accuse me now. Right. But then when I'm not doing anything and you accuse me for a year out of the two and a half years we've been together. I'm not going to. All right. I'm going to show you. I'm going to teach you. I don't think you're wrong for that. At some point it's like one of us something's got to give. So I mean that really you're going to break up or you're going to I'm going to show you what you're accusing me of. Right. Yeah. And I did it. But probably I called it when I was done. Oh wow. Jesus Christ Rico. And that's why Kale likes you. No I don't even like you. Yeah. But you know what. I'm not a liar. That's what I think I'm not. Do you feel like. OK this is a question for both of you. Do you feel like that. There is like a. There's like fighting that needs to be in a relationship to keep a spark there. Because I feel like somebody who is not willing to fight with you and can't fight good with you like I don't want you. I don't know if it's a trust thing. I think it's more of like sometimes I just you just. You just want to. You know like you can attest to this. You you wake up. You wake up one day and you just roll over and you look at that person and you're like I'm fine with you today. Yeah. I mean that's not what goes in my mind. No. That's what goes in my mind. I don't look at like you know what I'm going to piss you off. Watch this.

Well I would say I'll annoy you. That could turn into an argument. Yeah. But like I don't ever like try to do that. First say like have that initial thought like I don't like negativity. Yeah. You know. But I feel like if I can't argue with you I can't really trust you because my thing is this. I don't know if we're going to be able to last after we really get into it because it's going to happen. You think you feel like you need a good argument to know like if that person is going to be able to handle it. Yeah. Yeah. 100% right. Because like sometimes like when I get mad it gets scary. So yes I can't picture you mad. I don't think I'd ever take you seriously. Oh no you won't. I feel like he's like a will type like my husband. I feel like he's a type that's going to be like real even keel and like funny and joking and then all of a sudden calm before the storm. It's like the calm before the storm and then it's like the hurricane hits and you're like oh my God. Yeah. Pretty much that's exactly. Like I chill out. Like I like to have fun. But like if you disturb my peace I get like I like I have a lot of control. But once you disturb it for long enough and you bring it out of me it's like OK now you got to take then you got to wait for the storm to pass because it's not going to be stopped.

But like that's why I don't even like getting to that point you know when I was younger I did you know like when I was younger because you were immature. Do you have siblings. Yeah. You do. Yeah. Older or younger. I have a younger sister and a younger brother. Now I also have like stepbrothers and sisters to their older. OK. Your mom got remarried. My dad. Your dad. Well actually my mom and my dad. Oh OK. Yeah but my mom isn't together with my stepdad now. OK. You know. Yeah. So like when are you all going to go on a real date. We're not going to go on a real today. That's never going to happen. We're not going on a date. Y'all are going on a date. No we got three hours to choose and get ready. We're not. OK. So we're going to do a poll and it's going to be like a yes or no should kill Enrico go on a date. And if the poll swings yes then Kale's going on it. Oh my God. The poll swings no. She's never called. We will film this and put it on YouTube if y'all choose yes. What. OK. First of all you're going to. Wait. Even if she chooses no even if they choose no she's still going. No I can't stop us.

So I think that the audience definitely needs to give me a chance. I mean you gotta think about it every time Kale's with me and this is a fact. She's always laughing always smiling. She's always happy. So why not see her in that late again. No I agree. And then what you're watching. You see you see Kale doesn't even blush. Kale doesn't get embarrassed about anything other than Rico. Not true. So I think that everybody should vote yes. If you're going to vote no just don't vote no actually. Yeah. Definitely vote either way for sure. Definitely not. Kale what's your favorite food. Carbs. Tie. Tie food. There's a great tie spider nearby. We're not going to get tie food Rico. All right. All right. All right. Well thank you so much Rico. We'll wait for the audience to say yes. Whatever. We'll send him the poll results that are like no I'm going to vote from a million different accounts. Don't do that. You can't cheat. All my friends back home vote no. Don't worry I'm going to make a thousand accounts myself. OK. Where can people follow you on social media. They can follow me at Kale's boyfriend.

Rico underscore Hondo. And that's on Instagram. Do you have Twitter. Instagram Twitter. Everything is Rico underscore Hondo. OK. OK Rico Hondo. We are so thankful for you coming off. And we hope you have a fantastic tie evening and I hope that you don't give a foe. So clever. But thank you guys. Well I feel like we've covered so much in this episode and obviously we still have a lot left to understand about men. Yes. So if you guys have any other questions about men make sure you send those to us and we'll try to give our take on them. We probably don't know any better than you because we are clueless individuals. But I think that's all we have time for today. If you guys have not subscribed to us you can do that by searching the purple podcast app on your iPhone typing in coffee combos click subscribe click the fifth star and you can also leave a written review. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. This podcast is brought to you by we podcast network. Check out all of our shows including the brain can you podcast. I don't get it. Coffee combos and let's talk about it.