Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 84: YouTube vs. Reality TV, Spin the Bottle, & Surrogacy

Episode Date: June 20, 2019

Kail & Lindsie talk about PRIDE, why Kail would meet up w/ someone online, & how Youtube is the new reality tv. They welcome YouTuber Ragan Olivia to share her story w/ home insemination, searching for a donor, & surrogacy. And she talks about how she knew she was gay. Lindsie talks about never being able to co-parent & how she couldn't handle another woman being involved. They talk about mom guilt & over-analyzing thing, & the struggle of maintaining friendships w/ non-parents.

Hey guys welcome to coffee combos. Hey Lindsay. Hey Kale. How are you? I'm good. I'm well. I am well too. I am cozy and ready to chat. We have a lot to talk about today. We do. First of all, June is Pride Month, which is super important to me. So I'm just reiterating this because we're in Dallas and I know it's Pride Weekend here. It's Pride Weekend in New Jersey this weekend also. So does everywhere do like different weekends but only in the month of June? I think it is just June actually. Okay. I mean it would make sense since it's Pride Month. But like some cities have it on the same weekend because obviously like there's only four weekends in a month. Yeah. So yeah, I believe so. So how many prides

have you been to? I've only been to one. And where was that? In New Jersey. Is that where you met Dom? Dom met me. Or you, yeah Dom. She saw me. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I went with Becky. That was um, yeah. Good times. Yeah. Great times. That is the pride that is this weekend but I'm not going. Okay. But you were gonna go to Pride in Dallas? Yes. So anyway, that being said, we have my friend Reagan on the podcast today who I will introduce. So Reagan, thank you for joining the podcast. Thank you for having me. I think that we met Reagan or I met Reagan through social media. Yeah. It was Twitter. Yeah. I found you, I don't know. I feel like social media and especially the gay community also is just like so intertwined

on social media. It's like so big. I feel like it's really big on Twitter out of any social media. Yeah. I don't know why. Yes. And for whatever reason, I was like, I felt compelled to like follow her and your story. And so. Wait, did this backup, did you like see a tweet that somebody had like retweeted? I think it was a video or a picture. I will explain this intertwineness like on Twitter. You can explain it because I really don't know because I like looked and saw like the blue check mark. So I was like, who is this? And then I went to your page. So I always do that. Any blue check mark person. Anybody that's verified. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I went and clicked on it. I was like, actually, no, this is cause you

saw my who is this? Some artists I've never even heard ever, whatever. But I was like, oh, wow, like that's weird. And I followed you back. And I don't know. I had seen some videos that you were in on YouTube. Really? Yeah. And so I was just like kills like big into YouTube. And like, I don't even know anything about the YouTube world. So you're going to have to expose me to this. YouTubers know each other somehow, some way there. It's like a whole. It's like reality TV personalities, but like for YouTube. Yes. Yeah. And so I found them, not them, I found Reagan on social media and I like fell in love with her whole story. And so I was like, Oh my gosh, this is so cool. And then when I came to Dallas

in February, we met up and got together. We went and had drinks. Yeah. And we had so much fun. We really did. And then she kills so much more. I go there. I go there like every week, not literally, but I go there often because that's the gay strip in Dallas and like when kill was out here, that was like one of them. The most fun times that I've had out there. Yeah, I love it. Yeah. So kill is like much more adventurous when it comes to like meeting up with people and stuff than I ever would. Like I wouldn't, even if it was like another verified person, I probably would never even meet up with them at like a bar or something. Really? Yeah. Well, because I felt like I trusted her. Like I'm just weird.

I don't meet up with a lot of people online. Unless I really feel like a slight connection with you. Yeah. She said that with like the most disgusted look on her face, like, like connection. Just a little. But it felt natural to me. Yeah, I know. Yeah, for sure. But like I need forever. And then the next month she came to my surprise party and stayed at my house. Oh my gosh. See, kill is just like a whole different breed of person. Yeah. I'm like, no, not even my family. I've never even been to your house. Not even my family staying at my house. That's so funny. That's so funny. And she's like, whoever wants to come. Yeah, exactly. That's probably why this duo works. Yeah, because we're like, you know, like level

each other out, you know, yeah, because it'd be always the same. It'd be like, I don't know. But there was another YouTube couple or YouTuber, they made up, they met up with us as well. So it was like, um, their names are Nick and Leslie and Reagan already knew Nick. And we're going to have her on the podcast later about her adoption story. I love it. Yeah. So the YouTube world is so like interconnected. It's crazy. So wait a minute. You know, I need to catch me up to speed, Reagan, because I don't know about your whole story and I just want to know like all the things. So still the beans. I like, don't even know where to start honestly. But, um, what is exactly that you're interested in? Like everything

just like how you started YouTube, like, um, everything. Well, see, go ahead. I'll let you do this. So, um, I started YouTube, um, with my previous partner. Um, I'm actually going through a divorce right now. So, uh, we had a channel together and, um, I actually, I enjoyed it, but it really wasn't my thing. You just have to kind of like grow to like, I guess you could say, right? It's not the filming that I don't like. Um, it's just like I felt like I couldn't really be myself at all times because if, I don't know, relatable, relatable, that's how reality is. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, yeah, I didn't really like that because I feel like I, I really enjoy being myself and that's what brings people to want to be

around me. Um, so if I feel like the, you know, that that's being adjusted in any kind of way, um, it just makes me like want to fall back, you know? Also, I have a lot going on in my life, um, to where it's like, Oh, sit down and record. Oh, sit down and record. Yeah. That's also relatable to be honest. Yeah. It's, it's a lot. Um, I have a son. He just turned 10 months old yesterday and then I'm also in college. Um, I have a year left. I graduate next May. Um, and I'm in a sleep program. So anybody that has like sleep disorders, um, yeah, you go to the hospital and sleep all night and you have a sleep study and they just detect like, they look at all your brainwaves. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, and that field is growing

tremendously right now. So, um, yeah, I'm in school for that. So it just, that's a lot on all of it. Yeah. It's a lot. It really, oh, on top of working, I still work. I do think that YouTube is the new reality TV because I see a lot of reality people moving to YouTube because people aren't paying for cable like they used to. No. And so I think in a lot of ways that people don't realize YouTube and filming vlog style videos is very similar to reality TV. Right. It's almost like the clothes that you can get. Yeah. No. Do you guys or did you guys, um, kind of do your own production? So, or did you have people filming you? Um, no, like we did everything on our own. Yeah. Vlog style. Yeah. Okay.

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IVF, fertility, sperm donors. I've talked about it in the past, like using a sperm donor. Um, I really, really wanted to tell our listeners about your journey and going through the whole sperm donor process and like fertility and all of that stuff. Okay. So like from beginning to end, and Lindsay has a ton of questions. A ton. Yeah. So I really like, it's kind of, I don't know, this story might be like all over the place.

No, we'll bear with you. I like to add like as many details as I possibly can to where you're kind of like, I've been there. Yeah. So, um, basically, um, I started to research all of this stuff online. What was the best form of at home insemination? Um, because IVF is really expensive. Right. Okay. And so IVF is through the doctors. Yes.

And then at home insemination is completely different. Yeah. It's just, you're doing it literally at home. With a turkey baser. Yeah. Well, not literally, but yeah. But you don't fit that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. A lot of people bring that up and I don't know if, um, perhaps maybe somebody at home really has used that before. Um, that's not what I use.

So you did not get a turkey baser. Sure. Yeah. It's a turkey baser method. Yeah. We get it. You know, that's just like the common known name of it. Right. Right. So I searched online did a whole bunch of research, not just one day, not just one week like it was months, you know, every time that I didn't get pregnant, I researched more to try to find, figure out what, um, I could change about whatever I was doing to help

like, um, like the process, my, yeah, my chance, you know, because I'm not doing it naturally and, and some women already naturally have, um, a difficult time, you know, I'm getting pregnant. And so when you're not even, when you're cutting all that out, I mean, did you already, did you talk to a regular gynecologist before you started the process? Or you kind of just were like, we're going to do this? Well, no, I think that I would have gone to the doctor if I had seen any, um, signs of infertility, but I mean, I'm just a, you know, 20 something, I'm 20 something, I'm 27 year old girl. Um, and I didn't, I wasn't going into it thinking I'm like not fertile. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, so, um, I just took it as a norm, you know, everything was normal. Sure. And so yes, I did try a couple of different donors. Um, and how'd you find them? Um, so my first donor was a friend of my little sisters. Okay. Um, so I, you know, we chose him and, and then, um, how did that conversation like even happen? Like, did he just willingly offer or was it? Did you approach him? Yeah. So yes. Uh, I believe with him, I'm, yeah, I believe we asked, um, most of the time I would reach out to someone if I felt like they were a good, um, yes. Uh, maybe, you know, there's a whole bunch of different things

that I'm looking for. Yeah. Um, also who you are as a person, are you going to be able to handle, um, like what this is like, you know, um, because some people do choose to have a relationship with their donor and that's not what I was looking for. I just needed a donor. Um, do they expect payment? Um, no. And did you have to go through a legal process? We had a contract. Okay. Yeah. But we got notarized. So this was the first donor and it fell through. So, um, it was the beginning and we didn't have everything like in line, you know, enough research. And so, uh, basically I know that the reason why I didn't get pregnant with that donor is because we weren't doing it right. Um, I mean, we had just started,

you know, so we were new. We didn't know what the best way to go as far as everything. Um, you know, I think that's a, even in your situation because you're a same sex, um, situation, I think it's relatable to people who aren't too, because I think a lot of people think that it's just so easy to have kids. And like when you start trying, the only thing you have to do is just have sex and then you have a baby. And for some people that it works that way and that's good and great. But for some people, it's a very trying process and they have to try a lot of different things to get there. So I think it's very relatable

to a lot of people. Yeah, there's literally couples out there that try for two years, three years, four years. And so when you're knocking out the actual, you know, normal way, normal way of having a child and I'm having to keep the sperm alive now because it's not going from a body to a person. It wasn't the natural way. So now I have a question about that. Since you raised that point, I don't think that I've ever asked you like in our personal conversation. How do you do that? So you have a donor and what do you do with the sperm once you have it? So the donor that I ended up getting pregnant with, I actually met him the night I met my

previous partner and I'm friends with him. He's a really nice guy and he would come over and just strictly donate in a cup like in our restroom and then when he would leave like right away and then I inseminate, you know, did the insemination, did the insemination right after. So it would pretty much go immediately so that you're not, you're cutting out as much time between, between because sperm dies in the air, in the air. And this might be an ignorant question, but like how, so he, he puts it in a cup. And then how would you get it from the cup into your body? So the cup that we are using is the soft cups that you use for like a menstrual cycle.

And so I would just have to insert that cup. Like a diva cup? Yes, but they were the, the disposable one, like the T-grade version, not like a diva cup. You can like rent, you know, clean and everything and use it again. This one was just like a one-time use. And then you would just put it in and how long would you leave that in for? Like 10 to 12 hours. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. This is mind blowing to me. Yeah, because like, and I found this method online. I didn't come up with this. This is just like through research. So other people have used it and it's proven to work. And if you Google like success stories from using soft cups, because that's what they're called. I mean, it's, there's tons and tons and tons and I would read everybody's story on how they did it. And I just was like, okay, this is working for so many people. This is what they did.

So I just, you know, put in all this information and did it like how everybody else was doing. The first time with the first sperm donor was not the same time as that time. So you use a different method the first time. What was that? Going to pick up the donation from the donor's house and then going all the way home and then inserting. There was too much time. Too much time.

Did you use the soft cup? Didn't use the soft cup. What did you use? Like a, like a medical syringe. I was going to say a syringe. Yeah. And is that also, people also get pregnant that way or that was something that you guys came up with?

I think so. But the, but the way that works like online, the most success stories was the soft cup version. Yeah. But so do you got pregnant doing that method the second time? No. So I had a cup, like I said, I had a couple of donors. We even went as far as driving all the way to Florida to use somebody because the only reason I switched donors is because after a couple of times they're just like,

They're over it. They're over it. They're not getting anything out of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Which is so understandable. I'm not mad about it or anything like that. The guy that we used in Florida, we only used once because we had to drive all the way there. It was like a 10 hour drive. Right. And then

Was it awkward at any point? No. No, he would. Everybody was very nice, very respectful, all of it. And just completely fine with you. That is so awesome. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to lie throughout the whole like year and a half process. Like there were a couple of people that I asked that were, were, were down to do it, but weren't

okay with not being in the baby's life. They wanted to be in the baby's life. Yeah. And that's not what I was looking for. That's not what I was looking for. You know, I mean, I get it. Yeah. To some degree, but also in your situation, it's like you're looking for somebody like

you're not trying to create a family with that person. Exactly. And you don't want to, you know, Like you're not co-parenting with someone who's donating. Right. I mean, you already had your partner and wanted to raise a child with your partner. You weren't looking for Yeah, I'm not looking for an extra person.

Right. It's just, I want a family just like you want a family. Right. So do you have a relationship with any of the donors that you use that didn't work with? Like have you, did you keep a relationship with them at all or it's just kind of like you don't really talk to them? I mean, I think I follow two of them or something like that. Like on social media.

Yeah. And then what about the donor that you used for your son? So the donor that is like that I got pregnant with was the first time I ever used him. So I didn't have to use them more than once. Oh, wow. It was really cool because I met him the night that I met my previous partner. Yeah. It was like almost like it was meant to be.

Yeah. And then I am still friends with him on social media. I mean, he doesn't message me anything like that. He'll like my son's pictures, but that's not it. And he knows that you got, like you, did you tell him that you got pregnant with him? So he knows it's his. Yeah. That's so sweet. That's so sweet. I love that.

Yeah. That's such a giving thing because I feel like I just like, I've always thought about this like several times since my, since I was pregnant and since my son has been born, like I just hope that like good karma comes to him for giving me such like a blessing, you know? Do you think that you would use him for a sperm donor in the future? Or do you even want more kids in the future? I do want more kids. It'll be a while now, you know, not as soon as I thought, but I

don't know, probably not. No? No. Okay. I think the only reason why people ask that is maybe some of my kids could have like full siblings. Yeah. Right.

So they could be genetically like. The same. Yeah. I don't think that's my main concern. Right. The one thing that I was brought to my attention because my kids have different dads and they're all different ethnic, ethnicities. We had someone on the podcast from Be The Match who is, it's about bone marrow.

Okay. So, you know, my oldest son's Puerto Rican and white and my middle son is Guatemalan and white and then my last son is black, white and Mexican. If any of them were to need bone marrow transplant or anything like that, they would need to find somebody who is the exact ethnicity of them. So. It makes it harder. You know, the, what do you call it, like the database or like the transplant donor or

the donors? Yeah. So like that would be just because your son is biracial, that would be the only, I think, no, let me not say the only reason, but one of the things to consider too, because, you know, I thought, I've thought about it, like they talk about like cord blend banking and saving the teeth we've learned is like good for that too. Like if you need the transplant or like the stem, stem cells, like if Lincoln or Lux needed a transplant, Isaac couldn't donate.

They couldn't test him for, you know, to help. So that would be one thing that I would consider obviously not here to give you any advice. No, I'm like, yeah, which one would you choose? They can't donate because, yeah, so it doesn't matter, but yeah, I just, I do think it's cool and I think that he will get really good karma because that was such a great thing to do. And it takes like, yeah, it takes a special person to do something. I've never known anyone that has donated eggs or sperm that I know of.

I mean, maybe people do it and we don't know, but I actually, Brianna's sister, Brittany, from Teen Mom donated her eggs. Oh, wow. Yeah. Because she needed money for school, I believe. I actually signed up to be a surrogate. A surrogate? Oh my gosh, really?

That's awesome. I was going to do it this year. That was the plan and everything, but things have changed now. So obviously I don't want to, it's not that I don't still want to be a surrogate, but I can't do that on my own. Right. I feel like it would take away from myself growth right now. Yeah.

Sure. But maybe, I mean, in time, you might do it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's, the whole reason why I want to be one is because it benefits someone and also benefits me at the same time. I think it's something that more people should do. And I think that since I needed help to create my family, I wanted to help create someone

else's. Oh, that's so sweet. I was just about to say that's probably why you would do it. Yeah. Because like how dare me, not that anyone's here to judge, but I just, I mean, I feel like everybody should think that. Like if you need help with something, you should probably, you know, push it forward. We're turning a favor.

Yeah. Or what is that saying called? Paying it forward. Paying it forward. Yeah. I said push it forward. Whatever. I did, um, surrogacy, I think two or three times, um, and I had asked her about it just

to kind of see what the process was and like what that looks like. And her recommendation to me at the time, and I'm sure it would still be is to wait until you're done with your creating your own family. Because if something were to go wrong, um, and you can't grow your family or have more kids of your own than it would be hard, but, um, I don't know, I feel like, I feel like I would do that. I feel like I would be. Yeah.

I think it would be for me just because I'm such an attached, like in control type person that emotional. Yeah. Yeah. And I had an instant connection, like whenever you got out of your brain, I found out I was pregnant. Yeah. So for me, I think it would just be a different situation.

Yeah. You know, like I'm emotional too, um, but I also know how to keep my emotions in line. Yeah. So I don't. Yeah. I have to be like, this is not my baby, this is not my baby, you know, just talk yourself through it. Yeah.

Yeah. Um, it definitely would be hard. And I've, I've wondered that. Yeah. If I would get myself into something that might not like almost bite off more than you can chew. Right. Well, and I think that you probably, you know, some women, you hear that they don't

have instant connections with their babies, like while being pregnant and they don't really get it like right after birth, that it takes time to like develop. And I think women with those types of personalities would be better fit for, you know, being a surrogate because for me, I had the instant connection all through your pregnancy immediately after birth. So I just couldn't imagine. I would feel like that's my child, my child, like even though it's not my child, you know, right?

Your egg, if you know, it would be someone else's. Okay. And I definitely couldn't do that. Right. Because then it would be your child, but you're essentially getting that child up for adoption. You're basically giving your baby away and I, there's no way, like no way. Who can relate to the crazy busy schedule where the last thing you want to do is get home and worry about what's for dinner.

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Go to hellofresh.com slash coffee combos 80 and enter coffee combos 80. It's like receiving eight meals for free. Then visit hellofresh.com slash coffee combos 80 and enter coffee combos 80 for $80 off your first month of Hello Fresh. I wonder if Kim and Kanye use the same surrogate. I was going to say that was a point that I was going to bring up. So when you said about probably in the future later down the road for you when you had a second child that you wouldn't use the same donor and maybe think of Kim and Kanye because

they used two separate surrogates for their last two children. But isn't it their egg and their so it's like genetically their baby. It's genetically their baby Kim just didn't carry it. She just didn't carry it. I wonder why they that's I think probably the same reason is you wouldn't want to use the same donor. I know like biologically it's like too much connection. Yeah.

I think just because it's the same woman you know what I mean I get it. I get it. It's hard to explain. Yeah. Even though it's not your genes but like emotionally and they invested not just one child another one. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I just would be curious because I feel like I would want that but I wonder if they're having any types of relationship with the surrogates at post birth or are they just completely cutting all ties. I have a strong feeling that they just cut all ties. Yeah. I could see that. Yeah.

I can't see. I mean I don't know. I could be wrong but yeah. They don't really seem like those type of people. Right. Yeah. I mean here we are. My aunt was a surrogate and her her the family that she carried for named their baby after

her. So that was really cool. Do they still have a relationship now or do they I've never asked her you know that's a good question. I don't know. Huh. Yeah. That's so interesting to me.

I would. I feel like it depends on the people. Yeah. Of course. You know the surrogate that I was telling you about earlier that has done it two or three times. She has I believe and if she's listening and I got this wrong I'm sorry but I believe she has relationships with she had she carried twins for a couple in Italy and they still

do visits every so often and she's like heavily invested. Yeah. And I think for one of the other families and I'm not sure about the third I could have that the whether it's two or three I think I might have that mixed up but I'm not sure. Yeah, I mean I think it's cool that you that you're willing to help another family though. I just don't know. I don't think that I could donate my.

I just unfortunately can't do it now. Right. But in the future I mean it's definitely a possibility. Yeah. Do you feel like you've faced any type of adversity or like judgment because you know you were in a same sex relationship and having a baby like did people question you or look down on you or how has that been. Yes.

I mean I think that's going to always be a problem just like racism. Yeah. You know there's always going to be people that are homophobic like you know. So unfortunately my previous relationship was both. So I was you know it's either they're a staring because we're two women right racial and then yeah or they're staring because we're I'm white and she's black. You know what I mean. Right.

Right. But if you just accept that and just like I'm not here to get you know see who's all I mean because if that was my worries every day then. You wouldn't be where you're at. Of course. That being said you are also on YouTube and in social media and people know who you are so have what does that look like for you. Have you gotten like a like an overflow of support or criticism or anything like that

or how has that been. So I've actually have a lot of people that look up to me because it makes it the it makes them know that it's possible for their life and it's possible. You know we are different but it can still be just as normal as you want it to be right I mean and so I did have a lot of good like feedback yeah feedback for that but you know I did it with with like pictures of me being pregnant or whatever the case may be a video going viral on Facebook or Twitter or Instagram or you know people will repost your pictures too on other Instagram pages.

I would get a lot of backlash about like who's the dad like she cheated on her like just crappy things that the typical people say you know that stuff it's like are you serious like but you guys did go viral though right you're yeah I mean on Instagram or what was it Facebook yes I believe it was the picture of me from my gender reveal was when it first began and like someone had quoted the picture on Twitter and was like but who's the dad and then that went viral yeah and then it also was going viral on Instagram as well and like people that don't even use Twitter would like text me and be like hey I saw this hey and I'm like I already know like I've already seen it like you know just the typical like

when you probably in all fairness knew that the situation being what the situation was you probably prepared mentally a little bit for you know some I mean and like I said you just can't let things like that get to you like there's so much more worries you know the truth you know yeah it's like you don't like you can think that I cheated you can think I got knocked up but I didn't right this was planned this was made in love this was you know you did research there was nothing done wrong in my process of getting pregnant at all okay so that being said would you have done anything differently no I think it went really well yeah Leighton is so cute I got to play with him and when I came in February

and he's just like a really well-behaved baby like he's so good he's so cute you're like I don't know what that's about like I don't I've never experienced that I don't know what that is yeah no he's so good and how did you guys come up with a name Leighton so I would look online I actually had another name for him what was it are you gonna say yeah that's fine I was gonna name him Shiloh okay even though I think that people use it more as a girl name than a boy but I really liked it as a boy's name but I didn't end up using it I had that like name picked and set and then as soon as I was pregnant I started searching for other names yeah whatever reason and then just search and search because I didn't want

something that was used so frequently yeah and and then I ran across it and I was like I really like this name and I wrote it down was I hadn't chosen it yet but then I like kept going back to it kept going back to it and so I used it people always ask me I still get the question to this day what are some other baby names that you didn't use or what would I like a girl yeah I'm like I will never tell my girl name as long as I live when I wanted a girl really bad yeah when I have a girl y'all are weird you will know what my name was I have two names just in case I ever have more than one two girl names yeah oh wow I have like a little note in my phone why are you so weird yeah no and then when

I was like in high school I used to write like all my books so I actually did have a girl's name picked out for the longest that I said I would always be it would always be my first like daughter's name period and then you know I already have another name picked out but that name would have been Blakely I really like that that's my sister named her baby Blakely yeah I remember yeah she had the baby and I used to write that name on all of my all of my school papers it's so cute I do like that name a lot but I think it's so weird how girls will like you never planned out your baby's names like as a kid even I remember when I was like 10 I wanted 10 kids and I was like because I liked all these names but

then like I got in high school and I was like I'm never having kids no I was I was a weird person like I was like a grown kid you know like you weren't thinking about having children no I did think about it but I felt like I was a grown up when I was a kid you know what I mean so I felt like I was like really being a mom like when I had baby dolls you know like I felt like I was like really doing like real life and I had younger siblings so like you were more like into it not fantasizing about it yeah oh I see what you're saying I was confused so thank you for that exactly like you were already in it so you weren't thinking about it in like a fantasy type of way you were more hands-on like helping like

I was probably psycho because I thought I was actually like really pushing a real baby like in a baby doll stroller yeah it wasn't real you know what I mean like I was so I wanted to be like a mom so bad like I said I did too when I was growing up I was like I want to be a mom and I'm gonna be a federal judge a federal judge yeah what I dream today yes like I would probably go back to law school really you should do it yeah I mean I'd be like I just literally talked about it last week okay it's like okay I already have my four-year degree yeah but you can do what she's doing I know but I'm saying like she's doing it like a little bit backwards yeah right like you could get accepted into okay

yeah you know I'm saying cuz I only have to go for the two years yeah mm-hmm so and then pass your bar exam and do all that yeah does your furniture spark joy for you or are you missing a couch or chair that says this is my home Joybird is a furniture company that believes that you shouldn't settle when it comes to home furnishings and they empower their customers to create a space that brings joy Joybird has high quality handcrafted pieces without the crazy price they have hundreds of styles to choose from and they even have pet friendly and kid friendly fabrics so that your furniture will stand up to the chaos of real life I'm currently redoing a playroom for Jackson and Joybird has a really cool

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anyway I wanted to be a mom wanted to be a federal judge and I was going to be like a waitress on the side okay my waitress name was Cindy what you don't know baby names but you have a waitress name my waitress name I get it was Cindy and I used to like serve my papa and my brother and they would take advantage of me and just use me as like their whipping girl you know like I feel like you want to be a service so bad we'll make you win yeah Cindy bring a sweet tea Cindy why Cindy where did that come from I don't know I just got it out really funny I just made it out but I had like all the carriers you know like the baby carriers and like the babies that pooped and stuff dude I love those I never

had one my mom yeah it was a baby you like yeah yeah yeah no I had all that it's funny I thought it was real it's funny that you said that you used to actually like do those things I never did that but the one thing that I did was I would always make my friends pretend like we are boyfriend and girlfriend which is so funny because I have no boyfriend like what I'm like no today you're your boyfriend that's it like my friends hated it so much that they would be like I'm gonna tell your mom now but okay I won't make us so like you would like play house yeah yeah like I would play house like I would be in the bed like honey good morning but you know what I'm not dramatic but boys play it too boys play house

yeah I love that that was my favorite thing and I would play it all the time my friends hated it yeah I played house all the time yeah I'm like I'm wifey material okay but I've been practicing for so long I've been practicing for years so wait so so back on that topic you said you didn't have no boyfriends which is so funny um how like did you discover that you liked girls so I actually have dated boys before okay um but in high school okay I think I dated like two guys one was like a really short relationship and one was like I think a year um but I didn't I wasn't the type to date a lot in high school I wasn't either I didn't have like I feel like you know in high school people have boyfriends yeah unless

you happen to have one that stuck around but like I just wasn't that type and then and when I got out of high school um I got into it my first relationship with a girl in high school I did talk to girls I just never dated one so people already knew that I liked women in high school okay um so it was like how did you know like um so and this is funny but in middle school um well for one I always made my friends play boyfriend girlfriend okay yeah I don't know if that's normal but you know and then for two like in middle school we saw always have these really big sleepovers with like a whole bunch of girls and wait would some of the girls be the boyfriends um yeah okay like oh when we played like boyfriend

yeah oh the girls were the boyfriend yes I'm like oh she was like boyfriend I would never have boyfriends but that's not my real boyfriend we're pretending to be boyfriends yeah and so we would have these big sleepovers that were just girls a lot of them and like we would play spend the bottle and stuff yeah and like I forgot about the game yeah of course if it lands on you like we're supposed to kiss well everybody would be like I don't even know why we play because everyone when it would spin that no one's like gonna kiss yeah yeah so it's like we just like oh my god and then maybe but I'm like same I get it really you're like I'll kiss me I'm ready like let's go you know and like there was actually rumors about me in seventh grade

that I was a lesbo like you know yeah it was so uncommon then yeah but like that's when you started like oh my god like I don't know why they're calling me that blah blah blah then and oh Reagan's kiss more girls and guys like you know yeah those kind of things um and then in high school yeah I started to talk to girls okay it was probably like 10th grade or something like that so probably started it spend the bottle when you kissed a girl no she was already gay before that yeah I think I just you just kind of see figure it out figure it out so did they treat you differently did your friends start treating you differently it was just kind of like random people that were like oh Reagan's a lesbo well in high school was when I came out

okay and um no because there was a lot of girls at the time that were lesbian it was like the thing right and when I talked about it was like a fad for so I don't think people ever imagined me to marry a woman they probably thought I was just in the fling that was going on just like the other 15 and that's what I think that people are trying to say that to kill that one time you choose to be gay you choose to be gay you choose to be gay no I don't think that that's true but I do think that there was a period where people were doing it for attention I think people were it was a huge thing in high school for attention yeah I think it was everywhere where rainbow belts people would make rainbow bracelets with the girls names that they thought were cute especially the ones that

dress like men you know have a masculine yeah I mean it was a huge thing and so it was like the perfect time for me to be like yeah this you know but this is for real yeah so I just think that everyone thought it was probably just like one of those things like you think that people thought it was a fad at first yeah yeah for sure for sure I don't think that they would have ever pointed me out of the whole group and thought I would actually legally marry a woman there was a time where I told my mom that I was gay and she said I never went through that phase no my mom thought that's what my mom said to me she said I never went through that phase so what was that like so at the that's like take it back a little I after high school like I mentioned was my first

relationship with a girl and it was for almost five years no and it wasn't on and off either it was straight straight through yes um but unfortunately I was toxic and I moved four hours away for to be with that that partner and um my mom was like oh like it's just a phase you need to come back home and I'm like no it's not my mom was never like turned away against it like please don't do this wasn't like she was trying to change you she just I think the only thing that she's ever mentioned is like um you know people really think that you should be dating a boy but that's about it right and not even in a rude way I'm just like well mom it's not gonna happen so cool because I think that there is like people have this idea in their head that lesbians look a certain way a lesbian

is supposed to look I've even had people say that since like I can't believe right now you're so girly that you could be a lesbian I've had I've had someone write on my instagram and on my twitter since what I'm going right now going through right now saying oh what are you gonna do date guys now she doesn't even look gay like what does that mean you don't look gay that's not a thing there's no look there's no unless you're just like obviously looking at someone you can just tell but that doesn't mean those are the only gay people around I mean I think it's like for people who aren't gay they probably think oh only people only women that are gay dress like boys or something right that's such a misconception yeah or the tomboy look they have the very short cut yeah don't

want to wear a dress no I wear heels I mean there's nothing tomboyish about me at all that's just like regular girls you've got like some girly girl some sporty girl some you know all just like different types so exactly it that's here to be it's just a label or something I don't know yeah definitely a label I feel like like I would have never looked at kale I mean I don't really look at people and be like oh you're that person's gay or that person's not like I would I think people look at me and they're confused confused about what they don't know if I'm straighter no no last night I was like oh I could get it was a joke but I was like I could get a fem girl and then I'm talking about kale and she's like I'm not a fem and I'm like well what are you you're

not a thud you know even though you don't need a label but that's just like yeah yeah but yeah she's like I'm neutral I feel like I'm like I dress like a boy sometimes I dress like a girl sometimes you just never really know yeah like you would be a fem for sure but like I'm not gay right I like so many I just you're like so not gay like not even a little bit I always say everyone a little gay but yeah you're not but you're not you're not really not I just like you're not the type of girl that gets drunk and makes out with your best friend no that's not a lot of girls do that oh yeah for sure I'm the type of girl that gets drunk and makes out with my husband yes yeah that's who I am well not with a husband but I'm yeah I'm like you know funny thing not to

like go all deep into it but you know how so many people like are flirtatious or or they cheat when they're drunk yeah like that's really not a thing no it should be but you should be like that with any time that someone cheats they're like oh my god I'm so sorry I was drunk that's like always excuse yeah I'm like when I'm drunk I'm like where's my babe like yeah like you know I am not like no if I if I am with you or talking to you even probably or you know what whatever all about you all about you I'm like I need to go home yeah like you know I don't want to be here with all y'all people what y'all gonna do for me I need to go find my husband a french kiss like french kiss yeah nobody calls it that that is so funny that's so childish whatever it is that's like whatever it

is it doesn't matter it doesn't matter like make out whatever like I know some people are like I'm gonna tongue them down like I'm gonna tongue them down like that could go lots of ways so I'm like true not sure like that can mean a lot of things you know what I mean I guess it really should be used in lgbt yeah because I die so if you guys are anything like me you have the same two perfume bottles collecting dust in your bathroom I know this is a common problem where people get into a perfume rut or they buy a huge bottle of perfume and they never get through it that's why we love scent bird it's a perfume and cologne subscription service that lets you choose a perfume each month and they'll send you a 30 day supply no more wasting money on a big bottle

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dot com slash combos and use our code combos for 50% off your first month again that's s c e n t bird dot com slash combos for you to try your first perfume or cologne for just 750 sign on smell amazing um so pride is this weekend what have you been to Adele's pride before I have so tell us about it and are you going this weekend yeah I am okay I'm excited that's so what are you going to the parade um I'm not sure about the parade I usually go but it's so hot and the parade yeah the heat is just oh my god but they're you know they also have the festival yeah um where everybody's just kind of walking around you can have you ever met someone and dated someone from pride um I haven't no okay I feel like I've always gone to pride with someone I've been with

never gone single so this is my first just first single so should I be like drunk well then you might be hooking up with some random so let's not do that I don't do random yeah I know I can't like I've never done a random hookup ever we're both the same we're like all the same yeah random hookups aren't a thing but they're not a thing that is not my thing people swear because I have three baby dads that I just will hook up with whoever and I'm literally never hooked up with when they don't know your life that literally could be the only three guys you slept with your yeah I've never had a one that's a way that I'm just not that type of person and it takes a lot for me to like trust somebody like that so yeah well I know there's a lot of people that do that all the time like

there's they just want that night they just want that time that period and I'm not here to judge and that's just not me but I have so many emotions right when it comes to set right so well I'm I'm more insecure I think that's what it is really yeah like I don't I wouldn't want someone that I just met unless you haven't come with them to be right and like in order for me to like yeah like no see I'm more like you in that sense like I'm emotional sex to me means like it's a connection it's a connection it's emotional it's something that I want to share with like someone that I'm with you're in a full invested relationship I it's just like I don't get me wrong I've had times that younger that was with someone that I didn't care about at all right but it's just like awkward

like after like the same you're gonna hang out and you're like no actually no I'm gonna go you know like it's just I don't want that yeah like I want to like hold me afterwards and tell me that you love me yeah yeah yeah I feel like it's even more intense when it's two girls yeah no disrespect Lindsay I don't I don't know what that's like I mean I know that there's I know that there's like relationships out there that are between a girl and a guy and there could be a lot of emotions but I think for the most part guys aren't like that right yeah I mean does your my son um he's like non-emotional but like kind of emotional you know what I mean like he's like a non-emotional person but then when he's emotional he's like very emotional does that make sense so it's like

almost too much yeah like and then I'll be like anytime when like it's that moment yeah yeah yeah nice yeah do you like it yeah yeah yeah yeah she's like I do actually yeah yeah yeah like Will's really sweet I mean I love Will I think he's great he can be really sweet but he can be really mean but like can't all pay people yeah you know yes it's like same me too I could be really mean or really mean right there's no nice there is no nice Lindsay no I'm only truthfully and this is how I really I mean this is how I really see it I'm only mean when someone gives me a reason yeah of course and I feel like it has to be like a legit reason right like if I feel like it comes down to my emotions like if you're if you're not taking my emotions seriously right yeah I'm pissed yeah yeah see it

not when I get fights about stuff like that you know it's like if sometimes and I think a lot of people can probably relate like when you're in a relationship and you've been with somebody for a long time it's like they kind of know your patterns and how you're going to deal with something so sometimes use it to their advantage I feel use it to the the advantage of like dismissing your feelings or something because they know it's going to blow over or whatever and it's like okay but hey like can we can you hear me out it's all about communication yeah communication if it's not there you don't have nothing like I said from years and years ago if you don't have communication you can't build anything yeah nothing well that goes for a guy girl anything anything nothing it

doesn't matter what the problem is if it's over lunch or you know right yeah you know god forbid whatever it's about right if communication is so important oh my god you know that feeling when you get home after a long day and all you want to do is take off your bra they're so uncomfortable but third love is determined to get you in a bra that you don't even notice third love makes the most comfortable bras and has a system for you to find the correct size and if you're like most people you're not wearing the right size go to their website and take third loves fit finder quiz and see what size you really are and since they have over 70 sizes including half sizes they've got the perfect fit for you I'm actually wearing my third love bra right now and it is the 24 7

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you guys you were in same sex and then you had the baby did your previous partner sign the birth certificate and when you say you're going through a divorce what does that look like as far as custody okay um so yes my previous partner um we were legally married and so um she she did sign the birth certificate okay so before I was actually even pregnant I called the hospital to see how that whole like process work process worked um if it was going to be a thing because that was really important you know so does it say mother and mother yes instead of mother and father okay okay okay so um legally she has rights yes also um but the same right as you yes okay I don't know to have to like get sent right but I'm treating it as if it's the same

because I wouldn't want anyone to right to pull that on me right um so you guys are going to do 50 50 or whatever you don't have to say your custody agreement but you guys are going to split custody and yeah 50 50 do it the same way as a straight couple right good also and another reason why I'm not going to screw anyone over you know with time or days or anything like that is because I actually in my first relationship that was the five-year relationship I raised a little girl with my ex was it hers um yes oh wow and uh I got the really really really shitty end of it like where I would cry all the time like you would be so invested in yes where I was told to not call or contact anymore because she was in a new relationship so um that's hard someone just

doesn't care about your feelings anymore because they're moving on well this baby is mine just as much as it is yours well that's what I was going to say so I feel like you know there may be a feeling not with you but um in my own experience let me say that um you know there have been times where I feel like I I haven't always put my child's um feelings before mine and I not necessarily would use my kid as a pawn but I would be like this child is more mine I take care of him more than you do right so I was going to ask you have you felt that way since she was not she didn't carry your son you know we have all been there let's take the elephant out of the room okay well that makes me feel better because now I feel like I get criticized more thinking

that or feeling that yeah because while I know it's not true I think that they're when I'm going through hardships and when people are going through hardships and relationships and divorces and breakups and stuff like that it is very hard to put yourself in that you know headspace where you know I feel like while you were working and doing all these things I was taking care of this child I was I carried him I breastfed him I did all of these things and so you're you're gonna you're gonna see him when I say it's okay well and I will fess up and say that when Will and I followed for divorce and I was living in Tennessee for a brief period of time I was the one that pulled the my child my child my child because I birthed him you know and it's not fair it's not

right but that's just how it is I'm gonna say do you feel like did you have you felt at any point you know this is more my yeah more yours and um I mean I think if I were to be honest because I do not like to lie I think that at any point maybe a little just because I care human and he is half of me right um but as far as role as far as say so as far as time um I'm going to respect her and give her just as much unless there was a moment in time that for whatever reason make me have a change of heart or you know right whatever but I I I don't plan on my emotions being that reason it would have to be another reason right um because my son deserves more than what I'm feeling and y'all made him together I mean you had a donor but it was together in love this was a decision

that y'all made and you guys did this whole thing so I can respect that I was saying to her last night like I don't know how she's not right doing what I did like I give her so much props because I feel like that was hard for me to do it and that was someone that I created this child with you know what I mean right yeah so well I do really fast no yeah I do want to point out there is my previous relationship um what she did to me and took her from me and told me when I could call when I could you know had a huge impact on on the the the baby I mean um her daughter was so attached to me I was there since the day she was born I cut her umbilical cord shut up yes and so you're hurting your your daughter at this point you're not you're yeah yeah my feelings are hurt

but you're hurting her but you're hurting her she was almost four when I left and so she knows who I am just as much as you I'm the one that was actually more a little more involved with her than my ex because she was more masculine and I did like the motherly I braided her hair I got her dressed you know we played with baby dolls like so you hurt your daughter and then when I finally decided to detach myself I removed myself you weren't on the birth certificate it wasn't legal then oh would you have been you think if it was legal yeah I probably would have yeah I don't see why not oh wow that's tough but I think sometimes like when emotions get high and when and obviously you had a situation that you came from that has impacted your decision making on

this because you know I'm thankful for that yeah I've been in both both sides right side of it on both sides yeah and I say that about so many things so I feel like not that um my previous partner is lucky yeah but that's a blessing because you don't have someone that's just it's my side this is you know had you not gone through that with your ex and her daughter who knows what I might be I might have been like bitter and not let her see you know your son so it's almost like everything comes full circle but a lot of times I think like emotions can be so high and you want to be greedy like your natural instinct is to just be greedy you're like that's my yeah I don't want to share him at all I mean that's it's hard it's the hardest part about what

I'm going through I do not want to share my son I think it's like a natural maternal instinct to just you know get in there well you didn't go into it thinking that you would ever have to share him so at least so now he's almost one and you're like this was never in the car this was not in the plan this wasn't what I like this week is actually my first week where the weekend won't be mine and so um that's hard uh yeah so starting tomorrow I won't have him Thursday Friday Saturday or Sunday okay granted I've been away from him for days when I came to your house but it's not easy you know right I think I think even three days would be easier on me four days it just seems a long drawn out yeah but you've said you know you adjust you know you do it's it doesn't mean

it's easy easy but you do adjust and um I plan all my work trips around the times that I don't have my kids so my kids would be at their dads regardless this week right even if you were home the only difference was with the baby because Chris works full time so I was saying in the one of the previous episodes um you know he doesn't have 50 50 right now while he's working but because I was scheduled this in advance he goes to his dad's he gets to spend you know the time with his dad it'll have his dad will have the whole weekend which is still good for him right and um but yeah overall you do adjust and you can make it work and when I'm home and I'm not traveling on the week so I don't have the kids I still go to their games I still go to their practices I still do all those things

I just don't get to take them home with me afterwards see that's when you get to that point that's what's nice about that so you know what if if I wasn't here tonight I would be at Lincoln's practice it's not my week but I'm gonna go you know what I mean so yeah it works out see I just don't I think back to a statement that I made earlier in the episode that you know like the controlling thing and not being able to like probably be a surrogate like not that I wouldn't want to do that for somebody right because I think that my body could do that for somebody I just wouldn't want to set that person up for failure I feel like I don't know that ever in the best interest of Jackson because I know how I am that it would be an option to do divorce because I just know that like I'm

a psycho you know what I mean like I like the co-parenting aspect of it I don't think I could ever do it I don't think I could ever co-parent yeah it's not something that I don't know how I would get through it like I honestly I don't well that and then you also have to accept that at some point there's gonna be another woman involved in my son as well which granted I know without a doubt that no one would ever take my place right well because you're secure with yourself yeah and your relationship with your child they yeah that you know but at some point you you're gonna have to I don't like that like they're gonna be disciplining him they're gonna be but maybe when when that I just pray I pray that whoever comes in his life and stays is there for the right

reasons and doesn't you know there's so many step-parents out there that that don't really like their step I think that they get that secretly are mean to them but without making it so blunt and right but the kids know the kids know when you know there's a manipulator manipulator yeah it's very easy to pick up on yeah yeah it's and that they're in it for obvious the the reason of being with you know the other person and not the kids but they're kind of like accepting the kids because that comes along with it you know so it's like I will say though in my experience with co-parenting V or Javi neither one of them have ever crossed lines as far as disciplining has gone um I don't think it's I mean everyone has their own opinions but I don't think it's

common necessary or right oh when step-parents do that I agree I I think if V or Javi stepped in I mean obviously if they do something wrong and they get yelled at that's different but I'm talking like full-blown full-blown discipline that's a no and I know just based on conversations that I've had with Jo and V she has never you know crossed lines and I feel like V is definitely in her place you know what I mean like she knows her role yeah she's a bonus parent and she's she knows exactly yeah to be a good influence and like anything that she needs to like help with you know whatever but she's not trying to like be mom and I think Javi was the same way um he never crossed lines and disciplining he never put his hands on Isaac or anything like that so right I'm thankful for that

but that's good you know because of how mature that you guys are handling this and from what I've seen I would I would hope that you know anyone that comes in moving forward you guys would be able to have that open conversation you know and you're gonna have your hurdles like it's not gonna be a smooth ride you know walk in the park like but that's life you know I mean that's and you'll you'll deal with it I just know that somebody with a personality like me I could not even could you imagine co-parenting with you yeah if I'm being perfectly honest Lindsay no would you just sign your rights away yes like yeah Lindsay would be a monster yeah to co-parent with yeah just because I like in the nicest way possible yeah but like I like it

a certain way a certain way and I feel like I feel like sometimes people can be immature about things and try to change routines of things to their way their way to just like intentionally piss you off yeah and I don't deal well with stuff like that it's go ahead my whole thing is if you're my friend if you know me well you know this about me is I am very judgmental when it comes to being a mom yeah like if you're in the slightest form not a good mom I don't even want to associate myself with you yeah like I don't like I won't like you it doesn't matter if I like your personality doesn't matter I think you're fun to hang out with if you're not a good mom because you shouldn't put that above everything else anything and there's so many people that

unfortunately you they put it in the middle or at the bottom well and it's it has a lot about character too yeah like somebody that's willing to go out here and have children that if it's irresponsible you know to go out here and have kids and not try to put your best foot forward to be the best mom that you can be and it's a struggle every single day to be the best mom I always think of things like when I go to bed like oh I probably should have done that I hate when that happens there have been so many days like that where I'm like oh I wish I would have just like put my phone down yeah for longer periods of the day because mine is so little still yeah so it's not like oh this happened at practice or right yet I don't have that but yes it's so

dumb but it's so I should have I feel like I didn't spend it even though I did yeah I could have spent more quality time more just staring at them and then really like engaging yes or like I should have done x y or z better today or more today or I should have done this I hate when I sit there and do that I will literally sit in bed and be like damn like I didn't get up and you know cook fast enough or I probably should have made a better meal I hate that yeah I do that all the time I'll be like well I guess we're going to Chick-fil-A yes and I hate that like and it makes you feel like such a bad like inadequate yeah but you know what's so funny is that those are our thoughts of a bad mom when there's people out there that aren't doing the bare minimum nothing that we're doing yeah you

know what I mean and it just like makes you feel bad it's like okay well you know I have like all these plans for summer you know like almost every week is like planned with something like a trip or like taking Jackson to see you know family members or you know whatever for something for him to do and always trying to like plan even when I go out of town for podcasts or you know whatever I'm doing I always try to like plan something fun for him so he doesn't feel like he's missing something and so it's hard like being a mom and feeling like you're failing but I feel like you're so much harder on yourself yeah it's hard not to do that yeah it's just really it's really hard like I I tried to map out before I came to Dallas like okay what's the last hour I could drop

Jackson off with his grandparents before I head to the airport so I have the most amount of time with him before I leave yeah that that's mine that's one of my biggest ones especially now is like okay well I want to do this with a friend but then it's cutting out yes some of my day with Layton and do you feel like sometimes your friends I don't know if you have friends that don't have kids but I have a couple friends that you know still don't have children by choice you know and it's hard and I think that they don't understand like motherhood and it's hard to maintain those friendships yes because very hard they're not living the same thing that you're living and they don't understand you know like okay well when I say I have a ball game to go to it's because

I'm going and like I'm busy and I'm you know there to watch my son and like I'm not gonna miss this to go to dinner yeah you know besides I mean but you don't live near me I actually don't have a friend that has kids it's hard because maybe a couple that I know from like school but nobody that you're hanging out with or like that you would be not someone that um yeah that I am just around all the time it's so hard to especially now like with going through a divorce like I went through it um the balance between adjusting to share not only sharing custody of your kids but then also finding that time for you you know like now you're splitting weeks and you're working and you're going to school and it's like you have that day or two three days to breathe and kind of

either catch up on your sleep or go see a friend or you know work more hours go out and have a good night for yourself yeah so I mean but then there's a lot of guilt that's carried with that too yeah it is and you know I'm the type of person like even a night out I want to come home and cut out my son yeah yeah and I can't because for one I'm not going to drive all the way to our sitter's house or you know it's so way like so I just have to go to sleep and that's my one thing is right now well not even since what I'm going through but even prior my son is I've slept with him every night and I that's who I cuddle every night all right so I was a co-sleeper too me too with Lincoln and so I've been going in since July and so the nights that I don't cuddle him it's hard for

me to sleep not for any other reason but just because you're used to it yeah how long did you co-sleep with Lincoln two over two years Jackson too I could not get him out of my bed yeah even when I was ready I couldn't when Javi deployed that was when I really took the time to get him into his own bed and then the problem was Javi came home moved into his new house and co-slept again with him so then it so that it's hard to break it because you know that if you break it now like you can never decide maybe I want to do that again well and I think that was speaking on the co-parenting situation you know it's like you've got one parent doing one thing and another parent trying to or something else so then it's like you're constantly battling with each other on

you know like potty training or you know like whatever it may be if it's not being enforced at one place but it's being enforced somewhere else it's confusion on the kid it's confusion on the life and I feel like that would be the hardest thing for me if I was ever in a co-parenting situation I know Will would do things differently than me and it's fine for people to do things different but sometimes you have to look at like what's in the best interest for the kids and you have to be on the same page and if you're teaching your kid to sleep in their own bed they can't go to their dads to their dads or you know their other moms and co-sleep well so that's what I'm facing with Lux right now he's co-sleeping with Chris and not co-sleeping with me okay so that

really yeah so that first week which is surprising because usually the co-sleeping comes with the mother yeah well they're or maybe he just doesn't it's a different situation at home for him not nothing bad but there's just been some changes so he they're using the nursery for something else Lux does not sleep with you no he slept with me for four months every time you send me a picture Lux is in your bed you're napping that's we nap together but he sleeps in his bed yeah I've been trying to move late but I can't remember when we left the hospital and they were like do not co-sleep do not co-sleep do not co-sleep yeah they're so against it because of like SIDS and stuff yep whatever works best for us I know that everybody has their own opinion but I feel like SIDS is

worse if they're in their crib alone I just had this conversation with another mom the other day and I with the anxiety that I have that was the main reason that I didn't want to put Jackson his room because I was afraid that I would fall asleep so hard I wouldn't hear him cry yeah or I would walk in there and he would be dead like Isaac slept in his own crib from day one I never slept with him but I think that I think that's what I was taught my mom was like you put him in his crib and that's it so that's what I was taught I didn't know any different that was my first baby I was young and I was like okay I mean he was fine but you were so young you know I didn't really think you just I did the bath and that thing for like three days I hated it yeah you try it and it's

like then they're so close to you I mean I even let him sleep like that I mean yeah and by the way we're not being advocates for co-sleeping we're just saying our truth of what we've done and what worked for us so I don't want anybody to be saying we're advocates for co-sleeping but I will say that Jackson napped with me until he was five and co-slept with me until he was like two and a half so that's that that's that well now that I'm on my own I was gonna like you know kick him to his crib like in the next couple months but now you're like you want to smuggle him even harder oh yeah for sure so well so tell us what's next for you you got youtube you just yeah I made my own channel okay um so I'm really excited about that I know that before I didn't have the time or the energy

energy or I didn't want to film for youtube so a lot of people were questioning that like oh you didn't want to do it then but so why all of a sudden do you want to do it now well just because it could benefit me and my son and especially why I finished my last year of school yeah that's a lot of my what motivates me to do it and um for two I think it would be a really good like just new new thing for me it's the channel is just gonna be about me and my son nothing else it's about us yeah well and I think too you're gonna be showing other people who are watching like a different side of you and the struggle of being like a single mom and going through all of that so I commend you for that yeah a lot of people have been like sending me so many like nice messages saying like

how I'm an inspiration for being like strong and yeah all this yeah it's not easy like so how can we find you on youtube for those of us who don't know how to just like go on there yeah so um I I made a channel um and what's it called it's just my name so it's just Reagan Olivia and my name is R-A-G-A-N so no ease we'll put it in the description perfect well thanks so much for coming on we appreciate having you thanks for having me thank you I enjoyed it all right guys I think that's all we have time for today if you have not subscribed to us you can do that by searching the purple podcast app on your iphone type in coffee combos click subscribe click the fifth star and leave us a written review we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you

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