Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 90: Anxiety, Marriage Struggles, & Mom Shaming w/ Guest Kati Morton

Episode Date: August 1, 2019

Lindsie reveals her struggle w/ anxiety w/ licensed therapist, Kati Morton. They talk about how to identify anxiety & why Lindsie didn't realize she had it until she became a mom. Lindsie discusses the struggle in her marriage after having Jackson. They talk about co-sleeping, confidence issues & helping yourself. They discuss sharing responsibilities with your significant other & needing validation.

Hey guys, welcome to Coffee Combos. I know it's a little weird because I'm introducing the episode because this week I am alone, not totally alone, but alone without Kale. And I have a special guest who's been on the podcast several times before, Katie Morton. Welcome back to the show. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to be here. I am so excited to talk to you because, first of all, I just enjoy our conversations. And two, I feel like what I want to talk to you about is so relatable to a lot of people. And I've talked about having anxiety on the podcast many of times before.

And it's weird because some people say, are you self-diagnosing? Are you diagnosed with anxiety so on and so forth? And I'm like, okay, first of all, that's a little personal. And secondly, I'm not going to go out here and openly admit that I have something that I don't have. So I know a lot of people, too, have been sympathetic and also shared their stories with anxiety and just how it affects their life. And to be perfectly honest with anxiety for me, I didn't even realize that that's what I was experiencing. And I didn't know what anxiety really was.

I just knew how I felt. So not until I actually went to the doctor, did I realize that it's what it was, if that makes sense? Yeah, no, of course. And I think that's really normal. I think, for instance, I'll have patients who won't even come to me because of anxiety. They'll have been referred from their doctor because they thought something was wrong with their heart, or they thought that they just could never catch their breath, so something must be wrong. It's very common for us not to realize that it is anxiety and to think it's something else, or think we're just completely crazy. I have a lot of patients that are like, I felt like I was drowning

and then I was like, I'm losing my mind. So you're not alone. Well, so let me just backtrack a little bit, because I never realized growing up that I had anxious tendencies, but now looking back on it, knowing that I do have anxiety, I look back on being in high school and I would be driving in the car and be afraid what the consequences would be if I was a minute late for school or test anxiety. I never tested well. I always went into a test knowing the material. I studied it, felt confident, and then get to the test and go blank. I mean, you could hawk that up to just being a bad tester or you can hawk it up to the fact that I literally feel like I blacked out because

I was so nervous to take the test because I was so nervous to get a bad result. Everything just kind of made me anxious and I never wanted to upset my parents and I always tried to walk the straight narrow so that I wouldn't get in trouble. And it was underlying, I believe anxiety that I strive to be perfect. And I was just going to say that, yeah. And that's super unhealthy. Yeah, it's difficult. I mean, yes, I could say it's unhealthy, but it's just it's hard. Like that's really hard for you. Do you know what I mean? That's a lot to try to do, especially as a mom. Well, as a mom, I feel like it hit me harder because those things I could kind of, you know, it's like you're in a testing

environment, but then you're not in it. So then it kind of like goes away, you know, but not until after I had Jackson did I experience this. I mean, I've always been super clean, but not to the extent that it drove me crazy or made me lose sleep at night. And right after Jackson was born, I brought him home. I didn't take him outside like to be subjected to the public. And when people would come and see him at our house, I would make them take their shoes off at the door. They had to wash their hands with, you know, hot soap and water and then also put sanitizer on after they wash their hands to even hold him. And so I feel like it controlled my life because it just, I was just focusing just on those

things instead of like the happy moments that somebody was actually coming to see him or you know, like he was building these relationships with people. I was more focused on, I don't want him to get sick. I don't want him to get hurt. I don't want him. And I don't know if that's like a combination of just being a new mom or a combination of anxiety or if you've seen this before. I just, I don't know. Yeah. No, I mean, it's definitely part of the anxiety, but something that people don't talk about because they talk a lot about postpartum depression is that you can have postpartum anxiety. And if you're already predisposed, like you've already struggled in your life

at different points, like it's been high school and stuff and kind of been like underlaying throughout your whole life, the shift in our hormones when we have a baby can lead to postpartum anxiety. And so I think that it could be that, but it also could just be the fact that you have this other human that's now dependent on you and you want everything to be perfect for them because you don't want anything bad to happen because that's usually anxiety like builds around something bad could happen or something embarrassing, you know. And so we worry, it's just worry, constant, constant worry. And so of course, what do we worry about with our children, protecting them, keeping them safe and making sure they don't

get sick or ill in any way, right? So that's like kind of how it manifested itself for you. Well, and I think to like, it affected my relationship with my husband, you know, we had, everything was great. And we were college sweethearts and, you know, nothing really rocked our relationship up until I gave birth. And then he said that he felt like after I had Jackson that Jackson completely like replaced him. And I didn't mean for it to be like that, but it's very hard to describe as a mother, the unconditional love and that you just don't have to try to love your child. Not that I had to try to love Will either, it's just

a different kind of love. And I think I was experiencing some of the, you know, postpartum and not like in a sad way, but I have been told that you can develop postpartum anxiety and okay, I believe that that's what it was. And I was anxious all the time. Well, yeah, and if you're so focused on, you know, making sure Jackson's, everything's good, he's doing well, he's clean, he's safe, he's happy, he's fed, you know, and there's a lot, not to say, you know, there's so much that goes into being a mom, right? And right, by and large, we, the mothers are the ones that take on most of the weight of childcare. And so a lot of husbands do feel like the children replace them. And I counseled many

couples over what we call like, it, this sounds crazy to say it this way, but it's like cheating on your husband with your kids. Yeah. And it's not, it's, it's just like time, right? And we only have so much time. And if you, he kind of feels replaced, it's almost like you're cheating on him, you know, with Jackson, like that that's where your emphasis is going, where all your energy is going. And, and it's very common. And you can overcome it, obviously, like talking about it and him just even telling you that that's how he feels and you recognizing your focus. Like that's just where it starts, you know, and then making time for each other. All right, guys, let's imagine for a second, all of the things that you could do if you

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you know I basically am like this trust fund kid and so on and so forth and I just want to let everybody know that that is 100% not the case. I've been on my own since I was 18 and my husband graduated from college a year before me, had played baseball his whole life and had never had a job because his parents considered like his focus in baseball and school was his job and so his first job out of college was working retail. For sprint and I got pregnant very quickly after we got married and we got married in January and I found out that I was four weeks, roughly four weeks pregnant by Mother's Day so that's pretty quick.

Yeah, not even six months, yeah. Yeah, I mean it was quick and you know I feel like people when I try to talk about my story assume that I would have had all of this help and that you know some of my complaints wouldn't be valid because I have access to like funds and I have access to this and that and that's just completely 100% not true. I was at home with Jackson and Will was working retail hours and anybody who has ever worked retail hours knows that you get your schedule a week in advance and that's it and your schedule is never consistent and you also work late. So you know there was a lot of resentment I feel like that built up not because he wasn't

doing what he you know quote unquote should be doing he's you know working and he's providing and I was very thankful for that but as a new mom I felt a sense of resentment because Will had never held a baby before Jackson so. Oh wow, yeah. He didn't know how to take care of a baby so everything was new so I felt like since I did know what to do I felt like it was just easier for me not to try to explain it to him but it would just be quicker for me to do it on my own and so then that built up a lot of resentment and then by the time he got home it was like 10 o'clock at night and the baby had already been bathed had been fed you know everything had been done and I was kind of like finished with

my day and it was sad because it was kind of like in a sense a start of his. Yeah well he was unwinding and you've been unwinding probably since seven or whenever you put the baby down. Right. Yeah and you're ready to go to sleep because you're gonna have to get up early to get the baby you know take care of the baby again like that's just what it is I think a lot of people don't realize I know this sounds really silly especially since you do know this but like how much work it is having children like a lot of my younger patients will just think like well it'll help my relationship it'll make things better and I'm like it actually doesn't do that it's something that can grow you can grow together

but it's like it's so difficult and the division of work is really hard and if you don't see things the same way you might not even have known to talk about it before it can build up resentment like you're talking about you know because he was doing his best to provide but you were stuck at home all day doing all of this stuff with your child you know. Well and you know you also get the backlash on social media it's like you know I'm gonna talk about this and I'm already prepared that people are gonna say you should be grateful because you were being able to stay at home with your baby while he was working and I was incredibly grateful that was such a blessing for me to be able to do that but there was

sacrifice in that and I think that people don't understand and when I say people that's a very like general term don't understand that moms who are staying at home that have a husband that's you know working those types of hours and don't really have a break it's almost like you lose your identity and just being a mom. Yeah well how are you supposed to see your friends or I don't know go for a walk go to the coffee shop do the things you normally do yes you can still do stuff like that with a child but it's just that much more involved and especially if we're struggling with anxiety leaving the house can be hard and worrying about who we're gonna encounter can be overwhelming right and something

I do want to address because I feel like nobody really talks about this is just like judgment among moms like one of my friends had told me because I don't have any children but a lot of my friends do I'm 35 so most of my friends who want kids have already are having them or have already had them and she was telling me she's probably seven months along and she was like if you ever want to get unfettered advice just have a child she's like I swear to God every day somebody's touching my belly and don't ask me for consent just touching my body and then telling me what I need to do with it and they don't they don't know me right like this is great like we have to stop doing this to each other well only offer

advice when asked you know and know that we're all just doing our best yeah it's so crazy too because you do get unsolicited advice and it's like okay first of all I'm out here just trying to do my best and right now might not be the best time for you to give me advice during my mental breakdown but you know I appreciate the fact that you think that you have it together so much more than me and you do I mean it's it's sad the mom shaming is sad because we're all in this journey together and you would think that people would look at it as like let's do this as a pact not as you know like individuals like we're struggling on our own let's like all struggle together but I mean even taking your kid and I know you haven't

experienced this yet but taking your kid to like mommy and me classes the looks that you get if your kid like pitches a fit or like doesn't want to do something or you know so on and so forth it's like don't act like your kid didn't just do that last week I know they all throw fits their children right they have no emotion regulation skill like their brains just aren't developed they throw tantrums that's just what they do right yeah that's just how that's just how it is Pinterest boards are a good way to get inspired about how to update your home and its style but if you're serious trust the experts and it doesn't have to cost thousands. ModZ spelled M-O-D-S-Y is an amazing company that lets you design your

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I'm like I feel like something's wrong with me but like I don't know what what is wrong with me and he's like well you have to kind of like explain you know more I'm a man and I don't really know what that means and I'm like okay well I feel like I wasn't experiencing sadness but I just felt like I couldn't sleep and I would think these thoughts like worst case scenario thoughts so it would be like I wouldn't be able to sleep with my bedroom door closed anymore because I was afraid that like somebody would come upstairs and I wouldn't see them and like take my baby or if he cried out and I was in a deep sleep that I wouldn't be able to hear him or like morbid thoughts you know and he actually co-slept with me

which I know I'm gonna get mom shammers that are gonna say why would you ever let your baby co-sleep with you I would guarantee you that more than 50% of people that are moms that are listening had a kid co-sleep with them so a lot of a lot of people do even some cultures that's just how they do it all the time that just is so you know I co-slept with Jackson until he was like two or two and a half which was far too long and my husband basically put me on notice he was like he's getting out of the bed like you have six weeks to transition him but after six weeks he's not gonna be in our bed anymore like it's affecting our sex life it's affecting you know that's what I'm just gonna say your relationship

with your husband like how how are you supposed to be intimate if your child's in the bed you can't you don't and the sad thing was is like I didn't really feel like I required that right you know after I had Jackson I just an extra if you're feeling overwhelmed I think a lot of people don't understand especially not to say like men and women but that we're so different but we are in many ways and I feel like women especially the ones who are had a vaginal birth or I mean any kind of birth really let's be honest the way that it affects your body how you feel about your body changes your priorities change and you're busy with the child all day and one of my friends told me something that I never thought of but she

was like after breastfeeding because she had a toddler and she was breastfeeding and she was like I just don't want to be touched like I just want my body to be my body like I just for I just need a few hours just like nobody touched me and so when her husband would come home she'd like find herself like backing away to the kitchen to like just don't I just don't want contact and I never thought about that but you're almost like sensory overload that's how I felt you know like I just felt like you know I'd had a baby crawling on me all day pulling out my shirt you know because he breathed he breastfed for for a while and so you know having him pull at my shirt and just be crawling all over my body all day

and by the time he went to bed it was almost like okay this is a break from like everything like I don't want to be touched and I don't want to be just I just want to be left alone like I literally want to go in my room and I want to put on lifetime and I want to watch movies that are unrealistic and realize that somebody's life is worse than mine I mean that I just I didn't want to be touched and you feel bad too because I was holding this guilt inside that you know I know that I should be there for my husband and I know that you know before Jackson all of our whole life was just sex I mean that's just what it was you had nothing else to do you know so might as well just have sex yeah and then to go

from that to not really having sex and just feeling so tired and I just felt like a completely different person and so he was like well maybe you should go you know to the doctor and talk to the doctor about it so with the type of insurance that I have in order to get a referral to somebody like you you have to go to your general physician and why would that you need a referral that doesn't make sense but okay insurance always frustrates me but continue I'm like that doesn't make any sense they don't even understand what I do well because I think what you do is considered like a specialist and for the type of insurance that I have or had at the time you had to have a referral from your general physician for any specialist

so gotcha I go to my physician and she's like well she's like I can tell you without you even going you know anywhere else what you're experiencing is anxiety and she said you know I can prescribe you this and I forget you know whatever it was I'm like okay and I said I am definitely the type of person I don't like to take pills like I don't like to take even Tylenol like unless I have to so yeah I'm the same yeah just and I hate having to feel like I'm relying on something so if it's more than just me that I have to count on then that gives me anxiety in itself so yeah yeah like even just the act of trying to help yourself makes it worse kind of yeah so I told her you know my concerns with it

and she was like well she was like you're going to continue having this anxiety or you know you can try this and if it doesn't work then that's okay too but at least you can rule it out you know that you've tried this and then if it doesn't work you know you go to plan B and I'm like okay so I go get the prescription filled this is all against like anything that I ever wanted to do and I'm like this just seems like a bad idea from the start but I'll do it so I take the anxiety medicine for three days and this is crazy but I would feel like I had something like in my eye or like bugs crawling on me oh yeah like I forget what they call that it is a side effect though it's I it's almost like

tactile hallucinations it's not but it's like oh god I cannot think of what it's called but it is a common side effect did she let you know about the side effects of it like what to look out for well she did tell me but I don't think that she told me about like bugs crawling on me specifically yeah but I think she did say something about just like generic like it could cause like hallucination effects or you know like whatever yeah alright guys let's get real for a second body hair is a reality and we all have that one hair that keeps showing up randomly you know your favorite that one that you always seem to miss and it is with you wherever you go mine is actually always on my ankle and in the summer

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love the little reusable pouch because whenever I travel for podcast I always put all of my stuff down in there and I have everything that I need always so get a set with all of your shave essentials from flamingo the brand that vogue glamour and really everybody is talking about it's a $22 value for just $16 with free shipping today when you visit shop flamingo.com slash coffee that's right visit shop flamingo.com slash coffee but I would be laying and taking a nap with Jackson and I would wake up and I would like be swatting at my face because I would feel like a spider or something was like on my face and so I was like there's something wrong like something very very wrong and then I started having

bad headaches and I was like okay this is just not working like I would rather just have the anxiety than feel like I'm having bugs crawling on me and having like migraines so I just completely stopped the medicine altogether and started reading up on like natural coping mechanisms to deal with anxiety and I've kind of been able to use those up until now and you know I do struggle every day is like a different struggle and there's different things that like trigger you and you know trigger anxiety I feel like but I have learned certain things in my life that might not have a place if that be people or you know whatever else if if they cause anxiety and I know that then I've learned to eliminate

that and I feel like I've done pretty good with it but I'm not going to say that like I'm a hundred percent or I'm perfect or I don't have anxiety because I definitely do and different days bring you know different stresses just like anybody in normal life you know that doesn't have anxiety different days or different stresses but yeah I don't know I mean it's just it's strange some mornings I wake up and I'm like perfectly fine and then some mornings I wake up and I feel like I haven't slept because I've been anxious all night yeah and I mean it is tricky and there are wonderful behavioral techniques and that's what we call it like a self-help kind of stuff in therapy things that I work

with patients on to help manage your anxiety but there are I want everybody else out there to know that there are a ton of medication options if that's something that you're interested in there's not just one there's like I don't know I feel like every year there's a new one that comes out so if you've tried one it didn't work like if it did get bad Lindsay you could try a different one I know you don't want to and that's totally fine but there are a lot of options I think the thing and I don't know if you'd agree with this but I did I put together like this anxiety workbook a few years back and it was just something I offered like free to my audience and I believe because I'm more on the anxious spectrum

as well I'm not diagnosed with like general anxiety disorder or anything like that but I know what you're talking about like struggling to sleep and worrying about things like that's definitely more my own issues and things I talk about in therapy but I believe that it all stems back to confidence really I know that sounds really crazy but yeah because I feel like the worry comes out of either I'm not enough I can't do enough it's this isn't going to to work out for me because something's wrong like I've done something wrong that's like the perfectionist right like oh I have to do everything just right or it's just not going to work out or like then even we can talk about our relationships

and feeling so anxious and wanting everything to go right then it's like well if I don't do this then then he's going to get upset and I'm doing all I can and it's just not enough and it all comes down to like not feeling like you're enough yeah well I'm so glad that you said that but before I get into that part of it can you tell the listeners where they can find is it like a video or oh it's actually I think yes we put it in the like in the iTunes like the iBook store I think it's like a dollar there just but it's an easy way for people to upload it or they can find it on my website okay Katie Morgan dot com so they can either go to iBook and just look up Katie Morgan Anxiety workbook or they can go to my website

KatieMorton.com and find it and you can just download it from there perfect okay that's kind of like what I wanted to transition into about the confidence thing because I know even moms that and not just moms but just you know women probably men in general with confidence issues and feeling like you're just not doing enough I know that my anxiety sends mine to like a different scope but for example I have expectations that I've set for myself that I have internally made myself think that those are the expectations that my husband has for me yes without asking him yes yes yes so like for example he gets up and goes to work and even though I work as well I'm taking care of Jackson you know if

it's summertime he's at home with me every day I'm trying to work trying to do things around the house trying to make sure we have food in the house you know the various things that come along with just living life but I had set like mentally like this expectation that okay whenever I get up I have to make sure my house is spotless I have to make sure Jackson's spotless and fed and I have to make sure that you know the refrigerator is stocked the way that it should be and that you know there's a hot meal when he walks in the door and you know everything is perfect like the laundry is done and put away and everything is done and also work and also provide an income for our household I feel like I almost

was setting on realistic expectations that caused me anxiety because I knew I couldn't meet them well yeah and then then what does it mean if you can't right then it goes back to that like self-confidence like I want to do all this because then it's perfect and then everything will be happy and it'll be exactly like I want it to be and then we're like hey this is life and we're human and never really pans out exactly as we want we'll always forget something at the grocery store that we thought we needed or we have a child so they make messes that's what they do you can follow them around with a Swiffer all day long or whatever and I think yeah then it can then we can spiral out of control

a little bit at that point if that's what we base all of our worth in and then we weren't able to do it it can make us feel even worse you know and then it can be hard to sleep that night because we didn't do what we needed to do and then on the you know like reverse side of it it's like okay if I set these expectations for myself I've mentally manipulated myself to think that my husband has these expectations as well I don't meet these expectations that don't really exist and then I feel like not fulfilled at the end of the day because I didn't get things on my checklist you know quote unquote checklist done that I wanted to get done so then I don't feel you know validated or I don't feel like accomplished

yeah yeah yeah totally and it I think it's it's part of like the biggest component to overcoming our anxiety is honestly self-talk and I know like my audience members are like oh my god you say that so much but it's true like if if you think about it all the assumptions expectations all these lists these things that we're putting into our own head is like we're the only ones doing that it's not like your husband's telling you that he expects a warm meal when he comes in or all the laundry to be done like if you'd ask him he'd be like no like I can do I can help out I could do that you know I definitely would say that yeah like it's not like he wouldn't want to help it's it's almost like those of us on

the anxious spectrum of things because really there's a spectrum of depression to anxiety and we can kind of toggle back and forth right those of us on the anxious side often like you said something earlier that I was like oh my god yes when you're like I could show him how to do it but it'd be faster for me to do it myself and I remember my mom telling me because she she has struggled with anxiety like her whole life and it is hereditary which is probably why I'm more in that realm myself but I remember when I was getting married she was like I'm just going to give you a word of advice that I wish I'd known and she was like even if you think you can do something faster or better please let him help you you'll

be thankful later well I wish I got that advice right because they end up doing everything and it's it's it gets into this cycle where since you've been doing it he doesn't even know it needs to be done or that it's a thing that is done do you know what I mean imagine if like you never had to grocery shop or go to Target like if I never had to do all the gathering for the house I'd be like wow like there's always paper towels and I know where they are and I just go get them you know right yes yes I don't even give them the chance to help yeah so so many people I feel like they're listening to this can relate because it's just general like relationship stuff you can take the anxiety part you know out

of it it's just you know very general relationship things and I you know feel like this is also sad in a way but I feel like I have to internally like talk myself up so I'll say to myself like wow you did X Y and Z today and you also you know did a service call for the refrigerator that stopped working and AC that stopped working and you know you kept a human alive and stuff like that and I feel like you shouldn't have to do that but for whatever reason I feel like I do do that and yeah I wish I didn't require that but I think most of us do and I don't know why that is I don't know if it's I don't know if it's just being a person in the world today like if social media plays a role I'm sure it does I don't know if it's messages

we've heard since we were a kid or things we've internalized from our past I mean I feel like there's so many reasons that we need to pump ourselves up but I think the main reason that I like I learned this is I'm kind of going to geek out with you for just a second but there was a new research study I want to say it came out last year it might have been 2017 but I think it was 2018 where they were talking about they were trying to learn different things about the brain and they were talking about the importance of sleep but one of the key things that they they almost just stated like everybody should know this and I was like I don't know this and I read research stuff from my videos all the time is that

the reason that we always think the worst about ourselves about our situation and it's easy to remember those bad comments over the thousands of good ones is it's our brain's duty to seek out threat so that it keeps us safe and that makes sense right yeah the good things aren't a threat so they're easy to overlook but if something's like potentially threatening to me or my family or like my well-being or it just it just gets into the core of me and makes me question like that's a threat right and so it holds on to it and so I think because and this is like now I'm just hypothesizing but because all of our people survive from caveman days to now it's actually help us anxious folks are probably the ones that stayed

alive right we were like get out of here that is not safe I am nervous don't eat that berry I don't know where it's from is that why we're all so anxious or we're all like so worried and like self-conscious like is that what it's bread in us I don't know I mean that's I'm totally off on a tangent but I think that that's like it's just important to remember like my brain is just seeking out threat and and so you have to offset that with pumping yourself up you're doing great that's what I would tell a patient to do I tell a lot of my viewers I'm like hey when you wake up in the morning I want you to say two things that you're grateful for and I want you to set one goal for the day that's easily achievable

you know like shower or right say hi to a friend or do one thing nice for someone else or myself what doesn't matter something small and at the end of the day I want you to do say a couple more things you're grateful for two to three things well so I love that first of all I'm gonna now do that for myself is your FOMO getting out of hand have you been spending too much money on brunch ramen and festivals just to earn a few more Instagram likes the moment passes but credit card debt stays with you with Lending Club you can consolidate your debt or pay off credit cards with one fixed monthly payment since 2007 Lending Club has helped millions of people regain control of their finances with affordable fixed rate

personal loans no trips to the bank no high-interest credit cards just go to Lending Club dot com tell them about yourself and how much you want to borrow pick the terms that are right for you and if you're approved your loan is automatically deposited into your bank account and as little as a few days Lending Club is the number one peer to peer lending platform with over 35 billion in loans issued go to Lending Club dot com slash combos check your rate in minutes and borrow up to 40,000 that's Lending Club dot com slash combos Lending Club dot com slash combos all loans made by Web Bank member FDIC equal housing lender I feel like waking up in the morning and I don't know if you've ever experienced this but you know

like all the things that you have on your plate to do for the day you can get very quickly overwhelmed really early in your day and I feel like I have learned to kind of shut my brain off of thinking about tasks in the morning and just thinking about like immediate things that are part of my routine if that makes sense so yeah instead of thinking about you know like I have 25 errands to run and multiple states that's not happening you know like I don't take my mind there I try to think okay I'm going to wake up and I'm going to have a coffee or you know energy drinker you know like whatever it is and I'm going to shower and I'm going to brush my teeth and I'm going to get Jackson ready like I think

about all of the things that I know that like I can immediately do that's part of my daily routine and it helps me from becoming overwhelmed yeah no 100% I think there are routines are very important routines do calm us in general and we should all have like a morning and nighttime routine especially if we struggle to sleep or wake up and we get overwhelmed like those are things we can put in place I love that you do that it's like something that I again I would tell my patients to do and so that's it's almost like and I even told myself this I'd be like so I'm not even going to think about my to do until I'm sitting having my coffee because if I've had my coffee that means I've done all the other things

that's the end of my get ready routine right like I've had breakfast now I'm drinking coffee watching the news or whatever right and so at that point then I'll look at my to do list and and then another little hack as if we do feel like we have a million things to do because do you ever think oh I just have two things to do tomorrow and then you're like oh but I should also do the laundry and then I have to do this and then it turns into this huge you're like spiraled down you're like oh my god there's so much to do kind of feeling yes you keep your to do list to seven things or less okay and those things have to be achievable in that day they can't be these huge projects like oh I'm going to record for podcasts and

edit them all or something let's say you can't put that on your to do list because that's just not achievable well it's just not realistic no exactly it could just be I'm going to you know record the podcast with Katie and that's one thing and then I'm go I'm going to get Jackson ready for school that's already done boom easy I'm going to run to the grocery store in the dry cleaners you know like making things short that's already like we already have what four things there are five things right so keeping it to seven or less because that's all your brain can actually hold in it at one time I think that's why I saw I think it's phone numbers like without the area code or seven numbers oh it's just easy

like our brain just remembers that so right that's something just to kind of keep in mind when we're creating these like astronomically long lists I make like a big list and then I highlight them for a day per day so like let's say Monday is all pink highlighter and I have seven things then Tuesday's yellow and so so we feel like we're achieving something we're not overwhelmed which is a fine balance first of all my brain will be going in a multiple like different directions because I'm also 80 D so I think it's like the worst combo so I will be thinking about a million things and it's like a hamster on a wheel you know it's like it never I feel like I'm never stopping but I'm also never going anywhere yeah so

I did get this to-do list and it has my name on it and it's super cute and it's just like a disposable to-do list from Erin Condren and it has Monday through Friday and then a weekend tab on there and it's just basically helps me like compartmentalize like okay these are the things that you're going to definitely do on Monday because I found making a general to-do list of like tasks but not notating like what day I'm trying to get them done yeah that doesn't work either no it's overwhelming because then every day it feels like if you do that whole list yeah and then I'm just like oh wow I failed like I only got two things done but it might have been like a week's worth of work you know yeah so exactly this

has been easier for me to be able to kind of compartmentalize my you know task that I need to get done and I think it's hard too because women just generally operate different than men and so you could probably give my husband like 10 things on a to-do list and he is like go go go he's go go go all the time so him being go go go all the time he gets stuff done now it might be halfway done but he gets stuff done me I'm not as go go go but I'm efficient when I do something well yeah there's there's there's two orders two ways we can do things like one is just knock them out like an order on the list and the other is to do them in the most efficient way possible so you can actually maybe do

more things do you know what I mean like if I'm running errands I go the farthest away from my house first and then I work my way back and I'm like oh I should probably also get gas and I'll get that here and you know what I mean it's like yes there are other things whereas you know men maybe tend to just do the things you asked and even if they knew the car with long gas they're like I'll just do it another time you know it's not on my list well okay so I did do a Q&A thing on Instagram to where people could ask questions about anxiety and preparation for this episode so I want to go you did see it okay so I wanted to turn to that and answer some of the listener questions and this was for coffee combos listener

so I hope the people that ask these questions actually listen or else they're never going to get the answer get their answer so the first question is at what point do you go to the doctor for anxiety I think if it's impeding your ability to do anything in your life like in therapy we call it like impairing your function so like if it's hard at school or work or with your relationships if it's affecting your social life in some way or just your at home life like notice if like most of my patients or even my friends who struggle with anxiety will tell me like oh it made me nervous to drive or to leave my house so I had to see someone so if you find it making something more difficult for you

at least like let's say for a few weeks up to a month that's as long as I would wait please go see someone the sooner the better to be honest well and on that note you were talking about driving in the car that was another thing that I also experienced that every time I would get in the car if there was traffic coming like the same direction as me I would think like the most terrible things like oh that person's gonna hit me and I would try to like drive my car on the closest side to the opposite side of the road as like where those cars would be coming avoiding something that probably yeah was never gonna probably happen but it was like a coping mechanism I think that I use to deal with it because

I thought they were just gonna like crash into me yeah and part of that's like you could look up like intrusive thoughts that's kind of where those come from and it's definitely a part of anxiety and they're usually this just to normalize it intrusive thoughts are not things that you've like created on your own you don't actually believe this but it's always violent or sexual in nature which I know sounds really weird but like that those just happen to be what intrusive thoughts are and they're they're born out of our anxiety wow okay good to know okay the next question is why does my anxiety get worse as I get older I think anything gets worse if we don't

treat it because like anything it's like it'll build do you know what I mean because anxiety especially it's like it builds on itself especially if we have like a bunch of if we have a tendency for more kind of the OCD component where we have kind of obsessions and compulsions that come along with it we can build these huge rituals that we have to do in order to be safe or like yesterday or I don't know last year we were able to keep our house clean so now it's not just house clean now I also feel like I need to have all the laundry done and folded before you know my partner comes home from work or whatever or you know we start building on it because if the the thing is to soothe that's with all those like actions

that we take it like it's supposed to help soothe our anxiety even though it technically doesn't help we think it is and so it can build and build and build unless we find other ways to cope does that make sense yes and you literally just described me as a human being so it definitely makes sense the next question and I'm just going to ask this one generic because there was a ton of questions about this does CBD help it can I like I haven't tried it personally I'm a nervous Nelly as a most of us who are anxious are and so but I have had patients viewers and friends alike tell me that CBD does help there was there's different kinds of things I think the most important thing from what I've read so far

and I do plan on doing more research on it as we know more about it but just making sure that there's like no THC in general and whatever you're taking that's how you know it's CBD THC is what makes you high for anybody who doesn't know because my patients who don't ask enough questions have gotten things that have then made them feel high and then they're more anxious and so just making sure that it is CBD it is from a reliable source I don't I don't think there's anything wrong with it it's definitely helped some people and it's a natural way to cope maybe you know I just feel like we need to know more information because there's no like long term studies on it or anything since it was just legalized

well I'm definitely a studier by nature and so I want to know everything that's why I didn't want to take medicine because I'm like okay if there's these side effects then I would rather have the anxiety than the possible side effects you know so same I like pro and con everything and so people did ask specifically if I had tried CBD and I have not the only CBD things that I've ever tried is Kale's hairline so but that's you know the pothead yeah for my hair but as far as like using it for anxiety or anything like that I haven't so I can't really speak on something that I don't know enough information about or have tried myself yeah and I do know like this sounds this is just what I know this is like

I have a close friend of mine who did go to like because I'm in California so it's legal went to like the pot store and told them that he struggled to sleep because of his anxiety and he struggled with panic attacks for a long time and they gave him a certain strand of weed and he takes like two puffs and goes to sleep and he said it's like changed his life like it's made it so much better and I'm not you know I'm not a doctor I also don't under like I don't know everything about weed in general marijuana as a whole but I know that the people at those stores and stuff can be pretty educated so it's okay to go in and ask and then do your own research and then make a decision that makes you feel good

right perfect okay the next question is why do you think so many people in our generation suffer from anxiety I think it's a lot of things like we're kind of talking about earlier I don't know if it's just because of like survival like that's why we're all here because we're anxious and we saved ourselves and like our families continued but I also think the never turning off kind of thing like the social media push I think is definitely attributing to it because it's a constant comparison game it's a constant keep up I have to do something oh I should story about this oh I should tell them I should make this post oh I need to post this photo and you take a photo like we I think we've lost the just in the momentness

I think social media is kind of taking that from us and I believe we'll let we'll figure it out like we'll stop being so anxious about that kind of stuff and able to kind of return to you know us going to lunch and not pulling out our phones once I think that can come back but I think that definitely feeds into it what do you think well just from being a part of reality TV I see things you know from a perspective of constant judgment and I feel like with having a social media following that you have to feel like you have to be to a certain standard and I think that just in general like you've got these high school girls out here sometimes you'll be on your explorer page and you'll click on a you know

pretty picture and it's like some high school girl and it's like okay first of all that's not what I looked like in high school secondly why does that child feel like they need to you know keep up like that because that's a problem in itself and I just think that there's just like this push of anxiety and young girls particularly because girls want to be desired and I think that you know the social media aspect of it and like being Instagram worthy and so on and so forth I think that that definitely adds an additional stress that I didn't have whenever I was growing up so but I also feel like I had anxiety growing up but just for different reasons but I do also feel like back to what you said like do you know storing

things in the moment and so on and so forth I have learned that with social media that I try to do things in the moment I might have my phone out and I might be taking a story of something but I'm not posting so I will take a video of something and then put my phone away and enjoy the moment and the time that I'm in and then I will post like after the fact so that I can actually enjoy the moment but also share yeah no I think that's great yeah and I also wonder if like being women too and this sounds I don't know if this sounds a little old fashioned for people but it's like we fought to be able to have all these rights and do things and be equal and be able to work but we never let go of

the like I do everything else at the house thing and I think that could make that definitely feeds into my anxiety is like I do so much work but then I also am like oh but I also am in charge of all this when I'm not like I would just have to ask my husband to help and he would but I think it's like the expectation of doing it all and having it all is too much well and see you have like these you know people in different generations that came before us like for example I'll use my grandmother because she definitely probably contributed to some of my anxiety to an extent because after I got married she's like you know you need to make sure that his clothes are cleaned and pressed and hung up and a hot meal on

the table and the house is clean and when he comes home like everything's perfect and it's like that sounds good and great you know I also you know I have Instagram and then I have the podcast and then I just started a new business so I have a lot of things that are also going on outside of like making sure that wills like white t-shirt is pressed totally and they're more than capable of doing it themselves we do it ourselves you know it's like I think the division of responsibilities and families should be more 50-50 and I think that's something that even I'm guilty of taking more than my fair share you know and maybe like as women become more you know I don't think I don't see it happening like immediate

but as you know women take stances on you know career and take stances on time and stuff like that because we all have the same 24 hours in a day so I feel like you know why should it be that a woman is required to do X, Y and Z also have a job but the expectation for men is if they're doing anything more than their job then you know we should be very thankful. I was like kudos to them. Yeah like wow look at you you yeah I totally agree and I think we are shifting yeah. I'm like where is my respect like right.

Can somebody please give it to me because I would just like to hear it like one time you know like yes you worked all day today and you know I also worked all day today I also took care of Jackson all day today I also went to the grocery store I also went to the bank I also did service calls I also you know and it's like but nobody cares. Yeah it's like expected it's crazy but yeah I think it's just how we talk to one another about it how we like give kudos to our friends we know we're doing all of that work you know there's a lot of ways that I think we can kind of change the conversation and it'll take time but arguably we're moving in the right direction because from like your grandma

my grandma it's totally different you know like it's totally shifted so. I'm like you do realize we live in a different time now like people aren't pushing wagons anymore right. Also who irons anymore. Well this is the funny thing I'm a weird person about ironing like I will not wear wrinkled clothes but you LA people you all are wrinkly as fuck we just roll out of bed yeah you just roll out of bed and it's like this lived in look and like I respect it you know it's like I'm so glad that y'all can nilly-willy just like go around and wrinkled clothes but

like the thoughts of me putting on wrinkled clothes literally sends me up a wall it makes me anxious like everything else in my life yeah the next question is how to respond when someone replies with well everyone nowadays has anxiety I love this question. Oh god yeah I mean I think first of all like other people can have their opinions and leave comments but that doesn't mean that you have to even engage like one of my friends had she says this and I was like one of my favorite quotes of hers that I've repeated over and over and she's like just because you invite me to a conversation doesn't mean I have to show up.

Right. And so someone is like belittling you or trying to invalidate your experience it doesn't mean that you have to even comment like I honestly take like in my own social media and people because trolls and people who talk shit are just out there and so I will for me I just ignore it because it's just not worth like I'm an adult like I don't want to talk to them well and I mean there are certain people that like on social media it might be like weeks that I can go and somebody says something negative and I'm like okay okay whatever and then it gets like that one comment and it's like your breaking point and you don't even

realize that you had gotten to a breaking point but it's like so much build up and then you just explode on that person and you're like but why did I really just do that like what did I get out of it other than the fact that I feel really empowered. Yeah yeah and that's the thing it's like it's pushed you because people wouldn't say that stuff to your face either that's the thing about comments and social media like gives people more power than normal so I think for that comment like first of all I'd ignore it if you feel like you can if you can't I would comment back like just with facts and be like well anxiety is the most common mental illness in the world affecting over 40 million

people I think that's the number but you can wow and it is really common so so yeah thanks for calling that out it is really common I would just like play the like yeah yeah that's just the truth and be like yeah everybody does it's very common do you realize that in like one in five globally are affected with mental illness and anxiety is the most common so I think there's like a lot of ways to just you don't have to fight but you can just give them the facts you're so PC Katie I just love it okay so the last question that we're gonna answer and I think I kind of touched on this earlier in the episode but can anxiety be an environment an environment can make it worse I think it's like because anxiety itself

is just like having constant worry like general anxiety disorders like when you have constant worry and you can't control it no matter how much you want to and you just worry about everything and I think some environments like some work environments can be so stressful that the stress turns into anxiety because there's a big difference that people need to understand the difference between stress and anxiety is that stress always has a trigger it's that project I'm working on it's that meeting coming up it's a thing anxiety can come out of nowhere it doesn't always have a reason I mean it may deep deep down if we done a lot of work on ourselves we're like oh it was three weeks ago that person said

that thing and I've been like holding on to it but it comes out of nowhere it happens in our brain and it leads us to feeling panic overwhelm all of those things so I think differentiating between that's important and knowing that one can turn into the other like stress can turn into anxiety and if you find yourself around people who bring you down and make you feel worse limit your time with those people right not everybody deserves the right to be in your life that's what I was saying earlier on I feel like environments can trigger anxiety maybe yes there's definitely people in my life and I won't mention you know names but there's people that have been in my life that I feel like when I get in an environment

around them that my whole mood changes I become anxious especially people who are like unpredictable people and I feel like you have to learn when you do have anxiety and you're not you know medicated for it and you try to do like natural you know coping mechanisms I feel like you have to be strong enough to move people out of your life that calls you anxiety but you have to be able to recognize that those people are causing you anxiety and I think it's like a whole like self-awareness thing yeah just I think a lot of it can be figured out by just if you had a really like shit day where he felt super anxious like track back to why that was you know think back for your day and then I always like to tell people like

if someone is a trigger for you if you think it's a simple fix like hey when you tell me all the stuff that you need me to do I'm overwhelmed it'd be easier if you just like you know texted it to me once and then just get to this when you can't you know like whatever would fix it I don't know you have to figure out that for yourself but if it's a simple fix just talk to them you don't have to just like avoid them you can talk to them and see if they'll work with you not everybody will but give them the chance to right I definitely agree with that and have definitely had to have those conversations so 100% on board with that advice can you tell our listeners where they can find you where they can find

your videos etc yeah my name is Katie Morton so I'm on YouTube I have a huge YouTube channel with over 1300 videos you can go and search Katie Morton any kind of question you have anxiety depression whatever I also have a book that came out last December called are you okay a guide to caring for your mental health you can find it on Amazon or wherever books are sold yeah and all my social media is just Katie Morton K-A-T-I-M-O-R-T-O-N perfect well thank you so much for coming on the podcast today and talking about anxiety because I know it affects so many people and I'm so grateful that I was able to share my story in a raw and authentic way and I hope it helps somebody yeah me too and thanks for having

me all right guys I think that's all we have time for today if you have not subscribed to us you can do that by searching coffee combos podcast on your purple podcast app for iTunes type in coffee combos click subscribe click the fit star and you can also leave us a written review we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon this podcast is brought to you by wave podcast network check out all of our shows including the brain candy podcast I don't get it coffee combos and let's talk about it.