Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 97: Teen Mom 2, Setting the Record Straight, & Surrogacy

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

Lindsie talks about the misconceptions people have of her & why we make assumptions based on tv. They talk about sometimes feeling alone in your problems & how the podcast helps. Kail reveals why she struggles w/ religion. They share what fans can expect for the new season of Teen Mom 2. They talk about Javi & Jo no longer filming. Guest Kelly Murphy answers questions about surrogacy & infertility. They learn about the process & differences from carrying your children.

Hey guys, welcome to coffee combos. Hey Lindsay. Hey Kale, how are you? I'm tired. Are you well? I'm well but I'm tired. That's my favorite question to ask you because I never know what the response is going to be. I might be unwell. Right, yeah. I'm always actually unwell. Like after this you won't hear from me for two days straight. Two days. Like don't try to even text because if you do I'm not going to be able to text back. I don't have service at my new house and I'm going to be moving for two full days. What if I'm worried that like something happened to you? Well, I'll be fine. You think you will? Yeah. So like realistically you think you can move all of your stuff in two days? Yes, I do. I don't

have a choice. I cannot pay both mortgages for the month of September. Got it. So I want to- Are you renting your house or we're not talking about that or- So I'm going to rent my house out and I need to replace the carpet. There's three rooms in the house that have carpet. Literally that's it. So I'm going to replace the carpet and I want all my stuff moved out before I list it because I don't want people to come tour it while I have my stuff in it. That's kind of weird because like what if they just try to tour it because they want to see your stuff? Right. Like it's weird. It's like a weird- Somebody might try to steal a crystal. Like it's a big deal. Oh, I already moved the crystals. They were-

That was the first thing I moved was the crystals to make sure that no movers, no painters, no cleaners, no nothing was going to touch my crystals. Because those are very special to you. They are very special to me. I just love that. It's like my favorite thing ever. Very special to me. Yeah, they were very special to me. So the past couple of weeks I feel so relieved. I feel like talking on the podcast. I don't know what it is. I know you even called me out on my energy. She's like, I feel like you feel stressed. I feel like you're flustered. Like you're picking up on all the energies and I'm like, well, I'm just like annoyed. I have to do scripts and other. You have the crystals in your pocket. I feel like I'm

becoming a medium. Stop laughing. Did you ever ask Irene if she carries crystals? Well, she was in some like weird place. I didn't have service. Probably like your house. But she was somewhere and she sent, I sent her a picture of us with the crystals and she clicked like the love button and she was like, I'll contact you tomorrow. I'm really tired. I'll contact you tomorrow. So I haven't heard from her yet, but she will be contacting me and I'll give you guys an update about what Karine thinks about my two crystal collection. Your pair. My starter set. There are like starter ones, you know, like, what's a good crystal for your first one? Like there's like, when I get the time, I'm going to order like

the encyclopedia. Like I'm going to know about everything. And then Kaila and I are going to be schooling each other and it's going to kind of be like this pissing match. It's going to be like, I know more about crystals than you do. Well, then we should get Spencer Pratt. Like we should just collab. Totally. Yeah. What would we call like, he's got Pratt Daddy crystals. Like what would I call mine? Crystals and chaos? No, because I feel like crystals are chaos. Kaila and the crystals. Kaila and the crystals, I think that's more realistic for sure. Like seriously, like I feel like I've turned like a new leaf or something. I knew you were going to say that. I'm basically psychic. That's what I'm saying. It's like

the crystals just like changed us as people. Yeah, I don't know. Just like the last couple of episodes, I feel like the feedback has been so good. Like people are saying that they couldn't relate to me before because they felt like I basically had a silver spoon and until I basically let people know that like I'm normal, which I thought I was. But I guess I hit it. Maybe I wasn't open as open. I feel like you're really open. Like you're well, I think that people like look at your life and they know who your family is based on a TV show. And so they just assume that this is Lindsay Chrisley and she was born into a family with money and you have no problems. And because you guys have money, there is

no such thing as problems. Right. So you don't know what it's like to empathize with other people about real life struggles. I think that's kind of the vision that people really Yeah, but the messages have been like, I rely on you so much more now. Just like so nice and it's refreshing and I feel safe and it's like a good place to be in. Yeah. I'm glad we have the podcast to like talk about it and be able to do that. So like, how do you feel? I feel good. I feel great. I think that you're doing really well and you're calm and your energy is great and the crystals are working and I'm happy that you trust your mom instincts. I'm happy that you, I'm happy that you and Jackson are both happy with the

decision that you guys made with the schooling. It's probably just like one less thing that you need to worry about or have anxiety about. I know I'm already getting messages like about people saying that they've had the same struggles. And I guess until you talk about it, you don't really realize that other people are going through the same stuff. Right. I think we talked about it before, like you kind of feel like alone in your problems, but like also everybody else is doing the same life as you, maybe not like the same path as you are in the same like geographical location or whatever, but everybody's going through the same thing that has kids. And so it just feels so good to hear other moms that relate. Yeah, that can

relate. Agreed. I really loved the episode that we did with Brittany. I loved it. I thought she was great energy and just one thing that I've struggled with in my probably my whole life, but more so in my adulthood is like, I feel like a lot of Christians are people, Catholic, a lot of religious people, I guess is a good way to put it, have always tried to shove God and Jesus down my throat. And I got really frustrated by it because I'm like, that's not the way to do it. And then they ultimately end up being like the most judgmental people I've ever met. And I felt like her, like one of the things that really stuck out to me that she said is like, they don't talk about people in their home. And

like, you know, are you building people up? Are you taking people, tearing people down? That really stuck with me. And I really felt like she didn't judge people who didn't have the same beliefs or live their life the same way that she does. Like I really felt good about her. Yeah, I feel like she was so, what would be the word for it? She wasn't judgmental. Yeah, at all. Like I'm covered in tattoos and I didn't feel like she judged me even in the slightest. Yeah. I felt like it was such an honest conversation and such a refreshing conversation. And I have heard so many times just going to church and stuff, people saying, well, Christians give Christians bad names, you know, because of judgment or whatever.

And I mean, we've all been judgmental in our life. Right. But I'm just saying like, as religious and spirit, like religious, I guess, as she was, I didn't feel like she was shoving it down my throat. I didn't feel like she was saying this way is the way that you should be living. And this is the way you have to do it. I just felt like she was really open to just all walks of life. Absolutely. Have we talked about on the podcast, or I don't even know if you want to share it, that you went to church? Yeah, we talked about it already.

We did. I forgot if we talked about it. I think that's amazing. Yeah, it was cool, but I'm not, I'm not going to go back. You won't. Not to that one. I mean, I'll try again later. It's like, nope, that one wasn't the one for me. I'll try one in three years from now. Yeah, I'll try again later. So what do you have coming up? The Teen Mom 2 reunion is not too far away. It's in the coming weeks. And then I'm pretty sure going to wrap up in the season of filming Teen Mom moving. Lincoln starts Lincoln and

Isaac go back to school after Labor Day. So I'm just trying to think like anything else. I don't have any more trips planned the rest of the year so far other than possibly for your birthday. Can you share anything for the people who are like avid Teen Mom watchers for the upcoming season? Like what we can expect? Well, it's kind of weird because like we've already talked about a lot of the stuff that they're filming for the season on the podcast. So like the Hawaii.

It's kind of a bust. The Hawaii. I've already given you all the spoilers. We talked about the Hawaii thing. Obviously always updates on like Chris, like Javi and Joe are not filming for the show at all. That is a new revelation. Can we talk about that for a second because I didn't even know about that. Yeah. And I'm talking to you every day.

They've pretty much been done with like full scenes. Like they'll allow them to film like the kids getting dropped off or dropping the kids off. But as far as like actual scenes, they're not doing it anymore. Is there like any specific reason behind it or different reasons or? I mean, they both are, I mean, Javi owns his gym and has like his own, you know what I mean? Like he's in the spotlight on his own in the highest way possible at his gym. So he's kind of getting all the attention he needs. And then.

Oh, wow. Kill. And then Joe and V have like their real estate stuff going on. And I think they just don't I, and I'm just taking a guess here. I don't really know. Don't really need to be on the show and probably don't really want to be associated with it in that way anymore because they are moving on to like moving on with their careers and doing professional things that they don't really need to be on Teen Mom for. And that's, like I said, that's just my guess.

But so you think they won't be like on the reunions? Like, well, I know they're not going to be on the reunions. Will it be harder to like tell your story without them participating, you think? Yes and no, because like I said, I am taking full accountability for the Hawaii thing. But I'm sure the viewers would have wanted to see Joe's perspective. And as much as that sucks for me, I mean, I don't know when it's almost a disadvantage for him to I'm just playing devil's advocate because now he can't tell his side. It's one sided.

But I feel like I've literally told both sides. Yeah, you have. Like I didn't. Yeah, I'm not sitting here trying to play victim. Like I did what I did. I made my bed and I laid in it. So I just feel like in that, but in like other circumstance, like in other scenarios, I guess he won't have. And I guess that they would probably never say no if he wanted to come back for one scene to explain his side or whatever. But is it like official? Like, was it like a conversation that was had or like?

I don't know. I don't know if they talked to talk to the producers about it. I don't. All I know is like when they're like, Hey, we're coming to town. I'm pretty sure they just say no, like they're not, they're not going to film the scenes, which is not they're not the first dads to say no, because Corey and Jeremy hardly ever film, but I feel like they hardly ever filmed from like the jump. I mean, like they were in it, but I don't feel like as much as hobby for sure. Cause I think they started saying no sooner. So, so I think it'll be a little bit different. I mean, it was nice for Joe and hobby to get where they need to be. And then they kind

of just like cut the ties. Of course. And then who else? Adam doesn't film. Who else is on the show? Brianna's baby dad doesn't film Lewis. And then I don't really know Jade's situation. But yeah, I mean, I, this isn't the first time. I did see where Jade said that, um, was she married or was that her boyfriend? Chloe's dad is that her? I think that was her boyfriend. I don't know if they're together or not.

I think that he is filming. I think I saw her say that he was. Oh, okay. I don't know. Um, but I don't know. I'll be interested to see her story unfold on there too. Yeah. So that's all that's doing with me with me. All right guys, it's the end of a long day. And the last thing you want to do is figure out what you're going to cook for dinner. And that's where door dash comes into play. Restaurant quality food with a living room dress code.

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the door dash app from the app store and enter promo code coffee. Don't forget that's promo code coffee for $5 off your first order from door dash. Transition gear is just a little bit. We have received tons of messages just over time. We've talked about surrogacy a couple times. It's come up, but never really talked about it in depth. With someone who's been a surrogate. Yeah. And I feel like the interest just grew over time seeing you guys send us messages. It's come over email, direct message in the comments and stuff like that. So we decided it would be a good idea because we were interested and obviously you guys would probably be interested

due since you're asking questions to bring on a surrogate. So actually she reached out to us after we talked about surrogacy and she was like, if you ever want to have a surrogate, come on. I would love to be able to give my perspective from my side. So I also did an ask questions. I don't even know if that's what it's called, but you know, like the thing in Instagram and we had some very interesting questions that I also would like answers to. So just going to give you guys a little bit of background before we bring her on. Her name is Kelly Murphy and she is a married mother of two. She's a stay at home mom since her son was born and she went to school for phlebotomy

and then she realized that she had a fear of needles. So that's something that's interesting about her. She volunteers a couple of times a week at her kid's school and surrogacy came into her life when she was watching an episode of Oprah. So she had two textbook pregnancies and she knew at that point that she wanted to do it and she knew that like that was her calling. So I don't want to give too much more information because I want her to be like, how many times was she a surrogate? Oh, I know it's just like multiple times. So I don't know if that's like twice or like three times. Well, I've talked about it before. I know one person who was a surrogate three times and I know someone who was a surrogate

or who tried to become a surrogate, but it never, it never happened. Like she was on the hormones every single day. She was doing it and she miscarried. I think both times she tried. So it was like, it took a toll. And I mean, she was hormonal and going through all these things with her husband for a baby that wasn't theirs. And so it ended up causing them issues and she didn't ever try again. Wow. Wow. So I don't want to waste any more time because I want her to be able to tell her full story and we have like a lot of questions. So let's get her on. All right, guys. So we are going to welcome Kelly Murphy onto Coffee Convo. So Kelly, welcome. Thanks for coming on. Hi.

Hi, I'm so excited. So we kind of like did like a brief intro of who you are and like what your story is going to include. But for myself, I already have so many questions and I know that we did, Lindsay didn't ask the listeners thing. So they, they have a ton of questions and we obviously want you to tell your full story, but also just know that we may do rapid, rapid fire with you later because there's so many things we want answered. Okay. Okay. So we've talked about surrogacy on the podcast before, but like never in depth and there's always been like a bunch of curiosity from both of us just as hosts, like what it's like, how you make that decision and how it comes into your life. So I think for everybody

to get like the biggest picture to maybe tell your story from the beginning. Okay. So when about six months after I had my second child, I was watching Oprah when she was cool and there was a lady on there that was a surrogate and I felt like I've had two very normal pregnancies. Why can't I do that? Like my kids are my entire world. So why not help someone else? So I had some, some from work and I was like, I figured out I know what I want to do because at the time I was a stay at home while I still am today, eight years later. And he was totally fine with it. And right off the bat, he really was. He was like, my husband would have been like, get out. Yes. If I would have went to

any of my kids' dads with that, they would have been like, get the hell out. Most people say that my husband would never let me do that. And my husband's always like, but why? Like what, who is it hurting? Like it's not really, wasn't bothering him. I was still breastfeeding at the time and I reached out to an agency and you have to not be breastfeeding. And it was like my goal to make it to at least the one year mark. And I told them my son's birthday was in March. He turned the year old on the fourth and they called me on the fifth. And I just wanted to know if you were still interested. And I was like, this was like meant to be like they reached out to me. That was in March of 2012.

And I got pregnant in my first time with, I carried it, but it's when it's the first time in August of that same year. So it all happens really fast. Yeah. Wow. So the family, do they pick you? Like, how does that work? Okay. So you get their profile first. And it was almost like, I'll say like a dating profile. It has like pictures of them. And they had to write something about each other, like from their point of view, what they like to do for fun. It didn't go into too depth on like their medical history and why they were there. It was just more like about them. And I told myself from the beginning, why would I turn someone down? Like I didn't have

a reason to. But they were like, it just seems perfect, like they were perfect. And I was like, sure, we'll go with it. And then they received your profile after that, but you get to say so first. Okay. And do you know if that's, do you know if it's like that across the board or this is just the specific agency that you went through? I've worked with two different ones. I carried for the same agency twice and then moved on to another one and they both were the same. Okay. Wait, did you know that you were going to get pregnant with twins or you didn't? Most people transferred to embryos because the cost is so expensive for IVF. So they try to do like a two for one kind of deal

and hopefully get one of the baby. Yeah. So they both took embryos. That's like a whole another story or graded on a scale. And the ones they put in were both like double a five-day embryos. So the odds of them taking were really good. And they did. So yeah. Wow. Yeah. All right, guys, let's talk about HelloFresh. I love HelloFresh recipes. And if you've been wanting to try this service, now is the time to see what's cooking. HelloFresh does all the meal planning and shopping. So say goodbye to endless grocery store trips and take out food. HelloFresh has you covered. Spend less time meal planning and grocery shopping so that you can get your time back to do more of what you love. Just cook and enjoy. There's

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the list of meal options and you can add extra meals to your weekly order as well as like add-ons. There's garlic bread and cookie dough stuff like that. And you can change your delivery days food preferences and skip a week whenever you need to. So for so for $80 off your first month of HelloFresh go to hellofresh.com slash coffee combos 80 and enter coffee combos 80. So can you tell us like was the pregnancies different than carrying your kid like your biological kids? Did you have attachment? Did you like what were the emotions that went through it? Because I know a lot of people asked that like in different ways. They were specific questions. But that was like the general. So I think that's a great question.

I think that's a great question. I think that's a great question. I think that's a great question. Yeah. A lot of people want to know like how did it feel when you gave your baby up? And I always tell people I wasn't my baby to give up. I was just carrying it. I gave it back to them and you have to definitely go into it with that mindset. There's definitely a lot of psychological springs that go into therapy. You have to have a sit down like with a psychologist and there's like a test you have to take and you know they try to definitely weed out the crazies. But I just went into it with you know like I'm doing something good for somebody else. And in turn it was good for my family. I mean yes you

do get paid to do that. You know we were able to buy a home. I was something that I was going to Disney. Yeah. I had a friend who did it or was trying to do it and this is terrible so but I'm going to say it. She wanted to do it because she needed money. But I don't know if that's necessarily the right reason to do it. I just think that you know you need to do it from you know the goodness of your heart. Right. It's like something that you feel is the right thing to do. So I think that was another question that we had was do you get paid? And again is it across the board or some situations you know you just strictly carry the child for the family? I would say that you definitely get paid unless

you choose to go independent and that's like not working with an agency and I feel like most of those situations are like family, friends you know situations where like I'll just carry it for you kind of thing. Got it. Okay that makes sense. Yeah. So once you carry the babies and it's time for you to deliver is it kind of like set up the same way as an adoption situation is set up to where like the mom gets to come and hold the babies first or like do you ever hold them? Do you see them or like how does that work? The first time the parents missed the delivery because I live in Georgia and they lived in Texas and they chose to drive because they didn't want to bring their newborn babies through

the terrible Atlanta airport. That makes sense. So they drove the 16 hours here so they missed the delivery. I carry the twins to 39 weeks which never happened. That's amazing. I was ginormous and so I took care of them for probably the first 10 hours before they got there so I definitely held them and fed them and changed their diaper but they wanted it that way and there's here in Georgia we have things called free birth orders and things are put in place that if you didn't want your surrogate to take care of your baby the baby would just go to the nursery. We had grown so close that they definitely wanted my husband and I caring for them before they were able to make it there. And did you feel that attachment of

not wanting to give them up or because I know that you said that you knew that they weren't your babies but did you feel any type of attachment like oh wow I regret doing this or it was like oh wow I definitely am happy I did this and I will do it again. Yeah absolutely I was definitely happy I did it. I mean it's just overwhelming like I don't know you won't know until you're in that situation that this is why I did this. Your heart literally could burst right out of your chest. It was amazing and they walked in and it was almost like they were nervous to even hold them. It was surreal for sure. It still is now because the kids are like going to first grade this year and I just think that's crazy. Did you

have like restrictions and rules and like things that you could eat and not eat or like how did that work while you were pregnant. Did they not want you doing certain things for the whole thing or. No none of the three times here I carry three times now none of them were that way. The first couple did send me some like vitamins in the mail that they had heard would help even out like twin birth weight so I took those but no one has ever really put like a food restriction or like we moved to the first time and they paid for all the movers and everything because they didn't want me doing anything but. Wow. And you can't really travel away from your hospital after like 20 weeks. Well with the twin pregnancy

because I wasn't they don't want me like be too far from home. Right. So nothing crazy I'm sure there's crazy things out there but not for me. Do you have a relationship with any of the families or the kids that you delivered and obviously had children for or is it strictly like a closed adoption. Now I guess I have relationships with two of the three. The ones that live in Texas we speak regularly and pictures birthday Christmas presents and the second couple was actually a single female. It wasn't a couple I guess a single lady and she actually comes to Atlanta to see my family all the time because she doesn't have a lot of family so she considers a family. You know I mean Kelly. She's an Allison. Oh my God.

So cute. Yeah. Yeah. She lives there. She actually lives in Philly. Oh OK. I live right outside of Philly so that's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. And the other couple was actually a local couple and they definitely were more busy because there's people like that that don't want that personal relationship. I have not seen them since we left the hospital and not really spoke to them a lot. But the other two are very warm and welcoming. I've pumped breast milk and shit all three times. So that keeps me open at least for a little while but the first two were very family you know like we definitely consider them family. Wow. So you get like pictures of the kids and stuff like that. Oh yeah. Wow. That is amazing.

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I actually got figs for my friend who was in the health care profession and she loved them. She thought they were so great and everyone asked where she got them. So figs is by far the way to go. I actually have the same story. My mom is in the health care industry as well and she said that people asked her when she was wearing her scrubs where she got them. So obviously they're head turners. Yes. So I think anybody who is in the health care profession should try a pair of figs and I love the fact of their give back program. So figs gift cards are also available if you want to gift them to somebody. The next time your doctor nurse, dentist, dermatologist or pediatrician saves the day tell them thank you by sending them

a pair of figs. So whether you're one of the awesome humans that works in health care or someone who wants to say thanks for these deserving folks figs is going to make it easy by providing you with 15% off of your first purchase by using our code coffee. Get ready to love your scrubs. Head to wearfigs.com that's W-E-A-R-F-I-G-S.com and enter our code coffee at checkout. So do you feel like a bond with them because you carried them or was there just like not a maternal bond or it was something that you had mentally like gone into it with the specific mindset that you know I'm doing this as a gift you know like for somebody that you know can't carry or you know whatever the situation may be?

Yeah, I think I definitely went into it from the get go with that mentality is that like they're not mine. I love them and I love doing this. I think the bond is more with the parent like I'm a parent now and you're a parent and I helped you get there kind of thing. You know and I know they feel the same way like they feel like you know they can't thank you enough like they wouldn't have this if it wasn't for you. So it's not as much with the bond as with the child as it is with the parent. Did you ever out of any obviously you did but with any of the pregnancies when people would like see you in public or like your friends and family did you ever have a hard

time explaining to them what you were doing or like did anyone ever disagree with what you were doing and you kind of feel like like the only like while you were telling your story I guess what I was picturing is like you're at Target and you're pregnant and people are always like when are you do like they ask you 101 questions and you're like oh this isn't my baby. You know what I mean? Yeah, you have to like feel those when they come like I don't know some people you can just feel like you like my radar maybe you can tell when someone's going to get it and they're not because therapy therapy is definitely coming around more but when I started in 2012

it wasn't that big of a thing or as no. So if I thought maybe they might get what I was telling them then like sure I'd be like oh if they're actually not mine I'm actually carrying them for another couple and that would open a whole nother can of form. But I don't know I kind of feel those when they come like if I think they're going to get it if not I would say oh it's a girl. I'm doing that. Right, yeah. Right. And then were any of your family members like completely against what you were doing? No, not at all. My mom is still slightly confused on the like but yeah like your babies because

they were in your body and I'm like no. They were like they weren't my ex and she's like uh-huh but the umbilical cord I'm like uh-huh we shared blood for nine months and that's it. Right. So I don't know. That phone was against it. No. I think they're all happy for me. So tell us like what it was like after your husband's agreed to this you know and um you decide that this is what you're going to do and this is your calling. Was he fully supportive

like through the whole thing? Like once the babies were born like yeah I mean I guess like it's one thing as an idea right like but when it actually happens that's like a completely different like oh wow this is actually happening. I mean he traveled with me every time that I went like out of state for the embryo transfers in the medical screenings like you have to get to their clinic of choice. I've been to Texas and I've been to LA several times. He never like once sat in an eye and then like after the babies were born I mean I needed help. I had ended up in a C-section because

of the twins and he never once like looked at me and thought like why are we doing this or what were you thinking? That's amazing. Now not at all. I love that. He's a good guy. Obviously, I think that's great. Did you guys feel the same emotions during delivery as you did for your own? Like that natural like you almost I mean for some of my kids I cried

and some of them I didn't but like that natural like oh my gosh like I did this like I don't know how to describe it but you get what I'm saying right? It's like an empowering feeling or something. Yeah, for sure. I mean like I'm laying there thinking like this is really it. Like these people are about to become parents like while I'm being cut open like I can't like I'm thinking one thing and there are people on the outside of the door because I chose to have my husband in the operating room all three times. You know I thought like what are they thinking outside this door?

Right. Right. They would have to have a million questions like knowing that biologically like those are their kids but they're like standing outside a door waiting you know while someone's about to give them the greatest gift of their life. Prior I guess if you like rewind a little bit prior to actually becoming a surrogate and having your own two kids did you know that you were done having your own children or would you?

They definitely asked you that in the screening process that if you think you're not done because I would say younger because I had my daughter younger, 21, and she's 11 now. So they definitely asked you their kind of questions like you know do you want more children and I was content with what I had because I had a girl and a boy and so my husband and I just thought like if for some reason this makes me infertile because there's always that possibility of you know with any pregnancy of something going wrong where we finish. I don't know where we were content with what we had so now looking back not that I can't have any more children I'm like I know I'm getting old it would be my fourth defections

I doubt we would do it again but yeah we're content and we were then I mean you have to definitely make that piece but if something goes wrong I won't be mad at myself or mad at my husband or mad at the world for like the decision that I made. So if you guys are like me and constantly trying to fit exercise in the day but you feel defeated you'll definitely love open fit. Open fit makes getting fit doable for everyone. It's a super simple streaming service that allows you to work out from the comfort of your living room and as little as 10 minutes a day and honestly sometimes we only have

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Standard message and data rates may apply. So can you tell us where your kids confuse like did they understand the process like did you have to explain that to them that this is not like a brother or sister this is how did that go? My son was only a year old like at the time the first time around that my daughter was four and she understood and there's actually some children's books about serigesty about this momma kangaroo that carries for another kangaroo lady in the neighborhood and gives the baby back.

She understood as much as I guess a four year old can one time we were at ballet and a little kid said your mom's going to have another baby and she said it's not ours my mom is like an oven and she's keeping it warm. That's so cute. So cute. I love that. She actually understood it and I don't know because she was a girl and boys are more like whatever.

Yeah. She got it and now they're both older and the last one I delivered in 2017 and so now they're both older and they totally get it and you know it's not ours and we're not bringing it home and they're fine with that and we leave it at that. I think that when my kids get older and they go on to possibly have families of their own especially for my daughter that she's going to be like you're like your real life super hero. Yeah.

You put yourself through that. Yeah. Someone else. Yeah. For sure. So how many years between each surrogacy yeah how would you ask it how many years were between each surrogacy. So you had the twins first how many years later did you carry for somebody else.

The twins were born in 2013 and two years later I had a singleton boy for the single lady in February of 2015 and then what year is it now. I don't know. I had the last baby in 2018 so that was a bigger gap three years later than I had the last one. So was it a girl the last one. It was a girl. The twins were a boy girl and then I had a boy and then a girl.

Oh wow. Wow. Can you tell our listeners what the process is like to be a surrogate because I was telling Lindsay before we got you on I had a friend that was trying to do surrogacy and she had she was doing the hormone like the I guess their hormones or injections whatever to herself every day and she miscarried twice and so at that point it was just kind of like she was going through the mood swings and all the things from like the hormones and just like the heartbreak I guess of not being able to do it and so for the sake of their marriage

and for their self they didn't actually continue and she never was able to carry for somebody but can you talk about the process of what you have to do in order to get pregnant as a surrogate. I mean there's definitely you know the process in the beginning of you know your BMI and your psychological standpoint and your pregnancies that you had on your own because you definitely have to have had carried children of your own to do it. Once you get past that leg of it you know you do start the injectables and birth control and some places do depositories and then I mean once you get to the transfer point usually

most agencies you agree to do three transfers 18 months time period if they don't stick after the you know the first or second time. It could definitely be heartbreaking though for anybody for it not to work because you think that like you went into like knowing you wanted to do it and your body you know it's very science so it's not just because you can carry kids of your own and get pregnant on your own it doesn't mean that it's always going to work I mean there's definitely a message at the madness. Wow but you didn't you haven't had any trouble any time.

Not getting pregnant those have all worked out actually first transfer every time which doesn't work usually for a lot of people once you go into the initial train for an embryo put into place you actually leave the clinic two weeks and five days pregnant because the embryo is already created it's not like when you get pregnant on your own you go for a blood test 10 days later you go in for another blood test a few days after that they're looking for your level to be over like a certain number to prove that you're pregnant and then you don't actually have an ultrasound until you're six weeks so there's a lot of waiting and a lot of anxiety that goes into it and like am I still pregnant you know like I don't

feel pregnant. Did it work yeah yeah there's a lot of that that goes into it so that might all work all three times my last pregnancy and I actually went into preterm labor my water has broken all five of the pregnancies that I've carried with my own children and with the surrogacy and it broke at 33 and a half weeks the last time which is very scary and caught me off guard and I had never happened but I knew that's what it was because my water had broken I was the husband of the middle of the night and I said my water broke and we have to go so the mom was actually on vacation in Miami so I had to reach out to my attorney to get

someone to come up to the hospital but she was only in the NICU for about a week and a half and she's perfect and fine and healthy today I think my body just given out five pregnancies later it was done so. So is there always like attorneys involved on both sides like what are these like legal binding contracts through like lawyers or like how does that work. There's yeah there's definitely contracts along contracts you know breaking it down by anything and everything possible definitely stating you know that me and my husband and this isn't our biological child and this belongs to so and so you know obviously the payments

are broken down in there any sort of medical emergency that could possibly happen travel all of that is broken down in there. Here in the state of Georgia we do have a pre-birth order and that means that you go to like your attorney would go to the court health on your behalf having a birth certificate already set in place with the parents names legally put on it. Some states do not have those and there gets we'll have to go to court up to like a month or two months after the baby's born to get their name taken off of the birth certificate luckily here in Georgia that's been a problem yeah all right really quickly we've never

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Honey the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money when you're shopping online. I wanted to ask a question that is may or may not be taken offensively but that's not my intention. In a situation where there is maybe you don't even know the answer there is a genetic issue a medical reason why someone would need to get an abortion or you can get an elective abortion for a medical reason what happens in that situation if the surrogate doesn't agree with having one but the parents either want one you know what I'm saying do you get what I'm saying?

Yeah that is literally probably in the initial application process you there are definitely agencies and surrogates and couples or single people that want it to be up to the parents and I choose to let it be up to the parents like and a lot of agencies won't accept you if you're not willing to let them make that call when I go into this this is my body their baby so they make all of those decisions I have no power or no right to say like that they have to keep it or they have to choose to race it like and they have to sleep with those decisions at night and like I'm the one you know I'm here for them so. Okay well I mean that answers my question.

I feel like listening to you I obviously know that like I would never be cut out to do it but listening to you I feel like you're so you're like in such a good like headspace about it your ducks are like all in a row with it and. I want to do it. Were you always like that or was it something that you just had to like train yourself to get in that mindset or was it I don't you know what I mean like I don't know. And as far as therapy goes like absolutely I didn't grow up in the best home and I always like knew that I wanted children and I wanted to be a mom and that I wanted to be like the

best mom and I didn't want my kids to like want or need or like want wonder if they're loved and I just after I had my own children and realized what an impact they made on my life I just can't imagine the people that have fit the thousands and thousands of dollars in the years and years of just wanting a child that I was able just to do on my own. I want to do it. I could totally see you do it. Someone messaged me asking me like full on DM'd me and was like I know this is crazy but like that might be a fan and that might be scary well right of course but like to

go through an agency like I truly believe that I would have I could I feel like I would be like Kelly I feel like I would be able to understand this is not my baby and I'm giving this baby. I wouldn't be able to understand that and I think you know and I wonder I would be curious to interview somebody who is on your end of it who did go through with it and then struggled to give the baby up. Have you ever heard that Kelly? Not from the hundreds of surrogates that I've met along the way just through social media

where they I've definitely heard of you know postpartum for sure you go home and you struggle and I'd be lying if I didn't say that after my second pregnancy that I taught myself being snappy with my children and I'm like snap out of it you're you know like calm down and it didn't really have anything to do with the baby but like your hormones are all over the place. I mean there's definitely situations I'm sure like that or not even being snappy but sad and emotional and like what just happened and maybe they never go on to do it again. I think lots of there gets definitely carry more than one time because you see the bigger

picture and you see what you did. Right. Well it's an amazing guess that's for sure I think I was definitely put here to do that and like I'm so glad that my life took me that direction so. Well so can you tell us obviously Kale's had different experiences with all of her deliveries and pregnancies and stuff. Did you carrying your surrogate what are they called? Surrogate pregnancy.

Pregnancies is that what they're called? With your surrogate pregnancies and you don't have to say like the twins or the boy or the girl but did you have different like emotions about them were you connected to any of the pregnancies like on a different way at all or no or were they all the same. No I would say they were all the same now like I never felt more connected to one over the other. No. Wow.

Wow. Yeah that's awesome. I think that's awesome. I would not be the person that would be able to. I want to do it. And my sister's the same way and we feel like we're like separated twins and she's like that's absolutely not for me like just for you but that's not for me so I mean. No I like respect it 100% like there's a need for people that have your mindset and that

can mentally do this you know but I just know. I mean you really don't realize people how big the infertility world is and people are struggling so bad and so you get into it and then you realize like there's lots of people like me and then there's hundreds and hundreds of people like parents on the waiting list to be matched. I mean they're constantly looking for surrogates like I just have to wait. So can you tell us people who get surrogates were the families that you carried their babies for them?

Was it all situations where they just couldn't carry or did you have a situation where a mother just didn't want to carry? No none that didn't want to carry. One carried and was losing had multiple miscarriages and her uterus was just odd shaping and she was never going to be able to carry it was never going to hold. The second one was an older lady and she never got married and now at that time her eggs were no good and so she actually went through an egg donor and a sperm donor so the child is actually biologically not hers she just wanted to take the experience the pregnancy

part of having a baby which is why she didn't go through the adoption route. A lot of people ask that why didn't she choose to do that but she wanted the whole package. And the last lady actually carried a daughter of her own and she's two years older than the one I had and she just had a lot of issues the entire pregnancy and her doctor suggested that she probably not carry again. Can you choose to get a surrogate just because you don't want to carry? I think that's a vanity thing like a hauling thing I'm sure there's people that do that yeah.

Yeah so you don't have to have to pay the money for it then I guess sure you can get whatever you want to but I feel like people that go this route it's because it's their last resort. Like a necessity okay I see you're saying. I just I'm curious like who would I even call if I wanted to be a surrogate. Kelly tell me all of the things that I need to do to become you. I can message you on Instagram or Twitter or something and send you the agencies that I've worked for but there are lots of amazing agencies out there but I know lots of them

from the surrogate world that's for sure but I can definitely message you for places that I've carried for. Like why is there. There are couples all over the US all over the world I've never carried internationally because I had that fear of like the language barrier and stuff like that and there's definitely not for reporters put into those situations and those international parents will stay here in the US for almost eight weeks or more in a time because you have to let go to the consulate and all sorts of things like that.

Right. So it wasn't worth the hassle sure it wasn't something I was interested in so I've carried here in the US like all three times a couple from Texas and the lady from Philly in the last people actually lived down the road in Sandy Springs so it was local to me. So can you tell us like now that you have carried three times are you officially like completely done or would you be open to another one or are you just like I've carried five or six six babies or six babies by pregnant six babies pregnant two and I'm definitely retired after the preterm labor last time I probably wouldn't find a fertility clinic

that would have proved me anyways and that was also my three my third C section and that usually a no go also okay I mean there's definitely guidelines so yeah okay yeah I had preterm labor two at thirty four weeks so I definitely get the stresses of that and I was super stressful and I could imagine in your situation it would even be worse because it's not your baby. It was I felt very out of control and had never had that situation happen before and if I was going to be honest the parents were not happy with the situation and not happy with me but it wasn't anything that I did and I'm sure that has something to do with

whether I did an end well that's a really that's a risk that they had to understand prior to so I mean for them to say that they're not happy with you or the situation you you gave them the greatest gift that they'll ever receive so I feel like that's a little bit judge panel harsh harsh yeah I said that you thought me out I didn't take you out like and I was here to help you and at the end of the day you have a beautiful amazing healthy daughter that you wouldn't have had if I wasn't for me but that would be so heartbreaking still test a year and some months later to follow sometimes I sit around and think about about it a lot so yeah that's so tough there isn't an ugly side to the surrogacy unfortunately

for some people and I never thought mine would end that way because my first two were so amazing but yeah I mean I'm grateful I did it and at the end of the day she wouldn't have her child if it wasn't for me so you know that you did everything that you could to you know do something so selfless and so it's really on them and not on you do you have friends that you've made obviously like now that you've been a surrogate I'm sure that you have a community of women that you know that have done the same thing for other families do you have friends that have like horror stories or not really um no not really um but I can think of off the top of my head here locally I have persuaded or convinced two girls that I when

I worked with them when I went to high school was to go on and be there get some they've actually carried two more times um so I just you know so like it definitely came full circle for me and now you persuaded kale oh I already entertained it persuaded kale so yeah um yeah I love it it was it was amazing for me it was a good thing for me so well thank you so much for sharing like all of the details um it's fascinating to me and I feel like it's such a needed thing and a lot of people just don't know a ton about it because I think a lot of people hear surrogate and they think of like royalty or they think of hollywood yeah or a lifetime movie their stuff was in lifetime movies made better scary yeah yeah so I love

to hear like the real perspective of you know just like an everyday mom that has done this for families it's really refreshing so um can you tell our listeners before you go really quick where they can find you on social media do you want people to reach out to you do you not uh do you have like a community or reach out I am on Twitter and Instagram and Facebook just under my name telly murphy they can search that it should come up I honestly answer questions all the time for people lots of messages and I would love to help anybody make a decision if they're looking for a surrogate or to be one or like you know whatever I can do to help for sure like hit me in the dm right you want to carry your baby we can do this

I yeah I'll definitely message you though some of the agencies that are now we're good and the ones that I've carried for okay awesome well thank you so much we really appreciate it yeah you're welcome thank you all right thanks for having me we'll talk to you soon bye okay bye all right that was a little very eye-opening I think I could be a surrogate I want to complete my own family first but I definitely would do it but you're kind of like you're kind of like in between not knowing what you want to do like whether you want to have a baby carry another baby of your own if you want to adopt if you want to foster I want to do all of it now like I did I text you the other day yeah we were texting about

this and okay remember we were talking about it and I was like well these are the things like if you foster you have to be okay with you know like they can be placed back with their parents and talk about it on the podcast though we didn't talk about it on the podcast okay so for those of you that are listening I the other day I think it was like maybe a week ago I texted Lindsay and I was like I want to I want to adopt children she was like kale what the fuck yeah you can't just like on a random Tuesday just be like I'm gonna adopt kids but I really sat there and thought about it and I was I was having a conversation with somebody else and I just think that I want more kids but whether I

carry them on my own or not is not important to me so you've done that yeah I've done it three times and I just I really could picture myself maybe fostering siblings at that to keep them and then keep them together and then hopefully the foster would lead to the adoption right and I would love to keep siblings together and so that was my kind of like my idea with that and I wouldn't have to have I wouldn't have to go through the pregnancies or anything like that and be hard on my body in that way and maybe I think it's I don't know how true this is and anyone who's listening you can message me and tell me I'm wrong but I would imagine that it's harder to find homes for older kids than it is for babies

I've heard that before and so like toddlers or like kids that are about to start kindergarten um you know I would love to keep siblings together so that's something that I've entertained I even went to Chris about it and I was like how do you feel about this and he you know he told me how he felt and I was just kind of like it's one of those things where like I don't have to make a decision right now but if someone came like I don't even know how it would get involved in something like that like how do I even foster kids like how you know what I'm saying and then like with the surrogacy thing I mean I've definitely said that I would do it in the past that's definitely something that I've said but again

it's like where do you even start how do you know if it's the right decision like how do I know how do you know when you're done having your own children if the option is still there right I don't know the answer to that because I kind of struggle with that right so I don't really I can't give you an answer but maybe somebody who's listening can give us an answer um I'm gonna have a truth moment okay um I've talked about on the podcast before that I don't know that like I could adopt or like foster or anything like that but the real truth is that I have always kind of like had a desire or a thought to foster like once I knew like my family was complete but because you don't know yeah you don't you don't know

but my concern with fostering is I would love to be able to do that to like help a child you know because like a child that's in need that like really needs that in their life and stability and you know just like to be a good influence and to be a mentor and like do all of the things for a kid that obviously is lacking in their life right however my main concern would be I would grow so attached and then the parents like still have their rights and they can get the child back and probably go from what you could offer them to what their parents are and then I would feel such a sense of guilt for the rest of my life that I could show a child that they could be loved and stable and have a good

home life because I don't have to want for anything and then have to go you know back into a life that might not be suitable suitable you know that would be very emotionally hard for me so I just don't know like I was saying I don't think I would be cut out to be a surrogate because I am such like an emotional and what were we saying that I was like a not like a sympathetic like a and what was half no like I'm like a like when I give gifts and stuff like I do it like with my heart involved like when I do everything I do it with my heart involved so I feel like I can't separate like the feelings and the like logistical right okay and like the feeling side of it like okay this is what makes sense but my

heart is to attach to I get what you're saying and then I feel like I would be like a lead and like a lifetime movie where like I wouldn't give the kid back you know yeah I could imagine how difficult that would be I just like I don't know I just I feel like the older I'm getting to it's like I mean I imagine like all the kids in foster care right and they can't get adopted or like all the families that can't have children at all but it's too expensive to adopt but then also they could their eggs are healthy but maybe their universe isn't shaped right or like I don't know like there's just so many things that I feel like I mean maybe I could do both maybe I can be a surrogate and adopt kids like I don't know

I just think that whatever you do the decision has to be like you need to look at like all yeah I know all the options weigh all of the options think about it yeah I know sleep on it but I just feel like I don't know I could definitely see you being a surrogate my life with I'm happy and I'm I love my three kids but I just don't know that I'm done like I say it sometimes in like the heat of the moment like I'm done having kids yeah like when your kids like shit is pants you're like done but also I'm like how do you that's like one thing how do you know when your family is complete it's weird because some days I'm like okay my family is complete at three and then some days I wake up and I'm like I just

know in my gut I'm not done but then I'm like almost 30 and I'm like I need to start deciding you need to make a decision yeah maybe you'll be the one that needs a surrogate right maybe and then he'll carry my baby I'm right here I'm not far behind you in age but if you guys are listening and you guys have been a foster parent or you think that you could do it or if any of your fostering has led to adoptions let me know because I would love to just like learn more about it from someone who's experienced it versus like the internet or if you've been a surrogate or need a surrogate we would love to hear from you not need a surrogate no I want to hear from one who needs one because maybe you know they try it would be interesting

and they're like what exactly they're looking and how they decided on ultimately using a surrogate versus adoption or fostering like you know I know that there are people who really want a child from their own DNA yes and then there are people who only adopt kids you know what I'm saying so I would love to hear from someone who needs a surrogate and or like experiences like if you've had a surrogate and yeah and it was not good or it was really good or why you chose to keep the relationship going or not going because I talked about my I know somebody who has also carried three times three or four and she has relationship with some and just like Kelly good relationship and then one of them is just not open so we

would love to hear from all you guys and write into the coffee combos Instagram and let us know your story and hopefully we can either read it or we can have you on the podcast just let us know yeah and I know a lot of people I just want to address this really quick a lot of people keep asking would we ever have like a listener or something like that on the podcast and I think if the timing was right and like the story was right then definitely because I'm not sure if Kelly listens to the podcast and I guess she would have to or someone she knows listens to it yeah somebody like told her or whatever but basically that's how we found her you know was just combing through emails and the email just struck our

eyes so don't hesitate to like reach out on DM or there's an email on there also and we have also attached a press email that the network actually has access to so certain things that we might not necessarily see if it's truly like an inquiry to want to be a guest or whatever you can always email that press email and if it's a good fit for the show then we would love to have you on also before we go if you guys have any body that you would like to like nominate for us to have on the podcast or somebody that you really want to hear or any type of topics that you want us to cover on the podcast we would love to entertain those so we hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon see ya