Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - 98: House Moving Madness, Puppy Trouble & Co-Parenting Challenges

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

Lindsie is MIA filming a project in LA so Kail has her best friend Kristen join her for a chaotic episode of Coffee Convos. Kail and Kristen have both just moved house, within weeks of each other. They laugh and reflect on the help they have given one another, decorating and getting organized. They also talk about buying homes and the "wasted space" of rooms that don't get used. Kail shares her experience with Blinds to Go & the Neat Method Philadelphia. Skylar Brooke Richardson's case comes up in conversation and causes many questions to be asked. Kail then turns the conversation to her beautiful and crazy new puppy, who makes multiple audible appearances on the episode. The ladies also discuss the show Mindhunter and how they both have dreams of becoming a member of the FBI. Kail finishes by tackling the topics of religion and deaths in the family from a co-parenting perspective. 

Hey guys, welcome to another episode of Coffee Combo's podcast. Unfortunately, Lindsay is not with us right now because she is in LA recording for another show. So we'll have an update for you on that when she comes back, but I don't want to spill the beans quite yet. And in the meantime, I have my best friend, Kristin, who's never been on this podcast, because she was in the premiere episode of Team Mom 2. Hello.

So welcome, Kristin. Thank you for having me. Kristin and I are podcasting from my couch. It is almost 10 o'clock at night, and here we are podcasting. Oh, I haven't talked to our listeners about the new addition to my family. Yeah, it's a girl. I think we saw that on Instagram. Yeah.

I was trying to throw everyone off, but I don't think anyone bought it. No. But I did get a puppy. So I have Karma. She's a King Corso puppy, and she's here in the background. So if y'all hear her, it's just puppy playtime. Yeah. Yeah.

Because 10 p.m. is a great, good time to play. Awesome. And potty training is going. It's going. Yes. I think she's doing pretty well. She is. That's her jumping up on the mic.

So how are you? Doing well. You're doing well. Yeah. Good. I always love coming to visit. So I feel like we should just jump right into things, and I saw this thing on Twitter yesterday or the day before, and it was about, did you hear this story about Skyler Brooke

Richardson? Yes, but I don't think a lot of people have, so you should probably. So I didn't hear any of the media coverage about this. I'm so sorry. The puppy is eating my headphones. I didn't hear any of the media coverage on this prior to her sentencing. So I didn't hear this story or see it on the news or anything. Apparently this 17-year-old Ohio cheerleader hit a pregnancy from her family, her friends,

and then gave birth, unbeknownst to anyone, and then buried the baby in her family's backyard. And I'm pretty sure I read that she lit the baby's foot on fire and burned the baby up to the chest because she tried to cremate her. Right. And then she got off without any, she was found not guilty of murder, right? Correct. So they did not know if the baby died before it was buried or if she killed the baby before it was buried.

But she got charged with abuse of a corpse. And it was, I want to say, three years probation? Right. Like no jail time. Right. Which, I mean, maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like if you have a child and you give birth to that child and you bury the baby whether it was dead or alive, you should probably go to jail.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Because I don't think that that's a good thing to do. Any other murder that I've seen or read about, I haven't seen a murder. Maybe you have. I have not. Any murder that I've seen on TV or heard about or anything, they always know if the person was killed prior to being buried. Right.

So I just, I guess I'm confused where they wouldn't know for this particular case if the baby was killed or stillborn. Yeah, that confused me too because like you said, everything I've ever seen on TV, they always know. Like even if somebody was burned, like alive, they wouldn't know. Because there's like sick damage inside from inhaling smoke or whatever the case may be. But I don't know, maybe I would assume like as soon as the baby comes out, if it's able to breathe, you would know.

Right. It took a breath. Right. Or it didn't. So then I was reading the like text messages to her mom that very night was like, I got my belly back. My belly is back to normal. I can't wait to go to dinner and like look super cute.

And it's like, how the fuck did you hide a whole eight month, nine month pregnancy from your family and where the fuck was your family when you were burying it in the backyard and where the fuck did you burn this baby? Right. How did this all go down and nobody knew? And the brother testified saying that his sister had like an eating disorder and then it, then it was maybe the eating disorder affected the growth of the child. But she named the baby Annabelle and again, where is your family and how, who found it

also? Who found. I don't remember. Let me see if I can, if I can look it up. Cause there, I, like I said, I didn't know about it until after the fact. Yeah. When it was being covered on Twitter and stuff. Who found.

I'm just very confused if like you don't name a dead baby. I mean, let me take that back. You don't. Like you don't name a baby that you're going to bury in your backyard. Okay. Here's the thing. There are people who are pro choice. There are people who are pro life.

I don't give a fuck what you believe. If this was the route that she was going to go, right? So you want to maintain this perfect life and this image that you have. When you found out you were pregnant, you had to have thought, Oh, I'll just kill the baby when it's born, right? That person, her specifically, not everybody, just her. So did it never cross your mind to think maybe I should just get an abortion, right? Like why?

You waited until, and I'm not saying that I believe one way or the other, I, we don't need to get into that. I'm just saying if this is the life that you were wanting to portray, this is the image that you have. This is the, this happened. Why didn't you go get the abortion pill? Right? Like you planned on not having, not becoming a mother from the beginning.

So why didn't you do that before the baby was born? If I get what you're saying, that's very weird to me. I'm still trying to find. You would think that typically someone who like doesn't choose to get an abortion, generally like they don't believe in it themselves or their families pressuring them to not, but then again, you killed your child after the, after it was born. So you can't say that you're against like murder because you just did it. It says online how Richardson's lawyer claimed the baby was still born and the grieving mother

buried her child in a marked grave. She tweeted, or did she tweet it? It says, oh, a text exchange. I'm literally speechless with how happy I am. My belly is back. Oh my God. I never, ever I'm letting it get like this again. She texted her mom hours after the burial and said, I'm literally so excited for dinner

to wear something cute. Yay. My belly is back. I'm taking this opportunity to make it amazing. That's what she texted her mom. So she had no remorse and wasn't even sad. If the baby was still born, you wouldn't be excited about going to dinner. Richardson's doctor also testified saying she didn't even realize she was pregnant until

she was about six months along. I'm still not, it's not saying who found the, who found the baby. Like that's what I guess I'm like, how did she get found out? She had been accused of murdering her newborn daughter and burying her remains in the backyard. It says that a detective like interviewed her and Richardson kept saying, I had a baby, I had a baby and it wasn't a lot, and it wasn't alive. I didn't kill her though. It was just the way she kept adamantly wanting to interject.

I didn't kill it. I didn't kill it. Just from experience a lot of times over the course of my career, people who are guilty are the ones who adamantly, defiantly telling us overtly, I didn't do this. I mean, Richardson admitted that she hid the pregnancy from everyone, including her parents. She told detective she delivered the baby alone in her bathroom. She told the doctor that she delivered it in her bedroom, six days. It's not, it's still not saying who found it.

I don't know. That's what I, I guess if someone, if anyone knows. Please write in and let us know. I have a lot of questions. Right. Cause like as a mom, if, whether she delivered in her bedroom or her bathroom, you as a mom, there's no way you're not going to know something like that's going on with your kid if they're living in the same house as you.

Like you're going to know. Do you think her parents knew? I mean, I just don't buy that. If she's saying her, she got her belly back. It must have grown. Therefore, somebody would have noticed she was getting bigger, bigger, wouldn't a girl that age. Oh, some people don't show, like some people really don't show.

Right. But she was saying, I got my belly back. So obviously something changed. So who didn't pick that up? I don't know. But I feel like as a mom, could you imagine like say you had a daughter not knowing at some point that something was going on, like even if she didn't find out till she was six months pregnant.

Right. Like when you start showing. She still went the full till delivery. She's still delivered. I mean, she's not quick. No. So you're going to know, like why is my kid in the bathroom for this long? I read something else too, and this might have been made up, but that she may or may

not have tried to give herself an abortion. I don't know how true that is. And so don't mark my words, but that was definitely something that I read on the internet. So I wonder if maybe that's why she delivered. Like maybe she didn't deliver, like maybe she tried to give herself an abortion and then caused her early delivery. I wonder if they'll do an ID special on this. Sorry guys.

I'm a little congested. I might not sound like myself. I know a lot of y'all were writing in saying was that Lindsay on the podcast? The last time that we recorded because it didn't sound like her at all, but it was definitely Lindsay. So if I sound congested, it's still me. I mean, I don't know. I guess, I mean, they did the ID special on the gypsy story.

So surely they're going to do one on this. I hope so just because I feel like they're going to get more facts. Yeah. So we'll have to keep our eyes and ears open for that. So if you're like most people, you're not getting enough fruits and vegetables in your diet and that's why you need your super. Your super is on a mission to improve people's health with the power of super plants. They make it easy for you to get all the nutrients in your body you need to thrive.

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checkout. Speaking of murders, I just started a show on Netflix called Mindhunter. Have you heard of it? I haven't until you were talking about it. So I'm kind of anxious to watch it. Apparently I'm late to the party. So a bunch of my friends have been watching this and it's basically the beginning of when the FBI really started researching the scientific, they're like scientists and trying

to figure out like the way a serial killer's mind works. So it's like the beginning of the FBI's department in criminal psychology. So it's kind of like the beginning of criminal minds, like what made criminal minds, criminal minds. So the FBI's division of criminal, criminologists. Yeah. And it's just the characters from what I've seen so far are accurately depicting the people in real life.

And if you look up, one of the first murderers on here is Ed Kemper and you know I'm all about the ID channel and I know about murderers and the way that their mind works is fascinating because you don't know why they think the way that they do. I had never actually heard of Ed Kemper. So Ed Kemper is, I want to say he's six foot seven or six foot nine and he murdered his paternal grandparents and his mom. And then he murdered seven other people and he then would have sex with their heads. Yes.

Never heard of him. Oh, wow. Okay. I had never heard of him until this. And so anyways, I'm on episode three or four and it's really good so far. So you need to watch it. I don't. I'm excited now that.

But I feel like I'm so late and I, I hate that. I don't like to watch shows that are like people be like, oh, what should I binge next on Netflix? I don't like waiting until the show is six years old to watch it. Right. And I know that sounds so dumb and like it shouldn't matter, but I really just don't like. I think you like to participate in like discussions about the stuff you're watching, especially

if it interests you. And now you're kind of like, I don't even want to eat about this because I'm so late to the party. So late. I feel like I'm not as late for mind hunters unless it, I mean, maybe it's a lot older than I thought. I don't, I haven't even heard about it until you said something. Right.

I only heard about it recently because my friend Bone watched it and then Lindsay like literally within the same 48 hours so that she finished it and I was like, I've never even heard of this. Maybe we need to step out of the ID channel realm and actually like binge watching Netflix sometimes. I just finished watching working mom season three and I'm wondering when is season four coming out and when am I going to make a cameo because I've talked about it so much and I just love it so much.

It's just so relatable. What else was I going to talk about? Oh, my puppy is chewing on Christmas hands. So as you guys know, I moved into a new house pretty recently and it sounds like I've been talking about it for months, but I haven't even been in the new house for two months. It's been literally like six weeks. And I got, okay, so my house was built in 2004, but for whatever reason, the previous owners decided to decorate it like it was built in 1994.

Correct. So my shades, they're like blind shades in my one, I call it the game room, but there's not any like games in there or anything. I aspire for it to be a game room. She's speaking it into existence. Right. I want to put a pool table in there. That's the, that's the goal.

So we're going to call it the, we're going to call it the game room has, it's like a sunroom and it has windows on all three out of four walls. So all of the shade blinds in there were green and yellow. Yes. Outdated. And they had like little, what would you call like pom-poms? Like I don't even want to say fringe. It wasn't fringe.

It was something attached to them. So they were hideous and I decided to go into blinds to go and I have never been into blinds to go prior to this because none of my other houses had blinds. So I went into blinds to go because I told you to. I was so impressed. Yeah. Right. Like walked in, first of all, it wasn't busy.

So I was super happy. I think I went on a good time and you can, there's so many selections and so many types of shades and I didn't realize that. Like you can get like any kind literally, but I wanted something super simple because I wanted to stay pretty neutral. Their service was great. So I went in there super quick. They scheduled me right away to have someone come out and measure because I didn't know

my measurements and just like super helpful within, I would say two weeks. My blinds were like picked out, measured. My appointment was scheduled and completed within all within two weeks. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that's typical for them, but they, I mean, as far as my scheduling went, it went really well. And I think the guy's name was Gabriel who did them. He was so nice and just helpful and I don't know, I had a really good experience.

So I'm going to post before and after pictures of my blinds to go on Instagram and I never feel like the, I really want to like engage and answer people's questions. So I'm going to have to try to keep up with that. It's always hard because like everyone wants to see home improvement pictures and then if you don't answer them, they're not really, it's they're pointless, right? So I need to find out the color and style that I picked so that I can let people know because I, like I said, I wanted to be super neutral. Yeah.

I think it, the transformation was really crazy. Yeah. And like just the way it made everything come together, especially I would probably say the dining room and the sun room the most is really, really brightened up the room completely. And they're super easy. And I like that they're, I don't need to put curtains up with them. Like you can pick shades that you can put curtains over, over them too. But the ones that I picked are, you don't have to put curtains with them.

So I really liked them. So I did, um, Kristen actually helped me reach out to this company called the neat method and I got my pantry done. My pantry doesn't look crazy. For whatever reason, when I moved in here, they had like that metal shelving unit. Yeah. Like a wire, basic lows, not melted, um, screwed into the walls, but my door, the pantry door was hitting the shelves and I'm like, why didn't, why did you guys do this?

When people build custom homes, I don't ever think that they think about the resell value ever because they expect to be there for forever or something. Um, long story short, I had shelves built in there and the neat method came in and gave my pantry and makeover. We're working on the office. The office will hopefully be done tomorrow. And then my third top priority space was my closet. So I'm hoping to be half organized because as we all know, I've tried to organize my

life in the past, but I think that I was not realistic with it and I was trying to organize places that I don't think that I could keep organized. Like the pantry, I think I could do and for sure my office when I'm not getting so much mail and not opening it and leaving it on the table, um, and my closet, I already bought it and it was the whole like organization system was already up there. I think we can probably move it around to make it a little more functional. But anyway, if you're in the Philly area and I think they have other locations, the neat method is great for organization help.

All right, guys, I want to talk to you guys about the peanut app. So when I first became a mom, I found it super overwhelming at times as most new moms do. And it was really hard for me to connect to other moms and to hang out people who shared the same experiences and struggles as I did with motherhood. So I know a lot of you guys can relate to this and it is super important to find and connect with other moms who are like minded and can support or build you up through all the seasons of motherhood. So the peanut app is an app where you can meet like minded moms in your area.

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So Kristen and I bought houses within months of each other. Yeah, I closed in May. You closed May first. You closed August first. I don't know. I think it was the first. Something like that. I don't know.

It was within two months of each other. So we've been just like texting each other back and forth and trying to talk each other out of or justifying home purchases and I was obsessed with it, right? Because the couch color was the same color as mine and I wanted to do like traditional style meets boho. This couch had like a rusty orangey burnt orange color. I was dead set on doing it. The pillows.

Yes. Yes. And the throw blanket. Yep. And so I went to Pier one, which is bad choice number one, right? Because it's the most expensive design home design store. Yeah. It's not like I went to Target and got nice quality pillows for $10.

I went to Pier one and I got the same quality pillows for $1900. Yes. So I committed halfway to this Pinterest idea and decided to do this burnt orange and then I was like, well, my shutters outside are blue. So now I need to tie in the outside of my house to the inside of my house because I want it to flow from the outside to the inside, right? So that was a fail. But we determined that you were victimized by Pinterest, which has happened to everyone.

Whether they admit it or deny it, we've all done the same thing where we find either a room or a craft idea, something that we're like, we are fully 100% committing. That looks beautiful. We're doing it. We try and it's a fail. Like I think it's a category like Pinterest fails. I call it you're victimized by Pinterest. I was so committed to that burnt orange that we went into Pinterest.

We went into Pier one today and Kristen was about to let me walk out with $200 worth of more orange and blue shit because I decided that since part of my roof is orange and my shutters outside are blue, that I should then bring those colors into my home and put them in my gray living rooms, which your style in your old house changed a couple of times. Yeah. And it never flowed. It didn't flow. It really wasn't you because I think like you've done it probably three or four times

and I'm pretty sure like 75% of those times to maybe 95% was someone else doing it for you and it kind of wasn't like you. Right. The only time I ever liked my house was when I did it. Correct. But like you listen, you know, you're a people pleaser. We know that. Right.

You take everyone's opinions into consideration and you kind of try to execute around them. So I think that you, I knew you were changing your styles for this house. So I was like, you know what? It's bizarre, but I'm just going to go with it because that's what she wants. So we were going to execute that fucking paint your idea and then I feel like once you saw it, you'd have been like, no, this is bad. As soon as we walked into pure one today, I was like, this is not me. Like, right.

You were going more by color scheme than like your and there was no style. No, it was, I just need to know if anyone else does what you were thinking of doing, like taking the outside colors of their home and attempting to like do the decor around those colors. No, I've never heard of it. Kristen's explaining it all wrong. Okay. So when you see the outside of a home, right, like, I feel like to some degree it's a style

similar to how you would decorate. I disagree just because if you, I don't think that's the case nowadays. I think that's how it used to be like before, like, you know, craftsman style or ranch or or cottage and farmhouse and log cabin and all that kind of stuff. Right. But now I think that people literally have the idea of what they want the outside to look like and what they want the inside to look like. And they don't necessarily have to mesh.

I have like, to be honest, I've gone into more houses that don't match the outside than do, but I don't think anything different because the outside might be pretty in its own right. And then the inside's decorated. However, the homeowner wants it to be. But I think you were like, let me tie this in. I just have like this vision for, okay, so you and I bought houses two, three months apart and then I have another friend who bought a house within the same month as I did. And her house is brand new, like she didn't have it built.

It was just built and then she bought it in the inside matches the outside brand new, the color schemes, the flooring, all of it kind of is tied in. So I guess from, for example, I don't prefer the color of my wood floors. Correct. This is not my first choice. These are what? Oak? Yeah.

What is it? Chestnut. Chestnut. Yeah. They're light wood, but the color of them matches the stone on the outside of my house. So if I was to open my front door and there would have been dark hardwood floors, I would think what the fuck were they thinking? Correct.

So moving on to the living rooms, now I'm like, well, what the fuck? Because my stone is orangey and tans and very little gray and now I've painted my entire house gray. So it doesn't really match. So now I have gray couches in a house on the outside that has absolutely no gray on the outside. Okay. Are you following me?

I'm following. So I just feel like I should have gotten tan couches or brown couches. No, maybe not brown because brown doesn't match. I could have gotten a navy blue because they would match the shutters. I think that you came in with gray furniture, right? So you bought gray furniture and you like gray paint, so that's what you did because you didn't build this house. So the style wasn't yours.

You bought the house because you liked the layout and the space and that stuff. I don't think you bought the house because you had blue shutters and orange stuff on the outside and then kind of orange flooring. That wasn't your choice. So over time, I think you're going to make it into what you want so you don't want to decorate based on what they have, you're the previous owners have. You want to decorate based on your vision for the house. And I think you're trying to do your entire house at one time and not focusing on like

room by room. But do you understand what I'm saying as far as decorating to match the outside? Yeah. No, I get it. Like I don't want outside. Like I couldn't do my old house. I painted the living room in the kitchen was sea salt. Correct.

But outside was just like a basic tan with white, so like literally anything goes for the inside. Correct. My outside is so specific that I feel like it's weird if I try to do anything that doesn't really tie into those colors. So you think the outside is kind of dictating what you want to do for the inside? Yes. Right.

Where like not all houses are like that. Like your house is the same color as my old house. So literally you could walk in and do any fucking thing and it would flow and you wouldn't feel like it's different. Correct. My house is such a specific scheme on the outside that on the inside I have to kind of match that. Correct.

So should I change the outside colors? Yes. What the fuck? Okay. You can't change stucco. You have stucco. Correct. I cannot change stucco.

No, that I'm not because that's like a cream color. It doesn't bother me. Right. You can change shutters easily. Shutters, first of all, a lot of shutters are not expensive. You might be able to take them down and have them painted and put back up. You might not even need new ones. So I wonder could I do a shade of gray?

Yeah, because there's eight million shades of gray. Or that cream color that's in my foyer because that matches also the stone. You could literally have them paint one shutter one thing and one shutter another. But then also I had two rooms painted that blue color that's the same as the shutters. Which is fine, but you like the blue color. Regardless, if the shutters weren't that color and you saw that blue, would you still affect it? Like you still think it's pretty?

Yes. Okay. So then whatever, it's a bluish gray. If you guys have any ideas as far as color schemes of houses, let us know in the comments and do you guys match the outside of your houses to the inside of your decorating and interior design? Because I don't think that brown fireplace matches the outside. Absolutely not.

I don't know where they got that stone, but it wasn't. That's not even stone. What is that? That's like faux marble. Maybe they spent so much on the outside that they can't afford. That when they got to the inside, they were like, oh, fuck, we're out of money. Have you ever wondered how your best friend could afford to go to Iceland or your sister could buy that expensive new bag?

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All loans made by Web Bank member FDIC equal housing lender. I'll tell you what. When I was looking at houses, I could not believe the people who build custom homes that, and yes, it's their own fucking money. They can do whatever they want. But when you are building a custom home, whether you plan to be there for life or you only plan to be there for a couple of years, in my eyes, and the smart way to think about it is that you need to think about resell value, even if you plan on being there until

the day you die. Right. Somebody's selling it. Somebody has to sell it, right? So, when you have money and you build this custom home, you should probably pick a layout or create a layout that makes fucking sense. Correct. I walked through a custom home that was on the market for over a year, and in this home,

there was, I want to say, five bedrooms, one of them being the master, one of them being a guest, and then three of their kids' rooms. These three kids' rooms were connected, so you had to walk through one to get to the other, and then the beds were built into the walls. What? And the whole time, I'm thinking, who the fuck is going to buy this place? Right. Because I have three boys, and they're sure as shit not putting their beds in the walls,

and when they're in high school, and they're going to sit straight up, and they're going to hit their head off the wall. I wonder how many concussions those kids got. Well, and then it's like, who's walking through whose bedrooms to get to the bathroom, and to get to the hallway, and to get downstairs, and then there was closets the same size as the bedrooms, and I was like, is this a playroom? Is this a closet? Is this the sex dungeon?

Right. I'm not really sure what's going on here, and needless to say, that house is still on the market, but I just don't think that people really think about it. No, for sure. Like, our house was a flip. Right. But before it was a flip, we were told it was an illegal duplex, so... What does that mean, illegal duplex?

Like, they didn't have it permitted or anything, but they had it where it was like, the downstairs was one area. Okay. It was one family, and then that front set of stairs that are there when you walk in the door, they didn't exist till the flipper put them in. The back set by the back door were there, and that's how the second family got upstairs. So then they had that whole upstairs area, but like... Where is the kitchen?

The kitchen was where the guest bathroom is now, where they turned that into a guest bathroom. But they didn't have a stove. They had like a hot plate or something. And I just think about it, and how people tell me, like, my neighbors went and saw it before it was flipped and stuff, and they told me it was a disaster. And I'm just like, it's like something still confused me of how it's laid out now. It's not terrible, but some of it's confusing. I love your house.

I couldn't imagine, like, it makes me question, like, who thought that that was a good idea? That's what I want you to do. To do that. First of all. Right. Second of all, why didn't you have a stove upstairs if it was a whole other family living up there? Like, they didn't have access to each other.

It wasn't like that set of stairs was inside. That was outside. Yeah. It was really bizarre. So I just, that's what, like, that was my experience with our house. And then you were going and seeing houses and telling me about all these different layouts. Like, I just, I don't, I don't think people think, I think they're like, oh, this might be cool.

And just do it. I went through this other house that was actually right up the street from my old house. But it was like new, and the space was a lot nicer. They had HOA that actually like mowed your lawn for you and like things that would actually make sense for us just because I have to hire someone to mow our lawn and whatever. And so the developer called it, you know, like his smart house because he had it all equipped literally like a smart house. So we walk in and downstairs, I loved it because it had a first floor master, which is what

I always wanted, and everything sounded good. The one thing that I know it sounds crazy and know it sounds bougie, but I wanted five bedrooms. Why did I want five bedrooms? Because my master, my three kids, and I always have guests. They're always from out of town. So I wanted five bedrooms. This one had four bedrooms, mind you, no one's lived here.

It's brand fucking new. It's a smart house. It's, you know what I'm saying, like it's all of these things and you're listing it for whatever price. And I go up to the second floor and they have three bedrooms up there, but one of them is literally the size of three bedrooms put together. Why didn't you just make this four bedrooms up here? Right.

So I said to the builder, I said, I guess I could put a wall in here and make it two bedrooms. And he was like, but then you'd have to walk through the one to get to the other. I said, well, why did you guys do this? Right. I said, yeah, it was literally the entire one half of the upstairs, which I have never understood like the craze of like having this ginormous master because, okay, if you're putting a bathroom in it, great.

Awesome. Yeah. You want a shower, a tub, whatever. That's great. Maybe. I have never myself understood the sitting area in a bedroom. Now mind you, I'm not a parent. So I have no one to hide from.

Like I don't need to hide from kids. I have enough space in my house where I can hide from my husband if I want to, like, but personally I'm not going to like sit in any area of my bedroom. That's not my bed and like be like, let me sit here and watch TV when I have living room after living room after living room option. That's just not me. I definitely, since becoming a homeowner and having bought my third house, I've definitely learned that I don't want wasted space.

Like I'm not going to buy a house that the rooms are not going to get used. And I have seen in several houses where the master bedroom has a sitting area and it's not used. Right. I learned, like I don't even have a TV in my bedroom because I'm like, I'm not, do you know what I'm saying? Like I'm not going to buy extra shit that I'm not going to use. Right.

I don't like to see why are you buying a house that size if you have to fill it? You know what I'm saying? Right. Like that's how I felt. Yeah. Like I don't want to have to fill unnecessary space that's not going to get used. So you're spending money on furniture for rooms that are never going to get used. Right.

And that was my biggest thing for this house was, okay, there's two bedroom or there's two living rooms in my plus an office. So my old house, I turned that formal quote unquote formal living room. I don't know. They had a piano and a desk in there because they homeschooled all five of their kids. So I put French doors on it and made it my office because there was kind of an office in the back of the house, but I wanted to make that the guest room because there was carpet back there, right in a bathroom.

So I was like, Oh, perfect, I'll make this the guest room on the main floor. And then I'm out of breath because you're sick. So I put French doors on it, made it my office, had built in bookcases built so I could put my computer on there and then I had like all my stuff. And then I just had the one living room. Well, this house has the two living rooms in the office. Right. Well, I don't want to not use the other living room.

And when I was asking for advice on Twitter, everyone's like, make it a home office. And I'm like, I already have one, I already have one. Make it a YouTube room. And I'm like, I don't YouTube enough to make it its own room. And if I was to do that, it would do in the office. So then I was like, well, I could have two living rooms and do like a kid's living room and then like a more adult living room because what I would hope to be the game room eventually is attached to that living room.

So assuming that there's a TV put in there, then people can like chill over there. Like the adults can chill over there while we play pool or whatever. And then the kids can be in this living room. So that's the whole idea behind it. But who knows if it'll actually happen. Yeah. I think you'll find uses for all of your space, especially as the kids get older. You might be like, oh wait, this would be good as I'm just hoping that like maybe one

day if I get married again, we will have our own separate living rooms because now we have a full basement too. So the kids can be in the basement watching their TV show or their game or have their friends over. And you know, when we're fighting, when I'm fighting with my husband or wife, whoever that may be, we have our own living rooms. Yeah. I mean, Cory and I do.

Yeah. Amazing. Yeah. And like I like, I like it too because your guests could be in one. Right. Like if you were like have like a longer term guest. Yeah. Yeah.

And you don't necessarily, you're not fighting over the TV and you're not. You just want to be by yourself. I will say though, the guest room that I have upstairs is big enough to be two rooms also. Yeah. Which didn't make sense to me. So it's like, when I was talking to my other friend who bought the house, she was like, how big is it? And I like told her and she's like, why is that not the master?

I said, well, there's no bathroom attached to it. And also in Isaac's bathroom, there's like the tub and then there's like maybe one or two feet of like space and then a wall. Like it just like doesn't make sense. I don't know. Like was that a mistake? Right. Like what were you trying to accomplish?

Did you try to accomplish anything here? Like I don't know. They could have been victimized by Pinterest. I don't know. They might have seen something and it just didn't go well. Oh my God. Oh my God. Um, but I do have one room in my house that I am not allowing anybody in it.

And I call it the Zen Den. Yeah. And where all my crystals are, you did see it because I would allow you to go in there. Right. Um, but I, it's the crystal room and I got Buddha right outside the door and, um, that's a room that I'm never going to let people in because that's like going to be my area. Yeah. You need one.

Everybody needs some place that they go and don't like. Well, and I know that we just said that we don't understand like the sitting area in the bedroom thing because it's like separated from my room. It doesn't feel like it doesn't feel like it's a part of my room and I do feel like because I'm here by myself with the kids or when the kids are with their dads, like this entire fucking week, I don't want to be downstairs in the living room by my fucking self in this huge house. I want to be upstairs in my room, like near my bed.

So in case I fall asleep or want to go to bed, it's right there. So I like the way that yours is set up. Well, there's like a little segue into my right. Which makes sense to me. Right. Like, okay. I would say it's probably makes the most sense out of any concept I've seen for a sitting room in the in a master.

Yeah. I don't want to be sitting on my bed and see other seating. I don't. I just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. I don't get it. I'm never going to not be on my bed if I can be. So I don't understand it, but yours does make sense to me because it's like a separate

room. Right. But what the guest room situation doesn't. No, I've never understood. And I've seen that a lot. It literally to be like a hotel room bigger than the master. I could literally set my guest room up as like a hotel. Right.

I mean, realistically, if they had thought about it, they could have cut the size of the room and made a bathroom. They could have had not like an in suite in there, whatever it's called on suite. That is really weird. Okay. So let's talk Instacart. We all have those days where we're exhausted and don't want to make an extra stop at the grocery store, especially if you have kids with you.

So Instacart, you get groceries delivered in as fast as one hour or a time that works with your schedule. That means no more sitting in traffic, looking for parking, waiting at the checkout line. You order from the stores that you normally shop from, but without the hassle. So I love Instacart because if I make something for, if I know I'm going to make something for dinner and I don't have all the ingredients I can order Instacart and they can be delivered before I have to make the dinner to get started, get the app or go to Instacart.com and shop the groceries you need from your favorite local retailers.

Your shopper gathers your groceries with care and contacting you if necessary. Try Instacart and get $10 off and free delivery on your first order. To get this limited time offer, go to Instacart.com and enter our promo code COFFEE at checkout. That's $10 off and free delivery on your first order today in the mobile app or at Instacart.com and don't forget to enter our code COFFEE. Also actually I thought about this earlier today when I was like bringing my laundry down, so my old house was built in 2005 and that was only the one owner and I loved that the laundry was on the second floor where all the bedrooms were because I feel like

that makes sense, right? Like to have all the bedrooms, you're not carrying the laundry up and down the steps. The only downside to that would be if it was to ever overflow, it's going to go through your ceiling. In this house, it's a year older but it has upgrades like central vac but it has the laundry on the first floor which doesn't make sense to me when every single bedroom is on the second floor. Why wouldn't you just put the laundry upstairs?

People are so weird when they're designing houses, I don't get it. I guess what doesn't make sense to when I just like off your point of how it's on the first floor is your house is like ADA compliant and there's no bedroom on the main floor. That's the other thing that I don't understand. But then why is the laundry down here? If all the bedrooms are upstairs, how did they get upstairs? And even if they lived in your basement, how did they get up? There's no elevator.

Their wheelchair would not have fit in my laundry room through that space. So that's what is confusing to me. I don't know. How was it? It was the whole, maybe they slept in the living room. But there's no doors. You don't have, like there's no privacy. And their wheelchair wouldn't have fit in that bathroom either.

That's on the main floor. So it's just confusing. Like isn't that weird to think about, like wait. So my island in my kitchen is like half the size of the rest of the counters and I didn't, I couldn't understand it. Also my oven is a lot lower than a standard oven. And I really was just like not sure what was going on. But I just, yeah, that's a really good point.

If it's ADA compliant, but the rest of the house is not, and there's also no ramp to get in the house and there's stairs to get in the back, the side, and the front. Right. So that's what confused me. So why? I don't know. Maybe they had a wooden ramp built over the steps. Possibly.

Because I've seen people build them and take them with when they move. But again, it doesn't get to a question. But they lived here when I, when I looked at the house. And also how would they have gone to the bathroom? Oh, so that doesn't even, doesn't fit in the bathroom, doesn't fit in the laundry room. The only room, the only, they could just get around like your main areas of the main floor. So they could cook. Maybe they made one of the bedrooms in here.

But no, because they still had to go to the bathroom. Right. They still had to go to the bathroom. And still had to get in the shower. You have a powder room. Very confusing. Houses are weird. Peep humans are really weird creatures, to be perfectly honest.

Okay. My dog is on crack. She's been on shit, on just a shit. No words. No words. I don't know what her problem is. Can you not? I got this puppy.

She's, I said she's a King Corso. Everyone wrote into me and was like, I hope that you understand the work that a King Corso is. And I'm like, everyone told me that about a Rottweiler. I even had people try to talk me out of getting a Rottweiler. Right. And he was the best thing that ever happened to me. Yeah.

Bear was the best dog. Hey, Karma. I think with, I mean, you know that you have to train the dogs and stuff like that. Well, yeah. Yeah. Especially big dogs. And she's supposed to be the same size as Bear was as a male Rottweiler. So it's like, you kind of, when you get a big dog, you have to understand that they

have to have training. You have to be able to control a dog that size. Yeah. I also got a lot of shit for her ears. But I don't think people understood that that wasn't your choice. She, they, her ears came like that. Right. You didn't say, hey, do this.

You found a dog that you wanted and that her ears were already cropped and that's also what no one's supposed to adopt her because her ears are cropped. Just to play devil's advocate, ears cropped is different from what I understand is different than ears clipped. They're two different things. And this is a breed standard. So I'm not really going to get into it, but yeah, you're right. I mean, it's not like, I was like, Hey, I really want to brew.

I really want to crop her ears and then I'll, then I'll get her right now. No, she came like that. So you love her and it doesn't matter. Well, and I've said that too. Like what if she was in a shelter and I was like, Oh, she has her ears clipped or her ears cropped. I'm not going to adopt her like so anyone that has their ears cropped, they should just be denied a home.

So that was really annoying, but also, and she came to you at the perfect time. Yeah. She was literally the perfect fit and I love her. I'm glad I got her and she's perfect the way she is. You're doing a good job. It's like kind of having, what do you think is easier, a newborn or a puppy? For sure. Easier a newborn because a newborn shits in a diaper.

So there's the mess. Even if they have a blowout, there is the mess with a puppy. It's like, if you do not watch them at all times, they could literally shit and piss all over your house and you have no idea. And I'm so thankful that she doesn't go up the steps yet because that would be way too much surface area for me to have to constantly look at. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. You would for sure get your steps in. Oh, absolutely. I mean, you do now, but it'd be double. But it would be double then because I'd be like, you know, going upstairs looking for her and having to check for pee and poop. But I will say that I am doing things a little bit differently for her just because I don't really remember what it was like to have a puppy when I had bear and with gizmo, gizmo

so little. So he was a lot different for karma. Oh, and that's another thing. So I had posted something on my Instagram story that was like my alarm set for me to take her out in the middle of the night. And somebody wrote into me and was like, by you waking up in the middle of the night for her to go outside and go to the bathroom, you're teaching her that those are the times that she should get up and go to the bathroom.

So you're basically never going to sleep through the night. And my whole thing was, no, because it's like a baby, right? So their stomachs are so small that they can't hold it and they're, you know, they're bladders and stuff like that. If I set my alarm, if I go to bed at nine and I set my alarm for 12, that's three hours. Then I set my alarm again at three, that's another three hours. And then I'm getting up for the day at six and I'm taking her out at six over time. And I guess maybe in a couple of months, I would set it for, I'd take her out at nine.

Maybe I don't take her out at 12. I take her out at three. So she's waiting a little bit longer. And then I take, get up for the day and take her out at six. So eventually every time I'm taking out one of the, one of the middle of the night times. And then she can hold it overnight. They say to do that, like anyone you talk to, I don't say anyone, most people you talk to, dog trainers, animal lovers, people who have had in their whole lives, they say, you

have to train them like a baby and you spread out the time little by little, otherwise you're going to be dealing with, if you, if you crate them, it's going to be a mess in the crate. And then if they lay in it, it's a mess on them because the crate standard is only big enough for them to go in, turn around and lay down. That's it. However, if the dog has to go, the dog's going to go. I strongly disagree with the, the dog won't go where it sleeps. No, they'll go and lay in it.

Well, I mean, I didn't, I might get shit for this, but the first, the first night I did every two and a half, no, no, no, no, no, no. The first night I did every three hours. And I realized quickly that it was too long for her. So when I went to bed that first night when I got her, I went to bed at midnight and I tried, I set my alarm for three. That was too long. Right.

She had already shitting her crate. So I was like, okay, gave her a bath, cleaned up the crate. And I did it again. I thought, okay, maybe I didn't take her out to poop. I'll try it again. So from three to six, again, it was too long. So the following night I made sure, okay, one and a half to two hours. That worked way better.

So I think she was too young to do the three hours. Now because she's 11 weeks, the three hours is working. The one night I even, it was like four hours and I checked on her and I still took her out, but she was fine. Like she wasn't crying. She didn't go in her crate, but I don't know. And I only know how to create. I don't know how to potty train other than that.

So is there another way? Some people do the pee pads by the door. Some people do the bell. I did the bill. I did the bill with bear. Bear was bell trained and was trying to ring the bells up until the day he died. So that really worked for me, but I also didn't bell train him until he was about 12 weeks because they don't really get the concept.

The pee pads thing by the door, I don't know if I agree with that because I feel like if I'm in the kitchen cleaning up, I'm not seeing my dog go to the door to pee by the door. So that's just teaching the dog to go pee by the door. I think it's like 50-50. A lot of people believe, like half people would believe pee pads are good. Half of them say it's a really bad thing to do while you're potty training because it teaches them to go elsewhere besides outside. So I think it's just like hit or miss.

Yeah. I don't think I could do the pee pads thing. I personally, I know people that did the pee pads personally, I'm not a fan because I want my dogs to go outside. And I think I would be confused. I think about myself like, okay, if someone's telling me to pee on this, then I'm not gonna go outside to pee. I can see for a little dog who lives in an apartment, you're teaching them to go in that

specific area, kind of like the fresh patch, like the little grass. I could get that. I could see that and it's a little dog, so you're not gonna take the dog out of the apartment or whatever. I guess I could understand that, but she's a big dog and to be perfectly honest, I don't want to clean up her huge shits when she's one in the house on a pee and poop pad. Right. I just don't.

So. No, I think she's, excuse me, doing really well. She doesn't, anytime she's had an accident, like just now while we were recording is because I waited too long to take her out. She knows that she's supposed to go outside already, like she learned really quickly. But I also have to take her out pretty much every hour, if not 45 minutes. Yeah. Well, she's also eating more frequently than an adult dog does.

So I know with like adult dogs, they say like usually within 20 minutes of them eating, they're gonna have to go to the bathroom. So I would assume that if that's an adult, like the puppies probably like, I would say maybe half that. So and then if they're drinking throughout the day, they're obviously going to have to pee and it's just, they can't hold it. They don't know everything smaller. It was so funny.

When I had Becky on the podcast and we were talking about dogs, she's like, I really don't have any interest talking about your dog. And I was like, Oh wow, like, yeah, you don't seem like a dog person to me. And I kind of knew that. And I'm like, as we're talking about this, I'm like, I'm wondering how many people are listening to this, like that they don't care about the dogs. I give no fucks about this conversation. I'm trying to think like what other stuff is going on.

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Like I just said, and it pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when to switch sides to help you clean your whole mouth. That's why we love quip and that's why we're taking it everywhere we go this fall on all our weekend trips. Quip starts at just $25 and if you go to get quip.com slash coffee right now, you can get your first refill pack for free. That's your first refill pack for free at G E T Q U I P.com slash coffee. Okay, so I had someone right into the podcast saying that they struggle with co-parenting

in a way that they're teaching their kids to always do what they want to do and what makes them happy, but then they have to go to their dads or their moms when they don't want to. So what do you do in a situation like that? I'm not a parent, so I don't want anybody to come at me for that, but I think it's hard because as a parent there are times like you know what you're telling them is best when it comes to their health and their safety and whatever like what you say you're you're making the best judgment call and even if your kids don't agree with you at the end

of the day you have to trust your gut. But when it comes to certain things that are about like choices, like I want ice cream for dinner. Okay, well that's not necessarily best for you, but if that's going to make you happy once in a while isn't going to hurt you. Then you have major situations with you know if your parents are separated and you have to go to one whether it's weekly or however your custody schedule is if they don't want to go how do you explain to them that they have to while also saying it's kind of like

best for them even if it's not making them happy. How the fuck is it what's best for them if they don't want to do it? Right, which is hard because you know like in your parenting style you always tell your kids like your main thing is you don't care what they do as long as they contribute something to society. Yeah. They're good human beings. Yeah.

And they're happy. Yeah. What do they want to be when they grow up? Well hopefully fucking happy. That's all I could fucking ask for. Right. Exactly. So in your situation like where you split time with your kids I think that depending

on how old they are. Said child is uh-huh. If one of them said hey you know I don't want to go to I don't want to come home like I don't want to come to mom's today or I don't want to go to dad's today and it's the day. I think that that would be a situation where with co-parenting you and whichever father of the child should be able to figure that out. If the kid's not happy and he's visibly upset or he's expressing to you that he doesn't want to do something you should be able to figure that out and say hey.

Well I mean because they the child deserves to be validated and heard right. Right. They're human. Isaac's about to be 10. If it were Isaac say you know calling me from Joe's phone and saying mom I really want to stay with with dad for another two nights you know I really were doing this thing or like I just he was a little busy so I feel like I want to spend more time with him if Isaac is saying that to me at almost 10 years old I'm going to say yes like I'm not that's

not even he should be able to tell me right that's not even asking right you're telling me that you want to spend more time with your dad. That's how I feel Lincoln's five so I do feel like because how do you and I are both present I do think the 50-50 time is still really important right but again if you know he's nine ten years old and he's saying hey mom I want to stay with you for a few more days you know I feel like I didn't really get to hang out with you or whatever. Again I feel like that's something that he should be able to call his dad and say I'm going to stay with mom for a little bit longer.

This isn't those like early years I mean yeah they're still young but this isn't like one and two where that time is necessary to be with both parents in equal amount of time right. I remember Leah was telling me about how her and Corey basically let the girls to just they let the girls decide at this point so I think she was telling me one time like a Leah was sick or something and she wanted to be with Leah so she just called Corey and Corey was like that's fine and they just kind of handle it outside of court and just do that thing.

I feel like that's probably best case scenario. Yeah I think that's an example of like the best kind of co-parenting you can ask for because you're listening to your kids like you're listening you're putting your stuff aside because as a mom obviously you never want to hear hey I'm going to miss some time with you so I can be with the other parents. That fucking sucks. It would fucking story. But it's not about you.

No it's not and that's why I think. And each I think every parent that's in a co-parenting situation needs to look at it in that perspective like okay this isn't about me this is about the child and if you know you you're trusting your child to do you're they're growing up if say they're nine or ten like Isaac like they know what they want to do they know what they don't want to do right whether their reasoning makes sense to you they shouldn't have to reason that I think that they need to have a reason though either if Isaac called me tomorrow and said mom I want to come home I don't think that he necessarily needs to have a fucking reason right like he should

be able to come home if he wants to yeah I mean there was a time where I felt like Javi was not in a good headspace and I wanted to keep Lincoln for some extra time so that Javi could get his shit together and I told Lincoln I said we're going to go check on your dad I said so but we're not staying like you're not staying the night you're going to come home with me okay mom okay mom okay mom we get over there check on him things are fine alright Lincoln you spent a couple and I had even dropped him off and I left and went shopping and you know did my thing so he got to spend time with his dad I said alright Lincoln get your stuff we're about to go home no he wanted to stay with his dad I said alright Lincoln

even though we had the conversation that he probably wasn't in the best headspace by time we got there and he settled in and he wanted to spend time more you know more time with his dad I was like alright right and that sucked because I was planning to bring him back home yeah but he wanted to be over there I said okay in that moment it wasn't about you you know put your feelings out take your feelings out of it and just focus on Lincoln's did it hurt yeah yeah but that's that's I feel like co-parenting is it hurts no matter what right I feel like there was you know when Joe was wanting 5050 or whatever and he said he wasn't gonna file and he turned around and filed I felt like it was almost

an attack on my parenting even though it didn't necessarily have anything to do with me and so I could see why that would maybe make the other parent feel that way right I definitely think it's a conversation for the person who wrote into you I feel like it's a conversation they would need to have with their co-parenting partner because and do it in a way that isn't coming across attacking because I like you said like you automatically anytime I think the other parent like has an issue I think it probably comes across as you feel attacked yeah and you're on the defense and I that's natural human instinct I think anytime anybody comes at you about anything like we are not built to take any type of criticism and especially

when it comes to parenting right because everyone I mean nobody knows what the hell they're doing no there's no right way there's no wrong way there's just what works and like whatever's in the best interest of your kids like at the end of the day everybody's goals should be to be raising good humans and I think my friend actually brought up a good perspective on it she was saying how you know together or not you're raising this child for such a short amount of time to then turn around and be an adult and a good person and a good human for this amount of time and that amount of time that you're an adult and you would want them to be a good person is much longer than the time that you have to to shape them

right so guide them you know it's so important for people parents to work together and I think that I've struggled with that a lot I feel like every time Joe and I take five steps forward we're taking ten steps backwards and I mean it hasn't to me it hasn't been the same since he filed for child support and I feel like you know I try to keep telling myself to not be so angry about it and I'm having a hard time with it but Isaac picks up on everything Lincoln picks up on everyone all the kids pick up on everything and so they know but Isaac's already ten so I mean up until he's eighteen he's gonna be an adult much longer than he was ever a kid oh yeah so the short time that we have is so important

right I mean you even see now like I feel like once they go to school and they're kind of out of out from under you guys for hours out yeah like that's really like when you think about it they start going to school up what six five okay so they start going to school then like at that point your hope like all you can do is hope that the stuff that you've taught them up till then right the good stuff is what is reflected like that's where they learn to like socialize and form their own opinions right form their own opinions and be good friends and make their own choices and hopefully they're the good ones and it's like five years is such a short time before they even are they're not with you all the

time um that made me that reminded me of I don't know if we talked about it on the podcast yet um when I talked to Lincoln about death and the dog dying or whatever I had posted or Lincoln had gone to his dad's and then come back to me and was like they told me at church that if we pray for bear it'll heal him and bear had already died and I already explained to him how death works right and I already explained the whole process and then he went to church and then I don't even know who the fuck told him that and from what Lincoln told me it was somebody at the church it wasn't Javier Lauren right um and I got pissed off yeah I yes and I feel like it was partially a co-parenting fail and I went on

Facebook and I said I normally don't ever bring religion to Facebook um but I need help like this is a co-parenting thing that is important to me because as people know I don't believe in God or Jesus and Javi just recently started going to church and I do think that certain people have encouraged him to do that um we'll just say that and so I was pissed off because I felt like he should have asked the people who are watching Lincoln at the church what goes on while we're at mass and you're teaching our child right Sunday school or whatever it is what is being taught what's being you know what I'm saying yeah and so then when I asked him about it um he was like I don't know who told him that I don't know

what goes on in those classes like he seemed like he had a good time and I'm like okay but this is co-parenting and this is yes we want to give Lincoln the option and all my kids to be perfectly honest I don't want them to just not believe because I don't right I don't want that I want them to have all their options and make a uh a decision based on themselves how they feel and so that was a co-parenting thing that I was just like are you fucking kidding me like we've never had an issue up until now and how do we navigate this now yeah I think that that was not good because the way that you explained it it was a situation that happened in your house first of all and the way that you explain death

none of your kids have had to deal with death ever ever literally not a pet not a person and no way shape or form right so this was literally a first for you having to deal with that with them and the way you chose to explain it I think was the most the most sensitive factual way that you could you were not sugarcoating it but you weren't like hey here's the ins and outs of what's about to happen I mean I pretty much laid it out for them right but you weren't like harsh about it no it wouldn't be like how you and I would talk about it right you talked about it on a level that they would understand yeah so for then for Lincoln to then go to church and essentially be told that mom's a liar because that's basically

what happened like mom's a liar or she's a murderer pick one and here's the thing had they explained like had he gone and bear was still sick and they said if you pray for him he may get better may get better there's no guarantee but if you pray he may get better that would have been different that's a compromise for me I can compromise with hobby and the church and whatever the fuck you're doing I can I can go with that like he was talking about co-parenting and we can talk about like you know compromise and sacrifice and all of that shit I'm good with that but you're telling my five year old son yeah whose dog just died but if we pray for him he will heal I was fucking livid right because again how

do you navigate that and you know because you've been married to hobby you guys never went to church no so you know that that's being influenced from an outside source so now that already pissed me off someone else's parenting style and beliefs are now affecting your child it's not that person's child so I think that that's also difficult because it was never a conversation with your hobby it wasn't hey Kale I'm going to bring Lincoln to church and I and if he decided that I which you would have been fine with but you probably would have thought hey why don't you find out what they're talking about right like let's make sure that we're comfortable with wherever he's going to be while you're not

there yeah because that's a whole other aspect about it on the podcast this is the same church that I talked about on the podcast prior to where I said that I went okay because I was invited by friends I went my kids hated it okay they were like we don't want to go back there we didn't like it it was boring whatever XYZ okay we never have to go back I hated it too right I mean I didn't hate it it's not that's not what you believe in it just like wasn't for me and I said maybe I would try again later on but at the time wasn't for me my kids hated it so now you're bringing my kid back to the same church that he supposedly didn't like to begin with but then Javi's telling me that he also that now Lincoln loves it

which you're very confused about so I'm just like okay well I'm not anyway that was reminded me the co-parenting and then the co-parenting and I'm sure that religion is probably one of the many struggles in co-parenting with a lot of people I'm sure for a lot of people without some saying with a lot of people and now it may become one of your struggles that you didn't know and it's crazy because when Javi and I were married and Javi grew up Catholic he went to Catholic school and may or may not have actually gone to church I don't know that was something that people would say like you and you and Javi you and Kayla are never gonna last because of religion well I'll have you know and are we ended and it had nothing

to do with religion for what so fucking ever but it's weird now that almost six years later it's just now affecting us because of an outside I mean if Javi wants to go back to church more power to him I really don't give a shit like it's that I don't I want to be realistic about it and I don't know like I feel this was actually the show working moms that I always talk about one of the couples on there has two different the it's a lesbian couple and they have two different they have a baby a daughter together but they split okay and one of the moms gets with somebody else who's super religious but the ex-girlfriend the other mom is not religious so now it's a co-parenting issue for them and it's cool because I feel

like I could relate to that on that level right now it's like a whole other yeah because you're there has to be a compromise but also I do want my kids to be educated on all their options right and you're fine with education it's just kind of like let's don't undo what I just let's educate them but without basically saying that you're you murdered your dog because that's essentially like in Lincoln's mind like he's he was probably so confused he literally said but mom if we if we pray for him it'll heal bear no he bears dead right bears dead so I think that you know that you you've always said co-parenting is like an evolutionary thing like it's always changing always so now this is going to be another aspect that's

being thrown your way and maybe and it's like when I talked to have you about it initially he was like not understanding why I was so upset about it I was like you didn't even ask the people what they were going to be talking to our kid about and even it like why did he even come up maybe Lincoln said something about their passing away yeah but it's like right it's hard like you had just done such a good job I felt like I did a good job I agree and I think especially in a situation where there had never been a death my conversation with them off camera was better than the one on camera because it was real and raw and un-documented they really understood and I asked them do you have any questions and

they said no do you want to be there when we put bear down they said yes like I don't feel like I influenced them I give them options I want to hear what they have to say I want to hear if they have any questions and I just feel like they undid what I just did and I was really proud of myself and I was really proud of my kids because they were so understanding and they were so brave and they wanted to be there and I feel like they undid all of that yeah by giving Lincoln this false hope because he said it like in such a happy way that I was like no Lincoln that's not the way it works babe right so that kind of sucks all you can do is I guess maybe touch like touch base with them about it and be like I'm gonna

wait until yeah if he asked me questions yeah just because I mean he's fives but like maybe I'm wondering if maybe they made him think that bears I don't do the heaven thing but there's no dog heaven right right we're not doing that you use you that's fine bear went in to be part of the universe I'm pretty sure that's gonna be the first time that they show that on team mom too is like death of a pet or death of anyone and that was hard because not that you haven't dealt with death obviously but not really though haven't like my grandfather died in 2014 but like he didn't have a funeral or anything right I grieved on my own my kids didn't know him like it was just one of those things that I kind of dealt with internally

and I didn't really it didn't really like outwardly like nobody else really knew about it exactly anything so and it wasn't explained to me as a kid because it never it never happened and then either nobody died up until I was an adult so yeah it's like I didn't have pets that died ever bear was the first one so it was just I don't know I was proud of my kids for everything and then they were so brave yeah like I they dealt with it so well so I had told them on I told them off camera for those of you who are listening and don't know I told I had an initial conversation with my kids off camera the night before we put their down and obviously they came to film the next day and I told them the morning

of like I wanted to re-explain basically what was going to happen right but they kind of already knew from the night before and they handled it really well and I asked if they had any questions I don't think there was any tears for the second time I told them until we got into the vet's office yeah but yeah I think that was I don't think that we've seen anything like that on team no and I think you know you always have issues with clearances with MTV but I think that that was one clearance issue that's a good thing oh I wouldn't have one of them in the in the yeah just because it was such like a raw moment for all of you oh yeah I didn't even know what to expect right I will say that when people were telling

me that I wasn't going to want to be in the room and I shouldn't be in the room I was pissed yeah that shouldn't people shouldn't tell you what you want to do and what you don't want to do and then it was like oh all the trolls on Twitter were saying when I posted karma it's only been a week I guess you're replacing your dog and it's like everyone grieves different differently and personally I specifically did not want another Rottweiler because I felt like if I got another Rottweiler it would be me trying to replace bear or have something similar and personally that's not what I wanted to do and karma actually just kind of fell in my lap and I really wanted another dog after I wasn't getting any more

dogs he passed away and I realized I wanted another one and I don't know she's been about as much of a handful as a puppy is but it's been a good two weeks I think I've had her and bear bear taught you guys a lot yeah I mean I got all his pictures printed out in the living room and look good and I was overwhelmed I guess with all the condolences that people sent yeah I didn't realize how much people understood that the law like the loss of people don't talk about it like the you're grieving the loss of a pet and I don't think truly before it happened to me that it was as devastating as it really is you can't it's one of those things where you literally cannot imagine it until you go through it

right you're kind of like in this well it's just a dog like or it's just your pet and it's fucked up it's not a person that's exactly the way I thought about it yeah it's not a person but like they're a soul no they really are and people send me flowers and fruit baskets and cards and I was like is this normal like this is normal I had no idea that that's what and I felt terrible because I feel like I was kind of heartless prior to I didn't know that that's like I said bear was my first dog I ever had and my friend who I've been friends with for probably 10 years now I was scrolling on Instagram and this morning and she lost her dog and I was like oh my god I let her know I was like I'm so sorry like

if you need anything I'm here I get it yeah like your best fucking friend literally and you just like don't even they're like the one that you don't think about because you're like okay well I fed them I watered them they went out I played we're good you just don't think about like you get used to them being there and it's almost like this like not that you forget almost like take like you kind of take it for granted because you're like oh they're here they're we're playing whatever sometimes they're annoying sometimes they're just like fucking people exactly and you just it's you become like a routine don't look at them like people and like no bear was a person yes bear was a fucking everyone makes

fun of me with my dogs and I'm like no they're my babies yeah and then when I have babies I'm just gonna have more babies no literally bear was a person yes and I'm like and they have personalities and they have feelings and it's a it's so crazy but yeah but it's hard and I don't think you're heartless because I think people they don't know until they experience you don't actually experience it and same thing with people because I know you know when my dad passed away that there was some people that like oh sorry like literally didn't understand but then like you know we're seven years later and they're losing like a parent or relative and they've been like I'm so sorry that I wasn't more sensitive

like I understand now and it sucks so bad yeah so I think it's just one of those things where like death is such a not talked about thing it's like taboo and people don't want to talk about it because it's like it's an unknown I had we Lindsay and I had Brittany on our podcast a couple weeks back and she had lost her husband and then married a widower a widower also and that was something that I had mentioned to her like I don't know if I would know what to say and it's one of those things where it's like you don't have to say anything at all it's just like I'm here for you if you need me and it's yeah I think you're right I think people don't talk about death and people don't know what to say and I'm

very awkward so like I don't think that I've ever really been sensitive to someone losing their animal or like a loved one because I don't know you've never been on the other side of that now and now you have and it's like a club you wish you didn't join yeah right for sure yeah that's kind of yeah that's normal so you're not heartless I it's literally everybody there and there is no good thing to say most of the time when people have stuff to say it's like not helpful at all so the I'm here for you is the best I'm here if you need me yeah like he went to a better place okay well where the fuck is that because it's doesn't feel like it's in the bed I just bought him right with the toys I just bought him

yeah with the family that loves him that would have been the better place yeah so yeah it's definitely hard but I think you know you did a good job with the kids and thanks we'll see how it plays right let's just hope that the church doesn't say they're resurrecting bear next because that'd be fun I'm literally giving Kristen the death stare like if they bring up my dog to my five-year-old again I'm gonna have to go to church like I'm gonna have to go back and let them know how I feel about it because yeah that's a lot I mean it's hard co-parenting can't be fun no sometimes I'm like we're hitting a milestone and we're doing really great and then other times I'm like how the fuck are we ten years in and

making ten steps backwards you know what I mean right how did we get here because right what I just I don't know I hope that all of us get on the same page at some point I don't know it's one of those things that I feel like is a learning curve every single step of the way but when you get into a groove where it's working and then something is a setback I feel like it's even harder to get out of because it was going so smooth for so long if you like you take it as more of a blow yeah you would have if things were kind of rocky yeah yeah but you do it for your kids right that's all you can do right let's hope you guys are making good decisions and doing the best you can I'm not gonna do

Lindsay's closeout like she does on every episode because I butcher it every time but I will say that if you have not followed us on coffee combos podcast Instagram you can go do that and we will see you next time I guess we'll talk to you next time thank you Kristen for coming on the podcast it's been fun yes it's been fun and that's a wrap this podcast is brought to you by wave podcast network check out all of our shows including the brain can you podcast I don't get it coffee combos and let's talk about it