Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - A Rested B***h Is A Better B***h

Episode Date: December 16, 2024

CC388: On this month's bonus episode... Lindsie isn't feeling very festive for Christmas since she won't have Jackson this year and Kail explains why she still won't celebrate despite having three kids at home to celebrate with. Listener questions for today are: How do I move on from my ex at 33? My 13yr old son's facebook search bar had explicit content on it, advice? and my husband doesn't want to give oral because of texture issues, now what? An article about parents loving their kids but not always LIKING them starts an interesting conversation that Lindsie can relate to. Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month. Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn more!

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family,

and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Well, good morning. Good morning, girly. Morning sunshine. I'm eating all my kids snacks. Oh, I love that. I have the new Stanley flip top right here that I that Elijah surprised me with the other day and I'm finally using it. They got on board. Stanley finally got on board.

I'm nervous to put it upside down. Do it. It works. It works. That's why I was a hydro gel girly for so long because of the flip top. And it's leak, like there's, this is full of water. So if you guys don't believe me, here's the water.

It's literally in there. Did he get that from Dix? Yeah, he brought it in a Dix bag and he gave it to me. But I wanted him to wash it before I used it. So I saw him there whenever I was Christmas shopping like last week. And I was like, Wow, Stanley like got on board. They don't have this weird like straw shit with the random like straw decorators that you weirdos put on there? Well, I think, um, I don't know. Maybe they're making the transition. I'm not entirely sure, but I know some of them still have the straws. Um, but you could probably put this top on

any of the cups is my guess. I don't know that for sure. I'll get back to you on that. Um, I am a Stanley girly, so I get all the Stanleys no matter what, but this is nice. I like this. The only thing is that I do get a little bit weird about replacing straws and things like that because I feel like they can get mold. So I think just putting it in a sterilizer and making sure you take it apart and stuff is best case scenario. Oh, I'm terrified. Actually terrified of mold. I've heard of people dying from mold before. Like, I know them. I've just

like read stuff about it. Yeah, no 100%. It's scary. That's why the last episode that we talked I was like, I don't give my any of my leftover foods that have mold. I don't give it to my to my farm animals. And I know like Halloween is big for like, the farm animals can eat the pumpkins, but if they're not painted on and if they're not moldy, like you don't wanna give your farm animals moldy pumpkins. You know, it's just not good for them.

I don't think mold's good for, I don't, what even eats molds? Like just like parasites or what? I have no idea, the trash can. Yeah not for me it's definitely not for me. I don't I don't do I've also heard of people know why having moldy shit in their refrigerator and like scraping the mold off and still eating it and I'm like if you guys do that you're sick and you need to see you need to seek out better help because, and like obviously we're not referring to the people that don't have a fucking choice,

that's not who we're talking about. Like if you have the option to throw away food that has mold on it, you need to throw it away. Like that's not, you're gonna make yourself sick because that means that the mold spores are probably still somewhere else on the food. That's so disgusting. Can we also talk about refrigerating salads?

Because I have a big problem with this, like a huge problem. I don't think that once there's dress, first of all, here's the thing. This is my opinion. Sometimes you have to be careful with leftovers that you've eaten out of, and then you're re-frigerating because when you are biting off the fork, and then sticking it in like yogurt, for example, that those little tiny bit of like saliva that's on the fork and then you put it back in the thing and that liquid that like forms on top

of the yogurt that is from the saliva that's like breaking down the yogurt. Wait, what? Yeah, it's like, hold on, let me see. I wasn't planning on talking about this, so I don't have an article prepared, but hold on. Saliva on the spoon may contaminate the remaining food. So even though you're putting it in the fridge

and it stops like the breakdown, it's still like the bacteria that you have in your mouth. If you eat out of yogurt and then you put it in the fridge after you use that same spoon, you will see that liquid that's from your saliva and it's like contaminating the rest of the, like you don't wanna eat that. Same for salad, right?

Like it's the same concept. And also if you put the dressing on the salad and then you put it in the fridge, it gets soggy. So like, why do you wanna do that? I don't know, but some people walk around and they eat soggy lettuce. And I just can't fuck with that. I do have a hack though.

You know, there's like salad kits that you can get. It's like a Caesar salad kit, or it's like a kale salad kit or whatever. I love the kale salad kit. It's got like the dried craisins and sunflower seeds on it. So I'll put all of that part like into the salad mix and then I will separate it out in half and only use half of the dressing and like toss it for

what I'm going to eat. Then I'll put the rest in the refrigerator and then toss that whenever I get ready for it because absolutely under zero circumstances, am I ever eating a piece of fucking lettuce that had dressing on it? And it like, in my fridge, that's not happening. No, it gets like soggy and I don't even I'm not a salad eater, but like, I know exactly what you're referring to, because Elijah loves salads and Isaac love salads. And I'm like, you guys need to like separate it. Like if you're if it's too big for you to eat in one sitting, but you know, you're gonna want some of it later, just like take some of it out and put it in a container or whatever. But like, I agree.

Speaking of food and all of those things, that sort of vibe, this IHOP worker was fired for feeding the homeless. And this was on today.com. It made me so sad to read this because I just thought like the amount of wasteful things that happen at restaurants, fast food, regular restaurants, there is no reason in my opinion why you shouldn't feed the homeless with what's leftover, unless it's compromised. So it's-

That should be an automatic give back that the government enforces on fast food restaurants, in my opinion. So Victoria Hughes claims that she was fired by IHOP after 13 years, and this is in Florida. She's a Florida resident. And she says that she was fired from the IHOP in Lakeland, Florida, where she worked for 13 years. The story begins on November 24th, when a homeless man walked into the restaurant and asked her for food. He stated to me and the host that he was hungry and without a second thought,

I brought him a stack of pancakes and made him a water. Hugh said that she told her manager about the situation and was surprised by his response that feeding the man would cause a safety or loitering issue. Hugh said things escalated at work when the same man came in, this time with a family for another meal. Okay, here's the thing.

I do understand that part of it where it's like, okay, you're homeless, you're offering food for free, and then they're bringing their family, it does create a little bit of an issue. I'm more so referring to like at the end of the night, if there's a lot of food waste that's like not eaten by other people, and it is truly like an oversupply of like cooked food,

that should be given to a homeless, you could drop it off at the homeless shelter the same way that you take your safety deposit bag with all the money in it to the bank, stop at the bank first and then go drop off the food at a shelter or something, or give it to the people on the street. I do see where this personally could create,

like this specifically could create an issue. She said that her manager called and fired her two days later when she asked for a reason, he said company policy. So she doesn't regret what she did. And I understand that she said, I need my job, but I would still do it again. I truly would. I would still help somebody if I could, if he asked me for my shirt, I would have tried to give him that too. Days later, an IHOP executive called her with a job offer adding that he offered to make a healthy donation to the local charity of her choice. So that part of it is all great and good. I have so many feelings about this. Homeless holds such a special place in my heart because

for some of those people that are homeless, they're in such a bad state to where they can't change their life. And when I was in college, I used to have to walk through a homeless park to get to my business classes. And some of the things that during the cold winter months that the homeless would do just for warm shelter was so sad. The homeless shelters in Atlanta are so overfull that these people would pee in public so that the police would pick them up so they could go to jail for

the night to be able to sleep somewhere warm. And so I just feel like in this situation, I understand a company policy, lord a loitering issue But at the same time to your point there is an excess amount of waste I don't work at a fast food restaurant but I would imagine that there would be an excessive amount of waste and also things that there are policies within where you are serving food To where things have to be dated to a certain date for them to still be able to serve it. If it's getting up until that point, why not just make it and give it to the homeless?

I agree. Well, the good thing is that the CEO, Dan Innea, he talks to today.com and he says, as part of our ongoing efforts to support those in need within our local community, we will continue to address food insecurity through our partnership with Feeding America and by making a donation to local Lakeland charities that also support this cause. Here's the thing, I love that they're doing that, but there is also a, there is a homeless unhoused population that is sitting outside. So making donations to those big organizations is great, but when you have food, like you're talking about, literally physical food at the end of the night that has not been touched, why can you not give that to?

The homeless that are on the street because there are certain amount of bed numbers and homeless shelters to where sometimes a homeless person will show up to said shelter and get turned away because they don't have bed space. And so what do you do in situations like that? I could tell you, I can tell you right now where I live in Delaware, I do not know where a homeless shelter is. I don't know where one is. I don't know where one could be.

I have never seen one. So unless they're hiding in plain sight, I know when know where one could be. I have never seen one. So unless they're hiding in plain sight. I know when I stayed at a homeless shelter when I left Joe, it looked like a house. But because I knew where it was, I could I knew where it was. I don't know if they have ones like sort of in plain sight here. I have no idea. But the a lot of the unhoused population right here in town, they go sit in the emergency room. Really? Yeah. Do they turn them away in the emergency room? Sometimes, but most, like they can't turn them away for medical treatment, but like if they're

sitting there and they're not being seen, I think sometimes they try to, but a lot of like when you walk into the emergency room, they will be there. So when I was in college, there used to be a Taco Bell like really close to where Will and I lived and everybody else had been drinking. I had not. So I drove to Taco Bell and I was doing like a food hall for everybody that had been drinking that needed to like soak up their alcohol. And I was sitting in the drive-through and a homeless man jumped in the backseat of my

Range Rover. And I was absolutely terrified, but at the same time, I wasn't. It was so cold. It was maybe like late December, early January, and he just wanted food and he was freezing. I had a blanket from where I would go and watch Will's baseball games that was in my car. I bought him a meal and gave him that blanket and he went on about his way. I think people are also like very scared that something's going to happen to them if they help somebody who is homeless.

I don't really have that fear and I don't know why. I don't know if it's because I went to a college that was heavily populated with homeless that I just don't have that fear at all. I one time was told, and I believe it was by my nanny, that some people are not even homeless and they pretend like they're homeless. For what reason? The people that you see, they're asking for money on the like if you get off of an exit or something. It's like,

okay, that person's been there for 20 years and they make more than the average person's salary a year by standing out there. So I think that that's a very different situation than some of the ones that we're talking about. I've definitely seen people do the blessings in a bag where it's like a big, like a gallon Ziploc bag and it has like gloves, five bucks, a snack. And then you do that and put them in our cars. Yeah, that's I had a friend years ago. She's military. So I don't even know if she lives here anymore. But she used to do that. And I was like, what is that? And she was like, it's blessings in a bag. If we see homeless, we give that

to them. We give it to them. And I was like, oh, and like, it was a small amount of money. So she maybe keep like three or four of them in her car. And then she would give them if they needed it. But I was like, wow, that's so interesting. Like, and you can do those all year. It doesn't have to just be, you know, you could get do it by the seasons, right? Like, so if you have it, if you do it in the summertime, you'd stick a bottle of water in there and then like maybe five bucks. Because yeah, I mean, if they end up using them for drugs or anything else, it's like, you know what your intentions were. But if they needed it for a snack or something, they could go into a Wawa and get a snack with five bucks, you know? I've had people approach me at gas

stations just saying they're hungry and they want a bag of chips or something. And of course, I'm going to go in and get them a bag of chips. I am hesitant a little bit by giving cash. I will absolutely give cash to somebody who is homeless off of an exit if they have a sign that says, need money for beer. It's like, okay, well, you were honest. So I'm giving you five bucks. You know what I mean? Maybe you need to take them to Alcoholics Anonymous next. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. The holidays can be really hard for me and I think I've talked about it so much over

the years on this podcast specifically is like, it can be lonely. I know that I actively chose to give up Christmas on my own, but it doesn't make it hurt any less and I want this to be a happy season for everybody. I don't want anyone else to feel sad just because I do. And therapy has helped me get through this. Therapy is a great way to bring yourself the comfort that never goes away, right? Even when the seasons are changing or the holiday season approaches. This is absolutely one of the hardest times of year for me, specifically with just all of the different life changes that have happened over the last couple of years for me.

And so therapy is very, very important in my weekly schedule and it has helped me so much with just positive coping skills, how to set boundaries better and just truly learn how to navigate through hard seasons of life. It's not just for those who have experienced major trauma, it truly does help you become the best version of yourself.

If you are thinking of starting therapy, you guys need to give BetterHelp a try. It is entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. And all you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and you can switch therapist at any time for no additional charge. Find comfort this December with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash coffee. Can I tell you how I have become you during this entire holiday

season? Yeah, let's hear it. I'm like And I'm alarmed by myself. What do you mean? I have not wanted to celebrate one single holiday this year and I don't know why. Like I don't have a tree up, not putting one up. You don't have a tree up? Don't have a tree up, not putting one up. I don't have Jackson for Christmas. It's just something that I'm not doing.

It's so bittersweet because it's like, you don't have to worry about doing all this stuff, but it also is, it's sad. And like, no matter how many years it's like that, it's still sad. It's lonely. And then you just hope that it's over soon. That's how I feel. I absolutely am feeling that way. Last year for Christmas, Jackson spent it with me in the morning and Trent, and then Will picked him up and took him to his parents' house. This year, it's Will's full Christmas day and he's not going to offer the same thing to me that I offered him last year.

Why? I don't know. We haven't really had many conversations about it other than it's just not happening. I've had to learn through therapy that I have to respect the choices that he makes on the time that he is allotted. And just because I choose to do something for the betterment of my child doesn't mean he has to choose that same thing. And so I just said to myself, I'm not putting up a tree

because I'm gonna have to sit and look at it by myself. Not putting up stockings because I've got to do it by myself. But would Jackson want you want to do it with you? To put it up and decorate? No. He has your desire to do that. Okay. Well, I mean, maybe next year, the next year, because next year you'll have him. So the following year you won't, we could go somewhere. Every other year we could go do something because I know that some people are asking about like holidays with like my kids with Elijah and I just, I don't have

the interest and I don't think it's in, I personally don't think it's in my kids' best interest for that. I think that that would be very unfair to the rest of my children. I just don't, it's not for me. Can I play devil's advocate on that? Yeah. You finally got to a place where you figured it out with your partner and you have three children with that person.

You think it's a little unfair to those children for a precedent to be set before they ever came into this world? No, because they don't know any different. It's not like I'm taking away something that they had. I see that perspective too. So it's like if we were doing Christmas and then all of a sudden I was like, no, actually, never mind.

This isn't fair to the rest of my kids. I would be like, that sort of fucked up. But we never gave that to them to begin with. So it's not like they're missing anything. And I don't know. How does he feel? I did tell Lux, I said, well, we'll do Christmas cookies. Cause he, we did Christmas cookies last year, like after Christmas, I, you know, I did the Christmas tree last year and then we did Christmas cookies. And he did, I did make a compromise with Lux that we would do

decorate like the little sugar cookies and put like sprinkles and icing on that, on them and stuff. So that's something that I'm willing to do. And I was like, if you have any extras, like take them to your dad's. Um, that's something that that I'm willing to do. And I was like, if you have any extras, like take them to your dad's. That's something that I would be down to do. And I also told Elijah, like if he wanted to take the kids to his mom, like his parents house, like by all means go do it. Like I don't have any gripes with that. I just personally, I'm just like, I just can't, I don't. Isaac did say he want to come to Dallas with me. So I was like, all right, you got to talk to your dad because he's at the age where he can like express what he wants and that he sort of listen and take

into consideration what he wants. So he's like, I'm going to talk to my dad. So we'll see. Co-parenting can just be so hard, even if you are on the same page in co-parenting, but you want to be fulfilled in your personal life with your child outside of that other person It just makes the situation very hard and I do feel like I have been so giving and that situation and accommodating That we're kind of at a place and maybe Maybe I was doing that like in the newness of the situation because I didn't know any different and couldn't imagine like not being amendable. But now I'm kind of at a place to where I know that I'm going to have a future partner and that future partner is probably going to have children. And I

just have to stick to my guns as hard as it hurts to do that and know that me sticking to my guns might be that my child misses something on the other end. For the fluidness of the situation, I feel like it's probably in the best interest that we just go off of the parenting plan. And that's the thing is like certain time and like I have custody situations where we cannot deviate from the plan because it's too high conflict and then I have other situations where like we just have conversations like having I got on you know, we emailed and we're like, okay, let's do a phone call really quick go over all this and then put it in writing, do whatever. Have you and I will always do whatever is best interest for Lincoln period point blank.

So like if it's not necessarily an agreement, but Joe and I haven't always been that way. There have definitely been times where I would offer him something in hopes that, you know, when the time comes he would do the same, you know, when, you know, it doesn't have to be like that next Christmas or whatever, but at some point, you know, give a little take a little that sort of deal and never did. So, you know, sometimes you don't have a choice but to go by what is exactly on the. I had an opportunity to take Jackson to Disney for Christmas and some of my best friends are going to be in Disney with her family and all of their children.

And those are like once in a lifetime opportunities. Yes, he's been to Disney many times before, but to be able to go and do something like that that's out of the ordinary, like you can always do Christmas at home in a year. And so knowing that it was not my Christmas day, and because I did give up some of my time for Jackson to be able to see his cousins and his grandparents and his dad also on Christmas Day last year, I guess I had set in my mind that Will was going to offer the same thing back to me in this year and it's just not happening.

And I have to respect that, right? Like you get to a point where it's like, okay, I don't agree with your choice, but I have to respect it because it is your time and I can't argue it, but it hurts. It does hurt. I don't think that hurt will ever go away. How do you cope? Like how do you get better? Sometimes you can't. Sometimes it's just like accepting it and that's it. You don't necessarily get better or get used to it because it hurts every single time. Someone asked me the other day, he texted me and he said, what do you want for Christmas?

And I said to sleep in and have breakfast in bed. And it's like, that sounds so sad, but at the same time, like what else am I supposed to do? My child's not home. Yeah. So I would rather just get good rest. Yeah. Like nobody's taking that shit back from me. Like a rested bitch is a better bitch, you know?

Lindsay. Okay, so a listener wrote in and said, "'Kitty Gang,' can you please do your Kitty Gang, Kitty Gang? No, I can't do it on the spot. Yeah, you can. Kitty Gang, Kitty Gang, Kitty Gang. You do it.

How else do you do it? You do it. Kitty Gang, Kitty Gang, Kitty Gang. I can't do it like you. I don't know where that came from though. Like what? Oh, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang, Gucci Gang. So then I did Kitty Gang, Kitty gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang. So then

I did kitty gang, kitty gang, kitty gang, kitty gang. So you say kitty gang. Just found out my ex who I was with for seven years got engaged today. We broke up almost three years ago. He met her a month after we split and I've just been focusing on my independence, getting to live alone for the first time. I don't miss him or our relationship, but now I suddenly feel so far behind. I wasted three years and now 33 years old, I feel like I should already have had what he has. Someone make me feel better about this. I don't know if there's ever a way to truly feel better about this situation. I always, I say always as if I've like had so many situations.

Okay. So first of all, I'm a liar, but I have regularly said in dating situations that the last thing I want to do is waste somebody's time or somebody to waste my time. So if we're doing this, the time investment, like there needs to be a return on that time. If you don't think there's going to be a return on that time, then get the fuck out. I just don't think that you should be comparing yourself to her. 33 is still really young. I know it feels like you're far behind, but I mean, you're not. In fact, you may have a better chance at having a stronger relationship. Not saying that their relationship isn't strong, but it sounds to me that if he was with her a month after your relationship, there could possibly be remnants

of a rebound right there. And you've been focusing on what's important and you're taking your time. So I would not worry about that. I know that it's easier for me to say than it is for you to feel. But I honestly think that you're doing the right thing and you're light years ahead of them in some ways, because you're going to have that personal growth that they can't have. I really, and it's personal for me, but I don't think that you can go from being in like a very serious committed relationship of three years in this situation and then be with someone a month later and be able to give that person what they need

a month later. How are you truly healed? And I understand everybody heals and grieves and stuff in different times. So it's not really fair for me to say, oh, that person wasn't moved on. I don't know him from Adam. I just know for myself, I couldn't put myself in another serious situation or another situation a month later. I will say any relationships that I have jumped from one to another, which I have done in my life, they never really ended well. Elijah and I, we have a lot of odds still stacked against us for that reason. I honestly don't think that it's... Yes, there are happily ever afters with those situations, but I just think that the chances, yes, there are, you know, happily ever afters with those

situations, but I just think that the chances of that are a lot slimmer. And I definitely don't think that I've ever been in a good relationship when I jump around to relationships. So I would agree with you. Coffee Combo's podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, kiddies, whether you love true crime, comedies, celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue, right? And guess what?

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Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law. Somebody asked me this the other day and I was like, I need to ask Kale this on coffee combos. Relationships, like once you're done, do you go back and revisit? Are you like a regular revisitor of relationship or are you like once it's done, it's done and there is no going back? In what way though? Like give me an example. I think revisiting the relationship in its entirety, right? It's like you've broken up.

You maybe one of you has a valid reason that you broke up or maybe both of you have a valid reason but you can't let go of each other. So you go back to that same drawing board where it's like, you have sleepovers, you have hookups, you regularly text, you do all of these things that you were doing while you were in a relationship with the person that you broke up with. Like, are you that girl or are you, no, once I say I'm done, I'm done. Because I have one friend that's like, once that breakup happens, there is no revisiting that situation. Like it's gone and gone. Like that's it. Okay, so I would say so what's weird is, and I unfortunately have to use these two people

as an example, because they are the only two people that this was a scenario in was like, hobby and Chris, those two are officially done now. Right? But truly think that for Chris, him having a child with someone else was the end for me. And I never looked back. I have never looked back. When I knew I was done, I was done. And same for Javi. We went back and forth as long as we did because we had been back and forth all of that time. Does that make sense? But when me and Jordan were done, we were done. When me and Joe were done, we were done.

So I don't know how to answer that question because it's like, I do think that sometimes when you guys officially break up, there is a period of time where you're still... But I could never go back to Javi and Chris now. Today, as it stands, we are so far beyond that, that I would never go back. They're my exes and that is what it is. I've never gone back to an ex years later. Javi and I were back and forth for all of those years. Does that make sense? Yes. See- It's not like we took a multiple year break and then we tried to get back together. See, I'm in agreement with you. I kind of feel in one situation that I was in, I was

like, once it gets too far gone, it's fully gone. Yeah. But during that entire time, it wasn't really done. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah. we were at some periods acting like we were still together still doing things that we were still together. But like we weren't. But like once that is gone, I don't know how to describe it. Do you regret that? Do you feel like looking back on it now, you would have rather a cold turkey situation and never gone back to the drawing board or you're okay with the lessons

that you learned along the way? Because mine's about the time investment, right? It's like, okay, I'm 35 years old. If you keep going back to the drawing board and nothing is going to change and nothing is figured out, are you doing it to buy time? Or are you doing it in hopes that something is going to change. I think for me with Javi, it was both. Hopes that things would change and also to possibly buy time. With Chris, I was just hoping things would change

and I was hoping things would get better. They never did. Looking back, do I regret it? Yes. I just don't want to ever be the person that wakes up one day. And it's like, I should have never done that circus over and over and over again. No, and that's how I feel. Like when I and I don't think about

it often. I you know, I talk about my ex relationships on here just for like, points of reference. Because that's what this is, right? Like, so I don't want anyone to be upset by this conversation. I don't have feelings for J points of reference, because that's what this is, right? Like, so I don't want anyone to be upset by this conversation. I don't have feelings for Javier Cris. I don't still think about them in that way. But in a conversation like this,

where you're flat out asking me, do I regret it? Yes, I wish that I did not waste my own time, waste their time. You know, one of them was very, very, very toxic. One of them I think was toxic by the age that we were in and things like that. And I just wish for both of our own personal growth, you know, for me and Javi, I wish that we would have cold turkey ended it and still been okay. Just because I think that we did our own personal selves disservice by continuing to let it go

on as long as it did. And I think that we sort of contributed to our own problems and other relationships that we were trying to develop or had hopes for, whatever the case may be. And then for Chris, that was just really, really bad. And I think, again, especially for the kids involved, right? I wish that we just ended it and never looked back for both of us, for his own personal growth, for his own sanity, for mine. Like, for what? Why did, I don't know, but I feel like sometimes

you're in a situation where like, you couldn't have done better because you didn't know better. I agree with that. I was just having a conversation with Nanny on the Southern T last week about me and Will. I filed for divorce in 2017 and I went back because she was adamant about the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

You need to sit back, revisit that situation, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So guess what? I take my grandmother's advice and I revisit said situation only to find out in more recent conversations that we both feel like we should have been done in 2017, but neither person was strong enough to walk away from that situation. Neither person wanted to be responsible for breaking up said situation with child. So we kept going back to the same drawing

board with no new tools. Yep. But you don't know until you're there. Like I don't think that that's a situation, a situation, a situation where you could have done anything different, because like you said, you both were not wanting to take on that responsibility or make that decision or be the one to do that. I don't think, I mean, now that you're older, you're wiser, you've had more experience,

you know what you want in a relationship or what you don't want in a relationship, it might be easier to do it now than where you were before. So I don't think that you should necessarily blame yourself for that. People ask me all the time, when did you know that like divorce was right? I knew in 2017 that ultimately it was going into divorce. I didn't know when it was gonna happen, but I knew that things were not, whether it was subconscious or conscious, I knew that the situation was not going to change. My feelings about the situation was not going to change

regardless how much I tried. When you know that you need to leave is when you know that you need to leave and you need to do that in its fullest capacity. Like revisiting a situation, sitting and thinking about said situation about how things could have been different. believe, and you need to do that in its fullest capacity. Like revisiting a situation, sitting and thinking about said situation, about how things could have been different. The thing is they weren't, and they aren't going to be. Right?

I think it's always easier said than done. It sounds good. Sounds like, okay, this is the decision we have to execute, I think. I'm also saying this from experience of somebody who went back to the drawing board multiple times. I mean, same. We've been through it. So. This next person says, thoughts, my son is 13. He has a Facebook to communicate with six friends. I went to a search history and it's two random women with titties and ass out. How would you approach this? At 13

years old, if I went to my son's Facebook and there were messages with titties and ass out, I'm possibly catching a charge and you definitely are. No, they would immediately not have Facebook. They immediately wouldn't have social media. They wouldn't have a foot because at that point you are acknowledging that they are not like responsible enough to have social media or a phone. But there are messages, I want to play devil's advocate here from like I get these on Instagram all the time where it's like, join this sex cam or something. And it's like, do you not get these?

No. Wait, I get them like every single day. And it's, I mean, literally like, probably six messages every single day from this group chat thing where it's like, join this sex cam horny blah, blah, blah. No, I don't get those at all. I never have. And it's like, okay, if I'm getting those, I'm going to assume that there would be a possibility that my minor child could get those

because people these days just have no cooth. Like they don't give one single fuck. And there used to be this girl who used to message me on Facebook, I don't know how single fuck. And there used to be this girl who used to message me on Facebook. I don't know how she was doing it. We were not friends on Facebook and she would send me nudes all the time on Facebook. And then I guess she got an Instagram because I figured out how to block on Facebook Messenger. She got an Instagram and started sending it over there and was like, add me to Snap. And it's like, first of all, I don't have a Snapchat. Second of all, please, these are not, I don't want to see any part of anything that's

going on on these messages. And I think that just random people will randomly send nude stuff. Yeah, but this was in his search history. This wasn't in his messages. That's like random, because I do think that that has to be considered too, if it's like pop ups or something like that. But when it's like your, your child is searching these things and yes, to some degree that is normal. That is like hormonal horny teenagers. And I get that. But I'm not also going to just willingly hand it over either. You know what I mean? Like I know that that's something that is going to happen with boys with teenage boys, but I'm not also going to facilitate it. If You know what I mean? Like I know that that's something that is going to happen with teenage boys, but I'm not also going to facilitate it, if you know what I mean.

Like there needs to be some form of gatekeeping. Yeah. And also 13, I can't speak for everyone, but I think 13 is still a little young for that, right? Like they're- But what would they even be searching to find ass and titties on Facebook? I don't know. Like is it just ass and titties on Facebook? I don't know. Like is it just ass and titties in the search bar? Well here's the thing. Twitter slash X, that's where the porn is.

So that's what I would be afraid of. But Facebook is also questionable sometimes. Wait, there's porn on X? That's all it is. That's literally what people use Twitter for. Wait, can you explain more? I haven't been, I have a Twitter or X or whatever it's called, but I haven't been on it in like probably five years.

Like people use it as porn, like the instead of like going to like XXX or what is it? XXNX, whatever it is, or like Pornhub, like they'll go to Twitter. And people are just out there posting porn on Twitter? Yeah. And that's just out there posting porn on Twitter? Yeah. And that's not against like policy? I guess not. It's all over the place. Like you can literally search any type of porn on X.

That's absolutely insane. And they're like videos, all kinds of stuff. Well, speaking of that, this next listener says, Hey, kitties, can anybody tell me a way for my husband to start oral? He hates textures and never has been a fan of oral. He gets so awkward when I start talking about sex related stuff and it's kind of rubbing me the wrong way. I don't know. I'm at a crossroads. Thanks y'all. I feel like this should have probably been discussed when they were dating. This is a situation where if it's a texture thing for him and it's never really been in

a, um, something that he likes, I just wouldn't even like it sucks. But for me, that's not a deal breaker. If it's a texture thing and you're aware of that, I wouldn't even try to pressure him into that. Like that, but that's just like my personal take on it. Like I don't give head like blow jobs are not my thing. Elijah never pressures me to do it. If I choose to do it, that's something that I choose to do. But like I would actually, it would be a deal breaker for me. If he was like trying to pressure me into doing something that I didn't like or that I didn't want to do not pressure

me, but even trying to convince or get me to start doing them. If it's not something that I want to do. I'm not doing it period point blank. That's is something that I'm not going to compromise on. I mean, there's always room for exploring. I feel like if you have a texture problem and you don't like giving head, what's the texture of a China has a texture. What only you would know that in the situation of me and you talking because I've never like done that. So like, what is the fricking texture? Like it's not like, like, okay, like, these are like weird shit.

Do you like anal? No. If you were in a relationship and they were trying to like warm you up to anal and regularly were like trying to get you to be open minded about anal to me. I feel like that is like coercion. Like I don't want any parts of this. I have a texture problem. I have a gag reflex. I have whatever else like, well, I don't and I'm not trying to be a bully to this girl who wrote in like I'm really not. I just, I personally feel like if you like Oral and he doesn't like it, he never did,

why this isn't even a conversation. But that's why I said there should have been something that was addressed probably before marriage. But you know what? This is a situation where you don't realize how big of a problem it is until it's been years and years without it, I guess. But why would you go years and years without it, I guess. But why would you go years and years without it is my question. Like if that's a thing

for you, why was that not explored like during the dating process? Maybe she thought she could live without it. Maybe she thought she could live without it and then she's made it up until this point and now she wants him to do it. But like But to me, it's too late for that. Would you think that it would be valid for someone to get a divorce or something like this? No. I do. If you're not happy and you're not satisfied, what's the point in staying in a marriage?

Because I do feel like if it's that important to somebody, eventually they're going to look for that somewhere else. Okay, fair. Okay. So you stay in the marriage, you're upset that he's not doing it. He doesn't want to do it. He feels like it's out of his comfort zone, beyond his level of comfortability. And now she, whether it be intentionally or unintentionally, seeks something else out and now there's an affair or they're both miserable and building resentment towards each other or file for divorce you look for someone. Yeah, I guess I could see that. But I mean, to your point, this should have been something that they talked about or it should have come up earlier. But to

me, I'm just like, if Elijah told me something that he was not comfortable with sexually, something that he was not comfortable with sexually, I'm not going to try to get him to like it. If it's something he just flat out tells me, this is not something that I'm comfortable with, I'm not going to figure out ways to make him comfortable with it. I'm just not. I mean, I can get behind that. That's totally okay. But I also think that there is something to be said for exploring because you don't know if you're going to like it until you try it. It's kind of like, how would I have ever known that I liked asparagus until I tried asparagus?

It's not the same though. And I feel like there's a difference between somebody being open minded and willing to explore and someone saying, I don't like this. I have no interest in this. I don't want to do this. And then later on, the partner is trying to figure out ways to make them comfortable with it. That is coercion, in my opinion. Is this something that you feel would be valid to take to couples counseling? No. Period. No, because they're not saying they're, it's one thing to say that they're open minded. They're not saying they're open minded. If he doesn't like it

and he has a texture problem, why are you even trying to pursue this further? I mean, but is that the answer or is it like deeper than that? Like, do we need to dive deeper in the situation or we're just like taking that as the answer and that's it and we're possibly getting a divorce. Yeah. At that point, like I'm telling you right now, if Elijah constantly pressured me for anal, I'm done. Like if you are basically trying to tell me that we need to go to couples counseling or sex therapy or here's a couple of things that you can do to warm up to anal and I am at like, I'm telling him I don't you can do to warm up to anal. I'm telling him I don't want to do it. We're done.

So we're filing for divorce. What would be the reason why we're filing irreconcilable differences? irreconcilable differences. Because we are not going to reconcile on this. That kind of irritates me. I actually saw that post in the in the Facebook group? I just for me. Now if she comes back to us next week and she's like, No, this is like he wants to warm up to it, but he has a texture problem. That is different. That's an entirely different conversation.

Entirely different. I would love to get follow up on this. Yeah. Next thing I want to talk to you about and I thought this was so interesting, on parents.com, can a parent not like their kids the same but still love them equally? And I feel like you and I are going to disagree on this. Wait, I need more information on this. Like I need examples. Okay. So it says, this is an honest question from a parent that sparked a heated conversation with a proactive title and over 175 comments at the time of writing a thread in the parenting subreddit is getting a lot of attention because parent has admitted to loving their kids equally but not liking them all the same.

The post titled the dirty secret my parents never told me, the Redditor says, believed growing up in a somewhat large family that the parents loved all the kids equally. Now that I've been a parent, I think that that actually was true. The poster goes on to drop the bombshell confession, but what I didn't understand until I had my own kids is that I wouldn't like them all equally.

No, I think that that's fair. I actually had a conversation with Becky and all of her siblings in Louisiana about something like that. I think based on where I am in my own personal motherhood journey, there are different periods of time where I butt heads with some of my kids. Right? Like Isaac, I had a really hard time pre-teen. We weren't really getting along, seeing eye to eye, that sort of thing. Motherly instincts, gut feelings, all of that.

I loved my child fiercely, but we were not, I didn't necessarily like that period of his, I don't wanna say I didn't like him because I don't know that that's true. I didn't like that period of his, I don't want to say I didn't like him because I don't know that that's true. I didn't like that period of our relationship and I was closer to my other kids, right? I think motherly instincts and my love for my children will always trump whatever phase that they're in, right? If I don't like them during that time or they don't like me during that time. And Javi and I had a meeting on Friday and he said something to me about like, were you close to your parents in high school, like,

he's fully preparing for that period of time where like, you don't necessarily like your parents and your parents don't necessarily like you kind of thing. Like that was something that he brought up. And I thought that was really interesting because I do think for different parents, they have those those phases. I think that for my own growth, my own childhood, I don't think my mom ever liked me. Like I think that my mom loved me to the best of her ability, but I don't think that my mom ever liked me. And so based on children's per like, and it sounds fucked up, but like based on you can't predict your child's personality, right? Like you don't know what they're going to be like. They

might be a fucking asshole, but you love them because they're your child, but you wouldn't necessarily hang out with them if they weren't. There's times that I have said to myself, I would never say this to my child, but there's times that I have said in my own brain, that was so much like your dad, never do that again. Yes. You know? But it doesn't change the fact that I love him fiercely. What's so crazy about that statement is like I've heard so many parents as a sort of going

on a different tangent, parents that don't like their kids because they remind them of the other parent. But what's crazy for me is that like some of my kids are carbon copies of their fathers. And even though I really don't like their dads, like we'll use Lux as an example, because of how high conflict it is with Chris, right? Lux is a spitting image of Christopher Michael Lopez. But some people will argue that that is my favorite child. Christopher Michael Lopez. But some people will argue that that is my favorite child. Oh, I would argue that. So

or like Lincoln, for example, like, how do you and I have not we're just not I don't I don't say I don't like him. We're cordial, right? But like, I would never not like Lincoln because I just I don't have that same experience. Like I just I just don't. Creed to me, in my opinion, also looks exactly like Chris, he's just a fairer, more fair, complexed version of Chris. And I love it. Like he's the funniest fucking four year old I've ever met. So it's like, I don't. Yeah, I

don't know. I mean, there are like Isaac's what? I've seen stuff online about people talking about what you're talking about. And I could not imagine I more so could see it in a situation to where maybe a child was conceived in a situation to where they weren't like truly romantically involved with each other and probably like didn't like each other, but there was sexual compatibility there and then child conceived. Maybe I could understand it more so in a situation like that, but I could never imagine holding that perspective knowing that at one point, I was in love with his dad.

You know what I mean? I think that that could change the, move the needle one way or another. Fair, I don't know. But me growing up, my dad was very honest. He said, I love you, but I don't like you right now. Oh, he said that to you? How did that make you feel? He would say that to my face.

And it made me feel ashamed. Like, why don't you like me? And there have been times in my life to where I would do something and it's like my mannerism or like maybe the tone and the way that I answered something. It's like you remind me of your mother and I hate her. And it's like, do you hate me? See, even though I don't always love my kids' dads, like I always laugh about it when I see a mannerism that is so identical to their dad. I always laugh, I'm like, oh my God,

you're just like your dad. Even if I hate their dad, I don't ever say that. Like I wouldn't say that to them. I'm just like, like, Isaac has this thing, like he has this like texture thing where he'll go like this. And that's something that Joe does. And I'll just laugh at it and be like, your dad does that. That's like, I don't say, like, I don't say it one way or another that like, I like it, dislike it, don't like your dad, like your dad, anything like that. Same for like, I mean, Lincoln is a carbon copy of Hobby. He'll make a, or Hobby and Lincoln always do this.

And I'll be like, your dad does that all the time. Like, and I just laugh about it. And there are times where I don't like Hobby, like, like I just don't like it, but I would never say that. But I think that people need to be very careful just speaking from a child of experience in my childhood. It made me want to be nothing like her whatsoever because I was doing these things that were probably just like, not because I was around her, but it was probably just like a genetic thing that I didn't know. And if I'm being told, oh, that's just like such and such, and I

hate that person. It will cause you to have like extreme, like it will fuck up with your confidence like at all. Like I didn't want to look like her. I didn't want to sound like her. I didn't want to eat like her like nothing because it made me fear that he wouldn't like me because of his hate for her. That is so interesting to me. And like I never, it's so crazy. Like sometimes the way Jackson stands or does something in my mind, I'm like, he looks just like Will Campbell. That's insane. Isn't it so weird?

But what's so weird is that I, and I will be so curious to ask the kids' dads or ask Elijah, I have not seen any of the kids do any of my mannerisms like I like the thing with hobby like the or or the thing with Isaac or some of the faces that you know Lux and Creed make that that are Chris I don't notice any of my mannerisms in them but I would be so curious to ask them if they notice any of the kids doing my mannerism well it's probably because you don't notice your own mannerism so somebody else is going to notice it, I feel like more than you would. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I just, I, I feel like I, the liking and loving situation, I feel like that's different with your kids than it is with like your partner, though. I feel like I have to like my partner to be able to fully unconditionally love them.

So okay, give me an example of what you mean, because I don't know if I'm tracking, like if I don't like the person that I'm with, it makes it very hard for me to show love to that person, because I don't like them. Isn't that weird, though, but like, innately for mothers, like we will still show them love even when they're in periods where we don't necessarily like them or get along with

them. We'll still do things just because there are, it's so different where like, if you get the ick from your person, your partner or anything, first of all, once I get the ick, this goes back to a conversation that we had, I think it was last week or maybe earlier this episode, I don't fucking know. Once I get the ick, it's done. Like we're done. We're never coming back from it, whether I'm in a relationship with them or like we're in that weird face afterwards. But like you, I don't ever get the ick from my kid. Okay. So that's interesting that you say that because I saw, I think it was in the Facebook group or one of the Facebook groups. I don't know which one it was, but it was this whole thread about, I absolutely hate how my partner eats. And that was some of the red flags for me towards

the end of my marriage that I knew that I got the fucking ick and it's not going back because now I hate every part of that about you. And it sounds so mean and it's stupid, like eating habits, whatever. That's just being nitpicky, I understand that. But I feel like once you start going down that path in a relationship, it's like, okay, you already got the ick, so you need to go ahead and get the fuck out. There's no coming back from the it.

Like just random stuff. It would be like the way that you hold your fork, the way that you chew your food, the way that you put mustard on a plate that looks like it's the whole bottle. For example, towel, all of these things, absolutely insane. But I feel like once those little things start happening in a relationship, you might as well call it quits because I can promise you it's never getting better.

No, 100%. Once you get the ick, there's no coming back. There's absolutely no coming back. There is one person that I have been with that I have zero icks. Oh, okay. I have zero X. Oh, okay. I have zero X, like I couldn't, but maybe it's because I genuinely was like

in love with the person. Okay. So I liked everything about them. Right, but I will say this, the X could still come. Yeah, but I feel like if you love someone enough, the X don't matter. Okay, so then my next question is, could you be done with someone and then you never got

the ache from them? No. Because there are people that I dated that I don't necessarily have the ache from, but we broke up. No, I'm keeping on revisiting it. Oh, if you don't get the ache, you keep revisiting. Oh, and even times that I've had the Ick, I've revisited. I'm a revisitor.

Okay. We're recycling bodies around here. We go back to the drawing board and nothing has ever changed. Okay. We love that for us. And on that note, we have foul play. You said foul play? Yeah.

Okay. Hey ladies, my husband and I love your podcast and listen to them all the time. I finally have a foul play to submit. We live in a neighborhood where all the kids are at our house all the time. It's also the house where sleepovers are always held. My seven year old daughter's best friend lives right around the block from us so it's perfect. This is our second daughter who has two older brothers so our house is always the house where they wanna be. Anyways, my daughter and her friend reminded me tonight

that I promised them three days ago that they could have a sleepover today. The girls are notorious for loving all things, makeup, skincare, fashion, et cetera. It's getting late and the girls wanna bike to a friend's house to grab a toothbrush. They haven't come back in time, so I take my bike over there to get them.

Girls being girls come out with a backpack full of whatever they packed in a small purse. When we went back to our house, I was there to get them. Girls being girls come out with a backpack full of whatever they packed in a small purse. When we went back to our house, I was trying to get them ready for bed and noticed some bum bum, oh, and noticed some boom boom cream in the purse since it was unzipped. We have a lot of Sol de Janeiro products, so I wanted to make sure it wasn't one of ours. They swap stuff all the time. I then saw a small yellow bottle with a pump that reminded me of brightening serum

I use by Beauty Counter. I grabbed it out and nope, wasn't a travel size bottle of brightening cream. It was flavored coconut lime edible lube. When I confronted the girls, I asked the friend what it was and she said, it's just face moisturizer. Wait.

I was dying inside. She then told me she took it from her mom. My husband and I are torn to bring it up to the mom, but I'll sleep on it and tell her about it. We both work in the schools and I really respect her. So I just hope she doesn't think I'm judging her. Anyways, thanks for responding. We love all three of you.

Yes, you too, Kristin. First of all, that is the funniest fucking thing that I've ever heard. She thought it was moisturizer. First of all, I'm just gonna send a text and be like, hey, like, or maybe face to face and so she could hear my tone because I obviously know from having kids like that was an honest mistake, but like, it's sort of a funny one. I wouldn't want someone to think I was judging either, but like, that's hilarious. No, it's absolutely hilarious. But I feel like that is a face-to-face conversation so somebody can see your body language and also see what's coming out of your mouth to their

face. I don't know that I ever would feel comfortable enough of sending a text message or making a phone call and being like, by the way, your daughter just came over here with edible lube. I just like, what do you- But where do you get that? Do you get that at Sephora? No, but they probably didn't realize it was moisture. They wasn't, it was probably on their bathroom counter and they didn't think anything of it.

So it was probably the parents. Yeah. Oh, I'm really- Went over to the girl's house to get like a toothbrush, went into the bathroom, grabbed some boom boom cream and whatever other like makeup and lotions and things like that. They grabbed the moisturizer, but it was lube. Like, could you imagine your daughter you walk in and your daughter's doing like a lube mask? Like,

Like what? Okay, that also brings me to another point. And I'm big on like keeping all of my stuff separated from Jackson's. Like, you don't need to be in my bathroom drawers for absolutely no reason. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't want the cross possible contamination of things or a situation like that ever happening. 100%. Because how do I explain that you put lube on your face? Like, what are we saying to our kids? Like come here lube

face like I don't know. I mean, that's what I would do just to make it funny. Like like your face. Insane. Okay, the next person says hi, Kayla and Lindsay, I have some tea for you guys. So I'm a nail tech. So of course I hear the craziest of stories recently at a client of mine. She is an ICU nurse and was telling me about a patient of hers that's probably somewhere in his 60s to 70s and his son who is usually sitting at his side during the

day in like his 40s to 50s. Anyway, the son is going through his dad's phone looking for something as his dad is not coherent because you know, ICU, the son stumbles across photos of his dad gang banging his wife of 30 plus years and the participants in the gangbang were his dad's brothers. So the son's uncles, I guess the son was showing all the nurses the photo that he had found and apparently this has been going on for years. I hear so much shit from clients and I will say this one was actually shocking. And I knew that I had to tell you guys love listening

to y'all. Man, That is the most insane thing that I've ever fucking heard. Gang banging your mom. And it's your mom was getting fucking a train ran on her by your uncles, your dad and your uncles. Like what do you even at that? Like what do you think about your dad? What do you think? Like you can never look at your dad, neither one of your parents the same or any of your uncles. Like, you cannot show up to Thanksgiving.

Is this incestual? Is this swinging? Is this? I wouldn't say it's probably not. Well, is it incestual? Because if they're brothers, then I would say, yeah, I guess that is that like you're still engaging in sexual activity with your siblings. Yes.

Like, that's absolutely fucking insane. Also, I could not. I think I'm just like too much of a jealous. What do they call that? Like a jealous and like territorial person that never could I ever participate in something like that and then show up to Thanksgiving and Christmas and just be like, oh yeah, it's fine. No, that son- When you were running a train on my wife. And like, how does that even work? Like, are they all in there with like their wangs out?

Yes. Do we think they're using condoms? No. We don't? No. I'm a fall. The fact that he was able to locate it though. When he's looking for something leads me to believe that it was fairly recent 100% because like how far were you up in the camera

roll? That's insane. Like, well, I'm like, if this person's dad is in the ICU, something tells me he's probably a little bit on the older side because like how old are we talking? Is he in his 60s and he's fucking gangbangs his wife with his brothers? Like you're an insane person. And she's a brother fucker. Like that's so strange. Okay. Goodbye. Thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple Podcast app. Follow it right on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcast. Don't forget to follow

us on Instagram and join our Facebook group to connect with us and our community. Full video episodes are now available on Kail's Patreon to join visit www.patreon.com slash kale Lowry. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. Hi I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler. And we're the hosts of Pop Apologist Podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip,

Hollywood deep dives, real housewives drama, and anything and everything Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that A-listers might mean more to us than each other. Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for Pop Apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.