Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - ADHD Crying & Overcompensating

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

CC381: After a mention that Lindsie and Kail were big criers as kids, a listener writes in with an explanation that links their crying with their ADHD diagnosis. Lindsie finally closed on her old house and shares the feelings she's had leading up to the final days. Another listener asks whether parents feel like they are setting up their kids for failure by doing to much for them and Kail can really relate to this one. Today's Foul Play, a listener finds out their father isn't their biological father.. But that's not all! Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month. IQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from IQBAR. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at IQBAR.com. Reply "STOP" to stop, "HELP" for help Kiwico: Get 50% off your first crate at kiwico.com, promo code COFFEE Qualia: Go to Qualialife.com/coffeeconvos for up to 50% off and use code COFFEECONVOS at checkout for an additional 15% off. RoBody: Find out if you're covered for free at Ro.Co/COFFEECONVOS. Rx only. Wayfair: Visit Wayfair.com to shop Wayfair's Black Friday Deals!

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. Good morning. Welcome to Coffee Combo's podcast is everything shower day for me and I'm wearing my shirt that you got me for my birthday. Oh, I love that just here for the wieners. When I tell you that Elijah when I when that came in the mail, he was like, What the fuck is this? I was like, it's a long story. And I was like, it's not that long. But Lindsay loves hot dogs. And he was like, never that long. He was like, I like, why did you get this for

her? And I was like, she loves hot dogs. And so actually, now that I think about it, I ordered you a Kendra Scott hot dog necklace, and it never came. So I'm just wondering where that was lost around. I have a hot dog necklace that you bought me. I know. So that one's from Etsy. but the one that I originally bought you wasn't going to be here on time, which was from Kendra Scott. And that one never came. So now that I think about it, I need to figure that out. Do you love Kendra Scott? Because I love Kendra Scott jewelry.

So is it true that she doesn't even, it's like sort of like Kate Spade before she passed away. She sold her stakes in the company So I guess what I'm saying is Can someone give me business insight on why we would name a brand? After a person and then they would sell it like Erin Condren the lady notebooks and Stationary and stuff. I don't believe that she owns it anymore. Maybe she owns shares, but I don't even know. What would be the purpose of that? Because I don't know that I would want my name is a brand owned by somebody else.

I was going to say, I think that it's smart when you're thinking of it upfront before anybody else possibly acquires you or buys it out from under you, it's like your name still lives on, right? However, what if you don't agree with the business decisions that those people make that now own it and now your name's all over the place? Yeah. And also, if you work that hard to have... Obviously, it's easier said than done.

We don't have brands named after us. I mean, sort of, but it's different. We don't have product lines. I just don't know. I don't know how I'd feel about that. I would not want my hard work, my name, my likeness everywhere for that. It's so crazy. I have to ask you a question. Number one, I don't know if you do this through the holidays, but I cannot wait for there to be like a little bit of time off. I'm taking my extensions out. I'm going to be like full natural girly. I'm taking all my SNS off. What's SNS?

You know, like my nails, like the dip powder. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm taking it all off. I'm just going to be like a skincare girly during that time and natural hair girly and go to like self-care appointments. Oh, I love that. I really love that. You know, to start like the new year, like as a fresh new you.

Yes. And you know, your birthday is sort of in the fourth quarter of the year. So I feel like going into Q1, you want to be a new person anyway. So what better time is there than going into the new year? That's right. I do need to ask you, do I need to chop my hair? Because that's honestly like the scariest thing to me to do it. And then you've got to wait for it to go through like an awkward stage to get it like back out. Are you still loving it?

No, I love my short hair. I will say that I texted my hairstylist and I was like, you're going to have to teach me how to re because I had short hair one other time. And I was trying to do like the straight ends curly thing. So I'm just trying to figure that out still. But I think you should do a chop because you can always do hair extensions. And Lux thought that we were matching until he saw your hair extensions. Oh my God. I just love that child so much. I was watching him on TikTok this morning, whenever I woke up about McDonald's and I have like a bone to pick with McDonald's. So do I think that they're the best fast food? Absolutely not. Do I think

that you can get McDonald's everywhere? Absolutely. They are not the best fast food. Chick-fil-A is the best fast food. No. And Chick-fil-A has 51 ingredients in their chicken. Why do they have 51 ingredients in their chicken? What does McDonald's have in theirs? Nobody knows. But what I'm saying is Chick-fil-A from a health standpoint is not necessarily superior like people would think. You know, Chick-fil-A does give off like that healthy vibe and I think it's because of the experience that

you get with Chick-fil-A. It's like top notch. So I think that's why people choose it. I'm choosing a double cheeseburger from McDonald's over any Chick-fil-a item Also, I feel I never feel full of Chick-fil-a like I could go to McDonald's and I know that I'm gonna be Bulging at the seams like I want to go get full quickly for a good affordable price Chick-fil-a is so far out of the way from my house compared to McDonald's that I'm just not going to Chick-fil-A. I'm going to McDonald's. I love a good double cheeseburger. I love a good chicken Big Mac.

You know what I mean? Does anyone like hate to feel that full though? Because I don't like to feel that full. I like- I was just being dramatic. Oh, okay. So, but you really do feel like that. No, I don't like to feel that full.

It's actually not great. But I like to feel like I ate where I feel if I go to Chick-fil-A, I feel like I could eat a second meal and then I'm full. You know what I mean? So it doesn't really, it's not. Also, you can tell Lux that I said that I asked a manager of McDonald's one time why the ice cream machines never work. And he told me that it's kind of a myth. And that a lot of them do work, but they're very hard to clean. So a lot of the places just say they're broken.

100%. And when I used to work at McDonald's, that was what was going on. So why haven't like, at some point we contacted corporate like possible HR? I think if I had to guess, I don't know this for sure. But if I had to guess, I would think that it's probably a high turnover rate and so in some areas. And so they're not going to put the time into going out to the McDonald's to like make sure they're getting done. Okay.

Okay. Well that pisses me off. I personally don't love soft scurv ice cream. So it doesn't ever bother me. But when my kids want McFlurries, then I'm like, oh shit. Okay. But Chick-fil-A does have superior ice cream to McDonald's anyway. Okay. I'm not super familiar with the ice cream from.

I do. I did used to love, I think I was pregnant with Creed when I love, was it Creed or Rio? One of them, I was obsessed with the cookies and cream milkshake when I was pregnant. Milkshakes from Chick-fil-A are top tier. I'm not a cookies and cream, ice cream and Oreo combo girly at all. Like I think it's too much. So I typically don't like eat that on a regular day. Okay, the last thing I need to say about hair is if you had one hair product that you could use that you cannot live without, what is it?

Conditioner. So you would just use conditioner. Kayla, I feel like that's a bad choice. What? What do you mean? You're talking about hair products. I really don't use hair products. I really just right now I'm using leave-in conditioner, regular conditioner. What do

you mean? I need more information. I mean, obviously you're not going to just have one hair product. That's not realistic. But if there was something that you were like, I cannot wash my hair without using this product. What one is it? Because mine is that it's a 10 or whatever. Okay, I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, like I have to have it or I'm not brushing my hair. Yeah.

Okay. So leave-in conditioner for me too. Oh, so leave-in not just like regular shower because I can, I could forego like the regular in the shower conditioner for a leave-in conditioner, like if I had to choose one or the other. Oh yeah, for sure. I'm choosing leave-in conditioner after the shower because I've definitely been in a rut where I'm like, oh shit, I ran out of conditioner and then I have to get out and condition my hair with leave-in. Actually, that happened to me the other day. Well, what's

crazy is that my ADHD seems to be flaring up. It's getting worse, I don't know. And I'm looking at things that are directly... Flaring up. It's like, does it get worse the longer it goes untreated? I don't know. I definitely think that it's gotten worse for you the longer that it's gone untreated and I'm slightly alarmed. So I really hope that that doctor's appointment comes soon. I do too because I was going to record a podcast in New Jersey. And on the way there, I waited until all my kids were home for sports and everything else. And then I was like, once they get to bed, I'll leave and then I'll be home in the morning

or the next day to pick them up from school. 1130 rolls around, I'm falling asleep at the wheel. So I said, I need to pull over immediately and get a hotel room. The hotel was $500 for one night and I ended up only being there for six hours because I needed to just sleep and then leave the hotel at like 630 in the morning to finish the drive. Well, for what I don't know what was going on with my credit card that it was declined. So I put it, I thought I put it away.

I pulled out another card, swiped the card, lost the card, don't know where the card went. So went the entire day not realizing I haven't memorized. So I'm ordering stuff on the card. So for some reason it declined, but I was still ordering shit like I ordered Uber Eats, whatever. I'm freaking out the entire way home from New Jersey last night saying I told Kristen to lock my card. I don't know where it is. Can't find it. Elijah's telling me to check my fucking wallet. I already did check the car. Do you know when I got home,

Elijah looked in my wallet and it was there? None of that story surprises me like in the slightest. I definitely feel like you would be because sometimes like when you're in a panic, like looking for something, you'll just like miss it. But the problem with all of that was that I hyper fixated on the card for the remainder of the drive. Yeah. Yeah. I do stuff like that too. Even though it was locked and it wouldn't have been a huge deal to just order another one. And because it was locked, it would, could have been canceled and figured out like it would have been fine.

So I just don't know what was going on. Okay, I'm actually really bad about losing cards like driver's license, all that kind of stuff, which is why I had put on my old phone like one of those wallet things like on the back. Now I don't have it on the back anymore. And I've lost like several things since I have not had that. It makes me worry that somebody would just like see it and try to like bamboozle something like I immediately think even if the card can be shut off some for whatever reason, my mind goes into this state of you're still going

to somehow figure out my bank account information. And when I wake up, I'm gonna be broke. Why do we feel like that? What is that? What is the the anxiety? I don't know. But it's interesting that this came up because I posted a tick tock. I believe it was yesterday or the day before. And it says I am the most type B person that you'll ever meet debit card, no clue been

using Apple Pay for weeks. License, haven't seen her in months. Phone, 2% always. Gas, I'll make it another 20 miles. I'm just living. Like that is absolutely me. So someone messages and says, for some reason, you appear to me to be type A.

Not saying that you're not type B, but it's just that you would give that image that you have everything together, like everything has a place. Now, Kale is type B, but it's just that you would give that image that you have everything together like everything has a place. Now kill is type B through and through. True. The only time I'm type A is when I'm having a men TV and I have OCD tendencies as coping mechanism. And so that is the only time I'm type A is when shit hits the fan and I have to control everything during this time is the only time I'm type A. But do you truly feel like I'm a type A personality?

I'll say this, you and I had this conversation a couple of weeks ago where we were talking about the changes that we've made over the years. I think you used to be type A. And over the last, I'll say 18 months, year, somewhere around there, I think that you're less type A. I'm not saying that you're, I honestly don't necessarily think that you're type A or B. I think that you fall somewhere in the middle, but you used to be very type A to the point that I

was like, are we ever going to, are we going to be able to work together? Like, I just didn't know if this was even going to continue being a podcast because I was like, I just don't know if we will be able to continue. But now I think that you fall somewhere in the middle, like you're type A in appropriate times and then you can be more go by the flow when you need to be. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It is the time of the season where I am reflecting on things that I'm grateful for and so is everybody else across the board. And I want to say that I'm definitely thankful for my therapist. I do not know where I would be without her. This month is all about gratitude and along with my therapist, there's another person we don't get to thank enough and it's definitely ourselves.

That is something that I will definitely be working on in the new year. So let this be a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. I truly do not know where I would be without my years and years of therapy. I'm so, so thankful for the people in my life pushing me towards therapy. It was such a good move and I truly feel like almost everybody can benefit from going to therapy. So if you're looking to learn positive coping skills, how to set boundaries, which is a huge one, it's not just for those people who've experienced major trauma, which a lot of people think.

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get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash coffee. All right, everybody. I know that the holiday season is coming up so, so quickly and this is your PSA to get your space ready. If you are hosting, make sure you've got enough seating and warmer bedding. If you have family coming into town, fun cookware, holiday, serve where and decor, et cetera. My hack to this wayfair wayfair. I've been shopping wayfair for years and years and years at this point is the place to shop for all things home. Everything from sofas to spatulas, you name it. They have it. They have such cute holiday things.

I'm definitely going to be putting another order in here soon, just to like warm up the house for the holidays. Right now you can shop Wayfair's insane holiday deals and get up to 70% off during their Black Friday deals. I know we have all recently purchased pieces. I think Kale just got herself a new bookshelf, shocker and air. Lindsay got multiple pieces for her new home from Wayfair

and she's gonna be sharing pictures of those, so I'm so excited. I cannot recommend Wayfair enough to everybody. There is truly nothing that they don't have on their website. Wayfair is the go-to destination for everything home no matter your style or budget. Earn rewards and get the best savings in the neighborhood with Wayfair's new loyalty program. 5% back on every item across Wayfair's family of brands, free shipping, members only sales, and more. Terms apply. Huge selection of home goods ranging from appliances and area rugs to beds and wall art, everything you possibly could need. So

do not miss out on saving big with Wayfair this holiday. Head to wayfair.com now to shop Wayfair's Black Friday deals. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. I'll give you an example of me being type B yesterday, but I would agree that I have tendencies of both. In the times that I need to be type A, then I can be very type A. Type A about my house and cleanliness and everything being organized and that kind of stuff. I definitely feel like I'm type A but a lot of it I think I am type A from being unmedicated ADHD for such a long period of time that it was like a coping mechanism for me to like have everything in order and like in a place. Now I don't really feel like I'm like that at all. Like I'm looking

around my office right now and it looks like a tornado came through here and it doesn't bother me. Were you diagnosed with ADHD as an adult or did you? Adult. Adult. Okay. Oh wow. So there's a lot of us across our podcasting family that have been diagnosed as adults. That's really interesting. At 18 I was was diagnosed. My parents would never get me tested whenever I was growing up. Didn't I tell you that? Yes. Which is funny that you brought that up and I wasn't planning on talking about this. I have two things to say before I lose my train of thought. One, I'm talking about one of my kids this morning with ADHD. And then the second thing is that yesterday I was recording with Becky for our

new show and I was like, wow, Becky, that was really interesting to be talking about roughly the same exact topic for the entire duration of this episode of the podcast. I said, my other shows, especially with Lindsay, we're known for talking about 100 things in one episode. And so it was really interesting that the first episode that I talked to Becky was solely the same general concept, how we branch off sometimes. It was really weird to talk about something, things very closely on one episode. So I think that both of us being diagnosed with ADHD probably plays a part in how chaotic coffee combos can be. But the next thing that I was going to say was I was at the doctor's office for one of my kids and the doctor did

say that we can start the process for an ADHD diagnosis. And I basically told her, I said, you know, I don't, I'm fine with the diagnosis just so that we have that information. And if he needs therapies or he needs, you know, sort of, what is it called? Like fidgets sort of deal, like I would be fine with that. But for right now, I mean, that specifically, I don't think needs to be medicated just yet. I think that we've been able to manage it and he's not a disruption in school. And so, I think that he presents a little bit differently. And so, I say all that to say that, you know, I'm sad that you weren't diagnosed younger for ADHD as well as for myself because I do think that it could have been like, I think

about sometimes all of the things that I've been able to do as an adult with ADHD, but how much harder it's been for me just my whole life. And then someone actually sent in a message when we were talking about, I'm going to find it. We were talking about how I would cry as a kid and how we would, we would cry. There's a name for that and it's linked to ADHD. So this is the message. Oh, really? Yeah, I was shocked because I knew other people would get in trouble in school and then they wouldn't cry. But like even just someone talking to like, speaking sternly, is that a word sternly? To me about it, it would immediately make me tear up. Okay. Listening to the bonus episode, the

part where Kayla said as a child, she would have cried if a teacher told her no and I see that a lot in my nine-year-old with ADHD. It's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. My daughter's therapist told me that 98% of people with ADHD experience RSD. Lindsay said, why were we criers? So I thought I'd mention it. Have a great, have the day. You deserve kitties. So there is a name for this.

It's just to reiterate, rejection, sensitive dysphoria. I did not do like a further Google search, but I thought it would be interesting to talk about. I remember being such a huge crier and, and I was aware, like I was self aware enough to know that I was doing that. And like not a lot of other people would do it. Or if my siblings would get in trouble, they wouldn't cry about the same things that I would cry about. And I was so self-conscious about the crying, but I knew it was coming. And also it would piss my parents off so bad. Like they could say something very sternly to me. And immediately it's like waterworks. Nicole Well, I just, I guess I need to do a deeper dive into it because that's actually never

come up in therapy before for me. And I don't know if it was just not necessarily that a topic that we've ever gotten to naturally or just like stemming from another conversation was my crying. I mean, even now I don't necessarily cry about it, but if someone talks sternly to me or I feel like I did something, they talk to me as if I did like constructive criticism from an authoritative specific figure of any sort would immediately make me so upset. And I like, to the point that I would not be able to blink the tears away because it would it happened so fast. I don't know if I'm describing like what was happening to me. So

I relate to that so fucking hard, so hard. And it wasn't even like anybody was being mean to me. That's the thing too. It's like, if my dad said, I've asked you three times to go and do that and you still haven't done it, do it. I would just ball. Isaac used to do that, right? So say Isaac didn't do his homework or something. And I'd be like, Isaac, and maybe it would be the way that I say it. Did you do your homework? Immediate waterworks. Mm hmm. No, I get it. Actually, Alessandra is on this recording with us today. So shout out to Alessandra. She just sent us some possible causes of RSD include brain structure differences and brain

structure may make it harder to regulate emotions and behaviors related to rejection. Childhood experiences growing up with perfectionistic standards, being overly criticized or ashamed or having a dysfunctional attachment with caregivers can contribute to RSD. Pain processing system, the brain's pain doling system may overreact to emotional injuries like rejection. All of that makes very much sense to me and I'm not a doctor, but I am diagnosing myself with RSD. Dysfunctional attachment.

I mean, I think that, yeah, because that's so interesting. I had never heard of this. It's never come up organically in therapy. I'm just so interested by it. So I wonder if you can recover from this. Like, I don't know if this is like, well, maybe, maybe via medication, you know, if it's managing, like Alice Hunter said, makes sense. It's a symptom of ADHD.

I feel like if you are properly medicated Then you're probably not experiencing a lot of this Lifestyle lifestyle changes can help people with RSD Hope including mindfulness and meditation regular exercise healthy diet getting enough sleep and building a social support network Wow, I had no idea but I thought that was really interesting and how I can be each other's emotional support pets. I can't take on any more actual pets. So you and I can be each other's support network. Yes, we can take on RSD and we will conquer. We will conquer. We're gonna do big fucking things. Okay, I just have one life update for you.

Yesterday, I went to my closing for my house. And a song that I listened to like heavily through my divorce is a song called Let That Pony Run. It's like an old country song. I pulled into the closing office and immediately that comes on. And I'm just sitting there in my car weeping and I'm like, I cannot go into this closing office. They are going to think I'm an absolute fucking psychopath. So I'm sitting in my car trying to pretend like I'm

doing something in case someone comes up to my door and it's like, we're ready for you to come in, whatever. Super easy process. I signed maybe like 15 pages and it was all done like fast and easy. I did not want to see the other people so they had already signed like the day before me. It funded today. But I do feel like a complete weight lifted off of my shoulders and I spent time with some of my best friends here yesterday. We kind of like bounced around. We went to the clubhouse and had pizzas and went had lunch. We basically ate all day and drank truly. It's essentially what we did.

Time out. Have you had truly unruly's yet? I tried truly unruly and I hated it. Okay. I told them they talked about it one of the girls in book club. Shout out to Ashley. Ashley was drinking one during book club live the other night and I was like, Oh my god, I have to tell Elijah because you know, y'all love trulies. We don't have them here at all in Delaware. You don't have truly unruly? Well, you're not missing anything. The OGs are absolutely the best. How are you feeling about the closing now? Um, well, because I was so likeied with plans yesterday afterwards, I felt like that would

be the best thing instead of me just sitting by myself. So it was good. I hung out with one of my best friends, Callie, and her brother. I've known her brother for longer than I knew her. We were all just hanging out last night, playing trivia, doing all the shit. So it was fun and a good time. But then when I woke up this morning, it was like the reality of the situation. Sink in. And I should be so happy. I'm like, okay, well, when funds hit my account, like that should be something that makes me thrilled. But now I'm like, I can never go back there.

And then someone texts me yesterday, and I'm not going to say who it was. But now I'm like, I can never go back there. And then someone texted me yesterday, and I'm not going to say who it was. But someone texted me yesterday and I was like, it really made me bothered when I went back into that house and realized that someone else was going to be having sex like in my bedroom and taking a shower in my bedroom. It's just like kind of weird. And then I went down this whole downhill spiral of like, if walls could talk, what would they say? It's such a bittersweet feeling because when we were talking about it originally, you were saying how like you had really gone through some trying times in that house, but you also

had really great memories in that house. I think once you get through this hump, you'll feel better. But during this time, it's just such a weird place to be because you know that, right? It's not like you're just so upset all the time. It's like you know that there's a bittersweetness to it. I wish I had better advice for you and I don't want to trivialize how you feel, but you will feel better with time. No, I do. I think that I will feel better with time. I also think that a lot of it was, I'd already moved into the house that I'm in now, and I still had the other house.

And so I never really, even though both of these houses were mine, I never really thought this house was mine. Like this other house was still mine until that one wasn't mine. And then this one became mine. So then it felt like sort of, is surreal the right word? Surreal and I think closure. I got some closure yesterday. I'm not really sad about it today, but I do think it's probably going to come in waves.

I also got rid of a lot of my furniture from that house. And so I don't have to like, look at anything and think of it anymore. Right. Which is kind of nice. Yeah. I just think that when you when you live somewhere that you've gone through like a lot of things and for me it was like such a short period of time that I went through all of those things. It wasn't like I wanted to really hold on to those like traumatic things that I went through or like bad times or the good times that were

over there. I think it was more of a like that. That was always my safe place. Even if something bad was going on, like I could always go home and it was going to be okay. Right, right, right, right. No, I get that. Like you got to consider a kill. I cried in that room over my divorce. My parents were on trial when I lived there. Came and washed their laundry there while they were living in Atlanta for the time of the trial. There's like a lot of stuff like I went through two relationships in that house Jackson started playing basketball in that house like it was a lot Jackson was going through the whole list himself and

he was bringing up things that I didn't even remember. See, I mean, did you print out a picture of the house to frame or anything? I feel like that would have been a cute. No, but I probably should do that. And I have professional photos. So I think that that would be cool. But I took him after football practice over there the other night and had our last meal in there. The last meal was the same as the first meal. Oh my God. Like a circle of, you know, coming full circle moment.

Yeah. It felt like closure and he kind of like roamed the rooms for the last time and played outside in the backyard for the last time. And he cried as we pulled away. And I felt even worse at that point. I'm like, I already feel bad, but now my kid's crying. Maybe he has, what is it called? RSD. Yeah.

I am so excited because I just got my latest order of IQ Bar in and they have two holiday flavors that I absolutely love. They have the IQ Bar Gingerbread and IQ Joe Peppermint Mocha. So, so good. Corey's a huge coffee drinker and he has been drinking this and absolutely loving it. And the Gingerbread IQ Bar is so delicious. You could start each day right with IQ Bar's brain and body boosting bars, hydration mixes,

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It's just delivered straight to your door. You don't have to go and get like stuff from Michaels or Staples or whatever. Everything is all together so you can really just focus on spending the time with your child. Tinker, create and innovate with KiwiCo. Get up to 50% off your first crate at KiwiCo.com promo code coffee. That's up to 50% off your first crate at k i w i c o dot com promo code coffee. We have a couple of listener questions and the first one is where's everyone getting their good black leggings these days? I'm so partial and it's so financially irresponsible and unrealistic, truly.

I just buy a couple of pair of black leggings from Lululemon every year, like at the start of the season. I just got finished doing it, but I shit you not. I ordered these online because they didn't have my size in the store. I shit you not. They came with the fucking tag on them. So you can't steal?

Are you serious? So when I went to go and put a pair on, they had those, that fucking tag. The ink thing? Yeah. So do you have to- Did it really explode? Yes. Did you find out because you stole something?

I didn't. I wasn't even a participant, but I had seen someone who attempted to and the ink was all over the items in the dressing room. It wasn't me though. So I also can't speak for all companies. I don't remember where that went. I just remember like it was everywhere. I cannot remember which store it was. I also don't I don't know if that's like the same for all of them. Like every location that has that type of sensor but But so you can prove that you bought them online and ship them back, right? Yeah, but I think I'm just going to take them to the store because I want to wear them. And I'm just going to take them to see if when I show up, they're immediately going to think that I'm a thief until I show up my receipt.

Yeah, definitely your packing order. But that's crazy. That is insane. But then it made me think I was like, okay, this should have come from a warehouse and it was already tagged like that. So do they tag it because there's a lot of like internal theft. That's a good point. With their employees and stuff. I have never owned still to this day. I know we talked about it before, but I'm still never owned anything by Lululemon.

I would be curious to try their leggings on and see if they are a good fit because I know I hate when leggings rolled down. Oh my god, I hate that too. But there are, I know we're allowed to say dupe on the podcast, but we're not allowed to say dupe on Instagram. There are some legitimate Lululemon dupes that are on Amazon. Oh, well send them my way. I would love to try them out. Does anybody else like hate pattern leggings because me? I've tried pattern leggings and then because I think it's like I'm going to do this and

then it's not a good look for me. So no, they're not for me. I've spent money on pattern leggings and then I put them on and I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? Like, wait, they're not cute. Why did I ever buy these and think that they looked good? I think Lululemon for me, if you follow the washing instructions, they last so long. And I just wear that shit over and over and over again. And I'm a black legging wearer. Like I will buy other solid colors, not like light

colors. Oh, Kale. Wait, are you in your bed? Yeah, I have an organizing company doing my office so I can start shipping bookmarks and things like that out for book club. And so I want to like a shipping station and just like a more functional space. So I had to record for my room today. Oh my God. I just, my treadmill comes tomorrow. I got a Peloton treadmill. Remember when you got that treadmill in the mail that one time? Yeah. Well, I would have kept it if it was Peloton. Anyway, we can move on. The next question is, are we setting up unrealistic expectations for our kids by doing too much?

And I know that Cale and I both struggle with this a lot. Yes. 1000%. I can speak for myself when I say this and I can speak for one of my kids' dads, wholeheartedly believe that we're setting our kids up for failure and me included, specifically for things like, I'll be honest and I'll be the first one to call myself out. I think that it's, Lincoln went to Disney twice in one year with his dad. He's already been to Disney in April. He's going again with me next week. And he went to Disney twice in one year with his dad. He's already been to Disney in April. He's going again with me next week. And he went to Costa Rica this year. So we're talking two Disney trips, Costa Rica and Spain in one year. I feel like that is so unrealistic

to maintain in the long run. It also gives people the sense of entitlement, not knowing the value of adult. I think there are several things that it does do for children. And then I had one kid have a meltdown today because we didn't go to Starbucks. And I said, well, I'm sorry that you decided to wrestle with your brother in the doctor's office. We are not going to Starbucks. And he was having a meltdown saying he was hungry and want to go to Starbucks. I said, okay, well, I'll stop at Wawa and get you a snack. He said, no, he wanted Starbucks. The small things and the big things are sending, was a lesson for me this morning in and of

itself. The small things are also setting the tone for what children are expecting. So I think that is, it was a huge eye opener for me. No child of mine should be having meltdowns over Starbucks in the morning. That's not okay. It's really, really hard. And I'm sure that you can relate to this, that you want to be able to take your children to have these experiences and to do all of these things. And when you're working to be able to do that, sometimes I think that we are setting our kids up for complete failure in adulthood because they're not going to likely be able to do these same things. And so will they be resentful when they get grown and not fulfilled in their

own adult personal lives for not being able to do the same thing that they did during their childhood? Well, I think there's a lot to be said for, you know, I hate to say traditional because I don't think they're traditional jobs, right? Like you and I don't have traditional, you know, nine to five jobs or right traditional professions. I don't, I, again, I don't think that traditional is the right word, but regular is definitely not the right word, but regular is definitely not the right word. My kids don't understand that people do not get paid time off.

People cannot just request off work whenever they feel like it. That's not a normal thing to do. And so that in addition to, you know, things like these trips all the time and, you know, just not really thinking about something before you grab it at the store. Like you and I probably had to, I know I did, I didn't ask for things at the store because I knew I wasn't getting them, that sort of thing. And so it's going to be a reality check and it's definitely going to sting when they become adult. Because I even think about it now, right? Like Isaac is about to be 15. He could get a job at 16. I know that there's jobs before 16, but around here there are fewer and far between. So thinking about the

age 16, he can make money off of Instagram and brand deals. I still, I go back and forth with should he work a traditional job to understand work ethic in that environment, because we don't know how long he will be able to be an influencer or get brand deals. Like we don't know how realistic that is. We don't know if Instagram will fall off. What happens if TikTok goes away? Like there are so many ways that I just, I don't want to fail them.

I don't know. It's such a weird. Well, and that's, that's why I have never allowed Jackson to have any type of like social media presence whatsoever. Outside of what I share of him on my stuff, because I don't want him to build some type of following, see a paycheck that comes in that looks like that, and then paycheck that comes in that looks like that and then turn 16 years old, start working at Chick-fil-A and the paycheck looks very, very different. I think it's setting a tone for unrealistic expectation, but then you also have to balance, okay, you have this opportunity, so why would I not let my child capitalize on said opportunity to be able to make money?

So how do you balance that? I don't know what the answer is. I truly, and I'm surprised if they haven't thought about it already, I'm surprised that actually schools don't implement courses on social media because I do think that is becoming a job in and of itself. Like media, social media, I don't even know what you would call it.

And the crazy thing is too, I have a very untraditional job and Will has a very traditional job in sales. And Jackson does notice the difference in those jobs. Like for example, he'll go to Will's and he'll be like, well, can't you just take off? Like, it's your day for you to have me. Can't you just take off? And he's like, no, like, I have these scheduled meetings. And he's like, well, if I asked mom not to do something, then she doesn't do it. Because we have that flexibility. Will doesn't like it just doesn't work that night. I have a girlfriend who works a corporate job and she does get unlimited PTO. And so she was telling me about that yesterday and I was like, well, that's really great.

But you also had to pay your dues to get there. 100%. 100%. I don't know. I don't know what the balance or the answer is. I also think about like just small things of going to sporting events, right? Yep. That's Jackson's big thing.

Like he wants to go to all these sporting events. He wants to get good tickets, so on and so forth. If I take him to a sporting event, I've typically bought like very decent tickets. If Will takes him, he's like, you're, you're not getting those tickets. We're just getting like general admission or whatever. So for me, we battled with that that like internally because then Jackson wants to go to all the sporting events with me because he's getting better seats or whatever. But most people are not taking their kids. Like Jackson went to a Clemson bowl game,

a Clemson baseball game during the playoffs on the road to Omaha and a football game all within the same calendar year. Like that's not realistic and people who have lots of children, they cannot afford to do that. But that's why Jackson said he wants to be an only child forever. I mean, I think that even trying to explain, I think that I got lucky with how good my kids are, but it takes a lot to get there and to make that happen. I just, I don't know. It's just like such a weird, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. Even

on a lesser scale, trying to explain gratefulness and realistic behavior. I mean, what is the solution we scale back and don't take the kids to go do these opportunities? Like what is, because I would be willing to do that, but I just don't know if it's the right thing to do. That's why I had texted the team last night and I was like, hey, like we need to get the Christmas, the Christmas giveaway together. That's been something I've been able to implement in my family is like, we're not doing Christmas for several reasons. There's lots of reasons we don't do Christmas, but in lieu of our Christmas, we give back. And last year was the first year that Isaac and Lincoln read the stories that people were writing in about why they needed help for Christmas or what

their family was going through. And that was really important for me because I needed them to understand what was going on and why we were, you know, we don't need all of this stuff, right? Like we can give back where we can and it's important for me for them to read it. And I definitely think that I need to, it's easier said than done, but I want to do more of it because my kids, they need that. If we're going to continue the lifestyle that we live, we need to continue to give back and the kids need to be a part of it. I think that's like one solution. Yeah, there actually was a family that of a couple of men that I hired at my house to be able to do like

small little things around here that I can't take care of myself. And it has taught Jackson so much. He's like, they work so late and they work so hard. And I had to explain to him, like, this is why you help people that need help. Like, I'm not going to hire like a big company to do something that needs to be done. I'm going to try to find local people that need the help and need the work. Yeah. And it's good for them to be able to see. And I'm like, why don't you go out there and help them?

Yeah, seriously. You know? Yeah. You go out there and help them move those boxes and whatever. But I totally agree with you. Okay. Have you heard about senolytics yet? It is a class of ingredients discovered less than 10 years ago, and they are being called

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Yeah, so this was in Canada. It said the police in Canada said that they are investigating after a 19-year-old Walmart employee was found dead inside a store's walk-in bakery oven. Officers responded to the Walmart on Saturday night after the employee was found dead. The woman who was an employee

of the store was located in a large walk-in oven belonging to the store's bakery department. Investigators are working with Occupational Health and Safety and the Nova Scotia Medical Examiner. Police said the cause and manner of death have not been yet determined. They're calling this investigation complex. An investigation of this nature may take a significant amount of time. The Walmart store is closed until further notice amid the investigation. I'm confused about how this is that complex of an investigation. But then I was watching TikToks that said that it had come out that there wasn't a lock

on this type of walk-in oven. There wasn't a lock. So how did she get in there? And then how was she not able to get out? And why is it complex? Are they saying complex because there's potential foul play had to have been failed foul play because why would you walk into an oven like that? What is it? And and how to walk in ovens work like you

can't I mean, obviously, with a walk in oven, I would imagine that the whole point of a walk in oven is to be able to make volumes of baked goods, right? But is the oven supposed to be turned off for a certain period of time before somebody walks in there to get the stuff out? I'm going to need more details. I'm going to need someone to circle back with that. I also don't understand why cases like this are not being like, I had not heard of this at all. I have seen it all over TikTok. And you know how the TikTokers get involved and start making up theories of whatever. And so I don't want to go on here and say like some of the theories

that that are heard because they possibly like are just not true. But this girl was 16 years old, like was it a lack of training situation and then she got in there and like couldn't get out or did somebody like do this to her? Well, that's what I want to know. Because there had to have been cameras, right? Like it's Walmart. Yeah, I would think that there would be cameras all over that place. Speaking of horrible things that are happening. I also brought up this, found this article. It was on wkyc.com and a teacher, a special education teacher calls the police on a mother who has three

daughters. She calls the police on a mother who has three daughters. She has twin seven-year-olds and a 10-year-old. She left these three children home to fend for themselves in their apartment so that she could go to Florida. And she was checking in on her children through cameras and then ordering them Uber Eats. One of the girls had was special needs herself. She had some sort of special needs, whatever that looks like. And so she called the police. They went there, reported and show the body cam footage of this mother's apartment in absolute shambles. And one of the girls actually falls and like slips and falls on the floor while the police are there. And the mother was sentenced to probation and house arrest. And that was all she got. But to me,

I could not understand, still can't understand someone leaving their children to go do whatever it is they're going to do. I don't give a shit if you're local and you're partying. Your kids don't need to be home by that. Like nothing should come over your kids. I don't understand. Nicole I'm pretty sure, and I don't know if it's like federal laws or if state laws are different in every state, but I'm pretty sure at 10 years old, you can't leave a child home for by themselves for like under an hour. I mean, it's like an hour is like the max amount of time. I don't know what the laws are because I don't really leave my kids home by themselves just because there's so many of us we ended up just taking them. Obviously Isaac is old enough and Lincoln

is mature enough, I think, but even that is such a short time. Personally, I'm not leaving my 10-year-old and my 7-year-old home by themselves. It's not happening. I understand that when we were growing up, it was a lot different, but I also wasn't being, well, should happen to walls. So I think it's specific to every state. But it says children under eight should never be left alone. Children nine to 12 can be left alone for up to two hours depending on maturity. 13 and up can be left alone for up to two hours depending on maturity. 13 and up can be left alone for up to 12 hours. And 15 and up can be left at home alone overnight. At 10 years old, you've got them on a security cam.

You have one child that is special needs. Two of those children are seven years old and she sent them Uber Eats. Like were they going to school and that's how this teacher knew about it? Yes. These children were getting themselves up and getting ready for school. Yes. But I don't even know how I feel. What did the one say about up to 12 hours? How old? 13 and up. Okay. So how would you feel about that age being left home by themselves in addition

to we'll say, seven-year-olds? Like would you leave a 13, 14, 15-year-old at home for 12 plus hours with smaller children? Because personally, I wouldn't. I personally wouldn't either. I was a very mature child and I always wanted to please my parents. And so if they wanted to like run to do errands or like, you know, go to the grocery store without kids, I would always like volunteer from the time I was in like sixth grade to watch the littles while they went to the grocery store, like whatever it may be, post office, like whatever. But that wasn't for a long period of time. That wasn't like all day long.

I have a complex with, I don't know if it's a complex, complex. I don't like my other children are not Isaac and Lincoln's responsibility. And I feel that way through and through. You cannot convince me otherwise. They are not Isaac and Lincoln's responsibility. So could I see them like sticking with the kids while I run to the grocery store with no kids? Maybe I'm never leaving my kids with Isaac and Lincoln for hours. Like that's just I'm not doing it. And so for me, I do

have a problem with that. I just don't think it's... What are you doing that's so important to leave your kid? You're putting the responsibility of your other children on your older children. Like, no. Well, I think about also, people who need help have nine to five jobs or like whatever their schedule may look like outside of the house. Their kids are not in school during the summertime. Yep. I can see where that would possibly come into play where like a 13 year old might be watching

younger siblings or something like that. But in this situation that you're specifically referencing, this was just complete negligence. And like, what the fuck was this mom doing in Florida that she was checking in on her kids via camera ordering them to go to school by themselves? And I don't feel like probation and house arrest is a justifiable sentence. She didn't shed a tear. She looked like somebody was telling her what the weather was outside. I don't know.

I have such a problem with that too, because my mom used to do the same thing to me and we wouldn't know where she would go for days on end. And so I have a bigger problem with that for that reason is like your children, whether you're partying or you're working, whatever that looks like to you is not how your child is seeing it. From someone who was abandoned and left for days at a time, I don't care if my mom was working and going on vendors. I don't care if she was just on a vendor. At the end of the day, I was relying on her for safety and for comfort and none of those needs were met. My most basic needs,

food safety, comfort, whatever that I think those are like some of the basic needs. None of those things were met during those days, those several days that she was gone. So it was abandonment. None of my needs were being met. You abandoned me for these, these days. And if this woman went to Florida, out of fucking state and was leaving her kids, what else has she done prior to getting caught? And so that's a really interesting thing to think about. So the prosecutor, whoever was reading her, her sentencing was saying, like, your kids rely on you for safety and for comfort and for all of these things.

And she did not bat an eye. She did not shed a tear. She did not have any remorse whatsoever based on what I saw. And I just, my heart goes out to those kids because as a mom, you're thinking, oh, I'm just going here, I'm working or whatever the case may be. But what are your kids feeling during that time? I think that a lot of people think that like small things like leaving your child at home before they're ready, right, to be left at home. Those are abandonment issues that that child is going to deal with for possibly their entire lifetime.

And I think that people don't really think about the complexity of that situation when they're making those choices. I can't even imagine, like, the thoughts of like monitoring my child from like a nanny cam or something like that is Absolutely in fucking saying but I want to go back to what you said about your mom Do you think that when she was making those choices that she thought she wasn't gonna be gone? From home like that long of a period of time and then like a day passed and then another

day passed and she was maybe drunk that whole time. Yeah, I think there were several factors. I think that my mom, she had enough people that would step in when needed. So I had like this, I don't want to call her a babysitter. She was truly like this homeless girl that my mom basically used as a babysitter. So like sometimes she would, you know, be living with us or like couch surf, I guess. She was like, I called her a babysitter in my trauma video, but I, she was like a couch surfer. Or like I had a cousin that lived down the street and then I also had my uncle that lived down the street. And so I think that my mom sort of relied on knowing that she had those things. And she also knew that I

was going to get up and go to school. And so I don't think that she really thought too far into it. But I also think that my mom's vices, if you will, probably contributed to the recklessness. I don't, I definitely don't think that my mom would have been that way. Had she been sober, I don't think that she would have just left me for days on end because I truly think that my mom was the way she was because of the addictions. I don't think that she would have been that mom. I think she definitely would have still been narcissistic, but I don't think that she would have been necessarily leaving me for days on end without the addictions. So I definitely played a part.

I guess it's just hard for me to comprehend like any mom, just leaving their child for days without knowledge of who's taking care of that child, making sure that like, just general needs are being met, or they at least have some access to food. Like, I couldn't imagine that. So it makes me feel like she was making all those decisions in an intoxicated state. Yeah, for sure. Oh, for sure. Because when she was sober, everyone, when my mom was sober, it was very like all the things that she does for me, which was very minimal. So I don't even know what that was about. But she loved for people to perceive her as such a good mom. But I think even as a small child, I knew it was embarrassing because they know what you do when you're

not sober. So this is actually even worse. I just, I can't even imagine you going through any of that. And it honestly terrifies me for your brain. It's you know, we're healing. And I also think that a lot of, I think that a lot of the way that you are about your kids is because of that. I do. And, and I think that you subconsciously overcompensate because you didn't have it? 100%. But did you ever think like, would I be the mom that I am today

if I didn't go through that stuff? No, I wonder how like in what ways I would be different, but I don't think it would be the same. I definitely don't. Do you think that you do overcompensate for what you didn't have? 1000%. I mean, I bought Vali.

Vali's not even one yet and I bought her every fucking Lisa Frank backpack I can find. I'm making sure that Lincoln is going to all the... because in reality, could we have skipped Spain and forego this opportunity and we could say, you know what, we love that you did this. This gives us hope that you'll get picked next year and we can try next year. Yeah. I think that that's because I think he could potentially appreciate it more the older he gets versus spending the money now to do. Yeah. I think that a lot of those things, I think all of it can be true is like, I have it. So I want to do it, but I also want to be mindful of, you know, the entitlement and setting my kids up for failure, but I also want to heal

inner kale. I think that it takes me back to the conversation of us all saying, there's never a right time to have kids and you have to be completely healed to have kids. No, that can't be true. That literally cannot be true or all of it can be true at the same time. And so, yeah, a hundred percent, I think that I overcompensate in a lot of ways, a lot of different ways, depending on the child and the situation. But anywho. And so yeah, 100%, I think that I overcompensate in a lot of ways, a lot of different ways, depending on the child in the situation. But anywho. I think that it's probably pretty common just like in parenting, if you've ever gone through

any type of like childhood trauma, that I would imagine for the majority, most overcompensate in some way from from what they didn't have and long for. Yeah, I would agree. I have seen a question a lot about things like Ozempic, Wigovie, any of those types of medications, and a lot of people saying they cannot get their hands on it, but that is where Roe comes in. Through Roe, you can access prescription compounded GLP-1s with the same weight loss ingredient as brand-name GLP-1s at a fraction of the cost. Roe has compounded GLP-1s with the same weight loss ingredient as brand-name GLP-1s at a fraction

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Compounded medication is not required to and does not receive FDA review or approval, RX only. I saw this on USA Today. I'm subscribed to USA Today. It says, girl, eight years old, fights off bedroom attacker wearing clown mask during home invasion. Ma'am, I can tell you right now there would be no fighting if I was eight years old and somebody with a clown mask came into my house because I would absolutely be passed the fuck

away. If someone, I don't like clowns. The haunted house thing freaks me out because I'm like, okay, they're all hiding behind costumes so they can actually attack people and never know. Nobody would ever know. That's sort of how I feel about clowns. If someone broke into my house with a clown mask, I would go into cardiac arrest. 100%.

It says that this eight-year-old girl fought off the man wearing a clown mask who police in Colorado reported attacked and attempted to kidnap her during a break in her family's home. This was around 2 30 a.m. 125 miles northeast of Denver. And it was a report of an attempted child abduction. At the scene, police wrote in a news release, officers learned the suspect broke into the home, entered the girl's bedroom, blindfolded her, and she began fighting her attacker.

At some point during the assault, the release continues, the suspect grabbed the girl from her bed, knocked her unconscious, and then fled. When the girl came to, she alerted her parents who called law enforcement. Well, I'm glad that she was survived. I mean, what the fuck? But like, how did this man know about her? And like, does that not scare the fuck out

of you? That like your kids can be out here like roaming around just like in a grocery store, sees them and it's like, I want that child. Yeah. Well, I just that's the one of the books that I'm reading right now is there was a child abduction. And I'm just like, for what? I just can't wrap my head around it. It says that during the attack, he was wearing a cloth clown mask, which was left in the child's room along with a pair of gloves. And it says the suspect also took the victim's phone. So it says using location data from the victim's phone police was able to identify the suspect as a 56 year old man. Sir, what the fuck 56 like go do something like go do something.

Okay, so see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. It says in an affidavit, the suspect helped install washer and dryer for the girls family days earlier. No, so what company because why would you hire some random person to do something like that? Like what? But that's what I'm talking about. Like anybody you don't know anybody's mental state. That's absolutely fucking terrifying I don't I don't like that. I only hire people I know or like a very like a recommended person

No, but just think when you had that issue with like your washer and dryer situation and like best buy came and dealt with that shit Right. Yeah, so so then well, that's like the BTK killer He was hiring he was installing security systems for people and that's how he was like doing this to his victims Yep, but like what did that man see that? He was like, I'm going to abduct this child now and like to do what? That's fucking terrifying now. I okay and you know what else is really crazy like for people who are like single parents, for example Like for me, I'm either in this home by myself Okay, and you know what else is really crazy like for people who are like single parents, for example Like for me, i'm either in this home by myself without anybody Or i'm in this home with my child most every um type of like service

Something that you have to have done you have to be present for in your home Yes, so either i'm here by myself, or I'm here with my 11 year old child. Yeah, that's terrifying. Shouldn't you be able to like wave your, your rights of like, something so you don't have to be here? But then you run the risk of theft, you run the risk of someone installing cameras or spy cams and things like that. And so it's like outweighing, like at least if you're home and there's cameras, they'll be seen on the outdoor cameras and you can let someone know,

hey, someone's coming to my house. Like I think there's, as scary as it is, I think there's less of a risk if you're home. It absolutely terrifies me. I always hope that it's two people that are coming to do something and it's not just one person and I'm here by myself. Yeah, that's a good point. But even two people is scary because especially if they're both men.

That's true. I wish there was more women in that industry of, I don't know, delivering furniture and shit. No, 100%. Because I think, I don't know this for sure. This is just an assumption that I'm making is like, it would be more likely for a man to co-sign another man's horrible behavior and even maybe not necessarily participate, but sort of look the other way or not tell anybody. You know what I mean? So if it's not both of them doing something absolutely atrocious, they would maybe look the other way. I'm not saying that for all men, but I think it would be more likely than if a man and a woman,

but then you also run the risk of like, if it's a man and a woman, like would they do something to their female business partner? It's so scary. It's so fucking scary being a woman. It's absolutely terrifying. I know that you have a couple of updates before we do foul play. So. Just wanted to say thank you. I was featured in the Wall Street Journal. I know when you have a couple of updates before we do foul play. So I just wanted to say thank you. I was featured in the Wall Street Journal. I know when this airs, it'll be about two weeks old. But you know, over the last month I was recognized by the Wall Street Journal and I got a call from a network that was like, oh my gosh, I'm like kind of freaking out.

And so I was very excited. But I just want to say thank you to everyone who reads my reviews and follows me on Goodreads and Fable and is even a part of book club or a part of my book journey. I really, really appreciate it. And I love that I'm getting credit outside of Teen Mom, because I worked really hard to be recognized outside of that. So thank you guys so much for following me on Goodreads because that's really, and listening to my podcast with authors, because that was really the driving force, I think, behind the article in the Wall Street Journal.

So thank you all so much. I'm so proud of you. You are. Also, I don't know why Kale didn't want to give this update, but we are all very much following all of the Diddy stuff. And she claims that 50 Cent sold the Diddy documentary to Netflix. And I absolutely cannot wait to watch it because I think that this has been in this type of documentary.

I think Diddy or 50 Cent has definitely done his research, has a lot of inside info. And I think that this has been coming for a very long period of time. 100%. I thought that was really interesting. I didn't know that he was even shopping that around. So when I saw that in the headline, I was like, Oh, wow, 50 is really out to get Diddy. I mean, rightfully so. I, we used to cover it on baby mamas. Obviously, if you guys haven't heard the news, baby mamas is no longer a show. So we'll be following that over here now.

I love it. And on that note, we have foul play. The first person says, we recently found out that the man my husband has thought was his dad actually isn't his biological dad by doing an ancestry test. But there is so much more to unpack here, so stick around if we want some piping hot

family drama tea. My husband was essentially raised by his grandparents because his mom was addicted to meth and has an alcohol problem and the man that he thought was his dad was in prison for about 15 years. Recently his grandfather passed and it got my husband thinking about how he can carry on his family name since we are the only ones who have children to carry the last name. In one of my mother-in-law's drunken rages almost a decade ago, she accidentally slipped to my husband that his dad may not be his dad and she in fact named him after the man she was cheating with and had called her best friend.

My husband has since been mortified, held off doing any DNA test, held this in secret for a decade for fear that he would find this man wasn't his father. Well, two months ago, he finally came to me and said that he wanted to do it. I encourage him because one, I'm nosy as fuck, and two, I think it would help to know since my husband had some health issues

that may be genetic. Anyways, to add insult to injury, not only was she cheating on the man that my husband thought some health issues that may be genetic. Anyways, to add insult to injury, not only was she cheating on the man that my husband thought was his dad, she also claimed to have been sexually assaulted by him and was part of the reason time was added to his sentence. She then retracted the statement and told his lawyer that she would write a statement that was false,

however she chickened out because of cry wolf laws. Furthermore, she had also lied to the older brother about the father, different dad, and the older brother didn't find out until his actual dad had passed away. His younger sister had a different father than both of the boys. In middle school, my husband caught her cheating on that man with his best friend in the kitchen while his sister's dad slept on the couch. Then she married the best friend a couple of years later and became my husband's stepdad. All to say, thank dear Lord, she has moved a couple of states away and I rarely have to see her because my husband is minimal to no contact with her.

We are in the process of finding out who his real dad is. I have quite a bit to say about this. And I feel like these ancestry like kits and stuff have really blown cover on a lot of people's shit. I couldn't imagine going on ancestry DNA and finding out that the person that raised me was like not my parent.

It's infuriating because I, as you guys all know, I haven't talked about my ancestry stuff yet. Because we, my sister and I blew the lid off of our own family tree. And then when other family members don't believe it is even more infuriating because it's like, okay, but we have the fucking scientific backed proof right here. And it's, it's absolutely infuriating and hurtful. So because it's hurtful, regardless of whether you believe it or not, because it's like, okay, this is, you know, who you think raised you or who you thought was related to you is, you know, not, it's not the case or it's different than you anticipated. But then when they don't believe you or they're

refusing to accept it is even worse. And so that's sort of where my sister and I are. We are still biologically related, but there's like other stuff kind of in the background. And this story specifically, it's just like, if we could all just be honest, or maybe get a DNA test, if you think that you don't know who the dad is, like getting that stuff done so that even if you decide to keep it a secret, because I'm not out here to like tell people what to do, like if you're a woman who would put yourself or, or was unintentionally in a position where maybe it was rape or maybe it was sexual assault and you end up in a position where you don't know who the dad is as a woman and as a human being, why are you not getting a DNA test?

And if you are going to keep it a secret, at least have that information and share it when you are ready. I don't like the idea of like hiding it and pretending it never happens. Like that is to me, the worst thing that you could do. I just don't understand that. And I also, as a woman, if you're willingly putting yourself in a position where you wouldn't know who the dad is, to me, you just... I don't align with that. I would never personally put myself in a position where I didn't know who the dad was. I think in this type of situation, the statement is very true, knowledge is power. And having that information is super important.

I just wonder how many people will start being more forthcoming in situations like that, knowing that there are DNA kits out here now that your life is not going to be able to be carried on forever anymore. I mean, I can think of at least one person off the top of my head right now who's in that situation. And DNA kits are very much a thing. Why are we, I don't understand like why and like I know, and I can't get behind it. I personally knew someone who was raised by a man his entire life had no idea that, I mean, he was raised as like his biological child.

Neither the dad nor the child knew that that child was not biological until that child requested an ancestry kit for Christmas. And then it came back. Can you imagine like finding that information out at like, 19 years old, but then the dad finding that information out the same time you found it out? No, but like, how would you feel? I mean, would it change how you felt about the child? Would it? No, I don't think it would change how you feel to feel about the child, but it would change how you feel to feel about the child, but it would change how you feel about the situation because you were lied to you or you someone

was being deceitful and that sort of like, very, a lot of lies and a lot of deceit in what I found out on ancestry and it's it's heartbreaking because you grow up thinking one way you think that this is who you are. And while that may be who you are at the core and where your moral compass is and your ethics and things like that, but it biologically, it changes who you like, knowing who you are, it does impact, you know, it's the same way that like, not necessarily the same way, but sort of sort of similar is like the last name thing, right? Like knowing that I could have been an Irwin is really upsetting to me. And that's something that I have always had a feeling

about, right? Like that is who I am. I'm not a Lowry. And in fact, I'm not a Lowry. And so that is really upsetting. But to know also the biological, you want to know who you're biologically related to so that you can try to figure out who you are in that way as well. So I just, it's just the whole thing is upsetting, but it's also the same can be said about closure and finding answers and being and finding comfort in these DNA tests. I'm all for them, you know, what I know and how I've used them now, but I could understand why someone would not want to use them or would be apprehensive because it would probably open up a can of worms that maybe they weren't ready for. And so in that way, it kind of sucks. But I mean, why don't we just make the decision to not lie? I mean,

I don't, I don't get it. Why can't we just all make the decision to just be fucking honest? Yeah. You know? And on that note, we are out of time. Thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple Podcast app. Follow in right on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and join our Facebook group

to connect with us and our community. Full video episodes are now available on Kale's Patreon. To join, visit www.patreon.com slash Kale Lowry. We hope you guys all have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. Love Jersey Shore. For me, it's The Godfather. SpongeBob SquarePants. I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump, come on.

Criminal Minds, solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch, Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Hi, I'm Lauren. And I'm Chandler. And we're the hosts of Pop Apologist Podcast, a weekly podcast devoted to celebrity gossip, Hollywood deep dives, real housewives drama,

and anything and everything Taylor Swift. We're two sisters who make no apologies for our love of pop culture and the fact that A-listers might mean more to us than each other. Chandler Lee Join us on your favorite podcast app every Wednesday for Pop Apologists. Pop Apologists, your new favorite sister and celeb podcast.