Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - An Unconventional Thanksgiving

Episode Date: November 13, 2023

CC317: On this month's bonus episode, it's time to prepare for Thanksgiving! Lindsie shares her HOA woes, and Kail prepares to feel different this Thanksgiving. We ask listeners for unconventional ways they celebrate Thanksgiving and we definitely will be using these ideas in the future! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsors! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month Hanna Andersson: To get holiday ready, visit HannaAndersson.com/COFFEECONVOS and use code COFFEECONVOS for 20% off your first order IQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from IQBAR. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at IQBAR.com. Reply "STOP" to stop, "HELP" for help Progressive: Visit progressive.com to learn more

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say, thank you? This is Coffee Convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship,

family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Welcome. Why was that so formal? Welcome to Coffee Convos. I should have also worn a hat today. I just need to know at what point we as women that live in suburban areas feel like we need to wear car heart hats. in suburban areas feel like we need to wear car heart hats. I actually love it.

You and Chelsea from Teen Mom, I think we're the first people to like do it in a cute way and like make it cute. I can't pull off beanies, I've tried. So I get really upset, but I also, I just should have worn some sort of hat because the hair is not herring today. Okay, but the thing with just should have worn some sort of hat because the hair is not herring today. Okay, but the thing with beanies is you have to learn how to like set your hair in the

beanie the right way. Okay, so that's the trick. I also just think I just am not like I could probably wear like a regular hat with like a ball cap, but a beanie, I don't know if it's how big my head is. I don't know if it's how round my head is. I don't know if it's how round my head is. Like I'm not sure. When am I ever not wearing a hat? No, you always have hats on.

Always. I'm like, you know what? That should have been something that I incorporated in my business to do like a hat situation. You should. Actually, now that, yeah, why don't you collab with a brand

or like do a merch line of your own hats because you could do beanies and ball caps. Wouldn't that be so cute? That would be so cute. And I feel like I know everything about hats more than men do not come for me about this because I wear them every single day. Good morning. Coffee Convos podcast.

Good morning. Good morning, Coffee Convost podcast. Good morning. Welcome to our November bonus episode Thanksgiving. I need to tell you what happened to me today. Tell me. Between last night and today. So I receive a text message that there is an alleged alcoholic man in my neighborhood.

Okay. Allegedly this man. Time neighborhood. Okay. Allegedly, this man. Time out. Do you have a group? Remember like years ago, you talked about your neighborhood having like a dog walk chat or something? Oh, not gonna shut down. Okay, so does this neighborhood also have that?

No, there's just some people that update me because they know that I'm not a part of any of those chats. Got it. Okay. So they come to you directly. Okay. I'm not part of the neighborhood Facebook group, never been part of the neighborhood Facebook group of any neighborhood that I have ever lived in. Don't care what's going on in here. Your business is your business, my business is my business, mind your business. I was a part of a neighborhood group chat dog walk situation when we first moved here and got Georgia, but there's a leash law in Georgia. So you always have to have your dog on a leash

and we would let our dogs, non-vicious dogs, go and play in like the little local green space in our neighborhood. Allegedly someone got very upset about that and contacted the HOA and they shut down the dog gang and we no longer were allowed to play so that was very devastating for us. Georgia was very upset that she no longer had friends that she could play with. So at that point, I just have never communicated in any type of group since then. PTSD. I do have PTSD. So I get this message that there is this alleged alcoholic man in our neighborhood who drinks handles of vodka daily,

straight to the point that he was placed in the ICU for nine days, had esophageal issues. Allegedly he has been going through a divorce and is doing split custody with his child and just going through like lots of life things. So I'm like, okay, maybe that's like the way he's coping and he took it way too far and this man needs help. So much so that law enforcement came out allegedly

last night and removed all firearms from his home and they were walking out with guns like AK-47s. So... That this man owned? Yes. Okay. So I am alarmed. I was also told what this man looked like,

height, weight description, if he ever approached me to keep walking. And now I'm absolutely terrified. Yeah, because I mean, trends not there all the time. You're a single mom and your number one thing is to protect yourself and your son always, right? So correct. It's it's terrifying because maybe on a regular day, he would

be fine, but because he's going through so much and he's drinking and people are alarmed, races heightens everything. And now I'm alarmed by the firearms. Did they go through every part of his home? Was this a search warrant in some way? Did they get everything or is he loose with a firearm? Should we be alarmed that we're in some type of danger? I'm very unwell.

So I now have become the neighbor that I pull into the garage and immediately close the door and go inside. And then I go out and the garage get in my car and lift it up. And I'm like, I'm gonna have another garage mishap because I'm gonna forget the damn things closed, just back out. It's just as if the world is not scary enough. You know, like if we weren't already doing

those certain things, like I make sure I can pull into my garage every day. Every day. Every single day. And I have never been able to do that because I've always had like stuff in my garage, but that was like the one thing when I moved was like this time I'm going to be able to park in my garage at all times. But now you have to be concerned about a literal neighbor. I mean, on the flip side of it is that like you are warned

and it didn't just happen without warning. So like there's like a little bit of comfort in that. And also everyone's probably on high alert. I hope that you guys stay safe. But my concern is, was it like nosy neighbors? Have you ever heard of like Neighborhood Watch? Yes. I don't live in a neighborhood, but we have.

There's a Facebook page and don't even fucking get me started on them talking about me in there. I should not be in there at all. But I've heard of Neighborhood Watch, yes. OK, so when we first moved to Atlanta, like the first neighborhood my parents ever bought in, it was a huge neighborhood. And there was something called Neighborhood Watch.

And I guess my parents were people that would report if they saw anything weird regarding children and stuff. Okay. Now the neighborhood watches I feel like are just everybody being in everybody's business. Yeah, that's exactly what mine is. They talk about me being in my area,

nothing about like suspicious activity, cars that are not supposed to be in the area cause like we live in a very, very because we live in bumble fuck, right? What you're describing is how it should be. Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure most everyone in my neighborhood is either widowed or retired. Oh, okay. And I moved in this neighborhood for that reason,

because I was like, you know what, it will be calm and peaceful, and a good transition for me. And I won't have to worry about seeing kids playing whenever mine's not home. The downside of that is I have to go outside of my neighborhood for Jackson to have play dates or we have to invite people over, which is, is fine. But I felt like it was gonna be a good transition so I could just cope better. But this neighborhood watch kind of seems to me

like people are sitting on their front porch and saw law enforcement show up and they saw the guns coming out of the house and then just started reporting it to everybody around. So I don't know if it's more of like gossip or concern. A little of both. And you know, that's where I say like the warning is kind of nice because you kind of have an idea of what's going on.

But also you could, you know, what is what is that saying that's like, believe half of what you see, half of what you see and none of what you hear, something like that. Yeah, I've heard that before. Yeah. So that was going on so completely alarmed. Get Jackson to school this morning, everything going great at the house, start laundry, get myself ready for Pilates, go to my Pilates class, come home and have landscapers scheduled. And this has been an entire process. If you live in a neighborhood that has an HOA, God bless you because when I

tell you it has been, I say six months because that makes me feel better, but it's really been more like eight months that I've been trying to get new landscaping approved for my yard, which is a pain in the ass. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know. I've lived in a neighborhood.

Actually, I have not lived in a neighborhood that has an HOA, but they have to approve your landscaping. Yeah, so if you change any part of your landscape in this neighborhood, what do you mean change? Like put different flowers out? Yes, like anything. So like anything to the exterior of the home and any form of, like if you are painting, even if you're painting the same color, you have to get approval for painting. And what happens if you are painting, even if you're painting the same color, you have to get approval for painting. And I think, I guess you're gonna get fined.

Like I have no idea that H.O.A.s are coming. If it's the same color, but you know how sometimes, like my house has, does my house have shutters? But you know how sometimes they have shutters on the side of the windows, and they fade with like time and sun and things like that. Even if you paint them the same color, but you're just like refreshing it, you have to get approval for that.

Yeah, you have to notify the HLA that like this is happening. No. They have bylaws in here and it's just such an extreme. I wish we were. Like, it's such an extreme and like I'm scared of these people, honestly. And I just, if I'm trying to do an improvement to my house, it's gonna make things look better. And I know that that's relative to whoever thinks

it's gonna look better, because there are some people out there that do stuff that think that it's looking better, but actually they're making it look like the Clamp-its live there. Who's the Clamp-its? Who's that? The Clamp-its, you've never heard of the clampant?

No. Hold on. The clamp. The clampant. It's the clampant. This is so funny because I'm trying to convince Elijah because his whole part of our compound, it needs a facelift.

Like, I just, it needs, like, the shit looks like it's still in the same condition as the 1950s when it was built. And I'm like, just repaint everything. Like it looks crazy. Um, I just tried to look up the clampets, but I don't know how to spell clampets. So it pulled up the Muppets and that's not what I was looking for. So I will do some investigating and send you some pictures of, I don't know, that's something that my nanny always used to say. And my dad always used to say, like, we're not the clampets, like we don't have like a bunch of crazy shit, just like laying around our house, it's pristine around here,

everything's kept. Like it's not hoarders. No, it's not. And if I'm trying to do an improvement,'s gonna actually look better, why would I need to get an approval for that? Understand like why sometimes you would need to get approval for stuff. So we go through this whole process and Kristin keeps resubmitting this approval thing. We had to get a sketch drawing. What?

No, no, because I've heard of people having HOA fees and it's more like, you know, just making sure that things are tidy. But then I've also heard of people having HOA, they pay the fee and nobody, nobody, um, abides by, you know, the thing or when I lived in Middletown, my Middletown house, there was going to be an HOA when the neighborhood was complete. And they were like, you know, whenever it's done, they'll be in HOA. But drawings. Okay, I'm not even, I'm not even paying for that. That's no. I'm not even kidding. We had to pay it was either $135 somewhere between like $135 to $200 for this landscaper to submit basic clip

art drawings to show like, we're removing this tree, but we're replacing it with this tree. And we're removing these plants and we're replacing it with these plants. That was like an, I'm not even kidding you an eight month process. And Kristen probably was so sick of hearing me say, hey, have you ever heard back from my HOA? Like, where do I find these people? Like, I'm gonna just go knock on your door. That's when I would riot because how many, your neighborhood cannot be that big

that they're eight months behind. And if that's the case, then you need to suspend my paint my HOA fees until you're caught up, because I'm not paying HOA fees for you to go because to pay for those drawings a hundred and thirty a hundred and thirty to two hundred dollars is not cheap for some people Right like that's not chump change for a lot of families. So Let's keep that in mind Then you're paying the HOE fees on top of it and then you're not getting to me for about a year

No, you know, fuck yourself Now I'm pissed off for you. Now. I'm gonna go riot I'm not paying my HOA fees because you have not gotten to what I've now paid for in fees and landscaping drawings This episode is brought to you by IQ bar and as I regularly say so am I because that is what I had for breakfast regularly say, so am I because that is what I had for breakfast. Also same and I will also be having one in a couple of hours for my lovely slump era. I love that midday slump. IQ Bar definitely helps that midday slump. If you guys have not tried IQ Bar number one, I don't know why you haven't, but if you haven't,

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combos to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. So Kristen, since this person, an email last week, I said, I'm literally sick of this. Like I have looked at this for way too long. I tried to remedy this situation, gone through all the proper channels to do this, like an email needs to go out to these people and let them know. Don't give a fuck. If you guys do not approve this, I'm approving it for myself and this yard is going to be ripped up. So I really don't care. I shit you not. I pull on my driveway and I see the landscape trucks here and I'm like, oh, okay, good. Like, they're here on time. Much rather

see them like already out here working instead of not showing up because that's happened to me before or late. Go to the side yard and realize that they are actually tearing up my neighbor's fucking yard. Correct. Which again, HOA fees because part of the HOA is like you don't want crazy stuff and then neighbors need to know when things like this are coming in and out. Wouldn't they have approved it so that they could align your neighbor's yard getting dug up at the same time

as your yard getting dug up? Well, here's the problem. We share a side yard, right? And there's been a drainage issue since I moved in. Addressed that with the builder, they were supposed to come out and fix it, never did. So we looked into options of French drains, turning off our sprinklers and trying to rotate

their sprinklers going off at a certain time, mine going off at a certain time. We've tried absolutely everything. So I was like, maybe we just put a path in there and it would eliminate like a sod issue because nothing's going to be getting wet. We're not going to be walking through mud, right? Neighbors didn't want that. So I'm like, okay, I'll work with you guys, but we do have to come up with some type of solution. I get home, they have torn up all the side that is my side and their side, never approved a path. That was never part of the drawings that were submitted to the HOA.

Right as we get on this recording, I say, oh shit, Kristen, I hear the neighbor talking to these landscapers over here outside my window and she does not sound happy. Kristen's like, oh, I've got to text her right now. So Kristen, at this current moment, is texting my heated neighbor about why these landscapers dug up her yard that was not approved for them to dig up her yard. The tea is piping hot.

So I'm scared. Outside of that, everything's going well. This is gonna be an organized ship at this house once this is done. Have you ever considered maybe for your next build not being in a neighborhood? Yes. That is, I was just talking to someone at dinner last night, one of my girlfriends, but I, even when I was married, Will and I were going to move to a development that had five homes, but it was on like large land. Cold stack.

And the homes price points were going to be pretty much exactly the same. So they didn't really feel like there was going to be a necessary HOA because if you are spending that kind of money to be on land, chances are you're going to keep up with it. Keep up with it. That was like the whole thing in Middletown was like the land alone for one acre was like 300,000. It's land cost is absolutely insane, but when Will and I were looking to this option, because we were looking into the option of selling our marital home before we had decided that we were going to divorce. We were looking to get out of the neighborhood anyway. But I gave him like a three mile radius to look and he was like, Lindsay, that's not realistic. Like you need to come back down to reality and realize like the price of land in this

three mile radius that you've given me is not budget realistic. So we need to look outside of this. So this project, one of my girlfriends is a builder and she and her dad are like a duo. It took them forever to get all the permitting on that land to be able to break ground. They've finally done it, so I'm still looking at that option to be able to be on land.

I think I would be much happier there. I don't like having somebody right up next to me, but at the same time, being a single mom, it is nice. There's pros and cons, right? Like whenever I was in a neighborhood, I did feel the comfort of just like, if there was an emergency, and I'm not talking about like personal emergencies,

I'm talking about like just big emergencies. I know I could run across the street and grab help. You know what I mean? And both neighborhoods that I lived in, like neighbor neighborhoods, they were closed. So like there was only one way in, one way out kind of thing. And I liked that because they were a little bit smaller. Yep.

And then now where my land is, it really worked out because I have neighbors, but they're not right up against me. So like again, I know that like, Twiz is his name that lives in Elijah's house. So many times, you know, he's been right there when I needed something and it's just been really, really convenient. And I know that there's like neighbors across the street,

like across the way, but they're not right up against me. So that's been kind of nice. The problem is that like, I keep talking about wanting to rebuild, which I know Kristen will kill me, but there's, I don't think I'll find land anywhere that I can afford. It's so hard. If you're out there looking for land or you're out there looking to build,

I feel you the thing that's nice. My neighbors are absolutely lovely. So the neighbors on both sides of me are nurses. Five-year plan to rebuild or I quit. No, I feel like five Five year plan to rebuild or I quit. No, I feel like five year plan to rebuild, I feel like would be very fair because that would be like, that would give me time to like,

see if the bunk bed situation works out and like where all the children are at in their stages of life, do they need another room? Do I need more rooms or are they good? Like I feel like five years is like a good, also I could save so much and put so much down. So my mortgage, you say that now and tomorrow

I'm gonna call that you're breaking in and saving, breaking into your savings to buy land. Yeah, sounds about right. I mean- You know what, Kale, you just got so excited when she said, okay, that could be a five year plan because she thought it was gonna be a never plan and then it's gonna turn into actually like a two and a half year plan

Yeah, exactly when she said five year. I'm like, okay perfect two and a half awesome Kristen says she has PTSD and trauma from us, but like I get it So that's what's going on with that situation. I'm really excited for the holidays Just mainly because it's well, I say it's like the happiest time of the year, but it's also a sad time of the year for a lot of families. I've experienced that over lots of years. It's an exciting time because I feel like you have time away from all of the mundane life things that you have had going on all year, but at the same time, there are things that you cover up that you don't deal with throughout the year.

And then those things kind of like come to a head at the holidays. So I am trying to get everything as organized as possible and going through this entire purging still of my house. And I think I'll feel so much better at the start of the new year because I just don't have, I've held on to like a lot of things for like sentimental purposes that just don't really hold that much sentimental value to me anymore. Like at one point they did and now they don't. So I'm kind of getting rid of all of that stuff. I know that you had posted on your Instagram story about non-traditional and unconventional ways

that people celebrate Thanksgiving. So I wanna hear all the things. So I thought this would be fun because I'm still trying to get, like, find my footing with holidays and like, you know, I don't really celebrate them. Now that I have Rio with Elijah, I feel like I do have to figure out something for Christmas.

And so this kind of is going to give me, I know it's for Thanksgiving, but I feel like it could also work for other holidays. So what I posted was, you know, non-traditional and unconventional ways that people celebrate Thanksgiving. And some, some people were saying, one person said, we always do a fun breakfast buffet with each of our kids picking out a fun dish, which I thought was cute. That could be for any holiday.

I love that idea. Not to bring back the bingo card, but my sister and I make a family bingo card for the large supper to make it interesting. Hope I end up sick the day of so I can stay home and not attend. No, because Thanksgiving is the one holiday that everyone should celebrate because it's food, right? Like, how can you get like that is the one, like I still regret going to meet my dad for

the first time on that one Thanksgiving year because- Wait, you met him over Thanksgiving? Yeah. When I was 17. Over Thanksgiving. What? Yeah. And so Thanksgiving day, it was me, my dad and his girlfriend.

And it was the worst food I had ever had in my life. I mean, we're talking instant box mashed potatoes. Like I was sick. Wait, tell me about like what this spread was. That was this. It was literally like some. It was not even like a real turkey. You know how like when you have Thanksgiving. Was it a Cornish hen?

Say that again. Was it a Cornish hen? It was like, like picture really thick lunch meat. Okay. It was like that. Where did they get this? Like did they cut it themselves? I don't know.

I have no, I don't know what the situation was, but the food was just, and you would think like, my dad is born and raised in Texas like I don't know about anyone else but like I would just assume Kristen said roadkill Ray had you eat a buzzard and I've talked about like my dad didn't tell me that he ate roadkill before like roadkill barbecue but like it, it was like, I've gotten there's certain places, there's certain grocery stores around here that I won't get the the deli meat for like Elijah, because it just seems like not good. I mean, I'm sure deli

meat is not good in general. I was that's where I was going to go with this conversation about deli meat. I feel like people either love deli meat or hate cold cut sandwiches. And I like cold cut sandwiches, but it has to be the right meat on it. Same. I'm very weird. I'm very, very weird about my cold cuts, like my deli meat. I want them to be quality. It has to be from a certain place. Like I don't like, like I like there's a redness across the street right here. I like redness stuff. I don't like red, I don't like red like, I like, there's a Red Ners across the street right here. I like Red Ners stuff. I don't like Red Ners deli meat. So I would go to somewhere else.

But so you would just, I don't know. I guess I just put too much faith in my dad being from Texas and born and raised there that I thought there was gonna be some good food. So I still regret it to this day that my real family in Pennsylvania was like eating real good. Wait, so backup. Give me like a description of what this table looked like.

Did you- No, there was no table. We ate on plastic. We ate on styrofoam plates or paper plates. And it was runny box instant mashed potatoes and this like really weird turkey. It was not like a turkey that you pull out of the oven and like it's real meat. Do you get what I'm saying?

Yeah. Okay. It was and I don't, that's all I remember. I don't remember anything else. So it was just like a piece of turkey and box mashed potatoes. That's what I, I mean, I'm sure there was other stuff, but it was just the three of us. You know what's so weird? You would think like the first time you were ever meeting him that he would really try to put on like a good display. Like I'm not saying like for him to be running a fakery bakery by any means, but we just post that year and looked at each other. It was horrible.

I still regret that was the last year that my Pennsylvania family, like my mom's side, that was the last year that every single person showed up to Thanksgiving, like every single person before our family fell apart. So like, I also have regrets there because I wasn't there, I was meeting my dad, so. I'm really glad that you got to meet him because sometimes there's like, it's a double-edged sword,

right? What you don't know you can't miss or like long for I guess I guess you could long for what you fantasize maybe yeah But now you know it and I'm sure a part of you is like I wish I never did that Yeah, specifically because I miss Thanksgiving at my mom's family. Oh, just kidding. But don't hate on the paper plates. Like, I. No, the paper plates was the least of my concern.

It was honestly the quality of the food. I was just like, I don't know what's going on here. Like, I don't know if that's how they eat on a regular. Like, I don't know. But I was very, very upset by it. Because just like the comfort of the trip didn't go well. The meeting was kind of iffy. Like, the food could have comforted in another. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, it was just iffy. Like the food could have comforted in another, like you know what I'm saying?

Like it was just could have. Yeah, you could have found comfort in the food because you were in an uncomfortable situation everywhere else. Kristin, as I have been purging one of the major categories of things that I have thrown away from Jackson's bedroom has been what I like to call peely pajama sets. And it's so interesting because I had just ordered the little holiday zip ups from Hannah Anderson and was folding them and putting them away

with my closet organizer here. And she said, that is absolutely one of my most favorite brands. And I just loved it so much. I am so excited because first of all, they look so cute. Second of all I'm pumped because Kale is celebrating Christmas for like the first time in I Can't Tell You How Long and she sent me a picture with what she ordered for the matching PJs for all the kids and I am so excited to see them all in their Hannah Anderson sets. Hannah Anderson for those of you who have

never heard of this brand is a premium sustainable clothing brand for kids and they design their clothes for play and maximum comfort. So you can let your kids be stress free. If you do PJs for like holiday photos, I cannot recommend them enough. They have the cutest stuff and they will have everything that the whole family needs for holidays, from cute matching sets for your toddlers, to cozy nightwear for your older kiddos. They just have a collection that will make your bedtime for your kids one of their most favorite parts of the day. I feel like that is the only thing that Jackson cares about what he's wearing. To get

holiday ready, visit hannahanderson.com slash coffee combos and use code coffee combos for 20% off your first order. That's hannahanderson.com slash coffee combos and use code coffee combos for 20% off your first order. Trust me, your little ones will thank you, offer not valid during site-wide sales. That is H-A-N-N-A-A-N-D-E-R-S-S-O-N dot com slash coffee convos. I need to know if everybody else that's listening to this only uses your dining room for Thanksgiving. Now that I think about it, I mean, I opted for a smaller dining room.

And last year, the kids sat at it for Thanksgiving. I forwent a dining room in this house all together and just have a front living room, sitting space that also does not get used. I think those are the most useless spaces in a home. Dining rooms? Dining rooms, but I still don't use it. And I opted to make it like a, I guess they would call it like a formal sitting room. Okay. And it's really

just for the aesthetic. Like I put decorations in there for holidays and it looks pretty from the road. Like when I have holiday decorations up and stuff, but nothing else is used in there. So I'm like, what are those rooms for? I specifically wanted to be able to use every single room in my house. And the dining room has just never been, we just don't, we had never really used

like a formal dining room or a formal sitting room. So my dining room is pretty small, but we also have like it, there's six chairs and it's a round table. It's like super small, but like it's cute. It works for us. And then we have four bar stools across the counter. So, oh, that's perfect. Yeah.

And they're like so close to each other. And then the last for these answers, some or the couple, there's a couple more. We take a party bus to reach each house. We take a party bus to each house. Each house has a different theme or food. Example, it is French, etc. I've never, that is insane. I love this. Like I don't know that I could get people on board to do this. Like more so probably like my friend group. I could get on board to do that and just like travel around, but no one's stopping at my house.

We're just going to eat my pieces on the bus. The last one says, we do our own separate special Thanksgiving with our kids in the morning before all families. I also love the separation of doing things as like your family that you live with throughout the year and then doing something separate with extended. We kind of always did that growing up. It would either be like breakfast with just my parents and like all siblings and then grandparents would join at some point in the day. Or we would do all of that open

gifts or have like a special Thanksgiving breakfast and then go to like Julie's granny's house. We did that for like lots of years. I'm pretty sure I've always spent most Thanksgiving's with my dad. with my dad. My mom's parents, my biological mom's parents never really celebrated Thanksgiving until well after Thanksgiving because they are, they've always had a business that they've ran 5Ks and hosted 5Ks and stuff on Thanksgiving Day. And I'm quite sure that that might have been one reason why my parents' marriage did not work. Because when you have one side of the family that runs five case on Thanksgiving, and then one side of the family that is dedicated to eating all day. Yeah, I'm eating all day.

There is no way like I dated one person one time. I'm not going to say his name, but anybody who's listening to this that's followed my story will know exactly who I'm talking about. He has a very athletic family. He swam in the Olympic trials and they all look like, I don't know, like they should be on GQ. Like one time- You gave her five Ks, didn't they?

Yes. One time when I started dating this guy, they posted a holiday photo with just wearing like pajama pants and their abs were out and they were standing on top of a roof. And it was definitely gram-worthy, all their abs were out and stuff. And I showed that picture to my dad

and he was like, they definitely don't look like they're eating Thanksgiving. They look like they're running. And I'm like, you know what, you're exactly right. They run 5K is every Thanksgiving. But why not eat Thursday? Do the 5K on Friday? Because the 5K Friday will then burn the calories that you ate all day on Thursday. I think that people who do these 5K things have the opposite mindset. Like do the work first so that you can enjoy later.

And it's just people with different mindsets, you know, you can run a five K on Wednesday. There's no reason to do it. You ain't ever seeing me get up on Thanksgiving to do a turkey truck. No, I'm never doing it. Like I would never. Never a thing. But I do love the party bus idea and having different themes showing up at different houses. I actually love that idea. I'm not going to adopt it because it's not realistic for me, but sounds great. Also same. What's the next thing?

Okay, the next one I posted was Thanksgiving Horror Stories. Oh, God. Someone said, my ex being angry for no reason and me showing up to his family's house without him. Wait, repeat that? My ex being angry for no reason and me showing up to his family's house. His family. Something I would do.

Honestly, it's something that I would do as well. I mean, I'm not missing out on the food because you're pissed off. Remember that I'm pretty sure it was Thanksgiving. No, that might have been Christmas. I don't know, the last year that I was married to Will, remember me telling you that in preparation for the divorce, I let him take Jackson to his parents' Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Oh, I remember what Thanksgiving thing was. We were still mad at Will's mom for the misfire text. Okay, so he took Jackson and you stayed behind? I cooked all the food and I think part of his family went to like extended family and then Will's dad stayed at home by himself like pretty much all Thanksgiving Day. So I cooked our Thanksgiving meal at home, cooked for like three days and then put a whole Thanksgiving platter together for Will's dad and Will and Jackson went out and spent time with Will's dad on that day but we were still mad and not talking to his mom so I guess the misfire text got in the way of

that. Never forget. Never forget. Grandpa severed his thumb carving turkey, bloodbath 07. I wonder truly how often that happens. Do you have the type of family that uses like an electric carver? I'm not sure. Growing up when I always celebrated with my mom's side, that was, I think my uncle Jerry used, I don't know how he carved the turkey, I think my uncle Jerry used, I don't know how he carved the turkey, I have no idea. Same for Elijah and Sterling when they cooked last year,

I have no idea. Julie's dad always had an electric carver. And I'm pretty sure he traveled with that to Thanksgiving. Like he was gonna make sure. No, we weren't going on planes, we were just going in cars, but he brought it with him from his house. I'm pretty sure every Thanksgiving.

I don't know that my parents had an electric turkey carver, but it's an art for sure. And when you're talking about making sure that the meat's cut right, if you have someone in your family that's doing like the turkey and ham electric cutting situation, if they're really good at it, they will do various different types of cuts. So they'll do like thin slices and then they'll do like people who like thicker slices. Yep. My uncle Jerry had it nailed down. I need to ask you

if you've ever heard of this or if this is just like a Chris Lee family thing for turkey. I mean, ham, do you guys put like a sauce on it? Like a honey glaze? Yeah. So like if you get a ham from like honey baked ham or you get a ham from the grocery store and it's got like the glaze on the outside like already whenever you go to bake it, there's like that.

But then there's also like sauces that you can make to put on it. No, we've never. So there's this one that has two ingredients and it's absolutely delicious. And you guys all need to add it to your Thanksgiving table. It's brown sugar and mustard. And you just like mix it up until it gets to a consistency.

You do like the spoon check, right? Like you mix it until it gets to a good like saucy consistency and it will change your life. Okay. you do like the spoon check, right? Like you mix it until it gets to a good like saucy consistency and it will change your life. Okay. It's so good. Brown sugar and mustard. And mustard. Regular mustard, like yellow mustard. Regular mustard, yellow mustard. Okay. And I'm not even a big fan of mustard, but it's like the like tanginess, I guess, from mustard and the sweetness of the brown sugar that just makes like the perfect...

I mean, it sounds good. I'm not a mustard girly, but I feel like it sounds, I would still try it. It's so good. Another person said that my uncle, my uncle announced that he had herpes to the entire family right after we said... Wait, what?

My uncle announced that he had herpes to the entire family right after we said grace. There's a time and a place for things. First of all, why do you need to announce that to your family? Unless they're sleeping with you. I'm not sure why that would be relevant, but like, can you get it from like sharing food? Off the same fork. Yeah.

So shouldn't he just be like that level of self-aware that he's not contaminating other people with his fork? And it's only if you have a breakout. So like if your mouth is fine, I'm pretty sure you're fine. The weird shit that happens over a Thanksgiving table and the types of conversations and the families that we don't have alcohol at our Thanksgiving, like my side of the family,

Will's side of the family is flowing. I think they might have had like, I don't remember maybe they had a bottle of wine. Nobody got drunk, nobody was drinking. Like if they were drinking, it was a glass of wine. Cause I don't, and I'm very like, cause my mom's an alcoholic and I've never seen my mom drink on a holiday because-

Wait, you've never seen her drink on a holiday? No, no, my mom would not drink, like my mom would not drink around her family. Okay, so that's like a private thing that she chooses to do. Like everyone in the family knows she's an alcoholic. So if there was ever wine or like beer, it would be a glass of wine, a beer,

but my mom did not participate during the holidays because I think my mom thought that nobody knew, but everyone, you know what I mean? Like one of those type deals. So like maybe my cousins or my uncles would have like A beer or A glass of wine, but my mom never did. That's so interesting.

Okay, so my family, it's like sweet tea or a soft drink or lemonade, something like that. Yeah. Will's family, if you've spent the night and you wake up there on Thanksgiving morning, it's going to be mimosas and Bloody Mary's to start the day. And then when it gets about noon, you're going to transition over to beer and wine. So are people getting drunk on Thanksgiving? Oh, yeah. Really?

Yeah. I'm not judging because I think there are very, there are so many people who drink responsibly, so like whatever, but like also if you want to get drunk on Thanksgiving, I guess that's fine. Like you're in a controlled environment. I just, I can't picture it for my family. Like I can't picture it.

Listen, when you are coming together with people, when there is like possible strain or you're just like in an uncomfy situation and shits popped off all year long and there is no alcohol, absolutely not. I'm sorry. If I'm ever hosting Thanksgiving, there's always going to be alcohol freely flowing. Please help yourself. If you plan on getting drunk under my roof,

please also leave your car keys at the front door, like you are not leaving. I don't remember any holiday that we ever had with Will's family that we were not drinking from the time that we woke up until the time that we went to bed. That is so like I have whatever like I don't care. I just I can't picture it.

So like that's so funny to me like I can't picture like everyone's drinking and cooking like just having a good time. I love that. Most of the cooking was like pre done like the night before and put into like stuff just to be able to like pop straight in the oven. So there was no recipe mishaps happening. It was just everything was done. Everyone was there.

Everyone was having a good time. We're going to drink our way through this day. About three, three thirty four o'clock hits, you start bringing out the ingredients to make mojitos. Some people might be having lemon drops. Some people might be getting into other things. Like, you just never know what was going to happen. And honestly, that is one part that I miss because it's just like drink and have a good

time and forget all of your problems. No, I love that for people. But okay. Coffee Compass podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. Lindsay, we are coming up on the holidays and I don't know about you, but I might be doubling down on my therapy sessions. Listen, I was just thinking that the other day, I know we talk a lot about therapy

and we get a lot of questions about therapy and how we started our journeys and I cannot recommend BetterHelp enough. I feel like it is so easy to just get started and you guys are absolutely going to love it. Family can be stressful around this time of year. You know, there's a lot of moving parts, we'll say, to the holidays, especially when you're married and you have, you know, multiple families to have to worry about. So I'm definitely going to be increasing

my therapy sessions. I also have been consistently recommending to everybody extra the night, you know, way more than I always do. This time of year, it's great to get into therapy to deal with whatever you might be dealing with. It's natural to feel some sadness or anxiety about holidays, but adding something new and positive to your life can kind of counteract some of those feelings and therapy can really just be a bright spot for you.

Admit to all the stress and change and something to look forward to, help you feel grounded, give you tools to manage everything going on, whatever the case may be. We are huge proponents of therapy at Coffee Compass Podcast. And if you're thinking about starting therapy, you can give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists

at any time for no additional charge. Find your bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash coffee. Okay, but I have to ask you, do you like hosting or going? No, so it's been really weird the last couple of years for me because well, now that I think about it, I don't remember what I did for Thanksgiving the year before last. Like I just don't remember. I went to Natalie's. I like going. I'll bring something. I'll bring a pie. I'll bring other people wine because I have a wine subscription because I gift it to people, which sounds weird from someone that doesn't drink, but I know everyone drinks. So I just give everybody bottles of wine. I'll bring mine. It's a classy of you, honestly. Really? I feel like that's so classy. Like if you showed

up to my front door with a bottle of wine, I would be like, it is classy kill. Really? I went to a pool party. Not that lives probably like towards the end of the summer and I brought wine because I know everyone else drinks. I don't drink. I just feel like people love and I just basically said, I was like, I'm not sure what this tastes like. But you know, here's the gift. I went to Natalie's one year, a little year before. I do prefer to go. I just. Hosting is such a job, right?

Yeah. And like, it just doesn't feel like Thanksgiving if I don't go somewhere. You have to feel like you're so on, like when you are the host. And there are some people that were literally made to be... Hosts. Hosts. Like, Will's brother's wife, I could never say one bad thing about her. She is the hostess with the mostest. Like her house is so inviting.

Yeah, I am the people like that. She always has like the best appetizers. Everything looks good. She's always in a good mood, always on. And when you go somewhere, you don't feel like you have to be as on because the pressure is not solely on you. And I just feel like if you have parents that are alive, they need to take on that task. Like I'm not trying to put hard work on parents and stuff, but it's just like, you know what?

If you're alive, you're probably not doing anything for the rest of the part of the year. Yeah. So just like host us, please. Like I'm just so used to like my great-grandmother's house and I just and even my my aunt's house when we moved it to my aunt's house, my great-grandmother passed away. It just you bring something and it just felt like home. Like it just felt like that was supposed to be like so now and it just it's I don't know if anyone feels this way. But there's something about those houses that I would't know if anyone feels this way, but there's something about those houses that I would go to, my great-grandmothers, my aunts, that are, they

are not these like modern homes that we, you know, you and I have built. And so there was something about like the coziness and the like lived in homes of like my great-grandmother and my aunt that made it feel also like Thanksgiving. Like I just felt like last year, especially in the new house, like it didn't feel like Thanksgiving because it's just this like brand new moderate. I know that sounds so weird, but like- I know exactly what you're talking about because I had that same feeling.

Trent and I took his kids to a cabin not too long ago and spent the weekend like five minutes away from his childhood home. And we had to stop by his mom's house on the way out to like drop some stuff off. And it was the first time I'd ever been there. And the house was just like so cozy, like so cozy and quaint. And it just felt like there was a lot of like memory trapped there. And so that to me felt comforting and I felt like at peace there. Yes. Like it just, I don't know what it was about my house last year that I was

just like this is not Thanksgiving. But listen, maybe if we ever stayed in a home long enough we would have trapped memories there, but we run from our memories. Right? Yeah. It's like when it gets bad, we run. One thing that we used to do at Julie's Granny's before she passed away and when Julie's brother was still

alive, she had a younger brother. And he was always so fun, like the funnest, like a funkel. A funkel. Like so fun. Always loved him. Life of, he had a smile that would like light up a room, just life of the party, life of the holiday. We would always do a family kickball game.

Oh, cute. And that was fun. Like I love doing active stuff like that and really putting on a display on who is like the most athletic person because every single person in my family are the most competitive people in every regard. I love that. When we were growing up, when I was growing up too, we played after we ate like the dinner part before we ate dessert, we always went outside, out front and played football.

And that's where I learned how to throw a spiral, which it was, it probably took me several thanksgivings to learn how to throw a spiral. Well, I love that you learned how to do that. Does anybody else's family do Thanksgiving and you eat like around lunchtime, like let's say between 11 and noon, one o'clock, then everybody is good on like mimosas and Bloody Mary, so then you take a little siesta.

No, that's not, no, a siesta. And then you wake up and do it all over again. Last year, Sterling came to my house and poor thing, talk about Thanksgiving nightmares. The kids were all playing outside and poor thing, talk about Thanksgiving nightmares. The kids were all playing outside and her daughter, they were all playing outside because it was like nice out. We had to go to the emergency room

because her daughter busted her chin on the basketball court and had to go get stitches. I don't know if anyone remembers me telling that story from last year. And I'm so sad that we're not gonna be with her this year because I said we went to Natalie's last year but I think that was Christmas. We went to Sterling's in Texas last year

or maybe the year before. And her and Elijah throw fucking down in the kitchen. But I don't remember them drinking. They probably were sneaky drinking. Elijah definitely was like popping a truly or something but he doesn't get drunk. Like he's just not like a but he doesn't get drunk. Like he doesn't, like he's just not like a, he doesn't get drunk.

Some people drink to get drunk and some people drink just to like elevate their time. I feel like I drink to elevate my time, but you're definitely one or the other. If I drink, if I'm ever going to drink, I want to get drunk because otherwise for me, what is the purpose? No, but see, I think that's coming from somebody who doesn't regularly drink because I feel like if you know the types of drinks, Kristen needs to second me on this. If you know the types of drinks that you like and you enjoy drinking those drinks and also enjoy the effect that those drinks give you over a period of time. And you're just there really feeling the vibes.

That's the same reason people smoke like when they get high. Yeah, probably the same reason. Like the people who just like maybe pop an edible or like, I enjoy the effect of drink my drinking has on others for all. So she drinks because of the social aspect. Okay, okay. And I do feel like if you are, no one would maybe know this about me, but I feel like I'm a very quiet and shy person like in real life, if you don't know me. And if I don't spend time around you regularly, and it's a family holiday, there needs to be something

to like break ice a little bit for me needs to be something to like break that ice a little bit for me to get to talking to you. Okay. I'm never going to go into a family holiday, like my ex sister-in-law speaking to every single person that is there carrying on conversation without alcohol, getting into work details, family life, things that have been going on. That is not me. Like I am going to find the nearest recliner. Um, I'm going to speak when I'm spoken to, I'm going to have conversations

and engage in conversations with people who start conversations with me. Okay. Now, if I'm drinking, I might be more willing to start conversations with people. Kristen claims that it helps break the ice, not commit a crime and whatever else. Not commit a crime. Goodbye. I just need to say whatever person wrote in and said,

my grandma got caught using KFC gravy like she made it herself. Listen, don't be hating on the KFC gravy or her bamboozle because grandma was tired. There is something that is so special and nostalgic about KFC gravy that I can just not explain it might come from powder. I don't care where it comes from. I don't care. It just hits different. I don't care if it comes out of a wonky turkish asshole. Like it is so good.

Listen, that gravy is so good. And you know what? I might be copping some KF. That's a really good idea, because I don't know how to make gravy. And you have to be a special kind of person that knows really how to make gravy. A good gravy.

Agreed. Like a good gravy. Same thing for some people call it dressing. Some people call it stuffing. Not everybody's stuffing is equal. No, that is one thing that... And it has to be good because I've had some nasty dry stuffing and I'm like, or dressing whatever.

And I'm like, this is not good. I love stove top. So like if you can't compare... Goodbye. Stove top is so good. No. Okay. No, Kale, that is for people who don't know how to cook.

Okay, well, I love it. You, listen, the way that the dressing goes, because we do dressing not stuffing, and I think it's more common in the North that people stuff their turkeys. And the South. We've never. In the South, we do dressing,

and it is a separate tray, right? Yes, so we call it stuffing, but it's dressing because we don't have stuff. I've never stuffed a turkey like nobody I growing up that my family has never stuffed a turkey dishing something out of a cavity of anything's body alarms me. Um, so you're not doing that to the turkey before it gets cooked.

No, that's that's not a thing. The dressing, though, is a multiple day process, because you have to cook the, well, we don't use bread. We use cornbread. Like, we make cornbread cakes. But some people use, I mean, there's various different things that people use, like croutons, dried bread, lots of different

things. But we do the, not the yellow cake of cornbread, but like the white cake of cornbread. And that has to be done like a couple of days in advance so that it's not like fresh, super fresh. And then it is just- But the problem with that that I've had with the homemade stuffing dressing, whatever, when it's too dry, like there's a fine line with the homemade one that's like, people dried out and they take it too far because now it's so dry that I can't, it's like a Popeyes biscuit. Like I can't... Goodbye.

It's like peanut butter in your mouth can't get it out. And I know a lot of water is gonna take it out. So there's a fine line with the dressing. Okay, well, I will tell you the best way to get not dry dressing is to make up your mixture the night before and then pour it in your pan because the bread is going to start absorbing whatever liquid that you put in there. And when you go to put it in your pan because the bread is going to start absorbing whatever liquid that you put in there. And when you go to put it in your pan, you can add more if it's already

dry. And this is something that you have to watch like a baby in the oven. And if it starts getting dry, I'm going to try it. I'm going to try it before Thanksgiving, like several weeks before Thanksgiving. Mm hmm. Like, like now, so that way so that way I can try it. I'll text Nanny and tell her to give step-by-step instructions over text and then I will forward you the text so that you can follow it. Coffee Convos podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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what Thanksgiving looked like, because I don't know, did I ever really talk about this? I don't think so, not that I remember. So, just gonna take you guys back a year ago. My parents were sentenced in federal court a couple of days ahead of Thanksgiving holiday. We had no idea what was gonna happen for the holidays, but the general plan was that we were going to Albee

in Tennessee at my parents' house. Once the sentencing came down, my parents wanted no one in their home, which I completely understand, like your world has just been rocked. And the last thing I would wanna be doing is entertaining anyone. Although it was hard because the thoughts of,

okay, last holidays and I had not spent holidays with my family for years because I always spent it with Will. The year before I spent holidays with my parents. Right, so that would have been your last year to celebrate with them before they went away. Correct. But respecting their wishes, I'm not

going to put my child in the car. It's chaotic to have. You've got to consider Jackson and Chloe. They're only, I think, between 45 and 54 days apart. I get them mixed up. 10 years old, my parents had a basketball court like inside their house and they're just loud. Like 10 year olds are loud.

And so to think of them having people just like running through their house and them having to entertain and like pretend like everything's okay and it's not. So that whole situation just obviously got nixed on the day of the sentencing. So I come home and I'm like, okay, well, I don't know what we're going to do because I plan nothing. And normally, like when you go Thanksgiving shopping for food, you have to rush the grocery stores. Like you have to make sure you are getting all of your stuff in advance because everything will be gone. So by this point, I'm like, I have nothing prepared because I wasn't preparing for this. I don't know if I told you when I filed for divorce the

first time my mom, my biological mom had come to my house unannounced and I had flown back from Nashville filming Kristy Lee knows, and she was in my driveway. I did not know this. So she showed up when she found out on the news that I was getting divorced because she did not want Will and I divorcing. She always has been an advocate for Will and I being together, always thought that we were like the best couple had our problems, but needed to stay together. And then I think that she didn't want Jackson to have to go through situations that Kyle and I went through whenever we were kids, if it was a problem that could be remedied.

So she showed up unannounced. I walk in and it's her and Will there. And I'm like, okay, great. So then my mom and dad get sentenced. I come home next day, my biological mom shows up in my driveway ahead of Thanksgiving. So it's just me, her and Jackson at my house. Is that comforting or is that like, I don't want this right now? It ended up being good

because I didn't feel like I had to be alone and Jackson had somebody to play with if I wanted to be like in my sad girl era. So that part was good, but I just feel like I was so overwhelmed in the moment of literally everybody's world was just rocked in my family and didn't know what to expect or what to do.

So guess where we ended up celebrating Thanksgiving? Cracker Bureau. They're open on Thanksgiving. We I don't think we have a cracker Bureau. We don't have one. They're open on Thanksgiving. So we went to cracker Bureau. I will not lie to you guys. I did not think the food was great at cracker Bureau for Thanksgiving. I think I kind of had the same experience that you had when you're used to one thing and then you have something else. It just doesn't feel like home or it doesn't feel normal. It just doesn't hint a thing.

Yeah. So it was just like a very non-traditional Thanksgiving. And then I had a lot of mom guilt knowing that my parents had just gone through that, knowing that I had had Jackson on the calendar for that holiday, knowing that we had plans but then didn't have plans anymore. And I went back and forth on,

should I just allow Will to take Jackson to his parents because that would have been more normal for him. But also I would be surrendering a holiday that I knew Will wasn't going to give me back any time on Christmas. And so I just ultimately was like, you know what, we're gonna get up and we're gonna go to Cracker Barrel and we're gonna play football outside and we're

gonna make the best of this day. We actually ended up at my girlfriend, Tori's house and she has a very large family. So we did like charcuterie and some champagne and stuff over there. And that was pretty much the extent of it. Honestly, sometimes as much mom guilt as we have for things like that, like in your situation, I feel like those are the like such teaching moments for our kids, you know, like things did not go the way that we would have wanted them to or the way that we pictured them. But we're going to pick up the pieces and we're going to figure it the fuck out.

We're going to do something new and maybe sometimes it'll turn into a new tradition and maybe sometimes it's the one Thanksgiving you'll always look back on and be like, this is, that was a really, that was one of the roadblocks or the triumphs that we had to overcome. And so I feel like in some ways there's a silver lining. Part of me wanted to just, and I don't know if this is gonna come across wrong, but I just wanted to like be in that sad moment

and have my child there with me knowing that stuff was forever changed. And this was just gonna be like a turning year and next year will be different I mean it teaches them about life and that life it doesn't always go as we plan right and and I don't know if this is gonna come off the wrong way but I think that it is Important to for kids to sometimes see us upset and how we overcome it and how we deal with our emotions And that was such a hard moment that I think,

maybe Jackson didn't know exactly what was going on at the time, but at some point he's gonna look back and be like, wow, my mom really fucking handled that like a champ. Like my mom really, really held it together. Well, and I will say, because he was very aware of what was going on and knew that I was gonna be in court with my parents and knew what

was happening that day. We kind of prepared him in the best way possible for him to know, okay, it's either going to be this or it's going to be this and we don't know what's going to happen. And so I think it was good for him to be with me knowing that he was also going through that and hearing about it and probably going to hear about it at school when he went back to school because it was such big news. And I wanted him to be with me and just knowing I don't think that Will's family truly has a bad bone in their body.

There's been things that have happened along the way, but I really didn't want him to be with anybody else with that kind of news coming out to just to try to protect him from what he maybe would hear from somebody else. And even over here, you know, like an adult conversation or anything, it was more, I at least felt somewhat in control. And he saw me during those sad moments and saw me crying and saw me not OK. And some people might disagree with this,

but I think that you should allow your kids to see you be sad and not be okay, because it teaches them that everything in life is not always going to be perfect, but we will overcome this. I agree, I wholeheartedly agree with that. There was a couple of videos that I've seen in the past couple of weeks in preparation

of discussing Thanksgiving holiday that I just want to read these quotes and I hope that they resonate with some of you. I know that we talk a lot about the happy moments, talk a lot about the sad moments, but we haven't really got into on this episode about family drama. And this was some advice from Mel Robbins. She said, when family drama starts, don't allow yourself to get sucked into it. The easiest way to minimize drama is shut down the gossip. One of the best things you could do to improve family dynamics is to shut down when family members gossip about each other, because if someone has an issue with you and your family and they're talking about it to everybody in the

family, but not about it to you. The fact is they don't actually have an issue with you. They have an issue with wanting the attention. And the best thing you can do is the family when someone and your family is talking about someone else is shut it down and say, Hey, if you have a problem with them, you should talk to them about it instead of complaining to me, redirect, push people to air out with them, you should talk to them about it instead of complaining to me. Redirect, push people to air out their grievances with each other instead of gossiping and you'll be surprised at how quickly the dynamics in your family change. And I think a lot of that happens over holidays when there is family strife or something has

happened with this sibling is fighting with this sibling or this child's not getting along with this parent or whatever. I think a lot of times when you get in a collective group and you start pairing off with each other and having conversations, a lot of times it turns into gossip sessions about other people who are there that are present. And it's conversations like this person makes me feel uncomfortable or this person did this or this person did that. I'm a very big advocate at this point on going directly to the source. If you have an issue with somebody that should be addressed

with that person, you taking it up with somebody else, whether it's you trying to find comfort in that other person because they know that person that you're talking about equally as well as you do. I just don't, over the years, I just don't find that to be the best thing to do. I've never experienced anything like that, so I can't add to that.

My family, despite the things that I say about my mom, my mom was kind of a black sheep. If there had ever been family drama in my life growing up, I never knew about it. And on Thanksgiving, Christmas, any holiday that we were together, it was always put that to the side for the holiday. Like I've never seen anyone in my family fight. Now as a 31 year old adult, like I know who's cut my mom off. But again, that's new. I mean, that's the last, I mean, and I say new, but I mean, when I was 17 was the last year my mom went to Thanksgiving.

So that was what? I was pregnant with Isaac. So 2009, as of 2009, nobody ever fought on a holiday. I've never seen my family fight, like my extended family ever. And I, it's like a very double-edged sword for me on that too, because I don't like people showing up and putting on a face for something

if that's not actually how they feel. And so I would rather know exactly how you feel and you address that issue with me or me address that issue with you instead of us all showing up collectively in a way that is just false. But at the same time, I do understand it was a conversation that Will and I had when we were married. I'm like, well, these people that Thanksgiving that I sat out, I'm like, these people are fighting with these people and talking about these people behind their back. And we've said this and she's done that.

Why are we all showing up acting like everything's okay? Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think of like Thanksgiving after that one when I moved it to my aunt's house. You know, I definitely remember having conversations about like my mom, like what would we do if she showed up kind of thing, but she wasn't there. So it's not like we could have addressed it with her, you know what I mean?

It wasn't like we could have a conversation about it, but even then people would say what they had to say respectfully. I've never seen anyone in my family fight. The next one I think is very, very important and this applies even outside of the holiday, but definitely within the holiday when you're seeing people for maybe the first time of the year and you're inviting them into situations that they don't belong.

This is a quote. It says, keep your family out of your relationship. Keep your family out of your relationship business because your family, your friends, do not see this person like you see this person. If you're telling them things that are frustrating you, you have to realize they're going to hold on to this and judge this person for these things forever. You will go on and forgive this person, marry this person, kids with this person, and you will have people in your family looking at this person sideways off of some of the stuff that you've stated. It

all starts with you. And I think that's just a good piece of advice. But that sucks because that's so true. And that goes with friends too. Like you have to know which friends you can talk to about your relationship because if any at all, because the same thing goes for them. I mean, I've definitely had my fair share of times where I've talked about my relationship and it's bad or this, that, and the third and they hold on to that. So that sucks. And it's not something that I love, but unfortunately, I've definitely, things have changed my perspective about my friends, partners and stuff because of the certain things that are unforgivable

to me are not unforgivable to my friend. So, and I have to understand that the same thing can be said about my relationships or what I go through in my relationship. So that goes across the board. My nanny has always said, growing up when we started dating, be careful what you tell me

because I'm not gonna ever forget it or forgive it. You might and you're going to move on but I'm always going to hold on to that and when I read that quote I was like, wow, this woman has had wisdom for a really long time that I didn't realize that she had. There are certain things that and I had to learn this over time and just making mistakes, that certain things in your marriage or in your relationship are meant to stay within that. Certain things are meant specifically for therapy because if you are trying to address an issue and to get better in your relationship from whatever issue that you're going through,

you should be doing that through a healthy channel, which would, in my opinion, be a therapeutic setting. And you should also be talking to people that can look at the situation from both sides and have an overview of the situation, not just seeing it from the perspective of the person that's telling you. And I feel like I've definitely been able to do that with you and all of your relationships that you tell me something and we might both be pissed off at that person for whatever, but when you're not pissed off at them anymore, I'm not pissed off at them anymore. Yeah, no, same. I definitely think I have my friends that I'm like, if you told me something, say like will for example, you know, like, I only know him through you and I only, you know, I only

can go off of what you tell me. But if you tell me that you guys, it's water under the bridge and you guys are going to go on great, then I'm happy for you. I'm not going to fall in love. We're all getting along. And I, but I am, I will forget what you said when, when he was talking shit or like whatever he was, he was on your, your shit list. Same for Kristen. Like if she came to me about something about her husband,

I'm not gonna remember. One, I have a horrible memory and two, that's just not who I am and who I look at their relationship, like what their relationship is. I don't look too that deep into it. Cause at the end of the day, I'm not the one fucking them. I'm not the one financing them

and I'm not the one feeding them. So then I do have other friends where I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, but not my business. So. I mean, I definitely have those situations in my life too, but I have to remember that it's not my situation and it's not my battle to fight. And if they're coming to me,

I'm going to shoot them straight on how I would handle that situation. They choose to listen and they choose to listen. And if they don't, then that's their choice because it's their life. Yeah, agreed. I agree. Okay. And the last thing that I saw and this was very eye-opening to me. It says the final boss battle is when you can walk into a family dinner and not be triggered by all the bullshit

you hear. When you can sit there with them and love them just the way they are, you don't need them to change. You don't need them to be better and you don't need to convince them of who you are. Then you know that you're right. When you do that, you have the opportunity to actually bring change to your family because you disrupt their entire program. They're like, what the fuck is this? What the fuck up is with Billy Bob? Why is he different? At first, they may be skeptical and will put and give you pushback because they want to see if something else comes out. And when there is nothing in you that comes out, you are going to mentally change their world. You're not going to attack them or argue with them

and to seeing the light, be the light, be love, be acceptance and be the value that you want to see in them. And I think that is the best piece of advice. We've got to bring people together for this holiday season, Lindsay. We don't want nobody fighting no drama. I want to hear the positive stories after Thanksgiving. I want to read one of these Thanksgiving stories that our listeners wrote in before we get into foul play. And this person says, we were doing a combined Thanksgiving Christmas celebration because my parents were traveling over Christmas. My mom was upstairs for a really long time, wrapping presents and refused any help. So I thought maybe she was upset about something. I caught my stepdad just standing and staring at the turkey after it was done cooking.

Like he didn't know what to do with it. I asked if he wanted help carving it and he handed over the knife. My parents later admitted they had taken edibles before anyone came over. You cannot try things like that for the first time during a holiday event. Like that's just not like that. That's something you try on a Friday or Saturday night when you have nothing going on. That is something to see what happens for, you know, if you're wanting to do that for Thanksgiving, Christmas, whatever. Like that is something that you just do when you're having company. I told you about last Thanksgiving and that happening to me and my dad by one of my siblings,

right? If you did, I don't remember. Oh yeah. Everything wrapped up and one of my siblings thought it was a good idea to give my dad and I an edible. And I thought it was a CBD gummy. And my dad also thought it was a CBD gummy, so joke was on us. See that would irritate, I don't- Never want to do that again. I have been a smoke, like I don't now, but in my lifetime I have smoked.

You know, it's just something that I prefer to over drinking and I'm not, it would be to go to sleep. It has never been like I could not smoke and then go function for a regular day. Like I just can't. That's just not who I am. I don't like the feeling of it. I don't like, I don't like the stuck feeling. If I'm going to smoke, it's to go to sleep.

I don't know how people do that. Like smoke to go to sleep. Like what? Once upon a time I would smoke to go to sleep. I don't know how people do that. Like smoke to go to sleep. Like what? Once upon a time I would smoke and go do shit. Yeah, eat and go to sleep. But see, I can't eat. You said go to Taco Bell. I can't sleep on a full stomach.

Okay, gotcha. I wake up at like 2 a.m. and I'm starving, so. Like I'll be having the bubble guts. Like that's not a thing. Like I need to eat in enough time that I have enough time to take a shit and go to bed. Okay. Um, I'm gonna, you take the floor for foul play.

I'm from Australia and went to America to be a nanny for a year. I went to my best friend's host parents, Lake house in North Carolina for Thanksgiving. Well, I never had shots of fireball before and wow, they hit me like a ton of bricks. I tried to do my best behavior and thought I had succeeded only to find out two weeks later, I had made out with the host, parents, brother that night and everyone had seen it. I was 24 and he was easily in his fifties.

After that, I never went to a family event at their house ever again. Thank you for bringing the laughs each week. I wanna know if she didn't go because she wasn't welcome or she didn't go because she was embarrassed. Or was it a combination of both? Or was she not? Like I can't imagine like Mary making out

with a 50 year old because I got drunk. Like I can't, that's like funny but like not. I hope he was good looking. First of all, at 24, I'm just, it's hard for me because my parents were so young whenever they had me that there's like a very fine line of age between like me and my parents that is like not chartered. Like I'm not dipping into that territory, right?

Oh, like you're saying you would never hook up with someone that's your parents age? Well, correct. So like, but he might have been a silver fox. Me at 34 right now. Dating Trent at 40. That's about tapping it out, right? Like 34. Yeah, 40. 43 would be like my cutoff probably. He looks good for 40. I feel like I did not. He's fine. I did not expect that. He's fine. I did not expect him to be 40 years old.

Yeah, no, he's 40. But my dad's 54. So you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm 34 and my dad's 54. Right, right, right, right. So you have to be careful with the silver foxes. Correct. If I ever brought home someone to a family holiday that start creeping up on my dad's age. That could be like his brother.

Yeah, like that's starting to get weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you. Like I'm uncomfy with that. I'm not judging anybody who goes for the Silver Foxes, like more power to you if you want to do that. But I think 40 is good for me. 40 is good.

I feel like 40 is good. I don't think I'm mature enough for a 40-year-old. But if I was, I feel like 40 would be good. So I'm just going to tell you really quick before we go what my plans are for Thanksgiving. I am going to start cooking soon, trying to prepare all of my dishes that I'm bringing to the family dinner way ahead of time, so I only have to put them in. Where are you going?

Trent's family and Trent and I rented a cabin. Cute. And so we're doing the cabin life. And I think we're going to try to do an excursion on one of the days. I just ordered a turkey fryer off of Amazon. This is going to be the first year that we have fried a turkey. My brother's really good at frying turkey. I have never done one. And so I'm a little scared considering the fact

that we are renting someone else's home and frying a turkey there. Maybe just do it outside. Well, yeah, duh. But I think that I think I read somewhere at one point and maybe we talked about it last year at Thanksgiving that turkey fryers cause like the most house fires. I just don't remember turkey frying. Net turkey frying was never a thing until like the past 10 years.

So I don't, they're so good. It's thing until like the past 10 years. So I don't they're so good. It's the best way to do a turkey. So I ordered a turkey fryer. So Trent's gonna fry his first Thanksgiving turkey. So God bless him. And definitely gonna be mixing up all of the drinks. Enjoying the time. Jackson's going to be with Will with his family and I would imagine they're either gonna spend it at Will's parents or at the lake so that will be fun for them and then we'll switch holiday so I'll have him for Christmas this year. It's always sad when you're celebrating something and you feel like your child should be there and then they're not, but going to make the best of it. I'm going to bring all of my dishes. The

only thing that I did not sign up to make was green bean casserole. And it's because we always do regular green beans on Thanksgiving and we've never had that on our table. And so I don't really know how to make it. And Trent was telling me how much he loved green bean casserole and I just didn't want to fuck it up. That's funny because it's not Thanksgiving like this week, but I told, I saw a recipe online. I've actually never had green bean casserole in my life. Like I've never had it, but I love green beans.

I love every form, flavor, walk of life when it comes to green beans. Love them. So I sent him the recipe and I was like, I really want you to make these for me this weekend, please. So if we make the green bean casserole and it's really good, maybe Elijah will make it for Thanksgiving. He's not a green bean person. Will you update me on this green bean casserole situation? Yes, I absolutely. Because I just don't know that I can get behind that idea of green beans being in a casserole alone, not

combined with something else. If that makes sense, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes people put green beans like in other casseroles that have like other things. Kristen said it's so good. I've never had it in my life. So, um, I'll also send you the recipe that I sent to Elijah asking him to make it. So if it's good, maybe it'll make it to our Thanksgiving table. Um, and, you know, he

has been teaching the kids to cook like regularly when I have them. So they've been helping him make his mac and cheese and things like that. So I'm really hoping that this year it'll be like all of us helping because in the past I've never really helped because I just don't cook. But he, I mean, the kids help him and by help, I mean, he tells them what to do when they do it. So he's not really doing it. He's just supervising. I love hot neighbor. Yeah, it's really nice. So he's been so good for you. I hope I'll keep you I'll let you know how it turns out.

Kristen says if it's bad, you fucked it up. And on that note, peace out. I need to go check on my landscapers fucking up my yard because it sounds like there's quite a few things getting fucked up. So if you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us there. If you have not subscribed to the show, you can do that from any podcast app wherever you get your podcast always first at podcast one. Happy Thanksgiving and we hope you guys have a great week. Happy Thanksgiving. See ya. Sometime in the early 80s, Arrio Speedwagon's airplane made an unannounced middle-of-the-night landing. This is my friend Kyle McLaughlin, the star of Twin Peaks.

And he's telling me about how he discovered a real-life Twin Peaks in rural North Carolina, not far from where he filmed Blue Velvet. What was on the plane was copious amounts of drugs coming in from South America. Supposedly Pablo Escobar went looking for other spots, quiet, out of the way places to bring in his cocaine. ... My name is Joshua Davis, and I'm an investigative reporter.

Kyle and I talk all the time about the strange things we come across, but nothing was quite as strange as what we found in Varnum Town, North Carolina. There's crooked cops, brother against brother. Everyone's got a story to tell, but does the truth even exist? Welcome to Varnum Town. Varnum Town is available wherever you listen to podcasts.