Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Best Of Foul Play

Episode Date: December 28, 2023

CC325: While we're on holiday break please enjoy a mashup of some favorite Foul Plays and some extras from Kristen and Lindsie.  Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsors! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month IQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from IQBAR. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at IQBAR.com. Reply "STOP" to stop, "HELP" for help Rocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOS Skylight: Get $15 off a Skylight Frame at SkylightFrame.com/CONVOS

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say, thank you? This is Coffee Convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship,

family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. We're out for the holidays, but we wanted to entertain ourselves and you with some of our favorite foul plays from the year. We'll see you in 2024. Okay, foul play. Foul play. All right. Hey, so I heard y'all wanted some stories from personal care homes. I'm in Canada and worked briefly as a student nurse at a care home for

people who definitely lived a rough life. Tiedatted up ex gangsters kind of deal. There was one lady in there after her jail sentence for killing her baby granddaughter and was a scary scary lady. This lady was built like a brick house and found a lot of pleasure intimidating us students. Since there wasn't drugs or alcohol permitted in the care home, her new addiction was Coca-Cola and she would do anything for a diet coke. It didn't take as long to discover she was prostituting herself out to the men in there for a diet coke. This was a very alarming thing to walk in on as a tiny little student nurse and I wasn't going to get myself killed. So I definitely ran away and let that be someone else's problem. The list of traumatic stories could go on forever at that place,

but I've blocked most of them out. Okay. You killed your baby granddaughter and you're back out. She's one for the street in like, no, leave her in prison. No, she's, everybody in prison is not bad, but she needs to go to maximum security. Agreed. Like she like a point an innocent child. She needs to never be allowed to prostitute herself for a diet coke. Listen, if any of you guys ever

anybody who's listening to this, I don't care how many listeners it is because sometimes it's a lot. So I'm not trying to go broke, but if any of you ever feel the need to prostitute yourself out for a Diet Coke, hit me up. I'll send you the A's Diet Coke. I will instigate you the Diet Coke. Yeah, like I will get it for you. Like there is never a bad enough situation

to prostitute yourself out for a Diet Coke. This lady's nuts. Like first of all, like personal care home and like you killed your baby granddaughter. Like, why is she there? No, she needs to go back to maximum security prison. Who kills their baby granddaughter? I don't know.

I wanna know more of the story of like how this happened. No, my grandma was a saint. I can't remember a Like my grandma was- I wanna know more of the story of like what, like how this happened. No, my grandma was a saint. I don't, I can't remember a time my grandmother ever, Carol Jean, I can't remember her ever yelling at me. You have me to tell you, my nanny, she has a little mean streak in her. Well, your nanny is- That's where we all get it.

She's cut from a different cloth. The ladies cut from a different cloth, but she was telling me the other day, she said, I only had to whoop your ass one time whenever you were growing up What and I said, what are you talking about? She said, oh, yeah She said you thought you were gonna run this ship and you thought you were gonna tell me what to do and You wouldn't behave. She said so I Just started popping that little ass when you started walking down the hallway

and every couple steps I got another lick and she said, I put you on the bed and you were pouting and You said I don't like you And she said I don't give a damn if you don't like me or not you go mind And she said it's the only time that I ever got spanked. And I don't even consider that like a bad thing. What's wrong with some of these mean grandmas though? I don't, my, I don't remember. Like I'm telling you, I don't remember ever being yelled at by my grandparent.

So I just don't. I couldn't be a mean grandma. Like, could you imagine, like just like, think about us. I hope it be a mean grandma like could you imagine like just like think about us? I hope it's a lot a long time away But we got some kids that you know you got a kid that is getting close and a Isaac doesn't like kids He doesn't like kids or babies. So he said he doesn't want kids wrap it Okay, next one. I'm now 30 and living with my boyfriend and a one-year-old.

Toddler Hood is taxing and the sex drive is putting along for me these days. Wait, can I pause you for a second? Yes! So she's living with her 30-year-old boyfriend and the child's not hers. I'm now 30 and living with my boyfriend and a one-year-old. So maybe it's...I don't know. It's either hers or his I don't know I need more I need more info Continue between being touched out and overstimulated. I'm exhausted at the end of the day tonight as in an hour ago

Wow, this is fresh at the end of the day. Tonight, as in an hour ago, wow, this is fresh. You got to type in a lot of stuff. I got into bed and my son woke up, so his dad went to help him go back to sleep. Since he's out of the room and I think he's going to go back to playing his video game, I farted under the covers. Oh my god. Thinking it was a safe place and knowing it probably wouldn't be pleasant after our dinner. Not even a minute later, he pulls back the covers on his side of the bed and is taking

his boxers off for a quickie that I totally forgot I joked about while making dinner. Don't you hate when they come to like, for you to pay up to the shit that you said? Yeah. Oh yeah. It's like I said that in a different state than what state I am in now. So let's not redeem. He rips back the cover and our dog

jumps up in the bed wondering what happened. The smell immediately hits my nose. And I realized I have to think fast, or this is going to be the end of this before it even gets started. Before my brain can process the words coming out of my mouth, I look at the dog in disgust and say, oh my gosh, he just farted. My boyfriend didn't even question me and was like, eww, disgusting, get off the bed. All the while,

the poor dog is looking so confused. Needless to say, he never realized it was me and all endings were happy. The dog is now back snuggled up in bed and hopefully doesn't realize what I did to him. Love you ladies. She is texting from the bed. Listen, she farted, she lied. They had sex and she started typing to us. Wow. Wow.

I appreciate the dedication. Shame on you for blaming the dog. I really do appreciate the level of dedication of these listeners writing in these foul plays. I can just tell you that, listen, she thought quick and honestly, probably something I would do in that situation. Sorry to the dog. Nothing's going to happen if you blame them for farting. Everything's going to happen if you owned it, you farted. Also, anybody else or just me feel weird if a dog's in the bed

and you're trying to be intimate, because I feel like dogs are watching. Oh, they absolutely are. The last thing you want to see is like more eyeballs looking at you than just like you and your significant other. Yeah, but like, what do you think that they think is going on? Like, are they aware of what's going on? I don't, I don't know because they're pretty intelligent, but I'm also like, I don't really know. I just feel like I'm very glad dogs can't speak. Ha ha! You know, they see a lot.

They do, they see and are exposed to a lot. Okay, next. So a few years ago, I moved to a different state and actually got to know some distant relatives. One night, I was at my aunt's house hanging out. Everyone was drinking, having a good time. When my cousin, Jake's wife, Tessa, decided to tell me about how she met my cousin. She proceeded to tell me how the night before she met my cousin, she had actually had sex with one of his best friends, Tony. Oh well,

not a huge deal. Except she let me know that not only did she have sex with his best friend the night before she met Jake, but she woke up late the next morning for work so she didn't have time to shower. Tessa went to work and when she got off, she met up with her group of friends. That's when she met my cousin Jake, who was home on military leave. They all hung out, drank, partied, and then as you might have guessed it, she had sex with my cousin. I might add that while she's telling me this story, the best friend Tony was sitting right

next to her. Tony mentions that, apparently, my cousin Jake had ate Tessa's cat and came out to announce to everyone that's the best damn pussy I ever had. Wow, yes, it's foul all around. Tessa had sex with someone else the night before, didn't shower, worked all day, and let someone eat her cat.

Oh. Okay. No. I just need to know if anybody else is this weird. If I have sex, typically the first thing that is happening is washing pits, bits back in the bed. Like I don't want whatever just happened lingering on me. No, that's not always the case.

Like if it's like late and we're just going to bed and I'm exhausted, that's not always the case, but you better bet first thing in the morning I'm getting in the shower, I'm washing all the things, and then I'm going about my day. Never would I be in a situation where I hooked up with somebody that I was not in a relationship with, not shower, then go out, hook up with someone else that I was not in a relationship with and let them eat my cat.

No, no one's eating anything unless they shower. Right? Like nothing, nothing's being eaten. Is anybody else that weird about just like being fresh? I just know. So goes on and says, on top of it all, my cousin announced it to everyone who all knew that Tony and Tessa had hooked up the night before. I don't even know how to process this shit.

Apparently they all got past it and didn't care because they're all good friends. Tessa and Jake are married and they have five kids together. Hope you ladies get a good laugh out of it and have a wonderful day, stay excellent. I would be mortified if everyone knew that I hooked up with someone, didn't shower, hooked up with someone else, let them eat my cat, and every, no.

No, and like, why does everyone know? Because it was announced to everyone. I know, but what I'm saying is, why are we out here announcing stuff like that? I don't know. Like how old are these people? I feel like that's a very high school thing to do that like high school guys would or college guys be like hanging around having those conversations as grown people. I just don't really

feel like it's appropriate to be like, oh, yeah, I ate her cat last night. Well, I just said like, that would have been the strangest experience of a seven minutes in heaven. And could you imagine that being you and you knew what you did, but you were still allowing it to happen. Like how would you not be so self-conscious? I don't know. I don't know. Coffee Convos podcast is brought to you by BetterHelp.

You guys need to give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com slash coffee and get on your way to being your best self because I can promise you my experience with therapy has definitely helped me become the best version of myself. I love when you give me updates on how you're doing in therapy and then we can like chat about our individual therapy sessions and like what our therapists are saying to us. It's kind of like gossiping but healthy, you know? It is and I just feel like you don't have to have experience, major trauma to start your therapy journey.

If you're just looking for help like learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries, I have learned really great positive coping skills and boundary setting through my therapy journey. Definitely boundary setting for me and just having someone to be able to talk through like all the things that occur in everyday life that we don't think anything about till they pile up and we explode. That's something that I definitely needed like just like an outside opinion, outside person. Therapy has been so beneficial to me that it's like one thing that I thank Kale all the time for getting me into. I honestly don't know where I would be without therapy

and I know this time of year especially you're at the holiday time, it's stressful, it's exciting, it's happy, it's sad, depending on where you're at in your life, it could be all the things all at the same time. And that's just a lot to cope with on your own. So we recommend therapy to everybody across all of our shows. And now is the best time to start and Better Help makes it so easy. Yes, it is entirely online. It is designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. All you have to do is just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can also switch therapist at any time

for no additional charge. I would highly recommend getting started so you can start your New Year's brush and on a good note. And in the season of giving, you just need to give yourself what you need with better Help you can visit better help dot-com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's better H-e-l-p dot-com slash coffee Would you like to do foul play? Let's do foul play so two years ago

I was going on my first vacation to Cuba with my new-ish boyfriend, but I had some BJ Blast aka Pop Rocks for the D and decided it would be fun to sneak them into my suitcase for a drunken surprise on our trip. Oh, she's a whole another level of spontaneous. Love that for her. Well, everything is going smoothly. We arrived to the Cuban airport and retrieved our luggage. We are from Canada where certain things are legal and therefore young Canadians are often selected at random at the airport for secondary searches.

We were two of the lucky ones out of four. We were taken into the back and they opened and they opened and proceeded to go through every item in our suitcases in front of the four selected guests and about three airport officers. Well, it happens. Get to the pouch with the BJ blast. They pull it out, look at it, turn it around and look confused. They hold it up and ask, Oh my God. Remember, my boyfriend had no idea of this. So him and three others are

staring me down while I have to explain to the officer that it was pop rocks for sucking D. I'm so panicked and embarrassed that I start trying to explain and it's not coming out clearly. And so I had to do some hand motions. I am mortified at this point. The officers and guests are laughing. And I just say, throw it out. Just just throw it out. I can't. That was an interesting bus ride to the to the resort afterwards. Well, I love that story. I can't, that was an interesting bus ride to the, to the resort afterwards. Well, I love that story and I think that's phenomenal. I also love that story and that is so mortifying.

I even get, I even get weirded out. Like if someone goes to like my tolletry bag and just these like my tweezers or the fact that I have nail clippers or- Just little things, my little facial shaver. Don't worry about my mustache. Or the vibrating thing that goes on your face that you can wash with in the shower. I get mortified of TSA seeing anything in any of my bags. It's like, sir and ma'am, these are my personal belongings.

And like, it feels just like very invasive. Like while I understand security measures, it just feels very invasive that you're looking at my things. Yeah, I agree. Like clearly it's not drugs. Like I don't know what the thing said about, like, the pop rock situation, but like, it's not drugs. It's not contraband. Like, please don't, please don't do this. One time I was traveling to New York to record

for coffee combos, and I had packed my microphone and my carry on bag. What did they think it was, a dildo? Okay, well, I was mortified and I don't know why I was so embarrassed, but the TSA person, I was waiting for my shoes and other stuff to come off and they had already gotten my bag. And there was a whole line of people

trying to put on shoes and stuff and all of a sudden this TSA person holds up my microphone and goes, what's this? Well, it's just like, why would you do that? Like you see it's a microphone, you see what it is. Like what do you mean? What is this? Sir, I might be doing karaoke.

Like I might. I might be debuting my first single in the next coming weeks. Like there, you just don't know what I'm doing. Be recording a podcast, might be talking shit on it. Might put it in a room like Lewis on suits where he's recording conversations of other people. Like you don't know. Yeah, like you don't know.

And like you clearly can see that it is a microphone. So like why are we doing this? And like why are you putting me on blast in the middle of all of these people? Nothing is worse than a pat down. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Next foul play. All

right, here's a foul play for you ladies. Back in college, I was dating a guy who went to a different school about two and a half hour train ride away. We would alternate weekends, but his was a big party, a big party campus. Mine was not. So one night, he had to work at the local pizza place and I went out and about to meet up with other friends that went to that school. I had way too many drinks but made it back to his apartment and into his bed. His two roommates came home right after me and in the room I was next to in the living room and such. So they're in the bed with a light on in my dress. No undies spread eagle. They find me. They were standing up. They were stand up guys truly. And they got me into pajama bottom. So I was no longer half

nude for all to see. How nice is that? Like I love that that she was scared for where this was going. I woke up the next day. Zero recollection of what had occurred was told by my boyfriend and absolutely mortified. No one brought it up. I did apologize and thank them though and everything went on as normal. Even a few years after hanging out with my now ex boyfriend and them, I cracked a joke about it.

They laughed a little and that was it. Word to the wise, don't overdo it and find yourself in that position. I was lucky in this case. Thanks to, thanks ladies and look forward to every week on the podcast. I was very scared for where this was going. But I'm so, so, so, so happy to hear that they did not take advantage of her and they were truly helping her. And this makes me want to like, I don't know, I just feel like we should make a clip about this

because there are people who will do this and There are good people, but where I thought this story was going was like, the roommates were like going to get in the bed with her or That's what I was scared of Something like that Take pictures or do something crazy, but Yeah, because I mean there are a decent amount of foul people out there too Yeah, I am, and I have, we both have. And so we have to make sure that our kids know,

like I don't, I'm so scared of my kids just being like pass or by. Yes. And not doing anything or not like, I just, I want them to be these people. Like I want them to be I want them to be these people. Like I want them to be the boys that are gonna help someone, especially, and like truly help them in a way. Like if you see a girl that's clearly not okay and she's with either by herself

or she's with strangers that, you know, it's not looking like a right situation. I just, I want them to be the standup people who do what they need to do. And if that makes you uncool with your friend group, I don't give a fuck. I don't really care if you're uncool with your friend group, I don't give a fuck. I don't really care if you're uncool with your friend group. I don't care. Like, always choose to do the right thing. Yes, exactly. And I cannot stress enough, and have even

told Jackson at his little age of 10, that, you know, you have to be very careful about things. And when you are around girls, you have to tread very lightly. And I would just say college scares me absolutely to death because you can find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether you're a boy or girl, you can find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time and some shit happened. And I think that kids in college, they get intoxicated and they think they're invincible and think that nothing's going to happen to them.

Or you think that they have a good group of friends and their good group of friends leaves them fucking high and dry. And that's a scary thought. Oh, absolutely. And I cannot stress enough, be cautious when you're out drinking and you're drinking too much and putting yourself in potential vulnerable positions, because, you know, it only takes one thing to go wrong. That's just scary. Are we doing the next foul play? Yes. Finally, I have a good foul play to share with you all. Thank you for joining the class and participating.

We are all in the process of selling our starter home and getting a new home. Well, I've been running around like a scatterbrained psycho keeping the house perfect for inspection and appraisal this week. So I started my period, so that just adds to my crazy this week. I've been using a menstrual, a menstrual disc,

which I actually love if you haven't used one itself empties when you use the restroom. Well, I must not have held the flusher down good or something, but my son comes running out of the bathroom saying the house is haunted. I asked him why he thinks that and he replies with there's blood in the toilet and that's why we were selling the house because it's haunted, isn't it? Bless his heart. My nine year old has told everyone around us about it. I'm literally mortified.

He hasn't slept in his bed all week because he is fully convinced that the house is haunted. I should probably tell him the truth, but my husband and I can only laugh when he brings it up. I love you ladies and the podcast. I love this so much. Okay. Do your kids know what like tampons and sitar? My kids know what periods are. Although

Lux, I think still thinks that I bleed out of my butt, but he also knows what a period is. Like, he knows that women get them and sometimes we bleed. I have not explained like, I haven't corrected him about the butt thing. But like, he, my kids don't want to be thinking the house is haunted at any, any point for this reason. Okay. Listen, so Jackson has no idea about like periods or anything like that. No idea. Uh, very naive when it comes to like life, things like that. Right. One time we had to go to Target and he was like, why are we going to Target? And I was like, I gotta get something. And he was like, well, what is it? So I go and get the tampons. And he goes, what's that?

And I said, it's a mom thing. And he was like, oh, like those drinks that you drink, like it's a mom thing, right? I'm like, yes, like white claws and tampons are for moms. And like he's never asked, never asked ever again. Like I don't know if it just like satisfied his curiosity or if he's just like terrified to know where it actually really goes. I mean, you just know as a mom, like when the kids are ready to know that stuff.

And so if he's not ready and he doesn't ask and he doesn't, you don't have a reason to tell him. I just don't feel like, I mean, just let him wonder. I guess, I mean, if he might not ready and he doesn't ask and he doesn't, you don't have a reason to tell him, I just don't feel like, I mean, just let him wonder. I mean, if he might not be even be wondering. Yeah, I don't think he, I literally don't think he's wondering. He's probably like, Oh, I don't know. And one time that one time that I stuck the tampon up my nose when it was bleeding. Remember that? Shit.

I put one in Lincoln's nose when it was bleeding. Yeah. He was like, what is that? And I was like, it's a tampon in my nose. Calm down. When he gets nosebleeds regularly, it's something that he inherited from Jose Javier. But for whatever reason,

and I don't know what it is, but they just get them. They want you to be doing nothing. What the heck? And the one day, the only thing I had in my car was a tampon. And we just, I actually, we were laughing and I took a picture of it. I would never post it and embarrass him, but like that. But I'm like, it's very good for this reason. But anyway.

Okay. This episode is brought to you by IQ bar and this morning so am I because that is all I have had time to grab and eat for breakfast. That is like a go-to for me. You know that I have my little snack thing that I keep on my desk and I'm about an hour away from my midday IQ Bar chocolate sea salt extravaganza. Listen, I am going to encourage everyone who's listening to this.

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coffee in the U.S. with over 10,000 five-star reviews. So refuel smarter with IQ bars ultimate sampler pack. That's seven IQ bars for IQ mix sticks and for IQ Joe sticks. And now our special podcast listeners get 20% off all IQ bar products plus get free shipping to get your 20% off just text combos to 64,000. Get your discount text combos to 64,000, that's combos to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Flight 562 is down. Oh my gosh, my gosh, Brooke, we're gonna miss our flight. We didn't finish the promo.

Can we just record it on the plane? I will not be that person. What if we record it in the bathroom? Ew, no, that is disgusting. Well, we'll just have to go off the cuff and tell everyone about our podcast right now, called Gals on the Go. Well, we'll just have to go off the cuff and tell everyone about our podcast right now called Gals on the Go. Well, we are two gals constantly on the move

with weekly conversations about friendship, navigating your 20s, relationships, trends, and just our exciting, chaotic lives. Well, Brooke Michio and Danielle Carolyn, please come to the meeting. Well, I think it's time to board now, but this should be enough, right? Yeah, I'm sure they won't use it.

But in case they do, new episodes of Gals on the Go drop every Wednesday. Find us wherever you get your podcasts. On that note, we're we're into foul play. All right. My now husband and I used to be in a long distance relationship for several years. We would only see each other a few times a year. And when we did see each other, we just wanted to get down and dirty all the time. Oh wow. One particular time we didn't have a condom.

So we decided to do anal doggy style on the floor, but y'all were married. So why are we using a condom? Pregnancy. She didn't want to be on work control. You know, I guess I digress. After we were finished and he went to the bathroom, I got up and realized that a piece of poop had come out of me at some point and it was just laying on the floor. I was mortified and didn't have anything to pick it up with. So I panicked, I picked it up and discreetly had to hold my little piece of poop and wait until I got to the bathroom. To this day, I still wonder if he ever saw and was too mortified to say anything.

I've never shared anything, but why not share this mortifying moment on a podcast? First of all, thank you for sharing with us and trusting us to share this information. I have a couple things on this. Okay, long distance relationship for several years. I'm gonna say that because it was just a relationship, he was not her husband yet when they were together. Oh, okay, okay. And then outside of that, I wanna know was this a committed relationship,

long distance, or was this not? And does that explain why you were using the condom? A lot's gonna come out of this. I should just shut the fuck up. Um, I have a cousin who had a long distance relationship with like a long distance marriage legally married. I'm not and I just think I still think about this regularly like this is my Roman Empire because everything just clicks in your head when you're an adult, right? And I never understood why my cousin was married to this man. They lived in two separate states. Turns out she's a lesbian. They're divorced and she's married to a woman now. That's why my cousin was married to a man. He's in the

military and they never lived in the same state. Like she always lived home and he would always get like orders and be whatever wherever he was, right? And I never understood this and she would always have excuses like, Oh, I'm getting, you know, my master's degree, I'm getting this, I'm doing that, whatever. Now I'm 31, they've been divorced for several years and she's married to a woman. The whole reason why she was okay was because she was a lesbian and she was Okay, so that's what I was gonna ask. Okay, so was she just a lesbian the whole time? Maybe she was married to him for the benefits. That's right. I don't I don't know because I haven't talked to her

I love her to death like whatever you do in your own business like that's I Know I'm thinking like military benefits That's what I'm thinking. Don't have to fuck him. Right. Could you do what you want lesbian on your own time? Correct. Correct. Yeah, that all adds up to me. Okay, but I just need to know if we think that this man saw the poop because I'm going to say if he was sticking his dicky do and your butthole and you found poop on the floor, he saw it at some point.

I would take that to the grave and never say that I saw it because that's just like embarrassing. But would you I mean you don't have a wiener but like if if you were having anal with somebody and let's just pretend like you have a wiener. No I wouldn't embarrass them I would just you would just keep going and dood do fell out of their butthole. Yeah, I'm just not My partner my like lifelong partner. I'm never gonna be like you just shit on me That's what I'm saying You just shit on me. I can't keep my eyes open. I'm so tired. Okay It's so interesting that every single time that I have a wax appointment,

which is today, another one, you, I feel like you have them weekly that I, okay, well, I probably go way too often. Chris, I'm probably is going to kill me. Um, but I don't know. I just, I'm obsessed with going and I'm obsessed with it just like being sleek down there So I just I just go pretty often, but it's weird how when I am scheduled to go There's always a foul play that I end up reading that deals with an esthetician And it's like is this trying to tell me something? So this person says my sister was an esthetician and refused to do LA's lips and assholes Because of issues with people's hygiene

and how gross it could be. Her coworkers gladly did them though, better tippers in general when you're waxing the asshole and don't hurt them too bad. Sometimes people come in and they're super sweaty and it's hard for the wax to stick to the sweaty skin so usually they just put on some baby powder on them, problem solved. One day a younger younger woman came in, she was super sweaty, so the esthetician decided to haul out the baby powder, dab some on and turn to get the pot of wax to do the job. I should mention the woman was getting, the woman that was getting wax was on all fours on the table as they usually are, which that is not the case for me ever. Not usually. No, I would say in some cases, but not usually. I always am.

I'll have to like show you guys on a private chat sometime of what it looks like, but I just kind of like put my hands behind the small of my back and I like lift up and just spread them. Yeah. You know? Right. Okay. So this esthetician turns to get the wax and the woman on the table lets out a fart.

Just a little slip, but still, baby powder went everywhere, all over the table, all over the esthetician, and hanging in there. First of all, that wasn't a small fart then. Like, defined small fart, because that's not happening if it's just like, a little, I asked-

That's not a small fart. If the girl was embarrassed, and my sister said that apparently she displayed it off like she didn't drop a bomb. But the baby powder evidence told the truth. Plus it reaped but the esthetician was a total pro and didn't even face her. That would have been the end of my waxing career. Listen, there is a special place in heaven for people who do jobs like this.

Yes. I would not be able to do jobs like this. Also, just someone being sweaty, does that mean? Because I feel like we've always talked about being very, very, very clean before we go to these appointments. But also, I guess now that she said that, I'm thinking, I guess it does make sense to go to the gym and then get wax wax because maybe you just shower after like, I don't, but then you're not supposed to exfoliate.

How rude is that? How rude is that? Right, right, right. Like for that, just take two showers. Go and do your whole day and then you show up stinking and then you expect this person to service you like, right? Yeah. That is so rude.

Okay. Courtney Kardashian. I don't know where we're going with this. Alright, this story happened back in 2016 when I was in my early 20s. I'm also not into hookup culture like kale. But I was presented an opportunity to hook up with this six foot four ex college athlete buff, hottest fuck man. Obviously, I'm not gonna say no. I mean, to each their own, I feel like that's a good opportunity. Just never know. We went back to my place and proceeded to make out and eventually he goes down wanting to give me head. I was

gearing up for a good time. And after a few seconds, I realized this has this man has no idea what he's doing. When I feel like that's very common. That's like a wait, what? Men can't find the clear half the time. What do you mean? That's a why. No, I don very- Wait, what? Men can't find the clear half the time. What do you mean? That's a lie. No. I don't know what kind of men you've been with. She said my vagina instantly dried up.

I was over it and wanted him out. I pull him up and say, hey, my stomach hurts, I'm not feeling well. I thought he would take the hint and leave. He decided to lay next to me in small talk. I knew I had to get him out without being mean about it. I then got up, grabbed my encyclopedia of serial killers off my bookshelf and told him, I'm going to read you the story of Albert Fish. Trigger warning, if anyone doesn't know his story,

he unfortunately unalived and ate children. Sure enough, this man jumped up after the second paragraph and was like, all right, well, I better get going. And I never saw him again. Okay. I need to dive deep into a couple of things on this. I don't care if he's a six-four college athlete. I also had one of those, married him. I never had one of those. I had a six-foot-six goofball though. I just think if you're not into hookup culture, I just think no exceptions, right? Like just no exceptions.

There's probably a reason why he was 64x college athlete, buff and hottest fuck man. And you fucked around and found out why. Never has that ever happened to me where my coochie dried up? That's like never happened. That's happened to me before. What do you mean? Like if they're just not doing the job like instantly now specifically someone I dated for years I was like you can't do this for me because I'm instantly turned off and you have not learned after the fifth time I'm no longer teaching you like just don't even try don't bother don't touch me and I'm turned off but like what was happening he tried to have sex with me and try to go down on me and I hated

every minute of it like both things the sex and him going down. But like how do you tell somebody that like it's just like bad? I just told him. So you just said get up. I was like, I don't like this, it's not for me. Oh my God, that would be so embarrassing. I don't know who Albert Fish is, so I'm actually gonna do a deep dive into him after this. I need you to deep dive into the men that you've been with

and figure out why collectively none of them can eat cat. I'm also going to look into Albert Fish. Kristen, right before we got on this recording, I was scrolling through people's Instagram stories trying to catch up from the weekend. And I saw that one of my girlfriends got the skylight frame and it was in their new color and I absolutely love it. This is a no-fail gift to give because whoever you gift it to is absolutely going to love it. Any person that's like a hard to shop for person on your list, I highly recommend this.

If you have not heard of Skylight, I'm shocked. It is a touchscreen photo frame that you can send photos to straight from your phone. They appear in seconds. And one thing that I absolutely love about it is you can preload photos before the box is even open. So whenever it's unwrapped and gets plugged in, the most treasured memories will appear. I just love that it's like intuitive, easy to use. That was something that was super important when we were looking for a gift idea for Cory's grandma. We just wanted to make sure she'd be able to enjoy it and be easy to use. So it's like a fantastic group gift. Setup takes less than 60 seconds. The touchscreen makes it really simple to swipe through photos, tap to see new photos that are sent. You can even tap a heart

button to say thank you to the sender. So it just gives that little bit more of a personalized connection than just seeing photos just on your phone. When I originally purchased Skylight for Will's parents, they didn't have the larger 15 inch frame. That one can be wall mounted, which I love that idea. And they have so many different color options now as well. They have black, white, silver, that limited edition poppy that I was talking about. It's like this orangey red and they also have gold. And as a special limited time offer for our listeners, you can get $15 off your purchase of a skylight frame when you go to skylightframe.com slash combos to get $15 off your purchase of a skylight frame. Just F R A M E dot com slash combos. Okay, I'm going to read file play skidmark addition marks, but not in

underwear. So my husband and I were in the starting stages of getting our groove on. We were already in the naked stage and he was on top. I love how she I love how it's stages for her. Yeah. I don't know what was going on, but my thought was between his legs while he was thrusting his cash and prizes up and down on my body. Oh wow, she should be a writer. But my thought was between his legs while he was thrusting his cash and prizes up and down.

Okay. I have a very sensitive sense of smell and can smell his sweaty butt. He had been at the gym and jumped me prior to showering. Well, to the deed and went to the bathroom after. I looked down and there is a legit skin mark at least four inches long and a good one inch wide. On my thigh, I started gagging immediately.

And when I started thinking about the smell, I was smelling plus a grown ass man's smushed turd residue on my thigh. I cleaned it off with a Clorox wipe while trying not to throw up and jumped in the shower. He showered after me. I never said anything to him because I didn't want to embarrass him even though we were super close and talk about gross stuff all the time. I have a turd. Oh, I have a hard rule that sex needs to happen after showers. He thinks I made this rule because I said I was becoming prone to UTIs. Okay. I mean, I'm, first of all,

if I'm cleaning up any parts of your turd off of me, we're definitely having the conversation. I'm going to tell you about yourself. No, because the fact that you skid on me, no, I would have been like her. I wouldn't have said anything. I would just make the rule that I want to, I just feel better because I'm also self aware about smelling. So like, I know, like, I'll, I'll just smell myself all day because I want to make sure I don't stink. And so when Elijah gets close to me and I haven't showered yet, I'm like, please, like, I'm almost like, like, just don't like, don't even hug me because I haven't showered yet. I'm like, please. Like I'm almost like, like just don't like don't

even hug me because I don't want you to smell my earrings. I don't want you to smell my neck. I don't want you to smell my earrings. That's a thing. Yeah, but they're not just like getting smells in one day. You just never know. Like that's probably like over a period of time. I don't think so. I think they smell every day. I don't know. We need to pull this honestly. No, I don't think so. I think they smell every day. I don't know. We need to pull this honestly I think that might be a myth. I'll put it down in my nose. Hey, I I don't think earrings smell every day I think you know washing if you're washing your ears and you're dialing them down They should not be smelling every day if it is an everyday thing Then maybe we have another issue that we need to address further than the dial

Okay, um, all back back to this girl. I was woman another issue that we need to address further than the dial. Okay. Also, back to this girl, this woman. I'm taking one for the two. No, I'm not. In this situation, I'm going to specifically ask, why did you just shit on me? Number two, if you have gone to the gym, you could potentially have staff infection on you. Wow, I think you're going back. If you have gone to the gym, you could potentially have staff infection on you. So like, why are we coming home after being at the gym and

doing the hokey pokey? And you have swamp ass. That's a really good point that I never thought of. Not happening. Like a ringworm. That's disgusting. I had ringworm one time when I was a little girl on my ass cheek. I've never had ringworm, but that makes a lot of stuff.

Any type of dermatitis, contact dermatitis, anything like that, that's a really good point. I know more men who will fuck after the gym than I know women who would do that. I feel like a lot of women, and I'm not saying all because we do know some foul women, are gonna shower before they do the deed. I'm gonna shower anytime I'm gonna touch a surface of my home, especially my bedsheets. Like, I'm not going to get in the bed

after I've gone to the gym and wallow around on my bedsheets and then sleep on that all night. Like I'm not smelling your swamp ass. You're not getting away with getting skid marks on me and we're not having sex after the gym. Like immediately no next foul play. I cannot believe that I'm telling you the story. So please keep my name anonymous. Duh. I had been talking to this guy often on but we had never done anything. He is an up and coming Texas country singer. So I went to one of his shows one night. I went back to his hotel after we ended up hooking up. While we were hooking up, one of my earrings

fell out and I just figured I would look for it the next morning. The next morning I searched the hotel room high and low and I could not find it. Finally, I just said, whatever, it's not that big of a deal. We hooked up on a Saturday night and the next Wednesday afternoon, I was going to the bathroom and felt something weird. My first thought was, oh my God, my IUD is falling out. I grabbed it and it was my freaking earring. What the fuck? How did that even happen? Mind you, I'd also had an intense leg workout in between Saturday and Wednesday and never freaking felt it.

I'm still shocked this happened to me. I had to call my OBGYN and tell them my story to make sure that I didn't need to come and get everything looked at to make sure everything was okay down there. I'm still really freaking confused as how that happened and how I didn't feel it for days. That's crazy. I wonder how the fuck that happened. Like would it not have,

I don't wanna get like too graphic, but like would it have not have poked his head? Well, and would it not have like poked inside her vagina? Unless it was like a hoop and she didn't, oh my God, that must have been so weird and painful. I don't think a hoop could get up there. Well, like a little, like a little one, like I have this little hoop right here.

Yeah, maybe that. And it doesn't have a clamp or anything. I would have to go have these taken out with pliers, because they're like. Oh, so all of my earrings are from Studs. And so mine all have the backs that also have to be taken out with pliers. And I thought I was going to hate it at first, but I am the type of person that if I don't have earrings in, I feel like I could have nothing else on nothing else done. But if my earrings are out, I feel completely

naked. Yeah, I don't I my first ones are out like my first lobes are out. But like I don't ever take my my cartilages out or anything. But they're like the infinity ones that don't come out. So but if it's like a pokey earring. Yeah, like how would the back not have been like. I hope she's okay. And I hope she didn't get an infection because of the earring. Maybe the bacteria that causes the smell.

I'm just wondering if like, but even if it was on the bed, for example, and he was like fingering around, I don't think it would have just like slid up there. Maybe it was like, it fell into her underwear. And then the vagina just like absorbed it. Like that would have been like a Venus flytrap. That's so crazy.

I can't imagine. Like that is so insane. Like what went through her head she was probably like, she probably still thinks about that randomly from time to time and it's like I don't know how like. No, immediately, immediately if I found an earring in's like, I don't know how like, no, immediately, immediately, if I found an earring in my vagina, I'm going to the ER. I'm sorry. That's that story did not go where I thought it was going to go. I thought I thought she was going to find a condom

somewhere. I thought she was going to find another hose earring. Oh, like she found hers on the floor, but she also found another one. That's where I thought it was going. The lost earrings. That's what we're going to dub this. Okay, last foul play. Oh boy, you ladies are in for real treat. The other night my husband and I are having sex and we're done with all the business. He gets up to head to the bathroom.

Let me paint the picture. Please do, but please don't. I'm still on the bed on my hands and knees after finishing in the doggy position. Not even two seconds later, I start queefing where one small one leads to a ripple effect of multiple queefs at the same time. I could not stop laughing to the point I said, Oh no. And my husband went what from the bathroom? I started to pee on my bed while queefing and could not stop. I tried to move off the bed as my husband is telling me to get off the bed. And the next thing I know, I'm like a dog lifting my leg,

trying to get off the bed. And I'm continuing to pee down the side of the bed, eventually standing up in a puddle of my pee. But as naked with my husband looking at me from the bathroom and utter shock, it's safe to say I was in a very vulnerable situation. What an evening. Hope you ladies know how much I love your podcast. I've been an avid listeners and stay one and wish you both the best. Well, first of all, thank you for listening to our relationship for so many years. Thank you for all also wishing us the best because we truly need

it. And after this story, I honestly need it anymore because I have secondhand embarrassment for her. Just like, I've been there. Like I've told the story about like, I had never queefed in my life. And so when I first had sex with the very first time, I didn't even notice the sound at first. And I was like, what the fuck? And then I just grabbed it because I was like,

what is, like, why am I making like, and he just laughed and was like, what, it's normal. And it wasn't normal to me. Like, that was not normal to me. That had like never happened to you. Never. In my fucking life. And I, it's just...

Wait, so you just like grabbed it? Yeah, because he had gone out to like, I know this is gross and like, this was like fucking seven years ago So like please do not crucify him for this but like at the time. He's gonna flush the condom I know that's like not something that we do today, but just put hot sauce on it. Um, just So he had like gone to the bathroom and he like was he came back and was like standing in the doorway And I was still in the bed and I was like, oh my oh my my God. And I just like, and I was just, I'll never forget it was humiliated.

I never humiliated. So you're just laying there. I'm trying to imagine. No, I was kneeling like I was up like on my knees on the bed, like, just grabbing it. Oh my God. Trying to hold it in. Yeah. Because I was like, I don't, and I didn't want him to think it was a fart. But like, if I had to guess, he's very, very much don't, and I didn't want him to think it was a fart, but like, if I had to guess,

he's very, very much experienced before me, I wasn't. And so I didn't know that that was like a normal thing that could happen. Good one. I can't. Okay, Lindsay, you wanna know what Kale texted me yesterday? What? She was on Rocket Money, she said,

just gotta notice that my Walmart Plus membership was renewing, didn't even know I had it. So Rocket Money. She said, just got to notice that my Walmart Plus membership was renewing. Didn't even know I had it. So Rocket Money's canceling it for me. I love it. If you guys have not heard of Rocket Money, this is one of my most favorite apps that Kristen has introduced me to. It is a personal finance app and it finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending and helps lower your bills all in one place. I am the absolute queen of signing up for a free trial, forgetting that I signed up for it,

and then it continues charging me, and until I had rocket money, I was in a bad place. No, that happens to people all the time. I've even been guilty of doing stuff like that myself. So huge, huge fan of rocket money. I've talked about it for such a long time. I tell everybody in my life, it's like one of my go-to budgeting tips to give everybody. There's just so many things that Rocket Money can do. You can see all your subscriptions in one place. You know, if you see something you don't want,

you can cancel it with just a tap. You don't ever have to get on the phone with customer service, which is phenomenal. And they even try to get you a refund for the last couple of months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you by up to 20%, which is really cool. All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money will take care of the rest for you. They even have over 5 million users

and have helped to save its members an average of $720 a year with over $500 million in canceled subscriptions. Let that sink in. $500 million, that's crazy. This is your sign to stop wasting money on things that you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions

by going to rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. That's rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. Rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. On that note, foul play. Hi ladies, boy, do I have a foul play for you. I'm a licensed esthetician and going into the business I knew having men as clients was possible but didn't expect it to be as common as women. Though that is true, I was surprised how many men came to

get wax and yes, I mean down south. A man zillion. Okay, that's new. Wow. As we called it at the salon, I was always skeptical when I saw men book this service on my schedule because it just seemed so uncommon to me. Most of my male clients were all very respectful and nothing was awkward. Every single man that came in for a wax got hard, which realistically made my job much easier, but was always so strange how much a service would have,

but was always so strange how such a service would have a man get hard Yeah, that is weird So you would think it would go soft because the pain but anyhow anyhow I had one guy come in who was super personable and friendly and I was confident and wouldn't be an awkward appointment I personally thought he was gay based on the attire. He was wearing yes I judged a book by its cover, but it's the vibe I got. I start the service and all is well at first. I'm sure you're wondering and yes, he got hard just like the rest. Again, all as well. And this just makes my job easier. As I continue, I

notice he grabs his dick and moves it over to the opposite side that I'm on. I thought this was odd, but continued only to notice once he moved his hand. He had in fact came all over his thigh. What? Luckily, I was just about done with the service. No words were notice once he moved his hand, he had in fact came all over his thigh. What? Luckily, I was just about done with the service. No words were spoken for a good amount of time. And in such shock, not knowing what to do, I continued and completed the service as if

nothing happened. Not sure if that was a common thing that's happened with his previous estheticians. But there was clearly no embarrassment on his end as he tried to book with me the following month. Spoiler alert, I did not put him on my books again. Okay, I have a question here. Is that sexual assault? How do you just come on somebody and like not say anything? Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, is that sexual assault? Like, I just feel like that's like, yeah, you're an esthetician. And yes, you're waxing private parts, but you don't sign up for the sexual part of it. And my question is, is how would men just regularly get hard

during this type of service? I don't think there's anything arousing about that. Painful and like, maybe a little awkward. So like, I know I wasn't wet in myself when I was getting waxed, like I was not in nice, vulnerable ways. That's not a thing. That's not a thing. Kristen said, I believe it's in between essay and sexual harassment because again, like, yes, you're signing up.

That's same for like a massage therapist. You're signing up to massage people, but you're not signing up for, and like you're not signing up to be like jizzed on. Kristen said it's common for men to get hard during that and a massage. It's just a body response. Okay, the getting hard I understand, I guess,

like just like a natural response, but like to come. I mean, yeah, I mean that like you climaxed. So like that part is what I'm concerned about. Cause if she's saying like across the board, it's pretty common for men to get hard. Okay, I give them a pass because you can't, you just can't control that, but you can't contain yourself enough to not to just. And like, how did it get to that level that you were able to do that unless you're just a precommer? Also, if you knew that that would happen,

or like if you've done a manzillion before and you've come before or you think that there's a possibility that you could come from it, I don't think that you should subject somebody to that or you should warn them and they should be able to choose if they want to like, hey, I know this is really awkward and kind of embarrassing, but like I might come. Would you still want to wax me? If you were brazen enough to Just blow a load shouldn't you have been man enough to say something about it? Sound like I am so sorry that this happened. I've always wondered not about waxing, but I've always wondered When men and it probably happens with women too, I'm sure. Probably just as frequently as women.

When you go into like a massage place, how do things turn from like you're just there getting a deep tissue massage to it's a rub and tug now. Like how does that? I don't think that happens to women as much as men. But like how does that transition? I remember I was getting my nails done in Delaware and it was like a full service salon. So they had massage, hair, nails, the whole nine.

And the massage therapist came out of the room and the guy had just left and he had blew a load everywhere. And so they were like, we're not going to book him again. Like I just overheard the conversation because they were telling the nail tech about it because she worked there. And they were just like, we're not going to, this is the second time this has happened. We're just not going to book him again. So I just feel like if you are prone to that happening, you need to be able to give them

a heads up. They should be able to choose, right? It's like being in an open relationship. Like give me the option of whether I want to be, you know, in an open relationship, right? Like you can't just go out here and cheat and not say anything. Like give me the option. Do I want to sign up for this or not?

Okay. Listen, I think this would be something good for a shark tank because I've thought about this before. First time I've ever saying this publicly. Massage tables for people with dicks, like you know how they have like the head hole? Yeah, like a dick hole. Yeah. Right?

If there's anything in there, then there's, I mean, maybe have like an absorbent pad so you don't know. Yeah. Like I don't know. I think that would be a good idea. We need to do a little bit investigating on that. The next person writes in and says, Hello, friends, I haven't shared the story with anybody because it was embarrassing. But here we are 11 years later. So

why not share it now with two of my favorite podcasters? Oh, thanks. So I lost my virginity at 17 senior year, homecoming night, great night, everything was fine. Well, we were safe and use protection. Good for your seven. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud. After the deed was done, we cleaned up and go to sleep.

One problem. I couldn't find the condom anywhere at 17 and 19 idiots. One and two decided, Oh, well, oh, well, and we went to sleep. Morning came and left with some friends because we didn't know what happened. My boyfriend at the time had dropped off plan B. Oh no. Went home later that day had to pee and I guess what came right out of my cooter. You guessed it. Sucker was stuck on in there for a little bit.

Yes. I went to the restroom in between the deed and going home. Nothing happened. Not once did it occurred to me to even think about it still being inside of me as we were looking around for it. Once I figured it out, I kept that to myself because at 17, it was, and it being my first time, it was embarrassing. Wait, so is that common? It happened to me before. Wait, tell me more. I don't remember who, but it definitely happened to me before. And this can also happen. And I'm not saying this is what happened to me,

but it can happen if like, say you're like having sex, right? And then they're not hard anymore and they keep going a little bit. And then they pull out, it like slips off and inside, it stays inside you. Okay, that makes sense to me. Kristen said that this has also happened to her before. She got off the top and it came right with her.

So my question though is... Like wouldn't it like dangle out some? Sometimes yes and sometimes no because if the part, if the conomist not the right size too and they continue having sex, you have to think it's come off and then they're penetrating you so it sheds back in. My question though is if she didn't take plan B, she obviously could have gotten pregnant then, right? Because the condom came off.

Can you still? I would imagine so because you don't know at what point it came off. So if you- True. You know what I mean? True, yeah. And I feel like I don't know if this is true

And this is how crazy it is that we're in our 30s and we still don't know these answers But like if it like leaks out of the condom, I'm pretty sure the swimmers like they can still try to swim You know like if they're in that like warm wet environment, I'm pretty sure they're still like get up there. Yeah Kristen says yes, they can okay, so So see, I mean, that's terrifying. I'm glad you took I'm glad you don't have to be a strong swimmers. I mean, not saying that it couldn't happen. But I just wonder if it's like less likely to happen, but still a chance. Probably, you know, totally. God, that would be absolutely atrocious to like wake up the next day, go to the bathroom and just find like a condom

Dinglin around. Yeah, I mean, I think I found mine the next day also like I was like, oh my god. There it is Were you alarmed? I don't really I just I know this happened to me because I know where like I can picture myself in the bathroom But I just don't I can't really remember like the circumstances or anything. Well, thanks for joining me today remember like the circumstances or anything. Well, thanks for joining me today. If you guys have not followed us at Coffee Compose Podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us there. If you have not subscribed to the show, you can do that from any podcast app. Wherever you get your podcast, always first at Podcast One.

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