Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Birthday Requests, Efficient Parenting & Bonus Mom Troubles

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

CC403: An article about a mom asking for extra gifts for the birthday kid's sibling has left a bad impression on Kail and Lindsie. They talk about what they'd do and what they usually do when it comes to birthdays with multiples and during the holidays. A video of Bethenny Frankel saying she sometimes has to use curse words in an efficient way with her kids sparks an interesting conversation around why this generation of kids doesn't listen like previous ones. Also, a listener asks if she's wrong to feel upset after her step kids asked to bring food to their mom's house only to find out that the mom got mad and threw it away. Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month.IQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000. By Texting 64000, you agree to receive recurring automated marketing messages from IQBAR. Message and data rates may apply. No purchase required. Terms apply, available at IQBAR.com. Reply "STOP" to stop, "HELP" for helpLume: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with Lume Deodorant and get 15% off with promo code Coffee at LumeDeodorant.com! #lumepodProgressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn moreStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!Trade Coffee: Get 40% off your first order with Trade at drinktrade.com/COFFEECONVOS

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family,

and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Hello, Miss Ma'am. Hello, Miss Lindsay Chrisley. I think I'm in better spirits this week for this recording than I was last week. So I just want to apologize for anyone who felt like I was a Debbie Downer last week. I don't feel like you were a Debbie Downer. You're welcome to Coffee Convo's podcast. Welcome to Coffee Convo's podcast. I have a lot to talk about and I want to start this

episode off strong because I have to tell you about this article. We're going to start this off strong. I have summer birthdays coming up. I'm going to plan birthdays for Lux and Creed. And on parents.com, there is an article that says, mom infuriated by birthday party invite, which asks for extra presents for siblings. Oh, wait, what? Yeah. Says, um, mom infuriated by birthday party invite, which asks for extra presents. So let me read you what there is. According to a mom, she posted this on Tik TOK, a birthday party invitation that her six-year-old received specified that guests need to bring additional gifts for their toddler because they don't want him to be left out.

Some of the responses to this were, I was floored. That's not our responsibility. Parents may be hesitant to participate in the birthday because of this request, which will cause the birthday boy to be left out on his own birthday. And the original poster doesn't specify if purchasing extra presents for the birthday boy to be left out on his own birthday.

The original poster doesn't specify purchasing extra presents for the birthday boy's sibling was optional. Not really sure, but I'm curious to know how you feel about this as a parent of an only child, but also I want to give my thoughts as a parent of multiples. So obviously, in a situation like this, I can't relate because there is no other child to get presents at a party, right? However, I do know when Jackson was a little bit younger and Will's brother had their kids, I do believe that I was told that Will's parents brought Jackson something to the party for him, knowing that other children were going to be gifted,

whatever. That was a grandparent thing though. And that was a choice that they made so nobody felt excluded, whatever. I think this is completely asinine. And I think it is absolutely so rude to ask, like for somebody to bring one gift already might be out of budget for somebody to be able to send their kid to a birthday party, right? But then you ask for somebody to bring another child a gift.

That should be, if the parents want the other child to have gifts, then that's their responsibility. I wholeheartedly agree with you as a parent of multiples. I, this may be controversial. I don't know how people will feel about this, but I actually don't like when I send out birthday invites, I literally say do not bring gifts for my own kids because not that I'm like counting other people's pockets, but I do understand that like some people will decline going to a birthday party altogether simply because a gift is not in the budget. And my kids have everything they want and more. They don't need gifts from people to want your presence here at a birthday party. If you bring a gift, great. If you don't, I do not give a single fuck. You're still going to get, you know, do the

party, still going to get fed here. You're still going to, you know what I mean? Like we don't need you to bring gifts period, point blank. But as, even as a mom of twins, right? Like I would imagine in the beginning years of school, they're gonna start going to play care for three hours a day starting in the fall, right? Surely they're gonna meet friends. I'm gonna meet other moms in their classrooms and things like that.

Knowing that they are two different children. Say we were to have a birthday party for Verse and Valley. I would not even expect every single guest to bring both of them gifts, even though it's both of their party, because I would imagine that some of the kids in the class are more friends with Valley than they are with Verse. And some of the kids in the class may be closer to Verse

than they are to Valley. Why would I expect that one person, that one family to bring a gift for both babies? Like that's not actually just don't even bring a gift at all because we don't need it. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I just can't understand. Like at the point that you don't want your other child to be left out that bad, maybe go have them spend one one-on-one time with the other parent. Maybe spend one-on-one time with a grandparent somewhere. Maybe go do it because you are setting them up not for up for failure for this birthday party for the birthday boy, but you're also sort of setting up the sibling for, you're setting them up for failure moving forward in life because that's not how life works, babe.

Well, I feel like this is definitely giving helicopter or a lawnmower parent trying to prevent a child from dealing with something that naturally happens in life. When you have a sibling, they have their birthday, you have your birthday. Those two things don't overlap, right? And the situation that you're talking about with Valley and Verse as a twin mom, I feel like a gender neutral gift, if somebody's bringing a gift, would be most reasonable because it's one gift and they can share it. Oh, that's a really good idea. And you're not even a twin mom. Look at you. That's such a

good idea. Yeah. Wait, that is so- I feel bad, right? Like Elijah's family for Christmas and, again, not counting their pockets, but thinking about your idea right there. He had family members gift the twins the same exact thing, but like different color ways for the same exact thing. And like they didn't have to do that. They could have gotten one that was like a color neutral and they could share it. I mean, that's, but also then you run into the, well, they're twins, not the same kid that shouldn't be fair, but they're never gonna they're not really playing with the same things at the same time. A lot of the times. Yeah. That's a great idea for especially because what's interesting about me bringing this whole article up to you is that your first

thought was we're making that this mom was making assumptions about the guest financial situation, but you're thinking of it in the context of thinking they have more, they might have less money. It might not be in the budget where in this article, somebody else says these parents are making big assumptions about their guest financial situations in the opposite direction. Right? So they're just assuming that all of the parents will have the money where we're assuming immediately right off rip, that they might not have the money. So that is an interesting perspective to put out there. Also on this topic, from the time that Jackson ever had like a first birthday party, we have

never opened gifts ever in front of everyone. And there's multiple reasons why. It's like that should be something that you can do after the party. Your time should not be spent focused on what gifts you're getting. Your time should be spent focused on spending the time with the people who took time out of their day and dedicated it to you.

I agree. That's number one. Number two, sometimes when you're inviting people to parties, financial standings are different. That's just life. And so one gift might be like the greatest toy ever. And then one might be a smaller gift that somebody could afford. I don't really think that's fair because the excitement level might be different for

the child and somebody shouldn't have to feel bad about that. And so it's just easier to take all that stuff home and open it in a private time, send out thank you cards or an e-thank you, move on with your shit. I don't know. I just, I don't love the idea of gifts in general. It's like never have I ever been like, oh, and bring this gift. Well, I think it's interesting too that you bring up that.

I think if you're renting a space too, like some of the allotted times for birthday parties are like two hours. Do you really want to spend 30 minutes of that opening gifts in front of people? I mean, I had a birthday party for Isaac. I want to say it was like his fourth birthday, somewhere around there. And it was filmed for Teen Mom. Everybody came to the house after the birthday party. So like people that came from Pennsylvania and drove and stuff like that, we extended the party into the house. And Isaac takes a nap after the birthday party while everyone is still kind of eating and doing all of this. And then we had him open gifts. And that was the last

time. And I think that was so eye opening to me because he just like wasn't in the right state of mind. And then I'm upset because he's not saying the thank yous and he's not having these big reactions. And so I'm putting the pressure on him more for other people. And at the end of the day, nobody really wants to see people open their gifts. I don't think. No, I don't think so either. And there have been times when Jackson was younger because little kids get so excited about stuff. Even it could be like the smallest thing. And it's like, Oh, I got a book. You know, they're like so excited. Jackson's always been a super

excited present opener, which is want to get back to that in a second. I will do videos like there's a reason that we have technology. Like like I'll do videos and send it to people and have him say thank you on the video Yeah, like I love that but because you have so many kids I want to know do you have some kids that are like more excited to receive gifts than others? Yes, yes, I do. Is it not so much better? For you like in your soul Is it not so much better for you, like in your soul, when you gift something to that child and their level of excitement, like it does something different to you versus a child who's just like, thanks.

Well, I think this goes into like that whole conversation of love language. Like I truly think that love languages can apply to children as well. The same way that they apply to it. Maybe not the same way, but some kids really have so much fun picking out gifts for other people. And Isaac loves to ask me to like, Hey, my friend at school has a birthday. He loves giving them gifts where Lincoln has never brought that up to me. You know what I mean? So I think that that will have play a play a role. But I, there is something special about that, like Lux and Creed specifically talk about their birthdays every month of

the year. Like even yesterday, they're talking about like the themes they want the gifts they want. And so I know that they're going to be so excited about gifts. Coffee Convo's podcast is sponsored by Better HelpHelp and so am I because I have therapy after this recording. I love that for you. We love therapy over at Coffee Convo's podcast and we think you should try it too. But let's talk numbers.

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All right, you guys, let's talk about coffee for a second because if you're anything like me, your mornings follow a similar routine with coffee being essential. If you know me, you know that one thing I absolutely need to jump my day every single day is coffee. Elisha brings me coffee every morning and we love trade. Trade is the number one US specialty coffee marketplace, bringing you fresh coffee from over 50 of the country's top roasters. Trade's experts have taste tested thousands of coffee to curate over 450 roasts.

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Drinktrade.com slash coffee combos. Another like mom hack, and I think I learned this from my ex sister-in-law was creating Amazon wishlist throughout the year. So like if your child mentioned something to create start creating that wishlist. So if people do ask like, Hey, I want to bring a gift. Do you have any ideas you can send them a link to the Amazon wishlist and make sure that there is a variation in price. So like anywhere from $10 to $30, whatever on there so they can choose what's within their budget.

So for those of you guys who don't know, one of the twins is in several therapies a week. We have PT, speech therapy, and like an ECE, which is a teacher. And the teacher and I, her name is Holly, love her, shout out to Holly. She, her and I have an Amazon list for toys through Amazon that would benefit the twins in their like learning development. So we have like this running list and she'll add stuff, she'll take stuff off, you know, and that's how we are able to do that. So like, I can make sure that we have those toys for when she comes on Fridays. And then we've run into the issue of Elijah constantly buying me books that I already have. So I created my own like wish list

for him so that when he wants to buy me books, like for Valentine's Day, he bought me books that I already have. And like, thank you so much. I'm going to give them away as book club giveaways, but I created a list of books that I want that I don't have. So I say all that to say that if you want something specific for your children or your children want something specific, that is a great idea. We did that for Isaac for Christmas and his birthday this year, and it really proved to be so helpful, especially with the budgeting thing because around high school, I feel maybe even sooner, kids want to get their friends gifts like Isaac does for his friends and they might not have their own money and their own jobs. So like, yep, they

might want to send it to their friends or their friends like, Oh, what can I get you? And it's like, here's, you know, a $10 situation off Amazon, which I think is cute. I love that idea. Also with the Amazon wishlist, you know, if something's like already been purchased, yes. So like, people aren't going to get duplicates of whatever. Okay. I have to ask you about baby showers. Do you prefer, because you've had so many, do you prefer because you've had so many, do you prefer for people to like just bring diapers? Or do you want like all the little odd and things that you may or may not use? Okay, can we talk I have not had so many baby showers. I had one for Isaac in Joe's mom's

basement that was like more of a party than it was a baby shower, I would say. I had one for Rio. The baby shower on Teen Mom for Lincoln was not a baby shower. That was actually a, we're moving to Delaware party and MTV played it as if it was a baby shower. But we didn't, I think Lydia made, which is Javi's sister, made a diaper cake. But outside of that, there was no baby gifts. I don't know why that I remember. Maybe people brought baby gifts because of MTV, but that was not a baby shower. I don't know why they spun it. I don't know if they needed that, but it was like-

We love the bamboozle of reality TV storylines. It was like, we're moving and we're having a baby, but it wasn't a baby shower because at that time, like in 2013, 2012, you like didn't have baby showers. That was like around like the sprinkle era where like now today people will have a baby shower every single baby they have. I did not have a baby shower for Lux. I did not have a baby shower for Creed. I did have a baby shower for Rio. I

did not have a baby shower for the twins. So I say all that to say, if I was to plan a baby shower, which for Rio, I did not have a baby shower for the twins. So I say all that to say, if I was to plan a baby shower, which for Rio, I don't even think I registered anywhere. I don't remember registering maybe at Kristen. Did I register for Rio? Okay. So I didn't register for Rio, didn't register for the twins, didn't do any of that. Cause I also feel bad because I can afford my own baby. Like not saying that baby showers are for people who can't afford it. I just felt bad because I was on my fifth child and I can reuse what I do have and I felt bad asking for other stuff too. So like, if I'm thinking maybe if it's like my first or second baby, I didn't

register for Lincoln didn't register. I didn't register for anyone. So I'm thinking that if I was to have a baby shower, yeah, I would want all the things but probably like I'd register for all the things, right? I wouldn't. Okay. I would ask for diapers with cute patterns on them. I'll tell you what for anyone listening to this podcast, Millie Moon diapers, Pampers are always a classic for me. Pampers are great, but Millimoon are also fantastic

and I'm obsessed with them. And also, I think they're called Freestyle, Freestyle diapers, they're so good. Do they have cute patterns on them? No. Oh, see, I would have to- Wait, do you- If I had another child, I feel like,

because I had a baby so long ago, like all this stuff that I've watched you be able to have with your younger kids. I'm like, I just want to like own that stuff and like use it. You know, like the baby brazer or whatever it's called, like where it makes your bottle. Yeah. Like a Keurig. Yeah. I don't even have a baby or pregnant yet and want that and have wanted it for like two years. I will say this if you're shopping for a baby Brezza, I want to warn you it is great. I had one next to my bed and also one in the kitchen, but catch the yet that she just dropped.

Who dropped? That bitch said I'm not even pregnant yet. You, Lindsay? Yet? We're gonna have to have a conversation. We're gonna have to have a little chat. I will tell you then, if you're not pregnant yet, I missed that. The Baby Brezza is, you have to clean it after the third use. Like you have to take it apart and clean it.

I will say it's still convenient, still love it, but after the third, it gets clogged up. So that's the only downside. Well, I'm still going to get it. Yeah, you should. I loved it. We loved it, especially with the twins. I can't complain. It's like I just open up my front door whenever this airs and I have 19 baby brazzas out. Did I send you a baby brazo. I am so dead. Can we watch this video of Bethany Frankel? Because Wait, she followed me on TikTok. Oh, she did. I like way back when when I told you that I absolutely loved

watching her eat chicken salad on TikTok. Yeah. that I absolutely loved watching her eat chicken salad on TikTok. Yeah. Okay. I just love this woman. Like, no, I love her because she posted about Alex Earl. And I guess Alex Earl accidentally like stood her up or whatever for dinner. It was like, just like overbooked herself, whatever, whatever. And so Bethany Frankel was like, should I forgive her or what? And I commented and I said, Forgive her. And Bethany Frankel was like, should I forgive her or what? And I commented and I said, forgive her.

And Bethany Frankel replied and then followed me on TikTok and I about fell over. I love her, but we talked about Kassin the other day. Uh-huh. And that's what this video is about. Disagree that parents should not curse in front of their children. I think it should be used in extreme moderation and with emphasis

because there are times when I'll repeat the same thing let's go we're going now let's go we're going now we're back and forth about something and your kid's digging in you're like let's and then and then there comes a point where you're going to be like move your fucking ass now And it seems to work differently than logic and slight raise voice voice raising then escalation and negotiation and rationalize it just it just does the goddamn trick. So when you say we're talking to us with that face.

It works it hits different. Before she even said it hits different, I was about to say it hits different because last night it was 9.15 and I said, I've asked you three times now to go upstairs because we are going to bed. By the fourth time I said, tighten up, let's get the fuck upstairs.'"

Why do they listen to me when I get to that point? I think that they know or have been taught to some degree, like you did let your kids cause like at one point, right? But I think they know the emphasis on the way that you're saying something and the way that you deliver it, that it's like, oh, I better shut the fuck up. Yeah. But it's like, and I, we had a little family meeting last night. It's so crazy that you brought this up because we had a family meeting last night. There's a lot of

stuff been going on. I should call the family meeting and we all sat down and I'm like, where did it take place? It took place in the living room. Everybody was fed and showered and we all sat around the sectional and we had to talk about a couple things. And you know, part of that was like, you know, so some of the kids are playing parents against each other. And so we're having a hard time with that. But it's like, I'm asking you to do something one time, two times, three times. And now you don't like that you're in trouble, because I've had to repeat myself. So I understand

Bethany Frankel in talking about sometimes that third time, that fourth time of get your ass going is going to get them to move their feet. Because it puts a greater emphasis on the action that they need to be taking, right? It's like, I fucking said it. I just got a whole box of Lumi's whole body deodorant. It's so safe to use anywhere on your body. So if you need deodorant on your pits, your underboobs,

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for 15% off your first purchase at lumedeodorant.com. That's code coffee at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Smell fresher, stay drier, and boost your confidence from head to toe with me. But what is what is the difference between how we grew up? Our parents just had to look at us and tell us one time sometimes twice before we got it where kids today, three, four

times and now I'm screaming my head off because you're not listening then what is it the Is it the difference that parents today are not physically disciplining their kids? Is that part of it? And I'm not saying that that's the solution. I'm absolutely not saying that. What I'm saying is, do we think that that is the, the lack of respect and also the absence of physical,

like basically corporal punishment? I don't know if it's as much that, as that we, I feel like as parents raising kids today are so much more lax and give our kids so many more freedoms for opinion. I feel like there was a lack of kids opinions and homes when we were growing up versus now. homes when we were growing up versus now. I think more of the people from our generation who their parents maybe use corporal punishment, whether it was a smack on the hand or spank, whatever that looked like, a majority of them respect their parents.

I'm not saying all, but I am saying- I don't know if it's respect though. Okay. You think it's more fear based? I think it is a fear based action. And I totally disagree with spanking across the board. Like it's just not something that I have ever done. Grew up in a household that you were going to get your ass spanked if you did something wrong. Right. I do think that that instilled a fear knowing, okay, if I do this, this is going to be the consequence of that. Kids do not fear their parents today because most people, I would

say, are not spanking today. Which is a good thing. Which is a good thing. But what is the flip side? There has to be a boundary within that where, and I've talked about this with Jackson's play therapist actually, I said there is a fine line between respect and fear.

Agreed. But where is that line and how do you get your kids to respect you without them fearing you? I also think that it is repeated action on the parent's part to respond the same way every single time their repeated action takes place. So for example, I'll use Jackson's cell phone. He knows it's supposed to be on the counter at 9 p.m.

He has to brush his teeth and go to bed. If I go upstairs and the cell phone is not on the counter, I'm going to do the exact same thing every time. I am not changing what I am doing because it is the same situation. I think a lot of people respond differently in same situations that their kids are presenting. Like it has to be consistent.

So then we run into the issue and I know that not everyone is a fan of Candace Owens. Love her, hate her. She talked about, she's talking about nuclear families in some of her content and how we need fathers in the home because these broken homes and these two different households that run two different ways heavily impacts

what you're describing and the consistency and what that looks like for the futures of children that don't have the nuclear family. I'm not talking about blended families because blended families is not the nuclear family. It is not the live in biological parents or adoptive parents or whatever, like the two parents that started this family. Whether you have the greatest step parent in the world living with one of your, you know, in one of the households, it is not the same as two parents, two biological parents being played

against each other that also have inconsistencies in how things are done with consequences and a discipline, et cetera. Will and I just recently had a conversation about trying to get more on the same page as far as, and I don't even want to say like discipline because I don't even like that word. Like I'm not disciplining him. I am parenting him. And I think that there's a difference in that. Like there are consequences for almost all actions, right?

And there is a response to whatever your action may be that I might not approve of, or I might not like. It's not a discipline in my opinion or fear-based. I am more of a conversational parent to where you are going to sit down and we're going to have a conversation about this because you are going to understand the impact long term of what you're doing, how it's going to impact you for the rest of forever if you do not change that behavior. I saw a video on that because I have also been heavily conversation based and realized

that in our household specifically, I can't speak for Jackson. It's not working. Right? Like even Lincoln said to us last night, he was like, you're having these conversations and they're not, they're not working. Um, I watched a video, I don't think it was Mel Robbins. It might've been Mel Robbins or somebody else. And she basically said the more this person said, the more words and conversation that is behind said consequence, the less the child is taking in. They tune it out. They're not listening.

And maybe that's not the case for every single child, but I will say for at least two of my children, the conversations don't work. Well, I'm not going to have a conversation after the point of the first conversation, right? Like the consequence will be the same across the board for the same action that you took, because I'm going to drive it home. Like you're nailing it in the coffin.

I'm not having multiple conversations. I will refer back to the first conversation to say, do you recall when we had this conversation last week? What was the consequence last week when we had that conversation? I want you to repeat back to me what you heard in that conversation. Because now the consequence will be the same. Fair. because now the consequence will be the same. Fair, fair. Man, parenting's hard. No, and it's so sickening to think that we don't know which things will be remembered and will be,

will impact them as adults. We won't find out until we're adults. Like I am scared for the day that Isaac comes to me and he says that something that I don't remember impacted him in a negative way for the rest of his life. And that's no matter who you are, like parents will, not parents, people will say, oh, well, of course you traumatized him.

You were on Teen Mom. Okay, great. I didn't know that when I was signing up at 17 years old, but like, what if all the TV stuff is not what, is traumatizing to him? What if it's something that I don't even remember happened and it was insignificant to me, but he remembers. Like, and it, you know, made him die a little bit inside.

You know what I mean? Like, what does that look like? What is significant to you does not mean that that is significant to somebody else. And we've talked about that before. I think I brought up the video where the mom talks about how like your child might not remember Disney at five years old, but remembers when you were depressed for six

months when you were four, even though it was a year prior, and it was, you know, a sad moment or a really low moment in your family. But they won't remember the Disney world. They won't remember the the endless weekend trips. They won't remember, you know, all of that, they'll remember something that is, I don't know, that's a scary, that's a scary part of parenting. And what's crazy is that I never really thought about any of those things until the last like five years of my motherhood. Really, I just

assumed like, they're gonna remember all the good times that I remember. And I don't think I wasn't thinking the same way I wasn't thinking about how when I got pregnant with some of my kids, at that time, I wasn't thinking about, oh, wow, their dad might be mentally ill. Oh, wow. I'm, you know, I've been depressed. Like, what is that going to look like for them? What are the implications of our mental well being our our mental health on them? What does that look like for their future mental health struggles? You know what I mean? Like the same? I hate to say it, but like, what I have procreated with that person if I knew their mental health struggles. You know what I mean? Like the same, I hate to say it, but like, would I have procreated with that person if I knew their mental health struggles? So I actually had a conversation with someone the other day and always trying to like bring a positive to a situation that's presenting very negative. I'm like, well, if you didn't, like, do that part of your life and have that child, like you wouldn't have that child. And this person said to me, I would have known no different, like I would go back and take back every part of that

situation. Because that was toxic to me. But I would have known no different had I got it right the first time and had the child with someone else. Right. And I've never thought about it like that. Like I've always thought about like, wow, those were like some really good times, some really learning times, some really hard times.

But like I wouldn't change any of that stuff because I have my child. This person's perspective was they would have had a child with someone regardless, so they would have just never known. Okay, so using my situation, like you would have still, like I would have still had the children that I had with the same person where your friend is saying. Yeah, that they wouldn't have made that decision regardless if they had a child out of that situation, or not, that they

would choose to have never been in that situation. What an interesting like thought process because because I can't think outside like once you know your kids, right? I can't think outside of them being different. Becky and I just had this conversation because there was like this thing on TikTok that was, you know, who would you say first in a burning building? Right? Like, would you save your partner or did you save your child?

And I've only ever, and I said this to her, I said the only thing that I've ever thought of that in that context is like childbirth, right? Once you have a toddler with a personality, it's not the same as a newborn, not saying that the newborn is less life, but you don't know them the same way that you know your toddler, your small child, right? And so I'm thinking about my toxic situations and I'm not saying that I wasn't toxic, but

I'm thinking about my most toxic situation and the amount of times that people say, oh, you had not only one, but two kids with him. Right. And I'm thinking to myself, I love my kids so much. It doesn't matter how toxic that situation was. Obviously wish that I could take the toxicity out of it to still have the children in a less toxic environment. Yes. But I love my kids so much and they're here and they have personalities and I know them and I carried them and I, so just sit here and say, Oh, not one but two but it's like but they wouldn't be here if I didn't go like that's how I feel about it as well I thought about when this person was saying this to me I was like I want to get Kale's perspective on this because once you know your kids like to their core and their personalities, it's like it doesn't matter what I went through. That part doesn't matter to me.

I love my child the way he is, the way he was created. Yeah, obviously we wish that there was less toxicity, of course. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack sponsor. IQ Bar is the better for you plant protein based snacks made with brain boosting nutrients to refuel, re-nourish, and satisfy hunger without the sugar crash. I absolutely love all of IQ Bar products, but my absolute favorite is the IQ Mix. It has helped me so much with my water intake.

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Message and data rates may apply, see terms for details. And that's why I also don't understand the whole like conversation surrounding like nobody should be taking advice from me. I see that comment more than anything and I'm like, I've literally been through it all. So like you'd rather take advice from someone who's not been through it so they can speak on. Oh, well, you're in a toxic relationship. Why don't you just get out? You're an abusive relationship. Just get out. Like you're taking advice from those people that have never gone through it who clearly have no idea what the hell it's like to be in this revolving door of like Toxicity and what it looks like to have childhood trauma affect your adulthood and like going through therapy and going through multiple

Situations where I've been married and raising a child. I've been divorced raising a child I've you know been in relationships out of wedlock I've been you know what I mean? Like why wouldn't you take advice from someone who's lived it and learned from it versus someone who's never lived it? It's the same, I don't get it. It's so interesting that you say that because my parents used to say

when we were growing up all the time, take the advice from me because I've been there. And my response always would be, there's some lessons that we need to learn on our own. This is true. This is very true. Like I could watch the situation play. And also sometimes I think that we don't realize we're not recognizing that we have to go through it ourselves. We are going through something that we watch someone else do, but it's not the same until you're in it. Like you realize after the fact. So it's like, I watched my mom have like this revolving door of men, right?

And I'm like, Oh, never be like that turned around and was like that. But I didn't recognize it until it was far too late. It's kind of like, I would tell my dad, okay, if you tell me not to run the fucking red light, like I'm not gonna run the fucking red light, like I know what's gonna come. But if you're talking about a boyfriend that you shouldn't date, you probably have to learn on your own. That's a boyfriend that you shouldn't date you probably have to learn on your own That's a that's a lesson. I feel like I need to learn on my own

And even if you don't feel like you need to learn it on your own, you're probably gonna learn it on your own Let me read this text message to you that I just received like right now. You just received it Mm-hmm. The back door is unlocked and the dogs are in their crate Delia's food is on the counter and his phone is on top She gets half a can couple of pieces of dry water and mashed up. She gets this in the morning and the night. Thank you in advance." Is that from Willard? Sly Willie? Sure was. Sure was. And he said, if she starts dancing, it's because she's ready to eat.

Thank you very much for telling me about a dog that I've known for the past nine years. I appreciate that. How is she doing? It's inoperable. So there's nothing that they can do. She's getting a lot of cheese sticks right now. Making her comfortable and happy for her last days and weeks. Her last hurrah. Yeah. Did you see this story about-

Probably not. An Oklahoma toddler dialing 911 to tell police about an emergency need for donuts? No, I did not. It says an Oklahoma toddler called 911 and asked for emergency donuts, which officers delivered to the child's home. The police department-

They needed this. The police department shared audio on social media with the exchange between the boy and the dispatcher. The child first called 911 and began saying gibberish to the dispatcher before hanging up and dialing again. He said there was an emergency need for donuts. Donuts? I want donuts. Are you going to share your donuts?

The dispatcher is heard saying in response to the boy's request. In the 911 call, the child claims that this is an emergency. The next day, the police department shared that they had fulfilled his request and the officers delivered a box of Dunkin' Donuts to his home. I love that. I think that the police officers probably needed that comedic relief just as much as the child claimed that he needed donuts, hoping that nobody else was hurt at another, you know, during the time of delivery of donuts. Speaking of 911, how soon do you teach your kids about dialing 911?

Creed's age, probably. I need to ask my kids if they know to not to dial 911, actually. Well, as of two weeks ago, Jackson said that if he ever got in trouble, or if something happened to me at our house, he would dial 991. He's 12. So I'm like, we clearly, um, since I moved into this house, we have never really had like a conversation about safety in the event of emergency. Like, remember back in the day when the police department and the fire department and stuff

would come to the school and they would teach you to stop, drop and roll and how you were supposed to go to like a family tree or like a marker in the yard? Yes. I know that you had said that y'all had like an exit strategy. Yeah, we haven't done that. So I think that's going to be on our weekend plans as well. You should also get the fire escape ladders that I have in the kids rooms and like they're one time use. So like, if you're going to practice get a separate one to practice on. They're in the closets, but they're accessible to the kids. So like, if you're going to practice, get a separate one to practice on

there in the closets, but they're accessible to the kids. So if there's ever a fire, they can throw them out the window and hook them to the windowsill. So send me the link for those little ladders, because I need to get them for all of my bedrooms. Outside of that, we briefly discussed Scott Peterson and Casey Anthony on the last episode. But there has been news that has surfaced on Chris Watts. I don't know if you have seen it, but we're about to play a video. Okay, y'all. So breaking news in the Chris Watts case, y'all.

Chris Watts has written a letter from prison saying that his mistress, Nicole Kessinger, was involved in the unaliving of Bella in CC in Shenan, even. He said now that she did an unalive Shenan, but once he told her that he unalived Shenan, she said, you might as well unalive Bella in CC too. Now, this is the letter. Y'all can pause it to read it. So this is the letter that he wrote from prison stating that

Nicole is Jezebel, that's what he's calling her, and Jezebel convinced him to do what he did to his family and not only that but she was involved directly in the un-living. She was there that morning and she helped him conceal the evidence and put the girls in the oil tanks and do all the things. Now she worked with him and I've always felt like she was involved in some way. But he's finally given a full confession saying that she is she was involved and she should as well be in trouble. Now he said the reason that he's been protecting her for so long is because he felt bad for her. He didn't want her to get in trouble. I saw this I saw that. I feel like I always thought that somebody else would have likely been involved.

That's a lot of stuff to do. We're talking like Coburger level stuff. I mean, there was just too much circumstantial evidence, as we'll call it, with the shadows that were clear as day that somebody else was there on that like ring camera type of footage that night. And also like he wasn't doing that all by himself. There's no way in hell you could convince me

that he was doing that alone. I agree. Also, is there anything that can be done at this point since she was not charged now that he has confessed this in this letter, can they go back and do anything now about it? Unless there's new evidence, I actually don't know. I feel like if she had been charged and then not convicted, I don't know that they can

retry her on that same charge. But because she was not charged. I wonder she wasn't tried or yet charged or tried So I wonder but they would have to have Other they would have to have other evidence. It can't just be well, he said she did it Do you know what I mean? Like there has to be At the very least or actual circumstantial evidence that would put her at the scene of the crime. So unless he has that But I wonder what would make him do this now after so much time. Hindsight is 2020. I know that there was a period of time in my life where that's all I said was hindsight

is 2020, but it truly is. Like when you can take a step out of the situation that you're in and you can actually have some self-awareness and reflect, I'm sure he was in love with her. I'm sure he was in lust with her. I'm sure that he wanted to protect her and he thought that he was gonna be with her forever. Because I think when you put yourself in these situations where it's toxic love and love will blind you, it truly will, your love for someone will make you overlook

so many fucking things. And I'm literally speaking from experience is like you take a step out of that and you really understood what you put on the line yourself for this other person. And he probably is so far removed from that relationship at this point that he's able to say, Okay, now it's my time to speak. And like, I'm not saying that's right. But do I think that she should be charged at this point? I would say yes. But can you just imagine being a mistress, being aware of the fact that you're a mistress

and then helping a man that has not left his wife but killed her? Pregnant. Pregnant, kill his children, assist him killing his children. Or at what point did they think that they were sane in that? Just take her being at the scene of the crime out of it. Cause I do believe she was there. Just even being a participant in the plan

and knowing and thinking that you could live because if he would do it to her and his own flesh and blood, his own children, you think you and him are going to have a successful and healthy relationship? I said this on an episode of Barely Famous. I said, I don't understand just one person being able to do those hacks, let alone two. That just seems so outrageous to me that two people that sick in the head could get together. And collaborate.

Yeah. Like I'm, I'm disgusted. Coffee Convo's podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself

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for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale, no long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com code coffee. Just thought that that was something that people would want to know because I've always waited around honestly for the prison letters from all of these people, like what would Scott Peterson say if the Innocence Project wasn't working, I guess with him or for him? Yeah.

Like would he have also confessed like certain things by this point? I would be curious if anyone helped, like wouldn't someone have spoken up? Do you know what I mean? No, I don't think anybody helped him. No, I don't think I don't think anybody helped him No, I think he operated alone in that situation same like I'm I feel fully Anthony, too Do you think that anyone helped Casey Anthony? No, absolutely either I hate when people try to blame her parents and I'm like her parents had no fucking clue

Her parents had no fucking clue and they were torn between Losing their daughter and then between losing their daughter and then also losing their daughter and their granddaughter. So I don't think that they were involved in any way. In that situation, if my child had been being looked at for something so heinous, unfortunately, I would have to choose the grandchild that cannot advocate for themselves against my child. But don't you think they did though, like with the exception of like her back peddling on the car smells like a dead body or whatever?

I think they did advocate for their daughter, their granddaughter. I really do. But I think they were also torn in the fact with him being former law enforcement. I feel like they didn't want to put anything out there that could potentially implicate her in the event that she wasn't guilty. I think that was where their mind likely was. It's really sad. We have a listener topic.

This person says, all right, ladies, am I the asshole? Also, what would you do? I'm a bonus mom and have been for over a decade. Every Sunday morning. They are at my house, we make biscuits and gravy. This has been our tradition since they were two and they are now 12. Well, I've had a job working weekends the past year. So that has made that tradition more rare. I recently quit and have my weekends at home back. So I pulled all the stops and even made the biscuits from scratch. They were so happy they asked

if they could have the take the leftovers to their moms for breakfast for the week. I know it's their favorite. So I said, of course, and box it all up for them. When they came back to my house, it turned out that it was all thrown in the trash. She was livid that I had sent food home. We have had no rules about this. I honestly didn't even think twice about it. We were close enough that she has expressed how hard mornings have been. I thought it might make it easier. Would you say something? Would that upset you if your kid showed up with food? I know I might be petty for being mad,

but I'm kind of pissed that it was wasted. Our other kids would have eaten it for the week and in this economy, we know that food is not cheap. I wanted them to have it to enjoy it and I would give them the world, of course, but for it to be thrown in the trash just felt wasteful and rude. I think this has actually happened to me. I don't know about the trash part of it. Sometimes it's like, if there's like holiday, they'll send cookies or whatever with the kids. And that doesn't bother me. I'm personally not going to eat it. I'm also not going to not eat it in front of the kids. So if they say it's for me, I'm not going to sit there and say like, oh, I'm not going to eat it or anything like that. I'm just excited to get it. And then, you know, they don't need to see whether I eat it or not. Right. Like,

it would not offend me in any way, shape or form. If Isaac brought food here or Lincoln brought food here, that would not offend me in any way, shape or form. We don't typically send things. I'm speaking about Joe and hobby right now in this situation. We don't send things to and from the house. So like toys, food, gifts, like whatever you get from that family stays in that house. Whatever you get in this family stays in this house. Same for Joe. I mean, obviously if the kids choose, they want to bring something from here to their dads, I don't give a shit. But like, I'm not sending stuff over there like regularly. Do you know what I mean? Like that's just like not a thing. Food. I feel like if the kids are excited about this, I do think that this was fucked

up on the bio mom side. Like she shouldn't have done that, especially in front of the kids. The way that I'm seeing it is that she probably took it as a shot to like her parenting or like not having breakfast or whatever. She probably thought it was like a shot at her even though it clearly wasn't. So I don't know. I think take your feelings out of it. I don't think that you should be. It's sad, but like to sit here and be like, oh, it's wasteful and rude. Like let them. That's the, I mean, Mel Robbins says it best.

Definitely read the let them theory or listen to the let them theory because this is one of those things where you just have to let them. Well, I just think that there was probably conversation in that home with bio mom, with the children about that food that probably shouldn't have been had because it's conversations like that creates a divide regardless. So there's been times that I've had Jackson on like the two day stretch where he might have wanted spaghetti and I've overmade a mound of sauce. And when I go and drop his stuff off at Will's, because I know that's his favorite meal, I will just take whatever's left over and drop it over there because I

know that he'll use it. Like, if he's going on a work trip or something, and he knows Jackson's not going to be at his house for like five days, and he went and bought donuts and there's donuts left, they're going to be at his house for like five days. And he went and bought donuts and there's donuts left, they're going to be bad by the time he gets back. So he'll just drop them at my house. Like, yeah, I think that's completely reasonable. But you have to have that type of relationship with the other parent in order for that to make sense. Like, for example, you know, I might be able to do that with Isaac or Lincoln, but I'm not doing that for Lux and Creed because

that's not the type of relationship. It just, that's just not something we, I think it depends on the relationship. I think that it was not malicious intent here. And I think that the way both of the moms, stepmom too, saying it felt so wasteful and rude, yeah, it might, but you have to let her like you have to let her do that. And unfortunately, to the kids, like, they kind of got caught in the crossfire. Like, I don't think that that was really fair.

I think what it sounds like where you're at with it is the stepmom did what she thought was right to make the kids happy. And the mom was not receiving of that. So she threw it all out. So let her. Yeah because at the end of the day the kids will recognize that when they get older. They don't need you to spell it out now you know not to do it again and that's sad for the stepmom but also hopefully this is an awakening for the mom. I don't know if this would ever get sent to her but it's like you didn't have to do all that. And on that note, we have foul play.

Foul play. So me and my husband, every once in a while, will have a night of drinking at home after the kids go to bed and play video games and board games. Well, one drunken night, we decided to go a little too rough in bed. We were about 10 minutes into fun time,

and I get the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I tell my husband that I think he's gone too deep and that I just need a minute before continuing. Needless to say that minute was more like three hours and the pain had not subsided. I finally tell my husband that he needs to call 911 because I cannot stop sobbing and I can't move at all. He eventually does call and it's about 230am at this point and we're both still drunk. These paramedics walk into our bedroom where we have

sex toys, lube, and alcohol sitting out. Didn't think about putting those things away until after they took me to the hospital. I'm full exposed from the waist down and I never know what they, I never wanna know what they thought of me. Then because our house is full of stairs, I'm forced into a chair that can go up and down the stairs

safely. As I'm being brought down my front stairs with only a blanket to cover my business, I look up and see some neighbors have gathered outside. Also, both of my kids have slept through this whole thing and we had to call my parents to come over and sit with them while we were at the hospital and we couldn't leave the house in the ambulance

until they got there, which was a fun conversation. Very long story, not so short, I had a cyst rupture and now my husband likes to joke that his dick broke my vagina. I've been an avid listener since the beginning and love you not so short. I had a cyst rupture and now my husband likes to joke that his dick broke my vagina. I've been an avid listener since the beginning and love you both so much. Hope this made you laugh like it does us now. What is the problem with men thinking that their dicks are just like so big that they can do so much? They have...

It's a cyst. Truly. I mean, it's the same like complex about like turning les turning lesbian straight for them. Their dick size really does determine their attitudes and their ego sometimes. It's just like, your dick is not that good. No matter how big it is, it is not big enough for you to act like that. But this one's funny. This one is funny. You know what I mean? Okay. Have you ever had a cyst? I've had a cyst and I've had a cyst rupture and they're painful. So one of my girlfriends told me a long time ago that she had a cyst and she said that it was worse

than childbirth for her. I've heard that. I don't think that mine has ever been worse than childbirth that I can remember, but I've definitely had some painful ones for sure. What are they caused from? Well, I have PCOS, so polycystic ovary syndrome. And outside of that, I don't have a clue, truly. I got a cyst, you know when you go in for your like six week checkup or whatever after you have a baby? Yeah.

I had a cyst, but they said it was from where I had ovulated and it would just go away on its own. Yeah, and sometimes depending on how soon after you get pregnant, they can tell which ovary your baby got from. Yeah, they can tell me. Like when they did my ultrasound and everything, they pinpointed exactly down to the date that I got pregnant, because I knew,

and which ovary that I had ovulated from that I got pregnant, because I knew, and which ovary that I had ovulated from that I got pregnant from. I would be so curious to know if I had two eggs dropped from one ovary or if one came from each for the twins. I know, that is so interesting. Wait, because yours didn't split. No, I don't have identical.

I just have a total. Oh shit. Yeah, I don't know identical. I just have for total. Oh shit. Yeah, I don't know. That's so interesting. Okay, well I have to hop because I have to take Jackson to play therapy. Thank you guys who are always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple podcast app.

Follow and rate on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and join our Facebook group to connect with us and our community. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. Alright, I may not be as funny as Nikki Glaser.

I want to pitch a series of, like, calendars where men are just crying in a therapist's office or punching a pillow and working out their anger towards their dad. But I do have my moments. I actually have full conversations. With the moon, yes. I try to keep it pretty balanced on this podcast, a little fun dance between comedy, therapy, self-medicating.

Oh, and sorry, if you haven't guessed, hi, I'm Caitlin Bristow, host of Off the Vine Podcast, where we like to just keep things loose and keep them raw and keep them real, like when we have listeners call in and give confessions. And then that glass of wine progressed into me becoming a unicorn for them. So.

Oh, wow. But we do, and I promise you this, try to keep it honest and vulnerable. So jump on the wagon, not off. Grab your favorite bottle of wine, preferably Spade and Sparrows, and join the Vinos. Have yourself a time. The Off the Vine podcast is available wherever you get your podcasts.