Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Can't Stay Stuck In The Good

Episode Date: November 9, 2023

CC316: Lindsie shares her recent coparenting issue that Kail can relate to in every way. Parenting plans are mean to be followed and respected, and if we've learned anything is that to stay away from the court as long as possible. Kail wants to know if anyone still thinks of the past like she does, Lindsie is NOT abroad the nostalgia train. Lindsie finds the topic of women not admiting their cheating as cheating very interesting and Kail talks about the times she found herself in a similar mindset. For Foul Play, someone gets caught giving a BJ and someone else gets into the wrong bed with the wrong woman! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsors! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month Chime: Get started at chime.com/convos Kiwico: Get your first month FREE on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/COFFEE Loft: Use code COFFEE to get $25 off your full price purchase, non combined with other offers. $25 off your full price purchase valid now until Monday, January 1, 2024 at 2:59am ET on Loft.com. To receive discount, promo code COFFEE must be entered online only at checkout. Excludes sneak preview, third-party, cashmere, taxes, shipping, purchases of gift cards. Non full pice product, charges for gift boxes and payment of a style rewards credit card account. Unless otherwise stated cannot be combined with any other offer, total store promotion and free shipping on qualifying orders of $99+. No adjustments prior to purchases. Not valid for cash. Rocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOS Stamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!

I hate gift giving and receiving receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say? Thank you This is coffee convos with kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels kale That does not interest me whatsoever I feel very attacked by you a spirit and discussion about motherhood friendship family and life in the public eye I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's kale and Lindsay There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kailin Lindsay. I don't have mascara on again. I don't have mascara on either. Good morning.

You look pretty though. You look, I, they feel like I never see your hair straight. It looks so good and you should wear it straight more often. I don't know why you say that. I feel like Trent probably secretly likes it straight too, but he just like would never tell me that. Why wouldn't he tell you that? I don't know. I mean, okay, do you think that as women, we think we look better one way, but like probably actually look better another way and we're committed to the one way we think

we look better. So that's the way we get ourselves ready. Yeah. I mean, that's why there's like trends from what like 2006 where our bronzer, do you follow Isabella Clancy on or Isabelle Clancy on Tik Tok and she does like the throwback one. Okay. I'll send you one of her videos. She, um, she does like the throwbacks from when we were in high school and the one that

she did this like, like drawing our eyebrows on when we were in high school and then like the really thick bronzer. And it was just like, we thought we looked so good and we walked around like that, but like we knew other people didn't look good like that. So why were we doing it? I have no idea, but I do remember, I don't ever remember doing my brows like in high school.

Did you? I still don't do my brows. I've never filled in my brows. Only when I get my makeup done, do my brows get filled in. Listen, a brow pencil used to be the scariest thing to me in the world. I was just terrified. I'm kind of still terrified of it,

which is why I do the lash tinting or whatever, or the brow tinting, because then I just really don't have to fill in anything in. I just brush them out. I'll tell you a funny trend that Trent absolutely hates and he's like, never do this trend. Laminated brows and coffin fingernails. I can't do, I love the laminated brow look on some people.

On some people it looks scary because it's like spikes and I'm not into that. Yeah, it's too much. But I definitely have done, I don't do the coffin nail thing anymore, but that is, yeah, that's a no. Like that was very short lived for me. Once I broke a couple and they hurt, I was like never again.

Listen, there is, I truly think you see when I wore acrylics, which was probably, I don't even know how many years ago it was whenever I was in high school. I think that was probably the last time I wore an acrylic and that's worse than childbirth If you ever break one, I've had them snap off in the middle of my nail bed Not even like the top but like the middle and rip my full real nail off horrible Do you have nails right now? These are these are Joe. No toenails. Oh, Tony. I have toenails right now. Yeah, you do Yeah, are they are they acrylic no, they're they're my real nails now So, oh, so they're all grown out and you're doing your best. Yeah, I'm living my best life right now

I need to tell you If you guys hear anything at my house, it's because my washing machine has been going for hours at this point And I put something in there that might shouldn't be in there. So it might be one of those situations where it's like, pfft, you know. What was it? What did you put in there? Specifically a large comforter.

So I did that the other day, like three, four days ago. And my washer would just like start beeping at me because the water couldn't spin out of it. So I would just keep hitting the spin button to just spin the water out and it still wouldn't come out. So I just said, fuck it, pulled it out. So wait, what did you do with the water that was still on it? I don't know. I let it allow you to deal with it because I wasn't dealing with it. See, that's why we all need hot neighbors because that really works out in your

best interest. I don't have that situation going on. And in fact, when Trent and I first started seeing each other, I was very committed to my organization and staying on top of things at that point and like not letting anything fall behind. I was like in that era of post breakup, getting myself back together. It was like not too long after I had my closets done

and had ripped like everything out, trying to organize everything. So I'd met him for a quick, I would call it like, Liner. Like not lunch, but not dinner. Lunch early dinner, yep. Met him for a quick Liner. And I think that we both still wanted to hang out,

but I was so committed to what I had going on at home. And I was like, listen, I washed my duvet, and so I have to go home, and I can't just let it sit in there. It'll be stinking and it'll be ruined. Kid you not, I had planned to hang out with him later that night, it took me six hours to get that thing to spin all the way out to the point that I was crying

and that fucking washing machine was like halfway across my laundry room by the time it got done. So do you do drag cleaningleaning now or what? No, I just don't use a duvet. Which is crazy that you bring that up. So... Duvet? I cried putting one on before like I had gotten one from Pottery Barn

years and years and years ago after my divorce. Well, I haven't used one since because I cried trying to figure out how to put it on. I was so pissed off. I was so upset. I recently found my Brooklyn in one and I have the Quince, like rinse, Quince down comforter and I've just been using it as a down comforter. I haven't put anything over it. So I washed the Brooklyn in duvet cover, bleached it, it was brand new. I hadn't even opened it. So it's somewhere between the moves over the last two years. It just got lost in the sauce. So I'm now

using my Brooklyn and duvet cover over my quince down comforter and I'm obsessed with it. But I think when the time comes, I'm just going to have to just take it to dry cleaning because I'm not dealing with that. And I'm never putting my comforters in my washer again because when I tell you pulling first of all, it was heavy as hell. I'm not, I don't have any upper body strength. You know how hard it was to pull that shit out of the, out of the washer? Yeah, no. And it's just not a good idea.

Listen, I can tell every single person the amount of things that I have ruined in wash cycles by thinking that I know how to do something that I in fact do not know how to do. I'm not even kidding. Like clothing pieces that I absolutely love and then I'll go in fact do not know how to do. I'm not even kidding, like clothing pieces that I absolutely love and then I'll go in there and I'm like, oh yeah, I shouldn't have washed those two things together. So I'm just gonna throw it away.

Like there's no coming back from this. I hate when that happens. One of my girlfriends said that she doesn't wash anything. She, sorry, no, that's disgusting. What I meant to say was, Back up. She doesn't dry anything because she's like, I'll fucking ruin it. She's like, everything will get ruined

so I don't dry anything. She puts her kids clothes in the dryer, but any of her stuff, she doesn't know what's what. So she just puts everything out to like dry air dry in her basement. Wait, so does she have like a whole thing dedicated to like a drying room? Wouldn't that be so nice?

But yes, I'm not going to a basement to like hang up room? Wouldn't that be so nice? I don't understand. Yes, I'm not going to a basement to like hang up clothes. It's just going to go in the dryer if it gets ruined. Fuck it. I wear ruined things all the time. You do. I want to tell you a lesson that I learned this week. Okay.

It wasn't a lesson that I wanted to learn, but it was a lesson. Okay. Okay. In co-parenting, you cannot always expect that someone's going to return favors that you're willing to do for them. 100%. And you cannot expect that because things are regularly good that they will always be good.

I hate that though because when things are good, I get so stuck in the good. Like I'm like, okay, like, I mean, at some point, now I'm to the point where it's like, I just wait for the other shoe to drop or I was in that place for a long time. But for a long, long time, it was like, I would just be so stuck in the good that I was like, it's never going to go back. And then it would shock the shit out of me as if I didn't know this person and this is why we're not together in the fucking first place. Listen, I, anytime that we ever have, which is very rare, you know this, but anytime we

ever have like a co-parenting dispute over something, the first thought that comes to my head is this is, this is why we're divorced. I don't know why that is my first thought, because it's really not even about that, because we would probably be having some of these same problems if we were together. But I'm like, you know what, this is why I don't deal with you regularly on a daily basis and why we don't live under the same roof.

Because of how, it's because of how they handle the dispute or whatever the subject is at hand, that's what, because I feel the same way. Like this is why we're not together, because the way that you're handling this is absolutely insane. And then I get questioned for coming out of pocket on something, and it's like, you know what,

if you would have governed yourself accordingly from the jump, I wouldn't even have a reason to come out of pocket, because if I'm specifically just going off of what is court order, that you are court order to do, and I have followed every bit of that protocol, sent the emails that need to be sent, given you ample time to respond, tried to remedy these issues, amicably, sit down and have a conversation with you privately, not involve our minor child in parenting things,

try to do all of that. And then immediately when you say, okay, next step is a mediation, the names that you get called. It's like, did you read what you signed and what you agreed to? Because if you did, I'm quite confused on how that makes me a psychopath at that point. Oh, he's name calling you. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I thought you were saying Basically saying like it's no surprise that I'm being calling your name calling him But no, I mean at the point that you are like, oh, what did you do?

Do you know what you read? Like I don't understand like I'm not I'm not following I mean, I think the problem is, is when you go through divorce, I think that you argue a lot over small things that probably don't matter in the grand team of things, and then you don't argue or place enough emphasis on the things that actually do matter. They're more long-term things. And I have truly thought about us starting some type of consulting business on how to consult women on how to form a parenting plan

that is in their best interest. Because, and I don't say that to be, listen, I'm a mom, so I'm gonna ride with the moms. Like, I don't really care. However, when you're in this situation of divorce and you're just ready to get out, you agree to all of these things and say, I agree to them. You sign your name to these things and say, I'm agreement to these things. And then you never read it again. And then you tell someone that's not what's in it when you get called

on your shit. Cause I read it all the time. Yeah. And before I ever send an email, if it gets the point of sending an email, the parenting plan's always pulled up and referenced. I have a situation where we are, like we only email and are constantly referencing the agreement and you just have to call bullshit. Like you're like, okay, well, this isn't the parenting plan. And then the other person will be like, oh, fuck,

you know what I mean? But the fact that you have such a thorough parenting plan and then there's still an argument or a question on whether y'all should go to mediation or not is insane. Okay, in the event of domestic travel, I'm just gonna give you an example. Okay, so for people who don't know, domestic travel is within the country.

Yes. Within the United States. Mm-hmm. In that case, I don't care if someone feels like this is overreach. I don't care if anybody who's listening says this is overbearing. Don't really care because at the end of the day, we both agreed to these terms. We both felt they were fair, evidently. Or else his attorney wouldn't have agreed to it and he wouldn't have agreed to it

domestic travel is Specifically notated in there and there's international travel specifically notated and there are different Things that you have to do for each of those things took Jackson on a trip ahead of this trip I requested all of the things that I am allowed to request for like physical address of the things that I am allowed to request for, like physical address, date and time of travel, what dates they're going, what dates they're coming back, who's going to be present on this trip. Those are all valid questions in my opinion. Now, am I going to go to this address?

No. Am I going to map this address? No. But in the event there was something that happened while Jackson was gone and he called me. I would at least be able to pinpoint exactly where he was. Right, and that's fair. I also want to know because I am no longer married to Will who's going to be residing in that home during the time that my child is staying there. In the event that anything God forbid something horrible came up later down the road at least that would be able

to go back in reference and say okay well these were the people that were in this house when this happened so these are the people that I can go to but what do you do when they're not because that's not in my parenting plan but I have asked that information and the father refused to give it to me I mean I don't even know where he lives for fuck's sake. Like I only know the general area. So like, what do you do when they refuse to give the information? Well, unfortunately, if it's not in the parenting plan,

the way they choose to govern themselves and the way you choose to govern yours is I guess just up to them or up to you. That's why it's in my parenting plan because it can be enforced. So when I have given time to get all this information to me, I send it the request way ahead of time, as I always do, and never hear anything this entire trip, nothing. Sun's phones turned off. So where I could have been able to get his location off of his phone, the phone's turned

off or either the location's turned off. So I can't get that either. So didn't talk to him for the entire time on the trip, which is fine. But if that's how we're going to operate, then we should both be operating that same way. So I shouldn't be encouraging him to call you because that's the right thing to do when he's in my custody. If you're not going to do the same thing.

See, and that's where that's where it does get tricky because I feel I feel as though on one hand, it's like being the, the, the, the person who does the right thing or tries to do the right thing gets us fucking nowhere. Like, but then on the other hand, it's like, is it going to be a strike against you in court if you decide to not do the right thing? But then what like, because I feel like you're between a rock and a hard place, like, you know, it's the right thing to allow him to contact his dad if he wants to while he's in your care. But also if it's not being reciprocated, at what point do you get to say, fuck this? Like, I'm not going to comply.

Okay, Lindsay, you know that I'm always talking about credit and I'm actually shocked when people still tell me to this day that they don't think that credit is actually a big deal because it really is. It is such a big deal. I know that I've shared before that my parents used to harp on us all the time when we were growing up and about to, what do do they say like fly the coop. And they were like, it's very important for you to have good credit, but we really did not know what we were supposed to do to get good credit. And I'm convinced that's why millions of

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Get started at chime.com slash combos. That's chime.com slash combos. The Chime credit builder visa credit card is issued by Stride Bank and a member FDIC. Chime checking account and $200 qualifying direct deposit required to apply out of network ATM withdrawal fees may apply. On time payment history may have a positive impact on your credit score. Lay payment may negatively impact your credit score. Results may vary. So I've only ever gone to mediation when there's a scheduled court date. How does one go about

getting mediation? So like in your situation right now, do you just have your lawyer contact his lawyer and say we're gonna schedule a mediation? And like who's the mediator? Is it the mediator that would be whoever is prior to going to trial? Like how does that work? No, so in my parenting plan, obviously you said

mine is very detailed. And it specifically says in the event of a dispute like this, then we have to amicably try to resolve. And I would have to show proof that I've tried to do this, which I have. I have tried to have a sit down. Has it happened? There's various different things that I've

tried to do to reach resolve and just not working. So at that point, then we have a mediation clause in our parenting plan that allows for us to defer to mediation before using the court. But what does that mean? Defer to mediation? Would that be a mediator through the court? Like the one? No, so we would select a private, we would jointly select a private mediator. So like his attorney and my attorney would jointly select a mediation firm. And then we would go to this mediation.

Got it. And if whatever's not resolved at the mediation then would be taken to court And then a judge would decide. Got it. So right now I am waiting on a court date for Lux and Creed, but he does not want to mediate. He wants to go right to trial. Do you have anything in your parenting plan

that says anything about me? No, because the judge ordered our parenting plan. So our entire parenting plan that we're operating off of right now is based on when Lux was in preschool, four day school, and the judge entirely dictated what was in that schedule. So currently Halloween is not in there. Currently no vacation clauses in there.

Currently there's nothing about the change of appearance. There is nothing about when luck starts kindergarten, which is in first grade now. So it's from 2021 and we're about to enter 2024. So there's nothing in there. We're operating off of something that does not apply to our lives anymore. And I proposed like a new, very in-depth after talking to you and stuff,

like a really, really in-depth and not taking any time away from him whatsoever. Just putting very specific details in there about holidays and, you know, international travel, like kind of like shit like you described. I don't think there's international travel, just like travel in general. You know, nobody's changing our kids' appearance without consulting with the other one and allowing the other one to be present. Just more specific details. And he actually said, no, I'm not signing this. And even though he has no time being taken away, and he requested to go back to trial, even though it didn't work in our favor the first time. So when I filed for divorce and I hired an attorney who specialized in divorce with minor children and she told me, she said, it is in both yours and Will's best interest.

To do this yourselves. For y'all to do this yourself because if you go into the courtroom, I can promise you both of you are gonna be pissed off. Yeah, I mean, to this day, I can't honestly say that either him or myself are, I mean, it doesn't even have like he feels, you know, and I don't think that this is saying anything bad. He feels as though luck should be playing sports that's in a place, and I've said,

I think I've said this before, he feels that luck should be playing sports in a place that is equal driving distance for him and for myself. I don't agree. I feel that he should be playing within his school district with his peers and his friends that he's going to be in school with. And I think the judge would say that it would be based, the location would probably be based off of the primary residence. Which is also his school district. So, and he's with me. But I just, I didn't even know that there was like

an option to like request mediation. And I didn't know that was like a job outside of the court. So that's really interesting to me. But unfortunately he, in writing, waived his right. He does not want to go to mediation. He wants to go right to trial. So I just, I'm going to be interested to see how this turns out because I agree with you.

I agree with whoever told it. what did you say your attorney said that like, yeah, that's what she said. 100% agree with that. She said that you want to go, this situation already sucks altogether as it is, right? Like you are losing your marriage and then you're losing time with your child, probably not something that you ever thought you were signing up for, but here you are. You wanna go to court with everything that you want in there with an agreement that you both agree on this parenting plan before you go in there.

So that the judge realizes, okay, these two parents are evidently level-headed human beings enough to come to an agreement on their own without me having to order it, because chances are when they do order it, neither person's gonna be happy. I agree. Like you're not gonna get everything that you want.

He's not gonna get everything he wants and you have to realize, okay, this is in the best interest of the child. I didn't even hear from my child on my birthday. Oh, he didn't like call or anything? First time in 13 years that will hasn't been the first person to wish me happy birthday, which don't really carry something husband anymore. But it was just weird that it that he didn't. And then also didn't have my child call. And it's not really a

child's responsibility to remember something when they're on vacation. I agree. I do I hear your point about him wishing you a happy birthday and he's not being married, he's not married to you anymore, but you know, I have struggled with that over the years with all of my kids' dads. Like, I don't expect them to wish me a happy birthday, but you know, showing your child a simple gesture like wishing the mother of their child a happy birthday or a happy mother's day is the bare fucking minimum that you can do to show your child that you know we're not together anymore but I still care that that's your mom you

know or I still care that that's your dad you know and I if I do it hurts feelings and also just not showing a good it's not setting a good example for the children and that's my opinion. Nobody has to agree with me, but I don't know. Listen, I just think that this always happens when there are other people involved outside of just us. And I didn't really expect that to happen on my birthday. I didn't think that it would apply on that.

And then today I'm 34 years old. I don't need a happy birthday from you. But to your point, it's just to show your child, if nothing else, if that's all it's for, is to say, look, this is your mother and I still have a level of care for her because she is your mother. And to show them that you should

just be nice. You should just be kind. I just had a meeting with Jo, Vee and Isaac face to face, all four of us in the room. And he looked at Isaac and he's like, you know, do you respect your mom? That's your mom. Do you care about your mom? That is your mom. Like, I love your mom.

I love Vee. It was, you know, not related to parenting plan, but just letting him know. Like, I still love your mom. We're not together. I'm with V. But I still love your mom. I still care about her, you know, and obviously not in a romantic way for anyone that's listening. But just like as a person, you know, that you still care because that is the other parent. So I mean, just a simple text, like, or, I mean, even, even if so, like Lincoln has a phone

if Lincoln was like, Oh, hey, my dad said happy birthday or like my dad said happy Mother's Day, you know, because that does show effort, just a small gesture in front of the children, you know. Yeah. And so that was, that was very hurtful. And then it brought me to a conversation with another one of my girlfriends of at what point do you you stop making the kind gestures because they're not meeting you there? And how do you identify the bigger person in the situation? Because

typically people say the bigger person is the person who turns a blind eye and continues to be kind. Or is the bigger person protecting yourself and your own peace and meeting that person wherever they're willing to meet you? Which one is it? I struggle with both. I think and I think it also varies by situation. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. I feel like all we personally do is talk about therapy and we regularly reference our therapy journey on the podcast and I cannot recommend enough for you guys to check out BetterHelp. No, absolutely. We talk about this all the time and it's become such a huge topic of discussion across the Facebook groups, which I love that like they know us for talking

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So find your bright spot this season with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help H E L P dot com slash coffee. Guess what just arrived at my door this morning when I took the dog out. You know what? Jackson's Kiwi Co-Crate and he's going to be so ticked that he wasn't here for the delivery. I absolutely love Kiwi Co. because they are just super fun science, technology and art projects and truly it is a no brainer to me because it makes him one so happy.

I do not have to go and gather all of these supplies or even think about coming up with a project. We love it. Kale, I know, is a huge, huge fan. She's the one who first introduced me to it. And now I say it all the time. It is like my gift hack for all of my mom, friends, kids. That's what they get. I'm stocking up now. I'm getting everything ready for the holidays to send out their gifts because everything shows up that you need. You don't have to go to the store to get any extra supplies. They have super fun activities for a variety of age ranges. They actually have nine different subscription options for different ages and subjects.

So there is truly something for every single kid. And I wish this was around when we were kids. I also wish it was, and I cannot stress enough that this is totally stress-free. You're going to enjoy the quality time with your kids tackling these projects together and not have to worry about getting all of these supplies and stuff on your own. And I also love that there's no commitment. So you can cancel or pause at any time. And if you are looking for a gift that just keeps giving, I highly recommend KiwiCo.

You can discover hands-on fun with KiwiCo. Get your first month free on any CrateLine at KiwiCo. You can discover hands-on fun with KiwiCo. Get your first month free on any crate line at kiwico.com slash coffee. That's your first month free at kiwico.com slash coffee. This was the other thing that happened on my birthday, like a couple of days before. So typically every other year we have Jackson on our birthdays and then whoever has him on his birthday and the parenting plan, like whoever's time his birthday falls on has him. But then the other parent can have him the following day and I forget if it's like three or six hours or something like that to celebrate. Totally fine. I get notified that there's gonna be like

this out of town trip and it falls on my birthday. And I'm like, okay, you know, I didn't respond back immediately because I've tried to, I was upset initially whenever I got the text and I was like, wow, that's just, why is he doing that? But then I thought, okay, well, there's more people just involved

than like our child and our parenting plan. This is an entire family trip and everything's not gonna always work out based off of our parenting plan. I'm gonna give a little grace here, but I'm also going to address, hey, like in the past, this is how we have done things. I don't know what changed this year.

This is what is reflected in court ordered. I see that this falls on a day that is actually supposed to belong to me. I'm not going to request for your entire family to change their trip because it's my birthday, but just be mindful next time whenever you do this, not to book trips on dates that don't belong to you. Unless, obviously, you have a conversation and you're like, okay, this is fine. Yeah, I mean, I definitely agree with that.

So, books this trip, I give this grace. He then tells me, I said, hey, like you guys are gonna be coming home on a Wednesday. Typically my days are Wednesdays and Thursdays. Is there any way that I can get him for Thursday and take him to a cabin? And he said, yeah, shouldn't be a problem. Don't hear anything all week.

Don't come home whenever I'm told that they're going to be coming home. So they didn't come home on Wednesday? Well, they did come home on Wednesday, but I believe the initial return time was like up in the air if it was going to be like Tuesday or it was going to be Wednesday morning. But then I didn't hear anything until like late Wednesday evening that they had made it back home. I'm like, okay, fine. Will and I had already kind of like had it out because I said, you know,

you never sent me a dress, never no phone call, no nothing. So after he agreed in writing that I could have him and I booked this trip to the mountains and can't get my money back, he tells me I can't pick him up. Why? Because he's upset with you being upset with him? I guess he is upset because I was upset because I was holding him accountable.

And I said, listen, this doesn't have to go past the point of just general acknowledgement of, Hey, Lindsay, I am sorry that I did this and I will be better next time. That would have been enough for me. So you can't take Jackson to the cabin. No, that would piss me off. That would piss me off. That would set me the fuck off. So then what do you do?

We've been preparing for all week that he's gonna be coming home and I'm going to do my obligations and then get him in head out of town and not happening. That would piss me off, especially because you booked the job you know, but at the point that he agreed and said shouldn't be a problem is the point that that is a

verbal agreement. That is in writing agreement. Well right and in the beginning when I got divorced, I will say that there is some there's some parallels here. Javi and I would do that too. Like it would be like agreeing to certain things outside of the custody plan and then going back on it when we get mad at each other. But then ultimately still sticking to our word. And that was part of our growing pains. And now I would never, like if I tell you

you can have them, you can have them. You know, like we don't fight about that anymore. Like I completely forgot about Lincoln's hobby had requested to switch two different weeks. I completely forgot about it, but I did agree, booked a birthday party for him on one of the weeks that I agreed to switch and then hobby reconfirmed. I could have gotten pissed off and been like,

well, it's my time, I don't care what I said. Like according to our custody agreement, this is my, but I don't. I was just like, if I agreed to it, then I agreed to it. You know what I mean? Like if it, whether it was- And that's my thing. I'm like, you know what? If I, if I've made an agreement or I've made a concession on something and that's

what I committed to, then just know that I am committed from the point that I say that perfectly fine, no issue, notating it in my calendar. Now knowing what I know now, I wish that I wouldn't have given the concession to accommodate everybody that was going on that trip and their trip would have been cut two days short. And that would have been that. Right. Because that was your parenting time. And, you know, it's kind of, it's like a slap in the face when you allowed it

and then turn around and it's not reciprocated. Like that's not fair. So then I was getting out of Pilates this morning and was scrolling and I saw this come up on Facebook. It says, do your homework on how I act when I feel played. And I sent it to Kristin and she goes, oh, okay, so before 9 a.m. you're back on your shit and I'm like specifically yes I am. Specifically I am. I am back on my fucking bullshit. Hey listen we have some listener topics that I want to get through. Also there is

what that's fine we'll do that., tell me what there is. You were scrolling on Facebook, and I was just gonna say something funny about like, also scrolling on Facebook and like, I shouldn't say this. Like, I'm just going to hell. Like, I'm going straight to hell. I was scrolling and I had a lot of people that I went to high school with have, you know, re-added me on Facebook or whatever and like, that's fine. Like I actually love my high school days. Like I don't, like I have nothing negative to say about 99% of the people.

But I was scrolling and I happened to see one girl that added me and she's in a relationship with this guy, right? And I have no room to talk, but I I was being I was having a judgmental moment and I just noticed that every single picture with her and her man she is teasing like she is the happiest person on the entire planet and he is literally just like barely smile like like he's not happy to be there. And it's just like, so it just looks so not good. But she obviously is posting them. So she thinks that they're like fantastic pic. Yeah.

And I'm just like, I just want to know like if this is how he smiles with everyone or like, and like- That's where I was about to go with it. I was about to be like, maybe because we don't know him. Maybe he just has resting bitch face all the time. Also, you know, Lauren Conrad, she doesn't smile like, she smiles like, it's like a straight smile.

You know who Lauren Conrad is from Laguna Beach. So she smiles, it's like very, like that's just how she, like she can't, like, you see, like how it looks real. I don't know. Um, but I just felt bad for the girl because also I read an article like law like probably last year talking about when you take a photo with someone and one person is leaning in and the other person is not the person leaning in is more invested in the relationship than the person who's not. So also in all of these photos, I noticed that she was also leading in and he wasn't

and also didn't look happy. And I was just like- So you have dissected, like you literally did an FBI search on these people. Yeah, I know. It's just like, because she's such a nice girl, like you deserve to be with someone that wants to stand next to you and smile just as hard as you're smiling Okay, so I'm gonna show you a photo and I want you to tell me Your thoughts on I'm scared this photo. Okay

I don't need I look so tired with no mascara on it. Do we both look happy? Yes, like that is like you're both happy. You're not one of you is leaning in more than the other. That one is like a candid, so happy moment. Okay, so what was this other photo then? Like try to give me a good description. No, I'll just show you, but I can't, Kristen's gonna have to blur it out or something.

Like why are we on Facebook? Like looking at these people. I don't know. You don't even know anymore. Like, okay, this is another thing. If you have not known me and like, I don't even know like five years. You don't know me. Yeah, no, I mean, she could argue the same.

Like, why is Kale judging me? But like, I'm not judging you, baby girl, I'm judging him. Like, I know how, what a nice person you are, and you just, you just deserve someone that loves, like, I don't know. Okay. Blur this out. I can't see it.

Okay, zoom in a little bit. Okay, I think that's just his face. No, no, because every single picture is like this. Let me show you a second example. And this is why I don't scroll really that much on social media, as I just said I was scrolling, but I just like to look at the memes. Okay, yeah, she looks way happier than he does.

And that makes me sad. You know what, anytime that I see, and I've been in this type of situation before, before I even say what I'm about to say, I feel so sad whenever I look at certain people's photos and I'm like, okay, you can tell that person's totally in this, but that person's totally not. And they're posting these photos.

I have posted these photos and I'm like, what, what am I thinking? But you know what? I think also this comes from a place of like, I'm overly sensitive to things like this, because people have picked my pictures apart, excuse me, my pictures apart and have also picked apart pictures of me with other people. And so I am analyzing every single picture before I post it. And I just like, I won't post a picture if I think my friend is not smiling as hard as me. Like I won't post it because of because of shit like this.

Yeah. Like I'm sticking the head, like being on social media and just being on TV and things and having like trolls pick my life apart. I have now started doing the same thing. But you're not necessarily trolling people. Are you? No, no, no, I'm not trolling. I'm just like, you're over analyzing

my pictures. And so like, I had posted a picture of Isaac not smiling and they're like, he looks miserable. But like, I knew that he wasn't miserable because he just doesn't like to smile. He has his braces. He doesn't like to show his teeth, whatever, whatever. So like, I knew what it was. And so when people were picking that apart, I was like, I, it's fine. But like also I am over analyzing every single picture, making sure that they look as they are exactly what they should be so that people don't pick them apart. Like I, like they do to me. Do you know what's so funny about kids with braces today?

They have like mastered the soft smile. I see, can't smell it. It's like this, right? When we had braces, we let everybody know that we had braces. They saw every bracket. Yeah, they did. Why? I just think it was...

Why did we not know, like, have soft smile days? Only certain people can smile without their teeth showing. Like you? Do we know someone? As if we know all the same people. Right. In terms of like influencers or, okay, let me think of someone like,

okay, Nicole Richie right here. She just popped up on my feed. Nicole Richie, I feel like looks okay. She's smiling with no teeth. Yeah, okay. Okay, fine. Perfectly fine. Me smiling with no teeth? No, can't

happen. Let me see it. Let me see what it looks like. Yeah, see, I like your smile. Lindsay, I have a question for you. What is that? How is your shipping and sending purge situation going? If you are referring to my unorganized yard sales, it's actually going really great because I am now using Stamps.com. See, we love Stamps.com. We have used Stamps.com years at this point. And I recommend it to everybody because you avoid having to go to the post office. I absolutely love it so much.

And with Stamps.com, all you need is a computer and a printer, and they even send you a free skill. So you have everything that you need to get started. And another great feature is if you need a package pickup, you can just schedule it through the Sam's.com dashboard. It's phenomenal. I do that all the time, because as we all know, I don't love to leave my house for pretty much any reason.

So I think that Sam's.com might be something, a great idea to add to your holiday wishlist. Because it's going to save you a lot of time and save you a lot of money. Stamps.com has actually also been helping businesses like yours save time and money during the holiday rush for 25 years with easy access to USPS and UPS services and premium rates for all your postage needs. You know, shipping can get pretty spendy, but I like to save money where I can. I also love that if you are running low on supplies, you can order shipping and mailing supplies, labels, even printers from their supply store, and you're going to get huge

carrier discounts up to 84% off USPS and UPS rates to help your bottom line. Plus, Stamps.com automatically tells you your cheapest and fastest shipping options, which I think is also a great feature. For 25 years, Stamps.com has been indispensable for over 1 million businesses. So give your business the gift of Stamps.com. So your mailing and shipping is covered this holiday season. Sign up with promo code coffee for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com. Click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code coffee. Okay, listen, I want to read this, what this listener wrote and said she said Is it normal for a mom to bring her son food like a maid and to be talked to as so He does no chores doesn't clean anything

Has everything that you could ever want Xbox PlayStation and Nintendo switch iPhone to iPads Are we talking about like a to iPads. Are we talking about like a, my first question that popped in my head is, are we talking about like a grown man older than 20 years old, or are we talking about like kids that are our age? I mean, cause my kid thinks that I am the maid of this house.

Yeah, my kids don't think I'm a maid. They actually know that I'm, I don't, you can fuck around and find out, but I'm no fucking maid and I will not, like I'll put their plate, I'll put their food on their plate, but that's the extent of it. The rest of it, I'm not a maid.

You can come pick up this trash. I don't care if I'm walking near it and I'm gonna go to the trash can myself. You need to come clean up your own trash. So I don't really care what age they are. No, that's not normal. I think for an only child, it's a little bit of a double standard.

I feel like, you know, if you have an only child, you're gonna do way, you know what I mean? Like where like I have a hundred kids. Well, you have the ability to do way more. Right. And that's the thing. Yeah, so it's a little bit different, but to the point that you're talking to me

like I'm a servant, absolutely. No, we're not doing that. And I'm not talking to like a servant by any means. That's definitely not the case. But when you're saying like your kids plate their own food, growing up, we also plated our own food. No, I'll put my kids' food on the plate. I'm probably not Isaac's, because he's old enough and whatever.

But like, no, and Lincoln too, he does his own. But like, I'll put Lux's food on his plate, I'll put Creed's food on his plate. They know I'm not a servant. Made to talk to somebody like a maid, that's just general disrespect. Well, also, why are you talking to anyone who like anything? Just talk to them like a normal person.

Yeah, so that's not good. And as far as like bringing food, again, like I will play to snack, I will play to dinner, I will play whatever, but bringing food somewhere is in fact not happening because we don't eat anywhere outside of the kitchen. Oh yeah, no, I'm not bringing my kids food in the living room, in the, you know,

their rooms or anything. If they're out, if we're talking about like Isaac gets his first job And he didn't bring a lunch. I might bring them food like in a situation like that. Yeah, but in this situation I'm just gonna let you know He wouldn't be having everything that he ever wanted like an Xbox PlayStation Nintendo switch iPhone and two iPads If he was doing these things well I want to know like I feel like that's also kind of sexist and like kind of like a gender role thing.

Like, why is your mom doing all of these things? And like, what do you think of women? Is that how you're going to treat your partner or your significant other? If you're treating your mother that way, then you're probably going to treat a partner that way. Yeah, I don't think that I'm with that. Yeah, I don't think that I'm not on with that. Yeah, no. And as far as like the, you know, a child treating a parent like a maid service, no, Jackson will leave. What is the deal with kids

taking their socks off and throwing them random places? And you can't find the matches. I don't even care. Like the matching thing isn't a thing for me. We'll figure it the fuck out, but listen to me when I tell you, you know, my bathroom is on the main floor. And my kids look, Isaac, not Isaac, Isaac will shower in his own bathroom. Lincoln, Luxe and Creed love to shower my shower. It's big and it has three shower heads. So they love it.

Why do they leave? Like they'll get undressed in my bathroom and leave their socks. And I'm just like, I do not understand that phenomenon. So weird, it'll be like, Oh, I decided to like, I was too busy playing Fortnite that I just took off my long Nike socks. And they're just like hanging around in all areas of the upstairs. In fact, I am gonna be a maid in that situation

because I'm not gonna let them just continue hanging out there. But also, why do our kids do this? I don't know. I truly don't know. And leave underwear like in their shorts. Oh, she- Not separated out. This is where I love that I have someone

that does my laundry because she tells my kids like she tells my kids they have to peel like Lincoln is the king of taking his clothes off and leaving things inside out or putting like leaving a wife beater on underneath the shirt or leaving his boxers in and he knows on Sundays before he goes to his dad's on Mondays his his clothes better be done. Or guess what? They're not getting washed because you better peel them out. You better put them right side out. And you better have every all your boxers taken out of your shorts and your and your pants, because we're not fucking around. Same for Lux. Lux just started that shit.

And so when she saw Javi at a fucking concert a couple weeks ago, did she tell him like you need to get your son to separate his draw? Yes, they had a conversation and she was like, yes. And I was bagging the fuck up because Lincoln then came home and was like, and she told my dad that I have to do my clothes. And I was like, because you do.

Like, I'm not, you're not going to listen to me. I know, I don't know what it is about kids not listening to their like mother, but they'll listen to another adult. Like they're just worse for their mom kind of thing. Yeah, because they know that we love them, even though they're such a pain in the ass, and they know that we're never going anywhere because they have such a level of confidence

in that relationship, that they think that they can just do whatever and nothing we say applies. I hate it. It's like this is not in fact a negotiation. Like I'm confused why we're negotiating anything right now. I'm confused why I'm participating in this conversation. You know how daddy used to say when we were growing up, he was like, do as I say, not as I do. Oh, my mom used to say that too. And actually, It drove me nuts.

And I'm like, I didn't understand what that meant Like I like at the time and just be like, uh-huh But like now I very much get it. No, I very much got it when it was being said to me And I'm like, okay, so we're it's okay for you to be hypocritical not us got it Okay, listen I saw this video and it was about a lion and a dog and it the title of it was a lion doesn't turn around when the dog barks. And it says, no matter what you do, people are always going to have some shit to say

about you. You could be an angel and they will still find shit to say your life will never truly be yours if you're worried about what people are saying and thinking about you, follow your own story and let them be wrong about you. And I think that I struggle with this a lot. I've gotten better, I think over the years, I used to be so invested in worrying about people knowing what the actual truth was or like trying to convince them of what the truth was. Yeah and it's like why do I care to convince somebody of what I know the truth is because

no one else is living my life. Also the other part of that too is like they're probably they say what they have to say just like I just said this about this couple that I know the girl I know from high school. These people that you don't even know anymore. Also, I said what I said just now, but I'm not gonna give it a second thought. So she doesn't, you know what I mean? So it's not like she- It was like a passing thought.

She doesn't need to come try to convince me that they're happy and you know, he treats her better than she treats him or any, whatever their story is, is their story, like you don't have to convince me of anything because after I said it, I'm not giving it a second thought, you know what I mean? And so at the end of the day, like these people that we worry about what they think, we're

not most of the time and most of us are not consuming their entire thought process or their entire, you know, all of their daily thoughts. So, but I also struggled with that too. I have struggled. I have gotten to a point where I have to tell people, do not send me anything. I don't wanna know. I don't care if it's about me and it's true.

I don't care if it's about me and it's not true. Don't send me shit because I will worry about how am I going to convince this person what the actual truth is? Because they've already committed to their own truth in their head. And then the next day. I think that's a long time for me to realize that.

Same, years and years and years and years and years. And at the same time, they're moving on to the next thing that is going to consume their thoughts for that day by the next day anyway. So by the time that I get around to finding something to convince them of what it actually is, they've already moved on. I think it's hard to live your life in a public place

and you feel like, okay, I just want all these people to know the truth about X, Y, and Z. But there's going to be a select set of people that no matter what you do, their commitment to hating you, they're more committed to that part than they are committed to caring about the actual facts, even if you could present a whole notebook of facts, and they're still going to be committed to whatever they're committed to for whatever reason.

And I don't understand that. It is a hard pill to swallow. I think about one person in particular is kind of trying to follow the bouncing ball. So have you seen the trend on TikTok that's like, how often do you think about the Roman Empire? Yes, I have. So there's a new one that's like, how often do you think about your old best friend?

Okay. And it's kind of like that, right? Like I constantly think of people who used to be in my life, that aren't in my life anymore. And I think of how things used to be, but it's very, very possible that over the last five years or over the last two years, those people have changed.

Like it is possible. People can change if they're committed to changing. Right. And it's weird when someone's not in your life and you don't see the growth or the pain or whatever they're going through because you're not there anymore. Yeah, that's that's like the weirdest. It's so weird. The weirdest thing ever. Actually, speaking of change, I saw this other video and it was talking about how people change in four different seasons and I want to know if you think this is true.

different seasons. They change when they heard enough that they have to. When they see enough that they're inspired to, when they learn enough that they want to and when they receive enough they're able to. I agree with two of them. I agree with people change when they heard enough. And people change when they learn enough. I agree. The other two, I'm iffy on only because it hasn't happened to me yet, but the other two, I'm heavy on the pain

will change you. The pain will change you for better or for worse, whether that's good or bad. The inspiring thing, I think it takes a certain kind of person and then what was the other one? When they've seen enough. Yeah, when they have, uh, when they receive enough, they're able to. Yeah.

Well, in terms of what, like, can you give me an example of that? I don't know. Kristen, can you think of an example of like when you receive enough, how that would cause you to change? That I was thinking money in terms of money. Like you've received enough money, you're able to change in a way that maybe you give back or you receive enough money, you change in a way that is, you know, you're not dickhead

because you think you have, like receive enough power, you're a complete asshole. Like, yeah, but it's receiving enough shit, I feel like it's like Isn't that more of like a beatdown moment? Like if you have received enough shit that you just like surrendered or whatever like I don't know that that would be Like an example of a positive change. I think money and power like political from like a political standpoint or Something like that because I definitely know people who get it, they become a doctor or like one of my best fucking friends

became a doctor, she was best friend from high school, let me clarify. I mean, we spent years together. She's a doctor now and she changed like, cool, you're a doctor, like I'm proud of you. Like you really went against every fucking odd that was against, like every single thing that was against you and you beat the odds

and you're a fucking doctor and you should be fucking proud of yourself. But do I think that you should be a complete dick? No. Like don't forget where you came from kind of thing. This holiday season loft can be your go-to. Check everybody off of your list destination, give gifts galore both in store and online.

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I don't want to tell you what always in my shopping cart because it was so much, but I love their jeans and I love some of their tops. They're so on trend. And I also put some things on a list for people that I want to purchase for the holiday season. They have so many fun pants, silhouettes to choose from flirty tops, midi skirts, sweater dresses and fun outerwear that is perfect for fall.

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It's a lot of work behind the scenes. We are incredibly grateful for your support. We're currently running a quick survey at podcaststudy.com and we're giving the first 150 people a $10 digital Amazon gift card as an incentive to please complete the survey. The information we hear from you about our sponsors is incredibly important to the show and we cannot thank you enough for taking a few minutes to help us out. It's free, so please cut us a break. Upon completion of the survey, you'll be asked to include your

email address and we will send the first 150 people a $10 gift card from Amazon. Go to podcaststudy.com and thank you again for helping our show and our sponsors. I think that's really a big lesson for a lot of people to learn and I actually was eavesdropping. Go figure. Eavesdropping at the trampoline park yesterday about it was these two moms that were sitting there talking and their kids were all, you know, playing. So they were watching them and they were talking shit about, I don't know who this person was, they were talking shit about, but somehow it got into a conversation of this girl has two siblings and both are very, very successful. She's not. She was talking about how she would

stay at home mom and how her siblings had all of this like business success and whatnot. And that they both are successful in their own right. But those successes, they both have handled differently. One got very arrogant and cocky and felt like because they were so successful that the world owed them everything. And the other sibling was very successful in a different way and used that success to be able to help people.

And I think that those are the two breakdowns of successful people. Oh yeah, 100%. I would agree with that. It's so weird to know that like, I was having this conversation with my nanny the other night that you can have, for you, for example, you have a slew of kids.

They can be raised in the same household, given the same rules, given the same things, and will turn out completely differently. It's a heart. That's another hard pill to swallow because I see it in my kids every day. I see it in my kids every and I do think that some things, yes, some of my parenting things have changed over the years, like with each child.

So like Isaac was an only child for four years, right? So certain things that I learned from parenting him changed or evolved with Lincoln. And then same for luck, same for Creed. But overall, they just could walk away with completely different, I mean, the same thing could happen to them on the same exact day. And I was a witness to both

and they have two completely different accounts of the story. Isn't that so crazy? It's fascinating. It's truly fucking fascinating because I wonder like, because I have a really hard time now and I should dive into it on therapy but I just haven't had the chance.

Like I struggle with fixating on my prior, my past relationships. So like people from my childhood that I still care deeply about as if we're still in that time frame Mm-hmm. I don't even know if they remember me, you know, like I don't when I just described this doctor I don't know if she considered like we spent countless nights together. I was like best friends like we did so much shit together we

Ripped and ran the streets together, but does she think of me the same way I think of her I don't know that's so crazy to think about? I think about like childhood best friends all the time. Well, okay, so I'm not the only one because I'm I fixate on it though. Like I'm like, I still care about them as if we are in that time period. Yeah, like sometimes you live, it's almost like you're living in the past, but you're not. Like the people that get a bad rap for like, oh, you still live like you're in high school, like that's, I feel like I'm one of those people, but not in a bad way. It's like, I still think.

Like you cherish those memories. Yes. And like I value those friendships that don't exist anymore. Like I don't know how to describe what I'm trying to describe, but it's so fucking hard. For me, the more's so fucking hard. For me, the more complicated life has become, I find myself wanting to go back to easier times. I said this when Will and I got to the place that I filed for divorce the first time. I said, I wonder if this would have ever happened if our life would have played out differently in regards to like, I would have never done the show and I would have just been a stay-at-home mom

and you would have been, you know, going out corporate America, doing whatever you're doing. Like would that have changed and would we have stayed together if our life didn't change in this way? Does that make sense? Yeah.

No, it's so. But like, why do we fix it on stuff like that? Is it because we are? I don't know if it's a control thing. I don't know if it's a coping thing. I don't want to cope like this. Like, I'm thinking about people from like fucking elementary school, but I don't even know if they know I still exist.

Like, I don't like it here. OK, well, I think that to the point of what you're describing of how you think of it, I don't even know if they know I still exist. Like, I don't like it here. Okay, well, I think that to the point of what you're describing of how you think of it, I don't. It'll be like a fleeting thought of, I wish I could go back to simpler times and I wish that I had more time in that time. No, one of my childhood girlfriends just told me that our other childhood best friends sold their family home and I

I've been sick over it ever since and it's been weeks wait what? That's somebody else's family home. No, but I grew up there like I Know but like I'm sick in the head because no like I've been sick over it for weeks Like I haven't said anything to anyone because what I feel is like I know it's crazy like I know it's not rational in any way shape or form I'm sick over it I keep going back to the Zillow listing I keep and it's I'm sick over it and it's just because I spent so much time there as a child. Like I'm sick over it. Kale?

I think I need severe EDMR or EMD. What is that? Is that where they shock your brain? Yes, like I need that. So I need to forget these childhood homes because I don't know what is wrong. I can tell you every childhood best friend that I ever had and like exactly the layout of their homes. Like I, the photographic memory.

I don't even know the layout of the homes that I was in. Wow, really? Yeah. So I don't want to say like maybe you should get therapy because I don't even know that that's like an appropriate. I just like don't know how to describe it for someone to understand. And maybe it's just because you found so much happiness

and that stuff that- And those places, yeah. Yeah, that you can't like remove yourself and like a piece of your heart is in those places. No, like I'm sick to my stomach about that house that was sold on Hillcester. And you wish you bought it? Had I known it.

Wait, you know the address? Yes. Kale. I'm concerned. I'm also concerned, because I don't know how to express it. Just like, I haven't talked to Kristen about it, Elijah. You, like nobody, because I don't know how to describe it

to anyone in a way that like is what's going on in my head. It's like, it's like, it's not just high school people. It's also people from like literal elementary school. Okay, but this makes me think of a situation that happened after. So I think I've talked about it before that I thought if we just like kept building bigger houses that that would fix our marriage, you know, so first house we moved into I was like we should sell this place and then just start new memories in another place and like all this will be locked up and left. And like I do a very good job of like locking up and leaving memories in a place and never revisiting that thought. I just told our first house, though, Kail, will bald in the driveway.

Like as we were pulling out to go to the closing, we had cleaned out the refrigerator. I look over, I'm sitting in passenger seat, getting in the car with just grocery bags of shit from the refrigerator, and he's the car with just grocery bags of shit from their refrigerator. And he's sobbing with, I mean, just crocodile tears rolling down his face. I'm like, you need to get it again. Like what is wrong? This is a house. You know, like I've locked this shit up.

I do not care. I have the things, the items from the home. I do not care about anything else. I'm going to get my money and putting it on my next house and quite literally do not care about anything else. I'm going to get my money and putting it on my next house and quite literally do not care about anything of this. How interesting. I need therapy. Will and I have that in common.

Like, that's so crazy. Kristen, do you know what I am thankful for over the weekend? What? I'm thankful for you introducing me to RocketMoney so long ago because for whatever reason, I keep signing up for free trials and forgetting to cancel them. And with RocketMoney, I don't have to worry about it. You know what? I feel better when I see the emails come in that you signed up for a trial and it gives

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So stop wasting money on things that you do not use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and manage your money The easy way by going to rocket money comm slash coffee combos. That's rocket money comm slash coffee combos Rocket money comm slash coffee combos. I Have one more thing that I need to ask you about because I saw this video And I don't know if you're gonna agree with it or if you're not. Okay. Um, I kind of agree with it.

It was a video about women cheating more than men and it said women cheat more than men because they are in denial about the infidelity when they cheat. They don't even label it as that when a woman does cheat, they label it as my husband is no longer satisfying to me. They won't even say I'm cheating. They find ways to redirect and shift the terminology so that they are void of guilt and they were talking about how it was simple science. Infidelity is a result of men not being masculine and women not being feminine.

I think up until the point that I reached my peak in therapy, I changed the terminology and was not willing to take accountability for my cheating behaviors in the past. I didn't cheat on everybody, contrary to popular belief. But those that I did cheat on, I very much changed my thought process around it to justify the cheating and not admit that it was cheating. So give me an example on how you did that. I would skew a timeline and set just to say, oh, we were broken up specifically for Jordan. We were broken up during that time or I have a child with him so it doesn't count as cheating.

You know, I've had, I'll never like, but the weird thing was that I also didn't believe that either. It was more so like, I didn't want Joe, but I didn't want anyone else to have him. So I'm going to keep him in my back pocket, but I'm also going to tell Jordan that he doesn't understand this bond. So it justifies the cheating and also in my head, I can convince myself that it wasn't cheating. So like not only am I gaslighting the fuck out of him, but I'm essentially gaslighting

the fuck out of myself to make myself feel better about the action. Okay. Answer this question. Did you cheat because you just wanted to cheat and you didn't care what the consequences were? Or did you cheat because you felt like your needs weren't being met in that relationship? But you just weren't willing to let go, but you knew it wasn't gonna work out neither. I cheated because Although I wanted to be with Jordan. Mm-hmm. I also didn't want Joe to be with anyone else. Okay

So if I so essentially I was I cheated so that You could keep Joe on the phone. Have my cake and eat it too. But still have Jordan. Be selfish. Yeah. 100%. 100%. I do think to the point of this video that you saw now that I'm 31, obviously things were very different when I was 18. But when women cheat, I feel as though

when a woman gets over a man, there's no going back, right? Like I feel like certain women have a hold on men and certain women, a man will always, like there's always a woman or two women that a man will always, always, always, always go back to. Agreed. I think for a woman to cheat on a man, you're probably not happy in the relationship,

but you also can't get out. I think if a woman is cheating on a man, you're probably not happy in the relationship, but you also can't get out. I think if a woman is cheating on a man, it's because she's not 100% committed to being over that situation. Okay. But she's also not fulfilled in that situation. Correct, I feel the same way. So where she wants the fulfillment from that,

she's getting the fulfillment somewhere else, but wanting to stay in that and hopes that person's eventually going to be able to fill her, but she's gonna cheat while she's not getting that. But I also think at the point that a woman cheats, you know, and at the, so yes, yes. But then say boyfriend, husband, whatever, then starts giving the wife the the woman, what she wants.

She's not gonna want it anymore. Cause now she's already gotten a taste of what else is out there and now the chase is gone. Now she's gotten what she wanted and she's gonna move on regardless. Like I have yet, and I'm not saying they don't exist. I just haven't personally met someone, a woman that has cheated and

then stayed. Oh, I agree. I don't know of any situation like that either. But when you said that there is always like one or two women that a man will always go back to, I believe that if a woman goes back to someone she's ever been in a relationship with, it's because she's still not over that situation. Yeah. I don't think it has anything to do with, oh, like he throws it down good.

No, it's just that she's not over that situation. Yeah. Cause you know what my dad told us growing up, dicks a dime a dozen, honey. A dime a dozen. Like do not be on that recycle mode when you're done be done. But if you're not done, don't be done. But it's so much easier said than done, right?

100%. 100%. Like you keep revisiting that same situation until you fully are done. Like I have revisited several of, I mean specifically my kids' dads, like all of them, we were going back and forth and back and forth, all of them to some degree, I mean, some less than others, some more than others, until I was done. I will never, like literally never forget,

and this is not even in like a sexual way whatsoever, even though it was a sexual act. I will never forget the last time that Will and I were together, that I knew in that moment that I slept with him that we were done. Like I felt it in my bones. What?

Oh yeah. And literally done. Never thought about it again, ever. I don't think for any of my kids' dads that I ever thought that was going to be the last time. Wait, you were just having a good time and then it was your last time? Yeah. Like I don't ever, like I was the one that was, that was, I ended it, but also... That's literally the cops coming to get us because we're talking about stuff we shouldn't.

Do you remember all the last times? I remember two out of three. Two out of three of the last times. Well, since we're, you know, just like in this foul state foul play foul play. Okay. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go.

Hi ladies. I love you guys so much and listen to you every episode. You guys keep me entertained in the mornings on the way to work and my foul play is my now husband and I were dating at the time. I was 17 and he was 21. We would frequently go to the park next to his house late at night to make out and sometimes you know get down and dirty LOL. He still lived with his parents because he was in college and tried to save money.

Anyway at this particular time I was giving him a BJ and I was really getting into it. And obviously he was too. All of a sudden I see a flash light shining into the car. Then a tap on the window. It was a cop. Not the cop. Me being 17 and a good girl, according to my parents, I was freaking out. My husband pulls up his pants as quickly as possible and rolls down the window. The cop asks for my ID and his ID and at that point he notices that he's 21 and I'm 17. The cop then asked me to step outside to the back of my car. In my 17 year old brain, all I could think about is this cop

escorting me home and telling my parents what was going on. He proceeds to ask, is this man forcing you to do anything you don't want to do? And me and my shaky, scared little voice says no sir, I wanted to. He then says, well, I was watching and your head was in his lap for a while and bobbing up and down. So I just wanted to make sure there was consent. I was just thinking what, how long had this dude been sitting there watching? Well, that's really gross. At that point, he just tells us to leave and the park closes at dark and not to come back to that park anymore. My husband and I have been married for 17 years now. We got married when I was 18. We have two kids, 15 and 13, and we still laugh about it to this day.

Moral of the story, do not go to a public place to get blowjobs. Love you ladies and hope this made you laugh. Well, I'm so glad that that turned out the way it did because it could have turned out way worse. Wait, that could have turned out way differently. But also the cop was kind of a creep. Well, he was a creep, but at first when you were reading that, I was like, okay, I really respect this cop because he's like looking out for her and making sure like everything's like good Gucci. And then when he started talking about her head bobbing up and down and the fact that he was watching weird,

like I got very weird creepy vibes. And also it made me think about why do men get thrills from having sex at like weird places? I don't think the husband got thrills from that. I think it was just like trying to stay away from the parents. No, I know, but I'm saying in a general sense, anybody who's listening to this, why do men always want to get BJs like in a truck?

Or like, why do they always want to go and have sex at like weirdo places? One time. Okay, so this was like right before Kristy and I was best started and I said that I was pregnant when we were filming the pilot. and I was best started and I said that I was pregnant when we were filming the pilot. So my dad had Will and I go and look at this house and he was like, you guys need to move here and we'll be close so that we can be close to the baby

and close to Lindsay and whatever. So we go to look at his house. And for whatever reason, Will gets horny and he drives behind like this building and we're just like in the middle of nowhere, like behind this building and he puts down his truck bed and I'm pregnant. So I don't know anybody else who's listening to this.

When you're pregnant, I feel like you're the horniest person alive. Sometimes, or it's the opposite. It's one or the other. There's no in between. Well, evidently I was the horny person. So don't know what possessed me, but I was like, I guess I'm pulling my pants down here on this truck bed.

So Will puts his keys on the truck bed, start having sex in this place. Was it dark? No, it wasn't even dark outside. Okay. He goes to put up his truck bed, and when he does, he jams the key in between the truck bed and the ridge, and it breaks the key in between the truck bed and the ridge and it breaks the key. Yeah.

From what? I don't know. He somehow bent the key back and it worked to start the car, but the whole key bent and I was like, oh, this is really not how I was planning on this to turn out. Like my dad sent us to go and look at this house and now I'm

gonna have to call him and tell him, Oh, by the way, we left that house and then stop for a quickie behind this sketchy building. And we'll broke his fucking key and you have to come and pick us up. You be like, what the hell are y'all doing back here? Oh, not only not only would my dad have to think about will having sex with me enough to get me pregnant, but also the fact that he sent us on an errand and then this happened. Just weird. I need to know why all men want this or like a roadhead. That is irritating to me because it's not easy to do, especially in my big old suburban or like a diesel truck like trying to get down there.

There's like little compartment things. Yeah. There's no easy way to do that. Not happening. Not happening. Next. Hey girls, just listen to your foul play about the girl getting into her ex-boyfriend's bed in the roommate to help her get dressed.

Well, I have a story about my husband involving someone else's bed. That's not good. Eight years ago, when I was still living at my mom's, my boyfriend, now husband decided to do a no-carb diet. Well, that lasted for only a week. Kind of sounds like my diet, honestly. The day we decided that we were finished with the diet, we decided to go out because we literally detoxed our bodies.

We got super hammered super quick. So we get home and went to bed. My mom calls my cell phone at 3am and tells me to come get my boyfriend. I'm confused and gave her a little attitude because she woke me up and I have no idea what she was talking about. I asked her where he was and she told me just come into her bedroom. Oh my God. Oh shit. On my way, I walked by my bathroom and noticed pee everywhere on the floor. Put two and two together. My boyfriend must have gone

to the bathroom, took the wrong turn out of the bathroom and ended up in my mom's bed. Oh no. Not only did he go into her bedroom, he was in her bed trying to spoon her. Aggressively trying to spoon her thinking it was me not realizing it was my mother. I yelled his name and he immediately looked like a deer in the headlights. Luckily, we all thought it's hilarious. We've been married for four years and have a daughter. I've been a listener of your podcast since the very first day it dropped. Love y'all. Could you imagine? Oh my god. I'm so glad that the mom thought it was funny because that could have ended really bad. Okay, but you know how like sometimes when you're kind of like in a not like a total drunk state,

but you're just like a little tipsy and then someone goes to the bathroom comes back to the bed and like one person starts getting a little handsy. No, I don't know anything about that, but continue. I think the story would have gone way differently if he would have been trying to like get in pants other than just like spooning. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because then that would have made it like really, really weird, this is kind of funny.

Also the drunk peers, like I will never, we've talked about this before, I will, I don't get it. Wait, you've done this? No, I don't drink. I don't drink ever enough to do that. Do you know a drunk peer? No. Okay, well.

I'm trying to think of one. No, I mean, Elijah, he, you know, he loves his little trullies and white claws and twisted teeth, corona, but like he doesn't, he doesn't, I think I've seen him drunk twice and he just pees in the toilet. Okay, well there have been times that I have gone to the bathroom where somebody has put the toilet seat down like the whole lid. Yeah. And it will be in my bathroom, like my own bathroom.

Like first of all, why is anybody pissing in there in the first place outside of me? And I will go in there in the middle of the night, sit on top of the toilet, start peeing, and it's like you start feeling it on your ankles, and you're like, what the fuck just happened? What the fuck just happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually get really annoyed about,

because my bathroom seems to be a free for all. I actually don't like when people put my personal toilet seat down for that reason, because I get up and P in the middle of the night all the time. Always have, always will, and I can't tell you how many times someone has put, I don't know who, puts the toilet seat down and then, or the lid and then I pee on myself. And I'm like, are you fucking, and I'm not even drunk for that. Okay, I think you're one of two people though. You are either the type of person that pees before bed and then you lay in the bed and even if you have to pee, you will not get up.

You are sure? And you will just think about every, you will think about every way about how you're not getting up until the morning. That is me. Immediately whenever I wake up, I have to dart out of the bed because I have thought about needing to pee all night long, but I'm just too sorry to get up out of the bed. Do it. Too sorry. Or you are the type of person that gets up and down all night long.

That's me. In my relationship, we are both of those people. Like one is one way and same. That's us. Why do you feel like you have to pee like that bad that you're going to wake yourself up from your slumber? No, you don't. When I went to the sleep study, she said that your brain actually won't wake you up to pee. You wake up for other reasons. And then because you're up or you tossed and turned for whatever reason, then you go to the bathroom. But your brain, your bladder will not signal to your brain that you have to get up and go pee in the middle of the night. Okay, my name the other night, she probably got up four times to go to the bathroom. And I watched her because I wanted to know

if she was in an awakened state or what was going on. I'm pretty sure that she just goes and doesn't even realize that she's going to the bathroom, but she's doing that and then gets right back in the bed and will be snoring in 10 seconds. And I don't understand that. If I'm getting up, I'm awake. I don't know.

I think it's just maybe like we don't sleep well. And so then we get up to go to the bathroom. For me, now it's a routine where if I get up to roll over, I'm uncomfortable, whatever. My phone goes off. I forgot to put it on, do not disturb something. It's almost my way of putting myself back to bed. It's like my routine to get up, go to the bathroom,

and then come back to bed, get comfortable. It's like I'm resetting my bedtime routine. But I've always, my whole life, I've gotten up in the middle of the night. I just, I'm not a good sleeper. Do you know the other night that I went to bed at, literally went to bed at 8.30, and did not wake up until seven o'clock. And you didn't get up to go to the bathroom.

And I did not get up to go to the bathroom one time. 8.30 to 7 a.m. How many times would you pee in that time? Six. No, five. I gotta go. You guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram. Make sure you follow us there.

If you have not subscribed to the show, you can do that from any podcast app wherever you get your podcast and always first at podcast one. We hope you guys have a great week. We'll talk to you soon. See ya.