Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Foulest Episode Ever!

Episode Date: May 4, 2023

Lindsie and Kail meet up in Nashville to give us the most foul content and we're all here for it.. I think?? They play an intense game of Would You Rather and answer some unexpected listener questions that has Kail ready to leave the studio. Lindsie chooses swallow over spit, Kail's nasty feet get called out by Lux , and regardless of their answers, no they ARE NOT crazy! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Care/of: Visit TakeCareOf.com and enter code COFFEE50 for 50% off your first orderKiwico: Get 50% off your first month on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/COFFEEProgressive: Visit progressive.com to learn moreStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!Starbucks: Starbucks Coffee, ready for right now. Shop the full line-up online or in-store, wherever you buy groceries

Today's episode is brought to you by Starbucks Ready to Drink Coffee. Tune in to the moments that matter with the uplifting boost of Starbucks mocha frappuccino chilled coffee drink available now online or wherever you buy groceries. Welcome to coffee combos podcast. We gotta work on that. We're gonna work on our single. I am not going on American Idol. I will be going on The Voice or America's Got Talent. Why? I feel like they're more of a vibe. They give better energy than American Idol. American Idol is very low energy for me. And I really love watching America's Got Talent on TikTok. Like they have some really

talented people on there. And you feel like you would be a good fit. Absolutely. I love that for you. Um, so do you have bubble guts today? I don't, but I do have, I've tried this poppy drink. This is for gut health. This is not an ad. Um, Kristen hates when I say that, but I want, I've seen this all over TikTok and it was at the donut place. So I, you know, this is a vibe. Yeah. I don't like it. Okay. So that's not for me. Kristen's like cut. Can you give us an update on your stomach bug that's been running through your house? And I also need to know if you and Elijah took a new step in your relationship through that. We sure did. Um, so what happened was, uh, basically the kids got sick, they got a stomach bug. It was really, really sad

because it was hard to watch because they were just so lethargic and just drained and dehydrated. It was horrible. So they start feeling better and suddenly I get it. And this is like not, this is like circa 2017, like back in Chattanooga when I'm sitting on the toilet barfing in the same. Chattanooga. Chattanooga. Chattanooga. Chattanooga. You and Kristen both say it, so it must be like a Northern thing. Say Chattanooga. Chattanooga. No, that's not how you say it. Y'all leave out letters. Like it's, you say Chattanooga. Chattanooga. No, Chattanooga. Whatever. So we're, we are dehydrated, sick. I am now feeling every last bit of the stomach bug, right? It's coming out both ends. I start throwing up so hard that I start shitting everywhere.

Okay. Wait, where were you shitting at? In a, well, I was throwing up in a bowl on my couch. I did not get up fast enough. So I have this popcorn bowl throwing up in it. And when I feel the squirt coming out of between my cheeks, I quickly get up because I didn't want to get it on the couch. And so then I'm just shitting down the hallway into my master bathroom. Listen. I sit down on the toilet. It's between my legs. It's dripping down. It's everywhere. Okay. It's everywhere. I take, I take my shorts off, go to put them in the trash. I mean, it's platter on the wall. So anyway, I have to. What? And then you talked about chilies. No, listen. So then I called Elijah and I said, you need to come home from work because I can

no longer do this. I can no longer have a stomach bug and watch children. This is not safe. This is not a safe environment. And it's, our house is going to be contaminated. And we need hazmat suits to be in here at this point because I have just shot myself to the bathroom. Everywhere. So from that point forward, I put on a diaper and I called. Wait, did you just have them laying around? Yeah. I had them from when I gave birth. I just had them in the closet. Oh, so you've had them for a long time. Yeah. So, and I didn't want to throw them away because I was like, you know, I do have a peeing problem as well. So I, and to be fair, like diapers are way more comfortable

at night with my period, you know, so that I'm not bleeding through things. So I just keep them on hand. And so I call him, he comes home and I said, I need to warn you that there's shit everywhere and it's mine. It's not the kids. Oh, so you didn't clean it up? Absolutely not. It is everywhere. He comes home, he puts the gloves on and he cleans it up and he's a real one. And he's any man who will clean up your trail of shit. Yeah. Is a keeper. Yes. And he said, if I want to leave him, he has pictures. Oh, so he's a blackmailer also. He's a blackmailer. Well, this is the thing I'm like, you can't say it's from a stomach bug. Like if we, if we break up and we split up and you release these photos, you have to say that these are my living conditions

always. You can't say that I had a stomach bug because people are not going to side with you. At all. So because people who have children and get sick, that is the worst thing that can happen. No, it's always like when mom gets sick, used to like life is over. Yes. Like life is over. Life falls apart. No one knows what to do. The home crumbles. Yes. Everything. And it is the worst being a sick mom. Yeah. Because you still have kids to take care of. Not saying that like the three dads that listen to this like probably like take care of their kids. But when mom is sick, goes down like life goes down as well. Yeah. A hundred percent. The entire confection. So he was a trooper. I did tell him, I said, you're going to have to mask up because it was that bad. Could you smell it?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And the kids were just looking at me and looking at the poop and looking at me. Okay. This is I'm like getting too far into this, but I do have to ask, was this like to the point of the diarrhea when you're sick? It's liquid coming, like pissing out your ass. Yes. Like there was no holding it. There was no clenching. It was seeping out everywhere. Okay. Clothes went in the trash, diaper, shower, got in the shower, diaper went on. Now, mind you, Creed is following me everywhere I go. So he's in the bathroom just watching all of this go down. Watching it hit the walls, like everything. And then trying to get out of the bathroom because it was right in the doorway. It was like we were jumping, not mud puddles, but shit puddles.

But wait, how did it hit the wall? It's like that took a bad turn. I'm running. Picture me running clenching. Like I can't, it's like a gallop. You know what I mean? It was the worst fucking thing I've ever done. I said, I'm going to call myself out on my podcast before anyone ever does. So if you think you're going to pull a Malik Montgomery, you're not because I'm going to pull an Eminem and wipe my, walk my white ass right across the line back to the trailer park. Okay. And we are going to do this. I'm going to do this. I'm going to call myself out and you can hold nothing against me. No, you know what? My dad always said. And I'm sweating. My dad always said this growing up. He was like, go ahead and tell on yourself before someone else. Period. Like don't let anybody hold

anything over your head. You go ahead and tell it. Yes. And you sandwich it between good things about you. So I'm a good mom and my house is clean now. So those are the good ones. I'm a good mom. I gallop shit and my house is clean. So I laid down on the couch after and I'm bawling because I'm like, this is the most embarrassing fucking thing that's ever happened to me. And Lux is picking the fricking eye boogers out of my eye and he's like, and you're a good mom lost it. He's like, are you crying? And I'm like, you don't understand the emotions that I'm going through right now. I've lived 100 lives today. And he's just like, so you're crying. And I was like, yes. Yes. Yes, I'm very much crying. I'm very much not okay. And I very much need hot neighbor to get home.

I don't think anyone's going to hire me after this episode for any for anything. Nobody's going to do collabs with me. We're done here. Okay, well, we're going to move on from this shit story. I apologize for that. And I really hope that we are moving on from the shits and kill doesn't get them for the rest of this episode. We're going to do a segment of would you rather. Okay. Okay. The first question, would you rather, would you rather be locked in a room with your ex-mother-in-law or your most toxic ex? I love my ex-mother-in-law and she speaks very little English. I would rather be locked in a room with my ex-mother-in-law because it's going to be one of two things. We're not going to speak. So that would be fine. Or one of us is going to be taking a nap, which also

equates to we're not going to speak. My ex-mother-in-law is a saint. She's the sweetest lady. And I think I would come out like bilingual. So I'm going to pick Maria Victoria. Is that her name? Yeah. Maria Victoria. Yeah. American. Yeah. I love that. Yeah, she's so cute. She's the cutest lady. And also like if you were locked in a room with your most toxic ex, the amount of toxicity that would be going on in that room would probably look a little something like this. It would be you telling each other how much you absolutely hate each other. Yes. But then also probably you'll go on a spell once you get that out of your system of why you should have been together and how you could possibly be back together. Yeah. There might be some sexual encounters

that ensue. Correct. And then you start the whole cycle over. And I'd end up with an STD. Yeah. So or BV. We all know who we're referring to here. So yeah. I'm going to go with the ex-mother-in-law. Yeah. Honestly. Okay. Would you rather swallow or spit? Spit. Swallow. Why are you choosing spit? It's just not my thing. It's not my forte. It's not my it's just not my thing. It's never been my thing. It's never going to be my thing. Um, I'm pretty sure it was my ex-husband that told me that it's like protein and it's like good for you. I'm going to pass. No. I feel like once you're just like doing that job, it's already messy. You're like just take it all in. It's like just go ahead and literally splatter my throat.

And then call it a day. And just be done. Okay. That's fair. You know. Yeah. If I spit, then I also have to clean up what I spit. But doesn't your breath smell like it afterwards? It's not like what? Come? No. I'm not fucking weirdos. Yeah. But if you swallow it, you're going to burp that stuff up. It's like fish oil when you take fish oil capsules. You know what I mean? That is not what happens. That's not what happens. It just slinks down. I don't think so. Kristen, what do you think? There's a scent. There's a scent. On your breath? Yeah. Yeah. But it doesn't matter if you brush your teeth. If you burp it up, it's going to come up. I don't think that's ever happened to me. Okay. Not everybody has like gastric. Like,

is that gastric? Where no one ever listened to this podcast? My kids teachers are going to be like appalled. It's fine. I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking. It's fine. Good. I'm just glad that you cannot get podcast in prison. Your parents would be mortified. No, I think you can get podcast in prison. I don't think you can. Like that would be too much entertainment, I feel like. Okay. You know? Yeah. You can find out too much. That's true. You know? Okay. Would you rather accidentally, okay, this is a foul question that someone put on here. Would you rather accidentally send your parents a sex tape or see a sex tape of your parents? I would rather see a sex tape of my parents because I've already walked in on my mom several times.

So I've already seen it and I could close my eyes. I don't know what type of form I will be in in the sex tape. Am I going to be porn star or am I going to be starfish? I don't know and I don't want anyone else to find out. When you saw your mom with several different people, that's what I was going for. Like was it, I was trying to think of like a way to ask that sounded like I had some like I had some cooth. But what the fuck is cooth? You know, like some class. Oh. Like, but nothing about this podcast is class. It's ass. Class or ass not class. Todd Chrisley class not ass. Was it various different men? Two different specifically. Did the encounter look different? Nope. Do you recall? Nope. They were pretty similar. Was she on top? No. Am I traumatizing you?

Yes. The fact that I was having flashbacks with my mom. Can you can you envision it? Yes. And I know I like set the same street was the one house and then the other one was in white hall. No, I'm not going to set the scene. They were in the bed. One of them was broad daylight. Like why are you fucking in broad daylight? I opened the door and then they answer my question and continue to have sex because I was like seven. Wait, what? Yes. Because I was seven. They probably thought that I didn't know what was going on. But like what was happening? They were having sex. Was she on top? No. He was. Yes. Did you see his wiener? Yes. Yikes. Yeah. I haven't seen that. Don't want to see that. I'm going to be honest. I would rather my parents see a sex tape of me

because it's going to do one of two things. It's going to give them a heart attack and then I won't have to deal with it or I'm just not going to answer the phone, which I'd regularly do. Do you think Kris Jenner watched Kim Kardashian's sex tape? Yes. Absolutely. I bet you she critiqued it. I bet you she was like, you could have done this a little bit better. Do you think she really watched it? Absolutely. I think that she really watched it. Are you nuts? Did you see her? America watched it. Yes. You did? Yes. I vaguely remember parts of it, but I don't remember the whole thing. Was it good? I just wish it was with someone other than Ray J. Ray J is just not attractive to me, but that's just not the vibe. No. Kim is way better than Ray J. I could think of all of the

people that I know that she's been linked to. I wish it was with Reggie Bush. If she was going to have a sex tape, I really wish it was with Reggie Bush, mainly just because I want to see that. Would you rather have the life you have now or do life over again without being on your shows? No. I don't think I would go back without my show. Only because I wouldn't be where I am today if I didn't go through all the shit. And while there is a lot of obstacles and a lot of cons about being on TV and being in the public eye, I think overall I have learned and gained so much knowledge, experience, life lessons, good and bad. I don't think that I would ever take that back. I don't think that I would ever do anything different. I know that sounds crazy because I feel

like we've both been through just a lot of stuff, very different, but a lot. And I don't think that I would have arrived to where I am today without going through all of those things that I wouldn't choose. If I was cherry picking, I wouldn't be like, oh, I want these headlines or like, I want this or I want to go through a divorce or whatever. But until I went through those things, I don't think that I would be who I am today. Agreed. So, I mean, there are certain things that I'm just like, I probably could have done that a little bit different and chose a different road, but it is what it is. Yeah, of course, there are like the little things, but I think the bigger picture, I wouldn't change the bigger picture. Kiwi Co. We love Kiwi Co. Also, Kiwi Co

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Get 50% off your first month plus free shipping on any crate line at KiwiCo.com slash coffee. That's 50% off your first month at KiWICO.com slash coffee. The next one is interesting because I have something to tell you. Pick one for the rest of your life. Soda or coffee and who the fuck says soda? It's Coke. Everything's Coke. Okay, Lux. Lux is your child. Literally, I know. Every soda to him is Coke. Yeah, it's just Coke. Like he wanted ginger ale and he's like, thanks for the Coke. Knowing full well, it wasn't Coke. Yeah, it's just like everything's Coke. Coffee or soda. I'm going to choose Coke. You are? Yeah. Yeah. Like I love coffee, but also

when like I go through shit in my life and I have like food aversions and things like that, I don't want coffee, but I still want Coke. Did I tell you about the things that make me quite literally shit myself? No. That's coffee and Chipotle. And so I'm not choosing coffee because one, I don't really feel remember when you like, I can specifically remember when you went through that phase of I just do not want coffee. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. But you were like an avid coffee drinker all the way up until then. Like I have zero desire to have any coffee whatsoever. I haven't had a Coke in three weeks. Like not one. Why? I don't know. I have turned a new leaf. We all know that I am a big Chick-fil-A fan. Chick-fil-A diet lemonade is my absolute shit. And what's really good is like

if you get it after five on a Friday and take it home and put some vodka in it. What the fuck? It's really good. Only Lindsay would think of diet lemonade and vodka. It's really good. Cheetos? Cheetos. Yeah, always. Like love, loves it. Loves it. It tastes so good. And the diet lemonade is much better at Chick-fil-A than the regular lemonade. Don't at me. I'm not going to choose soda at all. I've been drinking mostly lemonade, water and apple juice. It's the Pilates has changed your life. It's literally. Wait, when you said loves it, it reminded me of Paris Hilton. Does she still have her podcast? She had a podcast? Yeah. She had a podcast for a grip and I was like, I'm trying to get on there and then I didn't. Let me actually look it up. But yeah,

no, I love Paris Hilton. Loves it. Okay. Would you rather get your hair done or your makeup done? This is so easy for me. Makeup. Hair. We basically said every opposite answer. Because I could throw my hair up in a bun and I don't give a shit if my makeup is done. But I look like a sloth with no makeup. Like I look like a lizard. It's kind of like you in high heels. You look like a dinosaur. Yeah. I'm like fucking T Rex and all over the place. No, I would rather have my hair done. Sometimes I just don't want to mess with it. And I have the craziest bedhead in the morning. Do you know I know, but I actually, this is something people might not know about me. I don't, I don't brush my hair on a regular basis. What do you mean? I brush my

hair for the first time yesterday before I got here in three weeks. No, that's not a thing. No, literally. But how do you, you didn't wash it for three weeks? No, I washed it. But do you get out and brush it? No. I get out, I let it do whatever. I put it up and I just let it rock. Can I get lost? How does it not have rats nest? I would have dreads. Oh no. My head, I was pulling out the knots. Like I was, what is it? Like a two-nanged dirt bag? I don't know. It's probably depression. Like I, I could never, when I get out of the shower, I have to brush my hair immediately. Like that is the first thing that I do when I get out, because my hair is a little bit textured and so if I don't brush it right away, it's just knots. Yeah, I had mats, like just mats and mats

and mats, but I'll do my makeup. You're basically like a golden doodle. Yeah. Oh, but they have good personalities. Yeah, they have good personalities. That's basically what you're like. She said I'm a golden doodle. No. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. That is not true. I've said so many nice things to you every day of your life. I'm just trying. Where is the podcast? No, listen, I would rather have my hair done because nothing feels better than a fresh blowout. Like I love a fresh blow, but that's the thing is that in Dover, Delaware, we don't have anywhere to go get a blowout. And so I have to constantly do my hair. Like I sound so out of touch right now, but like doing my hair and having the kids that I have is so much work. Yeah. That I don't have

time to shower, go through my hair, do my hair, do my makeup, take all the kids to school, do all these things. If I could go get a blowout once or twice a week, I would be living. Oh, I love it so much. And I don't wear, do you wear makeup on a daily basis? When we podcast, I do try to wear makeup because it makes me feel better. If I have stuff to do, I prefer to wear it now. But no, if I don't have stuff to do, I won't do. I won't wear makeup. See, I feel like you and I have kind of like taken a shift on the makeup thing because remember, I used to not want to do anything without makeup on. Yeah, I remember. And now you're fine with it. I'm just fine with it. But I feel like skincare is everything. And at 33 years old, I'm just very much investing in skincare and

keeping makeup off of my face as much as possible. Like I only wear it if necessary. And so I'm just not with it. Well, summertime for me, I'm not going to wear a whole lot of makeup just because we'll be outside and like, whatever. To answer everyone's question, no. Paris Hilton's last podcast was April 17th. So yeah, I guess she's still doing it. Well, you just said no. Is that recent? It's not even April yet. Wait, is it April? Does everyone know what your name is? No one knows where we are. Okay. Would you rather manicure or pedicure? Pedicure. All day, pedicure. All day. Okay. Do you want me to play a quick video of Lux right now? Because he was sent to this earth to humble me. He humbles you weekly. Every day of my life. You're gonna have to go to the doctor

and see where you got all this dead skin. Where did I have dead skin? Right here. On my foot? Yes. And you're disgusted? Yeah, I'm peeling it off. He's peeling it off. I don't know where it came from. It came from not taking care of my feet. So you think I should go to the doctor? But you should put some lotion on too. You should put some lotion on your feet. Oh, my feet or my face? Your feet. Okay. Right? Right? I'm not showing the camera. Wait, okay. So how long do you go between pedicures? I try to go every 10 days. Every 10 days. You told me that before and I'm like that. I just don't have the time or the energy to go like that. You're lying because you go get facials. You go to Pilates. You go to gym.

You go on walks. You do all these things. How do you know about my life? You're literally lying to me in the face. How do you know about my life? And you're talking to me that you don't have 45 minutes to go get a pedicure. It doesn't take 45 minutes. It takes way longer than that. And I just feel trapped when I go. Trapped? When you get a pedicure? I'm sitting next to people that I don't know, that are having phone conversations. That you don't want to hear. About people that I don't know and I don't want to hear about, you know, Karen's husband screwing around on her and what are they going to do? How are they going to tell her? I don't give a fuck about hearing any of that. I don't want to hear them talking and conversing at the place. It's a very stressful environment for

me. I'm laughing because there's nothing stressful about a pedicure. It is. And then the person sitting next to you asking you, well, what color did you get? And it's like, they want that bottle too. And it's just, it's too, it's too much. She said, I feel trapped. I do. I feel trapped at that place. I just need to go once every three weeks. Oh, well that's, that happened to me. That's where I got the dead skin on my foot that Lux was peeling off and said I needed to go to doctor. So I really have to go frequently. Is anyone else that's listening to this like habitual nail chipper? Because I go through these phases and I don't know if it is the salon that I go to, that they have diluted the fingernail polish or if it's me. Because I will put on shoes the next

day and I shit you not. I'll take them off and half my tonal polish is off of my first. Is it regular polish or is it? Yes, I don't do gel on my toes. Well, why? Because it just feels thick. It's just like a lot. That's a lot of work. See, that's another process. It takes longer for that. No, it's less. It's not because the other paint goes on so much faster because the, but the next time you go, you don't have to replace the polish. You can just get the pedicure part. But what if I want to replace the polish? I don't think I want the same color for that long. It's a big commitment. I have to go. I need to get the fuck out of here. I'm seasonally coloring like what's going on. Like if you look at this, the people who are listening to this cannot see, but like this is

what I'm going to go out on a limb and call peach. No, that's powder pink. Peach. That's what's on my toes. And I don't want to look at that past three weeks. I've had this same color on my fingers and toes for the past three times. I've gotten my nails done. And that's how I know you're a hoe because you wear the national hoe toe. When I saw it, I was like, yep, there she is. Slutty kill. There she is. There she goes. Her best life. Okay. Would you rather swap ex-husbands or never have sex for the rest of your lives? Like us swap ex-husbands? I'll take Will. I'll take Willard. I'll take Willard. I know too much. You got to take Javi. You got to take Javi. On a date. No, I didn't say that. I'll take him on a date. See, I'm going to get cussed out now. He's going to email

me and be like, we're not cool. I'm going to get cussed out. No, let's swap ex-husbands. We're going to swap or never have sex for the rest of your lives. Okay. No, that's not the one either of us are choosing. No, we're going to, we're going to swap. We're just going to swap, take one for the team. And that's it. Realize why we both got out of it. Realize why we both got out of it and keep our ship moving. Well, because you've met Javi and I've met Will. Yeah. And did you have a problem with him? Javi? Yeah. No. And I haven't had a problem with Will. So it would be, that would be an easy swap. But we're going to get cussed out. Oh yeah. Like this, we are both getting emails. I think they're both going to try to get us to give them inside information.

Mm-hmm. About each other. Yeah. And it's not going to happen. Like I'm not telling you anything about what Lindsay's doing. And I'm definitely not telling Javi, just tune in to Coffee Compos podcast at 4am on the reg. Javi, this is all in fun. Please don't be upset with us. Please don't. Okay. This, I've seen this before and I just don't understand it. Can you give me a visual? Dicks for fingers or balls for toes? Dicks for fingers. It's probably, like you probably get like a different kind of sensation because they're so like sensitive, right? No, but then that's so disgusting because then you're just like flopping those dicks around everywhere. I would picture it like if you're on ecstasy and you get like, you get, do you know what I'm, I've never been on ecstasy,

but I'm saying like what they say about like when you touch things and it just feels different. Like I bet it's like that with dicks. Yeah, but could you imagine all the surfaces that you would be touching with your dicks? Yeah, but you're not putting them inside your body, so it doesn't matter. Just getting the sensations. What if you finger yourself because you said you do? So like evidently you are. Please get me out of here. Who signed us up for this? Evidently you are. This guy's never letting us record in his studio ever again. You guys, this is like the first time Kale and I have recorded in person in years, like literal years, and she hates everything about me right now. I'm going to go balls for toes and here's why, because I can cover them to fuck up.

That's like you flopping around with the balls on your feet. That's how you walk. Where did you flopping around with dicks on your hands? It would just be like saggy skin everywhere. You know what I mean? Okay, let me ask you this. Since you chose, you know what I'm about to ask. I can't even look at you. Who has the biggest balls? Yeah. I don't remember Joe. Not Javi. Probably Elijah. Elijah has the biggest ones. I love that. They don't do anything. They serve no purpose. That's not true unless they slap your tank. You and I have talked about this before and if you have, if they hit the spot correctly,

they do serve a very important purpose. Yeah, but that's like the only purpose. No, like you can hit them in the balls. You can grab them by the balls. Tap them on the balls. There's like a lot. I would not want to have someone with no balls. I feel like that would be personality wise or just like straight dick wise. Like I wouldn't want them to have no balls, but this is the next question that I have for you. If you are going to have dicks for fingers, who's dick would you want as your fingers? I know who's it is. I cannot answer that question because I will go to jail. You want to be small and on that note. That's why you can't tell me, but see, I already know, so I love that. Where's the kitty gang?

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Avery and you probably know us best from the Real Housewives of New York. And now you'll get to know us even better on our podcast, Turtle Time. Let's make more iconic moments together every Wednesday. It's Turtle Time. Follow Ray and review now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts. Always be sticky or always be itchy. And that I don't like to be sticky or itchy. That's a hard one. What kind of sticky are we talking like humidity sticky or like candy on your finger sticky? I'm thinking candy on your finger sticky. And if that's the case, we can we can play it both ways. Candy on your finger sticky or itchy. I'm just going to itch my I'm going to scratch myself to death. I'm going to call myself

to death. I'm not being sticky. Those are awful. But like, what is it called? Like where you murky or like moist, you know, like where it's like, you can just like feel it like when you like lift up and it's like, you know, I don't want to be that humidity or like the stickiness. Yeah, it's like where it's humid and it's like you're sticking everywhere. No, I don't know. It's between itching and sticking. I'm thinking I'm going to pick sticking only because I feel like there's no relief with itchiness. Yeah, you just call yourself to death. Haven't you ever itch like just scratch and itch and it just goes away. Yeah. No one's saying that you're having like fucking poison IV breakouts. True. You're just like itching. It's just hope it's on the crotch.

Yeah. Oh God. Have you ever had itchy crotch? I mean, I've had a yeast infection before. Have you ever had crabs? I've never even seen one. Do they look like crabs like from the ocean? No, I think it's used to be called the flap. My dad used to say it was called the flap. I thought it was the same thing as crabs. Wait, what are the crabs like pubic crabs look like? Do they look like lice? I thought they looked like. Yeah, it's like lice, right? But do they look like crabs? Let me Google it. What do I pubic lice? How do you get that? But do they jump around in your draws? Crab louse images. Let me see what they look like. I'm scared. Oh, no, they look like ticks. Like ticks? Oh, hell no. Where do those things start? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like,

how do you even get head lice? And would you not notice if you were fucking somebody like? Wouldn't they be itchy? This is exactly why you should all be an advocate for bald koochee because you would see this. Not bald koochee. Like you would see this. No, but I'm just curious, like things like head lice, puke lice, things like that. Where does it come from? Like it starts somewhere and then it just like goes to the next person, to the next person, to the next person. Oh, they look some of them look like crabs, like actual crabs in the ocean. Yes, they do. With legs? What does this look like to you? Oh, yeah, it does. It's got lots of legs. That's crab lice. Okay, would you rather take a bath in dishwater or wash your dishes in bath water?

Okay, did you make these up? Okay, listen, kitties. I would rather bath in dishwater, like clean dishwater. I think it's just like dishwater. Yeah, like don dish soap? No, that's not what it's talking about. I think it's talking about like old timey where you like plug and put dishes in it and wash it. No, I'll wash my dishes in my bath water. And then you're gonna go in there and you might get like a fucking macaroni noodle up your koochee. The old food, old wet food, grosses me the fuck out. Grosses me out. Like I quit the restaurant industry because it made me gag. That's not why you quit the restaurant industry. Yeah, I know I got a better paycheck somewhere else. But that's not why. No, but that was a big part of like hating my job.

So my biological mom's mom, she had a dishwasher for like ever like they invested in this dishwasher because that used to like not be a common thing to be in kitchens. So they go and invest in this dishwasher. And I've never known the woman to use it in all of my 33 years of living and always washes dishes where she runs like warm water and puts like squirts soaked down in it and it gets like all bubbly, right? And then the dishes are like already in the sink, soaking in there. And then she washes them in that water. And then on the other side of the sink, she like cleans them off and then puts them in there. And I'm like, how is that getting clean? Like I guess it is. But I just feel like a dishwasher is so much cleaner of a I think the dishwasher is actually meant to

like sanitize. So you're supposed to like wash them and I never put or I know a lot of people who will wash their dishes with like a cat full of bleach and then they put their dishes on. What? Yeah. So I get the like grease and grime. Really? Yeah. Are you teaching us a hack? Um, probably not. This is probably like a everyone knows this kind of thing. No, because I didn't. Oh, well, they put like a cat full of bleach in the dishwasher in the dish stuff and then put the dishes in the dishwasher just to dry like as a drying rack. Huh. That's interesting. See, I always wash. Okay, I want to know your process. So I don't do Elijah does them. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So he does the cooking and the dish wash loading.

He does all of it. All of it. We love you Elijah for that. We love you. Um, I normally it's like whoever I wonder if this is like standard whoever cooks like doesn't do the dishes. Yeah, I think that's fair. Is that like more standard? Yeah, like whoever if he cooks, then I would do the dishes or you know, if I cook, then he would do the dishes, but he really just does it all or like the kids do it. Yeah. Well, so like sure. Um, I always wash my dishes or like anything that's in my sink. It never goes into the dishwasher where it has not like had soap in it and a sponge like run run over run over it ever because I have, if you ever had like a stinky dishwasher where it just like is foul, like it almost smells like something or like something is like crusty on

the dishes. Yeah. Yeah. Like I don't, I don't do that. I don't want my dishes to smell like dirty dish water. Okay. Next question. Oh, sorry. If your dad kiddies, I don't have a dad. Okay. Well, if I had one wrote roadkill Ray, we're going to think of him when we're doing this. Okay. If your dad and partner traded bodies and the only way to swap them back was to fuck one. No, I'm killing. This is incest. No. Which one would you fuck? Nope. Your partner's body with your dad's brain or your dad's body with your spouse's brain. I'm going to go my dad's body with my spouse's brain because no, like I feel like then that's not incest. I'm disgusted. I'm actually, I am who the fact that they thought of that is disturbing on every level. True. My dad's literally

missing teeth. Wait, what? Back up. How do you even know this? You don't even know Ray. He showed me when I met him. He showed you his teeth, his missing ones. Yes. Wait, a bull kicked him off. A bull kicked his teeth out. He didn't get him back in. He has like a bridge or whatever. But how did he just, the first time he ever met you? No, no, no, you need backup. First time he ever met you. The only time I ever met him, he showed me. I'm 16 and pregnant. Yes. No, or was it teen mom? 16 and pregnant. Okay. 16 and pregnant. You go and meet roadkill Ray. Yes. And you show up and he just pops his bridge out. Yes. No. No, literally. Hi, I am your dad and this is my bridge. Like how did that even inspire me? They eat armadilla and that's how he says it. They pick

roadkill up off the road and they have roadkill barbecues. But what do they do at these roadkill barbecues? They do potlucks. Nothing about that is lucky. Nothing about it is appetizing. I don't want to guess about any of the potluck that's going on there. I don't either. I'm never eating an armadillo with missing teeth. But didn't you say that your mom ate roadkill? So when I went back home last summer, my aunt was telling me about stories about my mom and my dad. And she was saying that they, my mom's, because my dad's from like deep in Texas, he's actually from Waco, where. Oh, wow. Yes. He's like from Waco and my sister lives in Waco and everything. So then my mom and I are from Northern Pennsylvania, which is a different kind of country. And I don't think

that people fully realize like I'm from Honesdale, Pennsylvania, population 4,000. So like it's super small country. Nothing there. Nothing there. And I guess what they did types of roadkill, but that roadkill was more of like a warm deer kind of thing that they would, if it was still warm, they would, somebody would go pick it up and cook it kind of thing. Like it was like more of like a. Oh, but it was like still on the road. I thought that was illegal. Like if you see a deer on the side of the road, like just been hit and it's like laying there. Are you saying that they pick it up and put on their truck? Yeah. And then they eat it? Yeah. I'm pretty sure that's illegal and against law. Oh, well, I mean, this is probably like the 80s and the 90s. Well, I don't know that the year

makes it legal. I mean, let me Google hold on. She's just going to jail. I think it's illegal. All of our parents are going to prison. I think it's, I think it's truly illegal to pick up deer off the side of the road. But anyway, I mean, that's probably not the only illegal things that are going on. So she also was doing meth in the bathroom. So I don't, you know, she didn't care about the law. I hate that for her. So they would just get it on the side of the road. So they weren't like shooting these down. I think some of it was, and I can have my aunt Michelle clarify, but she did say like they would have like these big gatherings where they called them roadkill and like some of them would be roadkill, but some of them weren't. So it was like less roadkilly than

like Ray's situation. My mom also has all her teeth. So do we think that Susie and Ray bonded over a roadkill barbecue? Like how did they meet? How did they meet and just say, like, hey, let's fuck? The story that I was told was that like Susie needed to break free and like travel and like find her way. So she went out and ended up working on a ranch in Texas where my dad- She sounds like an adventure girl like you. Yes. We have that in common. And so she ended up working at this ranch where my dad also worked and they met that way. My aunt Michelle literally was like, I don't really know what your mom saw in him, but she was happy. So we just let it rock. Did he have teeth then? Yes. He did have teeth then. Okay. Yeah. So at conception, there were teeth.

Yes, there were. Okay. But didn't your dad show you like a meat locker or something when you met him too? Yeah. What was his reasoning for that, do we think? He said that his girlfriend's son is a heroin addict and so he would steal the meat to sell it to get money for the heroin. What kind of meat was in there? I'm assuming steaks and shit. And like roadkill. Pork chops? I don't fucking know. I have no idea because he didn't open it. So I have no clue. He was not letting you see the goods that he had. Absolutely no. It could be like anything in there. Elk, mousse, we don't know. Do you eat deer meat? I don't. I've never tried it. Do you? My biological mom's parents live in the country and they eat deer meat and anytime she like made stuff with

deer meat, I was always like scared to try it. So I would be like, I think I just want a sandwich or whatever. And I know this other person that I talk to sometimes and he loves deer meat and he's like, you need to try it. Yeah. My brothers eat backstrap. What is that? I think it's like the steak of the deer. I know a lot of people that eat deer meat and they love it. And love it. But I just have never liked like gamey tasting. What is gamey? Meat. Like it's just like a distinct taste like bison or something. Like it just has a distinct flavor that like other meats don't have. That would freak me out, I think. Is it dark meat or light meat? Well, I don't know because I haven't had it. Oh, okay. So I don't know. Kristin, is it dark meat or light meat? I don't really know. Does

anyone else know? You guys eat deer? They're like, no, we don't eat deer. Okay. So whoever came up with this one about dads, we're both going with dads body with spouses brain. Kale, you know what I have to do whenever I get home? Have a lot of packages that need to go out. And you know what's going to be super handy? Stamps.com. Stamps.com. When every person, moment and penny counts in your business, you can't afford to take any of them for granted. And Stamps.com gets it because for the last 25 years, they've been helping businesses like yours and people like me and you save time and money. So you can focus on your business knowing that Stamps.com has all your postage needs covered with premium discounts and great rates. I love this.

And with Stamps.com, all you need is a printer and a computer, and they even send you a free scale. So you'll have everything you need to get started. I love this. It's super convenient and you guys know I'm about convenience. Did you know that if you need a package picked up, you can easily just schedule it through your Stamps.com dashboard? Oh, well, that's going to save me even more time. That's what I'm going to be doing. So if you guys want to set your business up for success when you get started with Stamps.com, do that today. Sign up with promo code COFFEE for a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts.

Just go to Stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code COFFEE. Not wash your face for a week or brush your teeth with sugar. I'm brushing my teeth with sugar because I cannot not wash my face. I wash my face more than any person that I know. I'm going to actually not wash my face for a week because I cannot stand the feeling of sugar and fuzziness on my teeth. I can't really stand that either, but if I'm having to choose, like the first thing I do when I wake up is wash your face. Is I brush my teeth and wash my face every morning of my life when I wake up? That is the first thing I do before I do anything. I'm like, nobody talked to me like I need to brush my teeth and wash my face. What do you do

first thing when you wake up? Just brush my teeth and take a piss every morning. Every morning. That's such a man thing. If I shower before bed, why would I wash my face in the morning? Because you need to get, that's why your kids pick your eye boogers because you don't get them out. No, I do, but it looks just doesn't give me any time. No, like you have time. Like you're just not like my skin is also very dry right now. So I'm not washing it with like face wash in the morning. Oh, you're like rinsing it off. Yeah, like I rinse my face every morning. So I wash it before bed and put like on all my serums and like everything. I brush my teeth and then I get my water a little bit warm. And then I just like take my hand like this and like wipe it down, wipe my

whole face down, like my eyes down, like around my mouth, okay, my nose, like everything, dry it off, put a little bit of moisturizer on and then I'm good. So you're like, okay, that makes sense to me. That I could get behind. Yeah, okay. It's a really and it makes you feel like really good and woken up and I don't feel like I'm awake until I've done that. I saw this video, I follow this account about and it's like end back pain and like cold showers, hot showers or whatever. And it was like if you put your face in cold water for 15 seconds a day, like the benefits are insane. Oh, I love a cold, like a cold face situation. I love it. Okay, so I'm gonna try it. I just saw it yesterday. So I saved it. And sometimes I'll do like a cold wash rag and get it like really cold

and like rub it around my face. It's so good. It's so good. Have everyone you know be able to read your thoughts or everyone have access to your internet history without being able to clear it. If anyone had access to my internet history, they would think I was like the next Brian Coburger in the making. What was the first option? Have everyone know be able to read your thoughts. You can check my internet history, check my browser might be a little bit of lesbian porn. There's probably some weird Google searches. And that's really it. I Google a lot of things. I I like screenshot things that I want to buy. And then I go on the internet and I put it in the browser so that when I get a chance to order it, then I'll do that. And like right now there's I

have like 35 tabs open a bunch of bullshit. So I do that too. Like if I want to buy something, but I don't really have time at the moment to do it, I'll just go and open up a new tab on my phone. And then I just have it there. So then I don't remember it. Right. We're so the same. We're twins. Nobody, no pun intended. Nobody needs to read my mind ever. Ever. I don't care if anyone reads my mind because honestly, it helps. You always say what's on your mind anyway. Yeah, it just helps me. Like I don't have to say it at that point. So you already know it. So you've saved me time. And you also don't know that I've searched up every murder that's happened within the last 25 years. And you think that I'm some type of serial killer? I don't. I think this might be making me gassy. I think

that there's probably other things that could. I just feel like bubbleguts. Is bubbleguts coming? Not bubbleguts, but like you need to stop because it's for a healthy gut and it splatters on that wall. I would never like I would run out of here. Don't even worry. Okay. Swim. Everyone who made these up. Swim through a pool of dead bodies or swim through a pool of poop. I've already done that. But it's not your poop. Oh, it's like other people's turds. Like I'm swimming with dead bodies. Yeah. Yeah, same. Because I don't think I'm really afraid of dead bodies. I know that probably sounds weird, but they're dead. So like they're something they can do to me other than freak me the fuck out. But like someone's shit turds. Yeah. Agreed. No. I'm going to go

with the dead bodies. Yeah. No. Do you think we could go to jail for anything that we say on here? I hope not. Kristen's like, Kale, yeah, I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to jail. I'm just wondering. I guess they're like concerned about our mental health. Like they might do a wellness check on us or something. So wait, I do have a friend who lives in Nashville, Nashville, Nashville. And Nashville, who is part of the Brentwood Police Department, shout out to Brentwood Police Department. She listens to our podcast. She's a detective there. And she was like, if you guys have any time to meet up while you're here, let me know. I know that you guys are super busy. Can we do like a ride along? But like, girl, can we get in the back of your car

and also stay there for the whole night? I just want to know what goes on. Yeah. Meals, like whatever you want to do. We'll get you something from Bar Taco. Like anything. Yes. Okay. Here's some questions. Funniest thing your children have ever said to you? Well, which time? I'm like, my kids funny all the time. Literally, Lux is a comedian. I want, he's going to be a stand up comedian one day. Kristen had to witness my conversation with Jackson and Will last night and she was just like cackling the whole time. And I'm like, everything that comes out of those idiot's mouths is just funny. Everything. Everything. So like, I can't think of why do you have dimples on your butt? Why do your boobs wiggle?

You have dead skin on your feet and I'm going to peel it off and you need to go to the doctor. Like there's just so many things. But see, I do have a question. And he said, why does your, remember when he asked me why am I vagina jiggles? Yeah. When you laugh. Why is that hairy thing moving? Lux, why do you humble me every day? I'm like, I don't think that my vagina shaped like that. Where if I'm laughing, it's moving. Why have a big Fupa? Wait, someone messaged me and was like Lindsay, a Fupa is fat upper pussy area. Do you know, wait, time out. Last week, I hadn't shaved my legs for like two weeks and I'm like, I, this can't go on any longer. So I get in the bath. I like to take a bath and then I like to shower after to like, like get it all off. And I was like,

I'll just shave your legs for you. Like he was clearly sick of my leg hair too. So he gets to the top of my thigh and he's like, and I'll shave your Fupa. I said, you don't get to call it that. Get out. Get out the fuck out of this bathroom right now. You don't get to call it a Fupa only. I can call it that. It's kind of now you think I have a fat upper pussy area. Goodbye. Goodbye. Did you guys get an argument about this? No, I just was pissed. You're just like, he didn't fight back. It's just like, I didn't mean it like that. Wait, how does he even know what a Fupa is? He probably heard our podcast. He probably was listening. No, because I didn't. I didn't. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was like a kind of vagina. Like I didn't know that it was

like an area, you know, right? But like, can you describe the area of where it is? Just so I can get it. It's right here. What? This is it. Kristin goes, you don't even have. You're thinking of the wrong thing. You have a thick kitty. A Fupa is not that. This isn't a Fupa? No. Right here. No, kill. That is just a fat cat. This is the area above my vagina. That is a fat cat. No, that's your vagina. When I went to go. It's not it. It's above the V. Oh, so I don't have one. No, you don't have it. Well, so let me tell you the story. I go to LA and I'm like, I need lipo and I want a boob job. And the doctor's like, okay, great. We're going to see you have scoliosis. Let's see if we can get it covered by scoliosis. Yeah, severe scoliosis in my back. Have we ever talked about

this? Probably not. How did you do identify? Were you one time they thought I had scoliosis when I was in school because they measured me wrong and my parents thought they were going to have to give me a new back. Yeah, so I have it, right? So I think his name was obang, Dr. Obang. So anyway, he's like, we'll see if we can get this covered by your insurance because of your back. And I really believe that it's from how big your chest is. So I'm like, okay, bet. So the assistant or whatever, she's like, I don't want you to take this the wrong way. But if you're going to get lipo, we should probably lipo your vagina as well because of how fat mine is. And I was like, no, but I like it. And she was like, but it doesn't look good in a bathing suit.

Is that like malpractice? I mean, I respected her honesty, to be honest. I just feel like you kind of go with the rule of if I didn't ask you, don't tell me. And like you coming in here telling me that I have a fat pussy really pisses me off. So why don't you take off your clothes so I can start identifying your problem areas? If I was to get lipo today, I probably would suck some out just like a little bit. Because you want everything to be like, match, you know what I mean? Like it's like the people who get like those huge BBLs, but their legs don't match. Oh, yeah. Like you know what I mean? So if you're going to do lipo 360, I can't have a fat ass coochie. Remember when I told you about my dad getting into it with some lady at the Chick-fil-A? No.

And he called her egg on legs. No, I don't think you ever told me that. It's like shaped like that. It's where people get those BBLs and they like have like little stick legs. Yes. Yes. And then they look like an egg on legs. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that. Yeah. So I respected her honesty. I'm not mad about it. Well, I'm mad for you about it because I just think that if no one's asking you for your opinion about your vagina, then no one should really be giving it. Yeah, Elijah. Like you weren't there for it. Didn't ask you to shape my foopa. And by the way, Elijah, she doesn't have a foopa. So that's just a fat cat. Care of is my favorite place to get vitamins. This is a care of subscription service that ships high quality personalized vitamin supplements and

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first care of order, go to takecareof.com and enter code coffee50. Kale, would you like to tell everybody on coffee combos podcast what you were strolling around with in the store drinking the other day? I got a vanilla chilled Frappuccino drink, the bottled kind. And that was in tractor supply. We know that life moves fast and Starbucks ready to drink coffee delivers an uplifting boost that helps you tune into the moments that matter wherever you are for Kale that was shopping around a store. And it is so conveniently packaged for life on the go includes a variety of beverages from bottle Frappuccino chilled coffee drink for a pop of flavor to the bold smooth taste of Nitro Cold Brew. And I also love these. I talk

about this pretty regularly and have these before church every Sunday. They're just so good. And it literally is like a dessert in your mouth. It is so good. So if you guys have not tried this Starbucks coffee ready for you right now, shop the full lineup online or in store, wherever you buy groceries. Okay, next question. What would you do if your kids took your phone and found risky photos on it? Pass away. I would immediately pass away. Just pass away. Like, how do you even talk yourself out of that? You can't. Like, why were you okay? But if you let your kids go on your phone, wait, do you ever let them know I really try sometimes Creed will go ask to watch YouTube and Creed little so he's not going to go through my pictures. My pictures.

But you know, Isaac's an eavesdropper, like in all aspects. Yes, he knows information that he should never know. And Lincoln is a text reader. Oh, he is. So he will look over your shoulder and read your text messages. And then he'll ask questions about it. And I'm like, sit the fuck down. So he would be the one to see pictures that he shouldn't see. I would immediately pass away. Like, what if they just dipped into the spank bank? I don't have one. You don't have one. No, not currently. My body is not really up to par right now. So I don't take pictures really, unless I like my body in the moment. And it's just like, you're not thinking of it. Wait, Kristen just sent us a Fupa. A Fupa is just like a little front pudge. Yeah,

it's like a muffin top in the front. That's not a big deal. Yeah, I feel like it's not a big deal. Whatever. But I just didn't know what it was. Yeah. Yeah, I don't. Okay, if Jackson's ever on my phone, he just knows like, I'm not allowed to like go through my mom's pictures, text messages, anything. I always put my phone on focus when Jackson goes on my phone, so that like text messages aren't popping up when he's on it. And he just watches like videos on YouTube kids. So I don't really care, but I would absolutely pass away. Same. This question seems like it's for me because it says Lindsay, who is the biggest celebrity that has reached out to ask you on a date? And I feel like that's very targeted. And I don't know of any celebrities that have really asked me on a date.

I think reality stars, several. Stop looking at me like that. Several. I know who they are. Yeah, Kale knows who they are. And like, I can't say it because I'm not trying to get, Harvey is going to cuss me out. Will might. And I just don't want to get the text from the people. So I can't, you can't let's just, let's just say it's reality stars. There's been several from the bachelor franchise. And from an athlete once, an athlete. And an athlete. Oh, another athlete. I probably know. You probably mentioned before. Two athletes and, you know, a couple of sprinkles of bachelor franchise. Okay, so do you guys enjoy Kristen keeping you in line or does it get annoying at times? Both. Do I hate my life sometimes when I look at my schedule? Yes.

Yeah. Do I respect it? Yes. Do I appreciate it? Yes. But sometimes like in the beginning of this podcast episode, Kristen is like, no, like stop, stop talking about it, whatever you're saying, knock it off. And we just keep going. Definitely wants to kill us more than we want to kill her. Yeah, I think that the question should be reversed like to her for us. Yeah. Because sometimes I feel like I'm more problematic. Sometimes I'm never problematic. Kill, stop. You live problematic. Kale's existence problematic. No, the amount of, I will tell you something that probably gets on Kristen's nerves the most. About me or you? Both of us. Okay, what is it? And it's the exact same

thing. It's our phone and focus. I don't think it's that. I think sometimes Kristen has like a schedule of things that she's doing. And I'm like, Oh, and I need this right now. Then she's wants to karate chop me in the clupa. But remember how we were talking about honey to do list or whatever? Yeah. It's kind of like that same mentality of, and it truly is the society that we live in that we think that everything is urgent. And remember me saying a long time ago, if everything's urgent, nothing is, or if everything's a priority, nothing is. And so Kristen is really good about making a task list of things that like I want done. And she knows what like should be priority. And she prioritizes those things that should

be priority. And then other things fall behind those priorities. And it might not be the order that I would do it in, but it's the order that it should be done in. Right. Right. So I think that we probably get on our nerves most of the days. We probably get annoyed by Kristen doesn't get on my nerves though. Like I don't, like I don't like, she doesn't bother me. I bother her. Yeah. That's, that's, that's a fact. That is a fact. Yeah. We bother her. What is the weirdest kink someone you were involved with has had? Oh, I know one immediately kink. I mean, I don't even like honestly now years later, I don't think it's as much of a kink as I thought it was back then. But he really liked dildos in his butt. What? Oh, have we never talked about this?

You put a dildo in someone's ball? Well, I started to, but then it made me uncomfortable. So he did it. Do I know this person? Yes. I have bubble guts. I got to go. No, you don't have bubble guts. Wait, but was this like a regular time thing? Um, no, no, no, it was more of like experimenting. But if you're experimenting all the time, then that means that you really like it. Yeah, he did. Yeah. And I don't think like now that I'm older, I'm 31, I'm 30.2. I don't think it's as big of a kink as I did back then. No, I think it's a kink. You do. Like I do. I think it's a kink and I think it's, I'm alarmed. Um, if, if you're fucking me, I'm not putting a dildo in your butthole. Um, remember back

when my hair caught on fire from that sex? Yes. Okay. So this situation, um, someone got out of a whip and started trying to use it on my vagina. On your vagina. You know, because it had like tassels on it till it tickled. Yeah. And I'm like, no, like put it away. Like, I just don't like it. Like I just don't like it. I don't know whoever it was on before me, but this was like within the first couple of times that we had been together. So I know you like didn't go out and get that whip to tickle my pussy. So, but like I'm picturing like a cat toy. That's exactly what it is. It's like that. I can't imagine that doing any kind of thing for me. Oh, it doesn't. It weirds me out. Honestly, it makes me not want to do this at all.

Like that doesn't hit any nerve endings. That doesn't do anything for me. Do you mean to tell you a couple things? Maybe on the nipples. You mean to tell you a couple things that it did for me? Sure. It told me that I immediately needed to put my pants on. Um, it told me that, um, this was something that he did with his last partner. Right. And because you had it in your bedroom, like not the move. Like if you tried to like bamboozle me and be like, Hey, I like bought some toys and open them in front of me. Yeah. But like if you're getting it out of a box, out of your closet, that means that you've used it before on someone else and I don't want her

tickler on me. How interesting. Like I just don't know if, and then my hair caught on fire. So, you know, I just, I want to know like if y'all had taken it even further, like how far would the kinks go with that person? Far. Okay. It would have definitely gone far. So now I'm being cussed out probably by three people that I know of. Well, they should stop listening after this episode. Like keep listening. Thank you. Um, last question and then we're going to get into foul play as if this whole thing hasn't been foul play. This entire episode is foul play. Um, why didn't you say with Jordan? Well, I cheated on him and then. Oh, that was where you got caught. Yes. And then he took me back and after that it was just so rocky. Um, and then I met Harvey at

the mall and even though Jordan and I were off. Were y'all like Hollister or Abercrombie? I feel like that's where y'all would meet. No, buckle. Oh, see, I worked at buckle. Um, and that was commission based obviously. So I was really hustling. So I met Harvey when Jordan and I were like still kind of talking, but like, you know, that weird phase that some people go through, like when they're going to break up for good, but they're like back and forth. Oh yeah. I've been in it. Like they're kind of together, but they're not together. Like that's my man. That's not my man, but he's still my man kind of thing. So it was like that. I'm not your woman, but like you're my man. But you're my man. So I remember that I had an event with Janelle in North Carolina

and I invited Harvey to go and Jordan called me and I was on the trip with Harvey and he said that was the moment that he realized it was done like for good. So I guess that was the time. Um, I know that this wasn't a question, but it just kind of like naturally came up in my brain. What was it about Harvey and buckle that like really did you in? He was adamant about like hanging out with me adamant. So he adamant he came in with his brother who I thought was his dad. And I was like, Oh, is this like your dad? And he's like, this is my brother. And I was like, Oh, okay. So he buys this $90 shirt and I'm like, okay, commission money in the bank. Awesome. He returns the shirt when I'm not there. But what before he

checks out, he was like, we should hang out some time, like, oh, get ice cream. And I was like, I can't, I'm actually getting my wisdom teeth out. Like I am going to be down and out for several days, possibly a week. And he's like, well, I'll bring you ice cream. And I was like, fine, like fine. And this was just like a first encounter? Yes. At buckle. No one's bringing me ice cream during that. So I'm like, okay, well, I live in Nazareth, Pennsylvania. And this is where I live or whatever. We probably exchanged numbers. And he actually ended up bringing ice cream, but it meant he forgot to bring it inside my apartment. So it was melting in the car. And actually, my friend who is staying with me at the time, like not long term, but she,

you know, she's turning it back on her feet. She's like, I actually call dibs on him. And I was like, okay, like you can have him, but he was not interested in her at all. So then we hit it off. And actually, let me save the story for another time. I'll have Kristen do a foul play for the next episode, because I have a story that I just thought of that involves him, but like not important that he was in it. But anyway, just note that. So yeah, that was that was Jordan said that when he called me and I was on the trip with hobby, that was the day that he realized that we were never going to be solid again. Never back together. Never. It never goes back together the same way. Like once it's, I am a firm believer that once one person steps out and does something with

someone else, it's a wrap. Well, also too, he actually forgave me and took me back. And we had to recreate the scene of me telling him that I cheated on him for MTV for Teen Mom. So me telling him on camera on Teen Mom was absolutely not real. We love that. We were already like solid and back together. And at that point, when he knew that we had to recreate this for the show, his mom was going to see it. And so then that was probably another thing that was like, you know, now what are we going to do? Because my mom knows that you cheated on me. Yeah. Yeah. So this is a wrap. It's a wrap. Okay. Foul play. Hi friends. Let me start out by saying how much I love the podcast I've been listening since the beginning and especially love the foul

play. So I thought I would share my own. I have always wanted to get a Brazilian wax, but never worked up the courage. My best friend finally convinced me about a week before my wedding that we should both go since she was on vacation also the same week of my honeymoon. I thought it would be a fun surprise for my soon to be husband as well as well as excited over not having to shave for the beach on our honeymoon. My friend took care of it all booked it and just told me where and went to show up. We went in together, but I said I wanted to go first. Afraid if I saw her, I wouldn't want to do it on the same way. Keep in mind, like I said, this was my first time. This CD, what is this CD character? You know, like, um, yeah, like just like a suspect person, you know, like a

CD. I've never heard that. Never heard that. No. This CD character who was waxing me was telling me all about her Burger King lunch. She was going to get when she was finished. She briefly explained the process and then started. She did the top first and it was rough. That's the worst part in the lips. Doesn't hurt the top. The lips don't hurt. My lips off all day. She did the top first and it was rough, but I thought it was par for the course when she did this, what she called the rainbow, the spot right over the clit on either top of the lips. Yeah. I started telling her the wax was really hot and it was burning. She kept going and like I said, I thought the pain was par for the course. What the fuck does that mean par for the course? You know, just like name. Okay.

So she thought this was to be expected part of the process. Okay. When she finally got the part between my butthole and the Jaina, I told her again, can you please turn down the wax? It's really burning. She told me I've turned it down two times. I can't turn it down anymore. She finished the wax and I couldn't wait to get home and check out my bald cat. On the way out, she literally handed me a kitchen sponge that was green, that has the green exfoliated side to scrub your dishes and told me to exfoliate my cat with this green side starting tonight to prevent in groans. When I got home, my fears were confirmed. I had third degree burns on my cat. I was sobbing and asked my fiance to look at it. He did and also

confirmed it was raw and burnt. Mind you, again, our wedding is less than a week. He spent the next few days religiously applying butt cream, baby's desitin to my cat. I even had to wear biker shorts under my wedding dress because my cat was still oozing from the healing burns. Oh my God, this poor girl. Could you imagine your cat being tore up on your wedding day? Absolutely. Why do you have sex on my wedding day? No, but like tore up in a wrong way. Like you didn't get tore up. You wanted it to be beat up. Yeah, that's horrible. I still have discoloration scars on my cat to this day from the burns. I did leave a voicemail for the spa telling them what happened and asked for a refund, but never heard back. All this to say,

my now husband is definitely a keeper and provided his insignia that didn't help even before the wedding LOL. I have not been waxed since the razor's life for me. It's the razor's life for me. Hope you guys have some laughs out of my horror story, my friend. And I still joke about it to this day. Love you guys. No, that is literally a nightmare. I also, I don't remember the process of like having to exfoliate. I know you have to exfoliate at some point. I never in my life had an ingrown hair on my cat until I got waxed. Yeah. So I had never had an ingrown hair on my cat either until I got waxed and I'm in a love hate with the wax right now because I love the way it feels after like the first week and a half. And then you'll start noticing if there's going

to be an ingrown, like that's when you'll start noticing it. And then when it starts growing back, it has to be a certain length, you know, for you to go back and get it again. So I don't like that in between part. So I'm trying to get on like a better schedule. So my kitty's like, you know, just, I think for me, like when you, I never got like razor burn or anything like that. Yeah, I didn't either. So like when you shave, people get razor burn and I'm assuming that that's like ingrown hairs from that maybe. But for me, when I asked the esthetician about my ingrown hairs down there, she said, because the skin, when you're shaving the hair so that this is the hair. So when you shave it, you're shaving it off the top, right? And so it can get irritated. But

when you're waxing it, it has to poke through the skin. So what it goes like doesn't come all the way through the skin. And so I was just struggling with it. And I had really bad scars from the ingrown hairs from waxing. So I'm done waxing. I won't even try. Wait, have you ever like pulled out an ingrown hair from wax and it's like long. They're horrible. They're horrible. And it's like, where was that? I actually had one just like split open on its own. And I still have a scar right at the top. I will just say if that happened to me, number one, I would be pissed. There has to be something that she could do about those third degree burns. But also if that was on my wedding day and my kitty looked like that, I would be very, very upset.

Hey ladies, love you guys. Here's my foul play. One night, my partner and I were fooling around. He's not super into oral receiving mainly. So I took a couple years before he was open to it. I think it was more strict Catholic upbringing than anything else. I know his mom thinks anything involving masturbation or any type of sex that doesn't lead to conception is immoral. But anyway, basically neither of us had much experience in this area since he was my first one night. I gave him oral and I guess there was too much suction action on my part because I noticed the next day redness on the roof of my mouth like a hickey. I didn't think anything of it until I went for a tooth cleaning the next day. I'd completely forgotten when my hygienist said,

Hey, have you been sick lately? I said no, why? And she said that my mouth throat looked irritated. I tried to just brush it off and feigned ignorance. But then she called the dentist in to take a look and they were going back and forth about it. As I sat there peering into my mouth, I was dying inside. My dentist said, I don't think it's anything to worry about. And I had a strong feeling she figured out what it was. And I probably was a topic of intense laughter. Once I left, mortified. Thanks for the laughs, ladies. I hope you I hope this gave you something poo less to chuckle about PS. Has this happened to anyone else post head Hickey? I swear it was, I swear he was fine. Okay, I've always heard that like dentists and hygienists can tell if men

or women give oral. Is that true? Wait, what? Everybody's shaking their head. Yes. In this round, I got a cold text from Larry. Um, I have always heard that dental hygienist and dentist can tell if you give oral or not man or woman. They can just tell. I've never heard of that. Why are you looking like that? Do you have bubblegates? No. Yes, you do. No, I don't. I just got a text from Larry and I'm just so confused. Um, I know a story that Dom told me from her high school science class, that they were swabbing cheeks for like a science to look at under under slides. And there was live sperm in her classmates. Oh, wow. Imagine your teacher's reaction to that. My dental hygienist has never said anything like, Hey, Lindsay, you look like you've been stuck in

some dick. Like no one's ever said that. Like that's like not a thing, right? Like it's kind of like the flossing game, you know, like you just start flossing like five days before you go to the dentist so that you can pretend like you're a good flosser. Like you shouldn't suck dick for like five days. Is she crazy? You shouldn't suck dick for five days. You hear me? Okay. Here is a foul play. I'm sure y'all would love. I was in the military when I arrived to my first duty station. I had to go through OC training. The spray, they spray each of us with OC, which if you don't know, it's basically pepper spray on steroids. About a week before this, I was on antibiotic. So as you ladies may know, when you use antibiotics, you can get a yeast infection. So at the time,

I was using monostat seven. After the training day was over, I went back to my dorm. I felt a little itchy down there. So I put, I put on the cream. The OC spray had gotten under my fingernails and it truly felt like my whole vagina was in hell. I run to the tub to wash it. But remember, you're not supposed to submerge any body part that has the OC on it. Oh my God, because it spreads. So the water only made it worse. It eventually cooled down, but it felt like I had third degree sunburns on my vag. Now I'm able to tell a story and laugh with all my friends about it. But at the time it was definitely not too funny. I just feel bad for everybody's vaginas. Like on this episode, don't you? That's the worst. Like everybody's vaginas are either on fire or

something's going on. I'm trying to think if anything like that has happened to me, besides the foul play that I'm going to tell next week, which wasn't even that foul. Like my vagina has never, I don't think it's ever burned for any reason. I don't think mine's ever burned either. No, not that I can think of. If I can think of any between now and next week, I'll let y'all know, but I don't think it has. Well, on that note for the fiery vaginas, I hope that you guys all have a very blessed week. If you have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us there. And you can subscribe to us from any podcast app of your choice always first at podcast one. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon.

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