Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Going No Contact

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

CC346: Kail woke up feeling a certain way regarding her zero contact situation with her mom. Lindsie shares how she has gone about going no contact with various family members throughout the years. A story about a young child saving their family from a fire makes Kail and Lindsie realize that they still don't understand why they learned Stop, Drop & Roll in school. Today's Foul Play is a reminder that C-sections are much harder on the body than people think it is... Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsors! DraftKings: New players start playing with just $5 and get $100 back in Casino Credits. Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with promo code COFFEE The Farmer’s Dog: Get 50% off your first box, plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/coffeeconvos Kiwico: Get 50% off your first month on ANY crate line at kiwico.com/COFFEE Skylight Frame: Get $15 off a Skylight Frame at SkylightFrame.com/CONVOS Stitch Fix: Try today at StitchFix.com/coffeeconvos

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kailin Lindsay. Good morning and welcome back to another episode of Coffee Combos podcast. This is actually lunchtime for us and I have to tell you about this recipe. Do you know what you're eating right now? Yes, it's roast and potatoes. It looks good. It's actually so good. And it is so easy. First of all, people ask me, this was like back, sometime around like New Year's,

when I was making like a lot of dips, like in my crock pot and stuff, people did not know that there is such thing as a crock pot liner. That is number one. Some people don't like to use them because they're plastic. Didn't really think about that. But I do use a crock pot liner

because I don't like to clean the freaking crock pot. It makes such a mess. So I always put a crock pot liner because I don't like to clean the fricking crock pot. It makes such a mess. So I always put a crock pot liner in there, okay? I made a roast and it is the easiest recipe. You do not have to sear the roast like on either side, which a lot of people who make roast in crock pots, they will sear it like on both sides first. I think my nanny always does it,

like put a little flour on it, then put it in the crock pot. Nope, I'm skipping that whole step. You don't have to do that. It is a ranch seasoning pack, like a ranch dip seasoning pack, a packet of au jus gravy, one stick of butter,

and a couple of pepper chini peppers, and you'll probably get late if you cook it. Elijah doesn't like it. I already had it. if you cook it. Elijah doesn't like it. I already had it. I already did it. Why doesn't he like it? I don't know. He doesn't like it.

And I was like, it's one of my favorite ones. What's his favorite? Crabs. Huh? He eats crabs like three times a week during the season. So he's not really like a pasta person. He's not, he likes roast, he's not really like a pasta person. He's not, he likes roast, but he didn't like that one specifically.

He said it wasn't his favorite. That's insane because every single time I've ever made this, every person that has ever had it is like, can you please make it and also let me come and get a plate? No, I love it. It's one of my favorite ones. It's so good. Um, another thing, if you do not like the little tiny yellow like Yukon gold potatoes, they come in like the little bags of the grocery store. You like quarter them up and then

put them in a bowl. But olive oil like all over them. Put a ranch seasoning pack on it and put them in the oven until they get like a little bit like crispy. You'll start seeing them get a little bit crispy, the best. I don't tell Elijah when I put ranch seasoning on things because he's not a fan of it. But does he eat the things and not know it's on there?

Correct. So is Elijah lying to us? I think he doesn't know. I think he doesn't realize like it's, because I think when you think of ranch seasoning, you don't, you think of the dressing. And so you're like, why would I put that on like potatoes or you know what I mean?

Or like in a crock pot recipe. And so I don't even tell them. What are you eating for lunch? Leftover pizza. That's two days old. Oh, was it sitting out on your counter? It sure was. Wait, are you eating for lunch? Um, leftover pizza that's two days old. Oh, was it sitting out on your counter? It sure was. Wait, are you kidding?

No. Okay, I need to know how many people honestly leave pizza out in the box on their counter and just go take pulls off of it until it's gone. I mean, Elijah heated it up for me. Because I know a lot of people who will just literally leave it sitting out on their counter and until like the entire confection is gone They'll just continue taking pools and this could be for days. I'm not going to say who I know that does this because I think it's disgusting No, like you get a box of pizza. If you do not finish it you put it in a ziplock bag and you put it in the refrigerator

Yeah, it's like could you get food poisoning from the cheese that's on there? If it's not, if it's just been like left out or is it fine? This is not medical advice, but I'm pretty sure like the tomato sauce and the acidity and the tomato sauce like preserves it, but don't quote me on that. You just literally made that up.

Okay, probably. Probably did. Wait, tell everyone about you calling me out for having a fake book club like back in the day. Wait, no, because I didn't even know that this was occurring, right? So I asked Lindsay before we started recording, I was like, hey, like if you could come like actually read a book and then like come on my book club, that would be really fun because

I think we'd have a lot to talk about. And she, she was like, I'll just get the spark note. She's like, what would I talk about? And it's like the book, like there is so much like, we would have such a fun time if you could find a book that you actually liked. And there are some good ones on audio. I don't think that all books are good for audio books. Like some of them are just not. But some of them are really good. And I just feel like you could even listen to it in the car. And I know that you're not like a podcast girlie or anything like that, but there are some good ones.

And I just feel like we would have so much fun and I would love to have you on my book club. And I know that Southern Tea tried to do it. But what was the holdup? What was the deciding factor that you were like, I can't do book club? Because we didn't read the book. And then it got time to talk about it. And I was like, oh shit.

And then I also need to go to sleep. So I'm definitely not going to like lose the Z's to read the book. That's not happening. So best case scenario at this point, I'm going to go on the internet and find people who read this book and listen to what they have to say. And so that's it. A fraud. Yeah.

I'm literally a book club fraud. No, because I think you, I will say since I've been a book girlie, I will read a book longer than I should then when it comes to sleep. Like I should be sleeping and I have to finish this chapter. But also I think audio books, like in the car, instead of scrolling, you know, things like that. But I'm trying to tell you, once you find books that you really like, you will be so blown away at the amount of scrolling

you stop doing or the amount of other things that you stop doing. Pointless conversations, don't text me, don't call me, unless it's important because I'm reading or I'm listening to an audiobook. Okay, but what about like us music girlies that are out there not book girlies like us music girlies that are just trying to go down the highway and listen to Morgan Wallin or

Zach Brian or, you know, like all the new up and coming like trending stuff. I'm trying to get on all of that. So when you do your walk, you can listen to a book or when you do your Pilates, you can listen to a book. And then in the car, you can listen to your music. Listening to a thriller like while I'm driving down the road doesn't seem thrilling. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So like you aren't convincing me.

If you can find a book that, here, this is the thing. If you can find a book that you know for a fact that I'm going to be interested in and not be pissed off after the first chapter that I've wasted probably 20 minutes of my life doing something that I hate doing, I'll come on the book club. I have one right off the top of my head.

What is it? Never Lie by Frieda McFadden. What's it about? I can't tell you. Why? Because I can't, because now that I've read it, it's very hard to put into words what it's about without you would just, you would fucking love it. Also Listen for the Lie, which is podcast based, which is really cool.

So basically in Listen for the Lie, which is a new, it's like, it just came out. So that one might be even better. Couldn't put it down, finished it one day. Listen for the Lie is a true crime podcast host is trying to get to the bottom of this unsolved murder and is interviewing these people. And basically in the court of public opinion, the woman who passed away, people think that her best friend killed her. Is there a movie I can watch about this? Oh my God.

Moving on. We're moving on. I can't convince her. I can't. You cannot convince me. I tried. I tried. All right.

Lindsay, do you have... This kind of goes off of, it's like an extension of the conversation we had from Monday's episode, right? Okay. We talked about weddings and planning weddings at the same time. We've also talked about acquaintances and being a girl's girl, right? So today, I have a question for you.

Are you going to somebody's wedding, birthday, baby shower, anything revolving around a gift or a celebration if you don't talk to that person daily or weekly or at the very least monthly? No. Because I think previously in my life, I would have had a different outlook than I do now. Like in my 20s, I would be like really excited to be like invited to stuff like that, like a baby shower or like a celebration, birthday parties and things like that. But now that I'm 32, if I don't talk to you on a regular basis, do not invite me on, do

not invite me to things. Don't even invite me to a dinner. Like I, because if you, there's a reason. If I don't talk to you for six months and you invite me out to like a birthday dinner or something, the answer is no. Like I do feel like as a mom, it is so hard to like regularly keep up with all of your friends and all of the things that are going on.

But also if I haven't talked to you in six months, there's probably a reason that we haven't talked in six months and you can't tell me that there hasn't been enough time to send like, catch up text or like, Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not being a bad friend. I've just been like super busy. I'm going to support my friends to the things that they are hosting that I'm regularly

hanging out with because they are intricate parts of my life. Right. Right. But I don't feel that it would even be authentic for me to show up to a baby shower or to a wedding to someone who is just an acquaintance of mine. I'm taking up space for what? Yeah, no, I- Because I'm coming to this,

but then we aren't gonna talk for another six months. I'm probably not gonna see your child whenever it's born. I'm probably not gonna hang out with you and's born, I'm probably not gonna hang out with you and your new husband after this wedding. So what is the point? I would agree with that. I will say I did just have dinner with a friend that I haven't seen in months, but we still talked.

Like we kept up with each other between the last time I saw her and now, it's just like I had the twins and then we both have three kids in sports. So between the school year starting, the twins, and then sports seasons, we weren't able to get together. She also lives in a different town than me. So we finally caught up and I was like, Hey, like, when we were leaving, I was like, send me some dates so

that we can schedule our next next one kind of thing. And so like, I'm okay with that. I mean, obviously wish I could see her more than I do. But like, it was nice to be like, oh, and then like, send me dates for like our next ones. We already kind of planned that out. But in terms of like, we don't talk for six months. Yeah, we're still, we might be, I just think like the dynamics of friendships can change

and it is sad and it does still hurt when friendships move into the acquaintance situation because that's possible for, you know, you have a friend that is no longer a friend really. Like they don't know you anymore because the amount of things that can change in six fucking months truly depending on what someone's going through could be night and day. So we're not, if we haven't said a word to each other in six months, we're not, to me, we're no longer friends. You don't even consider me that. There are friends, no, gonna take that back.

There is a friend that I was very close to, that we did stuff together all the time, that information came out that this person was sharing intricate parts of my life that should not have been shared. Why are you sharing stuff about my personal life with someone that I don't even know? Like, kind of got weird.

And so that person, I wouldn't even consider an acquaintance at this point, not because I don't hang out with them, but if you're not a part of who I am investing in, then I don't really even consider you an acquaintance. You're just like another person. And the last communication I had with this person was when Trent and I broke up, and now my life looks completely different. And she

has no idea what's currently going on post that. It doesn't, it doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt that that had changed in that way. Or you came to the realization that you know she was the person that was sharing misinformation or just information in general but yeah I agree. I mean I feel like just another person though that's crazy like not even like friend to acquaintance it's just like you went from a friend to just another human being like this. Yeah you're just out here like somebody actually asked me over the weekend, they were like, if you saw this person out somewhere

at places that we hang out, what would you do? And I said, well, I would do nothing. And they were like, well, what do you mean? You would do nothing. You wouldn't like speak, or if she tried to like speak to you, would you speak? No. So if someone, if this person that you're describing, come up with, come up to you in public and tried to talk to you, what would you, how would you handle that? Because when

I went out to dinner with my one girlfriend that I was telling you about, I was based on the area that we went out to eat. I was a little concerned. I was like in my head and I didn't say anything to anyone, but I'm like, if I see this person out, what would that look like? Because I wouldn't talk to them, but like if they did try to talk to me, what would that look like?

Because I'm not confrontational. I don't wanna talk. Like, how would you handle it? I would just walk away. Because I don't have anything to say to you that's gonna be positive. So what like, and I'm not going to fakily exchange niceties for no reason.

Okay. Because you're not worthy of me exchanging, like I'm not gonna sit here and face fuck you and I don't want you to face fuck me. So would you just be like, I don't have anything to say to you and walk away or you would just walk away? I'd just walk away.

Like I'm not wasting my breath. Okay. I feel like that's fair. You know? We're adults, we don't have to fuck. I mean,. I feel like that's fair. You know? We're adults. I mean, some people might say that's like very rude or that's like a confrontational act. No, it's an attempt to avoid confrontation because I can promise you anything that was

exchanged would be far more confrontational than walking away. Okay. I just, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what I would do, but thankfully I don't go out enough to ever run into anyone really except for if it's at like the store, but I'm not going to ever like, I don't know. I don't know what I would do. But thankfully I don't go out enough to ever run into anyone really, except for if it's at the store. But I'm not gonna ever, I don't go to a bar. I don't get bar culture and it doesn't fit into my life.

So I would never run into someone at a bar or anything like that. So thankfully I don't have to worry about that. The places that I like to go typically are restaurants that are known places that have a bar at the restaurant. Oh, okay. Like I'm eating there, but then also drinking there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're not. Yeah. Okay. I see what you're saying. It's not just like some type of like little saloon or something that I'm just going in like only serves beers and shit. Okay.

I see what you're saying. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, I see what you're saying. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, this is your PSA that Mother's Day is approaching. You need a gift and you can not miss it. If you're like me, you're probably thinking about, you know, your mom, your grandmother. You don't wanna get them anything just regular.

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Anybody can send photos to the frame in seconds via email or app. So it's a great way to keep in touch with friends and family if you're not local, especially if somebody lives far away. It is fantastic. It's simple to use, which is great for grandmas and honestly some moms who are not tech savvy. The setup takes less than 60 seconds

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Mother's Day is coming right up. So order today to get 15% off your purchase at skylightframe.com slash convoes. Well, speaking of that, kind of moving from friendship to acquaintance to just another human being, which I feel like I also need a shirt that says just another human being, which I feel like I also need a shirt that says just another human being.

I wanted to ask you about struggling with your going no contact over the years, right? With your immediate family, for me it's my mom, but for you it's been publicized too, right? So what has been the most difficult part or realization for you on your end when it comes to going no contact with your family members? Because I think that's, I woke up this morning too, which is ironic because I was like, damn, like it's never going to get easier. Like there are periods of time where I don't think about it as much, but then there are also times where it's like, I thought I moved on and have accepted this and I realized I haven't.

So what are some of the things that you think about when you going no contact comes to mind? Okay, well, I do wanna ask you before I even answer what reason you woke up that way this morning? I have no idea. Like it just hit you out of nowhere. I had already planned to talk to you about it, but I wanted more planning to go into it.

Like I wanted us to each come to an episode where we're like, okay, this is the topic and like these are some of the things that each of us have struggled with, right? And so like, I wasn't ready to talk about it today, but then I woke up this morning and thought about it also. So I was like, I guess, you know, cause I really wanted to come up with a list

cause that's something that I've seen on social media, you know, people talking about going no, no contact with their parents specifically, but I think there are other family members that can also apply to this. And so I don't necessarily have a list today, like I said, but there are some days, I guess, like today,

where I wake up and I'm like, this is hard. Do you feel like it makes it hard being with a partner that has relationships with his parents and you see that and you like it makes it hard being with a partner that has relationships with his parents and you see that and you long for it with your mom? No, not necessarily that. I think the, where I long for it with my mom is when it comes to my children. My mom doesn't, she didn't meet five of her grandkids.

So hasn't even reached out, has never, you know what I mean? Like you can't tell me she hasn't seen it in the media. Like she hasn't seen it out, has never, you know what I mean? Like I, you can't tell me she hasn't seen it in the media. Like she hasn't seen it on social media or like the internet. You can't even tell me that. Right. So I think when it comes to stuff like that, not necessarily Elijah's relationship with his parents, I don't think that does have any impact, but some days I wake up and I'm like, you know, it would be really cool to have like a mom to share like, okay, we just bought 20 acres of land. We are having, you know,

we have five kids, five more kids, you know, stuff like that. And I just don't have that. So I don't, I don't know. I will definitely say that no contact is really an easy task for me because I'm kind of reclusive, just by nature anyway. And so to go no contact really with anyone isn't a hard task. You and I have that in common though. I can cut someone off and never fucking look back. And people say that they can do that and then they don't.

That's actually, it's a lot harder for them than they're willing to admit. But I'm like you were like, there are friendships that people are like, but you've been friends with him since you were 13. And no, I cut him off. And I never looked back. I have never looked back. There are people that I do not care to ever look back on, you know, and so I do think that but I and I never had a relationship with my mom to begin with. So to, to go completely no contact was not really much sweat off my back. It's just like, I guess that saying like, you can't miss what you never had. That doesn't really, it doesn't really ring true for me, maybe. So the no contact situation with my family, I feel like it goes far deeper

than what anyone actually really realizes. It wasn't just because I left Chris Leano's best or things that have been publicized in the media. I was in no contact with my parents for most of college, which also resulted in me being in no contact with my siblings who were minors under my parents at that time. So it was like nobody's gonna be in contact with Lindsay. If she's not in contact with us,

then there's gonna be no contact with the siblings either. And that wasn't by my choice, that was by someone else's choice, and you've got to consider these siblings were still minors at that time. So that had been going on long before the show. And then someone else's choice and you've got to consider these siblings were still minors at that time. So that had been going on long before the show. And then when my dad met someone and decided to do the sizzle reel for the show and they wanted me to be a participant, that's when I had contact with my dad. And for a while it was just me having contact with my dad. I didn't even have contact with Julie or any of my siblings. And even in the reconciliation part, it's always been contact with my dad first

before it's ever been contact with anyone else. And right now I'm in contact with a few of my siblings, a few not my grandmother my biological mother and and no contact with My dad or with Julie and I think if it cannot be healthy I think I do the no contact for self-preservation Like I don't want somebody in and out of my life and not having that consistency because I don't think that's healthy.

You also have to consider when you have children involved, how is that healthy for them to see that? That this person's here one day and they're not one day. We communicated with them for a year and then we didn't. I think that's the whole thing when it comes to no contact. It's like that is ultimately, yeah, mental health plays a part, but it only plays a part because going in and out

is not healthy and the stress of the constant contact or going few and far between is not healthy. But I don't necessarily know what makes it hard. And so when people come to us on the podcast or they tag us on things, and they're asking like, oh, how did you go no contact with your mom? I don't really know what to say. One, because it comes easy to me.

And two, there's no alternative. There is no alternative. And I don't really know what the hardest part is. I mean, because sometimes it's easier than other times. And I mean, it's been seven years now for my mom that we've exchanged no words. I mean, or sorry, we haven't seen each other in seven years, but I have not spoken to her since my grandmother died.

And so that was over the phone. And it's just like, there are certain things, certain, I think the hardest part, what I'm getting at is like the hardest part for me and my experience with it is just not having your mom to share like milestones with, because I think that's a very different connection than sharing them with your partner, right?

Like if you get a promotion or you hit a weight loss goal or something and you wanna share it with your partner, that's very different than sharing it with like a mom, right? Like my mom never owned a house. My mom never, I mean, she got one when my grandparents died because she got an inheritance, but like she inheritance, but that was something she never achieved. Sober Suzie would be really excited for me and really love to celebrate that with me. But those types of things are hard. This is getting into stuff that I didn't really know that we were going to talk about.

I know. But I think it's very freeing to talk about it. And I'm kind of glad that you caught me off guard talking about it because I just want it to be authentic and not prepared for. I think the inner child in us, when you have strained relationships with your parents, that inner child in you wants some type of validation and praise from your parents when you're doing good things and you feel like okay i have figured this out and i want to share this with my parent and a child parent relationship because for whatever reason i feel like i need that type of validation And to me, that is very, very hard and something that I have longed for for a long time. My mom is a part of my life, my biological mom, to some capacity. And that relationship will never be what some people have with their mothers that were raised by their mothers.

And I've come to terms with that and that is okay. It did not come easy and it was a lot of therapy that took me to get to that point with my mom to be able to accept the situation for what it was and to be able to accept what she had to give me for what she could give me. The way she loves me is very different than the way my dad does. So were you not close with her growing up, your biological mom? So I grew up in South Carolina where we're from until I entered fifth grade and my parents shared 50-50 custody up until that point. But then when my dad moved to Atlanta, my mom was with her now husband. Once my dad moved us to Atlanta,

and then shortly after he moved us to Atlanta, we made a move to California. And so I hardly ever saw her. But between the times of relocating to Atlanta, and then the move to California, I didn't see her for like seven or eight months. And that was very pivotal years, I would think, for a girl. I was in sixth and seventh grade when that was going on. And so that was a big struggle in my life. And my mom had relocated to Oklahoma where my stepdad is from.

And so once she made that move and my dad moved us back to Atlanta, I hardly ever saw my mom. And so the life that I grew up with my dad was very different than the life that she was leading. And so because of the show and because of opportunity and stuff, even with my relationship with her now,

what you're talking about sharing with your mom, you know, we are buying this land and we have five more children and all of these things. Those are things that you are proud of. And those are accomplishments. And you have made something for yourself and you rose above your upbringing, right? And you're proud of that and you wanna share that. I don't know what the weather has been like for you, Lindsey, but it's been around 80 degrees for the past several days here and I love that. So I think it's time for me to unpause my Stitch Fixes

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And if you don't love something, you can just send it back. The shipping returns and exchanges are always free. So style that makes you feel as good as you look. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash coffee combos. That's stitchfix.com slash coffee combos that stitchfix.com slash coffee combos stitchfix.com slash coffee combos. Rewinded back to the days of chillaxing on the beach and all day fun with spring break on Draft Kings casino play exclusive

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which require one-time playthrough within 168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos. Restrictions apply. Something I struggle with is living, my parents living two very, very different lives and my mom not having that financial stability and me doing what I'm doing now. I still don't feel inclined to share certain things because I never want it to come off as, you know, bragging. Like I find

myself oftentimes hiding a lot of elements of my life. Like for example, my mom saw I got a Bronco and a new Lexus on my Instagram. And like, I never told her those things because I never want it to come off as like, because of my dad and because of the opportunities that I've been given because of that, I don't want it to come across as like bragging by any means. So I find myself hiding those things and not sharing them

and almost feeling like a little bit ashamed. Also same. I got to see one of my cousins not that long ago. It was like a week or two, three weeks ago. I don't know. I was like, oh, by the way, we bought land. We're going to rebuild. It was like, I said it because I didn't want her to find out through the internet, but I also was like ashamed because I and not that she doesn't care, but I do feel shame in some ways. I don't think that I would be able to explain that to her in a way because Kristen asked me after, how did you feel about the visit or whatever? And I was like, it was fine. But I think shame is a really good way to put it. My mom is

just so different from other addicts and other alcoholics that I know in a way that she's never asked me for money. She's never, oddly enough, because she was not a great mom to me, but she also never asked me for money. And I don't feel like she's ever made me feel shame in having things, but other people in the family, I feel like shameful, but yeah, it's just interesting.

I guess I didn't realize the lack of, I know we've talked about it, but I don't think it fully sunk in, like the lack of involvement. I don't want to say involvement, because I'm not saying that your mom didn't try. Like that's not what I'm, and I don't know. I can't speak for her or you, but I didn't realize that there was, I just thought that it was like you went, you shared custody your whole life. I don't know. But it's interesting that you brought up the move and that you were in what, sixth

grade, you said? Yeah. Sixth grade. One of the dads brought up moving out of the state, um, for, to me, brought up moving out of the state to me. And initially I was like, oh, like, yes, like I would love to move out of the state to me, brought up moving out of the state to me. And initially I was like, oh, like, yes, like I would love to move out of the state and I would love to explore other options

and whatever, whatever. From that conversation until now is almost a year. And the first move that I made out of the school district that I was in was in fourth grade and I didn't want it. And I was, I think in fourth grade, you're what, like 10 years old. And I cried and I cried and I cried and I, we were only moving to the next town over, but I cried so much because in, at 10 years old, I had my friends. I didn't want to go anywhere. I didn't want, it was literally 30 minutes from that town. But when you're that young and you're not able to drive and you're not able to go see those

friends on your own and you're not able to, you know, basically what I'm getting to is at the time when the conversation was originally presented to me, I was like trying to essentially figure out a way to make it happen so that I could also move and it could be beneficial for everybody. But letting it sink in and not jumping the gun, absolutely the fuck not. And even if I, and again, there are caveats and nuances to everything, but for me, I don't even think a situation where my kids going to visit their dad or his dad or her dad, whatever,

for the summer and being with me during the school year, I don't even think that that is okay. And I'm gonna tell you why. So during the school year, say I was to have my kids during the school year from September to June, and they're with me and they only go see their dad during a school break or something. And then they go, they leave for the entire summer. That their childhood memories during the summer when there is no school, so that they're with their siblings for an entire day. And then, you know what I mean? I already share 50 50 custody. So they're with their siblings for an entire day. And you know what I mean?

I already share 50-50 custody. So they're already having 50-50 visits, even if I have, because I have, you know, the other kids would be with me 50-50, and then I would have one full time or two full time. And then, so they're still not getting, do you get what I'm saying? That's a lot when you have the different, it would change custody with your children where they wouldn't be able to interact with each other in the same way that they're interacting with each other now, right? And also you've got to consider if you're doing all the schoolwork stuff all throughout

the year and then the fun time of the year, they go somewhere else and all their fun memories are there, but then all of their hustle and bustle of life and things that they have to do are with you, that creates a whole other thing. I just had this conversation with Kristen the other day about Will's travel schedule and how it's really like impacted Jackson and I. And I've said, okay, well well what if I offered to just take Jackson

Monday through Friday and then he had him on the weekends and I'm like yeah right I'm not doing that because then I'm losing any of the fun time and it's just school do all the things that you have to do to get by with life and then we get to have none of the fun like it it's so hard and you know, it's very interesting. My parents had a very toxic co-parenting relationship and I've shared that with you before to the point that it wasn't really like even co-parenting. I don't even know what it was.

Let's just say fighting. Like they just fought all the time. And my dad never told my mom that he was gonna relocate to Georgia. Like how she found out was because I had this little whiteboard in my bedroom at her house. And my dad had started telling me the new address

of where we were moving. And I had written it down on that whiteboard. And when she came to put me to bed, she saw the address on there and she asked what it was. And I said, it was my dad's new address and that we're moving to Atlanta and like she had no idea about it because it had never been a conversation up until that point and We made the move, but this was a two and a half hour move away

Which is so the visits started getting less and less. I think at first it was like pretty much the weekends, like we would go and spend with her. But then you've got to consider you're putting kids in a car for two and a half hours there after school on a Friday, two and a half hours back. And then once you make friends, it's like you want to play with them on the weekends. And so, you know, that was very, very hard. And I can't imagine as a mother how she would have felt. I would imagine probably a sense of defeat, I would imagine. And then you have your children saying, we wanna stay and play with our friends

because that's what you value at that time of your life, right? And if I had to do it again, if I had to do it again, I would have invested far more in that relationship than I did and tried to make the best of the situation for what it was, but I didn't. Another thing that I wanna mention before we move on from this, I think that the no contact would have been a lot easier

had there not been like a public presence around my family and all of the social media stuff and this person saying that and that person saying this and you're getting hit with Google alerts on articles that somebody's ran their mouth. I do believe that the no contact would have been a lot easier and a lot more seamless and a lot less toxic had there not been the social media aspect, the show, it would have been so much easier. So interesting.

And I honestly don't know, Kale, if the show would not have been an opportunity, I don't know that there would have ever been contact again. See, and I think I'm the opposite. I think if there was no show for me, I would have had to rely on my mom in certain points because there was one point where I briefly moved back. I mean, it was very short lived, but I did have to move back in with her and it was just,

it was not a good place to be in my life, like very unstable. And I just don't know. I mean, I would have figured it out eventually, but just the thought of like relying on someone who's already just unstable on her own with no responsibilities is a scary place to be. Very, very scary. And completely unrelated news, I saw this people news article pop up the other day and it says, six-year-old girl runs into burning home and saves her family from fire. It says, she's being praised as a hero after saving her family from a house fire

She was playing outside when she noticed flames coming from the roof of the home This was in England it says that her mom 29 was sleeping on the couch with her two younger siblings and She ran into her home shouting wake up up, mom, wake up the babies. The family managed to escape the fire, which started in the house next door and spread upstairs to the family's three story home. That's terrifying. Yes. This is, we talked about having like a safe place, a safe place to go to meet outside when things like this happen. So I can't even imagine like Lux is six years old. Imagine he's like telling everyone there's a fire.

But could you imagine your six-year-old child, like you being in the house with other children and your six-year-old recognizing that there is an issue and they're running into danger recognizing that there is an issue and they're running into danger to try to save the rest of y'all? I mean, no, and my house is so chaotic that sometimes it takes a second to realize what is going on and what's being said. Cause you know, I don't know if anyone else

has experienced this with multiple children, but sometimes when something happens, you're like, hold on, give it a minute to see if it's a real cry or if they're playing or if it's just a noise. And so like in those situations, you don't have time for that. So like you have to be like on your P's and Q's. You know what I mean? No, I can't even imagine.

I could not even imagine. I mean, obviously, I would be praising my child and considering that they were a hero as well if they came in and saved their siblings and me for that matter. But at the same time, you're running towards danger. Like you see danger and you're running towards it. It's exactly the opposite of what you've been taught. But do children go into fight or flight

in situations like that? Yes. Well, at least I did when I was a kid. I mean, I had, I definitely had fight or flight. So I think it's helpful to know that like the things when like the firefighters and stuff come to your school and like do that whole thing, like, you know what to wreck. And I don't, I think it's tucked into the back of your brain when you're a kid. And then when, when it happens, it's fight or flight. I saw these memes like a while ago, and it was talking about what we learned when firefighters came to our schools, like in elementary school. And it's like, I have yet to stop drop and

roll. Well, we've never caught on fire. I feel like for some reason in my mind, I feel like the stop, drop, and roll situation was like if there was a fire that that's what you do, not if you were on fire. Wait, what? You thought that you'd stop, drop, and roll if there is a fire, not if you're on fire? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, now that you say that, they kind of do make it sound like that. Yeah. Not like if you're on fire. Wait, did I get it wrong? I don't know. Do both of us have it wrong? I don't know. All I know is when firefighters came to my school, it was like, if there is a fire, you stop, drop and roll. And then we like practice the stop, drop and rolling. But they never one time said, if you are on fire, this is what you do. All right, y'all. We love our dogs over here on Coffee Convo's podcast. And the farmer's dog was founded by two dog lovers who decided to reimagine pet food from the ground up.

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Yeah, you need to ask. Why do you guys teach us to stop, drop, and roll? And do you also? Okay, so another meme that I saw was during a bad storm or a tornado drill, whatever, you go into the hallway and you put a book over over your head what like did y'all do that yeah like during a natural disaster or yeah yeah like a tornado or I don't know if it was like a hurricane I don't really remember but like you had to go outside in the hallway and you like lined up with your class against the wall and you put a freaking book over your head. Kristen said they had us put our heads to our knees. I don't know. I remember putting a book to my head and I'm like, if there truly is a tornado, this book's going to fly away. So what good is it going to do?

Hold on. I'm texting. I'm not texting. I'm messaging. Hey, so on the podcast, we're talking about fires. Is the stop, drop, and roll for if you're on fire or like to... We're going to be a meme. We're going to be a meme by the end of this. Is it to do with the smoke? Like you roll under the smoke? I don't know because then, okay, so I feel like it was Trent

that told me this like months ago about, are you supposed to close your kid's door? Yes, you're supposed, like the amount of fires that are like, I just sent it. He's gonna be like, this girl is so fucking dumb. Rowing puts the fire out. I'm not rolling on a fire. Like that's not, it's if you are on fire puts the fire out.

Yeah, I know that, but Lindsay's saying, she thought it was like, if rolling on a fire. Like that's not it's if you are on fire puts the fire out. Yeah, I know that. But Lindsay's saying she thought it was like, if there's a fire in a way that is like, if there's a fire, stop, drop and roll. I don't think they teach it like, I don't think they're saying like, if you catch on fire, you stop, drop and roll. But I also thought there's I think smoke, I think if the lower you get the smoke is like not there. So you're like, but as far as the doors go, I know for a fact, like fires are,

you contain them way better if you are sleeping with all the doors closed. So like closing all the doors in your houses is like the way to go, 100%. So I always left Jackson's bedroom door wide open for purposes like, so if I needed to hear him or something. But for probably about two months, I've been closing it every single night because it's freaked me out. Yeah. Like house fires freak me out. Well, I'll keep you updated on his response.

Okay. I want to get to a couple of the listener topics before we run out of time. So this listener says, thoughts on this. I signed up my three-year-old daughter for T-ball. When it came down to the first practice, she wanted nothing to do with it. My husband got upset and wanted to leave immediately. We asked her multiple times if she wanted to play and she kept saying no. My husband doesn't want to go back, but there are six weeks left. Would you continue to take her hoping she'll come around and playing,

or just give up and not take her at all? Three-year-olds are tough, because three-year-olds can't understand commitment the same way a six, seven, eight-year-old can understand commitment. And so I feel like three years is like the age where sports start to be available to kids to start. I don't really know of any that start before that besides like mommy and me stuff.

I am big on once you sign up for something you are committed, right? Like we've talked about that a hundred times. That's something that I will not probably ever waiver on. Like that is what it is. You sign up at six years old, seven years old and beyond, you're seeing it through the end of the season. That being said, Creed is almost four, so I have signed him up this year, 2024, signed him up for stuff and it didn't go to plan.

He wanted to sign up, he said he wanted to sign up and when we got there at the first basketball practice, he threw a fit. Well, we're not coming back because you are not ready for this level of commitment where like for Lux, I can teach him why he needs to go and see it through. Even if he sits on the bench the entire time, there may be a time where you need to be on the field and your team is counting on you and you signed up, right?

And this is a commitment that you made. For Creed, I can't do that with him. So for basketball, pulled him. Soccer, pulled him. Wrestling, he wanted to be there. Flag football, he wants to be there. And baseball, he wants to be there. So I think that that's like a hit or miss age. And so I would not, you didn't spend the same amount that you would spend on like what I did for

Lincoln to play travel ball, right? Like we're not at that commitment level yet. And so for me, in my opinion, three years old, it's like, okay, chalk it up to, we'll try again next year. And that's what I did for Creed. So I'm big on the commitment thing too. And if you are signing up to be a part of a team and your team is now counting on you to be an active participant in the practices and in the games, then you need to be committed just like everybody else is committed. If you cannot be committed, we do not need to sign up.

But once we have signed up and that fee has been paid, you are playing. Now at three years old, I think it's a very different thing because you also don't want to get in the game of traumatizing your kids by making them do something that they are expressing that they truly do not want to do I agree that I think that that can very much Turn them off right like are you wanting to turn them off forever? because you just want to be committed to the fact that you know, this is like a seven-week program and She didn't want to do it from the first time. I'm like, bow out now and maybe practice in your backyard,

practice at a park, like get her comfortable with it and then try again next season. Yeah, exactly. Now, if we're at age six and you still aren't sure then we don't need to try, like it's just not for you, right, like, but I mean, you know, Creed is at an age where he's still he he says he wants to do something and then he's he's not he doesn't and some

places will give you your money back but some places won't like I know for tackle football, you know, luck swears up and down. He's like, I want to play I want to play I want to play. That's a huge commitment. And I think it's like three or $400 just to sign up. So like,. I think you only have a small window of time to get your money back. Something like that, that's a different story. Three years old, I think maybe just try again next year. I agree. The next listener writes in and says, if you break up with someone, do you or do

you not owe them an explanation? My favorite thing to say is there are caveats to everything. It depends on the situation. Number one, I think there's multiple factors at play. Like how long have you guys been together? What was the reason for breaking up? Is the reason obvious to the point that you are aware of why you guys broke up and you're just looking for the validation from that person to confirm your level of awareness? In my opinion, if you've been together for, let's say example, like a year and you break up, you both, in my opinion, owe each other explanations on why you got to the point that

you got to the point that you got to. But what if you, what if like a lot of women do, will stay silent because they've repeated themselves over and over and over again and nothing changes. And so they silently get their shit together in their head and then they move on. At that point, I'm not giving you an explanation for why I've left because I've already told you for the past six months what was going on and what was going to happen if you continued. I'm not going to exhaust myself because those conversations can be exhausting, especially if you've tried to have that conversation so many times.

I think I'm just very big on giving someone closure because I want the closure as well. So I can't expect to get something from someone that I'm not willing to give them, right? So I do think the mature thing to do is to have a breakup conversation, whether you've said it a million times or not, and say, ultimately, I came to the decision because of these reasons, and after having multiple conversations with you

with no change, these are the reasons that I'm stepping away from this. You are a free agent, you with no change. These are the reasons that I'm stepping away from this. You are a free agent, you go do you. I am also a free agent, I'm gonna go and do me. Don't concern yourself with what I'm doing. I'm not gonna concern myself with what you're doing, but I want it to be perfectly clear. We are no longer together and I'm moving on.

Okay, so certain situations require an explanation, but on a conversation, right? Like this is not up for debate, this is not a conversation, this is my explanation and for those reasons I'm out. Like that kind of thing I could get behind. Yeah, but I don't think- Like ghosting though.

Ghosting, I think that that is so immature. I think the ghosting situation, for what? Like why, are you ghosting because you are avoiding being accountable for what? Like, why are you ghosting because you are avoiding being accountable for something? Are you ghosting because you're not emotionally mature enough to have a conversation with another adult? Like, why do people ghost? I think there's a variety of reasons.

I mean, if I go on a date with somebody one time and then it just was not the vibe, not it. You didn't come to my house. I didn't go to your house. We, you know, that I think is fine. I mean, I wouldn't care one way or another if we went on one date and there's no explanation. I just don't hear from you again.

I feel like that's fine. Well, I mean, one date, I think that's fine. But like, how long did you, there's so many different layers of the situation, right? It's like, okay, let's say you met on hinge and you haven't really had like any conversations, but you physically are attracted to each other. Seems like you have stuff in common, like, hey, let's go and grab a drink,

grab an appetizer and talk. You go and do it and realize, okay, this absolutely ain't it, sis, and exiting the room. If there has not been any type of time waste really leading up to that, then I don't think you owe anybody an explanation. I think ghosting is fine in that situation. Right. But Trent and I, for example, talked for weeks before we ever went on a date.

So if I went on a date with him and was like, okay, I'm not feeling this, then I absolutely would have felt like I owed him an explanation for wasting his time weeks prior. Well, so there are people who have rules when it comes to dating, like upon exchanging numbers or Instagrams, you have one week to ask me out.

Well, our situation was just because we didn't have in sync kid schedules when we first started dating. So it was hard. Like when he had his kids, I didn't have Jackson or vice versa. So it did take like several weeks before we could actually just go out, he and I. But if I had talked to him consistently for like several weeks leading up to that, and then I never wanted to talk to him again and allowed him to like pay for a dinner for me, I think that's extremely rude to then not give an explanation

as to why you're not gonna communicate with him anymore. All right, I think that's fair. KiwiCo, KiwiCo, we've talked about KiwiCo for so many years and this is the time of year that I start stocking up on our crates so that we have summer activities that are just ready for us to do. If you guys have not heard of KiwiCo,

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That's 50% off your first month at Kiwico.com promo code coffee. OK, the next listener says, need your take on this. Marriage is more about business and less about love. I don't know. I disagree. I think I think that some marriages, I think some people do get in marriages based off of what someone else is bringing to the table, right? There are women and men out there that put themselves in situations to involve themselves in a romantic way with someone for the benefit business business-wise, that they're going to get from

having that involvement. I agree. But I don't think it's fair to say that all marriages are based off of business and not love because I can tell you now, I wouldn't marry anybody today unless it was purely for the fact that I knew confidently that they were in love with me and I was in love with them. Outside of that, it happened. I think that's a really, I just-

It's a broad statement. Yeah, I just, I don't think, it always intrigues me when people have this like all in or all out mentality when it comes to something so, something like marriage, right? Like where there's no possible way that every single person gets married because of love or every single person gets married because of money or business. Like there's just no fucking way that that is all

black or all white. Like, so when people have that mentality, I just can't wrap my head around how they got to that conclusion. Like for example, I'll just use my marriage for example, because I don't want to talk about like anybody else. But when Will and I got married, I was having a conversation with someone's mom yesterday. And I said, I loved him to the ability that I could love him at that time. And I didn't know any deeper love than that at that time. I didn't know any deeper love than that at that time. Once I had Jackson, I realized what felt like true love with my child and knew that it didn't even remotely

match to that. I do think at some point, our marriage turned into what some would view as a business arrangement because it was like, we are two young parents trying to raise this kid and like, you're doing these things and I'm doing these things and we're building a savings and we're doing that together. So I think it can turn from like one thing to the other. I think that that is possible because it happened to me, but I think it's

very a very blanket statement to say like all marriages are based off of business and not love. Agreed. I agree with you. And on that note, Foul play. Let's hear it. Last year I had my third baby, first C-section. I never had any issues recovering from my other babies so I didn't take their warning seriously to not lift anything.

Oh no. Three days after my C-section, we had to return our rental car. I got rear-ended at 38 weeks pregnant. I had my four-year-old with me, and when we arrived, my husband was parking his car, but I didn't wanna wait,

so I grabbed the baby's car seat out of the rental. I suddenly felt a gush between my legs and thought I was peeing. I looked down and there was a puddle of blood on the sidewalk. This puddle was no joke. My four-year-old started screaming that my band-aids fell off and an employee ran over. He was clearly traumatized right along with my daughter. He started panicking and didn't know what to do, so he just stood there in shock watching the blood pour out of me. I was yelling for my husband to hurry up. All the employees started looking through the window. I was mortified. I didn't have anything with me, so I was grabbing diapers

out of the car and shoving them into my pants. To make it worse, a super pregnant employee had to come out and try to get all of the blood off the sidewalk. Luckily, I was fine, but 18 months later, my daughter still asked if my bandages are going to fall off again. She has no idea where that blood actually came from. Okay, I do not wanna get beat up for this. I had a vaginal delivery. I've had several friends who have had C-sections. That is a whole nother type of birthing process

and recovery process, and I do not wish that on anybody. No, I don't wish that on. People who are like, I just want to see section. Why? That's the way I've had every type of birth there is I feel and would never want a C section or tell someone to opt for a C section if they have the option of having a vaginal birth. I understand that people don't have options. And so that's a different fucking story. But to opt for a C-section,

especially not ever having one or even just having your first child. And you're like, oh, I, cause I tried to say that when I was 16. I was like, oh, if I, if we can't get them out, I don't want you to use the forceps or the vacuum or anything, I'd rather just have a C-section. In that situation, it was a little bit different,

but just to say like, oh, I don't want, I don't want to be stretched out or I don't want my vagina to change, you're thinking about the wrong stuff. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I didn't even know. Before you have a kid, I feel like, and maybe it was my age too because I was so young, but I feel like you just don't know stuff. So it's like, oh, a C-section, I're just gonna, you know, I'm just gonna get some stitches and like, it'll just be fine. That's like a better option than trying to get this baby's head out of my vagina. Yeah. That's how it's presented sometimes, I feel.

Yeah. Yeah. And so when I got pregnant with Jackson and he was breeched like pretty much the entire time until the last minute, pretty much until I went into labor, he was breeached like pretty much the entire time until the last minute. Pretty much until I went into labor, he was breached. And so they had been telling me for weeks, you know, we are scheduling a C-section for this date. So I was under the impression pretty much for the majority of my pregnancy that I was

going to be having a C-section. And I was excited about it because I was like, you know what? I don't have to worry about it coming out of my vagina. So like this is great. Like they're going to do all of the work and they're just going to stitch me up and I'm just going to have a couple stitches and good. Like then I'm going to go home. Now knowing what I know now, absolutely not. Like no, no, no, no, no, no. I have a girlfriend who has had three C-sections and just watching the recovery process of that is absolutely insane.

I could not imagine being in a parking lot and start gushing blood. I would die from the blood gushing. Oh, a hundred, I didn't even know, I don't have feeling below my belly button, but when mine- Still you don't. But mine's from my tummy tuck. Oh, so you've not had it for a long time. No, it's been almost 10 years since I've had. So I didn't feel like I didn't have like this same situation as most people do with c sections. But when I

was I felt something wet, I was at like leaning over the sink. Isaac saw the blood before I noticed, you know, kind of thing. And it was just like, I mean, he was like, what the f— I mean, just leaking. Oh no. Yeah. And so it's just those types of things. It's just like not easy when you think you feel good and then you realize, oh, quickly, like how— Good you don't feel? Yes.

Oh man, praying for this mother. Next person says, when I was 16, I had a summer job at the same place that my mom worked. Oh, for fuck's sake. Lots of teenagers worked there and I started dating one of the 19-year-old guys. He ended up being my first sexual experience and it was awful. Save that story for another time. He did ask me for my panties once though. Okay, this is a freak. I took them to work with me and put them in his car. Well, next thing I know, my phone rings and because it's 1997, the phone is in the kitchen.

His live-in girlfriend that I clearly didn't know he had was on the other end demanding that I tell her what know he had was on the other end demanding that I tell her What his dick looks like turns out she found my underwear My mom was in the kitchen with me So I'm trying to navigate this combo in front of her ended up just saying I didn't know what she was talking about and hanging Up told my mom was the wrong number next day at work. This motherfucker brings my underwear in the building and gave them to my mom She starts yelling at me about why he has my underwear and did building and gave them to my mom. She starts yelling at me about why he has my underwear and did I have sex with him? The fucker was cheating

on his girlfriend, stole my virginity and fucked me over in public. He wasn't even worth all of that. We've never talked about it again and it's trauma that I will never get over. Number one, I can promise you that there is no dick worthy of trauma. No, seriously though. There's always a better dick situation and a better, no, absolutely. You know what my dad used to tell us growing up? He used to say, girls, dick's a dime a dozen. Period. Like, we're not getting caught up on that.

We- Don't even worry about it. It's not something to stress about. Yeah, 100%. But like, listen, this guy, number one, who asked a 16 year old for her panties? No, that's like, that's weird. That's like fetish stuff. I didn't know about fetishes when I was 16. But what do you think that she thought at 16 why he wanted her panties?

I don't know. And like, what was he going to do with them? Sniff them? Like that's fucking weird. That's so weird. And then also, could you imagine not having cell phones whenever we were growing up and having to have conversations with your friends on a damn landline, on a kitchen wall?

Not the kitchen wall. Oh God, yeah. Thankfully I had a cordless phone, but also cringe. Like picking up a phone on the other room and like listening to the entire conversation. Okay. So not when I was in ninth grade, we lived in this house and my parents had two different landlines and the second landline was in my bedroom and there was no other phones to that landline. Okay. So I had like a private, a private line, which I very much appreciated. But we lived in other homes where Todd could just pick up another cordless phone and be eavesdropping on your ass. And you better not be saying anything

that you don't want him to know because he is finding out. I don't think I ever really eavesdropped. So I don't have to, not on the phone anyway, because we never had a house big enough to have two phones. I have secondhand embarrassment of eavesdroppers. What do you mean? Like I get embarrassed if I see somebody, like have you ever been in a restaurant and you see somebody like invested in somebody else's conversation in another table and you're like, I have secondhand embarrassment for you.

If you don't have it firsthand, I have it secondhand for you because why are you all up in their business like that? That's never how I don't think that's ever happened to me that I can. Oh, I see nosy fuckers all the time. That's so I that's Like maybe like listening from like, and not making it obvious, but like I can't imagine like being like invested in like watching someone else's like whole situation.

And did your mom not ever put her like ear up to the door of your bedroom and like try to listen to your conversations because my parents absolutely did. Like I have embarrassment for them right now. Even talking about it, my face feels like it's getting red. Like why are you listening to us that hard? I don't know. I don't know. Like I'm upset. I cringe. So cringe. But listen, that guy was definitely not worth stealing your virginity. He's a piece of shit for cheating on his girlfriend.

He's a fucking panty fetish person. And also sucks for giving your panties back to your mom. So on that note, thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple Podcast app, follow in right on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram

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