Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Loaning Money, When to Move In & Communicating Co-parents

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

CC386: Lindsie and Kail need all the laundry tips they can get! Listener topics for today include: loaning money to a friend, how long before moving in with a partner, and is a soda habit equivalent to multiple beers a day? Also, an article about parents losing work hours to take care of their children resonates with Kail and Lindsie as mothers having to navigate work. Thank you to our sponsor! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month. Progressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn more RoBody: Find out if you’re covered for free at Ro.Co/COFFEECONVOS. Rx only. Rocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOS Wayfair: Visit Wayfair.com to shop Wayfair's Black Friday Deals!

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say? Thank you. This is coffee convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you.

A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kailin Lindsay. I'm ready. And welcome to another episode of Coffee Convo podcast. I'm running laundry in this bitch. And I need to know from everybody who's listening to this how you keep up with laundry because I can't. I just hope and pray that Elijah Scott Williams will do it because I have

not I don't want to do laundry and I'm ready for my Botox appointment. Do you see these lines? No. Are you lying? No, I don't see them. But I feel like we see stuff on ourselves that other people don't see. I also would love to know what someone's laundry system is that's functional and streamlined and very efficient because I would love to get on some sort of schedule instead of it being a free for all all the time. Like what is enough because I also don't want my entire life to be revolved around laundry. So if anyone has tips and tricks that actually work, I would love for you guys to like write us in and let us know. I think the problem is, is that I don't stay home long enough to like, complete the task, right? So if I was home all day and just running laundry,

I feel like I need to build a day into my life to just do that. And I do not understand and will never fucking understand how I have more laundry now as an unmarried person than when I was married. There's two things that I've thought of in that situation. Either Will was doing shit that I was unaware and then he was just putting it away

or I just have way more laundry and Jackson just changes way more now than what he did when he was smaller, which I don't think is. Could it be that since you don't have maybe the same, like you go out more now because you don't have a partner to stay home with, so you changing more often and now that you don't now that you have that you didn't really realize.

I will say that thank you so much. Well Elijah made lasagna and he made this before we went to LA and I was like, why are you making that for like while we're gone? So that sounds so good. He makes good lasagna. So maybe it's that you change more. Also, does Jackson change all the time? Because if Creed changes one more time,

do you wanna say hi? Hey, hot neighbor. Hi. Are you leaving? Yeah. Bye. Creed changes his outfit, and if he could, he would change way more.

I have to, I bought the chain locks for the top of his closet because he wants to change four or five times a day. Wait, so he's locked out of his closet? Correct. And he loves matching set pajamas. It has to be a matching set. He will not wear pajamas that are not a matching set. And even if he's washing his hands and gets water on his shirt, he uses that as an excuse to also change. That also was me as a child.

My parents had to send change clothes in my backpack until I was in like fifth grade. I'm not even kidding. If I got water on myself, I absolutely was changing. So I very much relate to that. I don't know about your kids who are Jersey wearers. Ma'am, the way that Jackson pretends like he is these players and puts on 25 jerseys in a given week.

And then when I go up to his bedroom, I have no idea what's dirty, what's been sweating or whatever, so then it all just becomes new laundry. I'm like, can we please stop doing this? You don't act like you're in the NBA. That's Lux and Creed. That is Lux and Creed to a T and especially with Creed, because if he does put on a shirt that just gets water on it, I don't want to put it in the washer because I don't want it to be laundry. And then I caught him putting stuff in Lux's hamper because he didn't want to get found out that he was changing his clothes.

And I'm like, you, we have to put a lock on your freaking closet because this is too much. Like this is, there's too much going on. Okay. While we're on the topic of laundry, I need to know anybody with children, if you have individual bins, like in their bedroom, or if it's like a community bin in your laundry room because I hate the idea of having laundry in a basket like dirty in a bedroom. I like I it's giving me the heebie jeebies. What about in a closet because right now all my kids have hampers in their closets like it's not out in the room. Well Jackson also has a hamper and I also had a hamper installed when I had my closets built out.

I had hampers installed and then don't use that hamper. Oh, I also when I had mine built out, my specific hamper is like built into like the I'll take a picture maybe like a video or something built into the like the drawers, but only I use it. Elijah has his own like separate because he gets oil and all kinds of crazy shit on his stuff from work and just being outside. So he has a separate one, but mine's built in and I actually use it.

But does it not make you lose sleep or it just lives rent-free in your mind that there's dirty stuff in a closet? My downstairs laundry room is in my closet. I know, but you're putting the stuff in the hamper. How long is it staying in a closet? My downstairs laundry room is in my closet. I know, but like you're putting the stuff in the hamper. How long is it staying in hamper? Elijah does laundry, I think every day. So because, especially because I wear

a lot of the same stuff, like specifically recently, I've been doing like sets, like the one that you said that you really liked, the Spanx one. I wear them so often that he does my laundry like every other day. I absolutely love that. And I wish that I had somebody that did my laundry. Although I do like doing it.

We talked about that. I just need to come up with a better system. So if anybody can like help me, I would greatly appreciate it. I wanna talk about this listener topic. This person says they need advice. If you loan someone money and then see them purchasing expensive things without paying you back, should you say something to them or is it not your business?

And I feel like you and I have had personal conversations about this, like not on the show. Yeah. And we might've talked about it on the show actually, but just to reiterate, it gets tricky. And that's the thing is like my cousin who is very well to do, she told me that when you loan someone money, don't ever expect to get it back. And I mean, I've talked about it before where someone, I loaned somebody money for school and then they turn around and they buy, they get on a cruise or they put a down payment on a car. And that money that they got to put the down payment on the car to go on the cruise is also

from me because they got paid from MTV. That's really upsetting. So I don't know. I think at this point, I try not to lend people money. And if I do, it's at that point a gift, whether they say they're going to pay me back or not, but only very, very few people have paid me back, to be honest. I'm of the mindset that if I don't have it to lend and I know that I need it back, I'm not giving it to anybody. But how would you feel if I asked you for money? We'll say $1,700 for sake of my own situation. I'm like, Hey, Lindsay, I really need, you know, $1,700. for sake of my own situation.

I'm like, hey, Lindsay, I really need $1,700. I wanna take this class out of school and need it in order to graduate. And then I turn around, I don't pay you back and I get on a cruise. Like, what are you saying to me as my friend? I'm actually saying nothing to you, but now I know that you're not responsible with your money and you don't give a fuck about my financial situation. Okay'm just never lending money to you again. But like I'm not saying anything

and be like, go on with your bad self on that cruise. Like I hope you took that class too. Why are you saying something? No, I never did. But I think what's more upsetting is like, if they don't say, oh, I'll pay you back. I probably will never bring it up again because I fully expect that you're not going what's more upsetting is like, if they don't say, oh, I'll pay you back, I probably will never bring it up again because I fully expect that you're not gonna pay me back. But if you tell me I will pay you back and you don't and you do something like that, our friendship is no longer a friendship.

At that point, you're just my acquaintance. Well, I kind of feel used in those situations, right? Because it's like you use me and my kindness to help you and then you're not even willing to help yourself. Did I ever tell you about the time that one of my best friends in high school was like, I had to up, because I feel like I remember talking about it. One of my best friends in high school was like,

hey, like, do you care if I sell this and then we'll split the money? And then at the time it was like, I don't know, $1,500 $3,000 something something like that would have made a huge difference. I would have paid my rent for the month. And then she turned around and she kept all of it. And I did ask her for it. And she told me she bought savings bonds for Isaac and then I never got them. Did I ever tell you that? And

now she was now she's a pharmacist. You never said that. Now she's a pharmacist and you can't sit here and tell me that she doesn't have the money to pay me back. You cannot sit here and tell me that as a pharmacist, you're not out here making the money. Does that not, you just live about your life and think that you're better than everyone else? That's so insane.

I would be absolutely so pissed. That would be a situation that I would ask about the savings bonds I would just like it no I did and she never gave them to me She never like gave them to Isaac or anything. I think that they don't even make savings bonds anymore. Like that's like not a thing That's insane. I'll tell you another insane thing that happened to me is that I out of the goodness of my heart gave some items to a person. And they were like, oh yeah, I really want those items. And I'm like, all right, come to find out this person sold said items on Facebook Marketplace.

Are you serious? And I'm like, hey, if you just wanted to like sell this off, that could have been a conversation you could have just said, Hey, I don't really want the items, but I need the money. So if you're just getting rid of it, I'll sell it on Facebook marketplace. And I still would have given those things to her. But it was just like, I just see it, you know, like, I really hate fucking deceitful people. I think that

that's, but is that the same thing as like what the question was from the listener topic is like, okay, you're asking for money and then you go do lavish things. Is it the same type of deal? Like, I would view that anymore. Like once you give it to them, it's not really our business anymore. Or is it a situation where it's like, just be honest about what your intentions are? Like, what is that? I think it's a little bit different. When you give someone money for something, I feel like that's a loan type situation,

but items, I feel like it's a little bit different. I still wouldn't have changed my mind. Like I said, you can still have the stuff. I don't care. I'm not using it. Gonna probably take it to Goodwill. Right. So go ahead and come pick it up, but just be honest, don't say, oh, yeah, like, I want

those items so bad. And then I find out there on fucking Facebook marketplace. So one of my girlfriends is having a baby next year. And I like was like, hey, like, I actually got some stuff that I never opened, like we never needed it as gifts, like, I want to give them to you. If you don't want to use them, just give them to someone who will, or give it, or if you don't, if you don't end up using them or wanting them, give them back to

me, cause I'll give them to somebody else who needs them. And I told her that straight to her face and she was like, okay, no problem. Yeah. But like that was just being honest communication. Yeah. Right. 100%. Coffee Comma's podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Okay, the next person, and I've always wanted to ask you about this. It says, how long did you wait before moving in with a partner and how do you know when it's time? Don't ask me that. No, I want to ask you that because I know the situation with Elijah happened pretty

quickly, but also the pregnancy happened pretty quickly. And also geographically, y'all were so close together already anyway that to me, your situation is kind of like an anomaly. Yeah, I would agree. I mean, Elijah literally, I wish that I took I wish I took a video. He literally I have sliding glass doors in my bedroom at in the back of the house and he literally like opened it and put in a bunch of trash bags full of

his stuff and he was like, why pay two mortgages? And I was like, No, I agree because he's right here. It doesn't make sense. Obviously, if we lived further apart, I don't know that it would have made sense to do what we did necessarily because we didn't necessarily know each other. We could have done it further along in the pregnancy, but he was right here. Chris never like formally moved in with me and we were, I was together with him on and off for five years. I think Javi and I were having the conversation sort of early on, but we were also young and didn't really know any better.

Joe and I didn't really have a choice. And so, and then Jordan never lived with me. So I don't, so I don't really know. How long were you and Javi together before you had Lincoln? Maybe a year. So like you guys started dating and then he was born a year later? No, like we were together a year. So like you guys started dating and then he was born a year later? No, like we were together a year. Lincoln was tried for, like we were trying to have him.

I took my Mirena out in September and we ended up getting pregnant in February. So I mean we were together for at least a year before that. That's honestly the most normal situation that you've had. Yeah. And in fact, I don't even, I think that the situation with Javi when we were moving in together was a little bit, like we were deciding if he should move in with me because I mean, he was living rent free at his parents' house and we were still so young, but it would have, I think,

but we only lived like less than 20 minutes apart. So I don't even know, did he live with me there? Like, I don't even really, yeah, I guess he did. I struggle with this all the time, but I think it's possibly, I think it's possibly my age and then also just things that I've been through. I would never move someone into my house unless they were here to stay. I mean, I know that that's probably the intention that everyone has, right? When you go into something and then hindsight's 2020. But I think like a vetting process to make sure that it's something that's going to last. In fact, I wouldn't move in with anyone or let anybody move in with me until there was like an engagement with a plan to

be married. That's fair. I think to your point, my situation with Elijah was an anomaly, but I would agree. Like hobby and I had every intention of starting a family, getting married, doing all the things. And I just think also with children involved, that changes the scenario as well, right? Because Will and I moved in with each other pretty quickly, but that also was out of necessity. Yeah.

But we also didn't have a child involved, right? So when you've got kids that are involved, I think really vetting that situation and knowing, okay, this is like a lasting situation. I would never move someone in in a dating situation without knowing that it was going further. Yeah, I would agree. I mean, I think if Jordan moved in,

that would have been a grave mistake and look how that situation ended up and we weren't living together. So I would agree. I also, but I am a little, I do think that there is comfort in knowing that things are serious enough to do to live together and making sure that, um, you are able to live with someone before getting married.

I do understand that some people decide not to live together until they're married. And I understand and respect, you know, their belief system and whatever works for them. But for me, it would, it could change whether or not I want to even marry this person because I don't know how they live in private. You know what I mean? Like I don't know how they live before getting married and I don't want to be in a situation where I regret solely based on how they live in a home, you know, with me. Does that make sense? 100% agree. I've been conflicted on this before because I do think from a biblical aspect that in a perfect world, you save yourself for your marriage, you don't live together before you're married, all of those things. But do I think that that is realistic in today's

time? I don't. And I think some things that you see in a person when you're living together with them, if I found out some of the stuff that I knew from living with Will when we were in college, if I didn't know that stuff until we got married, the way we would have been, it would have been an annulment. I also agree because I can love you as a person but not not align with how you live privately and so I would agree that there Yeah, like why Why are we leaving

stuff in the sink for four days? Like you're not that fucking busy. I mean, not even so much that but like I feel like you don't know somewhat like what if they have a masturbation problem? What do you mean? like I'm not even just thinking of like cleanliness but are you just grabbing something it's okay you can make as much noise real real quick okay just close the door please I didn't want to say that around small ears. Are they out? Okay. Um, I, what if somebody has a masturbation problem or a sex addiction or porn addiction and you don't know about it until you live with that person?

Or what if things are good and great and then you live together and they have like that avoiding personality where they ignore you and they're mad. That's a form of abuse. Like that's something that you maybe won't know until you live with them because you're with them all the time and you're off, you know, maybe when you're out of work and things like that. Maybe you have a pet and you want to see how they live with the pet. Are they helping you take, because at that point there are things that you can't just get through with one conversation or a couple of therapy. I mean, there's some things that you really can't solve. Wait, the way you just so casually said a masturbation problem,

how do men masturbate when they're married? Like when do they do that? In the shower, when their partner's at work, when their partner is sleeping, I think it's very possible. But why is that so premeditated? Like, oh, she left, so now I'm gonna jack off. Like, what? Why are you looking at me like that?

Because it happens. Has it happened to you? Never. I have never caught any of my partners masturbating. I've never caught any of my partners watching porn, but like, I've heard horror stories. Oh, I have caught it. Like I, my friend told me about someone else. So I'm hearing this third hand obviously, like it's like the person told my friend and

my friend told me that they used to go into the bathroom and like whip open the shower curtain to make sure that their husband wasn't masturbating. Like, I don't know if you are. Like when I was married. Yeah. I would be like laying in the bed. I don't know when we'll get up for work and he would be in the shower and I don't like if I'm still in the bed. I have I do this same thing if somebody else was in the bed, right? Like, don't leave a fucking door open with lights blazing when someone else is trying to sleep, right? That's like a courtesy. So he would always close the door to go into

the bathroom to shower for work. If he was in there for like longer than let's say like a 15 minute shower, I'd be like, what the fuck were you doing jacking off? But what would you do if you found them jacking off? Make fun of them. I'd be like, you're so lame. You're like, you couldn't have come found me first. Right? Why do men do that?

I don't know. But do men do it too? Do what? Do women do it too? Like if your partner's there, why wouldn't you just jump bones? I don't understand. Maybe if they're asleep. So what?

Wake them up. I don't really have an answer for you. I don't understand. Maybe if they're asleep. So what, wake them up. I don't really have an answer for you. I wish I did. Is it like a different, is it a different sensation for them to be able to like jack off? Is it a control thing? Like, what is it?

I don't know, but I would imagine that real sex would be better than jerking off. I think at the point that you're jerking off regularly without your partner and your partner is willing, I think at that point that needs to be evaluated because that sounds like an addiction and sounds impulsive. I am mostly too tired. I wouldn't personally be mad if I, if Elijah was like jerking off right here while I'm home because he wanted to let me sleep and he needed to get his rocks off. I'd be like, okay, like you're a human

being so it wouldn't bother me, but it would also be like, I'm aware of it. I don't know how I feel about partners secretly getting themselves off and then not having a conversation around that, because I feel like that's weird, but to each their own, like whatever works for you guys, I just personally wouldn't be with a sex addict. That would not be something that I could do again, so.

Do you think that it's weird that somebody would like jack off and just not tell you about it, like not have a conversation about it? Or is it more weird to jack off and then have a conversation about it? Like, which one would you rather? I don't know. I feel like certain instances, I think both can be true. Certain instances need to have conversation because it's like, okay, if I have a work trip for a week and you're not here and you get the urge,

by all means, do what you got to do. But if you're regularly jerking off while I'm home, that needs to be a bigger conversation because we actually need to, we need to be intentional with our time, even if it's 10 minutes, we got to figure that out. I just don't know that I feel comfortable knowing that somebody's jacking off like between a wall. Whether you know about it or not.

I mean, I don't really care about the jacking off, I guess. I think it's more of, like if it's like sneaky, then that's like bothersome to me. But if it's honest. Right. Like for example, if I sent a text and you didn't respond for an hour because you were jacking off,

like I feel like appropriate response would be like, sorry, I was jerking it. I was jerking it. I was yanking it. Jerking my jerking. Like, what the fuck? I cannot, I literally cannot. Coffee Commons podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey Kitty Gang, whether

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Go to Ro.co.com to find out if you're covered for free. That's ro.co.co.ca. For boxed warning and full safety information, go to ro.co.co.ca. Okay, I wanna ask you about this because I saw this on parents.com and it says, over 1 million parents lose work hours

due to insufficient childcare. And this is according to reports. It says, if you're a working parent, you no doubt have felt the burden of managing childcare with your job one way or another. A new index report from KPMG, a big four accounting firm, shows the reality of US child care crisis.

The report estimates that 1.2 to 1.5 million workers, 90% of them who are moms, have shortened working hours or miss work each month because of a lack of affordable child care or insufficient availability. And you know what the trickle down effect of this is? I actually just watched a video yesterday of a creator named Paige. I've talked about her before. She was stitching something else

that I thought was interesting that like, you don't wanna be a dad, or you sorry, you don't wanna be a mom in the workplace because dads are doing it all. They're managing all the things. They get all the promotions. They're getting the salary increases. And she goes on to say that you don't want to be a mom in the workplace because the moms are getting passed over for promotions and salary increases

and new positions and things like that because this is what is immediately thought of. That's why it's so incredibly hard, but the dads don't get treated the same way, which is really interesting. But this is actually so disheartening. And I just, I wish that America would take on some of the practices of other countries, because I know that other countries are, they've already worked this out. Like there are, you know, I think some they're offering like 35,000 in financial help for people who are trying to start families to cover the cost of having more children. And I feel like America needs to get the fuck on board. I don't understand what's going on here. But it's actually

really disheartening because at the end of the day, in my opinion, there is no better person to get the job done than a mom. So if the mom has the correct, like moms in America and moms across the fucking globe are getting shit done regardless of their childcare stuff. I mean, I did it. I'll take my kids to fucking class. Like imagine what other moms have done. I just watched a mom on TikTok who was a single mom of two who passed the bar on her first try.

Like imagine what we could do with resources that are encouraging us to continue. Like if we had proper childcare and affordable childcare, imagine what the fuck else we could do. Girls would run the fucking world. And I don't think that this, I don't think America is ready for it. I think that's really what it is.

I would tend to agree. The numbers was crazy. So it says this shortened or missing work equates to 1.4 billion hours lost yearly in the United States, indicating that losing just one hour of work each week could cost families an estimated $780 to $1,500 an annual lost income. That might not sound huge,

but for families who are living paycheck to paycheck, that is huge. No, that is absolutely insane. It says losing work hours due to the lack of, due to the lack of affordable childcare impacts parents who may already be living paycheck to paycheck, not to mention the increased stress of having to reallocate hours in an already busy day. Like, childcare is so

fucking expensive that I know when when Will and I first had Jackson, it was not in our best interest for me not to be a stay at home mom, because we would be spending more money in childcare than I would be bringing home. So let me ask you this, do you think, and this is purely based on a tweet that I saw yesterday, or do they still call them tweets on X? Like, are they still tweets or are they Xs?

I don't know. Like, what is it called? It literally said, that's so funny that all of this is like the trickle down. Do you think that it is irresponsible to have a child when you are not financially stable or you cannot afford childcare? Whether you can be a stay at home or not, do you think it's irresponsible? I struggle with this so much because my nanny has always told me that if you wait until

you're ready, then like you'll never do it. right? So if you're not financially where you wanna be, then you might not ever do it because you're always going to be chasing like that next big thing. If you don't have the house that you want, like you wait, then you might never get the house that you want to be able to have to be. I don't think that that saying goes is about finances.

I thought if you wait until you're ready, you'll never be ready. I never like attributed that about finances. I thought if you wait until you're ready, you'll never be ready. I never like attributed that to finances. I thought that was from like the like person standpoint, not necessarily finances. So financially speaking, if I was pregnant, right, and I had a child, I chose to have a child, I didn't even have a license and I didn't have like a stable job or career like was that irresponsible for me? and I think that both can be true, but also It's one of those things where you don't have to be financially stable to love this child

but also in order to have a full like a fully well-rounded child and be able to Provide for them like the life that they deserve is in my opinion to be able to put them in extracurricular activities is to be able to travel in some capacity whatever that looks like for you know a local a local trip things like that to gain experiences and stuff and I think in some ways if you are not financially stable and you know I do think that will hinder but that's not to say that you won't be a good person. Like you won't necessarily raise a well-earned, rounded person.

So I am a little conflicted, but that was something I saw yesterday. So it's so interesting. I would be a hypocrite if I said, yes, you should be all of these things, like financially independent to the point that your child can do all of these extracurricular activities, take these trips, do whatever. Will and I didn't do that.

I mean, but I am a hypocrite in some ways because I can only speak from experience, right? Like I, when I started off as a mom, I wouldn't have been able to do all the things that, you know, Isaac is involved in now. And I do think that was a discredit and a disservice to him. I wholeheartedly believe that, you know, it wasn't until I was married and you know, with hobby that I was able to we were able to put the kids in sports and they were able to start with soccer and we were able to go on trips that was I mean, and I do that sucks, but I won't I wouldn't say that that they still couldn't be fully well rounded. I just think that it does add to

their quality of life when you are financially stable, but I just don't think anyone is financially stable. I mean, at this point, I think that we need to take several pages out of several chapters out of other countries books. I just thought that that was very interesting and it makes me so sad. I mean, it truly does take a village to raise children, but some people don't have built villages. And I think that, you know, when they're solely relying on childcare, that they're having to pay an exorbitant amount of money for that and kids get sick and kids have to go to doctor's appointments

and dentist appointments and like all of these things. I would say for the most part, it falls on mom's back. So for them to be losing like that on jobs is insane. It's a double edged sword because without women in the workplace and without mothers in the workplace, this is what occurs, but we're not given the resources to be in the workplace. And it's just, I don't know what, what the solution is to the endless cycle. Like, I don't know what you want from moms. I don't know what you want from women. It's like, I don't know what the solution is to the endless cycle. Like, I don't know what you want from moms. I don't know what you want from women.

It's like, don't have kids and be great at your career, but then they're being asked why they're not having kids and not procreating, and then you have mothers in the workplace who wanna work, and you have people that are willing to work with children and go above and beyond, and then they're crucified for it. I mean, I see it every day. I'm seeing it in court with dealing with the dads right now.

It's like, oh, Kail shouldn't have her kids because she's working all the time. She's got to travel for work. Okay, so that makes me less qualified to be a parent and have my child full time because I'm I'm working and my travel is you know, one week out of the month or one you know, a couple days out of the month and I so I shouldn't have my kids full time like you got me fucked up. You got me so fucked up. fucked up. You got me so fucked up.

No, I agree. And it's always coming from people that have a lot to say but do nothing. Right. But you should be praised because you are working. I just like I can't I can't understand like I don't understand it. I truly don't. So dads will get praised for being work in the workplace and having kids and everything else. And that wouldn't even be possible if it weren't for their co parents, their wives, their partners. So for me too, like, I'm getting passed up for a promotion or x, y and z, I have to turn this down because I have to be a mom and I have to stay

at home. Like imagine if I didn't get to go to LA for that 24 hours, who knows where that could have went? You know, like I got to, I spoke to two casting directors, you know what I mean? So it was just like, if I didn't go, and I stayed home, I missed out on an opportunity that could lead to other opportunities. But the dads who if we'll use hobby, for example, would have went and I kept Lincoln, I would have been he would have been praised for it.

But we're you know what I'm saying? Like, it's just like, and that was just for lack of examples. Like I wasn't saying that that was true case. But it's just weird. No, I, I 100% get it. And I feel like there's so much pressure that are on moms to be the doer in every situation when it comes to the kids that I actually was just talking to Kristen about this, people commenting and saying that I travel so much more now.

And I'm like, I'm in a co-parenting situation. So it doesn't matter if I'm at home for those five days or I'm away for five days because I'm not having my child then anyway. 100%. And that's something that I talk about all the time is just trying to schedule. I mean, obviously, it's not foolproof. I can't always travel when I don't have

my kids. But if I can help it 2025, any tour dates I have will be when I don't have my kids, I will not be traveling when I have my kids, it's not happening. But at the end of the day, we don't have the kids at that point anyways. So I just make it make sense. I'll speaking of parents andparenting, parents.com did an article that is celebrity parents who have been honest about the realities of co-parenting and I thought this was interesting because it's not just regular everyday people that co-parent, right? It's like celebrities too. So Ben Affleck and

Jennifer Garner have talked about it and it says that Affleck and Garner were married in 2005. They remained together for 10 years until they split in 2015, but they have remained super dedicated as like co-parents. They're very amicable despite their divorce. And so Affleck said, you have to be on the same page. You have to cooperate. If you recognize that you both have the best interest of the kids at heart, it's quite a special connection.

And I would agree with that. Despite how Javi and I may feel about each other personally, the fact that we have mostly remained on the same page for Lincoln has been, I think, part of the reason why anything that does go awry in my co-parenting with Lincoln, it hurts extra. Because I feel like we are mostly always on the same page with Lincoln and that makes something, it just makes it easier, it makes it better, it makes it, I don't know,

there's room for more understanding, I don't know. I very much relate to that and feel like I talked a couple of episodes ago about the co-parenting and people getting it twisted, thinking that there's still feelings that are left there because it's a united front when it comes to Jackson, right? I feel like you also have that with Javi, but that's not, that situation that has been created in co-parenting, I don't feel like that is because there are any feelings that are left remaining.

It is the feelings that you collectively have for your child. I would agree. Like I, nine times out of 10, we're going to be on the same page or be willing to see the other person's perspective for the best interest of Lincoln. Okay, everyone, it is that time of year where things are winding down and what better time to make good financial decisions to set you up for 2025 successfully. And you can easily do this with simple steps, including downloading RocketMoney. I'm obsessed with it. It is so useful.

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when using all of the app's features. I know all of us could use an extra $740, that's for sure. So stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash coffee convos. That's rocketmoney.com slash coffee convos, rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. That's rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. I really much relate to I don't have multiple co parenting

situations like you do where you can compare and contrast them. But I very much relate when you say when things go awry, it hurts extra, because things can be so great. So when you've got like that one road bump that happens, it's like a devastation in my life. 100% 100%. And I'm, first of all, I because I know certain people listening to this will be like, what the fuck kill. That's not to say that hobby, I don't fight or like argue, right? Like

that's not to say that, you know, there have been times where I've said certain things on the podcast, and he gets like mad at me or you know, he feels hurt by them or lashes out at me because of them that both can be true, we can have the best interest for Lincoln, and he doesn't have to like me as a person, but he's going to mostly respect me as like its mom and vice versa, I would say both can be true. And I think to your point, like it is collectively about the, you know,

how we feel about Lincoln. We love Lincoln so much. We want the best for him. I'm not here to tear you down as a parent. I'm here to do what's best for Lincoln, period. Another couple is Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman. I don't know how to, I didn't even know she was married to him,

but they were married for four years and they ended their marriage in 2016. They did argue about where to live, but they have two kids together and Drew says, I'm co-parenting with someone and although we might not be married anymore and even, and he's even married with his beautiful new wife, our wonderful stepmother, we're in a daily engagement and our relationship has never been better. And I think that that goes to show that some people do better not together raising a child

than necessarily when they're married. I can 100% relate to that as well. I don't know if I ever talked about on the podcast, my most recent co-parenting situation, that shit went awry and it made me devastated for over a week and it was Halloween. Did I talk about it? I think you did. You might have mentioned it.

I know you did. I think you did talk about it. I can't remember if I did but it devastated me like knowing that I did all the proper communication that was needed to be had. And it wasn't met on the other end. And I do think that he's traveled so much for work that sometimes I view that as like lack of prioritization towards Jackson and like the ability to be present during the co-parenting situation and the way that I would like him to be the way that I was devastated for an entire week. So when you say like when things go awry, it's bad in that situation and other situations for you,

you're like, I already expect it, right? Like, but when things are so good, like, then one bad thing happens, you're like, what the fuck? Yeah, I don't know what and maybe other people can relate to that. But and I think that Yeah, I don't know what and maybe other people can relate to that. But and I think that it's only been recently that I understand that it's like perspective because I wonder why this you know, if hobby and I do have a difference of opinion on something or how to handle something it because I've talked about it before but not in this way. Like I don't think that ever said out loud. Wow, it stings more because we do mostly get along.

You know, recently we had a disagreement about something and, you know, the email that I got back was, it sucked. It wasn't, and I don't think the situation warranted the response, but it stings more when we are so aligned most of the time for Lincoln. Like it just, it stings way more where the other ones, like you said, is just to be expected. And I don't really look forward to anything different because I know it's not different.

And the situations that you have outside of the situation with Javi and Lincoln, I feel like it's expect the worst. Anything better than the worst is considered good, right? But with Javi, it's a completely different situation. And I don't, I don't know if some of it has to do with the fact that you were like a full blown family with him. So there's deeper ties that are there than what maybe we're willing to acknowledge, but it has absolutely nothing to do

with wanting to fucking be with a person. Like, why can't people understand that? No, yeah, I definitely don't want to know. Absolutely not. And couldn't starting to just now, um, not even think about it. Like, I don't think that I've talked about being married to him on the podcast in a long, maybe I have talked about it recently, but I'm like, we don't even have to talk, like acknowledge it anymore at this point, you know what I mean?

You're like that marriage is a wash. Other people for anyone that's interested in this article, we don't even have to like, acknowledge it anymore at this point. You know what I mean? You're like, that marriage is a wash. Other people for anyone that's interested in this article, we can post it on the story that are mentioned are Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavalieri. Jenna Doh. I was gonna say what they said. Okay. Kristin said, modern family, co-parenting,

whatever you wanna call it, we are navigating it the best way we know how. And what I do know now is our three kids are lucky to have him as their dad. Hopefully all three get a smidge of that heart of gold. And then she also said never put the kids in the middle of it no matter how mad you are at your ex-spouse. One thing that my mom did was she never said anything bad about my dad. Now that I'm older I really respect that. I always want my kids to see Jay and me as a united front. He's their father. That's important and they need to see that from me, but I do want to add something to that

That is extremely difficult when the other parent is not doing their job and it is very apparent to the child I think that there are Certain circumstances where one of the parents whether it be the mom or dad, is completely not present or they are not doing their part. And depending on the child, they're going to know about it. And so not saying anything bad, but also it being known without even saying it, that the other parent is not doing their part. The child will figure that out. Like you don't have to make it known and you don't have to bad mouth them. You don't have to say anything in front of them, just way their opinion. They will figure it out on their own. And so United Front isn't always possible when only one parent is present.

I find it to be common in situations that I am privy to and other co-parenting situations that typically the co-parent that you're talking about, not like the specific co-parent that you're talking about, but the co-parent that acts in that manner is also typically the co-parent that is shit talking the parent that's the doer. Like give me an example. Like someone who does not fulfill their parenting obligations,

but then they wanna gaslightlight on to the other parent who is fulfilling their parenting obligations. Oh, I have a situation like that. And I don't know if it's an internal struggle that they have because they're self-aware that they're not doing their job or if it's just like malicious intent. It's both.

In my opinion, it is both. They know that they are not doing what they should be doing. With no intent to change that and I also think that it's malicious intent because of that but it also I think it could be subconscious to like you really think that you're doing out here doing the Lord's work for your child and at the end of the day, you're gaslighting either the other parent or the children. either the other parent or the children. And that's really sad to see because I have a situation like that. And I think that the only reason why X, Y, and Z that is being done is only being done because you're proving it to other people.

And that's really sad because the kids will eventually figure that out too, or worse, they'll end up just like that because that's what they see as being done and they don't know any different. I am so interested to ask you this. Are you a different type of parent in regards to like love as the people that you've been with with their children?

So like, I love Jackson very differently than Will loves Jackson. It doesn't mean like more or less, the relationships just very different. Like the dynamic of the relationship and the way that we show love is very different. And that's been a big struggle going between the houses because I am so like, I will snuggle you, I will lay with you on the couch,

I will get everything for you, you don't have to do anything, I am that. And Will is very much like a distant do for yourself. And he claims that that is showing love, which I can't, I can't disagree with it, because I do think that it's showing love by teaching him independence, but he's just not like a touchy, feely type person like will wants to be left alone. What's interesting is, I think all of the dads

in my situation show love very differently than I do, but they also, Elijah specifically, I can't speak for Chris because we were never together after, we were never together after Creed was born, not even one time. So like sexually, we were never together. So I've never actually seen, I've never seen Chris be a dad to Creed ever. I don't know what goes on. So I couldn't tell you the dynamics

between the two of them. But I think that with Elijah, because I have more, I have kids with him, multiple children, how he shows love to Rio and the twins is different between each one of them. And then, yeah, and it's, it's so interesting because I would say out of those three babies, verse is just like Elijah, I could tell already by the demeanor, by the personality, by everything. And it's so interesting to me. But surprisingly enough, he's the roughest with with Valley like Valley loves to be hung upside down by her toes tickled pushed

over like just playful and the other two not as much but he has a different dynamic with all three of them where mine for the three of them right now is pretty the same for each of them right now until I like same for each of them right now until I like get to know their personalities more over time. And then Lux and Creed, I would say that it's different from Chris, but I would say Lux and Creed, my like affection and love and relationship is pretty similar. Have you shown love to all of your kids the same way collectively or different

like across the board? No, I would say based on their like what they're willing to accept, I've tried to make it the same, but Isaac is very not, he doesn't want to be touched like he does by anybody. He'll hug me of course But like, and Lincoln too, like he really he's at the age where Isaac never really know did he experience it? He doesn't want me to like, show affection around his friends and stuff. A little bit different. I would say Lux is the most affectionate towards me and Creed's the most affectionate towards me. But collectively, I've shown them the same. And it's just how their personality

or how they react and respond to it. And I adjust accordingly. That's so interesting. Yeah, I would be really interested for you to see it in person, because I know Becky just saw it in person for the first time when she met some of my kids. And I would be interesting to see her perspective and how she saw it from like an outsider.

I would be interested to see your dynamic with Elijah and the three younger kids, because I've always, actually, I feel like Lincoln was your favorite child for a long time. No, it was because he was the youngest at the time, and he was so funny. And then it became luck. Because he was the youngest. I don't know about everybody else, but I am definitely getting my house ready for the

holidays this year. And I actually just grabbed a few new pieces for the holidays from Wayfair, which is one of my favorite places to shop for a multitude of reasons. They have something truly for everybody on Wayfair. They also have really fantastic prices, which we all know I love budgeting and I love staying on a budget so that fits in with my lifestyle perfectly. I always recommend to people that are looking for stuff for their home and what not to try out Wayfair because they literally have everything that you could

think of. My mom was eyeing up this blanket ladder and I turned around and I got it for her. It is so beautiful. I absolutely love it. The delivery was free, which is a huge, huge plus. It delivered so fast and completely hassle free. I'm also grabbing some holiday decor for my dining room, thinking for my living room. They have all kinds of things for especially decor. If you're looking, definitely check it out. We're talking garlands, candles, anything for your tree, lights, et cetera. Also, fantastic gift ideas. So we're talking sports memorabilia, pet beds, kitchen accessories, pretty much anything you can think of. Wayfair's huge selection of home items makes it easy to find

exactly what it is that you're looking for. And the site is super easy to navigate, which I also love. It makes it so easy to shop, super easy to search. And you even can search for like anything dependent on what your budget is, which I also love. Set the scene for new holiday memories with Wayfair. Head to Wayfair.com right now to get your home holiday ready. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com, Wayfair, every style, every home. And completely unrelated news. I don't know how much of the Diddy stuff that you've been following.

I've talked a lot about it on the Southern tea, but I wanted to know what you think about this and I am not surprised by this headline. It says Diddy called witnesses from prison prosecutor say it says Sean Diddy Combs has been breaking prison rules by contacting potential witnesses and his upcoming sex trafficking trial. The music mogul is accused of making relentless efforts to corruptly influence witness testimony by using other inmates' telephone accounts and using three-way calls to speak to people

who are not on his approved contact list. Prosecutors said that they reviewed record calls, also found that Mr. Combs instructed his family to contact potential witnesses in his case. And that was in a court filing. Yep, I actually heard that yesterday on my way home and I was like, what in the fuck? So my question then is, can the people that were acting

as the middleman on Diddy's behalf to threaten said witnesses, can they be charged? They can, like. So is that something they're going to be pursuing? Or are they going to let that slide? And no, it'll be something they pursue. Say that again. I think it will be something that they pursue. They should because that's not you don't you're setting the precedent you're setting the tone for other cases that you know, these people can get away, the middlemen can be get away with it. And I don't think that's fair. Just with the involvement that I had with a federal trial,

it is never good to attempt to try to influence any type of witness. They probably have you tapped, honestly, and they're watching phone records. So to think that you're getting away with it is absolutely insane. I also think that you're getting away with it is absolutely insane. I also think that someone with the amount of power that Diddy has had for so long being in jail, he's going to try to beat the system in every which way. So like using somebody

else's phone time and then three weighing somebody in on a call. Like you think you're smarter, but you're not. I don't understand how he was that just dumb blatantly dumb because I've been on jail calls where it literally says they're being recorded. But also, if all of this stuff, 20 years later, 25 years later, 30 years later is coming to light and biting you in the ass, what makes you think you can get away with anything at this point? Because clearly 20 and 30 years later, you're still

going, you're getting caught. So what are you dumb? No, I think it's narcissism. Like you really thought system, but you didn't beat the system even 20 and 30 years into this. You still didn't beat the system. So you think under an under a magnifying glass, you're going to beat the system too. Like have to be some level of narcissist to think that. I think though you have to consider the amount of power that that person has had for such a long period of time that they think that nothing is going to stop that power until they are actually stopped. They're going to continue doing the stuff that they were doing. They're just going to move differently. And now they have boundaries set up by jail. And they're going to try to bust through all of those fucking

boundaries. They're like, fuck that. I'm going to do whatever I want to do. And I'm going to contact all of these people like you. That is witness tampering. I don't care what way you look at it. You contacting a family member to tell somebody something that is on a said witness list, there is supposed to be no contact. You are not supposed to be contacting anyone about them and you are not supposed to be contacting them

or contacting somebody about them to contact them. Also, is there, would a gag order apply in this situation where other people should not be talking to other people? Like, is there like, I don't even know. Like, I don't know what the- Could you imagine the amount of gag orders that would have to take place? There's really no wrangling the situation

because it is so widespread. Oh, that's true. Because I know that there's, I thought gag orders was like fake. I didn't know it was like a real thing and I was told it was. I was like, oh, interesting. Um, yeah, filing a gag order, but the amount of people that would have to be, that would take weeks and weeks to file as many gag orders in this

case as, as they would need. So potentially with this, he could be charged with additional charges. Right. But also if he's not careful, he might think that he's getting charged with additional charges, right? But also if he's not careful, he might think that he's getting away with a lot of stuff. And the government will allow him to think that he's getting away with a lot of stuff, but really they're zoning in

and they're gonna use all of that evidence at trial and then he's gonna get an enhancement on his sentence. No, 100%. And I've been at this point, maybe it doesn't matter to him. Maybe he doesn't care and he'll see what he can get away with because he knows his sentencing is gonna be so heft, maybe it doesn't matter to him. Maybe he doesn't care and he'll see what he can get away with

because he knows his sentencing is gonna be so hefty that it won't matter. The difference of 10 years or 15 years at that point won't even matter, right? Like once you have been sentenced to over what, like 20, 30 years, what's another 10 years at that point when you're not getting out alive, truly? Who the fuck cares?

Cause he's what, 55 years old? Yeah. So if he gets 30 years, anything after that, it won't matter. Like just go ahead and take all my time. Yep, just keep adding it because I'm dying here anyway. Is that not crazy? That's I mean, I feel like he'll probably be sent once sentenced. I believe he'll probably be sent to like a maximum security type prison. That's fucking scary. I for an eye. I do want to talk to you about this really quick before we go. Because this is a conversation that I've had with people I know and it was posted in the coffee combos podcast

group. Okay. It says, my wife and I got into a discussion today and we were at a disagreement She drinks about two to three beers per night She's not getting drunk or even buzzed But I asked her to wait until the kids go to bed because I don't want them to think on nor It's normal for someone to drink every day or most days She comes back with that they see me drink a soda every day, which I do I have one pop a day now. She's asking me to stop drinking pop in front of them. I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little

salty about this. She says a bad habit is a bad habit. I don't feel like drinking a singular pop is the same as drinking a beer a day. Am I wrong? I'm definitely open to all opinions. And here's the thing. I think by definition, if you drink every day or every other day, or frequently in the week, you are considered an alcoholic. And I do not I do not agree that drinking an alcoholic beverage every single day or frequently in the week, you are considered an alcoholic. And I do not agree that drinking an alcoholic beverage every single day or even every other day is the same as drinking a soda every day. I think drinking a soda every day is a bad habit. And drinking a beer

multiple times a week or two or three beers multiple times a week is an alcoholic trying to gaslight someone. That's how I feel. So this woman, let me get this straight. She's drinking three beers on average per night. Two to three per night. Yes, in front of the kids at that. I mean, I kind of have a policy in my house that we don't hide anything. So if I'm going to drink a truly I will drink it right in front of Jackson, but I'm not drinking two or three Trulies per night. That's, that to me is insane. Based on a quick national cancer institute.gov,

it says the pattern below are considered heavy drinking, which markedly increases the likelihood of AUD and other alcohol related harms. For women, four or more drinks on any day or eight or more per week is an alcoholic. For men, five or more drinks on any day or 15 or more per week is an alcoholic. So you don't have to get buzzed or drunk to be an alcoholic. I feel like that's steep. Like, no, like 15 drinks per week.

Oh, you're saying it's okay. I thought you meant it's steep to say that's an alcoholic I don't I think if you're drinking, you know 10 alcoholic beverages a week No matter what day they are. That's a problem. That's a problem Cuz if you don't I go to dinner with like my girlfriends quite often and I'll get like a drink but I'm not sitting there getting twisted on a weekday but I'm not sitting there getting twisted on a weekday. Not on the weekend. Two to three beers per day, whether you get drunk or not, is an alcoholic, whether you like it or not.

Because if, and especially if you're turning around and saying, oh, you need to stop drinking in a pop because a bad habit is a bad habit. No, because alcohol is different. Alcohol is a drug, whether people like it or not, that is a drug. And it's actually one of the only drugs I believe that will kill you in relapse that can kill you with from withdraws. I would that is your gaslighting your partner by saying if you're

listening to this, like you're gaslighting your partner by saying that bad habits are bad habits and a soda is anything similar to an alcoholic beverage. But also a part of this that I don't understand, she's not getting drunk or even buzzed. Does that mean that like she's drank so much to the point that like she can't? Yeah, the tolerance is built up at that point. There would be a time that I would drink three beers

and not have a buzz. I think that also the idea that waiting until the bed, the kids go to bed, because you don't want the kids, like I get you don't want them to think that there's a problem. Regardless of that, there is a problem. So if she's still drinking two to three beers

when the child goes to bed, yeah, the kids won't see it, but it's still a problem. That's still something that you need to get under control. But I feel like that's a coping mechanism that he's using to like keep it away from the kids. I feel like the problem is the problem. That's what I'm saying. I also would be curious, does it matter?

I'm not familiar with alcohol. So does it matter, depend on the person's build and for their blood alcohol system to be high or not high? Would you say that three beers would get their blood alcohol level to be like high or not high? Like would you say that three beers would get their, their blood alcohol level to be that of them not driving? Like, I don't know how that, let me look it up. Is it based off like metabolic rate or is it based off of tolerance?

Well, that's what I mean. So like blood alcohol levels by drink number. I don't know if it matters. Yeah, by number of drinks. Okay, it says, so what is the legal limit right now? Do we know? Hold on. I think it's 0.08, but I think it's different by state.

So this says 0.08 is for men, the average size, it is average size and weight, consuming four or five standard drinks over two hours can result in this level. So this is on a men's standards, I guess. How many drinks affect the blood levels? After seven to eight drinks, your BAC will have reached 0.15 or the equivalent of half a pint of whiskey.

Oh, wow. How many drinks for a 0.8, four to five. That's for oh, so for women, it says three to four standard drinks over two hours will result in a 0.8 on average. So if she's drinking two to three, she's just under the legal limit. And to me, you're teetering that line. And that is just my opinion. Scare you like never have I ever drank more than a drink in my house

with Jackson here, because if something happened to my child, I don't have a partner here, right? So if something happened to him, he fell like slipped, something needed to go to the hospital to get stitches. I can't safely drive him there if I'm drinking any more than a drink. Right. And it teeters the line depending on the weight of this person, the build of this person, like any of that.

It does teeter the line. Like you're just below the legal limit every single night or almost every single night. That's a problem in my opinion. And at what point does that become child abuse? Or neglect. Because I don't know. Child endangerment. If you found out to be an alcoholic and you know, that alcohol is in your system. I mean, I have Rio split his lip

last year, I think it was at this point. Yeah, it was last year. And I was in the right state of mind and still just like freaking out. We go to the yard, we call 911, whatever, because I mean, it was, he did need stitches, but he didn't get them. Long story short, they don't stitch the inside of your mouth, but he has the scar to this day. It looks crazy.

And I couldn't imagine having any amount of alcohol in my system at that time to blur any or slow down my reaction time. That's just insane. I would love to know what other people think. Yeah, there was lots of comments. We don't have time to go through them all, but this is in the Coffee Combo's Facebook group.

So feel free to go look up that and we'll post it on the story so you know what to look up. And on that note, foul play, I am disgusted at what I'm looking at. I'm scared. Oh no. It says, love you ladies. I look forward to your episode'm scared. Oh no. It says, love you ladies. I look forward to your episode every week.

Here's my foul play. I ordered DoorDash from my local Mexican friends food chain. I ordered a taco salad. I've ordered this meal many times from the restaurant as it is my favorite meal. I come to the restaurant, it comes from the restaurant Saran Wrap Tight Shut. I was halfway done eating it when I almost took a bite

of a huge slug thinking that it was a mushroom. I was so grossed out, I contacted DoorDash, the restaurant and the health department and never heard back from anyone from all three. The worst part knowing is that I almost took a bite of thinking that it was part of the salad. Gag, what would you ladies have done? Picture for context, we will make sure

that we post this photo I could see where that would get Mistaken for a possible mushroom except. I don't think that salad looks like it has mushrooms in it So if I saw it would immediately think it was a slug. No immediately. That's what I thought was like, okay Mushroom could totally pass for a mushroom in another or if it was like a cooked dish. Yeah, and it slug. I get in there. One of my kids, I can't remember which one. Maybe Lincoln maybe looks I know it wasn't Isaac I don't think one of my kids and I went to'm just like, that would, that is so fucking foul. And you haven't

heard for from any of them. I could understand possibly like the door dash. Not because she said it was saran wrapped, it had to have been a situation where whatever the manufacturer of the lettuce, the salad, like all of that, it had to be one of those scenarios. Because if it was saran wrapped tight, it probably wasn't the next. It might've been like in the lettuce that they get from like another vendor. But like, is it dead? I think so. It looks dead. Also, the fact that the

health department and the restaurant did not respond causes me great alarm. I'm less alarmed about the door dash like not responding but the health department like I'm disgusted. I'm absolutely disgusted. We'll post the picture so that you guys can see and I would love to know what y'all would do because the way I would have driven to the restaurant. Hi mamas here's an anonymous foul play for you. I was a senior in high school in 2011 going out with this guy had been crushing on since freshman year. He invites me over one day when we don't have school. And while both of his parents are at work, we had fooled

around a few times, but hadn't had sex. So I went over to his house fully prepared to take it all the way. We had to his room. One thing leads to another and a few seconds into the finger fondle. His face looked concerned and I felt like I was having a gyno exam. Then he stops, but we continue to hook up, hang out and I go home. Four or five weeks later, he confesses what that concerning face was

all about the first time we had sex. He said he felt something hard and thought I may have had a lady issue but didn't know how to bring it up. So I go home and give myself a little feel around concerned he may have been onto something and sure enough, I could feel what he felt. It wasn't gynecological. I've had issues with constipation all my life,

but never knew it was something you could feel from inside your vagina until this moment. So I came to the conclusion that what he felt was literal shit. He was feeling my actual turds from inside my vagina. For confirmation, I did in fact go home the day we hooked up and take a shit, which I remember because they didn't and don't happen regularly. Even though I don't think he ever figured out what he was feeling, I couldn't get over it and I've never let myself get anywhere near foreplay with another man without making certain he wasn't going to feel up my bowels.

I have to give myself a little dipstick test to make sure we're good to go since I have lifelong PTSD from that shit, pun intended. I've also wondered how many guys have felt the same thing beforehand that I fooled around with, but I'm not asking to find out. I have never told a soul until now, so maybe I can let it go, but probably not.

It will always be a fear of mine. Love you, ladies. I need to know it will always be a fear of mine. Love you ladies. I need to know if that if she needs to like disimpact herself like I can reach out to Becky and Leah. Leah is a PA and I know Becky is familiar with this. So like if you need help disimpacting yourself before you hook up with people or you need to take regular probiotics,

you guys should look at Just Thrive probiotics. Wait, but how do you feel your bowels from inside your vagina? It might just be the bulge into the wall, maybe of like the cervix or the vagina. Like I don't think that she means like you could scrape it and poop would come out on your finger. Like I don't think that's what she means, but it was like actually like poop compacted, impacted, compacted, whatever in her vagina.

Is it all connected like that? Yeah, that's why I think you poop so easily when you like give birth and stuff. Oh my god. period shits and like that whole situation. Or period shits like a real thing, by the way. I haven't gotten them in like, like probably a year or two. So I'm not entirely sure about that. I have gotten them in like, like probably a year or two. So I'm not entirely sure about

that. I have gotten them in the past. Like, I think it was like a regular thing for me, but I don't get them anymore. So I think for some people it can be. Kristin said, yes, they absolutely are. Yeah, I don't I haven't had them in a long, long time. But I think it's a period shit. You get like diarrhea. And what causes it? I don't I was thinking blood flow like just the amount of blood flow that's happening when you're having your period but Kristen said maybe something

to do with hormones which is a good point. It could also be like the stress because it's obviously stressful when we have our periods right like bleeding out in the middle of the day or just like the whole idea behind getting a period. I don't know. Well, can you please get some like scientific answers for us and get back to us? Yeah, I'm gonna text I'll text Becky and ask her to ask Leah. And that's all we have time for today. Thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple podcast app, follow and read on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and join our Facebook group to connect with us and our community. Full video episodes are now available on Kale's Patreon. To join, visit www.patreon.com slash Kale Lowry. We hope that you guys have a

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