Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Marriage Problems

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

CC301: Lindsie and Kail recount their past week shenanigans that somehow leads the conversation to why Kail's ex didn't like sex toys. A follow up story on last week's conversation about split custody at school pickups sparks thoughts on a parent's priorities. A anon message in the Facebook group about a married couple working through infidelity has Lindsie and Kail on entirely different sides, and an additional Facebook post about cheating has everyone raging. And last, a listener asks if their husband being a slob is a good enough reason to file for divorce. Marriage problems all around today! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first monthChime: Get started at chime.com/convosHello Fresh: Visit HelloFresh.com/convos50 and use code convos50 for 50% off plus free shippingPair Eyewear: Go to paireyewear.com/COFFEECONVOS for 15% off your first purchaseProgressive: Visit progressive.com to learn moreRocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOS

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convose with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Crisley. I really want you to be in your field scale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirit and discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the Fakerie anymore. There's a Fakerie bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. Hey, Lucy. Good morning and welcome back to another episode of Coffee Hombos podcast. Is that Duncan? This is wall walk coffee. Oh, you're back on the wall watching. I am. I'm back. I don't have groceries at the house at the moment. I haven't gone grocery shopping and I've got ripped., I don't have groceries at the house at the moment. I haven't gone grocery shopping and a grip So I didn't make coffee at home to bring with me and I was like, let me I'm already late

so I might as well just stop at Wawa and I also got a sizzle which is It's like a breakfast sandwich and this one is Sausage egg and cheese on a pancake. Okay, so people who like the beefies in a box. People who like MacGriddle's honestly scare the fuck out of me. No, they're fantastic. MacGriddle's that's exactly what this is. They're like I don't typically eat

McDonald's, but when I do I'm gonna fuck a MacGriddle up. And that's essentially what this is. Okay, so you go to McDonald's for breakfast. What are you getting? I'm getting a bacon and cheese on a mcgrittle and an orange juice. And I also don't like orange juice, but I will drink McDonald's orange juice. Okay, first of all, um, I feel like, um, mcgrittle and OJ kind of like don't go together and nobody come for me when i say the next thing that i'm about to say but i'm pretty sure that any mickdonald's breakfast requires like a

soft drink or at least a sweet tea. No i can agree with that. I um i actually don't typically like breakfast food at all. Like i have to be in a very specific mood for it. So if I was to get chicken minis from Chick-fil-A, I'm absolutely getting a sweet tea or a coke. So yes, I agree with the soft drink situation. Okay, if you go to McDonald's and you're getting kids' food for breakfast or all your kids getting the same thing, is it going to be a mash-up or just something different every time. My kids get very specific. Like Lincoln's getting bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel,

Isaac's probably getting pancakes, and then a little too, are getting like the pancakes with all the stuff because they eat a little of everything. Okay, so Jackson has forever been obsessed with hotcakes from McDonald's. And they kind of freak me out because I think about, have you ever seen like the viral videos of McDonald's food

and it's like, it lasts for six months or something? And I wonder truly how long the pancakes could possibly last? I don't want to know. Don't tell me. I don't want to know either. If I look like a hot mess express, I just need to tell you that number one had a full house this weekend. So I have been stripping all the beds, everything's mass chaos right now. I'm pretty sure I still have pain cakes are all over my kitchen island. Went to the car wash this morning, went to the gym, got Jackson to school, took his bag over to wills and came home and I was like, wow, I really don't have time to get ready for this. So I'm going to just, uh,

I want to listen to this sound and tell me what you think it is. Don't know Lonnie. It is. It's my second Alani Mamosa. And I wish that it was a real mimosa, to be honest. I saw this video of Carrie Underwood, and she was talking about, like, back to school, and she was like, this is what you need to do. You take your kids and you drop them off, and you immediately get a mimosa, hold the OJ. And I'm like, okay, so she's just like straight going, she in pain. She's like, you know what, I don't have time for the, I don't have time you're gonna be able to hold the OJ. And I'm like, okay, so she's just like straight going champagne.

She's like, you know what, I don't have time for the, I don't have time for the OJ. You should be proud of yourself though, because despite not getting ready, you've got a lot of shit done in what, two, three hours, like, that you have between dropping Jackson off and recording, so small wins. Listen, I was telling one of my girlfriends

on the phone the other day, she was like, I don't know that like, I can do this 730 drop off in the morning like that does not seem realistic Because she's coming from like a true preschool schedule where you go at like 9 o'clock and then get out at 12 Yeah, I think that's really hard for moms like making that adjustment and I remember Not too long ago and Jackson started kindergarten. It felt so early But you just like adjust your schedule and you get so much done in those short hours of time in the morning that you normally would have just been dicking around

your house waiting for the preschool to open. Well, so I had an incident with Isaac because Joe and I thought that he had to be to school at 810. We didn't, I don't know why we never checked the schedule. We just didn't check this. We just thought he had to be there at 810. We didn't, I don't know why we never checked the schedule. We just didn't check this. We just thought he had to be there at 810. Come to find out, he has to be there at 755. He's marked late at 810.

So I told V, because they're moving like farther. And I was like, just so you guys know, like he has to be to school by 755. Like that's not, you know what I mean? Like he's marked late at 810. And she was like, Oh, shit, like, are you serious? And I'm like, I'm dead serious. Well Lincoln and Isaac both have to be to school at 855 now. And they're in two different schools. So I don't know. I think I'm gonna have to drop Isaac off at like, you mean 755? Sorry, 755. Yes,

755. So I'm gonna have to drop Isaac off at like 745 to get able to get Lincoln to school on time too, because they don't since we school choice, they can't ride the bus. So it's not even an option. Okay, wait, so does the tardy bell ring at 810, but it's anything before 810, they're good. Yes. Okay, so yeah, Jackson's tardy bell rings at 735. I don't know that I would ever get my kid to school on time

if that was the case for me. And I'm like, listen, D-Fax would be literally knocking on your door hard. D-Fax. Department of child welfare services or some shit, I don't know. It's like through the school, Threatens you as whatever public school's threatening you with if like your kids absent from a certain amount of days.

Oh, okay. They're like, we're going to send department of social services to your house to do like a home study and it's like come on. Bring it on. You're just going to see mass chaos, but just go ahead. Um, I have to tell you. So we were supposed to go to Jelly Roll on Saturday and West Virginia, not in West Virginia, Jesus Christ in Virginia Beach and Sadly, we did not make it for a couple reasons

Number one, I texted the babysitter at like 8 30 in the morning and was like, hey, just want to make sure like You're still good for the littles while we go to this concert. No response for like hours It was like four hours. And I was like, what I thought was a three and a half hour trip plus beach traffic. I was like, we're cutting it real close. And I don't want to like leave last minute because the baby said it didn't see the text or whatever, right? So I was like, fuck, I don't think this is going to work out. So the couple that we were going, the family that we were going with, there was eight of us total.

It was like, hey, I just wanna let you know, it's actually five hours away. And I was like, I'm sorry, what? I said, oh, Lysha has been telling me that this entire time that it was three and a half hours, which is doable with me and the kids. Like, that's fine. No, it was five hours without beach traffic.

And I know that you're not from like from up here. So beach traffic to Virginia Beach is insane. So I mean, you're talking campers, bumper to bumper traffic, it's just not a good time. So five hours plus to babysitter, text are back like four and a half hours later. It ended up being like four hours later. So we didn't go to jelly roll.

Okay, first of all, I'm just a mom of one. So I don't know what that's like, having to coordinate like other kid schedules, but I can tell you that that absolutely sucks that one of your kids couldn't go and do something because there was a lack of coordination on the other part, does that make sense? Yep.

I mean, she texted back hours later saying yes, but at that point, it was like I couldn't scramble to get, and I didn't want to like get everybody ready and then, and then not still go. You know what I mean? So it's just like a weird, I don't think she met anything by it. I think she was busy not looking at her for I don't know. So and then like it was like well why can't Natalie do it? Well Natalie was that title-weight title wave in Atlantic City which is a three-day country concert from Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So she wasn't there. She actually ran into hobby there and then she was like well bring Lincoln. This was yesterday on Sunday bring Lincoln because Jelly Roll was playing on Sunday and bring Lincoln, because Jelly Roll was playing on Sunday. And I was like, well, the thing was,

like, I had texted Bunny to coordinate a surprise for him. And, you know, it wouldn't have to end out if I wasn't there. And I had to get the other kids to Chris by four. And it just like wasn't gonna work out. But I'll just keep an eye out. You know, if he has any like meet and greet or anything, I'll just take him.

But I was a little bummed out. It ended up working out. We went to dinner with the family that we were supposed to go to the concert with. And then Isaac and Lincoln slept over there at their house. So they still got to have fun. They still got to have fun. I mean, they had, our friends have a pool and four dealers and dirt bikes and all kinds of crazy shit over there.

And so they were loving life over there. They didn't even want to come home. So I think they still had fun, but you know. Listen, I was gonna have FOMO if you went to jelly roll and I put you onto that shit and like I, so I'm in. We should take Jackson and Lincoln. That's what we should do.

If there's an opportunity, we should take Jackson and Lincoln because not that the other kids don't care, but it was more important to Lincoln, you know what I mean? Yeah, listen. Every time I listened to Creature, which I, for whatever reason, was listening to it hard this morning on the way to the gym. Love it. The people that probably heard Creature with me pulling into the gym parking lot was like,

wow, that girl's strange, like something's definitely going on in her life. But when I first started hearing that song, when it says there's a monster under my bed, I literally could not get over like the viral video of that grandma pulling like a dildy out from underneath her bed, her bed, do you remember that? No. And she's like flinging it around. No.

She's like, there's a monster under my bed. And she's like flinging like a dildo around. You didn't see that? No. I hope everybody who was listening to this saw it because- Medally. I couldn't get over that.

And sometimes every time I'm so immature, like sometimes whenever I'm listening, I'm like, I wonder what that grandma's doing. No, I'm so mature. I was thinking about that this morning when I was getting dressed. I was like, I don't, I should have had a mental health evaluate or like a productivity or like maturity evaluation

before I had kids because I just, I'm so mature. Like I'm so immature. What are you immature about? Like grandma's and dildos. And stick on dildos in your shower and. A lot of show up in the cabinet under my sink and the bathroom the other day because we were cleaning up and he's like,

you know the difference between under my sink and under your sink and I was like what? And he's like, you know, the difference between under my sink and under your sink, and I was like, what? And he's like, you have a huge purple dildo just sticking straight up. You know, I was like, sorry about that. It's like, and he doesn't care. Like, it's not like he throws it away or anything, but he's just like, you have a huge purple dildo.

I'm like, I know, I know. I need to know. People who are listening to this, like, is your partner offended by like your Dildy collection or are they not? No, he's not, yeah, I need to know from listeners, because some people are. One of my exes was just like very not okay

with like the toy situation. Elijah gives no fucks, like he's so nonchalant. Also when I was talking to some of my girlfriends last night about prison bay, like a while ago. I haven't talked to prison bay in a long time. Elijah just looked at me, like, you're fucking crazy. Like, you talked to someone in prison before me, like, what is wrong with you? What he doesn't like care. You know what I mean? He's just like, you're literally unhinged. I cannot. One time I saw this meme and it was like this prison bay saying,

I live in a gated community and the girl comes back and she's like, you didn't tell me it was fucking prison. I mean, it's not wrong though. But like, yes, you do live in a gated community and like you should definitely talk about that because like you're rich and shit. Coffee Convo's podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Most of you listening right now are probably multitasking, so while you're listening to us talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there is something else that you can be doing

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His feelings were that he felt like he couldn't get the job done. It was like an insult to him. It was like, oh, I'm not good enough. When it really had nothing to do with that, it was just like to spice it up. And like like that's the guy would have done fucking anything for if he would have told me to Shit on his chest. I probably would have like good. I Was the most extreme thing I could think of

I Would have done anything for him But like he and I just thought like toys would be fun to incorporate like I don't know and he wasn't about it at all I mean, I would venture out to say that most people at our age know their bodies better than anyone else. So I don't really think that's a fear of comparison to compare like a sex toy to like real life. Does that make sense?

Yeah. Like that's not really a fear. No, they're not comparable. Like they're just, it's just for a different thing. Um, I don't have any of those around and thank God because my son is like the ultimate snoop. He literally snoops in every single drawer of this. I remember how you said, I'm like, why are you specifically looking for like Like I'm not even kidding, he will be in like the zip lock drawer. And he's like, Mom, why do you have so many zip locks?

And I'm like, well, I don't know specifically I use two zip locks today. Like that's why one for your snack, one for your lunch box. Lux and Creed are also snoopers, but not for nothing. They early on discovered that Elijah is a candy guy like he loves candy. So he keeps it in his nightstand in the drawer and Mollique never lived with us. So he like my nightstands were my nightstands. You know what I mean? So like they didn't find anything in them. Well now that they know that Elijah is a candy eater and he keeps them in the drawers,

they go through both of our nightstands because sometimes Elijah will put candy in my nightstand and they'll just go in there and they'll eat it. And I'm like, you're rotten. My dad used to say, if you want anything in this fucking house, you have to hide it. Like if you want to have anything, you have to hide it. Like even like his chargers, I swear to you,

that man had so many like, mofie chargers. He had, it like professionally engraved property of Todd Crisley on there and hid all kinds of shit like that in his bedside table and he, man was always in the bed. Like, even if he was on his laptop, like always in the bed like even if he was on his laptop like always in the bed always having Netflix on peacock like whatever doing some bullshit in his bedroom you need

a charger like you're gonna run across the man to get in his dresser to get his stuff and you're gonna ask and that's where he harbored like our cell phones whenever we were growing up when they got taken he put all that shit beside his bed. I'm talking, Chris Leap, because me also, when Lincoln and Isaac don't have their phones, they know where they're at, they know where they're hidden. Also, the charger thing, Lincoln is, he'll ask for stuff and I'll always give it to him, but he won't return it.

And I'm like, okay, here's the thing, I'm gonna let you borrow my stuff. Like, I'm gonna let you borrow my chargers and my this and my that. But you have't return it. And I'm like, okay, here's the thing, I'm gonna let you borrow my stuff. Like I'm gonna let you borrow my chargers and my this and my that, but you have to return it. Like you have to, I need doesn't. Like why am I going upstairs and having to weed through your shit to find my laptop charger?

Like you don't even have a laptop, bro. Like why are you using my laptop charger? Like I need this so that I can provide for you. Why are you using my laptop charger? Like I need this so that I can provide for you. Why are you leaving my laptop charger? I will go into my bedroom. This is no lie. He borrowed the other day, the little block that you plugged the charger into. Forgot that he borrowed that part. Left the actual charge cord because he was using a different charger. Left the charge cord in my bedroom, thought he was doing something good and grand, went and plugged his iPhone up into a charger

that did not have a block that was not plugged into the wall and thought that his phone was charging. And I'm like, you know what? Serbshare ass right, because you even asked, don't have other chargers though, like their chargers that came with their phones, where are they? I don't know. Like how do you run into a Charger issue? I don't get it and I'm convinced also that companies that sell chargers They make them short out so that you have to buy new ones. Well, and you're actually not supposed to use Non-Apple products with your Apple. So like the chargers that are like,

Kristen and bought me like the 10 foot ones, and I use them when I find them. You're not supposed to use those with apple. Any person that's ever seen my 10 foot charger, they're like specifically, why do you need that? And I'm like, well, because if I am sleeping in the middle of my bed, I need it to drink all the way across while I'm watching TikTok slate at night.

So mind your business. But nobody wants to pay like $100 for that. So we're going with the non-appel brand. I'm going to five below. We facts. So one of my girlfriends texted me, she listened to our episode last week, and she texted me about the split parenting and school. I don't know if you remember that whole conversation.

Yeah. So for those of you who are not caught up and are listening to this episode last week we were talking about how people that have split custody may have to give their school their children's school a copy of the custody order so they know who's weak it is which it's truly not the school's responsibility to get the parents' lives together. You know what I mean? Like it's just not. However, in my kids' schools, they require us to give them

a custody order so they know, does Joe Hobby Chris pick up on these weeks, whatever. So one of my girlfriends is a teacher, and she texted me and said, listening to the custody order part and pick up. One year, she was a former kindergarten, listening to the custody order part and pickups. One year, she was a former kindergarten teacher. One year, now she's high school. Anyway, one year, I had a brutal case

of separated parents where they were weak on, weak off, and had a bomb threat, and had to evacuate. All students had to get picked up. ASAP, dad came first, but I couldn't release the student because it was mom's week, even though the child was potentially in danger. I even called mom and asked for permission and she said no. See to me, there have been times during the school day, like for example, when Jackson busted his head wide open on the thing in the classroom

and they called like code blue or whatever, and they tried to call me. and of course, my phone is trans, as Focus McFocusin, like is in focus, and I'm on a recording, it was my time, but I have no issue with a school nurse contacting Will if I don't answer the phone because I'm at a work obligation, and he answers, it's whoever gets there first for the emergency, as long as the child's taking care of, you have to take your personal feelings outside of that and just focus on what's best for the child at that time.

Agreed. Like, this is not... if there's a bomb threat, I don't care if it's just you know right off about that it's a threat and not anything serious. If Chris is allegedly working in dover for something and they call him because I don't answer. At that point, I'm telling them to let Chris take the kids because if I can't make it, if I'm working, if I don't have my phone on me or whatever the case may be, like that boils down to the safety of your child and I don't ever want my children to be at school wondering, am I getting picked up? Who is picking me up?

Just know that one of your parents or an emergency contact will be there. Like, you know what I mean? Because I feel like at that point, the kids are old enough to know, like, okay, this is scary. And I hope someone comes to get me. And like, what if, you know, just like in a hypothetical situation,

what if that turns into like a call and bind incident or something, you know? And you are so stuck in your way that there is a parent there to get your child to safety, but it is more important for you to be right than for your child to be safe at that point. You need to self reflect. I agree with that. So I hope that parent self reflected after that because that's fucking crazy. Okay.

I saw this from an anonymous member of our Facebook page, and I'm like so caught up on it and truly wanted to text you about it over the weekend, but I was like, I'm just going to talk about it because I think other people have probably experienced this. It's kind of long, but I'm going to read it. It says, please no negative comments. My husband basically had a three month affair via phone FaceTime and text. The female lives in a different state. I am by no way excusing anything that he did.

During this time leading up to the affair, he kept telling me that he felt that he wasn't important to me that I was putting my family, my job, and aimlessly scrolling my phone before him. He told me this for two months before it started. When I found out, I flipped out. He was asleep. I found over 1,000 messages in his deleted messages, a ton of phone calls and FaceTime

that lasted for hours at a time. I text his mom and told her that I asked her to come to our house because I knew that I didn't want to put my hands on him. I threw his phone, hit him in the face to wake him up. I broke a candle holder. We received for a wedding gift that said, love on it. He was a deer in headlights as I'm screaming and it clicked in his head that I was going psycho. He kept begging me to talk to him. I packed three suitcases of my stuff and left. I did a video recording on my phone of all the messages so I could read them. I was gone for three weeks, came back and

were both trying to repair our mirage. It is hard. I don't want my marriage to end. I'm so confused because this man has been an amazing husband until this. He cooks, he cleans, he always writes me little notes every morning. He does so much for me, and I truly feel like the luckiest person. My main reason for trying is because I know that I wasn't giving him love and return. Not that that doesn't make what he did even slightly, okay? I have been in therapy and my therapist said that if I want this to work, I have to own the fact for months that my husband begged for love and attention

for me. I was going through some depression and because of the trauma, I shut down a thousand percent. I don't know how to even start to fix things. He has been willing to answer any questions that I have. He has never hidden his passwords from me. If you have been through infidelity and able to make it work and have any tips, please share. Our anniversary is Tuesday and I don't even want to acknowledge it. I'm begging for no mean comments or why are you staying? He will do it again. I've had enough of those on my own just needing support from anyone who's able to build a better marriage. Thank you,

Kitty Gang for reading this. So I feel I feel bad for saying this because it sounds like she acknowledges her part in this. This specifically feels like, and maybe I'm going to get attacked for this, but you know how they say, like, there are ups and downs in a long relationship or a marriage. This specifically feels like it could be one of them when he was actively trying to get her, because usually it's the other way around. Usually the woman is begging the man to give them what their needs are,

meeting their needs, and when they don't, they stay until they're good to go. You know what I mean? Like they stay until they're over it. And I feel like for a man, it's so much, it sounds like she was taking him for granted. And he got tired of it. And I feel like for a man, it's so much, it sounds like she was taking him for granted. And he got tired of it. And, you know, he, he may not have sought this woman out, like seek her out, like he may have, it may have fallen into his lap at this time. And

thankfully, it didn't, in this situation, thankfully, it did not lead to actual physical affair, because I think that would be a lot harder in this situation to go back from. I always say that relationships are not black and white. This, to me, feels like something that would be parts of the ups and downs because he bent her and she realizes her fault. She's in therapy, so that's the right step. And if he's willing to work it out and talk to her, I feel like there is hope that this relationship can be mended. I think that the first question that you have to ask is how do you truly identify cheating and if that is ever acceptable and any capacity in a relationship.

And if your answer is no, then I think that is simply your answer. Even though I don't believe that relationships are all black and white, every relationship is different. I think at the point that you choose to step out of the relationship for whatever reason, if that person knows what they're doing is wrong when they're doing it, and I'm going to safely assume that he did because these messages were deleted, he had enough

awareness to delete them, to try to hide them. I don't know. I thought we were going to be aligned on this. We're not aligned on this. I don't think there's a side to be chosen here. I think that they both are going, they both were going through something in the marriage. He begged for her. She wasn't listening. She wasn't hearing it. And what else was he going to do? You think he should have filed for divorce first? I do. I think that if you are to the point of where you have identified that you have begged and pleaded with someone to physically and emotionally fulfill you and they're not doing that part of the mirage. I think at that point, if you're grown enough to make decisions and your mirage to step outside of it, you should be man or woman enough to go ahead and file for divorce and I can

only say from certain experiences that I've had in life and in my marriage that had I had to do it again, I would have filed for divorce way sooner than I did because I think that when you involve a third party that makes it tricky and I would love to know how he met this person if this woman lives in a different state, how he met her, was it on a dating app, and was he seeking that out? Did that woman fall just in his messages, and he took the bait? At the end of the day, we're all adults, and you have to take responsibility for the actions that you choose to do. So at that point, he is also neglecting the

marriage and you can't fight evil with evil. If he feels like she wasn't fulfilling her obligations, then that doesn't mean that he shouldn't continue to fulfill his or he needs to make a manly decision and say, okay, I cannot do this anymore. And for these reasons, I'm out at that point if he chooses to do whatever he wants to do, that's on him. And there you have it. I've been telling you all about Pear for a long time. I love my glasses. I love Pear Eyewear because Pear Eyewear. You can get base frames but change out the top frames as frequently as you want. I probably have 20 tops to go to my frames because I like to match them with my outfit. And pair I wear just helps you level up your looks with brand new wider frame styles.

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process. But they both got themselves there. So I don't think one is more to blame than the other because at the end of the day, yes, he stepped outside of his marriage. But he also, she didn't love and honor him and wasn't doing what she vowed to do. So I just feel like at what point, so like, what he did is unforgivable, but what she did is forgivable. Well, if I'm looking at this from a biblical aspect,

adultery is a sin, but... But so is not loving and honoring your husband. But who's to say that she wasn't loving from a distance? Well, then she needs to speak up and say that. Tangibly, you can put your hands on the cheating and say, like, this is an act that like actually occurred. The other is for one person's perspective over another even though she's acknowledged the fact okay yes like I could have given more to this or I could have given more to that but isn't that true for any

relationship? Not everybody's gonna give 100% all the time. You have to be willing to meet someone there and sometimes you're gonna give more than your partner, and sometimes your partner is gonna give more than you. But that doesn't, in my opinion, that doesn't make cheating okay. I don't think cheating's okay. I'm not saying what he did was okay, but I understand it. I understand how he got there.

And I just feel like they, see I'm having a hard time now because Elash wants to get married like yesterday, right? But I'm like, I already made my vows to somebody, and I didn't even follow through with them, right? Like, yeah, I didn't follow through with them. We have this big fucking wedding. We had all that we wrote our own vows. We didn't even just get once out of from the officiant or whatever they're called. We wrote our own fucking vows and didn't even follow them. So what the fuck do I look like, remarrying and saying all these vows

and not I didn't even follow through with what I was supposed to do the first time, right? So. But I don't think that you can hold yourself accountable for the rest of forever, for what you didn't do in a past situation if you're in a different place to be able to do it now. But I'm just saying for the person who wrote in, I do think that this is something,

if they truly both want it to work, I do think that they could still honor their vows. They can still, like, like I said, he's still human. She's still human. They're going to fuck up. And maybe this was just, I don't know how long, how long have they been together? Did it say? I can't remember. I don't remember. long, how long have they been together? Did it say I can't remember. I don't remember. If it said like a timeframe. So maybe this is just like a pivotal moment in their marriage that they needed. Maybe this is their rock bottom to for them to both fully remember what they

vowed to do. And do they want to continue to vow on or their vows? You know, like maybe because sometimes I feel like you have to be close to losing it all or lose it all for you to realize what you had and unfortunately that's just the way the cookie fucking crumbles. So I was just saying like it's not too late to honor your vows to take this seriously to make it work if you all both want to go to therapy, individually and together I think that this is something that can be amended. I really do. I think that you do truly have to identify if cheating is something that you both collectively can get over whether you are the

cheater or the receiver, right? If one of you truly can't get over it and you've gone through the therapeutic process and it's something that you're always going to hold on to, I think that's always resentment that you're going to carry in your marriage and that's not healthy. For me, I don't think that I could ever get over that and not be petty spaghetti and bring that up in an argument on July 2nd, 2035. And I want to just take off of that. that like if you bring it up every single argument you can but you've accepted an apology and said that you forgive them, no, you actually didn't.

You didn't actually forgive them if you can't move on from it. Like just because you rub, remember it like I'll forgive you, but I won't forget you kind of thing. Just because you remember it, that's one thing, but to constantly bring it up, you don't actually forgive them. So just think about that. I think that's why we have to be super careful about forgiveness, right? Because if you're saying it in vain to kind of like move on the process,

but you're constantly circling back to it, that's a whole another conversation. You truly didn't forgive. So the blanket, you know, I'm sorry's or I forgive you or it's okay, we can move on, but you're truly not actually moving on an action. I can't operate like that. If I forgive somebody, it's truly like I forgive you, it's water under the bridge, we can not bring it up. But I'm not going to tell anybody in my life, sorry for something that I'm truly not sorry for, or I forgive you for something that I truly don't forgive you for. I agree with that.

Outside of that, can you please tell me what happened at the trampoline park? All right, so Natalie wasn't at the house on Friday. So for those of you guys who don't know, Natalie helps me with my kids when I work during the week. And so Friday she was off because she was going to title wave, like I had said earlier in the episode. So she's gone on Friday. And I'm like, all right, it's 10 a.m.

The kids are already fighting. Like they're already getting under my skin and I get a function. So it's like, all right, we're gonna get ready. We're gonna go to the park for the day. So I was like grab your snacks from the pantry. We'll stop at Wabaw, we'll get some sandwiches and we'll spend the day at the park. It's free. I stepped outside and it was so hot, I felt

like I couldn't breathe like the humidity. Not it wasn't necessarily the heat, it was the humidity. I said change of plans, we're going to the trampoline park. And there is a trampoline park that's about 30 minutes away that they breathe, it's pretty recently new. So I'm like, okay, we're gonna go there and we'll do like a one and a half hour jump pass situation and then it'll be nap time for the little. Well, in the midst of getting ready, Lincoln got creed dress for me. And I was like, wow, like, thank you so much. But I realized when we got there, everyone's, everyone's happy.

Everyone's got their stickers on their back, everyone's jumping around. And I realized, oh fuck, I didn't put a diaper or a pull-up on me. Okay, so thankfully, he's grabbing himself, so I realized, because he's not potty trained, I usually wait until like three and a half, don't crucify me, I don't want to hear it. I usually wait until three and a half, he's about three. So I'm like, okay, he's grabbing his junk. Like, we're going to run to the bathroom. So we go to the bathroom and he gets half of it on himself and half of it in the toilet and proceeds to poop on the toilet. So I'm like, okay, this is a half win here. Like, I'm not even upset. This is my fault. Like, good for you. We tried. But in the strip that this trampoline park is on, there's like a bunch of other stores. So I was like, it's fine. Like I'll just run over to Family Dollar,

which is literally connected to the trampoline park to grab pull ups and wipes and clothes, whatever. Oh my girlfriend Emily is with me. She's like, I'll run over to Family Dollar. You stay in the bathroom. Cool. She comes back, she's like, they're close for renovations. Good.

Awesome. So I wipe them up, I clean them up. I'm taking his socks off because they now have pee on them and his underwear is wet but his shorts are not wet. Because like I said, he only got like a little bit on him. On his foot. I'm like, all right, we'll take the underwear off, we'll take the socks off, we'll throw them away, clean them up with wipes and put the shorts back on and I'll walk over to the other

side of this strip to get something else. Might mean while the other kids are still jumping because I'm like, I can't pull everybody out. So Emily and another mom from baseball wrangling my other kids while I walk around to Ollie's. I don't know if you guys have an Ollie's. Oh yeah, Jackson, I've never been to a grandma store. Yeah, I've never been to one.

So I was like, all right, there's gotta be something here. They look like they have everything so they don't have Anything I needed they had no clothes. They had no pull-ups and Then they have like you know how like a box of diapers comes in like a box and then you open it and it's like two Clear packs of like what of like like sleeves of diapers. Yeah, they didn't sell

of like, like, sleeves of diapers. Yeah. They didn't sell, and he's a size seven in diapers if you wear some or like a 3, 4 T in pullups. They had no size seven anywhere. They had a size six, but it was just a sleeve from the box. It was, I've never been there so it was weird. And that was like $13 for one sleeve. Wait, wait, wait, I think that Ollie's

is like, one of those like open box type stores. So maybe it was like something that came from somewhere else that or like damage stuff that they can't sell in the store. So they take it out. That makes sense to me. I'm not judging. I was like, I mean, they had some good deals, but the diapers were not a good deal. Anyway, so I buy a sleeve of size six, which I don't even know if it's going to fit them because he's fucking three years old There's no AC in there. I'm fucking sweating my ass Trying to get him and then I'm like, do you guys have clothes and they're like no, you could try goodwill and I'm like

I'm not going to good. Like I didn't say this to her But I'm like, okay, thank you like whatever so we check out. I'm sweating. There's like sweat dripping everywhere He's happiest can be because he sees WWE wrestlers. I get those for him. And we're just like trotting along, but I'm like, this is the, I thought I was on top of the world that morning because I had everything under control. Once I've done everything-

Everything was planned. Everything was even like the last minute switch up from the park to the trampoline park. Everyone was happy, they stopped arguing. Lincoln helped me get creed ready. Like I thought that I had all my shit together. Literally did you know you had a child with no diaper on. So then I said when we got home from the trampoline park like later on I said listen when you get back from Daddy's next week we're not doing diapers anymore because I can't I realize that I don't think

I have another six months in me because normally like we've talked about this. Like I just don't, I just, it's too many kids at this point for me to have to worry about diapers. So I just said when we get home, when you get home from Daddy's next week, it's the end of the summer, before we go back to school,

we're gonna stay home for two or three straight days and we're just gonna potty train. I'm not, I'm gonna do it the same way I did in the other kids, but it'll just be a little earlier. That's and he was grabbing his penis so he knew he had to go potty. So I definitely think that there's, he's ready. The awareness is there. It's just the actual act of making it to the bathroom on time and knowing that you can't fish your pants. And also we were in like an exciting area. So so like of course

she doesn't want to stop to go the bathroom. I cannot I couldn't imagine this whole thing like playing out and you being completely distraught. Jackson calls Ollie's the grandma store so I'm sure they had like every variety of different beanie babies and like I'm sure books and all the stuff. They actually had like a lot of goods. I didn't have a whole lot of time, but just like trying to find my way around the store where I was like looking for things.

They had some good stuff. I didn't look at a whole lot of prices, so I don't know what the price point were. We did get a wrestler, so he saw that. But from what I saw, they had like a lot of good stuff. They just don't have air conditioner, so like go when it's cold, not on a top. I need to tell you something that like really chaps my ass.

What? The pharmacy. Oh, I know. I hate going to the pharmacy. Okay. So Jackson gets his medicine every single month. And it's annoying because you have to call the pediatricians office. They have to call it in. It can only be refilled every 30 days.

And you have to make sure it's marked in your calendar so that you don't run out of medicine. We also share custody. So the medicine has to be split to different bottles. So it's always like a, if there's a new pharmacist in there that's not like the regular pharmacist, then you have to send it back and wait in the line

and be like, okay, well, we're two households, so we need the medicine split, so we're not, you know, it's an in-bottle here bottle there, like things get lost, whatever. So I'm just like out running errands. Please tell me why you pull up to the pharmacy and they have their blinds closed and they're like, by the way, we're on lunch. Like,

literally every single person in the pharmacy. No, literally, I had the same problem that I told Kristen and I was like, and it's so inconvenient too because it's always when you either are leaving the doctor's office or you're out running errands and it's just convenient for you to pick it up at that time and it's always when they're fucking on lunch. And I said, do they not rotate lunches? That's what I said. I said, do they not because they will have multiple pharmacists in there. Like if you go to CVS or Walgreens, they have multiple pharmacists in there at the same time. And I'm like, okay, it's just like a group lunch. Like, are they having a meeting during this time? Like what's going on?

Because I need to get this stuff like can you please raise your blind to like give me my medicine so that I can get on with my day. And I just wonder like in that world is that common everywhere. I thought it was just my CVS. So I just. Where's it just CVS? I don't know. I honestly don't know.

But I don't remember it always being like that, but then again, I feel like I started to experiment with mental health drugs recently. And so that's why I noticed. But then also like, it's just, and the pharmacy that we go to is right by the kids' doctor's office. So like, if they had an ear infection or a rash or anything like that It's always when we're leaving the doctor's office going right to the pharmacy and they're closed That truly is the worst

I just actually got my hello fresh box yesterday and I love this This makes it such an easy transition from summer into fall and back to school because back to school and sports and football and all of that makes a very little time to do, you know, grocery store runs and prepping for meals. So this is great. Fall is here. So hello fresh is here to help you plan for the busy season. And I love the options that are available with their recipes. I also love trying meals with Elijah when I don't have the kids on certain weeks because then I know what my kids are gonna love for the next time.

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Go to rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. That's rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. Rocketmoney.com slash coffee combos. I want to tell you something else that I saw on the Facebook group. And I actually know someone, the person that wrote this in is not the person that I know, but I know someone that had a husband that was cheating for their entire marriage through prostitution and gave her HPV and her bees, but this person wrote in and said, my husband cheated on me and then gave me her bees.

We stayed together for eight years after, but he left me a few months ago. I'm not even 40, but now I have this thing that I'll have forever. I can't even imagine starting dating and having to potentially tell partners, yeah, I destined to just be single forever. And like, I can just tell you if I was in a relationship with someone that cheated on me, I would hope that the cheating is like bad enough as it is, but the fact that they were so brazen to go out here and cheat, but then also bring home herpes. Kier so little about me that one they would cheat in the first place,

but then give me an STD. That's like the biggest thing when I was with a cheater and I like I said I've cheated before too but I would protect myself except for once and I learned my lesson very quickly. The thing about cheating is like you're now putting all of our health at risk because you couldn't not only did you step outside the marriage or the relationship but you also couldn't fucking protect yourself or let us all know what you were doing so that we could protect our health and our bodies and you know thankfully herpes is something that you can live with from what everything that I've read I

actually follow a girl or I used to follow I don don't know if she popped, I don't know. She talks about living with her piece. And it's just like, thankfully it's not something like HIV where it can kill you. But that's something lifelong that you have to live with and deal with. And I just don't think that that's fair as someone who's gonna fucking step out.

Like, you're so foul of a human. To not, if you want out of the marriage and you wanna cheat that much and you wanna be with prostit, if you want out of the marriage and you want to cheat that much and you want to be with prostitutes or whoever else, leave the marriage. I just feel like that should be a crime. It absolutely should be a crime. It absolutely should be a crime.

Like cheating isn't a crime, is it morally corrupt? Yes. But in the military, you can get kicked out of the military for it. And should, you know, kicked out of the military for it and should. You know, if you're held to a certain moral standard and you negate morality, you absolutely should be kicked out. Yeah. People who have military badges and are well-respected human beings should uphold a different standard. I agree

with that. But again, cheating isn't a crime, but if you go out here and do that, I feel like you should at least at minimum, if you're cheating, wear protection and not subject someone else to whatever decisions that you're making in life that they're not choosing to sign up for. Agreed. They're sleeping with you, not knowing that you've been out here cheating, having unprotected sex with someone else, and then you're giving them something that is lifelong that they can't get rid of. That to me would be such a sticky situation because how would you not feel like you almost had to stay in that situation? Yeah, I would say some people probably feel

like they have to stay. I can't imagine too like not to get like really deep into it but like what if it ended up on her face like what if it ended up all over like I don't I don't know what that would look like or anything like that and I don't want to Google it but like what if that and I don't I don't know if it looks the same general or because I know cold source can be but I don't know if there's like can you get like the like rast I have one I literally have no idea I mean we could probably you know what I mean but like just like that you could put that on your wife who made vows to you, you could put that on her face. Like fuck you.

That to me is so foul and it's like multiple levels of disrespect, right? Like the act in itself is disrespectful and morally corrupt, but then giving someone something that they can't get rid of, staying with that person for eight years or that person choosing to stay with you, knowing that you gave them this. And then you're the one who chooses to leave

after eight years, like I would be pissed off. I saw a TikTok of a guy that was talking about men who cheat on their women, whether it's a girlfriend relationship or a fiance or a wife. And he was like, if you will cheat on the woman that loves you the most, that would do anything for you that is willing to marry you, honor their vows, et cetera, et cetera.

What the fuck will you do to me as your homeboy? Like, what will you do to me behind my back as your just your friend? Like, I don't love you the same way your life loves you. I will never be able to care for you the same way your wife cares for you. I will never be able to do the things that your wife, you sleep with your wife.

You don't sleep with your homeboy. What the fuck are you gonna do to me if you're willing to do that to her? Well, I think it's very eye-opening when you look at it in a character perspective. And even as you get older, not that it's ever acceptable when you're younger and you're making poor decisions, but you can kind of write it off a little bit easier when you're younger as immature lack of awareness, lack of foresight.

At our age now, though, that definitely resonates because I have often times thought of that knowing of people that have been in situations who have done shitty things to someone that they claim their love with. And you'll see them and it's like, oh, we're so in love and all over each other and posting all of these photos and we're so happy. But I know what you're doing doing like what type of a friend

are you actually to me because I know what you do to him and I can't even imagine what you do to meet behind my back. But just to like circle to make this I was so go full circle I don't agree that this is the same situation as this as the one that wrote in in the beginning of the episode. I don't think that this is the same situation as the one that wrote in in the beginning of the episode. I don't think that this is the same. Like I don't think that he, him cheating in the way that he did, is the thing because they are already going through something for months and months, so I don't think it's the same. Still, still wrong, but I don't think it's the same. I was like, you guys are good, you guys are healthy, you guys are happy, and him stepping out and sleeping with other women and then coming

back to you and secretly passing STDs to you or things like that, like, I don't think it's the same, just to clarify. Um, I agree, there is another element to that first situation that like isn't present here. And that's why we're saying like, it's not black and white. Correct. I also saw this. Is that a girl in TikTok said I would

rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect. And I think that a lot of people need to take that and engrave it into their soul. And I truly could not agree with something more. I agree with that. I wholeheartedly, I think we should post that on. That's, I think that's like what my therapist finally was able

to put the nail in the coffin with my five-year-long toxic relationship. It was like, like, I love you this much, but like, I think there's less pain if you're just absent. You know what I mean? Like, if you're not disrespecting me and I'm not giving you the option to disrespect me, me adjusting to your absence would be less painful. Yeah, it's

painful in the beginning, but it's less painful overall than continuing to accept that. I think it gets into the argument of is love enough because you can love someone as much as you can within how much love you have to give, but you can't love someone enough. As a grown person at this phase of my life, I could never love someone enough to accept levels of disrespect that I'm not comfortable with. I would rather adjust my life to their absence and feel that type of loss,

then feel constant disrespect over time knowing that I'm settling for something that does not look like love. I agree. I saw this. How do you say that girl's name? I always refer to her as Rob Kardashian's ex and I know that so disrespectful. Adrian Bylon. Yeah, I didn't know how to say her name, but I saw this video and it says there's a lot of things that you could call me. You could say that I'm loud. You could say that I'm ghetto, you could say the worst things about me, but one thing that you can't say about me is I'm a liar and that's me like you can say like whatever you want to say about me.

What was she referring to like a relationship or just like in general? I think just like in a general sense like you can say like I wear too much makeup. You can say, you know, I am bougie. You can say whatever you want to say about me. Limit does not exist, but one thing you can't say is, I'm a liar. I went through a lying era. Wanna tell us about that?

Well, I was in a toxic relationship that nobody wanted me in and I would just lie to my friends about who I was with and what I was doing because I didn't want to hear it I think we've all been there So I would be like I'm going to this place by myself. No, the fuck you're not who are you? Okay, first of all, but I got caught in every single one of them and then I had to fucking that was Not a good time. Because my friends are not dumb. They've never been dumb. And I would get caught. And then it's just like, now I'm embarrassed. I never, never in my life want to go, I never want to go back to that era or anything

even remotely close. It's the worst when you're in a relationship that you know that no one else around you supports, but you're not ready to let it go. And you feel like you're living some type of double life of, I am not ready to let the situation go. I know and am well aware that I don't need to be in it because by the fact that I'm lying to everybody that cares about me, that tells me that I'm self-aware of what I'm doing is not in my best interest. But I'm still choosing to do that. I think most everybody I'm going to go out on a limb and say has probably been in some similar situation at some point. Like I even did that whenever I was in high school mist dating my dad's freaking college intern

and I lied to my parents about me communicating with him and I would communicate over like AIM. It's not funny, it's not funny, but it's like, it's one of those things where I understand now that I'm out of it where all my friends are coming from, but when you're in it, you have to, you have to be ready to leave it on your own. So your friends can tell you until they're blue in the fucking face that they don't want to see you with this person. It's not good for you, it's not good for you, and you might even say those things. Like, I know for a fact when I was with this person, I know for a fact that I was like,

I'm done, he's disrespecting me X amount of times, like blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, never going back. So I knew that I knew what they were saying. I knew they were right, but then it's just like that one call that would bring everything back. It's like, well, and I think because people that are in your life that love you, that it's not their relationship,

it's easy to give a perspective when they, a level-headed perspective to look at the situation and be like, okay, I'm looking at this from the outside. I know that this is not the best for you. I know that you've realized that it's not the best for you, but they don't have that connection with that person like you have. That is so emotionally drawing to that person person you truly have to be the one that is ready to leave that situation even though you're identifying okay this is toxic and I should not be in this. It's just the closest thing to addiction that I could that I feel like makes sense. Like you just you know it's not good for you you know you shouldn't do it. And then you, I mean, I just would like flat out lie about who I just hope that I never ever go back to that.

How I always say, because I did this too, you're well aware that I did this. I always say I never want to put myself back in a situation that I can't be honest with the people that care about me the most to compromise that for something that I know is not good for me. So I can't say that you can't ever call me a liar because I've definitely lied about. I mean I've lied about some stuff but like at this point in my life. I'm so over that. I'm like, listen, no, I'm not we know. I don't have the energy to lie. Like I'm just gonna tell you how it is and if you don't like it, well you can get happy in the same pants you got damn mad in

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp We've talked a lot about therapy on this episode and honestly All the time we talk about therapy and if you have thought about giving therapy a try But you have just not taken the leap to do so. I think that better help would be a great fit for you. We absolutely love better help and I love hearing all of your stories when you write to us and let us know about your better health journey. After COVID hit, I actually switched to complete online therapy for this reason because it's suited to fit everyone's schedule and that's what it's designed to do, right? Like you wanted to fit your schedule. You don't want to have to use that as an excuse why you're not going, right? So it's convenient,

it's flexible and you just have to fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched to the license therapist. And I love this because if you don't match with that therapist, you can actually switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So let their pb your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help help.com slash coffee. This other listener asked us is your spouse being a slob and not helping with housework, crowns for divorce, in your opinion. Depends how long it goes on. It depends how you guys speak about it. To me, if this is like, you know, I've said something over and over and over again, and you are not listening to me, and I'm taking on the mental load of the children and cleaning up

the house and working just as much as you are, I would say at some point you build a resentment over time, and yes, it is, it is grounds. But then it goes back to the whole thing about doing your your house. I just like, and I don't know if it's just because of this like place that I'm in in my but then it goes back to the whole thing about doing your vows. I just like, and I don't know if it's just because of this place that I'm in in my life right now. I just feel like I have, I'm a hypocrite if I get married again and I have no fucking grounds to get married again or like business getting married again

because I didn't, like, I don't know. Like I feel like yes it is because you have tried to work it out. You've talked about it. Now you're building resentment. Then what? What's next after you build resentment? Then what is it cheating? Is it you know what I'm saying? I actually had a conversation many conversations with my parents about a situation that I was in that we ran our lives very very differently and it was something that I was in that we ran our lives very, very differently. And it was something

that I was identifying through the relationship without living together. And I was like, listen, like, I don't know if this is something I can stomach. And my dad point blank told me, he was like, listen, these are little things right now that turn into big things in the future. So you need to very much listen to what your mind is telling you and act on that. Have a conversation about that. Expect change on that because if that can't change, that's just a recipe for disaster. In my marriage, when I started working, I started building resentment because on the weekends, I would literally clean, I would work all week,

I would clean all week and long, and then Monday rolled back around, and it was back to work, Friday rolled around, back to cleaning. And so I said, listen, like we both make decent incomes, it would cost us way less time. And we would be not really sacrificing anything to have someone come and help us clean

so that I'm not doing this all week and long. And we can actually spend quality time together as a family on the weekend. So I don't have to do all of this stuff. And I did build resentment in that situation because I was told I didn't grow up with a housekeeper, so I'm not having one in my house. If you want the house cleaned, we can clean it

or you can clean it. If I don't clean it to your standards, then that's a you problem. While I did grow up with housekeepers in the house, that wasn't really what I was expecting because we had people there every single day. It was like a person to come and help just clean like stuff that would take me a long time to clean.

I don't know like our freaking master bathroom that everybody destroyed. Like a deep floor. Like a deep floor once a week or twice a month or every once a week, you know? Yeah, like a twice a month cleaner that could come in and do like all the deep stuff, like baseboard ceiling fans, you know, those types of things.

And I was told, I didn't grow up with a housekeeper and you know, then that got us into a debate of, okay, well, this is what your parents did and how they lived their life and that's not how we're living our life and our jobs and roles look very different than what theirs did. So I do think that small little things like that,

you will build resentment over time and it sounds so trivial to be like, oh well, you know, as housework and help around the house, a reason to get divorced, I don't necessarily think it's a reason to throw away a whole marriage, but I do think it's a reason to have a conversation about it and to expect change. Also consider therapy too because you want like a neutral part of your like a middle ground right? Like you don't want to point the finger into all those things and also therapy will just like help in general when you're trying to get like perspective. It's like therapy therapy therapy if you don't

have an answer go to therapy. Yeah if you can't figure it out on your like just the question alone maybe try therapy. Also I don't know how I feel about the whole well that's not how we grew up so that's not how we're gonna do it now but I don't know what your financial situation was at that time but like why do we have to do things the exact same way that we did growing up? Like he's saying well we I didn't have that okay but you did so why can't we find a middle ground here and have instead of having a housekeeper every single day? Why can't we have one once a week? That was my biggest thing like every year.

It's just different, right? Like and what? What you grew up with you can't while that might be what is normal to you because that's all that you know That doesn't mean that's that's all that you know. That doesn't mean that's the only way that you can do things in your marriage. But also it's like you didn't have that. So he didn't have that, wouldn't you want that now?

Like you can't have it now. So like don't, yeah. Because for me, I wanna do all the things I didn't get to do when I was a kid. Like that's why I have this fucking hair wrap in my hair because I didn't get one when I was a kid. I didn't have get to do when I was a kid. That's why I have this fucking hair wrap in my hair because I didn't get one when I was a kid. I didn't have a housekeeper when I was a kid. So now I want a housekeeper.

Like, those are things that I want now that I didn't have. And it's like if you're working hard for it. And then it became an issue because of love language of quality time applies to me. So when I am cleaning and doing all of those things and for now, the quality time, then I'm resentful because I'm not getting the quality time, but then I'm also resentful because I burn out. Yeah. On that note,

since that's so foul, let's do foul play. foul play. Let me just start by saying I love you girls so much. So we went camping with my husband's family Everyone decides to go fishing except me my sister-in-law and my daughter who is 13 my niece who's 11 Okay, so four girls so we're in my in-laws camp trailer and my sister-in-law says did you know that she can fart on to me and referring to me? I was thinking who the hell can fart on to me and so I just had to play along She tells my niece to show me, my niece lays on her back, puts her hand under her butt to help lift up her butt in the air

and I can see her stomach sucking in and out. Girlfriend lets out the biggest quee five ever heard. I start laughing, so it just spurs on her and she keeps going. I look at my sister and Lawn, I said, that is not a fart, that's quee thing. She proceeds to do it for the next 10 minutes while we're all laughing or asses off things. So what you're in

the laps every week you guys are the best. How did her sister-in-law not know? That's a queue. I don't know maybe she's not familiar with the queue game but like far on command. De facto I don't know like this queuing is like burping but vaginally. I mean I'm pretty sure any man that I know the fact I don't know like this que thing is like burping but vaginally. I mean, I'm pretty sure any man that I know I could ask to be like, Hey, could you fart

right now? And they would probably like yeah, absolutely. Men are disgusting. No, that's disgusting. Let me just tell you also while we're on this fart topic, obviously Jackson farted his pants because.

And then didn't put on underwear. So then when I picked his shorts up off of the bathroom floor this morning, I was like, oh good, you decided to shut your pants. I love that. But to be 11 years old and to already be able to like,

queuee onto me and. I need to know how she figured that out. Like was it an accident? Like she was laughing and like sucked up air in there and accident and she realized, like, how do you, because not all girls can do that either. So like, does this 11 year old, I mean, we've got to remember that she's 11. So is she aware that like a fart that's coming out of your vagina is different than a fart coming out of your ass? Because maybe she's not aware, maybe she like literally thinks that's farting. No, she definitely thinks it's farting. Yeah. But like why we out here,

we've been, why we don't get weeping at 11? She's gonna be traumatized when she turns like 20 and she's like, remember when I used to fart on command and she realizes that they weren't far, they werequeous, she's gonna be like, I'm increasing my whole life. Someone's gonna tell this at her wedding, I just know it. It's gonna be us, we're gonna crash it. When you're like, your mom and your aunt wrote into us. And told us about your queef game. And we just need to make sure that your husband

is aware. Okay, Dex fell fly. Okay, so I married my husband a year ago after being together since high school, 13 years. We got married at my cousin's beautiful house in Washington. We partied hard that night and had our parents taken care of our kids through the day and night. We had the baby monitor camera set up in the guest house where we were staying in for our littlest baby once he went to bed. We kept the camera monitor, one of the ones with the night vision at the backyard park, that's all you were celebrating.

What a way to party. Around 4 a.m. my new hubby and I headed to bed while my brother and cousins continued to party. We went back to the guest house and obviously my husband helped me take my dress off and threw me on the bed to consummate the marriage. Our four-month-old was in his pack and play and we moved right outside the bedroom door That we moved right outside the bedroom door He got a little fussy for a couple minutes, but went back to sleep

We continued on with our business before we heard a knock at the door My husband threw on some boxers went to the door and it was my older brother and he said oh shit We heard the bite the baby crying on the baby monitor at the bar and wanted to make sure everything was good In that moment I lifted my head off the bed and looked straight into the little orange light of the fucking baby. Oh my god. Oh my god.

Oh my god. In that moment, I lifted my head off the bed and looked straight into the little orange light of the fucking baby monitor camera that was sitting on the corner of the room and I died. You could tell that as soon as my husband opened the door in his box there's my brother knew exactly what was going on. The next morning I asked my brother's girlfriend who I love if they saw anything. She said, uh, well, I was in the barn heard

something but I turned the I turned off the monitor right away. She tried to make me feel better but my four brothers and cousins and who knows who else most definitely at the very least hurt us comes in our marriage and I will never forget it was a very awkward next day and I couldn't look any of my brothers in the eye. I would have fucking died. And that's why when you consummate your marriage you have someone helping you with your children and there are no monitors or cameras around. I don't care how old your kid is like, no, like that's not happening. And to be caught having sex, like it's never awkward if you're having sex

with whoever you're having sex with and you guys know what's going on, but it's always awkward when you're aware that someone else is aware of what's going on? Absolutely not. Like I would have just not show my face the next day. No, I would have left. I would have been gone. Well, this is at least a better story than one I experienced one time where they got in a fight the night of the wedding and we're talking about getting an ennolment. He didn't help her out of her wedding dress. They didn't have sex the night of her wedding dress, th the night of the wedding a did the walk of shame in

no idea what had happened I honestly would if I had those situations, I would the one of the person th I'm sorry, the bride and they didn't know what they no, they just acted like happened the night before that they were gonna get like they didn't know what they just got married? No, they just acted like they didn't know what had happened

the night before that everyone witnessed that they were going to get an annulment right after the wedding. He didn't help her out of the dress. She had a call for help from a family member to get out of the dress. He was shit-faced. They didn't have sex tonight at the wedding. See, here's the thing. And maybe it's my lack of, I don't know, I don't I have very very very minimal patience for people who can't control their liquor.

If you are a great person, right, most of the time, but when you get liquor and you, it's to the point where you're not helping me out of my dress and things like that, I don't. I'm not going to be around you and I'm certainly not gonna fucking marry you. No, like I immediately would have gotten you away. If you can't control your liquor, control yourself under the influence, I'm not marrying you, I'm not even thinking twice, you're not my boyfriend, you're not my girlfriend. First of all, help is off what you be,

and this is a question to everybody who's listening also. Help is off what you be if you didn't have sex on your wedding night? I don't think I had sex on my wedding night. I've bet you that's common. I was seven months pregnant when we had our, we were already married because we did just to the piece

a year prior to our wedding, like our big wedding. That's right, yeah. So the night of our wedding, like the big one, I don't think that we had sex. I was seven months pregnant. There was just, and we got married September 21st. So I was probably more than seven months pregnant. I was probably like seven and a half.

But shouldn't that just be a time that, like, you're so excited and, like, in love and... Oh, I would have done think 1,000% differently. If I was to go back in time, even with the same person, it would just be way different. I don't think that I think we would have waited until after Lincoln was born. Oh, to get me, right? Yeah.

I mean, we were married, but to have the wedding, because that was the reception and the huge thing. I think we would have waited to, I don't know. Was it from a traditional aspect from like, Havis family that they wanted you guys to have the wedding before Lincoln came, or was that just like a personal choice for y'all? No, that was, it was so I could move with him wherever he,

wherever he got orders, which we were supposed to go to Kansas, so we would have been able to, well, in theory, we would have been able to go with him wherever he wherever he got orders which we were supposed to do in Kansas so we would have been able to well in theory we would have been able to go with him but it never we never like made it to court or anything I don't know what would have happened if we made it to court if a judge would have decided for against it I don't know but she would have been like Dorothy off the Wizard of Oz I'm glad you didn't go to Kansas I'm glad I didn't go to Kansas too my god um okay well I've got more errands to run and more laundry to run. So I'm going to head out.

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