Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Mom Guilt, Cleaning Buttholes, & Pettiest Things During A Breakup

Episode Date: June 19, 2023

CC291: On this month's bonus episode, Lindsie and Kail are ready for some summer grilling! Today's listener questions range from how they deal with Mom guilty, which words do they consistently mispronounce, do they clean their buttholes and belly buttons, and both spill the pettiest thing a partner has done to them during/after a breakup. For Foul Play, we learn that menstrual cup users really got the good suction in their coochies. Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Apartments: Visit Apartments.com, a place to find a placeBlindsgalore: Everything is up to 50% off during the Fourth of July Sale. Order your FREE samples today at Blindsgalore.comIQBar: Get 20% off every IQBar product plus free shipping when you text CONVOS to 64-000Thrive: Get an exclusive 20% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/COFFEE

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convose, with kale, lowery, and Lindsey Crisley. I really want you to be in your field scale. That does not interest me whatsoever.

I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with a faker anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's kale and Lindsey. Are you yawning? I am. How are you? Good morning. Happy bonus episode everyone. I just need to show you what I currently look like at this moment. I love your Chick-fil-A shirt. Always chick-fil-a forever and ever. I have a nice little

alone that I'm about to pop the top to. The area that I'm currently in in this moment is very coffee combos-esque. So I'm about to show you my surrounding, but just needed to tell you that I am fresh right now before we started recording. You said you look very fresh. Just got in the shower and did a deep conditioner. I need to know how many other people in the summertime feel like they're here, gets like horse hay because that's what my hair feels like. Yeah, I would say so, especially like if you're in the pool a lot or you're using a lot of

product or yeah, no, definitely. I'm drinking a coffee, it's not working. Currently. God bless. God bless you, honey. Good morning, coffee convo's podcast. How are we? Look at this. Is that real or fake? That's fake. Bye. Don't call my plants out like that. It's a faux fig. A faux fig.

Just like I have a faux. What's that one that has like the big leaves? Elephant ear? Yeah. Have a faux elephant ear. All kinds of faux shit going on in my house. I love that for you. I love that for me too.

I really do. I had a sleepover last night. Um, and like an adult sleepover? Adult kid, you know, all the, all the things. Okay. And so we are definitely summering in this household. Um, need to also know how many people use their grill almost every single day in the summertime because yes.

I actually, since I moved, we don't have one. And Eli just said on like my memorial day or something, he's like, I think I'm gonna go get a grill. I was like, um, probably not today. I was like, well, we definitely need one because we, I grill a lot in the summertime. So yeah, I love that grill. Everything. I grill every, well we definitely need one because we, I grill a lot in the summertime. So, yeah, I love that. What do you all really?

Everything. I grill every, well, I don't, I eat every, that's great. That does not answer my question. Grilling everything like. Chicken, or asparagus, baked potatoes, the kids love hot dogs. Obviously, salmon, all the things. Okay. You know what is the best on the grill, but I feel like probably not a lot of people do it. What do you like onion? No, why?

It's a texture thing for me. I like onion raw. I like it cooked. I like it Everywhere I don't like it crunchy. I I can only do it if it's soft and it doesn't have a crunch What about if you went to like out back and got like a bloom in onion? Is that like a bloomin' onion? Is that like an onion ring? Kind of. But I keep it like. I keep it like onion ring.

See, and that's the one thing that I won't eat. It's the onion ring because it's something about the texture, the combo of like it feeling like slimy on the inside and then like the crunchy on the outside. I can't, I'm like, yeah, yeah. and then like the crunchy on the outside, I can't. I'm like, yeah, can't. Okay, but for everybody who does like onion, this is the best thing ever. My ex-father-in-law used to do it and he was basically genius for it and it's the one thing that I still love him for. No, I'm just kidding, like I love him anyway. He would do an onion and cut like the middle out

and stuff it with butter and like salt and pepper the whole outside and then stick it on the grill. And it would get all like steamy and buttery and then you take it off and you have it as like a side. No, I've never heard of that in my entire life. I've never heard of eating an onion, like an onion as a side ever in my life. Well last night we did burgers and grilled chicken. Are you a more chicken breast gurly or chicken

thigh gurly? No, I'm a chicken breast gurly. I really don't like chicken thighs that much. Okay, so funny story. When I got in this current relationship that I'm in, we started eating chicken and like different salad kits and sweet potatoes Monday through Friday. And then we would like go out to, we'll go out to eat on the weekends. And it's just like, you know what, you need to get with this plan because I feel like it's so healthy for you. And he was like, I'm gonna make chicken thighs. And I was like, good for you, but not for me

because I don't do chicken thighs. And he's like, why? They're so good. It's literally the best thing ever. And I said, no, that is, first of all, not the best chicken ever. Best chicken ever is if you know how to cook a chicken breast properly. And also, my ex-husband burnt me out on chicken thighs so bad that I've never had one since. What is it with men and chicken thighs?

Because you like... I don't know. Elijah also loves chicken thighs, and I don't understand that. And you know what I said? I said thighs or for like you know. Eli also loves chicken thighs. And I don't understand that. And you know what I said? I said thighs are for guys. Oh, well, yeah, I mean, yeah, like I don't, it's something about like the texture of that meat.

It's just like, yeah, I don't love meat on a bone. Oh, I don't love meat on a bone either except chicken wings, which are on a bone, but remember, wait, I might have love me on a bone either except chicken wings which are on a bone, but remember wait, I might have talked about it on this other tea to Kristen about like my recent food aversion. No. Okay, I'm going through something and I said we talked about my burning nipples and shit, but like what? You and I talked about my burning nipples. No, we did not. Yes, we did. When? The Phantom pregnancy.

And my burning nipples and all my blood work and shit. I don't remember the burning nipples thing, but now that you say that, I just need to tell you the other day, Lux went in my shower and was like, Mom, what's this? And it was like my coffee scrub. I was like, you like put it on your body or whatever. Tell me why he exfoliated his nipple and then he was like, mom it

burns. I need a band-aid like his he exfoliated his little tiny nipple and I was like, no, that's not you don't put that on your nipples and even after that he was like went to get more for like his legs. I said, but don't put that near your private. I'm like because of the same thing's gonna happen. Poor thing had to have aquaforn as little nipple. Yeah, he had burning nipples as well, but no phantom pregnancy. Goodbye.

No, you know where I thought that you were going with that story, which it took a very different turn. Where I thought that you had forgotten your stick on dick on the thing. Oh, no. No. Have you been using that lately?

No. I haven't been using it. Actually, I haven't had toys. I haven't used toys in a long time. I just low libido because of lexapro right now. And my kids are in my bed. So Lux and Crete are both in my bed. I slept horizontally at the bottom of my bed last night. No, that's just I cannot do bad sleep

That is one thing I cannot do like you can fuck with me all other hours of the day But when it is time for bed nobody fuck with me Like how I was for a long time, but for some reason I Can't get these kids out of my bed. I mean for Crete It's fine, but like, looks, they both sleep like wild animals. So like, they just, they'll be sleeping, but they just toss and turn and talk,

and they're sleeping horizontally and upside down, and it's just a lot. So I just moved to the end of the bed, and it was fine. But, um... See, a rest in mom is the best mom, in my opinion. I'm like... 100%. If you mess with me while I'm trying to sleep The demon that is gonna be unleashed whenever I wake up is not what you want to deal with So like it would be who view to get your ass

Horizontal or vertical and whatever bed you choose to get in but not in mine. Yeah And Jackson sleeps like a pencil like like a little... Isaac does too. He just sleeps and doesn't move. I wonder what causes some kids to be like all over the bed and crazy and then some to just be like normal neds where they can just be normal. Jackson's never slept crazy, but back to my food version thing. So I started having these weird, like, everything tastes different. And I can't eat chicken wings right now.

And you know I am a chicken wing connoisseur. Like, I love a chicken wing. Like, everything about it I love. And now I almost said somebody's name that I'm not supposed to be saying. But when he was cutting his chicken thigh last night and I looked at the bone on the plate, I almost yapped. That's so weird. Have you been sick recently?

Because I noticed, for example, after COVID, nothing tastes the same. Everything tastes like fucking cardboard to me. And even now, fast food doesn't taste good to me at all. I don't know if it's related to COVID or if it's related to something else, but maybe have you been sick lately? No, I mean, yeah, I said no.

I mean, yeah, like throw up sick, but it just like is sporadic. Stop giving me that look. You've been throw up sick, Lindsey? I have been throw up sick. Okay, so we have a bunch of questions that we need to get to, because everybody be asking all the questions.

The first one is how do you working mamas deal with mom guilt? I think mom guilt is like the worst thing in the world. When you feel it, you feel like the biggest failure ever. Like I could be bad, I could be doing like bad at work. I could be having a messy house and like not feel bad about any of that and not have any sense of remorse. But if I feel like I've let my kid down,

that is like, or he's not happy about something and I feel like I could have done something to prevent it, it's the worst feeling ever. I couldn't sleep last night in the night before because, you know, nighttime at my house is very chaotic. You know, for weeks, months, creed's whole life, I would put him to bed and then I'd go lay with Lux and then Lincoln started asking him to lay with him. And then I got to a point

where it was like, I'm not even kidding, you would take like three hours. So we would start between seven and eight and then eventually pushed it to nine and I wouldn't get to bed. And so now I just literally put Lux and created my bed and call it a day. But the mom guilt that I feel, and this isn't related to working, this is related to just mom guilt in general, not feeling like I've given Isaac and Lincoln proper like nighttime time, that sucks. And my kids love coming to this office with me. Like when I tell you they, I don't know what it is,

I don't know if they just like being in mom's office, Lincoln has his basketball hoop outside. I don't know what it is, they his basketball hoop outside. I don't know what it is. They love fucking coming here. I can't. I'm like every time I have allowed you guys to come here and you promise me that you're going to be quiet and you know, I'm going to be recording and you guys don't ask me for anything. You guys don't listen and then it puts us behind and we all get frustrated. And so Creed has been asking to come with me and it's like I, the mom guilt is so bad

because I want them to be able to come here and see me work or hear me work. And I don't even know. Even though it's the whole thing. Yes, but it's not possible. If it was possible, I wouldn't have this office and I'd work from home. And that's just not, it's so bad.

And then lately, I would say like the past two weeks. Again, not so much related to working specifically, but my kids have been like, not even dropping, but if I'm on a phone call with Kristen, or I'm talking in Natalie, or whatever the case may be, they're like, what was that about? What were you saying?

And they want to know everything. And I'm just like, this is a working call. This is something that I need to do. And I just feel horrible about it, but also we don't have like traditional out of the home jobs. And so it's probably hard for them to understand. And I try to be mindful of that, but the mom guilt sucks always around working or not working. So you know how I was totally against having a sitter or anything like that.

Like never wanted one and have always been the type, you know, I don't need my parents help, I don't need Will's parents help, his help, nobody's help, I can just do all of the things because part of me is like, I love what I do for a career and it almost gives me like this sense of, oh, because you love what you do for a career. And it almost gives me like this sense of, oh, because you love what you do, it doesn't feel as much like a job,

even though I do work a lot of hours. So I can be a mom 24-7 and I don't need any help. Some are started rolling around and I don't know if I told you, but now that we have our co-parenting schedule pretty I would say seamless took us a while to get there but we arrived. I now have a girl come and sit with Jackson for a couple of hours once a week so that I can go and do things outside of my work schedule and I felt so guilty of that because I have

Jackson 50% of the time. Sometimes I end up having him more and you know just depending on our work travel schedules, whatever. Sometimes I end up having him less than one month, more than one month. But I felt so guilty having somebody come and help me on one of those days. And even though it was just a couple of hours, the amount of guilt that I felt associated with that was just so much. And then it's almost like I latch on to Jackson whenever I have him just to myself all those other hours. And then I feel guilty for that because I always remember my dad telling me when I was born that he did so

many unhealthy things because he felt like he brought me into a situation that like wasn't healthy and so I find myself doing certain things with Jackson like oh can we snuggle for like an hour or like can we do this because I feel guilty for like what I feel like I didn't do. And so that's the worst. Being work from home, is that what we are? Work from home moms?

And I do everything out of this house. So Jackson's with his sitter now and they're going to do like lunch, go to the basketball court, go to the pool, play badminton. And I'm so grateful that I have the ability to be able to have that type of help. But at the same time, I can't help

but feel the mom guilt knowing that I'm working and I want to be doing those things with him. Yeah, no, I think that's a really good point that you're making too, when we have shared custody, especially a 50-50 situation, it almost feels like we don't have an excuse to not spend that time with our kids, but also what is the alternative? If we didn't do what we do for our jobs and we let and got, you know, worked at a bank or, and there's nothing wrong with that, I'm just saying like, if we

worked at a bank and we worked, you know, seven to four, whatever hours they're open, or we worked in corporate America, we'd be gone even more. And so I can't imagine what those parents feel like, you know, like they're, they probably feel like they're missing out on so much. Actually, I took my kids to the dentist this morning, all four of them, and the receptionist. I can't believe you do that, by the way. you do that by the way. That is so chaotic to me. This episode is brought to you by IQBAR. Now get 20% off every IQBAR product plus free shipping when you text combos to 64,000. I was just talking about a thief in my house who likes to steal my IQ bars. And when I say steal, it's legitimately steal because they have no intentions of ever replacing it. So I have six IQ bars left

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text combos to 64000. That's combos to 64000. Message and data rates may apply. See terms for details. Yeah, I so Lux and Crete are my most chaotic kids. Like they are wild. So I do get frustrated with them in the waiting room because they just like don't sit the fuck down. But anyway, so the receptionist, I've known her since I moved to Delaware. So 2013-ish, 2014. And she's like, so are your kids doing any camps this summer?

And I was like, and then I felt guilty for that because I was like, and I said I was like, they're not. I was like, they're just really expensive. They're like 200 to $300 a week. And then I have four kids. And then on top of it, they're gonna be with their dads half the summer because it's every other week. I said I didn't sign them up for camp

because we just got the pool. And I'm trying to do something where I'm flexible with the weeks that I don't have to podcast to try to spend time with them because I'm only with them half the stuff. It's just motherhood, parenthood is so weird. I wonder if dads feel the same amount of guilt as moms do, or if they just process things

very differently, because I feel like Will's processor looks very differently than mine. Yeah, I'm not saying that there are no dads that feel that way, especially you know, single dads. I know a single dad that I went to high school with. He's a great dad. I'm sure there are dads that feel guilt about it, but I think they're few and far between. If this doesn't apply to your man, don't, this isn't apply. But just from what I've seen in my experiences, they don't, and I'm not saying

that they don't feel guilt at all, I just don't think it's the same. I think that they either handle it much better in part of me thinks that typically men are wired less emotionally than women are. So maybe that's why we carry so much guilt around. I don't know, but I don't really have a solution for this because I feel like this is just a part of motherhood and you just have to give yourself grace because you can't be everywhere

at all times. And I have to remember, you know, the time that I'm spending away from Jackson is needed time. The only time that I'm ever spending away from him is if, you know, I wouldn't have him anyway and I try to overload myself on the time that I wouldn't have him anyway. And then the times that I do have him and I have to do something I have to remember that I am providing financial stability for him and there's also a place for that in my life. So 100% Can you please go on our Facebook page?

It is the coffee convo's podcast fans page Go through it through your app to be able to pull it up. Okay. Because you're tagged on there. I'm tagged. Mm-hmm. And there is a post in there that says, what word can you not say correctly or have been saying wrong for years?

Uh-huh. I get this all the time. There's two that I can think of that people harass me about. And it's truly, it's truly harassment. It's especially. It's truly harassment. It's truly harassment. It won't let me, it won't let me open it for some reason.

It's OK. I'll read them. OK. It truly is harassment. It causes me to be self-conscious. It also, it's probably not going to change, to be honest, because at 33 years old, if I've been rolling with especially, like, this long, then it's just especially. And because people also say, my sister and I say it the exact same way. So evidently, it is part of either our raising

or just geographically where we're from. So it's also because. I got Kristen tagged me in it. I can't think of a word that I mispronounce regularly and always have. I will say that I've never been, I've never been able to live down indicted. And I don't think that anyone came for me harder than like the teen mom troll pages.

So shout out to them for that. But there's no, I can't, I'm looking at some of these words. And there's just a minute. Okay, I'm going to go through them. Okay, like in how we would say them. Okay. And the words that we're saying are evidently words that you guys mispronounce.

Rural. I hate that word. I hate it. Like I fucking hate the word rural. Just like, sorry, I have a cousin named this and so does Elijah. I don't like the name Rory for that same reason. Rory. Oh. Rory. Like they're just very weird names. They're very weird to say.

Rory. Rory is a cute name. Like I think that's so cute. Say it. Rory. Rory. Rory. No, your lips just don't go that way. It's Rory. Rory. Okay, Rural. A word that I hate is fucking moist. Oh, that word is disgusting. Like, there's nothing, there might not be a worse word. Chipotle. Chipotle. Okay, cayenne pepper. cayenne pepper. None of these words are hard to pronounce. What is going on? I don't know. Oh, both. Both.

Okay, so I- Oh, you know what word that I'm not gonna say his name. I'm no longer giving. I say this all the time, but I'm no longer giving baby daddies time or ex's time. And I'm not announcing, like just figure out who the fuck it was. My ex used to make fun of the way I say else instead of he would say that else. Yes, but I say like oh I want to do something else. Is that not say it? Else. Else. I mean I don't

I don't feel like it. If somebody mispronounces a word like it literally doesn't piss me off like I've never been pissed off about you saying especially like Fuck off. Honestly everybody You're getting addicted for saying especially and because I never noticed you doing that someone put on here is a R chive or archive. Archive. Archive. Who the chive is a fucking thing that you put on a potato? Yeah, a chive. A chive. Do you say salmon or salmon? Salmon. What do you say? My name is Salmon and it pisses my doubt off

so bad. He's like, it's not salmon. So many people around me would say salmon. So for a while I had picked up salmon, but it's definitely salmon. Yeah, it definitely is. Okay, so I'm trying to think of this one word and I feel like Chase says it differently than the rest of us,

and I can't think of it. It's almost like, no, I'll have to think of it. And then I'll get back. Lux always says, instead of magnetic, he says kinetic. I feel like that's just like a little kid though. But like I know what, like when he asked about, he literally asked about my glasses like three days ago. He's like, where's your kinetic ones?

And I knew exactly what he was saying. I didn't have to be like, what? He, it's just, where's your kinetic ones? I love that so much. You should start making a list of all the things that they say wrong so that you can remember because eventually they won't. And I'm the type of mom that I will not correct Jackson if he doesn't know how to say something it's like he'll figure it out at some point and if somebody makes fun of him I'm going to be pissed off immediately. I thought of the word coupon. I say coupon. And we also I say tournament you say tournament. Yeah. I, it, Lux also does roast beef. Huh? Roast beef.

Oh beef. Ha ha. Instead of roast beef. Yeah. Let's say roast beef. That's so cute. Okay. So is it coupon or coupon?

It's a coupon. No, you're wrong. It's a coupon. No. Cupid is cupid and coupon is coupon. Hey, well, I just feel like you're wrong. Okay, what about this one? Dan Drift.

Dan Drift? Dan Drift. Dan Drift. Dan Drift. I mean, it's spelled Dan Drift, but we all say Dan Drift. Yeah, I feel like we all say that. Do you say pajamas or pajamas? Who get your pajamas?

I don't know. I don't know how I say that. Say it in a sentence. Like if you were talking to pretend like you're talking to your kids. Go put your jambies on. So you don't say any. I just say go get your pajamas. I'm trying to see what other words are on here. Worst try, were Chester Shire?

Oh, Worst or Shire sauce. What is it? Worst or Shire sauce. I've never said that word ever in my life. That's because you don't know how to say it because I just listen to you. Say it. Wister Shire. People say Wister Shire. Or what? Yeah. It's Wister Shire. Wister Shire sauce. Warchester Shire? Goodbye. The trolls are coming. Goodbye. The trolls are coming. Like, they are coming.

Oh, this is a good one. Is it Alzheimer's? Alzheimer's. No. Nanny says Alzheimer's. No, it's Alzheimer's. And it's like, you all are Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's.

Like, it is not timers. Like, Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's. Oh, okay,imers. All zimers. Oh, okay, crayon. Crayon. No. Some people say crayon. No.

It's crayon. It's crayon. I feel like we say it different. Say it again. Crayon. Crayon. It's like on at the end. Crayon.

Okay. Yeah, I guess I say it like a C-R-A-I-N crayon. Okay, I'm moving the fuck on. Bye. I say it like a C-R-A-I-N cram. Okay, I'm moving the fuck on. Okay. Um. Blindschoollor.com can help you give any room an incredible makeover with custom blinds, shades or shutters. Their huge fourth of July sale starts June 28th and you can celebrate with up to 50%

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Like maybe they like argue at school over something that happened like on the basketball court, but I feel like it's so short lived. And then it's just, you said what you said, and then we just move on. Like I just don't have this experience yet. Isaac is like, the drama in middle school, I hope will be a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher.

I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher.

I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher.

I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to be a good teacher. I think it's a good idea to going through puberty. Yes, definitely. You know? I actually, you know, one of Isaac's, the guidance counselor called me, and then one of Isaac's friends, dad called me and was like, they got to get this under control. I'm not blaming the school, but just saying like the school has to take some accountability because it's happening in the school. And I don't know if anyone, thank God the school year is over for most of us,

but going into the next year, I want to warn parents. This is strictly for the parents, and don't let the kids hear this, to give them any ideas. Skip ahead for the next five minutes. I texted Kristen about it, and I'll say, low key, this is fucking,

she was like, that's genius. But these kids who get their phones taken away for like bad behavior or something, or they're not listening or whatever, whatever reason you're taking your kid's genius, but these kids who get their phones taken away for like bad behavior or something, or you know, they're not listening or whatever, whatever reason you're taking your kid's phone, they're using their Chromebooks and opening Google Docs and sending it back and forth to each other to text. You're kidding. Kristen was like, Loki, that's fucking genius. And I was like, no, it is.

I was like, but now I have to monitor him on his fucking Chromebook for school. So they, let me get this right. So because they have, they can like be on a joint document. Like how me and Kristen can be on a joint document for Google Docs, the kids are doing the same thing. And then they just go in and like type and- They're texting, like they'll put a message on there and then they'll send it to their friend

and then they'll put a, they don't even have to send it. I think in Google Docs, everyone can be having a conversation, like essentially having a conversation at the same time. They didn't invent this. Like we did the same shit whenever we were kids when our parents took our cell phones and you just get on, get on AIM. I didn't have a computer until I was in like eighth or ninth grade. So yeah, you just like get on AIM and then you like start hearing your dad's footsteps, like come up the stairs and it's like fuck away message right away. I'm just like Google God's coming. God's coming.

Google docs though. I'm like so Joe had texted me. Yeah, that's so much. Isaac was over there and he's like, did you know he acted like I knew? Like no, I wouldn't, if I knew I wouldn't have, I'd shut that shit down. No, I didn't know.

Bro, like did you think that I was just so aware that they were trying to act like their business professionals on fucking Google Docs? No, and so wait, so this dad called me, right? Isaac's friend's dad. So it wasn't like they weren't fighting, but it was about someone else. So someone else had texted Isaac's friend. Yeah. Tell Isaac blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, the dad had the phone and the dad was like, this is so and so's dad. My daughter does not have her phone. So dad was like, this is so-and-so's dad. My daughter does not have her phone until the summer. So I suggest you don't text her

whatever and the kid said to the dad, you're not even ready for this. You're not even fucking ready for this. I don't and I literally said to Joe, I was like, I don't know how to handle this because I've never been in the middle of, well, I mean, I have, like, I've had middle school drama or whatever, but like, I've never had to deal with it for somebody else. And this is what the kid said to the dad. This is why I'm just fucking terrified of all things. Teenage related, okay? This kid said this to the dad. Bitch, shut your ass up. I'm not scared of your ass. Run up, ho. Wait, you're kidding.

Is this a joke? No. So like, where's these kids parents? And he said, what's your parents' phone number? And the kid sent the parents' phone number goes the hell, get your grown-ass a life, the fuck? How old is this person? Is he texting this?

Seventh grade. And I'm like, do I pull Isaac out of school and home school him for the rest of his life? Because I don't know what the fuck is texting this. Seventh grade. And I'm like, do I pull Isaac out of school and home school him for the rest of his life? Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. It was like, he said, she said, this boy is texting this girl. Isaac's text, it's just like all this stuff. And I'm like, what is going on? This is stuff that you guys should be able to squash.

And if you can't, excuse me, if you can't go to the guidance counselor or tell your parents so we can handle it, but like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. Lincoln doesn't fight with his friends yet. Um, the only person that looks fights with sometimes is, you know, Creed, and, you know, he has a friend that he calls his cousin. He doesn't want me cheering for him on the baseball team anymore, only for him. Um, you know, but they don't fight. so I don't know what's going, I don't know what to do. I just, I hope that I don't get to that phase.

Who you will. I just, no, because I can tell you right now, somebody is gonna be on a stretcher if I got a text like that. No, literally. And it ain't gonna be me. One of my girlfriends was just telling me that her child, I don't want to address like what the gender is because I don't want to put out identifying information. But she was like, you know, my child was fighting

at school, the other child lost the fight or whatever the case was. So the parents and a car full of people came with the daughter, not my friend, not my friend's child, to the house, to fight, and then the other parent put her hands on my friend's child. No, because if somebody else puts their hands on my kid, I'll go to jail. Then I'm gonna lay you out. Yeah, I'm going to jail.

And if I don't, then I might die trying. I just, I don't know what to do about this teenage, like, I don't need these teenage ears are so hard. And I just, like, that's so hard. And it's weird because I saw this TikTok where it was like, you know, at this age, like the teenage ages, kids don't want to listen to their parents. They want to listen to, they'll listen to other adults, but they don't want to listen to their parents. And so anything me and Joe say to Isaac feels like a lecturer and he doesn't want to hear it. Mm-hmm.

Well, I was kind of having that conversation last night about when do kids start hating their parents? And when I say, hey, I say that very liberally, not actually hate, but just don't wanna be around their parents, they don't wanna listen to anything their parents say because their parents know nothing, like at what age does that happen? And the age that we came up with

is sometime around like 13. I never went through that phase though. Like I always wanted to be around my grandparents and my parents, like I never had a sleepover. The only sleepover that I can recall having growing up was after I graduated high school. Oh. Yeah, like I didn't do that kind of stuff.

Like I always wanted to be in my room at home with my siblings, with my parents, or my grandparents. So I just feel like I wasn't a child that had this kind of stuff that went on. So I don't understand it from that perspective, but then also I don't have a child that is that age, that that kind of stuff would be going on. And I don't even know, I don't want to say never

because anything can happen. Jackson's also not personality to engage in stuff like that either. Does that make sense? Yeah. Like Lincoln's the same. Lincoln's not going to, I mean, not at least not. Well, like what Jackson would get in a fight over would be a score on a basketball court or some type of technical foul or something like that's what the argument's going to be, but the kind of stuff that you're dealing with is absolutely not. what the argument's going to be but the kind of stuff that you're dealing with is absolutely not. So I'm just going to let you know any parents that

are out there that are dealing with that kind of stuff. I am praying for you. I'll take all the advice I can get. So sorry I can't give any but if anyone else has something to give me I will be happy to share. Oh my gosh. Okay this is something that I have always struggled with and I feel like because you have been pregnant way more times than I have. Me? Yeah, am I the drama? Am I the drama? That's one of my favorite TikToks of looks. Am I the drama? Did you see his last one where he's like no eggs, no bacon, and no fried rice. No fried rice. Pist.

And I'm like, bro, like I wish I could eat fried rice and it not make me shit my pants, but it's the MSG, okay? Does anyone actually understand pregnancy due dates and why are they so weird? Okay. Can I have, can I please go on a rant about due dates really quick? Yes. I'm triggered. Okay.

This should not, and I'm going to make a TikTok of all the things that bother me, that shouldn't bother me, but this is one of them. I cannot stand. This is so fucking petty. Please do not. Not you, petty.

Do not ever tell me that your child came two weeks early because no, it didn't. Your child, your due date is an estimated due date. They usually say give or take two weeks, which means your due date is actually your due month, okay, because give or take two weeks. Please don't tell me that your child came two weeks early. It didn't. You're baby didn't. Okay, I'm going to dispute this because what if you were trying to get pregnant? Mm-hmm. You tracked ovulation.

Mm-hmm. You held your legs over your head to make sure that nothing dripped out. Uh-huh. You know the dates that you had sex and the times that you had sex. It's still a due month. And I knew what my due date was before I went to the doctor did not only gave them the last date of my menstrual cycle. And the date that I had in my phone was the same date that they gave me. It's still a due month because you're still you're you are full term at 37 weeks.

So therefore you are your baby could come 37 38 39 40 41 or 42. It's still a birth month. Even if you have the exact date that you can see, you can sometimes be safely pregnant all the way up to 41. I mean typically they won't let you go to 42, but no, it's a it's a do month. Okay. So if I was originally given January 12th as my due date, and I had Jackson on December the 29th, is that early or it's not? No, it's not early. And I went into labor. No, your situation is different because you went into labor at what like 35 weeks? 34 weeks.

34 weeks. 37. Your situation is different. Yours is a different situation. But for me, Isaac's due date wasn't until February 12th. So explain the due month thing so that I can understand. Okay, so we'll use whole numbers. Okay.

So say you are due January 1st. Okay, that's your due date. You are tech you are 40 weeks on January 1st. You could give birth all the way up until January 12th or you could go as early as December the middle of December and it's still a healthy full-term baby. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. So like if your due date is March 14th, which is when I come, but you get birth on March 1st You're maybe didn't come two weeks early. She came right on time. It's your due month give her take two weeks That kind of makes sense to me because also when they're doing like measurements and stuff

My doctor always told me that this is like Not exact so like it could be like a little more, a little less. Like I always measured four weeks behind how pregnant I was. Okay. That makes sense. So like when I gave, when I went into labor at 34 weeks, I was measuring 30. So that's why they were so scared because they were like, okay, you're measuring 30, you're 34, this is also your first baby. So like we don't know what's going on. Right, so that's a different situation. Like you went into preterm labor,

your baby would not have been full term or even close to full term. Yep, now for like, for example, for Lincoln, I know the only time that I could have gotten pregnant was on February 14th of 2016. Okay, so, but I don't know because he went to basic training and then went to AIT. It must have been divine intervention or something because there's just, according to my ovulation calendar which I had, I wasn't ovulating that week, so I could have ovulated either earlier late,

and then I just so happened that I still got pregnant. So that also will factor in too. So, you know, sometimes we swear we know our bodies, but certain things can interfere with ovulation. You might ovulate earlier late, which would then contribute to the due date being off. Oh, also another thing that I wanted to tell you was when they do the weight measurement,

they also told me that it could be give or take two pounds, which is a huge variation when you're talking about babies that are born anywhere from like five to nine pounds. Yeah. You know, a two pound difference is a different deal. Give or take, like that's a big deal. They were pretty spot on with mine though, because when I went into preterm labor at the 34 weeks, they were measuring him at five pounds. When I had him at 37 weeks, he was six pounds,

10 ounces. So that would have been pretty they were pretty spot on You know, it's it sucks because I have a girlfriend who we were pregnant around the same time looks and her son and They scheduled I guess she was considered Jerry asterisk Jerry asterisk because she was like 36 or 37 years old. Oh, yeah And so they were like based on your age and we think he's gonna be over nine pounds, we're gonna do a C-section and he ended up being like six or seven pounds

and it's like, that's not really fake. I get what you were trying to do, but also she was like crossfitter. Like it's not like she was gonna be injured. I mean, whatever. The doctor's no better than I do, but she was really disappointed because she's like this is my first C section I've never had a C section before and She was upset because they really more so based it on what they thought he was gonna way and then he was way off They he was two pounds under like you just said that's exactly and I've heard so many stories of people being like my

Measurement and stuff were completely off. Yeah, but I think that mine were most accurate because I was so high risk at that point for delivery That they were using machines on me that probably wouldn't be the typical ones that they're using in a regular O.B. Office So I had 4D stuff going on at the hospital that would probably not have been an option if it was like a regular appointment. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. You guys actually know that I posted about this on my Instagram story a hundred times. Lindsay, I know you've seen it. This is Thrive Cosmetics mascara. It's the liquid lash extensions.

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This is my most favorite mascara for years. I feel like you really get that look with doing less and it's healthier for you. So I just I absolutely love it and I buy it and then I buy more and I buy more and I buy more and I love it. And I don't have the clumping, I don't have any smudging for the flaking. There's nothing worse than trying to do your makeup and look really cute and then have that smudge look

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That's thrivecosmetics, caussemtis.com slash coffee for 20% off your first order. I love this next question. Top things you both get mom shamed for. That's a good one. It's a really good question. People say that I baby jacks in a lot. He's only child. That bothers me because when you're not living in my household and again, you're only being exposed to what I'm exposing you to.

Well, and he's an only child. So of course, it's going to seem like you're babying him, even if you're not, which who the fuck cares if you do or don't, but like he's an only child. So if it seems like you are babying him, it's because he's the only child. So you're only going to see me posting him. I feel like I baby Jackson way more than you do your kids. And I feel like your kids are a lot more self-sufficient than Jackson is. I don't know about that. No, like just the stories of Lux cleaning his own bathroom. Okay, but that's because his dad is like that. Like he sees his dad do that.

You know what I mean? But like Jackson sees me cleaning and you know doing all turns of stuff around the house. But I will say I think and maybe a lot of parents that have one child will relate to this that I chose to have one child and have a less chaotic life. Like that was a choice. And I don't have to have him really help me that much. And I know that it's probably I'm not doing any, I'm probably doing a disservice to him by some of that because he's not learning certain things. I feel like, Oh, it's just easier for me to do it. So I'll just do it. But I know that there's a negative part of that too because he's not learning how to do it because he doesn't have to do it. So I'll just do it, but I know that there's a negative part of that too because he's not learning how to do it because he doesn't have to do it

So I've caught myself more recently being like, okay, you know You can at least put your plate in the sink and rinse it off, you know for me to like load it in the dishwasher Before that would be something like he would eat go wash his hands Leave his plate, everything there, and I would clean it up because I just have one child's plate to clean and it's only him and I here, you know, and when he's here, I enjoy spending the time with him not doing chores and all that kind of stuff because he's only here 50% of the time. So the time that I spend with him, I feel like it's hard to try to lay down on him and be

like, hey, you need to do this, you need to do that, you need to do this. So what I've kind of started enforcing is the time that his sitter comes once a week. I have them doing that stuff together. So then I'm not the one having to do that. And people probably say, oh, well, that's a cop out, you know, so that you don't have to do it and you don't have to enforce parenting or whatever, but I choose to spend the time with him as like quality time. And I probably do baby him way more than I should

and I know that, but then we also have had like a lot of life things that are going on that I feel like I've had to shelter him from and he's trying to understand and walking through that. And we've always had a hectic and chaotic family life. So that's why. Everybody's family dynamic and parenting is always going to look different. And I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing. That's weird to me.

That feels very weird to me because, like I said, he's an only child, so it's gonna seem one way, even if it's not, but at the end of the day, if you wanna baby him, he is your only baby. That is your prerocative. Like, I don't have another one to do it, you know? So I'm like, I think that I sometimes latch on to the moment's way more than parents of multiples do

because you're getting to experience it multiple times. So like once that phase is gone with one of your kids, you have another one like in the lineup that is coming up on that phase that you get to, you get to have that experience with. So I feel like I don't want him to grow up too fast. I feel like kids in today's time grow up so fast because of the access that they have to the internet,

how other people's kids are raising, how other people are raising their children that my child's being subjected to, that they're allowed to kind of just like grow up and they know everything. I try to keep that limited in my household because I don't want him to grow up too fast because I want him to be a child. I want him to experience true childhood outside of everything feeling so heavy and grown. I agree with you.

I don't seem similar, but not the same. I get shamed for people think that I have a favorite Which I don't every one of my kids is very different and so Lux just happened Lux and Lincoln Typically like to be on like tick-tock and Instagram with me way more than the others do Isaac doesn't really like to so much actually Isaac told me the other day He wants to do modeling and acting but he doesn't to do, he doesn't want the attention for it. And I was like, oh, well, that's Adam Sandler. And I showed him what Adam Sandler wears on a regular basis. But I get shamed for my baby daddies. I get shamed for, you know, dating, which I can name five of my friends who are in the

public eye who have dated Mormon and introduced their kids to Mormon, then me, I'm not going to do that because not my fucking business, but like, I feel like I do get shamed more for that than others, and then I think I get shamed a lot for like my mom, like my kid-free trips, but a lot of them are for work or for an occasion like my birthday or whatever the case may be. And I feel like the kid-free trips, you and I talked about that a lot and how I don't really do them and the only time that I really have done them is post-aborse and during times

that I wouldn't have Jackson in anyway. Right, well, and that's the other thing though is when I do kid-free trips, 99% of the time, unless it's like a work thing that I can't reschedule, my personal life is when I wouldn't have them anyway. With the exception of my birthday, I think I gave up two days of my own that I'll put somewhere else.

I will make up those two days, you know, I've already made them up, but there are times when I, like they have dads, you know, like I don't know why they don't get shamed for it, but that's what I want them to get shamed. I don't want them to get shamed, but why are dads not getting shamed? Well, where are your kids? They're with their mom. Why can't I say the same?

Well, I think in both of our situations, the shaming is coming because of the access that we allow people to have to us, whereas the dads are not allowing that type of access. So that's probably why they get less heat than what one of us would get, because we're putting everything out there in the open for anybody to say whatever they want to say.

And that it just is what it is. Right, so I'm choosing to share it so people can judge based on what they're seeing. And I guess, I mean, that that part does come with the territory, I guess, but it still sucks. It mean it might come with the territory, it might not, but it still sucks. Also, I just want to say not that the year really matters, but 2023, why the fuck are we mom shaming? Like, what? I don't know. I think that's I don't know. I don't know. Like I'm not out here. You and I've talked about this many a times too. Like the last thing that I would ever do is go

on social media and talk about a fellow mom. Like she bitch like she's doing the best she can do and I see her. I feel you. I might not relate to whatever that should is that you're doing, but like she's doing what fits the needs of her family. So I'm not gonna be mom shaming. So I think everybody else should follow suit. If I've ever mom shamed in my life, I am here to publicly say I'm sorry and I was probably not in a good place

because I have no business mom shaming. I don't like to mom shame. I don't want to be mom shamed. And so we're just gonna do our best from here on out. Like there's gonna be no mom shaming. Next thing, I saw this and became immediately alarmed. Oh, God. Very alarmed.

There was lots of conversation surrounding this. It says, I hope Kayla Lindsey can answer, but I'm literally dying laughing. Settle this state, this debate between me and my husband. Do you a, wash your asshole just on the outside with soap and water when you shower? Or b, do you put the tip of your finger barely inside your asshole and clean? And, do you wash the inside of your belly button every time you shower? He thinks I'm disgusting just washing the outside

of my butt with soap and water, help. OK, number one. Ma'am. I do wash my belly button. That's something I've been doing since I was in, probably, like middle school or high school, like, when I first discovered that there was like things in my belly button, not things just like dirt.

I have said this before, I'm pretty sure it was on this podcast, Elijah is, I have never in my life seen a man clean their ass as thoroughly as he does. And I told you guys, me and him shower together very frequently. So I'm going to call him because I feel like this is my lifeline on this. I hope that I'm before you call. Are you telling me that Elijah sticks his finger in his asshole? No, I don't think he does, but he's so thorough and I don't think that you hold on. Like, how do you even clean an asshole properly? Like, what's the rules? Hey, babe.

Um, who? You know how like I always tell you how good you are at washing your butt? Yeah. Who taught you how to wash your body and your butt? You're in the mood. Do you, when you wash your butt, do you wash, like do you stick the wash cloth in the tip of your finger in your butt hole?

No. Okay, I was just wondering. All right, see you later. Yeah. Hi. Hi. Um, I said, no, who the fuck does that. Okay, I just text someone to see what their answer is.

That's normal because I don't think I just feel like. Picture this, okay. This is your butt and this is the finger with the washcloth over it. And you shove soap in there, right? So you're putting the tip of your finger and pushing soap in there. And then you take it out and you rinse it,

but that soap is still inside. I think that's why soap bottles have you ever seen where it's like not for only external use. And turn all you use or something? Yes. So sorry, I was reading the text message. I just texted, said, do you wash your asshole on the outside or clean the inside of your asshole?

Shut up. I said, which one? I don't know. Yes, you do. You probably just want to say they're on the answer. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to put so, like, in your actual asshole.

You're definitely not. I think you need to get an animal. Isn't that what they're called? But like if you want that part cleaned, you need an animal. That's like saying that we should be putting a soap and washcloth inside of our ear holes. I mean, I do put soap like I we talked about my dial job. I'll dial up a Wash-Poth and like rinse it off, but like the dial is still on there and I do it like really hot and I'll go like around like the Insides, I'm I hear you're not shoving it in your ear hole. No, I'm not I'm not doing that

But I okay now this leads me to the next question. Your vagina. No, you're asking per BV. You're asking for your pH to be all the way off. And I had a girlfriend that I once hooked up with like years ago, who used to wash inside of her vagina. And like, I knew she was clean, but like, it wasn't a clean taste or smell because she did that. So like, oh,

so you went down her. Yeah. So like, and I know how clean of a person she is. So it's not because she had STDs or she was dirty. It was just because she used to, she told me she explicitly told me in words that she washes inside of her kuchi. Okay, so are we talking like stick soap like up in the hole? Okay, yeah, no, that's a no-for-me dog. If you need that part clean, then you just need to get like the flora power suppositories to stick up there

because that'll like clear you out. What is that? What is a flora suppository? Do you put it in your vagina? Yeah, it's like a vaginal suppository. And it's like a pH balancer. Oh, okay. Yeah, so like you can do stuff like that,

but I would not, I would highly not recommend sticking any type of soap or douche. Oh, anything like up your kuchi hole or your asshole. Like, um, okay, he said, I just clean it with soap. But do you stick the soap in the actual asshole? That's not normal. That I feel like I feel like we've answered this question. Um, yeah.

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your perfect pet-friendly place becomes available. So when you need a place that's pet-friendly and human-tolerant, check out apartments.com, the place to find your pet-friendly place. You think Vanderpump rules is messy now? It's always been messy. I'm Jack Taylor, the LG Pump Rules villain. And I'm Brittany Cartwright, wife of the OG villain.

And we've got a new podcast when reality hits. We'll definitely be talking about Vanderpump Rules past and present and oh my, scandible. Ugh. And you'll get a look at what wife is like for us now as we figure out marriage and parenthood, little cruzy. And friendships and definitely feuds. It's our real reality with and without cameras.

It's sometimes with special guests like our celeb friends, former castmates and other veterans of reality TV. But listen to and follow when reality hits with us, Jack Taylor and Brittany Cartwright. At Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, and I need to know this one,

and then we're gonna move along to foul play. Y'all, what is the pettiest thing a man has ever done to you after a breakup? Asking because I thought I'd seen it all after a messy breakup with my kids' dad and being the process of moving. I discovered this man stole my vibrators and other toys. Like what? I've done some petty shit, but this is a whole new level.

Like yes, slash tires, but you stole my nut, disrespectful. This reminds me of Kevin Hart stand up comedy where he says like, you gotta do something petty, like steal all the backs to her earrings. So when she goes to put them in, there's no earrings, you know, there's no back. The petiest thing you answer first. And I need Kristen to do a power thinking situation here because there's

got to be something that have been extended to me. The pettiest thing that will Campbell has ever done to me is drop off by passport, hole punched, and tell me that I wasn't going anywhere. No, he didn't. He did. He dropped it off, hole punched. No, he didn't. And I was like, oh, good, good.

Well, I am really not going anywhere. Wait, so what did you do? You should ask Kristen about my passport process because that was worse than any process that I've ever gone through my entire life. I need to know how and where to thought of that. The amount of appointments that I had to go to. And then I was like, fuck, like, if I turn this passport in

and it's valid and it's got whole punches all over the fucking thing, is someone getting arrested because like, I don't know. I was very unwell. I definitely did not go anywhere. So point proven. Yeah. I'm actually like, that's genius, but it's also psychotic. The answer to the question of the person that I asked about the but whole shit

Said I just clean it with soap and I said do you stick the soap in your actual asshole? No, why do I get asked these questions? I said I just need to know and you don't realize that you're just on coffee combo, so Sorry about it. Yeah, so that's that's the thing is so crazy, but also very jean like that was next level. You don't even wow. I would have been thinking going somewhere. Oh, you're not going anywhere bitch. Because we are now divorced and you can do whatever the fuck you want to. But little do you know,

your ass might be going somewhere, but it's gonna be in the US. I have to tell you, I might have told this story before, I have Kristen texted me some things that X's have done. So I'm gonna tell the story and then that, and then we'll do foul play. Okay, I'm not gonna name names because I'm not in the game of being petty anymore,

like once upon a time. However, one of the teen mom cast franchise people who it is told me the story of her putting crickets. No, that was, as much as I disliked that girl at that time, that was so fucking good that I laughed. Like we weren't even on good terms, like sitting on that couch that day when I saw that and I was like, oh, that was epic.

And I really, after that, I definitely thought about doing that to my ex but because we were in the same situation at that time, but no, another cast member told me this story about how her and her man were buying house and she got, you know, whatever she got in her loan. And then her man was giving her cash towards the downposs, the down payment or whatever.

And once he gave her the cash deposit or the cash money, not a bank account, not a transfer, it was like a check. She put it towards the house because it was in cash, found out he was cheating and she took all of his stuff out of the house, put it in the yard and put itching powder in it. And he came and got his stuff and itching powder all in it. You need to text me who this was. Okay. I want to see if I am right. I am right. Where you right? Shut up. I swear to God.

She told me this to my face. Like she said it like in real life. Like it wasn't like a third party story. This is like directly to me, she said it. I was bagging the fuck up. I was like, ain't no way that I would have thought of that on the spot. So there's too, there's too many things

that Kristen sent me that X's did. One was, and I don't know if you were fighting or what it was, but in X of mine decided to show up at like three in the morning to return a necklace that I had given this X and this person put it on my door knob at like three in the morning and then like texted me and it's just like you did not need to return that like I You drove all this way to put a necklace on my doorknob then other thing. Okay, I have to calm down that okay if you were my ex or you become my ex and I have given you things like whether they be like close, I don't know, household items, whatever.

Immediately know if you're listening to this, this is a public service announcement, never fucking give it back. Literally never give it back. I gave it to you because I wanted you to have it. And I want you to keep it so when you're using it and I'm no longer with you because you came to the door and a pair of shorts that I purchased you. While you were fucking somebody else, keep it because every time you wear them, you have to think of me. 100%. 100%. 100%. The other thing was this particular ex physically lit my book on fire and the caption to the post on Instagram was something to the effect of like moving on to the next

chapter or something like that or closing this chapter. And it was like my book actually lit on fire and him in the picture smiling. That was Chris. When his aunt liked that picture, listen to me. When his aunt liked that picture, I don't know why I assumed that she knew it was my book. I texted his aunt and was like, why are you condoning this behavior? Like, this is the shit I'm talking about. She's like, I had no idea that was your book. Good bye. I was like, oh, good. Sorry about that.

Good bye. On that note, foul play. Foul play. Mom version of a foul play, I guess you'd say. I've been dying to share with someone besides my husband because it's hilarious, but I didn't want to be judged. I knew Kitty Gang wouldn't judge. And no, there's no judgment here.

No. So today I'm in the car. We've been listening to my son's playlist already, and I was getting bored. He pretty much tunes all my music, the podcast, all the above out, because he has a bunch of toys and doesn't care. He's newly three. So I put on some early 90s jam, jams, and I think, first, like,

a nelly song, then shake your toe feather, et cetera. My son is playing in Jimmy Owl. Then Lafay Taffy by D4L comes on. It crossed my mind that I should probably change it, but my son wasn't paying attention and quietly playing and singing Lippie's excavator song, so I left it. Next thing I know, my son goes,

mama, what's that song about? I turned it down some and said, well, it's about a guy who likes lollipops. I had every intention of changing the song after answering his questions. His response, no, Mama, it's about shaking booty cheeks. I reached to change it. He said, Mama, why he lick her toes? Clearly, he's definitely going to grow up to be his daddy's son. In the meantime, I'm going to have to start listening to some different car music. The funny thing is to copy combos, baby mama, Southern tea and barely famous podcasts all the time, but

it's not ever very loud. And he's talking. So he must tune it out. I first of all, the kids don't that is one wise three year old because I have a nine year old that blasts this crazy music and doesn't even know what the fuck he's saying. And in my head, I'm like, you know, Lincoln asked me yesterday, can you put on sex sounds by Lil TJ or whatever the fuck the rapper's name is? And I looked at him and I said,

do you know what sex sounds mean? And he goes, no, I said, well, then no, I'm not playing it because absolutely the fuck not. God, that's like Jackson being like, hey, mom, can my walkout song be super gremlin? And I'm like, we both look like, hey mom, can my walkout song be super gremlin? And I'm like, we both look like, do you even know? Like, sir, first of all, we should all be very careful

about the music that if you are our age or in our age range, the type of music that we were listening to and the back seat of our parent suburban. My mom's Christ. My man. Like, yeah, no. I remember. No. No. What was that song? David Banner. Oh my God. David Banner. Come, girl. Let me see your body. We would sing that in the car on the way to cheer meeting competitions and have no idea what the fuck that meant. I know my mom was cringing. She was probably like what in the fucking is this? Why are we listening to this? But we had no idea what we were saying. You know the song I'm gonna lick lick lick lick you from your head to your toes. Oh my back. My neck. My, and my track. I'll lick you from your head to your toes

and I wanna move from the bend, down to the floor. It's like, oh my God. That's all. Ob. Okay, I have one story about one song that I thought my dad was going to absolutely come on fucking glued. I'm a genie in a bottle and I'm in the backseat and I'm like

I'm a genie in a bottle baby. You can rub me the rope. Come come come and let me. Dirty Christine Aguilera. Oh, dirty. That was my shit though. Like I have this little microphone from Radio Shock. It was like a headset. I was like Britney Spears. I was saying, It was like a headset. I was like Britney Spears. I was saying dirty. The whole stripped album was everything. Everything and it's like I was doing cheerleading routines like upstairs and my dad would like hearing me hit the floor It'd be like bang bang like with my knees. We're hitting the floor and I'm like too dirty to clean my act up To the Here's it. Oh my god. That's my next Instagram caption Did I hear you? Oh my god, that's my next Instagram caption. I hear you to dirty to clean my laptop.

Oh my god. I'm gonna listen to that on the way fucking home today. Oh, I'm, that is, I'm gotta put it in my notes. When you all see the caption, you already know. Kitty gang. Kitty gang. You know. To dirty to clean my laptop.

Okay, next foul play. Okay, fine. Man, do I have a foul play for all? So yesterday morning, I woke up late as fuck for work. Like, I needed to be at work by the time I have a foul play for all. So yesterday morning I woke up late as fuck for work like I needed to be at work by the time I woke up. We've all been there. We've all been there. So obviously I didn't have much time to do much that morning. Well apparently I forgot. I was on my period didn't change my cup and honestly forgot about it. First of all this is why I can't do a cup for many reasons never even tried one so I'm not gonna harass anybody about this

But I just couldn't do it so that night I was like I need to remove it ASAP So I'm trying to take it out and I cannot find the fucking pool tab to take it out at this point I'm almost five fingers deep in my cat trying to grasp this cup and take it out of me But let me tell you y'all the suction of my cat is crazy because it would not release the cup. Bad for you, but good for whoever's getting in it. At this point, I'm scared I have to go to the ER, so now I have to tell my wife I need her help and preface to her the fact that it's probably got old blood in it. So she's fishing and she finally gets it out and we're just looking

each other. Well definitely got a laugh out of it for sure. Hope y'all did too. Um okay well I know a friend who has a similar story about having somebody fish a tampon out of there who are because they thought they saw a string but then like there was nothing in there and I but then like there was nothing in there. And I just don't know, vagina's are all different, right? But like, I don't know that I could forget that there was a tampon in there. No, I could, I have.

I also, happy Pride Month, because obviously this is two women, so happy Pride Month. Also, I feel like lesbians don't really give, I mean, I've never given a fuck about period blood, so like that wouldn't freak me out and I would also laugh about it. I have forgotten tampons. I don't think I could forget a cup. I wouldn't know what it feels like, so I can't say like if it would be easier to forget

than a tampon. No, I think the cup would be harder to forget. You do? Yeah. So how does it work? You like fold it a certain way at the top because they're... Silicone? Yeah.

I don't know if Malia Bull was the word, but anyway, you can fold it a certain way and there's different folding techniques to insert it. But I still, and you might not feel it, but I still think at some point, because I don't think it goes up as far as a tampon or if it does Like you'd be able to stick your finger up and like feel it. Uh-huh. Um, I don't think that you I would be able to forget it cut But I've definitely forgot it in a tampon and also that sucks

But I don't know why this reminded me of that but I have an ex that was like He fetishized my I don't know if it is. Yeah, he was, he had a fetish with my period blood, so that wouldn't have grossed it. Wait, him out? What? Did I never tell you that? No. Oh yeah, I had an ex that was like,

obsessed with my period blood. Was he obsessed with other people's period blood? No, it was just yours. And like, that's crosswise. You want me to text you who it was? Yeah. It has crossed my mind since you know I have not talked to him in a long time, but I'm like is he does he have a thing with like his new girlfriend's blood? I don't know. Oh, interesting. Okay, I would have never guessed that. My guess would have been a different person. I wanna end on this to the window.

To the wall. So sweet. What took down my balls? I'm done. All these females crawl. I'm done. If you guys have not followed us on AtCoffeeCompos podcasts on Instagram, make sure you follow us there.

Make sure you subscribe from whatever podcast app wherever you get your podcast. Always first at podcast one. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.