Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - My Chosen Family vs Blood

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

CC295: Is someone sick? AGAIN?! Lindsie's cancels her Mexico trip after contracting a little known virus that kept her near a toilet. Kail explains her run in with another sickness while she was on her camping trip. Lindsie and Kail explain why they have a better relationship with their chosen family rather than their blood relatives, also their thoughts on when they went through their divorce and how they felt like they had to divorce their exes WHOLE family. They also talk about their fears as children, Kail's obsession with animal TikTok, and this week's Foul Play has us making an impossible decision. Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first monthGreen Chef: Visit GreenChef.com/convos50 and use code convos50 to get 50% off plus free shippingProgressive: Visit progressive.com to learn moreStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!Stitch Fix: Try StitchFix.com/coffeeconvos today and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your FixZocdoc: Go to Zocdoc.com/CONVOS and download the Zocdoc app for FREE

I hate gift-giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say, thank you? This is Coffee Convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. Welcome to the shit show. Welcome to the shit show. That was me beatboxing. The fact that I can see your face right now doing it, I wish everybody could see like your hand gestures. Can you do that one more time for me? No. No, I will not. Good morning and welcome to Coffee Convos podcast. I feel like I'm wearing the same sweatshirt that I've been wearing for days and we all know that we love a good crew neck. We love a good crew neck. It's a hundred degrees out here. So I didn't do my hair and I

put a tank top on and it's entirely too small for me, but it's too hot. So it doesn't matter. top on and it's entirely too small for me, but it's too hot. So it doesn't matter. Does not matter what the weather is. Every single person in my life will call me out for wearing a crew neck sweatshirt with shorts. I get called out by my ex-husband for this at least twice a week. What is Will Campbell up to these days? You know, he's just, he's dating. Not aggravating me these days. For the love of Will Campbell up to these days? You know, he's just, he's dating. Um, not aggravating me these days for the love of Will Campbell. Yes, we love it. Um, no, he's doing, he's doing really well. And you know what? Our co-parenting situation's going really well. I'm helping him out. He's helping me out. Um, we don't have any issues. We don to see it. We love to see it. We don't think there's any issues on the horizon.

On the horizon. The only issue that I'm currently having is that I am supposed to be in Mexico. And you're not in Mexico because? I'm not because I woke up in the middle of the night puking my guts out. Went to get in the shower this morning and stripped off my sheets. I'm going to give you the whole rundown of like how this went down. But wait, time out because why do you want to switch your sheets out when you're still sick? Because then you're going to have to switch them out again. Why not just wait until you're done being sick? Okay. Well, we're recording this on a Friday. So Fridays are typically like my house cleaning days. And I don't

know if you have, um, like scheduled time that like you clean in your house, but I would highly recommend it for every single person to like schedule time in your weekly schedule to like do stuff. Kristen's talked about this before about, um, this phone method where you can put your phone down for like an hour and see like how much stuff that you can get done. And I always try to be super productive on Fridays. So like my normal routine would be to strip my bed sheets, mattress pad, like all the things. Then I wasn't feeling well. So I was like, who wants to wallow in filth? So I'm going to strip these sheets off.

Went to get in my shower. Sat in my shower for 30 minutes feeling like I didn't know if I was going to throw up or if this was anxiety or what was going on. And at 7 a.m. specifically, I rang Kristen multiple times and was like, answer your fucking phone because I don't know what's happening to me right now. And I need you to tell me what to do. Time out. Isn't it so sick that as adults, we still want someone to take care of us and tell us what's wrong? You can't help me, but I don't know what's happening to me and I need you to comfort me while I figure this out. Yes. And actually, Kristen and I were talking about comfort me while I figure this out. Yes. And actually Kristen and I were talking about it on the Southern Tea about how people talk so much shit about me and you for basically Kristen being like our mom. Kristen is like my, well, I don't have a mom. So she's

like my sister, my mom, my organizer, my boss, even though I'm her boss, but she's kind of my boss, like all in one. So it's like the same. It's like you hired Kristen to be your boss because you're not effective enough to be your own boss. Ditto kiddo. So I'm like, I don't know what to do, Kristen. Like, do I get on this flight? Like, what if I start hurling in the bathroom? Like the thoughts of me having to go into a bathroom on a plane. Like, I don't even want to go in one, period. You know how much of a germaphobe I am. But the thoughts of going on a plane and having to put my face near that toilet, absolutely not.

So I was like, I don't know if this is like a good idea. I've been puking, whatever. So she's like, no, you're going to go to urgent care. So do they have the rapid test? Yes. In the meantime of all of this going on, Kristen is texting trampoline dad in a group text, letting him know that I'm going to get COVID tested

and that they believe that I have COVID. What did he say? Oh, no. Not good. Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be like on my way to the airport, like on a flight, right? So, yep, come back, have COVID. Literally, my throat hurts horribly. Summer is a shit show with kids.

Any person that has any solution to having children in the summertime, and I don't want to hear from anybody saying, oh, well, you only have one kid. I understand that I only have one kid, but I'm also talking for the people who have multiple children or just one kid. What do you do with them over the summer? Like send help. Tell me what to do. Because I feel like when you work, your work schedule doesn't change over the summer, just because your kids are out. It doesn't matter if you're working a

nine to five, you're, you know, climbing that corporate ladder, you're out slinging real estate, a salami sandwich, whatever you're doing, or you're just like podcast hoes like us, your job still goes on when you have kids at home. Right. And so I feel like I've just been so stressed and my body just feels under the weather. Um, and so now I'm just washing everything in my house, trying to rid whatever types of germs that are going on. And, um, I'm sitting here podcasting just like I did right before we got on this recording, you were like, how are you going to podcast when you're throwing up? And I'm like, um, I'm going to podcast throwing up because just like I podcast

months ago, uh, threw up in my bushes and got out. It went late in my bed and got on a mic. I just can't. And I just, and the heat does not make throwing up any easier. Would you like to share with the class that you also had a horrific camping experience? Well, the camping experience as a whole was fantastic. I did not think I was going to like it as much as I did. And when I say that, I mean like for years, you know, leading up to this point, I just was like never really like a camping girly. And so when we went, I was like, wow, this is like a lot of fun. And like we had friends that like showed us the, you know, the whole layout and stuff. But, you know, we left

on Thursday. By Sunday, I, let me tell you what happened. I went down to a little campground. Tell us all, share with us. They had the little smart sweets. Like, Oh really? Yeah. They had those at the store. So I was like, Oh my God, I love these. So I got this sour watermelon and, um, I, I loved them. They were so good. Whatever. Probably within 20 minutes I start shitting. And at first I'm like, let me read like what's actually in these. Cause I've had them before, but they've never given me a problem. So I was like, maybe they just hit me different now than when they first came out.

So I read that they're made with like stevia leaf extract and which is like I think like a not sugar but it's like sweetener or whatever I don't know and then fiber there's lots of fiber so I'm googling will these make me shit and like there's kind of like mixed so I'm like kind of panicking and I just I'm in the bathroom literally probably every five to ten minutes and then all of a sudden I'm in the middle of a conversation with um his name's John and Natalie was there visiting with Caden. And I'm like, I'm about to throw up, excuse me. And they're across, like, not even across the street. Like we're neighbors. You know what I mean? So I run over to our outdoor trash can and I just, I'm projectile throwing up. Um, and Natalie's holding my hair back and trying to give me water and stuff. And I'm like, I feel better. Like I'm good.

Absolutely not. By like three, four o'clock, my entire body aches. Like when I had COVID, like, I don't know your experiences with COVID, but for me, I would get the entire body aches that like, it hurts to be, to exist. Oh yeah. And I thought, what if I have COVID or what if I have the flu? Because I know it's summertime, but like it does happen. And so I just, I was trying to just like get through it, push through it. But by the next morning I had to go get fluids. I mean, my piss was like orange,

like just so dehydrated. My body hurts. My head hurts. It hurts to open my eyes because like the light. So I went and got a migrate, didn't you? A migrate. Yeah. Yeah. So they ended up giving me three bags of fluid. And then they also like ran my labs. They checked everything. They said it was okay. And that it was most likely the GI bug. And then they gave me medicine for, I think it was called, don't quote me on this. I'm not a fucking doctor. Reglan? I hope it's a mispronunciation, honestly. I just think it's so funny. It's that with Benadryl. They said the combination of those two things will help with the migraine, the migrate. And so then I was there for a few hours and then they sent me on my way. By the next day, I already felt a world of a difference. I mean, even the fluids helped me out, but

I'm happy to be better. I just don't feel like in terms of like being tired, I don't think I ever fully have recovered from that part yet. Listen, when you're sick, there is nothing better and no one better argue with me about this. There's nothing better than being in your own bed, in your own shower, and having your own shit. Yeah. Like I don't want to be in some foreign place. I don't even care if that camper belonged to me. I don't want to be on that camper shitting my brains out or puking my guts out. Like that's the last thing that I want to do.

And the last thing I'm going to say on this multiple sickness situation, the stomach bug has almost taken coffee combos podcast completely out this year. I think I've had it twice. I've had it three times. So something's wrong. We're at a half a dozen. I mean, I'm having my well water tested. I'm having being tested for celiac disease, H. pylori, IBS, because this is not normal. It is absolutely, in a six-month time frame, I've had three stomach bugs. Something is definitely not okay. Coffee Convos podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, Coffee Convos listeners, kitty gang.

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four week trial plus free postage and a free digital scale with no long term commitments or contracts. Just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page and enter code coffee. Set your business up for success when you get started with stamps.com today. Can I also talk to you? We were talking about Kristen, like being our mom and, you know, people kind of making fun of us for it. Sometimes the blood family versus a chosen family. Some people get that mindset and some people don't, um, a lot of people make comments about it. Uh, why aren't you like calling your parents or why aren't you talking to your siblings about this? Or why is it always Kristen? Or, you know,

why is it your friends? Um, I am very specific about who I have in my life and who I share, what I share things with. And I just feel like that's a safe place. Well, I just feel like just because they are blood related to you doesn't mean they're automatically a good person and healthy for you to have in your life. Like there's just no, if that was the case, no families would have the dysfunction that they have. Exactly. Also, there are times that for, you know, my example, I don't know my fucking dad. So if I meet somebody like, you know, who, you know, my best friend who has a dad that might be like a father figure to me, why wouldn't, or like if I have an uncle, that's a father figure to me. You know, you get what I'm saying? Like that doesn't even make any sense. I feel like you, when you're born, you're given a family, right? And sometimes that just like doesn't work out the way that it should.

And I don't even want to say should because I don't even know if that's the right thing. Because who allowed us to have that expectation to be like, okay, well, a family should operate this way. I mean, I don't know this for sure, but if I had to guess, if we're looking at the overall picture of like the animal kingdom and like mammals as a whole, right? I mean, what are the chances that like other mammals and animals in the animal kingdom are having relationships with their mothers and siblings for their entire lives? Like that's just like a human thing that humans put on other humans, I feel like. Yeah, I agree. And a lot of times I feel like if you have some type of like public following, there's this expectation that people have on families that they wouldn't even have on their own family, right? It's like whatever they have set in their mind, like this idea of, oh, well, you should be talking to your sister about that, or you should be confiding in your parents about that. And why are you talking about that here?

And it's like, okay, well, number one, chosen family, in my opinion, is the best family, because that is what you have identified as safe. And I had a long conversation with my dad before he went to prison. and he point blank asked me, what does love feel like to you? And I said, safe. I want to feel safe and I want to feel at peace. And that's with all relationships, not just like a partner. That is, I want people who are peaceful in my life, who bring me joy and feel safe. Right. Like you don't, you're not going to, and I'm not using your parents specifically as an example, just as a whole, you don't want to, you're not going to confide in your parents or

your siblings about certain things if they don't accept you unconditionally without judgment and without, you know what I mean? Like that's not, you can't confide in certain family members if they're not giving you a safe space to confide in. Well, and I do feel like when you have a blended family and I don't know that you, and maybe you have had experience with this. I feel like in my situation, my dad had a first marriage and had two children. Oh, I was like, wait, wait, wait. He had another one that I don't know about? No, no, no, no, no, no. Right.

So he was married to my biological mom. They had two kids. And then they divorced. And then shortly after they divorced, my dad got remarried to Julie. And then they had three children along the way. I was kind of talking briefly about this to some girlfriends called the Kitty Gang. Called the Kitty Gang. I was like, hmm, okay.

Who is that? But along the way, I feel like when divorce happens and there was two, a new family created, and then there was a family first, there's things that get lost in that. And I always say kids are like collateral damage in those types of situations because they don't really move on because I don't know that children truly have the emotional capacity to be able to do that kind of work, to be able to move on past what they know. Agreed. And when your parents get remarried, I think it could be hard, whether it be six years from the time that they divorce or whether it be months.

You know, I think it could be hard both ways. And I think you're going to face different challenges. Right. both ways. And I think you're going to face different challenges. Right. But with that being said, it very much felt like for me, you went from one family and created a new family and I'm just kind of like hanging out here. Right. Like you're like kind of floating somewhere in the middle. Right. Yeah. And so since college, I have always kind of been like a lone ranger doing my own thing. Having what I selected as my family. Right.

And you can probably relate to that a lot by not having much to do with either of your biological parents at all. Yeah. And it probably is why you and myself gravitated towards Javi's parents and Will's parents because that felt safe. Yeah. And normal. I never felt judged by them. Even if I knew, like, for example, like I got Javi into tattoos and I knew that his family was like not a fan of it.

They, maybe they said something to him, but they never made me feel uncomfortable by that. So I felt safe with them. So I called Javi's mom, mom, you know, like that was something that, that was something that I felt safe doing. I felt like we had that closeness and things like that. And that was what I chose to do. You know, did you feel like when you went through the divorce with Javi that you had a divorce from the entire family? And, and, and, and truly that's what happened because for a long time, he, there was an ultimatum. Like he, he didn't want, he told his family not to communicate with me. That's really hard because when you, and to me, those situations are a lot harder because you chose them, right?

Like you chose to allow them to play the role that you allowed them to play in your life that was outside of just being in-laws. Yeah. And that's kind of how I felt with Will's parents too. From the time that I filed for divorce, the weekend before I filed for divorce, we were scheduled to go to the lake and I never did. I was closing on this house and Will had not told his parents. I remember that. And so he took Jackson over to the lake. I was at home for the weekend, like packing up all of

the stuff. Um, and I say packing up all of this stuff, what, like I didn't even have panties. Like I didn't even carry sheets over here like but like small little things that were you know mine like scrapbooks and like shit like that packing up and coming over here and I never heard from his parents again and so I feel like the loss of that was as hard in some ways as the loss of the divorce because I chose them. Right. Like you, you are marrying Will, but I feel like you also accepted them as parental figures for you, right? Like you chose them to, because you can get married to someone or you can be in a relationship with someone and not necessarily choose their family to,

they're your in-laws, but they're not, they're not your chosen family, if that makes sense. And I also feel like with your non-chosen, I don't want to say like non-chosen family, because that just sounds so bad, but like your original family, right? Like there are intricacies within those relationships too. So let's say like my sister's really close to my dad and I say something that I'm going through to my sister and she feels like it's important for my dad to know, but I never authorized for that to happen. Then I feel like that's where those relationships

get a little more trickier than like a chosen family. Right. Because you know who you can go to for specific things. So like you might choose to go to Kristen for one topic or choose to go to me for something, or you might talk to V about something else that you wouldn't talk to me or Kristen about. Yep. You know, it's crazy that you say that and you're 32 or 33, 33, 33 years old. And do you know that Isaac came to me last week and said the same shit he came to me and I'm not going to say who it was, but Isaac tells me everything. Like me and Isaac are like this. And I think that there's a lot to be said because we used to really butt heads. Like, I didn't know if we'd ever be

close. Like I was like, I didn't know. He said, you know, that he felt comfortable telling someone something and without his permission, said person went and told someone else in his family and he felt betrayed, unsafe. Yeah. He literally said the word safe. Like, I just don't feel safe over there. And I was like, I had to clarify what he meant by safe because I was like, no one's abusing you. And like, I know that for a fact, like, I know they're not. And he was like, no, he's like, I just mean with my relationships, I don't know how to talk to people because I don't know who I can trust with information and who I can't. And I was like, that's really difficult. I was like, and I can't, you know, I didn't really know how

to address it because then do I, as a mom, like say something, say something to them or do I let you feel like that places you in a position to feel like, okay, if you address something like this, there's a betrayal aspect that you're probably feeling like if I actually take this a step further and address it with the person that did it to him, that I'm betraying Isaac because he confided in me about something that this person might go back and tell him, your mom addressed me about this. And then what if he didn't feel comfortable with them knowing and he just took it as like more of like a lesson learned. I'm not going to tell

them information versus like, I didn't want my mom to go say something. But Isaac is very vocal about, he'll tell me if he wants me, like, I don't have to ask. He'll tell me if he wants me to like say something or I'll say something like joking. Like I'll pull up right now and he'll be like, no, mom. Yeah, that's so cute. No, I think that is a really hard part about co-parenting that I don't want to say that I was naive to, but I truly didn't expect. It's not something you think of. It is not something that you think of immediately.

expect. It's not something you think of. It is not something that you think of immediately. And I feel like it has been hard for me where I am so happy for Jackson to have the relationship that he has with Will. And I want that to flourish and thrive and be healthy. And I want him to have the relationship with Will's parents and his brothers. But at the same time, I know that those are relationships that I am no longer a part of or seeing. And so it is hard for me because I don't know necessarily what's going on. And I'm like, okay, well, like, what are those conversations? Not that it's really my business, but it's like, you know, as a mom, you want to, you're like, what are those conversations that you're having? What are you talking to them about? What do you feel comfortable talking to them about versus talking to me about?

And that goes for, I think, friendships, even not including your chosen family or anything like that. But it's kind of a testament to every person that you're just friends with plays a different role and your friendship might be very different. So not that you're fake, but you're almost like a different person with every person that you're friends with to some degree. And sometimes that's like why it's really hard for adult friend groups to like mesh.

Oh, you're so different when you're with her. No, I'm just, that's our relationship. The relationship's different. Yeah. And when you try to gather a bunch of people, that's why I freaking hate like baby showers, weddings. The small talk, the weird shit. Birthday parties, like all the weird shit.

Because I just feel that is like the definition to me of a fakery bakery. Like we're all coming collectively to support this one person for something. And my friendship is with that person. And I don't care if like you're here or if you're not here. And that sounds mean, but I don't mean it like that. And I don't care to carry on small talk conversations with people that I know I'm not going to see again maybe ever or maybe not for like a year. I have always been the person that has – and we talked about this like forever ago. I've always wanted all my friends to be friends. And it took me into adulthood to realize like that will never happen and I should never and actually the most recent time I

I did that was like before I dated my last partner I don't want to say his name give him any more attention um I brought like my friends from high school him like other friends that I met into like this circle and um it ended up just like blowing up. And now like certain people are still friends. But like I'm not friends with every single one of them. It's just like weird. And I will never do it again outside of like obviously like birthday parties and shit like that. Like you can't really control that. But I will never try like intentionally to put all my groups of friends together.

It's just not a thing. It's just like if they were meant to be friends and they probably would have been friends outside of you. So why are you trying to make fetch happen? Cause it's just not happening. Never. I was actually, before we started recording, I was updating the sizes on my kids fixes because Isaac is growing like a weed and I just want to make sure that he always has things that fit him. But you want star treatment with your own personal stylist and that's where Stitch Fix comes in. It's literally like a real stylist that you have personally. So you'll have access to real stylists who work with you to create a wardrobe and they're

tailored to what you like. I love going on to each of my kids' profiles and selecting what I know they'll wear, what they won't wear because all my boys are so different. And I don't have to think about it. I don't want to go to the store and shop for all my kids. It's too hard. I forget what's for who. And I just, it's too much. So I love that these fixes come with their names on them. And they can tell me if they would wear it, if they wouldn't. And then sometimes at this age, I can mix and match with Lincoln and Isaac because they're still in some of the same sizes. It's really nice.

That is so nice. And I could not imagine trying to do the shopping for that many boys. Jackson loves to get his box. And I can tell you, I've never sent anything back to Stitch Fix. Like they are spot on when it comes to whatever stylists that are styling over there. Like they're really doing their job. And the only thing you have to do is just answer a few questions about where you typically like to shop, kind of like what you like to wear and the price range that you're shopping in. And then they do all the work for you and send it directly to you. And then everybody's just

happy. If you guys want to try Stitch Fix, you can try today at stitchfix.com slash coffee combos, and you'll get 25% off when you keep everything in your fix. That's stitchfix.com slash coffee combos for 25% off today. Stitchfix.com slash coffee combos. Okay. There was this question that was, I believe it might've come from the Facebook group. Not totally sure, but it says, could you, or would you stay with your husband if he stated he no longer is attracted to you

since your weight gain after having babies and hasn't, or even tried to have sex with you in three years? Um, okay. So I kind of got chewed out a little bit about a topic like this that I talked about on the Southern Tea where Chris and I were having a conversation about, you know, like, is it normal to like not regularly want to have sex with your partner or like you're too tired or, you know, people go like a month without having sex. I believe Kristen said she'd gone like a month or something like that. And I'm like, oh, absolutely not.

Like if they don't wanna literally bone me for a whole month, I'm pissed. I definitely think their feelings might get hurt, but I do think that there are some, sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes between mental health, the know, sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes, you know, between mental health, the economy, jobs, children, I do think that going a month or sometimes more without sex is more common than we know.

But that shouldn't mean that they don't want to have sex with you. I think there's a difference between not wanting to have sex and, and just, you know, life isn't allowing, you know, time for that right now, because I mean, burnout is a thing. Being super tired is a thing. I mean, just sometimes you just want to be on your own and like not be touched by someone else. And I can understand that. And I don't think that I really relayed that when I was having the conversation with Kristen. I very much value days that I have or evenings that I have when Jackson's with Will

and I've had him for like a five day stretch and I'm by myself. It's really nice to be able to have that downtime. And I think I've said it on here before that I feel like that should be more commonplace and to parent households too, right. Where you can have like your own time to be alone or whatever, to kind of recharge and be by yourself and maybe watch a show that you want to watch and just not be bothered by somebody farting or, you know, sneezing or eating or, you know, whatever, like next to you, like, you just like, don't want to deal with your shit.

That's so funny that you said that. Cause Lincoln will be like, if a lot is just gone or he's like out at work until super late, it's fine, mom. Right. Cause you like to fart in peace. That's what Lincoln says. Yeah. It's fine, mom, right? Because you like to fart in peace. That's what Lincoln says. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, I do. Everyone, you know, sometimes just likes to fart in peace. And that's okay. Like my dad always used to say when we were growing up,

because we had no boundaries. Like when I tell you none, like people would just walk in on you in the bathroom. Um, somebody, the boys might open up the shower door and Savannah and I are in there shaving our legs in the same shower and they're slinging water on us. Um, we're going into our parents' bathroom. Julie's in the tub, shaving her legs or coochie. My dad's in the bathroom taking a shit. her legs are coochie. My dad's in the bathroom taking a shit. And he's like, can we not even fucking shit in peace? No, never. No. But I do think that that is something that is not prioritized. I know it was not prioritized when I was in a marriage. Right. And I very much value that now.

So I can understand why, like sometimes you just like literally don't want to be touched. And when you're married and you lay down in the bed next to someone, it's almost like this obligation that you feel of that's just what we're supposed to be doing. Like we fuck finance and feed each other. Well, what sucks too is like, like I said, it shouldn't be like, I don't want to have sex with you, but sometimes, you know, whoever takes the mental load of most things, it just becomes overwhelming. And I think the other thing too, for like people in a marriage or like a long-term partnership is in my experience, we weren't mature enough to not resent each other. Like if we had a child, like I've had a child with Joe and Javi and Chris, it was like, if one of us needed alone time, it was like, well, I haven't had alone time.

So why do you get it first? Or like, why do you get to, you know, why do I have to take the baby while you go have hours to yourself? Where like, now that I'm older, I have more appreciation for you go do you, I got this for a couple hours. And then I also know that in time, I'm going to have that too. Where like, when we're younger, I don't think we think about that. And so more couples should at least try like, don't, don't be resentful. If you, you know, it's, it's one thing to like, stay at home with the kids, and you're overwhelmed with the kids,

but maybe like, take them outside, let them burn some energy and you probably have to do less work if they're outside doing something. And then it'll go by quick. That's a great point. You know what I mean? That's a great point that you're making, because I do think that a lot of times people who are just, and when I say people,

it's probably the majority of America are going out of the home to work or working remotely, whatever, have children to raise, other people to care about things to do events to attend. And it's this resentment aspect of, okay, well I've done all of this and you always get a free break and I never get anything. And I did experience that in my marriage. And I was resentful when we first got married and I was at home with Jackson because I was a stay at home mom. And so I would have him at home doing all the things, you know, like cleaning the bottles, making his lunches,

making his breakfast, making dinner for everybody, making sure the laundry's done, making sure he's bathed, um, bedtime routine already done by the time Will walked in the door. And, and there was resentment, but what I had to learn through therapy was it wasn't fair for me to resent him because he also was bringing something to the table. Right. The problem was is I feel like as moms or even there might be a stay at home dad that's listening to this. I don't know.

But like as a stay at home mom or a mom that's working inside the house and they're around their kids all the time and you don't have that adult interaction that someone else is getting that's being able to leave the house, that is a very lonely freaking place. Over-stimulating. Yeah. And you know what I learned? I don't care how much you love being a stay-at-home mom. It can be a very lonely and over-stimulating place to be all the time. lonely and overstimulating place to be all the time. But what I did learn through that process was we needed to identify what Will's life tasks were when it came to Jackson and what mine were. And unfortunately, we misallocated that as well because it drew a further wedge between us. So when Will came home from work, he would regularly take Jackson to the basement. He would work out in the basement. He would watch Jackson in the playroom that was right by the workout room. Jackson would play,

watch a show, add some free time to myself. But what we weren't doing was spending a time collectively as a family. So I love to see families who are like, okay, I do baths on, you know, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and you take the other days for baths. And then I've got dinners on the days that you're doing baths. Like, you kind of have to be a team. Like divide and conquer. No resentment, but try your best to like allocate it fairly kind of um as fair as possible because nothing's ever going to be 50 50 no never absolutely never and if you're expecting that i feel like you're setting yourself up immediately for failure there's no way that someone's going to be able to give you 50 and you're going to be able to give them 50 all the time.

No. This week, I didn't give a shit. Like, Elisha has not asked me for shit because this week, I'm tapped out. Like, I tried to sleep in this morning. I was going to try to sleep in until 10. Didn't happen. My body said no. My mind said no.

My anxiety said absolutely not. But, like, we got up together. You know, we figured it out. And it was just like, you're never gonna be 5050. Even on your best day this morning. We didn't know I haven't wanted to be touched yesterday. I literally was like, I need to tell you this nicely before you try. And I mean, I was like, I'm very overstimulated. I have a lot going on up here right now. And I can't, I was like, I don't want to be touched. And he was like, okay.

Like he was very nice about it. He was very respectful about it. And I would try to be respectful before, you know, he tried. And I would have been like, I just feel like the rejection, if he would have tried, would have been worse than me saying like, hey, I'm over, I'm just overwhelmed right now. But that's on communication, right? Because I think the communication. He be there when it comes to that. And expectations, I feel like someone having expectations on you sexually versus the expectations that you have on yourself sexually, those also have to meet. Like someone shouldn't be expecting something out of you that you're not capable of giving

out of yourself. I will say that this is the first relationship where I have not felt like I feel the obligation within myself, but I have not felt it from him. Like he has never made me feel guilty if I don't want to have sex. It's more me against me in that situation. You know what I mean? Like he didn't, he wasn't even trying, but I was just like, I, you know, I'm we'll see tonight though. Cause I don't know, this has been a rough week. I want to say, um, I have known a couple of men that have had children with someone and told me about how repulsed that they came or became to

their spouse's body after the birthing process and how, you know, the body completely changed and looked completely different and couldn't get turned on by the nipples or like, these are conversations that I've personally had. So I feel like this woman who wrote in, um, that's absolutely heartbreaking. And I almost wonder if that is some sort of personality disorder. Like, are you like super vain narcissistic type of situation? Because I just feel like something like that can't be normal. I feel like if you, if you understand how making a baby works and you understand pregnancy, you should also understand that there's change with that. Right. Like you can't go into that expecting that things are just going to snap back and things are going to be the way they were. I will say I've always been, and I've been

chewed up just as much as you feel like you have been weight shamed, I feel like I have as well on the opposite of the spectrum. Right. And I was 127 pounds on my last weigh in before I had Jackson. I was tiny, like itty bitty, but nobody should be comparing me being tiny when I had him and someone not being tiny and going the opposite direction and feeling like they're being judged because they gained. I've known people that literally been 120 pounds going into a pregnancy and literally gaining like 70 pounds in a pregnancy. pregnancy and literally gaining like 70 pounds in a pregnancy. And the person that I'm referring to that, that happened, that person's spouse literally said, I know people that you're friends with that have had kids that their body snapped back and your nipples are repulsive.

Like that is a real life conversation that I know being compared to your friends and then being told your body is repulsive after you just carried an entire fucking human being in your body, grew it inside of your body. Like how foul is that? That is so fucking foul. I just texted Elijah. I said, would you be repulsed by my body after I have a baby? Fuck no. I would just want it more. And see, I do feel like that. No, I'm just kidding. That is a sign of someone who has their mind in the right place. Right. And they're that person I would go out on a limb and say is in love with you because they're in

love with you, not in love with your body. To me, someone who would say they're repulsed after somebody carried their baby would be indicative of that person being in lust, not in love. I would agree with that. And if you're in lust and not love, then you don't need to, one, you don't need to be with that person. And two, you definitely don't need to father my fucking children. Then get out. Cause I'm going to learn how to use a vibrator. Like, cause I can't stand you. And, but can you imagine, okay. Three years though, three years, like, do you know how much happens in three years? Like that's a long fricking time to be with a man and for him not to be hitting your cervix for three whole years. This man that said this, he probably couldn't hit a cervix anyway.

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convos50 to get 50% off plus free shipping. So again, go to greenchef.com slash convos50 and use code convos50 to get 50% off plus free shipping. Don't forget that this is the number one meal kit for eating well. I'm Caitlin Bristow, host of Off The Vine podcast where I get real, maybe a little too real sometimes, with my friends and celeb guests from Bachelor franchise and beyond. I'm talking guests like Jonathan Van Ness, na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na- S. Nikki Glaser, Wells Adams, Elise Myers. Just like in this like business jacket.

Like I would love some tacos. Heidi D'Amelio, big brothers, Taylor Hale. I have to bring it up because it happened and we're going to get through it. What I do. And so many more. So come hang out with us, hear ridiculous confessions and get a little vulnerable because, you know what?

We're all just floating on this weird little planet together. Follow, rate, and review Off The Vine Podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts. Somebody else wants to know what we were scared of as kids. I commented on this one. what we were scared of as kids. I commented on this one. I also did in our Facebook group and I'm embarrassed by mine kind of. What is yours? Well, I have a couple. My number one thing, cause I was left home alone a lot. I was scared to stay home. Like I started getting left home alone when I was like in elementary school, like maybe like eight. And I, I was home alone before that, but around eight, I started to really get scared of being left at home in the dark,

like at night. Cause my mom would leave and she wouldn't tell me she was leaving and I'd be home by myself and I'd be terrified. That was like my biggest one. Like I'm still traumatized from that. one. Like I'm still traumatized from that. Okay. I slept with, okay. I'm going to take this like way back. So a lot of people like to comment and I've told you this, like to comment about my co-sleeping with Jackson. Um, yeah, I do. I do co-sleep with my kid and I don't care if he sleeps in the bed. I have a king size bed. Um, for those of you who need to know. Lincoln slept with me the other day. So. Is it not so sweet though? care if he sleeps in the bed. I have a king size bed. Um, for those of you who need to know. Lincoln slept with me the other day. So. Is it not so sweet though? It's, and I don't get that type of affection from Lincoln a lot. So when he does, I'm like, you can come see your mom. Like just remember when Lincoln was like your favorite child.

Don't pull a Kris Kardashian. I, first I my mom's favorite, and now it's Kylie. No, I'm not pulling a Kim. It's just the stages. It's that they need me more during those stages. No, no, no, no, no, no. That's a lie. I'm going to call you out on this. Lincoln, how do you say Bobby's last name?

Marroquin? Marroquin, yeah, Marroquin. Yeah, Lincoln Marroquin was your favorite child at one time. And I know this because you had a bond with him that was very different. Because I think being married to his dad, bringing that baby home in a nuclear family, and you having that nurturing, breastfeeding experience with Lincoln. Well, yeah, I mean, because he was attached to my boob for a year, you know?

But also, like, Isaac was my favorite at one time because me and him grew up together, you know? So it's just very different. Kale, you're not going to bamboozle a bamboozler. And, like, Jackson is my favorite kid too. So like I totally get, I totally get it. Um, but where the co-sleeping came from, I co-slept with my parents until they had significant others. Um, when my parents separated, my dad took me, I don't know if I ever told you this. My dad took me and my biological mom took Kyle and we were separated for like six months during the divorce process. And I lived with my dad at his parents and Kyle lived with my

biological mom with her. Why? What was the purpose of the separation? This is not the parent trap. You don't get to keep one twin and not the other. That's not how this works. I don't know if they were set. Well, I think it was like a thieving aspect. Honestly, I think it was like one of them had me and then one of them had him. Obviously my dad had me and she had him. And I remember hearing that there was conversations. This is like after the fact I've heard from my grandparents that they would argue about, well, possession is nine tenths of the law. So I'm going to keep her and you keep him. And then they had to have this whole court hearing about how we had to be reunited and whatever. But anyway, I slept with my dad at my grandparents' house for a long period of time. And honestly, the last time I slept with my parents was in October. So if anybody wants

to make fun of me about that, go ahead. But with that being said, Jackson has some of the same fears as I had as a child, and that is sleeping in the dark. And I think maybe because I always knew that my parents were kind of there for a long period of time when I finally did start sleeping by myself. Um, I would like look around the room and be like, is someone coming? Like, is there going to be a robber? So I would leave a closet light on. And when I first started sleeping by myself, I remember when I first got like my, my very first room that I can ever remember, we lived in a little apartment. It was right before Julie had Chase. She was too pregnant to help my dad, like set up the baby furniture and stuff.

So at my young age of seven years old, I was helping my dad set up the baby room and I had still slept with my dad. So I had my own room there. Kyle had his own room and I had to sleep in there. And I will never forget my dad lining up all of my babies on my bed and turning on lamps. And I think that's probably where it started because I would sleep with the lamps on by the bed. And so I never felt like I was unsafe because it just felt like, okay,

well, it's like daylight. And you can see everything. Like there was no mystery about what was in the room or if anyone was in there. Right. Yeah. There was no mystery. So all the way up until I started sleeping with Will, I slept with a nightlight. Oh, like into adulthood. Yes, I slept with my closet light on. I hate sleeping with a light on now. There's a little light on my mini fridge that I keep water in my bedroom, and I cover it up. Oh, you do? Yeah.

See, I love to sleep in the dark. That's like a preferred habitat for me. It a very dark room, but I don't want to be in a very dark room by myself. I want to be in a dark room by myself. Like that's terrifying to me. Another thing, and anybody who's listened to this podcast for a long time will know that I've said this before, snakes coming up out of the toilet and biting my vagina. I always look in the toilet to see if like anything's popping out. Like, I don't know. I've seen some scary plumber videos of things that they have pulled out and it will absolutely terrify you. I also used to shower with my eyeballs open. Even when I was rinsing my hair out, I would shower completely washing my face. I would wash this way around my eyes and stuff so I could keep my eyes open because I was afraid spiders or

insects or a little tiny skinny snake, like somebody's dick that you know, would climb up the – But like the fear about that and not discrediting it, I'm just saying like those types of fears won't – like if those things were to happen, you wouldn't die. So was it – like what was the – Kale, I wasn't – yes, I would. All my fears are like life or death. Oh, okay.

So yes, like what's crawling up might not kill me, but my fear will. Your heart rate, your pulse, and everything else will in fact kill you. Okay, got it. Can I ask you this question about growing up like while we're on this topic? Wait, did you say what you were scared of? Yeah, I was scared to be left home by myself. Just by yourself. Okay.

I just want to tell you that I keep seeing that same mouse outside of my house. It's probably going to have a family. People ask me to do a follow-up. People ask me to do a follow-up. I was in on my back porch last night, just chilling out, and I saw a couple of creatures. No. A field mouse. You need a cat. You need to get an outdoor cat. I can't though, because if you're allergic. And the outdoor cat won't matter. I just, okay, listen, as much as we know that I don't like cats, right? The thoughts of like a little animal like that, like being outside and not having like an indoor habitat just makes me like sad like I feel like I would that's like negligent it's I know it's not

negligent yeah but you have to get one that's already been outside like if you call your SPCA they have barn cats like they will turn barn cats over so the SPCA called me for two of them and was like, do you want these barn cats? So they're adult cats that have lived outside their entire lives and people turn them over to the SPCA. So they'll call me and say like, don't bring these inside. They're not friendly, but they will attack all rodents outside your house. Okay. Well, that field mouse somehow got out from out of my house because I have found no...

It chewed a whole little wall. No, don't say that. I have found no holes in anything in this house. So either when I left the door open to go and get the broom and the box that the two idiots advised me to do, either that little field mouse was smart enough to go back outside, or it's either crawled in the attic and it's died. And I hope that's certainly not the case. But that was outside in an armadillo.

Have you ever seen an armadillo up close? Because they're freaky as fuck. I don't think Delaware has armadillos. Okay, well, what I saw last night terrified me. Hold on. Just look at what they look like. It's like their eyes and like their claws and stuff. But they're like friendly, I think.

I thought that they carried like a disease. Oh, they probably do, but that doesn't mean they're not friendly. I was going to say the disease, but I need to make sure what it is. Ew. Oh, never mind. Armadillo. Okay. No, we don't have.

Don't those things look so weird? Wait, Delaware Armadillo exterminator? Oh, maybe we do. Oh, God. It says they come in quadruplets and they're levers. Oh, see, I think they're kind of cute. I don't think they're ugly. They carry leprosy. That's the disease that I was talking about. I don't know what leprosy is. I don't know what it is either, but I've just heard they carry diseases and that you should never touch them. Well, you probably shouldn't touch any wildlife, especially stray cats in Thailand, but I don't know what states have armadillos. No, we don't have armadillos here. You don't have any there? No. It says that they live 12 to 15 years. Could you just imagine being like a little outside animal,

just like scurrying around for 12 or 15 years? Like imagine all the places that you would go and the things that you would do. Kale, would you like to share with the entire class about how you found a new psychiatrist on ZocDoc? Sure. It's fairly new within the last month. I did love my prior psychiatrist, but I wanted a woman this time just because I was going through some changes. And if you've ever been on the hunt for a new doctor, you literally ask everyone you know for a recommendation. The problem with that is you don't know if they're available. So someone could

swear by someone and then you try to get in contact and they're not accepting new patients or whatever the case may be. But with ZocDoc, you find a doctor that is accepting new patients. You can even filter it so that they accept your insurance. They're near you. They have good reviews, like all the things that you would want in a doctor. And that's what I love about ZocDoc. And I know that you definitely have a hard time. You're the type of person that when you go on the hunt for a doctor, you want to be seen pretty immediately. The average wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between just 24 and 48 hours, which to me is pretty unheard of. And you can even score some same day appointments. And all of the doctors have verified reviews from actual real patients, not bots. So I really hope that you enjoyed your experience.

I did. It was great. And actually, both times that I've used ZocDoc, both of them have been within 48 hours. So I can attest to that. I love that. ZocDoc is a free app where you can find amazing doctors and book appointments online. We're talking about booking appointments with thousands of top rated patient review doctors and specialists. You can filter specifically for ones who take your insurance, who are located

near you and treat almost any condition that you're searching for. So what are you waiting for? Go to ZocDoc.com slash convos and download the ZocDoc app for free and then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash convos ZocDoc.com slash convos. Well, speaking of animals and like weird things, TikTok has, has, has created so much joy in my life and also just pure fucking confusion. I started following this girl. She's got to be in her 20s, right? And I'm just fascinated by her fascination. I have no desire to get fucking hermit crabs whatsoever.

But I started following her because she's obsessed with hermit crabs, okay? And hermit crabs, did you know they live 40 plus years in the wild? Wait, what? Like the ones that you like buy at like Myrtle Beach? Those are souvenirs. They're actually like, if you take care of them the way they're actually supposed to be taken care of, they live for up to 40, 50 and 60 years in the wild. And she has this whole account that she dedicates to her her hermit crabs and like, And she has this whole account that she dedicates to her her hermit crabs and like keeps them in like a real tank and like explains everything. And it's actually really sad that people will buy those ones at the beach. And like, I'm guilty of it.

I did it when I was a kid. But I keep TikTok, not Instagram. TikTok specifically has me following accounts, being obsessed with other people's obsessions, especially involving animals. So I follow an account dedicated to pet octopi and I follow an account dedicated to these fucking hermit crabs. And why am I watching about them? Everything. I want to know fucking everything. I follow two spider accounts, fucking jumping spiders with the fucking enclosures. And this is the substrate I'm putting down. And this is why am I invested in someone else's fascination and obsession? I don't fucking know. a kid. Have you ever been to like an amusement park where they have those like little monkeys that like sit up on people's shoulders? Yeah. They're like those little tiny ones and they

wear overalls. Lux wants one. And I said, no. Yeah. And I want one too, which is Lux can just move in with me. Okay. That's your kid now. And I will take him and we will purchase a monkey to become like a little part of our family. Jackson wants one really bad too. I wanted one so bad as a kid and I would research all of this stuff. And I was like, I just hate living in Georgia because like you're not allowed to own monkeys here. Like, and I just, I want to own them. And then my dad finally got to the point that I think I was so obsessed.

He started showing me videos of like monkeys eating people's faces off. And he was like a fear monger. He was like, this is what that will do to you. And I'm like, this little baby in overalls is not going to eat my face off. Yeah, right. The little baby ones aren't. Actually, Natalie's friend has two monkeys here in Delaware. And I went went she took

me to go meet them they're not they're just so precious they're not the like cute super little ones they're about like the size of your dog yeah um but she keeps them on a leash like pretty much all day but they have like an entire like enclosure downstairs i don't know when she puts them in there i would imagine like when she's not home, when she took me over there, they were like digging in my hair and they're like, they require so much work and attention. I don't know about those little ones. Cause I follow, I follow. It's basically like, just like a little kid, like a baby. It's funny that you say that you follow these accounts because Jackson, since he was, I

mean, he's been watching this YouTube for like years, I think it's called like monkey boo or something. I follow it's called like monkey boo or something. I follow it too. And he was watching it like while we were at the beach, just watching like every video of it and just like cackling. And he's like, I just want this to be part of our family. Yeah. Is it the one with the little Pomeranian sibling? Yeah. It was like the little white Pomeranian. Yeah. I follow it too. I'm sick. Like y'all are, y'all are not okay. Like I'm not following this type of stuff.

And here's the reason why. One, I just feel like I don't have time. Two, if I follow something like that, I'm also going to want it. So. Well, I do. I don't want hermit crabs, but it's fascinating that like people keep them as pets for like 40 years. Like what?

I thought these were just fucking. I just don't know of any person. And I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that nobody that's listening to this podcast them as pets for like 40 years like what i thought these i just don't know of any person and i'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that nobody that's listening to this podcast or that lives in the united states of america has kept a hermit crab for 40 years like my brother she's had norton for six years stop calling him by his name i even came across another tiktok that was like showing um a glass shell so you could like see the whole thing. And I tagged her in it and she commented back because I'm like invested in her investment.

Do they like paint the shells and stuff? No. She actually explains like why painted shells are bad because they're scavengers. So if it flakes off and they eat it, it can poison them. Kind of like us with acrylics. Yeah, but we do it anyway. You know? My brother used to go to the beach all the time and go to that place like Alvin's Islands or like Waves or something like that.

And every time, Kyle would go and get a freaking hermit crab every beach vacation. And it would die right after he would take them outside and says that they were playing outside and it's like first of all this little crab that you're letting walk around is not playing outside first of all secondly he officially fried they need based on her account her name's Jane. They need, I think between like 70 something and 80 something heat and humidity. So she has like an enclosure where like it keeps the humidity in and she only takes them out of the humidity for like a minute or two at a time. Do you remember when you were like a little kid and you did like show and tell and shit? Yeah. I always forgot mine.

So I never had anything. Okay. So I was so into show and tell and I just wanted to show everybody, but I never wanted to tell anybody anything. And I feel like I'm still that same way. I found this one lizard and I had bought this habitat. I didn't buy it. My grandparents bought it.

They bought this habitat and everything. And it was just like this lizard that I found in the yard. And I'll never forget like when I let it go its tail went away and i've never like liked a lizard since oh you want to this is this is your fucking child this is your child and you should come get them then because you know what i'm gonna show you something yeah this is my son let me see what do you mean a bug ate it let me see ew go put it in the grass it's a lizard his hair is so cute well he doesn't have it anymore so what his dad cut it off all of it are we not talking about this? It's all gone. Send pics. I don't have any. Okay.

Another question that we get asked and I'm like, immediately the answer is just like one answer. Does anyone here second guess their own decisions constantly, even when it's something that you want? Absolutely. I used to. Now I don't. I just do it.

No, that was like me second guessing my decision multiple times. Like as I'm on the phone with Kristen troubleshooting the Mexico stage and I'm like, okay, do I go? Do I not go? Do I try? Do I not try? Um, yeah, I've done that in relationships. Um, the least likely place or area of my life that I second guess decisions is parenting, honestly. it's coming from a place of doing like truly doing my best and wanting what's best for my kids, I would never make a decision that I feel like would be like, is this a bad decision? Does that make sense? I think that we're both most methodical. Parenting is the most methodical part of our life. Yeah. Like that is where I think the most before I do. Except for my dating life has been, I second guessed that, you know,

like I do get a lot of shit, you know, you're just like your mom men in and out and stuff like that. I've actually been getting that a little bit recently too, about having a second boyfriend and introducing Jackson and whatever. And I think we're just all doing the best we can. We wouldn't introduce our kids to someone that we know would be bad for them. Or, you know, it's like, it's always a double-edged sword or a catch 22 because I feel like it's one of

those things where it's like, if you don't introduce them right away and things are invested in and they don't, and then they don't get along when you do, and you've already invested six months to a year. But if you introduce them too soon, then it's, it could be too soon for that. I just think it does vary by situation and I'm not making excuses for us or for you, but honestly, and I might get shit for saying this. If men in and out of my kids' lives is the biggest form of trauma, I feel like I can live with that. lives is the biggest form of trauma, I feel like I can live with that.

I'm really hard on myself in that aspect. I never wanted the situation with Suburban Dad to end the way that it did. Right. And you couldn't have predicted that. And that's kind of what I said. I said, you know, I didn't go into that situation knowing what was going to happen. At the time that Jackson was introduced, everything was kosher. And so there was no way for me to predict. I was blindsided. Also, you're not introducing him to people. You're just randomly fucking here and there.

I have been accused, especially from some of my kids' dads of introducing my kids to people that I'm just fucking on a regular, like just hooking up with. One, I don't do hookup culture and never have. So whatever my, you know, baby dads believe is, is on them. But my kids know the truth about that. I don't introduce them to people I'm just fucking, number one. Number two, I don't introduce them to people thinking that things are going to end. That's the other thing. It's kind of like the mindset of, okay, most normal people, and when I say normal, I use that term very loosely. Normal people don't get into marriages thinking they're going to get a divorce. It's the same thing with a relationship, right? But if you already have children, you're trying to do your best. And wouldn't

someone rather, and this is a question to anybody who's listening, wouldn't you rather see me trying to introduce Jackson to someone to make sure that it is a great fit across the board, not just for me, but also my kids. That's what I'm saying. Or if they're bringing kids to the table, right? Like, does it all mesh well together as a collective or does it not? Because I would hate to see it just be interaction with me, with this person,

and then have very limited interaction with Jackson. And then somebody propose and then it be a toxic situation with the children, that to me would be way more hurtful and much harder to explain than to try to, it's kind of like a, I don't want to say this, but I'm going to say it like a weed out program, right? Like I need to see how you're going to be with my child. If you're not going to be good for them or they're not going to like you. I don't want to be balls fucking deep in this relationship and then find out that my kid doesn't like you or you don't like my kid or you treat my kid differently. How do you deal with that though? Because you have, I have one opinion and I always used to say this about when, you know,

I started dating. I had a, I wouldn't say like a bad breakup. It was just like my first breakup ever. He was a college student and I was in high school and he was around my family a lot. And some of my family loved him and some of my family didn't. And everybody had such big opinions about everything. And that's kind of like what comes with the territory when you have a big family. Right. And I'm sure you've experienced that in your dating life with your children, with having so many different opinions. Some probably like it, like particular people, and some probably don't like certain people. That would be really hard because then what do you do in that situation? I haven't really had, I've been fortunate enough to not super experience that. I think

looking back to my situation with one of the kids' dads, I think if my kids were older, they would have just, this is just in hindsight. I don't think that they, if it was now, I think they would tell me, we don't want you with him. Looking back, I think they didn't know how to express that. I don't think that they thought he was dangerous or mean. I just don't think that, you know, they felt like it was a good fit for them. Not necessarily for me, but for them. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. but for them. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. I think that after this entire episode, we have covered so much. I'm going to need to go to therapy to decompress. And I'm thankful because I won't have to leave my office to go to therapy because I can do it all online. Right before you just said that, I was just thinking about everything that we just talked

about through this entire episode. And I'm like, you know what? I feel like this is a good indication that I need therapy. And that's why I love BetterHelp because I can just do it at home and I don't have any travel time. So it's easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you and what everyone else is doing, but you never take a moment to think about yourself and what's going on with you. And therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life. So you can keep supporting others without giving yourself, you know, putting yourself on the back burner. And Lindsay and I have talked about BetterHelp so much over the years that I think that everyone should try it. I absolutely love getting messages from our listeners saying that they have taken control of their life and started their journey with BetterHelp. It's entirely online. This is designed

to be convenient. It's designed to be flexible and suited to your schedule, which I know a lot of people don't do therapy because it's really hard to fit in a very busy schedule. And this makes it so simple. You just fill out a brief questionnaire. You get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. I know that my first therapist has been a great fit for me, but I know for you, Kale, your first therapist was not, right? Yeah. I mean, I had to go through a couple therapists over the years, but my final therapist has been with me for three, four years. You sometimes just have to date around and also you have to be ready to commit and be able to do the work. I think it won't be the right fit if you're not ready.

For sure. So if you're ready to find more balance, you can do that with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash coffee. Just like to piggyback off of our conversation, kind of, you know, with Elijah specifically, they had to meet him regardless because he was the neighbor. And when I say neighbor, we share a driveway. It's not like it's my next door neighbor that I could never see and we don't have any communication. We share a driveway. So if that's going to get paved, we have to communicate to, you know, split the cost and things like that. His uncle is also my landscaper. Like it was just too intertwined for them to not meet him. And so it just kind of fell

into pieces. It fell into our lap that way. But if one of my kids was to come to me today and tell me that they don't want me to be with Elijah, I would heavily consider how they felt about that. I feel like as a parent, when you're placed in a situation, whether it be by your choice or, you know, for some people, it's not really their choice. They're just in that situation where, you know, they're a one parent household and they're trying to date and, you know, do all of these things and have opinionated children. You have to look at it as a collective, right? Like just because something might be a good fit for you does not necessarily mean it's going to be a good fit for the overall picture. The hard part about the multiple situation, and I would be very curious to hear other people's perspectives on this. When you do have multiple children who some really gravitate towards the new step parent

or relationship, and some are very not okay with it, how do you decide without traumatizing the ones who have become attached? So for example, I'll use Lux because he's kind of younger. Say Isaac and Lincoln love Elijah and then Lux is like, I don't know how I feel or I don't like him. He is the youngest one. So how would I, I would obviously consider that. But like if Isaac and Lincoln love him and it's good for him and how would I like would I rip him from the older ones and then you get what I'm saying like I don't know that's a really hard hard position to be in and I would be very interested to know anybody who's had

experience with this I think with your just because I know you personally, I think the situation with Lux is you had him for so long just on his own by yourself. And while the other boys were going to their dads and you had Lux, and it was just you and him, I could see where there's maybe some type of psychological aspect going on of, okay, well now because you're here and it probably has nothing to do with actually it being Elijah, but it's just someone. Right. Like it could be anyone. Cause I know, you know, I was friends with Malik for years before we like dated or whatever. And you know, I would maybe not so nicely put Malik in his place. Like if, if Lux felt some type of way, I would stick up for, like, I'm sticking up for my son. Like that's my ride or die. Don't fucking talk to

him that way. I don't care if you meant it. I don't care if it was an accident. Don't. And so I think that also probably fueled a little bit of like Lux, his, you know, he's protective of himself, but also of me. Um, but yeah. And I think you, you have to be careful too, about those conversations that are in front of the children, because if you are invested in that relationship, um, and your child has a concern and they're coming to you, it goes back to the conversation that we were talking about with Isaac, that if they are confiding in you about, you know, that you should be able to confide in your partner about how that person is making the child feel. But where do you draw the line between united front and making sure your child knows that they're being stood up for and protected? Because I think that was the,

I'm conflicted there. This is not my situation, by the way. I'm just, this is all just generally speaking before any articles are written that like Lux doesn't like Elijah. I don't, I really don't need that. No, but like my mom never protected me in front of me. So anything that my mom may have, or probably didn't in my opinion, you know, stick up for me without me present, there was never a united front. And so it almost felt like everything was what, everything was what my mom's boyfriend or husband said at the time. Nothing from my mom. Didn't feel stuck up for.

You know what I mean? So where is the healthy divide between united front and not having conversations in front of the kids and making sure that the kids know and feel and heard that they are protected and they are being stood up for? and feel and heard that they are protected and they are being stood up for. I would love to know from the listeners because I see both sides of it. I feel like if that's how you were treated as a child, then likely you're trying to overcompensate in some ways now with your children because you don't want them to feel in the way that you felt could be the way that you should deal with it, could not be. I think we all handle things different based off of our life experience and lived experience. And that's

probably why you respond in the way that you do when it comes to your kids. Well, any listeners that have experience on this, please write in to us. Please do. And on that note, foul play. What's up, kitty cats? Buckle up because this foul on that note, foul play. What's up kitty cats buckle up because this foul play is a double doozy. Let me tell you how my now mother-in-law. Oh shit. Walked in on me and her son, not once, but twice me and my husband lived with his family while we were saving up to buy our first home. The first time we got caught was child's play. It was late night. The first time. The first time.

Was late night and we forgot to lock the door. Dummies. Luckily, this instance, he was on top of me with a blanket over him. Still, this was super embarrassing for me because his mom was super religious Catholic woman. Yikes. First of all, I don't care what type of religious you are. I am appalled if anybody, I don't care if it's a Satan worshiper that walks in on me. I'm embarrassed. Okay. Okay. So now for part two, let's set the scene. Please do. It's Saturday afternoon. All

the lights are on. My boyfriend and I are enjoying ourselves some afternoon delight. He is almost finished afternoon delight and asked if he could please give me a facial i said you know what the fuck go for it so there i am laying on my back he is about to go on my face when you guessed it his mom walks in i tucked and rolled off the bed so fast mortified there he is d in hand telling his poor mother to get out she left i left we both had to get out. She left. I left. We both had to get out of there. Later that evening, she got home and brought me a gift to apologize. No, she needed to act like it never happened. A gift to apologize for walking in on me and her

home. The gift? It was an owl robe with a hood. Anyway, she still loved me. I'm now married to her son and we have a beautiful baby of our own. Well, it seems like you guys were doing a lot of practice and the mother-in-law was definitely expecting the child to come. The child, the child was fully expected. Very expected. Um, no, I'm going to go back to what I said initially. I don't know. Okay. Would you, in a normal situation, let's say like you had your parents in the same household, right? And they were your parents. Would you rather your parents or your in-laws walk in on you? None. I'm going with my parents all day.

No. No. Because I'd be like, Todd, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you buddy like i would just hope if suzy walked in i hope she is so fucked up that she does not remember like i hope that she's so drunk or so high that she doesn't know who it is she just knows she walks into the wrong room suzy's super boozy Susie that day. Very. And I'll say, you imagined that because you were not sober. Could you just imagine being a guy with a dick and your mom walking in and you've just like, you've got in your hand. I don't know if there was any emotions going on with it. I kind of hope so. Um, for the sake of my mind. I hope that he was just jizzing everywhere at this time.

I couldn't also imagine getting a gift for an apology for walking in on someone for the second time because I do feel like the Catholic mother should have learned her lesson the first time and not walked in on the second time. So I feel like that's a her problem. But an owl robe, fucking weird. An owl. I just, like of all things, like why an owl? I cannot. Okay. Next foul play. Hey ladies, long time listener and love the show. Here's my quick

foul play. So three years ago when I was pregnant with my son, my sister sent me a large box full of baby clothes. Oh shit. A few days later, when I was doing laundry, there was a fake press on nail in the laundry basket. Honestly, we've all been there. I don't know what year this was at, but like, we know what this feels like. Immediately, my thoughts went to my husband's fucking some girl because I don't wear fake nails. So after sending him a picture and asking him why there are nails in the laundry, I decided to call my sister, get her thoughts. Not 10 seconds into the call. She's telling my niece had put on press on nails on her and apparently lost some of the box of clothes she sent me after apologizing to my husband. We all got a few laughs out of it, out of the whole thing. Thanks for reading my foul play. Love listening to you guys every week. Thank you for listening every week.

Also, if I found fake nails in my laundry, I would also be like, who the fuck are you fucking that is wearing these fake press-on acrylics? Not even acrylics. Just fake bitches press-on.

Press-on. Classic. I mean, I've got dis-impress-ons. No, but why are they in the laundry? I would jump to that conclusion. That's like finding panties, right? It's like, who do these drawers belong to? Because I don't even wear them. You're like, these are definitely not mine. Not my drawers.

Not my drawers. Yeah, I think I would have responded the same way. And unfortunately, in situations like this, this could be a legitimate mix up, which it was. But then you have to question the person that you are questioning their trust now questions you why you would feel like they did that. So I feel like you have to be very, very careful with what you accuse people of doing. Because a lot of times the one accusing is the one that's guilty, guilty.

On that note, I'm going to go have COVID in my bed. I'm going to go have COVID in my bed. This has been good. This has been fun. I'm evidently not leaving the vicinity of this place. If you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us over there. If you have not subscribed to the show,

you can do that from any podcast app, wherever you get your podcasts and always first at podcast one. Hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.