Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Questionable Choices & Unsolicited Advice

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

CC: 469 If your group chat could spiral in real time, it would sound like this episode of Coffee Convos.Kail and Lindsie bring their usual mix of honesty, and completely unpredictable conversation as they jump from relatable mom life to the kind of topics only they could turn into a full discussion. It’s unfiltered, funny, and feels exactly like catching up with the friend who always says what everyone else is thinking.For full videos head to patreon.com/kaillowry To send in your Foul Plays email us at [e-mail] your Kitty Gang merch hereThank you for checking out our sponsors!Progressive: To get your auto insurance quote head to progressive.comRoBody: Find out if you’re covered for free at ro.com/coffeeconvosK12: See why more than 3 million families have chosen K12 find a K12 Powered School near you today! Go to K12.com/COFFEECONVOS to learn more.Chime: Join the millions who are already banking fee free today. Head to Chime.com/COFFEE. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is coffee convoes with Kail Lowry and Lindsay Crissly. I really want you to be in your feels, Kail. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery bakery around here. Here's Kail and Lindsay. Good morning. Welcome to another episode of Koppos Podcast. I didn't realize that I was jumping on, realizing that. we were bedazzling pill containers, but here we are. I didn't know you heard all of that.

No, I hear Rebecca go, what are we bedazzling? Oh my God. Yes. I, you know that I'm on Adderall. And I also have been really trying hard to take my multivitamin. And so I'm like, okay, one, I had to Google, can I take my Adderall at the same time as my multivitamin? And then I saw a video of a girl bedazzling her.

cute little pill dispenser with like beads and like jewels and stuff just for funsies and like I need to hyper fixate on something good. Okay. Well, I need to tell you number one, this weekend, actually today has been the most rogue day. I thought like me going to Dallas was rogue. This morning my child tells me on the way to school, he's like, hey, so you know how you said that you have a plug at you have the plug at Walgreens. I said yes, but like don't tell people that I have a plug at Walgreens because that sounds really suss. He was like, yeah, I know, but are you going to go and sit in the parking lot to wait for the delivery of Nito's? And I'm like, as if I have nothing else to do all day, then go sit and wait for the Walgreens truck to like pull up so I can go and get

the box of Nitos. What is Nitos? Wait, what? Is that a candy? No, it's a like a... And I'm like, is that a ball sack? Like, what are we... What is that? I don't know, but...

Okay, so he has a couple of them. He found some. Will's dad had him while we were like both out of town and they went what he claims to 10 stores and found three Nito's. And books a million delivered on the three Nitos, okay? Yeah. Yeah. Target, five below, I don't know, nine other stores did not deliver on the Nitoes. They are sold out absolutely everywhere. People say that like once there is a delivery of these Nito's, they're gone within minutes of them hitting the shelves. Yes, that is what it is.

I just pulled them up. I've never heard of or seen these in my entire life. Okay. Well, if they have not become a trend there yet, you need to start preparing. I'm asking anybody who is listening to this, if you have access to Nito's, I don't care if we're talking like possibly stealing off the back of a delivery truck, like I will buy them. Okay, so then if that wasn't enough, I go to Pilates. I understand this is like champagne problems. I get it. I get there and realize that all of my calendar invites for Pilates, like when you book it,

you can click like add the calendar. Uh-huh. Oh, it adds on the wrong hour. Okay. The time change or? I don't know what happened. I have no idea. So that became a problem.

Well, then I looked down at my phone and, and I read you verbatim, the text message that I received. I need help with divorce. I'm sorry, I need help with divorce. Yes. Who said that? I'm not saying it publicly because people are going to be like, what the fuck? Oh, shit. Yes.

But what a text message to receive? I need help with divorce. I mean, just so casually, like, I just like need help. Okay. Well, okay. Okay. So what was your response? My response was I'm going into a recording.

I don't have time for this shit. I'll tell you later. I don't have time for this shit. You can clean me as your life coach, especially through the process of divorce. And that retainer is $5,000 a month. Like we're going to start charging finder fees. We're about to start charging retainers for our knowledge. Okay.

I didn't go through this fucking divorce. process for free on my and take a mental hit um in you know for my emotional well-being to then turn around and help someone for free listen i know people ask us for our parenting plans all the time and i'm like i would love to be able to provide you that but sure is shit as soon as i do i'm going to get hit with some type of lawsuit from the other side like why are you publicly sharing a minors information so i feel like they would sell honestly Honestly, it might because I used yours as a template for myself. Chrissly and Lowry, what's a good law firm name?

Esquire. Esquires. I would be kill Lowry Esquire. I just, I thought like you, like, I started really understanding you with the Lubbuboos over the weekend. And it's like, at the point that you're asking me to. to buy something that will help you with your life stress so that you can squeeze it and mush it and gush it and do all this stuff.

The point that you're asking me to do that and it's causing immense amount of life stress like on me, I'm going to play with the needos. Honestly, I want one for myself and I'm going to go to Walgreens and see if we have to. Are they sold out everywhere here? No, they're not sold out everywhere here. So if you want, I will go. I'll be your plug. I'm your need to a plug.

Just call me, call me your needle plug. I can't. So I need to tell you something else that I did this weekend that you're going to be like, why did you even start that? Because pollen season hasn't even gotten here. But let me just start by before you get into what you did this weekend. When I walked into this content house, the first thing I said to Rebecca was I didn't hear from Lindsay all weekend.

That's because I had my pressure washer out. That's why you did not hear from me. Lindsay, this is year five of your obsession, your hyperfixation on the pressure washer. I know. Because Ike is shaking his head behind the scenes. She pressure washes inside her garage. I have a photo. Look, I actually took a photo so that I could show you when we got on here.

Look at how clean. Look at how clean my garage is. I'm not even kidding you. Rebecca loved that idea. I want my garage to look like that, but I'm just thinking that the way that, the way that my life is set up, it probably won't happen. It's one of those things that, like, makes you feel when you're out of control, like so in control.

Like, if you can do nothing else, like, cleaning is kind of free. Like, yeah, you're paying for the water. Like, fuck it. But. I don't pay for the water. I have a well. It's kind of free. You know what I mean.

And so my porches are going to be next. But I know pollen's coming. So it's going to have, see, this is how I get in a cycle. That's why the pressure washer never goes away. and it's been like a five-year spiral. I know a lot of people wanted follow-ups on my Dyson's, and unfortunately, like, I don't have the chargers, so they're not usable.

No, but people can buy a charger, Lindsay. But like the amount of Dyson's that I collected from like the corner of the walls of my garage this weekend, actually somebody came over and saw Jackson and I doing this, and they were like... No, let me stop you right there. The fact that you said Jackson and I doing this, meaning that your son is participating in your Dyson vacuum fuckery is insane and I'm going to

come rescue him. Like I am coming to Atlanta, taking Jackson and showing him a normal household with two vacuums. Okay. We have a secure vacuum and a downstairs vacuum. And we have a cordless upstairs one and we have a cordless downstairs one. Wait. Okay. So you know how kids like mispronounce words?

Yes. Okay. there's a couple that Jackson still like can't get right like ridiculous is one of them love it the other one is eminy and enemy yeah enemy but eminy and he's walking around and he says mom germs are just your eminy yes or you are yes we are also go shower actually go wash the germs off of your body right now but wait hold on speaking of our children i take my kids First of all, Lincoln came up to me and was like, can we go to dinner without Lux and Creed? Now, I did make arrangements with Chris's mom to take Lux and Creed that yesterday morning to her house because she wanted to celebrate with them for his birthday, Chris's birthday.

So they're gone. Lincoln wants to go to dinner. We get to dinner and he says, Mom, I need to tell you something. And I go, oh, fuck. Like, what the fuck are you about to say to me? And he said, I think I know why Creed is so. spicy. And I said, okay. He said, I was outside. We were all outside. And I didn't see, I was swinging around a baseball bat and I didn't see Creed and I cracked him on side of the head.

Why don't I know about this? Like, why do I know about this? And he said, well, he was okay. And I told him if he stopped crying, I would buy him McDonald's. Wait, that is the definition of siblings. and I know that you didn't grow up with one, but like the cardinal rule in the house with people with lots of kids is like, do not come to me as your parent if you are not bleeding or you do not need to go to the hospital. Well, so I said, Lincoln,

how long have you been keeping that in? And he said about three years. Three years. You're like, oh, so we're talking brain damage. Correct. And I said, Lincoln, here's the thing. I'm glad that he was okay. And I'm glad that he was not seriously injured. It must have just been like a graze of the skull.

Absolutely, just a graze of the skull. I never heard this story. I never, never knew anything about it. He didn't have any injuries. He had no marks. He had no nothing. So it couldn't have been as bad as, but I said, Lincoln, I would never want you to stress out and like hold on to this for your life for years and

years and lose sleep over it. I said, you could have told me right away. We could have, you know, evaluated the situation, the situation. But, you know, you should probably let me know because in the future, like, if you accidentally were to do that harder. And so that was a learning lesson for everybody involved. Every student learns differently, and that is something to celebrate. If you were looking for something different from the traditional classroom setting for your child, I want to tell you guys about K-12. powered schools. These are tuition-free online accredited public schools for kindergarten through 12th grade,

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So we get home, we're settled. We were like on Will's side of town. I told him, I'm like, if you let me get this garage cleaned out and like everything pressure wash, I will take you to get wings and you can go play golden tea. And he's like, okay, bet. Okay, bet. So we go do all this. Why do kids not think?

Like if your backpack is at your dad's and your lunchbox is at your dads and we're three minutes from his house, why did you wait until we got all? home, I got out of the bath and I get a text of, where is my backpack for school? So I said, in the car. If not, it could be in the house unless it's possibly at your dad's. Immediately, he goes, it's at dads. I said, I guess I'll have to go and get it. He said, tomorrow morning. I said, I would prefer to have it tonight. I said, I can go and get it in about 45 minutes. He said, okay, sorry. I said, have him put it in the garage. Did you ask your dad? He said, yes, he's home. He said he can do that. I said, do you want to ride with me or for me to just go and grab it?

He said, ride with me. Do you now have a driver's license that I'm unaware of? Yes. Like, I'm really sick of kids. And then here's the other thing. Friday night, he was supposed to go to this like glow party at the trampoline park from 7 to 9 p.m. So also on the side of town where Will lives. So I tell Jackson, we're going to come home. You're going to get your jump socks. You're going to get the gift, like all the things. We're going to like decompress for a little while.

I'm going to feed you dinner. Then I will take you and drop you off at said party. Please tell me why right before the bus gets dropped off at Wills. I've already left my house. I get a text from the mom saying that the boys are trying to coordinate a sleepover and she wants everybody at her house that's sleeping over at 530. The bus doesn't drop off until 4.45. Mind you, the gift is at my house. His trampoline socks are at my house. This was not the plans. So literally me, I just start bawling my eyes out like a psychopath. I'm like, this was not the

plan. This is not what I said. We did not discuss a sleepover. I don't like sleepovers. I don't know these parents. Like have never met these parents. Will's like, well, I'm sure it's fine. There's four Are their boys going like what could possibly go wrong? What do you mean? What can possibly go wrong? Will hasn't listened to enough coffee convo's episodes. He hasn't. And now that the Nito thing is like a thing, kids are putting them in the microwave and

they're blowing up on their faces. It's giving. Yeah, Rebecca is nodding her head. She knew about this. It's giving tide pods. Here's the thing for me. I need to know what went wrong in certain people's childhood, childhoods to make them think of these things, right? Like eating the tithopods, putting Nito in the microwave and having it

explode on your face. I don't understand what happened to you in your childhood that makes you think that way. Never in my entire almost 34 years of life, did I ever think, yeah, let me put this toy in the microwave and see what happens. I mean, the only thing that I can think that I did that was somewhat like mischievous and slightly diabolical was downloading like line wire on my parents' computer and giving it a virus. Yeah, and that also, I also did that, but that's not the same. Like, this is going to be morbid. It's going to get morbid very quickly, but like maybe borderline psychopath is like people

putting their hamsters in the microwave and stuff. Like putting things in the microwave is like psychopathic tendencies, I feel. Never would I ever go to a microwave and be like, you know what? This item that should never be microwaved should go in there. Like imagine we were like, let's just put our skincare in the microwave for funsies and see what happened. Oh my God. Okay, I do have to tell you something about that. Like I'm on this journey, have been on this journey since mid-January.

Where was I? Oh, Mexico. So been on this journey of cleaning out all of my stuff. Please tell me why. And this is like the hoarder mentality in me. Please tell me why I clean it out. And then I like leave it in a box. And it's like, okay, if I don't touch it for 30 days, then I'll like really throw it away.

Please tell me why I keep going back to that box. And it's not that I'm using it. It's like because I'm missing it on my counter that's not being used. Is that a mental illness? Yeah. And Rebecca is. Rebecca's a lot like you, like very, like clean, organized. Like, that's her bread and butter.

And so, yes, she's saying that is a mental illness. I would also argue that it is. But I also have this thing with my, in my bathroom, I have like this like shelving thing on my vanity. There are products on there sitting on top of my vanity on this shelf, on this display shelf that I have not touched, opened, looked at for about two years. and I can't part with it because I spent the money on it, so I have to use it. At some point, I have to use it. You're giving like, Yeehaw, Mima on TikTok. Have you watched her?

I've never even heard of her. Oh my gosh. Yihal Mema is so fucking funny. I was watching her, like, clean out her bathroom drawers. And she had, like, all this stuff in boxes. I mean, when I tell you, it was like an entire room of, like, boxed shit of, like, products. And she was going through it and she was like, I need to get rid of some of this stuff. but then I look at it and it's like, well, I got this like 10 years ago and I might scrunch my hair

at some point. So like I need to keep it. What mentally goes through our mind in the process of like we purchased these things and we're not going to use them, but we're going to keep them because we paid for them. I don't know. It's like Dicent's. Yeah, it's like you with the Dicent's. It's like me with just bathroom products. I literally told Ike couldn't buy more cocoa butter because we needed to finish lotion that we already have, as if he wants to smell like something from Bath and Body Works five years ago. You're like, cucumber in is what you've got. He's like, I'm out of cocoa butter. I'm like, great. Use this fucking love bomb from Bath and Body Works that I got for Christmas six years ago. Love spell. Love spell from Victoria's Secret from high school. Use it.

Please use it. It's so crazy. It's weird. Use it. I am like that, but at the same time, I will get pissed off if somebody opens. Okay, like I have one tube of toothpaste in my bathroom. Okay. No, not just like in my bathroom. I have like extras, but one open. Yeah. If somebody goes in my bathroom and they can't find where I put that tube of toothpaste

and they go and try and brush their teeth and they open another tooth paste, all hell will break loose here. Like I don't like multiple open products at one time. Okay. Well, don't come to Laubri Land because I opened two tubes of toothpaste last night for Ike to have his own and for me to have my own. And then Ike also has a separate toothbrush in the shower with a separate additional tube of toothpaste in there as well. I don't prefer to brush my teeth in the shower. So that's not for me.

Oh, we're about to ask. No, I do. It just is a mess. And I don't like spinning into the drain. It's just I would rather brush my teeth at the sink. So we each have toothbrushes at the sink, each have our own tub of toothpaste at the sink, and then he has his shower one as well. See, every day of my life, my morning shower, like, requires me to brush my teeth in the shower.

And if I don't brush my teeth in the shower, I feel like I did something wrong. Interesting. I just brush my teeth at the sink. But, like, what is it of spitting down a drain different than spitting down a drain in a sink? I just feel like being naked makes it feel weird. And then also like if I'm brushing my teeth in the shower and it just drips everywhere and then it goes down my body like it does to Ike, I'm like. So you're trying to have sex appeal is what you're telling me. No, I don't want sex appeal. I just he'll wash his body and then brush his teeth and make a mess.

And I'm like, for that, you should have brushed your teeth first and then washed your body because now you have toothbrush remnants and toothpaste dripping into your beard. I do need to ask you this, like the reusing of the towels. How many times do you reuse a towel? Used to every day for like a week. Now, never. Okay, so you wash it every time after. Yeah, used to it was like, okay, well, I'm coming out of the shower clean. So why would I wash it if I'm clean and I'm just drying off?

off, but now I, after every single use, I don't know why. Logically, what you just said makes like logical sense in my P brain. Mm-hmm. What doesn't make sense to me is like when you deeply think about it. It's like, yes, I just washed all of my crevices. And then I get out. I always put the towel to my face first. But then also I'm like in my hoo-ha, I'm in my butt crack.

like I'm everywhere with that thing. So if you hang it, you don't know where you stopped and started from like the face to the ass. Right, right, right, right. You know, so they just have to be washed. And speaking of that, I've got to go to Sam's Club today. And I just need everyone to know that's listening to this. If you ever need somebody to go to Sam's, would you call me? I need a Sam's membership. No, you don't. Oh, no, I don't. Rebecca has one. Convo's podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game, shifting a little money here, a little money there, and hoping that it all works out? Well, with a name your price tool from Progressive, you can be a better budgeter and potentially

lower your insurance bill too. You tell Progressive what you want to pay for car insurance, and they will help you find the options within your budget. Try it today at Progressive.com. progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law not available in all states completely unrelated but have you started watching the new jfk doc no i didn't even know there was one i don't even know what stream it's on but there is a new jfk doc i'll make sure i find it and and post like where you guys can watch it but it's pretty good i think it's like five episodes in total. And I just want to say, like, where are the men like that in this world?

Wait, so was he a good guy? From what I've watched, I've only watched one episode. But from what I have watched, I'm like, where did, like, men stop and start like that? Like, where did they just, like, fall off? I don't, I'm going to be so honest with you. I don't know anything about the Kennedys outside of Marilyn Monroe having a potential alleged relations with one of the Kennedys. And then also one of the other Kennedys having a lobotomy.

I don't know anything else about the Kennedys whatsoever. You know what? I forgot about the lobotomy, but Will's regularly referred to the Kennedys with the lobotomy. And he's like, you need to go get a lobotomy. I don't even know what a fucking lobotomy is. I thought that was like the same thing as the I'mina. An enema? Yeah, an enema.

No, an enema goes up your butt and a lobotomy is in your brain. So we're two different directions. A lobotomy is what doctors and scientists, I guess, thought that they were helping people. A lot of times in the 50s and around that time period, men were in control of their wives' medical say. And so men could go to the doctor and say she needs a lobotomy and they would snip the frontal lobe. If I remember correctly, they're snipping the frontal lobe away from other parts of the brain. And it was supposed to calm them down and make them complicit. Oh, see, I didn't want to live in that lifetime.

The problem was that it was, I think, making things worse than it was making them better. That's so crazy. So why did one of the Kennedys like get a lobotomy? If I remember, people will be able to correct us if I'm wrong, but I want to say one of the sisters was, because there was like six or seven Kennedys, is that right? I feel like there's a lot of them. So one of the siblings had either disability or special needs of some sort, and they thought the lobotomy would help. But it just essentially made things worse. So you're saying like back in that time, a man could just take a woman to a doctor and be like,

nipper brain. Correct. And you're basically just like digging around in there and hoping for the best. Fuck that time period. Like brain soup. Wait, is that Madison in our chat? She said it's so good. It's on Hulu.

What's so good? The JFK talk. Oh, I thought you meant a lobotomy. So. Mike, we both need one. Go read the Madwife. It's also on Kindle. If you have a Kindle, read the Madwife.

It's about a housewife in the 19th. 50s. You need to read it. It's insane. Is that where you learned all of this information? Yeah. You're just like a plethora of knowledge today. Just call me book girl kale. Oh my God. Wait, did you feel like you were dead whenever we came back from Texas? I feel like I'm dead every day. I'm dead inside. Well, do you want to tell you what I was doing right before we got on this recording? Yeah, I do. Okay. I was trying to find this candle that was in the steakhouse bathroom of where we went in Texas so that my house could smell like this. What is the scent of it?

It says snow-filled dreams. Well, I have good news for you. What? I could send you a new baby daddy burnout candle. Listen, if anybody is burnout on your baby daddy in this current moment, it's us. It's me. It's us. I'm right here.

I'm right here because please tell me why. I'm not going to say who it is, but we have. all know who it is. It's my baby daddy. Not the one that claimed that he was my baby daddy, but like the actual baby daddy. Um, please tell me why he said, I haven't done anything for myself all week and I'm going to enjoy my time at the golf course. Sir, I just saw you on Instagram and you were, you were golfing while you were on a work trip. How does that work for taxes? Like, is the golfing a write-off then if it's a work trip? Was it a team building experience? I don't like be talking taxes personally.

Would you say? I said personally, me, myself, does not need to be talking about taxes. I need to give nobody tax advice. That's why we have an accountant. Yes. We have the same account, actually. I'm going to assume that since maybe it would be booked by the company and you would be playing with your colleagues that it's probably a write-off, but you're regardless,

regardless, I don't know which one it is. Regardless, irregardless is not actually a word. Or at least it wasn't. It might be now. Regardless, you just lied to my face because I just saw you golfing on Instagram and now you're fucking lying. Let me tell Will. First of all, I follow Will on Instagram and I do creep on him and I just send like emojis sometimes to his stories because they don't make sense to him. And I fully understand why you were with each other because y'all both do that shit.

Like what the fuck is this story? know what I'm looking at, but it's highly entertaining. I took a week off for my birthday and then immediately booked work for my birthday. So that is the definition of not doing something for myself. You know, Will, like if you're listening to this Willard, that is not you go engulfing and then coming back and saying you haven't done anything for yourself is not that. It's just like, it's not giving that you haven't been catering to yourself. like oh wait wait wait I have to ask you this okay look me right here in the eyes who gives life men or women women gives life I'm sorry repeat that one more time in okay I was just wondering because

somebody in this room told me that men give life and I almost kicked him in the nuts see that's just like a slippery slope and I like the person that I know said this and remember how you said rage bait when we were in Dallas yeah it's making me feel like it's rage bait has to be because me and Elliott are sitting on the couch yesterday full on arguing with this man because I said okay if a man impregnates a woman that is already you're going have these, right? Like you're already 50-50. So now you put it on a scale of 100. If that man dies after impregnating someone, the woman would still, in theory, carry the baby all the way, full term, give birth, giving life. Okay. Baby is still here. If the woman chooses to terminate

or if the woman passes away unexpectedly, there is no life at that point. The baby would, in theory pass away with the mother. Who gives life? Life goes on without the dad. Life does not go on without the mom. So dad and mom initiate life, but woman, the mom, brings life. And maybe this is a question that I should be asking Ike. But like, what do you mean gives life when you could literally be a too pump chump?

In theory, if we're just, you know, hypotheticaling this shit. You could be a two-pump chump, get somebody pregnant, and it's entirely like her responsibility to carry the baby, birth the baby. She's likely in this hypothetical situation not leaving the baby. When I tell you, I almost threw my phone at him. I just was ready to fucking rage. Truly, like, my biggest argument in divorce. I'm like, this is my baby. And like, obviously I know that that is a lie.

Okay. I know this. Maybe I was rage baiting will at the time. But it's like, this is my baby. I struggled. I birthed him. I carried him. I have taken care of him.

He sucked on my tit. Like, all these things. What did you do? We're now walking this all the way back to like 2017 coffee combos. You sat there and fucking. basketball shorts and you acted like you did something. That's literally what I tell. If you asked Lincoln today, what did your dad do while you were being born?

He will say he sat there in basketball shorts. Yes. That's what you did. You literally provided nothing. It was like three strokes and that was your obligation. That's all folks. It's all folks. All right, y'all, I have been doing a ton of banking lately and I want to tell you

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See chime.com for details and applicable terms. What is this shit of this scary man in North Dakota that you sent me? Okay. Is this a mugshot? Because it almost looks like. like we'll post it on the story so that you guys will post it on social so you guys can read about what it is but I took a screenshot of this man and it says North Dakota Republican Senator or I'll just say Senator I don't need to say Republican because it's not really about

it's not about the politic part of it. North Dakota Senator Ray Holmberg has been sentenced to 10 years in prison for traveling abroad 14 times to sexually abuse children. And so let me go see. Was he part of the Epstein files? I don't know. When confronted about the messages bragging about sex with boys as young as 12 years old, Humberg was the judge that he was just bragging to impress people. He also catfished a 16-year-old Canadian boy online by posing as a teenager,

and that boy later killed himself. He later took his own life. I don't know which way to how they'll edit that. he did resign in 2022 after a newspaper exposed his text with a man jailed on child sex abuse material. I'm just actually at a loss of words. 37 months? So it says I googled his name separately from that.

Like I had seen specifically on my feed. So I googled it. And then this one says he was transferred to federal prison in Minnesota. And I don't know. Like I just, I find it really weird because especially with like the Epstein files that are happening and a lot of like high profile people being attached to the Epstein files. Like this doesn't surprise me, but it's absolutely disgusting and appalling because these are how do we vet people that are in charge of our government better? because obviously we wouldn't have known until we knew. Does that make sense? I know. And that's what's so scary. Remember when I told you that I went down like a slippery

slope of Googling like the sex offenders list like around? Do you remember that? No. No. Oh yeah. Like this was during like the time that I was having like the major intrusive thoughts where I would drive on like the shoulder of the highway time. Okay. I would just Google areas that I was in and like see what sex offenders were that were around. And the amount that like pop up, you would be mind blown. But the fucked up part is like that's just the tip of the iceberg. That doesn't show us all the people who still have not been convicted or charged or caught.

And so if there are that many convicted ones, imagine how many are going under the radar. Have you ever seen the Gulf Coast Stapletons on TikTok? No, are those, are they people? Yeah. So I think they used to live like not, I know he used to live, like not far from where I live. and at some point relocated to Florida, started this whole like TikTok channel kind of blew up on TikTok and then he was charged with all this child pornography and stuff on his devices. He's currently in prison. She's out, still runs the account.

And I'm just like, obviously she didn't do anything. but what is with people that are around these people that are doing stuff like this? Like what is their obligation to do something about it? Like you mean like loved ones or friends? Yeah. I mean, because now I'm thinking like Josh Dugger, the goal, I think his name's Kyle Stapleton, I think is what his name is. I don't know because I feel like sex offenders or even like, child predators and things like that.

Like to me, there's no room for like, like, I really do try to have empathy for people. And I try to not judge people right off. Yeah. Yeah, like, but for specifically sex offenses and child assault, child sexual assault, anything in, in that realm, I just don't have, there wouldn't be any love. Like, that would not even be a situation for me. where I'm loving that person from a distance. I no longer associate with you. I no longer love you in any fucking capacity.

That is just not, that's not something that I could be around, you know, someone who was formerly convicted of that and just basically be like, you know, I don't know what my obligation is here. Do I run the account or do I still help them with, like I'm never,

that's not something I would ever do. What do you think about the internet and like the lack of federal restriction on these chat rooms and like apps and stuff like that where these predators can get in, obviously like this man, be able to get in to be able to catfish a 16-year-old boy. I don't know. And it's crazy that we're focusing more on AI to make things easier, more accessible, more accessible,

more it's supposed to be a tool. But like, don't you think that we should focus on getting internet predators off the fucking internet first. Like, don't you think that would be a higher priority than fucking chat GPT? Like, I don't, it doesn't make sense to me that we have all of this technology to advance certain aspects of our lives and society and the economy, but we don't have the technology to make it safe. Yeah, like to make it safer.

It just doesn't make sense to me. It's like the priorities are fucked up. 1,000%. You know what I was thinking when I was watching TikTok? I think it was last, yeah, Jackson and hour laying watching TikTok last night. he was like you and kale should go in a waymo y'all would freak out oh yeah i would when i saw them for the first time either i think it was last year no i think it was the year before last it was whenever i went to arizona and i saw them for the first time i was like what the fuck is that like

that's insane can you just imagine just like us number one we have no self-control between the two of us period, but like us being in a vehicle with it driving, with no one driving it? So Elliot just did, first of all, just shout out to my son. He was invited to apply for the National Honor Society. And so we were working on that over the weekend. But before we started working on that yesterday, he showed me his research paper. And he did his research paper for, I believe, English on distracted driving. And one of the points that he made was that technology is supposed to like,

With technology and like autopilot, I think Tesla has like autopilot or like hands free. And then I think he referenced one other vehicle that had like road assist where you, it's like hands free. And his point was that they're actually more dangerous for distracted drivers because people will do riskier things behind the wheel if they think the car is driving for them. And I've heard horror stories about the way. or the Wagoes or whatever the fuck they're called. Not a Wago. Because if something happens, what are you supposed to do? I don't know.

So I was connected to somebody in the past. And when I say past, like as of the last three weeks connected to you. Oh. Friend. Had this friend that went out to the bars, which fucking shocker there, went out to the bars. gotten his self-driving Tesla and it drove off a cliff. And I'm like, who's responsible for that?

The idiot that got in there drunk or is it Tesla? Wait, this person's Tesla? Like that you're just, yes. Wait, this person's tough. Lindsay, you can't say that somebody's Tesla drove them off a cliff and then leave no context on what kind of cliff this was. Like it was like a cliff that's like a curb or like a cliff like at the end? Like a tiny mountain cliff.

Like we're not talking like a curb. Like it like went down. Like went down. And so I need to know like who is the responsible party. The person that was the person responsible for going out to the bars drinking and getting in a self-driving vehicle? Like was that responsible? Or to me, I'm just like, you're an idiot. Like why would you ever put yourself in a self-

driving vehicle in a drunken state like that and you can't course correct shit well my first question is was is it drunk driving if you're not technically the one driving the car is driving itself but then on the flip side of that is like if it if you are operating the vehicle in any capacity you are then drunk driving so that's concerning but um that would be you know what, it's very kill-esque for me to say that I would attempt a lawsuit. Oh, I know that if that was you, you would be suing Tesla. If that was me, I would be like, what the fuck was I thinking? Yeah. Um, hmm. You're suing Tesla. I already know what you're doing. You're suing Tesla. Yeah, I'm suing Tesla. But I also would never support Tesla either, so.

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and full safety information about GLP-1 medications. Based on a study in non-diabetics with obesity or overweight, plus a weight-related condition with diet and exercise. Okay, what is this other shit that you're sending me about ice cream in the Netherlands

made with painkillers to cure headaches. Okay. We can't believe everything that we see on the internet. Okay, we don't always believe it at first glance. Yeah, because somebody could be cheating on you and it's AI. So, no, carry on. I can't when you just dropped a bomb like that on me. I can't. It's AI. This could be AI. I don't know, but it says that there is an ice cream in the Netherlands made with painkillers to cure headaches. And I just, can't imagine that if that were true, how good that would be, because if it has pain killers in it, I mean, I don't know if you've ever, like, gone to take a pill when you're sick and then it just gets

stuck on your tongue and it's just disgusting and you almost throw up. That is how the ice cream, I imagine the ice cream would taste. That's just such a slippery slope for me. We know that I don't like pills anyway, but I'm like going down this deep rabbit hole of technicality. How do you know exactly how much you're getting per part of the serving if you don't know if it's like evenly distributed within the ice cream? So that's immediately going to be a no for me. Am I shocked if that would be going on in another country? No.

Am I shocked what's going on in the United States ever? No. I just can't eat ice cream. I'm going to eat ice cream not too long ago. I'm not really big on ice cream. I've never really been. a big ice cream girly. I love ice cream so much. And do we think that like this is a real thing that when you realize that you can't have something, you want it more? Yes. And I'm not just talking like

food. Oh, life. Yeah. I'm talking like, okay, I want to have a life partner and possibly have another baby and it like makes me on another baby more because I don't have it than the reality. of like maybe wanting it you know what i mean yeah like the idea always sounds good and then it's not it's like post not clarity girls have it too you know it's like oh i have baby fever so bad and then you have sex you orgasm you realize you're ovulating but he pulled out in time and then you're like on second thought it actually want a baby it just sounds good that is so true it's like cool we're waiting for the period to come and it's like and we know that we've all been there. I've definitely been there with Kail where I've texted up got my period. Thank

God. Yeah. And it's like in the making of the phantom child, it sounds like a great idea. Until you're all said and done. You're like, wow, that was great. Thank you so much. I actually don't want to be up in the middle of the night taking care of a crying child. I also need to call you out on something. What? This is what I received on Saturday at 9.26 p.m. from Kail. Lindsay, would you ever sell feet picks? Like, there was no other conversation like yes we um oh i must have missed it i must have missed the text on friday because i was getting all my shit out of my garage probably need to respond to that seems important lindsay wouldn't you ever sell feedpick i said why are you asking me that

i need context so why you would be selling feet picks i'm just asking in general depends on how much they make to be honest okay i've seen a lot of people on ticot as of late from OnlyFans where they're talking like millions and millions and millions and millions of dollars. Did we do something wrong? Yeah, we did. We don't have Torrey Birch sandals and we didn't do the feet picks. Is that why somebody asked me on my Instagram story for Tori Bertz Sandals? Like, is Tori Burch Sandals a fetish? Um, no, probably just for that one person. Then why did you to say Tori Burch? Do you have the same fetish? No, that same guy reached out. to me.

He wants us both to have a pair of Torrey Birch sandals. Yeah, and he said he would buy them for us. But like, what do you, what do they do with them? Sniff them? No, they look at their, they look at our feet in the Tori-Berch sandals, and that is what turns them on. So do we send them the sandals? No, he wants to send us Tori-Berts sandals.

So are we doing it? Listen. I don't know if I'm actually cut out for the feet life. I think that I don't really want to put my feet in mashed potatoes. I think it's kind of like post-nut clarity where it sounds good and then it's not good. I don't feel like actually putting in the work for feet picks. Do you know what I mean? I mean, it just depends on how much it's bringing, you know, like.

Of course. If you want me to stomp around mashed potatoes because your me hundreds of dollars, then load up. You're like, do you want them loaded mashed potatoes or do you want just like a baked potato and we're mashing them with our feet? With our toes. And you know what? This could be a good like side gig for every six weeks when I come there.

We can do a bunch of like feet content, really get it going. Yeah. And do you remember that when I come in April, Becky has to teach us how to scissor? Wow. I forgot about that. She's going to be really excited about that. So I think that we should take this guy up. If we can find a PO box to send the Tori Birch sandals to.

Becky has a PO box. So we send the Tori Birch sandals to Becky's PO box. And then we take a bunch of feet content after Becky teaches us how to scissor. We'll make millions. Period. Just make sure the toes are done. Oh, yeah. Always have to have a fresh pedicure.

Always. Do you feel like feet content creators make millions of dollars? I don't know if it's in the millions. I feel like it depends how long they've been doing it, what their clientele is, because I don't know where to find people with a foot fetish. Like, I don't know if that's like an only fan's thing. I don't know if that's like a, you know, like, have you ever given a foot job? A what?

A foot job. No, but by the way, you're saying it, it sounds like you have. I have. What is that? it's like this hold on let me back this up you just like put the in between

oh you put the dick in between but how do you do that because you have to tie arches well that's what makes it special wait do that again let me see

like so you're where is he here is oh he's in the front this way so the dick's poking towards you the heads that way okay and then how long is it taking like that's a whole i got a good 30 seconds in me before my legs start to burn it's so casual you're just like a foot job wait i just wanted to see if i could do it it's not like he asked for it i was just like playing around because you know like when you're in a relationship can grab their butt or like do their nipple. And like it was just one of those like moments where I was like, he's standing there.

And I go, hold on a second. It's like that moment when I was in college and Will was like begging for a BJ. And I'm like, I'm just. Just fucking can't. You're like, I don't. That's a lot of work. And it's just like also I'm showered and like booked and busy ready to go to bed. Like I'm not doing this.

And I said, fine. If you go and get the yogurt out of the refrigerator and you dip your dick in it and show me how committed you are to being committed to me doing this, that I'll do it. And he did it. Wait, he put his dick in yogurt. Yeah. That's how bad he did it. He's fired from this corporate job after this. So just beware.

That's how bad he wanted it. And I was like, you know what? Fine. Like, now I have yogurt dick on the side of my face. Like, you just, you need to show that you're committed for me. to actually do this because it is truly diabolical when you think about putting someone's genitals in your mouth. It really is. And I have had multiple conversations with people. And it's like, you can use a condom and put a dick in you. Right. And it's like, okay, goodbye. Sucking someone's

dick, that's a whole different ballgame. Like, are we getting engaged soon? Like, what's happening? Because that's that's just like not really what I'm signing up for. No, truly, because if you think about the sweat that's down there, the fact that they like pee out of it, the fact that when they sit on the toilet, the dick hangs inside.

Like there's so, like, jock itch. Like, there's pews. Like, there's just so many factors. And it's like, like, are we getting engaged? Because if we're not, then I have no. reason to do this. Like there's literal no reason. Like for me to have it on my conscience that I have sucked your dick and we did not get engaged. No, sir. No, sir. Like it's just not happening. And I was, okay, so we didn't really talk about sex in my growing up years, the boys did.

But I'm pretty sure my dad never talked about it to me and my sister at all. It's just kind of like don't have sex and we're not going to talk about it. But I was always told, like, once you suck somebody's dick, like, it needs to be your husband. I regularly think about the fact that, like, that's even a, like, who discovered oral sex? Like, who decided, because, like, just human nature to, like, want to have sex, right? Like, there's, like, like, we just have known since the beginning of time that two bodies, you know, can go together to have sex. But, like, who, when? Who did oral?

Who just, like, discovered that you suck a dick and you lick a clit? Like, I don't. No, because I read a book about the 15 and 1600s. They did the same when you learned about the lobotomy? No, a different one. And so, like, they were having a mistress all the way back in the 15 and 1600s, and that was very common, very typical, whatever. but like did a man just decide that like I'm actually not going to stick it in this hole inside

your body I actually want you to put your mouth on it like I just like where where was that idea where did it come from we need to do some research we do like we really do I'm going to ask a bunch of people that are going to be like never talk to me again which is fine we need a sexpert. We should. We should have a sexpert. Madison said oral sex was not invented by any single person, but is an ancient natural behavior observed in humans, primates like bonobos and other mammals as a behavioral prehistorical activity. It predates recorded history with evidence found in ancient Greek, Hebrew, and Indian texts. So like were cavemen and fucking Neanderthals doing oral? That's what it sounds like. It sounds like it's been around for all of time.

That's a wild thought. I kind of thought it was like a new thing, you know, like not new, but modern. Yeah, like kind of like modern, like, oh, suck my dig. Like you couldn't picture housewives in like the 40s doing oral. No, but I bet you they did. Which is weird. Do you ever think about that? Like you just see somebody like old and you're like, there is no way somebody ever sucked his dick before. Madison said, can you imagine sucking dick in the 1920s? So specifically in 1921, they were just sucking dick. I don't want to imagine it in 2026, let alone the 1920s. I think it's like weirder because when you think about us, our kids age,

like when I think about when I was 12 years old, my mom looked old like to me. Like the style was old. Do you know what I'm saying? It was like the short haircuts. and like you looked like a mother. Like you looked like, it wasn't like today how we look like our kids' siblings. You know what I mean? And so I'm just envisioning like the moms of my childhood. Like the moms of our childhood had like the short hair and like frosted tips and stuff.

It's like, can you imagine that on knees? Not at all. Not at all. Not at all. Not at all. But like a man doesn't have a conversexed. You know what I mean? So it's like they're thinking with their tiny head, not their big one.

I don't think they have any brain cells in their big one. Wait, can I tell you this one thing before we do foul play? What? So this is just, it truly was like a Jessica Simpson moment. I was dating somebody and this was not too terribly long ago. Like within the last like three years, I was dating this person. Okay. And we were laying in the bed and his dick was moving like up and down like this.

It was like, beep. And I was like, why is her dick doing that? I think he was trying to give him a hint. Oh, yeah. It was definitely for a hint. And it's like, okay, I'm going to bed as I typically do. So all of a sudden I go, that makes so much sense, like why they call it brain because a dick has brains. I had to look up.

I thought that like the reason that a dick would go like up and down like that was because it had some type of brain in there. You know what I mean? No. How does it go like that? Because it's a muscle. The same way I can flex my boob is the same way they can flex their dick. Oh, I can kind of do that too.

Yeah, I can flex. Well, like a dick just seems like a weird thing to flex. You know what I mean? Yeah, and it's like, what's the point? Like, why can you do that? Like, why? Is that the same thing as like a kegle, but like on the outside? Yeah, I would guess.

I would guess so. I would guess so. A dick bouncing is like a kegle on the inside for us. Yes. Are you kegling right now? Yeah, I did keegle just to see if like there was an out. Like, could you notice from the outside, but no, you can't. I can't.

We've got to do foul play. And if I get asked about fucking divorce one more time during this episode, I'm going to lose my mind. Just throw your phone. If it wasn't new, I would. Hi, ladies. I wanted to share for a while now, but still so embarrassing, I may take the cake for this one. Everyone knows how constipation while pregnant goes. Well, baby number seven did it for me big time.

All the prenatals constipate you, and I had not taken a poop in three weeks. Hill, is it to you? No, it had to have been. me writing this in because this is, I can relate. So I was taking stool softener fiber guvies for three days in a row to try to get my body to go. Nothing was happening. So I added Miralax. That took, oh, so I added Miralax, took it three times, still nothing. I was driving to school pickup, feeling fine. I got in line. My stomach started hurting. I called my mom. First word out of my mouth was, I have to shit. I have to shit. A sudden later it became to the point where I started

sweating and shaking. The school doors are locked until the kids come out. And I was three minutes from the kids getting out of school. There was no way I'd be able to get out of my car or drive somewhere to shit. So I'm sitting there and just it just starts leaking out of me literally liquid. I had just gotten a brand new Yukon. But what this is you? Because I literally drive a Yukon. I had just gotten this brand new Yukon, but it was thankfully very dirty due to it being

winter and I live on a dirt road. So I remember that my son had swimming lessons that morning and I had towels in the back. I was looking for baby wipes, baby wipes, but being a new car, I had still yet to set it up with all the things. All I had was Buffalo Wild Wing wipes in my cur. The ones you use to wipe your hands after you eat wings. So I would burn your asshole. No, truly. Crawl my pregnant ass into the back of the car. I still have to shit. I found a plastic bag. I pulled down my shitty pants and in the school pickup line in the back of the freaking Yukon and shit my brains out in this plastic bag. Then try to clean myself up with the stupid little wipes from Buffalo Wild Wings. I end up using one of the towels just to clean myself up.

up anyways and I use the other towel to wrap around myself as I'm trying to crawl into the driver's seat open up the kids open up the door and asking very loudly where are your pants I yelled shut the door crawl my ass to the front seat and had a great time cleaning it all up afterwards I called my husband who is in law enforcement and knows what it's like to almost shit yourself he had great sympathy in the moment but then the next weekend told his family what happened and we all died laughing You have to laugh at moments like this. Nothing compares to pregnancy constipation. Thank you for listening.

I just want to say before I had my literal... No, no, before I had my literal Yukon, this exact same story happened to me in my suburban. And I didn't have anything but a wah-wah bag. So I fully resonate with this story and I was in the school pickup line right over there in Smyrna. I will tell you, this is very rarely ever happened to me, but it has happened. Like when you have the urge to go and you ever have dealt with constipation, I definitely deal with it. I don't think I'm like a regular person. I poop like once every five days regularly.

But when you get that urge to go, it's like nothing's, nothing stopping you. Like I have to stop somewhere. Like it might be the bow jangles. It might be the Walgreens. Like, oh, Madison says she poops every day. it must be nice to be God's favorite oh Rebecca said she does too I know Ike does he should it's like three times how do you get that regular the problem for me is that when I do finally go there's no holding it so I cannot it doesn't matter and like my worst fear is like

I'm going to be with someone like in public whether it's Ike or someone else poor Rebecca would probably wouldn't know what to do you like if I say I have to go, there's no holding it. So like I don't, I'm scared because there is going to come a time where I ship myself with other people that are not my children. That's devastating. I did, but I'll, I'll end on this note. I did make Ike drive over the median to get me to a bathroom on the other side of the road. Did it crash your car? No, he drives a Jeep. So he just bounce over the median. You need to go right over that median immediately right now. Oh, my God.

You'll have shit all over your front seat. He was like, I am not risking the Jeep. I will be driving right over the median. I do not care if my car tires pop. Correct. Can you imagine? Like, that would be your luck. He drives over the median car tires pop, like literally blow out and then you blow out.

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Hi, I'm Adam Rippon, and this is Intrusive Thoughts. The podcast where I finally say the stuff out loud that's been living rent-free in my head for years. From dumb decisions to awkward moments, I probably should have kept to myself nothing's off limits. Yes, I'm talking about the time I lost my phone mid-flight and still haven't truly emotionally recovered from that. There might be too many sound effects. I've been told to chill. Will I?

Unclear. But if you've ever laid awake at night, cringing at something you said five years ago, congratulations, you found your people. Intrusive thoughts with Adam Rippon is available now wherever you get your podcasts.