Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Redirecting Farts, Creating Boundaries & Saying I Love You

Episode Date: June 8, 2023

CC289: Kail got expelled from school in the 9th grade right before summer break? We didn't know that but somehow we are not surprised. Lindsie is still haunted by queefs and the women who can't help it. Kail explains her recent obsession with listening to dispatcher calls, Lindsie gives her two cent on the recent Brian Laundrie updates, and Kail has some beef with Elijah that many women might relate to. Some listeners ask; when is it time to say I Love you in a relationship? how do you build personal boundaries?.. and do other moms struggle to maintain their friendships? For Foul Play, adults need to learn to double check their door locks if they'll be participating in sexy time with children in the vicinity.. also, don't do butt stuff if you've had hemorroids before! Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first monthApartments: Visit Apartments.com, a place to find a placeStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!Starbucks: Starbucks Coffee, ready for right now. Shop the full line-up online or in-store, wherever you buy groceriesZocdoc: Go to Zocdoc.com/CONVOS and download the Zocdoc app for FREE

Today's episode is brought to you by Starbucks, ready to drink coffee. Tune in to moments that matter with the uplifting boost of Starbucks, Mocha Frappuccino, chilled coffee drink available now online or wherever you buy your groceries. I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird.

What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convose with kale, lowery and Lindsey Crisley. I really want you to be in your field scale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakeery anymore.

There's a fakeery bakery around here. Here's Halen Lindy. Are we on the air? Are those the Gillian frames? Are those Warby Parker? These are Warby Parker. Do you love them? I just told Lindsay she looks studious

and she told me not to talk to her until we're recording. What the fuck is wrong with you? Because I'm so fucking sick of everybody talking to me right now. Today is not our day. Today is not the day. Good morning coffee combo's podcast. How are you? Hello, fluffers. I'm very exhausted today. My kids don't sleep.

Everyone is looks had not a great day at baseball last night. He told me that I annoyed him. And while he's on third base, he told me you're annoying me. Everyone heard it. And everyone's looking at me and I'm like, okay, I'll walk away. He's like, wait, you're cheering for's looking at me and I'm like, okay, I'll walk away He's like wait you're cheering for everybody except me and I'm like no, I'm cheering for everybody And he's like no, I just want you to cheer for me. That's so funny There's a lot of similarities with locks and Jackson Okay, but then a lot of them but a lot of similarities also with Lincoln and Jackson. And I think the similarities with them is probably like more age related. But personality wise, probably more like looks because Jackson would get very upset about stuff like that too. He's like, you're my mom.

and you should just be cheering for me and like when I do good stuff. And I'm like, okay, well, then you should probably play tennis or golf or you know, something that's not team related because I'm trying to be a team player, like a team mom, and you're not being a team player because you only wanna worry about your successes not your entire team.

And then it got into the whole conversation when you're successful and you do your job on the team, then it makes everybody else successful when they're also doing their job and they're contributing their part. So Lux's best friend is in his class at school and then also on his baseball team. I love that.

Which is so cute usually. But I think just being tired, it's the end of the year, like we talked about last week, just being overwhelmed with the end of the year stuff. And he was like, you cheered for Nash. And I'm like, yeah, I always cheered for Nash. Just like Nash's mom always cheers for you. Like that's just what we do.

He was just having an off day and Emily was like, looks, it's okay, like you've probably had enough of each other, like you're at school all day. He's like, I wasn't with him all day yesterday or all day at school. Just like looking for an argument and then they did the relay race at the end of the game and it was fine. But I was just like, I'm so over this. Like I'm ready next week is our last baseball game and I'm ready for a final like a break with sports, a break with early morning drives. I'm ready. Because my kids would sleep in if they didn't, if I didn't wake them up.

It's so funny that you said that because it's the exact conversation that I had someone with someone else this morning. Actually, it was with my nanny. I said, I cannot wait to not have to wake him up. Whatever happened to the rule. Like, I extended it to child, not just baby, like do not wake sleeping children. Right, yeah, 100%. I will be so glad, but Jackson was all chipper this morning because he was like, this is the last fucking day

I have to do this. I'm like, I am so glad about it. But then it made me start thinking when I was looking through his yearbook, because they did like your book signing. Do you remember that? Oh yeah, that I lived for your book signings. Well, I really didn't because I was selective on like who was signing my yearbook and it wasn't like just pass around and get everybody's signature on there because I only one of my friends and yeah, yeah. And Jackson evidently let the entire grade sign his and he's like trying to read because they're learning cursive.

Okay. And that was like the last unit that they did, which I'm so happy for because at one point I was told they're not teaching it in school. They're not teaching it at our schools. And so the fact that like he can do his alphabet and cursive makes me so proud. But the kids like they aren't really good at cursive in the yearbook. Hold on. I'll show you some.

Um, not that. I'm going to show you. I have the yearbook right here. I'm going to hide the front cover. But like look at some of these cursives. Oh, they're trying so hard. Isn't it so precious? Oh. And so he was going through and like I remember coming home from your book signing and like going all through it and seeing what my friend drove and do you remember where it was like thank goodness it's summer or haggess. Like have a great summer. Yeah, forever that.

Yes, oh my God. I will end my fresh. After my freshman year, I knew I was moving. I got kicked out of school. So the last week of school, I don't feel like I know this about you. Really? You got kicked out of school? Yeah, I got expelled from school the last week.

So literally when we got our yearbooks, everyone signed it and I never saw half those people ever again, because I had to go to a different school. Wait, why did you get expelled? Because I got in a fight with this girl, and this was not my first fight, my freshman year. I had a really rough year.

My mom went to rehab. I lived with my neighbor. I also lived with my best friend. And then on the days that like, me, I couldn't go to to my best friend's house or I couldn't be with my neighbor, I would like try to like just couch serve, and like any friend that would let me stay there so that I could get to school in the morning, and I had gotten in multiple, multiple fights. So finally one of the last fights was with this girl Ariel, they called her Missy. And I mean, she came right into the science classroom, she threw a chair.

Like, it was just like fucked up. So my mom was at a rehab at this time. I had no idea she already was like moved into her house and like never checked on me. They ended up calling my mom because my neighbor who had custody of me was like, we're done here. Like we're done. My mom came to the school and the principal was like, we're done here. Like we're, we're done. My mom came to the school and the principal was like, we're done.

Like, you, we can't do this anymore. So I ended up going to a different high school in 10th grade, and I pretty much never saw anybody from that high school again. So the high school that you went to in 10th grade is that where you met, Joe? No, Joe never went to my high school. So I met. So when I went to 10th grade, I didn't meet him until my junior year.

Or no, I guess the end of my 10th grade year. And then so he was a year ahead of me. So I went to my junior year. So I was a year older than you. Yeah, I didn't know. I went to a different high school. I met him at McDonald's. Oh, that's right, you met him at McDonald's.

I remember that. Okay, yeah. Wow, I hadn't had no idea that you had been expelled. That's not what we should tell our children because what I like to go with is if you get expelled or suspended from school, then you will not have a successful life. You've proven that to be untrue. So yeah, I would say I mean look at Katie Perry. Didn't she like drop out of high school or something? All the shit that we say is parents to our children. Right. To get them to try to like act right, you know?

Yeah, I mean, also, we're not like addicts or like traumatizing our children like my mom was, you know what I mean? Like they're not having like, what's so crazy about that story is I could never imagine what boozy, suzy was going through mentally to sign you over to a neighbor. Uh huh. Does that make sense? Like, oh, yeah, I just feel like there should be like a more vetted process of who of who Kale's going to versus like, oh, the neighbors right here, so sounds good. Well, I think she was also like willing.

Yeah, oh, I'm just kidding. I didn't have. Yeah. Anyone, and like I stayed with Ariel for a long time, which I talked about her on the podcast a few times. I stayed with her on and off for a long periods of time. Unfortunately, the year that I moved was also a year that she got into heroin.

So, you know, she had her own struggles and, you know, she comes from a really, really well to do family, but she was having her own struggles when I left. I can't help but think that, like, if I would have stayed with her, like, would I have also gotten into drugs or would I have been able to, like, prevent her because we were like, this, Like, would we have not gotten into that trouble? You know what I mean? Yeah. That's so interesting. I have to tell you the story about this morning though.

Okay. I know that you guys like to talk about queues. And I don't know if I manifested this person doing this or not. Last night I was on Facebook just like scrolling I couldn't sleep and I was scrolling and it was like women are crazy creatures because they can fart out of two holes and accurate. I was like this is disgusting like the fact that I am a creature, willing participant of reading this

and also the fact that this can happen. Yeah. So I continue reading and in the comments, it's just one girl and she's like, yeah, like when you accidentally fart and then you try to hold it in and then it goes out your other hole. Yeah, that, why does that happen?

Wait, wait, this is happening to you? Yeah, when I never understood how. Wait, so you were like holding in a fart. Yeah, and it kind of like rolls up the front and it comes out my vagina. It's the weirdest fucking thing. Yeah, it's so weird. I don't, I never understood how that happens. So is that a quieif or like an indirected fart? I think it's a redirected fart. A redirected fart. Yeah, a redirected fart. I would say yeah, I don't think that's a quif because like a quif is like when you are packing air into that hole and then it comes out or like you know what I mean? Like if you have sex and then the air is going in and out so it comes out. But when it's like an actual like,

flatulant, a flatulation, I think it's like a redirected part. Okay, so I read this before I go to bed, right? I'm just like, what I just read, I don't know if I am disgusted, if I am impressed, or if I just don't need to think about it anymore. I don't think you need to think about it. I think that we need to let it go.

It is what it is. It is a mystery of nature. Unless an OBGYN wants to come on here and explain, I don't know if we ever need to discuss it. I'm going to agree, but I'm going to continue to discuss what transpired this morning. I go into Pilates and I try to normally get there like two minutes early before the class start, so I can get like my set reformer. I have like a specific one that I want to go on. Get all of my equipment like set up and stuff and I want to go on, get all of my equipment, like set up and stuff, and older lady comes

and sits down beside me. And she goes to lay down and start stretching. And she's farting. I don't know if it was a fart or a quiff. No. And is she just thinking nobody's hearing it? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Because the person on the other side of her is not there yet.

So it's just me. And she looks over and she goes, ha, sorry, sometimes that just happens. Oh, they're queens. And I'm like, did you have sex before you came here? Like, what the fuck is going on? And this is sometimes that just happened. Yeah. And I'm like, I cannot. And this was not my only experience this week with an older lady. Wait, time out. But that lady should have, if she knows that that sometimes happens,

I would be stretching at home before I get there so that they would get let out at home. You know what I mean? Like if you know that that may happen. Like you just start like windshield wiper in your legs from side to side and then all of a sudden you're just like ripping queives. I'm like bro. Like that's absolutely.

I signed up for a stretch class this morning and evidently I came to get whiffs of your quif. So thank you, ma'am. Not my only experience with an older lady this week. I went into the dentist's office and I go to sign in and I'm, you know, my own business per usual and take a seat and I see this little lady, she's like craning from the other side. And she goes, Lindsay, I just want to let you know, I love you, and I love all of your podcasts. I listen to all of them.

And then her husband's like, who is that? And she goes, that's Lindsay. Chris Lee, I listened to her podcasts. This lady could not have been under 65 years old. So she's hearing about our queues. She's heard about all kinds of foul plays. She's heard about our sex lives, my shit stories. Oh bless her heart.

And I'm like, you know what? We are educating the older generations about shit that they could have died, live it like died not knowing. Yeah, definitely. If my grandmother was still alive and she heard some of the things that I was talking about, I think she would have disowned me solely for that. That's like that video that I sent of you of Mani saying the shit that y'all talk about on this podcast It's just awful. It is awful, but we can't help it. This is we just it is what it is This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Lindsay, I don't know what has gotten into me this these last couple weeks But have you ever just gotten into a funk like over a week or two and you just feel stuck?

I have gotten like that, but through therapy, I feel like when I do get in those phases, I identify, oh, I probably just need to schedule therapy. Yeah. Like I just need maybe like an extra session. And thankfully I do it all online. I don't know if you do Lindsey, but everything that I do probably for the past two years has been strictly online and it's been really nice because I don't have to drive to an office,

sit in a waiting room and then drive home. It just takes more time to do that. And so this is really flexible. Better help is a great option to find balance. And if you're thinking about giving therapy a try, try better help. I also think as parents right now, this time of the year is just so chaotic.

And so it's easy to get caught up in what everybody else needs from you. And then you don't really think about yourself until it's too late to start thinking about yourself. So if you guys are considering giving therapy a try, you should definitely give better help a try. It is entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. You're just gonna fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. And then you can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

You guys can find more balance with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee. To get 10% off your first month, that's betterhelp. H-E-L-p.com slash coffee. You think Vanderpun rules is messy now? It's always been messy. I'm Jack Taylor, the LG Pup Rules villain.

And I'm Brittany Cartwright, wife of the OG villain. And we've got a new podcast when reality hits. We'll definitely be talking about Vanderpun rules past and present in all my scandals. Ugh. And you'll get a look at what life is like for us now as we figure out marriage and

parenthood, little cruisy and friendships and definitely feuds. It's our real reality with and without cameras. It's sometimes with special guests like our celebs, former castmates, and other veterans of reality TV.

So listen to and follow when reality hits with us, Jack Taylor and Brittany Corkry. Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. So what's the steal about you listening to a 911 dispatcher? So I've been listening to 911 dispatching calls for like the past three days, like I can't stop. Wait, wait.

Do you have one of those machines or you're listening from an app from your phone? one dispatch and calls for like the past three days like I can't stop. Wait, wait. Do you have one of those machines or you're listening from an app from your phone or I just like find them online and I listen to them. Oh, so it's not even like your local one? No. Oh, that's a good idea though. Actually, even Googled like how to become a nine or one dispatcher, but so I've been listening to them. I actually, When we signed on to this recording right now,

I wasn't realizing that Kristen was like listening and I had, I didn't mute myself and I was listening to one and she's like, kill what the fuck are you listening to? And I was like, oh, it's just like dispatch calls. I listened to a bunch this morning. Anyway, I've heard some really fucked up shit over the past 72 hours. So I listened to this one the other day and it was like

This little girl's parents both got shot the dad passed away and the mom was like on the verge of death This I think she was like six years old and she calls the 911 dispatcher. I hope with every Fiber of my being that that dispatcher was under investigation and fired because the way that she treated this little fucking girl she wasn't listening to anything she said this six-year-old girl was desperately trying to get help to save her mother and the dispatcher ended up hanging up on her. Wait, hanging up? Yes, because the six-year-old was like trying to figure out what her address was and she's like my dad is dead and he And she's like, my dad is dead. And she's like, oh, your dad is there.

Let me talk to him. And she's like, no, he's dead. And the dispatcher wasn't the attitude that she gave this little girl who's desperately trying to save her mom. I believe the mom ended up passing away. OK, so let me get this straight. You were spying in on this dispatch call call and you heard all of this. Yeah. Do you know like

what area it's even from that you're listening to? Like you have no idea. So it's just somewhere in the United States happening. And this dispatcher hung up on a six-year-old child that didn't know her address. So, a couple of points here. I think in order to do that job, you would have to be so highly trained and dealing with any situation that could be thrown your way, like no telling what all 911 gets on a daily basis. I would love to hear people,

any people who are first responders, like what types of calls they get on a daily basis, because it's not always just like the things that you would think about. Well, the one that one that I listened to this morning, a woman rescued two boa constrictors and one of them attacked her face and was latched onto her face and she called 911 and she was like, I need help. I rescued the snake. This boa constrictors and one of them attacked her face and was latched onto her face and she called 911 and she was like, I need help. I rescued this snake, this boa constrictor is attached to my face and attacked me and the dispatcher was like, you arrested it last night and she's like, no, I rescued the snakes last night. All my snakes are put away. Like, I just need help. There's blood everywhere.

It's attached to my nose. And she's like, have an ambulance on the way, but where are you? And she's like, I am whatever. So definitely weird calls, like different calls. That's crazy. Second point I want to make about this is the importance of your children knowing identifying information. Yes.

Jackson has known my address at this house and my phone number since we moved in. Like that was one of my major priorities because with him having two houses, if anything like ever happened, I wanted him to like be sure that he knew. And for the longest time, probably, it's been within the last five or six weeks that he didn't know Will's address

or Will's phone number and he's with him half the time and I told him I was like that's just not acceptable. Like you have to memorize Dad's address and his phone number because if something ever happened or God forbid like on the bus or you know something like that because that's God forbid, like, on the bus or, you know, something like that, because that's the only place that he's in a vehicle with someone else, you know, going there, right? He would need to know that type of information. Or I have crazy thoughts like, what if I fell or something at this house and I couldn't get up or something happened? And he had to call 911, he would need to be able to tell them identifying information. He knows exactly how old I am, you know,

the address, the phone number, where I keep my driver's license, my insurance card, like all that stuff is so important. I think that people really just don't think about it. Back when we were growing up, do you remember having like fire safety come to the school? Yeah. And how they would say your family needed like a safe place to like meet up whenever they got out of the house.

I feel like nobody talks about that anymore. Yeah, I would agree. I don't, I mean, I go over it with my kids just because I have like severe anxiety when it comes to stuff like that. And because since we moved from Middletown, Middletown had two staircases to be able to get out. And so now that we only have one staircase to get out, it's, you know, for the kids, I just, I worry about things like that. And it's, the kids just, they don't know. And I think that they're so wrapped up in other things that, you know, nobody really talks about this kind of stuff. I don't even know if they talk about this stuff in school.

That's what I was going to say. I know that Jackson's home where he's had little fire hats and stuff, and they've gone on the fire truck, and police have come, and they've gone in the back of the police car, and that kind of stuff, and Dennis comes, and I just don't know what they talk about. I feel like we got a bunch of like pamphlets and like There was like a workbook or something that was like

Associated and then you were supposed to go home and do the activity with your family where you know like you find a tree and If your house catches on fire or something then you like you all go to that one place I just remember that from school, but Jackson said they don't talk about that. I don't think they do, because my kids have never, the only pamphlet they've ever mentioned is the child abuse pamphlet

that they had like a big assembly for or whatever. That's the only one that I've ever, that was significant. Wait, about the child abuse thing. Did you have to give consent for your kids to participate? Because I think in our county, anything that has any type of like, talk about abuse, sexual anything,

I know like reproductive, whatever, there is a letter that like comes home and you have to fill it out and send it back in. And if you don't want your kid to participate, then it's like a you opt in or you opt out. Now that I think about it, there might have been something sent home like maybe in the beginning of the year,

but not like at the time of, like you know when you get the first week of school, they send all that paperwork home and you fill it out a hundred times or whatever for you know whatever reason that that may have been in there and I just consented you know like if I don't abuse my kids so obviously go ahead to the go ahead to the assembly but also you know it would be good for my kids to recognize any signs or anything for their friends if they're, you know, being abused at home. They can come tell me, I can tell teacher, whatever the kid, you know what I mean? Yeah.

So, now that I think about it, that may have been in there, but I don't really remember. Speaking of crazy abuse stuff, this shit about Roberto Laundry and Brian Laundry. Oh. I got into our Kittygain group chat this morning and I was like, hold on, like I'm driving, I'll catch up when I get home about the situation with the Brian Laundry letter. And I guess the, I don't know if maybe you're gonna explain it to me, but this is what I saw. Petito Defense was saying that the letter from Brian Laundrie's mom was in with all of his stuff when they found his remains. But the FBI allegedly had the letter for weeks

before they found Brian Laundrie's remains. So which one is it? That's what's unclear to me. I had always heard from the beginning when this letter was found that it was in that bag that was like waterproof or something. And that that's where the letter was supposedly found. I find it very hard to believe based off of the contents of the letter. I do believe in coincidences. the letter. I do believe in coincidences. But to me, this just seems way to coincidental based off what we all believe happened. Also, Brian Christopher Laundry, it says burn after reading. Why did he never burn it? Well, that was another thing that was weird. And like, why would you have burn after reading on there? Like wouldn't that be self-explanatory? I mean well maybe not. I can't even read her writing, can you? This is the first time I've actually seen it.

Therefore I am certain that neither dead nor life nor angels nor ebiling spirits nor things present nor to come, North powers from above, North powers from below, nothing in the entire world can separate our love. Neither hostile powers, nor messages of heaven, nor monarchs of earth, nothing has power to separate us. Romans 838 extended version. Nothing can separate us, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not threats, not even sin, not the thinkable or unthinkable can get between us. Not time, not miles and miles and miles. I just want you to remember I will always love you and I know you will always love me or us. You are my boy. Nothing can make me stop loving you. Stop loving you. Nothing will or could ever

divide us no matter what we do or where we go. Where we go. What we say we will always love. We will always love each other. If you're in jail, I will bake a cake with a file with a file in it. If you need to dispose of a body, I will show up with a shovel and garbage bags. If you fly to the moon, I will be watching the skies for your reentry. If you say you hate my guts, I will get new guts. Remember that love is a verb not a noun. It's not a thing. It's not words. It is actions. Watch people's actions to know if they love you, not their words. Okay, so she's not explicitly saying, I know there's a body to be buried. But also speaking in code, which is even more alarming to me. Right. You're speaking in code and you put on the front of this letter burn after reading.

If there was nothing that was in that letter that you would care outside of just general privacy of wanting other people to see it, then why would you write burn after reading? Because to me, if that's innocent, your first thought wouldn't be to put on the outside of it burn after reading for what? Actually, I'm not really super familiar with the prison system, but I would go on out on a limb here and say that they probably don't allow people to bake them cakes either. So like, I was a good thought. I am versed on the prison system and you're not bringing anything in and you're also not sending any books Unless it's coming actually from Amazon Amazon some type of retailer like books in million whatever because people will try to hide stuff in the books

And mail the men so they don't even allow you to like send it from your house So that's not actually how it works. And when you go in for visits, you also can't take anything in. Do you think that if this was, in fact, found within the waterproof bag, because if it was, I have waterproof bags, and they are waterproof? Do you think that maybe there was some semblance

or like some amount of guilt and a conscience and so he was like, I'm leaving this letter in my bag so that they will, they will know what happened and they can piece together the puzzle or do you feel like it was like a mistake and he forgot to burn it. Just based off of some of the calculated behavior and what I feel was attempted cover up, I feel like if he was in his right mind, he would have also covered that up and burned it. Look at all the other stuff that was done. Like why would you leave something like that unless it was intentional or unless whatever happened to him was impulsive. And maybe he wasn't in his right mind when that happened. Like maybe it wasn't as pre-meditated

as what one would think. I just want to know how there's such conflicting evidence about this letter specifically. Was it with the body and the remain, like was it with the remains or was it in the FBI? How would the FBI have had it for weeks? How? Don't know. Okay. But, you know, obviously the potatoes are mourning. Yeah.

And they want answers. So I think that they're automatically going to assume the worst in any person in their position would also, if something like this was uncovered, I would go out on a limb and say most would assume the worst. And of course, the laundries are fighting back and saying that the note was written before he ever left to go on the road trip. That's highly, that would be highly coincidental. Also, watch people's actions to know if they love you, not their words. Makes me feel like that maybe the laundry's didn't have a great relationship with Gabby,

and maybe they didn't like him being with her. It does say on this one article that I read, it says that the judge denied the defense's motion for protective order of the letter, which granted the Petito family the permission to view its contents. Following the ruling, the laundry family attorney said that they're concerned about how the letter might be used it can be embarrassing Embarrassing how because they're they're attorneys basically saying the letter can be taken out of context and I don't think it I mean, it's definitely

It's circumstantial because there's no proof of when it was given or sent or whatever There's no way to take that out of context. You sent the letter regarding either it was highly coincidental or you meant what you said and you knew what was going on. There's nothing embarrassing about it. And it makes sense to me what the Petito family attorney is saying that they have so many questions about what the laundry family knew, what they did with the knowledge that they knew, and why they did not come forward to say anything, and feel like maybe these questions will never be answered, and that they're truly just looking for a sense of closure, and I can fully sympathize and empathetic in this situation because if you had a child that died in this way and feel like people have answers and you can't get

them, of course, you're going to try to unturn every stone. There's going to be no stone left unturned. I'm thinking of my life and being a mom on such a smaller scale than something like this, but the other day, Isaac was upset about something in the morning. We were in the car with Lux and Lincoln too, and I was like, what's going on? Like, tell me what's going on. He's like, we'll talk about it later. When I tell you that I was upset all day not knowing what was bothering him, and he was like, we'll talk about it later. That sounds like a minuscule scale

of what the potatoes are going through, just not having answers about the death of their daughter and just wanting answers and closure. And at this point, we all, I mean, I'm speaking for myself, maybe for a lot more people, but we see Brian Laundry and his family at this point. Maybe not so much as dad, I don't know, but his mom, specifically, as a villain. So you might much as dad, I don't know, but his mom specifically as a villain.

So you might as well, like we already don't like you. Nobody is on your side. You might as well spill the fucking tea and let everybody know what the fuck is going on because nobody likes you and hopefully you go to jail because you deserve some sort of jail time for trying to help cover this up. So remember when that first started though, I said that mom is involved at the point that I knew that she had reservations for that campground or whatever and it was for three. I was like, they knew.

Like, and I almost want to say just for us being a mom to boys, you know, moms and sons have a different type of relationship. Like, it just is, that's just the way it is. I'm not saying that mothers with daughters don't have that, but it is very, it's a very different and distinct love between a mother and son or sons. And so I wonder if Roberta even knew more than her husband. I was gonna say trying to put yourself in the shoes of parents that your child has done something heinous like this. And if you're on the same page,

or you're not on the same page, what type of strain that would cause an a marriage. But also if one parent knows more than the other parent and they're looked at as a single unit, I don't think that's very either. Well, I mean, look at Casey Anthony, George, and what was her mother's name? Cindy. Cindy, I think one of them knew way more than the other. Oh, 100%.

And I think John Boney Ram Ramsey's parents I think they both may know the same. You know what I mean? And just but and I'm going to be interested to see where where this all goes and what what transpires from this being released to the public. Um, lasting that I want to say on this though, if you

have nothing to hide, why do you care what the public knows? Right, and if you have an attorney, which, they say, even if you're innocent, get an attorney because, you know, they can pigeonhole you or whatever the case is, even if you're innocent, get an attorney. If that were me, and I'm innocent,

I'm getting an attorney, and I'm also spilling whatever needs to be said, done, whatever, to prove my innocence. I'm not gonna hide things because it's embarrassing because at that point, it's like, like I said, we already hate you. We already don't like you. So you might as well, if you are innocent,

you might as well spill it all. I'm speaking for both of us, like, we hate you. We don't. We do not like you at all. So, I don't know if you want to come on coffee-climbers podcast. Let us know. No, we do not like you at all. So, I don't know if you want to come on Coffee Combos podcast. Let us know. No, we do not want that. No, I imagine she just like breaks her silence

and breaks down on Coffee Combos podcast. And we've just like talked such mad shit and she has no idea. We like block her from all those episodes so we can get the real T. Yeah, we're like, we're just conniving. All right, this is the one we love. We tell you guys about this one all the time. Lindsey and I don't always love making extra stops places. So, you know,

all of our world is pretty much generalized and automated. So why are we sticking to old school mailing and shipping, Lindsey? You and I specifically aren't because of stamps.com. Postes range just increased again. So luckily stamps.com has the bestest counts in the industry. They have amazing partnerships with USPS and UPS for unbeatable rates up to 84% off. Plus stamps.com automatically tells you your cheapest and fastest shipping options for over 25 years stamps.com has been indispensable for over 1 million businesses. It's so nice because you can do all of this right from your computer anytime, day or night, no lines, no traffic, no waiting.

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or contracts, just go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code coffee. Can you tell me about this issue that you have with men? Okay. And I'm going to pop one for this. This is an alone, not a beer, not a salsa. I mean, we wouldn't be mad at you if it was. I am having such a problem with men

not knowing how to summarize things. And it's so irritating because I'll be like, hey, like, how was your day? Or, you know, what's been going on? Catch me up because obviously having kids and things like that, you kind of have to catch up. We don't text all day. I'm talking about Elijah, specifically.

Sometimes my kids also. I love that you called him out. You're just like Elijah. It's specifically you. Because I already said this to him. And I just was like, because I'll be like, oh, tell me about your work day or whatever. And he's like, oh, so and so called me. And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, okay.

And instead of summarizing the entire conversation for me about like a promotion or you know, a job site or whatever that, you know, whatever, whatever the case is, he'll be like, oh, so and so called me. I'm not going to say what their names. And he said this, so then I said this. And so then he was like blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I was like, did it it it it it it. Instead of just summarizing it, you're giving me the verbatim. Commonization.

Clifnotes. Sparknotes. You've lost me at the second I said this. You know, and I told them I said, you live, you live, you live next time. Please summarize this for me. Because I, I don't, you know, and I told them I said, you live, yeah, next time, please summarize this for me, because I, I don't, you lost me here, like I, I'm, I'm no longer interested because we'll use this, uh, that one of their names, that's not real. Bob, so Bob said,

that we have to go to this job site. So then I said, what time do we have to be there? And then he said, well, the job site's gonna, you know, we're gonna be here for X amount of days. So we need to be here early and then we'll leave late. And then you'll, you'll get time and a half or whatever. And then he was like, okay, bet. And then I told him that I wasn't going to be there because I have an appointment next week. And then he said, and I'm like, a lot like you literally could have said, Bob called me and said that we have to be at the job site for X amount of days, for X amount of time. And I'm going to get time and a half, and I got off for my appointment next week.

That's all you had to say. Yeah, like we only need the most important facts or any facts that might actually directly impact me as a human being as well. Outside of that, your text thread conversation doesn't get to become my problem. I was laughing, but I was also like, please shut up. Like, at this point, you have lost me in the conversation. I'm no longer interested.

Try again tomorrow telling me the same information because I don't know what the fuck I'm listening to. There's other women who are listening to this that are going to have the exact opposite to this that are going to have the exact opposite of he gives no details. He tells nothing. And then all of a sudden, remember that time that I told the story about sitting in Chick Phile and Will was like rushing us around and I couldn't figure out like why we were getting rushed around and he was going to Texas the next day and I had no fucking idea. Yes, I do remember that. And he's like, oh, I thought I told you. It's like, oh, well, in fact, you didn't because I told me it would have been

on my daytime planner. So I'm just wondering why I'm almost choking on my chicken. Because I'm being rushed around and I don't know why. That's like another big, so it's either men and boys giving too many fucking details. I don't need, we don't need to get into semantics. And then, or the opposite is no information

and they expect you to know because they think they told you, or they just say they thought they told you because they knew that they forgot to tell you. Mm-hmm. So I know somebody who's a really good communicator and now it makes me question my last 33 years of existence. And like how I was married for so long to someone who does not communicate anything. I just don't understand them.

Are your boys, any of them show signs of bad communication? Probably Lincoln doesn't really give much. Lux is, Lux and Cretar both are very vocal. Lux has no problem vocalizing. Yeah, communicating. Yeah, communicating. Ever since Isaac and I got really, really close over the last like year and a half, it's just Lincoln.

Lincoln is just very like not, but also not a whole lot worth telling me goes on as far as like his friends go or like school goes. He's a very good student. As far as I know, a good friend. So there's not a whole lot of like drama or trouble or anything, but he, you know, hopefully his dad's a pretty good communicator. So I feel like he'll be all right. If we go home. I mean, I feel like communication issues can be generational because I did witness that in my marriage, but also I'm a firm believer that when you are in a healthy relationship and you both feel safe, I feel like the communication is much easier because it's wanted communication, it's not forced communication.

And so it just kind of like flows better when you're in a safe place. It's kind of like communicating with a therapist, right? Like you can communicate well with your therapist, typically because you're in a safe environment when you're doing so. I would agree with that. If you guys hear a lawnmower, it's not me,

it must be the neighbors. But I agree with that. I definitely think, you know, and it's, some of it is learned and some of it is, I think, by nature. And so I think with the proper tools, you know, and the proper reciprocation of communication, you know, with a parent or parents, I think it can really help even the generational aspect of it. I also saw this interview. I think it was on YouTube and this person, I think it was a child's psychologist was saying, I'm so annoyed by my neighbors right now. Like it's literally 12 o'clock on a fucking Thursday and you want to mow the lawn. Isn't that like a Sunday morning 9 a.m. thing? So yeah. Oh, I'm like, do not cut your lawn on Sunday morning at 9 a.m.

because I'm trying to worship and you're going to bring me out of character in this moment. You're right. You're right. You're right. Because if I have to hear you getting your weed whacker out, while I'm trying to worship, that's going to be a problem. And if I have to see you on your hands and knees using scissors cutting your grass. Also going to be a problem because I'm immediately going to call 911 to figure out what the fuck your mental problem is. I mean, that's fair. Do a 51 50 hold on the the scissors cutter. But anyway, what you were saying in In the interview, this child's psychiatrist was saying that it's really important for children to have other adults, other than their parents, to communicate, and not necessarily a therapist, but maybe their best friends'

parents, or a child care provider, that they'll listen to and talk to, because sometimes they feel like go through stages where like mom is the best, status the best, they know everything blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but then they go through these periods of time where nothing their parents say are going to get through to them and so they're more likely to listen when it's coming from a different adult, a safe adult, you know, and then it goes back to later on, I think he said in their 20s or something like that, then the child will start to be like, oh, my mom knew. And so that's why in hindsight, as adults,

we're always like, my mom always knew who the bad friends were, who wasn't good for me. And they wouldn't listen because it wasn't coming from a different safe adult. It was coming from their own parents. And so I just thought that was really interesting because I definitely remember confiding more in Mr. Coser, which was a high school teacher of mine.

And you know, I would go to his classroom and I was having a hard time and I would confide in him or people who took care of me other than my own mom or anyone in my family. And so I thought that was really interesting to hear it in that way. I 100% agree with that. And I think that, I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I have somebody help me with Jackson like one day a week. And she comes here just like a couple of hours and also will be coming over the summer. And so it's nice to see the interaction with her and him, and I can like hear them talking.

I don't think he knows that I can hear them talking, but like if I'm at home and just like taking care of home stuff, I like him interacting with another adult because if, you know, he's trying to get something out or he wants to do things that maybe somebody like a little bit younger might show a greater interest and know how to do better than me. It's just a very different thing like they like to make fake TikTok videos and stuff like that. It's so nice for him to also have a safe place within someone else that's not just his parents because it teaches him how to communicate with other people properly outside

of his comfort zone. I love that. I think that's really important. And, you know, Natalie has definitely been somebody, bone has been someone, you know, that my kids confided in and they'll tell them stuff that, you know, they used to not tell me. Now they tell me everything. Specifically Isaac I know everything about everybody in seventh grade so but it's nice when you know Natalie will be you know Natalie will talk to Isaac and you know he might tell her something that I don't know that's you know whatever but I trust Natalie and I

think that you know my kids trust her too. So that makes me feel good, You know about who my kids are talking to. But I think it's also It's easier for your kids to trust someone when you establish that trust with that person as the parent Jackson was a little bit apprehensive of being around anyone outside of will and I and was not open to, you know, like having a baby sitter or anything like that, but I would stay at home when she first started and be here. So if he felt like he needed me for something like he would come, he would never like regularly ask her for a snack or like things that he needed if he wanted to change, he would come to me and like try to figure out because he's never done anything outside of

will and I, you know, so he didn't know how to properly do that stuff and he had to learn, and I would tell him, you know, like she can get you a snack or, you know, she's gonna let your clothes out. And the proper thing to do is when she lays your clothes out, you go into the bathroom, you close the door, you change your clothes, and you bring your dirty clothes out, and you have your clean clothes on. Like, there should be self-explanatory, but I'm not going to say that it is because he's never, or had never done anything outside of us. And so I think that that alone helped establish trust. Good.

I'm glad he has that. That'll be good, just for like communication skills too in general. I love Starbucks ready to drink coffee and I get the my wrist reloaded my fridge. Well, I get them every time I go to the store. It's like a pick me up because it's like a dessert, but like a pick me up. I also got it yesterday when I was at the store, grabbed one and Jackson was like, Mom, that looks so good. And I said, it absolutely is, son.

Absolutely is, son. So Starbucks, ready to drink coffee, is actually inspired by the flavors of handcrafted Starbucks cafe beverages. I love them. They're always chilled when I go to the store, especially at tractor supply. What do you say when you open one,

you always say, I'm gonna pop this open. I love when you do that. There's nothing better than the sound of screwing that lid off. And it's like, wink, wink. We absolutely love Starbucks ready to drink coffee. It's conveniently packaged for life on the go, which is Lindsay and I as boymoms,

you never know where we're gonna be. They have all kinds of flavors. My favorites are the caramel and vanilla, but they also have mocha and- I love the mocha one. You do? I'm not a local person. I really love the vanilla and caramel.

So we love them and Starbucks coffee ready for right now. Shop the full lineup online or in store wherever you buy your groceries. What comes to mind when you picture the perfect roommate? One who comes when you call. One who doesn't forget to lock the doors. One who doesn't steal your milk. Just a little bit at a time, hoping you won't notice. At apartment.com, we understand that when it comes to roommates, a pet can be your best bet. They're easy-going, eat what you serve them, and never clog the toilet. That's why we have the most pet-friendly rental listings on the internet.

And with instant alerts, you'll know the moment your perfect pet-friendly place becomes available. So when you need a place that's pet- and human tolerant, check out apartments.com, the place to find your pet friendly place. The next string of questions that we're going to answer all came from listeners. The first one is, and I loved this one, how long are you with a partner before saying I love you? Has this been a consistent pattern or has it varied depending on relationship? And I think there are some people that just habitually or I love yours like they they feel like it's just something that they need to say and they say it without any meaning behind it and I hate people like that. I definitely said I love you fairly quickly in some relationships

and then I have not said I love you for a long time in some relationships so I think it very much depends on the person the point of life that you're in the relationship. There's a lot of variations here for me, but I agree with you. I think that there are relationship people who are specifically seeking a relationship and go, they dive in head first. I don't necessarily believe that, you know, maybe they don't mean it. I think they maybe don't necessarily know the meaning of love, but you can also love someone without being in love with them. And so maybe they don't know the difference. I don't know.

That one's tough for me. I think that sometimes people are in love with the idea of being in love. And so that I love you is our thrown around very quickly because they want that fantasy. They want that what they're dreaming of. Like I want to be in love and like I want to feel this. So if I say it, then like it'll make it, it'll make it be. And I just think you should be very, very careful about that.

You know, you're messing with people's lives and their emotions, and you shouldn't be throwing around. I love yous if you truly don't mean it. And I think younger me probably was quicker to say it to Will because it was the first time I had ever done and felt some of the feelings that I felt in that relationship. So I do think even though it was said pretty early on, it was legitimate because it's all that I had to compare it to.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, for sure. I mean, I think it just, I don't know, because I look back sometimes and I'm like, did I really love that person? Like hindsight is always 2020, but also maybe I loved that person or what I knew of love at that time. I was going to say, is it a possible thing that you can love someone in a moment of time?

Yes, or a period of time. Like, just like their seasons of, you know, people, sometimes people are in your life for a season, sometimes they're in their her reason. I think you can love somebody for that period of time or that moment of time or in a situation, which sounds weird, but also I feel like that could very much happen. I don't think that you necessarily have to love them all the time. I mean, even when you're in a committed relationship for years and years and years, they say you fall in and out of love in that one relationship. So how could you say that,

but then not feel like you can't love someone in a moment of time? But see, I don't know if I agree with that because if you're, I don't know that you're, you might not necessarily be falling in and out of love, the love might just be changing and going through a different phase or a different season. So the love looks different. I don't think in a long-term relationship that love looks the same from the beginning and if there's an end to the end because I still have love for Will. I'm not in love with him, but I still very much have love for him and had love for him through the whole divorce process, but I wasn't in love with him. And I think that through our marriage, I loved him very differently from the beginning to the middle to the end. I just want to be careful at this point in my life

of throwing around. I love yous at 33 years old. I'm not going to say it unless I legitimately mean it and it doesn't feel like it's a fleeting action. I can agree with that. This is great. I don't know that my answer is going to be nice for the next one, but how do you nicely tell someone you don't know that my answer is going to be nice for the next one, but how do you nicely tell someone you don't want them to come over to your house when they invite themselves? Don't come over. I'm in my underwear. I have to, I had to tell my kids to stop asking in front of, um, people for so and so to come over, or can we go over to their house? I told them flat out. I was like, you need to stop asking in front of the parents

in front of whoever, because to me, my mom would never have gone for that. You know what I mean? So hold on, this is the school. Uh-oh. I'm back. Hi, six in the guidance counselor causing trouble. Um, she was like, I asked Isaac who he wanted me to call and he said, you not dad.

I was like, well, here we go. Don't we love that when our kids go to like either the nurses office? What we call the clinic. I know that's not what you call it. Or they're in the principal's office and it's like, please call the clinic. I know that's not what you call it. Or they're in the principal's office, and it's like, please call my mom. Yeah, it's never called my dad ever. I don't know anyone who's ever like calling up.

It is. For this part of it, like, at the point that you started acting like an idiot and you're acting like your dad, you need to call your dad. Yeah. Ask him how to get out of it, because clearly it's working real well for him. Clearly it worked for him. Okay so back to what we were

saying before the guidance counselor you know had to get involved. I agree with kids not asking in front of other people or here's the best one. They will have another child ask you. Yeah, like the friend that they want to come over, the friend that they want to go stay over, they'll have. That's my mom. Yeah, that's my mom. She won't say no to you. Yeah. And it's it got at first, it was like, I think that, you know, myself and the other parents that all of our kids were like, what is it colluding with? Yeah. We never wanted to say no, because they're good kids, you know? Like they really are.

But you know, at some point, like the friends that my kids have, we all have four or more children. So that becomes really hard with play dates. And so like, I like the whole going somewhere and having a start and end time, like we talked about a couple weeks ago. That is fun for me. I'm okay with that. I can make that work. Oh, I know another good solution for you. What? This might not work for everybody because everybody doesn't stinkly buy campers, but since you have a camper, that could be like their

play place. Oh, and they love that. They literally love going in the camper. And my friend Sterling was like, I grew up with a camper and I played in there every day after school. Like, that was like her thing. So that actually is a cute idea. But so what do you say, like if a parent invites themselves over or like invites themselves or whatever? Or just like a friend, like one of my friends or something, like they try to invite themselves over,

well, first of all, I'm focused. So like chances are, if any of my personal friends are listening to this, they know that I'm ignoring them for a reason because I, like, no one's coming over. And I'm not coming over. Also, I'll just be like, no, I'm just not feeling it because it's like a Netflix kind of night. And I may or may not be watching Netflix.

I might be looking at my ceiling in my bedroom, but like, I just don't want someone to come over. I don't feel like you should have to feel uncomfortable for saying that you don't want company. No, I agree. And I, I feel like maybe I was this kid in high school because this person in high school, because I was couch surfing to finish my, my freshman year, but I was a kid. So the rival of the fittest baby. Yeah, I was just trying to survive. So that was, you know, a different story. Shout out to Kristen Ariel, whoever, Crystal, Robin, all of y'all who let me couch surf my freshman year. I apologize for making for putting you in that position.

But something else that's easier though, having people over is when you have like a neighborhood pool where you guys can like go to the neighborhood pool and hang out and it's not like at your house or you have a pool at your house so everybody can be hanging out like outside and doing whatever and it's not like in your house. During the regular week, I have to work and have stuff that I need to get done. So I just don't want chaos going on in my house. That's number one. Number two, if someone comes over

and then they overextend their welcome or stay, then you might be encroaching on something else that I need you to be getting done. So lots of times, but my friends know, like if someone comes over, we're probably just gonna be drinking in my kitchen and eating Chinese or wings or some shit. And I might be doing laundry, I might be on email,

like I might be folding clothes, I might be changing sheets, like they're shit that's going on, but also I have a fire pit now that I learned how to use. So that's nice to just be able to open up my back door and go in the back porch and chill out there also. Yeah, I'm just, I don't know how to, I don't know how to be like, no. So I need to tell you about, I thought it was a tumor on my back. Okay. Okay. Either Kaden or Eli Shuk was rubbing my back

and there was like this huge like bulge, right? And I'm like, oh my god, it's a tumor and they're like, no, it's not a tumor. So I had to get on Zock-Dock and they were like, no, this is probably just something that is in your muscles. You probably have a knot that you need to be worked out, blah, blah, blah. So I'm glad that I didn't go to the group chat with this

because I feel like everyone would have had me like, weapon, de-ing my symptoms and I didn't. I went to Zock-Dock, I'm like this is my problem, what is going on, and I got an appointment within 48 hours which my last appointment I got within 24 hours so it's super convenient. I think that it's safe to say you're extremely unlikely to find quality medical advice in your group chat. Yeah. And you can find it from doctors on ZockDoc. I actually need to hop on there whenever we get off of here because I need to schedule an appointment. When you find the right doctor, you can feel it. And every time I have used ZockDoc, I feel heard and feel at ease on ZockDock. You're gonna find the doctor that's right for you. It is seamless, the quality care you need,

just a few taps away in the ZockDock app. There's nothing worse than going to a doctor's appointment expecting to be the center of attention and then your doctor seems like they have better things to do and better places to be. We've talked about that before. And instead of listening to you intently and asking how you feel helping you along the doctor is checking the clock on Zocktalk, you're going to find quality doctors who focus on you, listen to

you, and prioritize your care. Zocktalk is the only free app that lets you find ampook doctors who are patient reviewed and take your insurance are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sign. So with that being said, go to zok.com slash combos and download the zok.app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's zoc doc.com slash combos z zock.com slash combos. This is another great question. And don't really have a direct answer for it.

At what point did you both realize that you needed boundaries? What are a few of your boundaries? The point that I realized I needed them was at the point that I realized I didn't have any. Does that make sense? Like things started feeling so chaotic that I felt so overwhelmed and such, I was like a high, very anxious.

I wouldn't say high functioning anxiety person, because I don't know that like I was much functioning at all, but I felt like I was and I felt like all the things I was trying to do, I was so anxious about and then I realized in that sense of anxiousness that if it was causing me to be that anxious, it was probably because I did not have proper boundaries in place and at that point I created it. Yeah I would I would agree with that. I also I'll give you an example. Okay. If I'm saying I'm working 9 to 5 and something happens after 5 o'clock and now that is going into my personal time, time that I need

to be getting things done at home or time that I'm spending with Jackson. That's going to make me feel anxious and I'm gonna have a great deal of anxiety and feel like I am letting someone down somewhere. So I need to teach that person my boundary or resay my boundary to that person to let them know, hey, it's after five o'clock, and this is my work boundary and my personal life boundary.

And now this is my personal time, so don't intrude on my fucking personal time. I'm not gonna say that. Just not fucking intrude. True. Yeah. No, I think for me, it's very similar. Like I just like wasn't being efficient efficient and doing what I need to do. There was a point where I was taking all my work home with me.

Now I feel like I don't do that enough. It was weird because I feel like the stars kind of aligned for me between you setting your boundaries and being clear about them pretty early on in our friendship and with podcasting. Kristen also saying that she needed to set her boundaries for work along with being in therapy and also my TikToks. I specifically follow someone who does point in views of like employers asking for extra work and things like that with boundaries and I was just like, I just need boundaries across my whole life, like across my whole entire situation.

And so that's when I realized I needed boundaries, was like it was like everybody, just like this whole point in my life was like everyone was talking about boundaries, needing boundaries, what to do, how to handle them, and stuff like that. So that's when I was like, okay, I need to set some boundaries.

And I'm very clear about my boundaries at this point, you know, like especially when it comes to my relationship and like, my friends, it's like, no, I'm not going to do this. And yes, I will do this, you know, like certain things like that. I will be very clear because you can't expect someone to know your boundaries if you're not clearly and respectfully stating them. And that's like my biggest thing is I also can't follow your boundaries if you're not clearly and respectfully stating them.

And I'm not going to follow them if you're, if you can't respectfully tell me, I'm not respecting anything about you. It's interesting that you say that about stating your boundaries, because it was something that I was navigating through a couple of weeks ago. This is my boundary and I talked about it in therapy. It was on a personal level, and I was like, this is my boundary and I was like, you know, this is, this is my boundary. And my therapist said, okay, but we have established your boundary.

Does the other person know that that is a boundary or a deal breaker for you? And a lot of times they don't at first. Because you can't expect someone else to have the same boundary or rules and restrictions on their life is what you have. Right. Now, if you're going to be interacting with them, you need them to respect yours. Right. And you need to respect theirs. But just because you have a boundary, if it's an unsaid boundary, you can't expect someone to just automatically identify that that is a boundary to you. That was something that Havi and I struggled with, you know, for some time and now he has respectfully, I don't know if he heard the podcast, I don't know if it finally got through to him,

I don't know if he started, whatever, but that was something like he would always be like cussing me out and stuff. I'm like, I don't know what your boundaries are because you've never said, hey, Kale, like, this is a situation, This is where I'm at, like, please respect this. It was always coming from a place of, like, anger and, like, cussing out. And then I also just felt like they would change over time and they would go back and forth. Now we have been at a constant, you know, for the past this summer, will be a year. And this is the first time I think, and as long as I've known him that he's been this consistent with them. And so that's, you know, really helpful. You have to be consistent with it. You can't flip flop. And I'm not just saying that for him. Like, that goes for me and everybody else too. Like, we can't go back and forth and, you know, lighten up on the boundaries, you know, sometimes. And then not always. And then we flip flop.

And then it's a different boundary. It's like, if your boundaries change at any point, you have to communicate that. Well, and at the point that someone knows your boundary has established that they can respect it and then starts disrespecting it, then that to me is even a bigger problem. That to me is a major red flag. Yeah. I will say my least restrictive boundaries are in business. Okay, explain.

I feel like I'm way more able to be budged in business. Okay. Like, if I have to be flexible about something, I'm way more willing to do that in business than I am in my personal life. I understand that too, especially like, you know, when it comes to ads that I have to do brand deals, podcasting, you know, work stuff, I'm gonna be more flexible within certain parameters,

like this one ad. One ad, I have to do it for a third time today and I told Kristen like, I'll get it tomorrow. Normally after a second time, I have to do it for a third time today and I told Kristen like I will get it tomorrow Normally after a second time. I'm not doing it. I give up. I obviously can't get it right and I'm done or Podcasting I'm pretty I try to be pretty flexible for whatever my schedule allows as long as it doesn't and true On my personal time with my kids and stuff like I will be flexible for stuff like that Yeah, but in my personal life I feel like the boundary is the boundary. Yeah, yeah, it has to be. It has to be.

And with Jackson, I have to be very careful about, because I am trying to teach him about boundaries right now and how even as a child, you have boundaries after a certain time, he kind of wants to hang out by himself and he's like, I just want to, you know, go upstairs and hang out in the loft by myself and I, you know, reiterate to him, that is your boundary. You know, like you, you want some alone time. And so you need to vocalize that, hey, mom, I want some alone time right now and the

loft by myself. Thank you for, you know, letting me know that you want to want a long time, now and the loft by myself. Thank you for letting me know that you want a long time. I will respect your boundary. That's what I tell my kids with their brothers. I'm like, you can't just scream at him, especially Creed, because he's two, and snatch things.

And it goes for all of them. Isaac Lincoln locks Creed. You need to verbalize. I'm going to my room. You cannot come in right now. and they all kind of like their rooms to be their private area, and then they have the play room if they want to play with each other.

Or they want to go outside together. You have to respectfully and clearly state what the boundary is, or you cannot expect your brothers to know what the fuck you want, or why you're having a meltdown. You know, like, you guys are all, with the exception of creed, are all pretty much old enough to establish what your boundaries are when you want to be alone, when you want to play and that's it, you have to respect it.

Your brother doesn't want to play with you. He doesn't want to play with you. That's his boundary. This is his alone time. You know, he's doing his own thing. You need to find something else to do. all of that and honestly it's kind of nice that that's not a conversation that I have to have because that to me it's just like a lot. One more question and then we're going to do foul play and I think this is relatable to most parents. Do you struggle to maintain friendships with all of the everyday things and how do you make sure to keep up with friends? Not necessarily maintain but struggle to make to have to make time to like hang out with them yes away from the kids like I said a lot of my friends that I have also have four more children and so a lot of times if we're getting together it's you know for the kids to play and so we're not having like a play date for ourselves like we're getting together, it's for the kids to play. And so we're not having a play date for ourselves.

Like we're not going to dinner or having girl time. So that kind of sucks. Or it's like a lot of the stuff is about the kids, about sports or whatever. And so I don't necessarily think it's hard to maintain. But I will say, because this weekend, for example, is the first weekend I won't have any of my kids for some time because when I had them last was like

Mother's Day or whatever. So I only get maybe two weekends a month, but I also have so much home shit to catch up on. I told Natalie this morning, I'm looking forward to having a clean living room this weekend. So like I want to be in my own space by myself and I'm so burnt out and overstimulated from all my kids that I don't necessarily want to go out with my girlfriends or go to dinner. And if I can, they probably can't, because, you know, they have their kids. And so in that way, it's hard, but we still talk every day.

If that makes sense. Mm-hmm. See, I had the weekend that you're describing last weekend. Mm-hmm. And I think as parents, whether you're a single parent, you're married divorced, you know, like whatever your situation looks like, you all, we all as human beings need time to re-energize and have our own personal space to be able to do that. That was something that we very much struggled with in our marriage, for sure.

You know, when we sent Jackson to his parents, it was like we still weren't getting the break that we were looking for because he was wanting to do one thing. I was wanting to do something else. So it's really nice to be able to like just have your house to yourself. I think that you have to, it also kind of goes back to boundaries. You state your priorities through these friendships. And you want your friends to feel like a priority to you. That's the reason that they're a part of your life. But at the same time, you need understanding friends.

And I think a level of understanding of your busy and your busy might look different than my busy and we're not going to get to hang out all the time and like circumstances change sometimes you might have a single friend who gets in a relationship and then you know they're going on dates and have less free time to be able to hang out with you that happened with me with one of my friends and it's okay because I just respect where other people are in life and as adults, we all have busy and chaotic lives and I don't take offense to my friends doing something

else other than hanging out with me. I think it's a very common place that people get very upset when they feel like, oh, my friend isn't choosing me. And it's like, no, they just have life obligations. Yeah, and I think that, I mean, that can be resolved over a simple text conversation. Like, hey, this is where I'm at in life. I'm sorry if you feel neglected. I still love you.

I still want to get together. Like, let's mark something down on the calendar, you know, for two or three weeks out. And so that gives everybody, you know what I mean? But at this point in my life, I just don't necessarily have the time or want to make the time, you know, to go out for things like that

because I am so overstimulated. By the time I have a chance without my kids like this weekend, I want to sleep, I want my living room to be clean, I have not watched TV and I couldn't tell you how long. Probably since the air and card are documentary that I told you about, which was weeks ago. So I haven't, I want to catch up on a show, I want to just have my knee time without my kids. And so, you know, it's just maybe in the summer when my kids are 50, 50, all my kids will

be 50, 50 for the whole summer. Maybe then I'll have more free time to like get together with my girlfriends. Also I'm very much type of person where I will like make plans to do something last minute and I'll text my friend group and be like, hey I'm going here if anybody can meet up. You know, so like everybody's invited and it's like if you don't show up, you don't show up, nobody's going to be but heard over it. Like it's perfectly fine. You might even be fucking out of town. Like I'm just last minute doing that. Not even upset. That'll play. That'll play. I've been going through it the past two weeks. Me and my fiance told my 12 year old and six year old that we were going to,

going to the basement to do laundry. We were at the point where white specimen exploded on my face. Here comes my daughter. She saw my face but not my fiancee's dinging. She ran up the stairs without saying a word for us. She ran up the stairs without saying a word to us for the rest of the day. My bright idea was to talk to her about the situation and decided to come up with. It was a big pimple on his private and it popped on my face. No, no, no. She told my little friend. It's be near your face. Right. She told all her little friends and my parents. I'm completely mortified. I thought the basement door was locked. I feel so bad for traumatizing my daughter. Help me ladies. What should I say to her or

just not say anything? Well, that's what should have happened. You should have just maybe not said anything because now I think the situation has escalated and there's a lot more questions. Why was it by her face? What is all that white stuff? Why would there be a pimple on it? There's a lot more. White stuff are we talking because also I just feel like if it just looked like exploding gizz everywhere, that doesn't look like what comes out of a pimple, like no offense. But also, if this happened to me, I would immediately just pass away.

I mean, I've walked in on my mom several times and I've never seen, like as a child, I wouldn't have known Like I didn't see like any jizz come out. Yeah, like I didn't I wouldn't have known what that was, you know, so like but also I Feel like With a situation that happens like this. I'm kind of speechless, honestly You go with the method of you don't say anything

until they say something to you because you don't know what they actually saw and what they visualized in their mind versus what you know happened. So why are you giving more information than needed? And then I also am going to say that when you lie and I've said this many times before when you lie then you have to tell another lie to cover up that lie to cover up that lie and so eventually this

child's gonna start putting two and two together and be like uh that didn't really make sense so now I'm on the liar. This reminds me of my one friend, former friend. She moved away. She told me that her son, she had no idea. Her and her man at the time were doing, it's not, is it bondage? Like when you tie someone up and then you do like weird shit? Yeah.

So they were doing that. Like having sex, like tied up, strapped to a chair, kind of thing, and she did not realize how long her son was standing in the doorway, four-year-old son. So he was just watching this whole thing? Yeah, anyway. That's how it went. No, no, no, no. You're like, hold up. No. Could you imagine your four-year- old standing there and like them seeing some? No, man, just like tie you up and no, no, no, absolutely not. Like Jackson, who's to, will you?

So like fake like he was going to like try to hurt me to just get Jackson. And I'm like, why am I even telling this? Because now I'm thinking of it. And I'm like, you know what, Jackson probably traumatized from this and I would be like, help me, help me. Jackson would be like, daddy, stop, stop, you're hurting my mommy. Oh, Jackson. Look at him.

I'm looking out for his mom. Couldn't you imagine like if it was a child like that and they saw their mom just getting like tied up. Like the kind of shit that wouldn't sue. And also like is a four-year-old child seeing this man's like dangling like hanging out and being like, oh that's what it does? I don't know. I don't know. I do not know. Like is that the thought process? Well that's what like I mean are the writer, the original commenter of the foul play, she said he she didn't see the dangling But like my friend. I don't know like I don't know if he saw like

Ask up. I don't know like I I didn't ask any questions because I was also traumatized because I was just thinking like What would go through my I saw an episode of law and Order SVU where the guy was like doing things to the mom and then the mom the son walked down and she pretended that you know she was being hurt because she didn't want her son to know and he ended up shooting him. So it was like I did. You know crazy things. I don't have any any advice for the original poster here because I don't know like I think I would go with the don't like you're mortified, but like don't give any information without being asked.

That's 1000% throughout that I would have taken on that as well. Like we are going to pretend like this is actually we're not pretending this is the worst day of our life. And we're just not going to talk about it. Like unless you try to talk to me about it, we're not going to talk about it. Like, unless you try to talk to me about it, we're not going to talk about it. I just wonder now that we've gone down this whole, I just wonder how many kids have walked in like on their parents or like older siblings or something have not gone through puberty yet, don't really know why they have a vagina or a dick and then they see something like this

and they're like, oh, that's how it works. I would be mortified. But also like when I was a kid and I saw my mom, I didn't, I never was like, oh, that's how that works. Like I didn't, I didn't, um, put two and two together. No. So the math wasn't math and free. No, never. Even when I like started having sex, I wasn't like, oh, that's what my mom and her husband were doing. Like I never was like, having sex, I wasn't like, oh, that's what my mom and her husband were doing. Like I never was like, God, God. I actually have a story. Kristen is listening in on this. And I'm going to tell it next week. And I'm starting to truly have hives. I've never come clean about what I'm going to tell everybody. You've never come clean about it. Okay, I'm scared. No one knows about this. Um, and so I'm gonna, I'm gonna talk about it next week. Oh, okay. Next fell play. Next fell play. After I had my son, I ended up with hemorrhoids from pushing

his big headed self out of my crotch. So fast forward a year later, I was dating a guy and he insisted on doing anal. I was very not interested in doing it but I was trying to be open so we tried. It hurt so bad I had to stop him and boom, hemorrhoids full on out. I'm talking the pain was so bad I was barely walking. After two or three days of being in pain I'm at work and go to the bathroom and my ass hole is bleeding. Not just a little it was bleeding through my tan pants. I had to wear to work, yay, for me. I called my aunt to drive me up the street to urgent care.

I didn't like the idea of a stranger looking at my butthole so my cousin who happened to be a doctor at the urgent care came into taking out the stranger. I don't know what's worse. The stranger looking at your butthole or your cousin. Well, I think if it's a female cousin, I would feel way more comfortable with that. No, I just wanted to be a stranger.

While laying on my side with my aunt in front of me, my cousin walks in, lifts up the sheets, and goes, oh my God, those are so big. I would cut them off right now, but I don't know if I could stop the bleeding. I then start to panic. She refers to... Okay, so it is a girl.

She refers me to a butthole doctor so I can have surgery to get them removed. Of course, I had to wait two weeks to, okay, so it is a girl. She refers me to a butthole doctor so I can have surgery to get them removed. Of course, I had to wait two weeks to get seen so they started to become less and less inflamed as the days passed. Once we left my aunt who was also a nurse said, I've seen some hemorrhoids before but she made it sound so bad.

I wish I would have looked. That still never told them how this happened and I never will. And no, I didn't have the surgery because by time I was seeing the inflammation went down. Just to add for my appointment with the butthole doctor, they asked if a couple students could come in with a doctor and I thought, why not? Well, in walked about six students behind the doctor while everyone was looking at my asshole.

Not fun. Moral of the story. If you don't want hemorrhoids, don't push a baby out of your crotch. Don't push when pooping and don't live too heavy of weights and always take school stuff. Stool softeners. Okay. Um, I got a hemorrhoid after I had Jackson. You did? How people was it? Was it internal? It was so color external. Um, I think I saw it. What does that mean? It was external? Yeah, because I could see it, but it didn't bleed. Did it hurt so bad?

Yes, and I would put a mirror down there to see if it was going away. And I was like, is this a growth? Like, what exactly is this? And I had never even known what hemorrhoids were until I had my windows tinted in my my car and college and that man left his hemorrhoid cream there that tinted the windows. I didn't even know what hemorrhoids were. And then when I had Jackson, I think it's pretty common

to like get a hemorrhoid like after having a baby. I've never gotten one from shitting. Thank God. I think sitting on the toilet is not great. That might be why that company made squatty parties. I just, one of my girlfriends told me about her hemorrhoids and well, actually two of my girlfriends. One of my girlfriends said that they would get so big and then they would deflate. The pain would go away and the thing would go away

but the deflated skin that was stretched out from the hemorrhoid would still be there. And so it would be like a deflated balloon. Like dangling? Yeah. And she would tell me how embarrassed. I don't know if she ever got them removed. But she would tell me about that.

And then my other girlfriend told me about an external hemorrhoid and said how like unbearably painful. Like she couldn't even sleep because it was so bad. Yeah, mine must have not have been maybe I thought it was bad because it was attached to my personal asshole. Well, what other asshole would you have? Well, versus anybody else's asshole. Maybe I just thought it was like way worse than what it was. It probably wasn't even big. I just know I had one from giving labor and or giving birth, not labor. And then it just like went away and I've never seen it again. Wow. Oh my gosh. I hate it for anyone who has hemorrhoids. Also, I feel so bad for this girl. That must have been very tragic to go in, have your cousin see your butthole. The hemorrhoids were that large and then to have students as if you

were like a science experiment looking at your asshole. Yeah, that's that's traumatic. I think I think if someone asked me if can can my students come in and you know just watch your asshole I would be like no. Oh I've said no before. Like I've never been asked like could students come in but like especially at like the GYN I've had them ask like well one time when I was with this habitual cheater and I constantly was in there for BV, I was always terrified that I was gonna have an STD. And I was so embarrassed.

I mean, now I look back and I'm like, well, they probably would have seen worse, like, have seen worse in other people. Yeah. And so I've told them, no, like, I don't want them to see, you know, I don't know if I had a fucking raging, fucking STD or something, I would have been terrified. Raging STD, goodbye. On or something, I would have been terrible. Raging STD, good bye.

On that note, I literally have to go. All right, versus not literally, but you guys have not followed us on app coffee combos podcast, on Instagram, follow us there. You can find us on any podcast app where ever you get your podcast, and always first at podcast one,

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