Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Ruby Franke Exposed & Defending My Kid

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

CC306: Kail and Lindsie are concerned for the kids of Ruby Franke and the allegations that she was neglectful, while also showcasing the family on social media. Lindsie and Kail read some advice posts from the Facebook group and give their two cents. One listener asks advice on how to deal with a parent who doesn't admit their child was on the verge of bullying, and another listener asks how to deal with her ex's new partner who is causing unnecessary and awkward moments between the whole family. And speaking of exes.. Lindsie FINALLY meets her ex-husband's new girlfriend! For Foul Play we learn that one, make sure not to bring embarrassing items through TSA, and two, that there are still good guys out in the world.  Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first monthApartments: Visit Apartments.com, a place to find a placeChime: Get started at chime.com/convosGreen Chef: Visit GreenChef.com/convos60 and use code convos60 to get 60% off plus free shippingProgressive: Visit progressive.com to learn moreStamps: Visit Stamps.com and use code COFFEE for a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale!

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say, thank you? This is Coffee Convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kailin Lindsay. Good morning and welcome back to another episode that I'm going to dub today as Coffee Combo Squadcast Shit Show. I'm not okay. Like I'm very disappointed and I'm very unhappy. Why? Because we had exciting stuff for today that fell through. And I am very glad that we didn't announce it because I was so excited that I was going to post it, and then it fell through, so credit to Kristin on that saying maybe don't post it, let it be a surprise. Well, a couple minutes before we got on this recording, I felt that it was a good idea to not

pull the class and go on my Instagram story and say that something exciting was dropping on Coffee Combos podcast on Thursday. And you did that? Yep. And I also told everybody, don't tell anybody that I said this as if everybody doesn't view my Instagram stories. Well, we're going to just make the best of today and still push through as if everything is fine. We have to address Ruby Frank, like Frankie Frank, whatever Ruby Frank, have you heard of this whole? No, I have not.

So you need to catch me up to speed on this whole thing. Okay. So a while back, I don't know if we talked about it on this podcast or not, but we may have, I sent you the Tik Tok. I don't know if you ever got a chance to watch it. This mom who I personally had never heard of, but other people, she's like a big, big, big YouTuber, right? Yes, I did see this, that you sent.

Yes, so she went viral on TikTok, which is how I found her, because she gets on and online, and she's like, my six-year-old daughter's teacher just texted me and let me know that she forgot her lunch and could I drop one off at the school today? And in the TikTok, she's saying how she's not going to drop off a lunch because her six year old is in charge of packing her own lunches.

And she goes on to say that she hopes that nobody will step in or intervene and that her daughter needs to go hungry in order to feel like, essentially this natural consequence. And it went viral because people were like, are you fucking serious? And I also felt the same because you and I have talked about natural consequences so much on this podcast. And I think that they are beneficial in the long run to a degree. I'm never going to make my kids starve as a natural consequence. That is not, that's not something that I'm going to do.

And I'm not. Okay. Let me just ask you this. Is it the same concept? Cause I'm just trying to like get a mindset going here. Like, is it the same concept of parents who, if their children don't eat at dinner time, or they don't eat what mom or dad has prepared, then they go hungry. Or do you view this as a completely different situation?

Well, when you think about it like that, and when you put it like that, I'm like, some people do that situation with the dinner thing. I don't. I'm not going to make them something, but they can get something that they don't have to make, or if it's easy, like Easy Mac or peanut butter and jelly, something like that. Um, banana, I don't have to make or if it's easy like easy Mac or peanut butter and jelly or something like that Banana, I don't know to me. I just it's a little bit different because as adults we can be forgetful of things so

to have an expectation on a six-year-old child that they might not forget something at home and are probably already upset that they forgot it, and they're probably already dealing with that at school. But the thoughts of if I had a six-year-old, my child being at school without a lunch while everyone else is eating, no chance in hell am I allowing that to happen. Well, I think the second part to your point is also our six-year-olds at home are not responsible for cooking dinner.

She's requiring her six-year-old, which I'm assuming is either kindergarten or first grade, to make impact her own lunch, which I think is a little extreme. I understand like a Montessori type of mind. Mindset, yeah. But Lux just told me he wanted to pack his own lunch the other day and it was filled with snacks and there was no sandwich and there was no anything so I repacked his lunch. Like I left a couple things in that he left that he wanted and then I added the sandwich,

the yogurt, the fruit, etc. So there's just certain things where- There's also proper teaching. Like what you did, in my opinion, with Lux, was allow him to have a level of independence to try to pack his own lunch. But then you went behind him and made sure that he had the proper things in his lunch that you want him to have for a well-rounded meal.

I think that's fine. And that's teaching them independence and it's teaching them to be responsible for their own things. I also would do that approach. Yeah. Jackson does not pack his own lunch, but I feel like at 10, if I put the lunchbox out,

he could easily pack the things that I pack in there. It's just easier for me to do it. I can't imagine my child being at school for getting their lunch, a teacher calling or emailing home for me to drop off the lunch. I'm sorry, but when it comes to my child, that's first always. So I don't care what I'm doing. If my kid forgot his lunch, I'm going to the school and I'm dropping off the lunch.

I have two more things to add to this portion of the story. Okay, so one, Lux and I talked this morning, like today, we talked about, I didn't have lunch meat, I haven't gone grocery shopping. So we talked about him buying lunch, he has money on his lunch account. And he said that he packed a snack. Instead of putting in his backpack, he put it in his lunchbox. So I message, I took it upon myself

in the school drop off line to message the teacher. And I said, Hey, Lux and I talked about him buying lunch today, but he still got out of the car with his lunchbox. I do not know what's in his lunchbox, but it's certainly not a lunch. Can, would you please be able to you or a lunch lady, please make sure that he buys a lunch so he you please be able to, you or a lunch lady, please make sure that he buys a lunch so he doesn't go hungry. That was something that happened today. He's six, he's literally the same age

as Ruby Frank's daughter. The second part that I have to say is, no, hold on, because I just lost my train of thought. Oh, we chose to have these kids, right? Like we chose them. We chose to have them. We understood as parents that we are responsible for them until they are well-rounded adults. And part of that comes with the responsibility of these are not 10-year-olds that we're teaching to pack our lunches, right?

Like this is a six-year-old who, like I said, probably just learned how to write her name and you want her to pack a lunch. So I, it's just, we are, we chose to have them. So anyway, the second part of the story that I kind of did in my little deep dive was that she posted another video where her daughter, her other daughter wakes up late. She's in preschool. She wakes up late. She misses preschool, tells her mom, I'm ready to go to preschool, and her mom says, well, you were in charge of waking yourself up and getting ready for preschool, which you failed to do, you missed preschool,

and now you're not going. I think you have to look at what is acceptable responsibilities for children based off of age. And to me, it's not a preschooler's job to wake themself up to go to preschool. And it almost seems like this mom is a complete extremist for content purposes. So you don't, do you think she's like this

without the cameras? Or you think that she's an extremist and then she likes to put it online for the content. For the follow up. For the content, yeah. Yeah, she also took her, so one of her older son at the time, I think he was like 12,

he pranked his little brother saying they were going to Disney or something like that. He wasn't entirely sure if that was the reason that he got his room taken away. Well, he got his room taken away and had to sleep on a beanbag for like seven months. What? Yeah, like talk about natural consequences,

which we've talked about on the podcast, are supposed to fit the crime, right? Like you forget your jacket and it's cold outside. Obviously, if it's like freezing temperatures, and I went through this with Lincoln, if it's freezing temperatures, I'm gonna have it behind him, you know what I mean? But like you need to step outside into the cold

and realize, okay, you really did need a jacket. But for you to take your son's room, and he doesn't even know if that was the reason why he got his room taken away. So it just is so blatantly clear to me that your extreme natural consequence type of parenting is not working because the whole point of the natural consequence is to fit the crime and be a lesson.

Well, and if there is a lack of understanding on what you did and why you're paying the consequences that you're paying, then- It's kind of productive. Correct. Yes. So, allegedly, where they stand today is husband and wife. They have six kids total. Husband allegedly left around a year, a year and a half ago with the oldest son. So, he hasn't been in the picture for some time. Now, she has a business partner or a podcast co-host or something

like that named something Hildebrandt, Jodi Hildebrandt, I thought her name was Jill, Jodi Hildebrandt. And the kids were at Jodi's house, one of the children escaped. I believe it was the younger son escaped to a neighbor's house, malnourished and had like marks on his wrists, I think, indicating that he was most likely restrained or tied up. And so they both, Jodi and Ruby, have been arrested and charged with child abuse. And I'm just wondering, and so Ruby goes to court for like a hearing regarding where the children are going to go. And she then proceeds to like blame or deflect to onto her one of her children saying that

he allegedly sexually abused siblings and other family members and things like that. And I'm just thinking to myself this whole time, if that is the case, that has nothing to do with why you're abusing your children. Correct. And if that was actually the case, then why is that the first time that anybody knows about it? If that is a true concern, why are you waiting until you get put on the spot because you are being accused of these crimes against your kids?

Why is that the first time that you're addressing that? Also, I'm not entirely sure what that had to do with the abuse, not that I think I wouldn't want her to abuse the child that allegedly sexually assaulted other children. But what I'm saying is I'm not understanding how that would be a reason or any type of anything when it comes to her abusing the other children. So they're young, they're in their of school age, and that her oldest daughter was actually like finally like my mom got arrested, like she posted something saying like, finally. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We've been talking about therapy a lot lately.

I need to discuss in therapy more about my romantic relationship because I want to start making it stronger and I want to focus on tools for longevity. I want to not make the same mistakes as I have in the past and so that's what I'm going to work on for the remainder of this year. But also with better help, I don't have to go anywhere and I love that. I love being a whole body. I also love that. Yeah, it's just flexible, convenient. You know how it goes. I went to bed last night, realizing that I immediately needed to make a therapy session. And I am going to be using better help. If you guys have ever thought about giving

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the place to find your pet-friendly place. Now my question is, and I think everyone's question is right now, where is the data in all of this? Because I don't think they're fully divorced. I think they're just separated. This abuse has been going on for years and years and years. So yes, while they may have been separated for the last year, year and a half, he is definitely privy to the abuse and what has been going on. One, why is he not saving his children? Two, why the fuck is he not reporting her? And three, why is he not being charged in all of this?

Okay, so I was about to say, any parent that is co-parenting is going to relate to the next thing that I'm about to say, but kids come home and tell you things that happen at the other house. So you can't tell me if he is seeing his children. Allegedly, he's not. Allegedly. But if he's not seeing his kids, maybe is the reason that he's is seeing his children. Allegedly he's not, allegedly. But if he's not seeing his kids, maybe is the reason that he's not seeing his kids

because she's doing all of these things and she doesn't want to face what he might do if he found out. So you think that maybe he doesn't know? Unsetted mission, yeah, like it could be potential unsetted mission that on her part that she knows what she's doing is wrong. So she's keeping these kids under lock and key

so they can't tell anyone. But also- But what about when he was around? Because this is- But also, they go to school. So like- They're all school age. I wonder if there's been any reports to like CPS or anything.

Allegedly, and I have to continue to say allegedly, so I apologize for anyone who gets annoyed. What I'm hearing is that four of the children were actually found malnourished. And that there are mixed, there's some people saying they watched this family, I think it's called like eight passengers or something on YouTube for years and years.

And then another group of people like list, not listeners, viewers of their content have said that this has been a long time coming, and that she has been accused by public opinion for child abuse and neglect. So this has, yeah, so this has definitely been going on while the dad was involved. I'm not saying it didn't get significantly worse

when he left. Because I was trying to understand the little boy escaped from Jody's house, not his mother's house. So I didn't know if they were living together. I didn't know if she's like the caretaker. Why he was asking for food and water and to call the police. And the neighbor calls the police on it and they release the phone call, which I'm not going to play. You guys can look it up yourself. The neighbor is holding back tears.

Like he's trying not to cry. And I literally was holding back my tears listening to the call and this grown ass man. And they, I guess neighbors were reporting that they had seen them every day outside for a period of time. And then all of a sudden they didn't see the younger kids anymore. That's so weird. And also, do you think that she suffers from some type of like mental illnesses? To me, maybe this natural consequence thing has gone to such an extreme that these kids aren't able to eat.

Well she punishes them using food. So like sometimes I know there was one thing that went viral. She was saying that one of her children had lost dinner privileges as a punishment. I think that any parent that's listening to this podcast right now, you have to be so mindful of not using food as weapons against your children. I agree. Because it creates unhealthy relationships with food, whether that be binge eating, making them eat things that they don't want to eat to try to prove a point. Like to me, healthy relationships with food is so important. Whether you're raising a boy or whether you're raising a girl, that is so important. So to me, this is very alarming.

It's very alarming. So I don't know. I've had some of my own theories. Like I'm not obviously not going to spread rumors. Oh, I say I'm obviously not. I'm sure this podcast has before. I'm sure I have before unintentionally. I have some of my own theories in my head

about the relationship between Jodi and Ruby only because I know for a fact as a business partner, as a friend, as an assistant role, you, Kristen, Natalie would never in a million years co-sign child abuse towards my children. So if I brought any of my children to any of y'all's houses and tied them up, or did any kind of crazy shit like that, or abused them in a way that I was using food as like a ploy, or like a pawn, or a punishment, none of y'all are going to co-sign that.

So I have some kind of sick theories on the relationship between Jodi and Ruby, but I will keep them to myself. Okay, well you keep us updated on... Yes. Are you like following this heavily? Yes. Okay, keep us updated on all the things that you find because I'm interested to see how this plays out.

And it kind of reminds me of that one story that we covered that there was like that movie or documentary on about those kids that like escaped and she used like a cell phone. Do you remember that? And she like was like running around in the police founder. I forget what that story was, but at the point that your children feel like they have to escape your home, that's terrifying. I just don't know.

You have to have some sort of mental illness to be doing this to your kids in private and then having this social media public presence. And you think that you're like, I just, that to me is some sort of mental illness, right? And then secondary to that, it's like, did you think your kids were never gonna speak out against you? Like you think that through all of these punishments

that somewhere along the lines, they're like, wow, something's not right and they're not gonna speak against you because I know if I did this to my kids, especially just because I don't, Creed has a personality, but he's not old enough. But like, if I did that, if I did shit like that to my older kids,

they're not gonna let that shit fly. They're gonna tell their dads, they're gonna go somewhere, they're gonna tell a, they are gonna tell somebody. They're gonna tell their teacher, they're gonna tell the school counselor, they're gonna tell friends.

Like, it's not gonna go uncovered. And it reminds me kind of of the situation with the Duggars too. Like, yeah. And John and Kate plus eight. Yeah. Did they think that they were just going to go under the radar? Like if you're doing not, not saying that it should be acceptable in any situation because no, yeah, of course, at all.

But the fact that you have some type of public presence and you think that you aren't going to be found out about, like that's wild to me. It's weird. Um, heard that there was an update on the drunk teacher. Yeah. It's not even funny. I don't even know why I'm laughing, but it's appalling. Like definitely understand teachers who want to go home and drink after their

school day, fully, fully, fully understand that. I get it. However, the teacher at school, we got a DM and it says, about the drunk elementary school teacher, the rest of the body cam footage is her getting arrested and they go get her school key from her classroom and there was a cup with remnants of wine in it. When they caught her with that, she said it was from yesterday,

meaning that she was in fact drinking during school day the day before. While I understand that teachers have normal lives outside of school and outside of their profession, I just feel like when people are trusting you with their children there is a level of accountability that you have to have. I have multiple friends who are teachers and even those teachers that go to even like our local pizza place, they get drinks and other cups so that in the event that a student comes in, they're not exposed to seeing them consuming alcohol. The fact that a teacher would be so brazen to bring alcohol into the school

and show up intoxicated in that way. If you've made bad decisions, which as adults, lots of us make bad decisions. If you chose to make a bad decision and you weren't in a place to where you could show up as the way that you're supposed to show up and be completely functional, you should have called in on a personal or a sick day. I think this might be a situation where, and this is just speaking on experience, she could possibly be an alcoholic

and it may have taken over to the point where she is not capable of making those calls and types of decisions because at the point that you're in the school with alcohol lying and taking care of children, you no longer have the ability to think rationally. And it wasn't a rational act to go into school with alcohol. And to your point, if she showed up drunk, that means that she drove to the school drunk. So her entire, her entire

mindset has worked. So that would be indicative of like an actual problem. And I can't even imagine if that happened with my child or children that I knew, I would be coming unhinged. Oh, 100%. 100. And just thinking about how if she ever, if she comes through the other side of this and she ends up going to prison or whatever she ends up going through and then gets out of it, she's going to have to move away and start her life completely over in another place. Like thankfully we don't know her name. Not that I wouldn't go after her or anything, but she she's gonna have to start over somewhere after some amount of time where people who do know her name based on this incident won't remember it and

She's gonna have to start her life completely over somewhere else because for me listen. I'm not I'm not going back No, no Where you know what I mean like you and I would certainly hope that this school wouldn't allow her back. Like I understand people make mistakes and stuff like that. But at the same time, when you're making a mistake to that capacity, that not only have you put yourself in harm's way, but you put other people's children that are trusting the public school system. When you have put them in harm's way, it is absolutely the county's obligation to the parents to protect them from that person.

And who's to say that she wouldn't be a repeat offender if she truly does have a problem? Also, she put everyone on the road at risk as well. Yup. I know one state just said, I don't know what state it was. There was a state that just came out the law that if you are under the influence and you kill a child's parent, you are responsible to pay child support. I saw that. So she very much, you know, could have been pulling into the school parking lot and hit

a parent. You know what I mean? Like it's just, there's too many what ifs or she could have showed up. You know what I mean? So it's just a lot. Someone else commented and said, I guess responding to like what would we do? She posted saying, so my seventh grade son came home

and as he walked in the door, said his science teacher was arrested today for a DUI and he even pulled up her mug shot. I mean, again, I don't want to dehumanize teachers, I don't want to dehumanize teachers, but at the same time, if you are arrested on a DUI, I wonder if this DUI was at the school. Oh. You know, like, I don't know.

Like the thought of someone that, I mean, I guess anybody like really think about it. Like it's kind of dangerous to be out driving on the road, just like period. The thoughts of someone being in the school carpool lane, drinking and driving. It's scary. Look, think about all the children

that are involved in that. Like this is a public service announcement. Do not drink and drive on school property. Do not drink and drive on school property. Do not drink and drive period. Do not put my kid in harm's way because of things that I might do. That's one thing I would go to prison for and I would not literally think twice about it. Like you drink and drive. I'm coming for you. I'm drinking drive and do something to one of these kids and I'm coming for you.

Like there's no doubt about it. Okay, let's get into credit scores really quick because I think this is like our most asked about thing in our group chats and also on our Facebook page. Some people think that credit scores are no big deal, but if you're dealing with a low credit score or no credit score at all, that could actually be a problem and that has been a problem for me in the past.

I just had no credit for years and years. And really that's part of the reason why people swear by chimes, secured credit builder visa credit card. My parents always used to preach to us growing up how important credit is. My sister and I have phenomenal credit, but I wish when I was building my credit, I would have known about the Chimes Secured Credit Builder Visa Credit Card because it's truly a better way to build your credit because you can build your credit score safely with everyday purchases and on-time payments.

There's no annual fee or credit check to get started and you're actually building credit using your own money, which I think is genius. And you can use this card wherever Visa credit cards are accepted. And what's funny is how I take the card at concessions, like at Lincoln's football and stuff, people use Charm credit cards all the time. And I'm like, I recognize them. Like I love that.

So. I also love that. And I love that you also have access to 60,000 plus fee-free ATMs. So you're easily going to be able to find one near you with the Chime app. And you can also pay friends through Chime. So no matter what bank account they use, and you can also cash out your money fee free. So like Kail said, your credit is a big deal. Yes, it is a big deal. You guys can get started at chime.com slash convos. That's chime.com slash

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Results may vary. Okay, so we have a segment on this episode that we're gonna do and we allowed our listeners to submit for advice and we're gonna roll through as many as we possibly can and this is the first one. So backstory, my son told me one time that his friend had been making fun of another student saying some really mean things

and the kid was planning to fight. I reached out to the parent after thinking it over and hearing from the other parent of kids and the friend group saying the same things. As a parent, if someone came to me to let me know of a situation regarding one of my children doing that, I myself would wanna know and would want to investigate the situation before letting it get out of hand. I honestly didn't want to

hear of the boys fighting or getting in trouble. We live in a small town and I know a lot of the parents and kids. I told the parent nicely what I heard and said that it was for her to handle, but the reaction I got back was not what I was expecting. The mother twisted it and said my son needed to stop talking about it and he was wrong. Her son would never do this. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore and it's awkward at sports activities. The boy's friendship isn't great, but that's also because the boy is also, I don't want to say bullied, but would just pick and bug him and be obnoxious, seeming to want to come

off as a goof, but it was actually annoying to my son. When his mother told him what I said, he went to school and called my son a snitch. I spoke with the other few moms and we decided if we were ever in that situation again, we would want to be told and handle it from there. But I'm just not sure it's worth even the drama at this point. I haven't had this situation before. I have. I've had two situations. One, kind of like this one, and then one where Isaac has like a best friend that's a girl, and they had like a little bit of a like a tiff last year. And I'm very much not in denial about any of my kids. Like my kids are not perfect. They definitely can be mean. They can definitely say things that are out of pocket. year and I'm very much not in denial about any of my kids. Like my kids are not perfect,

they definitely can be mean. They can definitely say things that are out of pocket and I don't appreciate it and I will be the first one to correct them and check them. And for me, I would never sit there and be like, oh my son wouldn't do that. So the event that happened last year, the girl's dad reached out to me and was very respectful and was just like, hey, I think this is going on. So Isaac and her are having this, whatever. And I said, I really do appreciate you telling me. I respect how you came to me as an adult

and there was no blaming or anything. It was like, I really hope they can work this out. And I really appreciated that, because I felt like that was the respectful way to do it. And I think if we're gonna get involved in our teenage kids stuff, we have to do it in a respectful way so that one, it's reciprocated and two,

so the kids learn from that. So I talked to Isaac about it. Isaac ended up writing her a letter, apologizing, or a text. I don't remember if it was a letter or text apologizing and they worked it out and it was fine and they just went to the movies this weekend. So like, they're fine. And you know, her if her mom or her dad ever came to me again about something that was said or if they were arguing, I would be so receptive to hearing both sides and trying to mediate for them and also helping them come up with ways

to like get through it themselves. And I really love that. I've also had this situation and it's hard because when someone else is not receptive, you can't dictate or even, you can't really do anything about it if the parent is just as combative and not, you know what I mean?

So it sounds like the son, the other son is taking after the mom. So now you know where he gets it from and why he is argumentative and doing what he's doing because the mom is not receptive to any type of constructive criticism either. So. I think that we as parents want to protect our kids

at all costs and it's natural instinct for us to go on the defense to defend our kids. But at the same time, if another parent is taking time out of their day to address you on something, to inform you of a situation that you may not have been privy to, it's like I tell Jackson all the time, teachers have better shit to do with their lives than to call and nark on you. Like if they're calling to tell me something, it's because what they're telling me is the truth and they need me to be informed about this situation

because we evidently need to have a conversation about this at home. I feel like there may be some parents that are in just a complete state of denial that children in general are just mean. Some of the things that I have personally seen or heard of from the school, from other parents with other situations that my child wasn't involved in, kids are just mean. And the internet, I think, has made children meaner. It has allowed them

another outlet to be able to bully. One thing about the public school system that really ticks me off is their definition of bullying because they they say that it has to be a repeated action by one student to the same student and to me you can be bullied by a student on one occasion, and someone be participating in bullying behavior. And it doesn't have to be a repeated action. If they're bullying, they're bullying. I want to just go back to what you said about the defending.

You naturally and instinctually, we want to protect our kids and defend our kids. I agree with that. And I think that there's a way to do it in a sense that's like, okay, say you came to me, say there's an incident with Jackson and Lincoln, right? And you came to me and you're like, Lincoln did this. You know, it's one thing for me to react to me like, wow, that's shocking. I would never expect that from Lincoln, but I'll have a conversation with him. This isn't like him. You're still defending his character. You're still defending your child in saying this is out of character for

him. I didn't expect this. You know, this is really surprising to me. You're still defending their character, but you're also open-minded in knowing that it could be possible and you can have a private conversation to correct or rectify the issue. And then to your point, I didn't know that that was, I've never actually looked up the definition of bullying. I didn't know it was like a repeated, allegedly it was a repeated action by the same person. And I just don't know if I agree with that either, only because in one day, in one incident,

somebody could truly tear someone down and make it so unforgettable one time. Yeah, and that is my biggest thing. I'll never forget when Jackson was in preschool, they had like farm day and everyone came to school. I don't know if I've ever talked about this before, but everyone came to school in farm themed costumes. So most of the boys were dressed like farmers.

Most of the girls were dressed like cowgirls and Jackson wanted to dress like a cow. So I order him this cow costume. He was so excited about it. I walk him into school. He's waiting for the doors to open. They're lined up. And this little girl in his class starts laughing.

And it causes Jackson to get so uncomfortable. And I wasn't like hovering over him. I was just standing waiting for the teachers to take him back. But I was kind of like standing back with other parents. So he runs up to me and he said that he didn't want to stay at school and that she hurt his feelings because she was making fun of his costume. So I absolutely did say something to the child's mother because she was there. And I said, you know, maybe there would have been a better way to approach this like, hey, Jackson, your costume silly, not sit and laugh and then tell everybody else in the

class to join in on this laughing thing because Jackson decided to be a cow and not a cowboy. Right, right, right, right, right. How did the mom react? What did she say? Immediate defense for her child that it wasn't that big of an issue. No, but it is. I said, but it's an issue at the point that it's harmed my child in this way emotionally that he doesn't wanna stay at school

because something that he was excited about, he's now embarrassed about. So in fact, it is an issue. And she just wasn't hearing it? No, no. I don't, that is something where, like, if that was me as the other mom, I would have, like Lux, for example,

I would have been like, you know, that's not nice. I would have said it in front of the other child. And that wouldn't be to embarrass my child, but just for everyone in the picture, including my child to know that that's not acceptable behavior and that's not something that I tolerate. I would have said, like, in my opinion, that mom should have been like, you know, got down on her level and been like, you know, it really wasn't very nice for you to, for you to, for you to do that.

And then to your point, just said, like, you know, maybe saying his costume is silly is, is a better way to approach this. So yeah, instead of like sitting and laughing and pointing and then having everybody else in the class that is your little friend group to point and laugh at that point and make fun of my child. I don't like that. Like it, that's very like, I hate to say it because it's preschool, but it's like very mean girl behavior.

Yeah. And I just didn't like it. And I think a better way, um, last thing I'll say on this, I think a better way to handle a situation when you're approaching another parent regarding your child and their child, it's probably best that you try to get a full picture of what has gone on from your child or anybody else that's involved before you approach this other parent. So you're not just going to them. This is from your child or anybody else that's involved before you approach this other parent. So you're not just going to them. This is what your child did.

Right. And I tell Isaac all the time, especially Isaac, just cause he's the oldest. I say, you know, I want to have your back, but if I don't have the whole story, I can't be out here sticking my neck out or showing my ass and you're not telling me the full picture. And when that incident happened last year, not with the girl, but with the fight, I went into that office and I think I said this on that episode, I said, you know, what was your hand in this?

And did you do something that would have egged him on? Because that's the other thing, it's like, if you're egging someone on, don't cry wolf after the fact. So yeah, get a full picture and just approach the other person, especially when you're dealing with small children, especially like there's no need to go into a school guns blazing or talk to a parent guns blazing unless it's like life or death type of situation. Like there's a way to situation really,'s any situation really, I mean in life, and maybe we both learn this through therapy,

that you need to sit and pause for a second and let your emotions calm down. It's never a good time to go to any type of conversation, whether you're addressing another parent, relationally, like whatever it is, being emotionally charged, you're going to get nowhere. Well, to that point, I'm gonna call myself out because the kid that did what he did to Isaac last year

ended up in two of his classes and a lunch period this year. I did not pause because now my son's safety is at risk and I called the front desk and I was livid, flipped out. And I ended up calling back a few minutes later and I was like, I'm calm now. I want to apologize for yelling. I just am very unhappy with how this is all playing out

and I can't understand, like help me understand what is going on. And she was like, it's okay. And she accepted my apology, but definitely don't approach a situation like that because again, you're not gonna get anywhere. Coffee Combos podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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I co-parent our daughter 5050 dad's girlfriend likes to be involved in everything and doesn't have respect for boundaries at all. I stopped dealing with her in general about a year ago and have asked her to not be involved when I deal with my ex. Reasons being she likes to start fights. I will be on the phone with ex and she will start yelling on speakerphone, tells my daughter I am Mama Kate, referred to me as Mama Kate and her as Mama. Over the top, public displays for my daughter, et cetera,

and my ex and this girl have been together almost four years, got engaged, planned the wedding, and broke up this time last year. My ex told us she had left him for the neighbor a few houses down. Ex told this to everyone in town too. Shocker, they get back together. This has happened at least three times now that I know of,

but I have heard way more. They are toxic together. My ex has come over crying these breakup tears twice to me and my husband alone. So that tells you how desperate it is each time. My husband and I will listen, be supportive, etc. And then it's the same shit, different day. I feel like if you're breaking up all the time, stop doubling down on my daughter when you obviously are not in it for the long haul. But I also feel that she does this because my daughter is the only good in the relationship. So she clings to her and tries to make herself into a mom.

She has no children of her own and is 26 for reference. I'm 30 and have two step kids as well. I would never in my life do this shit. We had my step sons for the first day too. I sent their mom all the pics and waited days later to post one single pic. I'm very respectful as a stepmom because I know what it's like dealing with

the juice over here. I stay in my lane as I step, I am an assistant coach and the sidelines is where I'm staying. Today was the first day of school when my ex and I agreed to drive our daughter together. His girlfriend comes along while parking, she makes the comments. I have cried already today, my baby's first day and I don't care if we can't park here.

It's the kids first day and then we get to class. I need to say our goodbye. She proceeds to give my daughter at least 15 to 30 kisses over and over. It was annoying as I was waiting to say goodbye. I kneeled to say goodbye and she asked me to stay but I told her the bell already rang and we had to go. Dad's girlfriend goes over and says goodbye two more times after me. Dad and I are in the hall waiting. I'm pissed, but not at all surprised. I feel like my moment with my daughter was overtaken by this lady and never stops. I could have stayed longer with my daughter, but the bell rang and was being respectful of the teacher. Let's also acknowledge that the kids always want mom. Mom is the best. My daughter specifically asked for more time with me

while girlfriend goes back multiple times. I want to address it for the simple reason that things like this are the example of why I don't want her involved. She doesn't respect her place at all and it negatively impacts my time. This is all for my daughter and I like that she has support

but my daughter wanted me, not her and she made it about herself. Then on the way home, she's all, this went better than I expected. What the fuck? I said nothing the whole ride so the tension could speak for itself. What would you ladies do at this point? I want to address it, but ex and girlfriend will always gang up two against one on me and I drop ship for my piece too often. Part of me feels like involving my husband because I know my ex would be more in line with him present, but I hate that I've made it this long without doing that and then to involve

him to get basic vaccines wild. Well, that's very complicated. And unfortunately I've also been through this. I mean, like I've lived a thousand lives. I went through this and unfortunately they are, it seems like they're not receptive to, when people on my son's football team did not know me as Lincoln's mother at the time, this was years ago, I was a second thought

and those two were on the sidelines, screaming and cheering and things like that. And people didn't even know if I was there, like his real mom. That was really uncomfortable for me. And I had one of the parents years later say, like, I never saw you at the games. I never talked to you because I was always introduced to her.

And I was like, well, that's really nice. That's great information. It's really hurtful, but unfortunately, it's one of those things that they're not receptive to. I had said time and time again, can she please take a step back? And he was not receptive to it. So it was just one of those things where

you kind of have to make the best decision for yourself, but also maybe this goes back to the conversation that you and I had about the boundaries, like the three types of parents, just split parents' relationships where the respecting of each other in front of the children is best, but maybe not doing things together because of shit like this. Like maybe next year for the school year, you're not going to drive together.

Well, I think that you can't create patterns of things that you can't maintain for long periods of time. And I've said that before, you know, why are we doing something one way? And then when other people come into the picture, you have to change all of these patterns of things that you have become accustomed to and your children have become accustomed to. I think it's really, really hard, especially if you've ever had a child with somebody that you are married to. I know you're going to relate to this when I say the next thing. While you don't care to be with your ex-husband, it's also very hard to watch that situation move on and then to move into another

phase of their life that that other phase of their life also involves your child and it's a part of your child's life at this point that you aren't involved in. It's really hard. I'm a big proponent for not introducing your kids to people that are going to be in and out. If it's not consistent then they should not be around your child. I think it's really weird as well. We kind of dealt with the what Chloe was going to call my parents for a long time and it was something that my dad struggled with. I believe that you should allow children to identify you how they want to identify you. So to be encouraging as a bonus parent to be calling you mama, I think that's just completely out of pocket and inappropriate.

The child should call you what they feel comfortable with calling you. And that was something that I struggled with growing up. My dad always asked me, like, why don't you call Julie Mama? And she was a mother figure to me and she was in my life every single day. But I felt it to be disrespectful, regardless whether my mom was there and an active participant,

I felt that it was disrespectful for me to do that. I don't think that that should be put on to children in a way that they feel like they have to do something that they might not necessarily be comfortable with. Unfortunately, step-parent situations are very, very tricky. Even a step-parent? No, but she's evidently filling a role of a step parent, whether they be married or whether they not, or she's taking on that role

that nobody told her to take on, right? I'm just so bothered by this specific situation because I don't think any of mine went this far. I'm very bothered by the part that they keep breaking up and getting back together. And then why like at this point in their relationship, whether they stay together or they don't, I do feel like bio dad needs to step up and be aligned and united with the bio mom because you know, and maybe the approach is to have a face-to-face conversation with everybody, either just the

two bioparents or the four of them, because she said, you know, should I include my husband? I almost feel like at that point you sit down at a table in public so you cannot get out of hand or you shouldn't get out of hand. And you say, like, this is my husband's in with all the children and he doesn't overstep because of X, Y and Z. You know, I appreciate that you love my daughter and that you want to be a part of this, but I can't take a backseat to the relationship with my child. And you know, bio dad, I need you to be in alignment and agreement with me for this because

it's very uncomfortable and upsetting to me when I'm not getting that one-on-one time with my daughter before school starts and the bell rings or whatever it looks like because based on this, it's just gonna get worse. Oh, I can tell you, I would never do this in a I would never do this in a step-parent situation because I have enough respect for myself, but also a mother of children because I've been through this. So I know what it feels like for someone else to be spending time with your child.

I would always have a respect that I need to take a backseat to this situation and I can be the best bonus that I can be, but I don't need to be going in guns blazing, trying to take somebody else's role. Like that to me is just completely inappropriate. And I agree this conversation to take place in a neutral territory with all four parents at this point that are involved.

So I was gonna say that. So if y'all remember, way back on Teen Mom. Oh God, we're going back to Teen Mom days? There was a situation where I had said that I was gonna take Joe off child support, never got around to doing it. I ended up meeting up with Joe and V together at an Olive Garden.

And I brought, at this point, when I was with Chris on and off, Chris never like bigger picture didn't really overstep when it came to the kids. Like, yes, we discussed our own opinions and his opinion on certain on certain topics. But I specifically said to Joe at the time, I said, when we meet up, I am bringing Chris, not because I needed, I just needed someone in my corner because I don't, I didn't have anyone in my corner. I didn't have a, like a husband.

I didn't have a parent. I didn't have, you know what I mean? And so I feel like in this situation, and I do feel like at the time, you know, when the conversation to get heated, Chris did tell me he was like, you need to just breathe for a second before, you know, and we were sitting across the table at an Olive Garden and I remember him being like, can you listen to what like stop over, stop talking over him and let him talk. And so I just feel like in a situation like this, it would be beneficial, not, not necessarily to get him to a bio dad to agree with you but just so that it kind of keeps one you have someone in your corner, and two it kind of keeps things like you have someone to keep you, keep you cool, keep you grounded, and really stay on topic for what the problem is. And again, I'm only speaking from experience. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I'll never fuck up again,

but at the time that was really helpful. I ended up, if you guys don't remember, writing Joe a check for the year of back pay. I paid him back for the year of child support when, for the time that I said I was gonna take him off and I didn't. So it was just really helpful just to have someone in my corner and just be a more kind of neutral

because he could understand it from a man's perspective but also he was my partner at the time. And so I thought that was helpful. So I think maybe just having him there in your corner and being in a neutral setting will be super helpful. And she just, she seems young, 26 is still young. She doesn't have kids. She's overcompensating clearly

because she's never gonna be mom. And I think just letting her know that you do respect her for what her role is, but she does have to know what her role is. I would never, at this point, would just like certain situations that I've dealt with, I would never go to a situation where Will was with his girlfriend and we were all three

gonna have a conversation about something that Will and I were in disagreement about or something that someone else did in a situation because it's automatically gonna be two people against one person. So, and that, that situation, I'm always bringing my partner to that conversation, fight whatever you want to call it, always. And if you don't have a partner, but you have someone that is kind of a voice of reason, whether that be a friend, a parent, an aunt,

a cousin, someone to have your back and also just like you said, when it's two against one or, you know, the two people just go together and they're never gonna, they're never, they're just gonna butt heads, they're never gonna hit a middle ground. You have to have someone that can mediate the situation or I mean, you could potentially, I mean, this wouldn't be like a mediation situation or. I don't know. At this point that someone was overstepping in that way, I might request a mediation because my custody plan allows for that.

Okay. So if you're, yeah, it doesn't sound, I don't know if they have one, but. You know, okay. Yeah. I just think you live and you learn. I want to remind you live and you learn. I wanna remind y'all about Green Chef. I love this. This is a staple in our house, especially during back to school and fall season.

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Go to greenchef.com slash 60 combos and use code 60 combos to get 60% off plus free shipping. Again, go to greenchef.com slash 60 combos and use code 60 combos to get 60% off plus free shipping. I do have a little life update for you. Okay. On Friday, Trent came over with his kids and he took all of our kids to the pool.

Okay. And I left to go to the grocery store to get breakfast things, snack things, just like a fridge restock. And I park like on the first lane closest. I'm so lazy, like I'm one of those people that will circle around to get like the first parking spot instead of like parking further away. So get first parking spot, get all of my groceries, come out, unload everything into my car, park my little buggy in the car holder,

and I go to back out and I realize, oh wow, that truck that's right next to me looks like Will's truck. So as I'm backing out, walking out of the grocery store was Will and his girlfriend. I had been requesting before they go on any type of like long distance vacation, whatever, like this has been several weeks at this point

that I have been requesting like, hey, can we just meet up so I can put a face to a name. She's going with you and Jackson over seven hours. She's going to be with him for an entire week. I would just feel a little bit more comfortable if I met her. Not that it's going to change the situation, but it would just make me feel more comfortable. So he kept kind of like putting me off, putting me off, putting me off. So I see them, I back out and I roll down my window and haunt my horn, will seize me, and he signals for me to pull into a parking spot. She goes to get in the truck,

he signals her to get out of the truck, and they walk over, I get out of the car, and it's like all three of us standing there. You didn't bring Trent to meet her? I had no idea I was gonna meet her because I was just at the grocery store. Thank God I was well put together. That's the best situation always.

When you run into somebody, you love when you run into somebody and you don't look like shit. So that was nice for me. I get out of the car and we'll- That would be my worst fear, it is like running into people that I into a situation and you're just like, you look like a fucking grease ball. That's like the last thing that you want.

Oh, literally, I would have just like kept driving. Yeah. I know absolutely not happening. So we'll, you know, try to create small talk and he's like, what are you doing? Like where's Jackson? I said I was coming to get breakfast stuff, but specifically champagne and white claws for the weekend. And he was like, oh, good, you probably need it. She talked to me for a little bit, introduced herself, very cordial engagement, no issues whatsoever. And I have safely identified at this point that my ex-husband has been the issue the whole time. So. Like, you knew that he, you kind of figured that though.

Like you knew. I had an inkling that that might be the case. I just couldn't imagine. What was his reasoning for like putting you off? Because at that point you, we've talked about this. Like, we as moms, bio moms feel like the woman is overstepping. But really it was the dad. Because that happened to me too.

And I was like, you're, I mean, I knew why, I knew why, but you can't say that. And so then you'd have to wonder if that's like, I don't know. I think that I was working off of the mindset of when Trent traveled with Jackson and I for the first time, and it was just us three. He actually requested to meet Will and said that he would feel more comfortable knowing that like, Will had met him and he knew, you know, you can only know so much from an initial engagement, but at least he could put a face to a name to know like, hey, I have enough courtesy for you as his dad to meet you before I travel with him on a vacation.

And I really respected that. And I thought, okay, we have kind of extended this olive branch. I hope that he will meet the same energy when the situation is reversed. And that just has not been the case and I think it's a big learning lesson for me that I can't always expect what I would do in a situation is what he's going to do or that I can't just assume that someone's going to provide me the same courtesy that I provided them. So did the conversation about the text that you had sent never came up? No, like literal water under the bridge at this point. I think that's normal things that happen. You know, that's just like normal things that happen where it might have been out of pocket and extreme.

This is really the first time I've ever had to deal with, you know, more of like a overnight situation where my son is seeing Will with someone else and it just felt a little abrupt. Well, and also you guys can discuss that at a later time. Now that you have met her and it is cordial and you feel pretty good about it, that can be a conversation that you guys have next time if it comes up and it might not. That might be something that you can be like, hey, when you're a mom one day,

you'll understand where this was coming from. Not saying that it was right, but this is where I was kind of at mentally in case you didn't, in case Will didn't tell you, this is where I was at and why that happened the way it happened. I think oftentimes when situations like that do happen, the person that's involved in the situation that is new is only hearing one side of the story

and not like a unbiased side of what's going on. Right. It's like the other person is committed to just giving their version of the situation. And I'm not going to get into the nitty gritty of like why I felt certain ways that I felt I have other reasonings that I have not shared. But all in all, the engagement was lovely. Don't have any ill feelings.

I wish them well. I don't have any ill feelings. I wish them well. I hope that their situation last seems to be a very nice girl. The only thing that I could ever ask is that she's good to my son and from what I understand she is. And so that should be my biggest and main concern and I don't have any concerns at this point. Good. I'm glad to hear that update. I'm glad that you were put together and you were able to talk to her.

Me too. I love that. So we love that. We love Willard and glad that it played out so nicely. Would you like to do foul play? Let's do foul play. So two years ago, I was going on my first vacation to Cuba with my new-ish boyfriend, but I had some BJ Blast, aka Pop Rocks, for the D and decided it would be fun to sneak them into my suitcase

for a drunken surprise on our trip. Oh, she's a whole nother level of spontaneous. Love that for her. Well, everything is going smoothly. We arrived to the Cuban airport and retrieved our luggage. We are from Canada where certain things are legal and therefore young Canadians are often selected at random at the airport for secondary searches. We were two of the lucky ones out of four. We were taken into the back and they opened and they

opened and proceed to go through every item in our suitcases in front of the four selected guests and about three airport officers. Well, it happens. Get to the pouch with the BJ blast. They pull it out, look at it, turn it around and look confused. They hold it up and ask, oh my God. Remember, my boyfriend had no idea of this. So him and three others are staring me down while I have to explain to the officer that it was pop rocks for sucking D. I'm so panicked and embarrassed that I start trying to explain and it's not coming out clearly. And so I had to do some hand motions. I am mortified at this point. The officers and guests are laughing and I just say, throw it out. Just, just throw it out. I can't. That was an interesting

bus ride to the, to the resort afterwards. Well, I love that story and I think that's phenomenal. I also love that story and that is so mortifying. I even get, I even get weirded out like if someone goes to like myletry bag and just these like my tweezers or like the fact that I have like nail clippers or just like little things, my little facial shaver. Like don't worry about my mustache. Or you know like the vibrating thing that like goes on your face that you can wash with

like in the shower, I get mortified of TSA seeing anything in any of my bags. It's like, sir and ma'am, these are my personal belongings and it feels just very invasive. While I understand security measures, it just feels very invasive that you're looking at my things. Yeah, I agree. Like, clearly it's not drugs. Like, I don't know what the thing said about, like, the pop rock situation, but like, it's not drugs. It's not contraband. Like, please don't, please don't do this.

One time I was traveling to New York to record for coffee combos, and I had packed my microphone and my carry-on bag. What they think it was, a dildo? Okay, well, I was mortified, and I don't know why I was so embarrassed, but the TSA person, I was waiting for my shoes

and other stuff to come off, and they had already gotten my bag. And there was a whole line of people trying to put on shoes and stuff, and all of a sudden, this TSA person holds up my microphone and goes, what's this? Well, it's just like, why would you do that? Like you see it's a microphone. You see what it is. Like what do you mean? What is this? Sir, I might be doing karaoke. Like I might. I might be debuting my first single in the next coming weeks. Like there, you just don't know what I'm doing.

Be recording a podcast. Might be talking shit on it. Might put it in a room like Lewis on suits, where he's recording conversations of other people like you don't know. Yeah, like you don't know. And like, you clearly can see that it is a microphone. So like, why are we doing this? And like, why are you putting me on blast in the middle of all of these people? Nothing is worse than a pat down.

Nothing. Nothing. a pat down. Nothing. Nothing. Next foul play. All right. Here's a foul play for you ladies. Back in college, I was dating a guy who went to a different school about two and a half hour train ride away. We would alternate weekends, but his was a big party, a big party campus.

Mine was not. So one night he had to work at the local pizza place and I went out and about to meet up with other friends that went to that school. I had way too many drinks, but made it back to his apartment and into his bed. His two roommates came home right after me and in the room I was next to in the living room and such.

So they're in the bed with a light on in my dress. No undies spread eagle. They find me. They were standing up. They were stand up guys truly. And they got me into pajama bottom. So I was no longer half nude for all to see. How nice is that? Like I love that that she was scared for where this was going. I woke up the next day. Zero recollection of what had occurred was told by my boyfriend and absolutely mortified. No one brought it up.

I did apologize and thank them though and everything went on as normal. Even a few years after hanging out with my now ex boyfriend and them, I cracked a joke about it. They laughed a little and that was it. Word to the wise, don't overdo it and find yourself in that position. I was lucky in this case. Thanks to thanks ladies and look forward to every week on the podcast I was very scared for where this was going, but I'm so So so so happy to hear that they did not take advantage of her and they were

Truly helping her and this makes me want to like I don't know I just feel like we should make a clip about this because there are people who will do this and. There are good people, but where I thought this story was going was like, the roommates were like gonna get in the bed with her or. That's what I was scared of. Something like that. Take pictures or do something crazy, but.

Cause I mean, there are a decent amount of foul people out there too. Yeah, and I have and we both have boys. And so we have to make sure that our kids know, like I don't, I'm so scared of my kids just being like passerby. Yes. And not doing anything or not.

Like I just, I want them to be these people. Like I want them to be these people. Like I want them to be the boys that are gonna help someone, especially, and truly help them in a way. Like if you see a girl that's clearly not okay and she's with either by herself or she's with strangers that it's not looking like a right situation. I want them to be the stand up people

who do what they need to do. And if that makes you un uncool with your friend group I don't give a fuck. I don't really care if you're uncool with your friend. I don't like always the right to do the right thing Yes, exactly and I cannot stress enough and have even told Jackson at his little age of 10 that you know, you have to be very careful about things. And when you are around girls, you have to tread very lightly. And I would just say college scares me absolutely to death because you can find

yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether you're a boy or girl, you can find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time, whether you're a boy or girl, you can find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time and some shit happened. And I think that kids in college, they get intoxicated and they think they're invincible and think that nothing's going to happen to them. Or you think that they have a good group of friends and their good group of friends leaves them fucking high and dry. And that's a scary thought. Oh, absolutely.

And I cannot stress enough. Be cautious when you're out drinking and you're drinking too much and putting yourself in vulnerable positions. Potential vulnerable positions because, you know, it only takes one thing to go wrong. That's just scary. But I'm glad that we...

And with that being said, I am going to go wrong. That's just scary. But I'm glad that we- And with that being said, I am gonna go get my eyeball checked. Okay, I'm gonna go also, I have some shit to do and I need to do groceries. So I will talk to you later. If you guys have not followed us on at coffee combos podcast on Instagram, make sure you follow us there.

If you have not subscribed to the show, you can do that from any podcast app wherever you get your podcast. Always first at podcast one. We hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya.