Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Shiny Happy People Feat. Lara Smith

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

CC292: Kail and Lindsie share their opinion on couples who see marriage in their future versus couples who decide marriage is not necessary. Lindsie loves the story of the woman who got revenge on a cheating husband and Kail wants to know why it's cheaper for men to get waxed compared to women. Lara Smith from the four part documentary Shiny Happy People joins the show to talk about her experience in the IBLP (Institute for Basic Life Principles), how she was able to get out and how to this day the ideas of Bill Gothard are still prominent around the country.  heck out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more!  Thank you to our sponsors!Bettersleep: Improve your quality of life in as little as one week, download BetterSleep from your App Store or Google PlayChime: Get started at chime.com/convosNutrafol: Go to Nutrafol.com and use code COFFEECONVOS for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shippingProgressive: Visit progressive.com to learn more

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convose with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Crisley. I really want you to be in your field scale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.

I'm just not with the faker anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. Hello Coffee Convose listeners. Good morning. Hi, you're late by one minute and you're not going camera on today. I'm not going camera on today. I had no help this morning whatsoever. I had a terrible night last night. We'll just got here to pick Jackson up one minute ago, which is why I was one minute late. My schedule was also not scheduled accordingly for me to be able to get in my bathroom

to shower because I was over scheduled for someone to come and look at tile that has been here to look at tile six different times. So I was unable to shower this morning. Tybalt, what do you mean look at tile? Like is there something wrong with your tile? Yeah, it's been going on since I moved in here. And then I've been crying for the past 30 minutes. So this is the ongoing problem that you talked about

a long time ago. Yeah, and like my tile is cracked from my floor to my ceiling and my shower, which is pretty much brand new. They've been out here countless times to look at it and what they're trying to do, I think, is to save money by not ripping out the entire shower which they've said multiple times at this point

that they're gonna have to do and they keep coming back or asking to come back to try to match up other tile that doesn't match because the tile that's in there although it's like white subway tile, there's still different dimensions of white subway tile. So all the time that they could, that they have been taking to come out to these separate appointments, they could have just ripped out the shower and been done with it by now. Yes, and the problem is, is that now we've run into summertime. I record out of the house. that now we've run into summer time. I record out of the house. I have Jackson at home on Wednesdays and Thursdays, which typically are not recording days. I had cleaning come here this morning because I have people help me on Fridays who got here late and then didn't leave until 11.45

and I had to be on this recording at 12. And I couldn't get into my bathroom because there was two bookings for people to be in my bathroom. So we're gonna make the best of this recording. We're gonna do the best we can. We're gonna try to make people laugh. We're gonna make ourselves laugh.

And I mean, at this point, it sounds like there's nothing that can be changed right at this moment. So we're just gonna make the best of it. Correct. Question for you. Possible answer. Have you ever gotten, okay, it's like meat wrapped in mozzarella. Yeah, I love it.

I love it all the time. Okay, but do you get it all the time I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Okay, but do you get it all the time from like Costco or Sam's or do you get it from like the regular grocery store? I get it from the regular grocery store. I haven't had it from Costco or Sam's. Okay, so I wouldn't say like the taste taste would need a different, but the price and what you get from Costco's and Zams versus what you get in the grocery store. It's so expensive to get it like this at the grocery store, but there it's like 12 bucks and you get almost 30 wrapped pieces. And I feel like it's like $5 for just a few. I literally ate that for lunch last week.

Like I have the remnants of it right here in a bag because I didn't throw it in the trash. Wow. So love that. I'm actually eating one right now. What is your favorite meat on the outside? This is weird because I don't typically eat it like by itself.

Like I, it has to be with cheese for me. It's hard salami. I don't like prosciutto. I tried it, and I hate it. It's so, maybe I just had the wrong kind, but I did not like the prosciutto when I tried it. Okay, so prosciutto is my favorite one.

My least. Is it like a soggy meat? No, I feel like, to me, it feels like a drier like thinner. So that's, I had probably had bad prosciutto because I tried it with that and it was like soggy and wet. And I was like, I don't know how people would ever eat this. No, I like the kind that's like drier. But I do know what you're talking about.

And I feel like if it's like old like on a cheese board or something, it's been like laying out for a while. It'll kind of get like that. It's great. Okay, so last week you posted something on your story about marriage and like the goals of marriage, right? And so from that, I messaged you and I said, I'm going to take a poll on my Instagram story on like where people are at. So I said, you know, is your final, your end goal to get married? Or are you happy with a lifelong partner and no legal docs? There was 22,651 votes on my poll.

And 45% have the goal to get married and 55% are happy with a lifelong partner. So I thought that was really interesting because you and I have have had sort of at times, have aligned thoughts on marriage and then certain times we're a little off, which to me is like having babies, right? Like one day I'll say yes and one day I'll say I'm done forever. So like I changed my decision, like I changed my underwear.

Mm-hmm. So I feel like I went through that phase of I will never involve the government and our relationship ever again when I first got out of my marriage, but I'm imagining that most people do go through that at some point, just like back up and think about all of the feelings and emotions that you had when you were getting out of the marriage with hobby. And how much your mind has probably changed since then, although you still maintain

that you don't want to legally get married again. There's just like a lot of processes through that. And I think I was married so young initially that I would just hate, you know, without therapy. I don't think I would ever have arrived to the point that I'm about to make, but I just feel like there's so much more life to live and why would I rob myself of that when I do believe in marriage and I do believe in marriage living in the same household and I don't know that I want to do any of those things prior to marriage because I did do those things prior to my first marriage and it didn't work out well for me. Now there's pros and cons of living with someone before marriage, right?

Like, you're going to learn a lot of things that you're not going to have to weed through when you actually do get married, which could be a huge benefit. But at the same time, I just don't know now that I've lived, and you can tell me if you kind of feel like this too. It's hard to even think about someone moving into my current space outside of marriage. So for those of you who did not see Lindsay's story, it was an interview with a woman who

is saying that she does not believe in living together before marriage and things like that because you don't have the same commitment level as you do when you're married. So if you guys move in together and there starts to be problems, there's no commitment holding you guys through the ups and downs before marriage. Where once you're married, there's a certificate that kind of makes you potentially or ideally, it should make you want to fight more. My whole thing is that I know so many couples that are married legally with documents and still don't take it seriously. So I think it truly depends on the people because I'm in a situation now where I think I would fight

a little bit more, just based on my experience, but I don't necessarily think the government needs to be involved, but I do agree with, to some degree, I do understand, living together would maybe you see things that would cause an argument or bickering and things like that. But I would rather get through those before marriage so that I know what I'm getting myself into for marriage

because they say the red flags that you ignore in the beginning are the ones that are gonna cause you to break up later on. So I just, I think it's a double edged sword and I think it really depends on what the end goal is. So if your end goal is to get married, that makes sense for you because you're gonna fight through it based on the simple fact that you want to be married and this is your person.

Where for me, I think without the paperwork, I would do that now. I'm doing it right now. You know, Elijah and I don't see eye to eye on some things and then we do see eye to eye on a lot of other things, but we're just in a place where we both want to be committed and we don't, you know, not rushing into marriage necessarily. So I think it just depends on the person, the couple, what the goal is. You know what I mean? Well, here's what I think, because I don't think you're wrong.

I don't think I'm wrong, but I don't think that you're wrong. I think it's about perspective. And we were just talking about life perspective on the last episode. And I feel like it keeps coming back up. You went into that situation knowing that you don't want to get remarried. And so I think that it's easy for you to have the type of marriage commitment knowing that you don't want to walk that path again. For me,

knowing the difference of, okay, I am just in a relationship with this person, but I have identified that I want to get remarried again. I think that changes the whole game if we're cohabitating with each other in a relationship outside of a wanted marriage. So what happens when now this is also a double edge sword and I don't think there's a right and wrong or like perfect answer here, but let's talk about a blended family really quickly. So there's a blended family and you want to get married, but you've never lived together. What does that look like in terms of living together and making sure that not only the partners are aligned, but also the kids and the dynamics between the parents. Because as you know, you could parent completely different than your own child's father or

mother. Correct. And then you have to blend this family, you know, in a household. So it's not just the two people in the relationship, it's also all the children. So how do you make that work and make sure that that is aligned before you get married? Because that's also for me, it would be a deal breaker if Elijah had children and my children didn't get along with his children, I wouldn't want to put them through that based on my own experience growing up. So like, what would be what would be a solution there? Okay, so it's so funny that you bring that up because it is a conversation that I've been

having in therapy when you are dating with intention and dating somebody that has children from a previous relationship or a previous marriage and you're kind of, you know, combining these households. How do you effectively do that without causing chaos? You don't wanna cause chaos in your relationship with that person and you wanna respect the fact that someone might parent very differently than you and that their way isn't wrong and your way isn't right,

but there's gotta be a middle ground. And before just, I mean, could you imagine, could you be, first of all, you've said you don't date men with children, but could you imagine being in a dating relationship with a man and him moving in and his children being in the house with your children 50% of the time and there had been no prior process

of it's almost like you're dating the kids too, And there had been no prior process of, it's almost like you're dating the kids too. Like you need to have that process leading up to before you are all cohabitating under the same roof of how to remedy certain things and allow yourself the opportunity to have these experiences with like maybe sleepovers or vacations or things that are non-permanent that's a lead up to get to a more permanent situation to see if it can even be permanent.

Right. Well, that's what I'm saying. So how do you do that without living together before marriage? Well, because I don't think, I think that you, I'm gonna tell myself, I think I'm doing it now with sleepovers on the weekends. Okay, okay. I see what you're saying. And like a vacation or a trip. Yeah. Okay, I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. And when, you know, with children and even when they have like friends that are outside of the household, there's always going to be issues when you involve kids with anything, right? Like, so and so touched my superhero, right? Like so and so touched my superhero, you know, so and so was play in my game and doesn't know how to play Fortnite or

you know, it's like it allows you by doing the sleepovers and having them engage with each other in, you know, the home environment. I feel like you can work through some of the problems ahead of time so that when you do make the choice, if you're going to get married and you move forward in life, that some of those things are already kind of like we did through. And that's just part of, unfortunately, part of the process of dating somebody that has children and how to life before you. Right. I mean, that's true. I couldn't imagine honey at this point.

I was just talking to my girlfriend. We were having a drink on my porch last night and she was talking about just like the dating culture and how wack it is. And I was like at this point because I have lived now, you know, next month will be two years. Can you believe I've been in this house almost two years? No. That's it all. Next month will be two years of me being in this house and I have become such a creature. I was always kind of like a creature of habit and like a

schedule or whatever, but I definitely believe my dad used to say when we were growing up, when you get older, you become set in your ways and it becomes really hard for you to make those changes, because why would you? And so I'm kind of going through a little bit of that and also went through that with suburban dad, definitely, of like, I could never imagine us cohabitating under the same roof. We would be like, have you ever watched episodes where Courtney was like, her, she would live on Keeping Up With Kardashian's or their new show

where she would live at like one house in B. Maray to Travis and they would live like at another house and they would go in between because it would be really hard. That's what that situation would have been for me. Did they still do that? I don't know if they did, but I wonder. I'm like, okay, well, is that successful?

I mean, I know it's not very traditional, but at this point, what am I doing traditionally? I follow this couple on TikTok that has a blended family, and they live in a duplex. What? Yeah. So the dad with his children and they live in a duplex. So yeah, so the dad with his children live on their side of the duplex and then the mom with her children live on her side of the duplex and they do do sleepovers sometimes. I

forget what they said their schedule was and then the kids they eat dinner together when they have all their kids together but they just because of the dynamic of the kids and making sure everyone feels heard and having their own space and things like that, they didn't want to fully move into one space and so they have two master bedrooms, two kitchen, two everything. And I think at first people were kind of being a little hateful,

but I think it mostly came from curiosity more than anything, at least on my end. Like I thought it was really interesting, but if I was to ever date someone with children, I could definitely see myself doing something like that because I like to just have my own space. And I don't know, I just thought it was really interesting. If I can find them, if the people who are listening

to this podcast might know who I'm talking about, if you do share it in the Facebook group so that Lindsay can see it, because I think it would be really interesting to see Lindsay's reactions to it. For sure. Coffee Combos podcast is sponsored by Better Sleep. I want to mention this app that I've been using that features over 200 soothing sounds and a range of smart features to help you sleep faster deeper and for longer. So you can explore audio tracks from categories such as ASMR, brain waves, meditation stories, and more. This is great for me and the kids. You can use a pre-made soundscape mix or combine your favorite sounds, color noises, and

melodies from better sleep's expansive library to create your perfect mix. And I know everyone is different, so nobody's going to look the same. I absolutely love this app, because you can take it anywhere you go. So like if you're not sleeping at home, you don't have to worry about like taking any type of device with you, which is great. And my child is super into ASMR right now,

or any of your kids into it. ASMR? Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'm totally not. I'm more like, I need like meditation and I like white noise, so that's more me. But this app was named Apple's app of the day over 65 times, editors pick

and the Android app store and 55 million downloads and counting, high quality rest, we all know is vital to our mental wellbeing and physical health. And I need some sleep. So I think I'm going to get on get on this app and take me a little nappy nap. That's what we all need. So when you sleep better, you feel better, improve your quality of life in as little as one week. Download better sleep from your App Store or Google Play. That's better sleep on the App Store or Google Play. Can I tell you something that I saw when I was scrolling through Facebook?

Yeah. Okay. Daily News reported, wife burst open husband's testicles by smashing them and their wedding photo album after she catches him cheating. Tell me why I screen-chanted that and she is so proud of herself.

She's smiling. Like, first of all, she's very pretty. And second of all, she's smiling. She knows she's the goat for that. Oh, and like, I'm pretty sure she's wearing a push up bra in her. I don't know if that is her like mug shot. This has to be her mug shot. But I'm pretty sure it's her mug shot.

Very chic lady. She's 33. She's 33 years old. She thought she was happily married. Has two kids with her husband, dog, two cats. From the outside, you would have thought they were just as happy thriving couple. She stays home with the kids. Her husband's a realtor, and it wasn't unusual for either one of them to

surprise the other with little gifts such as lunch on a busy day. And a surprise lunch was what she thought that she was going to bring her husband. She made his favorite wise, the word ho-geet, make me laugh like every time I say it or hear it. Yeah, Kristen told me to go get a hogee the other day and I was like, in my head I was like, does she mean a sub? Like a sub. It's a sub, not a hogee. But like whatever.

She threw in a single IPA and called his secretary to find which house he would be showing. At about 1 p.m. she pulled up to this beautiful home parked behind her husband's car, her chatter coming from the backyard and being the curious person she took peak. He was face deep and what turned out to be the future homeowners vagina. And this is a whole story?

Yeah, said that he was like really going after it and this lady's vagina. She left and started plotting her revenge Yeah, said that he was like really going after it in this ladies vagina She left and started plotting her revenge and he didn't see her no And since he was behaving like a single man Laurie wanted to remind him of Their marriage and his Bell so about 2 a.m. The next morning She quietly woke up tiptoed to the foyer where the wedding album was on display, let out a little sigh when she lifted the 10 pound album. He sleeps naked, usually throws the covers off of himself throughout the night,

and he ended up being a wide awake in just like a couple of quick seconds. He jumped up when he realized what happened fell back down with the ground and pain. His balls had deflated, causing a leak of semen in his body. And she ended up calling an ambulance and freely admitted what she had done. And went on record saying that she smashed his balls so all of his friends could make fun of him endlessly. They're now separated. And since the injury, he can no longer maintain an erection. Oh shit, I didn't expect that. It says ironically she left him for the same woman he cheated on her with. So I'm not sure if she's a switch hitter or like what's actually going along, but yeah.

Well, I just sent it to Elijah for shits and gigs. Obviously, I'm not married, but you know, same concept. What an interesting, you know what, this is giving me Lorena Bobbitt vibes. So, she's definitely going to go down in history for this, for sure. Could you just imagine being married and going to surprise your husband with lunch like you have gone out, gotten this hoagie, IPA, you're going to surprise him at this house and you walk in and he's going down on somebody because he would have smothered in her vagina because I would have literally pushed his head so deep in her Gucci There's absolutely may I'm no way that I am walking in with a hoagie and an IPA Seeing that and then leaving silently. Honestly, it's it always it is so

Curious to me when women can plot like when they can hold it deep down inside and then like plot their revenge It's so interesting to me when women can plot, like, when they can hold it deep down inside and then like plot their revenge, it's so interesting to me because I just have been, you know, when I've caught my ex's cheating one specifically, two specifically, I have just been so distraught that I couldn't, like I wouldn't be able to keep it together. No, I would not, if you expect me to keep it together, then that's on you. And that's a you problem. And I don't know that any man that has signed up to be with me. Actually, we do know one that signed up to be with me.

That was likely doing something very similar to that at one said day in August of last year. But needless to say, I didn't walk away silently. So there's that. I needed to ask you this question, because I briefly talked about it on the Southern T, and I just need like your thoughts. Okay, like appointments in the summertime. I hate them. I literally have one after this podcast. I'm gonna go get my results from my sleep study. And not only is it an 45 minutes to an hour away, but it's also at two fucking o'clock.

So it's like the most random time, but that's all they had. I hate them. Like I literally hate them. Okay, I'm gonna take this a step further. Self care appointments when your children are at home and you don't have help in the summertime. Like I needed to get my kuchichi wax yesterday if we're getting specific.

And I don't know how Jackson in the waiting room. Absolutely did. Yeah, I saw in your story. I don't you got to do what you got to do. And it's not like he knew what you were there for. Well, I told him I was getting my eyebrows waxed. Right. So he doesn't need to know any different.

Um, but the best part was he's on like this no technology streak. Okay. So He was like, what am I supposed to do in the waiting room? And I was like, well, I bought you a Kinder egg. So it looks like you need to be building Whatever it came on the other side of that Kinder egg because you're not getting a phone So he and this other little girl are sitting on the couch jackson's on one end the other little girls on the other end of the couch And I'm just like they absolutely have no idea what's happening to their mothers right now They're screaming out Kelly Clarkson

But we go to walk in and you know how they'll be like the Specials decals like on the outside of certain businesses windows. Yeah, like the sales or the yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So it says Special deal $45 for men $75 for women and Jackson goes we are just So lucky because everything's cheaper for us First of all, do you even know what, like, that's four?

Like, that could be for a Brazilian for his butthole. That could be for a backwax. Like, no, but why would it be cheaper for a man to get a Brazilian than a woman? I don't know. But like, what would a Brazilian be like for a man? Like, they are just- A rise of balls would be tender. Could you imagine that would just look like a fucking flying bat?

Honestly, you should take Elijah for one and see what happens. Oh, and at those places like I want to try to take like a video of like what's going on in there, but it says on the outside of the doors. It's like bones and videos specifically like prohibit it or something like that. And I'm like, well, sorry, because, you know, me and my kitty gang, we need to talk about this and they need to see exactly what this is looking like up in here, okay?

Wait, what do you mean about the... You're not supposed to take like videos like when they're waxing you. Well, I better find one that does. And I wanna take them. Well, you know find one that does. I want to take them. Well, you know what, this is why we need our own show, so that we can take our men to go get Brazilian waxes

and see what happens. Could you just imagine a man in their, wait, have you ever gotten a Brazilian wax? Yeah, I told the story on this podcast. Okay, oh, it was the one when you got on all fours, right? Well, that was my first Brazilian wax. I've had, I've had other since then, but I don't go anymore because I have an Indian grown hair problem.

So I just don't even bother. Listen, if we could create one product and go on shark tank and it be effective for like, in grown hairs, we'd be billionaires because, Oh, I'm 100% because. Because- Oh, 100%. Because men could use it, girls could use it, everyone could use it. Yes, but I'm telling you, it's so hard if you,

I feel like you have to be committed to one or the other. Like you either have to be committed to staying the fuck away from a razor completely down there, or you have to be completely committed to staying on a schedule with being waxed, because if you ever have like a lapse in time and you think that you're just going to like shave it and it'll be fine, that's where you start creating the problems. And that's what I learned. Like, if I just stay consistent with the waxing and never put a razor down there, I'm okay.

But it's the combination of the razor and the wax because supposedly it causes your hair to grow different. Okay, well that's good to know. I'm still not gonna get wax anytime soon, maybe like next year, but I'm gonna see if Elijah will get a Brazilian. Maybe we can go together to be like a day-to-day. All right, good.

Money habits start with your very first paycheck and if you just scored your first job we've got an opportunity to jumpstart a healthy financial journey. So Isaac is about that age where he's gonna start looking for a job next year and I just think that's so crazy but I'm I literally spent last night thinking about how I'm going to teach him like financial literacy and just having a good quality financial journey. Could you believe that you have a child that is about to be old enough to number one, start a job, but number two, to even think about him being on any type of financial journey? No, absolutely not. So with time, you're going to sign up and link a qualifying direct

deposit. You get access to benefits like getting paid up to two days or late. So for Isaac, this will be really great. And fee free overdraft up to $200. And if you were anything like me and college, this would have also been really great. And with time, there are no monthly fees, no minimum balance and no deposit required to become a member. So you can sign up for a time checking account today to link your paycheck. It only takes two minutes and it doesn't affect your credit score. Get started at chime.com slash combos. That's chime.com slash combos. Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank, banking services, and debit card provided by the bank court bank in A or stride bank in A members FDIC. Early access direct deposit funds depends on your payer spot.

Okay, well, um, without further ado. Yes, we have a special guest for the second half of this episode. Um, I watched shiny happy people with my nanny for the past couple of days and watched all of the episodes and from the documentary, Laura Smith is going to come on Coffee Convuse podcast and chat with us about the documentary, Shiny Happy People, which is available to watch on Prime Video. So I'm just going to read a quick intro, Laura Smith, grew up in the IBLP and shared her experience in this documentary, Shiny Happy People, the Dugger Family Secrets. She has been working to find herself outside the expectations she grew up with.

So this should be a very interesting episode and I'm going to go ahead and let her into the podcast. Hello, can you hear us? Yes, can you hear me? Yes, okay. So we both watched shiny happy people and we are so excited to talk to you. So I did do a little intro, but if you want to get right into it or Lindsay wants to start with her questions, I'm good with that too. Yeah, let's get... I... Whatever you all want to do, we can jump right in. And also break the meet you guys.

Good to meet you too. I'm sorry that I'm not on camera. I had a fiasco at home this morning. I was talking about it earlier on the episode. Can you give us a little background of yourself before we get started? There's a lot. So I currently, I'm 38 and I own an online cross-supply business that I've been a cross-supply business that I've run from home and it's the best thing in my life. No kids, the dogs. I was adopted, I was a kid, I grew up as you could see in kind of crazy ways, I've

never went to college and still made my way in the world as fighters do. So yeah, that's pretty much what I got. Okay, so when members of the of IBLP first join or convert to this institute, I don't want to call it a church because in my mind it's not a church, but an institute. How do the people adjust to these very extreme things that are in the booklet? So for example, just like sexual assault blaming the victim or hearing that members have assaulted women within the institute and just brushing it under the rug. How do, so I don't remember if it was you or one of the other former IBLP members were talking about joining when they were 12.

How was it? That was you. Okay, so how do you adjust to those things and how do your parents adjust to those things? Because I feel like for me as a parent and I'm sure Lindsay can relate as well, I can't imagine, my oldest son is 13 years old, I can't imagine him going 13 years, you know, living in this like worldly way and then quickly changing him and converting him into this way of thinking and then teaching him that what they say is actually correct with the sexual assault and things like that.

Yeah. So the key is we were already being raised in a very strict church culture, apart from IDLT. So I was being raised in a very strict southern lab with church culture and it is very similar to IDLT. So the lease was not that far. And so the whole thing of IBLP having stepped into and into purpose is very true. Our church had IBLP people already in it, and they were kind of just already putting a doctrine out.

So I was already knew it from the time I was conscious. I already knew this is how adults deal with things within this very toxic world. And so I didn't come from a worldly secular place to begin with. And this is exactly how Bill Walker would want to, he wants you to go to the conference, learn more extremism and bring it back to your church and keep it to your church people. And so this is how it trickles down into a more accepting way of being okay with crazy things. Okay, so it wouldn't be like, you know, I don't go to church. I don't even know that my whole sudden has ever been to church. So it wouldn't be like us

going to join the IBLP. It would be, you know, more so realistic for people who are already in very strict church situations to then convert to IBLP. Yes, exactly. And yes, and I was just called Bill Paul Dave, what was that? He didn't want to be called a church either. He wanted to be just an institute and these are, you know, he's a cult leader. So he's there, his ideas, his craziness.

And he wanted, again, he wanted you to go into your regular, so they're not just churches, whatever kind of church, and so there was a thread in his dog skull the way he wants it done. And so yeah, I'm trying to think of a good example, but I can't because everyone in our church ended up being in the IBLP because also the promise of, I know, and I can tell you exactly how to raise your kids to be perfect. Children was, our parents were really drawn to that.

And they wanted perfect children that were for sure going to get into heaven. So Bill said, I got to. I know exactly how to get your kids into heaven and this is exactly how. Now, then we had a good example of the kids in our church. We're being perfectly because behind the scenes, they were being beaten. They were being psychologically tortured. They were being all the things you saw in their documentaries, thanks all the things. So they were living in fear constantly. We were living in fear constantly.

And of course we were quiet and perfect and everything. So when my parents saw those families, they were like, oh, maybe it does work because the children seem so good. Like when people see the others, they're like, oh, the children seem so well behaved. And when the truth of it is that they just spend beating and competing, they're not that way. So that's the draw to non-IBL peers at first, is being subsequently behaved over.

It's so interesting because I grew up in a Southern Baptist church and my granddaddy is a Southern Baptist minister and when I was watching a lot of the things didn't seem as weird to me just far more extreme than the church community that I grew up in and so I can definitely see the parallels of the community. And again, I'm 38. So growing up in 80s and 90s, thinking was still very much of things. And so it wasn't that much of a pain to once we'd gone to IDLP when I was 12,

it wasn't that much of a difference in my home life. So it just stopped worse and worse if by by that time, you're a child. You're scared. It's not like you can be like, hold on, hold on. You can't question your parents. So yeah. I also grew up very much similar in when it was talking about how there's a hierarchy. was talking about how there's a hierarchy. Yeah. When they yeah, like I I grew up that same way. And so it was very eye-opening to me. I didn't know that there were those types of similarities and those two communities that were just so similar. I had no idea. Yes, and I think that's the most scary part is because the religious and the church of a spirit of America is already so pervasive

that helps like this because he gets so easily and just snaps people up and it's evident and looks like a friend. That's what was eye-op opening to me, the thoughts of, you know, when you hear about this stuff and you don't have like the inside scoop, you know, before watching this documentary, you're like, how do people get bamboozled in this way

to get involved in a cult like this? And after watching, I was like, wait, there's some parallels of how I was raised, I could totally see that situation happening to us. Yeah, and my VMs are full of people saying that exact thing. They're like, I didn't think I was raised in a strict way or in a strict church, but I feel like I was now,

and I'm breaking that down to unpacking that for myself because we did documentary and seeing how when we use the word post, it gets a little, people kind of maybe stop listening. Seriously, they kind of think, it's not interesting, I want to know more because it's interesting and fascinating and kind of horrifying to hear about.

But when you realize it literally everywhere, especially at the L.P., that's when it becomes the alarm bells that are sounding. And that's the whole point of the documentary. And why me and I can speak for the other survivors was just so grateful that we can keep speaking on it and hopefully, you know, bring it down, obviously. But the main members of the board of IBLP,

which they did not mention in the documentary, have sort of blintered off and created their own things that still keeping with same exact things. So nothing has changed there and there's 40 of them that I can count so far that are still active in teaching whether if you have taught cats or YouTube or in their own churches, still keeping this exact material and all over the world. So it's just this ability, I think, that's going to and podcasts like this and documentaries like the Women Amazon that are going to help us raise awareness and just tell people to be careful and do what's best for your kids and So you don't do this and it When I first started posting how I took back my very first tick-tock went viral

So I started posting about I was in the colds and took decided that was just a great first tick-tock for me So I had a lot of questions from people asking while saying, I feel I got fainted and I'm fine and I think my kids, and then like, the need to die, you're not fine. Right, if you're continuing and perpetuating that cycle, you're not fine.

Exactly, you're not fine. There was a part in the documentary where they touched on Jim Bob Dugger and you know him kind of being this like loving sort of father who like really had everything under control and like was such a good dad and so I thought that was interesting that he came across on TV as like this like big you know loving father. Is that typical across the board for IBLP? Is that like this facade that these men are putting on that they're like this loving father? Oh yeah 100 percent. And anything that happens is at home behind closed doors. So in public an ideal key family will look okay.

We will because the kids are so, the spirits are so broken. They have no sense of self. And no idea of like what a real childhood is. They can't be kids. They're like forced to be adults straight out of the womb. Exactly. I am in there for you first and I I'm more my non-aggressive child than a lot and it's it's it's horrible and I don't know how any parent in 2023 could do that

to their child. I mean even just like taking the funds and the payments from the show, Jim Bob, you know, just raises so many questions for me because how could you look at that and say that you're doing this for the best interest of your children when absolutely it serves no purpose for them? Because they believe it, I believe that he believes that because he is the leader that he has the authority to make the decisions that he's that he is the leader, that he has the authority to make the decisions that he's making and the children just follow

suit because he has brainwashed himself. So is the southern vast Baptist religion the same way with the umbrella of authority or not? Yeah, it is not so much, but yeah, an the emberal authorities originated the terms and the

cyber originated the better. So he put to paper in terms what the Southern Bob just people were already kind of doing and to link some of the Bible there into interpretation. And so when he put it in a visual and on paper, they're like, oh, perfect, it's a good one. So yeah. And women are just okay with that. Like they think it's that's just how it's supposed to be.

Like, it's really, okay. No, I was just gonna say for your parents, you know, when they decided to convert completely from Southern Baptist to IBLP, I guess for both, they were just like, yeah, this is the way we do it. This is what, you know, as your mother, you're gonna, I'm gonna submit to your father and you're gonna submit to me and also ultimately your father. Like that was just how it was and women were just okay with that. Their interpretation of the Bible is that how it is.

So yeah, she is to be the leader of the household. And I think you've got to look at more generationally, right? So you have where people have children who are born into that who never knew any different from that way of life. And so it's easy to say, oh, well, this person was brainwashed. No, they, they, they are brainwashed because their parents were brainwashed, but they were born into the brainwashing. So then how do people like you, Laura, and other people who are ex members of IBLP

finally realized that this isn't right? Like are you guys getting jobs outside of the, the institute and like realizing that there's other ways of life or how are you guys kind jobs outside of the Institute and realizing that there's other ways of life or how are you guys breaking that wall? Yeah, it varies, varies from survivors to survivor. So by 17, I realized there's something messed up here and I don't want to be a part of it. So when I was 18, I left home.

And I just, I found a place to live. I found a job. I found, yeah. So it wasn't terrible because I never had a job before. I hadn't dealt with the role of the world before. It was all very eye-ocene and yeah, it was crazy. Were you allowed to work in a regular job while part of IBLP or were you not allowed to have like an outside job? No, definitely not, because that would influence you, influence you.

That's been to the world. So then how would you make money being part of like if a family was to have, you know, three four kids, how would the mother and the children make money or have income? They wouldn't. The father, somehow, or a lot of people were in poverty straight up. And you have several families who were in pot because they have to pay for the homeschooling and the seminars and or whatever you guys were attending. Okay, so that makes sense. That's that's really heartbreaking. And what is the story has Bill Gothard ever come out and said why he

was never married or had children? Because if that makes you closer to God, why does he get an exemption? You said it was God's calling for him to not have children. So that's that. If he says it's God's calling, it's God's calling. I mean. I mean, we don't need a family of goffords from him, so that's probably in our best interest. Back, back. Let's talk about neutrophil. So if you're looking for visibly thicker hair and less shedding, but you also follow a plant-based lifestyle,

Lindsay and I have the perfect fix for you. So we're talking about neutrophil. They know how to address any of these problems and if you need to, you can address all of them. They have a whole body health approach to their with their vegan supplement to help you feel better and look better in that order. I know that Lindsay and I have come on this podcast with our hair looking all kinds of ways, but ultimately the goal is for us to have visibly thicker hair. And did you know that hair thinning happens to approximately one and two women? Like I can believe it, but I was kind of mind blown. I actually didn't know that.

I didn't know women struggled with this as much as they do. Well, neutral is here to help deliver results. And so many of my girlfriends take neutral and absolutely love it. So their newest hair supplement chooses 100% vegan natural ingredients to target root causes of hair thinning and promote healthy hair growth. It is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement and brand and it's physician formulated with 100% drug-free ingredients. So you guys just need to get on it in a clinical study 100% of women reported improving hair strength after three months and more scalp coverage after six months.

So take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair for a limited time. NutriFull is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping when you go to neutriFull.com and enter promo code coffee combos. Find out why over 4,000 healthcare professionals recommend neutrophil for healthier hair. neutrophil.com spelled in ut r a f o l dot com promo code coffee combos. That's neutrophil.com promo code coffee combos. Since there was so much emphasis that was put on remaining pure and tall marriage and and also I can understand that because that also was the way that I was raised as well.

How is sexual assault justified by members of the IBLP for the sexual assault victims? Were they still deemed worthy of marriage or was that kind of like off the table? Right, no one would talk about it. If there was a young man wanting to marry a young woman, who had been sexually assaulted for one thing, it would not be talked about.

And then the young man would remember that. So there's no scenario where they would ever even know. There was a part in the documentary where they talked about Josh Dugger. The plan was for him to basically keep what he did under wraps and later confess to his girlfriend who would then be his wife. So it would not be the same

scenario. If a woman was assaulted, she would not then turn around and confess to her husband after marriage. No, because again, well, because it could be her fault. If it was her fault, then she would be tarnished and not worthy of marriage. It's always a fault and it would be because she was in terms of how, and she brought it on somehow or her life was just so she brought on herself.

So in that sense, if she even ever mentioned it, which is unlikely, it would be pronounced severely within the family, and then it would just go into the family secret. The man would never know unless people pass one day, who knows if it's going to be obvious. I just feel like how is that healthy to any capacity for the victim, but then also for the relationship that they are choosing to sign up to get married to someone and that's not even addressed. That part of their past is not even addressed. So how can you truly have an honest foundation if that cannot be addressed? Yeah, you can. And I know personally, a lot of

institute you can. And I know personally, a lot of institute couples who are now the worst. And we can't only blame them because when we start out with septic foundation, it's how can we move on from a healthy place? Correct. Through a healthy place. But what are the policies regarding divorce as far as I have? Yeah, definitely going to hell if you get divorced. But by that time, the ones I know anyway that are divorced have been gone from IBLP. So they don't care at all. They're just like, this is not healthy for us.

There's a couple and we need to separate. So yeah. Can you tell us what your relationship is like with God today? Do you have one? Just what does it look like? I'm gonna say I do not have one I'm more fearful universe type of thing. I definitely think I have power. I do not think it's the God that I believe with, obviously. I think God is like an evil thing that's the type of empathy and no thank you for that. So I did believe there's a higher power but it doesn't play out a lot in front of my life at all.

Are your parents still involved with IBLP? No, after I left at 18, it kind of like shocked them and they were like, wait a minute, maybe we need to take a double look at this and they did and they left, okay. So yeah. So do you guys have a beat? Yeah, I was gonna say, are you, you know, you have a relationship with them and do you guys ever talk about, you know, what that was like versus how your lives are today? Yes, I'm doing hope because they apologize to me profusely and my mom bless her heart because she's sweet as well. She feels so bad about it. And I try to remind her she was in a full field.

She got me also. So I do know I wanted to get her so much space and for goodness. And it's hard to do, you know? But yeah, we have a good relationship. But I wanted to let you on, because a lot of parents and that's it's a lesser to discern. So they have no, I know. Yeah, I was reading about, or I think it was actually

in the documentary that Jill has a strained relationship with Michelle and Jemba because of their views now and she has her nose pierced and whatever they're doing. But it makes me really sad because I asked Kristen and Lindsay how many of the Dugger kids are still part of this and it just pains me because I want them to see you can believe in God or multiple gods or whatever you believe in and still be a really good person and not abuse your kids or break their spirits and allow them to have a childhood. I cannot imagine, you know, they're that blanket situation where you're putting a six-month-old child on a blanket and hitting them when they reach for a toy. Like,

that hurts my heart because kids, they don't know why they're getting hit. They can't, they don't have the mental capacity to understand what is going on. So when you say the kids are broken, I mean, you look across all the children's faces in this documentary and you're like, you can just see that they're broken.

We just call the people that ask me if I'd ever seen this stuff or so. And I call it couple of other girls. But I was just like, actually, this is what I ever seen this stuff or so. And I called a couple of other shows that I was just like, actually, this is what I do love this is my life. And it makes me uncomfortable to love it. And when I walk the kids when I see the kids, actually, the eyes, it just makes me feel so sad.

Because I know they've lost whatever spirit they had in them. They just live life and be a child. They lost it already. And I can't walk that. I simply can't. And I really hope, and I really do think it'll happen someday for the other girls, is that they'll see it for a while today, and they'll leave. It's going to take them some time, because Timbott's a big figure. He's a very big manipulator and my dad was not that. It also lends to people who are kind of narcissistic.

So you want to deal with that too and my dad is not. And so it's just a lot goes into it. But I really have hope that the bigger girls that there's gonna be a shift. The imprinting to me is so scary because it's like a generational curse, right? Like they are taught this way and kill reference the blanket.

That was one of the most alarming parts of the documentary to me as early early as six months old it starts there and then the lack of education. So they're they're being imprinted on as such a young age and their minds are being formed so young that it's all they ever knew. Yeah, I know and I remember I'm vividly remember going to so there's a book it was offered half of that self whatever written by another couple about child training and that's where the blanket training comes in and they tell you to go to the hard work store and buy the thinnest dowel rod you can find to do some hurts the most and I remember going to to the hardware store with my mom and picking out the

dowel rod and it's such a vivid memory to me picking out my own like torture device basically. And there is a good start to the store. That's my brother and I were talking about it. He's like, you remember why we went to the hardware store to pick out a new one? And I'm like, no, and he said, he's the new two, he's a yardstick and you go mad at her one day, you broke it over your knee and you broke it in half. And so we had to go get a new one in the hardware.

And I was like, you know what? Good for me. Good for young me. I don't remember that story because a lot of my memory of person you're young and being traumatized is a little bit spotty sometimes. It's also common and I've heard this from growing up, people who belt spank, you know, they make their children go and pick out their own belt to be spanked with. And like if you come back with one that's not sufficient that you know the spanker believes is like a sufficient one then the

lashing's gonna be that much worse. I wanted to ask you about Bill Gawthard when he stepped down in 2014 and was found to have acted in an inappropriate manner. Did anything actually change or did a new leader just come and replace him? Was this more of like what we would call like a PR play, right? He stepped down. Exactly. They needed to get rid of them because we were bad to our, but of course all of them are in power and within the

institutions, behave that way because they can get away with it. And they hide behind each other and they also trust that as goals, we aren't going to say anything because it's our fault. So yeah, it was definitely our thing. He's still a CC's milliter and whatever, but they say they want nothing to do with them. That's so interesting. So did he still control a lot behind the scenes without being the face? No, there's a board, so he's always had a board behind him, about time, pastures, pastures, and other pastures. People also very rough people who have helped in paying off the stones and paying for

the lawyers and pay, in my opinion, paying off long-term fortune. So if my family, you know, link of course. And so they protected him in that way. And the board still is still with the people that I'm talking about who have kind of schooled off and are still teaching the doctrine in other places. So I don't, Bill has absolutely, right now, Bill has no control of anything at all.

Very interesting. Well, thank you so much for coming on here and talking to us. Thank you for having me because we should set the thing that we just want to get out there that is still happening. It's still going on to figure it out and watch out, you know? For sure. Let people know where they can find you on social media

and where you answer questions, you know that the public might have. Yeah, yeah. I answer questions most on TikTok and it's at Love Pretty Basic. And I'm at Love Pretty Basic everywhere. So you can find me everywhere. Perfect. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you guys so much. Thank you guys so much. Coffee Combo's podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Hey, Kitty Gang, whether you love True Crime or Comedy's celebrity interviews, news, or even motivational speakers, you call the shots on what's in your podcast queue. And guess what? Right now, you can call the shots on your auto insurance, too.

Enter the name your price tool from Progressive. The name your price tool puts you in shots on your auto insurance too. Enter the name your price tool from progressive. The name your price tool puts you in charge of your auto insurance by working just the way it sounds. You tell progressive how much you want to pay for car insurance and then they'll show you a variety of coverages that fit within your budget, giving you options. Now that's something that you'll want to press play on. It's easy to start a quote and you'll be able to choose the best option for you fast.

It's just one of the many ways you can save with progressive insurance. Quote today at progressive.com to try the name your price tool for yourself, and join the over 29 million drivers who trust progressive. Progressive casualty insurance, company and affiliates, price and coverage match limited by state law. Okay, that was interesting talking to someone that's directly from IBLP. I have so many notes on Chinese people that I- So do I. I don't know that we'll get through them on this episode, but I, you know, a lot of this is mainly based on the documentary itself and the Dougers, not necessarily

IBLP at all. Same. Yep. You know, but there was one of the commenters one of the people XIVLP members She talked about how she was raped three times on her wedding night And I thought that that was really interesting because their talk that it's their fault And I just don't feel like even though it's your wedding night You shouldn't feel obligated to have sex with someone if you're not into it and that makes me really upset That also makes me very upset that it almost makes it feel like that decision making as a whole, even when it comes to these women's bodies, were completely taken away from them

and they felt like they had no rights. That's crazy. They said in the documentary that if you don't cry out to God while it's happening, then it's not like, oh well, you know, like you asked for it, it's your fault. If you don't cry out for help and I just feel like that's such a weird, like I understand wanting to be a child of God or wanting to be godly or wanting to be, you know, the best person you can be,

but a lot of these things don't align with being a good person. So that's what I'm not understanding. Where would Bill gothard and other cult leaders want to lead people down this path of it's like destructive behavior. It's horrible. It's causes damage. It causes trauma PTSD, CPSD. It's not even about being a good person.

But again, I think that I have to go back to the generational issue, right? That it's imprinted upon them, that they believe that these teachings are valid. Yeah, they're valid. One thing that really was mind-blowing to me and a lot of times in the Southern Baptist community pastors or leaders of churches have lots of children. And the thoughts of having as many children as possible to glorify God, basically you just have as many kids as you can and you don't stop until your body tells you that it's ready to stop.

What about your mind? What if your mental health tells you to fucking stop? Yeah, see, I can't really get as religious as I believe that I am. I can't get behind that thought process, but there was something that was in there about birth control. And I wanted to talk to you about this

and have never shared this even with my friends. So this is the first time I've ever talked about it. When I became sexually active and had moved in with Will, it was time for me to go on birth control. And I wanted to get the IUD because, you know, I thought being a college student and going to school and, you know, and parting on the weekends, whatever, I don't want to be responsible for having to remember to take the pills, I'm going to do

IUD. I told my biological mom about me having this appointment to go and get the IUD and she went behind my back and called my dad and they had an entire religious conversation about how it basically was abortion by me having the IUD because your body with IUD supposedly your body can get pregnant but it doesn't fertilize or something. And so when they were talking about the doggers, we're talking about how she was on birth control. And they believed that that had killed a baby and they prayed about it and had asked for forgiveness. It kind of brought back all of these memories.

And what's so crazy is when you're raising like a very strict home, it creates, you know, I've said before, like strict parents create sneaky children. Yes. It causes you to not want to be honest about what you're doing or forthcoming about what you're doing, because you feel like you're going to be so judged, even though you feel like what you're doing is the right decision for yourself. I don't know that that IUD situation is accurate. I think the IUD prevents the egg from fertilizing, but it doesn't prevent you from being able to get pregnant or something. I'll have to

look into that, but I just know that it was like a conversation that happened. My parents don't even get along, right? And when I told my biological mom about this, she immediately ran to my dad and was like, you to stop this this would basically be like Lindsay getting pregnant but Not being able to get pre not being able to be pregnant or something like that because of this IUD and You know, we we don't really believe in this and I don't know why she would do this and the conversation was never Had with me, but it goes back to like that hierarchy mentality of Regardless whether we get along or not like we're the parents and we're gonna have this conversation

And then we're gonna imprint that thought process on to you because this is what we believe and this is what you're gonna do Yeah, and so I very much related to a lot of These things going on in this documentary like where it it was probably very eye opening and shocking for you. It was eye opening and shocking to me in a very different way, because of the parallels with the Southern Baptist community and this community. I just, I don't, it's so hard because none of my mom, or her siblings were like this.

My grandparents weren't like this. It's just so foreign to me. I don't even know what to do with the information to be perfectly honest. Like when they were talking about this umbrella of protection, do you remember that? And you must always obey your chain of command. I was raised that way. Like you always obey who came before you, like that parents, your grandparents,

but like to a different level. Yes. Yes. And I thought it was really, really interesting and really, really bothered me. I was equally as interested and bothered about the duggers saying that they sent Josh off to help families build homes at this camp and that he was ministering and how they never turned him in and never did anything and

how it was this hush hush situation. To me, that is just perpetuating bad behavior. Right. And how would that not be? I do feel as parents, we are called to lead our children and to when they're doing something that is morally corrupt that would be the case in this situation, it is our job as parents to hold them accountable for those things because what is that teaching him if he's not being held accountable for these things they're lying for him he's allowed to cover it up there's no consequences for these things right.

So moving forward in future generations he's going to repeat that same pattern of things. I just don't I don't know what to do with this information. You're right. I mean, it's just like a cyclical, just perpetuating the same shit over and over and over again. But I do have a ton more notes. So I'm probably just going to cover it, the rest of the things that I have on coffee combos and Instagram story when this airs. And put boxes there for people to write in their responses. I'm going to put what was in the doc might take on it

and then a box for people to give their opinions. You can participate, you know, if you want to or not. But the last thing I wanna say is I also was, when I started my period, I had to use a pad because my dad thought that a tampon would cause me to lose my virginity. I have that in my notes that the documentary said it was also a form of pleasure. Pleasure, yes. And they called it devil sticks and supposedly robbed your husband of your hymen. And I don't know where my dad learned that to tell me that,

but would also love to know where that idea came from because I think it's totally whack and just fricking crazy. The whole cons that are entire booklet is insane. All of their, I don't think there was one practice that I could align with that made me feel like these people were the leaders of this were good people in any way, shape or form. Well let me just tell you, ma'am, I use the devil sticks. I also do. So I don't follow suit with this teaching. Outside of that, I think I am truly going to go and take a shower finally. I might just fall off the face of the earth so if no one

hears from me for the next week, I've fallen off and I love you. I hope you have a great doctor's appointment. I hope you find out good news. And if you guys have not followed us at Coffee Combos podcast on Instagram, where I'll be covering the rest of this, please make sure you follow us there. If you have not subscribed to our show, you can do that from any podcast app to every of your podcast and always first at Podcast One.

Hope you guys have a great week and we'll talk to you soon. See ya. See what hip blockbusters are streaming free during popcorn summer movies on Pluto TV. Watch the first four Indiana Jones movies, Orminaari and Native Honor. Plus, Pluto TV has hundreds of channels with thousands more movies, available on live and on demand. Available online y demanda. Download Pluto TV para todos tus propios propios. Pluto TV. Stream Now.

Payne Never. Comunicación digital, doble grado en derecho y adre, fisioterapia, deporte, más de 30 años formando profesionales de éxito. Centro universitario San Isidoro, al escrito la Universidad Pablo dio la vida de Sevilla. En tranceentreosanisidoro.es y prepárate para el futuro, hoy.