Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - Taxes, Teacher Burglary & Future Faking

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

CC395: On this month's bonus episode... Lindsie and Kail ask their children to do as they say, and not as they do. Kail talks about new tax breaks and her stance on them as someone who came from poverty. Lindsie goes through her recent Instagram stories that had Kail and Elijah laughing in their beds the night before. Kail explains to Lindsie a new term, but not a new concept, called future faking. Listeners ask, how long an engagement should last? And today's Foul Play teaches us about Colposcopy.. Thank you to our sponsor! Branch Basics: Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code coffee at branchbasics.com/coffee #branchbasicspod CookUnity: Go to cookunity.com/coffeeconvos or enter code COFFEECONVOS before checkout for 50% off your first week. DraftKings: Download the DraftKings Casino app and sign up with promo code COFFEE Thrive Causemetics: Get an exclusive 20% off your first order when you visit thrivecausemetics.com/COFFEE

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you? This is Coffee Convo's with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey. Good morning Kitty Cat. Good morning. Welcome to Coffee Combo's podcast. How are we today? We're good. I'm going to go look at a property after this to, I'm trying to open something here in Delaware, so a business. And so I'm excited to go see that. And I didn't get ready today because I said, fuck it. No one no one's gonna see me and then I

last minute made disappointment and I absolutely regret not getting ready today. Now everybody's gonna see you. Okay well you are out looking at land and shit and I've been doing a makeup lesson so. Please film it. I did. I think that I watched Jeffree Star's makeup tutorials all the time to see if they're Jeffree Star approved. I don't buy any of it, but I watch them. So I would absolutely watch you do makeup tutorials. Okay. So actually it was really easy.

And because I'm trying to become, I've always talked about like being a minimalist, but I don't really think that I am, but I think I think that I am. I went through my old makeup bag and there were probably roughly 60 products in there. This is just not sustainable. I need a makeup bag that has maybe 12 things in it in total. I've successfully done that. My face probably has eight items on it. It doesn't look great right now because I only did half my face and she did half my face but I did film it.

So I'm glad that I'm going to be here to entertain you. I also have a bone to pick with you. Great. Love that. I noticed that you had posted a poetry. And I don't understand poetry. So what's the bone? The bone is I don't understand it. I've never understood it.

Well, you don't have a bone to pick with me. You have a bone to pick with poetry and the poetry world. Correct. I had no idea that you were into poetry. I don't know if it's because I'm, like, not a romantic person. There is this, like this one girl on TikTok and Instagram, and I forget what her name is. I think I follow her though. It's real life poetry. I just can't get into the stuff that doesn't make sense to me. I also don't love the stuff that doesn't make... I couldn't get into Shakespeare. Same deal.

Like that from me is too much. I also am a conspiracy theory in that I don't believe that Shakespeare wrote his own stuff. I actually got into a very, very small unalignment with someone at Barnes and Noble recently because this man said that he's familiar with the theory and absolutely does not agree. And after reading Jody Pico's By Any Other Name, I'm convinced that he did not, but that's neither here nor there. This book that I posted is called Bleeding Hughes and I know the author. I know of the author. I used to work with her husband. So that's why I was like, oh, I can give this a try. Okay. You need to back up on the Barnes and Noble altercation because why are we getting in altercations

with people at Barnes and Noble? My dream is a Barnes and Noble collab. So the fact that we just said that there's a Barnes and Noble altercation, they are never going to partner with me. I thought that he worked there. And then Alessandra was like, he doesn't work here, babe. And I was like, okay, thank God.

So- We were talking to him. We were talking to him because Alessandra and I went to Barnes and Noble in New York City for an author event. And we were looking at this one book and he was like, started to talk about it. And it was like a non, it was a historical fiction vibe. And he said something about Shakespeare. And I looked at him and I said, he was speaking highly of Shakespeare. I was like, Shakespeare is not a good person. He didn't write his own stuff. He's like,

I'm familiar with that theory. He definitely did. I said, okay, no, you need to read Jody Pico's By Any Other Name because no the fuck he didn't. That's the hill I'm dying on. Coffee Convo's podcast is out here saying that William is a scam. William is a scam because there's no reason why someone who claimed to be so progressive for his time or a feminist rather, or just not even rather, in addition to like, he had two daughters that he never taught to read and write.

So if he was all of these things, X, Y, and Z, you're telling me that he then turned around and did not do what he was preaching all along for his own two daughters. They could not even write their names. So no, that's one of the many, many, many, many, many reasons that I don't like Shakespeare. Okay. So that brings me to a parenting question. Growing up, my dad always used to tell us, we would see him do something and then he would tell us not to do it. And he says, do as I say, not as I do. How do we feel about that

in parenting? Because sometimes I'll catch myself doing that. And I'm like, wait a minute, I don't really have grounds to say something about this because I also do it. It's hard because it's one of those things where you want to lead by example, but when your child is doing something that was never modeled for them, or they want to do the opposite of what was modeled for them, I don't really understand because the only thing you can do is say, like, do as I say, not as I do. Or like, actually, no, that's not right. I'll give you an example. Like my dad might eat like a cereal in his bedroom, like watching TV. Okay. And our rules were no food in bedrooms, only food in kitchen.

Well, I found myself in my old ass age watching White Lotus the other night and I went downstairs and got myself a little bowl of Captain Crunch and brought it upstairs. I then come upstairs today and find these laying around in my media room. And I'm like, well, you know what? I'm kind of a bit of a hypocrite. Okay, but here's the thing about that is that you are an adult. And so the chances I would argue that your chances of spilling said cereal or juice or whatever it is are slim to none and you can only be mad at yourself.

Whereas if a child was to spill it or do it or whatever, it was highly preventable by not bringing it up there. So that's like one of those things where it's like, do as I say, not as I do, and here's why. Here's why we're not doing it. Yeah. I mean, these things are sucked bone dry. So like, I really can't bitch.

Like there's nothing to leak. Do your kids do this also? And then like hide them under blankets. Over the weekend, I was redoing some of Lincoln's room and the amount of wrappers that I found, I was just like, why? And like, I have carpet upstairs, so also why? My kids also, specifically Lincoln and Lux decided to put stickers all over their walls, like on the paint. I was like, I've never done something like this.

So when did you guys think this was a good idea? See that's why we don't like really get into the sticker game around here or never have. I have seen literal people driving down the road with stickers stuck on their cars or their windows. Have you ever seen that? Yes, I have. What were they doing when their kids were putting it on the windows? Well, I've seen the adults who cover their cars with stickers themselves. Have you ever been driving down the road and you see a car and it's got 95 bumper stickers

on it? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Who authorized that? Well, I'm just wondering, first of all, there's what I'm talking about. Who authorized that? Well, I'm just wondering, like when you're, first of all, there's been snow and slush and all kinds of stuff that I'm driving through. So my car is a muddy, dried up muddy mess.

And then I can take it through the car wash. That's great, love that. But what does that do to the stickers? So like there's mud and ice and whatever else. And then you take it through the car wash or you hand wash it yourself And now they're gonna like peel and like distort and like be all like one It doesn't look good

But to like the maintenance and keeping it like I just don't understand I'm convinced people that do that and if you or somebody that does it that's listening to this do not come for me I am convinced that the people that put bumper stickers all in their car, it's because they're gonna drive it until the fucking wheels fall off. They're not worried about ever selling it to CarMax. Nobody wants your shit. But the stickers look crazy.

Even if they're brand new or if they're five years old, the stickers are disgusting. It should not. Truly, it should be against the law to do it because it is a hazard for all other drivers because I'm trying to read said stickers. Fair. You know what I mean?

Do you have in your state the license plates that are, like you can buy here in Delaware, we have black license plates with like one or two numbers or three numbers and they cost so much, like thousands of dollars. Is that just for Biden? No. Like, like I could go for as like a killer network and go try to get a black license plate that says K I L L R and it would be like $5,000.

Huh, babe? How much does a black license plate that says K-I-L-L-R, and it would be like $5,000. Huh, babe? How much would a black license plate cost? And they also go up for auction, especially with the less and less numbers. So I might actually be able to get a K-I-L-L-R one, but it wouldn't be as expensive as one that has like two or three letters or just one letter.

We don't have that here. 500 a year. They only give, Elijah said they only give out 500 a year. You can buy. This seems very exclusive. And now I'm convinced because you taught me a history lesson that Delaware was the first state. That's why they have that.

Has to be, but I don't know where the money goes. Like I'm not familiar with that. So if anyone listening to this podcast is familiar with where those funds go, does it go to the DMV? Does it go to the potholes in the road? Does it go to auction? Does it go to charity? Let me know. Ma'am, when you're driving down the road,

like are y'all's roads really bad? Elijah's shaking his head no. I don't fucking know. Back roads? No, I think the back roads are fine. We live on a back road. We have no issues. No, this is a highway. Oh, it's a highway for example. No, our highways are fine. Like when you're driving,

do you go into a possible crater of the earth? No. Oh, if you're driving in Atlanta here, there might be a pothole that like your whole half of your car will go in We don't have that problem. It might be we might hit a road that's bumpy or whatever, but we don't have I'm just I'm alarmed. I'm alarmed by what the state of Georgia is doing where our taxes are going We're not gonna talk about taxes on here. I actually saw a funny meme the other day and it was like, I'll be imprisoned by March because I just did my own taxes

and got a refund for like 9,000 something dollars. What? And I'm like, I will never touch taxes ever again in my life. I actually got a refund as well because I overpaid last year. Oh, honey, I'm always overpaying. I rather overpay than underpay. Based off of family history, I'm overpaying every time. Get your dollars up with Dollar Up on DraftKings Casino.

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of a Canadian who was talking about how he owns property in America. And I know that we don't want to talk about politics, but I do feel like I owe it to our listeners. And also, because this is part of where I came from is like, I came from poverty, right? So don't forget your roots, can't forget where you came from kind of thing. And he goes on to say that like he is in a position where he has the money to pay. And so there's no reason why somebody in his tax bracket should be getting tax breaks. But people that are under three hundred and sixty thousand dollars a year are having a tax increase.

And he said that he's in a position where he should be paying more. And I tend to agree with him. I'm in a position where, I mean, obviously I have seven kids and I want more for them always. But at the end of the day, the tax break for me is not impacting me. Like where I was paying taxes does not impact me the same way that the increase for, you know, anyone below 360,000 impacts that demographic. So I just wanted to take a minute to let you guys know sort of where I stand on that and I agree with this Canadian American businessman's mentality that I am fine paying my taxes.

I do believe that the people who make more should pay more. And I'm really for the people. So I just wanted to take a minute. I'm also for the people as well. And I don't know if you remember this like months and months ago that we had this conversation. And I just feel like a hit on taxes for people in higher tax brackets, like they're already so blessed, right? People that are in lower tax brackets or are living in poverty, it's not fair to those people. I mean, think about it too, like the cycle, right?

So say we have a family that is living in poverty or just above poverty, and they have kids that are so talented, so smart, regardless, say they're average, but they have the ability or the ability to go to college. They could go to college, but they can't pay for it. They are never getting a step up to be part of the higher tax brackets because they can't afford to go to college in the first place. So we're just perpetuating this cycle. And I'm actually terrified of the direction of this country

right now, because all of the things that I've seen on TikTok since TikTok came back from the 24 hour hiatus is like, is highly concerning. It actually is very highly concerning. And I was just having a conversation just like this with my grandmother the other day. And I said, this system is basically set up for people to never be able to get out of it. Like if you really think about it, you almost either have to choose at this point based off of just what I've been told. If you want government assistance, you can't be willing to really help yourself much at

all. What's really interesting is I know someone who's a single mom. I don't know if I've talked about this at all. She's a single mom of four kids. She doesn't qualify for anything right now. She's also a teacher with, she almost has two master's degrees. She's like a single mom, four kids, getting her second master's degree. She does not qualify for state assistance, but also is barely making it by.

She works three jobs. And then if she had a fifth kid, she would qualify for everything. She would qualify if she had one more child. So it's like a system that is like setting you up for failure. Like, yes, you cannot handle a fifth child, which is why she didn't have one or whatever the circumstances were at the time. I don't know if it, whatever, she can't handle it, whatever that reason may be or didn't want one. Explain that to me. That's what I'm saying. The system is legitimately broken and it's so unfair. People out here

that need help, they're trying to help themselves. And look at the price of freaking groceries, right? Yeah. It's like that would be of great assistance to people who are just getting by to be able to get assistance in that way. 100%. And it's not fucking fair. That's 100%. And I just wanted to say that because I do hear you, I do see you, I read the comments, I understand what you're saying, but I just want you guys to know where I stand because I don't forget where I came from and I'm very aware of where I came from. And I have empathy for anyone in the situation that I came from really, truly struggling to get

by being evicted on the verge of not knowing where to live, not knowing where to go. And then on top of it, maybe you don't have the money for groceries, you need to get food stamps, but you don't quite qualify for food stamps. It's just the whole situation is just so fucked up. Well, while we're talking about groceries, I was having a conversation with my nanny the other day and I said, it's almost become, and I don't know how other people do it, because I only have one child, it's just two of us eating, right? So it might be more beneficial in the long run for people with larger families to eat at home. But for us, I feel like there's a lot that goes to waste and groceries are so fucking high. We can eat out cheaper at this point. Like at what point of the world did that change? Because growing up, eating

out was like a luxury. Yeah. It's really interesting you say that because I went to Chick-fil-A for the first time in months yesterday. The kids had a dentist appointment and I was like, we'll go get something to eat after. So seven kids, I'm including my toddlers

because my one-year-olds eat real food now. Seven, eight piece, you're not ready for this. Seven, eight piece kids meals. Wait, repeat. Seven, eight piece nugget kids meal, like not kids meal, sorry, eight piece Chick-fil-A meals. Seven, so for all seven kids, they all get their own eight piece, eight count meals. Wait, do you one year olds eat eight piece?

They don't finish the eight, but I usually put them in a baggie and they can eat it for lunch the next day. Okay. Yeah. So there is some leftovers that will cover another meal. So that is helpful. I ate my Chick-fil-A sandwich today. I ate my fries yesterday.

So that's neither here nor there. And then me and Elijah, and then I got my nanny and her husband meals as well. So it came to $120 $120 for fast food. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. So when you say that you guys could eat out and essentially either break even on what you would have spent to make food at home or to make food out like You would have probably spent around the same right? Like if you guys if you went to the store and got two steaks for Hugh and Jackson and then a vegetable and mashed potatoes or something,

you're probably gonna, it's gonna be roughly the same. For us, $120 would get us several meals for the week, whether it be like a big thing of spaghetti and garlic bread or tacos, or I'm trying to think of something else that's like you make large portions of chicken and rice and beans, just stuff like that. $120 gets you really far for us.

Not really far, but at least a week of dinners. It's way more than just like, because some of those meals were only one meal for some of your kids. Mm-hmm. I imagine the only thing that was left over was probably stuff for the babies. Yeah, but I would, you know, thankfully they're able to eat that today. So it ends up giving them two meals, but it's still just like the cost of groceries is absolutely insane.

I go to a go to the store. It's like a carton of eggs is like $7. I've already paid for that 10 times over with the chickens I have outside. So we're about to put a little, a little egg stand up in the front, put them up for $2 a carton, $3 a carton, get them half off. They're fresh. Do you stamp these eggs? Yeah, I got a little chicken stamp and they last longer. You can leave them out on the counter for like two weeks. Okay. So I think that that is the strangest thing. And I understand the whole explanation with you and Matt Matthews talking about the eggs

and whatnot. Get it. You're also not supposed to wash them. I listened to you all about that. First of all, there are no eggs that are sitting on my counter. I've always had eggs in a refrigerator and they will always remain in the refrigerator. They've gone through processes. So they have to remain in their refrigerator. They've gone through processes. So they have to go in the refrigerator.

Mine have not gone through anything. They've been in the coop for like an hour, two hours, and I bring them in. I'll send you a picture of how I do it. I mean, they got chicken butt all over them and I don't care. It's like shitting turds with like feathers connected to it. Yeah, I got one on the counter right now with an egg, with a chicken turd and a feather on it. But guess what my kids ate for breakfast this morning? Six chicken butt eggs.

Okay, where do you put these? Like, are they in a basket or are they just like raw dog in the counter? No, I have like a little egg holder. Okay, and then when you go to cook them, you wash them? You can, but you're about to take the- Bitch, you didn't. You're about to take the shell off and then you're going to

cook the contents inside until it's all the way cooked. So what is the point? Okay, but like when you crack an egg, some of the yolks like touching the stuff. No, I mean, in theory, you could rinse the egg off before you crack it open. But you didn't know you didn't. No, I didn't. You cooked the shit and all. This is going to be in the next evidence for trial.

Speaking of- How about you rinse her eggs off before she feeds my kids? There has been, you know how we talked about bird flu a couple of episodes ago? Yeah. So I was watching a TikTok the other night, which is where I first heard about it. And it said that there had been a case of bird flu detected roughly 100 miles, I think it said south of Atlanta. But just on our local news this morning, it said that there was a second case of bird

flu that was detected at a Georgia poultry farm and they are under quarantine. That's actually terrifying. What are the symptoms? Could you tell me the symptoms of bird flu? Well, it says that the virus has been detected five times previously in Georgia. And in this TikTok, the guy was saying that Georgia is known to be one of the largest producers of eggs and chicken. Okay. So obviously there's like a higher risk when there's a higher concentration, right? Yeah.

So it says the virus has been detected five times previously in Georgia, but in backyard flocks, is that what yours is considered? A backyard flock? Yeah, probably. And it says the Wednesday's report that came out is the third case of the virus detected in Georgia in 2025. It says that it was found among 13 chickens and ducks earlier in the month.

It says authorities say that the second case was around 120 yards away from the first positive commercial case. And that the site known by the name Albert 02 had around 13,000 broilers. Like what's that? I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is either. It says all commercial poultry operations within a 6.2 mile radius are under quarantine and will undergo testing for at least two weeks.

Officials say that the close proximity of the two sites means that the previous quarantine does not need to be expanded. The state has suspended all poultry activities for sales, including auctions at flea markets and livestock markets. The sale of poultry products like meat and eggs and poultry production have not been suspended at this time. Okay, so do I need to be on the lookout for bird flu? I mean, honestly, yeah.

It says bird flu has been spreading, killing millions of wild and domestic birds worldwide over the last two years among other animals. Nationwide, the virus has been detected in 84 commercial and backyard flocks in the last month with 10.7 million birds on those sites. That's actually terrifying. Yeah. So if a bird has bird flu and survives to the point where it is being slaughtered and

sent out for meat, is it a risk to get salmonella and bird flu from the meat too? I don't know. That's what I'm confused about because in this video that I was watching, it said that likely because of, I don't want to say that this is like an outbreak, but since it is somewhat of a quarantine, right? Because of that, it was going to likely cause the price of eggs and stuff to be higher. Because of the, we have to pay for the ones that are not infected.

So that would require a little more work. Okay, I see what you're saying. But I think bird flu can cause like severe respiratory issues. Okay, but so can you get that though from the meat and from the eggs? I don't know. Like if it's consumed, I'm assuming that you're consuming it cooked. It's basically my question. I don't know. And like, how do they how do the birds get bird flu? I don't know. I don't know where it's coming from.

That is the mystery of today. How to prevent my chickens from getting bird flu? Keep wild birds away. Don't feed wild birds or let them mix with your chickens. Use netting to keep them separate. Clean and disinfect regularly. Clean and disinfect your chickens housing and disinfect your chickens' housing. Monitor your chickens.

Watch for signs of illness. Report sick birds. Wear personal protective gear. Avoid sharing equipment. Don't share your chickens' equipment with other bird owners. Quarantine new birds. Secure feed and water to keep from contamination. Restrict visitors.

Use strong fencing. wear dedicated clothes and shoes. Okay, so they're essentially getting infected from other beings and other birds. So that's really interesting. I'm wondering if it's like these large farms of chickens, like they house these chickens, but if they get another shipment or whatever of chickens, is it because it's coming from somewhere else and they're not quarantining them and then they're infecting what's already there?

That's my guess. That's my guess because that's the same way as like COVID spreading, right? It's like you go somewhere who already has it, they're not quarantining, you're coming back over, you don't even realize you have it yet, you've already infected, you've been a super spreader, and now the pandemic has started. I can't stand a super spreader. Well, agree, but also if you don't have symptoms and you don't think you have it, you're not quarantining because you have no symptoms, it's like, what do you do? Because there are some people that are asymptomatic of a lot of different things.

Like not just the vid, you know? And like not talking about COVID, but other things you can be a carrier for and not necessarily know you have it. And then you turn around and you've already spread it to people that when you didn't know you had it, like that you were a carrier. Like chlamydia. Things that lay dormant like chlamydia. Let's talk about makeup. Whether you like a fresh faced, full glam or something in between like me, you've probably seen Thrive Cosmetics viral tubing mascara. I actually just posted a get ready with me for killer world's day in the life situation

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for those things. Literally, she's a kindergarten teacher in Canton, Georgia. Okay. But what was her... Because here's the thing. If someone robs Walmart for diapers and wipes, I'm looking the other way. Okay. Well, same. So what was she burglaring? I don't know exactly what she stole, but it says that there was no connect. The charges were not connected to anything that involved the school system. So like she wasn't stealing from like the school. And it says that they could not share many details about the circumstances of set arrest.

Like did you rob a bank? Because if so, pay her more. Like I don't know what you want these teachers to do. These teachers are barely making it by. I mean, I get that 1000%. But there have been times, like I've been friends with teachers, right? And you have teacher friends. For example, if we go to a local restaurant and I'm with a teacher friend, if they want to get an alcoholic beverage, normally they put said alcoholic beverage in a cup,

like either a to-go cup, not a cup like at the restaurant that they would use to serve, but in a to-go cup, not a cup like at the restaurant that they would use to serve, but at a to-go cup so that if a student or family walked in, they would not see them drinking an alcoholic beverage. I think that's a bit extreme. How do we feel about that? Because I don't really think that that's personally, in my opinion, that that is necessary. Now, being belligerent

is like one thing, but having a glass of wine at dinner on your personal time, I feel like that's a stretch if somebody has a big problem with that. I mean, I would agree with you. I think that being belligerent, being sloshed in public across the board teacher or any profession is probably frowned upon. I wouldn't want that to be the example set for myself or any other kids, anybody else's kids. But in terms of a drink at dinner or something like that, I just feel like that's taking it too far the same way that one of my teacher friends said that they can't have themselves

in a bikini on Facebook. I'm sorry, but if you have your profile picture as you and your husband on the freaking beach in a bikini and your profile is set to private, to me, you've already done your due diligence by setting your profile to private. I just feel like that is taking it entirely too far. It is very much too far. Now, this situation with this kindergarten teacher, I don't know that I would want my kindergartener going into school after I see this on the local news that she's been in a burglary

and has been charged with theft. They didn't release any information on it. So like, was this Wells Fargo? But I'm like, okay, if you I don't know, because I've never been, I've never robbed anywhere, right. But like, if you go into the store, and you're stealing, we'll use teacher supplies as an example, right? Like you go into staples and you steal a bunch of teaching supplies, or you go to

Walmart, and you're stealing types and what diapers and wipes is that robbery? Is that burglary? Or is burglary like breaking into somebody's home and stealing something? Because I do think that they're entirely different and I'm not a truly, I'm gonna keep stand 10 toes down when I say, if a teacher is taking diapers and wipes from Walmart,

I'm going to look the other way, the same way I would look the other way if it was somebody else. If it was anybody, I would just be minding my own business. Like they're stealing it for a reason. Like I don't think somebody is just going in to my own business. They're stealing it for a reason. I don't think somebody's just going in to steal diapers and wipes, put them on Facebook

marketplace. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about it though. I need more details before I can have a firm opinion because robbery and burglary sound crazy. But to be a confirmed burglar,

like do you, is that like a masked situation? Let me Google it because I truly don't even know. Like do you have to wear a mask to be identified as a burglar? How do you even spell that? Burglary. Burglary. Lurry.

Burglary. A felony crime which requires proof of a person entering a building or home with the intention of committing a crime inside. Okay. That sounds to me more like probably don't look the other way because you are, like that's not like theft of a Walmart. That's like premeditated conspiracy, like peeping Tom possibly situation. I think this is serious. Okay, but here's my next question.

If someone is going through really toxic breakup and said person has a phone or a computer person is has a phone or a computer and you are breaking in to go get your own property, your own electronics, computer, laptop, phone. Is it theft or is it just breaking and entering? I mean, it's definitely a crime for sure. And all I will say is if anybody's going through a toxic breakup and you have broken up before you got your fucking cell phone and your laptop, you're an idiot. Honestly though, break and enter at that point because there's no reason in hell, there's no way in hell that I would want my ex going through my computer and my phone, literally

nothing on it and I still don't want them going through it. So I would break and enter into somebody else's house to get my stuff. Crimes that coffee combos would commit. Breaking Kristen's phone. Breaking and entering. Breaking and entering into her home to get her phone. Robbing a bank. I didn't sign up for that. I'm 50% of this and I'm not robbing a fucking bank. No, we are not bank robbers. Breaking into an ex's house that possibly like stored some of my items, specifically a laptop or a cell phone. Definitely doing that. Windows will be smashed. Do you support breaking electronics that you bought for the other person? No. That's heinous. Okay, while we're on this topic of exes, what do you think about, and I

know this has probably happened to you, what do you think about, and I know this has probably happened to you. What do you think about, you happen to run into your ex, right? And they're with someone, but they're wearing fucking shoes or a shirt that you bought. I think it's funny. I'm going immediately. I'm running to the group chat. I might even take a pic of it while they're not looking, and I'm immediately running to the group chat because that to me is so funny. It was like I was telling Sterling about the recipe that she gave me and my ex came up

on my For You page with his new partner and they were eating, like she was trying his recipe that was actually my recipe that I got from Sterling and acting like it was God's gift to earth. And I was just thinking to myself, like, and like I get it. Is it cream cheese spaghetti? No, it's chicken bacon ranch Alfredo. Chicken, chicken bacon, bacon chicken Alfredo.

Do you want me to tell you some toxic things about myself? Yeah. Number one, before I filed for divorce but knew that I was, I removed all of my laptops, tablets, old cell phones and new cell phone and locked them in my car every night until I left said residence. Another toxic trait about myself is I will call you out if I see you or ran into you or there was like some type of bump in

and you're wearing something that I curated that I thought would look nice on you and you're with someone else, I'm telling you in front of them. Like what are you, are you gonna like compliment and be like condescending or are you gonna to be absolutely direct? I like the shirt that I bought you.

Let's pretend like you were my ex. Okay. And we were in some type of run-in. Let's say it like Kroger. Yep. Okay. I would just be cordial at first and say hi to both of them. And I would say something probably along the lines of, we haven't been

together in quite some time. It's weird that you're still wearing a shirt four years later. Also, something else that I took, Kristen goes, oh, role playing. I like that. Also, another thing that I took out of the house that no one could take pictures of or anything before I removed it was my recipe box. Oh yeah. Like you're not, I will say though, like my ex bought a kayak while we were together and- Someone else was riding on it? No.

He was storing it at my house because the only time that we would go kayaking would have been together. I withheld. I mean, he never asked for it, but I wasn't giving it back because at the point that you've stored it in my house, you should have been paying storage fees. Like you should have rented the space. So it is now we've broken even because you could, you could go buy a new kayak and it's mine.

So I have this one X that I had a million suitcases and I had a set that I was not using. So gave them like an overnighter and then they were like, do you like want that back? And I was like, no, your dusty ass drawers have been in there. Yeah. As long as it doesn't go with a set. And they were like, do you like want that back? And I was like, no, your dusty ass drawers have been in there. Yeah, as long as it doesn't go with a set. Like that's something that I'm not gonna take back. The recipe thing though, like if you think that you're making

any of my nanny's recipes with somebody new, you're not. These are going to the grave with me. And Will Campbell, the fact that you're still making Mississippi roast sir Understand that a lot of people make Mississippi roast don't make it. Oh, I shouldn't doesn't like it. He doesn't That's very that's very offensive. I mean it's upsetting but I mean he'll eat it if I were to make it But it's not I mean he does not prefer it at all He'd rather kill me with jerk chicken not prefer it at all. He'd rather kill me with jerk chicken. With jerk chicken? Do you like jerk chicken?

I love jerk chicken, but he makes his so spicy that I like swear that I went into labor with I think it was Rio. With this new year, we need to prioritize what truly matters. It's our health and the health of our home. And Branch Basics understands that a clean, safe environment is the foundation of a thriving life. That's why their premium starter kit is the perfect way to kick off your healthiest year yet. Absolutely love these products, especially with little ones crawling around the floor,

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And I use this on all surfaces of my house, my bathrooms, my kitchen, everywhere. I absolutely love it. Branch Basics can help you kick off the new year with a healthier home and fresh routine. Right now our listeners get 15% off their entire order by using code coffee at branchbasics.com. That's 15% off your order at branchbasics.com with promo code coffee. Make 2025 your cleanest, healthiest year yet with Branch Basics. Wait. So you know how you messaged me last night and said that you and Elijah were cracking

up at my Instagram story? Well, I was… This might be frowned upon, but I was reading them out loud to Elijah and Isaac and Lincoln. We were just laughing so hard and he thought, which one did he thought the Isaac thought the toothbrush one was diabolical and, and Elijah was like, um, what was the other one? There was another one and he was like, could not believe it. Okay. Well, let me read you this one. I didn't get to post it yet. Okay. But like, I wish that I was as slick to do some of the stuff that some of these people have done.

Okay. This woman says, my husband got drunk and pissed me off. So I put cayenne pepper in his coffee bean grinder. I mean, that's low key clever as hell. Like, I'm, I'm just very alarmed. Some of the, some of the hookups behind people's backs from people that I allowed to post this shit anonymously, I need to go to therapy. Hold on, I need to go look.

Miralax and coffee grinds would be good. The booger on his arm in his sleep, he was so upset by that and didn't understand why anyone would pick their nose in a bed. Who said that? Elijah, he was so upset. He was like, I don't understand. Why would you be digging your nose while you're in a bed. Who said that? Elijah, he was so upset. He was like, I don't understand. Like, why would you be digging your nose

while you're in your bed? Like that's your comfort spot. Like he could not. And I was like, I probably pick my nose in my sleep. Like, what do you mean? He goes, you don't. Okay, I need to know everybody who is listening to this. Are you like a booger picker?

Like it's fine if you are. Yes, I am judging you. But the only time I ever pick my nose is in the shower. Like in the shower, like in the morning. I'll blow my nose and clean it out and then I'm good for the day. I try not to pick my nose. I don't unless there's something going on. I'm going to tell you a really gross story, a really nasty story. Is it your story?

No. Yesterday. It's one of my kids. No, it's one of my kids. Okay. In the front seat and he's like, mom, there's something going on in my nose. Like there's something going on. And I go, well, pick it. At that point, like it's not a booger

because you're not telling me about a booger. Like you're just not. I fear I gave him bad advice. He pulls out, he gets regular nosebleeds. So you guys can- I already know who it So you guys can already know who it is. You guys already know who it is. Pulls out the biggest blood clot that I have ever seen in my entire life. No, no, no. Because at first, because I'm driving and I look over and I did a double take and I was like, Oh my God, like, is that a bloody booger? And I go, let me see that.

No, it was a full on blood clot. Like I was like, this is not normal. When I tell you is probably the size of a quarter. No, I swear to God. And it was not a booger. Like it was like a true blood clot. Man. I was like, how is that in your nose?

He's like, I don't know. But like, I could see him like in the passenger seat, like uncomfortable. And he was like going like this. And listen, I have never gotten nosebleed outside of like once or twice while I was pregnant. And I don't know what that's like. But he, I mean, he had one this morning. Okay. So this person said, I don't want to divorce my husband, but I wish he would die suddenly sometimes. So I said, I'm going to be honest, if you want the man to pass away, you should probably get a divorce because it seems very serious.

Elijah was very upset by that too. He was very upset by that. And I was like, oh, I thought that was regular. Then the other one that you responded to, I think my mom had something to do with the death of my dad. I said, do you possibly need help investigating this crime because we can solve crimes by dinner time? Are we talking like premeditated or a crime of passion?

well the person I waited until we got on this recording because the person messaged me back and gave me more details and Said that could never be proven because all of the evidence is circumstantial however this person That supposedly killed her husband, he believes did it for the benefits, military benefits. I killed, okay, they're not that good.

Like they're good, but they're not like that good. So there had to have been a pension involved. I just feel like killing someone is never the solution. Like people joke about killing people all the time, but actually hurt... No, man, the amount of people... I will take screenshots of these and send them to you, but you can never disclose the person, the amount of people that said that they want to commit murder. No, no, no. That has never crossed my mind. I have never been like, oh, I want to like just silently in my head. I

swear to you, like right hand to right hand to God, right hand on the Bible, like swear on all my children. I have never thought to myself, wow, I think I wish they were dead. I wish I could kill them ever. I wouldn't even know how. First of all, even if you knew how you're not getting away with it. So what's the point of even fantasizing about it? The one that you were talking about, this this person said I was mad at my husband last night and put a booger on his arm while he was sleeping. I said I can promise you if someone put a

booger on me in my sleep, I'd catch a charge. I'm pretty sure that's a misdemeanor. Like that's a bodily fluid. Oh, wow. Like, could you just imagine like if you woke up in the middle of the night and you felt something somebody rubbing something on you and it was like a fucking booger. No, that's disgusting. The way that you would be taken slap out. Is it a misdemeanor?

Because it is a bottle capitol. It is. It is. It's a misdemeanor. No, that's actually foul. Like don't, don't put anything bodily on me unless you're my child. You've accidentally thrown up on me. My top.

I mean, even Rio, he's two years old and he walks right up to me and he's like, I need a napkin. He won't wipe it on me, my top. I mean, even Rio, he's two years old and he walks right up to me and he's like, I need a napkin. He won't wipe it on me or put it somewhere. Actually, you would love Rio because he does not like a mess. He doesn't like a mess. He needs a napkin. Yeah, he needs a napkin. He's actually really sick.

He's home from school today. But he really likes a clean space. He doesn't like sticky, messy, nasty things. He's not crusty or rusty. No. Okay. So we have a listener topic. This person says, what are your thoughts on the quote below? You get in relationships to learn how to love each other. You're not supposed to automatically know. People assume this and are too quick to break up. I would agree with that I don't know if I do you can't You can start to fall in love with someone but at the end of the day when you eventually live together

Whether it be at six months or six years or whatever when you live with them. You have to sort of relearn and understand and put effort into learn and understand and put effort into learning how they function, what makes them tick, what they like, what they don't like, how they live. And so you're really re-falling in love or teaching yourself to love all different aspects of this person. Okay, I agree with that. But in a most recent situation, have you ever been in a situation where you try your damnedest to like love somebody, but no matter what ways you try and you're willing to like be flexible with all of their changes?

Do you feel like at some point that it's appropriate to break up? I mean, yeah, I think that there are definitely there's appropriate times to break up and like, maybe you fall in love with them, you live with them and you're like, okay, this is like clearly not working. Like we, there was a misstep somewhere, we're not compatible. And I do think that over time, when people are growing, they either grow together or separate. And sometimes you can grow separate and stay together, but I think there's also times where you can't. And at that point, it's like, I loved you, I loved the time that we were together,

but we're no longer compatible and you should break up. I don't think that it's like a one size fits all that you have to relove something that just simply does not align with you. It's the same way that our friendships grow and develop and or fall off or grow apart and things like that. I think it's the same with a partner. It's just like at the core,

who are you compared to this person and are your values and morals aligned? Because they feel like that's like really what it comes down to is like, if Elijah, for example, was to like grow in his career or as a person and he's like, his views start changing, but at the core we are, we want the same things. I think that it's still possible.

But at the point that you're growing and changing, whether it's for better or for worse, if your core values and morals no longer align, then you can't fix that. No, I agree. I also think that sometimes people in situations and I've been here, they will show you pieces of them that are untrue and when you uncover what is untrue, they want you to love the parts that you were never okay with in the first place. No and that's what's scary and I don't like when people say, you knew who he was before you married him. You knew who he was before you had a child with them. Because maybe you knew parts of him, but you couldn't have known that version or those parts of him until he

had said child, until he was in a relationship where there is now a marriage certificate and you have to go through all kinds of hoops to get divorced. Like you don't truly know that person also. They could have had a mask on the entire time until they got the marriage, until they had the child. And so you're like, wait a minute, I think that's very different than seeing lots and lots of red flags. Like with me, I think I had a combination of both in past relationships. It's like, you know, there were, you know, red flags that I ignored. I knew that I was ignoring them, trying to give the benefit of the doubt, but also parts of this person were very, I mean, you're telling me one thing and then you do another thing. Or there's this thing, oh my God, this TikToker just told me about it. It's like

future faking. Have you heard of this? No, what is that? And this happened to me. Future faking is when you talk to someone, like you're in a relationship with someone, right? Like I was in a relationship with someone for five years and he said, one of the last relationship things that he said to me was, I'll move in in January. And this was in like between August and December. I'll move in in January. I'll move in in January. Oh, if X, Y, and Z happens, I'll move in in January. And then January will come and they don't move in, which is exactly what happened. So then we get later on and we are in front of a judge

and he says, oh, she thought I was moving in, but I never had intentions of moving in. He literally said that verbatim out loud to a commissioner. And I'm thinking to myself, wow, like there has to be a name for this. This isn't gaslighting. This isn't like, what is this? This is called future faking.

You could be in a relationship and maybe everything else outside of the future faking, they're not giving red flags. Like you're really believing they mostly come through with everything. That's a real thing. So like you get to a point in a relationship with someone where like they're just,

they keep future faking And then nothing is actually happening Okay, we can't be together like I loved you I loved everything that I thought you were but at the end of the day, you're not actually doing said things But how do you identify future faking? Do you have to get to a point where like let's use your situation as an example I'm moving in in January. Do you have to give it that amount of time until they don't act on what they said and then take your action? Yeah, I think this goes back to some of the things that I've talked about on other episodes

where it's like put an expiration date on it because if you really think, okay, is this a red flag? Is it not? And you're not sure because their actions and their words sometimes match up, but sometimes they don't. And they're like, oh, we'll move it in January. We'll move it in January. Great. Love that. January comes and goes.

They're not moving in. They have an excuse for why. And now they're going to put on, oh, well, I'll move into March. And then March comes and goes. Well, by July, I was like, we're done. Like we're done here. And I never looked back. All right, we were just talking about all kinds of meals and you know, Lindsey has one child, I have seven.

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coffee convos. That's just crazy. Actually, I didn't even know that there was like a word for this. No, I know that was the first, but it was so crazy because let me see if I can pull up the video. I didn't know there was a name for it, but I knew I had experienced it. And I didn't, when he looked at the judge and said she thought I was going to move in, but I wasn't, I was like, holy fuck. And literally like a week or two later, I saw this video and I was like, oh my fucking God. And I never thought I would ever have a reason

to like bring it up to you, but I was shook. So Kristen said other examples are, we're gonna get married, buy a house, move in. It's a common trait from a narcissist. Katie Morton was the one who posted about it. I love her. I'm gonna send it to you guys. I mean, I'm not gonna lie to you,

my relationship immediately following this specific toxic relationship, I future faked with him. And that is a common case of the abuse, the abusee becomes the abuser. And so that one was very much a rebound relationship. I was not good to that person. I did not treat that person well. And he had big plans for us. And I would basically tell him what he wanted to hear

because I just wasn't there yet. And I was like, yeah, we'll get married one day. Yeah, we'll have kids one day. Yeah, we'll do all of that. But you never felt those things, right? I never what? You never felt those things, right? You were just saying them?

I was hoping that I would get to a place where I would do those things because I knew how good that person was to me and I knew what we could have together and I saw the potential of what we could be together, but my feelings never changed. And so I will say this, and I think this is also still a case

of abusee becomes the abuser because I also actively spoke to this person about those feelings. And I think this is also still a case of abusee becomes the abuser because I also actively spoke to this person about those feelings. Like I, it was sort of like, yeah, we'll have those things. And then at a later time I would say like, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Like, I don't want to be with you. And so instead of just cutting it off, and I only know this now because I went through it,

I should, at the time I wasn't thinking this way, right? So hindsight is always 20-20. I should not have done that because this person didn't know what to believe. Are we going to get married one day or you're saying that you don't want to do this anymore and you're trying to break up with me? So that is in and of itself, whether it was actually faking how I felt or not is still abuse. That is truly, that's like, just like what my ex did to me. That is truly, that's like just like what my ex did to me. But I think that we need to normalize like at this phase of our life, that we need to learn ourself well enough to be able to stand on our own two feet to say the things that

we only mean. Like if I'm dating somebody, right? I don't need to go to them and sell them this like pipe dream of things that I know are for a fact, not part of what I want for my future. Like that is so toxic because you're ultimately setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak along with the other person. And I learned that in the breakup because when I finally had hit my wall and I was like, I cannot do this with you anymore. I don't want to be with you. I never really did. It became bigger than it was because I'm sure that person was like, why don't... And I look back at his reaction to the breakup and

initially it was like he very much on the same page and like understood and knew that I had those feelings for a long time. But on the flip side, when this person got angry again, and was like doing all kinds, like saying all kinds of things, it's like, he, you know, that person was like, wait a minute, but you did tell me x, y, and z. And so like, was it fake? Wasn't it fake? And I agree, like, I would never go to Elijah and tell him x, y, and z, if that's not how I felt. Like, I'm just not, I'm not in a place to do that. And

further, if there's something that he doesn't wanna hear that I do feel, I will tell him those things because I am meaning what I say and I say what I mean. Now, if I was dating someone right now and they asked me, like, do you ever wanna be married again? I would say, do I want to be married again and have some type of union with someone? Yes.

Government married? No. I think that's very important. I'm never going to be government married to anyone ever again. I think that's fair. I also think having some sort of like union ship or like a ceremony or something is a compromise, which is nice. Yeah, because I think that marriage is what you make it, right? I don't think that a government paper that states that you're married, and in my opinion for myself, if I am married in front of the eyes of God and the people that I love, that's sufficient for me. I don't need a government paper. Right. Like you knowing that you made this commitment in front of

people may have you thinking twice when times get hard and you're like, I'm just going to walk out. It's like, no, I did this in front of these people. It's like almost like a way of holding you accountable to make sure that you've exhausted all resources before ending the union. to make sure that you've exhausted all resources before ending the union. Okay, so then brings me to my next question. How long do you think is too long for an engagement and what is too short for an engagement? And is there an exact answer

or is it relevant to your life phase of where you are? This is a loaded and layered question and answer. relevant to your life phase of where you are? This is a loaded and layered question and answer. I personally, this is my own opinion. You don't have to agree with it and you can cuss me out on Facebook. I really don't care. If your man is waiting 10 years to propose to you, he was waiting for something better to come along before that 10 year mark.

Period point blank. I honestly do not give a fuck if you disagree with me. If this man is not talking to you about marriage, and I think women specifically have like same sex, like lesbian couples and things like that are very different, so I'm talking about a heterosexual relationship specifically. If this man does not talk to you about marriage within the first year, he does not want to marry you. Period. Point blank. I do not care. He is waiting until the next best thing comes along and you are the backup plan. He's looking for a good time. Not a long time. He might have kids with you. He might tell you he wants to marry you, but you've never

been proposed to. You've never looked at rings. He doesn't take you you. He might tell you he wants to marry you, but you've never been proposed to. You've never looked at rings. He doesn't take you seriously. You're basically nagging him or you guys just simply don't talk about it at all. He doesn't want to marry you. I feel like in a situation if you've ever been divorced before and there's children involved, right? I think there's a longer grace period that is there for a longer engagement.

Oh, longer engagement, I think, is a different conversation. I'm talking about the proposal. I think anything at my age, at 35, I think if you have dated somebody exclusively for two years and nothing is proceeding forward other than just like stagnant where you were whenever you started, I think that in my personal opinion

is a sign. I agree. I agree with you. As far as the length of the engagement, I think could all things are like that all is up for debate because I feel like circumstances, money, just the economy, just like there's so many facts, real regular life, there's so many factors. So I will say that I think the engagement length itself will depend on, will vary by situation. I don't know.

What? I just think about all the people because it brings me, it made me think of all the friends that I've had that have talked to me about their boyfriends and stuff. And I'm like, how do you not see that he doesn't like you? He does not want to be with you. He truly, he doesn't even want to be with you. He is benefiting from being with you in some way, shape or form, but he does not want to be with you. He doesn't even want to be with you. He is benefiting from being with you in some way, shape, or form, but he does not want to be with you. He doesn't even like you. Kale, could you imagine if you ever said that to somebody? Well, that's what I'm going to... That was my next question to you is like,

at what point do you tell said friend that's talking to you? Like, I had a friend a couple weeks ago tell me about how like she was saying X, Y, and Z about her man or whatever. And I wanted to text her back and be like, he doesn't like you. I would die if you did. But like, at the point that they're talking to you about it, do you have permission? Or is it one of those things where it's like, only if you ask me for my opinion, should I give it? Yeah, I think we have to revert back to let's only do that if somebody is asking for your

opinion. Like, is it a venting session for them that they're just like venting and want to get it out and you're like this trusted source for them to vent? I think that's one scenario. And then I think asking for an opinion and guidance is a completely other. I am embarrassed by my lack of awareness. And I get it. They're saying one thing, they're doing another just like this fake this future faking, right? Mm-hmm But if your actions do not match the future faking you need to have the confidence and the strength to fucking leave, right? Mm-hmm. I think back to my ex who did this to me and I'm just thinking to myself all of my friends at different points of the relationship that I talked to about this I understand what they were thinking like, kale,

he doesn't fucking like you. And truly, I wish that someone would have said it in those exact words, because I, I know that people were my friends were trying to be very gentle about it, because I'm thinking back to it. They're like, very gentle, very subtle. But like like I needed someone to look me dead in my eyes and say, he doesn't like you. I know that he does, like explaining it to me in the way that I'm saying it now is like, he's saying this, but he's doing this and I could fight it all I want, but I needed someone to look at me dead in my

face and say, he doesn't like you. Do you think that at that time with where you were at with that relationship that you would have been able to receive someone saying that to you? Cause I think it's less about looking back on it now and wanting somebody to do that where you want a place to actually receive it and act on it.

No. I don't know. Maybe not. I think if somebody told you that that person didn't like you, you would have tried to make that person like you more. Maybe. You know?

Yeah. I just think back, I was in a relationship for literally on and off for two years and I'm like, actually, what was I doing? Shouldn't there be benchmarks in relationships, right? Where it's like, okay, if we are working towards this common goal and we're trying to find our life partner, why are we still doing the same shit that we did when we first met? Like the same exact shit. No, that's a good point. I mean, Elijah and I have the desire to do other things, but

we don't have childcare on nights of weekends, so we can't. But like, that is our goal. Like we talk about all the time, he brings stuff up to me, I bring stuff up to him. Like, that's the goal. But at the point that you're not progressing in two years, to me is like, and like, maybe you guys both genuinely have the same goals in the relationship, which is like, not to be married, you're gonna be long term partners, you know, whatever, and you're, you're truly aligned. I just don't think that that happens as frequently as people want to.

Like, I think what we're doing is we're ignoring a lot of red flags, or we're ignoring what we actually want to make ourselves seem like we are, like it's a mutual decision, but we're actually giving up so much of what we want for the partner that we want to be with. But they will leave you for the next best thing. They will leave you for who more so aligns with them. Next question is, do you think that you should govern yourself differently in engagement than you would in a committed relationship? In what way?

Okay. in a committed relationship. In what way? Okay, so for example, you get engaged. Are you changing certain behaviors because you're now engaged versus just being in a committed relationship? Because I think that if you're, I think that there are some things about being in a committed relationship that you're trying to see where things are going, right? And then you get this said commitment. There are

certain things that I think at that point, now we're basically in that limbo of our trial marriage. We feel like we're on the ultimatum, right? There are certain things that I would be willing to change and become more wifey-like, I guess. Maybe do you mean buckling down on maybe you used to go out three times a week, now you're going to go out once a week. Now you're going to cook meals for them every night or now you're going to... Is that what you mean? Yeah.

Or now you're going to make X, Y, and Z lifestyle changes because, you know, in the next five years you plan to have a baby. Like, is that, like are you, I can see it. I could see it either way. I think if you choose not to make those changes, I could see it being okay too because he already has proposed to you.

And again, I'm talking about heterosexual relationships. If he's already proposed to you, he's happy with the way things are and are fine. But I think that if that is your own personal decision and not a decision that your fiance has now imposed on you, I think it's okay. At the point that Elijah asked me to marry him is like, okay, I'm not gonna necessarily buckle down,

but I might think I might try to teach myself to think differently where it's like, okay, I'm now thinking of the both of us because we have this commitment, we have this, the end game is for us to be together. I might, you know, I reached out to Kristin and I said, hey, like, let's start, let's open a joint savings. Like, let's make sure that we are saving for, you know, a solo vacation, which like, I'm more so making decisions with both of us in mind versus just me. Right, and I think that that is super, super healthy.

But I also think that a big problem in relationships is that people go from this exclusive committed relationship to an engagement. There is no change for like forward movement to move into a marriage. Then you get into a marriage and there are unsaid expectations that are there by one or both parties. And it's like, we're married now,

so you should be doing X, Y, and Z. And my opinion, like an engagement at this point to me would be like a trial run before I'm hitching my fucking wagon to you for the rest of my life. Well, and let's also call a spade a spade here. Like none of us are mind readers. So what feels like common sense to you in an engagement or a relationship or a marriage and you're like, oh, well, we're engaged now.

You should have been doing x y & z Well, did you fucking say that? Did you talk to me about your expectations that I talked to you about what I expected from you as a partner now that we're engaged Did we talk about you know and we can talk about it until we're blue in the face But the execution is also part of it is like let's talk about it Let's talk about all of these things and then we have to execute if you're not executing and then you said oh well I expected you to do this. Okay, then you guys can hold each other more accountable. I feel like we could just chat about this shit forever, but we are already at like over

an hour for this episode. So we need to get the foul play in. It's a long one. This person says, I've been a long time listener of your podcast and absolutely adore you both. Never in a million years did I think that I'd have a foul play moment, but here I am, the foul play. I just knew Kaila Lunds would get a kick out of this story. So last month I went in for my annual pap smear. Two years ago I tested positive for HPV and was told it should clear up on its own. Fast forward to this year, my results came back

showing abnormal growth, so I had to go in for, Kristen, how do you say that? I had to go in for a colposcopy, a biopsy of my cervix. During the procedure, everything seemed fine, and the doctor applied some clotting cream to help with healing. She then told me over the next few days, the cream would come out looking like peanut butter.

Gross, I know, and to wear a pad just in case. Two days later, life decided to humble me. I ate something bad and got the worst food poisoning, vomiting, and cannonball diarrhea. It was chaos. All straining that I've, all the straining must have dislodged the scab on my cervix because I started bleeding like I was on my period. By the second day of this hell, I was exhausted and finally crawled into bed. At 3 a.m., I woke up with the urgent need to rush to the bathroom. I sit down, pull down my black underwear, and I'm immediately hit with the foulest smell imaginable. I was wearing a panty liner, so my first thought were, are my insides rotting? Did the doctor leave something in there? My

mind was racing. Really, was this food poisoning or was this something worse? I checked my liner and it's clean. No blood, no peanut butter residue, nothing. But the smell is horrific. Desperate for answers, I take my underwear and run to the bedroom and wake up my husband. I stick my underwear in his face. Yes, really, in demand.

Do you smell that? He gags, obviously horrified, and manages to choke out, what is that? Still panicking, I shout, I don't know, it's coming from my liner. He squints at me with his sleepy disgusted eyes and says, did you shit your pants?

Offended, I snap back and say, no, stomp off to the bathroom. That's when I turn on the lights, take a closer look at my underwear and realize that I totally sharted myself in the middle of the night and yes, I shoved that unholy mess right in my husband's face. I'm mortified yet I can't stop laughing as I retell this story. My husband's look, a pure disgust, just makes it funnier. Thankfully, he still loves me and we laugh about it now.

Moving forward, I will remember to turn on the lights before waking my husband up for any reason. Hope you enjoy my chaotic misadventure as much as I have enjoyed reliving it. Love you girls." Okay. If there was ever like any type of smell or odor, I don't think that the first thing that I would do was take the known smell and odor to my partner's face and put it up there. Like I'm going to become an investigative unit on my own and I'm going to find out what's going on before I put that in somebody's face. My question, what did you say?

I said it's illegal. My question to you though is like for your own own self if you have a bodily if you have an ailment that smells do you want your partner to smell it to see what's going on to like investigate? No, no. Okay. You do? Yeah. Why? Well, so when my belly button was rotting I was like, okay, I can smell it I need you to tell me, can you smell it? Because you are more self

aware. Then you already identified you smelled it. Right, but it's sort of like, I don't know why this happens. And y'all can all act like this doesn't happen. But like, we're more self aware. Let me not speak for everyone, because there are people who are not self aware. I feel like I am hyper aware of my smells. So my armpits I'm constantly smelling I've talked about that before. I want to make sure that my vagina doesn't

stink. And sometimes when you wear leggings, it traps everything and I'm like, if I can smell myself after a long fucking day, can somebody else smell me? So at the point that I look down and I'm like, Oh, wow, I can smell my belly button. I need to know if Elijah standing next to me can smell my belly button. See, I'm more likely to go to urgent care. Before I'm letting my partner smell like something foul, I never want them to have like that in their mind about me ever. Like I've never taken a shit around any ex partner. Right. I think that's different. No, it goes along with the smell like no, no, I'm would never want Elijah to be near me. Well, I like I hide to go poop,

right? Like that's different. But if I'm, if my belly button is leaking, right? Like I need to know, can he smell it? Because if he can, I need to not be around people. So like, for example, I could see you making him smell your earring if it smelled bad. No. I could see you doing that. No, I would. I have asked him to smell my belly button. Have you asked him to smell your leggings? No. Have you asked him to smell your leggings? No. Would you ask him to smell your leggings?

No, because I don't really allow myself to get to the point of needing to be, like if I feel like I stink, I'm just gonna go take a shower. Now my belly button, I cannot physically see in my belly button. The way that, if like, if I go down to look at my belly button, I can't see in it.

So he had to get a flashlight and get all close to it because I didn't, I was not aware that anything was happening inside my belly button. If I go down to look at my belly button, I can't see in it. So he had to get a flashlight and get all close to it because I was not aware that anything was happening inside my belly button until it was entirely too late. So he at that point had to investigate. More likely for me, if I had that belly button situation going on, I probably would do front facing camera and zoom in and see what I could see going on down there. I'm very interested to know like what the listeners will say and if they're a killer or a Lindsay.

You can't zoom in with the front facing camera. So that's not helpful. I tried to do it myself and you know and there was no really other alternative. I had already gone the doctor route before it got to the point of asking Elijah. I love that. Well, I currently need to go. I have mattresses showing up today and I'm also ordering a new grill from Wayfair. So I'm going to go and do that. But thank you guys for always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple podcast app. Follow and rate on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcast. Don't forget to follow

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