Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - The Breadwinner but a LOSER

Episode Date: January 25, 2024

CC330: Kail is interested in an article talking about the struggles of being the oldest siblings and Lindsie has a few stories to share about her experience. Kail sees the differences in her children and their interactions with each other. Some listener advice has us feeling a certain about baby showers, adults name calling kids and age limits on crop tops... also, both Foul Plays are NASTY AF!   Thank you to our sponsors! Better Help: This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com/coffee today to get 10% off your first month Lume: Get $5 off a Lume Starter Pack with code COFFEE at LumeDeodorant.com  Rocket Money: Manage your expenses the easy way by going to RocketMoney.com/COFFEECONVOS

I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say, thank you? This is Coffee Convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsay Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels, Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever. I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship,

family, and life in the public eye. I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsay. Good morning. Good morning. Welcome back to Coffee Convos podcast. I was going to play sexy girl anthem to start off our by Roscoe Dash to start off this episode, but I couldn't get my phone going fast enough. And then I got afraid of copyright infringement. So I was just like, fuck it. I don't think I've ever heard that song.

I don't even know who that is. So honestly, I guess I'm gonna have to go listen to this after we record. Wait, you've never heard of Sexy Girl Anthem? No, how does it go? Will you sing it? No, I can't because it's Roscoe Dash. Is that a singer?

A rapper, yeah. A rapper? Oh, okay. Okay. Like I think you would really like sexy girl anthem and to be honest, I think your kids would too. Look at this little sweatshirt. That's actually so cute.

Where is that from? Who do you think this looks like? Well, so first of all, let me actually pick a bone with you and I did not know about Birdie. Wait, what? I found out about birdie. Wait, what? I found out about birdie. You had sent me a video, but I just assumed that you were

sending me a video of Trent's dog. Like I had no idea that that was y'all's dog together and that will dog naps Georgia. So I get on our coffee convo's Facebook page and somebody is like asking a question about birdie or your new dog or where Georgia went and I'm like, I literally tagged you and Kristen and I'm like, what's going on here because I'm not up to date on this. So we're too busy being pregnant. But okay, so the dog looks, I

mean, I'm not super familiar with the breed, but birdie looks like a variation of the same type of dog that Georgia is. Am I right? Yeah. So they are the same type of dog. Georgia is a micro mini golden doodle and birdie is just a mini golden doodle. Okay. And she's almost surpassed Georgia's weight already and she's like four months old. So yeah, I'm kind of a little bit scared because I've never had like a, and it's not even a big dog, but like a medium dog. Yeah.

I've never even had that. So it's been a completely different undertaking. So this has been a big topic in the Facebook group. So I just feel like I just need to address it. Yes, Will dognapped Georgia from me. She was going back and forth between the houses and then it got a little bit chaotic. And then she acclimated to Della.

So then they became best snuggle buddies. So then it became very hard for her to come back because then Della wasn't coming back. And then Trent didn't have a dog and his kids love dogs and I didn't have a dog here anymore. So I was like, you know what, maybe it's time for me to get another golden doodle. That'll be a good idea. Trent regularly tells me that she's my dog when she does all of the bad things that she does and he's like Disney dad. That's what I call him does. And he's like, Disney dad.

That's what I call him. I say you're like a Disney dad. That's what we do with our kids, right? Like, I, Elijah said something to me last, this morning is like, your daughter. And I was like, oh, now it's my daughter. Now it's just my daughter. But when I say it to you, you don't understand.

And you're like, oh, now they're my kids. Yeah, no, they're, they're, they're yours when they're not cooperating 100%. Why do we say stuff like that? I don't know because I love my kids even when they're bad. So I mean, not bad, but you know what I'm saying. Like, even when they're not cooperating, same for the dogs, like even when they're not cooperating,

we still love them. It's just, I don't know. Well, I don't know why we do that. Has it been so weird having a girl though? First of all, no, she looked at me like that. Nobody could have prepared me for all that is newborn baby girl, because I was not prepared. I just don't know what

the fuck I'm doing. You wipe them different. You I just feel like it's it's a very different undertaking. And I act like I'm speaking from experience as if I have a daughter. But I just remember when Chase and Savannah were born because I was old enough to know what was going on. And I was so in my little girl baby phase where I just played with babies all the time and was obsessed with everything baby. And I had Kyle and then Chase was born.

So it was just two boys. That's all I knew. And then Savannah came and that was a completely different undertaking. And the way that they were with her as a baby versus the boys was just completely different. That's so interesting. Speaking of siblings, though, I found this article on bugs, Buzzfeed. And this came out this month too. So it's it's fairly new. It says therapists are identifying what oldest siblings talk about the most in their sessions. And honestly, it's a little heartbreaking. That's the headline. And so naturally, I wanted to read this because I

have seven children. And a lot of times the oldest child of a bunch of children is like independent, driven, responsible caretakers. They're often used to describe the oldest sibling, right? So in this article, it says that generally they say younger siblings are more relaxed and carefree and it's interesting because their role models are the child where the oldest child, their role models are the parents. I never thought about it like that. I mean, either. Like I just never really thought about

like my other kids looking up to my older kids, which after I read this article, I was like, wow, that is so spot on because when I tell you that I have, it's very different for Isaac and Lincoln though, because Lincoln to me has very first child qualities. Lincoln is, and I've always said this, my most responsible, just by nature, I think Isaac is responsible as well, but his is more like how to be taught kind of thing. And so I do think it's a little bit different. It says in this article two, that the oldest child will struggle because there's trial

and error with parenting, right? So if for first time parents, the oldest child is seeing that where second kid, third kid, fourth kid and so on, they're not seeing that same first time parent struggle. And so it may mean that the oldest children have to deal with extreme parenting styles like strict upbringings and lots of rules. And then that kind of changes

throughout like the adding more siblings to the group. And in a way, I think that for Lincoln, he is he has both qualities because he is the oldest at his dad's house. So on one hand, he is the oldest, like he is the firstborn. And so half the time he's not looking to someone above him. And then on the other hand, when he's with me, like he is the first born and so half the time he's not looking to someone above him and then on the other hand when he's with me he does have Isaac a little bit so he does he kind of knows a little from him. But I thought that was really interesting and I was wondering if you kind of felt the same because it also says that the oldest child sometimes feels like imposter syndrome and I have never heard the term parentification. So that is when you're having to take care of younger siblings, prepare meals, put them to bed, watch them. I do not believe in

parentification. Once I realized that there was a term for that, I've always been and I don't want to I don't necessarily want to say against because I don't think that's like a good word for it. But I don't believe in older siblings taking care of younger siblings, unless it's strictly by their own desire to do those things. I would never, aside from like, if I have to go take a shit, I'm like, hey, can you please just make sure my child doesn't roll off the couch?

Like the things like that are like, can you grab a diaper while you're standing up? But I'm never gonna ask my kids to babysit my other, they're siblings. It's just not one of those things that I'm gonna do. I grew up with that. I didn't know that there was a term for that. I just wanna say with Isaac and Lincoln specifically,

I think you have to look at birth order, but then also your life and how it looked so different in both of those situations. And then you also have to look at your child's personality. And I think Lincoln is just a natural born leader. And so maybe he comes off as like that first child. Does that make sense? No, 100% because I mean, I think in life too,

like when you think of people in the workforce, like adults in life too, like when you think of people in the workforce, like adults in the workforce, there are people who are completely fine, great employees that work for other people and they're happy, they're content, they're good at their job. And then there are people who are meant to be the boss, they're meant to own their own companies and both of them are okay. I think that Lincoln, you know, if you're looking at it that way, I think that Lincoln has potential to be a boss and to own a company and to run a company and do really well.

And I think for Isaac, I think that he would probably work better in a team situation where he is not necessarily running the company. I think both are good. There's pros and cons to both situations. But yes, I do think that that I just thought it was interesting because you do you do look at the birth order a little bit. But and I think that some of these oldest child things do apply to Isaac, like I think that he feels the weight of being the oldest.

And I tell him all the time, I'm like, you know, unfortunately for you, like, I don't love this, but you do have the pressure of being the oldest child. And that's not something that I would have chosen for you, like for anybody. But that is the unfortunate truth of the situation is that you are the oldest of eight siblings. And that of eight, I guess, I have seven and maybe eight years. So like eight, you have the pressure whether you like it or not, and whether we like it or not. And so some of these things are going to kind of be and you know, fall into play for Isaac. What was the term that you said?

Parentheification. Parentheification. So from the time, from my understanding, from the time that I was born, I always thought that I was grown. Like I was potty trained very early, but I also think that my parents were so young that a part of us grew up together.

And so I just wanted to be like a little adult my whole life. And then Kyle came along and he was hell on wheels and my parents couldn't understand him when he would talk. So then they referred to me and would say, "'Lindy, what is he saying?' So I kind of became his communicator for them so they could understand what he was saying." And I can even remember we're only 15 months apart,

but when Kyle was potty training, he was horrible at potty training, and I was so easy. And so there was a lot of strain there because you can't compare kids. And I know that it's really hard when you're in that situation. I only have one, but I can imagine it would be very frustrating if you have one that's so easy and then one that's so not. But Kyle would even come to me like he would get scared that he was going to get in trouble because he pooped his pants. So he would like try to flush his underwear and it would overfill the toilet.

And he would come to me and be like, Lindsay, can you, can you help me? I'm going to get in trouble because I pooped my pants and I need to get my underwear out because I like try to flush them. I just think that that's a natural thing that happens when there is a child that is older. And then by the time Chase and Savannah came along, I was already seven and then eight years old. And I always liked being at home. I always was a homebody. And so if it made it easier for my parents,

it didn't bother me to like have them at home once my parents started trusting me to stay home by myself. And it wasn't like they were making me do it. I just didn't care. Like I can do all of this too. So that's Lincoln. Lincoln is it's it's so fascinating to me to watch these. I've birthed all these children, right? They all came out of me, but they're so wildly different. I, Isaac, if they're self sufficient, Isaac would stay with them. But for Lincoln, Lincoln

wants Lincoln and Lux really, they want to do those things. They want to go get Rio out of his crib. They want to hold the babies they want to do. And so it's interesting. But this article also goes on to say that older siblings, maybe jealous of the ease younger siblings feel around in certain situations, which I thought was interesting. I have definitely seen that in, you know, my journey parent in parenthood. Also, oldest siblings feel like they can't rely on others for support. They feel like they have to have it all figured out on their own. And I know that that's been a

struggle of Isaac specifically is, you know, he, I don't want to say gets in trouble, but because he doesn't, he doesn't want to ask for help. He, by nature, there are certain things that suffer by not asking for help where like my other kids, they have no fucking problem asking me for help and they didn't even look for the shit, you know what I mean? So I think there is a little bit of a difference there. It's just so interesting because I didn't grow up with my sister. I don't

know how any of this works. And so seeing it as a mom in so like I literally will sometimes just look at my kids specifically last night. So Lux did a wrestling tournament last weekend where he fought his fucking ass off. He did so well. He ended up losing in the third round, but the way that he worked, like he did such a good job. So anyway, I ended up giving,

gifting him this little bat man figurine set. They're like little pieces, right? And I'm, this is not my best moment, but I literally sat on the couch and I'm staring at my kids. Luxe and Creed arguing about these little figurines and I offered no help, no assistance. And I had to snap myself out of it because I was just watching in pure fascination at how they interacted in this moment.

And I was just like, this is so fascinating to me. And I literally, when I realized like what I was doing, I like snapped out of it and I had to like diffuse it. But I was like, I will never know what it's like to have any sort of dynamic with my sister outside of the one that I have now, which is purely almost strangers. So like a quaint incident, like I love her, but I don't know, like I,

and I know a little bit about her, but like I don't So the dynamics is very different Two things I think it's very common when you have an oldest child I am one that there is some you feel like a distaste in your mouth when you see Things happening with younger siblings and your parents were so hard on you. And it's like, okay, well, why did that not apply to anybody else, but it only applied to me and not until therapy. And did I truly get my parents were just learning too? So if something didn't work the first time, they weren't required as parents to like redo it a second

and third time, that would be insane, right? Like it just doesn't, it doesn't make sense to what you just said about sitting back and watching the fighting. My parents also did that. And that's something that I do agree with in parenting. If you are raising multiple kids, I think it is so important for them to resolve issues on their own before you getting involved. And if things go too far, you know, everything with limits.

If things go too far, then yes, you should be getting involved. Like you don't want to knock down drag out, but at the same time, is it knock down drag out what is needed for them to get to a place of compromise? Like maybe so, and they're gonna figure it out on their own because if you're constantly, they are solving their problems for them and intervening, how do they ever learn to deal with conflict?

This is true. I mean, that is true. I read a separate article yesterday or this morning that was talking about siblings and arguing actually helps them in social situations later on. So I thought that was interesting. However, it's hard when, you know, they get a little handsy pushing and things like that. I'm like, I don't need them to handle that. You know, I don't need them to handle their social arguments that same way. But I noticed that in Jackson and social situations, because he doesn't really have anybody to argue with. So he regularly argues with Will. He doesn't really pull that number with me because I'll just be like, not today, not ever. We're not engaging in an argument.

Not going to argue with you. This is what I said. This is what we're doing. With Will, he'll go back and forth all the time. And as much as I hate the fact that Will argues with him, it's still good because he doesn't have anybody to argue with. So in social settings, when he started like kindergarten, he didn't know really how to resolve any type of conflict because everything was always his.

He didn't really know how to share because he had never really had to share. So there are challenges that come along with every situation, whether you have seven kids or whether you have one kid. It's interesting that you say that about Will too because I also read an article. I struggle with one of my kids in some situations. I don't know if they're necessarily considered boundaries, but it's always with my other kids I felt like I only ever had to tell them things once or twice. With my one child, it is a constant back and forth where I have to tell you, no, seven which ways from Sunday, and you're still not getting it,

or I'm telling you to do something. I'm not asking you to do something. I'm telling you to do something and you're blatantly disregarding what I'm saying and you're looking at me in the face and you're continuing to ask that for what I already like. We've already moved on from this. I'm telling you to do something. You're looking at me in the face and you're ignoring what I'm saying. I read an article that said, where this woman is talking about,

it's okay to tell your child no one time or state what you're saying one time and then not going back on that, not going back and forth with them, not arguing with them. And it gave me some level of peace because I felt like, why am I arguing with this child?

Like this is a toddler. I'm not going to do the back and forth. And so I felt kind of like justified if I choose to do that now moving forward. I'm saying no one time, I'm telling you this one time and I'm not doing it again kind of thing. So it goes back to our conversation that we had about being like scrunchy parents.

That's where I'm at right now. We're not, I want a gentle parent, but also if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But I think people hear the term gentle parent and it means something different than what it actually is. So I think a lot of people get confused on, on truly what gentle parenting is. Also believe in natural consequence parenting, try to apply that in as many situations as I possibly can. My biggest thing is the boundary. And if I've told you no one time, I'm not going to continue repeating myself because

you heard it the first time. Because typically when I say no one time, then I say, what did I just say? And then it is repeated back to me You said no if you continue to do whatever you just did and you should not be doing it Then there are consequences just like there are consequences in real life outside of this scenario There's consequences. You're going to face by not listening the first time So now I'm gonna choose the consequence and you're not gonna have anything to say about it because you chose the action that determine the consequence. Okay, that makes sense. Now I feel like I've been missing that piece of what did I just say because I get so like,

I just said like I'm reiterating what I said instead of being like what did I just say so that I I know that you understand what I said. So I'm gonna work on that and see what happens. I also think that when there's a bunch of influences, like for example, maybe grandparents or a co-parent, that's not actually co-parenting, it's more like counter-parenting and they have a different parenting style or just like people that are heavily involved,

when they do things a certain way where like maybe their minds are changed, like if they ask X amount of times their mind will change, or maybe if they are crying enough, they'll change their mind. That actually makes it very, very much harder for the parent to double down and be like, okay, no, I said, no, this is it. I'm not arguing with you. You're not going to cry enough to change my mind. Things like that, those types of things make it harder. But to your point about Jackson, I also,

I don't remember having those struggles as an only child, but I'm sure that I also had those same struggles because I didn't have anyone to argue with at home like when I was with my mom, you know? So I feel like I'm a choice parent in some regard and Will does not choice parent. So it's just whatever he says is what he expects at his house. And for me, I do allow choices to some degree. And most of those choices are on things that I've already predetermined.

Like I gave the dinner example one time. Like do you want a quesadilla or do you want dino nuggets? Like I don't care because both of those things are super easy for me to do. Do you want to eat dinner first or do you want to take a shower first? Both of those actions are taking place but I'm going to give you a choice in which order those take place in so that he can learn how to start making decisions. I think that is super important, but one thing I'm not going to do is I'm not going to negotiate with you.

Like this is not a business transaction. I'm doing no negotiations. There is no reason for us to negotiate. If I'm saying something and I'm hell bent on that as your parent, then that is what is going to take place. We're not negotiating bedtime. I Would agree with you those things. I don't go back on like bedtime is a staple. That's never gonna move. I don't care I mean, we're eating family dinner at the dinner table four or five times a week That's not a negotiation. We're sitting down at the table together

That's not where like before it was always wherever you want to eat is fine, whatever like didn't matter to me now. It's like we're going to eat together and that's not moving things like outfits, what you're eating can be a choice but not necessarily a negotiation. I would agree with that. I do want to ask you before we move on from this, when your kids go to bed, I understand you have new babies in the house and lots of littles and I'm sure everything's like a staggered situation when it comes to bedtime routines trying to get all the kids down. Do you and Elijah have any adult time outside of the kids or do you try to make adult time

outside of the kids when you have them all? We're struggling with that right now. Um, no, we don't have, we don't have adult time at all right now. Not even when we don't have the kids because a lot of the time when we don't have the kids, we are preparing like making sure everything is in order for the next day or when we get the kids back and we've actually only not had the twins one time. Oh, really? Yeah, so, and it was just a couple hours.

So, he's struggling with it more than I am because I'm used to this. I know that there's a period of time where we don't have time for our, like, adult time. And I know that at some point it's gonna come back because the older the babies get, the more likely, you know, his mom would wanna take them for longer periods adult time. And I know that at some point it's going to come back because the older the babies get the more likely you know his mom would want to take them for longer periods of time or his aunt or you know, we would feel comfortable leaving them with the sitter. But for now, it's more of a struggle for him than it is for me.

And you feel like he requires it? Is it because he requires it more than you or he, yeah, I guess does he require it more than you or he, yeah, I guess does he require it more than you do? Yeah, I think, I think his love language is more like physical touch quality time than mine is. I not that mine isn't that at all. I just think that I'm used to like I've done this so many times that I know that this is part of it doesn't always have to be but when you have seven kids, this isn't and now that I have 300% of the time, this isn't like a, well, we can make time on a weekend where my kids are with their dads because we don't have that anymore.

You know? So, but again, I'm used to it because when, you know, I had Lincoln and Javi was deployed for six months, I had him 100% of the time. So I knew that there was no adult time unless, you know, Javi's parents or sister watched him or and Isaac was with his dad. So I'm used to this. This is not new. You hit it spot on when you said his love language is quality time in the physical touch because that's also mine. And so I think I require that at the end of the day.

It's like, I don't care who's existing. Like I still have these requirements and I'm not gonna be okay if I don't have them for a long period of time. He said that to me literally just the other day, we were in the kitchen trying to like, cause I have to do like Creed's backpack and lunch and I prepare everything the night before I have to

or it's pure fucking chaos. And I said like, I don't want like, I think he like was like kind of alluding to like sex or something. And not in a way that was like pressure by any means, but I was like, please like, I can't like, I don't have the mental capacity. Yeah, I'm like, I'm tapped out.

And he, we had a conversation. It was actually a really productive conversation about it. I was like, but it's not. I was like, I'm overstimulated. I was like, by the time I get through what I'm doing right now, and he was doing the dishes or whatever he was doing in the kitchen, I'm preparing creed stuff. I was like, I want to take a shower,

and I want to go to bed. I don't want to be touched. I don't want to be looked at. I don't want nothing. And he could not understand the overstimulation with be touched. I don't want to be looked at. I don't want nothing and he could not understand the over stimulation with being touched because he literally said to me, but I'm not the kids and I give him so much like not leeway not credit I give him like grace with this because he's still a new dad. I mean Rio is only one

So he doesn't understand that it doesn't matter what kind of touch it is. If I'm like, sometimes moms or parents in general just get overstimulated with touch in general, people, like all of those things. And I literally said to him, it doesn't matter who the, it's not personal. I don't want to be touched by anybody. I don't want the dog to come near me because by the end of the day, I'm spent. And so he had to understand that it wasn't like a personal situation. It wasn't that I get the it from him. It wasn't because I don't want him specifically not to touch me, but just, you know, the chaos of a day, like, you know, maybe if on a Friday night when the kid, I'm not like helping on making sure that lunches are prepared for the next day, bags are packed, you know, all of these things, or maybe

it's when the kids are all going to the rest of the kids are going to their dad and the babies are, you know, there's less of them here. I wouldn't mind being touched on like that night. So it sucks. But like this is also just like a temporary period. It's hard because you also don't want to find yourself. And I have never wanted to find myself in a situation in a relationship where I felt like we had to schedule that time. Like when you take the spontaneous part out of it, I don't feel like it is as sensual and emotional as it should be. Like where you're tapping into those things. When you're scheduling something, when it feels like it needs to be on your calendar.

And so I try really hard to not do that, but it's really hard for parents who are dealing with babies. A lot of people out here doing it to not pencil in, hey, we're getting naked tonight. I definitely agree with you. But Elijah, because he has such a supportive family, he will, like, I know once they're at it in a good place to be like left for a long time,

he will just ask his mom to watch them for a couple hours. And I know, like, we don't have to schedule it, but like, I know if we go to dinner, like afterwards, what it's gonna lead to. And so I'm confident that if we can have that, like once a month for now, while the babies are really little, I feel like that would, it'll just make a difference. I know it's, or even just like twice a month, just dinner.

And like, we're not asking you to keep the babies overnight, but just like for a little while. You have to be so intentional with your time and your relationships to not negate one for the other, because that was something that I dealt with in my marriage. Like I poured myself all into parenting and then neglected the whole relational aspect with Will and I, I can't even imagine how that would have felt because he wasn't doing that to me and I think you just have to be very careful and aware that that does happen. Agreed. This episode is brought to you by Better Help.

We haven't talked about therapy in a minute but we're still going, we're still thriving, we're still loving it and we want to tell you guys you guys should try Better Help as well. I actually have a therapy session on Friday. I have, I was going every two weeks and now right now I'm going every week. And if you just like want to become the best version of yourself, I feel like therapy is such a great place to start. And why not start in the new year? I also love that it's convenient.

So if you are busy like us, you can still do this in a parked parking lot, at work, at home, wherever you are, it's designed to be flexible, convenient, and designed to fit your schedule really. So you've probably heard your friends talk about therapy, and maybe it's time for you to start too. You just have to fill out a brief question error

and get matched with a licensed therapist. You guys can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. We've talked about this before. Sometimes you just have to fill out a brief question air and get matched with a licensed therapist. You guys can switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. We've talked about this before. Sometimes you just have to date around to see which therapist matches with you best. But if you're already going to therapy, you can also celebrate the progress you've already made. Visit betterhelp.com slash coffee today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help. We had a listener write in and I think this is one that's going to trigger both of us from what I've read so far. You read ahead.

Yeah, I, well, I can't help it. I was just skimming. So this person says I need advice and honey, we are going to give it to you. Even if it was unsolicited, we're still giving it. My husband and I have been together for 15 years, seven of those married. He believes since he is the breadwinner, he is exempt from household chores.

He would be able to hang his hat on that and I need to accept it. He also does not ensure our son, seven-year-old, does his homework or helps out with anything related to school. I've asked him to take our dog to the bathroom before he goes to work at 45 a.m. As I have both kids to get up,

get ready for school and daycare, and he never does. I have a job that requires several evening meetings where I don't get home until eight, nine p.m. Most nights I come home to find our seven-year-old just getting out of the shower when his bedtime is eight p.m. sharp. If he doesn't get enough sleep, he has issues at school, so it's very important to be in bed by eight p.m. I don't know what to do. I love him, but I'm also at my

breaking point. I never get to just come home and relax as he gets to, and it's as if I do all the chores and they're there waiting for me. I'm at my breaking point and feel more like a maid than a wife. I don't want my kids to be raised in a dirty home, but I'm not sure what else to do. The only I've been in this situation. The only way that he is exempt from household chores is that with him being the breadwinner, he is paying somebody else, not his wife, to do the household chores. Because if you're not paying someone else, that is a job that your wife is doing that does not afford you the luxury to not contribute. Also, I don't care what anybody fucking says. Being a stay at home mom can be harder than someone working and being the breadwinner like working outside the home and being a breadwinner. So I do not

agree with this. Also, if she's just mentally exhausted and spent, she deserves a break whether whether this is the agreement that they came up with or not, that doesn't mean that she never gets time off. That doesn't mean that she never gets to, I mean, what is that teaching your kids? That's teaching your kids that they're... You have to take the finance part out altogether and just go to bare bones that regardless of income status,

household chores are household chores and those things need to be done, and just go to bare bones that regardless of income status, household chores are household chores and those things need to be done. Whether you are a millionaire or you're just scraping by, it does not matter. So I don't think the financial aspect really plays into what he should or should not be contributing to the house. Wait a minute, she's not a stay at home mom. No, she's a working mom.

Oh, see, fuck no. No, this would, I would tell him one time and one time only. I'm coming to you as a woman, as your wife, as someone who loves you, but I am at my breaking point. I also work a job, you work a job, and we didn't make these kids by ourselves. We made them together. So I'm gonna tell you one time in one time only,

we're going to do these household tours together, or we are going to pay someone to do them for us. And then there's nothing to argue about. If you cannot comply with this, we might as well go our separate ways and we can do our own tours on our own and you will be responsible for yours and I will be responsible for mine and we will both be responsible for our kids separately. I this is such a no, no, no, because you are a breadwinner, but you're a loser because

right? Am I wrong? No, you really are a loser because you're doing nothing to contribute to your family outside of financials, which I understand that's a very important part, not saying it's not an important part, just saying there is more to life outside of just the financial aspect that cannot be just negated. You're going to have chores on your own if you don't get your shit together. So you're in fact either going

to be doing them, you're going to live in a pigsty or you're going to be paying somebody to do them. Gone are the days that men are the breadwinners and don't have to come home and do things. Like I just don't, why would you, why would any man, I can't even understand a time where this even was a thing. It just doesn't make sense to me that women were just expected to shut up and just do what they were told to do. And even when they were working, started working, expected to still do the homemaking and the meals

and all of that. I can't understand a world where the man isn't 50% responsible and not even 50% all the time because we're not always 100% and it can't always be 50-50, but why would you want to and why would you expect your wife to do all of those things without you contributing?

Like I guess I just can't understand that part. Like you don't think of it. I think it's a lack of self-awareness though. I think some people are just so not aware that by not doing those little things that probably seem so big like in the day, but in the grand scheme of things, it's like throwing in a load of laundry where that could feel very overwhelming throughout the week. In the grand scheme of life, those are little things, but by you not doing them and not contributing, you're building resentment. So you are

but by you not doing them and not contributing, you're building resentment. So you are hurting your marriage, your kids, the person who's doing all the things, their ability to be emotionally available at that point. There's so much that's transpiring outside of just like the fucking household chores. Like you have shitty underwear and stanky clothes and dishes and your mouth needs to be fed.

Just like everybody else's. Why are you different than me? This comes down to communication and if she, you know- His ass would be left. His ass would be left because if you think that I'm doing that, no, in fact, we're gonna fucking co-parent because that seems like you need to be signed up for. I think that we need to be solution oriented and I say by we I mean her

she needs to go to her husband with a solution not just like uh this is how it makes me feel it's like at this point you're spent right so like once women are mentally checked out and that we do mentally check out before we physically leave. I feel like she's on that line. Go to your husband. This is my advice to you, ma'am, if you identify as a ma'am. Go to your husband with a solution of, this is how I'm feeling, but this is how I see us fixing this.

And if he doesn't come back with a counter solution, you need to leave his ass because this is how it's gonna be. If y'all have been together for 15 years, nothing's going to change. And if he's not willing to accept your solution or put your mental health and your exhaustion on the forefront right now, you don't need to be with this man and you can find someone who will, you know, do these things for you. Go to him with a solution. If he doesn't have a solution that he's willing to compromise with you on, we're done with him, period. I think I'm just done. I mean, no, like I'm just not signing up for that.

I believe in a quality and a relationship, regardless of income. These are real life things that need to take place. I don't care how much money that you make. If you make so much money and you don't want to do these things and you consider yourself the breadwinner, then go ahead and hire somebody that can take care of these things for us,

because I no longer want to do them by myself. I agree. I mean, yeah, and if he's the breadwinner and he wants to use that as a crutch, then guess what? He can pay for them. 100% ma'am. I have something else from a listener. This person says, I'm throwing a baby shower for my daughter. Do people play baby shower games anymore?

If so, please send ideas. And you know what discussed me? The baby shower game where it's like the poop and the diapers, but it's really like candy bars. I've never seen that one and I never want to see that one. It just looks like a turd in a diaper. Like I just hate it. Why do we have to do that? In fact, I just don't love the ideas of baby showers in general.

Why? Maybe I'm just a Grinch, but I think we talked about this before, that I would just want to host like a joint situation with whoever I'm having a baby with and it could be men and women invited and just like a good time and we can just like not do the gifts because nobody really likes opening gifts in front of people. We don't have to play any like weird baby shower games. Nothing just basically we're all here acknowledging the fact of this pregnancy and that's it. I, I like baby shower idea. I like the idea of a baby shower. I don't like the idea of the parents to be. I don't think that it makes sense for them to pay for it. I

think the only way that it makes sense is if someone hosts it for them because if you're paying for your own baby shower that completely takes away the purpose of the baby shower. I did see this idea on a creator's page this morning actually which is ironic because I didn't know this was on here This woman said that her best friend is pregnant with her third child And all of the girls are going in their pajamas They already have their skincare done and they're doing an adult sleepover Everyone brings one or two meals to freeze For the mother so that when she is postpartum she doesn't have to cook

She doesn't have to worry about meals. And I think that that idea, instead of like a baby shower or a sprinkle, should be very much more common. I, nobody made me meals. Like nobody, I don't even think anyone sent me food, which would have been the most helpful. I don't need monetary items.

I don't need, you know, all of that stuff, but like to send, you know send gift cards for Dior Dash, Uber Eats, or made food for me to freeze, that is by far way more helpful than any monetary item. I'm big on meal train situations. I love that idea. One of my best friends just had a baby not too long ago. And someone that I co-hosted her baby shower with the other girl that hosted with me, she sent out a thing to all of her personal friends

and was like, hey, this is like the meal train. You sign up for a date, you can either deliver it before, if it's like frozen, whatever, or you deliver it on that day and just put what exactly is being delivered. And I think that that's so nice and so helpful just because in that phase of life, you're so overwhelmed when I brought Jackson home.

It was close to New Year's, so Julie came over and cooked our New Year's meal. My biological mom brought a pot roast and like sides. My mother-in-law had like frozen casseroles and stuff ahead of time. So I had all of that stuff because it is just so overwhelming. The last thing you want to do is be thinking about preparing a freaking meal when you just had a baby and your whole life just seems like everything has changed. I just said to me this morning is like I feel like all we do is feed babies and I was like yeah we can't like the second you get off the couch it's just to pee because you have to sit right back

down to either feed or burp or change or do this or that to this woman's point about the games. When I had my baby shower for Rio we did did play games, but we played fun ones. Like we didn't do like the diaper changing one. Like we had the dads, all the dads in the room, like drink apple juice out of like a literal baby bottle and whoever finished the first one. We did a little succulent making little situation as like the party favor. I can't remember what other games we played. But we played not like the measure the belly thing because that I don't want to know how big my belly is when we're at the end of this pregnancy. Like I don't want that's not we're not doing diaper

changing. I'm trying to think Kristen planned it. I'm trying to think plan either she playing the games or Kathy playing the game, I don't know. But depending on the games, yes. But don't do the corny ones, because nobody cares about those. And if there's not prizes, maybe also skip the games altogether too. There's not prize. Like what are we playing for?

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D-O-R-A-N-T.com. Okay, I saw this TikTok and it was about, it was so interesting to me. And I really liked this man's perspective. And the question was, would you say you were the right person for your partner? And he went into the fact that he was married long ago to this woman. And she has since been remarried for over a decade to her new husband.

And he was talking about the differences in them and how this other man was truly perfect for her, but he was nothing like who he was. And if anybody had met them, they would say, I couldn't even imagine her loving both of these people. And he went through all of their differences. Like he's impatient, but the man that she's married to now for over a decade, decade is a super patient person. He's got like that therapist vibe, super chill. And then he was just saying that he wishes that more people could radically view things honestly without having jealousy in a situation. And that that is okay. And you have to acknowledge if you've been married to somebody or you've

been in a relationship with somebody and it didn't work out, then you just have to acknowledge to yourself, obviously based off of what she's doing now or what he's doing now, the love that I was giving wasn't what that person needed because this is the love that that person was needed. And it doesn't necessarily mean that like your love sucked, or what you were giving sucked, you just weren't the right person. And I would love to know what you think about that. This kind of goes back to my whole thing about being a different person in every friendship, right? Like, every

friendship that you have is going to fulfill a different role in your life. And they're just different. Like my friendship with you is not the same as my friendship with Kristen and my friendship with Kristen is not the same as my friendship with Taylor. And like, they're just not the same. And same thing goes for relationships. I have loved very, very, very fucking broken people. I've also loved people that come from really good homes that have generally speaking pretty good lives and don't have a lot of trauma.

The same can be said about me. I think that people that don't have a lot of trauma have loved me and people that have had trauma loved me. So I feel like you can't play the comparison game, right? And there have been relationships where I've been very jealous in, but as I get older and I've been in multiple different types of relationships, I don't, when I have a conversation about Elijah and the relationships that he's had

in the past, I don't ever get jealous, even though these women are nothing like me in any way, shape, or form. I don't get jealous. I don't think about our love being different. I don't think about, I just think about the phase of life that you're in, the experiences that you've had with those people or where you, what, you know, mindset that you have at that time. So I just, it's interesting that-

I think it's so mature. Like, if you can get to a place where you've been with somebody and that love ended up hurting you in whatever way, and then you can still sit back and like view this other person's life post you and you see them with somebody else and you're like our relationship Looked nothing like that, but they're so happy with that person

So obviously what I was bringing to the table Was it the type of love that they needed? I think that is such a mature take. I think it's very common for it to be the opposite of, you know, still being in a bitter and resentful place, seeing somebody that you were with, with someone else. And it's like, that person's nothing like me. Like, I mean, how many times have we probably all said that that girl looks nothing like me? Her personality is completely different than mine. He obviously has no type. He's just out there falling for whatever will fall on him.

Like we've all said that, but I think it's such a mature take. When I look at my, it's weird to even call it a relationship, but when I look at the situation with Malik, I was not good to him in any way, shape, or form. There was nothing good about me to him in that relationship, situation, whatever you want to call it. There's absolutely nothing that I could say, wow, I did that for him. It just wasn't for me. And I think that I should have left it where I found it. I should have never been invested the way like it should have never been what it was or what he thought it was. And I know of the relationship he's in now and I'm like, he seems happy and fulfilled

and like he got everything that I wasn't willing or able to give him. And I'm happy for him. I wish that he didn't know me to be who I was to him because that's I don't feel like I've been that way in all my relationships. Does that make sense? Yeah. I don't look at it and like, damn, like, I'm jealous of that or like, he's happier with her. I'm like, I'm glad that he found someone that wasn't me because I was a huge bitch. Like I was not good to him in any way, shape or form. And I think when you look back on your life from experiences that you've had, it doesn't

matter if it's even relationally, but it's like, wow, that wasn't my best work. Like, I really hate the fact that that person has that experience of me because that's not truly who I am. It just wasn't a good match or it wasn't a good fit. And I didn't have enough self-awareness in the situation or enough strength for whatever reason to leave that situation where I found it. And now this person has such this negative view and that's not truly who I am. I was just having a conversation a couple of weeks ago about relationships that I've

been in and not that I've been in many relationships, but I was saying if you told any of my past relationships that this is what I do for you or this is how I do this or this is how I respond or how I operate, they would point blank call you a liar to your face. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Right? Yeah. No, I'm with you.

It's so I thought that I was the only one that was like, because I don't ever want it to be like a regret either. Like, because I remember when I broke up with him, he was like, you're going to regret this. And I don't because yes, I wish that that wasn't the experience that he got with me, but I also needed that to happen to be more self-aware into my next relationship. So now with Elijah, if it wasn't a match, I'm not staying.

Also, I'm not gonna treat you that way because now I know how it like, I have the, like hindsight is 20, I have the self-awareness now. Do you get what I'm saying? And the experience, you lived it before. Yeah, and so like, I don't necessarily regret, I regret that I did that to him, I guess.

But like, I don't know how to describe what I'm saying, but you guys, you get what I'm saying. It's kind of like another situation that I found myself in. You know, when you have done something in one relationship and it didn't work out for you, and you're like, okay, I will never do that again because I have the level of self-awareness

of how that ended up playing out and it was super toxic in my life. So I'm never going back to that and I shouldn't be required to ever do that. And so something got brought up about Will and I hooking up post marriage and through our divorce process, which seems absolutely crazy. Like why are two people doing that when they are actively in divorce proceedings? Like at any day, one of us could have emailed our attorneys and been like, up, gotta dial that back

to at least 30 more days because we done fucked up again. I would never in a million years, if I am out of something, I am fully out of it. Like there is going to be no strings attached, no communication, you go about your life, I go about my life is going to be no strings attached, no communication. You go about your life. I go about my life.

There will be no hooking up. For what? So that we can both traumatize each other? Before you got divorced, I thought that too. I was like, what was me and his hold on each other while we were going through the divorce, after the divorce. And then I actually saw in one of the Facebook groups for one of our podcasts, I saw someone ask, has anyone ever gotten divorced and remarried the same person?

I saw that too. And we talked, like me and my ex talked about it. We absolutely thought about that. And I think that it's way more common than anyone's willing to admit. I think that those are probably natural things that transpire when you're going through the trauma of the situation and you just can't see yourself outside of that yet.

And so those little thoughts creep in. And it's like, OK, well, we filed and we've done all of this and it's about to be done. Let it be done, but maybe we can revisit this and, you know, six months from now or a year from now and see where life has us. It's almost like having something in a chokehold and you feel like, okay, I can still have it, but like, I don't have it. And so it's for maybe some sense of security. Right person, wrong time. I one of my exes, his, his parents were separate. They were not together while we were together in high school. And that was like one of the things that he was, he was like, I just want my parents back together. And they're back together.

Like they, she, the mom ended up having another child with somebody else and she's back with his dad. So, you know, it does happen. I think that that could be the case also. I mean, if people are willing to do the work, I don't see why you couldn't remarry the same person at another time. I think that sometimes work needs to be done, growth needs to be had.

Sometimes you do have to be with other people to realize that is the person that I wanted. That is the person that I've been searching for this whole time, but I didn't have the chance to experience anyone else to know that. And so life is not black and white, and I've said that from the very beginning of time. It's like life is not black and white and you know, you need perspective sometimes to you know, go back to basics and realize that you had what you needed to have all along. I think that marrying someone twice is probably more common than any of us even know. And the thoughts of doing it again with people who have children is probably way more common

than we even know. I don't know, like once you get in a government contract and it's fucked up and you get out, I don't know that you should be getting in a government contract with somebody again, maybe being with them, but like actually signing the papers. I don't know. I was just about to say that,

the my ex from high school that his parents are back together, I don't know. I was just about to say that the my ex from high school that his parents are back together. I don't know if they ended up getting remarried. I know they were married at one point. I don't know if they ever legally got divorced and then remit. I don't know, but I know they're back together. I thought, well, that's cute. I mean, at that point, y'all are meant to be and there's no reason to either get married or not get married, but I thought it was interesting. I just think it's so weird that stuff like that happens. I know somebody personally that did that and her biggest thing was the

marriage of what I knew is broken and I can no longer like do this marriage, not that I can't do a marriage with this person at another time or even right after this, I just can't be in this one because all of the things that have happened, there needs to be a close. And I kind of agree with that. Like if it's not working and you got to close the book, close the book, do the work on yourself. And if you find yourself in a situation to revisit, revisit on different terms. Agreed. Agreed. 100%. Alright, you guys, you know that we love Rocket Money over here at Coffee Compass Podcast, and you know what? If you asked me how many subscriptions Rocket Money has canceled for me, I couldn't even tell you because there's so many.

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rocket money.com slash coffee combos, rocket money.com slash coffee combos. Okay, so someone else writes in and this is a big one for me. Today, my one-year-old son was not having the best day. While in the middle of a meltdown, my fiance said, oh, stop crying like a little girl. This is not the first time he's said something along these lines. I've mentioned to my fiance that I will not tolerate him calling our one-year-old names.

He's a baby. Has anyone dealt with something similar? I've told him how much it bothers me, and he still says things like this occasionally. This is one of those things where when people say, you chose to have a child with him or you knew this before you had a kid with him or you shouldn't have had a kid with him. You don't know these types of things

until you have a child with someone. This is not something that you could have predicted. This is not something that you could have predicted. This is not something that you could have seen probably. I don't remember ever dealing with this. I know I have like some dads will say certain things that I just don't think are appropriate at all for like. I think that you have to look at the dynamic though, that if you're dealing with dads with sons, for like, I think that you have to look at the dynamic though, that if you're dealing

with dads with sons, for example, I feel like they're going to be way harder on boys than they're going to be on girls and the expectations that are there are very different. And so I think it's a very common place and guys growing up and men being men to like rag each other. And so I'm just wondering if some of that is coming off in the parenting where it's just being misplaced. I personally wouldn't be okay with it. I don't think that it's good. I don't like name calling in general though.

Like I don't like it in an adult relationship. So I'm completely against this altogether. So I just don't like, unless it's like a cute nickname, I just don't think it's appropriate ever. And if you don't want your kids to do that as adults, then I just I mean, I don't know. But what's the remedy to this? Like, what can you really do? I don't know that there is a remedy to this outside of I mean, because ultimatums don't work either. It's like, you are you

going to end the relationship with your with with your child's father because they're calling your baby a cry baby or crying like a little girl? Because then you also have to, I don't know, because you have to have like a united front and then you wanna make sure that your child knows that you have their back and it's not okay to be name called and things like that, but you don't want them to resent the other parent. I don't know what the remedy is here. I personally feel like if this was my situation,

and again, I have never dealt with this situation, but I said it's a big one for me because if I ever did, I would be hell on wheels. I almost think you need to say, if you cannot stop doing this, then we need to go to therapy because I want another adult to hear your take on this and why you feel it's appropriate. And I want them to understand why I don't and then maybe they can help us resolve it because seems as if we're not going to resolve

it together. I agree with you. I think that's a really good solution. Next, this will be interesting now that you have a girl. Oh, can I read it? Yeah. What do y'all think of crop tops for girls? My daughter is nine years old and always wants crop tops. Not too short, but still showing a little bit of stomach.

When I was young, I was not allowed to wear shorts above the knee or short shirts due to my dad saying it's disrespectful and that I was still a teenager. And now I'm 33 and still never wear shorts. So I wanna let my daughter choose what she wants to wear, but then I think she's too young to be wearing them. So Isaac actually told me that the girls in his, he's an eighth grade for reference,

which is like 13, 14, some 15 year olds. They're allowed to wear crop tops to school, but not ones that show their mid-drift. So if they wear crop top, they have to have high-waisted pants on so that it, there's no gap. And so I do feel like that's a good compromise if you're wanting the kids,

if the kids are wanting to stay like on trend, high-waisted pants are very much on trend for all ages. So I feel like that would be a good solution in terms of a midriff showing outside of a bathing suit. I never did that. Like I never wore belly shirts. I never wore, I was also a very insecure child. So I think it was a little bit different for me.

For my daughter, truthfully, don't give a fuck if she wants to wear a crop top. She's not wearing one unless she has high waisted pants on or it's the summer and she's in our backyard. You know what I mean? You're not wearing a crop top that's showing your mid-drift out in public. I'm not gonna, that's not gonna be something

that I'm allowing in my house. It's just not. I don't have a girl, but my parents were very, very strict on what I wore. Remember me telling you that my dad maybe do the bend over test with skirts or whatever. like if you can see anything then you're not going anywhere We Savannah and I could come down the stairs and if he said we weren't wearing that He would say you can go ahead and turn your ass around and get right back upstairs

Because you aren't strolling out of this house looking like that and we just knew like this is not even gonna be a conversation And unfortunately, I feel like I missed a lot of trends, which in hindsight, I'm kind of glad that I did because they, they weren't great ones. The crop top thing though, I'm in agreement with you. If the pants are high waisted enough, I feel like they can still be in trend wearing that and it not be too revealing. And what I would challenge parents, go back to the same statement I made multiple times.

Strict parents create sneaky children. So you have to be very careful if you don't want your kids out here doing something and you're coming down on them so hard, they're gonna find a way to do it if they wanna do it. And I know a ton of girls, when I was in high school, that would bring stuff in their school backpack, they would get dressed at home,

bring stuff in their school backpack, change, and then change back into what they left the house in. I personally would rather my child leave the house, feel comfortable leaving it, where we have compromised on something and said, hey, I don't mind you going and wearing this, but there has to be some limits because you need to look and act your age. I, Kristen said me.

I don't know what that means. She said that she was one of those people that would change and change. Yeah. Well, that's why I'm saying like my daughter and I hope I'm going to have a conversation with Elijah literally after this episode because I feel like the wearing the crop top you can have the crop top but you're gonna wear pants that that bridge the gap, you know, so like you don't you can wear Kristen said I would wear shorts under sweats and drop my pants at the bus stop

Damn Kristen. She was out here. She was wallowing out I I'm okay with the, you know, or if you wanna wear crop top and not high waisted pants, that needs to be outside in our backyard by our pool. So like, yeah, you can still, I agree 1,000% about the sneaky kids thing and I don't want that. And I think that I have actually fucked up

in my parenting with Isaac that way, right? Like with the phones and with the technology before, you know, just not allowing him to have it at all was creating him to figure out, you know, a way around how to communicate with his friends, like on his school Chromebook and things like that. And so it was just like, if there's boundaries in place and you are not so strict, they're not going to want to rebel against it. And so maybe take our shopping for some high waisted yoga pants, some flare pants, right? Yeah, they're super cute. And then you wear those, or like if it's in the summertime,

like the biker, the high-waisted biker shorts with the crop top, it looks so cute. There's even like high-waisted, or sorry, there's even like crop top sweaters and shirts now. I definitely think there's a way to do it so that she is on trend, but not overdoing it. The sneaky kids thing, when you have parents that are so strict that your kids feel like they can't breathe, they're going to figure out if there is a will, there is a way and

they are going to figure out how to do it. I personally would just rather be an informed parent and everything comes with limits. And I think that's okay. Agreed, agree with you. And on that note, foul play. I have a foul play for you. It's about your favorite topic, poop. Oh God, we haven't pooped in a long time, I feel like.

I brought my little family to Disney California Adventure, which is the park across from Disneyland, when my daughter was a few months old and my son was just about three. He was in the training stages of potty training, so he could alert me when he needed to use the bathroom, but we still had him in diapers all the time. This is important, I promise.

So it was at the end of the night, and we had secured a fast pass for Toy Story Mania. Not Toy Story Mania. We were about three minutes from loading on the ride and my mom says, mommy, I have to go potty. I'm like, okay, buddy, you can go in your diaper and I'll clean you up after the ride. That's one of those. Yeah. I mean, what do you do in that situation besides get out of line and have, yeah, no, you don't have choice. No, you're just shitting yourself. Unfortunately. He turned away from me and did his business.

It was quick. I thought, great, he just went pee. Mistake number two. We get on the ride and I'm all set to destroy this three-year-old in points. The ride was a two-seater where we were locked in by a long bar. There is this little fake cannon in front of each person. You pull the string to shoot at the screen screen Nothing actually comes out of the cannon. I'm playing and I look over at my son And he's like pretending to load something into the cannon and I'm like how freaking cute is this?

He is trying to find the ammo and that oh No that's not Actually shooting out there mistake number three. I Continue playing and hearing him say mommy. So I look at him he grabs my face with his hands and says mommy I love you so much. I say all I love you to buddy mistake number four. He makes sure he wipes his hands all over my face and I start to smell something. I start to realize he has put something on

my face. I look over at him and see that he's digging in his diaper and then I see him pull his hand out and throw stuff into the air and then it lands on my legs like little bunny pellet poops all over the cart. He's laughing and happily flinging his poop all over. He had been making a poop cannon in the ride loading in his bunny pellets. So there I am, shit all over my face, frantically collecting every little bunny turd that I can find to put my hands on. Am I bare freaking hands?

Then I take my shirt off. I wear two because breastfeeding and I start to spit on it to try to get the shit off my face before the ride ends. So when I get out of the ride, I am now wearing a nursing tank, holding a shit a shit covered shirt and a pile of pellets in one hand. I scoop up my kid and the other he is now crying because he doesn't understand why we can't look at the gift shop. First of all, fuck the gift shop. If you have slung

shit all over me and everybody else, like they need to alert the hazmat team at this place. No, literally, like they need to alert the hazmat team at this place. No, literally. Like no matter how clean this family is or like what the situation, like at that point it is toxic and it is, it's like a bodily situation. So she says, my mother-in-law is the first to see me and kind of like swatts at my husband to get his attention. I hand him the child and say, he needs a diaper change

and I need to go to the bathroom. This man gives me freaking lip and it's like you take him. It's too hard to change him in the men's room. So I say, do you know what's in this hand? Your son's shit. Do you know why I'm not wearing a shirt? I used it to clean the shit off of my face. Do you know why I want a minute to clean up my body and soul from this experience that I just had with your little poop cannon loving monster? My husband stares, I stare, my mother-in-law hits my husband and says, you take the kid in there right now, you go clean yourself up sweetie, I've got the baby.

So now that ride is lovingly referred to as the poop cannon. Ma'am, if my child flung rolling turds at an amusement park on a ride, I would lose every ounce of self-control. Rains that I have left. Because the way that Creed is three years old right now, if he did that to me to anybody? I've heard of kids digging in their diapers being a thing. I never experienced that. So I don't really know. Um, I couldn't imagine what that would be like or the trauma that would be taking place while that stuff was going on. I feel for all the diaper diggers out there and the parents who are dealing with the diaper diggers. What do you do though? Because if your child has slung droplings of turds, they might have gotten on somebody. I don't know what that right is or anything about it,

but I mean it definitely needed to be cleaned at any, like, I feel bad for the mom because I just, what do you do? Because if I was in her position, I would have said, you're gonna have to go in your diaper. We got a fast pass, you probably have to pee, you wear diapers, like, you're going in your diaper at that point. She couldn't have prepared herself for this in any way, shape, or form, so I do feel for her.

It just sucks because I don't know, like, I don't know. Could you imagine just being on this fucking ride and you, you were just like an innocent bystander and some little brown droppling hit you and it's a fucking turd. I do have a question. I don't want anyone to take offense to this. But how common is it for babies and toddlers to play in their poop or their diapers? Because so far, I have five that could and have never. So I would, and I'm not saying it's not possible, but I've never experienced it.

So I do, I would like to know how common it is because how do you explain to them that that's not okay and that's you can't do that. Like we dig in dirt, not shit. Like what do you say to your, at that point, I'm just not gonna have any composure. I'm gonna lose it because if I started walking through my kitchen or any part of my house and Jackson Campbell was digging in his poop,

I would lose my fucking mind. I agree. I don't, there's no other way to put it. There's no, there's no easy way to put it. There's no nice way to put it, but yeah, I agree. Okay. Next foul play. Next foul play.

Just wanted to share a quick foul play that happened to me very recently at work. I'll start by saying that I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and a teacher. Our janitors do a great job and our staff bathrooms are always so clean. So when I use the bathroom, I never have to think twice about putting toilet paper down and even check to make sure the seat is clean. Also I think this baby must be sitting on my bladder because when I have to pee, I have to go right then and there or there's a good chance I'll pee on myself. So I'm not taking the time to check anything out.

Anyways, the other day I went to pee, wiped, did the weird thing we all do where we look back at the toilet. Well, when I did that, I noticed bright red all on the seat, which I had smeared with my leg and on the toilet paper I had wiped with. I immediately start freaking out and thought I was having a miscarriage. I wiped the seat and sat back down, wiped myself a few more times and there was no blood on the toilet paper, nothing. So then I was just super confused that I would randomly start bleeding like that. And then I just stopped and realized out of nowhere, nope, that was not my blood. Y'all, I sat in someone else's period blood. Needless to say, I will now always check the damn seat before I go because what the fuck?

How does an adult just leave it there and not clean themselves up? Oh my God, the way that I would be so like. What do you do? Because she's right. Like we all have that habit of standing up and like because whether you choose to look inside the toilet or you're just turning around to flush if it's not an automatic situation,

you're standing up and whether you see it in your peripherals or not, you know that you left blood on the seat. I can't tell you how many crime scenes I left in my own house, but I get up and I'm like, oh, shit, I have to clean that up because I bled somewhere. Like you know when you've left blood on the seat and I don't care how old or young you are, you know. And even my, my kid self knew to clean up after myself.

Like I don't understand how an adult would do that. I just think there are so many people out here in this world I don't understand how an adult would do that. I just think there are so many people out here in this world that- Don't give a fuck. They don't and they're using a public bathroom. So you're just like somebody else is gonna come and clean it.

Why is it that other person's job? Like general cleaning is their job and that's fair because that's their job. But cleaning up after a mess that you made that you could have cleaned up is not their job. Like that's not what they signed up for. And I just wanna know how many other people, if this happened to them, would absolutely freak out

and like wanna go get labs done immediately. Like I would feel like something was in me. It's just, I just don't, like let's normalize for moms of boys with the P and for girls of mom and moms of girls with periods and all kids with poop. Let's normalize teaching your children to wipe the seat and the toilet and clean up after themselves.

I would go out on a limb and say that I've been never the blood situation But I have definitely seen women's bathrooms who are absolutely atrocious And I would I would be willing to bet they're worse than men's bathrooms sometimes Yeah, there are janitors that come in cleanup, but it's not their job and you're not some wild fucking animal cleanup after yourself because I When Creed goes to the bathroom, he's three and so I don't know if anyone else did this with their boys, but we taught him to sit down first. Yeah, we did too.

To go on the toilet. And now we're at the age where he is standing up. When he tells me he has to go to the potty, and he's three and a half now. So I mean, he very much can do it by himself. But when I do go in there with him and he pees on the toilet, do you think that I'm getting toilet paper and cleaning that up? No, I say Creed, Mellow,

Biggie, whatever nickname we're going by that day, get the toilet paper and clean that up please. And in my bathroom at home, I have Clorox wipes. I will say get a Clorox wipe and clean up that pee. I'm not doing it for you. You will do it. And if you do it enough at home, I would hope that you do it enough in public. I mean, obviously not the Clorox wipes, but you get what I'm saying. Same thing goes with women and periods. I don't understand who the fuck home trained you. Well, and it's like those little boxes like in a public bathroom. Yeah. Where it'll be like a pad hanging out with like blood on it and not wrapped. It's like who told you to

take that straight out your panties and drop it in there. Drop it in there. Like that is not proper etiquette. Number one. Number two. Of all places you should not be doing that. It is in a bathroom that is shared with the public. Like you should have enough cooth not to do something like that. I know, I hate going to public bathrooms. I try to avoid it altogether. Don't poop in public. I know some people can't avoid it like you, Keele.

In certain situations, I was never like a pooper at school. I would call my parents to get them to come and pick me up if I had to take a shit. I actually never had to shit in school. I don't know, like I just never did. But I need to know if you're a hover or if you're a sitter on the toilet, depends on the situation. Why?

If you have enough time to line it with toilet paper, I'll just sit because I feel like you get all of it and it's better for your body if you like are fully relaxed to let your pee out and stuff like that. But I also just had an idea and I'm gonna teach my daughter this, that is so weird to say.

You know how some people carry wipes with them to like poop? Yeah, me. Well, they have like little tiny packets. When your daughter is old enough to carry a purse, why not have like Clorox wipes to wipe the seat or baby wipes to like wipe the blood off of them? You know, things like that. Like we as mothers and we as parents

and we as fathers too, like it's our responsibility to teach our kids these things. If your daughter is carrying a purse, put wipes in Clorox wipes in there for them. Teach them how to clean up after themselves and hug her. Well then, Clorox sponsored us because we are big advocates of Clorox. Also, Cottonell, the aloe butt wipes that go in the bathroom. I love Dude Wipes.

Dude Wipes work too. Carry that shit all over the place. Big advocate for those. This is just a PSA. clean up after your damn self. On that note, I'm gonna go and pick the dog up from the groomer because I have been to the school this morning, not once but twice. Went to Pilates, got gas, dropped the dog off

at the groomer, came home, got myself somewhat together to be somewhat presentable. And yeah, it's it's not even that late. Thank you guys are always supporting our show. Please subscribe and review on the Apple podcast app, follow and rate on Spotify or listen wherever you get your podcasts. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram and join our Facebook group to connect with us and our community. We love you guys and hope you have a great week. See ya! Sometime in the early 80s, REO Speedwagon's airplane made an unannounced,

middle-of-the-night landing. This is my friend Kyle McLaughlin, the star of Twin Peaks. And he's telling me about how he discovered a real-life Twin Peaks in rural North Carolina, not far from where he filmed Blue Velvet. What was on the plane was copious amounts of drugs coming in from South America.

Supposedly Pablo Escobar went looking for other spots, quiet, out of the way places to bring in his cocaine. My name is Joshua Davis, and I'm an investigative reporter. Kyle and I talk all the time about the strange things we come across, but nothing was quite as strange as what we found in Varnum Town, North Carolina. even exist.