Coffee Convos with Kail Lowry and Lindsie Chrisley - We're Never Getting Back Together
Episode Date: November 21, 2024CC384: Lindsie clears up the rumors that she and Will are getting back together. Kail and Lindsie also talk about being cautious while dating as a single mom. Listeners asks about coparenting during t...he holidays, inviting people you don't like to parties, and Kail wants to know how to navigate the rules of electronics being different in the other households. One of today's Foul Plays is a PSA to NOT bring tuna sandwiches on roadtrips. Check out our Instagram @coffeeconvospodcast for more! Thank you to our sponsor! Branch Basics: Get 15% off Branch Basics with the code coffee at branchbasics.com/coffee #branchbasicspodJust Thrive: Save 20% off a 90 day bottle of Just Thrive Probiotic and Just Calm at JustThriveHealth.com with promo code COFFEEHoneylove: Get 50% OFF @honeylove by going to honeylove.com/Coffee #honeylovepodProgressive: Visit Progressive.com to learn more
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I hate gift giving and receiving. Receiving gifts is so weird. What do you say thank you?
This is coffee convos with Kale Lowry and Lindsey Chrisley. I really want you to be in your feels Kale. That does not interest me whatsoever.
I feel very attacked by you. A spirited discussion about motherhood, friendship, family, and life in the public eye.
I'm just not with the fakery anymore. There's a fakery bakery around here. Here's Kale and Lindsey.
What the fuck is up?
Are you okay? No, I listened to something in the orange and I just didn't think it was that good. And I it's you know, maybe it's one of those songs that you have to listen to a couple times before
it grows on you. But I really didn't think it was that great.
When it says when you place your head
between my collar and jaw, I relate so hard.
Like so hard, and that's the best song ever,
and I'm devastated.
Well, he could be a better person,
and he should be committing,
instead of trying to take down Dave's diss tracks or whatever he's
trying to do paying Breonna off he could literally invest that same amount of
money into therapies and being a better person. But moving on to something
unrelated I would love to play this little clip of Heather Lohmeyer she is a
long long time listener of Coffee Combos and all of our shows and I specifically didn't listen to it yet because I wanted to listen to
the little clip on Keir on Coffee Combos. So Kristen, if you don't mind playing
this video for us. Hello Kitty Gang! It's me Heather, your diehard Kitty Gang member with you here today.
And this holiday season and just in this season of my life, I wanted to share with you all
why I am so thankful for Kale, Lindsay, Coffee Convo's podcast and all of you Kitty Gang
members.
For those of you who don't know me, I am just a true fan of Kale and Lindsey both,
and I have been following both of their journeys
for many, many years.
So today I wanted to share with you all my journey
on following them, why I love this group so much, some of my
favorite moments from our time together, and how their reality shows, podcasts, and
the kitty gang got me through some really tough times in my life. So I am
going to be reading to you my story.
So to give you a preview,
the hardest few weeks of my entire life
were in a February of 2022.
And honestly, I just needed something
to help get me through that time.
And so here are a few of the titles
of the Coffee Convo's podcast that aired that month.
Podcast number 207, no one deserves to be queefed on.
Podcast number 208, vomiting, diarrhea
and almost blowing up my house.
And then there was podcast number 209
Hey who pooped in my mudroom? So huge shout out to Bone because I think a
queef on command and shit skid marks on Kale's bench nearly saved my life. So for any new listeners out there,
or just to refresh our memories,
why do we refer to ourselves as the Kitty Gang?
And where did the name Fluffers even come from?
Let's take a trip down memory lane.
So I guess I'll start at the beginning of my journey
following Kale and Lindsay.
I was 20 years old when Team Mom started airing and like most girls, it became my comfort show.
So at the time the show started, my parents were actually going through a separation and divorce after 35 years of marriage.
Unfortunately my dad cheated on my mom with a co-worker of his.
So Teen Mom was definitely my comfort show in a very difficult time.
It sounds silly, but sometimes it's easier just to get lost in somebody else's drama instead of dealing with your own.
Out of all eight of the girls, Kale was always my favorite, and her 16 and Pregnant story stood out to me above the rest. But we have to pause here for a minute because What was really in roadkill Ray's locked freezer?
Do we really think it was two hundred dollars worth of meat that he didn't want sticky fingers to get to?
Was that a cover story? I don't know kale. I need some answers definitely on that one
anyways moving on, she is the only one
who didn't have support from her parents.
Even Kate and Ty had support from Tyler's mom.
But Kayl's mom was more worried
about getting her TV remote control returned to her
or Joe's parents worried about her relationship status on
Facebook. So yes, Kale's determination and drive really stood out to me. To see her go from that
little apartment that she had with Isaac to the beautiful home that she provides for her children now is truly inspiring. I don't care what others say,
she is not the villain of the story and she is actually the one who persevered against all odds
stacked against her. We're going to post clips of Heather's video on socials and we just want to
say thank you so much to Heather
for always supporting all of us and just following us across the board because
obviously she's a big supporter of the Southern T, she's also a supporter of
Barely Famous because she's wearing the hoodie and we got a chance to meet her
in person when we were in Dallas and I thought that that was really cool that
she took her own time out to record that video. So I just wanted to say thank you, Heather.
And we're just so glad that first of all, you have those,
the names of episodes on hand and I can't wait to relay that back to Bone,
but we love that you're part of this community and being a part of the
Kitty Gang.
I also loved it when we met her in Dallas,
it was almost like we already knew her,
but also she brought us gifts
of like favorite childhood things,
which I thought was really, really cool and really cute.
I'm very thankful.
And I can't wait to finish watching the rest of the video.
And completely unrelated news,
I had made a promise on Barely Famous
that I would get into the Will situation.
It's a lifetime saga for me, a short time saga for you guys, which feels like a really
long time. Everyone's been following that journey over how long have we been podcasting?
Seven years.
Seven years, but then it went even before that on TV.
I think it's a really hard situation and I think that Kale can definitely relate to this
being married.
There is no breakup that is the same as a divorce, in my opinion.
I would agree. I have been able to navigate through breakups post divorce that still were not the same.
And I don't know if it's because we share a child with each other.
We basically were what each other knew for our entire adult lives.
And I think just the fact of knowing that you're raising someone that is half of someone
else that you were married to and thought that you were going to do your entire life
with them definitely complicates that dynamic.
It's easy.
I don't want to say it's easy leaving a relationship, but it's easier leaving a relationship when
you don't have a child with someone you never lived with them and you didn't do a whole
lot of life together. Well, I think we could also say that it might be just as
painful for whatever reasons there may be but it is not the
same.
I will say my
my breakup from Trent was
the most
painful thing that I've ever been through in my life
relationally
but it's still very different
than my divorce because I'm still raising my child. I have a reminder every single day.
And so I think that a lot of times I've come on here in times of things going on with Will and I,
and when you're co-parenting with someone
to the capacity that we do co-parent,
because I know everybody's co-parenting journey
looks a lot different,
he and I are currently not in relationships.
And I think that that's where situations get sticky.
When you are not with someone, I'm not with someone,
he's not with someone.
So I do think that that has caused some things to be
gray area, I guess would be the best way to say it.
Until I start dating someone and he starts dating someone,
then it just goes back to like the regular
co-parenting with boundary thing.
It's almost like when we're not dating someone,
the boundaries that we have that are in a relationship
do not apply when we're not.
I would agree.
That's sort of where Javi and I were for a long time.
It was like, and then one of us would get upset
if the other one got into a relationship
and then the lines were like,
we had to put up the boundaries again and we weren't maintaining the same
dynamic when one of us was in a relationship compared with when we weren't.
And it's hard to keep up with because I don't come on the podcast or go on my Instagram
every single time he breaks up or I break up and like disclose that
information right so I think a lot of people are getting half of the story of
what's actually going on which isn't really fair to the listenership right
but at the same time I'm also processing all of this stuff in real time in my
life and there are certain things that just don't need to be said. It was said that Will was at our live shows
and I want to be clear that that absolutely
was not the case at all.
Actually asked for his flight records for where he was
and the event that I ever needed to prove that
for whatever reason that I would need to prove.
I also want to normalize the fact that if he did come
to a live show, what
would it matter because we are such intricate parts of people's lives. And he's always been
a supporter of me podcasting. Probably not as much of a supporter whenever I'm raving
him out on a podcast, but always a supporter of the podcast journey that we have been on.
And so what would guaranteed if we did a show in Atlanta,
he would absolutely be there just in support
of the fact that I'm his child's mother.
I love that about you guys though,
that you guys have the dynamic where he would do that.
I was not sleeping with Will during our live shows,
contrary to a lot of people's belief.
We did play a
game and there were people who brought fat heads with I'm just
going to speak to my situation with my ex husband's face on it.
So was he there on a fat head? Yes, but was he there in real
life and his person? Absolutely. He was not.
You know, I got a cease and desist for that. I said I didn't
bring that that we didn't even do it.
I didn't do it.
Like, don't get upset with us. We were just the messenger.
Also, your inner your face is all over the internet, sir. So I
don't know what you're upset with me about your face is all
over the internet.
Also, these were printed pictures of our baby dad's faces
from the internet.
From the internet. That's the crazy like I to get sent a
cease and desist as if I was getting paid to like sling your
face around. I wish I was.
I cannot.
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So to clear up that rumor, he absolutely was not there to also clear up the rumor
of are we getting back together?
We are not getting back together.
And I think that anytime that you've ever gone through a divorce with someone and
they are still like an active participant in your life,
there's always this game of what if, what if, what if.
I've worked really hard in therapy to remove the what if
out of that situation and realize that this happened
for a reason and we didn't go and file for divorce
two different times, follow through with it,
move on with
our own lives, buying other homes and creating new lives for Jackson.
Whether that be a new life with Will for Jackson and then a new life with me for Jackson.
We didn't go through all of that just to end up back together.
I will always love him and always have love for him, but I'm not in love with him.
I think that's fair. I think that also up until this point there maybe has always been hope or there was hope during certain times for one of you or both of you that maybe you guys could find your way back together, but I think that, you know, at some point you decide if that's
actually a reasonable and in the best interest of all three of you.
Well, I think in, in theory, if we're just talking about theories, it's like,
okay, and I'm sure you've been through this before you had Isaac and then you
had Lincoln with Javi
and y'all became one little family unit.
Right.
And Javi took on the dad role for Isaac
when y'all had him, right?
Right.
I think you always can miss parts of what you had
while also simultaneously not wanting those parts back.
And I think that coming to that realization that missing that or missing him or missing
parts of what was is part of the grieving process, but it's not to be confused with
we should get back together because we were trying to get back together on several different in several different phases of post divorce navigation.
We were trying to get back together and I think that you could say the same but it's
like okay I can miss you and I can have love for you but that doesn't mean that we need
to get to get back together and it's I'm gonna bring this sort of full circle because when
we talked about the V situation it was was like, the first time we ended
the podcast, we ended it so amicably, we were going to end
it so amicably and professionally and very
directly and just like, cohesively, but I was like, Oh,
well, we should just keep the podcast then because if this is
how it's going to end, we can continue running business, but
that is not necessarily what should happen. Do you know what
I mean?
It's sort of like the same sort of formula is like, things can
be good and you can miss them. And it doesn't mean that you
guys are meant to be together.
And it's something that I have definitely struggled with. And I
don't know if you've had a similar struggle that people
don't necessarily understand, like the inner workings of
My life with will and the co-parenting that we do have that it has been an issue in every relationship that I've had
post my divorce in what way um
I think that it has it has been said by multiple people that if we could do that that well
It has been said by multiple people that if we could do that that well, then we should just get back together.
And it's like, no, we're doing it that well, because we did not do it that well when we
were together.
We're able to successfully do it that well because we aren't together.
Interesting.
I would also agree.
I think Javi and I have our feelings about each other personally.
We don't always like the other person,
but when it comes to co-parenting Lincoln,
we always find a way.
And we always make it work somehow, some way with,
we might argue about what each other is doing
or saying on a personal level,
but when it comes to Lincoln, very minimal arguments. And I think I have, I am fully responsible on my behalf for struggling with the fact of other
people being in Jackson's life and a capacity of that person potentially being a bonus parent.
I've struggled with it in my relationships
and I've struggled with Will being in other relationships
knowing that that is the actual reality.
But I also have had to check myself
and say, you signed up for this.
I would also like to say this,
because a lot of, I've tried to follow the bouncing ball
and you could take this or leave it.
Over the last, I would say year, maybe 18 months, I've tried to follow the bouncing ball and you could take this or leave it.
Over the last, I would say, year, maybe 18 months, I have felt a shift in that, right?
Like the bonus parent situation because not all of my kids feel the same way about all
of their step parents.
So whether that be their stepdad and their stepmoms, right?
Like I would go out on a limb and say that all of my kids actively and respectfully really like Elijah
and they're good with that. But that is not how all of my kids feel about their other stepparent.
And I don't want to single anybody out. So that is why I'm speaking vaguely. But I say that to say,
I read the comments about people making comments about, oh, what if Isaac called the mom or
what if Lincoln called Lauren mom or, you know, how does she feel about this or imagine
if you know, so and so called them, you know, things like that.
I feel so secure in my relationship with my kids.
And again, take it or leave it.
My relationship with my kids is like this.
I'm not fucking worried.
If they put their stepmoms in their phone as mom or they refer to them as a bonus mom or a stepmom or a second mom, that does not faze me, does not bother me. I do not give a fuck. Lux and Creed say
like, oh, you know, Chris's girlfriend is my other mom. Cool. Love that. Because I feel so solid in
my relationship with my kids that that does not phase me.
And I think once there's a shift there,
it won't bother you as much.
And I don't know that for sure, but like,
I mean, Isaac's about to be 15 and I'm just now feeling
that over the last two years is like, that's what that is.
Do you know what I mean?
Like the security in my relationship with the child.
I don't know if it's an insecurity
because I feel so solid with my relationship with
him.
I think I don't feel so solid on certain life decisions that other people make that are
involved in the situation.
Okay.
And there's not enough vetting in that situation for certain people to even, in my opinion,
to be around my child.
I understand that everything is not my decision,
but it is something that I very much struggle with,
and I just want it to be the right thing.
Like, I don't want anything to be pressed
or to be expedited for no reason.
Like, I do think that timing is everything,
and I don't want a ton of people
in and out of Jackson's life.
And I think that I've also struggled seeing comments
of people saying, well, you know, you dated suburban dad
and then you dated trampoline dad.
Yes, I did.
And if I could go back and take it back
and Jackson's involvement with one of them I would with
one of them I wouldn't wait why why with one of them yes and one of them no um
one of them was because the entire relationship was built off of a lie and
so that doesn't make me feel good as a mom and that makes me very resentful
towards that person because why would you put yourself in a situation
to involve yourself with a single mom
that has a child that is going to naturally grow
a relationship, whether it be good or bad
being around that person?
I can relate to that.
Why do that?
I agree.
With the second situation, it ended amicably.
There was no like foul play necessarily and that was their foul play a little but like to
the capacity of the foul play in the other situation, that
whole other situation was built off of a complete lie. I will
say this. I want you to give yourself some grace as far as
that goes though because you wouldn't know if you didn't do
it. So like now that you have that and it sucks because Jackson was
involved, but at the end of the day, you wouldn't know and you wouldn't be more
weary moving forward if you didn't have those experiences. So I think this just
gives you extra precaution moving forward. So it does suck, but at the end of
the day, like when Jackson grows up, he's gonna understand that you're his mom, you
loved him, you are human, and you're not gonna make 100% of the day, like when Jackson grows up, he's going to understand that you're his mom, you loved him, you are human, and you're not going to make 100% of the right
decisions ever.
Like neither is his dad.
So I think that Jackson is going to have some grace for you.
So you need to have some grace for yourself.
But tell me how you would feel about this situation.
Because I do think that when you are dating as a single parent, that there is vetting
that needs to be done that probably looks a lot different than dating if you're not
a single parent.
I do think across the board vetting should be done to save yourself time and heartache,
right?
But when you are vetting someone and there is a child involved, there should be extra
precautions that are put in place.
Hypothetically, if someone that you are co-parenting with
was dating a person, knew that that person
that they were dating, they were having around your children,
knowing that they did not want,
your co-parent did not want to have children
with anyone else,
but this person desired to have a child.
You knew you were not giving that to them,
but then you still have our child around said person.
To me, that's reckless.
Just for clarity purposes,
so your co-parent's new partner wanted a child.
Your co-parent's new partner wanted a child.
Co-parent is not gonna have child around this woman. Correct.
You're still having child around this new partner
to ultimately break up because of the deal breaker
of not having more children.
Yeah, because it was a deal breaker.
That is reckless.
I would say that's reckless.
And then go on a family vacation with said person involved, knowing that you were never giving them
a child. Well, and was that established before, before Jackson was around that person? To my
knowledge, yes. Okay, so that that's concerning, I would right like that's Those things should be worked out. I think before
Involved because if it's a deal-breaker on either end on you know his end or the new partners and I mean that if it's a deal-breaker
And you know guys decide that you guys cannot be together for that reason
Then Jackson doesn't need to meet the new partner or ever be involved in that situation, which is what?
bothers me a little bit about involving him so early on,
or the fact that those conversations aren't being had
before he's being involved.
To me, that's a really big deal
because I don't want a million people in and out of his life.
The end result could be the same, right?
Like they could end up still breaking up,
or I could get in a situation and still break up.
But at least it's not over something that like I already knew
and was still making the choice to allow it to happen.
Well, you're weeding out more possibilities
for the breakup later on, right?
Like if you establish those types of things,
those types of deal breakers pretty early on,
and it's like, okay, this is not budging, you're weeding that out, right? Like if you establish those types of things, those types of deal breakers pretty early on and it's like, okay, this is not budging. You're weeding that out, right? So
I don't that I feel like is a little. And I also get really sick and tired of seeing comments
where it's like, oh, it's jealousy. It's not jealousy. It is protectiveness of my child and
the situation.
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honey love okay so I'm just confused but was this recent are you not saying yeah
it was what what are what are are Jackson's thoughts so far?
Has he asked questions about people that either of you have dated?
Or does he understand, I don't think he's dumb, but does he understand what's going
on?
Or is it introduced to him as a friend?
Is it in a multiple people sort of setting
like a group setting? Like what is it or is he aware of like
what's going on?
So anytime that I have ever introduced him to anyone, it
has always at the start been introducing in a friend setting.
So there's lots of people around and we're just all there at the same time together. And like I have a rule
of no touching no kissing no, like do not lead on as if as if
this is anything. I have allowed him to get to the point to ask
me, Hey, are you dating so andand-so? Or I think so-and-so likes you.
And then we kind of like walk through it that way.
So my knowledge on the other end,
it has been solo activities that are being done
not in group settings.
So summer rolls around and said person is going
with my ex-hus husband and son to the pool or to football
games or to family vacation or and again it's not my choice to make because that's his life
but at the same time just because it's not my choice to make doesn't mean that I can't
have an opinion on it.
It's hard because it's one of those things where Jackson is of the age where, and I don't,
I can't speak for everybody. So please, when you guys are listening to this podcast,
do not rip my head off for these opinions. I'm speaking from experience and from what
I've seen with my own two fucking eyes. I have been around families who have had
sort of similar dynamics as what you're describing. And that that it because the child is at a certain age
they're of some level of understanding that both of their parents are single post-divorce or post
breakup or post whatever and so they're sort of in the know that oh mom's dating but don't necessarily
know who or it's sort of you know very few and far between like they know of the person but not
necessarily met them yet and I do think depending on the child and the child's maturity, and the comfort level and relationship between
parent the bio parent and child, you know, some kids like if, for example, I was to be single and
start dating again, I would feel comfortable and feel like Isaac is mature enough for me to say,
Hey, I'm dating, you know what I mean? Maybe even Lincoln, depending on, you know,
when that were, when, you know,
if it was right now and I never met Elijah,
yeah, I would feel comfortable telling Lincoln that.
But I think if you know your child
and if he's not ready for that,
then he doesn't need to be introduced
to anybody on a solo level to that depth, I don't feel.
I agree with that.
Also the people that are being introduced also don't have children, which is a
little problematic to me mainly because I would hope that if the desire is not
to have another child with another woman, at least they're coming to the table
with their own child.
If a child is what they desire.
Now, if they're a woman who does not want any children,
that could be another possible road bump
because he already has a child, right?
So, you know, maybe they just don't want any children
in their life at all.
The singleness of the party girls
is just like not something that I'm behind.
And when my child comes home and says, you know, dad's on hinge or whatever, like it's
a telling situation.
Also don't be on dating apps where my son can see it.
Yeah, that's I mean, because that that's a whole other conversation that I don't know
that any child that is Isaac Lincoln Jackson's age needs to be having conversations about.
And also I have been, um, I've never been on a dating app before. Anyone that I've ever
met has been just like in an authentic way. And so not that I'm slamming dating apps by
any means, it's just not something that I, I personally would participate in. And it
causes me a little
bit of alarm because then we also have to worry about the dynamics of is this person
seeking him out for like an ulterior motive because that's also happened where I've received
screenshots of these things.
Wait, I didn't even think about seeking out someone's ex husband for because all of my
exes have been on TV.
And so if they're going to seek them out, they're going to seek them out unrelated to
dating apps.
But I didn't even think of that for your scenario.
Yeah.
So when I'm receiving screenshots of certain things from these dating apps, whether it
be screenshots of profile or screenshots of communications that have gone on.
To me, automatically, that's a red flag.
What is the line between co-parents that are navigating this?
What is the line?
How much do you tell your ex when you are co-parenting a child?
What is... And I guess every couple could be different or every ex couple could be different but like what is the line because I feel like it's probably hard like
I don't even know what that would be like because I know Javi and I were never honest with each
other about it which is why things got so sticky and messy and blurred and everything else is that
we were never honest so what is it? I think I've also just watched too much true crime that
I'm afraid that said person on app is going to be a serial killer. I think the like I know it can it could be true also if
you just met that person in person, right? Like, yeah. But
for whatever reason, I'm like, that's probably a murderer.
Definitely too much true crime. I don't know.
Maybe people will give us constructive feedback
like after this because I truly don't know.
Will and I will forever remain friends.
We will forever remain co-parents for Jackson
and I don't want any beef like going on there
but there are intricacies of co-parenting
that you are always going to navigate.
Regardless, it can be like so great
and then you hit a road bump,
you work through the road bump and then you get over it.
That's just it.
I was invited by my ex-sister-in-law's mother
to Santa at her house in early December.
Will also was invited.
Don't know if there is plans to possibly bring
like a dating app girl there.
I certainly hope not.
And like, how do I go about that to ask like,
hey, you and I were both invited to this
because we both still have relationships with her.
There's a reason she invited us both.
I shouldn't have to not go
because of another situation. Like how, how do you navigate that? Or do I even like say anything
and then I'm just there? I don't know this for sure, but I do think you deserve to have answers.
Like if she plans to be there so that you can make your decision accordingly. Or Will needs to work that out with the girl.
But at the end of the day, you two are his parents.
So if that woman chooses to come and Will invites her, then he needs to be letting everything
put it all out there so that neither one of you are blindsided.
And unfortunately, that is up to Will to do.
It's just honesty is the best policy.
I don't have to like the answer to respect it, right? But you will to do. It's just honesty is the best policy. Like I don't have to like the answer
to respect it, right? But you deserve to know. The deserving to know is a big thing to me. It's,
I don't have to like the situation. I don't have to co-sign the situation, but I can respect it
while also not liking it. I agree. Speaking of Christmas and gifts, like presents, Mattel, like Barbie Mattel is apologizing
for marketing.
They have a marketing mistake on their wicked Barbies, their wicked dolls.
They were selling Barbies promoting Wicked and the link on the boxes.
So if you bought one for your children for Christmas or you bought one for anyone for Christmas, some of them have a
porn site linked on the packaging. And allegedly, this
was a typo leaving out a couple letters of the link leading
consumers to a porn site. I don't know that I actually
believe that it was a typo. I think that it was probably
intentional. But I just wanted to warn you guys if you bought one for your child or for anybody, those links may be affected.
So I'm gonna assume that it probably wasn't like an exec with Mattel, but maybe somebody who was
responsible in their packaging department that intentionally did this.
That's not, because how, what are the chances
of leaving a few letters out and it going to a porn site?
What are the chances of that?
Usually it would be like URL not found,
link is broken, error, but to go to a porn site
that is absolutely intentional.
And think about all the kids with technology now.
Like back when I was a little kid,
there was no such thing as like a QR code or like,
you know, whatever.
I get a box from a Barbie,
I'm throwing that shit away and I'm playing with my Barbie.
Now think about all the kids that have cell phones
that might be scanning that shit.
They knew what they were doing.
And also why would you put a link on a box
instead of doing a QR code?
Like it's marketing 101, I have QR codes on my freaking bookmarks. Do you know what I'm saying?
Like QR codes would have solved that problem and also probably look better on packaging.
I don't want to see a link to something this Alani can right now. QR code. Like nobody's typing out links.
Well, alaninu.com is on the front maybe, but use a QR code to save
this issue. I just like don't believe that it personally is my opinion that-
I personally believe that the QR code would have gone to the same thing.
Oh, like intentionally gone to the same thing? Oh, yeah, that's true. I think there's a
chance for error if it was in fact an error. That's literally a PR disaster.
Like what the fuck?
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We have a couple of listener topics that I want to be able to get through on this episode.
Since we were talking about co-parenting, this one says co-parenting and the holidays.
What does that look like for you and why does it feel harder during this time of year?
This is why I gave up Christmas in the very, very, very beginning. I gave up Christmas
with my kids for this reason. It's harder because people are doing family get togethers.
People have higher expectations of one another. People are in relationships and want to bring
their significant others into the picture. There are a plethora of reasons also from a financial aspect.
I think that there are feelings if one family, one parent, their household is more financially stable than another and who's buying more and there's resentment and sharing the child. Or
maybe someone has new holiday plans or different holiday plans. I know at one point, Javi, Joe,
and my family were all celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve and
we were all in three different areas with hours in between to travel. So that was a
really big point of contention was, you know, if someone doesn't have very specific plans
on Christmas Day, for example, and it's like tentatively between Christmas Eve and Christmas
Day, it's like all of that is at play.
I just think things can be stressful, more stressful during the holidays.
Um, so in the times that we have been not angry with each other, we've been very
willing to work with each other.
I mean, we still work with each other whenever we're angry.
It's just like a little bit more hostile working than not.
Um, last year for Christmas, I had Jackson for the first,
so ours is broken up by the week.
So they get two weeks out of school.
It's either parent one gets first week,
parent two gets second week,
and then on the following year, it's flip-flopped.
So I had first week, which was the week of Christmas,
Will had the week of New Year's.
Jackson has always, from the time that we were married,
gone to Will's parents for Christmas day
and spent that as like extended family.
Okay.
So I agreed with Will on the years that I have him,
that I will go ahead and be pre-prepared for Christmas day,
like already have all the things ready for the breakfast
that I wanna do and stuff in the morning.
So Will can pick him up by 11.
So they can be at Will's parents by lunchtime
because they do Christmas lunch.
And so he still gets to do both of those things
because I never want to look back and say,
I was the reason that he did not get to participate
in every other Christmas
with his grandparents. I also think that it's very good to set your mind that you can still
celebrate the holiday and it doesn't have to be celebrated on the day. That was a game
changer for me. I still get to do all the Christmas things even if I don't have him
on Christmas Day and I still get to do all the Thanksgiving things even if I don't have him on Christmas day and I still get to do all the Thanksgiving things even if I don't have him on Thanksgiving. I think
people get so attached to the actual day. Well for me with that and I'm speaking for
us collectively is that because our families are so far apart like mine's in Northeast
Pennsylvania, I's hobbies was in Allentown at the time. Joe was in New Jersey, getting the entire family together
for Isaac and Lincoln, that was a one time only.
Do you know what I mean?
So that was where it was such a point of contention for me.
And it was like, well, my cousin Candice,
her kids, her divorce was on opposite years,
like opposite weekends and stuff like that for holidays.
And so when I could make it happen, that might've been the only chance to get him together divorce was on opposite years, like opposite weekends and stuff like that for holidays.
And so when I could make it happen, that might've been the only chance to get him together with
his cousin. And so at that point, it was like, it became a point of contention where I agree
with you if it's like just you and the kids and maybe your parents or if you guys live
locally, it's very different. But for us, we were all over the place in all different
states.
Yeah, no, that, that does make it a little bit more complicated.
I also, as far as like Christmas list
and like gifts and stuff,
just from experience, the best advice I can give,
we always have Jackson make an Amazon wish list.
Mm-hmm.
And so we'll send out the Amazon wish list
to Will's parents, my mom, my grandmother,
and then Will and I buy off of it as well
so that we make sure that we're not buying
like duplicates of things.
Now there are some times that duplicates do happen
because we don't wanna like switch it between the houses.
But for the most part, we work really well together.
If Will's buying some type of advice,
or device, then I might buy like games and accessories for said device. And we definitely
communicate. We're overly communicative during the holidays, when it comes to like the gift giving.
Just to make sure because there's nothing worse than like, if I bought Jackson a Clemson Jersey,
and he was so excited about it at my house
and he opened it up first here
and then he went somewhere else and got it.
It's like, why didn't y'all communicate?
I agree.
Well, I think on the list too, that those,
it'll show who, like it'll show someone bought it.
Agreed.
So that's actually really, really helpful.
I'm a big advocate for the Amazon wish lists.
I think I got hate for this before.
I would rather spend my money on something
knowing that the person is going to like it,
use it and not collect dust.
I am not one of those people that is like,
you get what you get and you don't get upset.
I'm not one of those people.
Do not buy me something that is going to collect dust
that's gonna be thrown out. I don't want it in my house. You don't need to, I'm not one of those people. Do not buy me something that is going to collect us that's gonna be thrown out.
I don't want it in my house.
You don't need to spend your money on it.
So I want to buy something that is going to be liked,
loved, used, et cetera.
I'm big on that as well.
I'm big on like purchasing experience.
Please stop buying junk for people.
If you're gonna buy thoughtless gifts
and take it with what you want,
like take it with a grain of salt if you want, but.
But some people think that buying someone like,
I don't know, like the shit that you get
from like Bath and Body Works,
like they think that's like a thoughtful gift.
Okay, but some people like Bath and Body Works,
but I more so mean like, I don't know,
like don't buy my kids a stuffed animal.
Like for my kids specifically, I don't know, like, don't buy my kids a stuffed animal. Like for my kids, specifically, they don't prefer
stuffed animals where other people's kids might I loved
stuffed animals as a kid, I used to line them up and play teacher
right? Like, my kids aren't using stuffed animals. So I
would rather you save your money. Come see my kids when you
see them kind of thing. And let's move on. Like I don't I
save your money like truly like that's the gift is like not giving me junk and you
Saving your money one thing that I really respect about Will's parents is they are very thoughtful
Gift givers which created a thoughtful gift giver and their son like wills always been like that
I just hate giving gifts and receiving gifts. So I'm not I'm not good at it
I'm just like everybody make me a list
and let me pick off of the list.
And like make sure that your list is prioritized
by what you want most on that list
to like what you just like kind of want.
I agree.
Also speaking of lists,
and maybe I'll have Isaac do the same,
but Isaac got his report card back the other day.
And I just wanna say that my son is in Debate Club,
Drama Club, and the president of ASL Club.
And his report card was 95, 98, 99, and 89.
So I will be, because we talked about paying kids for chores
or paying kids for grades or whatever,
I am going to definitely celebrate
by getting him something because he worked so hard.
And it's going to be practical by getting him something because he worked so hard and
it's going to be practical, but I'm definitely, and that's my choice.
It's not something we talked about.
So I just wanted to say that.
So he doesn't know it's happening.
No, but I'm going to ask him to make a birthday list and I'll probably get something off the
birthday list for that.
And he doesn't listen to this podcast, so I'm not worried about him hearing it.
Oh my God.
Okay. So this one was a really great one. Are we inviting people that don't respect
us to holidays this year? Yes, including in-laws, I don't know how to cope. If I don't like you,
say the fuck away. This is tricky because there is, you don't have to like somebody to be civil and cordial.
And it does get tricky because then the lines are blurred
with like respect.
And I think there's a difference between not liking someone
and not respecting someone.
There are two different things
and I don't necessarily know how you are supposed to be
in every scenario,
civil with someone that you don't respect as a person.
So that's really difficult.
I guess for me, I'm just not inviting someone to my home
that one, I can't get along with
or who does not have respect for me
and in turn, I don't have respect for them.
Like, we're not cutting pie over that.
Here's the thing.
Maybe this would be a good rule of thumb
is like you're not controlling
or having a say and you'll remain civil if it's at someone else's home, but like making the promise
to yourself that you're not welcoming people that you don't like or you don't respect into your own
home. Let's be respectful and civil in other people's homes and leave it at that because then
you're not sort of crossing
the boundary that you have for yourself.
And you're just, you're more so respecting the owner of the home or the host of the event.
If you're civil at their event.
And there's definitely been times that I've gone to Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever,
and there's been contention between me and someone
else or someone else and someone else.
That definitely happens.
Like, I just think that that's a normal family dynamic, unfortunately.
However, I just don't want that in my home.
A hundred percent.
I agree.
I've, um, I've definitely minimized the number of people that I'm willing to allow in my
house, not even just for respect reasons,
but just across the board to protect my peace
in all aspects, so I agree.
Outside of that, I saw this article on parents.com,
and I thought it was interesting,
what are living room families versus bedroom families?
And I wanna know like your family is.
It says that according to a general consensus on TikTok,
living room families are described as those who most often
congregate in one common area of the home,
like a designated family room or basement,
usually where the main TV is.
Bedroom families are described as spending most of their time
in separate rooms like bedrooms or offices,
usually with their own TVs or devices.
This activity can also shape how things like family
meal time looks like in the home as well.
My house is a living room, home,
whether it be the playroom or living room,
we're always generally downstairs.
If Isaac gets on the phone or he wants his private,
like Isaac's a very private person,
so he does spend some time in his own room,
but he also has, he's the oldest of seven or eight.
So he, he has a good balance though.
Like Isaac does a really good balance.
Lincoln, Lux, Creed, Rio, the twins,
we are all living room babies, like we are always downstairs. I think that it's
good to have a balance. I think that because I also saw that I
didn't see it on parents.com. But I saw it on TikTok
somewhere. And I was seeing like the extremes of both. But I
think it's good to have a balance like I want to feel safe
to go be myself and hang out in the main living spaces.
And I also want to be able to like retreat and go back to my room.
If I feel like I want some time to myself, there's not enough spoken about the
balance or like the happy medium.
I think that we're a happy medium in this house.
Like we'll watch movies together and stuff in the living room.
My kitchen's like right off of my living room. So Jackson sometimes might be
watching TV while I'm in the kitchen cooking something or
whatever. But also we very much individually value time away in
like space but it is a said like, I'm having my personal
time and you're having your personal time.
My kids also can't watch TV in their rooms.
Isaac doesn't have a TV in his room.
Lincoln only, Lincoln has a TV, but I think it was only hooked up when he plugs the gaming
system in there.
So there's nothing.
And then Lux and Creed don't have a TV.
So they don't have to watch up there.
I mean, and they don't really keep, none of them really keep toys in their room.
Like they don't have, they, they're all in the playroom.
So that's like, and if they wanted to take them
to their room, they can, but they just don't.
Jackson's kind of at the age where we are phasing out
of toys and that's what I've been working on
for the last couple of weeks,
like trying to get that stuff out of his bedroom.
There are certain things that he's like,
I'm holding on to that forever.
And I'm like, dear God.
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Do you have any toys that you want to donate to me? I have kids that will play with them.
Well then I'll send you what I've got. Like I'll send you photos of what I've got and I'll ship it to you because toys are fucking
expensive.
So it's so expensive.
They are so expensive.
It's like why I why are we paying for like a little plastic thing that looks like this
and it's $69.
So you'll give me Jackson's hand me downs and then I'll the money that I would have spent on new toys
I will do the clear the list for Christmas on barely famous. Oh
That would be awesome. Perfect. Let me so I love I love this theory
Like the amount of squishmallows ma'am that I have in this house. Oh Lux is a squishmallows
I don't really consider those stuffed animals. Those are like their own entity, their own genre. Oh, yeah, my Lux loves them. Yeah, but they're
not, they're not stuffed animals. They are, but they're not. They're not. It's like a
pillow stuffed animal. Yeah, like, because you could truly sleep with it. I mean, they're
more comfortable than some of my own actual pillows, to be honest.
But can you believe that when I made the move,
I was a big, like, no TVs in bedrooms for kids,
and then Jackson kept begging, kept begging, kept begging,
and then he's like,
well, Dad put a TV in my room at his house,
and I'm like, oh, fuck.
So now he has a TV there.
Wait, so let's talk about that for a second because how do you feel about electronics
in one house over the other?
Because I obviously we cannot control what goes on in other houses.
But like Lincoln, for example, I think that he's of an age where he should be able to
use his phone if he wants to like call or text me.
I definitely think it needs to be heavily monitored. And there needs to be limits and parameters. But someone like Lux
Creed, they don't need unlimited access to iPads or TVs or gaming systems. Like
I just don't think that so what happens when you find out you just said that
you're that we'll put a TV in Jackson's room? Like, I know that not everything
can be a discussion with the co parent, but don't you feel like that's sort of
something that should be talked about?
Oh, yeah, because I was blindsided by it because we both had the mentality when we were married
that there was going to be no TV in kids' bedroom.
Like if you want to watch TV, you can come down to the family room.
You're not going to be in your room alone watching TV.
Same for phones, especially like the kids came home last night and they were telling me how they got they got
their dad's old phone and it's like, they're seven and four.
Mm hmm. Yeah, no, I do think you're just creating unhealthy
habits. I do think that those should be conversations, but I
would, I would go out on a limb and say that most people do not
have conversations about that
stuff.
Will and I have a ton of conversations about technology.
When I found out about the TV in the bedroom, I internally was losing my shit because I
was like, okay, well now he has it over there.
So half of the time he has it.
I'm going to do it at my house now because he has an expectation.
Is that going to make him want to be there
more?
I mean, ultimately that did not make him want to be there more.
But I just felt, I just feel like it should be consistent wherever you are.
So like whatever you have at one place should be at the other place.
What you don't have should not be at the other place.
I would say two of my co-parents have the argument that rules at my house are my house
and rules at your house are your house. And I think to some degree that is true and some degree
that is okay. But when it comes to screens and just accessibility, like I think Lincoln's fine
to have his phone, but like I have tried to match what Javi does over there,
but it's really difficult because I don't want to also
limit his access to Javi.
And so that's part of it too,
is like when you're restricting access to his phone,
you're restricting access to me.
And I believe he's at the age where he should be able
to call me or text me whenever,
and I should be able to call him and text him whenever.
Because Lincoln's never been the kid to like abuse it and like go overboard with that.
But then if he doesn't have the phone over there and that restricts access to me, and then he does have the phone over here and I don't restrict access to him.
It's, it's, I don't know.
It's a lot.
It's a lot of stuff that they don't talk about and we couldn't have been
prepared for when we got divorced.
It's a lot of stuff that they don't talk about and we couldn't have been prepared for when we got divorced.
Well, I will just tell you, I have more recently experienced the cell phone issue.
I never limit access.
That was the whole point of getting the phone so that there could be free communication
between people.
Whether it be Will's other family members
or him specifically, he does not have to dial my phone
to get in touch with his child.
When you're now using that as your main communication
to the child and you're able to rely on that
whenever I have him, you then in turn don't get to say
my house, my rules, I'm taking the phone
and you have to call
me. Like I'm paying for the phone. You're allowed to use that as your main access point
to him. You never have to call me or never have to deal with me. But now when you have
him, you take the phone, put it on top of your refrigerator, turn it off till it's time
for him to come back,
then he gets it back and I don't have restrictions.
That's not fair to me or to him,
because one, it's two different standards
in two different homes,
but then also you have access to something
that I'm paying for, for you to have access,
but I don't have the same access.
That's exactly what's happening over here.
Exactly to a T is what's happening.
It's getting taken at that house and given back over here, but then you are
communicating with him. That's exactly what is, I thought I was the only one so
I never brought it up and I didn't really want to put it on blast, but it is
frustrating because what is the line? Like do we need to set up a call that
like every week, you know, because I want to make
sure that that relationship, you know, as they get older, I want to make sure that they
have equal access to both parents.
And I want to make sure that they, you know, all my kids, I would never restrict access
between him and his dad.
So I wouldn't want the same done to me.
And I think by default, protecting from screens or not allowing him to be, you know, have the phone for, for extent,
like pretty much the entire time, you are restricting by default access to me because
I also don't have communications with you on a regular basis in a normal co-parenting
way.
I have to either email or be a group chat if Lincoln is of age to know what the conversation
is.
And so...
Well, and then I'll FaceTime, for example,
and Will answers his FaceTime, obviously it's his phone.
And I'm like, hey, where's Jackson?
Can I talk to him?
And he's like, oh, well, he's in the basement
or he's like in his room or obviously somewhere
that I can't talk to him.
And he's like, you can't talk to him right now.
Okay, well, this could be easily solved
because he could just have his phone and I could call him
and I wouldn't be talking to you
and you wouldn't be talking to me.
The only time that I've ever like with that
when you call the parents phone,
because I think Lux and Creed are younger.
So that's the only time I would say
you can't talk to them right now is like right before school
and right before bed. Any other time I would say you can't talk to them right now is like right before school and right before bed.
Any other time I feel like is more, I might not want to get up or stop what I'm doing
to go get them, but I would be more like I'm fine to do that during the day or you know,
if there's a set period, but like right in the mornings before school, absolutely not.
You're not about to because I've had an experience, I'm not going to name who, for privacy purposes, where the
other parent is essentially bribing the child.
Oh, guess what I bought for you?
Guess what toy I have at my house for you?
Guess what I, guess what we're going to do when you get back?
And those were the types of conversations that were happening right before bed and in
the morning.
I, so I deaded the morning ones right away.
I was like, we're not even going to start this.
But the phone calls that were before bed were like, oh, I got this toy. Oh, I ordered this.
Oh, we're going to do this. You are not so that what they can then talk to me about going
over there for the next three days. That is manipulation.
See I don't I don't like that kind of stuff. I would be interested to know what people
who are listening that deal with this, how they remedy the situation,
because I haven't found one yet. And it's a constant, like that communication issue for me
with Jackson is a constant fight that we it's like on a reoccurring every week. Yeah. Now the phone's
gone again. Yeah, that's what exactly what was happening with for Lincoln. And it was it's it
is frustrating. It's frustrating. I mean, I don't happening with for Lincoln and it was it's it is frustrating.
It's frustrating.
I mean, I don't even think Javi and I know what's going on.
We think we know what's going on.
We don't.
And on that note, we have foul play.
Okay.
I thought after all this time, it was finally time to submit a foul play.
I was at your Dallas show and it inspired me to tell my very own Dick Dalen, Dick Dalen Dallas story. Three years ago, my husband and I took a random
road trip to Dallas together. It's about a five and a half hour drive from where we live.
I never ever let my husband plan anything because I'm a control freak and he begged
me to let him plan this one. I regretfully let him and the hotel he picked wasn't in
my kind of neighborhood, but I tried very hard to put on a smile and let it be.
Well, you're better than me because old kill would have flipped the fuck out.
We hadn't had sex in several months due to me healing after a pregnancy and so he was
ready for us to get it on.
At this hotel we're at, we started having some foreplay and he asked me to give him
head.
After a few minutes of this, we are both really getting into things and clothes are coming off. Still giving him head, all of a sudden we are loudly interrupted
by the fire alarm at the hotel as the whole place is being evacuated. We are frantically
trying to put on our clothes as we rush outside from the room to a crowd in the hallway trying
to leave. I was so out of it, I tried to take the elevator as my husband is yelling at me,
you never take the elevator when there is a fire. I'm pretty out of it. I tried to take the elevator as my husband is yelling at me, you never take the elevator when
there is a fire. I'm pretty sure the whole crowd of people
could tell I had sex hair and dick mouth as we stood outside
the hotel with fire trucks with the fire trucks coming to this
hotel in not the best of areas. The mood was definitely killed
for the night, but we did have a good laugh about it now. Your
Dallas show is the first time we had returned since that
happened. And I definitely picked our hotel myself this time. Needless to say, I'm even more of a control
freak now and my husband is not allowed to plan things anymore. Love you ladies. And the Dallas
show was a whole vibe. Okay. That's really funny. That's actually really funny. I have always said
people who sleep naked, what the fuck are you doing? Like if there ever is a fire or an emergency, and
you're woken up with said emergency, you're disoriented.
Like I am not thinking about where my fucking clothes are.
Right? Yeah. Could you imagine being in a hotel with a fire
alarm going off? I don't know what would be worse what I'm
about to say.
What?
I feel like I would have just like kept having sex
and not gone out.
Oh, I mean-
Because I feel like I would have been convinced
that it was like a false alarm.
Are they usually?
Cause I've been in a hotel, I think once,
definitely once, maybe twice with a fire alarm.
And I'm pretty sure the one that was like Teen Mom era,
Sam Smith concert, Sterling Peach, Javi,
that whole scenario that night when we went to that hotel,
there was a fire alarm.
And I think it might've been like, it was like a fraud.
Oh yeah, like why are you testing us?
Like we've all learned the stop, drop and roll.
We know what we're supposed to be doing.
Yep. We're all adults're supposed to be doing. Yep
We're all adults here. Please don't fucking do that 100%
also That's absolutely terrifying to know that you could be like in a sexual
Situation and then all of a sudden a fire alarm goes off. No 100%
It's I wouldn't even I would be all sort of absolutely going outside with a hard on
I wouldn't even I would be all sort of out of school going outside with a hard on loo balls. Like can you imagine? Absolutely not. I also love that she came to the Dallas show. I need to know
if she brought her man. She said she did. Honestly, with the live shows, there were a lot more men
than like I expected there to be 100%, and I loved that because we need men
to step outside their comfort zone for sure.
100%.
Okay, next person says, when I was 18, many moons ago,
my boyfriend and I were on a long road trip.
I was raised to pack your road trip food.
There was no stopping to eat.
Oh dear God, this sounds like my grandparents.
I chose to pack tuna fish sandwiches for us
and I wrapped them in tin foil and threw them in the dash of my car.
Why are we? That's the first problem is putting tuna fish in the car for a road trip. That is problem number one.
Remember how I said that like I hate the smell of like a banana in the car?
Yeah, could you imagine tuna being circulated through the vents?
Could you imagine tuna being circulated through the bends? Absolutely the fuck not.
It was late August and we were traveling in the afternoon,
not a place, not the place for tuna fish sandwiches to be baked in tin foil.
Part way through I decided I was hungry so I chose to eat the sandwich and he did not want one.
Thank God he didn't want one.
Not long, and I mean not long after eating this baked spoiled, this baked spoiled sandwich, I felt my gut gurgling out of control. I told
him on the freeway, you need to stop right now because I have to
shit. He goes, I am not stopping. I will take the next
exit. I said stop the effing car right now. He did and I had to
hang my naked beer ass over a guardrail over a guardrail and
broad daylight. I was farting and squirting all over the
guardrail and a cop pulled up broad daylight. I was farting and squirting all over the guard rail
and a cop pulled up and asked if he could help.
At that time, I let out the biggest shark and he said,
"'Well, I can see you have things taken care of.
"'I will let you be.'"
Needless to say, we had to take every exit after that
for about four hours.
I finally fell asleep and he floored it
since our eight hour road trip was now 12 hours.
So never ever make a sandwich with mayo and
wrap it in foil and put it in the dash. Number one, I don't
think it's the mayo honey. I think it's honestly the tuna
fish.
Here's the thing I always wondered because of my bubble
guts, my spontaneous bubble guts, my IBS. If I was caught
shooting on the side of the road, would I get a ticket for
that? Because truly it's
an accident and like what would you have rather me done, shit myself in the vehicle? Like
I don't know what is that? What are the protocols surrounding shitting out on the side of the
highway?
I mean, I certainly hope a cop would not ticket somebody that's diarrhea on a guardrail. Like,
could you imagine like, oh, I'm getting a ticket for this for indecent exposure?
Well indecent exposure, but also it's like a public health hazard, I feel.
But like, is it if it's on the side of the highway?
Because what are the chances of somebody coming in contact with that?
You know what I mean? So like, what is the protocol?
Like, do you get taught that when you're becoming a state trooper
and you're sitting on the highway? What does that look like?
I feel like it's not against the law.
Because you're still getting a ticket.
If you, if you get pulled over for
Speeding because you do have to shit you're getting a ticket
So if you are actively shitting on the side of the road and you've committed no other crimes
Like what are I would love to know on that note?
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