Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 100: Guesticular Fortitude - Part 2

Episode Date: May 24, 2013

Chuck’s Podcast:  Listener Submitted Podcasts: The Gif of the US - (gay marriage)

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app. Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. So this is part two of episode 100. Most of this was recorded last week when we had guests on. We recorded a little bit of the beginning and a little bit of the end, but like I said, most of it was recorded last week.

We look forward to doing 101 next week. If you were considering this week to donate to the Podcast Maintenance Fund or to the TAM Fund, Tom and I instead would ask you that you would donate any of that money to the victims of the Oklahoma tornado that happened earlier this week. the Oklahoma tornado that happened earlier this week. If you weren't considering donating to us, we would ask that maybe you would open your pockets and help those people out too. Right now, Foundation Beyond Belief, that's foundationbeyondbelief.org, has on their main page, if you scroll down, they have a way in which you can donate directly to the Oklahoma City Tornado Relief. If you're interested in donating, that may be a great place to start, and we hope that you do. Hey, Tom and Steve.

My name is Adam Collins. This is the City of Ohio. I'm a truck driver, and I just want to thank you guys for a breath of fresh air every week it's pretty tedious pulling a truck stop every day and listening to the bullshit that these fucks spew day in and out

it's just nice having a couple voices of reason every now and then and congratulations on your 100th episode and for no other reason than we recognize a base 10 number system which makes it significant. Thanks, guys. Looking forward to another

100. Catch you later. Bye. Hey, this is one of Tom, Glory Hall. This is Godless Matt. I forgot to call you guys and thank you and let you know what happened with Navia when you guys helped me out promoting that thing. Literally within two weeks of us doing that, before we had a chance to put the podcast

together or anything, Nadia had three interviews, one of which was with like a really big, well-known company, you know, in her business, which is Colonel Programming. She ended up interviewing in three different areas of the country and accepting a job close to her where she lived in. But anyway, I just completely forgot to let you guys know and follow up and let you guys know that you really helped. And so thank you and glory hole and happy 100th episode. Hi, guys. This is the voice of the woman who announces how you can contact cognitive dissonance.

I just wanted to say that I'm very proud of you both for reaching 100 episodes and glory to all. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political political and there is no welcome at this is episode 97b of we're just gonna recycle through uh the 97 and then the alpha we're gonna be like

a double z at some point zeta zed of cognitive dissonance you fucking deserve it that's all i'm saying well you know the thing is is that most of this show and pretty much all this show except for this little bit now and the end of it are have were all recorded previously so you're not getting anything fresh at all yeah well they weren't getting anything fresh to start with but there are things that are wrong i mean the jokes are stale. The guests are stale. I mean, this sort of recycled-ass bullshit is the best we can do. It's no secret that our nation may very well be experiencing the hand of judgment. It is no secret that we all are concerned that our nation may be in a time of decline.

If that is in fact so, what is the answer? The answer is what we are doing here today. Humbling ourselves before an almighty God. Crying out to an almighty God. Saying, not of ourselves, but you. Would you save us, oh God? We repent of our sins. We turn away from them.

We seek you. We seek your ways. Cecil, let's get Chuck from Irreligiosophy on the line for the next story. I'm not sure that he'll do it. Now, Tom, this is something I hadn't mentioned, but he and I kind of went in on sort of a business venture together. Oh, no. Yeah, well, you know,

there's some discrepancy about a credit card balance right now, so... No chance he's going to come on. Well, I don't think so, no. Fuck it. I'm calling him anyway. Just pretend you're not here. All right. I'll be quiet. Hey, Chuck, how you doing? I'm doing great. Good to be back.

Good, good. Thanks for being here. The first story that we're going to talk to you about comes from, uh, Huffington Post. This is from their politics section, but it could just as well be from their batshit crazy Bachman section, which at this point they're going to have to start dividing out. Is there any other kind of Bachman section? It's all batshit crazy. You know, Chuck, it is all batshit crazy. And did you watch the video or did you just read the transcript? I watched the video.

I love the pastor moves she's got with her hand gestures. She really does. She's doing a I believe I can fly sort of moment there a little later on in the podcast, in the little broadcast there. I kind of saw that as a wind beneath my wings sort of gesture. But, yeah, you can go. wind beneath my wings sort of a gesture but uh yeah you can you can go i it's funny because she's got that same voice that they all use when they're standing there where they over accentuate the last syllable and it makes me want to fucking strangle anybody so as soon as you hear that you're like well i'm not gonna believe you could there and be like, the sky is blue with clouds.

Probably not. Probably not. I'm going to go take a look for myself. You accentuated the last syllable too much for me to believe that. She's so dramatic, you know? Yeah, I noticed. She's crazy dramatic. And in this article, she's talking about the National Day of Prayer and Fasting.

America doesn't need a National Day of Prayer, although the National Day of Fasting one could have an argument for. Every day is National Prayer Day. Every day is National Prayer Day. As she was gathered at a Capitol Hill event, she says some super awesome shit in here. Particularly of interest to me was when she said, quote, It's no secret that our nation may very well be experiencing the hand of judgment. Just the one hand. The other one's fapping.

It is no secret that we are all concerned that our nation may be in a time of decline. If that is in fact so, what is the answer? And this is the best. The answer is what we are doing here today. Humbling ourselves before an almighty God. Crying out to an almighty God. Saying not of ourselves but you. Would you save us, oh God?

We repent of our sins. We turn away from them. We seek you. We seek your ways. That does seem like the best way to solve a problem. So the answer to the judgment of God is to do absolutely nothing. Yeah, it's like God's looking down and everything you do is wrong. You're like a rat in a lab and every movement you make zaps you and you're just like, fuck it, I'm standing still.

I'm not, I can't possibly do anything right at all. Why do we have to seek God so hard anyways? It's just like a fucking hide-and-seek. You're closing your eyes, and you tag God, and he's it. You're it, God. We're seeking you. Where are you, God? Hello?

You've got to get a GPS like you're fucking geocaching that bitch, you know? I mean, what conceivable deity do you have to beg to help you? Like, what other authority? You know, if you were at work, for example, if you're at work and you're stuck on a particularly difficult problem or case or whatever it is that you do for your work. And, you know, you need some assistance. And you're like, you know, I gave that hell. I really did. I gave it hell.

But I'm here and there are authority figures here. And I'm going to avail myself of their resources. So I would like to avail. And they're like, I'm going to be totally silent on the matter for about 2000 years. But if you make the wrong choice, you're fired. I will fuck. I will fuck you up.

I will fuck you up. You notice that we've been judged twice and both times. The agents of God have been Muslim terrorists. This is true. Although the case could be made here, Chuck, that we lost about 3,000 people in 2001 and what was it, four in 2012 on the same day. So it might actually be that God is actually approving of what we're doing because he's killing less people. That's right. The smiting in 2012 wasn't half as bad.

Four people, we're getting much better. Maybe this passing of the gay marriage. Maybe he is for gay marriage. Maybe he's like, hey, you guys are doing it right. Way to go, guys. I'm only killing four people this time. One of my favorite lines is that, you know, is there anything better

that we can do on that day rather than to humble ourselves and to pray to an almighty God? Can you guys think of anything better? Masturbate? That seems like it. Grill a hot dog, fuck a dude in the ass, anything. Whatever it has to do, it's got to be phallic. So grilling a hot dog, fucking a dude in the ass, masturbating, anything phallic.

I don't see those as mutually exclusive options, by the way. a dude in the ass masturbating anything i don't see those as mutually exclusive options by the way is that what you say now when you're fucking a dude i'm grilling the hot dog i'm a very fat man joke i'm actually grilling the hot dog i'm like oh yeah i'm working this thing oh yeah hold on a minute i gotta yeah it pumps when you cook it don't worry that's just what it looks like to start it works for the hot dog and everything else. Just keep going. That's what the kids are calling it these days. There's a part of this, though, where she's talking about, you know,

it's no secret that our nation may very well be experiencing the hand of judgment. It's no secret that we are all concerned that our nation may be in a time of decline. If that's a fact, so what is the answer? And Tom read that earlier. And it's like, I don't know, why don't you fucking try to fix the problems? You're in a position to do it. How do you reelect somebody whose answer to, hey, we've got issues? Oh, yeah, we sure do.

Man, if only there was somebody to do something about that. That's the thing. Her constituents expect the exact same amount of work ethic as they do from their almighty God. She fucking sits there on her ass. She judges from on high. Exactly. Do you know a lot about Bachman?

Because Bachman is part of this group, right, that's involved in this spiritual warfare sort of dominionism stuff. I don't know if you've ever heard of that stuff. The prayer warriors? Yeah, the prayer. Like, they, like, go out and, like, pray over places and cast demons out and shit. And they think, like, the government is, like, seven pillars and they got to, like, put people in each of the pillars or else Satan's going to take over.

Part of me wonders, you know, like, if she keeps on calling out to God as this is God's punishment, where is Satan in all this, I wonder? I mean, it just seems like it's all just jumbled mess of mythos. Isn't it nice? You don't really need a Satan with Bachman's God. He's smiting, he's killing, he's fucking people over. Satan's like, yo, hey, let me do something. Let me get in there.

Let me get a smiting in there once in a while. Put me in the game, coach. How you doing, coach? Put me in. Satan is Rudy. Satan is fucking Rudy, man. He's the fucking walk-on. He's the walk-on at the last minute, you know?

You look at this and you start comparing, like, the track record. You know, like, if I have a tally list like how many deaths does god have on the list well he's got the entirety of earth at one point sans one family so that's kind of a big black mark on that column and then you start tallying up like the satan column like start you know so you go through their ridiculous holy book and you tally them both up but it's like i gotta go satan wins on this one there's this awesome book called uh drunk with blood where it tallies up all the murders in the bible god fucking got like over a million and satan's chilling with maybe 12 or 13. he's coming in off the bench and only scoring 12? Get him out of there.

He's a terrible sixth man. He's terrible at this. He's only putting the game when this score is so far around the head that it doesn't even fucking matter anymore. Well, God's already scored a million, so go ahead and put Satan in the game. One of my favorites is the Israelites complain about that God's killing too many people, so what does he do? He fucking kills 10,000 more. Eat that, fuckers! Eat that shit!

Complain about me. That's like when you're winning so bad at volleyball, you have to spike the ball in someone's face, you know? That is God. That is God to a T right there. You know, it's crazy to me, and we've talked to listeners about this, that Bachman has any electoral potential whatsoever. That there's people out there that would put her in office, but I guess they've gerrymandered all the districts so many different ways that this woman actually has support.

It's insane to think that she does, though. Do you guys have anything sort of comparable out by you? In Utah? Yeah. They're all In Utah? Yeah. They're all fucking crazy. Essentially, in Utah, if you're LDS, you'll get elected. If you're LDS, you're Republican, you got a straight trip to it.

You know, we got, we have our own, what, Chris Butters? You guys heard about him? He was on the news a couple years back. He was the guy who thought gays were more a threat to the nation than terrorists. Oh, that's nice. That's a totally rational comparison. Because remember that time that the gays set off that fabulous bomb? His logic was, you remember what happened to Sodom and Gomorrah, right?

Well, that was just one city. This is nationwide. We're talking brimstone hellfire all across the United States. Thing is, we can defend against the gays. We have gaydar. And we can just tell exactly where they're going to be. It's not a big deal. It's like a national defense system of gaydar.

It's like, oh, we got a hot one coming in. What does it sound like when your TV goes off? It's like, woo-hoo! Now, the Mormons have been backing off the gay issue, though. The Mormons have really backpedaled on that gay issue. So I wonder if he's still in that same mindset. The younger and the more media-savvy Mormons have. But remember in the last general conference that fucking Boyd K. Packer, the apostle who, by the way, is the next in line to the presidency when Thomas Monson kicks the bucket.

Boyd K. Packer said, I don't want you guys to get swept up in a wave of tolerance for gay people. No. No, you wouldn't want to. Did he really say that? He said, just because a behavior is now legal doesn't mean it's moral and there are still spiritual ramifications. So don't get swept up in this wave of tolerance. No shit. No shit, man.

Wow. I guess, well, it's funny because what was reported, I guess, mostly, and what we've read and I guess what was popularly reported was that they were sort of backing off. But that shows, I guess, a different sort of potential there. You have to watch out for waves of tolerance, though, because they can lead to tsunamis of joy and earthquakes of happiness. And you could have an entire hurricane of goodwill if you're not careful. I like the fact that God only speaks to the Mormons twice a year, right?

Every six months they have this general conference. So the most important thing God had to say to the president of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was stop fucking tolerating people, you assholes. I'm sick of this tolerance. Jesus. Well, the Catholics have even a worse main line to God. They have to wait until they fucking elect a pope, and then they have like a miscount four or five times. So they have a terrible line to God.

At least the Mormons have it twice a year. That whole selection process for the Pope looks awfully human, doesn't it? Oh, certainly does, doesn't it? I like, too, that you can be infallible and then quit your job. How does that work? It's like, yeah, all right, benefits package looks good. I'll go with it. Yes.

Give me the silly hat. Kiss my ring motherfucker I'm in let's do this thing I'm gonna pursue some other options that probably those orders probably came from God it's like Benedict you're a fucking Nazi

you're making me look bad I'm gonna need you to step down you look like the goddamn emperor from Star Wars. You're scaring the kids for Christ's sakes. Every time you talk, I expect lightning to shoot out of your fingertips. We're done. We're done.

That's a hell of a benediction. I got to ask you a question, Chuck, before we let you go. I just got done, went to go see Book of Mormon at a theater here in Chicago. I fucking loved it. I thought it was hilarious. But I've got to ask a question. And since you're our Mormon expert, there was a part of the show where they start talking about how when you die, you get your own planet. Is that a real thing?

That is the doctrine. Yeah. your own planet? Is that a real thing? That is the doctrine, yeah. You die, and if you were Mormon, and you're really good, you take your wife, and you go to another planet, and you make a bunch of spiritual babies, and then you become a god of that planet. That's pretty good. What? That is the craziest shit I've ever heard. I hope the Mormons are right. I thought they were making a joke. Yeah, I kind of do actually too now. Although I'm not Mormon. So I just, I would be like, I don't even know. Like what happens, is there like a Mormon hell too?

Yeah, we're stuck in the telestial kingdom. So that's like the third level. It's just like the earth is right now. I could do that. I could chill out. Yeah, right. Well, you know, I was going to say, is there a hell? Yeah, you're stuck on a planet alone with your wife what are you talking about my first thought was like you're voiped

out of there like you die like so you get hit by a fucking bus you're like oh that sucked you like wake up you look around you're like oh man really. Fucking it's just us. It's just where's the fucking Starbucks? Are you kidding me? We don't even have a therapist here. One of my uncles, they go knock around the door and that's their selling point. Wouldn't you like to be together with your wife forever for all eternity? And he goes, I don't know what house you thought you knocked on, but get the fuck out of here.

Jesus Christ. It's the worst hell I could imagine. At least with marriage here on Earth, there's an out, right? Till death do us part. You're like, well, great. At least at some point, I get a do-over. Like, you get to mulligan that stuff. Not so with the Mormons.

In that crazy Mormon religion, it's like, well, you're dead. Here's your wife back. Fuck. Shit. This is the worst afterlife ever. So, Chuck, you're doing your religiosophy again. You're working through it, huh? I am, yeah.

You know, you guys just passed. Congratulations on your 100th episode. What I recommend is you guys should go into business together. on your 100th episode. What I recommend is you guys should go into business together. Okay. All right. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

I don't know, Chuck. What is the worst that could happen? Well, Chuck, if people were going to find your podcast, where would they go? www.irreligiosophy.com. It's spelled just like it sounds. I love that. Chuck, it was absolutely a blast to have you on. Thank you so much for joining us for our 100th episode. Yeah, you too. Thanks for having me on. Appreciate it. Congratulations. Hi, Cecil and Tom. This is Esme, and you guys actually requested that people call you, and I call either when not being expected to do so or invited to do so,

but of course I'm calling with purpose right now, knowing that I have permission to call and that I'm not stalking you. But congratulations on a hundred episodes. I've listened to every single one. And I think my favorite moment that I could just now off the top of my head come up with is when you guys, when you guys revealed something to me that I'd never, that I didn't know before,

which was that Sierra Miss is just a mountain word and a dew word, but Sierra and then this. And I just never knew that Mountain Dew and Sierra Miss were, that's just genius. There are other things that you guys have done that were a little, that were smarter. That's all we have. That's just my favorite right now.

That's all we have. And Ed just my favorite right now. That's all we have. And Edmonds is so disgusting. Bye. That is, that's all we got. That's all the things I've done in my life. The one thing that I'll be remembered for is, hey, he noticed Sierra Mist. It's just like Mountain Dew. Hey, he noticed Sierra Mist is just like Mountain Dew. Hey, Cecil and Tom, this is Logan from Arkansas, surprisingly sober this time.

And I'd just like to say glory hole, a thousand times glory hole. And thank you for 100 brilliant, uninformed, crass, disopinionated pieces of hour-long ear candy. I really appreciate it. You guys rock so hard. And I hope that you can produce 100 more episodes as great as the last 100. Anyway, so now keep it short. So thanks, guys.

Once again, motherfucking glory hole. Right back at you, Logan. Fantastic. Thanks. Hey, happy centennial from the Dirty South. Glory home. The Dirty South. It's all dirty.

It's all fucking dirty. It's all fucking black heels down there. That's all I'm saying. Wherever I've been is the Dirty North, too. You all right, lads? It's Dave Thomas from the UK Little Hampton again I hope you can understand what I'm saying I've just finished watching

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels again and I just wanted to say glory hell be on your 100th episode if it is 100 Cheers guys, bye I like it dude, it's like if it is 100. Cheers, guys. Bye. I like it, dude. It's like, if it is 100.

There's so much confusion. That's awesome. Dave, I totally understood you this time. You could tell he put on his, I'm talking to foreigners. I'm going to speak slowly voice. It's not just talking to foreigners. Like, I'm talking to Americans. Yeah, no. no kidding, right?

Because anybody who speaks English as a second language probably understands them just fine. For certain, yeah. It's monosyllables and slowly. It's only us slow people who don't understand. Thanks, Dave, for sending in a voicemail. Hi, Cecil and Tom. This is Claire. I really love your podcast and Glory Hole, et cetera, et cetera.

I really want you guys' take on this other podcast. It's called The Paranormal Podcast, the latest episode. They have a guy on. They interview him about his series and, like, books he's written about the connection between the Pope and the aliens. He's written about the connection between the Pope and the aliens. And it's really kooky. And I know you guys are super busy, but it's worth listening to just for the lulz. All right.

Love what you do. It's great hearing feminist things from, like, middle-aged guys. I hope that's not an insult to call you middle-aged. Okay. Bye. That hurts. I am a middle-aged guy. Who am I kidding?

Oh, I'm so middle-aged. I was middle-aged when I was 17. Yeah, I was middle-aged guy. Who am I kidding? Oh, I'm so middle-aged. I was middle-aged when I was 17. Yeah, I was, I was middle-aged at a young age, but I'm still middle-aged. I'm actually, I'm hoping to just stay middle-aged forever.

I've abused my body till it's aged prematurely. I'm just, I'm just hoping I can, I could stave it off at this point. I have listened to that podcast before, uh Paranormal Podcast. The guy is a completely credulous guy who just has people talk about... I mean, and they're all nonsense stuff.

They've had people who talk about vampires, people who talk about Bigfoot. It's not anything like... The thing about it is those people are kooks, but they're on a forum where they can be kooky. Hey, yeah, this is Travis calling from Utah. I just want to congratulate you guys on your 97th episode. I'm looking really forward to episode 92 next week.

So, yeah, congratulations. And I want to give you guys a really warm, heartfelt glory hole from Utah. Thanks. That's awesome. Hey, Cecil and Tom. Captain Randall here from Sarasota. And I just wanted to call and wish you a happy 100th episode and say, Glory Hole, guys.

I also have a message from the Dolphins. I think they're a little unclear on the concept. I think they're saying blowhole. Let me just say that Dolphins do not appreciate it when you stick a penis in their mouth. I'm just throwing that out there. Not that I know from personal experience. If that's not what they're looking for, they shouldn't have named it a blowhole. Hey, Tom and Cecil.

This is Miranda from South Louisiana. I believe my boyfriend and I are pretty much the only two atheist antitheists in South Louisiana. But first off, I wanted to say glory hole and happy 100th episode. And I hope that you guys keep going until the second coming of jesus which is we all know never so i hope you never stop thanks guys happy hundredth day awesome that's awesome you know what i think is funny is that uh i was thinking about this like like glory hole is specifically male gratification like there is there's no female version of a glory hole for a girl. I mean, how do you tongue some girl's gash through a hole?

You know what I mean? Like, that's a little hard to do. There's got to be, like, maybe if there was, like, a seat or something that they have to sit on. I don't know. Like, how do you build a girl glory hole? It would be rather involved. Call that the Sibian. Tom, Cecil, I just want to say glory hold, and I want to say... What?

I have no idea what's happening here. Is that the Tasmanian devil? I have no idea what's happening right now. Tom, am I tripping? If you are, I am. Why is this happening? What is going on over there? Somebody needs to call 911 for that gentleman.

I know. Like, there clearly is something on fire. There's been some horrifying accident. I have no idea what that was, but thank you anyway. I mean, what At Robertson is basically saying in your last episode is, okay, Africa has more miracles because we're smart. I mean, if you really think about it, all Pat Robertson is nowadays is perfect fodder for atheists and progressives. I'm telling you, this guy, I know you guys don't like him, but I think we should keep him alive.

I think we should do something to just harness this potential within Pat Robertson that he probably isn't even – no one is even aware of. Just a thought. King of cash money out. How the fuck do I have the power to keep him alive? He'll just pray his way back to life. No, I agree. I think Pat Robertson is a perfect Poe, and we've heard that many, many times, that people don't get how somebody could be so clueless, and I think he really is.

He's one of those people you can point to and be like, I don't know if he's just punking everybody or not. Yeah, it doesn't even matter and i actually agree because if you're the if you're the voice box of this sort of idiocy and you you have a forum for this kind of nonsense it's it this this only has advantage us everything he says it's fucking point for us i know like there's nobody there's nobody posting pat robertson clips on their facebook for real right like being like this is the truth like there's nobody out there that does that. Wow, this guy makes so much sense. You don't even have to go through a point-by-point rebuttal. You just listen to it, and you do that thing like a dog when you're giving it,

like when you whistle at a dog and like turns its head. Yeah. It's like, what? Zuh? What? Did you leave the line, the Skype line open, Tom? I don't think so. No, I think you did.

Look in here. It looks like you did. I couldn't. I don't even know what that means. Leave the Skype. You don't know what anything means, but I think it means that anyone can hop on and just talk. Oh, fuck. Thomas is on.

Thomas from Thomas and the Bible is on. Disconnect. Disconnect it, Tom. I'm hitting all the buttons. I can't. Am I supposed to do something? Hey, Thomas, thanks for being on the show. Hey, no problem.

All right. We've got Thomas from Thomas and the Bible. Did you bring the Bible? Or do we just have half the show? I have access to the web, and I think they finally got a digital Bible up there. Well, it's not complete. They're still typing it. I don't know.

You can text the Bible, and the Bible will text back answers to him. That's how it works. They've got one guy's typed most of the Bible into the internet. I'm going to use what he has. I don't know. We're just going to trust him, too, to make sure that he types it correctly. The age we live in, huh? Crazy.

I'm typing as fast as I can, guys. Yeah, I went to a message board, and he has most of it up. A message board? Is it a GeoCities? Is that what you thought? What do you mean, is it? Of course. Fucking that shit's great.

That's awesome. My AOL dial-up worked out real well for me. I got my 14-4 bond. We wanted to talk to you about this article from the Friendly Atheist blog. Oklahoma high school has Ten Commandments displays in every classroom. Wow. Not just in the school, every fucking class. Science class?

Oh, there's the Ten Commandments. Gym class? Gym class? Every classroom. The Ten fucking Commandments. And evidently there's one atheist student in oklahoma is probably the only atheist in oklahoma just one is like complaining about it geez anyway sorry you can't get anybody else behind him jesus fucking squeaky wheel out there what's going on i like that this

article by the way points out that the classrooms in moldrow high High School in Oklahoma, right near the border by Arkansas. Like, oh. Because that ain't helping. Yeah. Wait, do those two states border? I don't know. I got nothing. I have no geography knowledge. I'm too busy with my Bible.

If it's near Arkansas, my guess is the atheist population is near zero. But it sucks to be the fucking one guy in your school. Like, to be that fucking one guy who's like, you know, maybe if you only had, like, a dozen Ten Commandments hanging up around the school. But really, every classroom. I wonder if, like, if you go to spanish class if it's all in spanish i was gonna say something like i don't know if you're done with the exposition or you want to yeah that's it yeah we're transitioning yeah thanks for pointing that out that was great i appreciate that this is what we're gonna call the handoff so i dropped the ball i'm kicking it with my feet i gotta yeah

no uh yeah i i i actually missed the detail at first that's in every classroom like what do you you know do you really need how about one classroom or i would love it if like some of them were different and they like just somebody snuck in like you know thou shalt uh constantly have recess or so just some you know, but something like that. But the things I was going to say about it was, first of all, so it essentially is like, you know, how dare you not be Christian is the sentiment of the school. And, you know, what's funny is there's when you say the Ten Commandments, there really isn't a the Ten Commandments. There are several versions and uh i i want to know which one they have i i didn't i couldn't find it anywhere was there a

picture that you guys saw i don't know i i didn't see it no like how do you i didn't read the whole article i just read the uh headline fucking you read the whole thing enough to get outraged and then you're like ah yeah no No, I do that too sometimes. But since I was coming on your guys' show, I thought maybe try to prepare a little bit. No, because in some of them, this is great. In some of them, the first commandment is, I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. How's that for a commandment? Like, okay, I'll do that.

All right. I got that one. I got that one down. I'm totally doing that one. It's hard to violate that commandment in any way. It's like one of those fortune cookies that's not a fortune. You know, it's just like happiness isn't free. And you're just like fucking

what do i yeah so what's happening tomorrow i mean do i bet on the horses i don't know what to do in my life until you tell me what you know that's nothing so in order to break that commandment you actually have to enslave the houses of israel or something like you have to like change the past yeah you gotta like i don't know what you have to do you You have to get in God's head and convince him that that's not true. So I'm pretty good at that one. It should be like the nine commandments slash one kind of pointless statement. It should be that. And like number two slash maybe one slash three,

like I said, depending on who, what, you know, what version you're going with. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image. How, isn't, isn't that all you do in school all day? It's just like make little images of stuff and kind of, you know, like that rule, by the way, when you read it in the Bible, it sounds a little restrictive. You just can't make any images of anything. Like it, it, it really does sound like that when you read it in the Bible, it sounds a little restrictive. You just can't make any images of anything. Like it really does sound like that when you read it. It's been a while since I was at that point in my reading. But I remember at the time thinking like,

aren't we violating this constantly? You can't even make a picture of something. It's weird. You can't play Pictionary at all. You play Pictionary. In some churches, that's actually the first commandment. It just says like, thou shalt not play Pictionary slash I am the Lord your God. They just snuck it into one statement.

Did you do your PowerPoint presentation? Graven images. So I'm going to have to opt out of that for religious reasons. I'll take my diploma now. Right. Yeah, you can only do, under these commandments, you can only do just text in your PowerPoint. It's just like the boringest.

Like it's totally, you might as well use an overhead projector. Like there's no, like the whole. You can't even have the words like fly in from the outside. You can't even do like a special dissolve or anything. Someone started to add an animation. They just lit on fire. It was like just completely anti aren't the first three commandments like any like something like there's no god other than me

most of the time yeah pretty much that's most of the time um yeah no they're exactly it's like uh like i said so it's it's uh you shall have no other gods before me. So, okay. You shall not make any graven images. And then you shall not take the name of the Lord in vain. Slash mess up the commandments when you're reading them on a podcast. You should not do that. Oh, remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy? No one does that. And that's going to be a commandment hanging in your school?

Like, how nuts is that? How are you even going to be a commandment hanging in your school like how how nuts is that how are you even going to read it on the sabbath day you're not even in school on the sabbath day you got to remember that is that what they do like every friday they're like guys commandment four you know come on everyone don't have to be here tomorrow i i love that the first three commandments too are all about God being kind of a jealous prick. Yeah, exactly. And then he throws one in there for you not to covet. It's like, I can be a jealous-ass motherfucker.

You bring any other gods into this fucking house without talking to me. But, you know, your neighbor's wife? I know she's hot. Eyes away. Eyes away. Eyes away, motherfucker. I love all these. How about all these, like, third graders who third graders who shall not covet their neighbor's wife?

Do you mean the kid sitting next to me? Because he's not married. Can I cut you? And you can covet until they get married. So you can covet the fuck out that girl while she's engaged. No problem. Yeah. No sweat. It's just right there at the ceremony. that girl like while she's engaged. No problem. Yeah. No sweat.

It's just right there at the ceremony. Like then you got to stop coveting like cease and desist all coveting. Yeah. I wonder if they have a big problem with number six or slash five. I don't even know. I can't find what the normal version is, but I just had the Wikipedia. If you go to it has this cool chart of like all the different versions. But anyway, it's number five slash six or something.

Yeah. Shall not commit adultery. I wonder like how many like, you know, second graders are like, oh, fuck, man. I totally committed adultery this weekend. Teacher's going to be pissed. Come in like do confession or something. Yeah. Like you have to stand up in front of the class and tell them which commandments you broke over.

I murdered some kid over the weekend. I murdered some kid over the weekend. That's what their version of Chantel is at that school. You have to write an essay or like your little theme on what you broke this week, sort of. The essay has to be under a thousand words because, you know, a picture's worth a thousand words

and then it would be a graven image. And then you're fucked again. You're just, you're totally screwed. It's like a thousand and one words, like, mm-mm, motherfucker, graven image. The you're fucked again you're just you're totally screwed it's like a thousand and one words like motherfucker graven image the adultery thing wouldn't you think that would inevitably lead to questions of like yeah like you're not giving them sex ed right like because you're in oklahoma and you're a fucking backward ass hillbilly abstinence only shit education so you got like don't commit adultery what's adultery i can't tell you no i bet you they i bet you they totally use that for other stuff they're like i i mean you can't you know use your ruler

there to make that noise you're making during class you little shit that's adultery yeah that's asking the teacher stupid questions is adultery you're going to hell you're adulterating our fucking classroom you little shit i assume everything just ends with you little shit if you're a teacher. Or at least in your head, right? Yeah. I mean, maybe they don't say that, but that's what I would be thinking. They definitely mean it. They definitely mean it.

Now, on your podcast right now, you're in Second Kings right now. Oh, thank you for telling me. And so Second Kings is really crazy, though. So I wonder if they might introduce some things from second kings also in in the school since they're you know they're trying to stick other things you know they're sticking the commandments on the wall maybe they're going to do some things from second kings now there was some bears that ate some kids up maybe they'll change the disciplinary measures of the school maybe the superintendent will hire yeah you better watch out for bald

teachers any bald teacher gets made fun of. They get eaten by bears. That's totally in. Is that second Kings? I thought that was the last chapter, but either way it's in one of the Kings. We'll just call it Kings. It's in one of the Kings. Yeah.

Yeah. But also Kings is just the boring as shit. Like it's more boring than school. Like that's if they had second Kings in the classroom it'd be like oh i every kid would be like i had a slight chance of fucking staying awake but now i got not there's no way they're all dropping out at age seven yeah i couldn't read uh you know the same sentence that's at the end of every single like verse now in second kings is and wasn't the as for what else this guy did wasn't it written in chronicles and like it says that the end of every paragraph it's like i don't know was it like why

are you mad they're like mad at me for reading their book they're like what like the way they read they word it it's like why are you asking more about this king. Like, it was, guy, I wrote it in this other, you know, chapter. Like, come on. It's weird. Now, here's another second king's thing that you just recently put over because it's 2 Kings 629. And I'm going to read it directly here. It says, so we boiled my son and did not eat him and said unto her on the next day, give thy son that we may eat him. And she hath hid her son. I wonder if this

is like the new school lunch program they're talking about. Oh man, did you, you caught that episode? That was the weirdest thing. And it, what, it's the only thing that, that I have going for me with this Bible is that it's this, this book is, oh my God, it's bad. The last two, they're just so repetitive. Nothing happens. Nothing happens. And then they tell me I should be reading Chronicles. Like, I don't know. But then occasionally there's these weird, like the bear.

Yeah, the bear. And then that woman who boiled her son. Like, they just stick these things at the end, I think, to just check if you're awake. Yeah. Because it totally, I don't know if you want me to tell that little story. But, yeah, this woman, there's a problem with famine in the land. yeah because it totally i don't know if you want me to tell that little story but yeah this this woman there there's a problem with famine in the land and this it's rare that i actually remember something from the bible by the way you should feel lucky that i remember what

story you're talking about no i'm just kidding um it's recent enough at this point that it hasn't he's actually he actually got that from my live broadcast i'm i'm concurrently doing with your show like i'm doing i'm currently saying that in my podcast that's my live broadcast i'm i'm concurrently doing with your show like i'm doing i'm currently saying that in my podcast that's the only reason i remember no there's this this woman who comes to the king and there's famine right and she goes i i i got it you got to fix this problem for me tell me what you know i should do so me and this other woman we're starving right and this woman's like so hey i you know how we're starving. I'm starving. You're starving. We're all starving. Hey, let's boil your kid and we'll eat him.

And then tomorrow we'll boil my kid. Like, obviously, you know, we got to boil one today, one tomorrow. But yours is first. But yours is first. You go first. It's 50-50. Like, one way or the other, let's go with yours. We flipped a kid to see which way it would go.

Yeah. Whichever one lands on its head, we might as well boil it anyway because it's already dead. Yeah. And so they eat the kid. And I love how matter-of-factly she is about that. She's like, so we boiled my kid. So we did that. So that happened.

And then she's like, but then the next day, we try to go up to the woman. I'm like, hey, hey, hey. Want to boil your kid? That was a delicious kid yesterday. And she says no. Come on. Like, what do you know? I just had a kid yesterday. I cannot.

What do you think? I'm so full from your baby. You're like cleaning your teeth with like one of their little finger bones, like picking the meat. I just cannot eat any more kid, you know. i just cannot eat any more baby you know i can't eat any more baby but just the idea that that story could even exist seriously as though it was a real like it isn't that just mind-numbing like that that that a person could be that that's a that's the people that made up the society at this time who supposedly worship this guy you know like thomas you're taking it

too literally you have to look into that and see that this is a life lesson and you have to recognize that the bible is a series of life lessons or metaphors i can't believe you don't get this they're metaphors about baby eating right yeah that's not right that can't be what fucking lesson would you i always love that argument it that's not right. That can't be. What fucking lesson would you, I always love that argument. It's like, ah, you know, you can't take it literally. Oh, okay, well, what's it about then? Exactly. Oh, it's a metaphor.

For what? Like, what? No, I just said it was a metaphor to dismiss it. Oh, okay, I see. Well, maybe you can, I actually was going to bring that up because they got the Ten Commandments, right? I can't get this straight because maybe there are people in our country who are super into the old Testament, but I think for the most part, Christians, uh, you know, liberal Christians and, and even most, just most Christians in our country

don't really listen to the old Testament. They certainly don't do anything that it says. They might try to pull out the, uh, you know, God hates fags verse. Like, they might pull that out, but they're not doing all the other stuff that's frequently quoted, like the shellfish and the, you know, haircuts. Like, nobody does any of that. So, yet the Ten Commandments are in the Old Testament. So, like, I don't get it. Is it, do we, are you counting the Old Testament or not? Because if the Old Testament counts, let me tell you, it's game on. We got a lot of things we can make fun of if the Old Testament counts. But whenever you try to make fun of something from the Old Testament, they're like, oh, come on, man. It's all about Jesus.

You know, it's got nothing to do with the Bible. You're reading the Old Testament. Don't do that. So which is it? You know, what I think they should post in the school is Ezekiel 23, verses 19 through 20. Yeah. Because I think this would be a great lesson, like in every classroom. It has to be in every classroom in order for this to really be effective, you know? Yet she increased her prostitution, remembering the days of her youth when she engaged in prostitution in the land of Egypt. She lusted after their genitals as large as those of donkeys,

and their seminal emissions were as strong as those of stallions. Teacher, what's adultery? Yeah, the kid's like, I'm clear with the whole seminal emission thing, but what's adultery? Oh, man. Yeah, that's a good one. I just think it would clear up a lot of confusion in the classroom. Yeah, like when you're working on geometry

or whatever. Yeah, no, I see it. I'm with you. You're like... Although it would set up unrealistic expectations for the ladies. Yeah. Not quite as large of a donkey. All these teenage boys would be like, man, my seminal emissions are definitely not that big.

Is she going to be lying? Like an inferiority complex to donkeys then yeah they go find donkeys like we gotta check just how like big this is you know i don't want to see what i'm up against but it could really clear things up when you're like so which part of speech is the you know that modifies nouns point to that point to that you know point to that quote donkeys seminal emissions oh okay i got it thanks that quote you know that one thatinal missions. Oh, okay, I got it. Thanks. That quote, that verse always helps.

Always helps clear up the lesson, whatever it is. So, Thomas, you're continuing on. You've been striding through the Bible at an epic pace here. So when do you think you're going to be done? God, I don't know. I don't know, man. It's so long. It's so long.'t really nailed your timeline i i it's probably gonna be like three years at least oh my god at this pace unless somehow i you know

come into some inheritance and can do it more but i gotta work i got other podcasts you know i got i got life ambitions that are more than just reading the fucking Bible, which is more than I could say for a lot of people. Oh, it's true. It's true. So if people were going to find your podcast, where would they do it? I think the best place right now is to go to the Facebook, facebook.com slash T and the B. And I also have another show that I've been working on

that I'm really liking called Two for Flinching. You can find that on iTunes or facebook.com slash 24 flinching. Oh, one final thing. One final plug. If you don't mind, um, I'm Twittering now I'm tweeting and I, I started doing it through the, uh, two for flinching Twitter. So it's at WW 24 flinching, but I then quickly realized that I just have a lot of stuff I want to tweet all the time, like jokes and stuff. But I then quickly realized that I just have a lot of stuff I want to tweet all the time, like jokes and stuff. So I'm just tweeting. Like, I'm just tweeting jokes,

and I would love some more followers to enjoy my tasty jokes. They're delicious. We'll make sure to put your Twitter and links to your podcast on this episode of Cognitive Dissonance, episode 100. That's why you guys are pros. That's why you guys are pros. That's why you're the best. Thanks for joining us, Thomas. We appreciate it.

No problem. Thanks for being on, man. I lost my boyfriend tragically a few years ago. They never found him. And I've had such a hard time since. Every day. The reason why you didn't find him is because he's in water. And to find him in water, it's like the girl that's missing in Aruba.

You can't find somebody... Well, it was September 11th. There was no... He was a fireman, but... Is there any way he could have drowned in water some way they never found a piece of him nothing from 9-11 because he says he couldn't breathe and he was filled with water good fucking christ tom this podcast has been and will continue to be a great deal of work for me. You know, Cecil, I recognize that. And I got to tell you, I feel similar.

Like, I feel your pain. I've put in at least, it's got to be up to four, maybe five minutes worth of work this month. Yeah, the time that you've put in is walking to your computer. Like, that's the amount. No, I hear what you're saying. I do. Look, but I'm telling you, I'm going to have to scale back. You scale back?

Yeah, yeah. You know what you're going to need. You're probably going to need some vacation time too, right? Yeah, this has just become way too much of a commitment for me, Cecil. I don't know that it could be any smaller of a commitment. It's like a quantum of a commitment right now. Yeah, I'm sorry, Cecil. Were you saying something?

Look, let's just get our desks on. I'm fucking exhausted. Yeah, we don't want you to do any more work. You've got to have something else to bounce off of. I am done. Yeah, you're going to take a nap while we're talking? Just wake me for the accolades.

Alright, fair enough. So we've got Andy and Mike Marshall on from... Well, you know, it's actually hard to introduce you guys because you guys do too much shit. I was thinking about this earlier. How do you pass it off? How do you hand off to people and say, oh, you know,

for us it's easy. It's like, oh, I got tom who only does one fucking thing with his life oh that's great we can remember that well i've got andy and mike marshall from the mercyside skeptics from skeptics with a k from incredulous and then from that point on i'm just going to give it to you guys all the other shit that you guys do well that's important stuff. The rest of it's all pretty boring. Yeah, we do a conference. Yeah, we fight homeopathy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boring. Yeah, just a little thing called QED,

you know, minor. Yeah. Insubstantial. Yeah, and Andy plays the saxophone, so, you know, Andy's got a lot going on, too. Yeah, that's right. Would you like to hear a little? No.

No, aggressively no yeah is there fuck you then fuck you from across the water no one has ever answered yes that question and yet no one's ever got out of the conversation without hearing a little saxophone i had to i had to force my audience at qed to listen to it this year i love the idea of the saxophone she's like i just happen to have it with me. Fucking three feet long and made of brass. I leave them out in my office for decorative reasons. It's certainly not for fucking musical reasons, Andy.

I've heard you play it. People come in and they say, oh, you play the saxophone. That's really cool. I go, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you play me something? No, no, no. Absolutely not. I don't actually know anything. Well, thank you guys for being on.

How are you guys doing? How are you doing? 100 episodes. Fuck me. Well, come on over then. You know that now that you've reached the three figures, you guys only have to... You get to do one second less of actual content in your show because you'll be spending the extra time saying the extra digit worth of numbers at the start. So the longer you go on, the better it gets for you.

I mean, by the time you get into the thousands, you're only doing half a show. It just gets better and better. People just tune in to hear you say a number. Lazy bastards. We're at 100. I've already run out of things to say. Are you fucking kidding me? That's why we have to have you bastards on.

Right. No kidding. So did you save, have you saved us? Are we the best guests? Oh, absolutely. I mean, how could you think otherwise? I'm offended you would even ask the question. I'm surprised you got me, Pat Chopper, on the show, to be honest, ahead of us.

That was a real surprise. I just did not see that coming. And I thought Dwayne Gish was dead. It's remarkable. Well, guys, I sent you guys a story. Rather, Cecil did. I did nothing, as is my want. We sent you guys a story.

We, the papal we. From doubtfulnews.com. And this relates to the missing teens, Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus and Michael Knight, who were found recently in Ohio. Surely that's Michelle. What's that? Wouldn't that be Michelle Knight? Oh, Michelle Knight. Fuck, I can't read stuff.

Michael Knight was David Hasselhoff from Knight Rider. That was from Knight Rider. Guys, this is how we pronounce it in the States. It's Knight. This is how you pronounce. Did these three girls escape in a talking car? Is that how that works? A talking car. They used the turbo boost to jump out the door, back into the back of a semi.

Yeah, they were saved. Michael, I really think we should get out of this house, Michael. I really think we should get. Don't get in the car, Michael. We already have a fucking car, Michael. A talking car, Michael. I really think we should get... Don't get in the car, Michael. We already have a fucking car, Michael. A talking car, Michael. Oh, man. That's just fucking

awful. I'm surprised the neighbors didn't see these girls in the basement the whole time with that red light going across and back. For a time. Man, that Castro guy's having another rave down there. Look at the blinking lights.

Fuck his popular shit. That guy just goes all night. I mean, there is no stopping that guy. These girls, you know, Amanda Berry's mother consulted the renowned psychic Sylvia Brown on the Montel Williams show. The renowned psychic Sylvia Brown on the Montel Williams show. Because when you're really in need of help, that's who you go to is a psychic on the Montel fucking Williams show. Although I don't criticize the mom with any real alacrity. I mean, it's not she's fucking desperate. It's not her fault.

And Sylvia Brown basically told the mother, I mean, that her daughter was dead. Turns out she was mistaken. I mean, she's, you know, you can't criticize the mom because she's desperate, but clearly the case wasn't big enough for her to get on Oprah. Nice. Well, the other problem, I mean, Tom Cruise takes up all the couch space jumping up and down shouting out so yeah it's it's it's difficult you know like when when you're so desperate you're turning to like a third rate like talk show at like the high end of of the spectrum on uhf

i guess where i first found like montel williams you guys remember like when your tv still clicked with a knob, and you had to switch it over from VHF to UHF? And that's how you find Montel Williams, and that's how he gets... And then his guest is Sylvia Brown, and then you're like, hmm, I wonder what she has to say. Yeah, it's not where I'd advise people going. The kid's dead, honey. The kid's dead.

Holy cow, we have Sylvia on the line. That's amazing. Hey, guys. I thought it was the least I could do with all the recent publicity. Your voice is clearing up nicely, Sylvia. That's great. You must have stopped smoking. You're welcome.

Well, I kind of stopped. I have it in my neck now. You know, I have one of those tracheotomy. She sounds like she has one of those electronic voice boxes that she touches to her neck. She also sounds like she's forgetting exactly where in America she's from. I'm just kind of going for the general area of America. Hey, Michael, honey, your career's dead. of Amanda. Hey, Michael, honey, your career's dead.

I actually think Sylvia Brown's come out of this story. I think the criticism she's been getting is a bit harsh. I think she's actually quite misunderstood because she said that Amanda Berry was dead and it turns out she wasn't dead. And everyone is assuming that when Sylvia Brown said she's dead she means that she was deceased she's no longer alive but what people don't realize that Sylvia Brown actually talks in a very highly complicated system of shorthand abbreviations and when she says dead she

actually meant definitely either abducted or disappeared really unhelpful initialism that she's chosen. She needs a better acronym. It's similar when she says, you know, the kid is... Someone's kidnapped. And then it turns out that the kid died the night that they were kidnapped. When she says kidnapped, she's saying,

kid is dead, not anywhere, probably perished early December. It's a very specific... There was a case in 1999. She told Audrey Sandiford, her six-year-old granddaughter, Opal Jo Jennings, had been taken from Texas to Japan and sold into slavery. And it actually turned out that Opal had died the night of her abduction. Now, when Sylvia said sold into slavery, trust me on this,

she was actually speaking in shorthand. And what she was saying was someone's little daughter is not thriving or surviving like another very early retirement you see that one's a little bit of a stretch the other two were good that one's stretching just a little just a little wow well that that has demonstrated more preparation and dedication to the show that you're a guest on than I have done in 100 episodes. Amazing. Amazing. Well, she did exactly the same thing with Holly Crewson.

She did exactly the same thing. She's dead, honey. Why do you take advice from someone who sounds like Beetlejuice? You know what I mean? Well, the way you get advice out of Sylvia Brown is that you have to say her name three times. Sylvia Brown, Sylvia Brown, Sylvia... And she appears in front of you,

and she's got a tiny shrunken head. Well, actually, it was the other way around with Holly Crewson, so what we've got to say is instead of, the kid's dead, the kid's still alive. I'm not sure which sounds more creepy. But she told, she was good enough to tell her mother that her child was alive and a dancer in an adult entertainment nightclub in Las Vegas.

Oh, no. I don't have an acronym for that. Oh, my God. Give me a couple of days, I'll come back to you. But as Marge says, she'd been killed pretty much as she was abducted. She has got a train wreck, a wake behind her of bullshit claims. A fucking wake of them. You know, the thing I wonder is, is why is she doing this in particular?

Because we'd like, I don't know if you guys know who the Long Island Medium is, but she's really popular on television over here. And she's this, she don't know if you guys know who the Long Island Medium is, but she's really popular on television over here, and she's this, she's this, do you guys know who this is? Have you ever heard of her? I've heard the name. I've heard of her. There's a channel called TLC, it's a cable channel here, and this woman goes around and basically

they show her giving readings, and of course it's edited, so you, and it's all cold reading technique. She'll walk up to people that are like 70 and be like, has your mother passed? And you're like, yeah, no fucking kidding, lady. You know, like, there's no way this woman is still alive. Yeah, I think I've heard of TLC. Don't they run, like, a lot of the very sort of – so they run, like, the Big Bang Theory, and they run Friends.

But they don't run the one that Zach Braff was in because TLC, they don't want no scrubs. I was wondering where he was going to go with that. I was like, no, that's a different. No, you're right. Absolutely. They don't want any scrubs at all. No scrubs. So anyway, the deal is, is that she goes around, she does all this stuff, but she never puts herself out there like Sylvia does. Like Sylvia, I think this is what Sylvia did was go on these talk shows

and talk to people who disappeared and give them definitive answers on something that is actually testable. You know what I mean? Like this is a testable claim. The other people are just like, oh, your mom, she's giving you a hug right now. She's got her arms around you

and she's giving you a kiss on the cheek and she says, don't worry, you'll see me in heaven. And that's like the innocuous sort of like bullshit that people need to hear to sort of get over grief, which I still think is harmful because I think they're emotional vampires. But I don't think that it's as harmful as saying, yeah, you lost your kid last week at the fucking mall. Yeah, he's getting gang raped by six kids right now. You know what I mean? It's like there's a definite harm there that Sylvia put in that other people have not yeah and the tragedy of the the whole Amanda Barry thing is that after her mum had heard from Sylvia

that she was dead I know that she said she was like 98 percent she believed that Sylvia Brown was accurate to a rate of 98 percent so I'm 98% certain that she's correct, that my daughter's dead. And her mum died before her daughter was ever uncovered, ever found. And that is fucking heartbreaking. What's the harm with psychics? You've got to wonder too, like, why does she keep getting appearances? She's clearly got, I mean, 98%, are you fucking kidding me? She's wrong so much.

She is so wrong so frequently and she still gets i mean it just proves that all you have to do is just be a psychic in the sense that you just say i am a psychic and somebody will shit a paycheck at you what what possible impetus to have her on the show like you're sitting around you're like brainstorming at montel williams central like the fucking boardroom he's got a very complicated headquarters he's got runners he's got writers they're all sat around whiteboards lattes it's actually inside a volcano yeah like the whole thing it's inside yeah it's i think all these things are inside of volcanoes actually well you got to do something with all those volcanoes yeah i mean What else are they going to do?

They're going to waste without it. Yeah. Well, the real estate is just, I mean, it's taken off. The volcano real estate industry has just exploded recently. Nice, nice. I think he was just screwed by a particularly ballsy estate agent. He was like, yes, very roomy, original features, central heating comes as standard, you know, the heat and building.

Yeah, yeah. We'll just put a window unit over here. It'll be fine. We'll cool it right down. No problem. But he always wondered why whenever he went to view the house before he bought it in the volcano, they only let him stay for like six-tenths of a second before he...

So that's the view. We can come back another time if you're not quite sure of it just yet. You're not quite dead just yet. So just on the testable nature of Sylvie Brown's claims, you're right, she does put herself out there, and there was a piece of research done where 115 of her claims, testable claims, about missing people were audited. And in 25 of these, she was found to be completely wrong. And in none of the others had she offered anything that would be useful

in identifying remains or perpetrators. So she's 100% useless, even if she's not 100% wrong That's not a great strike rate. It's an awful strike rate. You'd want to be upwards of 0%, really. You'd want that to be a non-zero value. Aim high, just 1%. As minimum thresholds go, 0 is definitely... You just have to clear that bar. It's like saying, we're going to have a race.

It starts at the couch. It finishes at the couch. And you don't have to get up. Go. And you still fucking lost. Like, you still are like, mm, default. I'm just going to forfeit. Hey, guys, she has a hypnosis training center.

Did you know that? What? Okay, hold on, hold on. Before you continue, can you think of a less soothing voice than Sylvia Brown to try for you in hypnosis? You're feeling very sleepy. Okay, honey.

You're feeling very, very sleepy. You're feeling sleepy. It's like getting hypnotized by Oscar the Grouch. Just relax. Just relax. Just relax. Why don't you seem very relaxed? Watch the swaying of the pendulum, honey. She says it all the time.

She's got those big, starry eyes. Oh, gosh. Oh, dear. She's got a fucking hypnosis training center. It's on her website, but that's? Yeah, it's on her website. But that's not the most interesting thing on her appalling website at the moment. She has a section which is devoted to videos. So you click on that section, and obviously there's a first result that comes up in the window,

and then you've got multiple videos below it. So that first result was only posted a couple of days ago, So that first result was only posted a couple of days ago, and it is a summary from her open inverted commas, correct close inverted commas predictions from the Montel Williams show. Another video, which is the second result, was posted only a few days ago also, and in a similar vein is a supposed verification of a reading that she did on the Montel Williams show. Every other video, and there are 28 in total,

is like a talking heads piece that's got, it's nothing like these two videos. And the last one was posted last year. So she has cynically, in the last couple of days, posted two videos which appear to show her in a good light as far as predictions are concerned. How fucking cynical is that? Well, it's because of the backlash that happened. I had heard that on Facebook

and other places she had been attacked ruthlessly by the online community because of this in particular. Well, she deserved it. Oh, yeah. Fucking deserved it. You guys can't say it, but I will. She's a fucking fraud. I mean, you know what I mean? And she's getting called out as a fraud. So, you know,

by a ton of people on the online community and that this is just her pushback to try to say, well, one time I was right or something. Yeah, absolutely. But the timing is so cynical. I mean, it's just an attempt to say, like, I don't want my stock, my personal stock and my paychecks to go down. So I've got to do something to try to reconvince the world that maybe I was wrong on this one. And I actually saw her comment on Facebook. She's like, hey, nobody can be right 100% of the time.

You're talking to the dead for fuck's sake. You've got magic powers. You fucking magic powers. Why isn't that right 100% of the time? Are you fucking kidding me? I want my magic power right a hundred percent of the time are you fucking kidding me i want my magic power refund at the time one percent of the time she's got a zero percent yeah it can't be right more than not percent of the time yeah can you imagine if that worked in

science like if you were just like hey how'd the litmus test work out you know what's fucking wrong this time i don't fucking know i don't get it well you can't be you know it doesn't work 100 of the time it doesn't work any percent of the time i was trying to imagine a meeting with my boss i work in sales and i'm expected to make predictions all the time and say what deals will come in when they'll come in and how big they'll be so if there's any doubt about those results i have to reveal it and discuss it and if there's any risks i'm expected to have anticipated them and mitigated them and most of the deals have to come in. So I was trying to visualise a situation

where I'd achieved the same level of accuracy as Brown and I'd used the same excuses with my boss so it would go something like Look boss, I'm sorry honey, honey, I missed every single prediction, the business is dead I'm sorry that I missed

all the deals and I hadn't told you that would fall until now. But, you know, only God is right all the time. The best part is your boss is totally soothed by that voice. So he's like, no problem. She's the worst fucking medium, cynical clairvoyant ever. Anyway, listen, she's... She's a terrible human being. Now, listen, I am host of Incredulous, the fantastic

satirical panel show where I ask my guests questions and I've brought a couple of questions from her website. So, a little gift for your 100th episode. Now, if you are sensible enough to subscribe to her inner circle, I don't know which part of the anatomy that is.

They're all kind of circles, though. I mean, like, it's sort of a series of concentric circles. Like a lamprey mouth. But it's only $5.95. I encourage everybody to ignore that. But for your delectation, if you pay that $5.95 a month, you get to submit questions which she may or may not answer on the website. Ooh, what a treat.

So I've got some of the – no peeking at the website. I've got some of the questions and answers, and I'm going to read a couple of answers, and I want you to tell me what the writer wrote in Anasta. Okay? All right. So here's the first one. So you'll know it's Sylvia talking for the obvious reason.

Your husband leaves coins and sends birds. These are signs that he is around you. He also comes to you around 3 a.m. So what could the question possibly have been someone who leaves coins and birds uh sends birds yeah you can get birds out of them at 3am is it is it was the question asked by colonel sanders wife i think that's i that's what i'd go with absolutely i hope the question asked, what is the secret blend of herbs and spices?

Well, that's incorrect. I lost my husband last May. I've had a tough time with it. I used to feel him around me all the time. Hey-o. Okay. Especially around 3am. I've just got one more.

Okay, now get this. So this is the answer. You've got to guess the question. In a past life, your son was in the Civil War on the northern side. He was stuck by a sabre and wounded. While he's asleep at night, go into his room and talk to him and tell him to release this and tell him the experience has nothing to do with now.

tell him to release this and tell him the experience has nothing to do with now so what could becky t of michigan have asked my my son is is a is a rabid civil war reenactor and i'd like him to stop i'm concerned about my son's nocturnal emissions what can i do i presume becky t uh must be the mother of Mr T so I presume the question she asked is why can't I get my son to show pity and why is he not getting on any planes fool?

Why is he scared of getting on a plane fool? Oh brilliant Well actually this lady wanted to know, I think my nine-year-old son is burdened by cell memories from past lives that impact his behaviour negatively. What? Yes.

I'm unsure to investigate this to see if I can help him in any way. He has a tremendously huge heart. But there's a sabre in the middle of it. Is that a sickness, like an enlarged heart? Part of his chest is like bolting out. You gotta run a saber through that thing. You gotta lance the heart, sweetie. It's the only way he'll feel at home.

He'll be happy in his next life. Oh, those sorts of shit like that. When you do that, you sound like Zool from Ghostbusters. Oh, thank's all sorts of shit like that. When you do that, you sound like Zool from Ghostbusters. Oh, thank you very much. Oh, that's awesome. So you just gave the listeners a taste of your show. Could you tell listeners a little bit about your show and where they could find it, Andy? Well, if you go onto the, there's a thing called the internet.

Okay. If you type in Incredulous with a K, you'll find our show Incredulous, which is a satirical panel show where we encourage our guests to swear and be rude to people. We've been on it several times as a result of that minimum requirement. Now, Michael, I know that you do a blog. You also do two podcasts. Where could the listeners find you? The best place to go would be just to the Merseyside Skeptic Society's website. That's merseysideskeptics.org.uk.

And you can find links there to Skeptics with a K, one of the podcasts, and Be Reasonable, our other slightly more mature and grown-up podcast that we do. And you'll find all our stuff from there, really. And if you want to know more about QED, go to qedcon.org. Thanks, guys, for coming on the show. It was awesome. It's a pleasure.

Congratulations on 100 episodes, guys. Well done. So we got a bunch of other email that we want to talk about. The first thing I want to talk about, Tom, is the sexual impulses thing we were talking about last week with Jake. Dumbass sent a message in, and I'm going to read it. It says, not sure if it would destroy society, but I figure if everybody really did give in to every fleeting sexual impulse, there would be a lot of people just running up and publicly groping random people they found attractive. This sounds like a bad thing, but I figure if all humanity suddenly lost its sexual impulse control, people would just get used to it and move on with their lives as best they could.

I love the idea of just being like the groping nuisance. It's almost like a fly. You're just walking down and you're like, oh, God. God damn it. I'm getting groped again. Hold on a minute. I'm getting groped nuisance. It's almost like a fly. You're just walking and you're like, oh, God. God damn it. I'm getting groped again. Hold on a minute. I'm getting groped. Hang on.

He's almost done. He'll finish. He's groped me before. It doesn't take long. You grab the water bottle and start spraying the person to get them away from you. Like trading a cat or a puppy. Shake the can of coins. Yeah.

You've got upside down mouse traps on your back just to startle them when they come up and – fuck, what was that? You know, I have to say that I understand where you're going with this, dumbass. I do. But I would also – I would disagree. And I would disagree because I think for most people, seeing somebody attractive doesn't yield a sexual impulse, right? I think that you can see somebody and be sexually attracted to them. But in order for there to be a sexual impulse, a real genuine sexual impulse, for most of us, there's consent and reciprocity that's also desired, right? So if I see a very attractive woman, and i might think to myself some awful terrible things

about no it's i might i might think to myself like that's a woman i'd like to get to know better that's a woman i would like to destroy society with i could take down babylon with that one fire up your fiddle neroero, because we're going to trash this bitch. I mean, seriously, though, you see somebody, but the idea of touching somebody who doesn't want to be touched immediately is, you know, it takes the sexual desire, you know, knob and cranks that thing down to zero, which is, I think, the reason people don't actually touch. I think people, you know, refrain from touching attractive people because they're

worried about the social or legal implications. I think most people refrain from just randomly groping those that they're initially attracted to because, you know, they just, they want to be desired back. They want to touch people that consent to their touch and would like to be touched by them. So I think that you actually don't have sexual impulses that yield any fruit without consent and reciprocity. Yeah, I think you can – I mean I think sexual fantasies I think have to have that sort of feeling in it. I'm not only going to engage in sex, but they're going to want to engage in sex with me. I totally agree with you. It just would feel icky.

My brain would stop halfway through and be like, what are you doing? That's weird. Stop that. It just feels odd. So I totally agree with you, Tom. I think that there's a lot of people out there that would feel weird in that situation. I don't know that if everybody

had those just sort of had no filter and just acted on their own impulses that there would be the massive groping that dumbass describes. Gropefest 2007. Go. It's like a movie from M. Night Shyamalan.

The groping. That would be a terrible movie. In the end you find out that the trees did it all. The tree and the wind. It was the wind. The wind was groping everyone. It's a wind groper. We got an email from Andy. the day after we posted he says

i'm away and this is andy who was a guest on our show last week but we played at this particular episode he says i'm away on oxford on business and made the mistake of accidentally timing my arrival uh at the grave of jrr tolkien with the voicemail section on episode 100A, on which I do not appear. The confused Japanese Tolkien fans will never understand why I was laughing so hard. That's awesome. And you know, the best part about that, Tom, is that we had nothing to do with how funny that that voicemail portion was. No, I like to think that if there's any success the show has, we have nothing to do with that. I know that personally, if there's any success the show has, I have nothing to do with it. Yeah. If anything, it was stumbled upon by accident by both of us. So yeah, I think that's

great. Also, this is another comment, a very similar vein. Murph left a comment on our blog that says, after hearing all the funny and creative stuff from our listeners, I'm starting to feel like I'm not qualified to even listen anymore. Some of those songs were fucking great. I'm not even qualified to make it. So I understand where you're coming from. I'm not even qualified to be behind the wheel of this podcast. I don't even make it.

I've never been qualified. I don't even think there's a bit of pretense at any point that i have a qualification every listener every listener is vastly more entertaining and qualified and interesting way more interesting i'm just hoping cecil that you don't notice it's like every week it's a brand new person it's just me laughing at their jokes. We got an email from Adam. This is the Adam who wrote all the songs. He wrote the Joy Division Cognitive Dissonance song we played last week, as well as the whole of his glory hymn that he played and conducted and wrote.

And then he left the sheet music on our website. Well, we mentioned that we would think it would be hilarious if a choir sang it, and he was just like, I love your idea. That's the greatest. So he arranged a mail-only version, a mail-only choir version, and he gave us the PDF. So I will post that for this particular episode, which is 100 part two. So if you're looking for it, it'll be in 100 Part 2. I also want to mention from his email, he says that he grew up in a very fundamentalist church and he imitated the hymns he grew up with in that church, which were usually unison anyway and were most notable for abusing the tonic major seventh

as their only particularly interesting bit of harmony. I want to say, Adam, I'm sure most of that were words. I've read some of these words. I've read some of these before. Those bastards abusing the tonic major seventh as the only particularly interesting bit of harmony.

How dare they? We got an email from Matt from Down Under and Tom will let you read it. I think one issue that muddies the water is university education. Over here in Australia, chiropractic is a degree. He has degree in quotes. I like that he put it in quotes. Kids in high school look at

a course list and see it. When I was in high school, I didn't know shit about skepticism and if an adult told me, it must be true. So people leave high school and study chiropractic. We see it on course lists. It legitimizes it by default so people think it works. Imagine doing a degree and then finding out it's crap. It would be almost as bad as an English lit major.

Wah, wah. So cognitive dissonance kicks in. Do you admit the profession you paid to join is based on bullshit? Do you defend it a bit and start practicing what is essentially physiotherapy instead or do you just start profession you paid to join is based on bullshit do you defend it a bit and start practicing what is essentially physiotherapy instead or you just start a whole new career cognitive dissonance predicts you defend your decision use physiotherapy techniques under the banner of chiropractic and i think that's a great point i do too i think it's hard for people to throw away english lit degrees for example just because they were a huge fucking waste of time and money.

Yeah. Don't feel bad because philosophy degrees are too. Friends don't let friends major in the humanities. Yeah. I actually wouldn't take mine back. But I hear what you're saying, Matthew. That's an excellent point. Tom, we got an email and it's just called the hundredth glory hole.

Yeah. This email has a mind puzzle. I'm going to read the mind puzzle for our listeners. If you normally spend about one hour at the glory hole each week. One hour? One hour, Jesus. An hour? Give me seven minutes.

You know what you're doing is you're finishing, and then you're just taking a nap afterwards. If you normally spend about one hour. And then you're just taking a nap like afterwards. Yeah. If you normally spend about an hour. It's hard to sleep standing up, though. What is there, foreplay at the Gloria Hall? I mean, what are you doing? It's a Gloria Hall. I know.

It's like the most, like, I don't know. It's just like complete anonymous blowjobs. An hour? You're not getting to know the other person. What are they, a python? What kind of jaw muscles? You're just like, so, see Star Trek last week? Do you enjoy long walks on the...

Knock twice if you enjoy long walks on the... Knock twice if you enjoy long walks on the beach. An hour. They'd have to be a damn anaconda for the jaw muscles. Good lord. Or a garter snake in some cases. Right. So I'm going to read this mind puzzle. Sure, yeah.

Do you have to have like a backup cocksucker if you're at the hour for like an hour? You're just like, I need to tag out. I need to tag out of this. It's a relay race, but instead of handing off the baton, it's just a day. There's a baton, all right. All right, read it. I won't interrupt again, I swear. If you normally spend about one hour at the glory hole each week, and you've done so for 100 weeks you have won 100 glory

hole visits and this is awesome if after 99 visits to the glory hole you decide to celebrate such a momentous glory hole telly by spending two and three quarter hours at the glory hole you still have 100 glorious visits to the glory hole

and this is still awesome however if halfway through you decide to pull out and finish the job and following week, the following week, this now becomes visit 101. However, visit 100 will show on the records with an asterisk as you did not complete the task at whole.

And in all honesty, if I was God of the world, I would insist that you go back to the glory hole and start all over again. That's not a puzzle. That's him making fun of us for not fucking posting the whole episode last week. You can't trick me, Jason. Oh, Jason did trick me. I've been puzzling over it all week.

You can't trick me. No, yeah. Well, the thing is, is we did finish because we had a Skeptic's Creed on it. That's true. If there's a Skeptic's Creed on it, it's finished. That's our ejaculation. Right. That is our ejaculation of the glory hole.

Yeah. Every time the Skeptic's Creed plays, I feel like getting someone a towel. So Glenn sends an email and says uh congrats on the episode 100 and then says uh second i am writing to report a weird formatting issue affecting your podcast i subscribe and download your podcast via itunes and notice the following problem in the last several weeks each episode after skeptic tree there are several minutes of additional conversation in fact it sounds like an instructional material uh and he says that there was a... He just wanted to make sure

it wasn't a reoccurring issue. I don't know if you're kidding because there's no sarcasm thing on here. You didn't put sarcasm or something. But yeah, that's a thing we're doing. We find we have stuff in the show. If you were kidding, I'm just going to say flat out, ha ha.

So we get that out of the way. If you were kidding, ha ha. If you weren't you were kidding, I'm just going to say flat out. Ha ha. OK, well, so we get that out of the way. If you're kidding. Ah, if you weren't kidding, we actually do put additional content at the end of the show. Lots of times it's stuff that just didn't fit in the show. Like this time with Jake, we were bitching about like iTunes reviews and it just sounds petty and stupid when it's in the show itself. But when you just throw it at the end, people want to listen to it can then it suddenly gets funnier and the same thing happened when tom and i were talking about eggnog one time totally didn't fit in that we're just out of nowhere tom says they should ban eggnog and then he and i'd spend 14 and a half minutes yelling about how bad

eggnog is and it totally didn't. It was the tangent of all tangents. So we just decided it's too funny to leave on the cutting room floor, but it definitely doesn't fit in the show. So we started putting pieces after the skeptics' creed. Now, they're not on every week. Some weeks they're not. Some weeks they are.

It just so happens if we get an outtake that we think is worthwhile, we put it on at the end. So that's what you're hearing. Those are – they are on purpose. It was a conscious decision on our part to make sure that those appear. Cecil is being somewhat generous as well because mostly it's just me veering left all the time and going off on tangents. Last time it was Jake though.

I mean Jake just started – he started and he's like – he started to say something and then it, and then it was just like, both of us, just all of us were just like, well, if you're going to turn the wheel, all of us are going to turn the wheel. We got an email from Cameron. Uh, and this was just a really nice time. And I were just like, this is a great, really nice email. He said, Cecil, I wanted to wish you all the best on your 5k run you are doing and I'm doing it tomorrow. Um, so there might not be a show next week. So I'll be dead, but, uh, no, I've actually done 5k many times already. Cause I've had to, you got to work up to it. And then when you work up to it, you just practice it. So that's what I've been doing for a long time. So I don't think it'll be that difficult. Um, it's actually

supposed to be three and a half miles, not a 3.1 miles, which is what 5k is. So it's a little longer than 5k, but i'm doing it on tomorrow so it should be good but uh it was really nice of him to just say hey good luck so that was nice of him to write it was a really nice thing to do i that you know it's more effort than i will put into supporting you right i understand i understand and i'm not fucking doing 5k i get it we got a comment from camilla and she says i must say say, I'm not sure what I feel about my Norwegian greeting making you all hard. You don't get out much, do you? Camilla, can you just do me a favor and say that really slow and in Norwegian?

Yeah. From now on, I'm going to need all of your comments in voicemail form. And I want you to speak really slowly. King and Cash Bunny sends in a message. It's an atheist movie review. He basically goes through and sends us 15, I want to say. There was 15 in the document. Movies with synopsis attached.

So thank you very much, King and Cash Money. That was an awesome review to do. And we're going to utilize that list when we decide to watch a couple movies couple movies and and use those as uh for other weeks when we're feeling lazy like this week yeah like all the weeks for me so i get two emails uh in the last couple hours here where uh people have told me that uh bangladesh is not in the middle east um i got one there's one on one on the blog where somebody lists a piece and then somebody else left an email that said, hey, Bangladesh is not in the Middle East.

Does it really matter what shape is what country? Because it's not like I'm going to get on a plane and be like, I need to go to Bangladesh and be like, well, what's the directions? Can you give me the longitude and latitude? We're only going to fly you there if you can draw it. Yeah.

No, people weren't being shitty when they corrected us, I don't think. No, no, I'm just teasing. I don't think that it being in the Middle East had anything to do with what we were talking about. I just talk for a long time. And sometimes I say things that, you know, it just slips out. I recognize that Bangladesh is not in the Middle East. And I think I'm pretty sure I knew it before people even sent it to me because I had thought it was – I knew it was attached to India somewhere. I didn't know what part of India it was attached to, but I knew it was attached to there.

I'm not a fucking geography major. You know what I mean? Like that's not a thing I really studied a lot of. And like I can tell you where all the states are on risk, like on the risk. I can tell you where I could point to Siam right now. You know what I mean? Like I know where that is. But thank you, everybody, for for correcting me on that.

It's not in the Middle East. I have no idea where the Middle East starts and stops. Yeah, that's the thing, too, is like, well. Does India and – I mean, is Pakistan part of it? Because Pakistan is on the other side of India. I recognize that it's farther away. It's farther east than middle because it's right under China. We want to thank Edward and Paul for sending in generous donations. We appreciate the donations when people send us money to go to both Tam and for the podcast maintenance fund.

So thank you for your hard earned dollars. We appreciate it. We want to thank all of the guests we had on and I'm going to thank the people from last week. So we want to thank George Rab for coming on. George does his show called geologic. It's a very funny one man show. You should check it out.

If you haven't, it's probably the funniest one man show out there. Jake from imaginary friend show. Jake's show is very much like ours. You can find him at imaginaryfriendsshow.com. And he just talks about news, and he covers a lot of LGBT issues. And he's a genuinely funny guy, and he has funny guests on, so you should check out his show. Irreligiosophy is probably one of the best apologetic shows out there.

Irreligiosophy is probably one of the best apologetic shows out there. I would say it's even better than Atheist Experience, mainly because Atheist Experience has to deal with call-ins, and Irreligiosophy can set their own itinerary when they go through things. So it's great. I think Irreligiosophy has – they're smart, well-researched, and the guy knows his stuff. Chuck knows his stuff for sure. So you should listen to his show if you get a chance. I also want to thank the Merseyside Skeptics. Incredulous is a hilarious show that we have been lucky to be part of for a couple times, and that was great.

Skeptics with a K, as well as Be Reasonable are great shows put out by Merseyside, so you should check those shows out. Thomas from Thomas and the Bible. Thomas is a great guy. He's funny. He also does F This Podcast, and he does a show called two for flinching. He's also on Twitter. So you should check them out there. All those people are wonderful and they spent better parts of half an hour to two an hour, just bullshitting with us last week. And they were really gracious with their time. So we want to thank everybody who was on last week's show.

And we want to thank everybody who contributed to last week's show, all the listeners as well. Yeah, we've gotten such an outpouring of support from guests and from listeners. And it's, it's, you know, what makes this show special is the people that we've had on and the people that listen. And we really do genuinely appreciate it. So thank you to all of you guys. Yeah, next week, Tom is episode 101. So now that we're past, I mean. Yeah, next week, Tom, is episode 101. So now that we're past, I mean, technically, like the glory hole message said earlier, this will be our 100 second trip to the glory hole,

but it'll only be episode 101 because we don't want to cheat the listeners out of a whole episode. Well, I do. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I do, but you won't let me. If it was up to me, this would still be episode 97. 97Z.

Who are we kidding? If this was up to me, it would be episode 0. If this was up to you, you'd still be staring at the WAV file being like, what am I supposed to do with this? This looks hard. What the fuck? Well, next week we won't

have any guests. We're hoping that we're actually going to have a few guests in the future. And we actually got invited to be on another show, which we'll let you know soon how that shakes out. We should be on there in July, though. So we're

looking forward to hopefully having a couple other people on soon, but not right away because that last week really took it out of me. I mean, I visited Glory Hole five times last week, and that's just too much. And it wasn't an hour each time. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a lot of stamina to be one hour at a time. An hour five times.

Are you kidding me? It's outrageous. We're going to leave you as always with the skeptic's creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating

pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead

pan sales pitch late night info docutainment Leo Pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage

death in towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls Bigfoot, yeti, aliens Churches, mosques and synagogues Temples, dragons, giant worms Atlantis, dolphins, truthers Birthers, witches, wizards

Vaccine nuts Shaman healers, evangelists Conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata Nonsense Expose your sides Thrust your hands conspiracy, double-speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives,

employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Thank you.