Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 101: Dolphins and Birthers

Episode Date: June 3, 2013

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Hey guys, it's Daniel here in Arkansas. I wanted to quickly share my favorite Bible verse, my new favorite Bible verse I discovered this week. It comes from Ezekiel 23, verses 19 through 20,

and it's a new international version, so that's why it may be a little wonky. But it says, Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys,

whose ignition was like that of horses. That's amazing. Glory Hole, guys. Keep it up. Again, happy centennial. Hey, guys. What's going on? I just realized I called you in Ezekiel verse the same day that you released

gesticulation part two, and I just about died and ate a little kale on the side of the road laughing that you guys put that verse about semen ejaculations the size of stallions or whatever it was. Anyway, keep doing what you're doing. Love it. Love that you included the verse. Bye. Hey, people in town. This is Miranda from South Louisiana. I was listening to your 100th episode, Part B, I thought it was hilarious about the thing where everybody has the Ten Commandments

in every classroom, and where was it, like, Arkansas? Well, being in South Louisiana, obviously, there's a lot of religion here, and it kind of sucks, but we actually have a Ten Commandments, well, not we, they have a Ten Commandments set up at a gas station. From

now on, obviously, I refuse to get my gas there, so whatever. But I just think it's great how much shit you guys talk about the South, because it's all true. Like, I grew up in Canada, and through a long story and many different crazy circumstances, ended up in South Louisiana. And I totally agree with all of your sentiments about the South. So hopefully one day I'll make it back up to the North, and then I'll be happy and free of the religious persecution, I guess, so people don't tell me I'm of the devil anymore, which has actually happened which is awesome so just letting you know that

somebody in the south actually agrees with you and thinks that this place is horrible okay talk to you later bye alright guys it's Clay Thomas again I was just planning my trip to the doctor to have my jaw broken so that I can

take my cock and balls through my glory hole. I was just thinking of a great name for a female glory hole. It could be a frap gap. Cheers. Bye. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news,

makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this is episode 101, which means if you're particularly bright, you can test out of it. All the listeners

have skipped up to 201 now. No, they're not even going to listen to any of the 100-level courses. They're like, fuck, I should have taken AP in 096. Fuck. God. I'm stuck at 101, bastards. And as I'm sure you guys have noticed, we are using voicemails. We're going to use voicemails to start the show.

We're going to intersperse some voicemails throughout the course of the show instead of lumping them all together at the end as we see fit. And by we, I really mean Cecil. Because Cecil will see fit. I will do nothing. No choice in what voicemails go where. But we liked it so much on those 200 episodes that we thought, well, hell, why don't we just start anew?

Instead of me trying to search for some jackass who's going to say some gobbledygook every week or some skeptic that says something that you're like, right on. Why don't we just let you guys, you know, leave short voicemails and then we'll piece them together and we'll start to show them and maybe throw them in between stories that we don't have good bumpers for. And then we'll just see where it goes. That way we don't have to play a big bunch of them at the end. We'll only play the ones for people who specifically wanted some sort of reaction with us. All you have to do is just leave your name, keep it short, 30, 45 seconds. That's the butter zone, guys. Anything much longer than that.

And it just doesn't work. But use your name, keep it short, and you might find yourself gracing this beauteous program. Very beginning, too. Before we even say anything, you get an opportunity to say something. So if you want to leave something great, and even quick ones, just like, Hey, Cecil and Tom, this is Pope Benedict, glory hole, you know, something like that. That's fine if you want to throw that in there. You know, I fully expect to get a,

you know, 100 or so of these things, 30, 40 seconds long, and the whole show will be taken care of. We can do that. You really won't. We have won the podcast forever. We don't have to do anything ever. Well, actually, you don't have to do anything because I have to fucking piece all those things together.

That's what I was going to say. I like it because it's still the same amount or more work for you. Yeah. Yeah. And I still don't have to do anything. You don't even have to stop tweeting stories, too. You can stop tweeting stories too. Every moment of your Twittering is just a plea to everyone to call the show so you don't have to do any work.

I'd just be retweeting. Like all my tweets would just be retweets. Like, oh, God, I'm so lazy. R-T-B-E-E-P. Oh, that's awesome. Done and done. You all are asking what's the big deal about sex, okay? What's the big deal?

Why is it important to me to note this? Well, out of those who choose to be sexually active at this age, one out of every four, one out of every four will contract a sexually transmitted disease. If I were to take a cup and I were to spit it into a cup and I were to hand it to this pretty young lady right here, what's your name? Tierra. Tierra. Tierra's going to take it. She's going to spit it into it. She's going to pass it around the room and everybody's going to take a chance spitting it. We're going to hand it to this young lady back here. What's your name? Lizzie. Lizzie's going to drink out of that cup.

What would you all think about that? Pretty disgusting, right? You wouldn't do it. Because you're exchanging bodily fluids and that's what you do in sexual activity. You exchange bodily fluids so you see how rampant it can go in terms of your sexual activity. Because there is no such thing as risk-free sex. I'm going to say that one more time. No such thing as risk-free sex. Okay. We'll say it one more time. No such thing as risk-free sex. Condoms break,

they tear, they have holes in them. They have a failure rate of about 14%. So we're going to start this show with a story from the friendly atheist blog. Public school brought in unqualified Christian women to teach students about sex. And guess how that went? Hmm.

Not particularly well, given that you've already established they are unqualified. No, the thing is, is they were unqualified, but they spent the night at a Holiday Inn Express. So they were fine. This is, you look at this and it's like you know exactly where this this article is going um it's it's pretty great the students um a short list of the lecture included having students spit into a cup and then telling the class that drinking that cup is the equivalent of having sex with eight partners that is not true there is no orgasm involved like if of having sex with eight partners. That is not true. There is no orgasm involved.

Like if I have sex with eight people, I'm fucking winning. Right. It's like eight people. Right. Are you kidding me? Somebody is drenched in something at the end of that. I like what I really like is I don't know if you heard this when you were a kid, but there's a story of like an Ozzy Osbourne show. That's like an urban legend.

Have you heard this? Where he bites the head off? No, that's that's an urban legend, too, I think. Maybe it's not. I don't know. Maybe that guy did bite that. Like every story, like every rock and roll story is Ozzy doing something. So you're going to have to be more specific.

This one is they pass around a cup where some a bunch of people spit in it and then he drinks it oh god fuck is that disgusting oh shit fuck there's no way anybody would do that well that's disgusting i mean that's fully like the most disgusting thing you could possibly imagine but that's that's like an urban legend that i heard when i was a kid like oh yeah that's one time at a thing and somebody spit in a cup. And you're like, well, nobody would do that. Like, there's a reason why people say, like, they're saying that, they're telling that story. It's because it's disgusting and it immediately is revolting, right? And when you listen to this person, I actually, like, when you listen to them and if you play the movie,

there's a movie at the bottom of this page here. It's one of the first things she starts out with. She's like, how about if we all spit in this cup and then so-and-so drank it? And everybody in the class is like, she's like, oh, that's what it's like having sex with people. And you're like, that's nothing like sex.

That is absolutely nothing like sex because I never feel like, oh my God, I feel like I'm going to have to drink a giant hacker. Like when I'm like, no, like I'm just going to stick my penis in somewhere and I'm going to ejaculate. And then like, that's good. Like I never – it's nothing like sex.

But the thing is what they're doing is they're trying to give you this shock sort of visceral reaction to something really gross to make you feel like you don't want to do it. It's just like – I mean it's like fucking batting a fucking dog on the nose with a newspaper. It's trying to draw that false analogy, right? Like, well, you're exchanging body fluids. Of course I okay well yeah well that's what i'm saying it's a false analogy right because it's like well yes but in one circumstance it's fucking horrifyingly disgusting right and in the other one you're getting laid yeah in the in one like they're not in one i'm swallowing a hacker in the other i'm ejaculating. Like they're completely like other ends of the spectrum. Right.

They don't. It'd be like saying like, you know, that eating all things, you know, like on one end, it's like drinking eggnog. Right. Which is which is the worst. I mean, it's almost as bad. It's the worst food experience you can have. Exactly. Or eating at like a four star restaurant. It's like, well, they can have. Exactly. Or eating at like a four-star restaurant.

It's like, well, they're both consuming food. Technically. Actually, drinking a cup of spit is kind of like drinking eggnog, it turns out. They're not that much different. It's not that dissimilar. I like this one, too. There's one here. It says, telling ladies they're emotional after sex, so they'll become attached to whomever they have sex with.

What if they just flip their own switch? Are they in love with their hand? Or they're in love with their dildo? They're taking it out to prom with them? When I turn my hat, it's like a switch. Or what if it's the old peanut butter and the dog? Suddenly they're taking the dog to prom? Look, women aren't geese.

They don't imprint upon the first thing they see. Just follow them around. That's awesome. You have sex with a woman, she's like following you around. You're like, fly away home. Fly away home, bird. Every time somebody comes near you, she's just like, honk, honk. That is exactly my experience with women.

That's my high school career right there. Like, I dated a girl as a freshman, and I never got away from her. She just followed me around, honked the entire time I was in school. I couldn't get any work done. This is awful. Can you solve for X? What is going on in this school? What is going on in this school? Oh, man. Okay, Susan, we want to hear your cheer.

We just want you to say, go team. How was your day at school, honey? My little girl. She's grown up She's all grown up She used to follow me around haunting Honey feed her some bread If she gets pregnant She'll lay an egg

Oh man You don't even need the plan Bill Plan B if she's – plan B if she's – plan Bill. Plan B if she's laying an egg. Right. All you need is a good saute pan. You just need to turn the incubator light off. I love, too, there's like – they also say in this article, they state that medical textbooks say life begins at conception. And I'm like, what is your medical textbook?

The Bible? Right. Yeah. Well, that is their medical textbook because they've never been to medical school. They're unqualified. And the funny thing is the Bible doesn't even say life begins at conception either. Right. Because the whole idea of a medical abortion was,

like, God didn't know about that. Right, no, they hadn't figured it out yet. Yeah, he was just like, fuck, I didn't see that one coming, being all-knowing. And, you know, the one in here that's particularly, I think, egregious is saying there's a new STD that they're saying is going to be the new AIDS. Anytime an expert refers to they, like the thems,

anytime there's a the them or a they, or an undisclosed disease, right, you're just being lied to. You're just being lied to. No doctor is like, I heard there's an STD. Really? Which one? I don't know, but they say it's

going to... Who's they you're they you're the day you're it you're the guy giving the talk about the thing you know every time you have your marital sex a comet hits the earth right and then we all have to watch our do you want to destroy society do you want to put the fate of the world in Ben Affleck's hands? No, I didn't think so. No one wants to do that. Nobody wants that. So Cecil, we've actually got three they're all kind of dovetailed together because

the muslims were on a roll this week um the first story i want to talk about is actually uh the wool witch attack um the suspects in a london area um they're not even suspects why are we calling them suspects? They were captured on film with a fucking cleaver in their hands talking about having just murdered a dude and we're still going to be like, I suspect that one. Yeah.

That's the one I suspect. That's, now he's innocent until proven cleaver. What? Some barbaric asshat um couple of guys just just fucking attacked some soldiers just attacked them just fucking meat cleavered that guy to death um and then uh basically said that this was part of a jihad movement the idea of that he's that he's gonna just lop somebody's head off in the middle of you know in the middle of broad daylight, hit him with their car first. Right.

Is that what he did? He hit him with the car first. Yeah. He hit him with the car and then they jumped out and then played like hack it off there. Um, I think that, you know, there's a couple of ways to look at this. There's, you know, there's a lot of horrible shit that's in the Bible, right? There's a ton of horrible shit that's in the Bible. I just think that people don't act on it in the same way. I think that people don't do some of the horrible shit that's in the Bible, like stoning people to death or, you know, killing people that have, you know, adulterous relationships and all that stuff.

They don't do that stuff. They, there are some, there is some horrible shit that comes out of the Bible. Like people, you know, beating their kids until they're dead. But I, I don't see it as much as like going out of their family. It's almost always like whenever people like follow the Bible to a T, it's almost always, they're hurting the people closest to them. They're not hurting other people. Right. They've gotten past, there's a sort of a level of rejection of certain parts of that book that a lot of Western culture has gotten past. You know, the really horrible shit, people are just like, oh, that's the Old Testament or

whatever, and they've gotten past it. But there seems to be this other piece of culture, this Muslim culture, the really deep fundamentalist Muslim culture that keeps all that horrible shit still in there. And, you know, the killing of other people and then blaming it on, you know, well, they're infidels and they're in our land and all that stuff. I feel like, you know, yeah, people die in other countries and people are killing each other on other countries. And in other countries and the militaries of the worlds are not blameless here. They are fucking doing horrible shit to people all the time. There's people dying in drone strikes every day. that are dying every day because of some stupid policy of, you know, one of the major governments. But I feel like you're delegitimizing your cause when you start bringing religion into it. If you were just saying, hey, man, we need to get out of the Middle East and I killed somebody because of it or something like that, that's a different story than I killed a guy and Allah

made me do it. It feels like, you know, like you're delegitimizing the protest sort of feel that you're trying to put. And I don't agree with killing anyone in the first place. I don't think you should kill someone in protest. I think that's stupid. I think you should be put behind bars. But I feel like there's something there. They're pulling they're pulling away any sort of legitimacy by slapping religion sticker on it. Yeah. Well, you know, you might have a political point. But as soon as you start, you know, throwing out jihad and, you know, calling out, you know, God is great. God is great. When you're covered in blood in a city street like, you know, your message has sort of been lost at this point.

In a city street, like, you know, your message has sort of been lost at this point. Like, now you are going to be treated like a barbarian. Right. Because you are acting like a barbarian. And, you know, regardless of whether or not they, even if they just stood up afterwards and were like, hey, you know, you shouldn't be in the Middle East or whatever. Even if they didn't mention any kind of God at all, your point is delegitimized in the first place by killing another human being. Oh, of course. You know what I mean? Like, we're not saying that that're not saying that that's a good way

to get your point across. No, no, no, yeah. That's not a valid political protest. No, it's not valid. Like attacking people with fucking meat cleavers is not a valid political protest. But I think your point is taken, that it actually pushes your political point

so far underground when you bury it in all that fucking religious mumbo jumbo that people aren't even listening. Like people in Western society are not even listening anymore. You can have great you can have a great point. You can be like, I don't want people bombing wedding parties from fucking robot airplanes. I don't in my. I don't. That's a bad thing. But you've got to just let that be a bad thing on its own merits.

Like it has, there's plenty of reasons for that to be a bad thing. It doesn't have to be a bad thing for religious reasons. And then we're going to throw out like, you know, this jihadist sort of language. I think that's the thing, man. you know, this jihadist sort of language. I think that's the thing, man. It's like when you've got within Islam, you've got this jihadist subculture, right? This violent resistance subculture, which has become so ingrained with part of that violent fundamentalist Islamic movement. And as soon as that language starts to get used, not only is the political message, which could be very valid in some circumstances, not only is the political message lost,

but now you've got a war of cultures. Now you've got this war of, you know, the great Western religions versus the great religions of the Middle East. And, you know, which of these, you know, ideas is going to win out in the global marketplace. and, you know, which of these, you know, ideas is going to win out in the global marketplace. And, you know, that jihadist language serves nobody. Nobody is well served by that language. And that language is damning. It's because that's the kind of language that incites people like this guy, you know, to and his idiot ass friend to run over a soldier in the street and hack him to death. Like that language is important. The language we use to to talk about these things is very important.

And, you know, the problem with, well, one of the problems besides its total lack of truth with the Koran is the Koran is filled with violent language. And like you say, like there's no Old Testament. Like you can't do the Bible shuffle, right? You can't just be like, oh, put that under there. It doesn't work anymore. So all that shit is taken seriously by this jihadist subculture. And it's hard for me to even call it a subculture because, you know, getting to another story we looked at from the Wall Street Journal,

the problem of Muslim leadership, you know, it asked the question, like, which is the true Islam? Is it the Islam of, you know, violence and murder? Or is it the Islam that people always come out, you know, there's a violent Muslim-insplim inspired jihadist inspired attack and then you get the talking heads that pop up on tv and they say well that's you know no no true scotsman yeah that wasn't really a muslim you know muslim isn't islam isn't really like that well if it's not then why are people doing it and yelling god is great and quoting your holy book like it doesn't work yeah i mean it feels like what there needs to be as a sort of Protestant reformation then, you know what I mean? Like,

like the Muslims need to have a Protestant reformation where they just say, okay, well, we're protesting what you say. We don't think that that's what the Quran is. We are now Protestant Muslims and we're a different sect than you. So when you, you know, strap your bomb on you and run into a crowd, that's, that's Islam. That's, you know, that's whatever, uh, Orthodox Islam or whatever you want to call it. But when, you know, you come to a, you know, an area and there's just people peacefully protesting, that's us. And I think you really need to have a schism at this point to sort of show that you are different. Because if you don't, then you are complicit in what they're doing. You know, if you don't separate yourself, you're complicit.

Well, yeah, right. I mean, silence is consent. You know, when you're part of a group like this, you know, they need to have a zero tolerance for violence. You know, it's, it's, you just have no place to hide. Like these, these fucking crazy, if truly, if, if the talking heads that pop up every fucking time, something like this happens and say, this is not Islam. This is not Islam. You know, it's, it's every time. This is not really Islam. Islam is a religion of peace. Boom. Another bomb goes off. Islam is a religion of peace. Boom, another bomb goes off. Islam is a religion of peace. Some dude gets hacked to bits.

Islam is a religion of peace. Somebody gets stoned to death in Mali. Islam is a religion of peace. Really? How many times? Those are some awesome words. They are. Keep saying those fucking words.

But build a society that gives no place for these people to hide. Build a society that gives no place for these people to hide. Build a society that seeks to root out and shine a light upon jihadist culture and destroy it from the inside. We can't do it as nonbelievers. The Western culture can't do it as predominantly Christian cultures. The only culture that's going to be able to affect this change is this culture. And this culture pays lip service. It's all they pay to this, right?

There's no truth there. And, you know. You know, there may be outrage, but there's no truth. And I got into a comment back and forth with a guy who was telling us that we didn't know anything about, not the Middle East. It was Bangladesh, by the way. It wasn't the Middle East. That's not in the Middle East, it turns out. It's, not the Middle East, it was Bangladesh, by the way, it wasn't the Middle East. That's not in the Middle East, it turns out. The point is, is that someone was basically saying, look, you know, these violent protests that have busted out are because people are being oppressed by the government, that the government

is corrupt, so they're violent. And I understand when a government starts to attack its own people and starts being violent, that people need to rise up. I understand that, and I get that. But I look at what happened during the Occupy protests here. There was plenty of people out on the street getting their message across. And there was plenty of people who wound up going to the hospital because the police, you know, shot rubber bullets into the crowd or sprayed them in the face with a bunch of mace or, you know, held them on the ground, choked them, tied them up, jumped on top of them.

Bunch of people got their asses kicked in those Occupy protests. Not a single policeman, as I recall, died in those Occupy protests. Right. You know, And their message was clear. The message came across and the message was loud enough so that you heard reverberations from it for months afterwards.

So, you know, the idea that you somehow have to meet violence with violence is a primitive idea. That's a primitive idea that needs to be squashed. And if you're looking at your holy book and you find that in there, tear that page out because it's not fucking useful anymore. Thank you, Chicago.

Cicelo, I want to talk too about this story from golfnews.com. Saudi writer comes out, working women should be molested. This is a writer, a Saudi writer campaigning against moves to bring women into mixed gender work environments. And his solution

to this problem, and we're just talking about, you know, where's the true Islam? Religion of peace, This isn't really it. Um, he's calling for, um, women to be systematically intimidated and sexually molested. That's, that's the tool for the intimidation is to molest them in their place of work so that they don't feel safe leaving the house. This is this is not like this is not how you build a functioning civilization. You don't look at half of your population and say, yeah, whenever they try to leave the house, let's all behave so much like animals that they scurry back into their homes for fear of their own safety. What kind of a jagoff would basically just say, look, all we need to do is harass women in a way that makes them so afraid and so agoraphobic that they just won't leave their

own houses without some sort of protection. So basically, we're just going to harass people in the worst way possible, basically molesting them and harassing them so that they just don't feel comfortable anywhere else. I mean, if there's not a, you know, a show of power here, right, that power of the, you know, you know how we talk about rape as an act of power, like this, if this isn't a show of power, the, you know, you know how we talk about rape as an act of power. Like this, if this isn't a show of power, I don't know what is. And one of the best parts of this article, I'm going to read the end here. It says, this guy drew condemnation from others who said that the writer was a disgrace to Islam. One said, what kind of person urges youth to commit debauchery?

Another urged this guy to follow his own example and harass his own wife and sisters. And I thought to myself, I was like, you know, that would be a consistent asshole if he urged other people to do that. Right. But it's not him. But it would have been awesome if he went out and was like, yeah, man, go ahead and bless my sister, my daughter, and my wife, you know? Yeah, she's got to come, and she's a woman in the worst place. I mean, he basically is saying it, though. I mean, basically, he's saying all women, right?

So, I mean, like, the women that he knows are part of those women. And that's what I don't get. You know, like, like there's a feeling there that he's basically saying, you know, like, look, I'm willing to, you know, these relationships with these people that I care about mean nothing to me in comparison of subjugating half the population. of subjugating half the population. Like the meaningful relationships, it'd be like me saying, it's okay to, you know, rape all women and then let my wife go out of the house or whatever.

You know what I mean? Like, you know, obviously he still wants to protect his wife and he wants to hide her away and force her to not leave the house. But the idea is still there. Like what if she has to leave

for an emergency? Then she gets like fondled somewhere, you know? Yeah, and if she does, it's going to be her fault. Yeah. That's the way they build this whole society. I mean, it really is. We've covered so many stories like this.

If she were to go out into the street, let's say there was an emergency and she went out of her house to go do a thing. It doesn't even matter why. And she's attacked. Well, it's her fault. She's committed the crime of fornication. You know, she can be punished for, I mean, within a lot of these cultures, you can be punished for the crime of being raped, like for the crime of being sexually victimized by other people, you can end up being punished yourself. This is a world, I think, you know, like you ask yourself, or you were asking Cecil, you know, what about like these people they have relationships with and love? I don't, part of me is like, it can't be the same thing. It can't.

It just can't. Like you cannot have a loving relationship built on respect and any kind of hope for, you know, parity and still behave this way. So clearly this is about establishing and maintaining control of your society. It's not about like, well, you know, I want to take care of my wife and my daughters and my sister because I love them. It's like, well, those people are ancillary to my power. It's almost like they're fucking, I mean, they're totally objects too. It's not like they almost are. They are objects. And they're almost, in a way

it's like taking care of your dog or your herd of cows or whatever. Or your car, for that matter. Hi, Tom and Cecil. Congratulations on your 151st show. I just wanted to say glory hole and I'm willing to offer you a meager bribe.

Please, please, I will donate $10 to your TM fund if you will have Esme as a guest on your show. Because no matter how brief, it's guaranteed to be hysterical. And also, I wanted to comment on a comment someone left on the last show about Pat Robertson, about keeping him alive. We all know that Hillbilly God could keep him alive ad nauseum. So do your best, Hillbilly God. Thanks. Bye. And then Cecil, this story is from digitaljournal.com.

Iran moves to legalize marriage for girls under 10. Not to be outdone when Saudi Arabia announced three months ago girls as young as 10. Iran decided to drop the age limit to nine because you have to keep up with the Joneses. If they get a nice RV, you've got to rape a fourth grader. That's how that works. Another RV of a younger age. Oh, man, they're putting in a pool. I'll teach them.

I'll fuck their daughter what what nine nine is fourth grade man do you remember fourth grade cecil vaguely like vaguely that's the problem because you're a fucking kid dude it's i mean it's 30 years ago like i've lived a lifetime since then a nine-year-old what person even wants, what person looks at a nine-year-old and is like, yeah. I mean, like you are a fucking sick human being. A Catholic priest? A Catholic priest. You know, the thing that I don't understand is, you know, look, if you want a bald pubic region, can't you just have your girl shave?

Right. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I mean, seriously, I don't understand the level at which you're, the dedication you have to your religious text is terrifying. You know, you're talking about Islamic Sharia law here. You're talking about, you know, marrying people off at a young age because that's what it says in your holy book. And, you know, you're not taking into account the age at which you are mature. That's, you know, when you lay a blanket statement out there like that, like, oh, well, you know, you can marry somebody as young as 10.

I mean, are there 10-year-old mature people out there? I don't think there are. I personally don't think there are. I personally don't think there are. But, you know, for the sake of argument, let's say there's one in a million. Right. Are you going to legislate that or are you going to legislate on the other side, which is like, yeah, let's probably some 16-year-olds out there that are very mature for their age, that are probably together and fully developed and whatever at 16. Yeah, but, I mean, nine.

Nine is, I mean, it's literally almost, I mean, it's double the age to be a legal participant in sex in Illinois. legal participant in sex in Illinois. It's truly astounding that anybody would want this, that there's a push for this, right? That people are sitting around like, you know what's a real problem in our society we've got to fix? We can't marry nine-year-old girls. Oh, well, we'll have to fix that. I mean, look at Saudi Arabia.

They can marry 10-year-olds. We can't be outdone by the Saudis. We're going to marry our nine-year-olds. Could you imagine such a prudish society that they doubled our age so they're like, you got to be 36 before you could have sex? You know, like, I mean, but think about it. Think about how crazy that sounds, right? You're like, oh, my gosh, that sounds crazy. They probably think the same thing about our culture.

Like, oh, my gosh, you mean 18? You got to be 18? Yeah, why would you want to marry an 18-year-old girl? She's well past her prime. She's an old maid at that point. She could develop into a real, and I think this is the problem. I mean, I think this is the real reason it happens, right? Again, I think it comes back to power and control.

If you marry a woman, I can't even say that. If you marry off a girl, a little girl, at 9 or 10 years old, then she never gets a chance to be autonomous, right? She'll never have a moment in her life where she has any autonomy. So she's either owned by her parents or owned by her husband. There's no middle ground. Right. When when we have this thing where like you can't get married until you're, you know, 17, 18, whatever the age is. I know it varies by state and some people are going to call me back in Oklahoma or whatever. You can get married when you're 14 with your parents' consent. Yeah, in Germany they do the same thing or whatever, yeah. You know, I know that it varies. But the point is that as that age is pushed further and further out, people have an opportunity to be autonomous for at least a short period in their life. And with autonomy comes freedom. And with autonomy comes individuality. And with autonomy comes freedom.

And with autonomy comes individuality. If you strip somebody systematically, if you strip an entire sex of their ability to have an autonomous period in their life, then how are they ever going to push back against a system that so clearly devours them? That's a great point. And I mean it goes back to property. It goes back to, you know, like, you know, you drove the car for nine years and you're looking to sell it. You know, you're looking at what's the blue book on this little girl, you know? Oh, God. A nine-year-old girl. I don't even, how do you date a nine-year-old girl, right?

Like, what do you want to do? I like ponies. You're like, honey, I don't want to have candy again for dinner right i mean what what could a nine-year-old girl you would seriously have to be her fucking dad seriously i mean like like what is in that culture what do you have a woman for she's gonna like take care of you but it's like she can't even if you have a stackable washer and dryer she can't even get the fucking clothes out of the top of it she can't even if you have a stackable washer and dryer, she can't even get the fucking clothes out of the top. She can't reach the back of the stove.

Like, yeah, sure. Maybe she could clean out your chimney because she's very small at that. But she can't do some of the really major tasks you need her to do. She's not even a good like worker. They don't have the physical strength to keep up with like the housework. Right. You know, I mean, it's like bring the laundry upstairs. The laundry is fucking heavy. I don't have the physical strength to keep up with the housework. Right. I mean, it's like, bring the laundry upstairs. The laundry's fucking heavy.

I don't care. What are you, nine? Oh, fuck. Stop behaving like such a shit. Yeah, I know. Like, every date is like showbiz pizza. It's like, I'm sick of going to showbiz. Can we go somewhere else? And no more tea parties. Yeah, like, well, I'm sick of going to showbiz. Can we go somewhere else?

And no more tea parties. Yeah, like what? And what are you going to do? Honey, I want to go out for a drink after work. Well, it better be soda. You're right. Well, in that culture, it has to be anywhere, right? Admittedly, yeah.

Yeah, like let's go out for a drink. Why? There's no point. I don't know. Marry a nine-year-old. Who cares? Yeah, right. So we're going to take a quick break,

give you some information on how to contact us and all that jive. And then afterwards, we're going to be back with the rest of the show. So stick around. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website DissonancePod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore

pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. So this story comes from the most reputable possible news source, the Daily mail.

I've read the world of 160,000 demons says Catholic churches, leading exorcist. As he calls on the Pope to allow all priests to perform the ritual. Cecil, I don't blame him. He's gotta be exhausted. It's gotta be really tight. You know,

that's what is that? It's got to be like a nine to five job if you're ridding the world of that many demons. Well, you know, I real quick did the math, right? So if he rids, if he gets rid of one demon every day, so he never takes any time off, he gets rid of a demon a day. So he's not a demon a day,

but he's got a punch card. Sure, demon a day, got it. Demon a day. It would take him 438 years. This guy's old. Well, he does look like. Sure, Demon of Day. Got it. Demon of Day. It would take him 438 years. This guy's old. He does look like he's about 438 years old. Yeah. You know, I know, like, I've seen The Exorcist, and I know, like, I am Legion. Like, oh, okay.

Well, there's a lot of them in there. So, you know, if he were to get rid of demons and say he's doing that, he'd have to get rid of 17 a day for 25 years but how long was his career was his career that long i don't know 25 years 17 a day is a lot 17 because i think at that point it's almost like you're like a dominoes delivery guy and you got to get rid of the demon in 30 minutes or less like you show up at the house they're like look the last guy came in it took him 47 minutes to get rid of the demon. I just don't have that kind of time. And so you've got to come in and really sort of work and get that demon out of there.

Well, what they don't realize is that you get a punch card, so every seventh demon just pops out free. Oh, it's just free. Yeah. So you just, you walk up to the, and you're just like, and the demon's like, I am in here. And you're like, I got a punch card, so. Fuck. I gotta go. I. So I got to go. I didn't count on the discount. I didn't realize you had a BOGO. Do you validate parking?

You know what I wonder too is, I mean, 160, that doesn't sound like a made up number. It sounds like he counted. And I wonder like, do dishwashers count how many dishes they wash? Are they just like, I've washed 2,264,705 dishes. You've got to wonder, like, at some point, no matter what you're doing,

you stop counting. How many mortgages have you mortgaged? I have no idea. I couldn't even hazard a guess how many closings I've been involved with. Thousands. I have no idea.

Thousands, sure. I was thinking the same thing about webpages. I'm like, how many webpages have I coded? Thousands. I don't know. A million. 160,000. Yeah, 160,000.

It's as equally made up as anything I'm going to say. It clearly can't take long, right? The demons have to be just, they're just like clinging on the edge. Either that or he's so good. This guy's the fucking Michael Jordan of exorcists, right? He drives to the hole every single time he gets the ball, he drives to the hole. He comes in and the demons are like, yeah, we fucking got this. Oh, no.

They called. They got the big guns. All right, boys. It's like those Mucinex commercials. Father Gabriel's here. Quick, run. We got to get out of here. We got to get out of here.

I got to read part of this article because I think it's fucking hilarious. He said that practicing yoga brings evil, as does reading Harry Potter. They both seem innocuous, but they both deal with magic, and that leads to evil. He added, yoga is the devil's work. You think you're doing it for stretching your mind?

Stretching your mind and body. But it leads to hinduism and these oriental you gotta be like in your 80s to use the word oriental too right oriental is a fucking rug okay instead of people all these oriental religions are based on a false belief of reincarnation i love the idea that yoga, stretching your body is somehow, like the demon is just like sitting in the back. He's like, I love those yoga pants. Man, I love yoga pants.

I'm jumping in that girl right now. Again, it simply is not lost on me that here is somebody who makes his living with magic. Right. He's a ghostbuster. Yeah, absolutely. What are you going to call Father Gabriel? This guy is Egon, right?

I mean, he is a fucking ghostbuster. He ain't that smart. He's Ray. He's Ray. No, you know what he is? He's Winston. Yeah, he's Winston. Do you believe?

There's a solid paycheck in it. I'll believe in anything. Exactly. So he's telling you like, oh, those things are fucking magic. Really? Because you get rid of demons for a living. Yeah, you believe in the magic, bro. You're subscribing to the magic.

Yeah, that would be your life. I would think demons would be good for business, right? Like for me, it's like, oh man, I really don't want rates to go up, right? Like this guy really doesn't want demons to go down. What would he do? What would he do on a Wednesday? Nobody's calling him for demon control. I got to say, if you scroll through these pictures, Tom, the third picture down needs to be photoshopped.

So the first picture is the dude's fat face. Second one is the guy with his hand. The third one, I'm going to describe the picture. The pulp has his two hands on a guy in a wheelchair's head, and this guy's got the O face on. Yes, he does. And this guy's got the O face on. Yes, he does. And it looks like if you were to say Photoshop a penis in there, it would look like, I don't know, pretty natural at this point.

Yeah. It looks like I know how this movie ends. Yeah, exactly. Cecil Tom, my name is James. I'm from California. not New San Jose listen you guys, a few episodes back 97, 98 I think were playing a clip

from a pastor on television, evangelical douchebag who was talking about the idea of observation in the public square and how there was no freedom, and he was making a political point about how this idea of constantly being watched leads to the absence of freedom. If you listen very closely, and I only bring this up because you guys are really smart in the way you guys deal with subjects.

If you look at what he's saying very, very critically, he's making the argument for atheists. The moral side of the argument at the very least. If you go back and take a look at that, I think you'll agree with me. Just wanted to add that little contributive note. Have a good afternoon, guys. So this story comes from Willamette Week.com. Cake Wars. So relatively recently in Oregon, there was a couple of places that did not want to do, particularly

Sweet Cakes by Melissa, said that they don't do same sex marriages. They were asked to do a cake for a lesbian couple. Fleur Cake also refused to make a cake for a lesbian couple's wedding. And this story is fucking spectacular because they basically called up both of these shops and said, hey, you know, we're looking to get a specific cake done. Can you do this cake? And they came out with like the most offensive possible shit for the devoutly religious. And each time they're just like, I got a cake that serves 15.

Yeah, I know. Like each one is just like so clinical about for 30 people. We have a couple of options for you. You know, like each one had that, although the Fleur cake couple times didn't answer. Yeah, they just I think they just couldn't get a hold of them. Yeah, I think they probably would. Whatever. It doesn't matter.

Like, but that other one, the one that specifically was that specifically said no to the same sex marriage cake. They came out and said, you know, oh, yeah, we can do. And here's the ones. I'm going to read what they did. So they did a baby out of wedlock. And this is what they said to him. I'm shopping around for a nice baby shower cake for my friend. It's her second baby with her boyfriend,

so I'm not looking for anything too big or fancy. And then the next one was a divorce party. My friend is getting divorced, and we'd like to throw a little party to mark the start of her new life. Do you ever write messages on those? We'd like it to say congratulations. The next one is stem cell. It says, I'm wondering if you would do two little cakes. That's clever.

A friend of mine is a researcher and he just got a grant for human cloning. I thought I'd basically do two identical cakes, a little clone cake. And then the person's like, the person at one of the places is like, ha, all right. What are you looking for? I know. When are you looking to do it? It'll be 30 bucks each. No problem.

The non-kosher barbecue is dumb. I don't, I mean, whatever. That's stupid. It is totally stupid. But the pagan solstice party is my favorite one. I'm going to read it here. It says, I was calling to get a quote on a cake for a midsummer solstice party. My coven, fucking coven.

I know. Is celebrating on Friday, June 21st. The decoration would be very simple. Just a green pentagram. We'd like to pick it up that afternoon. She says, for 30 people, we have a couple of options. We have two kinds of options we we have two kinds of cakes you could have about the diagram you want on the cake i'm not sure how much extra it will be

and you know like look i am all for fucking private businesses laying down their own rules but i am also for sweet justice when those private businesses get called on the carpet for basically being bigots. There was a while back. I don't know if you remember, Tom, but this was a long time ago. This was like everyone's at critic days. When there was this place that Obama was – they had these Obama t-shirts and they were making fun of him. They looked like a monkey or something. I don't know if you remember.

Oh, yeah, I remember that. It was like a place in Georgia or whatever. Right. And they're making fun of Obama and they had these dumb t-shirts and they're basically just like the outside of their sign, big, awful shit. And it's like, cool. You can say whatever you want and you can make racist fucking t-shirts and you can, you know, reject people who want to get married because it's perfectly legal to get married there, but you can reject whoever you want. It's your business. You know what I mean? Like you can refuse service. I understand there's laws that you shouldn't be doing it. I get it. But in my opinion, you know,

look, it's your business. You can refuse service, but then you could also be fucking called out by the press for doing it. And I'm 100% behind that. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's the thing. It's it, this is actually better than if they had done it against their will. Right. Had, had they been bigoted and kept their fucking mouths shut and just made the cake, nobody would know. But now everybody knows. Right. Don't get a cake from bigots are us.

Yeah. Right? Like, nobody's going to go to fucking floor cakes. Nobody's going to want a cake, a sweet cake by Melissa. Nobody wants that because we all know she's a hypocritical bitch. Yeah. Melissa sucks. Her cakes suck. And you know, here's, here's the thing. Your business model is no longer sustainable because the growth in this country is showing that people don't care about same sex marriages. They just don't. The younger generation cares less and less and less

about it. Yeah. Are there fucking zealots out there like, no, I want to make sure that no gays ever get married. Yeah, they exist. And there's 10 year old singing ain't no homo going to get to heaven. Absolutely. That exists. But you know what? They're dying off every year and they're growing up and they're realizing that they were wrong or they're just they're just not continuing the growth cycle right now. the growth cycle is more states are letting people in that are gay and getting married, and there's just more and more tolerance towards homosexuals.

So you know what? Your business model isn't sustainable. So that's why Chick-fil-A fucking turned around. That's why the Boy Scouts turned around. That's why the Mormon church is turning around because they realize that eventually the entire people that we advertise to and market to aren't going to exist. So Sweet Cakes by Melissa may be fine for the next five or six years, but after a certain point, there's not going to be anybody who's going to

come to your shop anymore. Right. You just, what you're going to do is you're going to be like one of those niche stores that only serves the clan right right you're gonna be like you're sustained entirely by hatred yeah like you're sustained entirely by a bunch of fucking dim-witted pointy-hatted dipshits that is going to be your clientele and you're going to be left being one of only like six or seven small companies desperately trying to swim up a cultural stream that has long since swept you into the dustbin of history. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. The neat thing about this story, Tom, it has both dolphins and birthers in it. It does.

I know. It does. It does. This story is my very favorite thing of all time. HealthyLiving.msn.com. My midwife, the dolphin. Dolphin-assisted underwater birth is a growing trend. And then this is my favorite.

But should it be? Well, I like that it's a growing trend that hasn't happened yet. Yeah. I know. You read this and it's like, well, nobody's actually gone through with it. Because at some point they're like, that's crazy. Why would you give birth in the ocean surrounded by dolphins? You're going to be like, what's that?

Oh, that's one of the top marine predators in the area. Oh, let's bleed around it. What the fuck? Look, here's the area. Oh, let's bleed around it. No. What the fuck? What? Here's the thing. Like, I don't, first off, I don't understand this at all. Like, I don't get this at all.

Why would you? I don't get this at all. But, you know, I don't, the thing is, is that the dolphins are not the only thing that people are, the only animal that people are turning to for medical advice. I found out earlier today that people are getting eye surgery from porcupines. I don't know if you heard this. They're also getting physical therapy from lemurs, and the newest x-ray technicians are grizzly bears.

So this is sort of a whole sort of animals in the workplace thing that I guess we just missed. Can you imagine, like, you go out to the ocean, and you're like, no surgical masks here. Use a box jellyfish. Oh, fuck. What? You know, and also like isn't seawater kind of disgusting?

Yeah, well, it's not. Remember that time that they sterilized the ocean? Yeah. Remember? Because that was never and it's impossible. My wife like accidentally bumped into some coral when we were on vacation once and her fucking leg like immediately like got all infected and nasty. I remember that. It was fucking disgusting.

It's like, you know, she was basically like they were going to cut her leg off, turn her into a peg leg. I mean, it was disgusting. And the idea is like, okay, well, you know, why don't I just climb in the ocean and just shit a kid out in there? okay, well, you know, why don't I just climb in the ocean and just shit a kid out in there? I mean, at what point are you like, you know, we do have hospitals and human midwives. Humans. This is taking that water birth thing to the next level, isn't it? To the next level, right? You're like, can you imagine you're like, keep swimming.

I'm having a contraction. I'd really rather not be swimming at the same time. She's got to wear, like, a noodle. She's got, like, a noodle she's leaning on, one underneath each arm. Okay, he's just got, like, a beard, a cozy. He's, like, relaxed on one of those pool rafts. Like, how you doing over there, honey? When the baby comes out, it, like, takes the baby in its mouth and starts dragging her around by the umbilical cord.

It's, like, skiing. Well, have you been to SeaWorld, Cecil? Yeah, yeah. baby in its mouth and starts dragging her around by the umbilical cord it's like skiing well have you been to sea world cecil yeah you've ever seen like they throw like the beach ball and they start bouncing it around all over the place i mean you can't stop a dolphin in the water from doing what the dolphin wants to do right like if you just if the dolphin just wants to eat your baby it's gonna eat the baby why wouldn't it eat the baby at what point we have there's these crazy people who are just convinced that dolphins are like they're like like underwater teddy bears that are just waiting for an opportunity to save you from a fucking shark they're like they're

fucking they've watched too much flipper like this is not the water's version of lassie because lassie isn't really a thing that was a show what the dolphins they don't care about you they're just they're they're not the happy go lucky animals on your trapper keeper they don't live in rainbows they're not covered in glitter and unicorns what What the fuck? Why would it even care that you're having a baby? Like best case scenario would be species indifference. Right, right. Yeah, I mean, I totally agree.

It's like the idea is that people have these fantasies about how great dolphins are. It's like you wouldn't fucking birth your baby with killer whales, right? Right. You wouldn't be like, oh, there's killer whales. Hey, why don't we just like go, you know, I wouldn't fucking get in the water with a killer whale. I wouldn't get near a killer whale. Because they're fucking marine predators, man.

I know. Like, while these things probably aren't going to do a lot of damage, they have hurt people before. Right. They have attacked people before. And they will fuck you up. And you know what they'll do to a baby? Whatever they want to do to a baby, because babies don't do things yet.

Babies just sit there waiting for the mother to protect them. Right. Imagine another scenario, right? Like, imagine any other. Like, if you were like, you know what I love? I fucking love dogs. So I'm going to go to a fucking dog kennel and give birth. I'm going to go like lay in the wilderness

and give birth around the wolves. Right. Why would you do that? And be like, oh, how's the baby? What the fuck is this picture? I was just going to say, I have this picture. I found this picture of someone of a dolphin that is already giving a woman an exam. Wow.

That answers the question, what is the female version of the glory hole? Well, it's funny because I was on Reddit earlier and it was called the bottom-nosed dolphin. It's right up her butt. It's pretty funny, actually. I'm going to post a picture of the bottom-nosed dolphin on our page. So dolphins can be fun and funny, but I would only caution full-grown people to interact with them. They are not midwives, contrary to lunatic beliefs. So we want to play two voicemails for you, one from James and one from Ulrich.

Hi there, Cecil and Tom. This is James from Arkansas. I was wanting to correct you guys on a misapprehension that I have heard twice on your show here. You keep claiming that Sierra Mist is a substitute for Mountain Dew. Well, as they're both made by the same company, PepsiCo, this would be kind of self-defeating in that case. I worked as a server in a restaurant for quite a while, and I will tell you that the Coke equivalent to Mountain Dew is, in fact, Mellow Yellow.

And what Sierra Mist is an analog to is yet another Coke product, Sprite. You try to give a kid who orders Mountain Dew some Sierra Mist, you're going to get one pissed-off kid on your hand. Anyway, love the show, Lori Holt, and all that jazz, and happy 100th. Oh, fuck. No, 101. 101.

Damn it. All right. Anyway, keep it up. Bye. Yeah, hi, this is Ulrich from Canada. Sorry about the previous screw-up message. Glory hole. Congratulations on your 100th episode. I'm looking forward to part three of your 100th episode followed up,

and eventually, hopefully, we'll get to part 100 of your 100th episode. That would be great. episode followed up, and eventually, hopefully, we'll get to part 100 of your 100th episode. That would be great. It was interesting to hear about your take on the Ten Commandments. My way of explaining the Ten Commandments to people is the first four commandments, usually, are basically God saying, kiss my ass, and the other four have some vague reference to morality, but when you dig a little bit deeper, they really don't.

It's the first three, not the first four. It's the first four. My wife doesn't actually like your show. She thinks you're annoying, but, you know, different strokes for different folks, and I enjoy your show immensely. It's the first three. So James mentions that the Coke equivalent of Sierra Mist or the aptly named Mountain Dew is Mellow Yellow.

And in fact, Sierra Mist is a competitor for Sprite or 7-Up or something. I don't understand that because isn't 7-Up the competitor for Sprite? No, but I think 7-Up is its own company. Is it really? Yeah, I think 7-Up is its own. I don't understand that because isn't 7-Up the competitor for Sprite? No, but I think 7-Up is its own company. Is it really? Yeah, I think 7-Up is its own. I don't know. Whatever. Who cares?

Yeah, who cares? And you only drink it when you're sick. In any case, thank you for pointing out that Mountain Dew and Sierra Mist are from the same company. And you're right. They're both from Pepsi Company. company and you're right they're both from pepsi company but i think i think this actually reinforces tom's opinion that mountain dew is is sierra mist just with different words because they're basically the same marketing team they're just like you know we came up with such a great name before what do you guys think let's go with sierra mist sierra mist all right way to go you know like

it's the same fucking thing so it makes sense that it would be the same company it's like piggybacking off the success of dr pepper with like nurse salt yeah you're doing the same thing what do you salt do the same thing so uh we also want to talk to ulrich ulrich's wife doesn't like us um but he talked about the ten commandments i love your uh analysis of the ten commandments and And by the way Ulrich You want to put your wife on just for a second Ulrich's wife He was right

It's the first four It's not the first three So get off his back for crying out loud Now she'll never find us in the way She's not going to find us It's funny how many people Have a significant other That fucking hates us they're just like man i love your show but my man my fucking husband hates you guys or my wife can't

stand you guys i'm like yeah my wife can't stand me either i was gonna say i've got the same problem it's it's entirely and it's understandable are you kidding me understandable but thank you ulrich for forcing your wife to sit through the call while you called us. That's pretty awesome. So I want to play another call to prayer that someone sent in. This one is from Rob. I love the Star Trek Star Trek con thing It's very funny

That's like vintage What's the guy's name? Shatner It's like vintage Shatner Before his You know Beat poetry day Yeah right And Priceline We got an email from From Isaac Vintage Shatner. Before his beat poetry day. Yeah, right.

And Priceline. We got an email from Isaac, and he says, whoa, episode 101, are we forgetting the 15-minute glory hole that was Sarah Palin midweek short? I did do one. I did do one a long time. But that's prerecorded material. do one a long time, but that's pre-recorded material. That was from Everyone's a Critic, and we pulled all the best bits that we had about Sarah Palin

and put them in a small, short episode that we thought was pretty hilarious. It's because Sarah Palin was such gold, you can't just throw that stuff out. I know, and now that Michelle Bachman is leaving, I don't know what we're going to do. I know. It's like the double crazy factor. We're going to have

to go back to Rick Perry. He says, all kidding aside, great job on reaching 100. Also, the female glory hole is a barrel with a hole in it, which they straddle inside, which someone goes to town. Yeah, inside. Somebody's going to get pooped on their head. That's all I'm saying. You know, I mean, geez, you feel like you're in a barrel of shad or something. You know what I mean?

It's like a barrel of herring. You're just like getting, like, there is nothing less sexy than sitting inside of a barrel waiting for someone to plop their fucking bottom in your face. I was going to say, like, you're just waiting

for a bum to land on your head. That's how you know it's time to party. It's like, what you doing? I'm just hanging on a barrel. Less sexy than that. But hey, if that's what you're into,

best of luck to you. We got an email from John, Tom. And John says that he's a primary care doctor and he has a website that talks about chiropractic in great detail. And he has done a lot of research. So what we're going to do is we're going to link to his site, Skeptical Medicine, and we're going to talk about chiropractic. He's going to talk about chiropractic on it. I mean, it's extensive, and he has done a lot of research on it. So if you have any questions about chiropractic care, this may be a good place to start. So John, thank you for sending that. We're going to link to it on this episode of this podcast. Yeah, it's incredibly comprehensive. Thanks for sharing that with us.

We got an email from Nate, which is a great idea. Tom, why don't you read this email? I was thinking about all the stupid stuff I did when I was religious, and I want to know about the dumbest thing that you prayed for. I'd love to hear what other listeners have to say, mostly. I grew up charismatic Pentecostal where we prayed for anyone, anytime, for anything. God could kick the sniffles ass in about three days. I love that. It was in this framework that I learned that I worshiped a capricious God. He didn't give a damn whether or not Mega Man lived or died,

but seemed to prefer his explodey doom. Even as a kid, this seemed a little dumb, but if my sisters and I prayed hard enough for my brother, my brother would beat the game. The world would be safe. This was my first clue that there was no God. Or God loves the death of what children love dearly and will only help if you sacrifice money on the altar of Nintendo power.

I remember this kind of stuff and wonder how I made it through college. Glory hole. I think that's a great idea. I think we'd love to hear listener stories about the dumb shit you guys prayed for at some time in your life. I think almost everybody has done it, and I think it would make some really funny stories. So call in with them. We'll definitely play them on the air.

Yeah, if you call in or send a voice memo and keep it short, we might start the show with it next week. So feel free to call them in. If you want to send them, we might read a few of them on the air next week. I can tell you I don't remember praying for anything. You know, there was two things that I prayed you, I don't remember praying for anything. You know, there was two things that I prayed for that I vividly remember praying for.

One of them was to get a girl to go out with me. So I remember praying for that, but I was like a young teen at the time. She didn't go out with me, by the way. And, you know, God is 50-50 here because I remember praying

that my dog wouldn't die. Now, my dog did eventually die, but he didn't die then. So I prayed for a dog not to die. Yeah, I'm trying to think if there's anything. I wasn't terribly religious, though, growing up, so I don't know that I have. But I have definitely heard stories of people praying for some really petty, silly shit. I mean, you hear it all the time. It's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to go car shopping.

Like, oh, I'll pray for you to get a good deal. What? Shouldn't somebody pray for the salesperson to make a good commission? What if both families are praying? Well, then there's prayer warriors going on there. That's true. They've got to get a fight. You know, I don't remember praying for anything.

I don't think, well, I mean, I think praying for a girl to go out with you is pretty absurd. But I think, you know, I don't remember praying for anything that was,

that was like, I want to, I don't know, like, I hope the bears win or something. Like, I don't remember praying for anything like that

when I was a kid. But I do see all the time, like, you know, like simple stuff, People will be like, I'll pray for you. And it's like, I got sick or my kid's sick or something. I'm praying for him. I'm thinking, take him to the doctor.

There's specific ways in which you could stop people from doing that. A fat lot of good that's going to do. And the other thing too is whenever there's a tragedy. It's like the Oklahoma thing. It's like, oh, I'm going to pray the Oklahoma thing it's like oh I'm gonna pray they're in my prayers I'm thinking you're not doing anything

like have them be in your pocketbook send them some money right and it's like if God if there was a God who really gave a shit he would have not sent the tornado right clearly that's what he wanted if God's in control of tornadoes and shit.

Yeah. And he hits you with a tornado. It's because he wanted to hit you with a tornado. So for you to come back after the fact and be like, I'd really like you to save my puppy. It's like, motherfucker, I hit that puppy with a tornado. We got an email from this is from this is from francis and uh francis says i'm gonna read the end here now francis um lists this long uh sort of in a way it's it's a history it's a history of francis and talking about how they came out of uh and i don't know if francis is a boy or a girl

so i'm gonna just saying they, it's sort of the declarative without a gender. Um, they came out of, uh, they, they came out of religion and there's, this is a great story. If you wanted to Francis to post it on, uh, on our deconversion stories, portion of our page. So if anybody has a story about how they came out of religion and they want to share it with other people, you can post it on our page on a dissonancepod.com. There's a, there's a tab on the very top that says deconversion stories, click there and post it as a comment. And then other people can read your deconversion story and you can share it and you can do it anonymously too. So, uh, thank you for sending it in, but I want to read the

very end here. It says, love your show. Excited about finishing the backlog. And it says, my favorite part in, I spelled favorite wrong, is when one of you, generally Cecil, and I don't think this is true. It's both of us, make a particularly irreverent joke or statement, and Tom ends up chuckling and saying, oh, no. Like, that happens so often. And it's like there's one time where it happened five times in an hour. Yeah, that happens like almost every episode because it's almost always like an abortion coat hanger joke or something. Right.

This happens when we just get together sometimes. Yeah, I know. All of a sudden, one or both of us will realize we're in polite company and be like, oh, that's not going to go well. That is just not going to go well. You would be surprised at some of the stuff that's gotten edited out of this show. Oh, I know. Yeah.

Some of the stuff that's gotten edited out has been so just so off color that we have decided like like there's moments where I'm chatting with Tom and I'm like, I can't put the part about the the Nazi murderer pedophile. You know what I mean? Or whatever. Something this week that we said that was just so off color that we're just like, we can't put that in. That's not a thing that can go in. No.

Not for public consumption. So Stu sent us something this week, and we're going to play it. This is Stu reading a story, and we thought it was pretty funny, so we're going to play it for you. Hey, guys. Here's an update from the Middle East. Saudi family urges approval of maid's execution for murder. Indonesian maid killed aging Saudi man and fled before she was raped by nine men. The family of an aging Saudi man murdered by an Indonesian housemaid at his home urged King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia to

endorse her execution, rejecting persistent pleas by her embassy to pardon the woman under Islamic law. The sons of Saud al-Otaibi said they had waited more than enough for the court to order the beheading of the maid after she was sentenced to death three and a half years ago. We appealed to King Abdullah and the Minister of Interior, Prince Mohammed bin Abdulaziz, to end this delay and order the quick execution of this killer. We will not feel any relief until the sentence is executed. We will not accept anything but right. His son, Munif said, quoted this Saudi Arabic language daily.

According to the paper, the maid waited for the other family members to leave home, picked a large wooden stick, and hit Saud on the head as he bent down to pray at his house in the western town of Taif. Then she stole around 31,000 Saudi rials in cash and jewelry worth nearly 100,000 in flat. Saudi rials in cash and jewelry worth nearly $100,000 in flat. On her way out, she was offered a lift by a Saudi man who drove her to an abandoned rest house outside the city and raped her with his eight friends. Then they stole all her money and drove her to nearby Mecca where she was hosted by a friend.

Police later arrested the nine rapists who led them to the maid's whereabouts. During investigation, she confessed to the murders, prompted court to sentence her to death. Indonesian embassy officials, who were present in most court sessions, tried many times to persuade the victim's sons to pardon the maid in return for Islamic Diyah, blood money, but they refused. The maid was again sentenced to death by an appeals court. Have a nice day. I love Stu's voice.

I think Stu's hilarious. Stu, thank you so much for sending that in. We appreciate it. You know, if they're short, we'll certainly play them if we have time. But, you know, you ask if you should send some more. We'll certainly play them if we have time and if they're short. But you can't expect that they're going to get played every week, just so you know. And that is, by the way, Stu, the worst story ever.

My God, I know. It's so bad. It's like Middle East meets, I don't know, like one of those torture porn movies, like Hostel or something. You know what it is? Yeah, I was going to say, you know what it actually what it feels like to me is like it's like the hangover. You know, it's like a series of like zany misadventures. Unfortunate events that just happen over and over.

Yeah. It's like Lemony Snicket wrote that fucking story. So, Tom, this is from James, and you had said that you wanted to read a portion of this. Yeah, he says, seriously, though, love the show, and I hope you guys keep it going until Buddha, Krishna, Jesus, and Allah finally form the boy band we all know they've been talking about. That's fucking awesome. That's a great line. I love that line. I read that, and that cracked me up.

So thank you very much. Appreciate the email. We got an email from Susan and Susan says, so sorry, guys. Thank you for the shout out at 99. And I'm embarrassed that I sent you something that had undisclosed recipients. Good thing I'm not the type that gets embarrassed. Wait a second. You just said you were embarrassed.

Which is it? Mixed message. So anyway, Susan wants us to tell you about the two projects that we mentioned before. Mixed message. And in the comment section, Susan, you should put links to both of those things. That way people can find them. Once Susan puts them up, you guys should link on them and go follow through with them. From what she said, both of these are really good. The skeptic action one is basically a call to action. And every day there's a tweet, some kind of basic instruction. Usually it's just like read, rate, or comment using a program called Web of Trust.

And what Web of Trust is, is when you go to certain websites that have been rated, what it does is it gives you a rating on whether or not it's a trustable source. So it's actually a really cool thing and I've seen it done before. And it actually really is an interesting way to make sure the web is accountable for what it's saying. And then also the guerrilla skepticism on Wikipedia is just going in and making sure that there's some sort of skeptical viewpoints that get shown on Wikipedia. So Susan, thanks for sending those in. And please be sure to post the links in the comment section for this episode. And you can also share those same links on Facebook if you haven't already done so.

Feel free to do that as well. And another place that you might want to share those links is on the Google Plus page that they started. All right, yeah. That Google Plus page, there's like over 300 people right now. And unlike Facebook, which is sort of just this blah where you post to our page and on occasion people might see it

if they filter using other people as posters, on that page for the Google Plus, those people are, when you post something there, it's front and center. So 300 people or so, and these are people that are skeptics and involved in the community, will see it. So if you aren't part of that community, Susan, you should be. And if anybody from the skeptic community that is part of that community wants to post on the comment section of this episode, they can and post that link for the Google Plus page so people can find it. That would

be great. Tom, I want you to read Robin's message because I think it's very funny and you have to finish with how Robin ends it. Hey guys, thanks for the endless hours and well done for not noticeably declining in quality. You're up there with irreligious spellcheck and atheist experience. Irreligious spellcheck. I like that. Difference between a dead atheist and believer? We don't find out there isn't a God and they don't find out that there is. Robin, England, in parentheses, the Middle East.

Thanks, Robin. That's the best. That's the best. I love the Middle East. Fuck you, Robin. I'm glad we haven't noticeably declined. We got another image of the glory hole. This is a different glory hole. This one is in Scotland. And I think the funny thing is that a Scottish Lister is named Scott.

Yeah, that's... I love that this is the glory hole church center. And it's on High Street. Hey-o. Hey. It looks like it's the glory and the hole looks weird. Like, it's like... Like, I don't understand what's happening in this picture.

Oh, is it though? It's a Google street view. That's why. Yeah. So it's all wonky. I see. That's why it's all wonky. It's not just like an Escher house or something.

I thought the same thing. I was like, what the fuck happened to that house? But we get an email about, uh, from Tim about common core, Tom. And it's, it really, what he says is that Common Core curriculum focuses on critical thinking. And basically, first off, that all of those things that they do, the No Child Left Behind and Common Core, really do, he says, make teachers less autonomous, which is not a good thing. And granted, we agree. And he says, conservatives don't like it because it makes the kids think. So evidently, Common Core is making kids think. And granted, we agree. And he says conservatives don't like it because it makes the kids think.

So evidently Common Core is making kids think, and that's why that Bradley, Bradley Dean doesn't like it very much. You know, you wouldn't want people thinking critically in school. That's just, that's the devil. It's ridiculous. That is actually the devil himself. So we got an email from an, we're going to call her undisclosed recipient. How's that?

We got an email from undisclosed recipient from Utah. Yeah. And they have a bit. They said, I think I found something more disgusting than eggnog. A friend of mine had me try seaweed recently. Now, bear in mind, this person is from Utah. So seaweed. Yeah. recently. Now, bear in mind, this person is from Utah. So, seaweed?

She described the taste as similar to a pork rind, and this induced you to eat it. That's, I'm also, initially I thought that if something tasted like it was deep fried and salted, it couldn't be that bad. I was wrong. So very, very

wrong. The taste, very wrong. The taste may have been similar to a pork rind if you let a pig rot in a stagnant body of water for several weeks and then made pork rinds out of that. The best way I can describe the taste would be to say it tasted like pond water smells, only orders of magnitude worse. I couldn't get rid of the taste for some time, and this is the part that is particularly criminal. I tried to wash it out with beer, and it ruined the flavor of my beer. A horrible tragedy. Why someone would eat that shit on purpose is beyond me. I consider the person who had me try it no longer my friend.

Signed, Gullible. Yeah, I think undisclosed recipient, you're actually allowed to kill that person. I think you are technically allowed. So you may want to do that. I don't think there's a statute of limitations on that either. I'm sure in the lawless wilderness of Utah you can get away with it. It's totally fine. But thank you, undisclosed recipient, for sending us a message and for trying something that neither of us is willing to try.

Ever. Now, we want to thank Ben for his generous donation this week. We're going to be taking down that. I'm going to take that that donate button down this week. We've gotten enough money from that from that. So we're going to keep the PayPal maintenance fund up. I think I might limit that, though. to keep the PayPal maintenance fund up. I think I might limit that though. And so if you want to donate to the PayPal maintenance fund or the cognitive distance maintenance fund, I should say,

that'll still be there. But the TAM fund is down. Tom and I have funded TAM. We want to thank everybody for their generous donations. We think that you guys made this trip possible and we're so happy that you thought enough of the show to donate. And we're happy that people enjoyed the show enough that they thought it was worth some money. And that makes us feel really good that people enjoyed the show enough for that. So thank you, everybody who bought shirts, everybody who bought an app, everybody who subscribed on Audible, anybody who sent us a couple dollars, or some people who sent us a lot of dollars, thank you very much to everyone who wound up supporting the show in some way. Yeah, your generosity, I mean, really I think it astounded Cecil and I. The idea that both of us could ship our fat asses from Chicago to Las Vegas. assume that the C-130 jets that are necessary to haul our cargo up and into the sky would be

much more pricey. But you guys have really come through and we appreciate it. Thank you. So we want to end the show. We got a song from Jeffrey this week. We're not going to end with the regular Skeptic's Creed this week. Instead, we're going to end with Jeffrey's song. regular Skeptics Creed this week. Instead, we're going to end with Jeffrey's song. Jeffrey just made an electronic song that says glory hole a lot, and we think it's pretty funny. So we're going to play it.

Thanks, Jeffrey, for creating it, and we hope you enjoy it. Please call in in the next couple weeks. We're going to be using your voicemails to litter the show. So you guys are going to be part of the show a little more, so be sure to call in whenever you can. And we'll leave you this week with Jeffrey's song. The Great Hall

The Great Hall The Great Hall Thank you. Thank you. I'm Tim Dixon. Glory, oh. Glory, oh. Glory, oh. I'm Tim Dixon. Glory, oh. Abraham, oh. Diva, oh. I'm Tim Dixon.

Glory, oh. Damn, Denison, that's a good story. Thank you. I'm Tim Dixon and this is Gory Toes.