Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 102: Goblins Gone Wild

Episode Date: June 10, 2013

REvisionaries

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app. Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. I'm just listening to your... Sorry, it's Ulrich from Canada. I'm just listening to your episode 101 or 100-2, part 2, I guess. And I'd like to spread the following meme when talking about abstinence education,

abstinence-only education like that idiot that you featured at the beginning of your podcast. only education like that idiot that you featured at the beginning of your podcast. Instead of abstinence only education, we should be calling it ignorance only education because that's really what it is. Rachel Gloryhole. Hey guys, this is Tamika, Tamika calling. My friend dared me to sing, to come up with a glory hole song for you guys. So it's so good.

My fundamental Baptist mother would really enjoy it. Notice the sarcasm. Okay, here we go. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for giving us all a big glory hole. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for giving us all a big glory hole. Glory, hallelujah, glory, glory, glory hole. Sing it! Glory, glory, glory, glory hole. Sing it. Glory. Glory.

Glory. Glory hole. Hey, Cecil and Tom. Since you guys don't put out enough podcasts every week, I listen to Christian radio in between, and I laugh just as hard because your voices are in my head. This is Dave from California. Glory hole.

Here's what I think. And I'm... Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 102. And I have nothing else to say about that. Yeah, I don't either. I was thinking, I tried. I tried. I taxed my little brain. Nothing is coming.

At some point, you can only come up with so many clever little, and they weren't even that clever to start with. No, no, no, no, no. You could have stopped with one, oh no. I have feelings, Cecil. Yeah, I could have stopped. I don't use it. Yeah, I got to be honest, though. And when I say, oh no, I really mean, oh no. I got to be honest, though, and when I say, oh, no, I really mean, oh, no.

So I guess we'll just start with our story from Kabarsouthasia.com. I get the paper version, but this is where you can find it online. It's amazing because they only deliver one in the United States. It's totally worth it. The delivery fees are extraordinary, though. They are. They're very high. It's the one little kid has to ride his bike from the shipyard all the way to my house.

Every morning just to drive off one paper. I only get 10 cents a delivery. It's the worst job ever. I can't believe I signed up for this company. I guess it's better than disarming IEDs or something. Controversy erupts over ASE's dancing band. Critics of a new bylaw say ASEanese authorities are undermining the region's rich culture by imposing restrictions on a traditional dance of welcome.

That is not very welcoming. Nice fucking dance of welcome. Don't fucking do it here. This is a really interesting story because they say the long-standing custom has run afoul of religious conservatives. I'm reading directly from the article. The local government has decided to ban

all dancing by adult women. So it's not just this, but it's ban all dancing by adult women, saying it is haram under Sharia law, which I think is that you shouldn't fucking do that. Right. And a debate over the issue, meanwhile, is highlighting tensions between Indonesian culture and the demands of the strict Islamists who follow a severe interpretation of religious doctrine. And, you know, the thing is, it's not just this welcome dance, you know, which seems a lot like the fucking hula, right?

I was thinking the same thing. Like, they look like they are about to hula. Yeah, it feels a lot like, you know, you show up and they put like a fucking flower necklace around your neck and you, you know, get an Indonesian treat and then you move on. You know what I mean? Like, that's what it feels like. But instead, it wouldn't be a suckling pig. I don't know. It certainly wouldn't be a suckling pig it would just be

it certainly wouldn't be or an alcoholic drink of any kind not a pina colada or anything but these women basically you know do a little dance make a little love they get down tonight but they do this dance and then they dislike this they don't want any women to dance

and it says again it says down here the reason why is and I'm going to quote this guy, the dance can invite many bad thoughts, is what he said. But the dance has to send invitations. Yeah. To be perfectly fair. Right, yeah. And the bad thoughts have to RSVP. We're coming.

We'll be a little late. Can we bring anything? No, we got this. To be honest, though, when I'm looking at the Chiquita Banana Lady here, I am having some impure thoughts. But it's really just me lusting after a delicious hat more than anything else. I'm not like – it's not like I'm having impure thoughts about her. Just the fruit that adorns her. It's like all you're thinking is impure thoughts about a fruit medley.

Right. I mean, that's the whole thing. Like a fruit cocktail. I bet I can make a bananas foster. Those things look pretty good up there. Look pretty good there. I love when a culture is like, we don't want people dancing. Our people might end up being happy.

It's an expression of joy. Right. Like when your religion is like, no expressions of joy, people might, it's like, you know, when they cover up your whole body or whatever, it's like, oh, we wouldn't want to have people smiling. That would be, what a great religion you picked. Like you did a really bang up job picking the one that like bans joy. We have a strict policy against joy.

Thank you very much. We've got a no happiness policy. Oh, wow. I mean, because you're really you're really pushing that agenda. Right. No dancing. Oh, but there's music. No fucking dancing.

You know what? Cut out the music, too. Oh, OK. Great. Can we at least still have drudgery? Oh, yeah. Oh, but there's music. No fucking dancing. You know what? Cut out the music, too. Oh, okay, great. Can we at least still have drudgery? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, there's plenty of that.

I was watching a video of Matt DeLaHunty on The Atheist Experience today, and it was interesting because, you know, what dancing is is, you know, let's just presume that they're right. Let's say that they're inviting bad thoughts when the people are dancing. Let's say that the women are dancing in some provocative way and that it is creating lustful thoughts, right? Let's just, let's just presume that that's the case. Even if it isn't, even if it is just a fucking happy, happy, joy, joy, here's your fucking like little piece of baklava or whatever, you know? Um, I want to get welcome to an island with baklava. Go to Greece. So, you know, the idea, though, is that let's just presume. Let's just presume that lust is the main component here. I was listening to Dillahunty today, and it was really, I thought it was really, really insightful of him.

Because the person on the phone was saying, you know, if you lust after a woman, you know, in your heart, then you've committed sin. And he's like, why is that a bad thing? And Dillahunty's comment was not to go after it for being thought police, which is what that whole passage is about. But instead he was, and he kind of did that. But then he was like, look, lust is a human component. Lust, without lust, we would not survive as a species. Like the idea that you have to, that we see women and find them attractive and women see men and find them attractive and have impure thoughts is what keeps us going.

It's the biological component that keeps us having sex and continuing on our, you know, the, the, you know, with genetics and with moving forward as a species. Without that, it doesn't exist. You're denying your humanity when you deny lust. There's nothing more purely human than impure thoughts. Exactly, right? This idea that sex and sexuality is anathema to good moral behavior, it's an ancient idea. And it comes from a time when pregnancy, like you had to build religious safeguards into

reducing the amount of unregulated fornication because there was no birth control, right? So you had to do that kind of stuff. Otherwise, social structures that were being established in the communities would start to break down a little bit. Yeah, you could be a dugger. But right, you could just be shitting out fucking kids like candy. It's like a fucking PEZ dispenser down there. Every time she leans her head back, a kid falls out.

But now we don't need it. Like technology has replaced our need for this to be a moral issue. It's like, oh, well, we wouldn't want people having sex. And it's like, well, exactly why is that? Because I don't see a downside. Yeah, there's really no downside. It's like people are having a lot more sex, like a lot younger. Hey, fucking good for them.

As long as they're not shitting kids out like a dugger, then who cares? It's like, ma'am, I think you dropped something. No, it's not your pocketbook. It's a fetus. Was that my wallet? Oh, fucking, it's another. I didn't even know I was pregnant this time. The damn thing's hanging in there.

It's like ringing a bell now, you know? It's like asexual budding at this point. She just Somebody got her wet. There she's popping them out of her. Don't feed her after midnight. A long black cock, long black cock. A long

black cock. A long black cock. Long black cock. So this story comes from TheAustralian.com. Rape victim and black virgin, in quotes. Kanait Samoru. I'm certain that I'm horribly mispronouncing that.

Now The Australian wants to sell me a newspaper and redirected me to sell me a newspaper. It's like, fuck you. They wanted home delivered there, too. Right. Yeah. Done. Kanat Sumru condemned to die in Pakistan over rape. This this story is a spectacularly upsetting story. But at the same time, it's also a story of incredible strength and perseverance by this young lady that was unfortunately victimized. She was 13 when she was gang raped by four men in her village and her village classed her as a black virgin. And they ordered Cecil, her family to kill her for the crime of being victimized, which we talked about last week. Yeah, and there's a part in this where they say, they're talking to the brother, and they say, they told me I am not a real man.

That you failed to follow the tradition. You failed to kill your sister. So they're basically saying to the brother, because you didn't honor kill your sister, those two words don't belong together, by the way, they shouldn't be hyphenated in any way, right? You are not a man. So they're basically trying to goad him into killing his sister. The thing about this article, there's a couple things. One is they declare her a black virgin and they order her family to kill her in an honor killing to end the shame a

rape victim brings to a family, according to Pakistani culture. Now, I want to point out again, this was when we pointed out the blasphemy laws, the riots and blasphemy laws, or from the other stuff that was going on in Bangladesh. Right. Uh, we talked about there, you know, where are the moderates? Here's another example of this,

right? I, where's the person who's going to say, this is a really complex issue. This is a very complex issue. And some people, you know, um, you know, this is, this is something you shouldn't be talking about. No, this is bullshit. These are – this is not just one person. This is a whole fucking city of abominable people who want to injure someone else because of some crazy, stupid tradition that is damaging to their culture. And this is not something that we just need to pass our hand over and be like, oh, there's just a few religious moderates out there. There's just a few people out there who are, you know, radical Islamists. This is radical. This is a radical Islamist, in my opinion.

If you're willing to kill somebody in an honor way because she was victimized, you're a radical. And you're not just, you know, you're just as dangerous, in my opinion, as someone who wants to destroy the United States with a bomb. You know what I mean? Like, you are just as dangerous. It's an awful, awful thing. And the other thing that really bothers me about this article is at the bottom, there's this long bit where they're talking about how, you know, they want her to die.

They want her to kill herself because she's been raped. But then there's all this questioning that they do. There's a piece here where they wound up questioning her for hours. When she goes to the court, there's a barrage of nasty questions I'm reading directly from the article up to 300 at a time, including what part of your clothing did he remove or who raped you

first? The presiding judge is affronted that Kalent has brought the charges and rules against her in part because she accused a father and son of gang rape. In this view, he said it would never happen in Pakistan and is a product of her own fantasy. If that's the case, then why are you urging her to kill herself? If it never fucking happened, if you're saying it's a product of fantasy, then why does she have to kill herself because she's dirty?

That doesn't make any fucking sense. That makes no sense. No, it doesn't make any sense. And, you know, you look at this and what I read, the subtext in this article, and it's pretty readily apparent, you know, is that what they're really upset about, what everybody is really upset about and what these laws, I think, seek to establish. Everybody is upset that she is pushing forward with trying to get convictions. Right. She's she is not letting this go. So she is brutally sexually assaulted. And instead of just doing what her, you know, village and social structure would demand, which is to say fucking nothing and remain silent, lest she be shamed and murdered. She is aggressively pushing this.

And that is causing, you know, even at the end of this article, when the attackers are acquitted, they look at her in disbelief that she would have even brought the charges, that she would have pursued this that far. And what this structure seems to do, what it seems to seek to establish is a hierarchy between men and women that says we can do whatever we want to women. You have no recourse. Even if we make raping you against the law, we will make it impossible for you to pursue remedies. Sure. Because you're a product. You're owned. You're property.

And you are not covered in our moral landscape. You don't get to exist within this structure. You look at this, and it's an incredible amount of strength that her and her family have to have to go through all of this. Because honestly, the easier thing you built a society where the easier thing to do would be to lie about being the victim of a violent sexual assault or Tom to kill yourself or to kill yourself. Like those are your fucking those are your good options. Yeah. Your shitty option is to go to the police. Since when is that, since when is that how you build a functioning civilization?

Yeah. And I don't want to hear, I don't want to hear anybody say like, you know, that, that following Sharia law is a good thing. There's no, there's nothing good about it. There is, there is not a benefit to society. It does nothing. It does nothing but hinder us and keep us fucking – it's an anchor to the fucking Bronze Age. It is.

That's all it is. It's a big goddamn anchor. And nobody can get away from it. Everybody's got a fucking pussy foot around it and be like, oh, everybody's got their way they look at the world and multiculturalism and, oh, we don't want to – there's moral relativism. We want to make sure that we're moral, but, you know, they have their own morality. No. No, they don't. This is fucking wrong.

This is hideous. This is awful. And this is the worst thing you can do to somebody. Yeah, and it's like you said before, like, this is not a complex issue. Like, there's no, where's the complexity? The idea, too, that they're saying, you know, it's a false rape accusation. There's no benefit in the society for a false fucking rape accusation.

There's no benefit really in our society for a false rape accusation. Yeah, sure, some people do it. But, you know, eventually there's just no benefit to it. And the idea of like, in this society to do it? What's the benefit?

I fucking accuse you of rape and then I have to kill myself and my brother has to kill me? Right. You're already fucking de-incentivized fucking reporting rape in the first place. Yeah, it does not – it doesn't make any sense. And you're right. The whole idea of putting together a system of multicultural – we all have to have respect. You got to treat these ideas with respect. They're coming from a culture we're not as familiar with.

I don't need to be familiar with it. Somebody wants to kill somebody who was victimized for being victimized? I don't need to know what's wrong to put a kid on a spit and fucking bake him and eat him. I don't need to know that's wrong, okay? I just inherently know that's wrong. If there was a society that, like, built a giant slingshot to shoot cats into a wall. Yeah. Like, you wouldn't be like, it's a complex issue.

Yeah. Yeah, we're really going to, oh, that is a head scratcher, that one. You know, it's like, nope, it's not a head scratcher. Yeah. Or just change it to cats to retarded children. Right, right. You know what I mean? Like, oh, well, he's not fully there. a head scratcher. Yeah. Or just change it to cats to retarded children. Right. You know what I mean? Like, oh, well,

he's not fully there. He's an autistic kid or whatever. He's got to fucking get slingshotted. Slingshot him into a wall because I'll outbar. Well, look, you know,

that's just the way it is. Get your fucking moral relativism hat on. Look, we have always slingshotted retarded people into walls. We've been slingshotting them into walls for 3,000 years. Who are you to come by after 3,000 years and say, stop slingshotting people into the wall?

It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off, and that we use it, and that we use it unapologetically. And I believe we need to begin to say, look, it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior.

So this story comes from the Friendly Atheist blog. Christian evangelist Larry Tomczak explains what causes homosexuality. And it's not shit-eating grins, despite the image here. He's got a list, Cecil, of common, agreed-upon, I love this, agreed-up I love this. Agreed upon contributing factors. And I have to start with the very first one. The person's

self-will. What is it even mean? Immediately. Well, immediately when you see this, don't you think like, wait a minute. I have, like, I'm good with my sexuality. My sexuality is not like, oh, man, I got to exercise.

I have to exercise a lot of self-control not to eat a cake, right? Because I want to eat cake. Every minute of every day, I'm thinking about eating a cake and when can I get a cake and how soon until the cakes are here. Right. Right? I'm with you, my man. With me and pizza, but still, I understand. I understand.

So I have to exercise some self-will if I don't want to eat a cake. I don't have to exercise any self-will to keep a cock out of my mouth. Right? Because that's not how your sexuality works. Well, I mean, the same goes the other way around. We talked about this a couple weeks ago. I don't have to exercise any self-will to not have sex with every woman I see. Right.

You know what I mean? I just like, I don't have to exercise any will. I just, I didn't, you know, I like, it doesn't even come into my head most of the time.

You know what I mean? Sure. Obviously it comes in your head sometimes. Cause like we're talking about earlier, lust is a perfectly normal thing that everyone experiences. But the idea that, you know, like you're like you're battling it all the time, you know, the only people that are battling it all the time are kind of, I think, people who are denying it a little. You know what I mean? Like those are the people who are battling it all the time.

And I wanted to know about this list. I want to read some of these off. You know, on here there's media influence. They have drugs, pornography, absence of a father like our do you have to have all these or just some of these like what's the what's the percentage because if it's if it's you just need a couple of these then wouldn't the entire population of the united states be gay well and one of them is artistic bent like confusion about identity misunderstanding artistic bent so wait a minute.

Like, you're like, I'm not drawing. Are you saying, like, the penis is artistically bent a certain way? You're sitting there in art class, and you're like, oh, I hope I'm not good at this. Oh, man, because I like girls. Oh, man. So if I'm good at this, I totally, like, I'm going to. And I didn't want to be gay. I didn't feel gay until I was good at art.

You know, one of them is childhood experience. Right. Childhood experience of what? You know, but this is the thing. It's like I know what he's saying, like that people have had experience like childhood experiences and experimentation with homosexual behavior. Yes. You know who does that? People who have homosexual behavior. Yes, you know who does that? People who have homosexual feelings.

Like, it's not like, you know, what he's saying is, like, these are causes of homosexuality. No. Right. That's exactly it. Heterosexual people aren't like, oh, yeah, so remember that time when we were, like, 12 or 13? Like, we just thought we'd, like, fiddle with each other's dicks for a while? Like, nope. I don't remember that.

No. Nope. No, that's not because I don't like I just don't have any desire to do that. And I never did. And it's fine if someone does. But it's like, no, I was trying to get it. I was trying to touch a boobie at that point. I was trying to get in, you know, touch something else.

Another piece of the puzzle, so to speak. The other one, too, is pornography. It's like, what, only gays watch pornography? It doesn't specify what kind of pornography. It's like, I saw this fucking naked woman, and I was like, man, I'm so gay now. Jeez. What? I watched two girls, one cup, and now I'm so gay.

I'm super homosexual. So then the assumption would have to be right that it's a gay pornography, which you would have to seek out intentionally, right? Right, exactly. Another, again, you're reversing causation with you know, there's the correlation

in causation. You're reversing the two things. It'd be like, well, why'd you seek out gay porn? I don't know, because I kind of have these feelings of homosexuality. You know, like, that's what I'm interested in. That's why I seek that out. Like, oh, okay. Well, now that made you gay. Wait, what?

And then seduction by peers or authority figures, it's like, you know, I could see where people can be seduced by peers or authority figures and not be the not be willing in that case. Sure. Oh, yeah. But that doesn't necessarily mean that you become gay after that. There's plenty of straight people that have been seduced by the same sex adult or something, and they're not gay.

Well, I think it's interesting, too, that he uses the word seduction. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting, too. You're right. Instead of molestation. Right. Yeah. So, like, a seduction implies that you were convinced to do something you ultimately wanted to do. Right? Seduction isn't nonconsensual. So, I mean, like, it would be very hard for somebody to seduce a gay person into a heterosexual sexual relationship or vice

versa right it'd be like that's not those aren't the bits i like to play with so again it's this whole thing is just backwards it's just backwards and it like this is a guy we're gonna find out don't protest too much oh yeah he's gonna be found doing some bad things to some willing participants later on. Oh, and these are common agreed upon factors, Cecil. And drugs, by the way. Yeah, drugs. Only gay people use drugs. Yeah. It's just Benadryl. He doesn't specify what kind of drugs. So it's just I've decided in the absence of specificity, I'll just decide it's Benadryl. It's Vyvarin. Uh-oh. They just want to stay awake.

So we're going to take a break and give you all the information you need to find us and send us things such as messages. And we'll return in just a moment for the rest of the show. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website dissonancepod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now, too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com.

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This story is from the Canadian. www.agoracosmopolitan.com What's that again? Agora Cosmopolitan. I love What's that again? Legitimate. Agoracosmopolitan. I love it. It's just, which is it? Is it the Canadian or is it Agoracosmopolitan?

Fucking get some more syllables. Alien-like entity cures child's cancer. Maybe. Because if you keep reading this, this is an alien. And maybe it's the Virgin Mary, but also it could have been a ghost. And then if you look at the pictures, who knows? It's a sparkler. Right.

A lot of people are going to sparkler therapies these days. Yeah, sparkler therapy. You know what might have cured the child's cancer too, Tom? What would that be? The bone marrow transplant. No, no, no, sparkler therapy. You know what might have cured the child's cancer too, Tom? What would that be? The bone marrow transplant. No, no, no, no, no, no. When you start talking about treating leukemia with numerous bone marrow transplants.

It's so awesome. I'm really listening to this story. And they're talking back and forth like, oh, she saw this and I think she saw this and we're looking at this picture and oh my goodness. They're like, yeah,

she showed up a couple days before she had her bone marrow transplant. And now she doesn't have any more cancer and it must have been the virgin man like or the bone marrow transplant you know the thing that they're using to treat the disease she has yeah leukemia which is a very treatable form of cancer right specifically if you get bone marrow transplants. I mean, I could understand if the Virgin Mary was giving her a bone marrow transplant. Right.

Then I would say, Virgin Mary saved her. Or there was an alien in the fucking hospital that was giving her a bone marrow transplant. I'm totally with you. Yes, there was an alien that saved her life. But if it was a human that gave her the bone marrow, I'm a little dubious.

Yeah, maybe it was an illegal alien. Like, that's the only way. Yeah, that's the only way they could stay in the country. They had to sign out some of their bone marrow to stay in the country. That's how they get. That would be fucking awesome. That would be a great immigration program.

It's like, yeah, you can stick around. You're on the donor list, though. We need a lung. Just so you know. I'm just saying you got two. We need a kidney, a lung, and part of your liver. I don't know. You only need the one.

Yeah. And we're going to need your femur. Your entire femur. This is a land of opportunities. Not for you, but it is a land of, I mean, for us. So we'll just take that kidney. Organ opportunities. Organ opportunities.

I love that they can't decide if this is a UFO. I know. If it's an alien, if it's a Virgin Mary, if it's a ghost. It's like, I don't know. Fucking shoot a Roman candle at it. See what happens. Shoot a Roman candle at it. Stick a bottle rocket up it.

Yeah. You know, look, photographic evidence these days is either, at this point, it's either shopped. You know, maybe it's shopped. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's an artifact of some kind. But you know what? Unless the freaking Virgin Mary was behind her and she, like, shook her hand and you got, like, video evidence of it, I don't really care. Yeah, I want to see the Virgin Mary appear in a flash mob, do the whole dance.

Yeah. And then disappear. Then I'll be like, oh, okay. Maybe that was something. Not some fucking grainy ass like fuzzball image. Like why can't you ever resolve into focus? You are the Virgin Mary. Well, she was doing the flash mob.

She's Gungam style. That's why. She's just dancing too much. Hey, sexy lady. Oh, it's notback. She's Gungam style. That's why. She's just dancing too much. Hey, sexy lady. Oh, it's not appropriate. She's a virgin. Hey. Glory Hole.

This is Plaid 42 calling in for the request for listeners' stories of prayer from childhood. Well, my story goes back to when I was about nine years old and in fourth grade. I was a budding horror film fan. My mom even encouraged this by buying me copies of Fangoria Magazine and Famous Monsters of Filmland. And one day when the bookmobile came, I bought a book about monsters. And in the chapter about werewolves, there were several things that said how one could become a werewolf. One of these ways was to recite a prayer to the devil. They even had a prayer that you could say. I love that he got this from the bookmobile.

They didn't encourage this. They just said this is how some could become werewolves. That's not encouraging. So as obsessed as I was, I really, really wanted to become a werewolf. Who doesn't? So, I said this prayer every day, several times for a week. Who doesn't? And then the full moon came.

I love that my son wants to read. And the next day, I woke up in my bed. Everything was fine and no clear evidence of me being a werewolf, like waking up in the woods naked, full of blood or something like that. Awesome to prank him. This started to put some doubt in my head. It may have not been the first seed of doubt, but it certainly went on the pile of doubts that led to my rejection of religion and all things supernatural. So thanks, Tom and Cecil.

Love you guys. Thanks for the laughs and the thoughts. Bye. I love that he didn't the laughs and the thoughts. Bye. I love that he didn't turn into a werewolf. I know. So therefore, there's no God. Well, I mean, you know, really, the thing is, Hail Billy God doesn't like those werewolves.

They come over and eat all his chickens. So he would never turn a person into a werewolf. I thought I told him to burn that book. Burn, burn, burn. Looks like there's a fox in the hen house. Best deconversion story ever. That is awesome. I didn't get turned into a werewolf, so fuck God.

There's no God. Actually, it's more, see, the thing is it's a prayer to the devil, Plan 42. So it's not that you're disproving God. It's that you're disproving the devil. And werewolves. And werewolves. Admittedly, the werewolves also get disproven there too. Hey, guys.

Steve from Blue Collar Heathens. You guys were asking about the stupid things that we prayed for, at least somebody who emailed you guys was. And I wanted to tell you one of the stupidest things I ever prayed for when I was a Christian. I prayed for a sign that something that I thought was a sign was actually a sign. I was praying for a sign out my window as I was in my doubtful stages,

and a bird landed on my porch and I assumed he was looking at me because, you know, that's what you do. That is what you do. And yeah, so I prayed again asking if the bird was the sign

and there were no more birds and any more strange events after that. So I assume that... You didn't have a strange event to start with. There was no signs. So I'll just try to share that with you. Thank you.

You know, it'd be funny if God just keeps sending a line of birds. Yeah, just one bird after the other. And it's like there's an air traffic controller to land the fucking birds on your porch. And that... As one by one, They keep coming and sign. Is that a sign? No, is that a sign? Is that a sign?

God's like, fucking fine. Spell it out. Actually spell it in the sky with birds. And you look up at it. Spell it with birds. I am here. I love that you look for a sign and the sign doesn't mean anything.

It's just a sign of something. Oh, no. And I know exactly what he's talking about. You know, I know exactly how he felt when you're in that stage, when you're like finally starting to question and you're like, well, give me a sign sort of thing. I must have did that a hundred times, a hundred times when I was there. Did you see any birds? No, I didn't. I didn't see any birds.

That's a good thing. Otherwise, I'd have to do this show by myself and that means I wouldn't do it. The thing is, you're looking for something. So whatever it is, it is a light that is shining through a cloud. You're on anomaly alert. Yeah, whatever.

You're on anomaly. So you just immediately think, this is a thing I'm looking for. And eventually, you may think it's something and the moment. But then an hour later, you're like, well, that's not a thing. That's a thing that happens all the time. You know, like a fucking fly landed on me or something. You know what I mean? Like, oh, everything happens like that, you know, all the time.

So why would I think that that's any different than any other day? And then you eventually it just makes you doubt. Eventually you eventually doubt more and you just fall out of it. You know, just because of like the, the, the number of times that that has certainly happened, there are,

there have to be people who are like praying for a sign. Just give me a sign, Lord. And then right as they say that they have a fucking heart attack or something. Yeah, sure. Or they get into a car,

right? Hits the car in front of them or a lightning bolt hits a tree nearby. Guaranteed. Guaranteed somebody has had an experience like that. Oh, yeah. And that's got to be awesome because you're like, fuck, this sign is terrible. I'm never asking for a sign again. Like, give me a sign, Lord.

Your spouse drops dead. I'm Brian Dunning from hemorrhoid.com. Hemorrhoids.com. That's not a real site. I've been there. Hey guys, Glory Hole. I have an idea for you. All the farts, burps,

laughs, snorts that you guys edit out of the show, include them all as an Easter egg at the end of an episode. It'd be too long. Do this just once. I don't think we could take more than one episode. I just think that that would be funny if those were all

included. Alright. Thanks very much. Nehemiah 68. Yeah, that would eclipse the regular episode. People would be mad because you'd be downloading three-hour episodes, and two hours of it is just me coughing. Right.

Yeah. That's not fun. Nobody wants to hear my various bodily noises. Hey, this is Brian from Philly. I actually wanted to call responding to Ulrich and his wife and you guys. It's actually both the first three and the first four, depending on

whether A, you're reading Deuteronomy, and B, whose interpretation of the Bible you're... Don't defend Ulrich's wife. No kidding. Don't defend Ulrich's wife. She hates us. can't defend Ulrich's wife. She hates us. I am the Lord thy God apart from thou shalt have no other gods before me.

And that makes it three or four depending. No, you're forgetting about the Sabbath day. It's not that they get dropped off. It's that nine and ten get combined. No. You're wrong, Brian from Philly. It's not a hard and fast thing. It's that nine and ten get combined. No. You're wrong. Brian from Philly. It's not a hard and fast thing.

It is a hard and fast thing. Sometimes, you know, never know which ninth commandment you're talking about. Usually it's lying. Sometimes it's coveting your neighbor's house, wife, and or stuff. Whatever. Anyway, so, yeah, that's it. or stuff. Whatever.

Anyway, so yeah, that's it. The worst, the longest one, the one that goes into four, the fourth one is honor thy father and thy mother on occasion will be four or five. But that's only when they skip I am thy Lord, thy God at the beginning. How is that a commandment?

We talked about this with Thomas. Yeah, honor thy mother and thy father is not really, and it's not even like a good piece of advice sometimes. Right. It's like if you got like a spectacularly shitty father, like fucking Ike Turner is your fucking father. It's like honor thy father. It's like, have you met dad?

Like, can I get a mulligan on this one? Or Hitler's your dad. Right? I mean I'll Godwin this fucker. I mean fucking Hitler's your dad. I mean like the idea of honoring thy father and thy mother is okay advice as sort of like a you should really just be a nice person sort of thing. But that's not a commandment. Like the morality piece here, that's not a moral piece.

That's just like okay advice. Like I would say thou shalt not kill. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not steal. Bear false witness. Covet all the things. Those are commandments. Those are things that are like you're being immoral if you're doing some of these things.

Although I would argue the coveting thing, like's our fucking, we have a covet-based fucking economy for crying out loud. Coveting is pretty fucking standard, right? How are you going to not covet stuff? I'm coveting right now. But bearing false witness, I mean, I don't even know. Bearing false witness, I guess, is probably, well, that's lying. So lying is bad, stealing's bad,

committing adultery is technically lying, that's bad, and killing people, definitively bad. Yeah, that's not a good. The ones that matter are either five or six, or in sometimes cases, seven through nine slash 10. But there's no more profundity in any of those than would be found in your average fortune cookie. Right. You know, that's how profound these things are. You know, it's like

my lucky number is 17. My favorite color is green. Honor thy father, thy mother. It's like it's not even delightfully almond scented. Yeah, it doesn't taste good after MSG at all. And, you know, the first five are really just throwaways. I mean, no other gods before me. Some of them say I am the Lord, that God is a commandment. Like that's a throwaways. I mean, no other gods before me. Some of them say, I am thy Lord, thy God, is a commandment. Like, that's a commandment. I am thy Lord, thy God. What the fuck is that? Grass is green. This I command thee.

If the guy's name was Joe who wrote the commandments, be like, I am Joe. Like, that's the commandment. Your first commandment is the name at the top of the paper. Like, you don't get a fucking plus one for putting your name correctly on a quiz. Can you imagine a college exam? It's like, um, you got all the questions wrong, but I'm still going to pass you because you did put your name on it.

Put your name up there. Yes, you got that one right. You identified yourself. Well, well done. I say, Brian from Philly, that it's the first four slash five are not useful. But, hey, maybe Ulrich's wife is right. Do you know how I'm the Lord thy God would work? If it said, like, I am the Lord thy God, and my address is one, two, then I'd be like, all right.

Okay. Good morning, guys. This is Caesar calling from New York. Thank you so much for the ferocious, amazingly well-produced cognitive dissonance. You guys make my life a lot better. I've called before, and I've said it before. I'm having a born-again Christian wife that couldn't see reality if it was smeared all over her face. Oh, no.

It's very punishing daily. So you guys make my day a lot easier. Love is in the air. I have friends in Brazil and I tell them if they want to practice their English,

I tell them to listen to Cognitive System. That's the meanest thing ever. And they've been doing it. That's the meanest thing ever. And they are really enjoying it. And they've been doing it. Just purchased two shirts. The arc and the traditional.

And I want to say thank you so much for providing amazing products. We didn't do anything, Cesar. We did nothing. And instead of going with the glory hole, I will give you the Portuguese version of it, which is... What is happening? Thank you so much again. Praise our Lord, Flying Spaghetti Monster. And have a wonderful day.

All the best, guys. Bye-bye. That is awesome, man. That is great. I have no idea what he said. I think he might have had it. Caesar may have had a seizure. That was spectacularly odd.

That was exciting. I loved it. That was great. Thank you, Caesar. Plus 11 for enthusiasm. I have very clear memories of the crucifixion, but it wasn't as harrowing for me as it was for Mary and others

who were present. The controversial couple are wary of journalists and insist on filming us as we film them. AJ Miller denies he's a cult leader, but there's increasing concern about his extreme beliefs. I did resurrect quite a number of people in that state,

including a friend of mine, Lazarus. So in equally dubious fucking news, this is from news.sky.com. Former IT specialist claims to be Jesus reborn. As somebody with no tech skills at all, I look at most tech people as jesus right please fix my computer lay your hands on it and heal it i i actually am impressed because it although it took god

2 000 years to hit control alt delete and restart jesus you got a blue screen of death. He's up there. He's like, I can't believe I ran Jesus on windows. Are you fucking serious? I'll tell you what Jesus is, is malware. It's bloatware. You can't get rid of them. God damn it, he won't uninstall.

The fuck? I find this guy's claims somewhat dubious, although he says he remembers the crucifixion. So, you know, there's that. Oh, yeah, he says here, he says, I have clear memories of the crucifixion. But it wasn't as harrowing for me as it was for others, others like Mary, who was president. I'm thinking, yeah, you know, suffocating is always worse for those people who watch it. Yeah, that's I mean, a lot of people feel that way, you know, when they're being fucking nailed to a couple of sticks. They're like, eh, it kind of tickles, you know, but I am the son of God. He's looking at the person, he's like, this is hurting you way more than it's hurting me.

It's like your dad. It's like when your dad's really mad and it's like, I'm very disappointed in you. As they're pounding a nail through your foot, you're like, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. Did you watch the video of this? I did not know. This guy talking is awesome because he's like totally like, I don't know where he's from. He's from Australia, but he sounds, you know, I can't tell the difference between an Australian accent and a British accent.

They're all the same. They're all from New Zealand anyway. I guess one uses bloody more. I don't know. But in any case, he says at one point, he's like, I did resurrect quite a number of people. And you're like, come on now. You sound like a dude from that area.

Why doesn't he sound different? Why is it when somebody gets reborn or channels a spirit or whatever, they always sound like themselves. Why can't they sound any different? Why does he have an American accent? Or does he sound Jewish? He's like, oy vey, hey. I resurrected several people.

I think it would be great if he just spoke entirely in tongues all the time. Because that's the Holy Spirit language. Just always speak. Just fucking always speaking in tongues. Just time. Because that's the Holy Spirit language. Just always speak, just fucking always speaking in tongues. Just constantly, can't stop. What you want to do is open up a book in like Aramaic and be like, read it. Yeah, no kidding. Read it, dude.

These guys, like, they're like, yeah, I'm Jesus reborn. But I still just am a guy who ages and walks around and eats food. And like, I'm not really doing anything special. Like I was an IT guy for a while.

I haven't broken a fucking fish into a million pieces. Right. I haven't raised any from the dead. I haven't moved a big rock. I haven't walked on water. Do something fun. I haven't even told a fucking sermon near a hill. Like I haven't even done that.

Instead, he was an IT guy. Yeah. He was just like, did you try restarting it? No, sir, that's the CD-ROM. It's not a cup holder. I would like to read just a few comments

from the Million Moms Facebook page. This is on their page. And not that there's anyone counting, but for a group that calls themselves the Million Moms, they only have 40,000 members on their page. And not that there's anyone counting, but for a group that calls themselves the Million Moms, they only have 40,000 members on their page. So they're rounding to the nearest

million, and I get that. This story is from thinkprogress.org. One million moms doesn't want girls to save the world. I find it particularly amusing that one million moms wants to disenfranchise girls from changing society. One million moms. Yeah, but look it. Here's the deal. First off, it's a religious organization. Let's not forget that. That's true.

And based on most religions, it's pretty much a misogynistic organization. I mean, look, what do they want for their little girls? Do they want them to be astronauts? No, they want them to be moms. They're astronauts in the kitchen. Yeah. You know, the kitchen. Your food is astronomical, mom.

Wow. I've gained an astronomical amount of weight. Although, admittedly, I would have done that with anyone's food. I don't know. It's like, well, that was inevitable. I could have done that with anyone's food I don't know kids like well that was inevitable I could have gained that off of eating toothpaste if you don't cook I'll just start eating the counter just gonna start squeezing peanut butter

into my mouth I've eaten at least three household pets I'm just saying just where are the fucking appetizers put them on a triscuit I ate your cat I'm sorry there's this part of this where she says where they're talking about the person here, this one million mom person says, there is no doubt this superhero character, and they're talking about a superhero character that is confusing to children.

And they say, there's no doubt that this superhero character will confuse kids. confuse kids. Children desire to be like the superheroes and will mimic a superhero's every action, even to the point of dressing up in costumes to resemble the characters as much as possible. It won't be long before little boys start saying, I want to be a girl so I can help people save the world.

I used to watch many cartoons when I was a kid. I remember watching He-Man, but I also remember watching She-Ra when I was a kid. I never had a desire to be She-Ra ever. I was never like, man, I can't wait until I get tits and become She-Ra later on. I never, never in my wildest dreams did I consider that. You know, like the whole time you're like, I want to be the boy role model on that show.

You know, whenever you think about, you know, the shows that you're watching. When I was watching G.I. Joe, I never wanted to be fucking Jane. I wanted to be fucking Snake Eyes. Or Roadblock. Body Massage for Gene Goh. I wanted to be that guy. I didn't want to be fucking Jane. In this

cartoon, the character walks around as a boy and then turns into a girl superhero which is kind of cool like i like that it's gender bending i think it's i think i think kids can handle that i don't think that gender confusion you know despite what larry tomczak might think i don't think that gender confusion stems from watching a television program. Like gender confusion doesn't like that's just not how it works.

Like, you know, the kids aren't going to watch a show and be like, oh, man, I hope my dick falls off so I can put on a cape and fly around. Like, fuck you. That's you. You are not giving um the internal and genetic factors that uh are part of you know transsexuality and gender confusion and those sorts of things enough credit either it doesn't just come because you fucking saw something on tv and like you're saying at no point is anybody like oh man i watched this television show and then i wanted to be a ninja turtle what and even if you did

it doesn't matter because it's not going to happen. Right. Well when you're a kid you're like I mean I know I wanted to be a ninja turtle but I was like fucking seven or eight. You know what I mean? You're like whatever. You're a fucking idiot at seven or eight. And it's not like you're going to make it happen. We had a caller who wanted to be a werewolf.

And you know what happened? He didn't become a werewolf. He didn't become a werewolf. He didn't become a werewolf. Sadly. And he's not experiencing werewolf confusion later in his life, right? He's not wearing his silver necklace and itching at his neck. You know what I mean? The idea too is like, you know, oh,

we don't want boys to see, you know, a tough superhero that's a girl. Well, you know, what about Supergirl or She-Hulk? You know, these characters have been around for decades for crying out loud. You know, a tough superhero that's a girl. Well, you know, what about Supergirl or She-Hulk? You know, these characters have been around for decades, for crying out loud. You know, there's been women superheroes for a long time. They have not been, you know, changing how little boys and little girls think of themselves. Well, we bomb little girls with thousands of images of boys superheroes saving the world world and that's

totally fine right like everywhere you look there's there's male superheroes and that evidently that's not a fucking problem like this sent the same sentence it's like if you just say it backwards it won't be long before little girls are saying i want to be a boy so i can help people and save the world well yeah i'm sure that that's how some little girls feel. Because they're being bombarded by media images where all of the heroic figures or the majority of the heroic figures are male. Sure. So here we have one character amongst many. We have one character that they're going to get fucking worked up about because it sends a message that women aren't fucking incompetent you want answers i think i'm entitled you want

answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth cecil this story i fucking love this story it's from boulewaio24.com this was sent to us by project Archivist. Awesome fucking story. Prophet sends goblins to steal women's G-strings. A Buluwayo woman is reportedly... I love that shit. I love how you say that, too. I fucking love it. A Buluwayo woman is... Buluwayo.

Nailed it. A Buluwayo woman is reportedly tormented by goblins, which steal her G-string panties and whisper insults accusing her of switching to another church. Why are they stealing her panties? I love they specify that they're G-string panties. Yeah, that's kind of hot. It's like, oh, they stole my panties.

What shape and size? And do you have any representative examples of said panties? I'll need to take these back to the office for further examination. A week goes by. She asks the investigator, can I have my underpants back?

No. You don't want them. At this point, you don't want them back. A goblin got a hold of them. A goblin ate them? A goblin. What's all that. A goblin ate them? A goblin. What's all that on them? Goblin mucus?

I don't know. I'm just going to guess here. It's probably goblin. Goblin stuff. Goblins have ectoplasm. They're always covered in ectoplasm. So that's ectoplasm. There's a lot.

Some of it's maybe from this afternoon. That's still a little wet. So I like that this story is done by a guy, a really famous journalist, staff reporter. He's all over the place, this guy. I see so many of his articles. They're really insightful. Yeah, this guy's all over the place. The other thing that's really funny is the person who is evidently either summoned the goblins or called the goblins or turned children into the goblins is this guy by the name of Prophet Grinder. And I couldn't help but think that Prophet Grinder kind of sounds like a finishing move for a WWE wrestler.

kind of sounds like a finishing move for a WWE wrestler. It's like Allah the Merciful puts you in the profit grinder and then finishes you. That's what you tap out with is the profit grinder. Oh, he's got him in the profit grinder. It's not going to be long now, Gene. Oh, somebody hit him on the table. Another two by four. He tapped a goblin in.

I like, too, that the goblin accuses her of switching to another church. Did you switch to another church? Yeah, oh, yeah. Goblins are accusatory. I don't know if you knew that. If somebody accused me, that's such an innocuous thing. It's like, did you shop at Dominic's? Yeah.

Well, okay, then. Oh. Do you have any panties? Give me your hand. That's always the goblin's second question. Well, okay then. Oh. Do you have any panties? Give me your hand. That's always the goblin's second question. They never open up with that. Because that would be creepy if they opened up with the where's the panties.

Well, the real thing is like you come into your room and there's just a goblin standing there wearing all of your panties. Just all of them. He's got all the layers. He's got seven layers of panties on. He's like, hey, hey. It looks like a diaper on him because there's so many. He just turns to you. He's like, don't judge me.

Don't judge me. And he reaches in. You've got to catch him before he goes in your closet and starts trying on your shoes. You know what I mean? Reaches and grabs the last one. He's like, add one for the road. Hey, what do you mean one for the road? And then he does like a little dance. He's like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Hello, my darling. Hello, my... There's a great part of this article. I want to read it. It says, this is the woman. It says, I have run out of ideas on what I can do to free myself. Prophet Grinder can do anything because at one time he even changed a child into a funny creature to demonstrate his powers. Isn't a child a funny creature already?

Yeah, right. Like, I mean, what, he changed a child into a child? Like, he's actually just a particularly humorous child. Like, they change a man and he's like, what? What a deal with goblins. Yeah, he's like a particularly humorous child. They change him, man, and he's like, what? What a deal with goblins. He's like a little Sam Kinison. He's like, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Take my goblin, please.

Hey. No respect. No respect for the goblins and my many, many pairs of panties that I'm wearing right now. This whole article just gets so crazy when you read it. It's like, when I confronted him, he professed ignorance. And vowed I will never have peace in my life. Yeah, can you help me? I think maybe you fucking.

You will never have peace. I don't know anything about that, though. What? It's like saying, like, hey, I didn't hit your car. But your car is fucked up. Fuck that car up. Fuck that car up so bad. I don't know anything about it, but it is fucked up.

It's such a weird thing to do. It's such a weird thing to say. The troubled woman added that Prophet Grinder even did a few miracles before her to prove to her that he was capable of doing anything using his supernatural powers. So he basically pulled a meatloaf, right? Like he will do anything, but he won't do that. We won't do that. So we got some email this time. We wound up getting an email from Matt who wanted to know if we would pimp his blog for him.

I am going to post a link to his blog on this episode's show notes. So if you want to find his blog, you can go ahead and take a look at it through this episode. This is 102. If you go to our show notes, you'll find a link to his blog. The name of the blog is Deity Dubiety. So if you want to go take a look at it, you can just follow the link on this episode. So thanks, Matt, for sending that in.

Yeah, thank you. And if you go to it right now, there's an image of a witch with a testicle chin. That's a goblin. She's wearing panties. I don't know if you can see. So we got an email from Dana. And Tom, why don't you just read Dana's email? I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. My family and I came down here to Manila, Philippines for a short vacation. Unfortunately, we were mugged at the park of the hotel we were staying at. All cash, credit card, a mobile phone were stolen off us. All mobile phone?

All mobile phone. But luckily, we still have our passports with us. We've been to the embassy and the police here, but they're not helping issues at all. The bad news... Oh, Jesus. Did we get to the bad news? Where is the bad news? is our flight will be leaving in less than 8 hours from now

but we're having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave until we settle the bills. I'm freaked out at the moment. I need your help. Loan. Loan. Financially of $1,550 US. I promise to make the refund once we get back home. Please let me know if you can help, and I need you to keep

checking your email. I checked my email, and we sent that money, didn't we, Tom? Well, we did send that money. We're going to have to reopen our PAM. I know, we sent all the money in the paypal account we just sent

all of our money to dana we're hoping she got back safe you know it's terrible because i get the the philippines must just be a hotbed of this exact same theft yeah i have like a monthly account that just goes straight to the philippines yeah just i just keep every week i send $1,550 to hotels at random in the Philippines. And barristers. And barristers. In Nigeria. Yeah. I love that the Philippines are getting in on the 419.

Yeah. I think this is, you know, the thing is I've also had this happen to me over chat on Facebook. I've had people pop up and be like, oh, my gosh, I'm in London right now. I got jumped. Is there any way you can send me some money? And they're people that I barely know like, oh my gosh, I'm in London right now. I got jumped. Is there any way you can send me some money? And they're people that I barely know. Really? You know what I mean?

Like they're people that I'm friends with on Facebook, only friends because I met them once at like a conference or something. And I'm just like, yeah, you know, when was the last time we talked? Right. And then you'll get, I just really need the money. You're like, okay, yeah, I'm going to send it. You bet. It's in the mail right now. Yeah, no problem.

No problem. I'll go ahead and send you that money. You wait at the Western Union. I'll get right on that. You get a 419 prank. I'm like those 419 eater guys. I love that. That's a great website.

If anybody wants to spend a very enjoyable hour or so, Google 419 eater. It's just people that fuck with those 419 scammers, and they are goddamn geniuses. They're vicious and mean about it, and they do some crazy shit. People get tattoos. People like, they recite skits of Monty Python. They have fish on their head. They put fish on their head. They make them get tattoos. People like – they recite skits of Monty Python.

They have fish on their head. They put fish on their head. They make them get naked. They do all kinds of crazy shit to those people because all those people want is the money. So they go out of their way to make their life hell. And their idea – they supposedly are not doing it to be statistic. Instead, they're saying they're occupying the time of these scammers, and as they occupy their time, they don't have an opportunity to scam anyone anymore. That may or may not be true. I technically think it's sadistic, but who cares? It's funny.

We got an email from Joel and Joel sent us a video. Joel said that he is a promoter of our show and lives in the Midwestern, in the cornfields of Midwestern Illinois, which we know is full of flatlands and lots of very religious people. It's all corn goblins. Yeah, it really is corn. They keep putting all the corn down their underwears. But he says, long story short, he basically got into an argument with this guy, and this guy challenged him to a fight. Well, this is an MMA fight.

Well, he had just hurt himself, so a buddy of his named Bob the Flying Spaghetti Monster Vest stepped in and accepted the challenge and fought on his behalf. And we watched this fight, Tom and I, and the guy is standing there waiting for the other guy to punch. The other guy's totally telegraphing his punches, and he's totally dugging out of the way. And then Bob just grabs the guy, puts him in a guillotine, and chokes him out. It lasts like a minute. It's pretty funny.

You would think that the other guy had God on his side. God's mighty hand of smiting would have come down. But he was probably busy masturbating at the time. So thank you, Joel, for sending that in.ating at the time so so thank you joel for sending that in it it amused us so thank you very much it was very funny we got an email from daniel and daniel asked out of sheer curiosity do you guys have a line of sight as to how broad your audience is how how many podcast plays do you get on average per episode subscribers just curious um daniel we answer this in our fact but but I can save you the trouble of going there

none of your fucking business seriously, it's one of those questions that are like, it's like how big is your dick you know what I mean? none of your business, man we get some downloads and we have an audience and we're glad to have it

and every one of those listeners is important but we're not telling you how many there are. We're not telling you how many we got. I mean, we did recently say that we got a million over the course of several episodes. So that'll give you an idea of how many people are downloading. We've gotten a million from less than a hundred episodes. So that'll tell you something about our downloads. And if you want to pay us money to advertise, we'll certainly disclose that information. We have no problem disclosing to advertisers how many downloads we get

so we can see if somebody wants to advertise on the program. That's fine. But if it's just out of sheer curiosity, yeah, I'm not asking how your wife is in bed. Right. Is she any good? Yeah. She's a goblin.

Just send photos. Yeah. She wears several pairs of panties at the same time. She has seven pairs of panties on it. The foreplay takes forever. Yeah. She starts with the G-string, then she works up to the regular one. Eventually, again, she ends with the granny panty.

I like that. It's like peeling off layers. As you work your way down. Foreplay takes a really long time. It's like sex with an Eskimo. You're just like, ugh. For fuck's sake, really? I mean, it's like all night. It's like sex with one of those

giant gumballs, you know what I mean? Like a jawbreaker? Like a gobstopper? It's like a different color the further you get into it? Right, exactly. It's a different color as you dig your way down. Like as you as you get toward lime, you're like, oh, my God, I'm just exhausted. I got to suffer through the lime. Tom, we got an email idea, an idea of a sound clip from John.

Yeah. John says that we should use the crazy scene with Tom Cruise in Magnolia, where he's portraying a chauvinistic motivational speaker shouting, respect the cock. Every time you do another story about horrific misogyny from the Islamic world and anywhere else just to poke fun at the perpetrators of such awful practices and their religiously motivated ideologies. I like that idea. That idea is awesome. I don't really like it because then I'd have to watch Magnolia and find that spot. I will happily watch Magnolia and send you the time code.

Yeah. And then I'd have to watch Magnolia to actually record it, though. Oh, yeah. Well, then I win, you lose. That's how this podcast works. I have no need whatsoever to ever put Magnolia back in my television. You love Magnolia. You and your rain of frogs.

We got another one from John, too. I'm going to post this on our blog on the episode for 102. He says here's a project called the Free Thought Book Project. Basically, what this Free Thought Books Project is,

is people donate their old books that are on humanism and things like that. And these books go into prisons and are donated to the prison libraries so that people have an opportunity to read free thought books rather than just regular religious books and things like that. They go technically to mental hospitals, too, but it's inmates in mental hospitals.

Yeah, I think it's a great program, so check it out, and if there's books you guys want to donate, head on over there. Thank you for posting that. Oh, so we got an email, Tom, a question from Steve to you about use of your poem, the Skeptic's Creed. Yeah, so Steve asks, he's going through a process of trying to figure out if he wants to get some ink. And he asks if he can get credulity is not a virtue, the first line of the skeptics' creed. He asked if that is public domain. It's not public domain.

It's not copywritten, I don't think, in any meaningful way. It's just something I wrote. You're welcome to have that tattooed on yourself. If you do it, send me a picture, I guess. I've got a line from it tattooed on myself but I guess I wrote it so well you know if you get enough people if he gets

credulity is not a virtue and you get you know I don't know how many lines are in the poem but let's say 30 more people and they each do a line then you could stand at the end and punctuate it oh that would be fucking awesome we should do like a human wave of the skeptics creed that would be no awesome. We should do like a human wave of the skeptics' creed. That would be.

No, I mean, I'm flattered that he would even ask. Sure. So if it's something that's meaningful to you and you want to have it tattooed on yourself, I'm, you know, cool. Permission granted, I guess. Go to town. Send me a picture. Unless it's on your ass. In which case, send Cecil the picture.

If it's on your balls, Tom definitely wants to see it. Hey, if you're tough enough to get credulity is not a virtue tattooed on your sack, I'll take the time to look at it. I'll look at the picture. Whatever. So we got an email from Lauren, and Lauren is part of the InkZone G Plus community that talks about our podcast as well as other podcasts. On the last episode, if you go to last episode 101, on the comment section, Lauren posted a link to the InkZone G Plus community. So if you're interested, you can go there, check it out. But Lauren said that he wanted to make a little intro for our show, so he did. Now, we're not going to play your intro this episode, Lauren.

We're actually going to start the show out with it next time. And the reason why we're starting the show out with it next time, and we will probably use it in the future whenever we do a movie, is Tom and I are recording the second next week's show early because Tom is leaving town going on a vacation and Tom won't be back to actually record. So we're actually going to be watching a movie. The movie is called The Revisionaries. This was suggested to us by King of Cash Money in a list he sent us. The Revisionaries is available right now to watch streaming on Netflix. So if you're a Netflix subscriber, you can watch it right now. I don't know if it's on Amazon Prime. It may or may not be. They seem to share a lot of movies, so it may be there, but it's definitely on Netflix.

So if you're interested in keeping up with what's going on in the show, next week we're going to be reviewing the movie and sort of what we're going to be reviewing the movie and sort of what we're really doing is paying a lot more attention to the content of the movie. And the movie is about textbooks in Texas and the board that decides those textbooks. So if you're interested in watching that movie, watch it. And next week, we're going to start

with Lauren's beginning intro because it matches whenever we do movies. So thank you, Lorne, for creating it. We got an email from Gardner. And Gardner had this great band name. And it was, he says, one of these bands was a Christian heavy rock band called Yahweh or the Highway. And I can't. I seriously, I think that is one of the funniest band names ever.

I fucking love that. He says we should make a Yahweh and a Highway shirt. And he says you got Yahweh on the mic, spooky God, maybe Hades or another God of the dead as a gothic bassist, dissonant Jesus on guitar. He says, and you give me an idea, hillbilly god on drums. Maybe he's playing a turned over piss pot, missing some teeth, wearing overalls. And he said, just wanted to pass along the idea in hopes that one of your listeners is a talented

illustrator and would want to create a band t-shirt or illustration to post to the site. If somebody wants to post something like that to the site, send it to us. We'll post it to Facebook if somebody creates a Yahweh or the highway band image. I love that. That's a great band name. So if you do that, send it to us. Thank you, Gardner, for the idea. It's very funny. So we got an email from Mark, and Mark talks about a lot of different stuff. A lot of his email is basically a glory hole and then also talking about specifically where he's from and what he's doing. But I want to mention the PPS in his

message, Tom, you want to read it? PPS. In the past, you've mentioned the term socialized medicine. That is a made up and deliberately, wow. That is a made up and deliberately provocative word Invented by the American Medical Association in the 40s I know, I did a college project on it I'm back in school hoping to do a law degree Actually it reminds me of a time I got chatting with a neighbor about the National Health Service And after putting her straight several times about the supposed long waits and bad treatment

She said, bloody liberals are killing this country. Ha, lesson learned. Don't talk politics with neighbors. I didn't realize that it was a create. You know, it's funny. You see these terms. The term has kind of been co-opted back to be actually a positive thing, even though, you know, when you hear it, it really is kind of a negative – it has a negative connotation to it. Yeah. I mean if you're going to spin something, during the 1940s, anything associated with socialism and even still to this day has such a negative vibe to it. Here in the land of God-fearing capitalism, any kind of socialist terminology is immediately

anathema. So, you know, it's a smart way to demonize an idea is to attach rhetoric that is stomach churning to the population. It's disappointing because it means that, you know, millions of fucking people don't have good medical coverage. Right. But it's smart. Yeah. And I think I think it's funny that it actually is.

You know, if somebody were to say socialized medicine to me, it wouldn't even affect me. I would be like, yeah, that's a good idea. You know, we fucking socialize the roads. Let's socialize some medicine. You know what I mean? Like nobody's bitching about the socialized roads. Yeah, but you're giving it some thought instead of just knee jerking, you know.

I hate those socialized roads. Damn communist roads. Damn communist roads. Yeah, but you're giving it some thought instead of just knee-jerking, you know. I hate those socialized roads. Damn communist roads. Damn communist roads? Fucking communists. Every damn speed limit sign has a sickle on it. Chairman Mao put that yield sign. It's Chairman Mao. Mao wants me to yield. I say

never yield. You say do not enter. I say enter at will. They got signs on the road, no stalling. So that ends a shortish episode of this show. We will be back next week, but with a very short show, specifically talking about the revisionaries and Netflix streaming movie that you can watch. So if you want to stay current with the show, you should probably take a few minutes out this week.

It's an hour and 20 minutes long, so it's a relatively short show or relatively short movie. It's 80 minutes long, I guess. So it's relatively short. So if you watch it, you can then sort of follow along when we talk about it next week. But we'll be back next week with a short show. Until then, here's the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue,

hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides.

Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. you