Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 109: The Scathing Atheist

Episode Date: July 29, 2013

Twitter: @survivinggod .

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Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is, I think, well, 109 episode. If the fucking notes are to be believed.

Right, right. Which is dubious. And this is a very special show, because we have Noah from the Scathing Atheist podcast on. Noah. You gotta give him his whole name, because it's the whole name is where the- It is pretty awesome. It's Noah Lugens, which I think is pretty awesome.

Well, I thank you. With a name like that, I really had only one career option ahead of me, an atheist podcaster. Yeah, like if you get named Britney, you're going to be a stripper. If you're Noah Lugens, really, you're just fucked. You're going to be a podcaster. That's it. Your parents foresaw the rise of podcasting, like the inevitable advent of new media well before their time. We're like, oh, we've got to give him a name apropos to the future.

And we know he's not going to be into bullshit. They disguised their cutting-edge technology knowledge well with that prehistoric CD player they had for about 25 years. but my dad's just getting into uh like he has like 12 cds and i gave him like an ipad what wait a minute like tops tops if he has 12 if he has 12 cds i'll eat my fucking hat he probably has eight you know and like one of them's a box set of three you know that's i think he got them all for his i gave him an ipad ipod nano like old one, because his car doesn't have a CD player anymore because it's, you know, 2013. CD player in your car. Like, what would you use it for? I don't even.

It was like a six month window when that wasn't a piece of shit anyway. And I'm showing him the other day, like how to rip CDs. And I keep using words like rip the CD. And I thought he thought I was going to rip his CDs. I'm like, well, just rip your CDs. He's like, he looks at me like, I don't know. Then they won't work no more. Why would you destroy my shit?

You know? So that was a digression that meant nothing. Noah, you've got a podcast, the Scathing Atheist podcast. Thank you very much for coming on our podcast. This is what we do as an incestuous community of mutual masturbators. The first story that I want to go over here comes from RT.com. Recognizing same-sex unions brings us closer to the

apocalypse, says the head of the Russian Orthodox Church or Mr. Easter Egg as I like to refer to him. This is the most ridiculously gilded man I have ever seen. He looks like Santa Claus

dressed... He does look like Santa Claus. He brings the worst presents. He like, you know, it's like a stocking full of bigotry. You seriously? Stocking full of bigotry? You could not possibly come up with a more ridiculous costume for a religious figure. Well, you can see exactly why he's so upset. Clearly by his outfit, the gay creep in Russia is moving in fast.

I opened the thing. That's the first thing I said when I saw it. I was like, how can gay Santa be so against a same-sex union here? He's pretty fucking fabulous. And then he's sporting this boss villain name, Patriarch Kirill. Like, tell me that's not the bad guy in an 80s cartoon. Kirill, it totally is.

He teamed up with Kingpin, I think, for a little while. It's like they took the brain out of the jar from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, put it into Santa Claus, and you ended up with this freak. jar from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, put it into Santa Claus, and you ended up with this freak. You know it's going to be a good show when there's a fucking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

reference. That's fucking awesome. I was in Times Square the other day. They're shooting the new movie out there. It's going to be great. Megan Fox is in it, so you know it's going to be good. Yeah, it's going to be fucking definitely worth watching. That's for sure. You know,

this story, so the story is that this guy thinks that, you know, that same-sex unions are going to bring about the apocalypse. And I want to read a little quote. He says, We face enormous temptations when countries start approving sin and codify it into

law in order to justify it, said the man whose head looks like a boobie with a cross as a fucking nipple. I mean, doesn't his head look like a giant tit? He is Father Tithead. I mean, that is definitely. He has a tit face. Like, what the fuck? How do you balance that Fabergé egg on your cranium?

So, well, it's the whole test to be the patriarch of Moscow, I guess. How do you balance that Fabergé egg on your cranium so well? It's the whole task to be the patriarch of Moscow, I guess. The thing is, since he's Russian, when you take that hat off, there's a smaller hat underneath. And then you take that one off, and there's another. It's like an infinite progression. It actually works true with his beard as well. It's hell when he's shaving. God damn it.

You take it off, and there's like a goateee and then he's just got the soul patch after a while you know what occurs to me like i'm reading this piece of shit story and he says uh we face enormous temptations when countries start approving sin and codifying it into law in order to justify it. I just fucking read that. Yeah. No, we don't. I'm not tempted. I'm not facing any temptation. What temptation as a heterosexual man am I facing? It was I sitting around like, man, if only they would let gay people get married, then I'd suck a dick.

Well, you know, I lived for years in rural South Georgia, the darkest enclave of homophobia in this fucking country. And now for the last six years, I'm in New York, liberal Georgia, the darkest enclave of homophobia in this fucking country. And now for the last six years, I'm in New York, liberal city, very open to homosexuality. The idea of sucking a cock has not gotten any more appealing because I'm in a liberal part of the world. I haven't woken up one day saying, well, you know, they're all raving about the cock sucking. Let me give that a try, I guess. You know, I'm not gay. And obviously I'm not counting camp when I say this, but I'm not gay.

So it doesn't appeal to me. I thought the most insane thing was they talked about Vladimir Bond villain signing a law that strengthens the penalties for, quote, propagating homosexuality among minors. How the fuck does that work? They have banner ads for gay sex in Russia? Some old guy standing on the corner going, hey, you should try the butt sex if you haven't done it yet. You tried the vagina, it's much better. You suck a penis, you know, a little hand job.

It's like having a law against propagating Mexican-ness in children. Hey, have you kids tried being Mexican? How the fuck would this even work? How can you have a law against something that you couldn't do if you wanted to? You made those kids gay. Well, shit, sorry about that. I spilled paint on them.

What? You look at this, and my first thought was like, they're treating homosexuality like it's foie gras, right? Like, people are just going to be like, I would try homosexuality like it's foie gras right like people are just gonna be like i would try it but it's illegal yeah it's kind of taboo i don't know i mean it's not foie gras it's not a food you're it's a it's a sex like that's not something you're just gonna be

naturally inclined to but you look at this guy and you think well maybe you would right you know i mean yeah i can see how he's getting tempted by all of this the man is clearly holding one shaft with three more shafts on in this image you could not get more phallic than that now but you know he started making sense at one point he did say uh he said codifying sin into law leads to quote self-destruction of the nation. And I'm thinking if any nation knows about self-destruction, it's going to be Russia. That fucking country has self-destructed three times since I got married. So maybe they've got a little checklist there.

They're like, oh, shit. Well, you know what? That tornado may be, you know, I don't know. We're always one step closer to the apocalypse, though, aren't we? Yeah. Well, if you're Russia and you just had a fucking meteor blow up over your country it's very true at some point you gotta say it's like god's bringing back the brimstone guys god is making armageddon happen the actual movie like he's so mad he's making us live out a shitty movie i like this this is this is my favorite part where it says, this is that fucking tit face over here saying this. He says, where sin is elected

through freedom, there comes death, terror, and dictatorship. Says the guy who lives in a country formerly ruled by fucking Stalin. Right? That guy just said that out loud. What kind of sales pitch is it? You're coming out against freedom. This guy is

actually coming out against freedom. This guy is actually coming out against freedom. That's a hard sell. Yes. Well, maybe not so much in Russia. Well, you know, not as familiar with the concept, I guess. You've bought it several times at this point. You're like, I'll have that again. It's like you're special.

You know, you go in, you're like, I always get the corned beef. I guess I'll get the corned beef. I guess I'll get the corned beef. Like, oh, I'll take some oppression. Fine. Always get the oppression here. Stupid oppression. They talk a lot of these guys. Now, this is not a symptom of only Russia.

I mean, there are plenty of people here in the United States that also say that if we get same-sex unions, we're closer to the apocalypse, we're close to the apocalypse. And I hear that, you know, you hear it from this guy, you hear it from people over here. I know that, you know, obviously Rick Perry and all the other sort of bobbleheads that live over, that are over here, you know, Michelle Bachman has said something very similar before. I think the problem is, is, you know, they're using the word apocalypse. I think that they don't understand the difference between their beginnings and their ends. And the problem is that they're sort

of mixed up. What they don't mean is apocalypse. What they say is, what they mean to say is they're talking about the beginning. They're saying, if we allow homosexual unions, there will be a big bang, is what they mean to say. Putin, after he signed this law, I heard he punched out a fucking bear, though.

So that means right afterwards, he just turned around and fucking socked a bear. That would be great if instead of a rose garden, he signed everything in a bear wrestling ring. Just sign it on a bear's back. They probably have a little timid-ass bear that they just roll around next to him, so anytime he feels like punching a bear, he's muzzled and shit and weak, but they just have his punching bear. It's like the royal food tester. It's like, I got the shittiest job for fucking punching bear.

Oh, man. We go through more bears that way. I will say the scariest fucking part of this article, though, is that bottom when they say 88% of Russians supported this amendment to law. Only 7% said they were against. 54% said homosexuality should be banned and criminalized.

That sounds like fucking Georgia. I mean, not Georgia overseas either. I'm talking like Georgia here. Well, both, actually. Actually, yeah, I guess it turns out Georgia is like Georgia here. Well, both, actually. Actually, yeah, I guess it turns out Georgia is like Georgia. The first, like, nine-tenths of the article you're reading it and saying, oh, well, they've got their crazy wackaloon guy over there like we have over here. And then you read that and you're like, oh, no shit, this guy is in the mainstream.

Yeah. It totally is. He's, you know, maybe Putin doesn't even give a shit. Maybe he's just like, fuck, I want to get reelected or fix another election so I get elected. Right, right, yeah. I'll sign whatever law you need me to sign. Right. After I'm out of office, I'll have no bears to punch that I don't wrestle myself.

So if you're waiting for more No Illusions, he'll be back at the end of the show. We're going to keep him and make him edit our show constantly. He works for like 30 cents an hour, so it's pretty cheap, actually. Yeah, turns out that's about as much as we got donations this week, so we can go ahead and... So it's good. It's good. A long black cock, long

black cock. A long black cock. A long So this story comes from RichardDawkins.net. Jailed, charged with sedition for inciting religious enmity. Sex bloggers Alvin Tam and Vivian Lee have been charged and imprisoned without bail in Malaysia after they posted a photo

offensive to Muslims on their Facebook page. They face up to eight years, eight fucking years in prison. And Cecil, the photo is basically of two smiling people eating food. It is. That is exactly it. It's two smiling people. It is. That is exactly it.

It's two smiling people. They have a pork food on the thing and and they're wishing their their Muslim friends a, you know, whatever. Happy day or whatever. Happy Ramadan. And and because they're eating pork, which is haram, if you will. You got to roll the all of the letters well you know that's bad and so now they're being charged because it's highly

offensive supposedly because they're eating pork because they not like they're fucking holding some dude down and forcing fucking pork in his face they're just showing it to the camera and that's somehow offensive. It's so offensive that they're going to spend

eight years in a fucking Malaysian prison? Are you kidding me? Eight years in a Malaysian prison? You should be able to feed somebody to a pig. Are you kidding me? Are you eating a pig and making a joke like, hey, it's fucking Ramadan?

You know what, fuckers it's ramadan for you it's not ramadan for me motherfucker exactly it's just not like hey is it ramadan no fuck you i'm gonna eat all the pigs all the fucking pigs i'm gonna roll around in a fucking i'm gonna go in like a fucking pig sty full of fucking pigs and just roll around with fucking chopsticks eating whatever body parts happen to flail into my chomping, gaping fucking maw. That's how not fucking Ramadan it is for me. The idea that you would see a photo and be like, hmm, that photo on Facebook.

Arrest this man. Why? He made a joke that I did not appreciate. I would have been arrested at birth. man why he made a joke that i did not appreciate i would have been arrested at birth wouldn't it suck so bad to get fucking arrested for posting something i mean what kind of fucking weird goddamn country do you live in where you post a fucking picture on facebook and get arrested now i could see if the picture was you molesting children. That makes sense. That's a photo I could see you getting arrested for. Face fucking a baby.

They're like, oh, that's a little much. Sure, yeah. You crossed the line there. It's a little bit. Yeah, you're fisting a little kid. That's not a thing they want to see. You know, or, you know, maybe there's a snuff film or something you posted to Facebook. Understandable.

Eating a fucking food. And the other thing, too too that you got to understand is this dude and this this woman they have a a video blog an erotic video blog called sex cushions with alvy lvv i guess his name is sex you have a fucking trip like an x-rated blog and you're in malaysia i'm surprised he's not resting this food on his gigantic balls. I know. Like, what incredible just chutzpah, chutzpah this guy has. Like, both of them.

Chutzpah for the ham. It's fucking awesome. Like, it's great that they're, you know, thumbing their nose at this ridiculous authority. I do, however, want to bring up, Cecil, You said, like, can you imagine living in a country, you get arrested for Facebook? Did you hear, this is kind of an aside, did you hear about that teenager maybe two, three weeks ago that got arrested for putting a joke on Facebook

about killing kids at a school? What? Some kid, this is fucking true. It's like three or four weeks ago, somebody was, like, making fun of some kid on Facebook. Like there was like a little argument. And he said something like, yeah, I'm going to go fucking, yeah, he said something like, yo, yeah, that's me. I'm so crazy.

I'm going to go shoot up a school. LOL JK. Motherfucker got arrested and is still in jail. Yeah, that's just because judges have no idea what LOLJ They think that's the type of gun he's going to use. He's identified the ammunition he's going to use.

Old man stepped down. He's using his LOL rounds. Oh quick, he's using his ROFL rounds. He's got hollow point LMAOs. Fuck. I just pray over this equipment.

We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors. And we say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this. And we say you will not, in Jesus' name, you will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems, in Jesus' name. This story is from truthwinsout.org. Known exorcist testifies against Massachusetts bill to ban ex-gay therapy. What struck me about this was that this is in Massachusetts, and they still let this fucking moron speak she's i mean she really is something else now there's a clip on this page from a pbs documentary we're going

to play it and we're going to listen along with you why wouldn't it be reasonable that if people crawl around on the floor of bars and have homosexual sex that they would pick up demonic power. What? We definitely cleanse and bind demonic powers out of females' uterus cavities. What? Out of genitals. Out of genitals, baby. And, of course, out of anal canals.

Of course. Out of intestines, out of throats and mouths. That's right. If there's been ungodly. A little throat and mouth action. In those areas, we cleanse the blood of Jesus and we cast out the demonic powers of lust, lasciviousness, all sorts of filth. Am I the only one turned on right now? We cleanse the person and cast out demonic powers. That's the way we do it. Okay.

Now tell me right now, after listening to that, doesn't she remind you, have you ever seen Porky's? No. Oh, God. If you did, there's a woman in there by the name of Beulah Ballbreaker who is, that is that woman to the T. So the listeners, if you know the movie Porky's, watch this and tell me she doesn't remind you of Beulah Ballbreaker on that stupid goddamn movie. You could just tell she's, it sounds like she's titillated by it. You could watch her and you're like, you could tell she's, there's some weirdness going on with this woman.

There has to be. Nobody is that obsessed with the ungodly deposits of semen in people's throats. Well, I kind of am, actually. I mean, don't get me wrong. Just go ahead and gargle that for me for a minute. You know, there's this ghost of a smile kicking up in her lips as she's talking about this. She's like, why wouldn't it be reasonable?

I'm like, well, because it's unreasonable, first of all, because it has... It would not be reasonable? Well, because it's unreasonable, first of all, because it has, it would not be reasonable because it and reason have nothing to do with one another. That is part of the actual, and this woman gets to testify, I mean, testify in front of a people's.

She should be locked up. Like, she should be testifying to a padded room. She's a fucking lunatic. Yeah, and she gets to testify about conversion therapy. And I'm going to read directly from the article. It says conversion therapy, when applied to children who are exploring and coping with their sexual orientation or gender identity, includes not only traditional talk therapy, but has in certain instances employed electroshock therapy, nausea-inducing drugs, and other bizarre methods that have no scientific evidence of curing a child's same-sex attraction or identification with the gender that they are not born as. I mean, you're talking about nausea-inducing drugs and electroshock therapy to stop people from, you know, being gay? I mean, you're going to do—would you ever do anything that would try to induce nausea in your own child? No, because I love my child.

Like, when my kid is sick, I'm like, oh, that sucks. Let me try to help you feel better. I know what it is to feel sick. And as a person with some fucking empathy in my heart, a small amount it must be sure yeah i mean a tiny little you know i try to reduce the fucking misery and suffering that other people feel like you you look at this and the only thing i can think is you ever watch those those documentaries you ever of of the uh the old-timey treatments of mental illness where they would yeah just like dunk people in ice water and like try to sweat them out

of it. And like, it's like clockwork orange or not. Not clockwork orange. Once over the cuckoo's night. Right. And you see this and it's like, this is as big of a blight, as big of a fucking stain as conversion therapy bullshit on the history of the treatment of mental illness as lobotomy treatments.

You know, it is absolutely non-scientific garble flarb it's just it's fucking it's argle blargle there's no other way to put it and you know they're they're they're i mean it is actively hurting people like that's the thing is like it's not a it's not a treatment that you can just be like Reiki, right? Like if somebody was doing Reiki, they're just taking your money. They're not going to hurt you by doing Reiki. The only harm they're going to do is that they're not treating you for the thing that you came in to get treated for, right? That's the only harm is that there's a non-treatment.

This is not a non-treatment. This is a thing that's actively hurting people. treatment. This is a thing that's actively hurting people. You know, it's like, it's not like they're just, you know, giving them some sort of sugar pill and saying you're going to get better. And then they don't get, they don't change. And then they're, you know, whatever. It's not like that. This is, I mean, you're fucking shocking kids. You're making them sick. You know, you're, you're not only that, but you're also talking to them and you know that when they're talking to them, they're saying how bad this is and how shameful they should feel. And, you know, I mean, you're basically giving these kids a mental illness. And these are kids that are at an

incredibly high risk for suicide. You know, in the same article, 30 to 40 percent of LGBT youth have attempted suicide. 30 to 40 percent of these people are. And one has to think that a tremendous amount of this a tremendous amount of this comes from negative social pressures. Sure. And to take somebody and to try to convert or cure them. I mean this is an at risk population

and you're just fucking shitting on them the whole time and you're going to let this woman, this fucking semen obsessed exorcist. She gets to speak. I would think that you would get more credibility out of like a fucking somebody coming in and doing a rain dance than an exorcist. Like, I mean, it's seriously like I think I would look at somebody who's like a fucking like the chief of the fucking Hopi tribe coming in and full out and trying,

like a shaman or something. I would be like, that guy has more credibility than this jackass who pretends to fucking exercise spirits out of somebody's body. As soon as somebody claims like, well, you know, I believe in exorcism. Like, that's a fucking litmus test for nonsense, right? Like, oh, you believe in exorcism. I have nothing further to say to you. Like, we're done here. You know, it's like going to the fucking car dealership and being like oh how's like how's

this car it's a horrible fucking car you don't continue negotiating right you already know like they just fucking told you maybe i'll knock a hundred dollars off the cost you can knock all the monies off of it, right? It doesn't matter. Somebody seriously, this is a fucking... What we need to do, Cecil, is we need to come up with a questionnaire. And when you meet people, you'll be like, and it could be like the Ghostbusters questionnaire.

Do you believe in demons, ghosts, and retails? And if they answer yes to any of that, it's just like, we're done here. I've got nothing left to say to you. There's no reason to talk to you. Go in the corner. Please stop testifying. So we're going to take a break because I'm tired.

And we'll give you some information. And you can use that information if you want. And then we'll return in a few minutes with Noah from The Scathing Atheist and also some shit that we cobbled together. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website dissonancepod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore pod.

The guys also post to Google Plus now too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. This story is just fucking weird, man. This is from

freethinker.co.uk and I love the way that the headline doesn't pull a lot of punches. Christian crazies in Canada threaten to run a lesbian couple out of town with BB guns. Evidently shouting, you're going to shoot your eye out at them the whole time. Two vicious anonymous letters clearly written by imbeciles. Whose biggest threat?

Anonymous letters clearly written by imbeciles. Yeah. Whose biggest threat. Like, I love that Canada is so non-threatening as a country that your biggest threat is that some kids might shoot you with a BB gun. Like, here in the States, if they're going to run you out of town, they just fucking lynch you. Yeah. They just light your house on fire. Right. In Canada, they're like, some kids might shoot a BB gun at you.

Yeah. Right. In Canada, they're like, some kids might shoot a BB gun at you. Yeah, well, and as the letter says, I can assure you that BB pellets hurt! Like, the letters almost seem like they're a joke. Like, when you read them, I read through these letters, and I could not, I was like,

I, feels like somebody's kidding around here. You know, the first thing that throws me off is it's in Canada. I was like, I feels like somebody's kidding around here. You know, the first thing that throws me off is it's in Canada. I'm like in Canada. Like there's somebody. And the one, you know, the thing that really is just the sort of kicker, right, is the person says our base head office in the deep south. Like that's where your head office is. What's the deep south of canada

ontario are they talking about the deep south i don't know are there because they are they're from they're from kingston ontario but what's so that that's already like the southern part of of canada i don't even know if canada has a deep so i mean they must be talking about like our deep south right like we're headed down here and then and then they offer them, they're still so polite. Like, this is why I believe it. Because they're still so polite. They're like, get the fuck out of our town.

Well, we're not really going to say what that means. In fact, we'll actually offer you a financial incentive. Like, they're basically saying, like, if you don't have the money, we'll give you the money. We just don't want you here. I mean, in the letters they offer and then they say like too like and also if you know any other gay couples you know let us know who they are and we can hook them up with some relocation funds as well this so fucking polite about the way they're trying to scare you out of town like i just looked it up. Kingston is a border town.

What? It's a border town. It's on Lake Ontario, but it's a border town. So wait a minute. I mean, you go south, it's New York. So if you're from the deep south, you're clearly saying we're from the states. Is that a way to— Yeah, they must be saying that they're from the deep south of you're clearly like saying like, we're from the States. Like, is that a way to, yeah, there's, they must be saying that they're from the deep South of, of the United States.

I mean, they, they, that, that has to be what they're saying. And that's why I was just like, this seems so weird. Yeah. This whole thing is, is bizarre. Can you imagine if the KKK operated this way? Like what? Shot BB guns at people? No one would be afraid.

They just offered you money to move. Like I would just show up to Kingston. If I was a little strapped for cash and I was homosexual go to kingston they'll pay you to leave all you have to do is like rent a short-term apartment wait to get shot twice with a bb gun and they'll write you a fucking check yeah just show up there put your gay pride flag outside yeah let the donations pour in from the bigots yeah the bigots are paying you to leave. Assless chaps around city. It'd be so cold. I don't even know that it's a city, to be honest with you.

It sounds like a town, to be honest. We're going to get mail, though, from Canadians who will stand up for Kingston. Yeah, we're going to get fucking mail that says we'll shoot you with a BB gun and then it'll explain why it hurts. It'll explain. You better. It smarts. Look. It'll sting a little. This smarts. It smarts. Look. It'll sting a little.

This smarts. It will sting. It may raise the skin a little. We're going to tell them they can pump it twice, but no more. Yeah. And if you see those kids pump the BB guns more than twice when they're shooting you, you let us know. Here's our address.

That's right. Because they give the BB guns to the kids to go shoot them. Who enlists their children in their gay fucking bashing bigotry? Well, I guess Nazis would. Canadians, I guess. And like weird American Canadians.

Right? Because their base is in... I feel so bad we're polluting Canada. We're like taking a giant dump on Canada and our fucking turds are up there. It's all Noah's old neighbors. Oh, gosh. Gosh, Canada, I'm sorry. What the fuck?

We are. We're like the shitty neighbor that never mows his lawn. We are. Our fucking weeds are growing up in your fucking fence. But we're just just a lot bigger. We're like the neighbor who's bigger and meaner and drunker than you. A lot drunker.

So you just kind of want to say something, but you're like, I'm going to get my ass kicked in front of my wife if I say something. Fuck. These guys suck so bad. You could accept the fact that this city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportion. What do you mean, biblical?

What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor. Real wrath of God type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes. The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice.

Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria. So Cecil, this next story is a very serious story this comes from news9.com and it asks the question we've all been wondering and this is again from a fucking news channel are we living in revelation from news9 this is a story on their television news. Are we living in Revelation? It's a big deal in Oklahoma. It is evidently a big deal.

You just want to be like, no, you're living in Oklahoma. You're not living in Revelation. You're living in Oklahoma. You're exporting your bigots up to Canada. Oklahoma, you're exporting your bigots up to Canada. You've gotten like you have reached a critical mass of dumb assholery and bigotry. So you've had to actually ship them north at this point. I can't even believe this is on the news.

I can't either. This is a this is one of those. This is one of those stories. It's like one of those sort of I mean, I mean, I don't even know what they call these. It's like a filler piece in the news. It's like we don't have news today. Like something didn't blow up downtown. No little old lady got mugged.

Some fucking joker didn't fucking get a cat out of a tree or whatever. So we have nothing. It's a slow goddamn news day. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to go ask two jagoffs whether or not the fucking revelation is actually here. Like, like to like you decide to subsect in the entire population, United States into two local guys who happen to read a book and know a little bit about the Bible. And you're going to ask them whether or not revelation is here. And then they go through this big, long thing about, you know, is revelation happening? Could it be revelation now? Or is it the, you know, is it the start of, uh, of the revelations? Is it the, what they call like the time of the church or something? And I'm thinking like, why are you even talking about this on the

news? Why are you, why, why would this ever even show up on a news broadcast? I understand that it's not like a fucking, you know, it doesn't have to be secular. It's, you know, your news is your, you know, it's your company. You get to decide what you, what you air. But, you know, it's, I mean, who the fuck cares whether or not it's fucking revelation or not? Well, here's the thing. This would be a news story if it was like, are we living in revelation?

Eyewitnesses report four horsemen. Here's video of the four horsemen. Oh, fuck. That one is about to kill me. You know, that would be like the plague of locusts. Did you see the fucking lake of fire? How's the moon? Oh, it's made of blood or whatever the fucking nonsense.

Look, Revelation is a fever dream by schizophrenics. Right. It is the craziest fucking book. I'm going to read a little bit from Revelation, Cecil. You'll have to bear with me. Tell me if this sounds. I'm just going to turn off them. Oh, you want me to listen.

I want you to tell me. We're going to answer this question. Are we living in Revelation? Tell me if this sounds familiar. Sounds good. The dragon stood on the shore of the sea, and I saw a beast coming out of the sea. And it had ten horns and seven heads, with ten crowns on its horns, and on each head a blasphemous name. Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

I gotta stop you. The math is... What? It had ten horns and seven heads. They're unevenly distributed horns. It's just like, like randomly, like you're just like, okay, so the third one has two and the fifth one has two. I ran out of horns. I couldn't get them all up. I just didn't have enough horns.

You know, you realize how many horn animals there are. I just did not have when I started making the dragons with all the other leftover parts. All I had was seven heads and ten horns. What you gonna do? I had to save some for the unicorn. The unicorn? What? And it doesn't even suck to be the head that just has one.

You're just like, oh, fuck. There's a couple of them that are like, look at me, bitch. Check it out. I am adorned with horns. If one had seven and none of the rest had any. It would have a crown of horns. Just like it's, yeah. But so far, okay, so far.

It gets what? Hold on. You were going to say it gets what? It gets crazier, yeah. Yo, that's impossible. Oh, no. This is so awesome. Wait, are there horns on the platypuses now?

Like, what's happening? And on each head, it had a platypus. Like, what? Instead of being horned, you're just platypused? Yeah, no, that evolved. That's fucking awesome. What I love is, like, there's this animal, right? It's a dragon.

It's clearly fucking mythical made by God. And it's, like, it's got fucking seven heads and ten horns it's like the worst intelligent design ever like it's the dumbest fucking it's probably its stomach's probably outside of its body too in all of the rest of nature symmetry right right and then this beast rises up and it's like i've got all these extra. Hey, who's in charge here? And I could just get an arm on my back for no reason. It looks like fucking Trondor. He's the burninator. He has this third burly arm.

The beast I saw resembled a leopard, but had feet like. I'm totally reading this shit. Leopard. But had feet like those of a bear and a mouth like that of a lion. The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority. Wait, where's the fucking beast and what

does it look like? We've so far been describing the beast. The dragon so far hasn't done anything except for stand on the shore. Then the beast comes up and it looks like a leopard, bear, lion. Oh, I thought the dragon looked like a leopard. I was like, that's not a dragon, bro.

Like, that's a leopard. You're not good at describing things, sir. I don't care what you call it. That's like calling your fucking cat a turtle. It doesn't make it a turtle. This is my cat. That's not a cat. That would be actually a turtle.

I'm just going to call him a cat and say he resembles a turtle. This is my cat. That's not a cat. That would be actually a turtle. Yeah, but I'm just going to call him a cat and say he resembles a turtle. Right. That's not how things work. One of the heads, this is my favorite part, one of the heads of the beast seemed to have a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. That's not how fatal works.

You can't heal a fatal wound. That's a mistranslation, because you can't have a fatal that gets healed. How was the wound? Fatal, but he got better. What? I had SIDS, but I recovered. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast. People worshipped the dragon

because he had given authority to the beast. And then they also worshipped the beast and asked, who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it? I mean, it's just crazy. It just gets crazier. Every time you read a sentence out of this, it gets crazier.

Then I saw a second beast. It had two horns, like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. What the fuck? A dragon? How the fuck does it speak like a dragon? You know, the way dragons speak. What the fuck does that even mean? And then the fatal wound comes back because it says,

and its inhabitants worship the first beast whose fatal wound had been healed. This wound is evidently very important, but it doesn't also matter. You're like, I have a fatal wound. How is it going? Just fine. Well, why bring it up? The vision is just like a head that's nearly torn off, but it's still like, hey, bro. No, no, I'm good.

No, I'm good. But it's like torn off and kind of hanging there. I'm like, oh, my head's got a fatal wound on it. I love that a head can have a fatal wound, too. Just the head has a fatal wound. It's just like the head is the only thing that has the fatal wound. So this is revelation, guys. This is actually what is written down.

Like, this is a supposedly holy text. It doesn't, you can't write something more nonsensical than this. This is fucking Jabberwocky crazy. It should say, are we living in Jabberwocky? It was brilliant. It's brilliant. Look, it's very brilliant. The weatherman called for a case of brilliant outside.

It would be fucking awesome if they had a news story to say whether it was brilliant in the shilly toves like that would be fucking awesome now did you watch the video for this I did I played the video but I'm not gonna lie to you my attention wandered because they were talking about whether it was revelation well there's a dude

who comes on a little later on in it and he starts talking he's like no we're not in revelations really you know what we should be doing is focusing on what the bible's all about which is to help each other out and i'm thinking dude that's not what the bible's like did you read revelations we're talking about a beast who's helping who out well the beast is no the the you didn't pay attention. The dragon helped the beast who had had a fatal wound. You're not even like... I don't...

Yeah. It's true. Your listening comprehension when I'm reading Jabberwocky is not very good. Not very good at this. I wonder if they... You know, when they say, you know, are we living in a time of revelation? I would say yes. If by revelation you mean there are new things that are revealed.

Yes, every day there's a new thing that is revealed to us. Every day scientists are discovering something new, figuring out how to stop some sickness, whatever it is. There's something new all the time that's happening. So yes, are we living in a time of revelation? Yeah, but it's the second definition, not the first. The first one is fucking crazy, fucking dragon talk. The Lord said to me, recently in the United States, we've had these Supreme Court decisions, you know,

that are against biblical marriage. And the Lord said to me, duck your head. Duck your head. I said, oh, head, duck your head. I said, oh God, duck my head. And so, yeah. And so what he said is I'm going to mark my people. I'm going to put a mark upon my people to bless them. They're going to be in a season, as long as you're tithing, obeying the Lord, but there's a whole lot of shaking getting ready to happen. A whole lot of shaking. A whole lot of shaking.

This story comes from Right Wing Watch. Jacobs, God preparing a whole lot of shaking to punish America for gay marriage decisions. Self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacobs delivered an ominous warning to America while speaking with fellow televangelist Jim Baker, describing a message she received from God that the country will face divine punishment over the Supreme Court's rulings on marriage equality. So now anything that happens at any timeline is going to be attributable to this fucking dimwit. Yeah, and that's exactly what she says. She's like, before Sandy, I said there was going to be attributable to this fucking dimwit. Yeah, and that's exactly what she says. She's like, before Sandy, I said there was going to be disasters. And you're like, I could say it today.

Like, if I would have said it yesterday. Let's say yesterday, yesterday before I went to bed, I would turn to my wife and be like, you know there's going to be disasters. Today there was a fucking train crash in this morning, early morning or whatever, our time. There was a train crash in Madrid. 77 early morning or whatever, our time, there was a train crash in Madrid. 77 people or something died, right?

I don't know if you saw this. I did. Yeah, it was awful. But it's like a high speed rail accident. Right. I saw that. That's a fucking disaster. Sure.

It's there. We are a fucking planet of, at this point, what, six and a half or seven billion people or something like that? Like an immense amount of people. There's going to be some sort of tragedy that happens, whether it's going to be, you know, some sort of plate tectonics problem or weather related problem or, you know, a volcano or fucking some madman or, you know, some mechanical problem with something that we've created. I mean, it's, you know, it's impossible not to have.

I mean, you know, fucking run one fucking one year in Sim City and see if something doesn't blow up on you. I was going to say the same thing. You know what I mean? Like there's going to be a fucking, there'll be a fire in your goddamn warehouse before you know it. And you'll be sending shit over there. You'll be pissed off. Trust me. You don't have to be a fucking prognosticator to know that there's going to be a fucking disaster of some sort. But it's like with the size of the Earth and the number of people on it and the fact that it's fucking geothermically unstable, you know, it's like it's an evolving, changing planet. It's fucking hot.

It's cold. It's all in between. It's full of fucking oceans and land that are always in fucking flux. It is a fucking miracle every day something crazy doesn't happen. Like every day something doesn't explode or there's not an earthquake or there's not a fucking – like that's a surprise. I mean you can't – there was never a time where that would not have been an accurate statement to make. It's like you could go back and be like, oh, remember that time where you could have said there will be a disaster and you would have been wrong. No, you're always right when you say that.

And you'll always be right into the future. It's a meaningless statement. It's a crazy meaningless statement. But Cecil, it's going to be a whole lot of shaking. It'll be a whole lot of shaking. Basically, it's going to give everybody on the earth Parkinson's. So it'll be a whole lot of shaking. You know, what freaks me out

about this video is her face. She has a microphone, but it's the color of her skin. So the side of her face looks like she has a giant fucking boil on it. Like the entire thing I keep looking at, I'm like, you know, you want to be that guy from

Uncle Buck to throw the quarter and be like, oh, go downtown and have a rat and all that thing off your face. You know what I mean? Like it's one of those moments where you're just like, what the fuck is that? And it took me about maybe a minute or so to realize, oh, that's her. That's not her face. That's like a fucking it's like the microphone or whatever. But have you ever seen the church lady? Yes. She is the fucking church lady. Like she reminds me very ever seen the church lady skin yes she is the fucking church lady like she reminds me very much of the church lady she's just got this you know that sort of oh and you know when i mean you know oh isn't that special like she just seems like that

that church lady type well and like you know one of the things that she says, and I can't even believe it was said out loud. I mean, I can't even believe. She asserted that God plans to put a mark upon believers as long as you're tithing, says the televangelist. Right. What the fuck? Man, she's admitting. These people are not in it for fucking anything but money. Right man, she's admitting. These people are not, these people are not in it

for fucking anything but money. Right? And she's saying it. She's saying it. That's, that's a, it's just so, so open and honest

about the fact that you're fleecing people. Okay, you'll go to heaven as long as you're tithing. Don't want to get caught in that earthquake or hurricane or fucking tornado. Or the shaking.

The shaking. The shaking. Look out, because I'll be baking. You know, the thing is, remember we were at this, we were at TAM, you and I, and we had, there was a guy who gave a talk. He's going to be a guest on our show in a couple months. His name's Peter Boghazian. And he gave a talk on authenticity.

And the talk on authenticity was about how we should be attacking people's ideas and not the people themselves. The people are kind of – in a way, it was almost like people are off limits, but ideas, they're fair game. I follow him to a point. But at a certain point, I can in some ways spot the charlatan. You know, you can see the guy who doesn't believe what he's doing when he's, you know, fleecing people for money when he's doing the psychic routine. You can do the same thing when there's the quack, right? When you know when there's the quack out there who's just saying what he's saying just to try to get money. The same thing goes here.

When you're a religious person and you're fleecing the flock and you're saying this sort of shit, you know, I'm going to put a mark on believers unless you're tithing. You know what? Fuck your ideas, but fuck you too. You are not off limits anymore. You're a fucking criminal. You're a crook. You're stealing from people.

You're basically selling them something that you can't fucking sell them. And to be honest, if you're fucking God's mouthpiece, I don't want to listen. Like, I really, I have no fucking interest in what a God would say if he was to choose to talk to you over everybody else on the planet. I would, I fucking, whatever he wants, I don't want. Like, I fucking physically would never listen to anything he had to say. A God that's interested in money is like the smallest God you can imagine. Right. Like a God that's like, you didn't give enough money. I told the fucking church lady in the blue power suit to tell you to give money to them so that I would save you

from shaking the earth because what? Fuck you. You're not like you are so you're ridiculous. And that basically just means that we are ruled by fucking Sid from Toy Story. Like you may as well just exactly strap us to bottle rockets and shoot us to the fucking moon. Right. Who cares anymore?

You're a capricious dickhead. If you are a person who would follow this, if you were a person who would listen to her, you know, think about it just for a minute and be like, okay, first off, God is using this fucking yokel as his mouthpiece. You know, strike fucking one. Two, he's saying that the only way to save yourself is by paying this fucking yokel some money. Why do you need money? Strike fucking two, you know? And then that, you know, like fucking he's going to, you know, basically destroy you. He's going to hurt you.

Strike fucking three. Why do you even believe in that shit? And what would God need to kill people on Earth for? He's got all of eternity to fuck with you, right? Like, he set up a system. That's the other thing that doesn't make any sense. Like, well, God's gonna do bad shit here. What the fuck

are you talking about? Why in the world would you think that that makes sense? You're gonna live, and he cuts your life short, so he kills you. What, so that he can bring you to hell earlier? you're in hell for eternity no matter whether that's there's no such thing as eternity plus five more years you're not in eternity longer because you died sooner like you just don't understand how this

works you're in eternity for all of the time there's no time that doesn't fit that's why eternity is a ridiculous concept look i don't trust god because he can't put this fucking proper number of horns on proper number of heads he's like that fucking guy in casino where he's like i want the same amount of fucking blueberries in each muffin. He needs one of those guys on his staff to just be like, I want the same amount of horns on every fucking head. Fucking Rain Man took the day off when he was putting that beast together. 121 horns. 121 horns.

He's doing that thing with his fingers. 121 horns. You're like, fuck, where'd my Rain Man go to count the horns? Oh, man. You need a lot more fucking Rain Man. God's up there. He's like looking around. He's like, did we order enough horns?

Can we get the horn depot back on the line? Ask Rain Man. See what he says. Wapner. He's fucking watching Wapner again. God damn it. You're the one who installed the TV in the break room, asshole. He's just backing Wapner again. God damn it. You're the one who installed the TV in the break room, asshole. He's just backing down the driveway again.

He just keeps doing this all day. He is, however, a great podcast. I think it's hilarious. Atheist Podcast. Noah, you got a great podcast. I think it's hilarious. But before we start talking about your podcast, why did you get started in sort of atheist activism, meaning, you know, started a podcast and a website and became an outspoken atheist? Right. Well, you know, it all started with, you know, I'm looking at the week and there's, you know, so damn many hours in the day. I got so much spare time, 50 hour a week job and everything. I said, you know what? I bet I could turn all this spare time into 28 to 34 cents an hour worth of donation income. 30 cents an hour.

This man's got it made. Yeah, exactly. I got it all figured out. No, it came from, it was honestly, it was my wife that really pushed me into it. You know, she got sick of listening to me bitch. Right. So last Christmas she bought me a microphone and a book on podcasting and said, go into the basement and just bitch to your heart's content, baby.

Bitch to whoever will listen. Now that's a woman. Yeah, that is, that is. Leave me alone. You guys are probably married about four minutes when that happened, right? It's like, geez, she's sitting there like, I've made a fucking terrible mistake. Fantastic. Here's a microphone.

Yeah, well, it was actually 17 years that we'd been married at that point, but I think if podcasting had existed 17 years ago, it wouldn't have taken so long. Now, you said you lived in the Deep South. Were you an outspoken atheist down there? Not so much. You know, I've been an atheist. Well, I can't say I've been an atheist for a really long time. I was not religious necessarily, but I was sort of that new age hippie, you know, pseudoscience kind of religion for quite a while. And when I was down south, I was an outspoken that, whatever the hell you call that. Spiritual maybe? Yeah, yeah. And well, you know, to them, it's all the same, though.

You're either a Southern Baptist, you know, you're a Pentecostal or a Satanist. So I might as well have been an atheist at that point. It would have made the same difference to them. You know, I'm in league with the desolate ones. That had to be crazy. I mean, that had to be just as isolating i would imagine down and like when you say like the deep south like southern georgia like i'm picturing like you know some fucking real hillbilly shit here you know that banjo and somebody you know saying

you got a pretty mouth right that's kind of yeah like people are actually blowing on jokes as music you know i'll tell you what they made that movie with, honest to God, Georgians. I'm just saying. No, I lived in the Okefenokee Swamp, and whether or not you know where that is on the map. That's not a real thing. That is a real thing. The man's not even using words. Yeah, exactly.

That's like something fucking Yosemite Sam would say. Okefenokee Ratchin' French. Well, yeah, no, but it's as redneckety as it sounds. Yeah, it's the one-stringed banjo. I love it. Oh, my God. Yeah, no, it's bad down there. And, you know, of course, there are free thinkers there.

There are atheists there. But they keep to themselves. They shut the hell up because, I mean, it's scary. And I grew up there. I lived there when I was in my formative years, went to high school down there. And, like, if they opened a comic book shop in the town, three weeks later, there'd be Christians out protesting it. Shut the fuck up. Four weeks later.

Oh, absolutely. No good movies would come to art. There'd be Christians protesting. If they tried to put anything that was remotely violent on at the theater there, they would shut businesses down and open churches in their stead. No, it's really, it's as bad as they say it is down there. So did you grow up down there? Yeah, I was born in Detroit,

lived there until I was about 13, and then I moved to Bumblefuck, Georgia. It was as big a transition as you could make in your teenage years there. I was the only, of course this is in the 80s, I'm the only kid in the high school with long hair. To give you an idea how conservative this fucking place is. I go up there, of course, this is in the 80s. I'm the only kid in the high school with long hair. To give you an idea how conservative this fucking place is. I go up there, you know,

I want to talk basketball, I want to talk football, but they want to talk hunting. Jesus Christ. I want to talk about skinning. You know, and I turned to somebody at one point in high school, and we're doing the Pledge of Allegiance, and I said, you know, if you think about it, if you think about the words that we're actually saying, that's kind of silly.

I didn't realize that that was going to make me a social pariah for five fucking years, you know. You got some problem with the Pledge of Allegiance, boy? You know, so I spent all of high school being called boy. So now I got to ask, because you said you were a little bit sort of hippie dippy. It sounded like, you know, a little bit sort of spiritual. Were you always a skeptic? dippy. It sounded like, you know, a little bit sort of spiritual. Were you always a skeptic? You know, you can't say that you were the hippie spiritual type and a skeptic at the same time,

you know, but I think that at that time I was learning to be a skeptic because I still demanded a little more proof. You know, I'd go to the communes and we'd have the little, you know, freaky everybody's dancing topless around the bonfire moments. And you don't really care if the magical spell you're doing right now is actually working, if there's a bunch of girls dancing topless around you. No, there's a spell that's working. Exactly, exactly. It's working for everything I was trying to get it to work for. Pfizer spent a lot of money to get that spell. Exactly, exactly. I spent a lot of dignity to get it, I'll tell you what, the intellectual sort at the very least. But, you know, I read tarot and stuff,

and I would listen to people just, oh, my God, it's so accurate. It's like, no, it's not. You know, I mean, I recognize the tricks that I'm doing here. You know, so it was, like, it was that seed of skepticism that eventually pulled me out of all that crap. So you're doing these things, and, like, part of you is recognizing this doesn't work.

You wanted it to work. I presume that you wanted it to work, though. Absolutely. You're trying and you're making shit up with with the full intention that this if you if you fake it you'll make it is that kind of the yeah absolutely and then what happens is that you know you you go out to do a spell or whatever and there's nine people and and and seven of them nothing well nothing happened two of them are like oh wow did you feel that and then everybody's like well maybe i just didn't feel i wasn't in tune to things and then you know by three days later five of the seven people oh yeah i remember feeling something really wacky you know but i was

yeah i i was still i i spent 10 12 years looking for any kind of tangible proof and it was it wasn't there it's just not there to be found that's an honest journey though man like i appreciate that that's an honest like you you gave it hell you know like you went in like here's some shit like here's here's some magic crystals and tarot cards and you know dancer on the maypole and all that shit it's like all right fine you you did the math you know what i mean like you ran the experiment it just didn't work and you didn't you just decided not to lie to yourself about it. I think that's kind of fucking awesome.

Well, I think that's what always freaks me out about the theists that think of us as free thinkers and atheists as closed minded. I'm like, guys, we want there to be magic powers. We want to live on and space six flags with our dead puppy and shit the same as you do. Space six flags. It's like you go up to heaven. You're like, there's fucking lines here. So now when you move to New York, did that change your perspective? Is that how it worked?

No, you know, it went it went the other direction, actually. You know, I my perspective changed so much that I couldn't bear to live in such a conservative, such a religious area anymore. And, you know, I'm a performer by trade. I've been making my living as a juggler for the last 10 years. There's a lot more job opportunities in that line of work in New York. So I've been looking for an excuse to move for a long time. And, you know, getting the hell away from the religion was damn appealing to both my wife and myself.

So tell our listeners about the podcast. If they never heard about it, what is it about? It is for and by freethinkers. You know, I think that there's a lot of great podcasts out there, a lot of great atheist podcasts that are, you know, the kind of thing that you could recommend to your Christian friend who's maybe not so sure. Mine is not one of those. No, it definitely is not. It definitely is not one of those. You start out every show with a rant.

Yeah. And the rants are, I mean, if you're not turned off by the very beginning commercial that you do, the rant is going to turn the person away very quickly. Right, and I want to make it clear, you know, that's why we chose the name The Scathing Atheist. I had it on good authority that iTunes wouldn't promote it if I called it The Fuck Jesus Show. So I wanted to make the title absolutely clear. This is not for the Christian. This is for the atheist. You know, you guys do a great job with it, but there's not really a lot of shows out

there that are for atheists that don't bother to apologize or try not to offend. And I think there's a there's enough of us out there that we deserve our own entertainment as well. So, you know, that's what we're out there doing. So now you also have a somewhat of a couple co-hosts that help you out and you do a new segment with one of your co-hosts. Who helps you on the show? That's that's Heathen, right? He's the funny guy. And then my wife, Lucinda. That's Lucinda Lusions. She joins us on the show from time to time. We're going through the Bible book by book, breaking that down.

And boy, is that a blast. I thought you were part on. You guys did Numbers. And I laughed. I thought it was a lot of like laugh out loud funny moments that happen in Numbers. You know, there's a guy, Thomas from Thomas and the Bible, who does something very similar. But you guys you guys didn't pull any punches. And what's funny about what you do is whereas as Thomas will just kind of call absurdity to it and just sort of throw his hands up in the air.

You guys are actively like calling God an asshole. Like you're like, I can't believe what an asshole this guy is to do this and this and this. It's actually quite, quite funny. Well, thank you. You know, I'm a big fan of Thomas's show. There's a newer podcast, Barroom Atheists, that's doing the same thing. And they're going into a lot more detail. And I think that they're like actually trying to send their listeners away with some understanding of what actually happened in the Bible. We're not looking for that. You know, we're making dick jokes about it. Hear, hear. That is a noble pursuit, dear friend, a noble pursuit. There is nobility in dick jokes. You know, I'm sure you guys get a lot of this feedback that

says, you know, maybe you shouldn't joke about this, you shouldn't joke about that. I get a little bit of it. You guys have a lot bigger of an audience. I'm sure you get a lot more. And I try to explain to these people people there is nobility in dick jokes. I mean, if you imagine you guys do the same show that you do now, the same length, and you deal with the same news items, but you're not allowed to be funny. What self-loathing bastard would listen to that show on a weekly basis and listen to these stories about honor killings and acid attacks and people being murdered by mobs who believe differently than them and people being burned alive and children being raped. How could you listen to that shit if you couldn't cut the edge off of it with a little humor? And why would you want to write this idea that like, you know, it's just another excuse for false sanctity. You know, it's like, well, we have to we have to treat all these things with this sort of false, like, hushed voice fucking reverence.

Why? We all know they're bad ideas. We're all here in the same place because we agree that these are bad ideas. So now we've established these are bad ideas and the actions that the bad ideas cause are in turn evil actions. We're on that page together. So we can't fucking chuckle about it? I have, I mean, I'm chuckle about it. I have. I mean, I'm right there with you.

I've never understood that. I'm curious, what kind of like responses do you do get responses from any of the people that you knew when you were down south at all? Like, have they found your show? Have they? Yeah, most of the people I knew down there were our big fans of the show. And, you know, they're like, oh, thank God, you know, a little bit of sanity that I can that I can cling to for 30 minutes a week. But, you know, and I haven't actually gotten any responses from Christians that hate the show, religious people that hate the show. I've gotten responses from a few, you know, it's primarily been all positive, the feedback we've

gotten. But I've gotten a little bit from people who say, you know, you go too far, you give religious people the caricature of atheism that they want, yada, yada, yada, whatever. I make people laugh. That's my goal. Yeah, and I think that's absolutely a totally worthwhile goal. The thing is, is, like, people will say similar things to us where they say, like, you guys go too far.

We've had people say that, you know, they didn't like the swearing. They're like, you guys just swear way too much. And it sounds like it's forced. It's not forced. Like, the amount of swearing that I put in the show is not forced. And just like, you know, we get a lot of laughter forced. We get a lot of comments like your laughter is forced or you guys sound like you're you're faking or laughing at your own jokes or something. And it's like like I just think that those people just aren't funny. Like they don't they don't know what funny is and they've never been funny and they don't know how, when somebody else is funny around them, how to the hell react.

Right. And well, you know, I, I get that a lot and I'm like, guys, after I get done with this show and I'm done editing it and I've listened to the whole damn thing three times, I do one last quality edit and I'm still laughing at the shit. You know, I don't have to, you know, especially, you know, my, my, my, my cohost Heath, you know, he'll go off on some tangent and he's got the foulest mind. I mean, if you've, you've heard right right especially you know my uh my co-host heath you know he'll go off on some tangent and he's got the foulest mind i mean if you've you've heard the show you've heard how bad some of his jokes are there's shit that we cut out that he does get even more carried away from time to time so as i'm listening to this i'm still laughing the fourth fifth time i've heard it i don't need to fake that that guy is fucking dirty though i will tell you this the funniest

thing the funniest fucking thing i heard on your show has been there was a girl, I guess, who was masturbating with like a crucifix or something. Yes. Somewhere. And it is the dirtiest fucking thing I've ever heard. Ever. Ever. Ever. We have said some dirty shit on this show. It does not

compare to the stuff that you guys are saying about that. That was fucking outrageously funny. I had to cut like 90 seconds out of that eventually i'll sell that as premium content he then write too hot for podcast but that was fucking dirty man it was great though it was funny it was very funny the fcc steps in they're like we know we have no jurisdiction but really's still got to be a line here somewhere. Can't you just do German porn or something? That's just stepping way over the edge. You know, I got a weird email the other day from a woman that says, you know, I really

enjoy your show, but could you do fewer porn jokes? And I'm like. What? Porn jokes? We joke about eating fucking babies on our show. We make abortion jokes and rape jokes and pedophilia jokes, and the porn is the one that sent you over? That's the one that puts the rating on iTunes.

I guess. Yeah. So you have guests on your show on occasion. On occasion, yeah. Yeah, you never fucking asked us to be a fucking guest. Well, you know, you guys actually sort of appeared on one of our shows.

We did a skit of the League of Sinister Secularists. And there was a skit in there where I was like trying to calm the whole crowd down. You guys got a little mention on there. Oh, nice. Nice. Yeah. No, we're still not a fucking guest, though, right? You were a silent guest.

We're silent guests. Silent guests on a podcast. Yeah, it was good stuff. So let's say our listener would like to find your show. How would they do it? Well, they can check us out, of course, at scathingatheist.com, or they can try that new Google contraption, Scathing Atheist. You'll find me right away.

Now, I did, before you close things out here, I did want to offer you guys a little something. You guys were really kind to us when we first got started, gave us some big shout outs and helped us get our audience going when we were a very young podcast. And as a, in a sense, I wanted to kind of repay you guys here. I wanted to write a little poem for cognitive dissonance.

All right. Okay. Now, unfortunately nothing rhymes with cognitive and nothing rhymes with dissonance. So appreciate you starting me out in the fucking hole here. I wrote you a poem anyway. It's called putting my ear to the glory hole an ode to cognitive dissonance and i apologize tom i know that you are actually a poet i'm not that's uh most would argue i'm not either so that's

okay all right this is more uh less of a walt whitman and more of a shell silverstein here so there we go. Each week I put my ear to the glory hole, and like a verbal hydrogen bomb, I get my brain fucked quite adeptly by the wisdom of Cecil and Tom. As I understand it, they divide the work fairly. Each host brings equivalent wit. They write out a list of each duty, and then Cecil does all of that shit. Tom has a job to do also. To his computer each week he must lumber,

then read an intro he wrote long ago and add one to the episode list. Apparently quite difficult, as I understand it. Now, you don't have to find their show funny. You don't have to laugh at each joke, because Cecil will laugh at them with you. Oh, shit, I fucked it up. Oh, damn it. Oh!

Because Cecil will laugh at them for you, and Tom will snortle and choke. Anyway, I'll nail these next two stanzas and I'll make, damn it. Oh! Because Cecil will laugh at them for you, and Tom will snortle and choke. Anyway, I'll nail these next two stanzas, and I'll make up for it. But that's not to say that the show's not important, as hard as they try not to make people think. The humor only tempers the fury long enough to down a very strong drink. Because believing in bullshit's not harmless, it has malignant effects that will hurt you. I guess what I'm trying to say is credulity is not a virtue.

Well done, sir. Thank you, Dave. That was awesome. Well done. You're a better poet than Tom. That's a low bar to stumble over. Let's be perfectly honest. Oh, man.

Ruining friendships. That's awesome. Do what I can. Noah, it was awesome having you on the show. We'll have. That's awesome. Do what I can. Noah, it was awesome having you on the show. We'll have you back for sure. Absolutely. All right. I really appreciate you guys inviting me on.

It's been a blast. So we got a little bit of email, a little bit of voicemail. Before we start, I want to make sure that I do this. I forgot to do it last time. We want to thank, for their generous donations, we want to thank Leigh-Anne, Jennifer, April, and Game Tools? Game Tools! Game Tools. Thank you guys

very much. We very much appreciate it. It helps keep the show going. Something's got to, since I do nothing. Yeah, since Tom does nothing. But no, those generous donations will go to paying for our hosting and for our website. So thank you very much.

And the show is, you know, it's not free for us. It was never free for us. But we're happy that people are chipping in their hard-earned cash. So thank you, guys. We really appreciate it. Next, we're going to play a couple of voicemails. We got two voicemails. And I'm going to play them for you now.

Hey, Cecil, Tom, glory hole. Hey, I listened to a couple of podcasts way back and there's this dude named George and I didn't pick up what podcast he did, but he was a pretty kick-ass individual. So, I mean, you guys could drop something

like that on a podcast here pretty quick. That'd be cool. And, yeah, fucking Glory Hole. Thanks, guys. Thanks, guys. Hello, guys. Love your show. Glory Hole. When are you coming to Australia? Thanks. Bye. So I want to address

the first one. The person you're talking about, George, has a podcast called Geologic. So just search for Geologic Podcast. And I want to say, if you find yourself in this position and you listen to a story or you hear a guest and you think, man, I'd really like to find out more about that story or those guests, you can always go to our website and you can go to the episode that you're listening to. So what you do is you take your

screen for your iPod and you look and there'll be a number at the top. And that number is the episode number. And when you go to our website, all you have to do is find the episode that correlates to that number. Which I have trouble doing, to be fair. I don't even know what episode we're recording. It's true. So I don't blame you for not knowing what episode you're listening to. I mean, just look at your iPod and see what fucking episode it is and go to the fucking website. It's right fucking there.

Because when Gio is on, I put his link in the episode notes. So just go to the notes, man. Also, someone asked when we're coming to Australia. Tom, when are you going to Australia? I am going to Australia fucking never. Me too. And I've got several good reasons, Cecil. First of all, you have to sit in a fucking tin can for 16 hours or some ridiculous shit to get from Chicago to Australia.

So, no. And your whole country is made of poison. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'll tell you what. If you can somehow kill all of your wildlife, like I don't know how you're going to do that, but if you can kill all your wildlife and all your bogans, then yes. I mean, we're giving it hell here in the States.

We've killed virtually all our wildlife. So we know it can be done. And all our bogans. All our bogans are dead. Yeah. We've killed virtually all our wildlife. So we know it can be done. And all our bogans. And all our bogans. All our bogans are dead. Yeah, we got it. I'm certain of that. So we got an email from Paul, and Paul says he wanted to thank us

for being an inspiration. We actually inspired him. He's seen the power in this medium, bribed, begged, and stalked a friend of his from his local Alabama Free Thought group to start a blog, Surviving Religion, a podcast by noobs for noobs about atheism and agnosticism. The name of this blog is Surviving Religion.

And if you go to survivingreligion.com, they have four episodes up. I haven't listened to any of these, but we're absolutely willing to plug you. So hopefully people will go and listen, take a listen to you. Like I said, there's four episodes up and hopefully they'll be making some more. We're going to put their Twitter and their website on this episode's show notes. So you can go to episode 109 and you can find a link to their show, or you can just type in survivingreligion, that's one word,.com. And there's a place for that, you know, for a podcast by noobs, for noobs. I've been doing this for six years, and I still don't know what the hell I'm doing.

Yeah, you'd still be a noob. I'm a fucking noob. We got an email about a Street Fighter Church edition, and this video is absolutely hysterical. We're going to put this video in the show notes. We're actually going to put this video for the show notes, episode 109. You'll be able to find this video. It's hilarious.

It's just a Street Fighter mockery of religion. And so if you know anything about Street Fighter. Even if you just played it one time. You will laugh out loud. This shit. I cried. I saw this while I was at work. And I laughed until I cried.

Fucking awesome. We got a bunch of emails about Blackadder Tom. We did. We've been told not to watch the first season. To watch the first season. We've been given every piece of conflicting advice regarding Blackjack. Most of them have said, though, that the first season is a very different bent than the rest of them. No, absolutely.

There seems to be consensus regarding the end. This is clearly a beloved show that we've never heard of. So we will try to watch the first, or not watch the first season. No, we will try to watch the first or not watch the first season. No, we're not watching the first season. Not watching the first season. Jump right in the middle of the fucking pool. That's what you got to do. We got an email from the Mormon audience this time, Tom.

Yeah, the whole Mormon audience was kind enough to send us a message that consists of one person. I was shocked because I thought that was our whole audience. Yeah. So that was kind of a pleasant surprise. I want to say I'm genuinely impressed. I don't know if impressed is the right word, but I'm impressed that we would have a Mormon listener. I think that's kind of awesome that you're seeking out views that very obviously do not coincide with your views. Yeah, that is that's a that's an intellectually very brave and very honest thing to do. And it's

a very difficult thing to do. And I fucking applaud you for it. If more of us and I lumped myself into this category, we're more diligent about doing this. I think we would live in a more rational world. So bravo. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And Mormon audience, I am fucking pulling for you. I hope you get your own planet. I believe you will. We got a long email from Nathan who just wanted to say that, you know, we help him out and we're, you know, we're with him through the day. He actually delivers pizza and he listens to a lot of podcasts. He listens to and he he listens to a lot of podcasts. He listens to and he started listening about listing a bunch of these podcasts. And, you know,

there's a lot of great podcasts that he listens to. And he also listens to our shit show. Yeah. We're not sure why it must be the fumes from the poisoned pizza that are floating up and clogging your otherwise rational senses. But thanks for listening. We certainly appreciate it. We got another plug we got to do. This is for the dave and han show and it's dave and han and it's h-w-a-n uh show so dave and han show is uh is a podcast that's put on by two by two guys we met at tam so uh so these guys have a show and i don't again i don't know anything about this show, but we're going to put a link to it in the show notes. So they wanted us to plug them.

So good luck, David, and we hope that your podcast goes far. And really good guy to meet at TAM. Very nice guy. Tom, we got a great email about Pennsylvania. We got a lot of comments about Pennsylvania, too, trying to help us understand it, but this one was concise. Yeah, Pennsylvania consists of three regions, Pittsburgh in the west, Philadelphia in the east,

and Mississippi in the middle. Thanks, Jamie, that was awesome. So we want to thank No Illusions for coming on the show. He has a podcast called The Scathing Atheist. You can find it at scathingatheist.com. You can do a Google search, or you can go to this episode's show notes and find it. He has a very funny podcast. I would recommend the listeners listening to it. I listened to several of these episodes and he and his, uh, and his partner are very, very funny.

And then, uh, he also has his wife come on and they're, they're just, they're, they're a riot. They're very, very funny people. Um, give them a, give them a chance, give them a couple spins, um, and see if you like it. Uh. Definitely worth your time. Super funny guy. Great guest. And so gracious with his time. I mean, I just want to say, like, we really appreciate having him on. Sometimes you get a guest that's just, like, there's just an immediate, you know, sort of like, this guy is a really fucking talented, funny guy. You know, nobody experiences that when I'm on their show.

But Noah, for sure. We really appreciate it. Thank you. So that wraps it up for this week. We will leave you, as always, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative,

acupunctuating,urized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential conclusive doubt even this the opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends families, or of the local dairy council. We'll see you next time.