Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 111: Worst. Shock Collar. Ever.

Episode Date: August 12, 2013

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app. Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Glory hole, demon boogers. Thanks for fucking up gorgonzola cheese for me forever. Cecil, comparing the miracle of birth to shitting out babies? That's fucking funny. keep up the good work guys

Jesus, Boezes, Igallus, Ophesos E-legged, I-legged, O-legged Jesus that's Jesus glory hole hey Cecil and Tom it's Todd down in Austin you guys got a great show and fucking glory hole

glory hole Glory hole Hey this is Harmony I just wanted to let you guys know That I don't know your name But your wife's voice is hot I just wanted to let you know I'll tell you that you're pretty lucky

So hey Bye Hey guys this is Casey. And I would love, like, to thank you guys for hosting No Illusions from the Stating Atheist podcast last week. Just started listening to, I guess, the last five episodes of this podcast. And it's fucking awesome. It's my favorite podcast this next year. So, glory hole. So glory hole

and double glory hole to Noah Newsom. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance.

Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome, Matt. This is episode 111 of Cognitive Dissonance. They still haven't shut us down, Cecil.

Big Pharma. How can they do that? Big Pharma has been trying to shut us down. You haven't been paying attention. It's just, yeah, Big Pharma's the guy we pay our money to To like, actually It's not an entity It's a dude It's just Big Pharma

It's just Big Pharma Break your legs if you don't pay your server costs Bring me my fucking hosting fee, bitch God damn, it's Big Pharma in the house He's got a giant gold necklace with a P on it. Or an RX. Don't make me write up a prescription for this shit. You motherfucking will not be able to read it.

You know, the Bible says that if you love me, you keep my commandments, the scripture says. So one of the things that love does is it makes tough decisions. Love is faithful and loyal. You can read about it there in the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 13, but that does not mean that we can simply follow our desires wherever they lead us. You know, a pedophile, I'm sure, says that he loves children. As a matter of fact, he does. But you can see how destructive that love is. Once love is undefined as kind of this, I want to do this and so I'm loving,

then, of course, we end up where we are ending up today with a great slide in morality, the destruction of the family, the confusion that children grow up with. And the first story we're going to talk about comes from Right Wing Watch, which I trolled heavily this week, so you'll hear those words frequently. Rios and Lutzer link homosexuality to pedophilia, crime, and Cleveland kidnapper Ariel Castro. crime and Cleveland kidnapper, Ariel Castro. The only interesting part of this article is trying to find something disagreeable.

They did not link homosexuality to like, they linked the dog fucking like they're just like a million things. They link it to look. It's awesome. It's like, it's like a connect your dots of crazy. It's, it's,

it's like they're at the state fair and they've got the darts and they've just got like a board full of balloons. They throw it and they pop a balloon and like a little paper falls down and says, oh, homosexuality. OK, well. It's like they load the microfiche and they just hit random for that day. And they're just like, oh, well, what can we link it to? What are the three stories? What are three stories that we can link it to in the current news? It's like a carnival barker, like round and round she goes.

Where she stops, nobody knows. So this is American Family Association talk show host Sandy Rios chatted with prominent Chicago pastor Erwin Lutzer about homosexuality and the unsuccessful same-sex marriage bill in Illinois. And they just – seriously, they just link it to everything just by putting it in a sentence together. It's like if you can say a thing and then a comma and a conjunction and another thing, that is the – Conjunction, junction. What's your function?

You know, they talk about crime in Chicago and there's there's high crime in certain neighborhoods in Chicago. Right. So, like, he's talking about crime in Chicago. And I don't think any part of the crime in Chicago has anything to do with gay marriage. In fact, like, in the neighborhoods where this high crime occurs, like, homosexuality is still less, like, people are less comfortable being out about homosexuality in minority communities, which is primarily where a lot of this violence is occurring.

So it's like, it's fucking antithetical to reason. It doesn't make any sense. It's, who's like, yeah, I got fucking married to this dude. Let's go shoot somebody. What? That is never, those words have never been put in that order ever. You know, I was thinking about that too, because you hear them, they're kind of passionate about it.

They're saying, look, you know, when in in Chicago there's all this violence and they're saying, you know, we don't want gay marriage because of all this. And you're like, how the fuck are these two things connected in any way? The only way they're connected is like, there's shootings in the city of Chicago and there would be gay marriages

in the city of Chicago. The only, like, the locality is the only thing that can even connect them. Like, that doesn't even make any sense. And then in the second part of this, when they're comparing that Ariel Castro guy to gay marriage,

like, how gay marriage is, like, these people don't understand, you know, that it's bad, that gay marriage is bad, and that, you know, homosexuals loving each other is bad, and they're saying, like, you know, it's like pedophilia. It's like the guy cashing.

You're like and you even tweeted it when you said you're like, it's about fucking consent, dumbasses. It's not, you know, he didn't have the consent of those girls when he kept them in, you know, conditions. And even if he did, they were too young to give that consent when they, you know, when they were young. You know, you're just too young to give that sort of consent. You don't know what you're getting into. So the, you know,

the very fact that you're going to compare those two things. And then the, finally the guy says at one point, he's like, it says in the Bible, if you, if you love me and keep me in your commandments, you know, then, you know, you'll do good or whatever. And it's like, where the fuck is the commandment that a dude can't marry another dude? What commandment is that? Which one is it? Which fucking, you know, of the many times the commandments are mentioned in that fucking jumble mess you call a fucking holy book, which one is it? Because it doesn't say a guy cannot marryeth another guy. It never fucking says that.

And it's not like the only times it ever mentions that is like, you know, like in Leviticus and in other places. But, you know, that's not talking about a commandment. Yeah, it's not like the only times it ever mentions that is like, you know, like in Leviticus and in other places. But, you know, that's not talking about a commandment. It's actually 11B. It's the little known 11B. It's like footnoted. Commandment. I didn't have time to put it in the full commandments.

I put it in the footnotes. It's an amendment. You guys did read the appendix. I gave you an appendix and you still cannot read it. I have an anti-gay bill of rights put right into the command. You know, like, in the first part, they're talking about the

destruction of family and the destruction of marriage. Right? And that's what they're lamenting in neighborhoods that are high-violence, high-crime neighborhoods. And those are proper things to lament in high-crime and high-violence neighborhoods, right? Like, the destruction of family, not good. The, you know, destruction of marriage, not good.

You know, people working to, you know, raise children as single parents. What is that? Hold on. Before you go on, though, what does that even mean, destruction of marriage? It's when a marriage gets hit with a large hammer. So, like, if you take, so Cecil, I don't know. You strap a bomb to your marriage. No, no, no. It's a large hammer. So like if you take, so Cecil, I don't know. You strap a bomb to your marriage. No, no, no.

It's a special hammer. You feed it treats to make sure it doesn't run away. You have to use one of those hammers that you break car windows because that shit's tempered, you know. Right, right, right. I don't know. It doesn't, like a destruction of it doesn't mean anything. Because that assumes that there's some outside force like kicking the shit out of your marriage.

It's like a fucking pile driver of marriages that just walks around. And unsuspectingly, you could just be walking down the street with your wife, and then your marriage could just be destroyed. Well, I don't know. I keep my marriage in a safe so that nobody breaks it. Because I'm fucking smart like that. And it's a fireproof safe, but only for like 20 minutes because I don't want to spend too much. No, no. It's just a marriage, Tom.

You can get another one. Look, Vegas is only an airplane away. You know what I mean? Right, right. But like, what the fuck? How does people falling in love and getting married destroy families? Like, what crazy fucking planet do you have to live on where you're like, yeah, and then if fucking that goes through, then more people will love each other. And then

that'll just families. Some. Yeah. I would never say that homosexuals cannot love. They can, of course, capable of great love. And I know there's been tremendous heartbreak in the homosexual community. I've talked about this before. Heartbreak when you lose a loved one, heartbreak when you break up, because there aren't many lasting relationships, maybe among lesbians, but certainly not among gay men. That's not the norm. So there's a lot of heartbreak, a lot of rejection when you get older.

So I know that you're capable and able. You're humans, that you love. The point was the right kind of love. The right kind of love is life-giving. And the right kind of love is love for God, love for your natural family, love between a man and a woman, and a woman and a man in marriage. So this story is also from Right Wing Watch, and it's also Sandy Rios. Sandy Rios knows, she knows, Cecil, that gays are capable of the right kind of love because they're heartbroken from breakups. And as she points out, there are frequent breakups because there aren't long-lasting relationships among gay men.

Maybe lesbians. Women. Women, it's okay. There's long-lasting, committed relationships between women and women. But dudes? Sorry. Yeah, you can't have a long relationship with a man.

Like, it's not... Like, men just don't form long-lasting relationships. That's why heterosexual marriages don't work. Right. And they never last. Right. No, I mean, you never see one last over three, four years. Tops.

Tops, that's it. Yeah, I mean, that's it. That's it. Because if men could form long-lasting relationships, then they would do that. But they don't, except for the ones that do. But they clearly don't, as evidenced by all the data. Right. Yeah, all the data that she has collected, which is also none of the data.

Well, actually, you know, she is Gallup. Like, she is Gallup, so she does a lot of polling. She very well may be. You know, what an incredibly insulting thing to say. Like, well, they don't have the right kind of love. Oh. What is the right kind of love, you stupid bitch? Yeah. You judgmental cunt.

What is the right kind of love? What is that love? It's a love that only Sandy Rios approves of, right? So we all have to fill out our forms in triplicate and send them with a self-addressed stamped envelope to her so that she can decide whether or not, you know, this love is something that is approved of. You know, and she says something in this article that I, she says something in this news broadcast, whatever the fuck, her diatribe, I don't even know what it is. Her screed and her incoherent yelling at a microphone, she says, if what we're saying is not true, it should have no power over you. It shouldn't bother you. Because I think in time, what's true and what's right and what works, what comports with reality will be lasting.

So let's see if your view of this is lasting. Let's see if homosexual marriage is all that you think it is, if it is a pure and wonderful expression of love of two people. Well, you know, first, homosexual marriage is winning out. OK, it's winning out in many states. It's going to start snowballing. There's going to be, you know, I would say by 2020, there may be like two Texans that disagree. You know what I mean? Like that's what's going to happen.

So don't, you know, like first off, you're already starting to lose. It's already starting to fall over. But to say something like what do you care if it's not true? Well, if you're spreading lies about an entire class of people that cannot control their own sexuality because we can't control our sexuality, it's equivalent to being racist, right? I mean that's why bigotry is so linked here because when people say like, you know, oh, you shouldn't call them bigots because they're not bigots. I disagree because it's so linked. You know, you can't control what skin color you are. You can't control what gender you are and you can't control your sexuality.

You can't control whether or not you're homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual or any of the, you know, the continuum in between those things, right? You can't control it. And to discriminate against someone else based on something they can't control is an evil. That is a moral evil that we can point to and say, that's not a thing that we should be doing. We are better than that as a human race. So to say, you know, if what I'm saying isn't true, it should have no power over you. No bullshit. You're saying something that is inherently morally wrong. It doesn't matter whether it has power over me. It's just a moral wrong that I should be pointing out. Well, it's not just like they're calling him a duty head and saying, well, if it doesn't bother you, why do you have power?

It's you're restricting their rights. You know what I mean? Like by denying people marriage equality, you're restricting their rights. It's not a matter of like, well, it shouldn't have any power over you. Like it's, this is not like a, I'm not touching you. I'm not, you know what I mean? Like it's right. There's actual legitimate financial and other harms that are identifiable and quantifiable.

Like it's a stupid fucking thing to say. Well, it shouldn't have any power over you, bitch. It's not that we want your fucking personal Sandy Rios stamp of approval. Like, that's not what gay people are looking for. Gay people aren't like, oh, Sandy Rios doesn't love me. Boo, motherfucking who. Instead, it's like, I'd like to visit my partner in the hospital, but I am being denied access to my partner. Instead, it's like, oh, I have to pay fucking gobs more taxes on the estate of my deceased partner or any of the other myriad of benefits that married couples receive that non-married

couples don't fucking receive. It's not a matter of like, oh, it shouldn't have any power over you if it's not true. Fuck you in the ear. I'll fucking drop my nuts in your mouth, you stupid bitch. It has nothing to do with that. Now, the dropping of the nuts and calling you a stupid bitch, that stuff should roll right off your back, Sandy Rios. It should have no power over you. Such a fucking mean-spirited thing to say.

I like this, too, at the bottom. Then we'll stop here. But I just want to mention it says cohabitating. She mentions cohabitating. Um, cohab, she mentioned cohabitating. She's like, you know, love is between a natural family love between a man and a woman and a woman and a man is marriage, not cohabitating. That's just, that's just some standards that God lays down. And you're like, what, what did he send it to the fucking HR department?

And they put that shit in like, what the fuck? Are you, are you serious? Where the fuck point to the fucking one mention in the Bible where it says cohabitating. You don't remember that? What you got to do is you got to call up the Bible and control F that shit. Type in cohabitating. Cohabitating. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So see, so this story comes from the raw story.

Southern Baptists tell Supreme Court, neutral legislative prayers means the Unitarians win. And they're only upset about that because that means the Southern Baptists don't win. Like they're just upset somebody took their ball. That's it. The Unitarians were quoted as saying. Militarians were quoted as saying, This is seriously, like, this is a sandbox argument. It totally is.

You read this and it's like, That's awesome, a sandbox argument. You guys are fucking mad because you both want to use- Mom, Joey shit his pants. You both want to use the red pail. Right. Absolutely. That's what you want. It's like you're both in there like, I want the red pail.

No, I want the red pail. And you're both too fucking stupid to understand that the solution is just for there not to be a red pail. Hallelujah. I don't say hallelujah very often, but I think that deserves a hallelujah. I mean, just don't fucking pray. How about we stop the praying? Because that is the only solution to this problem.

Because you guys, you obviously can't get along. It's like turning the car around. I mean, you're essentially turning the car around on them. Stop hitting your brother. He won't keep his arms on his side of the car. He spit food at me, Mom. You know, it's like we talked about this just on the last episode.

Separation is to your advantage, religious nuts. It is. It's more to your advantage than it is to mine. If some idiot is standing in front of an assembly and they're leading a prayer, it doesn't make sense. They may as well be reading fucking Jabberwocky as far as I'm concerned. It's meaningless. Gobbledygook. But if I'm

a religious party and somebody is leading me in prayer, well, that's potentially offensive to my religious sensibilities. So, you're not hurting me. You're not hurting the atheist. You're just annoying me. Like, all you're doing is wasting my time. It doesn't mean anything. It's like, you may as well pray to fucking Thor. It doesn't mean shit. But if you're a Southern Baptist,

you shouldn't want anybody praying because maybe it'll be a Unitarian. Or, you know, another, you know, maybe it'll be a Muslim next time, not just a Unitarian. Or, you know, another, you know, maybe it'll be a Muslim next time, not just a Unitarian. And, you know, in some ways, do you remember the Muslim bullets, the pork bullets or whatever they were? Yeah, some will never forget them. The little pork fritters that they were shooting at people. The delicious rillettes that they were shooting out of their guns. But those things like, you know, you said that those people have to kind of believe in the Muslim ways in order for the bullets to even work. Right. Because you're saying, well, I've got to I think that what they what they think happens to them when they die happens.

So when I shoot them, they will go to hell or whatever. Right. And what that says is like, you know, when it comes to this, it's like you kind of have to believe that what God is really looking for is not, you know, like God is sort of God over everybody. So he's got over the Buddhists, the whatever, you know, any, all the, any and all religions, there's one God. And he's just looking to see who gets the most support. So he's looking, he's like, man, those fucking Unitarians fucking one-upped us again. We were going to do the Baptist thing, but those cocksuckers, they jumped up, and then they did their Unitarian prayer,

and now God likes them more than us. Like, that's got to be your view of God, not that the Unitarians have it wrong. Dude, God's a contestant on American Idol. Like, that's how they trade them. That's how they trade them. You got it right, man. To vote for God, dial 888-555.

And it's funny because it's like, you know, you hear this terminology, this language about a battle for human souls, right? But it's not. It's more of like a battle for gods. We're just fucking arguing about which face is carved into the fucking rock. That's all it is. I am opposed to cap and trade. He is safe. is carved into the fucking rock.

That's all it is. I am opposed to cap and trade. He is safe. And I also am an amateur paleontologist, so I've spent a lot of time looking at the Earth's temperature over a very long time. And I'm a lot harder to convince than just looking at a computer model. So this comes from Messenger News.

Not yet. This is from Representative Steve King from Iowa. Global warming not proven, not science. That's actually the clearest and least crazy thing that he says in this article. Cecil, this article is full of him just saying nutty, nutty shit. And we've covered this guy before. He's just like, I'm shocked he can walk to appointments with his foot planted so firmly in his mouth. You know, what he has to say about all these different disparate things, he sounds like a perfect Tea Party candidate, doesn't he?

I know. Where he's just like talking about like a million different things incorrectly. And you're just like, well, gosh, you're perfect. You would be perfect Tea Party president because you don't – first, he doesn't understand any issue that he's actually talking about. And then he just shoots out this tired old line about all the different things that he opposes. He's talking about like harmful – I mean how many different buzz things does he talk about this? He talks about the debt ceiling. He talks about Obamacare.

He talks about – Global warming. Global warming, environmentalism. He's got all these different things. The oil, the sandlot oil or whatever the shit that shit is up in Canada that they're pumping down here. The sand. Right, the sand. It's like a tar pit oil or whatever the fuck it is. The tar sands.

Yeah, tar sand. That's it. So all that stuff that they're – it's all these little button issues that he wants to talk about. But one thing that really drew my attention here, and I'm going to read it. He says, he's talking about, he's like, on the environment, King said, efforts to fight global warming are both economically harmful and unnecessary. And this is him quoted. It's not proven. It's not science.

It's more of a religion than science, he said. And I'm thinking, are you bashing religion? Did you just bash religion, dude? Because it sounds like you're bashing what religion is, which is, you know, clearly not fact. Right. Clearly, you know, or fantasy in a way. Because, you know, these guys will say, you know, global warming is a fantasy. Well, are you not comparing religion then to a fantasy? That's exactly what he's saying, right? He's saying, like, it's something people believe in without any evidence to support it. That's exactly what he's

fucking saying. But, you know, that being said, he just gets crazier. I mean, when he goes down, he just gets crazier because he says, quote, everything that might result from a warmer planet is always bad in the environmentalist analysis.

There will be more photosynthesis going on if the Earth gets warmer. What? And if sea levels go up four to six inches, I don't know if we'd know that. What? Why would there be more photosynthesis if the world got warmer? Maybe more greener areas of the planet. That's the only thing I could think. But everything that I've read says that, you know, you've got problems with desertification where, you know, massive areas of the world become arid.

So that's not more. That's less. And then, you know, there's a tremendous amount of photosynthesis that takes place in the oceans and the world's oceans, which are at terrible risk from acidification, which is a direct result of global warming. And it's like, you just don't know anything about anything. Like, I'm a guy that doesn't know anything about this. And I know just off the top of my head, like, this is not, you're just wrong, dude. And like, the idea that you could raise the world's oceans a half a foot, then nobody

would notice. Everyone in Louisiana is just standing in a half foot of water like hey what's up man how you doing oh nothing I haven't really noticed anything different everybody in Louisiana is standing in fucking Mississippi now because there's no land in Louisiana the only difference with Louisiana is Bourbon Street would be clean

then like that's the only difference I love this part too Tom he says when he talked about sea level is not a precise measurement he's like we don't even know where sea level is even let alone to be able to say that it's going to go up an inch globally because some polar ice caps melt because the co2 suspended in the atmosphere we don't know where it is. Motherfucker, it says on my cake box where it is. It's like, fuck, if you're at sea level, you bake at this temperature. Duncan Hines can find sea level, you stupid son of a bitch.

He's got a mental image of him standing in the ocean with a fucking yardstick trying to measure the waves. Three feet on two feet. Three feet on two feet. How can anybody know? He's got like a page in a very tight sort of banana bikini, sort of like whatever those lower mankini things, oiled up on the side, and he's screaming to them, it's three feet, it's one feet, it's three feet, it's one feet. And when do you measure?

When the tide's in or when the tide's out? Right. There's no way we can tell we're just it's impossible to tell wait are you fucking clinically stupid what is wrong with you you just i mean that has got to be the dumbest thing i read all week and i've read a lot of dumb things because you posted a lot of a lot of dumb shit. Do you know where they're taking us with this? Because they said the solution to all these lost foreigners in the country, the solution is biometric scanning. That's where they're taking us, Kathy. Yeah, well, and I do understand that. I've seen it. I've heard it.

And, of course, we know in biblical prophecy that that is the end time. That is going to be the brand either on our foreheads or on the back of our hands. That is demonic through and through. That is in times prophecy. There is no question about that. So this story is from the Huffington Post. Kathy Adams, former Texas GOP chair and fucking scary mannequin. Immigration reform will lead to Mark of the Beast.

End times. Says this grinning corpse of a person. I love the giant fucking elephant that's behind her. It looks like it's shitting her out. It looks like it's screaming in pain from having viewed her. Kathy Adams served as the chair of the Texas Republican Party for, oh, I love this, the larger part of a year.

Wow, really? A whole year. That's awesome. She couldn't make it. That's awesome. She couldn't make it. She's railing against immigration reform because she's just decided, even though it doesn't have anything to do with anything, that if immigration reform passes, that we'll have to fucking microchip them like they're dogs. Like we're going to treat the immigrants.

That'd be awesome. Have you lost your legal again? It's like, well, I couldn't just ask him where he lives. He doesn't speak English. You got to put like a collar on him. It's like a GPS collar on him. There's an Illegal's Humane Society. Like go to the pound and pick up your illegal.

It's actually at the Home Depot. You just go. They have a euthanasia lot in the back. They got a sad Sarah McLachlan song playing. Oh, they're so sad. In the arms

of Los Angeles. They're looking all forlorn. All just standing in line waiting to be euthanized. They're all like their flannels their work buckets they're just waiting to go to work

is this a line for work yes yes it is like they're luring men with treats come on come on I got it They're luring him in with treats. Come on. Come on.

I got it. Come on. Green card. Who wants a green card? Oh, shit. That's the worst ever. It's like on a fishing pole, and they're pulling it toward. Oh, man. Yeah, well, you know what she does in this and what she says in this is just awful, where

she's doing the same thing that that jag off last week was saying, like they're good and evil, right? Oh, yeah, for sure. These are people that are malevolent people that are coming into our country, and she starts talking about all these other people that are coming through the Mexican border. So it's not just Mexican. She's like, it's a bunch of other people. I'm thinking, who cares what it is? Like, who cares who's illegally entering our country? What is that?

How is that relevant? You know, because she's basically trying to, you know, they're trying to say that we're going to be taken over by all these other types of people. You know, like these, it's like the immigrants are coming and look out because when the immigrants get here, they're going to take over the country. And it's like, lady, I got a newsflash for you. We're a fucking country based on immigrants. That's already happened a dozen times. Did that fly over your fucking your nappy wig looking head? Like, wait, did you fucking forget that we fucking didn't fucking come here in, you know, when, you know, when God came down, he didn't plant us here.

The same arguments are these arguments are so old, right? Like these arguments have been have been made about the Italians, the Irish, the Germans, you know, the Chinese. It's basically like I mean, honestly, like Hispanics, specifically Mexicans, they're just the race du jour right now. They're just the nationality, I should say, du jour right now. They just happen to be, you know, the ones that nationally are getting the most resistance because, you know, of the way that our economic structure is right now and the way that the immigration flow happens to be running. But, you know, the entire course of our country's history has been a history of fucking immigration. Immigrants can't take over from the immigrants. Like you were just saying, how would that

even work? Well, then we'll just be a nation of immigrants still. Look out. Actually, nothing bad would happen. Nothing fucking bad will happen. Oh my gosh, I'm like a second generation American, and look out for the first generation Americans.

What's the difference between me and them? Nothing, but a generation Americans. Like, what's the difference between me and them? Nothing but a generation. Like, really? It's just like fucking people that were related to me came here and fucked. That was the only difference between me and them, you know? No, you remember when you were up in heaven and you got to decide what country you were born in.

Yeah, I fucking got to spin the wheel. There's a part of this, too, where she's talking, and it's at the end, the very end of her fucking babble where she says, what kind of culture, she's talking about the other people that are bringing culture here and she's talking about Muslims specifically.

She says, what kind of culture are they bringing here? They want Sharia law here, she says. And she says, which is what they left because they were being persecuted. And I'm thinking,

so they were being persecuted and the reason to pack their shit up and travel here illegally is because fucking Sharia law. And they show up and they're like, you know what would be fucking awesome is if I get chased out of my country for a second time. That would be great. Well, and then she like she doesn't even know what anything is. She goes on to criticize the Senate immigration bill, suggesting it would encourage people from Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist cultures whom she accused of wanting Sharia law. The Muslims? The Buddhists? The Buddhists want Sharia law.

What about the Buddhists and the Hindus? Like, the Hindus are just like, what the fuck? Why are we here? And the Buddhists don't. You do not understand our culture. This is not a thing we do. We don't do Sharia law here. It's not.

It's a fucking stupid bullshit. Who is listening to this person? Again, I've said this, but why are you employed? Like, she's a fucking sandwich sign away from being the fucking gobbledygook yeller on the sidewalk. So we're going to take a break because I'm tired. And we'll give you some information and you can use it. Then we'll return when we're done. Want to get in touch with the show? Send an email to dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. Be sure to follow the show on Twitter. Our Twitter handle is at dissonance underscore pod. Like the podcast page on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash

dissonance pod or just type cognitive dissonance into on Facebook at facebook.com forward slash DissonancePod, or just type Cognitive Dissonance into the Facebook search bar. Want your voice featured on our show? Leave a short message on our Google Voice at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Visit DissonancePod.com to see the news stories featured in the show, buy apps and merchandise, or just leave a comment. And to everyone who helps spread the word about the show by sharing it, tweeting it, and rating it on iTunes, Gloryhole, you fucking rock. Cecil's story comes from ConnectTriStates.com. I know, I know.

I'm on it every day. Mysterious priest performs miracle at site of Mercedes crash. Cecil, I don't think there was a miracle performed at the site of this Mercedes crash. This is the best article because I read through it. And I'm waiting for the miracle, right? Because there's a bunch of witnesses. There's all these people. Car basically gets flipped over. They're trying to get into this car. They can't get in it. Some

person is crushed in there and they're trying to get them out and the person's starting to fade. It's a dire situation. And so the car's on its side, I think, and they want to get it back down on all fours so they can cut them out. And as they're trying to do this, the person is starting to freak out or whatever. And a priest just shows up like, boom, there's a out. And as they're trying to do this, the person is starting to freak out or whatever, and a priest just shows up like, boom, there's a priest. And he happens to be Catholic. So this is important to the story because Catholic, it just so happens that a Catholic priest was there

instead of whatever type of priest. A Unitarian, for example. A Unitarian, right? And he punched the Unitarian out on his way in. Like, don't you fucking get a, you get the fuck off my turf, Unitarian. So he basically sent the Unitarian back on his way in. Like, don't you fucking get it. You get the fuck off my turf, Unitarian. So he basically sent the Unitarian back home for a shine box. And he went on.

He continued on. For a shine box. He's talking. And he gives a little prayer about how to stay calm. They flipped the car over. And then a new truck showed up with different tools. And then they got the person out. So I was waiting for the miracle.

And I'm kind of still waiting for the miracle. The guy did a prayer and then disappeared. Yeah, and then the best part is he was wrong. The priest, according to the witnesses, only said two things, right? He said to keep calm and that our tools would now work. But the very next paragraph is the fire to show that the fire department showed up right after that prayer with fresh equipment. So the original tools didn't work.

They showed up with new tools. It'd be like saying like, oh yeah, your microphone's fucking broken. Pop instant priest. Your microphone will be just fine. And then like you walked in the door and gave me a new microphone. Right? And then I was like, oh, good. That prayer came true, because my...

The other microphone still didn't work. I just got a different microphone. Maybe he's just an inarticulate priest. He's just a rogue. He just can't... He can't articulate exactly what he means. That's just the problem. I just think... I love that nothing happened like really he just came out and said be calm and your equipment's gonna work and then it's like

well no shit they're bringing new equipment and uh we're fucking trained to be calm like that's what we do we show up at a scene there are hysterical people and we're calm right you didn't see like like all the firemen and policemen were not fucking running around with their hands over their head like it was the goddamn apocalypse. They were trying to get him out of the fucking car. And they do all the work. They do all the work. And the priest gets the credit. And then the God who intervened evidently to make the tools work couldn't have fucking intervened 40 seconds ago and made the cars crash the the way it would serve the interest of islam and the muslim brotherhood and their

agenda to exterminate and destroy western civilization to have the mayor of the most populous city in the united states be connected to the Muslim Brotherhood. I mean, that would be a huge advantage for them. And, you know, one of the places where Muslims have complained about the kind of scrutiny they've been under has been in New York. Ray Kelly, the police chief, has been unapologetic about the fact, look, we understand that the threat right now to our security primarily comes from the Islamic tradition. So we've got to keep an eye on the mosque.

We've got to watch these communities. We've got to infiltrate them. We've got to know what's going on because we saw on 9-11 what can happen in the name of Allah to our city. So you've got this pattern here, and Muslims have been complaining about this for years. What better way to kind of create an opportunity for more jihadist activity if you've got a mayor that says, hey, look, we've been cracking down on these people. We're going to pull back on all that surveillance and all that kind of stuff.

So again, we're trolling right-wing watch for this story. American Family Association spokesman Brian Fisher, Anthony Weiner running for mayor to create an opportunity for more jihadist activity. This guy will just say anything. This is the best, dude. He's basically saying that he is running for mayor so that his wife can lead a Muslim Brotherhood plot to destroy Western civilization.

This guy has people who nod their head when he speaks. Yeah. He has a nation of bobbleheads that just follow him. And we all know Anthony Weiner is just running for mayor to tweet out more pictures of his dick. Yeah. You know, I think it's clear that he's not a Muslim because he loves porking way too much. There's no way that he's a Muslim anyway. I love this guy so much.

Like, fucking Fisher is so funny. What he reminds me of, it's kind of like a mashup show. He reminds me of Pat Robertson sort of meets coast-to-coast Art Bell. You know what I mean? Because he's like, he's fucking crazy religious and nutty about it. And he's also like, I mean, this is as deep conspiracy nuttery as you get. I mean, this is clearly, you're talking about somebody, you know, and I want to use the word infiltrate here. Because that's kind of, I I think what he's getting at.

Infiltrating one of the highest, you know, the largest city in the world there, the mayoral spot in the largest city of the world in order to create some sort of like, I mean, you're like the fucking Manchurian candidate, for Christ's sakes. Like the amount of fucking Kool-Aid you have to drink to believe this is fucking baffling. But it's not even him. It's his wife that's supposed to do it. Like his wife. Because we all know how powerful the wife's mayor is. Yeah, and you remember that movie, The Manchurian First Lady, right? And how is he going to destroy like all of a sudden

western civilization is just destroyed they're like we're looking around trying to figure out fuck that's where they keep it in new york that happened keeping all the western civilization under a pillow in new york right like france like over in france they're looking around they're like fuck we're not civilized anymore like what what what? What fucking how did that happen? I don't know. Did the Mother and Brotherhood infiltrate the New York mayor spot? Because they could fuck that up. They could totally just ruin all the culture of all of the things. Now we can't make baguettes. Like, fuck.

It's just ruined. It's not like a fucking one ring to rule them all that you have to destroy. It's like an object to him. It's like a fucking crystal chandelier or something that someone can accidentally drop and it's just fucking gone. What you do is you put your western civilization next to your marriage and you gotta put that shit in a safe

like a big fucking bank vault. Yeah, and be careful because just as easily as they can destroy one, they can destroy the other. They'll fucking Ocean's Eleven that shit. They'll have like a fucking extravagant plot. Marriage is what it is, a man and a woman. There's no discrimination or inequality. Either of these men could be married to a woman.

There's no law barring them from doing that. Their lawyers are doing what the Supreme Court did, saying that the U.S. 14th Amendment requires recognizing homosexuality as marriage because of equal protection under the law for all U.S. citizens. Well, this is nonsense. Presuming that equal protection means equal ability to change terms and definitions of laws so they become what I want them to be. Can marriage just be what anyone thinks it is? Here's a possible analogy. Sophie wants to be a doctor. She's never gone to medical school, but in her mind, she's qualified to treat patients, even perform surgery.

But the law only allows the practice of medicine by those who have attended medical school, passed the state board exams, and so on. But isn't this unequal protection? Aren't Sophie's fantasies valid? Right-wing watch also brings us this little peach. Ohio-based religious rights activist Linda Harvey expressed outrage that a district court judge ruled on behalf of a gay couple,

said that they should have married a woman, that they are merely pretending to be married. They're playing Cecil at being married. That's how you treat somebody who is fucking dying. And their partner is to belittle their marriage because, you know, family and love and Jesus. I cannot believe someone would do something. Someone would say something like that because they are legally married.

And what she says, I mean, the stuff that she has to say is so fucking patronizing and horrible. It's crazy. She says, can a marriage be just what anyone thinks? Here's a possible analogy. Sophie wants to be a doctor. It's the worst analogy. She's not going to medical school. But in her mind, she's qualified to treat patients, even perform surgery.

But only law requires a practice of medicine by those who have attended medical school, passed the state exams and so on. But isn't this unequal protection? And you're like, OK, well, what are the qualifications to be married, Harvey? The qualifications are, one, you need to be of sound mind and body, right? And then, two, you have to enter it of your own free will. How did they not meet those qualifications? How is it that their marriage is less than anyone else's? Because they meet the qualifications that you're asked.

When I was asked by the priest, he didn't say, do you have a dick? And he didn't turn to my wife and say, do you have a vagina? He didn't say that. He asked the two questions that you need to be asked in order to sign a binding contract in Illinois, right? Those two things are important. The rest of it is all fucking busy work, right? Whether or not, you know what I mean? Like the rest of it doesn't

even matter. It's whether or not those two things matter. So your fucking analogy, I just face fucked your analogy, stupid. Well, those it's such a crazy analogy to draw it's like wait a minute one is whether or not you're competent to perform a specific life-saving task the other one is whether or not you can get like you can get fucking married in vegas on a whim yep like are you fucking serious? Are we actually going to have, are you actually drawing this analogy? And she says, like, aren't Sophie's fantasies valid? Well, no.

Because Sophie's pretending she can do something. Right? It's not like you're pretending you can be married. You fucking got married. That's why you're not pretending you did it. You did the thing. Like, you showed up. You fucking got married. That's why you're not pretending you did it. You did the thing. Like you showed up. You fucking looked each other in the eyes.

You said the words they asked you to say. They're totally fucking different. And to mock somebody who's dying and whose partner is dying and to just declare, you know, they're just fucking pretending. They're just making it up. Fuck you for calling it a fantasy like that. To say, aren't her fantasies valid? And then to say, this is just like the other thing. You're basically saying that this person is having a fantasy.

Fuck you. And she says, too, there's no discrimination or inequality. Either of these men could be married to a woman. So we should just marry people that we don't love. Like we should just, it doesn't, like that doesn't have anything to do with anything. Like it doesn't matter that you love somebody. It doesn't make any difference whether or not you're sexually attracted to that person, whether or not that's a person that you, you know, want to spend the rest of your life

with. Well then, you know what? Fucking Linda Harvey, fucking marry me. Because I will make your life a fucking living. If it means nothing, if it fucking means nothing, then accept my fucking marriage proposal right now. I will divorce my wife and leave my child and I will fucking

shack up with you and I will make every day of your life worse than the fucking day before. I can do this. The gauntlet has been thrown, Harvey. If it really is just like, well, fucking just marry a woman then. Well, fucking then I'll just marry me then. It means nothing, right?

If it doesn't have anything to do with anything, just fucking marry me, you stupid bitch. I would make that same offer, but my wife would be ecstatic. I don't think she's going to take me up on it. Maybe she's got a thing for chubby dudes. She's like, huh, a little chubby? I like asthma guys, too, guys with asthma. That's hot. Oh, that's good.

Yeah, look at that guy struggle. Does he cough a lot? Does he clear his throat all the time? Man, that's hot. Oh, man. I love a grunter. He's barely able to keep up. He breaks his sweat eating a hot dog.

I want that guy. And he eats so many hot dogs. He eats. You should see the puddle of sweat he's in after he gets done consuming them. Some guys have a beer fridge. I've just got like a hot dog fridge. There's like a guy in there who makes hot dogs for you. You're all dead!

Oh, be nice! My son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay! Oh my god, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now!

So this is also from Right Wing Watch. Gay inclusive curriculum leads to witchcraft. Child molestation. What the fuck? It does. It's just, I mean, we're just going to leave it there because that's true. It's not witchcraft. It's true. Cecil, it's just true.

Gay inclusive. Like, what do they do? Like, you have to carve a pentagram on your desk after you get done with your gay inclusive curriculum. All the kids are just mindlessly reciting satanic spells. They come home and they have 666 carved on them. And still nothing happens. They're just like, they said a spell. Yeah, how'd that work?

Well, nothing. Because magic's not real. Fuck you. Nothing happened. It's like it works as well as like repeating a Harry Potter spell. Exactly. This quote, clip, whatever the fuck. I got to read this because it's so bafflingly obtuse.

In short, I told them, as a person, I do not have a right to discriminate. But by the same token, they do not have a right to disseminate what I consider to be harmful material to children. Who made you boss of what gets given to children? Right, like all the children, right? You get to choose what all the children get. They don't get to distribute what I think is harmful to children. They fucking do, actually. They just fucking do. You get to decide how you want to deal with that shit,

but you're not the fucking keeper of the children's, like all the children. I don't know what this is like, but I think this is a thing. Can't you keep your kid home on those days? You can keep your kid home whenever the fuck you want. You just call them into school. I know, but aren't they supposed to notify you or something like that?

You're probably not up to that age yet, so you wouldn't know. I'm not up to that level yet of parenting. But I would suspect that they probably send something home to say we're going to be doing sex ed soon. I vaguely remember a permission slip for it when I was a kid. I was in fifth grade, I think, when they did our first one. And I remember they sent home, I remember

there were some kids that weren't in that class as I recall, because all the fifth graders got put together. And I remember like, you know, and I think that that's a thing. Maybe different school districts do it differently, but I think that's a thing. I think they basically give you a chance to opt out. And it's like, you're right. You have an

opportunity to disseminate what you consider harmful material to your children or children that are in your flock or whatever. You know what I mean? But at a certain point, you don't have that fucking choice for anyone else. Yeah, and if you don't like it, don't send your fucking kids to school. All you fucking crazy right

wing nutbags. It's so funny because they're simultaneously terrified of what's being taught in the schools. And then out of the other side of their mouth, they're saying, like, we should all homeschool. We should all homeschool. If you're all going to fucking homeschool, then what the fuck do you care about what's being taught in the schools you don't send your kids to? What difference does it make it's like like i'm not fucking worrying all day about what's being taught in the catholic school down the street because my kids are going to the catholic school down the street don't give two shits what they teach them they could teach you at the catholic school down the street they could

fucking teach them to shove their hands up each other's asses at noon every day i wouldn't give a shit if they had fucking fisting 101, I'd be like, I'm not sending my kid to fisting 101. That's fucking crazy. Bobby, why is your asshole so big? Bobby, you shit on a ball.

What's going on here? Like, what are you fucking worried about? It's like, don't send your kids to the schools. The schools are evil. Then don't send your kids to the fucking schools.

Yeah, there's other options out there. There's a part two of this. We're talking about the child molestation. He says, I don't want to take this analogy too far. Too late, bro. No kidding. There's a line on the ground that you just stepped over. It's fucking far, and then you went too far.

And here it is. It's like, I don't want to take this analogy too far. But the best one I can think of is the incident that happened at Penn State. So many people knew what was going wrong, but no one spoke out for whatever reason. Even with this, we can believe in our hearts, but if we don't ever speak out, we are allowing things to go and keep going on and on. And keep going on and on. And I'm thinking, you just compared, you know, sex education, basically, with, you know, pedophilia. Absolutely, they did.

How do you even get there? You know, like, it's the same old, you know, like, like, it needs to be added to, like, it's that same old canard, right? It needs to be added to the deck of canards, right? canard right it's a it needs to be added to the deck of canard right it's like it's like this this this fucking it's a it's like i'm gonna compare something that is horrible to get you to feel emotional about something that is that has nothing to do with what i'm actually talking about yep it's an appeal to your emotion that is it's so far off that it doesn't even it doesn't even make sense to even bring it up yeah right you're talking about consent versus non-consent. Yeah, it's like elicit that emotional response. Great, I got you.

Now I'll just say some words, and the words don't matter. I got the emotional response that I wanted. It's so cheap. It's like it's the cheapest rhetoric possible. I know. I use it. That guy is literally there. I think Jesus would favor the Second Amendment. This is my

opinion that the Holy Spirit would allow the citizens to protect themselves rather than delegating that to a government to go on and arm themselves against the citizens in the name of protecting the citizens. Jesus himself, and here's the context, right? Picture this. Jesus is about to be crucified. He's being hunted by the Pharisees. He's being hunted by the Roman guards. And Jesus, in those circumstances, about to be persecuted by the government, Jesus turns to his disciples in Luke chapter 22, verse 36. And he says, if you don't have a sword, sell your cloak and buy a sword. You know what, citizens? If you don't have a gun,

I'm telling you, as a Christian chaplain, sell your clothes and buy a gun. It's time. The government persecution will be coming against you, and you need to arm yourselves and defend your family when that time comes. So this comes from therawstory.com. Former Navy chaplain, Jesus wants you to sell your clothes and buy a gun. First of all, I'm not getting rid of that volume of fabric.

So, I mean like... Yeah, the only people that get rid of that volume of fabric are like Arab traders. Like they give up, like the silk traders in like the fucking Marrakesh market give up less fabric. When the circus comes to town, I'll see if they need a new

big top. My big top. My big top. That's actually where I got my last one. I was just like this is a great shirt you guys are using. They're like, sir, please stop eating our elephants. Every time we wear wear it you just hear i love the way this guy looks because i think i don't think that the sort of suit coat t-shirt

will ever go out of style no no no that's that's classy like the it's classy yeah i mean you can't even afford a turtleneck well he bought a gun earlier that You can't even afford a turtleneck. Well, he sold it. He bought a gun earlier. That's why. When you sell the turtleneck, you just sell the neck. You just get like a little Derringer, like a little purse gun. He sold the neck. Yeah.

I would get like a fucking.50 cal. You know what I mean? Because of the volume. Again, it's a volume issue. He'd get a tank. Are you kidding me? This is like, here's your ICBM, sir. You can now nuke Korea.

They're like, sir, we've given you the entire United States military. We feel that's a good trade. And here's your ICBM, sir. You can now nuke Korea. They're like, sir, we've given you the entire United States military. We feel that's a good trade. And here's your change. Yeah. Yeah, this is great. This guy, you know, like sell your clothes and buy a gun is like what Jesus said. Except for Jesus didn't talk about guns. He didn't.

No, he didn't talk about guns. He didn't. No, he didn't talk about guns. You know, that's not. And but he said, OK, so, yeah, you got me there. He says. He says, I think Jesus would favor the Second Amendment. This is my opinion that the Holy Spirit would allow. I love this. The Holy Spirit would allow the citizens to protect themselves rather than delegating that to a government to go out, arm themselves against the citizens in the name of protecting the citizens.

The fuck are you saying in that glum sentence? And it's not the Holy Spirit. It's the H-O-L-E-Y Spirit because it went out during Target practice. Nice. Jesus is like. Come on. It's the Holy Spirit. That's funny, you asshole.

You got it. You got it. Shut up. Jerk. I know. It's a joke you have to see. Yeah. You told me.

I spelled it out for you. You told me a visual joke. I spelled it. It's a spelling joke, right? It is a spelling joke. I spelled it. It's a spelling joke, right? It is a spelling joke. It's like the fucking biggest nerdy joke you can tell

is a spelling joke. This guy's crazy, though. I love that, you know, like, this is the ammunition nutter where he's talking about how they're going to take away your ammunition.

And he's like, oh, they're going to take... And he's like, really? They're going to take away your ammunition. And he's like, oh, they're going to take, and he's like, really? They're going to take away your ammunition? Like, they've been talking about that. God, Tom, they've been on that for six years since Obama came in office. And every time something new happens with a gun, like when Aurora happened,

and then when, you know, the other shooting happened, they were talking about, you know, the Sandy Hook or whatever, that immediately all the guns start getting snapped up because they figure, like, this is the one trigger. This is the one thing that's going to cause, you know, Obama to go over the edge and, like, take everybody's guns away. So I got to go out there and get as many guns as I can. And you're thinking you're buying guns. They know you bought them. What is the point? They know you bought them.

What is the point, incidentally, if the government decides, what is the government going to decide to do where you need your gun? This is something I've always wondered. Like, what is the government going to decide to do where you're like, the solution to this is many guns. I need to have, because you can only use one gun at a time. Right. So it seems to me like. Unless you're like the Duggars and you're trying to arm your army right yeah no that makes yeah if you got like fucking 19 kids or whatever and you gotta fucking strap them to your fucking babies like blowing up porcupine quills like it okay fine so but okay what's the government the government's gonna like

make an announcement like obama's gonna make he's gonna come out and he's gonna give a press conference to be like and now the government is all going to shoot you unless you have a gun. Then we're going to have to like, what the fuck is the government going to do? What do we need these guns for to protect ourselves from? Exactly. I don't know. I mean, and that's the thing, too, is like the gun is not going to help you because if they're going to come to your door, they're going to bring heavily armored men, heavily armed men with armor, you know, the body armor

on them. So what's going to, what are you possibly going to do to them? Are you going to get one of them? If that? And then they're going to kill you and take your guns. Like, you're not going to, and the thing is, you probably aren't going to do anything at all. They're going to come to your door and ask for your gun and you're going to be like, yes sir, here's my gun.

Wait, if you know, like, they would just treat it like a SWAT operation. Like, if they going to come to your door and ask for your gun and you're going to be like, yes, sir, here's my gun. They would just treat it like a SWAT operation. If they wanted to come to my house, they would do it at like 4.30 in the morning and they would do it in overwhelming fucking force from like seven different angles. With flashbangs and dogs and fucking a goddamn circus and whatever else they bring. Right, and I would just be like, I'm sleeping. Fuck,

I'm already captured. You wouldn't even know what the fuck hit you. That's how that works. We're good at that. And the idea that you'd just be like, I'm sleeping. Fuck, I'm already captured. Like, you wouldn't even know what the fuck hits you. That's how that works. We're good at that. And the idea that you'd just be like, oh, well, I need my guns to make sure. Like, make sure of what? That you have a gun? I don't have any idea.

Like, and what would, like, what would, and then how do you do that and be responsible? You're like, fuck, the government's trying to get here. Oh, which government? Just the government. Quick. Go downstairs. Open the gun safe. Take the trigger lock off. Fucking get the ammunition. Oh, which government? Just the government! Quick! Go downstairs! Open the gun safe! Take the trigger lock off!

Fucking get the ammunition! No, come on now. Trigger lock. I know, I know. I'm dreaming. It's a liberal's dream. Trigger lock. You want answers? I think I'm entitled to them. You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth!

This next story comes from coin.com. Man charged with blowing up family dog. The worst part of this story is the picture of the dog this dude exploded. It's so fucking cute. It's the cutest dog. It's the cutest goddamn dog I've ever seen. And it is fucking decapitated. This is one of the only before photos.

Which is better than the after? Yeah, the after is just a mist. This is the best part. It says, a father with children in the house who was preparing for the rapture blew his family's labrador retriever because the devil was inside the dog. And you're like, because of the rapture? Like, did the dog not have the proper number of horns? Is that why you blew it up? You know, dude, I get it.

Like, training a puppy is a lot of work. It doesn't mean the devil is in your Labrador. Like, that's not how the devil, like, the devil. Can you imagine how mad the devil would be if he was like, ha, finally, I've made it into corporeal form. I'm unbelievably snuggly. I'm so cute. I'm going to lick my own ass. I have oversized paws and I've not mastered basic coordination.

Watch me stumble for your hilarity and amusement. You know, when you talk about training a dog, you know, I've heard of the shake can and I've heard of like the paper training and when you hit them with the paper. I have not heard of the bomb training. Like I've not heard of that. It must be new. You know, you're just like, look, the dog messes up. You just fucking explodonate it.

That's the worst shock collar ever. It's not a shock collar, Tom. It's a shock and awe collar. It's the invisible fence as installed by the running man. No, the invisible fence is installed by scanners. No, in all fucking seriousness, if they were to come to my house after I blew up my fucking dog and I said, you know, the fucking aliens are out to get me, man, the fucking aliens, man. And they would fucking lock my ass up in the fucking mental institution.

Oh, yes. But because this jagoff happens to cite a book that a bunch of people believe in, which is still fucking nonsense, right? It's equal nonsense to fucking aliens. But this guy doesn't go to fucking like crazy house. Instead, he's like getting charged with second degree malicious mischief and reckless endangerment. Yeah. Why isn't he getting charged with, you know, creating a weapon of mass destruction? You remember not too long ago? I don't know if I remember, but there was a story not terribly long ago about a couple of kids who made dry ice bombs. Yeah. Dry ice in a two liter. There's no

I mean, there's no real I mean, just dry ice in a two liter. There's no, I mean, there's no real, I mean, just dry ice in a two liter. And they got fucking brought up on terrorism charges. This guy blew his dog up with a black powder bomb. Like, he actually made a bomb with significant force. A bomb that fucking explodonates.

And blew a living thing to bits. Malicious mischief? Was he Dennis the Menace? Dennis the Menace. He's got a fucking slingshot in his back pocket. He blows up Mr. Wilson. Oh, Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson. So we got an email from Steve, and Steve says, Glory Hole, playing a three-minute song about Glory Holes and shining a helmet with the back of my throat. And afterwards, playing the usual disclaimer, be advised that this show is not for children, had me in tears. I can imagine a couple of six-year-old boys listening to the song, singing along to, whoa, Gloria Hall, and hearing the disclaimer and reluctantly shutting off the podcast. That happens so many times, Steve. We get so many emails from six-year-olds. They're like, I started listening,

but couldn't finish. And all I could hear was a little bit of swearing before I had to shut it off, before you forced me to shut it off. My wife was only a little mad that I taught our son that song. Just a little. They're going to sing it on the school bus this year. Sing it on your family trip. Oh, that'd be fucking

awesome if like instead of the wheels on the bus they're singing the fucking glory hole song. Glory hole. We got an email that mentioned an article that Tom actually tweeted. It's the 2,000 year old mistrial. A lawyer is petitioning the world court about the unfair trial of Jesus.

Tom had tweeted that. We didn't have any good jokes about it, so we didn't talk about it this week. But we also – Eddie tweeted – Eddie sent us that message, and he said that he's a new listener via the George Trabb show. So George Trabb runs a show called Geologic. It's a very funny show. We got a chance to hang out with George a little bit at TAM. You should check his podcast out if you get a chance. It's a very good show. We got a chance to hang out with George a little bit at TAM. You should check his podcast out if you get a chance. It's a very good show. And he's a great guy.

I mean, you just really couldn't meet a nicer guy. So we're happy to have the listener. Thanks for coming over. And one of our listeners, Mare, who was with us at TAM, bought me just a nice present. We were there

and it was my birthday and she bought me the a nice present. We were there, and it was my birthday, and she bought me the 21812, A Nice Night Out, the Geologic Orchestra, and I watched it. It's basically a video of George's concert that he did. And the concert is really good, and I watched the whole concert. I kind of had it on in the background as I was doing other stuff, so I was paying attention to it sometimes, but I was more listening to the music. But after it's over, one of the special features is there's

a, there's a documentary that was actually really cool to watch. Like they do a lot of sort of, uh, fast motion of the, the, the, the shots to show how they set this place up and all the work they had to do to put into it. And it was a pretty cool documentary. And you get a chance to find out a little about George. So George just put those on sale. So if you're interested in George Rabe and you like George Rabe's music, I would suggest buying the DVD. I think it's worth it. We got an email that just said G-H. And this is from Tom. What are you going to say? What are you going to say the name is? This is from Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena. Ena? Ina? Anna? Mina? Ina. Vina? Ina. Anna. Ina.

I don't want to say her last name, although I will say this about your last name. You need to buy a vol. Contact Pat Sajak as soon as you can to see if you can buy a vol. But she says, I want to abbreviate because I don't think my email will go through with the phrase. She says her name, and she says, I've listened to your show for about a month's time. I don't know why. I don't know how it happened or why I did it, but I have to say it was probably a waste of my time. We agree.

Absolutely, it was. It was absolutely a waste of your time. We hope that you continue to waste your time, but feel free not to. This is somebody who's a Ph.D. student and they're spending their time listening to this program. So you have just extended your program at least one month and probably a month just to detox from it. Yeah. Detox. Yeah. Use a lot of juice.

You just got to drink like cayenne and lemon and apple cider vinegar. And just vaccine juice. Vaccine juice. Just vaccine juice. We got an email from Steve, and Steve says, glory motherfucking hole. And now he talks a little bit about HIV in this, Tom. We're going to go to the end of the email. So he says, well, here's where it gets interesting.

Demons as an STD would naturally have to have a supernatural origin that would mean a human would have to fuck something supernatural to catch it we all know there is only one person to ever knock boots beyond the veil so by that logic get ready mary mother of jesus would be patient zero of the demon stds and since a baby can get an STD from his mom, Jesus probably had it. The Bible doesn't say he married, but in today's world, Jesus would get a ton of ass.

I agree with that beard and that hair. That's awesome, Steve. Steve identifies himself as our unfaithful Utah listener. Is that, are they Utahns? Is that how you say that? Like I'm a Utahn listener? I don't know. Listener from Utah

or Utahn? That seems weird. It is weird. Thanks, Steve. Well, Steve, thanks. Steve, thanks. And Steve is, I think an ex-Mormon, too. I think he sent us another email about him being an ex-Mormon. We got a comment on our blog, and normally we don't read these, but this was on episode three, so obviously this person is fucking

batshit crazy because they're commenting on something was on episode three. So obviously this person is fucking at batshit crazy because they're commenting on something that's like three years old at this point. But I want to read this. This is a comment. And if you feel free to go to episode three on our website and refute this person, I approve their comment. So you're welcome to go and refute what they have to say.

You may not find any fault in it, but I'm going to read it. So you just judge for yourself. You could prevent this sickness with a vaccination against this sickness, right? Why don't you do the research to prove that this vaccination does not work?

This vaccination does not work. Well, now I've done my research. This vaccination causes more dysfunction in children and adults than smallpox. I'm going to read that again for clarity. This vaccination causes more dysfunction in children and adults than smallpox. I'm going to read that again for clarity. This vaccination causes more dysfunction in adults and children than smallpox. We do not vaccinate because of the ingredients within these vaccinations. The research done by real scientists is not falsified.

The pseudoscientific, quote, evidence made by the FDA is what is really falsified as evidence. I am not a vaccine nut. No. And I know for a fact that these vaccines are not necessarily deadly, but are dangerous to children. Message me if you need further information on the subject. I want to stop right here and just say, message me if you want to see Pixie Me naked. So just go ahead and message me, Hank. I'll send him along. You know, you probably can't really tell it's me and you might think it might be the moon,

but it is me naked. Do you have a wide angle lens? He says, oh, you better. He better have a fish eye lens. Says here, I will be happy to educate you on the ingredients of every single vaccination so that it is helpful to the human race. So, you know, decide for yourself if that's something you want to go find and comment on.

It's on Episode 3, Rapture. It's waiting for you guys to go and comment. I already have to comment, but you're welcome to go and comment this on our blog. He convinced me. I'm actually taking all my vaccinations out of my body. Yeah, I've been removing them all day with apple cider vinegar. I use leeches. I've just been leeching. That's a good call.

Put it right on your scar from your TB shot. I'm actually just wearing hundreds of leeches right now. I'm in a leech bath. They are feasting. We've never had it so good. Actually, they're all dying of cholesterol poisoning. They've never had it so good. Actually, they're all dying of cholesterol poisoning. They're having leech heart attacks.

They're like, we don't even have regular hearts. You've successfully killed the leech heart. It's so much cholesterol, they fucking evolve a heart just for it to break. They evolve a heart so they can have plaque in it. We got an email from Jake, and it looks like we'll probably be on Jake's imaginaryfriendshow.com podcast soon. We'll let you know if that happens. We're looking forward to being on Jake's show. And Henry says that he's a little worried because he has sent us a link to the population of towns in Finland when we were talking about 100 plus thousand people in cities as grand metropolises. We did a look through here.

All the places in Finland, of all the places in Finland, only nine of them are over 100,000. Yeah. But Finland is the size of a large thumbnail. You know what I mean? It's the size of a large ball sack. I mean, Texas could seriously eat Finland. Like if the two, they could just fucking, you could just eat them. Yeah, I wonder, I really do, I'm curious what the land mass size is in comparison to one of our major states to see sort of where that sits. But like we said, Tom, before Illinois, I want to say the first 15 or so were all over 100,000 in Illinois alone.

So this is a message from Chad. Tom, do you want to read Chad's message? He says, I, too, was instantly chuckling when he said 75 pounds of marijuana on their backs. Now, granted, this volume would be a little smaller if it were vacuum packed, but it's pretty close nonetheless. To aid in the visualization here, picture an eighth of weed as having about the same volume as a hot dog wiener. Mmm, hot dogs. There are 28 grams to an ounce and 16 ounces to a pound.

So you're basically looking at hauling around the volume of 9,700 wieners on your back. So in summary, this guy is an idiot because I think they'd have calves the size of watermelons. Huge calves. Massive.

They'd be huge just because they've been eating all those wieners 9,700 wieners That's a lot Yeah, I mean if you gave me If you're like, hey, transport this over the border I'd be like, one way or the other Yeah All right

We got a donation from Ricky We want to thank Ricky for his generous donation To our show for the maintenance fund Thank you, Ricky, for sending us money. We appreciate it. We're going to close out the show this time with a skeptics creed done by Dumbass. Dumbass had sent us this, and he did a very funny rendition of the skeptics creed. I'll let him intro it and tell you all about it.

But we're going to close it out with Dumbass doing the Skeptic's Creed, and we'll catch you guys all next week. Hey guys, it's your friendly neighborhood Dumbass here. I've noticed that a lot of people have been sending you reinterpretations of the Skeptic's Creed. Well, I love jumping on bandwagons. Usually I do it after the bandwagon has long left the area, but that's neither here nor there. In any case, I have some sound effects lying around from a segment I did reinterpreting David Mavis' ramblings as beat poetry.

I thought it might be fun to reinterpret The Skeptic's Creed as a beat poem as well, using a little artistic license. So, I'm sending you my performance of The Skeptic's Creed. Admittedly, it's a poor performance. You know I call myself dumbass so that people know what they're getting. But I did put some effort into this, so I hope you guys take it as a show of respect forptic's Creed. Admittedly, it's a poor performance. You know I call myself dumbass so that people know what they're getting. But I did put some effort into this, so I hope you guys take it as a show of respect for what you do.

May both of your holes be glorified! Credulity. It's not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter. Mommy issue. Hypnotode Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician. Double bubble mint.

Toil and trouble. Pseudo quasi alternative. Acupunctuatingpressurized. Stereogram. Pyramidal-free energy-healing water. Down-rolled spiral brain deadpan sales pitch late-night info-docutainment. Leo. Pisces.

Cancer cures. Detox. Reflex. Foot massage with happy ending Death towers, tarot cards, and psychic healings These people have some major crystal balls Bigfoot Yeti Alien

Churches Mosques Synagogues, temples and dragons, and of course, doubt men who brag about their giant worms. Atlantis, dolphins, those slick grey bastards are up to something I know it. Truthers, birthers,es, wizards, and schools where they make kids wear robes and write with quills. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspiracy double speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your genitals. Take a picture with your cell phone and distribute it widely, then run for public office.

All the cool kids are doing it. You don't want to be the lame-o who's not in with it, do you? Thrust your hands. Once again into your genitals. A little self-pleasure will relieve stress so you can focus. Focus on doubt. Make sure that it's bloody. Evidential. Conclusive.

Doubt. Especially this. Thank you. The statements made on this program do not express the views or opinions of anybody, not even the host. Any resemblance to coherent thoughts or ideas is purely accidental. Cecil and Tom are committed to minimizing all such misunderstandings. Outro Music